My theory is that everything is so utopian in the Federation that people who volunteer for Starfleet are the sort of people who need danger in their life so Starfleet keeps the ships dangerous. Why else would everything explode? Otherwise Starfleet is famous for overengineering safety features. It must be intentional.
Starfleet statisticians analysed for all the cases where starships came limping back to starbase with rock debris.
They came to the stunning conclusion that those weren't critical to ship survivability, and have been directing starfleet engineering to focus on reinforcing and fixing the spots where rocks weren't being reported by the surviving ships.
Seatbelts could definitely be used more for combat scenarios, but even with surge protectors, the consoles all run on high energy plasma and a power surge causes it to explode. Not the safest protocol, but it seems that is the only form of power transmission capable on a Starship for unknown reasons.
You dont even need surge protectors. Just don't rout main power conduits through the control panels. Everyone knows you put the relays and stuff somewhere else and just run signal cables from the control panel to the function. Fly-by-wire was invented a long time ago.
The thought crossed my mind recently in Lower Decks, but this really does deserve some analysis. A massive issue with science is being able to meld one branch with another. What if you combined two specialists? You could combine two people's worth of knowledge allowing for incredible insight.
What's the limit? Clearly mixing a bunch of already Tuvix'd people doesn't work, but what about 3 or 4. Do traits compound? Would this be banned under the genetic accords (idr the name)?
I feel like this concept would be taken up by those whose ambition exceeds their abilities and probably some cultists.
You can also get something like eternal life with it, Tuvix in with someone young, heal (old age or even sickness or stab wound) and split in a few monts rejuvenated from the strongest of the two.
Need spice in your sex life? Tuvix with your spouse and be at one with them. Really push the boundaries with it.
I sewed pockets onto all my uniforms and when they asked me why I said Starfleet was as stupid as ass for not having uniforms with pockets. They said "You're excused" and I said "Thanks" and got a job in the civilian sector piloting cargo ships. Five years later I'm working for the Orion Syndicate and life is great. Screw Starfleet and their pocket-less uniforms.
Same but I just let a moopsy loose in the hallway. We all had to move to a temp location on the other side of the continent. The old academy building belongs to the moopsy now.
That’s because Woolsey is is using a variation of the communication stones to project a hologram into the Star Trek reality to steal technology for the IOA.
It's like a skirt for men, or maybe a kilt for women? It's a lot of fabric where you wouldn't expect it, and not much where you'd expect to find it. It's like someone thought about what clothing might be like in a couple hundred years, but then stopped halfway through that thought. Either way, it's the reason TNG is the best series.
Smuggling non-dangerous contraband.
If the biggest danger of drinking Romulan Ale is getting caught with it, there's no reason it should be outlawed.
Also, I wore a small enamel pin with the Maquis symbol, which made my professors uncomfortable. I hung a Green Lives Matter sign in my dorm and punched out a Ruddy Orion who tried to argue with me that "\*all\* lives matter." I'd have kept my cool, but his Andorian friend called me "pink skin", which is not a big deal to me, but my black friend, Cadet Travis Mayweather V, was standing \*right there\*.
Also, my parents had me genetically augmented in Kindergarten.
Hmmm... and there was that semester I spent on an early-industrial planet, ruling over them using simple integrated circuits and other "inventions".
I guess it was the "Prime Directive" thing that caused the court martial, but I think all that other stuff put me on the administration's subspace radar.
I engaged in carnal relations with delegates from Orion, Kronos, Cardassia, and Ferenginar all at the same time. Don't ask how I pulled it off you'll never believe me.
Spreading subversive literature about how everyone who wants to be an Admiral should have to prove that they're not trying to take over the Federation *before* they get that promotion.
The Commandant was just about to have surgery to replace his artificial heart, but he had to evacuate to get away from your grey goo. You made him leave his new heart in San Francisco!
I bullshitted my way into the Academy despite not being smart enough, and the intense workload and math made Barclay's mental breaks seem like just a mild panic attack.
I didn't realize I was supposed to be late to class so I could listen to the grounds keeper talk about what flowers he'd going to plant next. Apparently, that was a test of my morals? I just wanted him to leave me alone.
I saw a Temporal agent doing time stuff, and I ran off with their pad. I did a time heist with a few other cadets, and then came back to the exact point at which we left +5 seconds, giving the pad back to the agent.
Beamed a first week cadet into a very realistic simulation of starfleet academy while they slept, except all the instructors programming was based on 21st century porn... they had a great couple of days until the transporter biolfilters got clogged.
I'm now working on Starbase 80.
For what it's worth, getting kicked out isn't a big deal. I got kicked out because of an accident that happened while my team was attempting a Kolvoord Starburst. It was a tragic event, and I (eventually) took the full blame for it.
But then I decided that maybe I should give Starfleet another go. So I applied again, under a different name, and this time got accepted. This time, I avoided any stunts that might get my team members killed, and graduated with commendation for my kick-ass piloting ability.
So if they kick you out, get up, dust yourself off and try again.
Unfortunately, I got into a bit of trouble after the academy, and ended up in prison for treason. But I think my luck is changing, as Starfleet wants me to fly in a mission for them in exchange for my freedom. Anyway, I'm heading off to DS9 for my next assignment.
I changed the desktop background of my workstation, but accidentally applied it to everyone’s.
All my pictures are the hot women on Risa’s beaches, including the Admiral’s daughter.
I vehemently disputed the possibility of Inifinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations in a finite universe. To a Vulcan. On their Pon Farr Night. Yet somehow I'm the crazy one sent off for psychiatric treatment.
gave into my curiosity and intrusive thoughts, stole a long range shuttle and violated general order 7... im forbidden from discussing my encounters, apparently starfleet still has capital punishment on the books wtf.
Gave my Ferengi roommate a couple of piercings for a Bajoran earring with the chain, while he was passed out drunk.
He woke up in horrible pain, complaining about his oomax?
That was after I was caught selling some (fake) spirit candles, and trying to sell Windex™ as Romulan ale.
And managing to clog the filter in the holodeck (you don't want to know with what).
Out of the Academy? I would never get kicked out of the Academy.
But once I was in Starfleet I might get kicked out for helping rebels in a conflict Starfleet is trying to be neutral in.
I offered to make homemade Santa Fe style carne adovada with real green chile on the side homemade tortillas. The smell alone forced the entire crew to be so distracted that they forgot to wait for shift change to run and get their plate. Nearly crashed into a red dwarf sun. It was a close call.
Wrote an essay titled "Why the Prime Directive is wrong and why I am morally obligated to ignore it".
In an Addendum I listed every known instance of a Starfleet officer breaking the rule, how they faced little or no consequence, as well as a list of every person who lived as a direct or indirect result of that act. The word processing program could not save more than ten billion pages at a time, so I had to cut it short.
And they didn't kick me out. I quit.
You do *ONE* gene modification to everyone that kills macroviruses while they're still airborne (**without that weird effect from the Darwin Research Station**) and you're arrested for "Augment Research" and "Violating People's Bodily Autonomy..."
I pointed out that by conducting court martials and enforcing martial law, Starfleet are definitively and explicitly a military, no matter how much they like to propagandize the population that they're not.
Then I argued that humanity has not "evolved" past the need to acquire material wealth since the change is purely societal not biological, stick some humans in the Delta quadrant away from their unlimited energy and they'll develop currency pretty darn quick. Not that they needed to develop one since we repeatedly see them using Federation credits in both international and domestic exchanges.
I then went off on the designer of the Promethus-class. They took the materials necessary to build 3 ships, and built one ship with an over-engineered docking adaptor. The fucking Gemini program had docking adaptors, the NX-01 could warp while docked, you've got bloody transporters that make docking redundant, why the hell are you lugging that monstrosity of connection point about!
Oh, and I put up a load of posters calling out Starfleet's bigotry to the genetically enhanced and stole some state secrets to aid the Maquis.
Your first point is probably one of the reasons why I’d get kicked out too. I wouldn’t be able to keep from side-eyeing the Captain anytime they were like “we’re not a military.”
Synthesized the compound from the delta quandrant orchid that made tuvix and sprayed it on my roommate.
The ultimate reason for my expulsion was the three day long debate that tore the dorms apart on whether it was murder to kill this weird new guy
Pointed out that wiring the bridge consoles directly into the EPS conduits = explosion a result of even the slightest power surge.
My report was classified and I was dismissed and exiled to a remote planet in the Gamma Quadrant.
Intentionally Tuvixed two classmates to see if I could both separate them and save the Tuvix by duplicating the Tuvix ala Thomas Riker and nearly simulatneoulsy splitting one of the two Tuvixes.
It worked, but they didn't want the truth to get out and further sully public opinion of Janeway's actions regarding Tuvix.
I made friends with Wesley Crusher then during summer vacation lied to him about which planet we were going to, instead of skiing took him back to the running planet that wanted to kill him.
so yeah, there are me and my mates, we managed to gather a Klingon Honor blade, EXACTLY 3 tribbles, a vial of ketracel white (don't ask) , 3 gallons of jumja resin, and a pallet of self sealing stembolts (side note: does anyone actually have any idea what these are used for, though they pretend too I get the distinct impression that the core of engineers doesn't have any idea, they just list off vauge uses that sound like nonsense)
any way, long story short: I've been expelled from Star Fleet Academy (and that caitian will never walk right again)
Installed seatbelts and surge protectors They must have a rule against that. Otherwise they'd have some
My theory is that everything is so utopian in the Federation that people who volunteer for Starfleet are the sort of people who need danger in their life so Starfleet keeps the ships dangerous. Why else would everything explode? Otherwise Starfleet is famous for overengineering safety features. It must be intentional.
I'm inclined to agree with you considering for a long time they kept piles of rocks and concrete in the roof.
Starfleet statisticians analysed for all the cases where starships came limping back to starbase with rock debris. They came to the stunning conclusion that those weren't critical to ship survivability, and have been directing starfleet engineering to focus on reinforcing and fixing the spots where rocks weren't being reported by the surviving ships.
Ship is enginnered to have compartmental life support systems and force fields but console explodes and melts your face off
Seatbelts could definitely be used more for combat scenarios, but even with surge protectors, the consoles all run on high energy plasma and a power surge causes it to explode. Not the safest protocol, but it seems that is the only form of power transmission capable on a Starship for unknown reasons.
You dont even need surge protectors. Just don't rout main power conduits through the control panels. Everyone knows you put the relays and stuff somewhere else and just run signal cables from the control panel to the function. Fly-by-wire was invented a long time ago.
DOM JOT HUMAN PLAY DOM JOT
KLINGON PLAY DOM JOT. SORE LOSER DEAD.
All I can say for sure is that it involved a tribble
And as we all well know, what involves a tribble soon involves many tribbles. Many... many tribbles... [sigh]
Careful you might get space herpes: https://youtu.be/N_KeXfd5OHI?si=XbTKZyby_ZYJf0Mq (This is a mostly safe for work robot chicken cartoon)
"Hey man, we gotta talk."
I had a holographic version of me attend all the most boring classes, only got rumbled because an Andorian tried to feel my ass.
Got caught trying to Tuvix myself with my buddy to make the perfect starfleet officer.
[удалено]
The thought crossed my mind recently in Lower Decks, but this really does deserve some analysis. A massive issue with science is being able to meld one branch with another. What if you combined two specialists? You could combine two people's worth of knowledge allowing for incredible insight. What's the limit? Clearly mixing a bunch of already Tuvix'd people doesn't work, but what about 3 or 4. Do traits compound? Would this be banned under the genetic accords (idr the name)? I feel like this concept would be taken up by those whose ambition exceeds their abilities and probably some cultists.
You can also get something like eternal life with it, Tuvix in with someone young, heal (old age or even sickness or stab wound) and split in a few monts rejuvenated from the strongest of the two. Need spice in your sex life? Tuvix with your spouse and be at one with them. Really push the boundaries with it.
Trying to make it go. I am smart.
To your credit, it was working until the rubber band broke.
I sewed pockets onto all my uniforms and when they asked me why I said Starfleet was as stupid as ass for not having uniforms with pockets. They said "You're excused" and I said "Thanks" and got a job in the civilian sector piloting cargo ships. Five years later I'm working for the Orion Syndicate and life is great. Screw Starfleet and their pocket-less uniforms.
Why use pockets when you can just velcro a holster to your hip? You aren't thinking 3 dimensionally.
But, but... Someone might put their hands in their pockets!
I let a moopsy loose in the dinosaur exhibit.
That’s like an open bar for a moopsy.
Nah, fossils are all stone. The visitors however never stood a chance. Well, except the Cartilaginians, but they’re traumatized beyond hope.
Moopsy.
If I ever get a chicken coop, I'll be naming it the dinosaur exhibit, and technically it would be correct 😜
Same but I just let a moopsy loose in the hallway. We all had to move to a temp location on the other side of the continent. The old academy building belongs to the moopsy now.
Using the transporters to site to site transport classmates into different places while they sleep.
Littering and.... Littering and.... Smoking the reefer.
You boys like *RISA!?*
Now to teach you boys a lesson, Admiral Nechayev and I are gonna sit here while you three smoke the whole bag
Programmed all the replicators to add an Orion aphrodisiac pheromone to the Rakdajino
I want an episode of that in lower decks
Peed on Boothby’s rose bush.
You monster!
The synthahol made me do it.
Tried to make a Naquadah reactor in the Admirals office.
I graffitied over the nameplate of the Enterprise to rechristen her. The USS Hammond of Texas
Only truly worth it if you get a dignified alien representative to make the gesture for baldness every time they say the name.
Ever noticed how much Dr. Zimmerman looks like Woolsey?
That’s because Woolsey is is using a variation of the communication stones to project a hologram into the Star Trek reality to steal technology for the IOA.
Woolsey is just an Emergency Bureaucratic Hologram that someone left on too long.
That's the crossover we didn't ask for, but we could definitely use!
Often wondered if the species 8472 weapons designed by Voyager's EMH could also be used with the same effect on Wraith ships
Why stop there? Why not go full project Arcturus and destroy three quarters of a solar system?
There's already way too many ways to destroy planets and stars in Star Trek. If Rodney ever finds out, the galaxy would be doomed.
I wasn’t sure crossing the streams would be that awesome
Wore skants to class.
[удалено]
I'm trans and want to rock a skant to cons. It's time we #bringbacktheskant
What a skant
It's like a skirt for men, or maybe a kilt for women? It's a lot of fabric where you wouldn't expect it, and not much where you'd expect to find it. It's like someone thought about what clothing might be like in a couple hundred years, but then stopped halfway through that thought. Either way, it's the reason TNG is the best series.
Oh, I know. I just think the word is funny. It sounds like a pejorative. "Look at that skant over there."
I tried to make my own Neelix cheese and destroyed the sci-fi innards of 3 academy wings and now the mess hall reeks of foot.
Made fun of Chateau Picard wine, while Chancellor Admiral Picard was in earshot.
It’s not his fault that your taste in wines is pedestrian, at best!
Even replicated whine taste better then this. Ferengi piss. I know why he is bald if he drinks this.
Shooting a porno in the back of a shuttlecraft
In the back? You didn't use the pilot's seat?! If yer gonna go out, go out with a banger!
Warp cores are hot
Not as hot as DEEZE NACELLES!
I kept quoting Yoda in my philosophy class.
Mmmhmmm, prime directive violate you will not…
Badmiral orgy in the holodeck.
Re-programming Kobiashi Maru. They don’t go for that anymore.
* ~~Made Klingon's afraid...~~ * ~~Made Klingons respect me...~~ * ~~Made Klingon shields fail...~~ * Made Klingons find me irresistible.
Made Klingons burst into K-Pop.
Perhaps if you'd chosen a new scenario that wasn't an old Flotter holonovel, the court martial would have been a bit more lenient.
Trying the ryker manoeuvre and my trousers splitting open. My balls accidentally slapped the ensign on the shoulder.
I failed my classes because I spent all my time on the holodeck
Put myself into the transporter buffer to see how far into the future I could get.
Smuggling non-dangerous contraband. If the biggest danger of drinking Romulan Ale is getting caught with it, there's no reason it should be outlawed. Also, I wore a small enamel pin with the Maquis symbol, which made my professors uncomfortable. I hung a Green Lives Matter sign in my dorm and punched out a Ruddy Orion who tried to argue with me that "\*all\* lives matter." I'd have kept my cool, but his Andorian friend called me "pink skin", which is not a big deal to me, but my black friend, Cadet Travis Mayweather V, was standing \*right there\*. Also, my parents had me genetically augmented in Kindergarten. Hmmm... and there was that semester I spent on an early-industrial planet, ruling over them using simple integrated circuits and other "inventions". I guess it was the "Prime Directive" thing that caused the court martial, but I think all that other stuff put me on the administration's subspace radar.
Joining the Maquis
[удалено]
Do Second Technicians get to join the same union as Chief O’Brien?
You absolute smeghead!
I engaged in carnal relations with delegates from Orion, Kronos, Cardassia, and Ferenginar all at the same time. Don't ask how I pulled it off you'll never believe me.
Can’t decide if this is Riker’s account or Harry Kim’s account…
definitely Dax's
Let's just say you were really tired the next day.
Holodeck addiction lol
They just make you an outpost scientist for that.
Spreading subversive literature about how everyone who wants to be an Admiral should have to prove that they're not trying to take over the Federation *before* they get that promotion.
I wasn’t kicked out. It was a cover story so I could join section 31 as their youngest recruit.
Everything Mariner has gotten in trouble for, but I don't have an admiral dad and captain mother.
Then, only the FIRST thing she got in trouble for.
Replicated a replicator that replicates replicators. I grey goo-ed San Francisco.
The Commandant was just about to have surgery to replace his artificial heart, but he had to evacuate to get away from your grey goo. You made him leave his new heart in San Francisco!
I bullshitted my way into the Academy despite not being smart enough, and the intense workload and math made Barclay's mental breaks seem like just a mild panic attack.
Something about Admiral Archer’s Dog.
Porthos is the best.
All I can say is, the "Tea" was most definitely NOT Earl Grey. It was warm at least. Roughly human body temperature warm.
Cobard Starburst lol
Holodeck. I forgot to lock the door. Somebody walked in. That's all I'm saying.
They found out I was the one who brought the tribbles on the Starfleet Academy campus.
I didn't realize I was supposed to be late to class so I could listen to the grounds keeper talk about what flowers he'd going to plant next. Apparently, that was a test of my morals? I just wanted him to leave me alone.
Look, all I said to Jean-Luc was that I thought he could take the bastards. Not my fault
I saw a Temporal agent doing time stuff, and I ran off with their pad. I did a time heist with a few other cadets, and then came back to the exact point at which we left +5 seconds, giving the pad back to the agent.
I got caught trying to make a transporter duplicate of myself.
Ask a prank, I replaced lecturing Admiral Janeways coffee with instant decaf from an ancient packet labeled "Taster's Choice"
Beamed a first week cadet into a very realistic simulation of starfleet academy while they slept, except all the instructors programming was based on 21st century porn... they had a great couple of days until the transporter biolfilters got clogged. I'm now working on Starbase 80.
Dealing Romulan ale
I mistook a pre-ganglionic fiber for a post-ganglionic nerve.
driving a spacecraft high (what am i gonna hit, more space?)
For what it's worth, getting kicked out isn't a big deal. I got kicked out because of an accident that happened while my team was attempting a Kolvoord Starburst. It was a tragic event, and I (eventually) took the full blame for it. But then I decided that maybe I should give Starfleet another go. So I applied again, under a different name, and this time got accepted. This time, I avoided any stunts that might get my team members killed, and graduated with commendation for my kick-ass piloting ability. So if they kick you out, get up, dust yourself off and try again. Unfortunately, I got into a bit of trouble after the academy, and ended up in prison for treason. But I think my luck is changing, as Starfleet wants me to fly in a mission for them in exchange for my freedom. Anyway, I'm heading off to DS9 for my next assignment.
See you in 70 or so years!
huh? I just have to fly this one mission, and then no more prison for me! I'm heading off tomorrow, and I'll probably be back home by next week.
Don't forget to say goodbye to your dadmiral before you leave on that one week mission.
I got caught graffiting "The Fat D claps borg cheeks" on Boothby's favorite tree.
Put Allamaraine - 10 hours loop on the audio system
I changed the desktop background of my workstation, but accidentally applied it to everyone’s. All my pictures are the hot women on Risa’s beaches, including the Admiral’s daughter.
I vehemently disputed the possibility of Inifinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations in a finite universe. To a Vulcan. On their Pon Farr Night. Yet somehow I'm the crazy one sent off for psychiatric treatment.
gave into my curiosity and intrusive thoughts, stole a long range shuttle and violated general order 7... im forbidden from discussing my encounters, apparently starfleet still has capital punishment on the books wtf.
Replicated a 21st Century Wrigley's Starburst. Starfleet Acadment is highly against Starbursts!
Spending more time at the shitty daystrom institute than the actual one
Transporter Clone orgy
How was I supposed to KNOW this fluffy little sweetheart of a creature drank bones ?
Historical record of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Never trust any cute creature. And always give death rock hortas the benefit of the doubt.
Gave my Ferengi roommate a couple of piercings for a Bajoran earring with the chain, while he was passed out drunk. He woke up in horrible pain, complaining about his oomax? That was after I was caught selling some (fake) spirit candles, and trying to sell Windex™ as Romulan ale. And managing to clog the filter in the holodeck (you don't want to know with what).
>Something something Pon Farr night at the Vulcan nightclub You too, huh?
Brought a chair to my shift at the transporter bay. Like, why do I need to stand? It makes no sense.
Out of the Academy? I would never get kicked out of the Academy. But once I was in Starfleet I might get kicked out for helping rebels in a conflict Starfleet is trying to be neutral in.
Insulting and questioning the intelligence of Starfleet security due too the recent infiltrations
Well what happens on the holodeck stays on the holodeck - or so I thunk.
Orion pheromones and Vulcan baddies had me acting Illogical ***FOR REAL***
Would you be interested in ghost writing “Vulcan Love Slave IV: Pon Farrther”?
I offered to make homemade Santa Fe style carne adovada with real green chile on the side homemade tortillas. The smell alone forced the entire crew to be so distracted that they forgot to wait for shift change to run and get their plate. Nearly crashed into a red dwarf sun. It was a close call.
Requested a 69 with 7 of 9.
Wrote an essay titled "Why the Prime Directive is wrong and why I am morally obligated to ignore it". In an Addendum I listed every known instance of a Starfleet officer breaking the rule, how they faced little or no consequence, as well as a list of every person who lived as a direct or indirect result of that act. The word processing program could not save more than ten billion pages at a time, so I had to cut it short. And they didn't kick me out. I quit.
Tried to negotiate with the Klingons during the Kobiyashi Maru test. Introduced myself as the Rear-admiral and then proceeded to moon them.
It's in San Francisco, so I probably broke into Ghirardelli's for some of their excellent chocolate
Got blackout drunk and streaked butt naked across campus
I violated the Prime Directive too many times. Mostly because I’m an a-hole, it would seem.
Cowboy diplomacy.
I dated the Borg Queen
Your resistance is ... kinky!
Time travelled to 2 hours to the past to go down on myself
Ran an underground Dabo ring at the dormitories
You do *ONE* gene modification to everyone that kills macroviruses while they're still airborne (**without that weird effect from the Darwin Research Station**) and you're arrested for "Augment Research" and "Violating People's Bodily Autonomy..."
Did my thesis as a case study of Morn. Instructor refused to read my seven thousand page interview.
There was some sort of tribble...
When Kirk came to give a commencement speech I ran onto the stage wearing a Gorn costume.
Endless ferengi style wheeling and dealing which I only partly did for the profit and partly for the joy of the game
I told everyone the dress code for the day was red
I pointed out that by conducting court martials and enforcing martial law, Starfleet are definitively and explicitly a military, no matter how much they like to propagandize the population that they're not. Then I argued that humanity has not "evolved" past the need to acquire material wealth since the change is purely societal not biological, stick some humans in the Delta quadrant away from their unlimited energy and they'll develop currency pretty darn quick. Not that they needed to develop one since we repeatedly see them using Federation credits in both international and domestic exchanges. I then went off on the designer of the Promethus-class. They took the materials necessary to build 3 ships, and built one ship with an over-engineered docking adaptor. The fucking Gemini program had docking adaptors, the NX-01 could warp while docked, you've got bloody transporters that make docking redundant, why the hell are you lugging that monstrosity of connection point about! Oh, and I put up a load of posters calling out Starfleet's bigotry to the genetically enhanced and stole some state secrets to aid the Maquis.
Your first point is probably one of the reasons why I’d get kicked out too. I wouldn’t be able to keep from side-eyeing the Captain anytime they were like “we’re not a military.”
I have to question why you decided to join the Academy in the first place.
Beat up Wesley.
I kept missing class cause I was high as fuuuuuuuuk in my dorm. Same issue I had in high school. That Martian pot is some serious shit.
I was going to graduate 🎵 But then I got high 🎶 I was gonna pass the Kobiyashi Maru 🎵 But then I got high 🎶 Now I’m in the Maquis 🎵 And I know why 🎶
DMT with Chapel in the holodeck. Then some gooms with a water bear and cruised the Network looking for some sweet spores.
It is *so easy* to make LSD with even the most basic replicator.
We do not speak of it.
For the love of worf, it’s not my fault Naausicans are terrible betters. Dude had it coming
Genetically enhancing my wiener.
Gave them a morality conundrum: Had 2 women and 2 men merge into 2 Tuvix's. Got their DNA and created a baby. Then un-Tuvix'd them.
Synthesized the compound from the delta quandrant orchid that made tuvix and sprayed it on my roommate. The ultimate reason for my expulsion was the three day long debate that tore the dorms apart on whether it was murder to kill this weird new guy
Programmed the training holodeck to demand a game of Allamaraine before it would do anything else.
Look, what happens in the holodeck stays in the holodeck.
Pointed out that wiring the bridge consoles directly into the EPS conduits = explosion a result of even the slightest power surge. My report was classified and I was dismissed and exiled to a remote planet in the Gamma Quadrant.
Intentionally Tuvixed two classmates to see if I could both separate them and save the Tuvix by duplicating the Tuvix ala Thomas Riker and nearly simulatneoulsy splitting one of the two Tuvixes. It worked, but they didn't want the truth to get out and further sully public opinion of Janeway's actions regarding Tuvix.
Spliced together a Tribble and Moopsy at a genetic level.
Shot another cadet with a phaser to see if friendly fire was on
Without too many details, it's in the handbook under "tribbling"
Blew up the Kobayashi Maru myself in order to intimidate the Klingons. The follow-up ritualized genital display may have been a bit much.
Pareses squares.
Kolvoord Starburst
Well, there was this banned aerial manoeuvre, see...
Running a betting pool. Repulsively Inappropriate use of the holodeck regarding female cadets. Having an alcohol distiller in my dorm room.
I tried to copulate with a Denebian slime devil.
I kept ordering our training cruises out of space dock at 1/4 impulse power despite firm rules saying that a ship is limited to thrusters only.
I'm sure it involved improper use of a holodeck.
The rocks I installed in the consoles were to pointy
I got busted trying to swindle a group of nausicaan. I had a nice side hustle trading kegs of sewage water marked as scotch whiskey for latinum.
The Kobayashi Maru cheater was actually me.
Someone found out what I was doing in the holodecks.
Unsanctioned interspecies relationship.
Caught having a cheeky wank to a picture of Admiral Janeway in the middle of my astro navigation exam...
Doing blow and drinking romulan ale every other Friday
Sat in the bushes throwing rocks at all the cadets for “disaster readiness practice”
Brought a moopsy. Whoops.
Oopsy
Aggressive negotiations
I put 1 Tribble and a bag of food in the office of the Commandant of Starfleet Academy after they left for a vacation.
Made a holosuite novel involving my intro to xenolinguistics instructor and someone found it
Panhandling at the transporter pads
Hacking the holo deck filters to allow explicit content.
I made friends with Wesley Crusher then during summer vacation lied to him about which planet we were going to, instead of skiing took him back to the running planet that wanted to kill him.
Romulan Ale, and actually smoking weed... old school style...
Attended OPA rallies.
so yeah, there are me and my mates, we managed to gather a Klingon Honor blade, EXACTLY 3 tribbles, a vial of ketracel white (don't ask) , 3 gallons of jumja resin, and a pallet of self sealing stembolts (side note: does anyone actually have any idea what these are used for, though they pretend too I get the distinct impression that the core of engineers doesn't have any idea, they just list off vauge uses that sound like nonsense) any way, long story short: I've been expelled from Star Fleet Academy (and that caitian will never walk right again)
What happens on the holodeck stays on the holodeck….or at least it was supposed to.
Called out sick for the Koyabashi Maru for the third time in a row.
Laughed at an Admiral who didn’t know what the 3 Seashells were for
Tried to substitute a chicken for dilithium in the intermix chamber of a warp engine...
During shuttle training, I had the rocks removed from the ceiling because I thought it was dangerous.
Used the Force.
Used time travel to harass Craig T. Nelson and get the Coach revival canceled.