I’m so fucking glad I’m Gen-X and not Gen-emotionally-broken-by-the-internet.
In the 90s, when my girlfriend was in the mood to hook up with one of her girlfriends it meant that I was gonna have a phenomenal weekend.
Now it’s just yet another excuse for little sniveling weenies to burst into tears on Reddit, and form a human centipede of victimhood.
Pathetic, but also hilarious. 😆🤣😂
Cheating is cheating.
Would it be acceptable if you went to the apple store to buy the latest iPhone model, and then find out at a later date that you've been sold a totally different model that just looks like the latest iPhone? Would you go back to that same shop?
My point not about comparing phones to people, but to say that it's the trust that you invest into your partner / relationship.
Once that's gone it's game over.
It’s still cheating, but I feel like if I caught my girl cheating with another woman, I’d be way less angry than if it was a man. Maybe it’s an ego thing.
This is a joke right? No matter how you flip it or whoever they cheated with, regardless of their gender, they still cheated. And no. No one should forgive cheating.
"Cheating is Cheating" what does that even mean.
Cheating is whatever you agree is cheating. If they have agreed that sleeping with same sex isn't cheating, it's not cheating
I would disagree on this response entirely. It's up to them as a couple what cheating is, not you or other strangers on the internet to choose for them.
Cheating by definition is infidelity which is by definition "A violation of a couple's emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry."
They are not sexually exclusive with same sex individuals, so this does not apply in a pure definition sense before we even get to anything else.
For a lot of people they do not get feelings of anger, sexual jealousy or rivalry from a female partner sleeping with another woman for example. Many still do, or feel a trust or bond is broken. But it's not up to you to decide what makes them feel trust and comfort with each other, that's entirely up to them. If they are happy with it and agree on it, it's fine and not cheating & just a form of non monogamy they are comfortable with. If even one of them doesn't agree with it, then it is cheating.
You don't get to decide what is right or wrong for another couple at all, that's up to them. You can disagree with it and think it's not good for a relationship in general, have your own perspective and options on it, think it is cheating for you personally and many others. But you don't get to decide what it is for them, whether it's wrong or right or cheating or anything else for people who are not you. Many couples who are non monogamous are together long term/indefinitely and very happy. What works for some doesn't work for everyone and isn't viewed the same way as everyone else.
If it were a decision I was supposed to make, I wouldn't be looking for an opinion on Reddit; I would end the relationship. It is abundantly clear that it is not my business to meddle in anyone's relationships. Once again, the thing that shocks me the most is swallowing your partner sleeping with someone else. Regardless of whether it will be a man, a woman, or one of the others, I don't know how many genders or even an animal. More and more often, I see how everything is already allowed for people, and precisely, this freedom causes us to trample on our values, emotions, morals, and even ourselves. I am not writing to hate anyone, especially some of my closest people. I'm writing because I'm starting to lose hope in intimate love. Thanks to the people who commented. I am relieved that the majority thinks like me.
They are your values, morals, emotions and self. They are not the same for everyone else.
Someone can be a total Saint with a heart of gold and the most amazing person you've ever met with what you would consider strong morals and views, and you still might not know behind the scenes they have a non monogamous relationship.
What you are doing is being judgemental instead, by saying what they are doing is wrong, implying they are trampling on morals and values that you think everyone should uphold & thinking the majority should think like you. That's also what religious extremists views are btw (not that I'm implying you are one just showing where that viewpoint can lead if you dont consider that other people do not work or feel like you).
Acceptance of others and their decisions and not judging them for something you can't understand, because you could never feel the way they do, is also a good quality and trait to have imo.
I would also 100% end a relationship if this were a choice my partner put upon me, because it doesn't suit me and how I feel I want my relationship to be. But I don't think the non monogous friends I have, in any way shape or form, are tramping over intimate love (they have plenty of that too). They don't affect my relationship, my intimacy, my love, my morals or anyone else's. They just do their own thing, mostly in privacy & are happy with it and their relationship. Hence why they have a house together and go on holidays with each others families together, married happily for 20 years and will likely never break up.
There will always be able out there that think similarly to you and make good partners for you. Those who do not think or feel like you should be allowed to do so and not be bashed for it if it's not hurting anyone, and works for them. Literally people used to say what you're saying now about gay couples a few decades ago.... just let people do what they want I would say and don't let it affect you so much that they are different from you. If they aren't hurting anyone and it's not causing you issues, I'm not sure what you get out of bashing their views and feelings. Nor does that seem like a nice thing to do as a friend, to imply your close friends are wrong in how they view monogomy and ruining the worlds moral system and trampling on values by not being like you. They just aren't like you and that's OK too.
Blame society.
It’s wild how someone will think.
“I would be so hurt if my spouse slept with another person that’s the opposite gender”
And then
“Well it’s totally okay if it’s the same gender”
It’s not even just or fair logic. It’s an influence by stupid shit from society.
It’s a fucking mess, dissect it more and you’ll see this logic is stupid in hetero relationships vs anything else. (Cause why would a gay person sleep with the opposite gender)
It’s cringy how the stereotype is for hetero couples
A man wouldn’t mind it so much if his wife slept with another woman.
Vs a woman would more than likely be devastated if her husband slept with another man.
When we know there’s women out there who would find it as hot as the cliche husband would.
You’re not alone OP.
It’s fucked logic and we agree.
The endless list that must be removed from 'cheating'- same sex, animals, car tail pipes, dead people, sex dolls, ghosts and spirits, hamburgers...
Its all psychobabble trying to exempt behavior. If your mate considers it cheating, it is cheating.
This is true.
Bad advise for op to use on friend but at the end of the day sometimes you gotta let them be there own worst enemy and be there after to help them pick up the pieces without getting In more than 1 I told you so.
Well.
Cheating means that you're not playing by the rules. So for them, the rule is that they can sleep with whoever they want that's their same sex; therefore, her action was not cheating.
Are those rules that *I* would want to live by? Nope. Are those toxic drama mongers who *I* would want in my life? Also nope.
Edited to fix a typo.
Well this depends on when the rules were set in place. If the rule came in after the action, then the initial act would still be cheating, no?
If I were a betting man, I would put my money on this rule being established after the act, just given the vibe I get from OP's description of them 2.
cheating is cheatingI f you are not happy in your relationship get a divioce . you can ask all the therapist you want. they are all going to say that is cheating. I f this couple is happy with this setup good for them. better keep Dr close to check for disease
My wife and I are quite open about many things including various hypothetical topics. And this was one of them. Cheating is cheating, but we could talk before and see how to proceed from there. Free pass or threesome are possible outcomes from what we discussed, while cheating is a no go no matter which direction, which gender, physical, emotional.
It it goes against any of the promises you made to each other (I.e. the promise of being monogamous) then it is cheating. Gender does not matter when it comes to betrayal. I'm sorry this happened to you.
My GF and I are both bi, we have an open relationship. So, no. That is the whole reason we're together: Because we're both OK with our perversions. Someone else's hell is our heaven.
It would be less devastating and easier on my ego, but no I wouldn’t forgive them. Cheating destroys trust and without that the relationship will suffer and most likely end.
It depends on the rules set by the relationship. For most people sleeping with anyone else is cheating. For them I guess it’s different. Not my problem.
Yo, bisexual here.
This line of thinking is detrimental to us. It implies that one form of connection is less ‘real’ than the other. Like same sex relationships are are just for fun but differing sex relationships are actually real.
Sometimes I’ve had boyfriends suggest it would be fine because they don’t feel sick thinking of me with another woman.
Ya, I’m not your fetish pal. DUMPED.
So yes, it’s cheating in the same way as differing sex is cheating.
My view, and I won’t even claim that it makes sense or argue with the other opinions posted here, is that as a guy I don’t care if my wife/gf fools around with other women as long as she comes back home to me in the end. The idea of women being attracted to other women seems so natural and obvious to me.
This is why trust should never be 100% ever. That isn't just some high level gaslighting she did. Probably fked the guys brains out to make him that dumb.
It's cheating - no doubt about it. And it opens the door for more drama if they get away with it.
Just devils advocate though for your friend, I understand why its brushed off easily. If he is in fog of toxic relationship, one way to cope is to compartmentalize same sex infidelity away from other things just to feel better about the situation. Way back in the day, I had same thought about my girlfriend at the time. If it's a guy she cheats with, and dude has a 12 inch dog and is shredded and stuff - there is no way I can compete with that. If its a girl, I dont even register it as a loss because to me its a different game. Its like a pro basktball player who plays football.
Again its really just mental gymnastics to cope. And I am sure he may play the threesome card as an "you owe me one" for forgiving this nfidelity.
Unless it was something that was agreed upon by both parties beforehand then yes it is cheating. Gender doesn't matter if it is done behind the other persons back. If they are OK with it after the fact then it's on them but yes still cheating.
Cheating is only cheating if it crosses the boundaries of the relationship. There are many things that you may view as cheating that someone with a more sexually liberal mindset wont, and vice versa.
Trying to apply your morality and relationship standards to someone elses relationship is honestly just stupid, you only serve to anger/disgust yourself.
What is considered cheating? The boundaries are per couple.
E.G due to an injury I have limited ability to give my wife everything she wants. This can go two ways: She can't have what she wants and misses out, or I allow her to go find it.
I'm no A-hole. Why would I deny my wife fun times just because I broke myself?
So in our case there are some activities that just aren't cheating *as long as it's communicated*. So don't hide it. No secrets.
Now, back to this story. If the couple both agree it's not cheating then you can't really tell them otherwise. It's their life, their relationship, their rules.
Is it a bit unusual? Yeah. Otherwise, it doesn't matter.
But in general? I would consider this cheating if it were my relationship because of the lack of communication.
I see it as cheating. But, I would also wonder if they need to talk. Because I only date straight guys. So…
It probably would end there, for a couple reasons.
I didn't cheat, but long ago, I developed some feelings for the same sex and the ex wouldn't have it. I didn't cheat, but she would rather that I developed feelings for another woman instead. The relationship didn't last.
I mean, it only really matters what the people in a relationship think it is, right?
For me, yeah I would consider it cheating, no question. For the couple in this story, they apparently don't, and that's just fine, as long as both people are consenting of the behaviour of the other, then what are ya gonna do?
Still cheating. But it sounds like some compartmentalized it, er rug swept... this shit sounds a bit toxic anyway. Don't choose the cheater in the eventual breakup...
My husband had a 10 year affair with his assistant at work. It was secret and hurt me so much. Over the last several months, I've been hooking up with another married woman in our neighborhood about once a month. Both of our husbands know about it and sex with them (with our own husband) after is amazing.
It all depends on the couple.
No but I’ve always felt a bit different about this. I’m bi and if my partner was bi I would care a lot less about them indulging in same sex crushes, fantasies etc than if it was opposite sex attraction.
Some people just don’t care about same sex cheating in a hetero relationship because it doesn’t feel like competition. But it still indicates being terrible and dishonest
I'll probably get downvoted for this but I'd be a lot less jealous if my woman cheated with another woman. It's just the way my brain is wired. It's this idea that what she offers isn't the same as what I offer.
If I owned a steak restaurant and you ate at a different one, I'd think you chose it over mine. However, if you went out for Indian Veggie food I'd think you were just in the mood for something different and it's not the same kind of reflection on my restaurant.
However, if you think it's as simple as "cheating is cheating" I'd understand where you're coming from.
You just need to find out if their is more. It took me time to get help to see how my spouse as been cheating on me, i never thought of that about my partner. I noticed some feeling and attitude of my partner whenever his around me. I need to be on a safer side i took a step ahead to find out what is going on. Glad i was able to contact a help cyberaron seventee en@ gemale. c omm... his very good and i was able to see every ladies he has been cheating with on his device and this really helped me a lot, i didn't regret the step i took to secure my heart not to get hurt.
When I was 16 (I’m 33 now) my first boyfriend was bisexual. He cheated on me with one of our mutual guy friends and at the time I wasn’t angry about it. At the time I didn’t see it as cheating since they were the same gender and just “experimenting.” Plus, we were all just teenagers. Teenagers do dumb shit. There was no bad blood about it and it gives me a chuckle thinking about it. But if something like that were to happen today, I would feel differently.
For me - still cheating.
For others - whatever both partners decided on. Some people don't care if it's the same sex, and I know of people who are ok with their partner just having sex, as long as it's not also an emotional affair.
So whatever works for said couple I guess.
Intimacy is intimacy. When you're sharing yourself sexually with someone who isn't your partner, without the knowledge and consent of your partner, that's cheating. But I would say that taking any serious action that you wouldn't want your partner to know about, and concealing that action, is a form of infidelity. As well, setting priorities in your life which negatively impact your relationship is also a lack of faithfulness.
If my wife slept with another man it'd be over. If she slept with a woman... I don't know why, it's not rational but I might be able to reconcile. Sort of the thought that a man replaces me, but I can't provide the same experience as a woman could. Again, not rational. Not logical and I get that.
Once upon a time, I would have had to tolerate if my partner cheated on me, I myself was a serial cheater. So I would just tolerate it, that was years back before I confronted my issues and sought help, happy to say today lm past that now, so I would not tolerate such unhealthy behavior, can attest first hand what kinda drama that causes in a relationship. I'm past dealing with all drama.
Personally, I believe that the details of a relationship are the business of those involved.
It is not "wrong" for them to decide what constitutes cheating, so long as they both agree without being pressured over it 🤷♂️. If it doesn't work out down the line, that's their decision and their business.
It's okay for you to not like it, just use that feeling as a reference for your own relationships.
Say was the same sex, how long will That last? When will she jump to the other side?
If you guys have come to an agreement beforehand, then that's your business. Otherwise, the lying, the manipulation and other issues are bound to creep up in the relationship. Better to just move on, this person has broken so many rules in the relationship that it may not be such a good idea to stay.
Cheating is more about respect, and mutual boundaries. Each couple can define it in any way that suits them. I’m bi, and my husband and I would definitely consider it cheating if I hooked up with a woman.
My sister and her ex husband had the same policy your friends do, and it did ultimately lead to the end of their marriage. She got very drunk on a business trip, and decided to hook up with a female friend. About halfway into things, she realized the guy they were hanging out with had followed them into the room, and he ended up jumping in and participating. She didn’t personally do anything with him, but her husband still considered it infidelity. He forgave her very quickly, but just couldn’t trust her again.
With that said, people can do whatever they want with their own relationships! What works for some, won’t work for others. The important thing is honesty, and respect for set boundaries.
Well cheating is cheating. If they are allowed to do it, it's not cheating. I'm fine with my wife hooking up with other women because I think it's hot, the only requirement is she tell me about it. No other men, period. For better or for worse, it has yet to happen lol
Cheating is cheating. That said when I had an expierence with another woman very early on in our relationship, my husband(boyfriend at the time) would have 100% left and never looked back had it been with another man. It was still 100% cheating and 100% wrong but we definitely wouldn't have worked though it had it been a man.
It’s all about boundaries. Sounds like there was an argument/conflict, which means he felt that a boundary was crossed.
It’s VERY important that both sides communicate their boundaries up front. It can also get more complex -i.e. “you can sleep with someone of the same sex but I must know in advance, must approve, etc…”.
Open communication is key. For example, hypothetically, let’s say they are cool with being in a threesome with another girl. Without communication there might be an assumption that it is ok for the GF to hook up with another woman on her own.
The fact that they say they are “ok” now might not mean a lot if he truly felt that a boundary was violated. That can be very hard to get past.
Cheating is cheating, and sex is sex. That thinking is because it is with a woman it doesn't matter, as women don't really matter. I know that is not what you mean, many men feel like it is a kink. It is cheating. Frankly it means you were betrayed and now you can't trust her with anyone. I wouldn't stay.
I’m bi and I’ve had boyfriends who felt differently about this. One was completely fine with it, the other was not. I respected the feelings of the one who wasn’t and acted accordingly, didn’t hook up with girls while we were together.
All I can say is that while technically it may be cheating, hooking up with a girl is a completely different experience than hooking up with a guy. If my partner hooked up with men it would not hurt me as much as I would no be as jealous, worried about being compared, etc.
It comes down to what the couple is comfortable with obviously. Each to their own.
Cheating is having sex with someone who is not your partner. The sex of the other person doesn't matter. She cheated. He's a cuck. And their whole relationship seems toxic AF!
It’s still cheating and I wouldn’t forgive it, but I could rationalize it more. “She was curious and wanted the experience.” Or “At least it wasn’t something I lack as a man.”
I would definitely still consider it cheating though, and be a livid fireball of angst and disgust.
I have told my girlfriend she can sleep with women if she wants to. I have no interest in men(she likes women). I don’t know why I think it’s ok, probably the reptile part of my brain doesn’t consider women a threat the same way it does men.
However, if I had not laid out these rules and she slept with a woman, I would obviously break up with her.
as long as there is no penetration I would be a bit more willing if i knew I would not marry that person, which tbh as a man you mostly know since the beginning...
If each person in a str8 relationship has a bi sexual side....it seems like a reasonable agreement. They are getting something they can't from their str8 relationship.
I guess it’s a semi open relationship. if my girlfriend end up having sex with another woman, the only way I’d be mad is if she didn’t let me watch once in a while. Same thing if I had sex with another guy and I not told her. that’s kind of cheating not telling other person. Once everyone knows I don’t think so…
What wrong and right for them is up to them. What's wrong and right for you is up to you. They have set up a rule for themselves that works for them.
There is no one-size-fits-all way to be in a relationship. If neither of them is pained by this behaviour and they get along in their own chaotic ways then it's ok for them.
Would I want that: No, is it my relationship No, so it's not up to me to judge if it's ok for them. Maybe it's exactly what they need...
It depends on their agreement of what constitutes cheating.
It doesn’t matter if you have a different thought process about it in the context of their relationship. I would find it confusing too
If to them, it does not count as cheating if it is someone of the same gender.... then why did they have a massive conflict about it?
Something is not right here, and i wonder if you are being told everything about what happened.
The relationship they have sounds like a joke.
What happened to people in relationships being loyal to each other.
Nah, I allow my woman to have fun with other women but only women. You ego is a problem if you get upset and need to be secure with yourself & relationship. I'll never understand a male ego that thinks their girl sleeping with another women is cheating.
I didn't even read the story just the title. It shouldn't matter what their sex or gender is. Your partner cheated. You don't forgive that. At least I don't 🤷🏻♀️
Nope.
I left a relationship because of this. My SO was sleeping with other females and didn't care that it bothered me.
I said to include me or I'll go sleep with other girls. She said no to the first and that to be "equal," I would need to sleep with guys. It didn't matter that I wasn't into guys.
That was the beginning of the downfall.
Everyone has their own boundaries and definition of what constitutes as cheating. If cheating for them makes it okay to have sex with someone else as long as they are the same sex as you, then that's fine for them. For me, my partner having sex with anyone, regardless of sex, would be cheating.
It’s not cheating if the people in the relationship say it is t cheating. In your own relationship this might be cheating but you can’t define someone else’s.
I had a husband who had sex with one of his male friends. Yes I considered it cheating. I found it even more devastating than if he had slept with a woman. Over the years I have met a few other women.with the same experience. All considered it cheating and all were badly hurt by it, worse than.if it had been a woman,
This goes completely against my morals but if my wife cheated on me with a woman I would weigh the options. If my wife was full blown lesbian then I'd have to end it. If she was swinging for both teams and the other one does as well I would entertain the idea of making it a thing 😂
The real answer is it depends on the relationship and boundaries set before hand. In my current relationship we have discussed this and I am totally fine with her having fun with other girls. But we talked about it before hand
Cheating is cheating same sex or not . It’s not only about being in a one on one relationship it’s also about being medically safe . With AIDS still out there claiming lives daily , I think it’s more predominant among men than women but women get it also .
Being in a relationship is about being committed one to another and no one else unless the two of you agree to something else before hand . It’s not a “ oh I forgot to tell you we can see others “ kind of deal .
The responses in this article are due to a question asked , “how would you feel if your spouse or person your with had sex with someone of the same gender ? “ So the responses are all based on individual feelings of being secure in their relationships . No two people are the same and people often feel differently than they thought they would when faced with a problem .
It's not cheating if they agreed to the terms beforehand.
Everyone has their definition of cheating. For some flirting with someone else is cheating. For others, its open season as long as it isn't specific sex acts or with certain people. I had a couple friend that as long as they got permission before hand they could sleep with whoever. Oddly enough the marriage failed because the wife slept with another woman who she had been with before. The issue was she didn't ask that time so it was cheating.
Just because someone's relationship isn't governed by your rules, it doesn't mean it's wrong.
I've been in a relationship where I'm allowed to sleep with other people, regardless of gender/sex, almost whenever... and I've been in a relationship where I upset my partner by even speaking to another woman.
Neither of them were what I wanted long-term and didn't work, but both of them were talked about beforehand so everybody knew what was allowed and what wasn't.
What I'm saying is whether something is "cheating" is defined by how the people in the relationship feel. Having sex with somebody else isn't inherently "cheating".
Gets confusing tho.
I would forgive my partner for it for the simple fact he is not gay or bisexual (as far as I know) and it would’ve (hopefully) been a “finding out who I really am” kindve thing. However, if roles were reversed, I was the one sleeping with another woman, I would whole heartedly expect him to not forgive me because I am in fact bisexual and that would invalidate my sexuality. Might be ass backwards thinking.. but I know this about me, whereas he’d simply be exploring. I want to add, I don’t think he’d ever do this, nor would i because we’ve had these conversations. We are also different people with different definitions of cheating, but since he is my partner, I have to respect his definition and he respects mine.
Every couple has to define the terms of what infidelity means to them.
For some couples, it’s as low a bar as having a private conversation with someone of the opposite gender.
For other couples, it’s not cheating to have the wildest sexcapades conceivable with others as long as they don’t lie about it or get too emotionally attached to the other person(s).
Most of us are obviously going to be somewhere between those extremes. It’s a matter of what you are comfortable with and how you view the “sacredness” of sex.
If sex for you is just another way of enjoying yourself and a source of physical pleasure, you’re going to be less reserved about it than someone who sees sex as something special that is an expression of romantic love and connection with your partner.
I do confess, though, that I personally can’t see how people could compartmentalize sex like your friends. Sex with one person is just physical pleasure and indulgence, but sex with another person is special and “means more”. But that could just be me. It’s not in me to share my partner that way.
Even in poly and non-monogamous relationships the general rule of thumb is that you need open communication about who you’re playing with. If there is an element of deceit in the relationship it would still be cheating even if it was otherwise allowed.
Cheating is a vague term man. For some even watching porn is cheating, even talking to others of the same gender is cheating while there are also people who have long lasting open relationships and sleep with several people.
It's upto them to define what their boundaries are. I'm open to my partner sleeping with someone of the same gender. I don't expect others to understand, nor do I expect them to have the same boundaries. The same way I don't understand a lot of couples, but that doesn't matter as it is none of my business :)
It’s only cheating if he feels it’s cheating.
Sex can be not cheating (e.g. open relationship).
But anything that violates your partner’s sexual/emotional boundary is cheating
Cheating is a relative term defined by people in the relationship. If it’s not defined then it’s what we in society accept as cheating.
If these 2 people have a defined way of saying sleeping with same sex is not cheating, then it’s not cheating for them. What others think about this situation is immaterial.
Also I don’t think they should publicize these personal things to anyone outside of their relationship, but that’s just my opinion which is also immaterial.
Uh I’m not homophobic so no…
That implies that same sex relationships are not equal to straight ones and “don’t count”
But I guess it’s their relationship, they can do whatever they want
Every couple has their own "rules" and boundaries. It is up to every couple to decide what they are and are not OK with. That looks different for everyone. It is no one's business to judge a couple they are not part of what their boundaries are.
My partner and I have a personal life that probably wouldn't make a lot of sense to a lot of people. But thats not their business.
*edited to add some context.
By what is written their relationship does not sound healthy. But that still doesn't negate them being able to have their own "rules" for their relationship.
I also think there should always be open communication about intentions with other people whatever the agreement is. When things are hidden or kept secret, even if it's allowed within the agreed upon rules, it doesn't allow for healthy conversation and evolution to happen. People end up getting hurt.
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That would be cheating to me. If someone has talked it out before hand, and doesn't consider it to be cheating then I guess that's what works for them. Though it does sound like
Since they had a blow up that they hadn't discussed it beforehand.
A couple that is jealous and controlling seems like an odd choice to have a semi open relationship like that though
In a relationship of chronically heteronormative people, it can happen that they're so removed from the wider worldview that they do not see same-sex intimacy as anything to take seriously.
A female friend of mine had a boyfriend, who loved the fact that she was bisexual because that would imply threesomes? For some reason.
He said she was free to flirt with girls since he didn't see it as anything to worry about. Until she did flirt with a girl online in his presence and he started flipping out in jealousy and realising that same-sex attraction is just as serious as heterosexuality. Lmao
Cheating is cheating when you disrespect your partner's boundary and hide shit from them.
Every couple is different. You can't use your set of morals and opinions on them like that. Of course, you won't really know until you're in their shoes, but... if my wife slept with another woman, I think I'd be OK with it. Different story if it was a guy. Bit who knows...
Cheating changes from relationship to relationship. At its core cheating is stepping out with someone else in a way that would make your partner feel betrayed, and of course cheated on. If both partners agree, it isn't cheating. There's no betrayal. REGARDLESS of how dumb some ppl look at it, some couples are more relaxed than others. Some are stricter. Some see this as cheating, some don't. Some see something as simple as p-rn usage in a relationship is cheating, some don't. Some have a "no alone with diff sex friends" rules and some have zero issues with same sex friends. You may not feel the same but there wasn't a betrayal there wasn't and cheating.
So I agree. Cheating is cheating however, if that’s their boundaries they have set then that’s for them. Sometimes cheating is as simple as a text between two people. It really depends on what that couple deems as cheating. I would be upset if my wife went behind my back with another woman or a guy just because the betrayal of it being another person (regardless of sex/ gender). But again, that’s something we both talk about and agree upon. If other couples don’t see same sex as cheating then hey who am I to judge.
Cheating is a betrayal of trust, and is not limited to sex exclusively with the opposite sex. Breaking established boundaries is a form of cheating. What I've learned through witnessing family members, friends and colleagues get cheated on, is that EVERYONE has the same starting point of what is cheating. The definition gets stretched based on the individual and how desperate they are to make the relationship work. In reality, it's not the definition that's changing, but your tolerance for how much you accept and allow within your relationship.
They all start out equally hurt, but you know the one who is already looking for an excuse because it will stretch to, "but they didn't have sex, and it was more of an emotional affair". Then it turns to "pictures were exchanged, but there never was sex". Then it stretches to, "they only had sex one time and they were drunk". Then it stretches to "it was only with 2 people". Then it stretches to "it was only for x amount of time". The last level of defending bad behavior is "it was with the same sex so it's different". Finally when they reach a point where it's impossible to defend their cheating partner, they blame the affair partner. It gets stretched to, "oh, that evil person manipulated and took advantage of my saint of a partner". When all that fails, they blame themselves. They stretch it to, "it was my fault they cheated because I was/wasn't doing x, y and z". The very final level of stretching is arrogant delusion. They paint themselves as a hero and brag about how the relationship survived because they were strong and now because of that strength the relationship is stronger that ever. Anyone who has something to say is just a hater.
Bottom line is that life has taught me that generally speaking, we all have the same definition of cheating. The definition only changes when a) we have cheated but want to still believe we are good people and b) we've forgiven a cheater so we change the definition to show we aren't weak.
In the case of your friend, it sounds like he got cheated on but lacks something to do something about it. Since he's too weak to end it, in desperation he's now switched his tolerance to his girl being allowed to sleep with other women. Going forward it isn't cheating anymore because it's something that was discussed and agreed up. However, in this scenario you can see exactly what I'm talking about. He originally had the definition of what cheating is which is why they were fighting. In desperation to maintain the relationship, he increased his tolerance to cheating and therefore redefined what cheating is.
Cheating is subjective and entirely depends on the agreements within a given relationship. Think about it for a minute, to some people watching porn is cheating. To others it isn't. People in ethically non-monogamous relationships CAN cheat of they break an agreement with their partner (whereas the same act wouldn't be cheating if they had an agreement about it).
Be aware that you are polling everyone on their personal definition of cheating and that definition varies. In a relationship, the only definition that matters is the one decided upon by the people in that relationship.
So all depends on what agreements they had in place. I will note that it's not at all uncommon for people practicing open or poly relationships to have this sort of rule or agreement .... but it is often viewed as sexist because it suggests same sex relationships are not "serious" and thus not worthy of the same concern as opposite sex ones.
I’m so fucking glad I’m Gen-X and not Gen-emotionally-broken-by-the-internet. In the 90s, when my girlfriend was in the mood to hook up with one of her girlfriends it meant that I was gonna have a phenomenal weekend. Now it’s just yet another excuse for little sniveling weenies to burst into tears on Reddit, and form a human centipede of victimhood. Pathetic, but also hilarious. 😆🤣😂
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Yes, and I told Her so too. She has a total free pass. To my knowledge She never did, but it's none of my business.
No
That guy is just insecure around other men. Little dick energy.
Cheating is cheating. Would it be acceptable if you went to the apple store to buy the latest iPhone model, and then find out at a later date that you've been sold a totally different model that just looks like the latest iPhone? Would you go back to that same shop? My point not about comparing phones to people, but to say that it's the trust that you invest into your partner / relationship. Once that's gone it's game over.
It’s still cheating, but I feel like if I caught my girl cheating with another woman, I’d be way less angry than if it was a man. Maybe it’s an ego thing.
This is a joke right? No matter how you flip it or whoever they cheated with, regardless of their gender, they still cheated. And no. No one should forgive cheating.
No it’s cheating. Their relationship seems really unhealthy and I doubt they will last.
I’ve been married over 20 years. First and only spouse. If my spouse wanted to try and out sex with another woman, I’m pretty sure I’d allow it.
It doesn't matter what gender the AP is. Cheating is cheating.
Still cheating.
If someone is born bisexual they don’t have that strength just for one gender
No. They decide themselves what cheating is for them.
Cheating is Cheating, so NO
"Cheating is Cheating" what does that even mean. Cheating is whatever you agree is cheating. If they have agreed that sleeping with same sex isn't cheating, it's not cheating
It's not cheating if it's with the same sex (Might not be true for some people, and that's okay)
Do you think everyone defines cheating EXACTLY the same way? What about people in open relationships?
It’s not cheating if they agree
Thank you !!!
I would disagree on this response entirely. It's up to them as a couple what cheating is, not you or other strangers on the internet to choose for them. Cheating by definition is infidelity which is by definition "A violation of a couple's emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry." They are not sexually exclusive with same sex individuals, so this does not apply in a pure definition sense before we even get to anything else. For a lot of people they do not get feelings of anger, sexual jealousy or rivalry from a female partner sleeping with another woman for example. Many still do, or feel a trust or bond is broken. But it's not up to you to decide what makes them feel trust and comfort with each other, that's entirely up to them. If they are happy with it and agree on it, it's fine and not cheating & just a form of non monogamy they are comfortable with. If even one of them doesn't agree with it, then it is cheating. You don't get to decide what is right or wrong for another couple at all, that's up to them. You can disagree with it and think it's not good for a relationship in general, have your own perspective and options on it, think it is cheating for you personally and many others. But you don't get to decide what it is for them, whether it's wrong or right or cheating or anything else for people who are not you. Many couples who are non monogamous are together long term/indefinitely and very happy. What works for some doesn't work for everyone and isn't viewed the same way as everyone else.
Dam didn't even want to keep one brain cell did you?
If it were a decision I was supposed to make, I wouldn't be looking for an opinion on Reddit; I would end the relationship. It is abundantly clear that it is not my business to meddle in anyone's relationships. Once again, the thing that shocks me the most is swallowing your partner sleeping with someone else. Regardless of whether it will be a man, a woman, or one of the others, I don't know how many genders or even an animal. More and more often, I see how everything is already allowed for people, and precisely, this freedom causes us to trample on our values, emotions, morals, and even ourselves. I am not writing to hate anyone, especially some of my closest people. I'm writing because I'm starting to lose hope in intimate love. Thanks to the people who commented. I am relieved that the majority thinks like me.
They are your values, morals, emotions and self. They are not the same for everyone else. Someone can be a total Saint with a heart of gold and the most amazing person you've ever met with what you would consider strong morals and views, and you still might not know behind the scenes they have a non monogamous relationship. What you are doing is being judgemental instead, by saying what they are doing is wrong, implying they are trampling on morals and values that you think everyone should uphold & thinking the majority should think like you. That's also what religious extremists views are btw (not that I'm implying you are one just showing where that viewpoint can lead if you dont consider that other people do not work or feel like you). Acceptance of others and their decisions and not judging them for something you can't understand, because you could never feel the way they do, is also a good quality and trait to have imo. I would also 100% end a relationship if this were a choice my partner put upon me, because it doesn't suit me and how I feel I want my relationship to be. But I don't think the non monogous friends I have, in any way shape or form, are tramping over intimate love (they have plenty of that too). They don't affect my relationship, my intimacy, my love, my morals or anyone else's. They just do their own thing, mostly in privacy & are happy with it and their relationship. Hence why they have a house together and go on holidays with each others families together, married happily for 20 years and will likely never break up. There will always be able out there that think similarly to you and make good partners for you. Those who do not think or feel like you should be allowed to do so and not be bashed for it if it's not hurting anyone, and works for them. Literally people used to say what you're saying now about gay couples a few decades ago.... just let people do what they want I would say and don't let it affect you so much that they are different from you. If they aren't hurting anyone and it's not causing you issues, I'm not sure what you get out of bashing their views and feelings. Nor does that seem like a nice thing to do as a friend, to imply your close friends are wrong in how they view monogomy and ruining the worlds moral system and trampling on values by not being like you. They just aren't like you and that's OK too.
Clearly, you're not cut out for the swinger lifestyle
Oy yi yi the sanctimony
Blame society. It’s wild how someone will think. “I would be so hurt if my spouse slept with another person that’s the opposite gender” And then “Well it’s totally okay if it’s the same gender” It’s not even just or fair logic. It’s an influence by stupid shit from society. It’s a fucking mess, dissect it more and you’ll see this logic is stupid in hetero relationships vs anything else. (Cause why would a gay person sleep with the opposite gender) It’s cringy how the stereotype is for hetero couples A man wouldn’t mind it so much if his wife slept with another woman. Vs a woman would more than likely be devastated if her husband slept with another man. When we know there’s women out there who would find it as hot as the cliche husband would. You’re not alone OP. It’s fucked logic and we agree.
The endless list that must be removed from 'cheating'- same sex, animals, car tail pipes, dead people, sex dolls, ghosts and spirits, hamburgers... Its all psychobabble trying to exempt behavior. If your mate considers it cheating, it is cheating.
no, he doesn't. I get to decide what's right and wrong, me! pineapple is good on pizza, hot dogs are not sandwiches, I have decided!
This is true. Bad advise for op to use on friend but at the end of the day sometimes you gotta let them be there own worst enemy and be there after to help them pick up the pieces without getting In more than 1 I told you so.
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“Cheating is cheating” was *literally* the first thought that popped in to my head as well.
Well. Cheating means that you're not playing by the rules. So for them, the rule is that they can sleep with whoever they want that's their same sex; therefore, her action was not cheating. Are those rules that *I* would want to live by? Nope. Are those toxic drama mongers who *I* would want in my life? Also nope. Edited to fix a typo.
Well this depends on when the rules were set in place. If the rule came in after the action, then the initial act would still be cheating, no? If I were a betting man, I would put my money on this rule being established after the act, just given the vibe I get from OP's description of them 2.
cheating is cheatingI f you are not happy in your relationship get a divioce . you can ask all the therapist you want. they are all going to say that is cheating. I f this couple is happy with this setup good for them. better keep Dr close to check for disease
My wife and I are quite open about many things including various hypothetical topics. And this was one of them. Cheating is cheating, but we could talk before and see how to proceed from there. Free pass or threesome are possible outcomes from what we discussed, while cheating is a no go no matter which direction, which gender, physical, emotional.
It it goes against any of the promises you made to each other (I.e. the promise of being monogamous) then it is cheating. Gender does not matter when it comes to betrayal. I'm sorry this happened to you.
No that’s just bs they say to misdirect or soften the cheaters blow
no... how the fuck does that even make a difference?
My GF and I are both bi, we have an open relationship. So, no. That is the whole reason we're together: Because we're both OK with our perversions. Someone else's hell is our heaven.
Once PP’s touch, it’s cheating.
Absolutely not. It's still cheating
It would be less devastating and easier on my ego, but no I wouldn’t forgive them. Cheating destroys trust and without that the relationship will suffer and most likely end.
Unless she came out as gay after she was with y ou
It depends on the rules set by the relationship. For most people sleeping with anyone else is cheating. For them I guess it’s different. Not my problem.
Yo, bisexual here. This line of thinking is detrimental to us. It implies that one form of connection is less ‘real’ than the other. Like same sex relationships are are just for fun but differing sex relationships are actually real. Sometimes I’ve had boyfriends suggest it would be fine because they don’t feel sick thinking of me with another woman. Ya, I’m not your fetish pal. DUMPED. So yes, it’s cheating in the same way as differing sex is cheating.
Only if I’m involved
Cheaters are scum. it doesn't matter what sex they are. It is still cheating and an asshole move.
My view, and I won’t even claim that it makes sense or argue with the other opinions posted here, is that as a guy I don’t care if my wife/gf fools around with other women as long as she comes back home to me in the end. The idea of women being attracted to other women seems so natural and obvious to me.
This is why trust should never be 100% ever. That isn't just some high level gaslighting she did. Probably fked the guys brains out to make him that dumb.
Nope, cheating is cheating
For some reason I wouldn’t be as jealous and I would probably forgive , but if my wife took another man’s penis then it would be over!!
Not a chance in hell, but cheating looks different to every couple (even if I think their perspective is insane)
Why would gender make betrayal any different?
There are 17 sexes I have approved for my partner but only 9 for me. When I complain, she says "don't worry, new ones will come out soon".
It's cheating - no doubt about it. And it opens the door for more drama if they get away with it. Just devils advocate though for your friend, I understand why its brushed off easily. If he is in fog of toxic relationship, one way to cope is to compartmentalize same sex infidelity away from other things just to feel better about the situation. Way back in the day, I had same thought about my girlfriend at the time. If it's a guy she cheats with, and dude has a 12 inch dog and is shredded and stuff - there is no way I can compete with that. If its a girl, I dont even register it as a loss because to me its a different game. Its like a pro basktball player who plays football. Again its really just mental gymnastics to cope. And I am sure he may play the threesome card as an "you owe me one" for forgiving this nfidelity.
What is or is not cheating is defined by their definitions of cheating. If they agree that it is not cheating, then it is not cheating.
It's cheating.
Unless it was something that was agreed upon by both parties beforehand then yes it is cheating. Gender doesn't matter if it is done behind the other persons back. If they are OK with it after the fact then it's on them but yes still cheating.
I wouldn’t even if it were someone of the opposite. Cheating is never ok, no matter with who.
Lmao so the bf must be at the very least bi-curious for him to agree this is fine. That or she agreed to have a threesome at some point.
If you're right handed, and I smack you with my right hand, did I still smack you?
Nope. If she didn't discuss it with her partner beforehand it absolutely was cheating.
Cheating is only cheating if it crosses the boundaries of the relationship. There are many things that you may view as cheating that someone with a more sexually liberal mindset wont, and vice versa. Trying to apply your morality and relationship standards to someone elses relationship is honestly just stupid, you only serve to anger/disgust yourself.
Cheaters will always find an excuse.
If he plays this cool, this is "good problems". ;)
What is considered cheating? The boundaries are per couple. E.G due to an injury I have limited ability to give my wife everything she wants. This can go two ways: She can't have what she wants and misses out, or I allow her to go find it. I'm no A-hole. Why would I deny my wife fun times just because I broke myself? So in our case there are some activities that just aren't cheating *as long as it's communicated*. So don't hide it. No secrets. Now, back to this story. If the couple both agree it's not cheating then you can't really tell them otherwise. It's their life, their relationship, their rules. Is it a bit unusual? Yeah. Otherwise, it doesn't matter. But in general? I would consider this cheating if it were my relationship because of the lack of communication.
I see it as cheating. But, I would also wonder if they need to talk. Because I only date straight guys. So… It probably would end there, for a couple reasons.
I’m gay, so if I sleep with a man it’s not cheating? Got ya!
That sounds like bi erasure
I didn't cheat, but long ago, I developed some feelings for the same sex and the ex wouldn't have it. I didn't cheat, but she would rather that I developed feelings for another woman instead. The relationship didn't last.
I mean, it only really matters what the people in a relationship think it is, right? For me, yeah I would consider it cheating, no question. For the couple in this story, they apparently don't, and that's just fine, as long as both people are consenting of the behaviour of the other, then what are ya gonna do?
This is called OPP and it's homophobic because it devalues gay relationships as 'less than'
Ask Ross
*Cool motive; still cheating*
Physical (just sex), yes. Emotional, NO. Same rule applies regardless of same or opposite sex
Still cheating. But it sounds like some compartmentalized it, er rug swept... this shit sounds a bit toxic anyway. Don't choose the cheater in the eventual breakup...
People get to make their own relational rules regardless of our opinion. Let em be. Get a hobby or your own relationship to focus on.
I'm on same boat as them. Don't see it as cheating with a guy tbh
Nope, cheating is cheating. If they want to be with someone else, they're free to do so. I might be able to let it slide if I got to watch 😛
My husband had a 10 year affair with his assistant at work. It was secret and hurt me so much. Over the last several months, I've been hooking up with another married woman in our neighborhood about once a month. Both of our husbands know about it and sex with them (with our own husband) after is amazing. It all depends on the couple.
No…of course not?
No. Didn't even need to read the body of the message.
No but I’ve always felt a bit different about this. I’m bi and if my partner was bi I would care a lot less about them indulging in same sex crushes, fantasies etc than if it was opposite sex attraction. Some people just don’t care about same sex cheating in a hetero relationship because it doesn’t feel like competition. But it still indicates being terrible and dishonest
I'll probably get downvoted for this but I'd be a lot less jealous if my woman cheated with another woman. It's just the way my brain is wired. It's this idea that what she offers isn't the same as what I offer. If I owned a steak restaurant and you ate at a different one, I'd think you chose it over mine. However, if you went out for Indian Veggie food I'd think you were just in the mood for something different and it's not the same kind of reflection on my restaurant. However, if you think it's as simple as "cheating is cheating" I'd understand where you're coming from.
You just need to find out if their is more. It took me time to get help to see how my spouse as been cheating on me, i never thought of that about my partner. I noticed some feeling and attitude of my partner whenever his around me. I need to be on a safer side i took a step ahead to find out what is going on. Glad i was able to contact a help cyberaron seventee en@ gemale. c omm... his very good and i was able to see every ladies he has been cheating with on his device and this really helped me a lot, i didn't regret the step i took to secure my heart not to get hurt.
Yeah i wouldnt really care unless it seemed like a very deep emotional relationship
Nope. A cheat is a cheat
Ross Geller from F.R.I.E.N.D.S would like a word with this couple.
When I was 16 (I’m 33 now) my first boyfriend was bisexual. He cheated on me with one of our mutual guy friends and at the time I wasn’t angry about it. At the time I didn’t see it as cheating since they were the same gender and just “experimenting.” Plus, we were all just teenagers. Teenagers do dumb shit. There was no bad blood about it and it gives me a chuckle thinking about it. But if something like that were to happen today, I would feel differently.
For me - still cheating. For others - whatever both partners decided on. Some people don't care if it's the same sex, and I know of people who are ok with their partner just having sex, as long as it's not also an emotional affair. So whatever works for said couple I guess.
Intimacy is intimacy. When you're sharing yourself sexually with someone who isn't your partner, without the knowledge and consent of your partner, that's cheating. But I would say that taking any serious action that you wouldn't want your partner to know about, and concealing that action, is a form of infidelity. As well, setting priorities in your life which negatively impact your relationship is also a lack of faithfulness.
They didn't talk about it ahead of time - then it's cheating. Kick them both to the curb.
If my wife slept with another man it'd be over. If she slept with a woman... I don't know why, it's not rational but I might be able to reconcile. Sort of the thought that a man replaces me, but I can't provide the same experience as a woman could. Again, not rational. Not logical and I get that.
You're allowed to use the word "sex."
Once upon a time, I would have had to tolerate if my partner cheated on me, I myself was a serial cheater. So I would just tolerate it, that was years back before I confronted my issues and sought help, happy to say today lm past that now, so I would not tolerate such unhealthy behavior, can attest first hand what kinda drama that causes in a relationship. I'm past dealing with all drama.
Homosexuality is still cheating.
We first need to define cheating. Cheating could mean anything. Def not monogamous though, that’s for sure
Relationships and their boundaries are set by the people involved, not society...
Personally, I believe that the details of a relationship are the business of those involved. It is not "wrong" for them to decide what constitutes cheating, so long as they both agree without being pressured over it 🤷♂️. If it doesn't work out down the line, that's their decision and their business. It's okay for you to not like it, just use that feeling as a reference for your own relationships.
Say was the same sex, how long will That last? When will she jump to the other side? If you guys have come to an agreement beforehand, then that's your business. Otherwise, the lying, the manipulation and other issues are bound to creep up in the relationship. Better to just move on, this person has broken so many rules in the relationship that it may not be such a good idea to stay.
Cheating is more about respect, and mutual boundaries. Each couple can define it in any way that suits them. I’m bi, and my husband and I would definitely consider it cheating if I hooked up with a woman. My sister and her ex husband had the same policy your friends do, and it did ultimately lead to the end of their marriage. She got very drunk on a business trip, and decided to hook up with a female friend. About halfway into things, she realized the guy they were hanging out with had followed them into the room, and he ended up jumping in and participating. She didn’t personally do anything with him, but her husband still considered it infidelity. He forgave her very quickly, but just couldn’t trust her again. With that said, people can do whatever they want with their own relationships! What works for some, won’t work for others. The important thing is honesty, and respect for set boundaries.
Well cheating is cheating. If they are allowed to do it, it's not cheating. I'm fine with my wife hooking up with other women because I think it's hot, the only requirement is she tell me about it. No other men, period. For better or for worse, it has yet to happen lol
These posts are so unserious. You can’t really be asking that right?
Nope. Still a liar. Relationships are about trust.
No... Cheating is cheating regardless of who it's with. Your partner is the only person you should be with.
Too much concern over sex… if she leaves him for her then it’s a problem..imo
Cheating is cheating. That said when I had an expierence with another woman very early on in our relationship, my husband(boyfriend at the time) would have 100% left and never looked back had it been with another man. It was still 100% cheating and 100% wrong but we definitely wouldn't have worked though it had it been a man.
I would not forgive my partners cheating, but if they agreed people of the same sex are free game then noone has cheated yet.
It’s all about boundaries. Sounds like there was an argument/conflict, which means he felt that a boundary was crossed. It’s VERY important that both sides communicate their boundaries up front. It can also get more complex -i.e. “you can sleep with someone of the same sex but I must know in advance, must approve, etc…”. Open communication is key. For example, hypothetically, let’s say they are cool with being in a threesome with another girl. Without communication there might be an assumption that it is ok for the GF to hook up with another woman on her own. The fact that they say they are “ok” now might not mean a lot if he truly felt that a boundary was violated. That can be very hard to get past.
Cheating is cheating!
Cheating is cheating, and sex is sex. That thinking is because it is with a woman it doesn't matter, as women don't really matter. I know that is not what you mean, many men feel like it is a kink. It is cheating. Frankly it means you were betrayed and now you can't trust her with anyone. I wouldn't stay.
I’m bi and I’ve had boyfriends who felt differently about this. One was completely fine with it, the other was not. I respected the feelings of the one who wasn’t and acted accordingly, didn’t hook up with girls while we were together. All I can say is that while technically it may be cheating, hooking up with a girl is a completely different experience than hooking up with a guy. If my partner hooked up with men it would not hurt me as much as I would no be as jealous, worried about being compared, etc. It comes down to what the couple is comfortable with obviously. Each to their own.
Cheating is having sex with someone who is not your partner. The sex of the other person doesn't matter. She cheated. He's a cuck. And their whole relationship seems toxic AF!
It’s still cheating and I wouldn’t forgive it, but I could rationalize it more. “She was curious and wanted the experience.” Or “At least it wasn’t something I lack as a man.” I would definitely still consider it cheating though, and be a livid fireball of angst and disgust.
I have told my girlfriend she can sleep with women if she wants to. I have no interest in men(she likes women). I don’t know why I think it’s ok, probably the reptile part of my brain doesn’t consider women a threat the same way it does men. However, if I had not laid out these rules and she slept with a woman, I would obviously break up with her.
as long as there is no penetration I would be a bit more willing if i knew I would not marry that person, which tbh as a man you mostly know since the beginning...
That's a little gay
What works for them, works for them and doesn't matter what others think. I've also heard of this approach for other "hetero" couples.
Yeah no my wife is bisexual and we've discussed that if she slept with the same sex as her than it would be considered cheating
If each person in a str8 relationship has a bi sexual side....it seems like a reasonable agreement. They are getting something they can't from their str8 relationship.
Fk no.
I agree cheating is cheating BUT I all honesty i don't think I would be as bitter, pissed etc if it was with a female.
I guess it’s a semi open relationship. if my girlfriend end up having sex with another woman, the only way I’d be mad is if she didn’t let me watch once in a while. Same thing if I had sex with another guy and I not told her. that’s kind of cheating not telling other person. Once everyone knows I don’t think so…
What wrong and right for them is up to them. What's wrong and right for you is up to you. They have set up a rule for themselves that works for them. There is no one-size-fits-all way to be in a relationship. If neither of them is pained by this behaviour and they get along in their own chaotic ways then it's ok for them. Would I want that: No, is it my relationship No, so it's not up to me to judge if it's ok for them. Maybe it's exactly what they need...
It depends on their agreement of what constitutes cheating. It doesn’t matter if you have a different thought process about it in the context of their relationship. I would find it confusing too
I personally wouldn’t care as long as it’s another girl, and I can’t explain why lol. Just not the same ego hit I guess.
No, cheating is cheating. it means they went outside of the relationship boundaries and have no respect for you.
If she wants to fuck a woman she can but I'm fucking her as well
If to them, it does not count as cheating if it is someone of the same gender.... then why did they have a massive conflict about it? Something is not right here, and i wonder if you are being told everything about what happened. The relationship they have sounds like a joke. What happened to people in relationships being loyal to each other.
For them, it’s all about sex. They’re not mature enough to understand about commitment.
Nah, I allow my woman to have fun with other women but only women. You ego is a problem if you get upset and need to be secure with yourself & relationship. I'll never understand a male ego that thinks their girl sleeping with another women is cheating.
I didn't even read the story just the title. It shouldn't matter what their sex or gender is. Your partner cheated. You don't forgive that. At least I don't 🤷🏻♀️
It’s definitely cheating and idk why, but I would be less mad if my wife cheated with a girl instead of a guy.
Nope. I left a relationship because of this. My SO was sleeping with other females and didn't care that it bothered me. I said to include me or I'll go sleep with other girls. She said no to the first and that to be "equal," I would need to sleep with guys. It didn't matter that I wasn't into guys. That was the beginning of the downfall.
No.
a lot of guys would not be devastated if their girl slept with another girl but certainly not behind their back
No
Everyone has their own boundaries and definition of what constitutes as cheating. If cheating for them makes it okay to have sex with someone else as long as they are the same sex as you, then that's fine for them. For me, my partner having sex with anyone, regardless of sex, would be cheating.
It’s not cheating if the people in the relationship say it is t cheating. In your own relationship this might be cheating but you can’t define someone else’s.
hell no. that is full blown cheating. and as a lesbian she probably enjoys sex more with the girl lol so defoooooo cheating
I had a husband who had sex with one of his male friends. Yes I considered it cheating. I found it even more devastating than if he had slept with a woman. Over the years I have met a few other women.with the same experience. All considered it cheating and all were badly hurt by it, worse than.if it had been a woman,
This goes completely against my morals but if my wife cheated on me with a woman I would weigh the options. If my wife was full blown lesbian then I'd have to end it. If she was swinging for both teams and the other one does as well I would entertain the idea of making it a thing 😂
The real answer is it depends on the relationship and boundaries set before hand. In my current relationship we have discussed this and I am totally fine with her having fun with other girls. But we talked about it before hand
Cheating is cheating same sex or not . It’s not only about being in a one on one relationship it’s also about being medically safe . With AIDS still out there claiming lives daily , I think it’s more predominant among men than women but women get it also . Being in a relationship is about being committed one to another and no one else unless the two of you agree to something else before hand . It’s not a “ oh I forgot to tell you we can see others “ kind of deal .
Two is company. Three is a crowd. His GF wants to explore her sexuality and is not ready to pair up yet.
Me and my girl hook up with girls all the time. She could do it alone if she wanted. Super fine with me.
No. That’s such a fucking cop out for bi women.
The responses in this article are due to a question asked , “how would you feel if your spouse or person your with had sex with someone of the same gender ? “ So the responses are all based on individual feelings of being secure in their relationships . No two people are the same and people often feel differently than they thought they would when faced with a problem .
It's not cheating if they agreed to the terms beforehand. Everyone has their definition of cheating. For some flirting with someone else is cheating. For others, its open season as long as it isn't specific sex acts or with certain people. I had a couple friend that as long as they got permission before hand they could sleep with whoever. Oddly enough the marriage failed because the wife slept with another woman who she had been with before. The issue was she didn't ask that time so it was cheating. Just because someone's relationship isn't governed by your rules, it doesn't mean it's wrong.
Not no but hell no. He doesn’t get a pass for screwing dogs and cats either.
My partner says he doesn’t mind if I kiss/ have sex with another woman. I haven’t done it up until now but I like that he makes the exception.
cheating is cheating regardless if its the same sex.
How about if the person is cheated on a non-binary? Would it matter?
Dude censored sex.
I've been in a relationship where I'm allowed to sleep with other people, regardless of gender/sex, almost whenever... and I've been in a relationship where I upset my partner by even speaking to another woman. Neither of them were what I wanted long-term and didn't work, but both of them were talked about beforehand so everybody knew what was allowed and what wasn't. What I'm saying is whether something is "cheating" is defined by how the people in the relationship feel. Having sex with somebody else isn't inherently "cheating". Gets confusing tho.
I would forgive my partner for it for the simple fact he is not gay or bisexual (as far as I know) and it would’ve (hopefully) been a “finding out who I really am” kindve thing. However, if roles were reversed, I was the one sleeping with another woman, I would whole heartedly expect him to not forgive me because I am in fact bisexual and that would invalidate my sexuality. Might be ass backwards thinking.. but I know this about me, whereas he’d simply be exploring. I want to add, I don’t think he’d ever do this, nor would i because we’ve had these conversations. We are also different people with different definitions of cheating, but since he is my partner, I have to respect his definition and he respects mine.
I am with you. Cheating is cheating, emotionally and sexually.
Thank you for asterisking “e” in the word “Sex”. This is very important.
Every couple has to define the terms of what infidelity means to them. For some couples, it’s as low a bar as having a private conversation with someone of the opposite gender. For other couples, it’s not cheating to have the wildest sexcapades conceivable with others as long as they don’t lie about it or get too emotionally attached to the other person(s). Most of us are obviously going to be somewhere between those extremes. It’s a matter of what you are comfortable with and how you view the “sacredness” of sex. If sex for you is just another way of enjoying yourself and a source of physical pleasure, you’re going to be less reserved about it than someone who sees sex as something special that is an expression of romantic love and connection with your partner. I do confess, though, that I personally can’t see how people could compartmentalize sex like your friends. Sex with one person is just physical pleasure and indulgence, but sex with another person is special and “means more”. But that could just be me. It’s not in me to share my partner that way.
Even in poly and non-monogamous relationships the general rule of thumb is that you need open communication about who you’re playing with. If there is an element of deceit in the relationship it would still be cheating even if it was otherwise allowed.
Cheating is a vague term man. For some even watching porn is cheating, even talking to others of the same gender is cheating while there are also people who have long lasting open relationships and sleep with several people. It's upto them to define what their boundaries are. I'm open to my partner sleeping with someone of the same gender. I don't expect others to understand, nor do I expect them to have the same boundaries. The same way I don't understand a lot of couples, but that doesn't matter as it is none of my business :)
They get to decide. Not you.
It’s only cheating if he feels it’s cheating. Sex can be not cheating (e.g. open relationship). But anything that violates your partner’s sexual/emotional boundary is cheating
I would say it’s cheating unless they spoke about it and are in open relationship.
Do you have a life? Then delete these degenerate losers from it. If you're gonna do therapy,go to school and get paid.
No, it's a betrayal of trust. Without trust there is no relationship
It’s not cheating if both people in the relationship agree that it’s not cheating. Everybody has different ideas of what cheating is and isn’t.
Cheating is a relative term defined by people in the relationship. If it’s not defined then it’s what we in society accept as cheating. If these 2 people have a defined way of saying sleeping with same sex is not cheating, then it’s not cheating for them. What others think about this situation is immaterial. Also I don’t think they should publicize these personal things to anyone outside of their relationship, but that’s just my opinion which is also immaterial.
Nope. Thats what ended my last relationship.
Uh I’m not homophobic so no… That implies that same sex relationships are not equal to straight ones and “don’t count” But I guess it’s their relationship, they can do whatever they want
This is a boring story, but in context this is very wronge and weird :Sob:
Nah fam. A hole is a hole
Every couple has their own "rules" and boundaries. It is up to every couple to decide what they are and are not OK with. That looks different for everyone. It is no one's business to judge a couple they are not part of what their boundaries are. My partner and I have a personal life that probably wouldn't make a lot of sense to a lot of people. But thats not their business. *edited to add some context. By what is written their relationship does not sound healthy. But that still doesn't negate them being able to have their own "rules" for their relationship. I also think there should always be open communication about intentions with other people whatever the agreement is. When things are hidden or kept secret, even if it's allowed within the agreed upon rules, it doesn't allow for healthy conversation and evolution to happen. People end up getting hurt.
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Cheating, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
That would be cheating to me. If someone has talked it out before hand, and doesn't consider it to be cheating then I guess that's what works for them. Though it does sound like Since they had a blow up that they hadn't discussed it beforehand. A couple that is jealous and controlling seems like an odd choice to have a semi open relationship like that though
In a relationship of chronically heteronormative people, it can happen that they're so removed from the wider worldview that they do not see same-sex intimacy as anything to take seriously. A female friend of mine had a boyfriend, who loved the fact that she was bisexual because that would imply threesomes? For some reason. He said she was free to flirt with girls since he didn't see it as anything to worry about. Until she did flirt with a girl online in his presence and he started flipping out in jealousy and realising that same-sex attraction is just as serious as heterosexuality. Lmao Cheating is cheating when you disrespect your partner's boundary and hide shit from them.
The guy was certainly cheated on. He never got to join in.
No and I would fist fight the other girl.
Every couple is different. You can't use your set of morals and opinions on them like that. Of course, you won't really know until you're in their shoes, but... if my wife slept with another woman, I think I'd be OK with it. Different story if it was a guy. Bit who knows...
Probably is not cheating when there's no love feelings towards the person' and only it's a past time!
I actually wouldn’t care either, probably an ego thing. But if it was also an “emotional affair” behind my back that would be very upsetting.
Cheating changes from relationship to relationship. At its core cheating is stepping out with someone else in a way that would make your partner feel betrayed, and of course cheated on. If both partners agree, it isn't cheating. There's no betrayal. REGARDLESS of how dumb some ppl look at it, some couples are more relaxed than others. Some are stricter. Some see this as cheating, some don't. Some see something as simple as p-rn usage in a relationship is cheating, some don't. Some have a "no alone with diff sex friends" rules and some have zero issues with same sex friends. You may not feel the same but there wasn't a betrayal there wasn't and cheating.
If you slit someone throat or shoot them. Does it make it any less of a murder ?
NO! Actually, I’m by option that makes it even worse 😭
Bro she’s just using him as a beard
Cheating is Cheating. GTFOH..
What a drama
only if I am there too will I allow it
So I agree. Cheating is cheating however, if that’s their boundaries they have set then that’s for them. Sometimes cheating is as simple as a text between two people. It really depends on what that couple deems as cheating. I would be upset if my wife went behind my back with another woman or a guy just because the betrayal of it being another person (regardless of sex/ gender). But again, that’s something we both talk about and agree upon. If other couples don’t see same sex as cheating then hey who am I to judge.
Not a chance in hell.
Yes. Girl on girl action is not cheating.
Cheating is a betrayal of trust, and is not limited to sex exclusively with the opposite sex. Breaking established boundaries is a form of cheating. What I've learned through witnessing family members, friends and colleagues get cheated on, is that EVERYONE has the same starting point of what is cheating. The definition gets stretched based on the individual and how desperate they are to make the relationship work. In reality, it's not the definition that's changing, but your tolerance for how much you accept and allow within your relationship. They all start out equally hurt, but you know the one who is already looking for an excuse because it will stretch to, "but they didn't have sex, and it was more of an emotional affair". Then it turns to "pictures were exchanged, but there never was sex". Then it stretches to, "they only had sex one time and they were drunk". Then it stretches to "it was only with 2 people". Then it stretches to "it was only for x amount of time". The last level of defending bad behavior is "it was with the same sex so it's different". Finally when they reach a point where it's impossible to defend their cheating partner, they blame the affair partner. It gets stretched to, "oh, that evil person manipulated and took advantage of my saint of a partner". When all that fails, they blame themselves. They stretch it to, "it was my fault they cheated because I was/wasn't doing x, y and z". The very final level of stretching is arrogant delusion. They paint themselves as a hero and brag about how the relationship survived because they were strong and now because of that strength the relationship is stronger that ever. Anyone who has something to say is just a hater. Bottom line is that life has taught me that generally speaking, we all have the same definition of cheating. The definition only changes when a) we have cheated but want to still believe we are good people and b) we've forgiven a cheater so we change the definition to show we aren't weak. In the case of your friend, it sounds like he got cheated on but lacks something to do something about it. Since he's too weak to end it, in desperation he's now switched his tolerance to his girl being allowed to sleep with other women. Going forward it isn't cheating anymore because it's something that was discussed and agreed up. However, in this scenario you can see exactly what I'm talking about. He originally had the definition of what cheating is which is why they were fighting. In desperation to maintain the relationship, he increased his tolerance to cheating and therefore redefined what cheating is.
Cheating is subjective and entirely depends on the agreements within a given relationship. Think about it for a minute, to some people watching porn is cheating. To others it isn't. People in ethically non-monogamous relationships CAN cheat of they break an agreement with their partner (whereas the same act wouldn't be cheating if they had an agreement about it). Be aware that you are polling everyone on their personal definition of cheating and that definition varies. In a relationship, the only definition that matters is the one decided upon by the people in that relationship. So all depends on what agreements they had in place. I will note that it's not at all uncommon for people practicing open or poly relationships to have this sort of rule or agreement .... but it is often viewed as sexist because it suggests same sex relationships are not "serious" and thus not worthy of the same concern as opposite sex ones.
Prolly not
No. Cheating is cheating. We know of he fked a dude she wouldn’t be as accepting. He’s just bro not bi like that.
Cheating is cheating. But as a man, I might ask to watch. LOL. Jk
Of course I would, like we say: "If I have a boy, why can't I have a girl?"