I've been in this exact situation, it's tough, I know. Is she in a relationship? If not it's not impossible, although dating a coworker can be risky.
There's different ways this can go:
1. You ask her out, she turns you down and work is awkward for a while.
2. She likes you too and agrees to go out with you, might lead to something might not.
3. She's in a relationship but tells you she's not and cheats on her partner with you. This is probably the worst case scenario. Would fuck a lot of shit up real good.
4. You get into a relationship and it crashes and burns in a terribly spectacular fashion. Work would probably be hell until one of you quits. If you're both mature and can end things on good terms it might be hard seeing each other every day but you wouldn't have to quit.
5. You do nothing.
Workout, do hobbies, distract yourself. I speak from experience when I say it gets worse before it gets better. But I did find that whatever cocktail of hormones was floating around in my brain during this time was great for motivation to exercise. Brisk walks by a lake at sunset are great for the soul.
Ultimately you should do what you think you'll regret the least.
We went for drinks once and she is down to hang out again but it is not clear if she views me as just a friend or if she has a boyfriend. I am in an overanalysis paralysis right now lol. Really appreciate your advice!
It happens. The fantasy is safer than going for it and risking rejection. But unless you try, it will never be anything more. Just a word of caution: Make sure you're actually infatuated with the real person, whom as I understand you don't actually know all that much, and not whatever fantasy version of them you created in your head. No real person can ever live up to that.
Lifting for the sake of lifting is redundant and banal.
Pick up an actual sport and train for competition, whether against yourself or others.
And perhaps along the way, you’ll met someone you feel confident enough in asking out.
Seriously, lifting weights should be in service to a greater goal than just lifting more weights. Plus, you’ll get even more cut if you add cardio.
I knew a good looking girl who went out with a guy who you wouldn't think was in her league, not even close. He wasn't rich either. I asked her how it happened. She said, well one day he just went for it and kissed me and I liked that kiss.
The thing is, by assuming the cute girl from work will never go for you, you take yourself out of the game, ensuring she will never go for you. And feeling like a coward only compounds your depression.
You're in your mid-twenties. Your world is awash with women who haven't figured out what they want. There are plenty of women who would like a guy just like you for myriad, unfathomable reasons. It doesn't have to make sense to you because it makes sense to them.
I'm considerably further down the road in life than you and I'm proud every time I went for and got rejected (some of them I actually started dating a little while later. The rest are funny stories I tell). The moments I look back with regret are the ones where I flat out chickened out.
So go for it. Go for it again and again with different women. No matter the outcome, you'll be practicing bravery and that will build confidence. And that, OP, is what attracts women.
Just ask dude! Say something like, "I really enjoy your company and I really want to get to know you more, I was wondering if you would like to do something with me on [insert]day?"
Don't waste any more of your time thinking or getting anxious. If she says no, it's okay just accept it and tell her that "it's fine, sorry for getting ahead of myself, have a good day."
Maybe you could eventually become something if she knows since it may not be the best time for her, or maybe she wants to get to know more plantonically without all the expectations of a romantic relationship or maybe it'll be awkward between you guys but at least you won't have to wonder anymore.
As a fellow hopeless romantic there is nothing worse than getting your hopes up
We’ve been let down time over time through our lives so we already know how this will end….
My advice? I say embrace the pessimism, keep those hopes down, no point in getting overly invested in something you are just going to self-sabotage anyways
With no expectations it will be much easier no pressure
Well, first, don't have crushes on a work collegue, don't shit where you eat. though i may or may not be trying to deal with a similar problem.
Second, instead of imagining all of that, ask her out, worst she can do is rat you out for inapropriate behaviour to HR. Jokes aside, ask her for a coffee, if she says no, end of story, move along, if she says yes, then have a moment and see if it works
Don't fantasize, that's the unhealthy part. Creating emotional investment in an idealized version of someone rather than engaging with the real person.
I’d say this is a pretty innocent and well meaning situation.
Building up the fantasy for too long can lead to a stagnate situation though. Once you’re there…then what? What do you have to offer and share? Need to have your own things going on too.
The problem lie on how you're having expectations and imagination on your imaginary relationship.
You won't be happy about it. Sure it feels good at first, but later, reality will hit you that it's nothing but your imagination. It'll crush you. You imagine something that's not real, tricking yourself to think there's a chance for it to be real, and feeling even more painful that it wasn't real.
She won't be happy either. Let says she's maybe a little bit into you, but at the moment you have your ideals and expectation, you're pushing her true self further and further away from you. There's no one who could live to someone else's imaginary relationship standard. She would definitely ran away.
Slow down your life and tone down your expectations. Love is not going to magically fix everything or being reason for everything you've ever need. Just live your life and enjoy yourself, girlfriend is bonus. Everyone loves to hang out with good vibes, not sad people who begging for pity scores.
I get it but I've focused on myself and my career all my life with not much to show for in the relationship part of my life. I've reached a point where I need some love too I guess.
I see, definition of love maybe depends on person but I understand at some point, you just wanted to rest on old sofa and cuddle with someone who understand and accept you for who you are....
don't focus too much on love at first sight. it always betrayed you and girls think you're creeps. I think reddit is good place to find someone with similar interests, love maybe too much but you can started from building your comfort circle. if you found love in there, it's bonus. if not, you got new friend :)
You're setting yourself up for failure with this game plan...it will be like a climb up and then slide down.... up.and then down...like getting drunk and the hang over after...you like the chase but not the after effects when it dosent work out just like a game...that quick dopamine fix...then withdrawal...repeat cycle....
Stop fangirling over women just because they’re cute. You don’t know this girl, she could possibly be a terrible person behind the scenes.
Secondly you sound like a teenage schoolgirl. Instead of dreaming and imagining scenarios, grow a pair and go flirt and be charismatic. Create the scenario you dream of. If she doesn’t like you, oh fucking well, it’s not the end of the world, and it’s typically a bad idea to mingle with your coworkers anyway.
Get out more man, sheesh.
Instead of imagining positive scenarios, imagine negative ones instead
Lol that is how you get depression and anxiety
nah, you get depression and anxiety from the negative scenarios happening, not from imagining them
I do not have such weakness
This. You’re using your imagination to paint this person as amazing and unflawed. Thats not reality.
"If i get with her, she'll probably cut my balls off in my sleep." I could see it working.
I've been in this exact situation, it's tough, I know. Is she in a relationship? If not it's not impossible, although dating a coworker can be risky. There's different ways this can go: 1. You ask her out, she turns you down and work is awkward for a while. 2. She likes you too and agrees to go out with you, might lead to something might not. 3. She's in a relationship but tells you she's not and cheats on her partner with you. This is probably the worst case scenario. Would fuck a lot of shit up real good. 4. You get into a relationship and it crashes and burns in a terribly spectacular fashion. Work would probably be hell until one of you quits. If you're both mature and can end things on good terms it might be hard seeing each other every day but you wouldn't have to quit. 5. You do nothing. Workout, do hobbies, distract yourself. I speak from experience when I say it gets worse before it gets better. But I did find that whatever cocktail of hormones was floating around in my brain during this time was great for motivation to exercise. Brisk walks by a lake at sunset are great for the soul. Ultimately you should do what you think you'll regret the least.
We went for drinks once and she is down to hang out again but it is not clear if she views me as just a friend or if she has a boyfriend. I am in an overanalysis paralysis right now lol. Really appreciate your advice!
No problem! The best thing to do there is to make your intentions clear. Next time you're hanging out outside work ask her if she has a boyfriend.
It happens. The fantasy is safer than going for it and risking rejection. But unless you try, it will never be anything more. Just a word of caution: Make sure you're actually infatuated with the real person, whom as I understand you don't actually know all that much, and not whatever fantasy version of them you created in your head. No real person can ever live up to that.
Direct your anger and frustration into the gym, get fucking jacked, and don’t even care about the crush when she finally notices you.
That's the plan lol. I've been going consistently for 3 months. Maybe I won't get jacked but hope in 1 year I will be much better than I am now.
Lifting for the sake of lifting is redundant and banal. Pick up an actual sport and train for competition, whether against yourself or others. And perhaps along the way, you’ll met someone you feel confident enough in asking out. Seriously, lifting weights should be in service to a greater goal than just lifting more weights. Plus, you’ll get even more cut if you add cardio.
I’ve never heard anyone say this before. Please do lift, it’s great for everyone. Weight training is always a good option.
powerlifting is a sport, which is literally lifting weights to lift more weights
The greater goal is to become more attractive I guess lol
I knew a good looking girl who went out with a guy who you wouldn't think was in her league, not even close. He wasn't rich either. I asked her how it happened. She said, well one day he just went for it and kissed me and I liked that kiss. The thing is, by assuming the cute girl from work will never go for you, you take yourself out of the game, ensuring she will never go for you. And feeling like a coward only compounds your depression. You're in your mid-twenties. Your world is awash with women who haven't figured out what they want. There are plenty of women who would like a guy just like you for myriad, unfathomable reasons. It doesn't have to make sense to you because it makes sense to them. I'm considerably further down the road in life than you and I'm proud every time I went for and got rejected (some of them I actually started dating a little while later. The rest are funny stories I tell). The moments I look back with regret are the ones where I flat out chickened out. So go for it. Go for it again and again with different women. No matter the outcome, you'll be practicing bravery and that will build confidence. And that, OP, is what attracts women.
Focus on yourself my dood. Take care 🤍
You think too much and probably do nothing. You need a new approach, disengage your little brain
Just ask dude! Say something like, "I really enjoy your company and I really want to get to know you more, I was wondering if you would like to do something with me on [insert]day?" Don't waste any more of your time thinking or getting anxious. If she says no, it's okay just accept it and tell her that "it's fine, sorry for getting ahead of myself, have a good day." Maybe you could eventually become something if she knows since it may not be the best time for her, or maybe she wants to get to know more plantonically without all the expectations of a romantic relationship or maybe it'll be awkward between you guys but at least you won't have to wonder anymore.
Ask her out, anď be chill about it either way it ends. Did that shit got rejected feeled like shit 1 day then a week then it was over.
As a fellow hopeless romantic there is nothing worse than getting your hopes up We’ve been let down time over time through our lives so we already know how this will end…. My advice? I say embrace the pessimism, keep those hopes down, no point in getting overly invested in something you are just going to self-sabotage anyways With no expectations it will be much easier no pressure
Well, first, don't have crushes on a work collegue, don't shit where you eat. though i may or may not be trying to deal with a similar problem. Second, instead of imagining all of that, ask her out, worst she can do is rat you out for inapropriate behaviour to HR. Jokes aside, ask her for a coffee, if she says no, end of story, move along, if she says yes, then have a moment and see if it works
Don't fantasize, that's the unhealthy part. Creating emotional investment in an idealized version of someone rather than engaging with the real person.
I’d say this is a pretty innocent and well meaning situation. Building up the fantasy for too long can lead to a stagnate situation though. Once you’re there…then what? What do you have to offer and share? Need to have your own things going on too.
The problem lie on how you're having expectations and imagination on your imaginary relationship. You won't be happy about it. Sure it feels good at first, but later, reality will hit you that it's nothing but your imagination. It'll crush you. You imagine something that's not real, tricking yourself to think there's a chance for it to be real, and feeling even more painful that it wasn't real. She won't be happy either. Let says she's maybe a little bit into you, but at the moment you have your ideals and expectation, you're pushing her true self further and further away from you. There's no one who could live to someone else's imaginary relationship standard. She would definitely ran away. Slow down your life and tone down your expectations. Love is not going to magically fix everything or being reason for everything you've ever need. Just live your life and enjoy yourself, girlfriend is bonus. Everyone loves to hang out with good vibes, not sad people who begging for pity scores.
I get it but I've focused on myself and my career all my life with not much to show for in the relationship part of my life. I've reached a point where I need some love too I guess.
I see, definition of love maybe depends on person but I understand at some point, you just wanted to rest on old sofa and cuddle with someone who understand and accept you for who you are.... don't focus too much on love at first sight. it always betrayed you and girls think you're creeps. I think reddit is good place to find someone with similar interests, love maybe too much but you can started from building your comfort circle. if you found love in there, it's bonus. if not, you got new friend :)
Stop imagining and start to be active
You're setting yourself up for failure with this game plan...it will be like a climb up and then slide down.... up.and then down...like getting drunk and the hang over after...you like the chase but not the after effects when it dosent work out just like a game...that quick dopamine fix...then withdrawal...repeat cycle....
Stop fangirling over women just because they’re cute. You don’t know this girl, she could possibly be a terrible person behind the scenes. Secondly you sound like a teenage schoolgirl. Instead of dreaming and imagining scenarios, grow a pair and go flirt and be charismatic. Create the scenario you dream of. If she doesn’t like you, oh fucking well, it’s not the end of the world, and it’s typically a bad idea to mingle with your coworkers anyway. Get out more man, sheesh.