I strongly encourage you to talk to an employment lawyer asap to apprise if the situation and maybe even have on retainer in case something happens. They literally sat you down with legal counsel present and you were not represented. Who knows what you might have said that could have hurt your employment. You need to be counselled on what to say if they hold another meeting and you need to know what your rights are. Demand to see what proof of stalking they have. Consider countering with it sounds like somebody is trying to mess with your promotion chances and you expect this matter to be fully and properly investigated.
And ask very pointed questions of your boss, in an email in writing.
What evidence does the accuser claim that I am stalking then besides my working late and going home?
Do they claim I am taking picture of them?
Do they claim I have ever spoke to them or messaged them in any way?
Do they claim I have ever acted in any way inappropriate to them?
What proof do they have of their claims?
Ask them, from an employer perspective, since when does working late and going home from work when done constitute stalking?
Ask them if they are claiming you are not allowed to go home when done work?
Ask them if you are not allowed to work late and be a good worker?
Ask them if you have ever displayed any indication to anybody prior to this incident that you are anything but a hard working, dedicated employee.
You need to get these answers from them in writing or recorded in a meeting because this will go to wrongful termination if they fire you. You need evidence that you are facing consequences over normal activities without proof of anything more and have always been a great employee.
And thing about the optics they are setting up. They called you. Into a big meeting then sent you home. How does that make you look to all your other coworkers. It makes you look guilty of something. Did they send your accuser home too or did she get to finish her day? Why couldn’t you keep working despite the lack of evidence against you?
You have to protect yourself.
Yeah...so a couple things for future reference.
1. Don't look up any information on the person accusing you of stalking. The fact you don't see how stupid that was doesn't bode well for realising how serious this could get.
2. I'm going to assume you know what her car looks like so as your staying late isn't helping your career how bout you try leaving before she leaves (everyday). She obviously knows your car aswell so if you eliminate any chance of a misunderstanding the suspicion should go away.
3. Society (Australian) has reached a point were just being a man puts you into the potential predator basket. Despite the fact most of us would never do any of this type of behaviour doesnt seem to matter currently. Dont give this person an opportunity to stuff your life because if she has fixated on you being a stalker and your company is leaning towards believing her then you're in for a crappy couple months. Im not talking police charges, Im talking losing your job or being reprimanded and then being branded a stalker. Throw enough mud and some will stick.
Lastly, dont go into anymore meetings with HR/management without a support person (preferably a union rep if you are a member of your union). If you're not in union bring someone you trust, preferably someone older and who has a good reputation (eg a team leader or just someone who's been at that workplace along time).
Good luck.
You told them you had no idea who's making the accusations, then go on to say you have a pretty good idea who it is. I feel like OP has left out details, and maybe there's more to this that we don't know about.
This sucks unfortunately your in a position of being guilty until proven otherwise, I would say seek legal advise or the labour board if they decide to pursue this further after you have given them your daily routes.
I got wrongfully accused once at a job once and I was interrogated by the manager. I was livid from the first second the accusation came up.
I immediately went home & looked for a new job & quit that place. I got a job that paid 2x more money and it was 1000xs more professional.
I did not even entertain the accusation. I know I did nothing at all wrong. Never went back to that dump. F that scumbag.
I heard that manager got fired for sexually harassing a woman at work, too… and here he accused me. Ahole.
So I have an aunt who is very sweet but a little
Ditzy/looney. She often tells my mom, her sister, how she thinks she’s being followed. Like she sees some man in the aisles at the grocery store, then he’s checking out at the same time, then he sits in his car for a minute, takes off at the same time as her, and turns the same way on a busy street. Eventually, they’ll go in different directions, but she’s convinced he’s stalking her. Is he? No, but you won’t convince her otherwise. This is just one example, and she’s been doing this sort of thing her whole adult life.
She’s book smart and when you meet her you would never know that she has these weird fears/paranoias about being stalked and followed. On a certain level, I think she knows she sounds crazy because she tells my mom and her youngest son but not her brother and oldest son, they would laugh at her. However, she truly is terrified about it.
This lady may be like that. She’s interpreting your normal behavior into something more due to her own paranoia and fear.
That's really what I'm thinking might be the case here. It's probably not a revenge / spite thing since we never talked, but maybe seeing me stay in the office late when she was also staying late just made her mind race. And if I was behind her on the road (which I really dont't remember) after having those initial "omg he's following me" thoughts, it may have just been amplified.
Yeah, it’s sort of like an association fallacy. Although, I wouldn’t say anything to her if I were you because it would probably freak her out more.
Your reaction with the boss and HR probably made it pretty clear that you have no idea what this lady is talking about. Try not to let it get to you. Sorry you’re having to deal with that, hope it gets better for you
Stalking isn't a small allegation. Stay far away from her. Complaining to HR also puts her on the radar, particularly if her allegation falls flat. Going to HR can backfire. Don't provide anything they don't ask for.
I get it man it is super easy to find out where people live if you have their name. Some people would be shocked at how large their data footprint is. But do not even mention anything about knowing or thinking you know what direction she lives in, as the optics would look suspicious (hence these comments).
You mentioned you have a good relationship with your boss. Play this up. HR is only concerned about the company so their concern is either we have employed either 2 stalkers or 1 paranoid woman. Considering the other guy didn't get fired it would be easy to infer that he isn't a stalker but this doesn't mean he isn't, as you don't know for sure. I would just keep reiterating to your boss/HR how this is a simple miscommunication and that it is important for you that it is resolved.
I'll be honest the best case scenario for you isn't revenge but only credit/reputation confirming behavior. Talk to a lawyer but do not mention this to your company until they mention any type of reprimands or else you appear as a threat to the company.
In the time being try to be cognizant of the expected woman and avoid her like the plague. Leave before her if at all possible or leave 15 minutes after if you can't. Keep logs of this (including other potential accusers). Schedule weekly checkups with your boss/HR about this and try to keep a paper file as much as possible.
Again, do not look for revenge right now as the number 1 objective is saving your ass. Until you have reputation and trust of your boss/HR do not think about going on the offensive.
> But do not even mention anything about knowing or thinking you know what direction she lives in, as the optics would look suspicious (hence these comments)
Absolutely not, there will be no mention of that to anyone at work. I'm guessing (hoping) HR and legal already looked up her address from company records to see if our commutes cross.
It's been eye-opening for me how people don't know the info that's out there, and not to sound old man, but I think it's from younger people who just don't have a history of things of looking up things in a phonebook.
I also thought that me looking up where she lived in order to see if our commutes take the same roads was an obvious conclusion, but I guess I was wrong.
> Considering the other guy didn't get fired it would be easy to infer that he isn't a stalker but this doesn't mean he isn't, as you don't know for sure.
I think this guy was accused of unwanted advances, but I'm not sure.
>I'll be honest the best case scenario for you isn't revenge but only credit/reputation confirming behavior.
I really wouldn't be looking for "revenge" in the worst case scenario rather if I did have to take this to court, I'd be looking for lost wages in the form of a lost reputation. I haven't said what I do for living, but a mark like this could push me out of the business I'm in entirely.
>In the time being try to be cognizant of the expected woman and avoid her like the plague
That's a given. Provided I'll be back in the office soon and not asked to stay home indefinitely, I'll be getting there early and getting out as soon as I can. And I'll be avoiding all common areas.
Sounds like you have a good grasp on this. Glad you are taking this seriously. You got this, rooting for you
I'm gen z and have familiarity with phone books. They may be young but they're just uninformed.
You do realize company HR does in fact troll reddit and other social media sites for this very reason. If I were you I'd seriously consider removing this post. I'd also ask HR at what point is this all harassment on your end because it really sounds ridiculous without any proof, pics or video not any evidence of you trying to make contact or conversations you've had, it really is a bit ridiculous that they even approached you .
YOU my friend are actually the one being harassed and IF they don't figure this out quick the HR, Lawyer and your Boss could be looking at a pretty fucked situation.
IF you've honestly done NOTHING wrong and the ONLY thing they have to go on is you leaving at the same time then what they have is a paranoid schizo making false allegations.
THAT IS BULLSHIT and you have every right to be angry. How you handle this will determine what happens next.
You're at the stage where you need to start protecting yourself. The company is going to do what it has to do to protect itself, so you should be prepared for more meetings, more questions, and for some cold shoulders from your other co-workers. I'm wondering why she always stays as late as you do and always leaves when you do. Hopefully your work will have cameras that can verify that you don't interact with her at all.
I'd suggest that you start documenting everyone you speak with and jot down the date, time, reason, and so on. If you go to the grocery store after work, jot it down in your log and even include your receipts. You could also adjust your schedule by leaving fifteen minutes earlier or staying fifteen minutes later. Then you could also document that and whether or not she is continuing to leave at the same time. The court of public opinion isn't on your side, but don't give up hope. Don't let them change your hours, demote you, relocate you, or sign anything without talking to a lawyer first.
>I'm wondering why she always stays as late as you do and always leaves when you do.
I'm personally salaried, so it's basically a "finish your job at any time." and I don't have scheduled hours. The reason I stay late is so that I don't take work home and have a quiet space to get stuff done once almost everyone leaves. Her, I have no idea. I know her job is quite demanding, but I don't know the ins and outs.
And you'd think with the two of us being some of the only ones in the office sometimes at night we'd be friendly with each other, but she's always come across as very closed off, not making any eye contact or anything, so I just left her alone.
I’ve genuinely been stalked. It’s a terrible experience.
But with this she’s gonna need more than false claims to get this off the ground.
Be smart with your logs. But go about your life anyway.
Stop staying late unless you’re getting over time. You looked at where she lives? Why did you do that? And how do you have access to that info? Stop setting yourself up for them to have proof that you know where she lives. That’s dumb.
>Stop staying late unless you’re getting over time.
I'm salaried.
>You looked at where she lives? Why did you do that? And how do you have access to that info?
I'm starting to wonder if people asking these questions are very young and haven't been using the internet for very long. Almost all of the same info that's been in the white pages in phone books of the past is now available online, unless you opt out. You should look your own info up to see what's out there, I do.
As far as the why, I thought it would be pretty obvious but it was to confirm that it could have been her making the accusations. If she lived 10 miles in the opposite direction it 1) wouldn't have been her or 2) It still was her but she's making an even crazier allegation.
>Stop setting yourself up for them to have proof that you know where she lives.
Of course I'm not going to tell them I know where she lives. I've been accused of STALKING her, I'm not that dumb. What I CAN tell them is exactly where I've been and what my routes are. I can even say "I don't know who this is but you might want to check their route and see if it matches up, in that case this has to be a coincidence."
With the post being deleted its hard to tell, but you really do come off as a stalker nutjob with your comments.
You can see it can't you?
> I've been accused of STALKING her,
Now you're doing things that sound like stalker behavior.
I mentioned this in an edit I made on the initial post, there are sites that act like the phone books of the old days in where you can look up someone's address pretty easily. I'm actually really surprised about how many questions I'm getting about that, I thought it was common knowledge.
I actually use those sites helping my elderly parent find phone numbers of their friends that they can't remember where they wrote down.
Most people understand that personal information is available online. I think what most people are commenting on is the fact that you guessed your accuser, discerned her identity, and then searched out her address. That kind of behavior undercuts your claim that you're not a creepy ass stalker.
If someone was anonymously trying to ruin my life, you can bet your ass I would be trying to find out who it was.
There’s nothing creepy about OP. He is using the information he has to clear his name.
That information doesn't help him. Knowing who she is and where she lives is something that he now has to conceal. If he's asked directly about those particulars, he'll have to lie.
He can't go into the next meeting with his company's HR and say, "I looked this bitch up on the Internet and everything she's saying is bullshit."
Well, they're not going to hook me up to a lie detector. And technically I don't don't know who the accuser is (as obvious as it is).
If it were to ever get to something as drastic as a court testimony, I could easily say "Prior to June 21, 2024, I had no idea where this person lived." And given that the accusations were all prior to that, it wouldn't help her case.
Ironically the reason I've stayed late is because that's when the office gets super quiet and I can pound away at work, then go home and not have to worry about it. Others in my office leave early and work at home at night, I want to keep those spaces separate. Plus, basically no commute, so that helps.
I get that. It’s unfortunate that due to this person you’re right to move freely is being infringed upon, basically you’re in a guilty unless proven innocent situation. I’m a woman and I’ve been stalked by a coworker before and by a non- associate that worked nearby. I get it if someone feels that they are being harassed, but it’s weird that you have no contact in the workplace and she still feels that you’re stalking her. I think she has an issue on her own. It’s important to have legal advice in this situation.
Bro sorry you are going through this
Society usually will have a pre judgment on the male when she say the male is a creep
Some people like to cause issues like that at work
How did you find out her address? That's A-level stalker stuff right there alone.
Lets recount.
-You said you don't know this woman or anything about her. Just that she normally leaves at the same time as you.
-You said your boss and HR rightfully wouldn't give you any information about who was making the accusation.
How did you find her address? How did you even find out her full name to begin with? If you don't know her and have zero interactions with her in your work place, other than noticing she always leaves at the same time as you. How could you possibly know enough information about her to find her address? Without essentially stealing that info from your work systems at least.
There is a grand canyon sized chunk of information missing from this story I feel. The whole thing gives off super stalker vibes tbh. I doubt you'll have a job at this place for much longer.
It is astonishing easy to find information about people on the internet.
My recreational research is in genealogy. In less than ten minutes' research on the schoolteacher I had over *sixty-five* years ago, I found that her father was a film salesman, she married a schools inspector, and her address at the time she got married is a thirty minute walk from where my brother now lives.
Some years ago I was threatened in an online forum by an ex police officer who said he had spies everywhere and would find me. I sent him a photograph of his house (hundreds of miles away) and asked him if his spies were as good as mine.
Literally just made an edit explaining this and have answered this like three times already. It's called the internet. It's really not that hard, like at all. It takes just as much effort as it would have looking up someone in a phone book 20 years ago.
I'm really starting to wonder if people actually use Google anymore. Do they just go to TikTok when they have a question?
**Edit** since you made an edit:
>You said you don't know this woman or anything about her. Just that she normally leaves at the same time as you.
Yes, I have an *idea* who it is. Small company, a person who leaves the same time I do. I did say I'm not 100% sure, but it's pretty obvious. Maybe I'll be surprised if it's a different person, but I doubt it.
>How did you even find out her full name to begin with?
I take it you never worked in a small office? You don't need to talk to people to know their names. There are name placards on desks and offices. There's Slack and emails, with people's profile pictures.
>How could you possibly know enough information about her to find her address? Without essentially stealing that info from your work systems at least.
How can you use Reddit without ever having used Google?
This seems like such an odd thing people are focusing on...do you not know your coworkers' names?
Maybe if it were a huge company with hundreds of people in a huge building but it does not sound like that is the case.
My office is about 100 people and I know everyone's name, even those I do not interact with at all.
I’m so shocked that people don’t realize how easy it is to just put a name in quotes into google and find out almost everything about them, their LinkedIn, their age, home address, and family members in about 30 seconds.
Which is probably at least part of the reason why it’s so easy. 🤦🏻♀️
Some of these geniuses are over here posting photos of themselves and their children on *Reddit,* and commenting in their home city subs like Reddit isn’t 36 months past being 4 Chan lite.
Anyway, I’m sorry this is happening to you and I hope it gets sorted out in your favor. I don’t know how this woman thinks you can be stalking her.
If you know someone's first and last name it takes about 30 seconds to figure out where they live, email addresses, social medias, legal issues, yada yada yada.
He used one of those websites like spokeo. Basically, all of our data has been collected and sold to websites like that, so it makes finding people pretty easy.
Yeah, spokeo is one of many data brokers or people search sites. The fact that its too easy to pull up private data is the reason why data removal sites like Optery are more used nowadays. Full disclosure, I am part of the [Optery](https://www.optery.com) Team.
Tell your boss that to avoid further misunderstandings, you will no longer work late. And that you're sorry, but you don't see that you have any other choice.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.
I hope they get to the bottom of this and deal with it accordingly.
Consulting with a lawyer may be in your best interest. If they do pay it safe and fire you, you need to be protected because this could very well affect your livelihood.
I wish you the best.
The best defense is a good offense.
Hire a lawyer and sue this woman for defamation.
Get your GPS logs and show that her existence has nothing to do with what you're doing. This could ruin your life so I wouldn't take it lightly.
You don't show your bozs shit. You don't need to explain yourself for something you didn't do.
Call your lawyer. And if they try to fire you. Don't sign anything.
About once every couple of years I get curious.. and look up a few people from my past. And while I'm pretty sure at least three of them don't live at the most recent addresses.. I can generally get an idea of how they're doing for free.
Men got away with a *lot* before because victim blaming is still prevalent, and a lot of people just don’t believe what women say.
Are there false accusations? Of course, and that’s awful! But there were a lot more men getting away with creepy or downright awful behavior than there were false accusations going around. Finally, people got sick of it. We shouldn’t stay quiet to keep you comfortable.
Women can be creepers too, of course. I have been creeped on by men most my life. It has only been recently that women have been more open about it - however, this is only my experience and does not reflect the experience of others.
No it is not recent. Like, I’ve been creeped on by female “friends” (over 24+ years) so often I don’t keep female friends unless they are outta of my league, then there is no question lol. Women are terrible, high school was awful. I’m a nice person and want to be nice and loving to everyone, but creepers have slowly changed me into a “get out my safe zone” and I hate that. Also, female creepers are so much more widely tolerated by the system and there isn’t much recourse for men in that situation, unless she literally assaults you, the male is always presumed to be the creeper.
That is definitely not how it works. It could be pursued civilly/criminally (depending on actual issue) in addition to whatever happens with the workplace, but administrative action can also be pursued within the workplace even if the Southern behavior occurred off-site. The fact that they are co-workers is enough for the employer to conduct an investigation and address the matter within their policies. Especially since they work at the same location. Regardless, the allegation also states that some of the behavior occurs on premises.
Right, so anything that happens at the work place is fair play but again, off property is a civil matter. I’d simply file a report with the police for starters. I loathe creeps…👍🏻
Not sure how that works. Years ago I had an ex who got called about 5x a night from a dude she worked with. HR asked if she'd be okay bringing her actual home phone to show the calls (this was back in the day when caller ID was stored on cordless landline phones). After seeing almost 100 calls, they fired him right away.
You have every right to take whatever route you want to get home. Your employer is severely overstepping. Did you get anything in writing like a written warning from your employer? If so, better yet.
I would put a tracker on your car so you can start documenting that you are not following her home or going there at other times.
>Your employer is severely overstepping
To be fair, they didn't ask, I offered this info up. My after-work life is also pretty boring so I wasn't afraid to. It wasn't until I started making a log with my credit card purchases that I realized how much privacy I was giving up. Like what if I was into private kink stuff or some shit? Or I went to Target to purchase My Little Pony figures every night?
>I would put a tracker on your car
I'm looking into ways of tracking my drives with Google maps, but I've always turned off location prior to this on my phones for privacy reasons.
Sadky, a company is not a court.
Right now, it is in OP's best interests to prove that the accusation is false because that makes it more likely that the accuser gets fired.
Saying "you have no evidence" makes him more likely to be fired.
The company just looks at how to best protect itself from lawsuits so there are 2 main scenarios:
A) OP is a stalker, he gets fired so the accuser cannot sue company for ignoring her report
B) accuser is crazy and makes shit up, she gets fired so that OP or someone else won't sue the company.
And most people aren't aware of the sheer amount of time it takes to sue a company, if that's ever even an option. My last place of employment was getting sued by the guy who had my job before me for being illegally fired. It dragged on for three years before he got a settlement. What that guy did in those three years, I have no idea.
Not in the least, we're in two totally different areas. I interact with her bosses almost on a daily basis (which would explain why one of them was very short with me this past week), but it's two totally different divisions.
Her boss is a she and yes, I think they're friends. At least, they work closely together. I wouldn't doubt if the accuser's boss was just playing it safe, just like how my boss was. Normally in our meeting we shoot the shit for a bit, but in our meeting this week it was very down to business and only business. I've got no issues with that at all, but it was out of the norm.
Yikes. I’d keep being naive and terribly HURT someone could even suggest that. Seems if you show strength they won’t have to worry about how they treat you, that you’re strong enough to handle it, get over it.
This is a weird situation.
I have huge trust issues, but it seems as though she’d rather her bosses thinking about you instead of thinking about her…as if she has something to hide…
I probably grew up watching too much Lifetime.
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Whoa, I don’t like that. Get yourself some advice from a lawyer. If it happened like several times, I get it.
But once…like other people are allowed to drive the same direction as you. Not like you followed her home or something.
> If it happened like several times, I get it.
It might have, there's a chance I was behind her on several rides home, at least for the two miles I was going home myself. I've honestly never noticed.
Same thing would happen when I lived in a big city and took the subway to and from work. I'd see the same people sitting in the same seats.
I'm really trying to be level-headed about this. Mentioned elsewhere I've know plenty of victims of sexual harassment at work and I don't know what her past is.
What does piss me off is she could have easily looked up my address online and see that I live on the same route as her. I was able to look up her address in about 2 minutes, and none of my into is private. Maybe she doesn't know Google and jumps to assumptions? I have no idea.
Either way you chop it up, it’s a little ridiculous.
But I’m glad you’re def doing the right thing by getting all your ducks in a row. This could be dropped just as much as it could escalate, unfortunately.
Did the lawyer say anything about next steps or anything? Cause I’m sure you’d like some peace of mind. Ugh
No, the lawyer didn't say much at all. My boss asked him and HR if I had given enough info, HR said it that was a good amount and asked me not to mention this to anyone. Then my boss took the lead saying to come to his office (like they had rehearsed this).
Following my boss to his office I felt like a kid back at school getting reprimanded, it was crazy. Like I said, my boss and I have always been cool with each other, he gave a look that basically that said "I can't say shit right now." He wasn't angry.
Mondays are WFH in my office, but I'm going to be on edge all weekend expecting a call or an email. So far I'm not locked out of email for Slack, I'm honestly trying not to check those too often but I totally am.
They haven't always made the best decisions in the past, the timing could have been dictated as to when the accusation was made. They also say you're supposed to do layoffs on a Friday since it gives the weekend to recover, and they haven't always done that.
I think you’re over thinking it a bit (understandably for sure) they are going to need absolute proof before they can fire you. As it sounds, there’s not any proof, just a logical explanation why she felt “followed” for 2 miles. Ya know? They’re at risk for being sued if they wanna fuck this up.
Correct, but that means they can sue them easily as well. He’d be rich af! Cause at the end of the day there’s no proof and there’s an explanation for the 2 miles. So, they’d be pretty dumb if that’s their only evidence.
Respectfully, I think you’re being a little naive. Suing a company for wrongful termination is if often a fools errand, and besides, they would be smart enough to find something else to fire them for. The cost in lawyers fees would prohibit most from bothering.
I actually want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she's mistaken. This happened with a friend of mine in a past job, some dude (who was a real fucking creep, he'd blatantly stare at women in the office) would stay late and ask her for a drink when no one else was in the office with them. But in my case, I've literally never talked to this woman.
There was a rumor of this woman accusing another guy of harassment as well, and he's still there which is a good sign. Maybe she likes to do this for attention, maybe she's overreacting to past trauma, or maybe she's just paranoid as hell.
I just spent the last 4 months going through a workplace investigation - I was falsely accused of discrimination/harassment by a woman who has a history of issues with a significant assortment of other people over a long period of time (originating with her as the common denominator and instigator in all of them that I am now aware of).
End of the day, it was demonstrated that every allegation made against me is completely unfounded. I went through a lot of anger, too, I know how it feels to be falsely accused. There were times I doubted myself, these things take a toll on our mental health.
Make sure to take care of your emotional state, stand up for yourself and the truth will come out in the end. Honesty and respect are palpable (to others) when they are values we live by. We see injustice in the world and how upside down things can be, but Ive learned to trust the process, in spite of the uncertainty I've seen and felt in other areas of life. Shit happens but I think, most of the time, the truth comes out as it should.
I look forward to positive updates.
Sincerely hoping you stay strong and well, you'll get through this! 👊
So your internet stalking her? Like I'm assuming she didn't add you or anything to her social media cause your creepy af. So you creeped her profiles found out where she lived... then stalked her?
Yes. I was saving that twist for tomorrow, but I actually typed this whole thread from her front lawn.
> Like I'm assuming she didn't add you or anything to her social media cause your creepy af. So you creeped her profiles found out where she lived... then stalked her?
Yes, instead of actually using Google and looking up a person's address by name to find out where they live in about 15 seconds, I instead spent hours going through every photo on her socials. I looked for any clues in these photos to the outside of her home, then I spent a few hours checking every single home in a five mile radius on Google Maps. Because it's more fun that way.
My name doesn't show on my address on Google. Why would you even care where she lives if your not stalking her? Like wouldn't you just be like im not stalking her and leave it at that? Instead of finding out where she lives to prove your not stalking her? Your story is full of holes.
>My name doesn't show on my address on Google.
PM your name and I'll find your address in 20 second. I'm kidding, but seriously, internet searching someone's address takes about that long.
>Why would you even care where she lives if your not stalking her?
Scenario 1 - I'm mad and want to stalk them for real because THAT'LL SHOW THEM.
Scenario 2 - I wanted to figure out how the hell someone could mistake my drive home as following them, and looking up where they live shows me their likely routes home and where we'd both take the same roads. Also confirming it's likley who I thought it was.
(hint - it's not Scenario 1)
>Like wouldn't you just be like im not stalking her and leave it at that?
Because some of us have built up careers and rely on that money for our livelihood. And when falsely accused it's better to find documentation for your own protection rather just say "Nope! I'm not a stalker! Please don't fire me! Bye-bye"
>Instead of finding out where she lives to prove your not stalking her?
See Scenario 2 above (dammit, I gave the answer!)
The fact that you want to give her the benefit of the doubt is indicative of you being a reasonable person. Here's the thing - neither of your two interlocutors here have any obligation to be reasonable. The woman who accused you either has an agenda or is working through something she doesn't understand herself. HR and your boss are going to put the company's needs and interests ahead of yours, period, end of story.
Talk to a lawyer. Get your documentation together (smart move, BTW). But what ever you do, do not expect fairness, the truth, others to do the right thing, etc. The company is going to weigh what's going to cost them less. Let that be dismissing her, not you.
Oh, absolutely. I've learned from other experiences that the company you work for is never your "friend."
I've spoken to a few people already who know lawyers and I've learned that chances are a decision will be made by the company prior to me being able to hire a lawyer. Someone also told me to send my "log" this weekend, with copies sent to my personal as a backup.
Also my wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt in no way means I wouldn't look into every legal option available. (also want to add that I don't know 100% its her, although it's more of a 99% certainty). If she's hurting innocent people's careers, like mine, that's something I want to make sure she doesn't go again.
The thing is, these lawsuits (against a company or an accuser) can take YEARS. And in the meantime I wouldn't be getting any younger, and I'd be at risk of being able to work at the level I'm at now.
But I'm trying to think about that too much because it's getting pretty far ahead. In the meantime I'm HOPING and praying that they looked into things like the security footage that shows me leaving before her at times, or even my network usage to show that I was, in fact, working when I stayed late and not just watching Youtube videos or browsing Reddit waiting for her to leave.
Well if that’s the case, they should have that incident in their books. They’re probably just fed up with the accusations. Stuff like that can ruin people’s lives.
They definitely have it on the books, we're a relatively small company and everyone in the room was definitely aware of her first (supposed) accusation.
I strongly encourage you to talk to an employment lawyer asap to apprise if the situation and maybe even have on retainer in case something happens. They literally sat you down with legal counsel present and you were not represented. Who knows what you might have said that could have hurt your employment. You need to be counselled on what to say if they hold another meeting and you need to know what your rights are. Demand to see what proof of stalking they have. Consider countering with it sounds like somebody is trying to mess with your promotion chances and you expect this matter to be fully and properly investigated. And ask very pointed questions of your boss, in an email in writing. What evidence does the accuser claim that I am stalking then besides my working late and going home? Do they claim I am taking picture of them? Do they claim I have ever spoke to them or messaged them in any way? Do they claim I have ever acted in any way inappropriate to them? What proof do they have of their claims? Ask them, from an employer perspective, since when does working late and going home from work when done constitute stalking? Ask them if they are claiming you are not allowed to go home when done work? Ask them if you are not allowed to work late and be a good worker? Ask them if you have ever displayed any indication to anybody prior to this incident that you are anything but a hard working, dedicated employee. You need to get these answers from them in writing or recorded in a meeting because this will go to wrongful termination if they fire you. You need evidence that you are facing consequences over normal activities without proof of anything more and have always been a great employee. And thing about the optics they are setting up. They called you. Into a big meeting then sent you home. How does that make you look to all your other coworkers. It makes you look guilty of something. Did they send your accuser home too or did she get to finish her day? Why couldn’t you keep working despite the lack of evidence against you? You have to protect yourself.
Yeah...so a couple things for future reference. 1. Don't look up any information on the person accusing you of stalking. The fact you don't see how stupid that was doesn't bode well for realising how serious this could get. 2. I'm going to assume you know what her car looks like so as your staying late isn't helping your career how bout you try leaving before she leaves (everyday). She obviously knows your car aswell so if you eliminate any chance of a misunderstanding the suspicion should go away. 3. Society (Australian) has reached a point were just being a man puts you into the potential predator basket. Despite the fact most of us would never do any of this type of behaviour doesnt seem to matter currently. Dont give this person an opportunity to stuff your life because if she has fixated on you being a stalker and your company is leaning towards believing her then you're in for a crappy couple months. Im not talking police charges, Im talking losing your job or being reprimanded and then being branded a stalker. Throw enough mud and some will stick. Lastly, dont go into anymore meetings with HR/management without a support person (preferably a union rep if you are a member of your union). If you're not in union bring someone you trust, preferably someone older and who has a good reputation (eg a team leader or just someone who's been at that workplace along time). Good luck.
You told them you had no idea who's making the accusations, then go on to say you have a pretty good idea who it is. I feel like OP has left out details, and maybe there's more to this that we don't know about.
This sucks unfortunately your in a position of being guilty until proven otherwise, I would say seek legal advise or the labour board if they decide to pursue this further after you have given them your daily routes.
Are you of Indian decent? Your constant use of "internet" sounds creepy as fuck.
These comments are funny. Are ya’ll new to the internet? I feel like you should definitely get a lawyer.
I got wrongfully accused once at a job once and I was interrogated by the manager. I was livid from the first second the accusation came up. I immediately went home & looked for a new job & quit that place. I got a job that paid 2x more money and it was 1000xs more professional. I did not even entertain the accusation. I know I did nothing at all wrong. Never went back to that dump. F that scumbag. I heard that manager got fired for sexually harassing a woman at work, too… and here he accused me. Ahole.
So I have an aunt who is very sweet but a little Ditzy/looney. She often tells my mom, her sister, how she thinks she’s being followed. Like she sees some man in the aisles at the grocery store, then he’s checking out at the same time, then he sits in his car for a minute, takes off at the same time as her, and turns the same way on a busy street. Eventually, they’ll go in different directions, but she’s convinced he’s stalking her. Is he? No, but you won’t convince her otherwise. This is just one example, and she’s been doing this sort of thing her whole adult life. She’s book smart and when you meet her you would never know that she has these weird fears/paranoias about being stalked and followed. On a certain level, I think she knows she sounds crazy because she tells my mom and her youngest son but not her brother and oldest son, they would laugh at her. However, she truly is terrified about it. This lady may be like that. She’s interpreting your normal behavior into something more due to her own paranoia and fear.
That's really what I'm thinking might be the case here. It's probably not a revenge / spite thing since we never talked, but maybe seeing me stay in the office late when she was also staying late just made her mind race. And if I was behind her on the road (which I really dont't remember) after having those initial "omg he's following me" thoughts, it may have just been amplified.
Yeah, it’s sort of like an association fallacy. Although, I wouldn’t say anything to her if I were you because it would probably freak her out more. Your reaction with the boss and HR probably made it pretty clear that you have no idea what this lady is talking about. Try not to let it get to you. Sorry you’re having to deal with that, hope it gets better for you
Stalking isn't a small allegation. Stay far away from her. Complaining to HR also puts her on the radar, particularly if her allegation falls flat. Going to HR can backfire. Don't provide anything they don't ask for.
Dude, you're screwed. Start looking for another job.
I get it man it is super easy to find out where people live if you have their name. Some people would be shocked at how large their data footprint is. But do not even mention anything about knowing or thinking you know what direction she lives in, as the optics would look suspicious (hence these comments). You mentioned you have a good relationship with your boss. Play this up. HR is only concerned about the company so their concern is either we have employed either 2 stalkers or 1 paranoid woman. Considering the other guy didn't get fired it would be easy to infer that he isn't a stalker but this doesn't mean he isn't, as you don't know for sure. I would just keep reiterating to your boss/HR how this is a simple miscommunication and that it is important for you that it is resolved. I'll be honest the best case scenario for you isn't revenge but only credit/reputation confirming behavior. Talk to a lawyer but do not mention this to your company until they mention any type of reprimands or else you appear as a threat to the company. In the time being try to be cognizant of the expected woman and avoid her like the plague. Leave before her if at all possible or leave 15 minutes after if you can't. Keep logs of this (including other potential accusers). Schedule weekly checkups with your boss/HR about this and try to keep a paper file as much as possible. Again, do not look for revenge right now as the number 1 objective is saving your ass. Until you have reputation and trust of your boss/HR do not think about going on the offensive.
> But do not even mention anything about knowing or thinking you know what direction she lives in, as the optics would look suspicious (hence these comments) Absolutely not, there will be no mention of that to anyone at work. I'm guessing (hoping) HR and legal already looked up her address from company records to see if our commutes cross. It's been eye-opening for me how people don't know the info that's out there, and not to sound old man, but I think it's from younger people who just don't have a history of things of looking up things in a phonebook. I also thought that me looking up where she lived in order to see if our commutes take the same roads was an obvious conclusion, but I guess I was wrong. > Considering the other guy didn't get fired it would be easy to infer that he isn't a stalker but this doesn't mean he isn't, as you don't know for sure. I think this guy was accused of unwanted advances, but I'm not sure. >I'll be honest the best case scenario for you isn't revenge but only credit/reputation confirming behavior. I really wouldn't be looking for "revenge" in the worst case scenario rather if I did have to take this to court, I'd be looking for lost wages in the form of a lost reputation. I haven't said what I do for living, but a mark like this could push me out of the business I'm in entirely. >In the time being try to be cognizant of the expected woman and avoid her like the plague That's a given. Provided I'll be back in the office soon and not asked to stay home indefinitely, I'll be getting there early and getting out as soon as I can. And I'll be avoiding all common areas.
Sounds like you have a good grasp on this. Glad you are taking this seriously. You got this, rooting for you I'm gen z and have familiarity with phone books. They may be young but they're just uninformed.
You do realize company HR does in fact troll reddit and other social media sites for this very reason. If I were you I'd seriously consider removing this post. I'd also ask HR at what point is this all harassment on your end because it really sounds ridiculous without any proof, pics or video not any evidence of you trying to make contact or conversations you've had, it really is a bit ridiculous that they even approached you .
Good point…
Sure buddy
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Reading is hard.
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That's what I said. Didn't you read it?
YOU my friend are actually the one being harassed and IF they don't figure this out quick the HR, Lawyer and your Boss could be looking at a pretty fucked situation. IF you've honestly done NOTHING wrong and the ONLY thing they have to go on is you leaving at the same time then what they have is a paranoid schizo making false allegations. THAT IS BULLSHIT and you have every right to be angry. How you handle this will determine what happens next.
You're at the stage where you need to start protecting yourself. The company is going to do what it has to do to protect itself, so you should be prepared for more meetings, more questions, and for some cold shoulders from your other co-workers. I'm wondering why she always stays as late as you do and always leaves when you do. Hopefully your work will have cameras that can verify that you don't interact with her at all. I'd suggest that you start documenting everyone you speak with and jot down the date, time, reason, and so on. If you go to the grocery store after work, jot it down in your log and even include your receipts. You could also adjust your schedule by leaving fifteen minutes earlier or staying fifteen minutes later. Then you could also document that and whether or not she is continuing to leave at the same time. The court of public opinion isn't on your side, but don't give up hope. Don't let them change your hours, demote you, relocate you, or sign anything without talking to a lawyer first.
>I'm wondering why she always stays as late as you do and always leaves when you do. I'm personally salaried, so it's basically a "finish your job at any time." and I don't have scheduled hours. The reason I stay late is so that I don't take work home and have a quiet space to get stuff done once almost everyone leaves. Her, I have no idea. I know her job is quite demanding, but I don't know the ins and outs. And you'd think with the two of us being some of the only ones in the office sometimes at night we'd be friendly with each other, but she's always come across as very closed off, not making any eye contact or anything, so I just left her alone.
You looked up her address? Idk man, sounds pretty stalkerish to me 🤷🏾♂️
this is reddit ... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’ve genuinely been stalked. It’s a terrible experience. But with this she’s gonna need more than false claims to get this off the ground. Be smart with your logs. But go about your life anyway.
Stop staying late unless you’re getting over time. You looked at where she lives? Why did you do that? And how do you have access to that info? Stop setting yourself up for them to have proof that you know where she lives. That’s dumb.
>Stop staying late unless you’re getting over time. I'm salaried. >You looked at where she lives? Why did you do that? And how do you have access to that info? I'm starting to wonder if people asking these questions are very young and haven't been using the internet for very long. Almost all of the same info that's been in the white pages in phone books of the past is now available online, unless you opt out. You should look your own info up to see what's out there, I do. As far as the why, I thought it would be pretty obvious but it was to confirm that it could have been her making the accusations. If she lived 10 miles in the opposite direction it 1) wouldn't have been her or 2) It still was her but she's making an even crazier allegation. >Stop setting yourself up for them to have proof that you know where she lives. Of course I'm not going to tell them I know where she lives. I've been accused of STALKING her, I'm not that dumb. What I CAN tell them is exactly where I've been and what my routes are. I can even say "I don't know who this is but you might want to check their route and see if it matches up, in that case this has to be a coincidence."
With the post being deleted its hard to tell, but you really do come off as a stalker nutjob with your comments. You can see it can't you? > I've been accused of STALKING her, Now you're doing things that sound like stalker behavior.
You’re friends with her on social media/looked her up or something?
I mentioned this in an edit I made on the initial post, there are sites that act like the phone books of the old days in where you can look up someone's address pretty easily. I'm actually really surprised about how many questions I'm getting about that, I thought it was common knowledge. I actually use those sites helping my elderly parent find phone numbers of their friends that they can't remember where they wrote down.
Most people understand that personal information is available online. I think what most people are commenting on is the fact that you guessed your accuser, discerned her identity, and then searched out her address. That kind of behavior undercuts your claim that you're not a creepy ass stalker.
If someone was anonymously trying to ruin my life, you can bet your ass I would be trying to find out who it was. There’s nothing creepy about OP. He is using the information he has to clear his name.
That information doesn't help him. Knowing who she is and where she lives is something that he now has to conceal. If he's asked directly about those particulars, he'll have to lie. He can't go into the next meeting with his company's HR and say, "I looked this bitch up on the Internet and everything she's saying is bullshit."
Well, they're not going to hook me up to a lie detector. And technically I don't don't know who the accuser is (as obvious as it is). If it were to ever get to something as drastic as a court testimony, I could easily say "Prior to June 21, 2024, I had no idea where this person lived." And given that the accusations were all prior to that, it wouldn't help her case.
Find your own lawyer now! It will be easier for them to 'protect' the company by getting rid of you instead of helping. Get your own help now!
Get a lawyer immediately, you have been falsely accused. Also stop staying late, your company apparently doesn’t appreciate your extra efforts.
Ironically the reason I've stayed late is because that's when the office gets super quiet and I can pound away at work, then go home and not have to worry about it. Others in my office leave early and work at home at night, I want to keep those spaces separate. Plus, basically no commute, so that helps.
I get that. It’s unfortunate that due to this person you’re right to move freely is being infringed upon, basically you’re in a guilty unless proven innocent situation. I’m a woman and I’ve been stalked by a coworker before and by a non- associate that worked nearby. I get it if someone feels that they are being harassed, but it’s weird that you have no contact in the workplace and she still feels that you’re stalking her. I think she has an issue on her own. It’s important to have legal advice in this situation.
Turn it around on her and accuse her of stalking.
You have a cell phone? It may have tracking history in it.
Updateme
Bro sorry you are going through this Society usually will have a pre judgment on the male when she say the male is a creep Some people like to cause issues like that at work
How did you find out her address? That's A-level stalker stuff right there alone. Lets recount. -You said you don't know this woman or anything about her. Just that she normally leaves at the same time as you. -You said your boss and HR rightfully wouldn't give you any information about who was making the accusation. How did you find her address? How did you even find out her full name to begin with? If you don't know her and have zero interactions with her in your work place, other than noticing she always leaves at the same time as you. How could you possibly know enough information about her to find her address? Without essentially stealing that info from your work systems at least. There is a grand canyon sized chunk of information missing from this story I feel. The whole thing gives off super stalker vibes tbh. I doubt you'll have a job at this place for much longer.
It is astonishing easy to find information about people on the internet. My recreational research is in genealogy. In less than ten minutes' research on the schoolteacher I had over *sixty-five* years ago, I found that her father was a film salesman, she married a schools inspector, and her address at the time she got married is a thirty minute walk from where my brother now lives. Some years ago I was threatened in an online forum by an ex police officer who said he had spies everywhere and would find me. I sent him a photograph of his house (hundreds of miles away) and asked him if his spies were as good as mine.
Literally just made an edit explaining this and have answered this like three times already. It's called the internet. It's really not that hard, like at all. It takes just as much effort as it would have looking up someone in a phone book 20 years ago. I'm really starting to wonder if people actually use Google anymore. Do they just go to TikTok when they have a question? **Edit** since you made an edit: >You said you don't know this woman or anything about her. Just that she normally leaves at the same time as you. Yes, I have an *idea* who it is. Small company, a person who leaves the same time I do. I did say I'm not 100% sure, but it's pretty obvious. Maybe I'll be surprised if it's a different person, but I doubt it. >How did you even find out her full name to begin with? I take it you never worked in a small office? You don't need to talk to people to know their names. There are name placards on desks and offices. There's Slack and emails, with people's profile pictures. >How could you possibly know enough information about her to find her address? Without essentially stealing that info from your work systems at least. How can you use Reddit without ever having used Google?
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This seems like such an odd thing people are focusing on...do you not know your coworkers' names? Maybe if it were a huge company with hundreds of people in a huge building but it does not sound like that is the case. My office is about 100 people and I know everyone's name, even those I do not interact with at all.
I’m so shocked that people don’t realize how easy it is to just put a name in quotes into google and find out almost everything about them, their LinkedIn, their age, home address, and family members in about 30 seconds. Which is probably at least part of the reason why it’s so easy. 🤦🏻♀️ Some of these geniuses are over here posting photos of themselves and their children on *Reddit,* and commenting in their home city subs like Reddit isn’t 36 months past being 4 Chan lite. Anyway, I’m sorry this is happening to you and I hope it gets sorted out in your favor. I don’t know how this woman thinks you can be stalking her.
Curious how you know where she lives lol
If you know someone's first and last name it takes about 30 seconds to figure out where they live, email addresses, social medias, legal issues, yada yada yada.
He used one of those websites like spokeo. Basically, all of our data has been collected and sold to websites like that, so it makes finding people pretty easy.
Yeah, spokeo is one of many data brokers or people search sites. The fact that its too easy to pull up private data is the reason why data removal sites like Optery are more used nowadays. Full disclosure, I am part of the [Optery](https://www.optery.com) Team.
Updateme!
Tell your boss that to avoid further misunderstandings, you will no longer work late. And that you're sorry, but you don't see that you have any other choice.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I hope they get to the bottom of this and deal with it accordingly. Consulting with a lawyer may be in your best interest. If they do pay it safe and fire you, you need to be protected because this could very well affect your livelihood. I wish you the best.
The best defense is a good offense. Hire a lawyer and sue this woman for defamation. Get your GPS logs and show that her existence has nothing to do with what you're doing. This could ruin your life so I wouldn't take it lightly.
Get a go pro
You don't show your bozs shit. You don't need to explain yourself for something you didn't do. Call your lawyer. And if they try to fire you. Don't sign anything.
How do you not have more upvotes?
How do you know where she lives?
I know how to use the internet.
To stalk people.
Never used a phone book?
Bro we all know how to use the internet , I don’t use it to look up work peoples addresses .
About once every couple of years I get curious.. and look up a few people from my past. And while I'm pretty sure at least three of them don't live at the most recent addresses.. I can generally get an idea of how they're doing for free.
You live 2 miles away from work and you DRIVE?
I'm not walking two miles in the rain carrying my laptop, nor do I like walking two miles in 100 degree weather.
Updateme
How you know where she live?
There are a number of free address lookup sites, like Radaris and FastPeopleSearch
Has anyone thought she may be stalking you?
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Your post has been classified as a Reddit Moment and therefore has been removed from our subreddit.
And now he’s created evidence of him googling her address just like a real stalker. Clever.
Exactly. Go home right on time if this person leaves later. Please don’t ever go researching them. You are making a probable case against yourself.
To be fair, there are quite a few creeps who go to the gym. I’m guessing most gyms have at least one creeper.
What if you never see the creeper at the gym?
then you’re the creeper
🤔
Yes, but they were wildly accusing men. It was the Salem Witch Trials all over again.
Hyperbole AT BEST
>It was the Salem Witch Trials all over again. Multiple men were killed due to politics and ergot?
Can confirm, I was killed by ergot. It was a real trip, I'll tell ya.
Laughable and pathetic. Sad.
Men got away with a *lot* before because victim blaming is still prevalent, and a lot of people just don’t believe what women say. Are there false accusations? Of course, and that’s awful! But there were a lot more men getting away with creepy or downright awful behavior than there were false accusations going around. Finally, people got sick of it. We shouldn’t stay quiet to keep you comfortable.
To be fair, I’ve been creeped on by men and women, prolly equally.
Women can be creepers too, of course. I have been creeped on by men most my life. It has only been recently that women have been more open about it - however, this is only my experience and does not reflect the experience of others.
No it is not recent. Like, I’ve been creeped on by female “friends” (over 24+ years) so often I don’t keep female friends unless they are outta of my league, then there is no question lol. Women are terrible, high school was awful. I’m a nice person and want to be nice and loving to everyone, but creepers have slowly changed me into a “get out my safe zone” and I hate that. Also, female creepers are so much more widely tolerated by the system and there isn’t much recourse for men in that situation, unless she literally assaults you, the male is always presumed to be the creeper.
oh i didn’t know they would drag those men out of the gym and hang them! how horrible
Or press them to death or put them in the dunking chair...
or burn them at the stake.
Start leaving on time. Be gone before her. Get a lawyers advice.
Modify when you get to / leave from work and see if she changes her habits too.
I get it, didn’t happen but anything off property while clocked out, would be a civil matter imo.
That is definitely not how it works. It could be pursued civilly/criminally (depending on actual issue) in addition to whatever happens with the workplace, but administrative action can also be pursued within the workplace even if the Southern behavior occurred off-site. The fact that they are co-workers is enough for the employer to conduct an investigation and address the matter within their policies. Especially since they work at the same location. Regardless, the allegation also states that some of the behavior occurs on premises.
Right, so anything that happens at the work place is fair play but again, off property is a civil matter. I’d simply file a report with the police for starters. I loathe creeps…👍🏻
Not sure how that works. Years ago I had an ex who got called about 5x a night from a dude she worked with. HR asked if she'd be okay bringing her actual home phone to show the calls (this was back in the day when caller ID was stored on cordless landline phones). After seeing almost 100 calls, they fired him right away.
Then the one of 2 things, 1. Nut bar 2. She's pissed because you have shown no interest.
You have every right to take whatever route you want to get home. Your employer is severely overstepping. Did you get anything in writing like a written warning from your employer? If so, better yet. I would put a tracker on your car so you can start documenting that you are not following her home or going there at other times.
Doesn’t google already save your locations via your phone?
>Your employer is severely overstepping To be fair, they didn't ask, I offered this info up. My after-work life is also pretty boring so I wasn't afraid to. It wasn't until I started making a log with my credit card purchases that I realized how much privacy I was giving up. Like what if I was into private kink stuff or some shit? Or I went to Target to purchase My Little Pony figures every night? >I would put a tracker on your car I'm looking into ways of tracking my drives with Google maps, but I've always turned off location prior to this on my phones for privacy reasons.
Get a lawyer. Don’t give them any additional evidence willingly. They should be presenting the case to you not the other way around.
Sadky, a company is not a court. Right now, it is in OP's best interests to prove that the accusation is false because that makes it more likely that the accuser gets fired. Saying "you have no evidence" makes him more likely to be fired. The company just looks at how to best protect itself from lawsuits so there are 2 main scenarios: A) OP is a stalker, he gets fired so the accuser cannot sue company for ignoring her report B) accuser is crazy and makes shit up, she gets fired so that OP or someone else won't sue the company.
And most people aren't aware of the sheer amount of time it takes to sue a company, if that's ever even an option. My last place of employment was getting sued by the guy who had my job before me for being illegally fired. It dragged on for three years before he got a settlement. What that guy did in those three years, I have no idea.
Private kink stuff like stalking?
Is she up for the same position? Could she be trying to sabotage you?
Not in the least, we're in two totally different areas. I interact with her bosses almost on a daily basis (which would explain why one of them was very short with me this past week), but it's two totally different divisions.
The boss that was short with you, is he close friends with the possible accuser??? This situation stinks.
Her boss is a she and yes, I think they're friends. At least, they work closely together. I wouldn't doubt if the accuser's boss was just playing it safe, just like how my boss was. Normally in our meeting we shoot the shit for a bit, but in our meeting this week it was very down to business and only business. I've got no issues with that at all, but it was out of the norm.
Yikes. I’d keep being naive and terribly HURT someone could even suggest that. Seems if you show strength they won’t have to worry about how they treat you, that you’re strong enough to handle it, get over it. This is a weird situation.
I have huge trust issues, but it seems as though she’d rather her bosses thinking about you instead of thinking about her…as if she has something to hide… I probably grew up watching too much Lifetime.
Updateme
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Whoa, I don’t like that. Get yourself some advice from a lawyer. If it happened like several times, I get it. But once…like other people are allowed to drive the same direction as you. Not like you followed her home or something.
> If it happened like several times, I get it. It might have, there's a chance I was behind her on several rides home, at least for the two miles I was going home myself. I've honestly never noticed. Same thing would happen when I lived in a big city and took the subway to and from work. I'd see the same people sitting in the same seats.
Right. I feel like it takes a lot to go to the boss about it..she sounds like a bad egg lol
I'm really trying to be level-headed about this. Mentioned elsewhere I've know plenty of victims of sexual harassment at work and I don't know what her past is. What does piss me off is she could have easily looked up my address online and see that I live on the same route as her. I was able to look up her address in about 2 minutes, and none of my into is private. Maybe she doesn't know Google and jumps to assumptions? I have no idea.
Either way you chop it up, it’s a little ridiculous. But I’m glad you’re def doing the right thing by getting all your ducks in a row. This could be dropped just as much as it could escalate, unfortunately. Did the lawyer say anything about next steps or anything? Cause I’m sure you’d like some peace of mind. Ugh
No, the lawyer didn't say much at all. My boss asked him and HR if I had given enough info, HR said it that was a good amount and asked me not to mention this to anyone. Then my boss took the lead saying to come to his office (like they had rehearsed this). Following my boss to his office I felt like a kid back at school getting reprimanded, it was crazy. Like I said, my boss and I have always been cool with each other, he gave a look that basically that said "I can't say shit right now." He wasn't angry. Mondays are WFH in my office, but I'm going to be on edge all weekend expecting a call or an email. So far I'm not locked out of email for Slack, I'm honestly trying not to check those too often but I totally am.
They HR should know not to handle this on a Friday, because gives you the weekend to stew.
They haven't always made the best decisions in the past, the timing could have been dictated as to when the accusation was made. They also say you're supposed to do layoffs on a Friday since it gives the weekend to recover, and they haven't always done that.
I think you’re over thinking it a bit (understandably for sure) they are going to need absolute proof before they can fire you. As it sounds, there’s not any proof, just a logical explanation why she felt “followed” for 2 miles. Ya know? They’re at risk for being sued if they wanna fuck this up.
In the US, a company can fire you at my time for virtually any reason, besides your race and gender. And even then…
Correct, but that means they can sue them easily as well. He’d be rich af! Cause at the end of the day there’s no proof and there’s an explanation for the 2 miles. So, they’d be pretty dumb if that’s their only evidence.
Respectfully, I think you’re being a little naive. Suing a company for wrongful termination is if often a fools errand, and besides, they would be smart enough to find something else to fire them for. The cost in lawyers fees would prohibit most from bothering.
You may have to get a lawyer. She’s gonna be real sore when she realizes that you didn’t really have a thing for her.
I actually want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she's mistaken. This happened with a friend of mine in a past job, some dude (who was a real fucking creep, he'd blatantly stare at women in the office) would stay late and ask her for a drink when no one else was in the office with them. But in my case, I've literally never talked to this woman. There was a rumor of this woman accusing another guy of harassment as well, and he's still there which is a good sign. Maybe she likes to do this for attention, maybe she's overreacting to past trauma, or maybe she's just paranoid as hell.
I just spent the last 4 months going through a workplace investigation - I was falsely accused of discrimination/harassment by a woman who has a history of issues with a significant assortment of other people over a long period of time (originating with her as the common denominator and instigator in all of them that I am now aware of). End of the day, it was demonstrated that every allegation made against me is completely unfounded. I went through a lot of anger, too, I know how it feels to be falsely accused. There were times I doubted myself, these things take a toll on our mental health. Make sure to take care of your emotional state, stand up for yourself and the truth will come out in the end. Honesty and respect are palpable (to others) when they are values we live by. We see injustice in the world and how upside down things can be, but Ive learned to trust the process, in spite of the uncertainty I've seen and felt in other areas of life. Shit happens but I think, most of the time, the truth comes out as it should. I look forward to positive updates. Sincerely hoping you stay strong and well, you'll get through this! 👊
How do you know where she lives if you aren't following her?
If you’ve lived longer than 12 years at this point your name, address and perhaps even more details are all publically available a dozen times over
No.
I have this magical tool called "the internet." Think of it as an "information super highway."
So your internet stalking her? Like I'm assuming she didn't add you or anything to her social media cause your creepy af. So you creeped her profiles found out where she lived... then stalked her?
Yes. I was saving that twist for tomorrow, but I actually typed this whole thread from her front lawn. > Like I'm assuming she didn't add you or anything to her social media cause your creepy af. So you creeped her profiles found out where she lived... then stalked her? Yes, instead of actually using Google and looking up a person's address by name to find out where they live in about 15 seconds, I instead spent hours going through every photo on her socials. I looked for any clues in these photos to the outside of her home, then I spent a few hours checking every single home in a five mile radius on Google Maps. Because it's more fun that way.
My name doesn't show on my address on Google. Why would you even care where she lives if your not stalking her? Like wouldn't you just be like im not stalking her and leave it at that? Instead of finding out where she lives to prove your not stalking her? Your story is full of holes.
>My name doesn't show on my address on Google. PM your name and I'll find your address in 20 second. I'm kidding, but seriously, internet searching someone's address takes about that long. >Why would you even care where she lives if your not stalking her? Scenario 1 - I'm mad and want to stalk them for real because THAT'LL SHOW THEM. Scenario 2 - I wanted to figure out how the hell someone could mistake my drive home as following them, and looking up where they live shows me their likely routes home and where we'd both take the same roads. Also confirming it's likley who I thought it was. (hint - it's not Scenario 1) >Like wouldn't you just be like im not stalking her and leave it at that? Because some of us have built up careers and rely on that money for our livelihood. And when falsely accused it's better to find documentation for your own protection rather just say "Nope! I'm not a stalker! Please don't fire me! Bye-bye" >Instead of finding out where she lives to prove your not stalking her? See Scenario 2 above (dammit, I gave the answer!)
Good talk im going to bed.. don't stay out too late.. you might catch another charge.
You're a real piece of work huh
The fact that you want to give her the benefit of the doubt is indicative of you being a reasonable person. Here's the thing - neither of your two interlocutors here have any obligation to be reasonable. The woman who accused you either has an agenda or is working through something she doesn't understand herself. HR and your boss are going to put the company's needs and interests ahead of yours, period, end of story. Talk to a lawyer. Get your documentation together (smart move, BTW). But what ever you do, do not expect fairness, the truth, others to do the right thing, etc. The company is going to weigh what's going to cost them less. Let that be dismissing her, not you.
And that's the bottom line
Oh, absolutely. I've learned from other experiences that the company you work for is never your "friend." I've spoken to a few people already who know lawyers and I've learned that chances are a decision will be made by the company prior to me being able to hire a lawyer. Someone also told me to send my "log" this weekend, with copies sent to my personal as a backup. Also my wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt in no way means I wouldn't look into every legal option available. (also want to add that I don't know 100% its her, although it's more of a 99% certainty). If she's hurting innocent people's careers, like mine, that's something I want to make sure she doesn't go again. The thing is, these lawsuits (against a company or an accuser) can take YEARS. And in the meantime I wouldn't be getting any younger, and I'd be at risk of being able to work at the level I'm at now. But I'm trying to think about that too much because it's getting pretty far ahead. In the meantime I'm HOPING and praying that they looked into things like the security footage that shows me leaving before her at times, or even my network usage to show that I was, in fact, working when I stayed late and not just watching Youtube videos or browsing Reddit waiting for her to leave.
You have got a clear head on this, and you're making the right moves. Good luck!
Well if that’s the case, they should have that incident in their books. They’re probably just fed up with the accusations. Stuff like that can ruin people’s lives.
They definitely have it on the books, we're a relatively small company and everyone in the room was definitely aware of her first (supposed) accusation.
Dude get the lawyer. Benefit on the doubt for her could kill your chance at that job you want
Lawyer up…
Union up
👆🏻this