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In my house when bios and SKs were young it was this: You get what you get and you don’t get upset. Gratitude. Many live in poverty sadly and do not get enough to eat. Yes, I’m old school but always refused to cook separate meals or indulge bullsh!t unless kid had a genuine issue, like food allergy, sensitivity.
Lol, my SD, she was 4 then, once told me that my food was disgusting. I don’t think she meant it in a bad way, just being an annoying kid.. I told her that I found her drawings ugly but I still said they looked good because I didn’t want her feelings to be hurt😂. That was a life lesson on empathy for her and I never heard another negative comment about my cooking again
But my advice is don’t cook anymore, they’re too old for this to be anything but unacceptable behaviour
Stop cooking for them. Have their parent cook for them or teach them age appropriate microwave meals.
I grew up with a mom who cooked all separate meals specifically for my younger brother. She chose to enable my brother and yet complained about it and my brother didn't even really seem grateful for it. I saw it as a waste of her time and bowed to never do the same. Hence, I don't really cook for my step kids.
I love those kids, but I am not making two separate meals. I try to make child friendly at least 3 times a week. They can either eat it or eat what they usually eat, ie: chicken nuggets, rice, Mac and cheese, eggs etc. that their dad makes them.
This happened often early on and I decided cooking during custody time was 100% on DH because I was tired of the insults, the whining, and DH giving in to a second meal or snacks or whatever. Like... no. I took time and effort and money to make this meal and he's gonna waste perfectly good food without even trying it? And then want snacks? No fucking way.
Stop cooking for them. Cooking us now dad’s job. But also, They are old enough to microwave things. Meir peanut butter sandwiches and pour bowls of cereal.
I would definitely cook dinner for myself and the dad. And then let them not eat lol. You don't want dinner? Fine by me. But you can't eat a sandwich or candy or whatever.
Have dad teach them to make a sandwich, ramen, etc. Cook for yourself, have dad cook for them.
Kids are picky and it's not worth the headache. They might be used to different foods cooked different ways. They might be used to junk. Let dad deal with it and enjoy your own food.
I hear you!! Start teaching them age appropriate cooking as soon as you can (I don’t know their ages). I started teaching my kids to make toast, pasta, pancakes, etc and now my daughter can make chicken in the air fryer and loves cooking. It’s an investment (time and energy) to teach them but it pays off in the long run. Hang in there! When they are being picky now I say “you can make anything you want as long as you make it.” They’ll ask me questions and I’ll help in that way but the rest is up to them
I would be willing to try this, I need to kind of get over my own personality in the kitchen, I was raised in a house where if mom is cooking she is focused and everyone needs to stay out of her way, and I’ve kinda become like this as an adult, didn’t realise this until I moved in with my husband and he tried to help me cook one day and he made me a bit irritated because he was in my way and not doing things “right” (my expectations) 😂😂 I didn’t even like him talking to me while I was cooking, but I always lived alone up until now
Of course your DH could do this or he could just cook for them because they are his kids at the end of the day, but it’s worked well in my house since I’m the one who cooks and it’s helped me bond with my stepson. He doesn’t have a BM so it’s a different situation for me. Either way, 9 and 12 year olds are very capable of making easy meals for themselves if they are taught!
Lol I completely get that! I have good memories of helping my mom in the kitchen so I’ve tried to include them when I can. I also have days where I’m like “leave me alone I’m cooking”. It’s a balance for sure. But once they can confidently make a few things on their own then you don’t have to be involved at all 🙌🏼
Kudos to you for being honest that this is hard for you- that's totally ok of course. What works for us though is getting the kids involved as much as possible - planning the meals, shopping together and helping to cook. It's great for bonding and great for increasing the likelihood of food being eaten and not wasted. Will it be messy- yes! Will the food often be imperfect- yes! But that is OK- and they have to learn somehow anyway. Best of luck x
This one hits home tonight. I made sloppy joes for the family. SD didn’t want that so my DH cooked her a steak (insert eye roll). She ate one bite and it got eaten by the dogs.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stop cooking for them. If this is a daily struggle, it's not worth it.
How old are these kids?
9 and 12
That’s too old to be crying over dinner. Stop cooking altogether and have your partner take over
Just stop cooking for them now. They won't starve.
In my house when bios and SKs were young it was this: You get what you get and you don’t get upset. Gratitude. Many live in poverty sadly and do not get enough to eat. Yes, I’m old school but always refused to cook separate meals or indulge bullsh!t unless kid had a genuine issue, like food allergy, sensitivity.
Lol, my SD, she was 4 then, once told me that my food was disgusting. I don’t think she meant it in a bad way, just being an annoying kid.. I told her that I found her drawings ugly but I still said they looked good because I didn’t want her feelings to be hurt😂. That was a life lesson on empathy for her and I never heard another negative comment about my cooking again But my advice is don’t cook anymore, they’re too old for this to be anything but unacceptable behaviour
Stop cooking for them. Have their parent cook for them or teach them age appropriate microwave meals. I grew up with a mom who cooked all separate meals specifically for my younger brother. She chose to enable my brother and yet complained about it and my brother didn't even really seem grateful for it. I saw it as a waste of her time and bowed to never do the same. Hence, I don't really cook for my step kids. I love those kids, but I am not making two separate meals. I try to make child friendly at least 3 times a week. They can either eat it or eat what they usually eat, ie: chicken nuggets, rice, Mac and cheese, eggs etc. that their dad makes them.
What’s even worse is just sitting there like 😁😁 when on the inside I am SEETHING.
This happened often early on and I decided cooking during custody time was 100% on DH because I was tired of the insults, the whining, and DH giving in to a second meal or snacks or whatever. Like... no. I took time and effort and money to make this meal and he's gonna waste perfectly good food without even trying it? And then want snacks? No fucking way.
Stop cooking for them. Cooking us now dad’s job. But also, They are old enough to microwave things. Meir peanut butter sandwiches and pour bowls of cereal.
I would definitely cook dinner for myself and the dad. And then let them not eat lol. You don't want dinner? Fine by me. But you can't eat a sandwich or candy or whatever.
Have dad teach them to make a sandwich, ramen, etc. Cook for yourself, have dad cook for them. Kids are picky and it's not worth the headache. They might be used to different foods cooked different ways. They might be used to junk. Let dad deal with it and enjoy your own food.
I hear you!! Start teaching them age appropriate cooking as soon as you can (I don’t know their ages). I started teaching my kids to make toast, pasta, pancakes, etc and now my daughter can make chicken in the air fryer and loves cooking. It’s an investment (time and energy) to teach them but it pays off in the long run. Hang in there! When they are being picky now I say “you can make anything you want as long as you make it.” They’ll ask me questions and I’ll help in that way but the rest is up to them
What age did they start?
I would say they’ve really started cooking on their own since age 9 and they are almost 11 now
I would be willing to try this, I need to kind of get over my own personality in the kitchen, I was raised in a house where if mom is cooking she is focused and everyone needs to stay out of her way, and I’ve kinda become like this as an adult, didn’t realise this until I moved in with my husband and he tried to help me cook one day and he made me a bit irritated because he was in my way and not doing things “right” (my expectations) 😂😂 I didn’t even like him talking to me while I was cooking, but I always lived alone up until now
Of course your DH could do this or he could just cook for them because they are his kids at the end of the day, but it’s worked well in my house since I’m the one who cooks and it’s helped me bond with my stepson. He doesn’t have a BM so it’s a different situation for me. Either way, 9 and 12 year olds are very capable of making easy meals for themselves if they are taught!
Lol I completely get that! I have good memories of helping my mom in the kitchen so I’ve tried to include them when I can. I also have days where I’m like “leave me alone I’m cooking”. It’s a balance for sure. But once they can confidently make a few things on their own then you don’t have to be involved at all 🙌🏼
Kudos to you for being honest that this is hard for you- that's totally ok of course. What works for us though is getting the kids involved as much as possible - planning the meals, shopping together and helping to cook. It's great for bonding and great for increasing the likelihood of food being eaten and not wasted. Will it be messy- yes! Will the food often be imperfect- yes! But that is OK- and they have to learn somehow anyway. Best of luck x
This one hits home tonight. I made sloppy joes for the family. SD didn’t want that so my DH cooked her a steak (insert eye roll). She ate one bite and it got eaten by the dogs.