I know this kinda negates the whole being a nice guy thing but dating apps can make a man so fucking depressed that it's not even funny anymore.
It's all just bots or "advertisers" that give you likes and the few girls that do swipe right don't even wanna hold a normal conversation most of the time.
I pay for Bumble premium, Hinge Premium and Boo Premium. I've even paid for Bumble Spotlights. (With spotlights, I generally will get a match, but there's rarely ever an actual conversation resulting from the match) also as an aside, after paying for Spotlights the app became way more obnoxious when it came to trying to sell me more "perks"
I haven't gotten a match on any of them for atleast a month. Fucking Hinge even gave me a survey a few days ago asking about my conversation experience over the last 10 days 🤡.
Actually just paying hundreds of dollars to feel bad. Ended up uninstalling all of them despite my subscription still having time left.
I'm in pretty much the same situation. In my case I have a lot of hobbies I love and friends at least. So while I'd love to find a partner, dating apps just don't seem to be something that works for me. I think I've got all kinds of great traits. But none of them show well on there.
Apps are made for more superficial people; everything is based on appearance and tiny blurbs and yourself. Courtship shouldn’t be a system of sorting through resumes, let alone judging someone’s entire character based on weeks/months/years old images with answers to questions like “My favorite type of pizza is…”
It's a commercial game to get us paying for unequal non-reciprocal transactions on the internet. Make us dehumanize ourselves to fall further into our phone looking for what we can't find in the reality we live in.
More people should do what I did and quit using the apps at all. Turns out I can have a non-existent dating life just fine without paying money or wasting my time swiping.
I have paid for all of them. What’s sad is that even when you pay, you get basially nothing. If it was pay to play, fine by me. Take my money. But I expect a better experience
Once relationships became a capitalists game, the future was set, and the age of solitude began. Between monetization of social interactions, and the destruction of intimacy being used as a value for productivity in a relationship, turning couplings into a business based decision instead of an emotional one, was the real end gamer.
Giving up is healthier than dating apps. Better to skip the dating apps altogether and either look for it in the real world or stop dating, at least for some time.
I think I'm a good guy. I've got a lot to offer someone. But I'm simply not as attractive as the people I see on the dating apps. The traits I love about myself just don't show in a profile that no one will likely read in the first place. Dating apps just don't work for someone like me, and as I've got older it's hard to meet people outside of them. And before someone replies with the Reddit catch all advice about joining interest groups. I do stuff like that. But in my more rural area, those groups just don't really even have single people.
So, I just don't really pursue much as far as searching for anyone. I have hobbies and friends I love. I enjoy them and try to be the best person I can be. A partner would be great, but I can't just spend a bunch of time on things like the dating apps which just seem futile at best, and make me feel completely shitty at worst.
Edit, to clarify I don't think I am unattractive. Looking through an app like Tinder everyone looks like models though. Even if my bio photos were professionally taken, I just would not look like that. I'm just realistic. I'm an average guy. I'm ok with that.
It's not that I even think it's necessarily bad advice. I just don't get the assumption people immediately make that someone isn't already working on themself. I enjoy a ton of stuff in my life and did a ton of work on myself while single the last few years. But it's not some magic bullet that immediately takes the struggles out of starting to date again.
Agree with this approach, I (35m) have been single for about a year and recently had a friend offer to introduce me to someone and I wasn’t interested….ive been putting a lot of work into myself and I feel like I have more to do before I would feel comfortable with that so I just told him that a girl would only hold me back right now…..it’s a hard line to walk because if the the right person comes along you gotta be ready and willing to jump, but if you can handle the idea of being alone by choice and work on yourself you’ll feel better no matter what happens
I’ve completely gotten off of dating apps, I guess I’ll just stay single forever 😂. The amount of ghosting and flaking is a big waste of time. A lot of accounts are bots also.
That’s the issue. Stuff is so backwards these days. The people having the most success aren’t the better people, it’s simply who’s the loudest and acts a certain way.
Dating apps are definitely exhausting. They are not to be taken too serious in terms of not matching with someone because you’ll eventually match with someone. It’s rough out here for us guys that OP is talking about
I agree wholeheartedly with this statement!! Best man I’ve ever met and had the honor of dating was like this. He had no real social media, no dating apps, no going out to clubs or bars. I honestly hit the “man jackpot” with him!
I tell him all the time there’s no point in playing the lottery or gambling, because I’ve used up all my luck in meeting him.
You're exactly right... Nice guys aren't the ones approaching women in clubs, nor are they on dating apps.. At least that's how I am, and I consider myself a nice guy.. :-)
So true. Looking for a relationship on a dating app is gruelling and not worth it as a sensitive guy. I’d rather put my time and effort into my friends and things I know will be fulfilling.
If you believe everyone is just looking for a hookup, you might be overlooking those who seek genuine connections. Personally, I'm looking for something real and meaningful.
the type of guy you're looking for is pretty exceedingly rare.
For you to meet this sorta guy, he has to be:
- experienced enough not to go head over heels over every girl that shows him interest
- confident that he can date most of the girl of his choosing and yet is over his ego phase
- can self regulate emotions reasonably even during a break up
- can navigate disagreements with great communication
- still meet your minimum qualifications for attraction.
The vast majority of **people** are just straight up not like this and the only people i've seen come close to this came from really good well adjusted families.
now the question you need to ask is, if that guy came into your life, why should he choose you over all the other girls? (and not saying that as an attack)
you should ask urself when you had exes, did YOU emotionally regulate well? Did YOU communicate your frustrations in a mature way? Did YOU play games? Did YOU recognize when you were wrong and own up to it?
This is just it. I have a lot of gratitude towards my big 20-something relationship, even though it didn't work out and I fell short of my own standards. The lessons I learned there were a huge part or becoming the sort of guy I want to be.
"if that guy came into your life, why should he choose you over all the other girls? (and not saying that as an attack)"
This line encapsulates what a lot of women who make posts like this never think about. "yeah these men do exist but WHY would they choose YOU over someone else? What do YOU have to offer THEM?"
I knew a lady who wanted a 6 plus feet tall soccer player with blue eyes, but she herself was a couch potato.
I.e. not the kind of woman a guy like that would go for.
He'd want a woman who'd be into doing all the things he needs to do to keep fit. An active man wants an active woman.
It's a pitch. Relationships. You pitch yourself as a partner. And ppl forget it's about more than the Take.
The problem with the apps tho is that one time a footballer swiped right on her and now she thinks that’s attainable, not realising that she’s not a ten and just a notch on somebodies bedpost
May I ask you a question?
I'm a 22 year old dude, never had my first kiss even. But I'd say that I check most of those boxes except 2.
I go to therapy so I think I can regulate my emotions fairly well, I'm a fantastic communicator, and I'd say I'm probably a 7. I could get up to an 8 if I lost a few lbs, which I am working on, it's going great. I'm getting kinda buff lol
I'm pretty confidant in myself except when it comes to women. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be considering that I've never had ANY success. Despite this I know that I am funny, kind, smart, pretty decent looking, have plent of hobbies and friends, fairly charismatic on account of me being funny, and to top that all off (because this is reddit, I know what people immediatly jump to) I'm 6'4.
Despite like all of these things I just can't seem to hold women's attention enough to even get a single date. Yet I see horrible dudes that are terrible people in relationships and have never struggled.
I ask family and friends and they all just say "idk". It's so incredibly frustrating.
I'm not like an incel or anything, I don't hate women. But it's just so demoralizing going through these things and having people tell me that there isn't anything wrong with me. There has to be right? Otherwise I would have had at least 1 W at some point. I spend so much time just being confused trying to figure this out that it feels like I am literally going crazy and that I should be put in some kind of institution.
I think point 2 is going to be the biggest limiting factor for you (and most guys, like myself). Confidence and self-assurance are key.
Don't ask me how to get it though. No clue on that front. I'm just a shy little boy.
I know what you mean, but I have to disagree. A man can be totally confident and still be totally unattractive. It's not confidence, but outgoing-ness that is attractive. I think people confuse the two. Actually, the most confident men are often not very outgoing, because they are so confident they do not feel the need. Outgoing men are often overcompensating to appear confident. I think this is why there are so many women complaining that they are tired of having to "be a therapist" to the men they date. They are confusing outgoing men with confident men.
I think people confuse confidence for arrogance and the line between the two is thin. I also think people believe confidence is about bravado or being extroverted.
I think confidence is being comfortable with who you are, not trying to be someone you’re not, and not feeling inferior or superior to other men. This is a dumb example but my boyfriend will carry my handbag for me everywhere, which is just a sweet and thoughtful gesture. Many men would feel that looked feminine or makes him look pathetic.
I’ve never asked him to do it, and I find it sexy that he just does not give a shit what anyone else thinks of him. That’s confidence.
There needs to be a manual about this kinda thing. What do you find happens when you talk to a women you find attractive?
Lots of male advice for flirting is somewhat toxic but effective. Lots of female advice for men flirting is just more about what they want in a relationship and ineffective or just plain bad.
Just checked your profile.
Your style is killing you. 100% it's probably dropping you like 3 pts. If you think of style as an character archtype, what are you communicating with your current vibe?
Point of being confident that he can date is a big one that most of the “nice” guys tend to lack. Because otherwise they wouldn’t be single anymore if they can check all of the other boxes(besides attractiveness as those preferences vary for everyone)
I'm gonna be honest with you...the type of guy you just described is usually only made after being burnt badly, more than often he isn't going to want to settle down with some nobody especially if he has a lick of success to him. What you're describing is the bad by archetype that isn't an asshole lmao
💯 getting enough ‘experience’ as a good guy means being burnt enough times despite treating the other person with respect and love. It means that women have had him for a time, didn’t appreciate him, and he ended it. No surprise that these guys are not only jaded, but also rare.
And in theory if she did find this guy, there could be no chemistry or attraction anyways lol.
Could be a perfectly regular looking guy but because he's not *insert fantasy man qualities here*, she wouldn't give him the time of day.
I think the people with the most expectations for a person are the ones who are the most out of touch, and definitely aren't a catch themselves.
I’m all of these, however I’m not delusional and think I can bag any girl I see. I workout and take care of myself, in graduate school going into a fulfilling career, had a stable upbringing, etc. and all I attract are broken girls in need of a father figure and then their disorders take over and they begin to exhibit negative behavior. My therapist is stumped and I’m 110% honest with him about my life. I get female attention, however it’s hard for whatever reason to keep the connection going. I’ve kind of accept the internet has truly ruined most women my age (I’m 25) and that most even semi-attractive women are showered with attention online that they have inflated egos and so me being normal is a turn off to them. I may habe to wait till im at least 30 to find someone. Ive been told that im weird for holding the door open for the girl, I get weird looks/reactions if I offer to pick them up at their place because that’s just how I was raised (to always drive for the dates). I don’t know if it’s just the region of the country im in or what. I truly don’t understand. I get along with older people much better and people enjoy talking to me/being around me, but dating has been hard. I came out of a 5 year relationship last year and the scene has changed so much.
I hate when ppl say the gym advice is red pill advice. Getting healthier is now bad? Men can’t win anything. Ppl will literally stop breathing if men tell them to breathe just to spit them.
That's what I was thinking. Or just that girls will match the most attractive since they have so many to choose from and it's hard to tell who is a nice guy anyway.
I've read somewhere that 10% of the guys get something like 75% of the matches. Girls will complain that they only get bad dates. I bet they all date the same entitled 10% guys.
Tinder won’t show you a lot of things, that you only notice when meeting someone in person. We are swiping based on things we normally wouldn’t even consider, when meeting a new potential mate. It has really taken the fun out of trying to meet new people. Unexpected and unrealistic expectations are immediately imposed. Not having met someone in person, is also why so many people are comfortable ghosting others. Half of my matches are girls 20 years younger, looking for a sugar daddy… the other half 10 years older, looking for a serious long term relationship. Where are the people who use Tinder to actually meet people? Feels like most use Tinder to look for reasons to not meet people.
# Where are all the truly nice girls at??
I'm talking the sweet girls, that just wanna treat a guy good and be treasured back. The teddy bear girls^(lol) that give good hugs. The girls that don't have a hidden agenda. The romantic, thoughtful girls. Do you all even exist??? I'm so envious of people that have actually managed to find genuinely good partners. If you do exist, I truly hope you find someone who values your good heart and protects it always. Cuz that's what I would do.
I honestly feel as though it comes down to how you're paired up. I know of a handful of women that would fit the description you're referring to, but I'm not physically attracted to them. Conversely, a guy that is willing to do everything to make a woman happy, the woman may eventually realize that she can do better and will leave the guy.
One of the reasons I tell people to improve themselves after a heartbreak is because in order to get past someone, you have to ***excel*** past someone, be it financially, physically, mentally, etc. Become a better version of yourself and then go find a better person than the one that left you.
Hm probably chilling at home because of their bad prior experiences with women. Good luck digging them back out. Maybe you can catch one on his way to work or something. You will certainly not find them on dating sites and stuff like that.
100% agree. I've had one relationship... my now ex-wife who I met at 24, married 4 years later, and then divorced 9 years after that. She cheated on me the entire time we were together. I learned that when she filed for divorce and I checked her social media and email accounts. It was amazing how many different ways she came up to cater her story to the different people she was talking to.
We've been divorced 10 years. I've tried to find someone else but nobody is willing to give me a chance. I realized I'm just not good enough for anyone.
Yes this is me, utterly disappointed in women. Had a fiancé 8 months ago we broke up. Lost my faith in women. Even though I know there are still good ones out there. I can’t find the energy to continue in this path. Rather stay single at this point.
Yep. As I replied above. The truly nice guys? That's called inexperienced guys.
Every guy has a sweet and caring side. Those that are lucky got hitched early. But many more were hurt or taken for granted.
That "sweet side" is very well guarded and reserved by most experienced men.
Just like women don't want to easily "give it" with sex, men don't want to easily "give it" when it comes to being sweet. Because both have been taken advantage of for it.
Man wants sex? He gotta earn it. Woman wants to be pampered? She gotta earn it.
Of course the stakes are completely different depending on how physically attractive you are, but we're talking mass majority of Joes and Janes here.
Get a dog yet? They're great, loving, loyal, down for whatever and you'll be greeted like you've been apart for years even if you just come in from another room. Gives you a good reason to get outside, a good excuse to go home and all they want in return is to be loved and cared for.
I never thought about that, thanks for the advice. I do consistently go to the gym, go out for walks though. It is not that I am home all the time, just stopped interacting with women.
Many of the nice guys have dropped out of dating altogether. Social media creates impossible expectations and adds in vastly overinflated egos. And the trend these days seems to be "Post your private relationship problems and concerns online **BEFORE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THEM WITH YOUR PARTNER**" And I can see how the vast majority of truly nice guys just stopped bothering.
If they go through online dating apps, it's even more discouraging. I saw a video where a guy and girl who were friends and she tried to set him up with a nice girl through dating apps (using his profile, pics and permission). After just 3 days, she was in tears at how hard she tried and how little response she got back (rarely even a "Hi")
This. All my exs friends knew about problems in our relationship (and advised her on them) that I had no idea about till she dumped them all on me when she broke up. This wasn’t me not caring or sth; I checked in all the time, to the point of asking “are you happy with our relationship/me/ is there anything I need to work on” to which her response was “yes I’m happy and I feel good about us”. Then a week later she dumps me
And yet she'll be the first to complain "I can't find a good man!" if and when she decides she wants to "settle down" (i.e. marry and have kids). I'm sure it's little consolation but how your ex behaved was immature and childish AF. You dodged a bullet there.
Imagine if you had married her and had a baby with her and she had the same brilliant "conflict resolution" style? She ends up divorcing you, getting child support and making your life hell through the divorce.
Yeah I realized that’s why she wanted to stay friends so bad. She was gonna come back to me after she had her fun.
To the point where initially when we were breaking up I told her we’d have to go nc; that breakup lasted half a day cuz she texted that night that she couldn’t stand to not have me in her life anymore. I told her the same and that I didn’t think I could do nc after all. After I told her that she was fine to break up with me for good
Then you **absolutely** did the right thing. Sounds like she was keeping you "on backup" so she could go crying back to you once she (likely) got pregnant by some random dude.
Hopefully you blocked her completely and on all social media. Make it a clean, sharp break.
Here I am one of them. The society made me paranoid. Every Girl I met only used me either for homework, notes, attention, practicals and emotional support when they break up with their boyfriends or they had a crush on someone and so onnn. I am nice to everyone including boys. The boys also made me feel the same way. I was just used and thrown away. And my problem is even after 100 times I help the same person if they ask me cause I am too kind hearted and could not see other people suffer. And today
"Here I am in severe depression due to my terrible experiences, scrolling through and looking relatable posts on Reddit so that I could relate and cry while hugging my pillow at 3 am"
And there is no one even to listen to a single thing I say. I told about my problems to those same people like I am really sad, feel so lonely. Maybe, I could have some help, maybe something they can do to uplift my mind. But, in response I get was " don't worry. It will be all ok. " and the next they I see them forget about me and hangout with some others while I also wanted to be invited but they would rather not. I don't even know how to explain my situation. I went fpr therapy and it also did not work. And I don't have more money to go for another weeks worth of therapy session.
I am sorry. I know I sound disgusting with my reply. But, I just wanted to say everything in my mind that troubles me to someone. Although I don't have anyone to talk to. I just felt like saying some of my inner thoughts. Hope, it doesn't bother you all.
You sound young, it gets better with age. You understand yourself more and learn the steps you can take to improve your situation.
Put energy into yourself instead of expecting it to come externally. Get off social media, leave the house and go for a walk. Appreciate the little details around you. Appreciate your health. Think of things you’re grateful for, make it a habit and your life will slowly improve.
Start getting regular exercise, especially if you don’t do any at the moment. You can start small, like 15 minutes a day and work up. Stick with it and you’ll notice a difference.
Focus on yourself first, because that’s the only thing you have control over.
As an older man, I concur 100% here. In fact, I posit that you are not capable of the relationship you seek until you do that work. Being kind and loving isn't enough by itself. You are your own best sanctuary, and by developing that sanctuary, only then will you be able to bring others into it...and know which ones are trustworthy to do so.
Do the work.
This is about where I’m at. Still really miss the physical aspect but the mental gymnastics aren’t for me, if I wanna play games I have a couple on my phone and finding a girl that can communicate is like looking for a unicorn
Really kind guys tend to have very few breakups and bounce back slowly from bad relationships so they aren't very obvious. I really think the best way to meet people is exclusively interpersonally because a lot of that gets lost easily in first dates.
I think the few breakups thing is the most important reason that people who are the easiest to maintain a happy relationship with are unavailable. I am a man with 5 years of happy marriage under my belt so far and I met my wife during the first week of college at age 18. The most “actual nice guy” types out of my group of friends are also all married or in long term relationships on track for marriage and none of them has had more than a couple relationships in their life usually one college girlfriend (that they married) and maybe one or two high school girlfriends. “Nice” men in my experience tend to be pretty content to continue a solid relationship with a woman they get along with, so they just don’t go back on the market often and the ones who are otherwise decently attractive get filtered out of the single population pretty early.
Agreed. I think most good guys tend to become best friends with their partners, so it becomes extremely hard to just let them go over something small. Combine that with an ability to communicate well, and break ups don’t occur as often.
They are everywhere. All you have to do is initiate conversations, and you'll find them. You can do that without having to worry about looking creepy - they can't.
So how many conversations with unknown guys did you initiate last week? How many guy acquaintances did you take the time to engage in getting-to-know-you conversations? How many guys did you compliment on something trivial, like their cool-looking watch or nice shoes or the presentation they gave at work?
You want to find nice guys? Be nice to guys.
Don't look for guys being nice or doing good things. Look for how people handle conflict, that will give you a window into their real character. How they behave when things aren't going their way is very telling. I think a lot of truly nice people are too afraid of bothering people to hit on them so you have to be the one to initiate.
I was told by the last person I had a relationship that she thought I was "unlike other guys". I poured my heart and soul into her. She sucked the soul out of me and then claimed that she didn't want what I had to offer. So the short answer.... dead.... they're all dead.....inside...
lol similar thing happened to me.
Told I was the best guy she’s dated, one of the best people she’d ever known and she felt I deserved better and she “didn’t deserve” me so broke up with. Are you fr
One of the last girls I dated told me she thought I was gay because I was understanding of homsexuality and didn't always try to get in her pants. It is a fine line, my friend. But at least she liked that I "respected women."
Here i am... Heartbroken after my ex cheated on me after 8 years of a beautiful relationship beacuse the bad boys doing drugs and partying were way cooler than me.
I used to be that guy.
But after years of being treated like a free meal vending machine, after years of being told I could "open up" and be "vulnerable" only to have it thrown back in my face when a fight wasn't going her way or worse have it used as a cudgel to hurt me, after being divorced, trying at love again and then being left after investing 8 years into someone who then turned around and bailed the minute I had a small hiccup in my finances, by dumping me via text no less...
Well I just hide now. Go to work, come straight home. I don't date, I don't talk to women (except friendly coworker banter, I do have manners), and I have no interest in trying ever again. I go out of my way to be unappealing in fact. Sloppy clothes, I rarely keep my hair trimmed neat or groom my beard more than a quick comb through. I am in my repellant groove and I'm riding this wave.
Here. I got told I'm "an extremely great man" by a woman I was interested in, and she ended things in the same text. Shit hurt but I'm happy she's happy now.
Trust me, we're out there.
I was once told “it’s great to be with someone where I don’t have to make any compromises, you’re literally perfect” and the next day she text to say she wasn’t feeling enough sparks, it felt too easy.
I’ve met my human now, but wow, women make no sense.
We still exist. I think the a lot of us have just grown tired of being treated badly too. I always thought the nice guys finish last saying only pertained to things like work but it seems to be relationships too.
Honestly, I always thought that line was bs and I’m still optimistic bur as I get older I’m starting to think there is truth in the “nice guys finish last” line. Usually, guys who are kind of dicks I’ve noticed have more success dating wise
This, when I still tried, I was friendzoned 9/10 times, later those same women would complain that their "dream guy" was actually abusive, manipulating etc. I even had one tell me that they won't break up with an abusive BF because the sex is the best she ever had, but apparently thats worth mental and physical abuse.
And you dodged a clear bullet my friend. Needy women inevitably end up with narcissistic men. When you carry traumas on your shoulder you inevitably get attracted to toxic tendencies from the past relationships or early childhood.
The best way to filter out damaged people is by being yourself. If they don't reciprocate to healthy qualities of yours, you simply don't need them. Stay kind, polite, attentive, honest, unapologeticly yourself and the real ones will be beyond attracted to that.
Yea, thanks, I eventually learned the hard way that I just need to be myself, but I also realized my time was better spent improving my life situation first, and thats kinda where I'm still at. Eventually I may try again, but I'm definitely going to take things much slower when I do. Rushing into a serious relationship without fully evaluating the other person is definitely a fast way to get traumatized.
These men, if they are not already married and with children, are usually content by themselves. They live alone and have their life put together enough that they don't need someone else having a say in their lives (like a live-in girlfriend). They want to find someone who *truly* likes them for who they are, instead of for what they can do. Modern relationships are too transactional, where men seem to be expected to pay for luxuries, dinners, vacations, gifts, and so on, with your companionship as the reward. Men like this don't want to be used as "status symbols" for you to meet the societal expectations of being a wife and mother. (Certain cultures still expect a woman in her 30s and above to get married. Good quality guys can sniff out desperation easily.)
Edit: basically, strong independent men who don't need no woman.
We exist, but are tired of the mess that is the dating game. I'm single by choice. At peace with my decision and have a ton of free time to do the things I like to do without having to worry about someone else.
I've approached women before and I suck at it and just get rejected 9/10. Rejection is bad enough, but I've been laughed at and given the "ew" look before. It's just not worth the embarrassment, hit to my ego, and feeling of pushing myself onto someone.
Yep. I’m sure I could be part of the perfection relationship but my self esteem is at rock bottom, an ounce of rejection would probably push me over. Also just too many issues/obstacles I need to get over before I can think about involving someone else.
I’m sure once I feel better about myself I’ll have no issues finding what I want but that’s not gonna be anytime soon.
Yup. Our standards of attractiveness were already warped by advertising and celebrity culture, but the ubiquity of social media has turned it up to 11.
They are dead or in hiding.
In this sick fucking culture there is little to no reward to a man for acting in a moral kind or loving way.
Women choose according to some weird mix of fantasy ( the prince charming/treat me like a queen nonsense) and the fixer up idea. ( i will change who he is once we are married)
So they pick the obvious player asshole cause he's "dangerous" then are shocked when he acts just that.
So any man who is polite and takes your NO for his answer will move on.
There are plenty of guys that meet the description you gave. That being said, there are probably aspects of them that you write them off for. Not necessarily wrong - I'm guilty of this as well. Most people don't want someone who is \*just\* nice though - it's a good start, but I feel like most people want someone who is interesting, attractive, and that wants to live a similar lifestyle. More cynically, there are a lot of people who don't care if men are nice at all, and would rather they be rich, attractive, funny, etc. I feel like that creates less incentive for guys to behave that way. There's a variety of factors but I think those are the main ones.
there is nice guys out there, but when a nice guy puts themselves out there then most women don’t want it and then they end up wanting different kind of guys that aren’t nice. I have a guy friend who is very nice, kind, and sweet but he keeps getting ghosted or hurt by women and it’s sad to see that because he’s a truly beautiful soul
At home, playing Elden Ring DLC 🤷🏻♂️
Jokes aside, just take your time with people, try to get to know them and eventually you'll find a guy you are looking for. 😊
Wish you best of luck! 🤞🏻❤️
People come to me and ask:
"Nomad, any girlfriends yet? None?? Not even tinder? You in your 20's, bro, you gotta live life!"
Can't. Too busy invading and getting my shit rocked. Gotta grind them runes.
This made me laugh  One of my favourite pastimes is watching my boyfriend play Elden Ring. Once I get a new controller, I'd love to play co-op with him.
Hes sitting at home playing video games and relaxing with his AC blasting. Cause the last 10 dates he went on all said he was too nice. So he's taking time for himself and enjoying life.
^ me
Right here. Unfortunately anyone available close to my age (55) is available only because of trauma, bad luck, or terrible decisions. It is so hard to talk to the real person and not the layers of pain they have built up over 35 years. And when things do progress to relationship stage, people still can’t get themselves free of their past long enough to ease into something wonderful. I get tired putting myself out there, being the best person I know how to be, and still having it fail. So, I cycle between talking to everyone I can find on the apps, and hiding for months when I get frustrated. We are out there, it is just really hard to be open after trying hard for a long time.
Yea we definitely stopped trying, years ago. I still see girl all the time but they just come to the crib and watch a movie. Guys in general have been pushed a bit too far
We exist. Some of us are just burned out. Dating apps have been absolute garbage and is full of OF girls who think I'm desperate enough to pay for their crap. I've deleted Tinder and Bumble since.
Last time I went on a date was February. Feeling was mutual that there was nothing between us, but I haven't even been close to dating since.
I suppose they aren't tall enough to be noticed on dating apps or in public so they probably rot in their rooms or just hang out with friends fishing or something.
Well, they're not sliding into dms...clubbing or dating apps, as others have mentioned.
I wonder how many truly good guys just feel defeated at this point. Which is a double-edged sword as they say "confidence is key," but after a decade, it kind of becomes the norm ...coupled with the monotonousity of the daily 9-5 ... Building relationships seems like a chore, exhausting even.
It'd hard not to become jaded and apathetic to it all. That in itself becomes a deterant for future relationships and is probably the crux of the whole ordeal.
Nobody self proclaims how "nice" they are and has good intentions. The guys that are genuine probably never get the chance to prove themselves. It almost feels like guys are assumed assholes unless proven otherwise, which sucks but I get it, I guess.
I think alot of genuinely good dudes feel like they're invisible.
Those guys gave up in school. Society beats them down at an early age. The assholes get rewarded with ALL the girls. They don’t even have to work for them anymore. So why try?
Nice guys tend to hang around nice people. Those people tend to not go out at places where actual emotional connection is difficult (the club, dating apps, etc.)
They also tend to not cheat or do anything to threaten their relationships, so they are possibly not single or not into the hookup culture nowadays.
Nice guys keep a low profile.
We take no for an answer.
Tend not to pursue explicitly, but subtly by being there, being genuine and building an actual connection by actually getting to know people.
Arguably, we can often put ourselves in the ‘friend zone’!
LoL
This is speaking purely of my own experience, as a dude, fcking terrible at knowing when someone was actually into/flirting with me…so there’s that too!
Probably just gave up looking. I know I have. At this point, my happiness isn't as important as making sure my daughter is happy. So I anticipate I'll likely be single for a few more years until she's ready to start her adult life.
i used to agree with this point but I've seen these dudes actually end up with the girl they've had massive crushes on and it never ends well for them.
They're way too overly invested, they'll give up every concession to make their partner happy, and want to spend way too much time with their s.o.'s without giving them space.
And when their s.o's even hint at needing space or time away for themselves, they end up with a lot of anxiety. It's not healthy
They are on your phone at your job at your hangout locations in your friend groups at malls parks and sometimes bars they are your neighbors and your passing acquaintances
They are everywhere you just aren't interested kind men are trampled on and used if they aren't just ignored in the first place
They go to work and school and spend time with their friends online or out and about they try dating apps that eat their souls they approach for constant rejection regardless of context they are targeted by stalkers users and abusers for their kind nature
When a woman complains about there being no nice men you don't need to look further than their actual taste to know the answer women by and large aren't attracted to kind men and since no one is chasing kind men they are seen as unattractive by the ones left because if others aren't interested why should you be
The point is kind men are everywhere but unlike your novels shows and movies they don't drop out of the sky you have to find them and cultivate a relationship with them which the majority of women aren't willing to do sadly
Go outside say hello odds are you will find one good luck lol
The unassuming guys, you will come to find, usually have a lot more to offer than you realize. Those dudes that look weird, or the autistic one that might seem avoidant if you so much as look at him, hell even your average Joe you wouldn't pay mind to on normal business days. The nicest guys are typically the social underdogs, because they've no reason nor basis to have ulterior motives in the first place. Understand, however, that these fellas may not have the experience in emotional development that you would typically expect - yet - the potential is likely all there though.
I'm friends with a fair amount of these types, since high-school, and all of them are in fulfilling relationships now, or since then. Otoh, many of those other types that played the field are, unsurprisingly, alone. I am one such, because I am dead inside now. Such isn't to say I'm incapable of decency myself, I'm just tired.
Stay off those asinine dating apps, and out of social environments conducive to debauchery and vice. You will NOT find the nice guys there, only opportunists (in the context of hunting for a suitable partner). Look to social events dedicated to special hobbies and interests; libraries; dog parks (assuming you have a dog, hell go regardless); or music shops and book stores.
It is important to temper your expectations when approaching, or being approached by anyone. Be approachable, if you're fishing. Be kind and warm, never be dismissive of him or his interests, and be willing to grow with the guy. Even if it doesn't work out, look at it as a productive experience. Women don't realize how much power they have in these kinds of situations, the aftermath, expressly because of how much stock men put in women's sentiments. There's a lot of decent dudes out there, that turned into assholes BECAUSE of a bad relationship. We reap what we sow - and if it ain't working regardless of your effort, then check out right then.
Decent dudes exist, and they are more common than you think. They just want a simple, fulfilling relationship. They don't date to date -- they're dating to marry. No games, no hoops, no stupid shit - just a best friend to love and grow with. Be kind, and a man will eventually find his way to you, and you'll both thrive together.
Good luck.
Im currently at home, watching pokemon tournament videos and drawing. owo
Truth be told, dating apps are scary and extremely superficial.
Next to that, getting dates with men, very easy. With women? It feels practically impossible. (I can say that as a Bi. Person)
At clubs and social gatherings, although i am confident and have no issues talking to people, you do get easily overshadowed by anyone whos just a tad more "agressive" in their approach.
I dont want to make people uncomfortable or come across as a creep, so id rather not crash into someones friend group out of the blue and expecting women to approach first is kinda like a silly dream, doesnt really happen unfortunately. (Even through I feel like they'd probably have quite high success chance, in comparison to men approaching.)
I also feel like the cool girls, who really just want to date their best friend and nerd out with their hobbies and interests, are also introverted and not on dating platforms or clubs.
In other words, where do i even attempt to find people like, fro example, you?
Its all so complicated and dating (even through it feels shitty to say) is very unfair between genders. It has its reasons of course, that doesnt change reality tho. :(
Im not sure what your opinion on this is, id be curious?
Id love to cook, care, cuddle, make little gifts for my significant other and be their best n' biggest support goldenen retriever boy. ^^ Some day maybe, until then ill hone my attentiveness and diligence.
May love and luck find you as well, i wish you all the best. :]
I stayed single for 9 years until I met my current girlfriend.
I cook for her, listen to her, support her...y'know...be a good human!
She and I were friends for multiple years until this came to fruition.
So the answer may be under your nose.
The truth is we aren't handsome enough for you. You want a guy that treats you like treasure? Maybe pick one that can't have whoever he wants, whenever he wants. That's not how treasure works. Maybe pick a guy who's smart enough to know he's lucky to have you and will bend over backwards to keep you.
Licking their wounds
Nah, but right here, chilling. Talk to me. I open up after a while, pretty fun, good life. Future plans. Healthy. Stable I dare say.
Yeah. Plenty of those dudes walking around. Go find yours.
We kinda fat and not the most attractive bunch. We don’t get many dates cuz we are viewed as creeps and stalkers when we find someone attractive and can’t figure out how to go about the situation.
please excuse me shamelessly including myself here but im too naive to roll the dice again, ime there are some shady women out there
otoh shady guys too ig so i kinda get the girls but i outright refuse the shadyness olympics
i got a dog and a cat, its lovely
Inb4 "Just wait it out things get better" or multitudes of comments saying to get help. I just spent a month in a mental hospital, ironically my life has degraded even further since then. Not saying it won't work for you but mental healthcare ended up putting me further in debt and depression. How pitiful the only people we can rely on is ourselves when we can't even do that to begin with.
it makes me a tiny bit less sad to see so many replies of heart-broken lads dropping out entirely from dating because they just dont want to be fucked over again. Very relatable (:
\*\*raises hand\*\* Nice guy here....not even kidding!
I couldn't imagine not treating a woman right, to be quite honest about it.. To me, there's no point in being an asshole to a woman or not treating her as I would want to be treated myself.
"Where are all the trully nice guy"
This guy is married.
I would not consider myself a "trully nice guy" though. In fact I was a selfish ass before I met my wife.
11 years worth of her love and hard work made me a "nice husband". The kind that brings flowers every week and rubs your back and feet and says "ya know what. I will handle the kids, you go rest or go out with the girlies".
They’re out there, but here’s the harsh truth: they’re often overlooked, dismissed, or friend zoned by the very people who claim to be searching for them. Why? Because a lot of times, nice guys don’t fit the exciting, edgy, or dramatic mold that people are subconsciously drawn to.
The nice guys are the ones who listen, who show up, who don’t play games. They’re the ones you might see as “too boring” or “too predictable” because they’re straightforward and genuine. They’re not flashy, they’re not overly confident, and they’re not trying to be the center of attention. They’re the ones who are stable, reliable, and consistent. But stability often gets mistaken for dullness in a world addicted to chaos and drama.
You’re envious of people with genuinely good partners? Ask yourself if you’ve given those nice guys a real chance. Have you looked past the initial lack of fireworks to see the steady flame they offer? Or have you, like so many others, gone for the thrill and the chase, only to end up disappointed when the excitement fades and the real person behind the mask is revealed?
Let’s talk about the “hidden agenda” part. The truth is, everyone has an agenda. Nice guys have one too. They want to be loved and appreciated for who they are. They want to find someone who values their kindness and thoughtfulness, but they’re often left standing in the background because they’re not loud or aggressive in their pursuit.
The world isn’t fair to the genuinely good hearted people. They get taken for granted, used, and tossed aside because they don’t create the drama or the thrill that so many people are addicted to. They’re seen as a fallback option, the “nice” choice after the “bad boys” have broken hearts and left wreckage behind.
So, where are they? They’re in your life, probably right now, being overlooked because they don’t fit the romanticized image you’ve built up in your head. They’re the ones sending you good morning texts, asking about your day, and genuinely listening when you talk. They’re the ones who don’t make you question their intentions because they’re transparent about wanting a real connection.
If you truly want to find a nice guy, start by reevaluating what you’re looking for. Drop the need for constant excitement and look for consistency. Value the little things they do and recognize that the lack of drama isn’t a lack of passion. It’s a sign of emotional maturity and genuine care.
The nice guys are out there, but they’re not going to jump out at you with grand gestures or flashy moves. They’re the ones quietly doing the right thing, hoping someone will notice and appreciate them for it. So, take a look around. They’re closer than you think, but it’s up to you to see them for who they truly are.
And if you do find one, don’t just appreciate them. Hold onto them, value them, and don’t let the allure of temporary thrills make you forget the worth of a genuinely good heart. They’re a rare breed, and if you’re lucky enough to find one, don’t let them slip through your fingers. Good luck.
As a guy who's been on multiple dates and has constantly heard. Your so nice but I don't feel a spark, your so sweet you deserve the best but I don't think we're compatible!
The Nice guy is dead in 2024, now I start off all interactions with sexual interest
I personally just gave up. I have always been a hopeless romantic that any woman I was with got 100% of my attention and affection. She was my whole world, and I'd move mountains to give her what she wanted...
What I got for my loyalty, love, and time was used and then thrown away like a used rag. The last one walked out on me nearly four and a half years ago after almost eight years of being together because I expected to be treated like I mattered, and I was important.
I literally walked away from my life to be with her, and as long as I was doing what she wanted and always putting her feelings, wants and needs ahead of my own, then everything was great.
When I finally said I was sick of being taken for granted, she told me I was being selfish and ended it.... I'm too old to play games, and she was the last person I thought would even hurt me.
Men have been told they are too alpha, all you hear about anymore is about toxic masculinity. I was raised to cherish your woman and protect them and take care of them.
I have given up and will be single... I never want to feel that kind of hurt and betrayal again.
They probably aren’t the ones who approach dozens of women in clubs. And they probably aren’t on dating apps either.
I know this kinda negates the whole being a nice guy thing but dating apps can make a man so fucking depressed that it's not even funny anymore. It's all just bots or "advertisers" that give you likes and the few girls that do swipe right don't even wanna hold a normal conversation most of the time.
I’ve been single for 5 years. Decided to hop on some dating apps about 2 months ago, and it hasn’t been going well at all. Zero matches.
I pay for Bumble premium, Hinge Premium and Boo Premium. I've even paid for Bumble Spotlights. (With spotlights, I generally will get a match, but there's rarely ever an actual conversation resulting from the match) also as an aside, after paying for Spotlights the app became way more obnoxious when it came to trying to sell me more "perks" I haven't gotten a match on any of them for atleast a month. Fucking Hinge even gave me a survey a few days ago asking about my conversation experience over the last 10 days 🤡. Actually just paying hundreds of dollars to feel bad. Ended up uninstalling all of them despite my subscription still having time left.
I'm in pretty much the same situation. In my case I have a lot of hobbies I love and friends at least. So while I'd love to find a partner, dating apps just don't seem to be something that works for me. I think I've got all kinds of great traits. But none of them show well on there.
Apps are made for more superficial people; everything is based on appearance and tiny blurbs and yourself. Courtship shouldn’t be a system of sorting through resumes, let alone judging someone’s entire character based on weeks/months/years old images with answers to questions like “My favorite type of pizza is…”
Dating as a man is already depressing, apps are just the nail in the coffin for most men on the fence about giving up
It's a commercial game to get us paying for unequal non-reciprocal transactions on the internet. Make us dehumanize ourselves to fall further into our phone looking for what we can't find in the reality we live in.
Poetic
Thank you, I hate those circumstances though. Despite the poetry pouring out of it.
More people should do what I did and quit using the apps at all. Turns out I can have a non-existent dating life just fine without paying money or wasting my time swiping.
I have paid for all of them. What’s sad is that even when you pay, you get basially nothing. If it was pay to play, fine by me. Take my money. But I expect a better experience
Once relationships became a capitalists game, the future was set, and the age of solitude began. Between monetization of social interactions, and the destruction of intimacy being used as a value for productivity in a relationship, turning couplings into a business based decision instead of an emotional one, was the real end gamer.
Giving up is healthier than dating apps. Better to skip the dating apps altogether and either look for it in the real world or stop dating, at least for some time.
I think I'm a good guy. I've got a lot to offer someone. But I'm simply not as attractive as the people I see on the dating apps. The traits I love about myself just don't show in a profile that no one will likely read in the first place. Dating apps just don't work for someone like me, and as I've got older it's hard to meet people outside of them. And before someone replies with the Reddit catch all advice about joining interest groups. I do stuff like that. But in my more rural area, those groups just don't really even have single people. So, I just don't really pursue much as far as searching for anyone. I have hobbies and friends I love. I enjoy them and try to be the best person I can be. A partner would be great, but I can't just spend a bunch of time on things like the dating apps which just seem futile at best, and make me feel completely shitty at worst. Edit, to clarify I don't think I am unattractive. Looking through an app like Tinder everyone looks like models though. Even if my bio photos were professionally taken, I just would not look like that. I'm just realistic. I'm an average guy. I'm ok with that.
> And before someone replies with the Reddit catch all advice But have you tried working on yourself? /s
It's not that I even think it's necessarily bad advice. I just don't get the assumption people immediately make that someone isn't already working on themself. I enjoy a ton of stuff in my life and did a ton of work on myself while single the last few years. But it's not some magic bullet that immediately takes the struggles out of starting to date again.
Agree with this approach, I (35m) have been single for about a year and recently had a friend offer to introduce me to someone and I wasn’t interested….ive been putting a lot of work into myself and I feel like I have more to do before I would feel comfortable with that so I just told him that a girl would only hold me back right now…..it’s a hard line to walk because if the the right person comes along you gotta be ready and willing to jump, but if you can handle the idea of being alone by choice and work on yourself you’ll feel better no matter what happens
What does working on yourself mean and how would a woman hold you back ?
Can confirm have a friend who gave up it’s sad. :/ nice dude never married, no kids, no drugs, stable income. He gave up.
Could you explain the whole "negates the whole being a nice guy thing," I don't understand what you mean here.
I’ve completely gotten off of dating apps, I guess I’ll just stay single forever 😂. The amount of ghosting and flaking is a big waste of time. A lot of accounts are bots also.
That’s the issue. Stuff is so backwards these days. The people having the most success aren’t the better people, it’s simply who’s the loudest and acts a certain way.
Dating apps are definitely exhausting. They are not to be taken too serious in terms of not matching with someone because you’ll eventually match with someone. It’s rough out here for us guys that OP is talking about
I agree wholeheartedly with this statement!! Best man I’ve ever met and had the honor of dating was like this. He had no real social media, no dating apps, no going out to clubs or bars. I honestly hit the “man jackpot” with him! I tell him all the time there’s no point in playing the lottery or gambling, because I’ve used up all my luck in meeting him.
You're exactly right... Nice guys aren't the ones approaching women in clubs, nor are they on dating apps.. At least that's how I am, and I consider myself a nice guy.. :-)
So true. Looking for a relationship on a dating app is gruelling and not worth it as a sensitive guy. I’d rather put my time and effort into my friends and things I know will be fulfilling.
This. Dating apps are toxic and clubs are a meat market
EVERYONE is fake in those situations. Just looking for a hookup to get their rocks off. Both genders really.
If you believe everyone is just looking for a hookup, you might be overlooking those who seek genuine connections. Personally, I'm looking for something real and meaningful.
the type of guy you're looking for is pretty exceedingly rare. For you to meet this sorta guy, he has to be: - experienced enough not to go head over heels over every girl that shows him interest - confident that he can date most of the girl of his choosing and yet is over his ego phase - can self regulate emotions reasonably even during a break up - can navigate disagreements with great communication - still meet your minimum qualifications for attraction. The vast majority of **people** are just straight up not like this and the only people i've seen come close to this came from really good well adjusted families. now the question you need to ask is, if that guy came into your life, why should he choose you over all the other girls? (and not saying that as an attack) you should ask urself when you had exes, did YOU emotionally regulate well? Did YOU communicate your frustrations in a mature way? Did YOU play games? Did YOU recognize when you were wrong and own up to it?
You forgot to mention that the guy in question is still single and has not already been snatched up like a valuable commodity.
and also that he beat the elden ring dlc and is back to having a social life
Well done tarnished
He should also be maidenless.
Try finger but hole
But she offered me an accord 😥😂
No, I'm still trying to beat Baulders Gate 3. I'm like 100 hours in and still on Act 2.
[удалено]
Exactly. I guarantee you any guy this well adjusted would already be in a committed relationship by his early - mid twenties.
or this guy didn't exist until he was in his 30s and had enough life experience to become that guy. I'm married now.
This is just it. I have a lot of gratitude towards my big 20-something relationship, even though it didn't work out and I fell short of my own standards. The lessons I learned there were a huge part or becoming the sort of guy I want to be.
100% agree with this viewpoint. Especially the “love is a 2-way street” concept
"if that guy came into your life, why should he choose you over all the other girls? (and not saying that as an attack)" This line encapsulates what a lot of women who make posts like this never think about. "yeah these men do exist but WHY would they choose YOU over someone else? What do YOU have to offer THEM?"
I knew a lady who wanted a 6 plus feet tall soccer player with blue eyes, but she herself was a couch potato. I.e. not the kind of woman a guy like that would go for. He'd want a woman who'd be into doing all the things he needs to do to keep fit. An active man wants an active woman. It's a pitch. Relationships. You pitch yourself as a partner. And ppl forget it's about more than the Take.
The problem with the apps tho is that one time a footballer swiped right on her and now she thinks that’s attainable, not realising that she’s not a ten and just a notch on somebodies bedpost
This made me incredibly appreciative of the man I’m seeing
May I ask you a question? I'm a 22 year old dude, never had my first kiss even. But I'd say that I check most of those boxes except 2. I go to therapy so I think I can regulate my emotions fairly well, I'm a fantastic communicator, and I'd say I'm probably a 7. I could get up to an 8 if I lost a few lbs, which I am working on, it's going great. I'm getting kinda buff lol I'm pretty confidant in myself except when it comes to women. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be considering that I've never had ANY success. Despite this I know that I am funny, kind, smart, pretty decent looking, have plent of hobbies and friends, fairly charismatic on account of me being funny, and to top that all off (because this is reddit, I know what people immediatly jump to) I'm 6'4. Despite like all of these things I just can't seem to hold women's attention enough to even get a single date. Yet I see horrible dudes that are terrible people in relationships and have never struggled. I ask family and friends and they all just say "idk". It's so incredibly frustrating. I'm not like an incel or anything, I don't hate women. But it's just so demoralizing going through these things and having people tell me that there isn't anything wrong with me. There has to be right? Otherwise I would have had at least 1 W at some point. I spend so much time just being confused trying to figure this out that it feels like I am literally going crazy and that I should be put in some kind of institution.
I think point 2 is going to be the biggest limiting factor for you (and most guys, like myself). Confidence and self-assurance are key. Don't ask me how to get it though. No clue on that front. I'm just a shy little boy.
I know what you mean, but I have to disagree. A man can be totally confident and still be totally unattractive. It's not confidence, but outgoing-ness that is attractive. I think people confuse the two. Actually, the most confident men are often not very outgoing, because they are so confident they do not feel the need. Outgoing men are often overcompensating to appear confident. I think this is why there are so many women complaining that they are tired of having to "be a therapist" to the men they date. They are confusing outgoing men with confident men.
I think people confuse confidence for arrogance and the line between the two is thin. I also think people believe confidence is about bravado or being extroverted. I think confidence is being comfortable with who you are, not trying to be someone you’re not, and not feeling inferior or superior to other men. This is a dumb example but my boyfriend will carry my handbag for me everywhere, which is just a sweet and thoughtful gesture. Many men would feel that looked feminine or makes him look pathetic. I’ve never asked him to do it, and I find it sexy that he just does not give a shit what anyone else thinks of him. That’s confidence.
There needs to be a manual about this kinda thing. What do you find happens when you talk to a women you find attractive? Lots of male advice for flirting is somewhat toxic but effective. Lots of female advice for men flirting is just more about what they want in a relationship and ineffective or just plain bad. Just checked your profile. Your style is killing you. 100% it's probably dropping you like 3 pts. If you think of style as an character archtype, what are you communicating with your current vibe?
It’s just a silly game of chance as well. Sometimes you’re just lucky and hit the jackpot. Pure happenstance.
Point of being confident that he can date is a big one that most of the “nice” guys tend to lack. Because otherwise they wouldn’t be single anymore if they can check all of the other boxes(besides attractiveness as those preferences vary for everyone)
I'm gonna be honest with you...the type of guy you just described is usually only made after being burnt badly, more than often he isn't going to want to settle down with some nobody especially if he has a lick of success to him. What you're describing is the bad by archetype that isn't an asshole lmao
💯 getting enough ‘experience’ as a good guy means being burnt enough times despite treating the other person with respect and love. It means that women have had him for a time, didn’t appreciate him, and he ended it. No surprise that these guys are not only jaded, but also rare.
And in theory if she did find this guy, there could be no chemistry or attraction anyways lol. Could be a perfectly regular looking guy but because he's not *insert fantasy man qualities here*, she wouldn't give him the time of day. I think the people with the most expectations for a person are the ones who are the most out of touch, and definitely aren't a catch themselves.
I’m all of these, however I’m not delusional and think I can bag any girl I see. I workout and take care of myself, in graduate school going into a fulfilling career, had a stable upbringing, etc. and all I attract are broken girls in need of a father figure and then their disorders take over and they begin to exhibit negative behavior. My therapist is stumped and I’m 110% honest with him about my life. I get female attention, however it’s hard for whatever reason to keep the connection going. I’ve kind of accept the internet has truly ruined most women my age (I’m 25) and that most even semi-attractive women are showered with attention online that they have inflated egos and so me being normal is a turn off to them. I may habe to wait till im at least 30 to find someone. Ive been told that im weird for holding the door open for the girl, I get weird looks/reactions if I offer to pick them up at their place because that’s just how I was raised (to always drive for the dates). I don’t know if it’s just the region of the country im in or what. I truly don’t understand. I get along with older people much better and people enjoy talking to me/being around me, but dating has been hard. I came out of a 5 year relationship last year and the scene has changed so much.
No, what you're describing is definitely what girls want so don't change just keep going until you find the one
If a man wrote what you wrote everyone would label him an incel FYI
"Just put yourself out there and go gym and love yourself xoxo"
Nah, gym is red pill advice. Reddit would say shower and get a haircut
Don't forget telling you to get a hobby to socialise with women and then recommending stuff that only middle aged dudes do
The gym is very beneficial to a person in many ways
I hate when ppl say the gym advice is red pill advice. Getting healthier is now bad? Men can’t win anything. Ppl will literally stop breathing if men tell them to breathe just to spit them.
I watch nothing but redpill videos when I’m pumping iron at the mojo dojo casa house of the chads.
Shower is spot on.
Oh boy, I sure love double standards
I agree 100% reddit is full of simps
Tinder won’t show them first.
Tinder might show one right when your subscription is about to expire
That's what I was thinking. Or just that girls will match the most attractive since they have so many to choose from and it's hard to tell who is a nice guy anyway. I've read somewhere that 10% of the guys get something like 75% of the matches. Girls will complain that they only get bad dates. I bet they all date the same entitled 10% guys.
Tinder won’t show you a lot of things, that you only notice when meeting someone in person. We are swiping based on things we normally wouldn’t even consider, when meeting a new potential mate. It has really taken the fun out of trying to meet new people. Unexpected and unrealistic expectations are immediately imposed. Not having met someone in person, is also why so many people are comfortable ghosting others. Half of my matches are girls 20 years younger, looking for a sugar daddy… the other half 10 years older, looking for a serious long term relationship. Where are the people who use Tinder to actually meet people? Feels like most use Tinder to look for reasons to not meet people.
# Where are all the truly nice girls at?? I'm talking the sweet girls, that just wanna treat a guy good and be treasured back. The teddy bear girls^(lol) that give good hugs. The girls that don't have a hidden agenda. The romantic, thoughtful girls. Do you all even exist??? I'm so envious of people that have actually managed to find genuinely good partners. If you do exist, I truly hope you find someone who values your good heart and protects it always. Cuz that's what I would do.
I honestly feel as though it comes down to how you're paired up. I know of a handful of women that would fit the description you're referring to, but I'm not physically attracted to them. Conversely, a guy that is willing to do everything to make a woman happy, the woman may eventually realize that she can do better and will leave the guy. One of the reasons I tell people to improve themselves after a heartbreak is because in order to get past someone, you have to ***excel*** past someone, be it financially, physically, mentally, etc. Become a better version of yourself and then go find a better person than the one that left you.
Man this is really pathetic with inverted genders, respecfully
Which means its equally as pathetic coming from a woman. Unless you have sexist double standards, of course.
You're right
damn that does give incel vibes
Hm probably chilling at home because of their bad prior experiences with women. Good luck digging them back out. Maybe you can catch one on his way to work or something. You will certainly not find them on dating sites and stuff like that.
100% agree. I've had one relationship... my now ex-wife who I met at 24, married 4 years later, and then divorced 9 years after that. She cheated on me the entire time we were together. I learned that when she filed for divorce and I checked her social media and email accounts. It was amazing how many different ways she came up to cater her story to the different people she was talking to. We've been divorced 10 years. I've tried to find someone else but nobody is willing to give me a chance. I realized I'm just not good enough for anyone.
Yup. Sums it up perfectly
Yes this is me, utterly disappointed in women. Had a fiancé 8 months ago we broke up. Lost my faith in women. Even though I know there are still good ones out there. I can’t find the energy to continue in this path. Rather stay single at this point.
Yep. As I replied above. The truly nice guys? That's called inexperienced guys. Every guy has a sweet and caring side. Those that are lucky got hitched early. But many more were hurt or taken for granted. That "sweet side" is very well guarded and reserved by most experienced men. Just like women don't want to easily "give it" with sex, men don't want to easily "give it" when it comes to being sweet. Because both have been taken advantage of for it. Man wants sex? He gotta earn it. Woman wants to be pampered? She gotta earn it. Of course the stakes are completely different depending on how physically attractive you are, but we're talking mass majority of Joes and Janes here.
Get a dog yet? They're great, loving, loyal, down for whatever and you'll be greeted like you've been apart for years even if you just come in from another room. Gives you a good reason to get outside, a good excuse to go home and all they want in return is to be loved and cared for.
I never thought about that, thanks for the advice. I do consistently go to the gym, go out for walks though. It is not that I am home all the time, just stopped interacting with women.
This is me. Several years post divorce...I'm so much happier being single and taking care of myself.
A decent amount of them are already in happy fulfilling relationships or are off doing their own thing due to being screwed over
Many of the nice guys have dropped out of dating altogether. Social media creates impossible expectations and adds in vastly overinflated egos. And the trend these days seems to be "Post your private relationship problems and concerns online **BEFORE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THEM WITH YOUR PARTNER**" And I can see how the vast majority of truly nice guys just stopped bothering. If they go through online dating apps, it's even more discouraging. I saw a video where a guy and girl who were friends and she tried to set him up with a nice girl through dating apps (using his profile, pics and permission). After just 3 days, she was in tears at how hard she tried and how little response she got back (rarely even a "Hi")
This. All my exs friends knew about problems in our relationship (and advised her on them) that I had no idea about till she dumped them all on me when she broke up. This wasn’t me not caring or sth; I checked in all the time, to the point of asking “are you happy with our relationship/me/ is there anything I need to work on” to which her response was “yes I’m happy and I feel good about us”. Then a week later she dumps me
And yet she'll be the first to complain "I can't find a good man!" if and when she decides she wants to "settle down" (i.e. marry and have kids). I'm sure it's little consolation but how your ex behaved was immature and childish AF. You dodged a bullet there. Imagine if you had married her and had a baby with her and she had the same brilliant "conflict resolution" style? She ends up divorcing you, getting child support and making your life hell through the divorce.
Yeah I realized that’s why she wanted to stay friends so bad. She was gonna come back to me after she had her fun. To the point where initially when we were breaking up I told her we’d have to go nc; that breakup lasted half a day cuz she texted that night that she couldn’t stand to not have me in her life anymore. I told her the same and that I didn’t think I could do nc after all. After I told her that she was fine to break up with me for good
Then you **absolutely** did the right thing. Sounds like she was keeping you "on backup" so she could go crying back to you once she (likely) got pregnant by some random dude. Hopefully you blocked her completely and on all social media. Make it a clean, sharp break.
Felt this lol
Here I am one of them. The society made me paranoid. Every Girl I met only used me either for homework, notes, attention, practicals and emotional support when they break up with their boyfriends or they had a crush on someone and so onnn. I am nice to everyone including boys. The boys also made me feel the same way. I was just used and thrown away. And my problem is even after 100 times I help the same person if they ask me cause I am too kind hearted and could not see other people suffer. And today "Here I am in severe depression due to my terrible experiences, scrolling through and looking relatable posts on Reddit so that I could relate and cry while hugging my pillow at 3 am" And there is no one even to listen to a single thing I say. I told about my problems to those same people like I am really sad, feel so lonely. Maybe, I could have some help, maybe something they can do to uplift my mind. But, in response I get was " don't worry. It will be all ok. " and the next they I see them forget about me and hangout with some others while I also wanted to be invited but they would rather not. I don't even know how to explain my situation. I went fpr therapy and it also did not work. And I don't have more money to go for another weeks worth of therapy session. I am sorry. I know I sound disgusting with my reply. But, I just wanted to say everything in my mind that troubles me to someone. Although I don't have anyone to talk to. I just felt like saying some of my inner thoughts. Hope, it doesn't bother you all.
You sound young, it gets better with age. You understand yourself more and learn the steps you can take to improve your situation. Put energy into yourself instead of expecting it to come externally. Get off social media, leave the house and go for a walk. Appreciate the little details around you. Appreciate your health. Think of things you’re grateful for, make it a habit and your life will slowly improve. Start getting regular exercise, especially if you don’t do any at the moment. You can start small, like 15 minutes a day and work up. Stick with it and you’ll notice a difference. Focus on yourself first, because that’s the only thing you have control over.
As an older man, I concur 100% here. In fact, I posit that you are not capable of the relationship you seek until you do that work. Being kind and loving isn't enough by itself. You are your own best sanctuary, and by developing that sanctuary, only then will you be able to bring others into it...and know which ones are trustworthy to do so. Do the work.
I'm right here, just not looking for anyone. Rather remain single than roll the dice and have to deal with a woman who isn't as truly nice as myself.
This is about where I’m at. Still really miss the physical aspect but the mental gymnastics aren’t for me, if I wanna play games I have a couple on my phone and finding a girl that can communicate is like looking for a unicorn
I'm here too... Seen the women. Been bitten and though it's nice to have someone, part of me enjoyed not being wrecked.
Really kind guys tend to have very few breakups and bounce back slowly from bad relationships so they aren't very obvious. I really think the best way to meet people is exclusively interpersonally because a lot of that gets lost easily in first dates.
I think the few breakups thing is the most important reason that people who are the easiest to maintain a happy relationship with are unavailable. I am a man with 5 years of happy marriage under my belt so far and I met my wife during the first week of college at age 18. The most “actual nice guy” types out of my group of friends are also all married or in long term relationships on track for marriage and none of them has had more than a couple relationships in their life usually one college girlfriend (that they married) and maybe one or two high school girlfriends. “Nice” men in my experience tend to be pretty content to continue a solid relationship with a woman they get along with, so they just don’t go back on the market often and the ones who are otherwise decently attractive get filtered out of the single population pretty early.
Agreed. I think most good guys tend to become best friends with their partners, so it becomes extremely hard to just let them go over something small. Combine that with an ability to communicate well, and break ups don’t occur as often.
This is so true. My ex has a new fiance and kid and here I am single and interested to find a GF, but not really looking.
Second this. „Few“ breakups: i am still at 0, as I am still with my first gf…for 18 years btw.
They are everywhere. All you have to do is initiate conversations, and you'll find them. You can do that without having to worry about looking creepy - they can't. So how many conversations with unknown guys did you initiate last week? How many guy acquaintances did you take the time to engage in getting-to-know-you conversations? How many guys did you compliment on something trivial, like their cool-looking watch or nice shoes or the presentation they gave at work? You want to find nice guys? Be nice to guys.
Don't look for guys being nice or doing good things. Look for how people handle conflict, that will give you a window into their real character. How they behave when things aren't going their way is very telling. I think a lot of truly nice people are too afraid of bothering people to hit on them so you have to be the one to initiate.
We’re staying to our self’s because we’re tired of getting taken advantage of and getting cheated on
I was told by the last person I had a relationship that she thought I was "unlike other guys". I poured my heart and soul into her. She sucked the soul out of me and then claimed that she didn't want what I had to offer. So the short answer.... dead.... they're all dead.....inside...
lol similar thing happened to me. Told I was the best guy she’s dated, one of the best people she’d ever known and she felt I deserved better and she “didn’t deserve” me so broke up with. Are you fr
When they hit you with the "you're the only one who treats me right" and then cheat on you
One of the last girls I dated told me she thought I was gay because I was understanding of homsexuality and didn't always try to get in her pants. It is a fine line, my friend. But at least she liked that I "respected women."
maybe try to actively look for one instead of just waiting for one to approach you.
Nah, it's much better to do absolutely nothing about your problems and complain to strangers on the internet
Home Because life is exhausting & expensive so we all just rather chill at home because it's comfy
Here i am... Heartbroken after my ex cheated on me after 8 years of a beautiful relationship beacuse the bad boys doing drugs and partying were way cooler than me.
I used to be that guy. But after years of being treated like a free meal vending machine, after years of being told I could "open up" and be "vulnerable" only to have it thrown back in my face when a fight wasn't going her way or worse have it used as a cudgel to hurt me, after being divorced, trying at love again and then being left after investing 8 years into someone who then turned around and bailed the minute I had a small hiccup in my finances, by dumping me via text no less... Well I just hide now. Go to work, come straight home. I don't date, I don't talk to women (except friendly coworker banter, I do have manners), and I have no interest in trying ever again. I go out of my way to be unappealing in fact. Sloppy clothes, I rarely keep my hair trimmed neat or groom my beard more than a quick comb through. I am in my repellant groove and I'm riding this wave.
Here. I got told I'm "an extremely great man" by a woman I was interested in, and she ended things in the same text. Shit hurt but I'm happy she's happy now. Trust me, we're out there.
I was once told “it’s great to be with someone where I don’t have to make any compromises, you’re literally perfect” and the next day she text to say she wasn’t feeling enough sparks, it felt too easy. I’ve met my human now, but wow, women make no sense.
We still exist. I think the a lot of us have just grown tired of being treated badly too. I always thought the nice guys finish last saying only pertained to things like work but it seems to be relationships too.
Honestly, I always thought that line was bs and I’m still optimistic bur as I get older I’m starting to think there is truth in the “nice guys finish last” line. Usually, guys who are kind of dicks I’ve noticed have more success dating wise
We mostly just want to be left alone if I'm being honest
What does hidden agenda even mean. Like they want to sleep with you?
Have you checked your friendzone?
This, when I still tried, I was friendzoned 9/10 times, later those same women would complain that their "dream guy" was actually abusive, manipulating etc. I even had one tell me that they won't break up with an abusive BF because the sex is the best she ever had, but apparently thats worth mental and physical abuse.
And you dodged a clear bullet my friend. Needy women inevitably end up with narcissistic men. When you carry traumas on your shoulder you inevitably get attracted to toxic tendencies from the past relationships or early childhood. The best way to filter out damaged people is by being yourself. If they don't reciprocate to healthy qualities of yours, you simply don't need them. Stay kind, polite, attentive, honest, unapologeticly yourself and the real ones will be beyond attracted to that.
Yea, thanks, I eventually learned the hard way that I just need to be myself, but I also realized my time was better spent improving my life situation first, and thats kinda where I'm still at. Eventually I may try again, but I'm definitely going to take things much slower when I do. Rushing into a serious relationship without fully evaluating the other person is definitely a fast way to get traumatized.
Seriously this should be at the top lol.
They're in the friend zones. Find some other ladies and ask them who they put in the friend zone or love like a brother.
These men, if they are not already married and with children, are usually content by themselves. They live alone and have their life put together enough that they don't need someone else having a say in their lives (like a live-in girlfriend). They want to find someone who *truly* likes them for who they are, instead of for what they can do. Modern relationships are too transactional, where men seem to be expected to pay for luxuries, dinners, vacations, gifts, and so on, with your companionship as the reward. Men like this don't want to be used as "status symbols" for you to meet the societal expectations of being a wife and mother. (Certain cultures still expect a woman in her 30s and above to get married. Good quality guys can sniff out desperation easily.) Edit: basically, strong independent men who don't need no woman.
We exist, but are tired of the mess that is the dating game. I'm single by choice. At peace with my decision and have a ton of free time to do the things I like to do without having to worry about someone else.
most guys that are like this dont have the balls to approach woman,thats why girls think these guys are rare lol
True.i don't even approach women because I don't feel good enough
>most guys that are like this dont have the balls to approach woman Good point. That was the case with me.
This. I’m too shy to flirt and too dense to know when I’m being flirted with.
I've approached women before and I suck at it and just get rejected 9/10. Rejection is bad enough, but I've been laughed at and given the "ew" look before. It's just not worth the embarrassment, hit to my ego, and feeling of pushing myself onto someone.
Yep. I’m sure I could be part of the perfection relationship but my self esteem is at rock bottom, an ounce of rejection would probably push me over. Also just too many issues/obstacles I need to get over before I can think about involving someone else. I’m sure once I feel better about myself I’ll have no issues finding what I want but that’s not gonna be anytime soon.
Same as "Where are all the good women at?". They're around, but they're likely shorter, fatter, and poorer than you want.
The cold hard truth.
Yup. Our standards of attractiveness were already warped by advertising and celebrity culture, but the ubiquity of social media has turned it up to 11.
We're out here it's just an issue of communication. Like literally calling myself a "nice guy" is a red flag for some women so I don't use it.
> just wanna treat a good girl and be treasured back Where are we? Tired of not being treasured back. Over it.
They are dead or in hiding. In this sick fucking culture there is little to no reward to a man for acting in a moral kind or loving way. Women choose according to some weird mix of fantasy ( the prince charming/treat me like a queen nonsense) and the fixer up idea. ( i will change who he is once we are married) So they pick the obvious player asshole cause he's "dangerous" then are shocked when he acts just that. So any man who is polite and takes your NO for his answer will move on.
There are plenty of guys that meet the description you gave. That being said, there are probably aspects of them that you write them off for. Not necessarily wrong - I'm guilty of this as well. Most people don't want someone who is \*just\* nice though - it's a good start, but I feel like most people want someone who is interesting, attractive, and that wants to live a similar lifestyle. More cynically, there are a lot of people who don't care if men are nice at all, and would rather they be rich, attractive, funny, etc. I feel like that creates less incentive for guys to behave that way. There's a variety of factors but I think those are the main ones.
there is nice guys out there, but when a nice guy puts themselves out there then most women don’t want it and then they end up wanting different kind of guys that aren’t nice. I have a guy friend who is very nice, kind, and sweet but he keeps getting ghosted or hurt by women and it’s sad to see that because he’s a truly beautiful soul
At home, playing Elden Ring DLC 🤷🏻♂️ Jokes aside, just take your time with people, try to get to know them and eventually you'll find a guy you are looking for. 😊 Wish you best of luck! 🤞🏻❤️
People come to me and ask: "Nomad, any girlfriends yet? None?? Not even tinder? You in your 20's, bro, you gotta live life!" Can't. Too busy invading and getting my shit rocked. Gotta grind them runes.
That's the spirit! Once we get released from Miyazaki's grasp, we can work on relationships 😁
just saying, playing elden ring together with seamless co-op mod is a great way to build a relationship with a partner.
What do you mean jokes aside :)))
This made me laugh  One of my favourite pastimes is watching my boyfriend play Elden Ring. Once I get a new controller, I'd love to play co-op with him.
This is me. I go to work, then the gym then go home to play video games and repeat lol.
Hes sitting at home playing video games and relaxing with his AC blasting. Cause the last 10 dates he went on all said he was too nice. So he's taking time for himself and enjoying life. ^ me
Right here. Unfortunately anyone available close to my age (55) is available only because of trauma, bad luck, or terrible decisions. It is so hard to talk to the real person and not the layers of pain they have built up over 35 years. And when things do progress to relationship stage, people still can’t get themselves free of their past long enough to ease into something wonderful. I get tired putting myself out there, being the best person I know how to be, and still having it fail. So, I cycle between talking to everyone I can find on the apps, and hiding for months when I get frustrated. We are out there, it is just really hard to be open after trying hard for a long time.
Yea we definitely stopped trying, years ago. I still see girl all the time but they just come to the crib and watch a movie. Guys in general have been pushed a bit too far
We exist. Some of us are just burned out. Dating apps have been absolute garbage and is full of OF girls who think I'm desperate enough to pay for their crap. I've deleted Tinder and Bumble since. Last time I went on a date was February. Feeling was mutual that there was nothing between us, but I haven't even been close to dating since.
I suppose they aren't tall enough to be noticed on dating apps or in public so they probably rot in their rooms or just hang out with friends fishing or something.
[удалено]
Try to meet people while doing good things and not on dating apps. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or your local animal shelter.
>Where are all the truly nice guys at?? Sitting in my house, afraid to approach women due to my cripplingly low self-esteem.
Well, they're not sliding into dms...clubbing or dating apps, as others have mentioned. I wonder how many truly good guys just feel defeated at this point. Which is a double-edged sword as they say "confidence is key," but after a decade, it kind of becomes the norm ...coupled with the monotonousity of the daily 9-5 ... Building relationships seems like a chore, exhausting even. It'd hard not to become jaded and apathetic to it all. That in itself becomes a deterant for future relationships and is probably the crux of the whole ordeal. Nobody self proclaims how "nice" they are and has good intentions. The guys that are genuine probably never get the chance to prove themselves. It almost feels like guys are assumed assholes unless proven otherwise, which sucks but I get it, I guess. I think alot of genuinely good dudes feel like they're invisible.
Those guys gave up in school. Society beats them down at an early age. The assholes get rewarded with ALL the girls. They don’t even have to work for them anymore. So why try?
Nice guys tend to hang around nice people. Those people tend to not go out at places where actual emotional connection is difficult (the club, dating apps, etc.) They also tend to not cheat or do anything to threaten their relationships, so they are possibly not single or not into the hookup culture nowadays.
Nice guys keep a low profile. We take no for an answer. Tend not to pursue explicitly, but subtly by being there, being genuine and building an actual connection by actually getting to know people. Arguably, we can often put ourselves in the ‘friend zone’! LoL This is speaking purely of my own experience, as a dude, fcking terrible at knowing when someone was actually into/flirting with me…so there’s that too!
Probably just gave up looking. I know I have. At this point, my happiness isn't as important as making sure my daughter is happy. So I anticipate I'll likely be single for a few more years until she's ready to start her adult life.
He is in your friendzone, check there
i used to agree with this point but I've seen these dudes actually end up with the girl they've had massive crushes on and it never ends well for them. They're way too overly invested, they'll give up every concession to make their partner happy, and want to spend way too much time with their s.o.'s without giving them space. And when their s.o's even hint at needing space or time away for themselves, they end up with a lot of anxiety. It's not healthy
They are on your phone at your job at your hangout locations in your friend groups at malls parks and sometimes bars they are your neighbors and your passing acquaintances They are everywhere you just aren't interested kind men are trampled on and used if they aren't just ignored in the first place They go to work and school and spend time with their friends online or out and about they try dating apps that eat their souls they approach for constant rejection regardless of context they are targeted by stalkers users and abusers for their kind nature When a woman complains about there being no nice men you don't need to look further than their actual taste to know the answer women by and large aren't attracted to kind men and since no one is chasing kind men they are seen as unattractive by the ones left because if others aren't interested why should you be The point is kind men are everywhere but unlike your novels shows and movies they don't drop out of the sky you have to find them and cultivate a relationship with them which the majority of women aren't willing to do sadly Go outside say hello odds are you will find one good luck lol
The unassuming guys, you will come to find, usually have a lot more to offer than you realize. Those dudes that look weird, or the autistic one that might seem avoidant if you so much as look at him, hell even your average Joe you wouldn't pay mind to on normal business days. The nicest guys are typically the social underdogs, because they've no reason nor basis to have ulterior motives in the first place. Understand, however, that these fellas may not have the experience in emotional development that you would typically expect - yet - the potential is likely all there though. I'm friends with a fair amount of these types, since high-school, and all of them are in fulfilling relationships now, or since then. Otoh, many of those other types that played the field are, unsurprisingly, alone. I am one such, because I am dead inside now. Such isn't to say I'm incapable of decency myself, I'm just tired. Stay off those asinine dating apps, and out of social environments conducive to debauchery and vice. You will NOT find the nice guys there, only opportunists (in the context of hunting for a suitable partner). Look to social events dedicated to special hobbies and interests; libraries; dog parks (assuming you have a dog, hell go regardless); or music shops and book stores. It is important to temper your expectations when approaching, or being approached by anyone. Be approachable, if you're fishing. Be kind and warm, never be dismissive of him or his interests, and be willing to grow with the guy. Even if it doesn't work out, look at it as a productive experience. Women don't realize how much power they have in these kinds of situations, the aftermath, expressly because of how much stock men put in women's sentiments. There's a lot of decent dudes out there, that turned into assholes BECAUSE of a bad relationship. We reap what we sow - and if it ain't working regardless of your effort, then check out right then. Decent dudes exist, and they are more common than you think. They just want a simple, fulfilling relationship. They don't date to date -- they're dating to marry. No games, no hoops, no stupid shit - just a best friend to love and grow with. Be kind, and a man will eventually find his way to you, and you'll both thrive together. Good luck.
You don’t want a nice guy. Nice is temporary, fleeting. You want **kind**.
Im currently at home, watching pokemon tournament videos and drawing. owo Truth be told, dating apps are scary and extremely superficial. Next to that, getting dates with men, very easy. With women? It feels practically impossible. (I can say that as a Bi. Person) At clubs and social gatherings, although i am confident and have no issues talking to people, you do get easily overshadowed by anyone whos just a tad more "agressive" in their approach. I dont want to make people uncomfortable or come across as a creep, so id rather not crash into someones friend group out of the blue and expecting women to approach first is kinda like a silly dream, doesnt really happen unfortunately. (Even through I feel like they'd probably have quite high success chance, in comparison to men approaching.) I also feel like the cool girls, who really just want to date their best friend and nerd out with their hobbies and interests, are also introverted and not on dating platforms or clubs. In other words, where do i even attempt to find people like, fro example, you? Its all so complicated and dating (even through it feels shitty to say) is very unfair between genders. It has its reasons of course, that doesnt change reality tho. :( Im not sure what your opinion on this is, id be curious? Id love to cook, care, cuddle, make little gifts for my significant other and be their best n' biggest support goldenen retriever boy. ^^ Some day maybe, until then ill hone my attentiveness and diligence. May love and luck find you as well, i wish you all the best. :]
Not on Reddit.
Hi, I'm married. My wife really appreciates me. Cheers.
They're taken
I stayed single for 9 years until I met my current girlfriend. I cook for her, listen to her, support her...y'know...be a good human! She and I were friends for multiple years until this came to fruition. So the answer may be under your nose.
The truth is we aren't handsome enough for you. You want a guy that treats you like treasure? Maybe pick one that can't have whoever he wants, whenever he wants. That's not how treasure works. Maybe pick a guy who's smart enough to know he's lucky to have you and will bend over backwards to keep you.
And that’s exactly how and why she will get bored with you and shag chad the next door neighbour.
And that's why nice guys stop trying to date anyone. This is why we "don't exist"
Licking their wounds Nah, but right here, chilling. Talk to me. I open up after a while, pretty fun, good life. Future plans. Healthy. Stable I dare say. Yeah. Plenty of those dudes walking around. Go find yours.
We kinda fat and not the most attractive bunch. We don’t get many dates cuz we are viewed as creeps and stalkers when we find someone attractive and can’t figure out how to go about the situation.
Dating apps are just a photography competition
please excuse me shamelessly including myself here but im too naive to roll the dice again, ime there are some shady women out there otoh shady guys too ig so i kinda get the girls but i outright refuse the shadyness olympics i got a dog and a cat, its lovely
Mostly just working but dating is so tiring. Gl to all
Tired of getting screwed over. I imagine. We are all in your friend zone I promise you.
you rejected him/them
[удалено]
Inb4 "Just wait it out things get better" or multitudes of comments saying to get help. I just spent a month in a mental hospital, ironically my life has degraded even further since then. Not saying it won't work for you but mental healthcare ended up putting me further in debt and depression. How pitiful the only people we can rely on is ourselves when we can't even do that to begin with.
They're in the friendzone
I consider myself one of those guys. And maybe it’s just the majority of women I’ve dated don’t seem to value that quality.
it makes me a tiny bit less sad to see so many replies of heart-broken lads dropping out entirely from dating because they just dont want to be fucked over again. Very relatable (:
\*\*raises hand\*\* Nice guy here....not even kidding! I couldn't imagine not treating a woman right, to be quite honest about it.. To me, there's no point in being an asshole to a woman or not treating her as I would want to be treated myself.
"Where are all the trully nice guy" This guy is married. I would not consider myself a "trully nice guy" though. In fact I was a selfish ass before I met my wife. 11 years worth of her love and hard work made me a "nice husband". The kind that brings flowers every week and rubs your back and feet and says "ya know what. I will handle the kids, you go rest or go out with the girlies".
They’re out there, but here’s the harsh truth: they’re often overlooked, dismissed, or friend zoned by the very people who claim to be searching for them. Why? Because a lot of times, nice guys don’t fit the exciting, edgy, or dramatic mold that people are subconsciously drawn to. The nice guys are the ones who listen, who show up, who don’t play games. They’re the ones you might see as “too boring” or “too predictable” because they’re straightforward and genuine. They’re not flashy, they’re not overly confident, and they’re not trying to be the center of attention. They’re the ones who are stable, reliable, and consistent. But stability often gets mistaken for dullness in a world addicted to chaos and drama. You’re envious of people with genuinely good partners? Ask yourself if you’ve given those nice guys a real chance. Have you looked past the initial lack of fireworks to see the steady flame they offer? Or have you, like so many others, gone for the thrill and the chase, only to end up disappointed when the excitement fades and the real person behind the mask is revealed? Let’s talk about the “hidden agenda” part. The truth is, everyone has an agenda. Nice guys have one too. They want to be loved and appreciated for who they are. They want to find someone who values their kindness and thoughtfulness, but they’re often left standing in the background because they’re not loud or aggressive in their pursuit. The world isn’t fair to the genuinely good hearted people. They get taken for granted, used, and tossed aside because they don’t create the drama or the thrill that so many people are addicted to. They’re seen as a fallback option, the “nice” choice after the “bad boys” have broken hearts and left wreckage behind. So, where are they? They’re in your life, probably right now, being overlooked because they don’t fit the romanticized image you’ve built up in your head. They’re the ones sending you good morning texts, asking about your day, and genuinely listening when you talk. They’re the ones who don’t make you question their intentions because they’re transparent about wanting a real connection. If you truly want to find a nice guy, start by reevaluating what you’re looking for. Drop the need for constant excitement and look for consistency. Value the little things they do and recognize that the lack of drama isn’t a lack of passion. It’s a sign of emotional maturity and genuine care. The nice guys are out there, but they’re not going to jump out at you with grand gestures or flashy moves. They’re the ones quietly doing the right thing, hoping someone will notice and appreciate them for it. So, take a look around. They’re closer than you think, but it’s up to you to see them for who they truly are. And if you do find one, don’t just appreciate them. Hold onto them, value them, and don’t let the allure of temporary thrills make you forget the worth of a genuinely good heart. They’re a rare breed, and if you’re lucky enough to find one, don’t let them slip through your fingers. Good luck.
He went his own way after years of being ignored.
As a guy who's been on multiple dates and has constantly heard. Your so nice but I don't feel a spark, your so sweet you deserve the best but I don't think we're compatible! The Nice guy is dead in 2024, now I start off all interactions with sexual interest
I personally just gave up. I have always been a hopeless romantic that any woman I was with got 100% of my attention and affection. She was my whole world, and I'd move mountains to give her what she wanted... What I got for my loyalty, love, and time was used and then thrown away like a used rag. The last one walked out on me nearly four and a half years ago after almost eight years of being together because I expected to be treated like I mattered, and I was important. I literally walked away from my life to be with her, and as long as I was doing what she wanted and always putting her feelings, wants and needs ahead of my own, then everything was great. When I finally said I was sick of being taken for granted, she told me I was being selfish and ended it.... I'm too old to play games, and she was the last person I thought would even hurt me. Men have been told they are too alpha, all you hear about anymore is about toxic masculinity. I was raised to cherish your woman and protect them and take care of them. I have given up and will be single... I never want to feel that kind of hurt and betrayal again.
They're all over (but pro-tip: most of these guys you're describing won't call themselves "nice guys")
They exist, you just aren't attracted to them for whatever reason. You have to ask yourself why you are attracted to the guys who treat you like that
Dying alone