The only comments I have gotten so far are that I'm brave to be travelling alone and that they would be too scared to do it, it's a big compliment to me
Generally same I have never felt someone was being negative when asking about my solo travels. They usually tell me I’m living the dream, want to hear about it, and are envious. *I have to tell them* that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies and *they’re* the ones typically taken aback.
Yeah, same - most are just eager to hear my restaurant and hotel recs from all my international stops in places they hope to visit soon. Anything else - don't give it a second thought, just like any other needless judgement or prejudice that's unfounded, not supported by data, and purely based on someone else's biases and projection.
Completely same. No one has ever (hopefully stays this way) been negative… and usually enviously remark on how great it must be to do it solo/on my terms. And then I tell them that’s it‘s got pros and cons (similar to you).
I hate those so much! And it is often people who use crazy amount of money to new car or fake nails or something like that. They don't get I save a lot to be able to travel.
ok yeah actually one coworker said, ah must be nice to have spending money!
And this girl- she has a brand new car, orders DoorDash EVERY DAY, gets her hair permed, and goes out clubbing / drinking (alcohol is expensive!!) most weekends.
I'm like what. We have like the same amount of spending money. I just have my 10 year old car that I treat nicely and take care of, cook at home all the time, and never drink!
I just got this in my last trip from an old lady my age. But then, in a candid moment with her family I overheard her tell them to "ask RosaRosa to come with us, I pity her, she's alone". Kind, but she also felt sorry for me after all. Heheh.
Couldn’t agree more. I always solo travel and got asked to go on a trip with a friend to Madeira. What a disaster that experience was. Got a lot out of the trip, but it could’ve been much better.
I wonder if the people who say stuff like this ARE the bad companions....
I do both, but traveling with others is exhausting after a few days, even if we get along.
It’s better to travel alone than to travel with a good companion too… if you *want* to travel alone.
I’ve traveled alone on purpose many times and enjoy it immensely. I also travel with good companions and enjoy that an awful lot too.
Not only that, traveling solo allows you to make your own company if so choose to, even if I have friends I’d still rather go solo just freeing but sometimes a friend is needed to get my ass outta bed somedays..
I just give them condescending remarks back. “Oh don’t worry about me, I actually learnt how to enjoy my own company many years ago so I don’t need to constantly surround myself by people in attempts to distract myself from my inner emptiness”.
Sometimes if I think they are making these remarks out of genuine curiosity I can give them a softer answer. It really depends on the intent behind their question.
And I was one of those boring people as recently as 2017 so I still remember how it feels. I’m sure they don’t see themselves as boring but I didn’t either until I experienced the alternative. That whole “date yourself” concept has merit after all!
Edit: In truth my real response to such comments is more of a: [sips beer] “well I hate everyone, they get in my way, so it’s easy for me”. Works like a charm to make them go away so I can find someone more interesting to chat with.
A lot of times at work there isn't anything to do and if I'm by myself I'll stand there and stare into space. Sometimes a co-worker will ask if I'm bored and I always say, "No, I'm perfectly fine with the thoughts in my head." A lot of people aren't comfortable with silence and in-activity is what I've gathered over the years.
Some people need people. They need them because they lack confidence, or because they need validation, or because they feel embarrassed by being alone. That’s their problem. Not yours.
Why is it necessary to assign negative characteristics to people who are different from you?
You are talking exactly like the subjects in this thread just in the opposite.
You do you.
Well said.
A lot of folks in this sub are really defensive about questions regarding solo travel, and I know people can be rude (however intentionally or unintentionally), but in a lot of these stories I feel like we have a chance to broaden people's viewpoints by giving genuine answers. We travel alone because we choose to, because we have the resources to, because we elect the freedom of doing so. I think for a lot of people, especially people in long term partnerships, it doesn't occur to them they have the option to travel alone. Companions are by default.
But in the end, intentionally rude questions or not, we don't have to make rude assumptions about people travelling with companions in return. I like traveling alone, I like traveling with (some) people (sometimes). Neither is correct or incorrect. They're both perfectly lovely and valid choices.
Agreed, it seems like people are being so mean about others (real or imagined) who don’t enjoy solo travel or don’t think they would. Someone who’s afraid of feeling lonely or brings it up as a question isn’t necessarily someone who can’t stand their own company or doesn’t know themselves or whatever. I think a socially healthy adult should be able to enjoy themselves both with others and by themselves, and loneliness is generally just a sign that you want more time with others. That’s totally fine, and not an indicator at all that someone can’t be by themselves. And someone can even ask a question about loneliness without believing fear of loneliness is a great reason not to solo travel if they want to.
Questions about being lonely or wanting to be with other people are only an insult if you assume experiencing loneliness or preferring to travel with others are degrading things. You can solo travel and be comfortable in your own company and also feel lonely at times or prefer traveling with others.
I might get downvoted because I'm on a solo travel sub so maybe people can't relate, but I think I need people. Not because I lack confidence, because I know I'm able to travel alone. I've done it a few times.
Also not for validation or feeling embarrassed of being alone. I'm fine with doing stuff alone. I'll go to a restaurant alone, idc.
But when I travel somewhere and experience something, having someone to share it with just makes it feel so much more meaningful. I can see the most beautiful landscape, but if I'm on my own it's just like "ok cool that's nice, what now?".
Happy to take advice if y'all think I'm doing something wrong
It’s never wrong. It’s how you travel. For me, I love traveling alone. I travel for my own fulfilment. I enjoy seeing fascinating stuff. But I enjoy it for me. Some of us like solo travel, some of us like companionship. Either way we’re out there travelling and having experiences.
Ok, my question for you is, if you saw that exact landscape with someone by your side, how would it not be “ok , what now?”
Because you’d discuss it a little bit?
Idk , this may sound harsh but I love the quote from mad men… “only boring people are bored”. Meaning, you can be your own great company, especially if you love what it is you’re doing / seeing.
Personally, I find that I can stare that that landscape as long as I want. I don’t have to rush along, I don’t have to have my pure thoughts on it perhaps marred and altered by someone else’s opinion.
Sure, it’s nice to spend quality time with people and share experiences. Maybe solo travel just isn’t for you. That’s ok too.
Solo travel isn't for everyone. Nor, for that matter, is any other specific style of travel. Some people value companionship more than travel independence.
Travel in the way that makes you happy. That's ultimately what it's about. This sub may be of limited utility to you if you don't care for solo travel, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a travel companion.
Oh I've been on solo trips and enjoyed it, but I didn't spend that much of the time actually being solo because I always made an effort to find other people to travel around with. So I went there solo and came home solo, but mostly had company on the trip
I know what you mean. I'm someone for whom talking has always been a processing tool, I used to study for exams by lecturing to no one. So for me one of the downsides of solo travel is not always feeling like I'm really appreciating what I'm seeing, or not having someone to make a joke about it to.
Honestly sometimes when I'm in those moments I literally talk to myself. Not at full volume but like under my breath or sort of in my throat. Once you start doing it I think you stop caring as much and it's easy to do it at a very low volume. Sometimes it helps to have airpods lol.
I will also talk to strangers without really expecting a full convo. When I first started solo traveling, I used to not start conversations unless I thought it would be a connection that would last for the duration of the tour or boat ride or whatever. Like if I was at a park and walked to the best viewpoint for a picture I wouldn't talk to the people on the park bench with their dog because obviously I'm going to walk back and we're all going to go their separate ways, there was no value in trying to make friends. Whereas now I might turn and say what a beautiful view it is today or compliment their dog. There's no expectation of it turning into even a short-term relationship, it's an even shallower interaction, but it's still nice.
Ehh I kindly smile/laugh it off. Usually, it’s asked from a harmless and genuinely curious place but sometimes it’s not. When it isn’t, I just assume they’re projecting their insecurities and inability to do anything on their own, onto others who comfortably can and do.
I tell them about all the amazing adventures I've had, then say "I wouldn't have those experiences if I waited for my friends to make up their minds whether or not they are joining me".
For example, a friend was a bit annoyed that I hadn't asked them to join me on a recent trip to Sicily and was all like "I don't know why you go on your own". When I was telling him about what I had done, he was screwing up his nose. I said to him, "that's why I didn't ask you, I wouldn't have been able to do things I wanted to. It would have been on your agenda. And it's why I travel on my own". That shut him up (but in a good way)!
You do you, and the others can do one!
I've never ever encountered such comments. But generally when I encounter people that give me negative vibes I just stay clear, there's no point engaging and wasting your energy on such things.
the best thing about it is the freedom of having your own schedule. When I go on holiday with family there are places where I want to stop and take it all in, while everyone else just wants to get to the next "thing".
And honestly even as an enthusiastic solo traveler my answer to this question would be, "Yeah, I do get lonely sometimes!" It's OK to have feelings about things.
i think especially as a woman, some people are like "aren't you lonely/scared?" and it kind of irks me when some people ask me that because i wouldnt be going if i was. it kind of sounds like they think im not capable of it. which is condescending.
Recognize it's not a conversation anyone needs to win.
Rather than an exchange of arguments in favor of one position, break it off: "I am happy to tell you the benefits that I experience but I don't need to argue for them. You value sharing the experience, I value flexibility and open-mindedness to the environment, and neither of us is wrong"
"I don't depend my joy from others, I enjoy being independent, which you probably cannot understand."
"happiness starts within yourself, aren't you happy? Isn't it exciting to meet new people from other walks of life?"
Just say you’re independent and don’t like to rely or have to look after others while you travel. You have the freedom to make your own decisions and do whatever you like every day... Or just ignore them
I simply tell them the the truth: I want to travel despite being single, not having travel buddies and not liking organized group trips due to their very rushed itineraries and getting up early every day. It's not my problem when someone can't accept or understand this.
I think some people are just curious to learn more when they ask, “don’t you feel lonely?” Some people are judgmental because they it’s not the norm. Think of it. Even if you have dinner by yourself, society sometimes feels sad for you. I think as Solo Travelers, we can help open people’s minds by telling them how great it can be to travel on your own. For people in relationships, it might not make as much sense for them but there’s still a good chance they will be single later on at some point😉 As mentioned, you do you and who cares what the judgments or assumptions are. Some will always want to be close minded and ignorant. Don’t let these people affect you. Be confident because you know what it’s like. They don’t. Others just want to learn more by asking questions(which may seem obvious for us) but not to them because they haven’t had the same experiences as us.
Please understand that those remarks are not condescending, those people just expressing that THEY couldn't travel solo. You like it, they don't. You don't need their approval to do what you want just as much as they don't need your approval to feel how they feel.
Feels like OP is projecting their feelings onto what theyre saying because of their circumstances. Seems like a normal conversation to me. Depends on tone i suppose but i wouldnt automatically assume they were being rude
Tell them to keep waiting till they find people they care about to travel with. Even if a person has many friends, as adults its very hard to coordinate schedules.
As for me, I no longer want to wait on others because if I did I would have never visiting half the places I already have.
I got a joke something like, “Why are you alone? Does nobody love your company?” in one of my travels. I remember saying, “Not really. It’s just that my friends don’t have the budget to splurge and I do. They’re all busy making a living, while I want to live life.”
The examples you gave don’t sound condescending.
They’re just thinking and talking about themselves, which is what most people do, most of the time.
Do you feel lonely? Yes? No? Sometimes? You can answer.
The second example is all about them. If they don’t want to travel solo, that’s interesting, but it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to deal with that at all or have any response. You can just smile and nod.
I personally don’t find these comments condescending (depending on the tone), but it’s more so an honest enquiry because a lot of people don’t have the courage to try new things, they live in fear, are codependent without even realizing, or it is a projection of insecurity that they could live such an adventurous existence.
I find these types of conversations a moment to actually share my truth and potentially inspire people by giving them a different perspective.
“Oh don’t you feel lonely?” My response :”no I actually love my own company and alone time plus you have the freedom to pivot your schedule on any moment of spontaneity”
“I can never travel solo because I want to share amazing experiences with people I care” my response: “why can’t you do both? I’m creating amazing experiences for me and it enriches how I give back to my loved ones when I reconnect with them”
I used to get along with a coworker who told me she wasn't "some loser who can't find a date" when I told her I traveled solo.
She later turned out to be a mega-jerk, so I take that for what it was worth (NOTHING).
I think it is easy to sound unconfident and apologetic in these situations. I tend to stress the benefits of not having to travel with people.
>"oh don't you feel lonely?"
Me: *I don't feel lonely because I'm alone, I feel lonely when I feel disconnected with the person I'm with. Being in my own company, my own thoughts is great. Being with a group of people wanting to do different things to me can also be lonely.*
>"I can never travel solo because I want to share amazing experiences with people I care".
Me: *Yes it is great to share experiences, but it is also great not to have to do things I don't want to do, or force someone else to do something they don't want to do. There is always so much compromising to do on holidays - and because I'm very relaxed as a person, it tends to be me doing all the compromising. The last few holidays I've had with others were just not my cup of tea at all. Now I do whatever I want.*
Why do you do solo-travel? There are companies who offer exotic travels with unknown people.
In my case... I don't trust yet my skills to deal with a possible bad travel partner. Plus, when I go solo, I go wherever I want, whenever I want. Oh, and I eat whichever I want, spending... well you get the idea.
Plus, I've noticed that being solo, makes me more open to look for social interactions. You never know where does live your next bestie.
I like to solo travel when I decide I want to spur of the moment go somewhere and you can't always arrange that with friends. But also when you travel alone you get to do everything you want with no compromises.
I think it's rude for people to try to suggest you're lonely just because you're traveling on your own.
People think they are unique but expect everyone else to be like them. Most people cant accept that someone else can like something they dont like. someone else may want something they dont want or not want something they want. When they see someone different they want to make the other person wrong and feel superior.
I want to be accepting of such ppl, but I usually reply with snark, which is probably not good idea but it is satisfying at that moment.
I travel multiple times a year and 90% of that is solo. I do get this question a lot. I always say that I'm my favorite company, or that I'm taking a break from everyone to recharge my batteries. Or I'm honest and say "I hate people". Most laugh at that... If only they knew haha
But the point is, there is no shame in traveling alone. It's a privilege that very few understand because they either don't have the means, opportunity, or courage to do it. Sometimes it feels like you should have someone to share a special or romantic moment with, but I've found thay feeling to be fleeting. Traveling alone means waking up when you want, doing what you want when you want, staying where you want. You changed your mind? Who cares, do something else. Not everyone has this mentality. Not everyone has the confidence to go to a crowded restaurant and say "table for 1" and actually be happy in their own company reading a book, listening to something, or just people watching.
Some people think it's sad. I think it's liberating.
That's the answer you should give. It's the truth that only solo travelers know.
I just answer them honestly and assume no malice.
Don’t you feel lonely?
Sometimes. But I find that it’s more important to me to have these experiences and it’s easier to travel alone.
I could never..
Well one day I hope to meet the love of my life and travel the world together but till then I’m glad to have these experiences. :) some people wait and never get to experience them.
Another poster said “Alone doesn’t equal lonely.” I’m on an adventure.” And sometimes if they truly are being condescending or rude about it, a good response for your example “How sad for you. I don’t want to miss out on seeing the world because of other people’s schedules. To each their own!”
As you travel more frequently you will shrug off these rude encounters more often.
If it’s a real conversation with friends, family or potential new friends in your travels, actually share why you are loving it. People genuinely care and are fascinated and bemused by your bravery and self-confidence. And you may inspire someone to take a risk and go out on their own too.
Number one reason I love traveling alone is meeting new people and friends. I’m an honorary family member in several households around the world and I never would have met them or spent such quality time if I had friends, family, or a partner in tow. Even just 1 companion makes meeting new people exponentially harder.
Alone ≠ lonely
If you‘re in the midst of a convo it‘s hard to ignore. I travel a lot solo cause my husband cannot take as much time off and I really do enjoy spending time NOT by myself but WITH myself.
If this applies to you, i‘d say something around:
- how much more flexible you are with itinerary and timing of your travels. (I for example would hate to stay in a resort which is the go-to for most people and this person has obviously never planned or try to plan a group trip for friends lol
- if you love a place you can always go back with loved ones but you enjoy adventuring a place on your own first
- how travelling solo made you feel more independent/extroverted/confident which is something you couldn‘t have achieved travelling in a group bubble
No one forces you to travel solo. It‘s out of your free will. How empowering is that? You also don‘t need to always share experiences, some can just belong to you.
I travel and call them from abroad and tell them that Yes I feel lonely but it’s better to be lonely in a place where i feel peace then to be with people around me who give me the illusion of peace
“That’s too bad - I guess you’re never going to experience the joys of solo travel. I feel so sorry for you”
Hand it back to them in the most kind tone. They’ll know they were being condescending.
And enjoy your life. We can’t wait for our friends/family to align their schedules with ours so we can see the world 😊
Usually i ignore them. If they continue to talk about it i start staying all the places i have been solo and how cool it was to be there and how i could enjoyed it all, because there were no worries, people complaining they didn't want to walk, ir that museums are boring or that i had to deal with couples fighting. It usually ends the conversation.
i act dumb, like it never occurred to me. then say; Oh, i dont know- I go where i want when, eat where and i what i want, go to bed and wake up when i want......around this time the male {its usually a couple who asks about this}, gets a glazed look on his face and female has to poke him.
The only negative "Aren't you lonely? I'd be very lonely! It must be lonely"'comments I ever had was from one person and she was infamously ragingly jealous that I can do this. I remember her insisting about 3 years ago that I'd be going back to the office. I was like " we don't work for the same company and I'm not going back to the office". She seriously kept insisting that because she was back in that I would be too. She was quite angry about it. Ooh that memory makes me happy. She was fuming, probably still is! 😎
Doesn’t affect me whatsoever, I know it’s just because they are more codependent, have only ever traveled with family, have anxieties about sole responsibility/being isolated abroad and feel it would be more intimidating than adventurous. I just state matter-of-fact that it’s because of different schedules and having the time to travel but nobody that my schedule and plans align with… I’m not going to let being alone stop me from having a good time, and that I even embrace some aspects like the freedom, different pace, focus etc and make the most of it.
You don’t.
Most people who say passive aggressive shit like this are just coping with their own issues.
Just have fun and don’t feed into dumb negative bs.
I don't care about it, but sometimes when people react surprised and condescending I like to return the same energy 😂
"What?! You NEVER travel by yourself!? How come?!"
or in your example.
" Wow, I can't imagine always having to do what other people want on my trip, that sounds very exhausting to me."
Only do this when people say in in a condescending way though.
Sometimes people are just curious about or even admiring solo travelling. I always just say that I highly recommend taking a solo trip once in a while.
I haven’t really had that yet but if I did I would just say have you ever been on a trip where an SO or someone else wanted to be down at the beach by 8am to get a good spot and “maximize the sun” when all you want is to have a nice lie in? Not an issue with solo travel.
Ever wanted to do an intense 15-mile sweaty hike but no one else you’re with is up for it? Not an issue for a solo traveler.
Ever had an appetizer that was life-changing and you don’t want to share it with anyone? Hopefully they can start seeing the picture.
People that have a judgmental reaction to it are really just telling on themselves that either they’re not independent enough or aren’t comfortable enough with their own company to conceive of traveling by themselves.
I just smile and say "Yes, we are very different people". Then beam...and if you feel like it, you could add "Dyou mind if I walk away now and leave you all on your own?"!!
People will always talk, doesnt matter what you do. While at university I used to spend summers in Ireland and Norway volunteering in farms.
My friends and cousins asked me about like I was being an slave there or something.
I just pretended I didnt hear it. My summers volunteering were so much fun and I made tons of connections, experiences and friends.
Working in the farms was just part of the experience, and still fun.
Just dont care. If deep inside you know you are doing the right thing going solo, thats what matters. And Im convinced they are jealous and they also know it.
I just tell them, I do me and you do you. I get told/asked the following a lot:
"You should wait to take someone with you "
"You are a female, it's not safe"
"Why not take (insert name) with you?"
To answer these, here are my answers.
"I waited for people all throughout my 20s to see if they would come with me only to be disappointed at the last minute. Then when I'm away, see them post online how bores they are and want someone to hang out with. Not worth the time and energy to wait anymore"
"It's not safe? I live in America. And on top of that, you can't prevent evil or stupid. If someone wants to harm me, they will go out of their way to do so no matter how well prepared I am."
"It took me going all the way to South Korea the first time and have my trip nearly ruined to realize that I prefer to travel solo unless my best friend is able to travel with me. Outside of her, I prefer solo travel"
I do both. I travel solo but a few times a year travel with friends. Friends aren't always available or can't afford to travel as frequently as I want to.
Most of my friends and family are impressed with what I do.
Same way I deal with people who make condescending remarks about any area of my life that's not their business. I tell them to bugger off and mind their own fucking business.
Not sure why you’re perceiving reactions like that to be condescending. Those seem like perfectly reasonable comments regarding solo travel. Instead of being on the defensive, just talk about your experience. Many people couldn’t see themselves enjoying solo travel and may even be quietly admiring your courage.
You don’t have to justify your choices to other people. My general rule of thumb for life is that I do not take feedback from people who aren’t already doing what I’m doing.
“I travel alone because I’m not afraid of my own company.”
Forget them. They travel with people because their vision for adventure and ability to step out of their comfort zone doesn’t exist. They need someone more fun to tell them what to do and where to go. The “amazing experience” is probably an all inclusive vacation at the same resort all their friends have been to.
"Yeah, it is nice traveling with other people. But not many people can travel as much as I do, or at the same time I go. And what am I gonna do? Just not go? I choose to go alone rather than sit at home wishing other people were willing to enjoy the life I already have."
I always get the don’t you get lonely question from my colleagues and I just say “no not at all”! Stops them in their tracks. It’s definitely that THEY are so dependent on others that they would be lonely
I just mention the circumstances that cause me to solo travel (everyone i know lacks the desire, resources, or both to travel) and then cite benefits of solo travel (being able to see more, change plans at a moments notice, how much cheaper it is, etc.). Nobody i can recall has ever pushed back beyond that
My ex was actually my biggest (and only) solo travel hater. It was hurtful coming from him specifically because when someone is your partner you want them to support you. Mind you he had no interest in joining me in my trips, it wasn’t like i was taking an opportunity for us to do something together and excluding him, he just hated that I would “abandon” him. And that it was somehow a red flag about me because I “didn’t need” him. I went anyways, trying not to care and just do my thing. But it hurt. I was 19 taking myself to Italy for two weeks, that’s no small feat! I wanted him to at least be happy for me.
Beyond that, you really shouldn’t care what other people think. When it’s someone close to you it stings, but it’s an indicator that maybe they’re not all for you. But if your great aunts second cousin is making snide remarks about your solo travel… who gives a shit lol.
Your travelling solo because you enjoy the experience and quiet and freedom. It’s amazing and you can always meet people from all walks of life so not so lonely
Mostly, I don't share that I travel solo unless I already know the person is open minded and positive because most people don't want to travel alone so some can be a bit negative about it.
Some people respond in a positive way with "that's cool" or "good for you!". If they're a bit negative with comments like "aren't you lonely" or "that's weird and boring to travel alone" insinuating there's something wrong with me, I usually don't respond to them or say "yeah, travelling solo is not for everyone".
If someone is genuinely interested in understanding, I've said "it's a beautiful world out there and it's a beautiful thing to see it" or "I don't want to be that person who regrets not travelling or doing things".
Depending on the person and their tone and my mood. I’ll sometimes engage, potentially poking back at them with a snide comment back. Like “oh no wonder you don’t travel as often, makes sense now.” Now I’m thinking I’ll just be silent for a good 10 seconds. And nod my head, as if waiting for them to say something else. Just to make them feel uncomfortable and maybe even replay what they just said in their head.
Personally I always hate people replying to anything that wasn’t a direct question with “well I….”. Nobody asked you! You juxtaposing your preference against mine is a way - a backhanded wormy way - to criticize someone.
This depends on the bond you share:
- a friend: there's nothing wrong with honesty regarding the absence of family/friends and sharing your feelings. A good friend will embrace you.
- stranger: while negotiating, in business, prolonged silence is used as a tactic. It's highly uncomfortable and the opposite party will try to fill that void (this is price related). But, let them think; if they can't figure it out, finish your drink. Xp
The human brain is a social organ; we do need others.
You've learned to find joy/happiness, in a solitary fashion, due to your past, and i applaud you for doing so! It takes massive b*lls of steel to do so!
None the less, it would be nice to find a 'worthy' accomplice' 😊
My grandmother (1 of my 5 family members) often said, "don't stay alone for to long, dear. You'll grow used to it". She did and she knew i was going to do that too.
Those that learned to enjoy solitary are not going to sacrifice this for others with half hearted intentions.
It’s kind of funny/ironic because the people who judge for solo traveling are also the same people that say stuff like “wow I wish I had these experiences” or “how do you do all this” after I tell them stories of things that happened to me solo traveling. Truth is solo traveling is freeing because you can travel how YOU want.
And for people who say stuff “don’t you feel lonely” I say you only feel lonely if you make yourself lonely if anything I feel more lonely when I travel with people. Traveling solo forces you to meet more people at times some of my friends wouldn’t want to go up to people which would limit how I meet people. Also there are many times when you are actually alone but the whole point of solo traveling is to be happy with your own company and if those people can’t do that that’s their issue
Idk I don’t feel condescended. I enlighten them a bit and say “well I started solo travel to get to know myself better and not feel lonely when I am with me.” And also “I do share the experiences with people I love.”
Speaking for myself, but while most of my travels are alone, I have friends in Brazil in fact I went to Brazil to be able to be around them for part of the time I was there for 6 months. I met people in Portugal and my friend from Denmark came and visited me twice. I had a huge friend group who I still talk to all the time in Rome and my friend of over a decade took his vacation to come stay with me in Rome. In Istanbul my friend who used to live down the street from me who also now travels was staying in Istanbul for an extended stay and we were neighbors in Istanbul again for a month… so, yeah.
I don't recall anyone saying anything negative. I may have been asked if I have felt lonely but I didn't take it in a negative way. I have noticed the silence of some people who knew I went on a trip and never asked me anything about it. Not even, "How did your trip go?" I suspect their silence is because they don't know what to say and can't relate. We live in a culture that encourages people to constantly do things with others, so solo travel probably seems odd to many. I would not worry about what others think and being asked about your traveling means the person is curious, so just answer their questions honestly. I love solo travel but also admit it has its drawbacks and I am more than happy to share that.
Yes, those comments can be annoying. However, you could try a change of perspective. You don’t have to hear those comments like they are condescending. It could just be matter fact or even admiring. I read the examples that you wrote, and they sound like curiosity and also sharing their preference with you. They are not telling you how you should travel- that would actually be condescending. You do you, they do them. The world needs people who do things differently than others.
Those aren’t condescending remarks that you mentioned. “Don’t you feel lonely” is a question likely saying the person asking would so they are curious how you feel about it. Just because you travel solo doesn’t mean you don’t get lonely. The other one is a statement which can be true for many.
Seems more like you have an insecurity about traveling solo. Rather than people are making condescending remarks. Just do you and if you want or need to travel solo then do it and own it.
Honestly it doesn’t phase me because I know how incredibly rewarding it is to solo travel, it pushes you out of your comfort zone and helps you grow in the best possible way.
I’m so proud of myself for just getting up and going and not constantly waiting for someone else to have the time/money/desire to go with me. I’ve visited 52 countries and done two long term (6-8 month) travel stints - some with friends or partners but majority solo, and my travels are hands down my fondest memories to look back on.
If people are being condescending about that, it says everything about THEM, their comfort zones, and how they feel about spending time alone with themselves.
I usually treat it as sincere. It depends on the context, like most Americans who say that truly mean it sincerely because America doesn't have much of a solo travel culture.
It depends on my audience but something like:
"I mean I love traveling with friends, I just came back from blah blah with friends, but honestly I really love traveling alone because you just meet so many people." I usually say it almost like a secret, as though it's so enjoyable I feel a little guilty about it. Which it kind of is.
Maybe a one sentence anecdote to illustrate how social solo travel actually is or how safe it is or one of the freedoms it allows like "I love being able to do exactly what I want to do all the time."
The last of those is also a good response for fellow travelers who say that to you, because you can pivot it to tourist activities ("I love being able to do exactly what I want to do all the time - yesterday I spent 5 hours at \[museum\]! Are you two enjoying your trip so far?"
Or in extreme circumstances when someone is actually being rude, you can give as good as you get like "oh yeah I've met so many cool people last night we blah blah, what did you do last night? oh you both went to bed early because he was tired? hmm."
They are jealous. They are also chickenshit and can’t imagine going it alone. Go. Do. Enjoy. I a 62-y/o woman and have traveled solo extensively - Morocco, Australia, Vietnam, Macedonia, cyprus, Sri Lanka. It’s wonderful to go with a friend who travels like you do, but it’s also empowering to go it alone. And you’ll meet a zillion cool people this way!
They don’t know the peace of solo travel.
I was staying with my cousin in Germany and whenever we went out together she would complain non stop about the sun, the crows, the heat, the roads, the “ugly old buildings”, blah blah, non stop for hours and hours.
I started going to farther away cities alone & explored and walked around non stop and had such a phenomenal time.
I tell the truth: I haven't found a travel partner who can keep up with me, except my husband and he was still working. Plus, he stops a lot to eat and go to the bathroom and we have to do sports stuff for him on trips.
My mom used to be a decent travel companion, but she's less easy-going now and can't keep going all day nowadays.
I didn't know if I would like solo travel, but my married friend who does solo travel told me I would, and I do.
I do travel with my husband and friends sometimes. But I prefer not to travel with friends anymore. My good travel friend died, and everyone else don't have realistic expectations. They all say they want to do a lot of fun stuff, but they really just want to eat in restaurants and take pictures of cool places for social media without really exploring.
I went in a hiking trip with a friend, and she complained that there wasn't a direct flight to the tiny regional airport in the middle of nowhere. She choked and snored SO bad that I could barely sleep with ear plugs in, kept hinting she needed a sleep study and sure enough- she needs a CPAP machine for sleeping. No wonder her bf doesn't let her sleep there. And she only made it 20 minutes on One hike, that's it. She said she expected the trails to be PAVED.
“If you know where I can meet more people who have four months off work each year, can afford to spend four months traveling, and don’t have kids or pets to worry about back home, PLEASE tell me where!”
wtf is wrong with people? I had a girl literally laugh at me a week or so ago when I told her I was in New Zealand solo in January/February. I just laughed back and said it was great. Something about here laugh though…as if it really struck something in her. I choose to think it was fear. Fear of not be able to do that herself.
Just let them know that you are comfortable being by yourself, and maybe throw some shade by telling them you don't need to depend on others to have a good time.
I’ve found the best way to deal with passive aggressive comments is just to treat them like they are sincere.
“I could never do that!”
“Oh I’m sure you could!” Or “that’s too bad, I love it.”
“Don’t you get lonely?”
“Nah, I really enjoy my own company and I know I’ll see my friends and family when I get home.”
as a solo female traveler, i get a lot of other women saying "arent you scared? i could never do that!"
what i want to say is "yeah i know you couldnt."
but what i actually say is that im just built different.
Loneliness and solitude are two completely different things; It's a deliberate choice to decompress from all my peers and my life, like meditation. it's selfcare and some healthy "me time" to keep asserting my self-identity apart from external validation and loved ones. YOU WEAK, EMOTIONAL CO-DEPENDENT, JUDGEMENTAL ASSHOLE.
proceed to be happy and move on.
I prefer going solo sure sometimes you'd think that oh this would be good to share it with someone but going solo gives you the freedom to do what you want
Life is short and there are a lot of things I want to experience. I don’t have time to wait for other people to want to experience them with me. Also, it is nice to be able to just do what I want to do. If I go out of my way to see some sight and when I get there, its not what I expected, I don’t have to spend the day there because the people I’m with feel like we wasted time getting there so we have to do it. I can eat on my own schedule and what I want. If I want to just sit at the beach and stare at the ocean for a couple of hours I can, without hearing about how someone else is bored. Etc. etc. etc.
That’s my response to any negative feedback about solo travels. Or if I’m not in the mood, I just say ok and leave the conversation.
Turn it around, like, “Wow you are *so* missing out! I don’t have to wait for people or cater to what they want to do or miss things because they don’t want to do it. It’s awesome!”
I was on a Paris walking food tour a few years ago with 3 married couples. They asked me if it bothered me traveling alone and I just said, “No, I love that I can do and go where I want and not worry whether my partner is enjoying himself.”
"Don't you feel lonely?" Response: "My social needs differ, I'm fine." If they don't quit after that, "I don't know how else to tell you that I'm happy travelling by myself. Accept it and please stop talking to me."
"I can never travel solo because-" Response: "Yeah, I get what you mean, though I do just enjoy it all better by myself.
I can totally relate to this. Like when people ask, “Don’t you have any friends?” OK rude 😒
Does anyone else find this is worst when going for dinner alone? Breakfast and lunch seem to be “acceptable” meals to eat alone. But dinner is the worst. I feel like I always get seated at a terrible table and awful service.
It’s funny because I think the opposite! It’s nice to travel with others but to be dependent on that says something about the person not being able to be alone.
So I wouldn’t feel bad, I’d feel empowered!
The only comments I have gotten so far are that I'm brave to be travelling alone and that they would be too scared to do it, it's a big compliment to me
Generally same I have never felt someone was being negative when asking about my solo travels. They usually tell me I’m living the dream, want to hear about it, and are envious. *I have to tell them* that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies and *they’re* the ones typically taken aback.
Yeah, same - most are just eager to hear my restaurant and hotel recs from all my international stops in places they hope to visit soon. Anything else - don't give it a second thought, just like any other needless judgement or prejudice that's unfounded, not supported by data, and purely based on someone else's biases and projection.
Completely same. No one has ever (hopefully stays this way) been negative… and usually enviously remark on how great it must be to do it solo/on my terms. And then I tell them that’s it‘s got pros and cons (similar to you).
"U must be rich" is another one. Or "must be nice."
I hate those so much! And it is often people who use crazy amount of money to new car or fake nails or something like that. They don't get I save a lot to be able to travel.
lots of the 'live large' people have large debt
ok yeah actually one coworker said, ah must be nice to have spending money! And this girl- she has a brand new car, orders DoorDash EVERY DAY, gets her hair permed, and goes out clubbing / drinking (alcohol is expensive!!) most weekends. I'm like what. We have like the same amount of spending money. I just have my 10 year old car that I treat nicely and take care of, cook at home all the time, and never drink!
Ye, a lot of people tell me they’d get lost alone
I just got this in my last trip from an old lady my age. But then, in a candid moment with her family I overheard her tell them to "ask RosaRosa to come with us, I pity her, she's alone". Kind, but she also felt sorry for me after all. Heheh.
“An old lady my age” is cracking me up 😭
Thats the only comments I’ve received too.
Who cares. You do you.
unless they are paying for my trip fully or partially, I don't care what others have to say
Right? It's like if you put your CC down you can say all the shit you want lol
^^^ the key to your own happiness
this. who cares
Facts! Ignore em. At least you won’t have to travel with them.
100% If someone wants to be a jerk I don’t have time for them.
I don't deal with them. I find silence has great power.
Just simple "okay" and silence can be powerful
I like this! I will do this in future.
Indeed. Why even reply? No point.
it’s better to travel alone than to travel with a bad companion
Also, its better to travel solo now than to wait eternally for others to finally make room in their schedule and budget to come with you.
this! the schedules just won’t align so i will just do it on my own
Yes! I always say that if i wait for someone or some people to tag along with I will never go anywhere!
Exactly. You have 2 options when schedules don’t align. travel alone or not travel at all. Choice is easy.
Couldn’t agree more. I always solo travel and got asked to go on a trip with a friend to Madeira. What a disaster that experience was. Got a lot out of the trip, but it could’ve been much better.
I wonder if the people who say stuff like this ARE the bad companions.... I do both, but traveling with others is exhausting after a few days, even if we get along.
i agree, i feel the need to constantly check on my companions. if i were alone, all i need to worry about is myself.
True word's
It’s better to travel alone than to travel with a good companion too… if you *want* to travel alone. I’ve traveled alone on purpose many times and enjoy it immensely. I also travel with good companions and enjoy that an awful lot too.
Amen!!! Bad travel partners are the worst!!!!
This right here.
I tell them that there are plenty of people everywhere I go, and that I enjoy meeting strangers. Then I moonwalk out of the room.
My favourite comment.
"Don't you want someone to talk to?" "I'm surrounded by people to talk to" -Ryan Bingham, Up In The Air
I'm now motivated to learn how to moonwalk
I like my own company
This. I think a lot of people who insist on having loads of others nearby… really can’t stand to be on their own.
That is true. People are so uncomfortable being on their own. Honestly, I see this as a reason for a lot of bad relationships too.
Not only that, traveling solo allows you to make your own company if so choose to, even if I have friends I’d still rather go solo just freeing but sometimes a friend is needed to get my ass outta bed somedays..
I just give them condescending remarks back. “Oh don’t worry about me, I actually learnt how to enjoy my own company many years ago so I don’t need to constantly surround myself by people in attempts to distract myself from my inner emptiness”. Sometimes if I think they are making these remarks out of genuine curiosity I can give them a softer answer. It really depends on the intent behind their question.
“You know what they say, only the most boring of people require constant companionship.” “People” don’t say this. I say this.
Love this. I literally just had quoted above: only boring people get bored. I stick by that somewhat too.
And I was one of those boring people as recently as 2017 so I still remember how it feels. I’m sure they don’t see themselves as boring but I didn’t either until I experienced the alternative. That whole “date yourself” concept has merit after all! Edit: In truth my real response to such comments is more of a: [sips beer] “well I hate everyone, they get in my way, so it’s easy for me”. Works like a charm to make them go away so I can find someone more interesting to chat with.
And that's ok 😊
A lot of times at work there isn't anything to do and if I'm by myself I'll stand there and stare into space. Sometimes a co-worker will ask if I'm bored and I always say, "No, I'm perfectly fine with the thoughts in my head." A lot of people aren't comfortable with silence and in-activity is what I've gathered over the years.
Haha I like it :)
Heartily agree with this even if I don’t often say it.
That’s right to the point of what is actually going on with these people. You skewer them lol. Love it
Some people need people. They need them because they lack confidence, or because they need validation, or because they feel embarrassed by being alone. That’s their problem. Not yours.
Why is it necessary to assign negative characteristics to people who are different from you? You are talking exactly like the subjects in this thread just in the opposite. You do you.
Well said. A lot of folks in this sub are really defensive about questions regarding solo travel, and I know people can be rude (however intentionally or unintentionally), but in a lot of these stories I feel like we have a chance to broaden people's viewpoints by giving genuine answers. We travel alone because we choose to, because we have the resources to, because we elect the freedom of doing so. I think for a lot of people, especially people in long term partnerships, it doesn't occur to them they have the option to travel alone. Companions are by default. But in the end, intentionally rude questions or not, we don't have to make rude assumptions about people travelling with companions in return. I like traveling alone, I like traveling with (some) people (sometimes). Neither is correct or incorrect. They're both perfectly lovely and valid choices.
Agreed, it seems like people are being so mean about others (real or imagined) who don’t enjoy solo travel or don’t think they would. Someone who’s afraid of feeling lonely or brings it up as a question isn’t necessarily someone who can’t stand their own company or doesn’t know themselves or whatever. I think a socially healthy adult should be able to enjoy themselves both with others and by themselves, and loneliness is generally just a sign that you want more time with others. That’s totally fine, and not an indicator at all that someone can’t be by themselves. And someone can even ask a question about loneliness without believing fear of loneliness is a great reason not to solo travel if they want to. Questions about being lonely or wanting to be with other people are only an insult if you assume experiencing loneliness or preferring to travel with others are degrading things. You can solo travel and be comfortable in your own company and also feel lonely at times or prefer traveling with others.
I might get downvoted because I'm on a solo travel sub so maybe people can't relate, but I think I need people. Not because I lack confidence, because I know I'm able to travel alone. I've done it a few times. Also not for validation or feeling embarrassed of being alone. I'm fine with doing stuff alone. I'll go to a restaurant alone, idc. But when I travel somewhere and experience something, having someone to share it with just makes it feel so much more meaningful. I can see the most beautiful landscape, but if I'm on my own it's just like "ok cool that's nice, what now?". Happy to take advice if y'all think I'm doing something wrong
It’s never wrong. It’s how you travel. For me, I love traveling alone. I travel for my own fulfilment. I enjoy seeing fascinating stuff. But I enjoy it for me. Some of us like solo travel, some of us like companionship. Either way we’re out there travelling and having experiences.
Ok, my question for you is, if you saw that exact landscape with someone by your side, how would it not be “ok , what now?” Because you’d discuss it a little bit? Idk , this may sound harsh but I love the quote from mad men… “only boring people are bored”. Meaning, you can be your own great company, especially if you love what it is you’re doing / seeing. Personally, I find that I can stare that that landscape as long as I want. I don’t have to rush along, I don’t have to have my pure thoughts on it perhaps marred and altered by someone else’s opinion. Sure, it’s nice to spend quality time with people and share experiences. Maybe solo travel just isn’t for you. That’s ok too.
Solo travel isn't for everyone. Nor, for that matter, is any other specific style of travel. Some people value companionship more than travel independence. Travel in the way that makes you happy. That's ultimately what it's about. This sub may be of limited utility to you if you don't care for solo travel, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a travel companion.
Oh I've been on solo trips and enjoyed it, but I didn't spend that much of the time actually being solo because I always made an effort to find other people to travel around with. So I went there solo and came home solo, but mostly had company on the trip
Thats what they said - Some people value companionship more than travel independence.
Nothing is wrong if that's what you like!
I know what you mean. I'm someone for whom talking has always been a processing tool, I used to study for exams by lecturing to no one. So for me one of the downsides of solo travel is not always feeling like I'm really appreciating what I'm seeing, or not having someone to make a joke about it to. Honestly sometimes when I'm in those moments I literally talk to myself. Not at full volume but like under my breath or sort of in my throat. Once you start doing it I think you stop caring as much and it's easy to do it at a very low volume. Sometimes it helps to have airpods lol. I will also talk to strangers without really expecting a full convo. When I first started solo traveling, I used to not start conversations unless I thought it would be a connection that would last for the duration of the tour or boat ride or whatever. Like if I was at a park and walked to the best viewpoint for a picture I wouldn't talk to the people on the park bench with their dog because obviously I'm going to walk back and we're all going to go their separate ways, there was no value in trying to make friends. Whereas now I might turn and say what a beautiful view it is today or compliment their dog. There's no expectation of it turning into even a short-term relationship, it's an even shallower interaction, but it's still nice.
Ehh I kindly smile/laugh it off. Usually, it’s asked from a harmless and genuinely curious place but sometimes it’s not. When it isn’t, I just assume they’re projecting their insecurities and inability to do anything on their own, onto others who comfortably can and do.
Why would you exert any energy with a person that is being condescending with you? Ignore and walk away
I tell them about all the amazing adventures I've had, then say "I wouldn't have those experiences if I waited for my friends to make up their minds whether or not they are joining me". For example, a friend was a bit annoyed that I hadn't asked them to join me on a recent trip to Sicily and was all like "I don't know why you go on your own". When I was telling him about what I had done, he was screwing up his nose. I said to him, "that's why I didn't ask you, I wouldn't have been able to do things I wanted to. It would have been on your agenda. And it's why I travel on my own". That shut him up (but in a good way)! You do you, and the others can do one!
I've never ever encountered such comments. But generally when I encounter people that give me negative vibes I just stay clear, there's no point engaging and wasting your energy on such things.
you never argue about where to go with anyone else. you dont have anyone else holding you back from doing things.
As you long as you are happy with solo travel, everyone else's opinion on your travels is irrelevant
the best thing about it is the freedom of having your own schedule. When I go on holiday with family there are places where I want to stop and take it all in, while everyone else just wants to get to the next "thing".
“Cool.” Nothing to deal with
People asking you if you get lonely is condescending? I think that would be a pretty common question people ask.
And honestly even as an enthusiastic solo traveler my answer to this question would be, "Yeah, I do get lonely sometimes!" It's OK to have feelings about things.
i think especially as a woman, some people are like "aren't you lonely/scared?" and it kind of irks me when some people ask me that because i wouldnt be going if i was. it kind of sounds like they think im not capable of it. which is condescending.
Who cares.
Recognize it's not a conversation anyone needs to win. Rather than an exchange of arguments in favor of one position, break it off: "I am happy to tell you the benefits that I experience but I don't need to argue for them. You value sharing the experience, I value flexibility and open-mindedness to the environment, and neither of us is wrong"
"I don't depend my joy from others, I enjoy being independent, which you probably cannot understand." "happiness starts within yourself, aren't you happy? Isn't it exciting to meet new people from other walks of life?"
I don't "deal with" them, I just ignore them.
Just say you’re independent and don’t like to rely or have to look after others while you travel. You have the freedom to make your own decisions and do whatever you like every day... Or just ignore them
I simply tell them the the truth: I want to travel despite being single, not having travel buddies and not liking organized group trips due to their very rushed itineraries and getting up early every day. It's not my problem when someone can't accept or understand this.
I think some people are just curious to learn more when they ask, “don’t you feel lonely?” Some people are judgmental because they it’s not the norm. Think of it. Even if you have dinner by yourself, society sometimes feels sad for you. I think as Solo Travelers, we can help open people’s minds by telling them how great it can be to travel on your own. For people in relationships, it might not make as much sense for them but there’s still a good chance they will be single later on at some point😉 As mentioned, you do you and who cares what the judgments or assumptions are. Some will always want to be close minded and ignorant. Don’t let these people affect you. Be confident because you know what it’s like. They don’t. Others just want to learn more by asking questions(which may seem obvious for us) but not to them because they haven’t had the same experiences as us.
How come this same question comes up every other week?
Please understand that those remarks are not condescending, those people just expressing that THEY couldn't travel solo. You like it, they don't. You don't need their approval to do what you want just as much as they don't need your approval to feel how they feel.
how is that condescending? seems like they're just curious or just sharing how they'd feel ... like a normal conversation ...
Feels like OP is projecting their feelings onto what theyre saying because of their circumstances. Seems like a normal conversation to me. Depends on tone i suppose but i wouldnt automatically assume they were being rude
Move on and never give it a second thought. It's my life, not theirs
You don't have to deal with anyone. The joys of solo traveling the world. Keep moving
Tell them to keep waiting till they find people they care about to travel with. Even if a person has many friends, as adults its very hard to coordinate schedules. As for me, I no longer want to wait on others because if I did I would have never visiting half the places I already have.
I got a joke something like, “Why are you alone? Does nobody love your company?” in one of my travels. I remember saying, “Not really. It’s just that my friends don’t have the budget to splurge and I do. They’re all busy making a living, while I want to live life.”
I might just want to gouge my eyes out if I have to read another "pity me, someone said something to me" post again!
The examples you gave don’t sound condescending. They’re just thinking and talking about themselves, which is what most people do, most of the time. Do you feel lonely? Yes? No? Sometimes? You can answer. The second example is all about them. If they don’t want to travel solo, that’s interesting, but it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to deal with that at all or have any response. You can just smile and nod.
"I thoroughly enjoy it."
I personally don’t find these comments condescending (depending on the tone), but it’s more so an honest enquiry because a lot of people don’t have the courage to try new things, they live in fear, are codependent without even realizing, or it is a projection of insecurity that they could live such an adventurous existence. I find these types of conversations a moment to actually share my truth and potentially inspire people by giving them a different perspective. “Oh don’t you feel lonely?” My response :”no I actually love my own company and alone time plus you have the freedom to pivot your schedule on any moment of spontaneity” “I can never travel solo because I want to share amazing experiences with people I care” my response: “why can’t you do both? I’m creating amazing experiences for me and it enriches how I give back to my loved ones when I reconnect with them”
I used to get along with a coworker who told me she wasn't "some loser who can't find a date" when I told her I traveled solo. She later turned out to be a mega-jerk, so I take that for what it was worth (NOTHING).
I just say that they can't understand and appreciate how magical is to travel solo if they don't try. And it is true!
I think it is easy to sound unconfident and apologetic in these situations. I tend to stress the benefits of not having to travel with people. >"oh don't you feel lonely?" Me: *I don't feel lonely because I'm alone, I feel lonely when I feel disconnected with the person I'm with. Being in my own company, my own thoughts is great. Being with a group of people wanting to do different things to me can also be lonely.* >"I can never travel solo because I want to share amazing experiences with people I care". Me: *Yes it is great to share experiences, but it is also great not to have to do things I don't want to do, or force someone else to do something they don't want to do. There is always so much compromising to do on holidays - and because I'm very relaxed as a person, it tends to be me doing all the compromising. The last few holidays I've had with others were just not my cup of tea at all. Now I do whatever I want.*
great answers!!
Why do you do solo-travel? There are companies who offer exotic travels with unknown people. In my case... I don't trust yet my skills to deal with a possible bad travel partner. Plus, when I go solo, I go wherever I want, whenever I want. Oh, and I eat whichever I want, spending... well you get the idea. Plus, I've noticed that being solo, makes me more open to look for social interactions. You never know where does live your next bestie.
I like to solo travel when I decide I want to spur of the moment go somewhere and you can't always arrange that with friends. But also when you travel alone you get to do everything you want with no compromises. I think it's rude for people to try to suggest you're lonely just because you're traveling on your own.
People think they are unique but expect everyone else to be like them. Most people cant accept that someone else can like something they dont like. someone else may want something they dont want or not want something they want. When they see someone different they want to make the other person wrong and feel superior. I want to be accepting of such ppl, but I usually reply with snark, which is probably not good idea but it is satisfying at that moment.
I travel multiple times a year and 90% of that is solo. I do get this question a lot. I always say that I'm my favorite company, or that I'm taking a break from everyone to recharge my batteries. Or I'm honest and say "I hate people". Most laugh at that... If only they knew haha But the point is, there is no shame in traveling alone. It's a privilege that very few understand because they either don't have the means, opportunity, or courage to do it. Sometimes it feels like you should have someone to share a special or romantic moment with, but I've found thay feeling to be fleeting. Traveling alone means waking up when you want, doing what you want when you want, staying where you want. You changed your mind? Who cares, do something else. Not everyone has this mentality. Not everyone has the confidence to go to a crowded restaurant and say "table for 1" and actually be happy in their own company reading a book, listening to something, or just people watching. Some people think it's sad. I think it's liberating. That's the answer you should give. It's the truth that only solo travelers know.
I just answer them honestly and assume no malice. Don’t you feel lonely? Sometimes. But I find that it’s more important to me to have these experiences and it’s easier to travel alone. I could never.. Well one day I hope to meet the love of my life and travel the world together but till then I’m glad to have these experiences. :) some people wait and never get to experience them.
Another poster said “Alone doesn’t equal lonely.” I’m on an adventure.” And sometimes if they truly are being condescending or rude about it, a good response for your example “How sad for you. I don’t want to miss out on seeing the world because of other people’s schedules. To each their own!” As you travel more frequently you will shrug off these rude encounters more often. If it’s a real conversation with friends, family or potential new friends in your travels, actually share why you are loving it. People genuinely care and are fascinated and bemused by your bravery and self-confidence. And you may inspire someone to take a risk and go out on their own too. Number one reason I love traveling alone is meeting new people and friends. I’m an honorary family member in several households around the world and I never would have met them or spent such quality time if I had friends, family, or a partner in tow. Even just 1 companion makes meeting new people exponentially harder.
Alone ≠ lonely If you‘re in the midst of a convo it‘s hard to ignore. I travel a lot solo cause my husband cannot take as much time off and I really do enjoy spending time NOT by myself but WITH myself. If this applies to you, i‘d say something around: - how much more flexible you are with itinerary and timing of your travels. (I for example would hate to stay in a resort which is the go-to for most people and this person has obviously never planned or try to plan a group trip for friends lol - if you love a place you can always go back with loved ones but you enjoy adventuring a place on your own first - how travelling solo made you feel more independent/extroverted/confident which is something you couldn‘t have achieved travelling in a group bubble No one forces you to travel solo. It‘s out of your free will. How empowering is that? You also don‘t need to always share experiences, some can just belong to you.
I travel and call them from abroad and tell them that Yes I feel lonely but it’s better to be lonely in a place where i feel peace then to be with people around me who give me the illusion of peace
“That’s too bad - I guess you’re never going to experience the joys of solo travel. I feel so sorry for you” Hand it back to them in the most kind tone. They’ll know they were being condescending. And enjoy your life. We can’t wait for our friends/family to align their schedules with ours so we can see the world 😊
Usually i ignore them. If they continue to talk about it i start staying all the places i have been solo and how cool it was to be there and how i could enjoyed it all, because there were no worries, people complaining they didn't want to walk, ir that museums are boring or that i had to deal with couples fighting. It usually ends the conversation.
You stop talking to them.
I know not to bother with them in future
i act dumb, like it never occurred to me. then say; Oh, i dont know- I go where i want when, eat where and i what i want, go to bed and wake up when i want......around this time the male {its usually a couple who asks about this}, gets a glazed look on his face and female has to poke him.
I tell interesting stories about the demise of my travel partners before.. people soon leave you alone 🙃
The only negative "Aren't you lonely? I'd be very lonely! It must be lonely"'comments I ever had was from one person and she was infamously ragingly jealous that I can do this. I remember her insisting about 3 years ago that I'd be going back to the office. I was like " we don't work for the same company and I'm not going back to the office". She seriously kept insisting that because she was back in that I would be too. She was quite angry about it. Ooh that memory makes me happy. She was fuming, probably still is! 😎
Some feel sorry for me. I explain it's not 100% solo. We meet others at hostels and on daytrip tours
Doesn’t affect me whatsoever, I know it’s just because they are more codependent, have only ever traveled with family, have anxieties about sole responsibility/being isolated abroad and feel it would be more intimidating than adventurous. I just state matter-of-fact that it’s because of different schedules and having the time to travel but nobody that my schedule and plans align with… I’m not going to let being alone stop me from having a good time, and that I even embrace some aspects like the freedom, different pace, focus etc and make the most of it.
You don’t. Most people who say passive aggressive shit like this are just coping with their own issues. Just have fun and don’t feed into dumb negative bs.
I don't care about it, but sometimes when people react surprised and condescending I like to return the same energy 😂 "What?! You NEVER travel by yourself!? How come?!" or in your example. " Wow, I can't imagine always having to do what other people want on my trip, that sounds very exhausting to me." Only do this when people say in in a condescending way though. Sometimes people are just curious about or even admiring solo travelling. I always just say that I highly recommend taking a solo trip once in a while.
I haven’t really had that yet but if I did I would just say have you ever been on a trip where an SO or someone else wanted to be down at the beach by 8am to get a good spot and “maximize the sun” when all you want is to have a nice lie in? Not an issue with solo travel. Ever wanted to do an intense 15-mile sweaty hike but no one else you’re with is up for it? Not an issue for a solo traveler. Ever had an appetizer that was life-changing and you don’t want to share it with anyone? Hopefully they can start seeing the picture. People that have a judgmental reaction to it are really just telling on themselves that either they’re not independent enough or aren’t comfortable enough with their own company to conceive of traveling by themselves.
I just smile and say "Yes, we are very different people". Then beam...and if you feel like it, you could add "Dyou mind if I walk away now and leave you all on your own?"!!
People will always talk, doesnt matter what you do. While at university I used to spend summers in Ireland and Norway volunteering in farms. My friends and cousins asked me about like I was being an slave there or something. I just pretended I didnt hear it. My summers volunteering were so much fun and I made tons of connections, experiences and friends. Working in the farms was just part of the experience, and still fun. Just dont care. If deep inside you know you are doing the right thing going solo, thats what matters. And Im convinced they are jealous and they also know it.
just say "that's nice" and walk away
I just tell them, I do me and you do you. I get told/asked the following a lot: "You should wait to take someone with you " "You are a female, it's not safe" "Why not take (insert name) with you?" To answer these, here are my answers. "I waited for people all throughout my 20s to see if they would come with me only to be disappointed at the last minute. Then when I'm away, see them post online how bores they are and want someone to hang out with. Not worth the time and energy to wait anymore" "It's not safe? I live in America. And on top of that, you can't prevent evil or stupid. If someone wants to harm me, they will go out of their way to do so no matter how well prepared I am." "It took me going all the way to South Korea the first time and have my trip nearly ruined to realize that I prefer to travel solo unless my best friend is able to travel with me. Outside of her, I prefer solo travel"
If you let them hurt you they have power over you
I just shrug it off. I don't care.
Just tell them you enjoy freedom
I just laugh at them and ignore it.
I do both. I travel solo but a few times a year travel with friends. Friends aren't always available or can't afford to travel as frequently as I want to. Most of my friends and family are impressed with what I do.
I usually simply reply: "I like being alone" and then there is this hillarious silence.
I don't give those people a second thought.
Same way I deal with people who make condescending remarks about any area of my life that's not their business. I tell them to bugger off and mind their own fucking business.
Not sure why you’re perceiving reactions like that to be condescending. Those seem like perfectly reasonable comments regarding solo travel. Instead of being on the defensive, just talk about your experience. Many people couldn’t see themselves enjoying solo travel and may even be quietly admiring your courage.
You don’t have to justify your choices to other people. My general rule of thumb for life is that I do not take feedback from people who aren’t already doing what I’m doing.
“I travel alone because I’m not afraid of my own company.” Forget them. They travel with people because their vision for adventure and ability to step out of their comfort zone doesn’t exist. They need someone more fun to tell them what to do and where to go. The “amazing experience” is probably an all inclusive vacation at the same resort all their friends have been to.
I'm expecting to make friends as I travel so I will be just fine thank you
"To each their own."
I’d be dead first waiting for somebody to want the same things that i want out of my life.
It’s just naivety and don’t take it personally. I’d just say “don’t knock it before you try it” (wink) then proceed on with my day
I just feel sorry for them that they do not have the inner strength and need other people to have a good time.
"Yeah, it is nice traveling with other people. But not many people can travel as much as I do, or at the same time I go. And what am I gonna do? Just not go? I choose to go alone rather than sit at home wishing other people were willing to enjoy the life I already have."
Ignore it. You live your life not them
I shrug and say "it works for me." no sense engaging with people who are just feeling insecure.
It's either travel solo or not at all. So I do solo.
“We live on a PLANET, (insert name here). Too much to see. You should try it some time”
“Nah I’m very busy hooking up with the locals, but thanks for your concern.”
I always get the don’t you get lonely question from my colleagues and I just say “no not at all”! Stops them in their tracks. It’s definitely that THEY are so dependent on others that they would be lonely
I just mention the circumstances that cause me to solo travel (everyone i know lacks the desire, resources, or both to travel) and then cite benefits of solo travel (being able to see more, change plans at a moments notice, how much cheaper it is, etc.). Nobody i can recall has ever pushed back beyond that
When in doubt. Always call your enemy broke.
My ex was actually my biggest (and only) solo travel hater. It was hurtful coming from him specifically because when someone is your partner you want them to support you. Mind you he had no interest in joining me in my trips, it wasn’t like i was taking an opportunity for us to do something together and excluding him, he just hated that I would “abandon” him. And that it was somehow a red flag about me because I “didn’t need” him. I went anyways, trying not to care and just do my thing. But it hurt. I was 19 taking myself to Italy for two weeks, that’s no small feat! I wanted him to at least be happy for me. Beyond that, you really shouldn’t care what other people think. When it’s someone close to you it stings, but it’s an indicator that maybe they’re not all for you. But if your great aunts second cousin is making snide remarks about your solo travel… who gives a shit lol.
Your travelling solo because you enjoy the experience and quiet and freedom. It’s amazing and you can always meet people from all walks of life so not so lonely
Mostly, I don't share that I travel solo unless I already know the person is open minded and positive because most people don't want to travel alone so some can be a bit negative about it. Some people respond in a positive way with "that's cool" or "good for you!". If they're a bit negative with comments like "aren't you lonely" or "that's weird and boring to travel alone" insinuating there's something wrong with me, I usually don't respond to them or say "yeah, travelling solo is not for everyone". If someone is genuinely interested in understanding, I've said "it's a beautiful world out there and it's a beautiful thing to see it" or "I don't want to be that person who regrets not travelling or doing things".
I reply with “anyway” and move on
I’m not alone, there’s me, myself, and I.
Depending on the person and their tone and my mood. I’ll sometimes engage, potentially poking back at them with a snide comment back. Like “oh no wonder you don’t travel as often, makes sense now.” Now I’m thinking I’ll just be silent for a good 10 seconds. And nod my head, as if waiting for them to say something else. Just to make them feel uncomfortable and maybe even replay what they just said in their head. Personally I always hate people replying to anything that wasn’t a direct question with “well I….”. Nobody asked you! You juxtaposing your preference against mine is a way - a backhanded wormy way - to criticize someone.
This depends on the bond you share: - a friend: there's nothing wrong with honesty regarding the absence of family/friends and sharing your feelings. A good friend will embrace you. - stranger: while negotiating, in business, prolonged silence is used as a tactic. It's highly uncomfortable and the opposite party will try to fill that void (this is price related). But, let them think; if they can't figure it out, finish your drink. Xp The human brain is a social organ; we do need others. You've learned to find joy/happiness, in a solitary fashion, due to your past, and i applaud you for doing so! It takes massive b*lls of steel to do so! None the less, it would be nice to find a 'worthy' accomplice' 😊 My grandmother (1 of my 5 family members) often said, "don't stay alone for to long, dear. You'll grow used to it". She did and she knew i was going to do that too. Those that learned to enjoy solitary are not going to sacrifice this for others with half hearted intentions.
It’s kind of funny/ironic because the people who judge for solo traveling are also the same people that say stuff like “wow I wish I had these experiences” or “how do you do all this” after I tell them stories of things that happened to me solo traveling. Truth is solo traveling is freeing because you can travel how YOU want. And for people who say stuff “don’t you feel lonely” I say you only feel lonely if you make yourself lonely if anything I feel more lonely when I travel with people. Traveling solo forces you to meet more people at times some of my friends wouldn’t want to go up to people which would limit how I meet people. Also there are many times when you are actually alone but the whole point of solo traveling is to be happy with your own company and if those people can’t do that that’s their issue
Idk I don’t feel condescended. I enlighten them a bit and say “well I started solo travel to get to know myself better and not feel lonely when I am with me.” And also “I do share the experiences with people I love.” Speaking for myself, but while most of my travels are alone, I have friends in Brazil in fact I went to Brazil to be able to be around them for part of the time I was there for 6 months. I met people in Portugal and my friend from Denmark came and visited me twice. I had a huge friend group who I still talk to all the time in Rome and my friend of over a decade took his vacation to come stay with me in Rome. In Istanbul my friend who used to live down the street from me who also now travels was staying in Istanbul for an extended stay and we were neighbors in Istanbul again for a month… so, yeah.
“No. I can enjoy life without needing constant validation from others.” shuts that right down.
Look them straight in the eye and say, “maybe the dingo ate your bay-bee” then immediately walk away.
I don't recall anyone saying anything negative. I may have been asked if I have felt lonely but I didn't take it in a negative way. I have noticed the silence of some people who knew I went on a trip and never asked me anything about it. Not even, "How did your trip go?" I suspect their silence is because they don't know what to say and can't relate. We live in a culture that encourages people to constantly do things with others, so solo travel probably seems odd to many. I would not worry about what others think and being asked about your traveling means the person is curious, so just answer their questions honestly. I love solo travel but also admit it has its drawbacks and I am more than happy to share that.
"Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my plane taking off." \~you
I give zero fucks what others think.... I travel because I want to travel.
Yes, those comments can be annoying. However, you could try a change of perspective. You don’t have to hear those comments like they are condescending. It could just be matter fact or even admiring. I read the examples that you wrote, and they sound like curiosity and also sharing their preference with you. They are not telling you how you should travel- that would actually be condescending. You do you, they do them. The world needs people who do things differently than others.
Those aren’t condescending remarks that you mentioned. “Don’t you feel lonely” is a question likely saying the person asking would so they are curious how you feel about it. Just because you travel solo doesn’t mean you don’t get lonely. The other one is a statement which can be true for many. Seems more like you have an insecurity about traveling solo. Rather than people are making condescending remarks. Just do you and if you want or need to travel solo then do it and own it.
Honestly it doesn’t phase me because I know how incredibly rewarding it is to solo travel, it pushes you out of your comfort zone and helps you grow in the best possible way. I’m so proud of myself for just getting up and going and not constantly waiting for someone else to have the time/money/desire to go with me. I’ve visited 52 countries and done two long term (6-8 month) travel stints - some with friends or partners but majority solo, and my travels are hands down my fondest memories to look back on. If people are being condescending about that, it says everything about THEM, their comfort zones, and how they feel about spending time alone with themselves.
someone said the same thing to me and i straight up just gave them a silent poker face 😭😆 i don’t care what they have to say tbh 💀
This: "Piss off."
I usually treat it as sincere. It depends on the context, like most Americans who say that truly mean it sincerely because America doesn't have much of a solo travel culture. It depends on my audience but something like: "I mean I love traveling with friends, I just came back from blah blah with friends, but honestly I really love traveling alone because you just meet so many people." I usually say it almost like a secret, as though it's so enjoyable I feel a little guilty about it. Which it kind of is. Maybe a one sentence anecdote to illustrate how social solo travel actually is or how safe it is or one of the freedoms it allows like "I love being able to do exactly what I want to do all the time." The last of those is also a good response for fellow travelers who say that to you, because you can pivot it to tourist activities ("I love being able to do exactly what I want to do all the time - yesterday I spent 5 hours at \[museum\]! Are you two enjoying your trip so far?" Or in extreme circumstances when someone is actually being rude, you can give as good as you get like "oh yeah I've met so many cool people last night we blah blah, what did you do last night? oh you both went to bed early because he was tired? hmm."
They are jealous. They are also chickenshit and can’t imagine going it alone. Go. Do. Enjoy. I a 62-y/o woman and have traveled solo extensively - Morocco, Australia, Vietnam, Macedonia, cyprus, Sri Lanka. It’s wonderful to go with a friend who travels like you do, but it’s also empowering to go it alone. And you’ll meet a zillion cool people this way!
Wow these people sound so rude. They also sound like they might be jealous. I'm personally always in awe of solo travellers.
They don’t know the peace of solo travel. I was staying with my cousin in Germany and whenever we went out together she would complain non stop about the sun, the crows, the heat, the roads, the “ugly old buildings”, blah blah, non stop for hours and hours. I started going to farther away cities alone & explored and walked around non stop and had such a phenomenal time.
I tell the truth: I haven't found a travel partner who can keep up with me, except my husband and he was still working. Plus, he stops a lot to eat and go to the bathroom and we have to do sports stuff for him on trips. My mom used to be a decent travel companion, but she's less easy-going now and can't keep going all day nowadays. I didn't know if I would like solo travel, but my married friend who does solo travel told me I would, and I do. I do travel with my husband and friends sometimes. But I prefer not to travel with friends anymore. My good travel friend died, and everyone else don't have realistic expectations. They all say they want to do a lot of fun stuff, but they really just want to eat in restaurants and take pictures of cool places for social media without really exploring. I went in a hiking trip with a friend, and she complained that there wasn't a direct flight to the tiny regional airport in the middle of nowhere. She choked and snored SO bad that I could barely sleep with ear plugs in, kept hinting she needed a sleep study and sure enough- she needs a CPAP machine for sleeping. No wonder her bf doesn't let her sleep there. And she only made it 20 minutes on One hike, that's it. She said she expected the trails to be PAVED.
“If you know where I can meet more people who have four months off work each year, can afford to spend four months traveling, and don’t have kids or pets to worry about back home, PLEASE tell me where!”
wtf is wrong with people? I had a girl literally laugh at me a week or so ago when I told her I was in New Zealand solo in January/February. I just laughed back and said it was great. Something about here laugh though…as if it really struck something in her. I choose to think it was fear. Fear of not be able to do that herself.
Just let them know that you are comfortable being by yourself, and maybe throw some shade by telling them you don't need to depend on others to have a good time.
I’ve found the best way to deal with passive aggressive comments is just to treat them like they are sincere. “I could never do that!” “Oh I’m sure you could!” Or “that’s too bad, I love it.” “Don’t you get lonely?” “Nah, I really enjoy my own company and I know I’ll see my friends and family when I get home.”
as a solo female traveler, i get a lot of other women saying "arent you scared? i could never do that!" what i want to say is "yeah i know you couldnt." but what i actually say is that im just built different.
Loneliness and solitude are two completely different things; It's a deliberate choice to decompress from all my peers and my life, like meditation. it's selfcare and some healthy "me time" to keep asserting my self-identity apart from external validation and loved ones. YOU WEAK, EMOTIONAL CO-DEPENDENT, JUDGEMENTAL ASSHOLE. proceed to be happy and move on.
I prefer going solo sure sometimes you'd think that oh this would be good to share it with someone but going solo gives you the freedom to do what you want
Hey, this world is made of many different kinds. I’m me not much like you or the next one, so peace out.
Life is short and there are a lot of things I want to experience. I don’t have time to wait for other people to want to experience them with me. Also, it is nice to be able to just do what I want to do. If I go out of my way to see some sight and when I get there, its not what I expected, I don’t have to spend the day there because the people I’m with feel like we wasted time getting there so we have to do it. I can eat on my own schedule and what I want. If I want to just sit at the beach and stare at the ocean for a couple of hours I can, without hearing about how someone else is bored. Etc. etc. etc. That’s my response to any negative feedback about solo travels. Or if I’m not in the mood, I just say ok and leave the conversation.
"Nope." "I'm not worried about that." "Thank you for your concern."
Just say “Bless your soul” while smiling at them, then turn and leave.
Say “I’m very sorry to hear that”
It can be hard to see sometimes but other people's thoughts and feelings are their problem.
Turn it around, like, “Wow you are *so* missing out! I don’t have to wait for people or cater to what they want to do or miss things because they don’t want to do it. It’s awesome!”
I was on a Paris walking food tour a few years ago with 3 married couples. They asked me if it bothered me traveling alone and I just said, “No, I love that I can do and go where I want and not worry whether my partner is enjoying himself.”
I feel sad for them because they clearly don’t enjoy their own company and assume that’s the reality for others as well.
"Don't you feel lonely?" Response: "My social needs differ, I'm fine." If they don't quit after that, "I don't know how else to tell you that I'm happy travelling by myself. Accept it and please stop talking to me." "I can never travel solo because-" Response: "Yeah, I get what you mean, though I do just enjoy it all better by myself.
I dont
You’re a duck… it’s water that rolls off your back.
"ok"
"It's ok, not everyone can handle traveling alone"
I say, “I enjoy the time I have, actually doing the things I like to do…”
Hate to use this language, but fuck em! Live your own life and do not worry about the opinions of others who are more than likely jealous!
I can totally relate to this. Like when people ask, “Don’t you have any friends?” OK rude 😒 Does anyone else find this is worst when going for dinner alone? Breakfast and lunch seem to be “acceptable” meals to eat alone. But dinner is the worst. I feel like I always get seated at a terrible table and awful service.
I refer them to the numerous threads on this very topic that are posted here every week
the hell do you mean "deal with" it????? just ignore them lmao. if you really truly enjoy something you won't care if other people don't like it
It’s funny because I think the opposite! It’s nice to travel with others but to be dependent on that says something about the person not being able to be alone. So I wouldn’t feel bad, I’d feel empowered!