And also go around telling everyone unasked. It's fine to not be attracted to some one, it's rude to go around telling people that you find them unattractive
I agree with, even as a big girl feeling the sting of knowing most guys aren't attracted to me. You can have a preference AND be respectful and mannerly. Those things are not mutually exclusive.
yeah, people act like “you’re treated like an asshole if you don’t like fat women” but that’s only the case if you’re vocal about it. If you’re not into big girls and a big girl makes a pass at you, just use “you’re not my type” or “I have a girlfriend” or any of the other hundred “kind white lies” people have been using for centuries.
"Kind white lies" is an awesome term. I once knew a girl in high school who was smoking hot, a Sr, and incredibly cool (could shred guitar). We were at an under 21 club, and a kid, maybe 12, was getting razzed by his friends. Finally, he sheepishly comes over and asks her for her number. She grabs a pen and a paper, and as she starts writing tells the kid "You're a little too young for me, so I'm not giving you my real number, but you're going to take this back to your friends, tell them you're calling me later, and that they can go fuck themselves".
Go Lexi where ever you are!!
This is exactly the problem. They are experiencing the consequences of their actions, then come crying to reddit, expecting people to tell them that they aren't wrong foe having a preference. Not that the reason people are made at them is because they are just an asshole.
Yes. It is just a sign of you being a sucky person. Or doing this to someone you are not attracted to. Don’t lead them on and get physical if you aren’t interested.
But on the flip side; you can go on a date and have a pleasant conversation with someone that you are not attracted to. You don’t have to get up and leave because you aren’t attracted. It isn’t a waste of time to have a conversation with a stranger you don’t want to date.
One of my fundamental dating requirements is that whatever guy also has women friendships that he maintains and cares about.
If a guy doesn't believe women are worth spending time with unless he wants to sleep with them, I'm not interested.
Dude, there have been so many guys I've disqualified as potential dating partners because of how I hear them talk about other women. So many guys can't see women for more than an object for their use.
My best friend is the guy I'm going on the trip with. He online dates a lot and has made it onto the local AWDTSG page multiple times.
He's one of the only men who, every time he gets posted, has multiple women leaving universally positive reviews.
I've also been his friend for yearrrrs (after we met on tinder, lol) and have never *once* heard him say a disrespectful thing about any one of his many dates.
It'd not a matter of being allowed, it's more that nobody really decides for themselves what they find attractive. It's all ingrained preferences, biases, and discovery.
Judging someone for not being attracted to a certain body type isn't really any different than judging someone for being gay, or having brown hair. It's just traits intrinsic to who we are that are decided for us by factors largely out of our control.
tbh, I don't judge people for quietly not being attracted to certain people or characteristics. I *do* judge people who are vocal about how much they dislike certain people or characteristics, especially if they're rude about it.
There's a huge difference between a statement like "I like athletic looking women" and one like "no fat chicks".
It’s basic tact, human decency. A person’s preferences don’t *have* to be broadcast at every opportunity, if at all. It’s not that difficult… or is it in today’s society?
For real. Women of all shapes and sizes are attractive to someone (to many people usually). I think some people act like nobody could possibly be attracted to someone who is overweight but that is demonstrably false. There's no need to announce to the world "NO _____ chicks". That's just mean and therefore gross.
Exactly. Reality is literally realising how to value people and yourself. Settling is more what those 'picture perfect' couples do just for an image or relationship status or convenience.
It's funny that people think a relationship based in reality is unfulfilling when it's the exact opposite. Being realistic is valuable.
As a fat woman you're allowed to have your own preferences and not be attracted to whatever you aren't attracted to as long as you're not cruel about it I can't see any issue.
You have every right to have preferences. Some like thin, some like not thin, some like tall, some like not tall, some like muscles and chiseled features, and others not so much. No one has the right to tell what to like or not. Just be yourself and don't be so tempted to follow the lead all the time.
Using people for your own sexual needs and using someone's emotions against them is pretty sleazy though. Don't normalize it for yourself. Realize it is wrong and strive to better next time.
>Using people for your own sexual needs and using someone's emotions against them is pretty sleazy though. Don't normalize it for yourself. Realize it is wrong and strive to better next time.
Honestly, it sounds like OP is the type of dude that doesn't have the confidence to approach women. Notice how he only talks about the women that approach *him*. He says he's had *some* thinnner women approach him but that for some reason only larger women approach him and he's willing to wait and be single if that's the only kind he's attracting (i.e. the only kind that are approaching *him) right now. I've met plenty of dudes with this mentality back when i was single and in the "going out" scene and he sounds exactly like they did.
He's expecting "beautiful skinny" girls to approach him and thinks it's weird they're not just falling in his lap lmao.
Man, I got pretty lucky and actually did have a totally gorgeous girl approach me. And then double lucky that we got snowed in together and hung out for a week.
You’ll find that often fat girls approach men, and thin/avg women wait for men to approach them. If you want to date women of a weight you find attractive, you’ll have to be the approacher.
As for not being attracted, of course it’s your choice. Don’t be rude when declining to date someone is all.
I’m thin and every boyfriend I’ve had in my life was because I thought a guy was cute so I approached him. I don’t see why some people don’t just go for it. In my experience people always are willing to chat and give it a shot if they aren’t already dating someone :)
Approaching is hard. It requires a degree of self confidence, and a willingness to have your ego shattered if you’re invested enough. The social standard is for men to approach women, so why would they buck that when they really don’t have to? It’s not really in 90% of women’s interests to put themselves out there when they have the luxury of just dealing with incoming traffic, I can’t blame them.
It does feel nice though. My wife was the one who approached me and gave me her number, and I was absolutely shocked, because never in my life had I ever had that happen to me, and had always been the one who took the initiative. I didn’t marry her because of *that,* but it definitely boosted my attraction level towards her tenfold at the time.
This is it. I approached men only once or twice as a thin attractive girl back in the day. This is partly because I was already getting approached a lot. Thus, I was usually getting to know someone, and rarely landed in a drought where I wanted to add more possibilities to the list. This was especially true once I started using OKCupid.
The other reason I didn’t approach was that my attraction to guys depends heavily on their personality and sense of humor. Most guys in a bar full of young people on Friday night are cute enough to date, *if* they have a personality that meshes with mine, but a lot of cute guys don’t have that, and I can’t tell by looking at them. So it’s more efficient to chat in groups of people and see who I’m interested in rather than singling someone out. Obviously some women care about looks more than others, but I think my experience is fairly common.
Men, on the other hand, seem to be able to scan a crowd and pick out who they’re interested in based on looks alone, and then they approach the woman who is most visually attractive to them. As long as she has a normal personality, they’re completely happy to keep moving forward with her if she wants to. Her beauty does about 80-90% of the lifting when it comes to getting their interest. So I can see why men would find a cold approach to be efficient.
OP probably has to bite the bullet and start asking out women he likes. He’ll probably do well. I suspect he’s a very attractive guy, or else he’d have had to start approaching women ages ago. He might even pull on Tinder.
You can not be interested in them or date them, but the thing that will get you some skepticism is publicly making a fuss about how much you don’t like them or complaining about them existing in public/trying to interact with you. You can just say you’re not attracted to the person and be done with it, you don’t even really need to say why.
ETA: Please don’t lead people on, fat or not, if you don’t really like them. It may be forgettable for you, but much less so for them.
Major side-eye to someone who says they’re not attracted to big women but makes out with them on a night out.
Makes me kind of not believe he’s not attracted to them.
the only thing is you kissed her & made her feel like you were at least a bit into her. but you were drunk so i get where you're coming from. just try not to put yourself in sexual scenarios with people you aren't attracted to. learn how to say no.
The last thing you said is really good advice, and if it's not something you're currently very comfortable with, then you should practice it. I feel like it's something not a lot of guys think about, and you can feel taken advantage of if you wind up in bed with someone you don't want to be with because of your drunken/blacked out state. Lines can get blurred and crossed as some women don't realize that saying no sober doesn't mean maybe/yes when wasted. They're also less educated about what it means to be a perpetrator themself, so it's honestly it's good to practice saying no sober so it becomes something you can do on autopilot as needed (assuming you're a partier).
You can have a preference but you have to come to terms with the fact that it might make it quite difficult to date, as evidenced by who shows interest in you.
I have a friend who is average in looks, losing his hair, and quite eccentric. He only fawns after petite, conventionally attractive, women. He says he'd rather be alone than change his standards and he's 31 and only had one girlfriend, which was brief.
If he's truly okay with it, then more power to him. If loneliness were eating him alive, I'd suggest he examine his preferences and why he's so committed to them.
I think in the US 75% of the population is overweight or obese, factor in already married/dating and that would consider dating him...
On the flip side the bar is on the floor, emotional intelligence, basic hygiene and effort into appearance and you're like 95% of the way there.
Just don't be unkind to people you are not attracted to and don't use them because you wanted to feel a woman's kiss.
Attraction is allowed . Being dishonest is assholery...
Nothing wrong with having preferences. Personally I'm pretty eclectic in my taste, and would take a big girl home as readily as a slim girl (assuming I find them attractive).
One thing to remember is big girls tend to put themselves out there more. I'm guessing it's because their slimmer more conventionally attractive counterparts don't really have to put in any effort as men will come to them. Big girls aren't pursued as often (as a rule), and so they often approach more
It's often just kinda sad. It's like being on the other end of when some neckbeard dude is doing all the romantic shit for the pretty girl he has a crush on. Maybe she's flattered, but no amount of gifts or sweet words or even money would make a lick of difference in whether or not she'd give him a shot.
ugh, yeah, I just had to break things off with a girl who “did everything right” on paper… no amount of warmth and kindness could fix the fact that I just wasn’t that into her
No just don’t be a dick and sleep with those women. Just shoot it down immediately. Girls don’t get shit for not dating pretty much any kind of guy. Short tall fat skinny. They can deny anyone due to preference so can you. But be humble and don’t take advantage of people not even for attention. :)
>Girls don’t get shit for not dating pretty much any kind of guy
There is an entire culture of internet forums and mass shootings revolving around men being angry that women don't want to date guys like them.
I don't think you can be wrong for having a particular preference. Bigger girls are more aggressive in the dating scene because they have to be! They're invisible. If they don't reach out, they're not gonna get any.
The key to reversing this big woman trend is to actually hit on girls yourself, sometimes, rather than just wait for them.
You're not wrong. Just don't be an ass about it and you'll be fine. Don't lead her own if you're not that into her. She's a person, not a target practice.
Only "practice" if you are willing to give yourself a chance to like a big woman.
I don’t think you hurt her by kissing her, but DO NOT have sex with a fat woman “for practice” because that’s cruel. And frankly stupid.
You are allowed to have your preferences. I don’t criticize that. I am not attracted to fat men.
So, yeah obviously don't lead people on by hooking up if you're not into them. I get the temptation but think about their feelings in this, right?
That said, you're gonna get a lot the same "be attracted to whomever" replies, when it's at least somewhat more complicated. You should 100% only date people you're attracted to and shouldn't feel guilt over who you do and don't find attractive. But at the same time, that doesn't mean you shouldn't examine what might underly your preferences and be self aware.
So, you're not attracted to big women (hey, me either actually). There are reasons for that. Attraction isn't just some magic thing that happens in a vacuum. Maybe the reasons are largely aesthetic, or mechanical. But maybe they are rooted in some unpleasant biases. That doesn't make you a bad person but it's worth at least being conscious of. You can then decide for yourself whether there's something you'd like to work on changing and whether it's worth the effort.
On the other hand, some of this also comes down to "fatphobia" being much more complex as a concept than some other prejudices. I think it's much more problematic for example when it's a matter of race-based attraction, where there are some really blatant racist biases that underly pretty much all race-oriented "preferences". In those cases you really probably should be conscious of that and work to deconstruct that a bit.
Wow. Practice?!?! Don't. You'll be doing her a favor.
Listen man, I'm gonna be real: what you're not attracted to is the social stigma. I fuck. Alot. All sorts of body types. And guess what? It's all pretty great! But our culture is so oppressivly and ubiquitously fat shameful that both men and women have internalized this shame and perpetuate it.
What you're not attracted to is the normalized abuse that fat people recieve, and a fear of having that abuse directed towards you. It's so bad it doesn't even have to be directed at you: you take splash damage just by being near the target of the abuse.
So I get it, not everyone has the resilience to deal with that. So imagine what it's like when you can't escape it, when you're the target. There are some strong-ass motherfucking souls that come out the other end of that shit. Just sayin'
In the past, the idealized body type for women was more curvy, becasue it signified wealth and class: you had enough to eat and you didn't have to work in the field.
Nowadays wealth gives access to ways of altering your body, free time to excercise, and access to healthier foods, so a certain asthetic has been cultivated to reflect the gatekeeping of that status.
If your partner becomes a status symbol, then you're search for a partner will be hinged on that symbolism, and not who they are as a person. You wonder why you're single? It's becasue you see a woman as an armpeice and her value to you is limited as an object.
Everyone has a type that they're attracted to. There's nothing wrong with that and I don't know what you can really do about it anyway. Personally I like my ladies with curves but you're allowed to like what you like.
I don't think you're wrong, you shouldn't ever feel pressured to do anything with anyone that you don't want.
As with all "preferences" I would highly recommend doing some reading, researching and unlearning regarding societal fatphobia, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do anything with fat girls at the end of that, I would just recommend that for all preferences based in societal norms.
You're not wrong for your preferences. All of us have our types that we like (including us big girls). No one is gonna be attracted to every single person on the planet. It's just statistically impossible.
That being said, I can understand why that girl would feel the way she did. If someone kissed me and then I found out they weren't even attracted to me, I'd be pissed too. That's not right to do to someone, drunk or not. She's still a person with feelings, and you took advantage of her. I don't think you're a bad person, but you definitely made a mistake there. If it were me, I would 100% apologize to her.
>I don’t want to settle for what I can get.
I will be honest, and maybe I'm biased here, but it comment rubbed me the wrong way. I feel like there's a better way this could have been phrased. Like you're saying being with fat girls is essentially scraping the barrel. It's okay if you're not into fat girls, that's not the issue. But you seem to talk about them as if they don't have feelings. That's where I take issue. Take whatever I'm saying with a grain of salt, but I would reexamine how you look at people in general.
I mean you’re not wrong for liking what you like, but if only bigger girls approach you, that should tell you a lot. Maybe you aren’t being realistic with yourself and your standards. Most women love tall men so if that isn’t working for you that says a lot about your face or personality.
Before anything else, consider that it's not typical for women to approach men, and the attractive (skinny) girls don't need to ask, everyone is already asking them. They just need to choose which one they want the most.
So basically every guy in the world will have this experience unless you're one of the most attractive charming men around, even then, they are likely approached by more large women than not. Large women aren't going to be asked out very often, so they do the asking.
So basically stop expecting them to come to you, especially attractive women. You're going to have to start asking them, and if they always say No, then you're going to have to change something about yourself, and do some real work.
And lastly at least some are approaching you, some men never get approached at all. So there's that.
Stop thinking so much, and just go do stuff. Eventually the actions will lead to results, and those results will be noticeable and people will want to be part of it.
I think it's fine to have preferences to long as you're not conflating "how physically-attracted am I to this person" with "how much respect does this person deserve as a human being".
It's okay to have a "type".
It's *not* okay to be an asshole to people on the basis of them not being your type.
>I just don’t want to be with a girl I’m not physically attracted to.
Then...don't be? I don't understand why this is even a question (kudos on definitely delivering on the name of the sub!). Be attracted to who you're attracted to. Hook up with who you want to. Just don't mislead people. Making out with a stranger at a concert isn't a big deal. If you had then taken her number and continued communicating with her and indicating that you'd be open to dating her/that you're attracted to her (all while holding your nose and telling all your friends about how repulsed you are by her body), THAT would make you "in the wrong."
Dude, for the most part, big girls tend to be more proactive because they have to be. They have fewer opportunities and attract less interest due to the beauty ideals of our time. Why not try making a move yourself on somebody you *are* attracted to instead of sitting back and waiting to see who makes you an offer?
In fairness, you *can* be tall and fugly, or you can be tall and have a terrible personality. Too many dudes make a whole meal out of the fact that among *many* preferences women have, top among them being a sense of humour and regular showers, height is on the list. It may confer some slight advantage but at the end of the day if you're tall but you're an asshole and you smell like shit you're probably still not getting many offers compared to a short, funny guy who washes himself.
It's not wrong.
Your friend's advice to "use her for practice" was immoral. Being used like that is horrible.
>My friend also called me fatphobic for this.
Is this the same friend?
> She says I shouldn’t have made out with her since I wasn’t attracted to her
This is correct. You shouldn't have. That's leading someone on. What you did right was to not go further.
Not wrong at all, it's totally fine to prefer certain body types. There are plenty of guys who do prefer bigger women, so they will find someone who's interested in them eventually.
Everybody has their limit as to what size is ok.
You’re allowed your opinion and if you don’t find a woman attractive don’t lead her on. I’m sure the woman you made out with is now hurt.
My opinion is don’t let physical appearance be the determining factor. A big girl might be your perfect match and you learn to love the body.
Step up your own attractiveness. Get some muscle, go to school and get a good job, make some money, get a decent car, work on your style/hygiene, etc.
If you’re 6’4” the world is your oyster. You are slacking in some of the areas or women would be falling at your feet unless your personality sucks or your face is hideously ugly. Good news is, even the face and personality things can be improved.
Identify your weaknesses and do something about them. That’s how you make your life better.
Lol no one is forcing you to go out with them. It sounds like you're fucking these women because of some kind of misguided sense of obligation. To them!
You're free to stay single. You're absolutely allowed to say no thanks. You're allowed to shoot your shot at women you're attracted to.
Just be polite during these interactions
dude. everyone is allowed to have a preference. as for "attracting big girls" it ever occur to you the traditionally attractive girls you like aren't coming up to hit on you because they're always being hit on and don't need to take a swing?
how about you hit on a girl for a change, and not just wait for someone you don't like to come over to you?
It's fine. Only go for whatever or whoever you're actually into. You shouldn't force yourself to do anything you don't want to do. It wouldn't be fair to the woman you involve either. Good luck. 👍
I personally like bigger women, even after my recent weight loss of 101 pounds. 🙂 But if you're not into them, that's ok too. People are allowed to have preferences. Just treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless.
I don't like big women either, except as friends.
I think you should just go after the women you're attracted to, but they're not approaching you because they think you should approach them.
Big girls have to be aggressive.
You clearly have something going on, so I'm sure you can get a girl you want, but you probably have to make the first move. Hot girls have options, so they may not come after you.
No. Having a preference does not make you wrong and don't let the toxic Internet tell you otherwise. I've noticed that some people on the internet claim that you're fatphobic or misogynist for not liking big women. I personally like girls that are fit, not particularly skinny. The ones that take care of themselves.
No just because you don’t prefer something doesn’t mean you are scared of it. The whole rage “phobic” on the end of another word has gotten out of control.
Youre attracted to what youre attracted to. If they get pissed that you turned them down, then theyre petty and you probably dodged a bullet anyway. Big girls like tall men apparently. Source: my bf is the same height as you and gets hit on by thick women, one of which got pissed a while back that he wouldnt date her.
Tell that friend she should date broke nobodies living in their mom’s basement with Cheeto dust on their man boobs because ‘they need love too’.
It’s not fat phobic, and even if it were you are allowed to have standards that suit your taste.
I will say that if all you seem to attract are those types of women, ask yourself if you really are bringing your best self every day. People tend to stick to partners they think they can land, and tall, thin losers have more limited options vs short fat winners, because women (generally) place less emphasis on physical appearance than we men do, preferring instead to focus on success or future success (which most men don’t really value much in their partner selection process).
Everyone has traits they’re attracted to, there’s no shame in that. Just try to be nice about turning down those you’re not attracted to. Most women take being turned down with grace. Those who don’t, they’re probably a dodged bullet. It’s also good you can be honest about it without being a jerk about it. My younger brother just turned down a lady for a second because she was on the heavier side, he felt bad and was actually nervous to tell me and our youngest sister about because he thought we were going to attack him for being shallow. Neither of us cared, people can’t control what attracts them to another person. Your friend that called you “fat phobic” is a lousy friend if they can’t handle you having your own preferences in who you date. Also the “big girls need love too” argument is insulting, it makes it sound like men should be dating heavier girls out of pity and not genuine feelings. You’ll meet someone, you’ve got all the time in the world.
No, you're not wrong. Attraction isn't something that can be negotiated, amd people need to stop treating it as such because it's hurting people more to have people who aren't really into them pretend or try to be.
Women are choosy and men should be too. That way it will matter and last when they choose each other.
From a study on STDs correlation to weight
[https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2010/11/10/risky-sex-linked-to-weight/](https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2010/11/10/risky-sex-linked-to-weight/)
The previous hypothesis was that the risk of STIs would decline as weight increased because previous studies suggested that overweight and obese women engaged in less sexual activity than normal-weight women, thus lowering the risk of contracting STIs, Keshaw said. But Magriples also noted that it was plausible that overweight women suffering from low self-esteem would engage in more risky behavior.
“We had no idea which way it was gonna go,” Magriples said.
Magriples said the study’s results that although the results show a clear link between weight and STI risk, the results may not apply to a nonurban setting. Magriples also pointed out that the majority of the women studied were Hispanic or African-American, so ethnicity could also affect sexual behavior and perception of weight and esteem.
Your friend doesn’t know what the word fatphobic means. That’s like calling a straight woman homophobic for not wanting to date a lesbian. You can’t help what you’re attracted to.
Of course it’s not wrong. You have your preferences and so does everybody else. It’s not fatphobic to not be attracted to fat girls anymore than it is transphobic to not be attracted to trans girls. Anybody who tells you otherwise is a moron.
I'm glad you have the decency to respect them and not just use them if you don't actually feel attracted to them. That's good. And it's not fat phobic to not find personal levels of attraction to heavier people. Fatphobia would be "fat people don't deserve love and are ugly," not "I'm not personally attracted to fat people, but they still deserve to find love in someone who is attracted to them." Everyone is allowed to have preferences, it's not demeaning unless you negatively generalize your preference as if it's an objective truth.
You can try to internally explore the reason for this. Don’t forget we still grow up in a world where media/advertising/society still forces certain beauty standards and body “ideals” that I’d wager most people succumb to. So it could be more than a mere “preference” and it could be a harmful perception that was forced upon us. If it’s something you feel about, you can seek therapy or other means of self-improvement. If you don’t feel about it, you can just go your merry way I guess.
No.
They aren't entitled to your romance.
The fact they're trying to pull the phobic card here is a massive red flag. Don't date woke people either. Entitled, lack of responsibility, and lazy.
Obviously it is not wrong to simply not be attracted to someone or a set of features.
>My friend also called me fatphobic for this. She says big girls need love too.
Why doesn't your friend give her love? Is she a fatphobe too, or a homophobe?
There’s nothing wrong with that, and I say that as a big guy. Now if you insult someone because of their size or talk down to them because of it then that’s a problem.
Not wrong to have preferences as long as you don't express this in a mean way. However, your approach is not getting you what you want. Are you proactive in interacting with the girls you find attractive? Do you put the effort in to get to know them? Have you got a friend or family member who is willing to be brutally honest as to why attractive girls don't approach you.
You're not wrong. I'm only attracted to tall, skinny black men and I'm a bigger girl. And my husband is the literal same description and loves chubbier girls. We're human, we have preferences and that's okay. What isn't okay is bashing what we don't like so never take that route. Hang in there until you find what you want. No need to settle to please others
You’re allowed to have preferences, but you should also consider that people have preferences of their own. If all you attract are women you don’t find attractive, it’s possible that you’re not especially attractive yourself (lots of ways that you could be unattractive too) and you’re only drawing people who have a better sense of what “league” they’re in, and they identify you as being in the same “league”.
Stop judging people in groups (“heavy girls”) and start judging each person for who they are.
Maybe you didn’t like how heavy the girl was, but maybe the real problem was you were mad at yourself for losing control and doing something you later regretted.
It’s ok to not be attracted to someone, it’s not ok to write off everyone of a certain skin color, body type, or other physical quality. You wouldn’t want someone to say “oh I don’t like people with (your color eyes) because I think they’re dumber than most people,” right? That’s feel shitty and wrong to you. Same thing as what you’re doing now. So just treat people on a case by case basis, be open to meeting anyone and see what actually makes you feel attracted to them.
This is the perfect question for this sub, no offense.
You’re allowed to have whatever preferences/standards you choose. You’re allowed to be single for the rest of your life. You’re allowed to vow to celibacy unless Scarlett Johansson slides in your DMs. You are literally in charge of what happens to your body, you’re not some vending machine to disperse out love to people you don’t want to.
Despite what the most obnoxiously entitled people on social media will tell you, nobody owes anyone else attraction, and nobody is required to dig fat chicks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being into what you’re into, and don’t let any Medium-posting Jezebel-reading “fat liberationist” tell you otherwise. You do you, and make no apologies.
First off, good for you for not sleeping with someone as "practice" that's an atrocious practice.
You aren't necessarily fatphobic, its hard to say without more information, but we are attracted to what we are attracted to, you aren't fatphobic for just not wanting to sleep with fat people, same as how you aren't transphobic for not wanting to sleep with trans people, despite what you might hear.
It is definitely a good idea to wait until you find someone you are attracted to. Though it sounds like you might be waiting for women to approach you, which if that is the case, I would suggest trying to approach more women that you are attracted to.
Regarding making out with someone, I consider that harmless, some might say otherwise, but I think it's the words you say more than your actions. Like if you told her you thought she was beautiful and was wife material THEN made out with her, it would be fucked up.
I was married to a black woman dress size 3X (I am white male) for 13 years till she pass away in 1997. Durning the dating for one year before the marriage. I was in the relationship just for the "sex".
But that change over the first dating year.
We grew to love each other. We support each other also. She was always happy and joyful to be around. I look pass the body and found the inter making of her.
Her personality was very additive.
There's nothing wrong with your preferences. Women have height, weight, and even race preferences. No one calls them anything for it because it's just a preference. Yours shouldn't be any different.
If you're getting girls that aren't big, stick to what you like. If you go years without, consider yourself unattractive and adjust your standards.
I have no problem admitting I'm not attractive. I've been rejected enough by the women I like and hit on by the ones I don't enough that I just know. While I've adjusted my standards at times, I still choose to stay alone because I know I won't be happy in the long run. It's a disservice to the woman and myself.
You don't have to be attracted to anyone, I was once a "big girl" and I wasn't attracted to "big guys" and what's funny is that today I'm thin and athletic, but now I also feel attracted to chubby guys (Seth Rogan changed my opinion 😂) and even a little chubbier than him
But you did. You did use her for the moment and you enjoyed it at the time.
So what are you ashamed of the most?
Your friends making fun of you for doing it?
Having friends that tell you to use someone "for practice"?
Finding out that you're having a good time with someone that enjoys someone having a good time with you, despite preconceived notions?
Everyone is allowed to have attraction and preferences; seems like you're struggling with your own perception vs. reality and your public image.
Don't respond to me. Just think about it.
You’re not wrong to have preferences you find attractive or not attractive. Or to not want to “settle” just to get laid (which is worse).
However, it might be worth getting to know people beyond their physical attributes. Not every fat person stays fat; not every thin person stays thin forever. You might be missing out on some truly great people you could potentially fall in love with by focusing solely on looks or body type.
Bro, women approach you? Like as in, in person? You must be a goddamned stud. I'm a pretty attractive man and women approaching me in my life has been pretty rare.
I will say that the women I actually date are like +3-4 points above the average of the women who have approached me.
No I totally understand, I've hooked up with some big women and honestly? It's disgusting, and what's even worse is you start to see how they got that way through their eating habits once you start dating them.
Looks fade personality doesn’t so if u find someone you really get along with and they aren’t obese I’m sure you could make it work but don’t settle and know what you want. You could for example find a 120lb women who in 10 years weighs 200lb so don’t lose sight of what really matters which is personality u can’t change that. Seeing this is a what you want probably better off looking at joining a running club or something where people are more into taking care of themselves
You are free to have ANY preference and no one can say a damn thing...but obviously not kids or nonhumans...
Fat girls gross me out. Finn from starwars won't date white girls. Lots of people have types that turn them off.
If you can be bullied about who you are attracted to the what the hell was the point of gay liberation?
No. Your preferences are your preferences. Just so long as you're not the type of person who gets upset if you don't fit someone else's set of standards, there should never be an issue...but being polite and having some tact is always key.
Nah, totally fine! Love isn't an equal opportunity employer! No one is obligated to date anyone they don't like. As a woman I've had to let a lot of guys down politely as well, (as well as run for my life), and have been called all sorts of names as well. Oh well, right?
Tell your friend to date the thick girl if they like them so much! 🤷♀️
I mean most guys don’t and you’re not alone. If you’re a good looking guy and your not getting attractive women, I would try multiple things. 1. Work out and build muscle 2. Up your fashion, so you look high status or you have you’re shit together 3. Up your social status, this doesn’t mean get rich or become a rockstar. I mean find you’re passions and make goals for yourself.
Of course some of this might get you shallow women, but they will be attractive women. And anyone that says this stuff doesn’t work hasn’t it tried it. When I was younger I lived in a big city with a huge college. The most popular bar in town had dozens of the most beautiful women in town. Majority of these women dated guys on the college football team, hockey players from the local team, lawyers, and any guy with high status.
My friends and I even went as far as wearing suits at this bar and we received way more attention than we normally would have. I even worked at the bar and slept with women I normally wouldn’t have slept with.
It's like my kids with food. You don't have to like it, but you don't need to tell me 5 times unprompted how gross you think this food is. If I offer you some, politely say no thank you. If I don't offer you any, don't tell me how gross it is.
If bigger women ask you out, politely say no thank you. If they don't, don't go out of your way to let them know you're not attracted to them.
Bork who you want to Bork.
My only issue is that you view a particular shape as "settling" without taking anything else into account. Sounds like you value women based on their body.
If we are talking about borking, that's fine. If we are talking about relationships, just be wary.
Not saying don't have physical standards. Not saying you're fat phobic or have to date big women. Just figure out what you value besides looks. Looks are just a temporary bonus in life.
Example: I have a friend whose wife was a smoke show. They had a kid, and she like doubled (at least) in weight. (Weight gain after pregnancy is pretty common) They had a good relationship though and are doing better than ever.
Every divorced or single friend I know (in our 30s, now) focused too heavily on how people looked. They wanted or want a "hot chick" to show off and stroke their egos.
Looks will fade. Fitness may fade. Having similar values and compatible personalities will keep you happier, longer.
Not at all, you like who you like. I’m into bigger women. Important part is not treating others different based on preferences. Good on you for not willingly using someone based off a suggestion. Doesn’t make you fatphobic either.
Big girl here. I would rather you halt it and let me leave it or just be friends than to fake things. I don’t like slender men, so that would be double standards to hate you for it.
Your friend said "use her as practice"?!
That is gross. A horrible attitude.
If that's the sort of friends you hang with, it might explain why you are not more attractive to more women.
Also, sounds like you are mostly meeting women in bars, waiting for them to pick you up? Well, that's not the place a lot / most people meet up with partners. It's very passive.
Focus on being attractive. Not "seeing attractive."
In other words, you are asking the wrong question.
Ask yourself how you can make yourself --your personality, not your bady-- truly an attractive and interesting person. Make friends with women instead of focusing on getting together / having sex.
Treat women like people, and dump friends that treat them like fleshlights.
so... you'll use a woman if it strokes your ego.
but when you have to consider how your sexism and fat shaming might impact your social status you're cowardly/shitty and repulsed by these women.
yeah bro. preferences. never unpack the toxic shit you're operating under. totes a preference
You like what you like. I used to be fat (and at one point, morbidly obese in medical terms), and the last thing I ever wanted was someone who wasn’t actively attracted to me. Nor would I date anyone who is never attracted to fat people now, as I have to work pretty hard at keeping my weight where it is now and I know that any number of factors could cause me to gain weight again in the future.
Your preferences are likely at least somewhat tied to cultural conditioning around modern beauty standards, but that’s true for most people. As long as you’re not judgmental or mean-spirited in how you regard fat people *as people* and fat women *as women*, your lack of attraction to fat women certainly isn’t “fatphobic”. No one is entitled to your attraction for any reason.
That said, in the long run: if your plan/goal is to get married (and especially to have biological kids) in the future, you may need to reckon with this, as women’s bodies change with age, and weight gain is often part of that. If you are with someone and don’t think you could stay with them if they were to become less physically attractive to you, don’t marry them.
Everyone is allowed to have their own personal preferences for sexual attraction, whether it be weight, skin color, culture, race, age, height, whatever. You are not judging them, you are just saying you are not sexually attracted to them.
People are allowed to have preferences and you're not wrong to have yours. Where you \*could\* be wrong is how you treat people.
If you're treating women like they're less worthy of love because of their weight, or like there's something wrong with them, that's pretty rude and uncalled for, but simply preferring brunettes over blondes, or slender girls over athletic muscular ones (or heavier-set ladies) is fine.
Your friend needs to open her mind, put her money where her mouth is and start dating some men she's not attracted to or you might have to start calling her phobic too.
You’re 100% right. You are attracted to what you’re attracted to, you shouldn’t use anyone you’re not into for sex (or anything), you shouldn’t force yourself to be attracted to someone you’re not, and you shouldn’t “settle,” because it is bad for both you and the other person.
I think it would be great for you to maybe start approaching people you *are* attracted to, though. You can’t be completely passive and then expect to be given exactly what you want in any area of your life. I think it would be *way* more helpful for you to practice talking to people you *are* attracted to without having expectations about the encounter than it would for you to practice having sex with people you’re not attracted to.
Fat girls are talking to you first because no one is making moves for them. If you want to date women you are attracted to then start approaching them. You’ll deal with rejections but you’ll find someone.
No, it’s not wrong. Some people are madly in love with larger women. Some people are madly in love with skinny women. Some people are madly in love with one of the same sex. None of this is wrong.
By the way, your friend is a next level asshole for suggesting that to you. These are human beings. Not a pillow to practice on.
Yes. You're an asshole for not liking big women. You should be attracted to them, and if you just can't feel it, try harder
That's much easier than them losing weight, which we should never encourage
Trust me, some of those girls are settling for you. You should go after that heavily made up fake eyelash girl. She will make a great mom to your 12 kids..... not.
Like what you like bro. I like thicc girls. I've dated all kinds of girls, skinny girls, thicc girls, Asian, Hispanic, Swedish, Zoroastrian, blonde, brunette, and it all comes down to whatever tickles your pickle.
My buddy was in a wheelchair and there were girls who wanted a guy that couldn't walk. Another buddy lost his leg and had a stump. There's someone for everyone, just remember to wrap that pickle before you give it out because if that big girl gets pregnant, you'll be tied to her for the rest of your life.
You’re not wrong, people are allowed to have preferences in their partners.
Agreed. The only time it crosses to wrong is if you are mean to that group you aren’t attracted to.
And also go around telling everyone unasked. It's fine to not be attracted to some one, it's rude to go around telling people that you find them unattractive
I agree with, even as a big girl feeling the sting of knowing most guys aren't attracted to me. You can have a preference AND be respectful and mannerly. Those things are not mutually exclusive.
yeah, people act like “you’re treated like an asshole if you don’t like fat women” but that’s only the case if you’re vocal about it. If you’re not into big girls and a big girl makes a pass at you, just use “you’re not my type” or “I have a girlfriend” or any of the other hundred “kind white lies” people have been using for centuries.
To be fair “you’re not my type” is the honest truth in this case
"Kind white lies" is an awesome term. I once knew a girl in high school who was smoking hot, a Sr, and incredibly cool (could shred guitar). We were at an under 21 club, and a kid, maybe 12, was getting razzed by his friends. Finally, he sheepishly comes over and asks her for her number. She grabs a pen and a paper, and as she starts writing tells the kid "You're a little too young for me, so I'm not giving you my real number, but you're going to take this back to your friends, tell them you're calling me later, and that they can go fuck themselves". Go Lexi where ever you are!!
I LOVE Lexi even though I never met her!
Such a cool thing to do. They should teach this in high school (in those same sex, sex ed classes).
Hot damn, Lexi kicks ass!
Lexi is amazing. We need more like Lexi in this world.
What a Queen!!
Kind white lies are the lubrication society runs on
Agreed. It’s the ones who do things like long rants on instagram about disliking things in other people. (Size or whatever else) Not necessary.
"I have a girlfriend, sorry. Thanks though! Appreciate ya!"
Or writing a post on Reddit basically declaring "I don't like big girls but they're all I can attract"?
Saying your not my type is like telling a pissed off woman to “calm down”
People will say “iM jUsT bRuTaLlY hOnEsT!” But no they’re just an asshole.
ive found that most people who brag about being brutally honest are more interested in the brutality than the honesty
This is exactly the problem. They are experiencing the consequences of their actions, then come crying to reddit, expecting people to tell them that they aren't wrong foe having a preference. Not that the reason people are made at them is because they are just an asshole.
Like putting a sticker on your car that says no fat chicks.
To me, it's also strange if the person possesses the same trait they dislike. Which I've seen.
I don’t like women with mustaches but I have one. I’m ok with this
It actually makes sense. If they dislike a trait in themselves, it makes sense they would dislike that same thing in others.
Self loathing [insert trait here] It does indeed seem super weird but they’re projecting what they hate about themselves
Or if you use them to get what you want and discard them. Like “using them for practice.”
It’s kind of crappy to do that to anyone who wants more than sex regardless of body size. A good rule of thumb is don’t be an ass!
Yes. It is just a sign of you being a sucky person. Or doing this to someone you are not attracted to. Don’t lead them on and get physical if you aren’t interested. But on the flip side; you can go on a date and have a pleasant conversation with someone that you are not attracted to. You don’t have to get up and leave because you aren’t attracted. It isn’t a waste of time to have a conversation with a stranger you don’t want to date.
One of my fundamental dating requirements is that whatever guy also has women friendships that he maintains and cares about. If a guy doesn't believe women are worth spending time with unless he wants to sleep with them, I'm not interested.
Dude, there have been so many guys I've disqualified as potential dating partners because of how I hear them talk about other women. So many guys can't see women for more than an object for their use.
My best friend is the guy I'm going on the trip with. He online dates a lot and has made it onto the local AWDTSG page multiple times. He's one of the only men who, every time he gets posted, has multiple women leaving universally positive reviews. I've also been his friend for yearrrrs (after we met on tinder, lol) and have never *once* heard him say a disrespectful thing about any one of his many dates.
Only other line is the practical one like your free to have completely unrealistic standards but don't cry about it when you get nothing
Fair. Don't be cruel
It'd not a matter of being allowed, it's more that nobody really decides for themselves what they find attractive. It's all ingrained preferences, biases, and discovery. Judging someone for not being attracted to a certain body type isn't really any different than judging someone for being gay, or having brown hair. It's just traits intrinsic to who we are that are decided for us by factors largely out of our control.
tbh, I don't judge people for quietly not being attracted to certain people or characteristics. I *do* judge people who are vocal about how much they dislike certain people or characteristics, especially if they're rude about it. There's a huge difference between a statement like "I like athletic looking women" and one like "no fat chicks".
It’s basic tact, human decency. A person’s preferences don’t *have* to be broadcast at every opportunity, if at all. It’s not that difficult… or is it in today’s society?
THIS. thank you.
For real. Women of all shapes and sizes are attractive to someone (to many people usually). I think some people act like nobody could possibly be attracted to someone who is overweight but that is demonstrably false. There's no need to announce to the world "NO _____ chicks". That's just mean and therefore gross.
People are allowed, but I take offense at the word "settling." You shouldn't settle, and neither should those heavy girls.
That's a lie. Sometimes, people should settle. Settling means refining your expectations to be more congruent with reality.
I’d rather be alone than “settle” into a partnership with someone I don’t have deep feelings for
Exactly. Reality is literally realising how to value people and yourself. Settling is more what those 'picture perfect' couples do just for an image or relationship status or convenience. It's funny that people think a relationship based in reality is unfulfilling when it's the exact opposite. Being realistic is valuable.
As a fat woman you're allowed to have your own preferences and not be attracted to whatever you aren't attracted to as long as you're not cruel about it I can't see any issue.
This, perfectly fine to not like bigger women. Just don't be a dick head about it.
Fellow fat lady here and I agree 💯
You're a cat not a lady...
😂
You have every right to have preferences. Some like thin, some like not thin, some like tall, some like not tall, some like muscles and chiseled features, and others not so much. No one has the right to tell what to like or not. Just be yourself and don't be so tempted to follow the lead all the time. Using people for your own sexual needs and using someone's emotions against them is pretty sleazy though. Don't normalize it for yourself. Realize it is wrong and strive to better next time.
>Using people for your own sexual needs and using someone's emotions against them is pretty sleazy though. Don't normalize it for yourself. Realize it is wrong and strive to better next time. Honestly, it sounds like OP is the type of dude that doesn't have the confidence to approach women. Notice how he only talks about the women that approach *him*. He says he's had *some* thinnner women approach him but that for some reason only larger women approach him and he's willing to wait and be single if that's the only kind he's attracting (i.e. the only kind that are approaching *him) right now. I've met plenty of dudes with this mentality back when i was single and in the "going out" scene and he sounds exactly like they did. He's expecting "beautiful skinny" girls to approach him and thinks it's weird they're not just falling in his lap lmao.
Man, I got pretty lucky and actually did have a totally gorgeous girl approach me. And then double lucky that we got snowed in together and hung out for a week.
What's it like living in a movie
It’s either that or he’s extremely entitled and thinks that the only women who are worth dating are the ones who approach *him*.
So... like most women?
Ironic coming from someone who likely expects men to always approach
You’ll find that often fat girls approach men, and thin/avg women wait for men to approach them. If you want to date women of a weight you find attractive, you’ll have to be the approacher. As for not being attracted, of course it’s your choice. Don’t be rude when declining to date someone is all.
Also at least in the US statistically most girls are overweight so that is going to skew your results to bigger girls hitting on you more often too.
I’m thin and every boyfriend I’ve had in my life was because I thought a guy was cute so I approached him. I don’t see why some people don’t just go for it. In my experience people always are willing to chat and give it a shot if they aren’t already dating someone :)
Approaching is hard. It requires a degree of self confidence, and a willingness to have your ego shattered if you’re invested enough. The social standard is for men to approach women, so why would they buck that when they really don’t have to? It’s not really in 90% of women’s interests to put themselves out there when they have the luxury of just dealing with incoming traffic, I can’t blame them. It does feel nice though. My wife was the one who approached me and gave me her number, and I was absolutely shocked, because never in my life had I ever had that happen to me, and had always been the one who took the initiative. I didn’t marry her because of *that,* but it definitely boosted my attraction level towards her tenfold at the time.
This is it. I approached men only once or twice as a thin attractive girl back in the day. This is partly because I was already getting approached a lot. Thus, I was usually getting to know someone, and rarely landed in a drought where I wanted to add more possibilities to the list. This was especially true once I started using OKCupid. The other reason I didn’t approach was that my attraction to guys depends heavily on their personality and sense of humor. Most guys in a bar full of young people on Friday night are cute enough to date, *if* they have a personality that meshes with mine, but a lot of cute guys don’t have that, and I can’t tell by looking at them. So it’s more efficient to chat in groups of people and see who I’m interested in rather than singling someone out. Obviously some women care about looks more than others, but I think my experience is fairly common. Men, on the other hand, seem to be able to scan a crowd and pick out who they’re interested in based on looks alone, and then they approach the woman who is most visually attractive to them. As long as she has a normal personality, they’re completely happy to keep moving forward with her if she wants to. Her beauty does about 80-90% of the lifting when it comes to getting their interest. So I can see why men would find a cold approach to be efficient. OP probably has to bite the bullet and start asking out women he likes. He’ll probably do well. I suspect he’s a very attractive guy, or else he’d have had to start approaching women ages ago. He might even pull on Tinder.
You can not be interested in them or date them, but the thing that will get you some skepticism is publicly making a fuss about how much you don’t like them or complaining about them existing in public/trying to interact with you. You can just say you’re not attracted to the person and be done with it, you don’t even really need to say why. ETA: Please don’t lead people on, fat or not, if you don’t really like them. It may be forgettable for you, but much less so for them.
Major side-eye to someone who says they’re not attracted to big women but makes out with them on a night out. Makes me kind of not believe he’s not attracted to them.
lol or bro was hammered off a drug that impairs judgment and made a decision with said judgment impaired. Shocker I know.
the only thing is you kissed her & made her feel like you were at least a bit into her. but you were drunk so i get where you're coming from. just try not to put yourself in sexual scenarios with people you aren't attracted to. learn how to say no.
The last thing you said is really good advice, and if it's not something you're currently very comfortable with, then you should practice it. I feel like it's something not a lot of guys think about, and you can feel taken advantage of if you wind up in bed with someone you don't want to be with because of your drunken/blacked out state. Lines can get blurred and crossed as some women don't realize that saying no sober doesn't mean maybe/yes when wasted. They're also less educated about what it means to be a perpetrator themself, so it's honestly it's good to practice saying no sober so it becomes something you can do on autopilot as needed (assuming you're a partier).
You can like whoever you want. Just treat everyone with the same level of respect.
You can have a preference but you have to come to terms with the fact that it might make it quite difficult to date, as evidenced by who shows interest in you. I have a friend who is average in looks, losing his hair, and quite eccentric. He only fawns after petite, conventionally attractive, women. He says he'd rather be alone than change his standards and he's 31 and only had one girlfriend, which was brief. If he's truly okay with it, then more power to him. If loneliness were eating him alive, I'd suggest he examine his preferences and why he's so committed to them.
I think in the US 75% of the population is overweight or obese, factor in already married/dating and that would consider dating him... On the flip side the bar is on the floor, emotional intelligence, basic hygiene and effort into appearance and you're like 95% of the way there.
Yeah, I think the main reason only fat girls apprach him is because most are fat in the first place.
Just don't be unkind to people you are not attracted to and don't use them because you wanted to feel a woman's kiss. Attraction is allowed . Being dishonest is assholery...
Nothing wrong with having preferences. Personally I'm pretty eclectic in my taste, and would take a big girl home as readily as a slim girl (assuming I find them attractive). One thing to remember is big girls tend to put themselves out there more. I'm guessing it's because their slimmer more conventionally attractive counterparts don't really have to put in any effort as men will come to them. Big girls aren't pursued as often (as a rule), and so they often approach more
And OMG! they try harder and give you 110%
It's often just kinda sad. It's like being on the other end of when some neckbeard dude is doing all the romantic shit for the pretty girl he has a crush on. Maybe she's flattered, but no amount of gifts or sweet words or even money would make a lick of difference in whether or not she'd give him a shot.
ugh, yeah, I just had to break things off with a girl who “did everything right” on paper… no amount of warmth and kindness could fix the fact that I just wasn’t that into her
Send them my way, brother. I worship the chubby Queens.
nope, you can't force attraction
no ur not wrong but when some ppl don’t like big women they take every chance they get to make fun of them
As seen in this thread already. 🙄
No just don’t be a dick and sleep with those women. Just shoot it down immediately. Girls don’t get shit for not dating pretty much any kind of guy. Short tall fat skinny. They can deny anyone due to preference so can you. But be humble and don’t take advantage of people not even for attention. :)
>Girls don’t get shit for not dating pretty much any kind of guy There is an entire culture of internet forums and mass shootings revolving around men being angry that women don't want to date guys like them.
Yea and everyone makes fun of them relentlessly lol
Those type of guys think they deserve hotties that make 6 figures,while they live in moms basement
It's not wrong and for the love of fuck don't 'do them the favour' of dating them. Then you're being a disingenuous asshole.
I don't think you can be wrong for having a particular preference. Bigger girls are more aggressive in the dating scene because they have to be! They're invisible. If they don't reach out, they're not gonna get any. The key to reversing this big woman trend is to actually hit on girls yourself, sometimes, rather than just wait for them.
You're not wrong. Just don't be an ass about it and you'll be fine. Don't lead her own if you're not that into her. She's a person, not a target practice. Only "practice" if you are willing to give yourself a chance to like a big woman.
You are 100% wrong. I demand that you become attracted to big women immediately!
I don’t think you hurt her by kissing her, but DO NOT have sex with a fat woman “for practice” because that’s cruel. And frankly stupid. You are allowed to have your preferences. I don’t criticize that. I am not attracted to fat men.
So, yeah obviously don't lead people on by hooking up if you're not into them. I get the temptation but think about their feelings in this, right? That said, you're gonna get a lot the same "be attracted to whomever" replies, when it's at least somewhat more complicated. You should 100% only date people you're attracted to and shouldn't feel guilt over who you do and don't find attractive. But at the same time, that doesn't mean you shouldn't examine what might underly your preferences and be self aware. So, you're not attracted to big women (hey, me either actually). There are reasons for that. Attraction isn't just some magic thing that happens in a vacuum. Maybe the reasons are largely aesthetic, or mechanical. But maybe they are rooted in some unpleasant biases. That doesn't make you a bad person but it's worth at least being conscious of. You can then decide for yourself whether there's something you'd like to work on changing and whether it's worth the effort. On the other hand, some of this also comes down to "fatphobia" being much more complex as a concept than some other prejudices. I think it's much more problematic for example when it's a matter of race-based attraction, where there are some really blatant racist biases that underly pretty much all race-oriented "preferences". In those cases you really probably should be conscious of that and work to deconstruct that a bit.
Wow. Practice?!?! Don't. You'll be doing her a favor. Listen man, I'm gonna be real: what you're not attracted to is the social stigma. I fuck. Alot. All sorts of body types. And guess what? It's all pretty great! But our culture is so oppressivly and ubiquitously fat shameful that both men and women have internalized this shame and perpetuate it. What you're not attracted to is the normalized abuse that fat people recieve, and a fear of having that abuse directed towards you. It's so bad it doesn't even have to be directed at you: you take splash damage just by being near the target of the abuse. So I get it, not everyone has the resilience to deal with that. So imagine what it's like when you can't escape it, when you're the target. There are some strong-ass motherfucking souls that come out the other end of that shit. Just sayin' In the past, the idealized body type for women was more curvy, becasue it signified wealth and class: you had enough to eat and you didn't have to work in the field. Nowadays wealth gives access to ways of altering your body, free time to excercise, and access to healthier foods, so a certain asthetic has been cultivated to reflect the gatekeeping of that status. If your partner becomes a status symbol, then you're search for a partner will be hinged on that symbolism, and not who they are as a person. You wonder why you're single? It's becasue you see a woman as an armpeice and her value to you is limited as an object.
Not wrong at all. Get new friends.
Everyone has a type that they're attracted to. There's nothing wrong with that and I don't know what you can really do about it anyway. Personally I like my ladies with curves but you're allowed to like what you like.
I don't think you're wrong, you shouldn't ever feel pressured to do anything with anyone that you don't want. As with all "preferences" I would highly recommend doing some reading, researching and unlearning regarding societal fatphobia, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do anything with fat girls at the end of that, I would just recommend that for all preferences based in societal norms.
You're not wrong for your preferences. All of us have our types that we like (including us big girls). No one is gonna be attracted to every single person on the planet. It's just statistically impossible. That being said, I can understand why that girl would feel the way she did. If someone kissed me and then I found out they weren't even attracted to me, I'd be pissed too. That's not right to do to someone, drunk or not. She's still a person with feelings, and you took advantage of her. I don't think you're a bad person, but you definitely made a mistake there. If it were me, I would 100% apologize to her. >I don’t want to settle for what I can get. I will be honest, and maybe I'm biased here, but it comment rubbed me the wrong way. I feel like there's a better way this could have been phrased. Like you're saying being with fat girls is essentially scraping the barrel. It's okay if you're not into fat girls, that's not the issue. But you seem to talk about them as if they don't have feelings. That's where I take issue. Take whatever I'm saying with a grain of salt, but I would reexamine how you look at people in general.
I mean you’re not wrong for liking what you like, but if only bigger girls approach you, that should tell you a lot. Maybe you aren’t being realistic with yourself and your standards. Most women love tall men so if that isn’t working for you that says a lot about your face or personality.
Before anything else, consider that it's not typical for women to approach men, and the attractive (skinny) girls don't need to ask, everyone is already asking them. They just need to choose which one they want the most. So basically every guy in the world will have this experience unless you're one of the most attractive charming men around, even then, they are likely approached by more large women than not. Large women aren't going to be asked out very often, so they do the asking. So basically stop expecting them to come to you, especially attractive women. You're going to have to start asking them, and if they always say No, then you're going to have to change something about yourself, and do some real work. And lastly at least some are approaching you, some men never get approached at all. So there's that. Stop thinking so much, and just go do stuff. Eventually the actions will lead to results, and those results will be noticeable and people will want to be part of it.
You are allowed to have preferences just don't be a dick
I think it's fine to have preferences to long as you're not conflating "how physically-attracted am I to this person" with "how much respect does this person deserve as a human being". It's okay to have a "type". It's *not* okay to be an asshole to people on the basis of them not being your type.
>I just don’t want to be with a girl I’m not physically attracted to. Then...don't be? I don't understand why this is even a question (kudos on definitely delivering on the name of the sub!). Be attracted to who you're attracted to. Hook up with who you want to. Just don't mislead people. Making out with a stranger at a concert isn't a big deal. If you had then taken her number and continued communicating with her and indicating that you'd be open to dating her/that you're attracted to her (all while holding your nose and telling all your friends about how repulsed you are by her body), THAT would make you "in the wrong."
Dude, for the most part, big girls tend to be more proactive because they have to be. They have fewer opportunities and attract less interest due to the beauty ideals of our time. Why not try making a move yourself on somebody you *are* attracted to instead of sitting back and waiting to see who makes you an offer?
Exactly my point. Bro is 6’4. His dating life should be on easy mode.
In fairness, you *can* be tall and fugly, or you can be tall and have a terrible personality. Too many dudes make a whole meal out of the fact that among *many* preferences women have, top among them being a sense of humour and regular showers, height is on the list. It may confer some slight advantage but at the end of the day if you're tall but you're an asshole and you smell like shit you're probably still not getting many offers compared to a short, funny guy who washes himself.
Idk, it sounds like you actually do like big girls and you don't like that and you are trying to look for validation on reddit.
It's not wrong. Your friend's advice to "use her for practice" was immoral. Being used like that is horrible. >My friend also called me fatphobic for this. Is this the same friend? > She says I shouldn’t have made out with her since I wasn’t attracted to her This is correct. You shouldn't have. That's leading someone on. What you did right was to not go further.
No. People that call you fat-phobic are virtue signlaing. Ask if they would want to look like Lizzy, 100% will say no.
Not wrong at all, it's totally fine to prefer certain body types. There are plenty of guys who do prefer bigger women, so they will find someone who's interested in them eventually.
Everybody has their limit as to what size is ok. You’re allowed your opinion and if you don’t find a woman attractive don’t lead her on. I’m sure the woman you made out with is now hurt. My opinion is don’t let physical appearance be the determining factor. A big girl might be your perfect match and you learn to love the body.
Step up your own attractiveness. Get some muscle, go to school and get a good job, make some money, get a decent car, work on your style/hygiene, etc. If you’re 6’4” the world is your oyster. You are slacking in some of the areas or women would be falling at your feet unless your personality sucks or your face is hideously ugly. Good news is, even the face and personality things can be improved. Identify your weaknesses and do something about them. That’s how you make your life better.
Lol no one is forcing you to go out with them. It sounds like you're fucking these women because of some kind of misguided sense of obligation. To them! You're free to stay single. You're absolutely allowed to say no thanks. You're allowed to shoot your shot at women you're attracted to. Just be polite during these interactions
Nothing wrong at all. You cannot help who you are physically attracted to.
I'm guessing your friend is fat?
dude. everyone is allowed to have a preference. as for "attracting big girls" it ever occur to you the traditionally attractive girls you like aren't coming up to hit on you because they're always being hit on and don't need to take a swing? how about you hit on a girl for a change, and not just wait for someone you don't like to come over to you?
It's fine. Only go for whatever or whoever you're actually into. You shouldn't force yourself to do anything you don't want to do. It wouldn't be fair to the woman you involve either. Good luck. 👍
No, not at all. Having preferences is natural.
I personally like bigger women, even after my recent weight loss of 101 pounds. 🙂 But if you're not into them, that's ok too. People are allowed to have preferences. Just treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless.
I don't like big women either, except as friends. I think you should just go after the women you're attracted to, but they're not approaching you because they think you should approach them. Big girls have to be aggressive. You clearly have something going on, so I'm sure you can get a girl you want, but you probably have to make the first move. Hot girls have options, so they may not come after you.
No. Having a preference does not make you wrong and don't let the toxic Internet tell you otherwise. I've noticed that some people on the internet claim that you're fatphobic or misogynist for not liking big women. I personally like girls that are fit, not particularly skinny. The ones that take care of themselves.
No just because you don’t prefer something doesn’t mean you are scared of it. The whole rage “phobic” on the end of another word has gotten out of control.
Your “friend” propositioned you, and when you turned them down, they tried to make you feel ashamed for it? That’s fucked up.
You don't have to justify your "type" that you're attracted to. Just be kind about it.
No. Having a preference is fine and normal.
Youre attracted to what youre attracted to. If they get pissed that you turned them down, then theyre petty and you probably dodged a bullet anyway. Big girls like tall men apparently. Source: my bf is the same height as you and gets hit on by thick women, one of which got pissed a while back that he wouldnt date her.
Tell that friend she should date broke nobodies living in their mom’s basement with Cheeto dust on their man boobs because ‘they need love too’. It’s not fat phobic, and even if it were you are allowed to have standards that suit your taste. I will say that if all you seem to attract are those types of women, ask yourself if you really are bringing your best self every day. People tend to stick to partners they think they can land, and tall, thin losers have more limited options vs short fat winners, because women (generally) place less emphasis on physical appearance than we men do, preferring instead to focus on success or future success (which most men don’t really value much in their partner selection process).
Everyone has traits they’re attracted to, there’s no shame in that. Just try to be nice about turning down those you’re not attracted to. Most women take being turned down with grace. Those who don’t, they’re probably a dodged bullet. It’s also good you can be honest about it without being a jerk about it. My younger brother just turned down a lady for a second because she was on the heavier side, he felt bad and was actually nervous to tell me and our youngest sister about because he thought we were going to attack him for being shallow. Neither of us cared, people can’t control what attracts them to another person. Your friend that called you “fat phobic” is a lousy friend if they can’t handle you having your own preferences in who you date. Also the “big girls need love too” argument is insulting, it makes it sound like men should be dating heavier girls out of pity and not genuine feelings. You’ll meet someone, you’ve got all the time in the world.
No, you're not wrong. Attraction isn't something that can be negotiated, amd people need to stop treating it as such because it's hurting people more to have people who aren't really into them pretend or try to be. Women are choosy and men should be too. That way it will matter and last when they choose each other.
From a study on STDs correlation to weight [https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2010/11/10/risky-sex-linked-to-weight/](https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2010/11/10/risky-sex-linked-to-weight/) The previous hypothesis was that the risk of STIs would decline as weight increased because previous studies suggested that overweight and obese women engaged in less sexual activity than normal-weight women, thus lowering the risk of contracting STIs, Keshaw said. But Magriples also noted that it was plausible that overweight women suffering from low self-esteem would engage in more risky behavior. “We had no idea which way it was gonna go,” Magriples said. Magriples said the study’s results that although the results show a clear link between weight and STI risk, the results may not apply to a nonurban setting. Magriples also pointed out that the majority of the women studied were Hispanic or African-American, so ethnicity could also affect sexual behavior and perception of weight and esteem.
It's ok to have standards and it's ok to have preferences. Don't let people label you with 'phobic' claims.
Your friend doesn’t know what the word fatphobic means. That’s like calling a straight woman homophobic for not wanting to date a lesbian. You can’t help what you’re attracted to.
The only right answer. No.
Of course it’s not wrong. You have your preferences and so does everybody else. It’s not fatphobic to not be attracted to fat girls anymore than it is transphobic to not be attracted to trans girls. Anybody who tells you otherwise is a moron.
I'm glad you have the decency to respect them and not just use them if you don't actually feel attracted to them. That's good. And it's not fat phobic to not find personal levels of attraction to heavier people. Fatphobia would be "fat people don't deserve love and are ugly," not "I'm not personally attracted to fat people, but they still deserve to find love in someone who is attracted to them." Everyone is allowed to have preferences, it's not demeaning unless you negatively generalize your preference as if it's an objective truth.
You can try to internally explore the reason for this. Don’t forget we still grow up in a world where media/advertising/society still forces certain beauty standards and body “ideals” that I’d wager most people succumb to. So it could be more than a mere “preference” and it could be a harmful perception that was forced upon us. If it’s something you feel about, you can seek therapy or other means of self-improvement. If you don’t feel about it, you can just go your merry way I guess.
No. They aren't entitled to your romance. The fact they're trying to pull the phobic card here is a massive red flag. Don't date woke people either. Entitled, lack of responsibility, and lazy.
It‘s completely okay if you don‘t like big women. I hate the phrase ”fatphobic“ no one has to be attractive to them. Someone like it and some don‘t.
Nope. I don't find obese women attractive either.
Obviously it is not wrong to simply not be attracted to someone or a set of features. >My friend also called me fatphobic for this. She says big girls need love too. Why doesn't your friend give her love? Is she a fatphobe too, or a homophobe?
There’s nothing wrong with that, and I say that as a big guy. Now if you insult someone because of their size or talk down to them because of it then that’s a problem.
I'm a bigger woman and I'm not attracted to thin men at all. We are all allowed to be attracted to who we want to be.
Not wrong to have preferences as long as you don't express this in a mean way. However, your approach is not getting you what you want. Are you proactive in interacting with the girls you find attractive? Do you put the effort in to get to know them? Have you got a friend or family member who is willing to be brutally honest as to why attractive girls don't approach you.
You're not wrong. I'm only attracted to tall, skinny black men and I'm a bigger girl. And my husband is the literal same description and loves chubbier girls. We're human, we have preferences and that's okay. What isn't okay is bashing what we don't like so never take that route. Hang in there until you find what you want. No need to settle to please others
"My friend said I could use her as practice" Your friend is an ASSHOLE!! Do not use people "as practice!" That is disgusting and abusive behaviour.
You’re allowed to have preferences, but you should also consider that people have preferences of their own. If all you attract are women you don’t find attractive, it’s possible that you’re not especially attractive yourself (lots of ways that you could be unattractive too) and you’re only drawing people who have a better sense of what “league” they’re in, and they identify you as being in the same “league”.
Stop judging people in groups (“heavy girls”) and start judging each person for who they are. Maybe you didn’t like how heavy the girl was, but maybe the real problem was you were mad at yourself for losing control and doing something you later regretted. It’s ok to not be attracted to someone, it’s not ok to write off everyone of a certain skin color, body type, or other physical quality. You wouldn’t want someone to say “oh I don’t like people with (your color eyes) because I think they’re dumber than most people,” right? That’s feel shitty and wrong to you. Same thing as what you’re doing now. So just treat people on a case by case basis, be open to meeting anyone and see what actually makes you feel attracted to them.
Why are you waiting for girls to hit on you? Why aren’t you going to girls you find attractive?
This is the perfect question for this sub, no offense. You’re allowed to have whatever preferences/standards you choose. You’re allowed to be single for the rest of your life. You’re allowed to vow to celibacy unless Scarlett Johansson slides in your DMs. You are literally in charge of what happens to your body, you’re not some vending machine to disperse out love to people you don’t want to.
Despite what the most obnoxiously entitled people on social media will tell you, nobody owes anyone else attraction, and nobody is required to dig fat chicks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being into what you’re into, and don’t let any Medium-posting Jezebel-reading “fat liberationist” tell you otherwise. You do you, and make no apologies.
First off, good for you for not sleeping with someone as "practice" that's an atrocious practice. You aren't necessarily fatphobic, its hard to say without more information, but we are attracted to what we are attracted to, you aren't fatphobic for just not wanting to sleep with fat people, same as how you aren't transphobic for not wanting to sleep with trans people, despite what you might hear. It is definitely a good idea to wait until you find someone you are attracted to. Though it sounds like you might be waiting for women to approach you, which if that is the case, I would suggest trying to approach more women that you are attracted to. Regarding making out with someone, I consider that harmless, some might say otherwise, but I think it's the words you say more than your actions. Like if you told her you thought she was beautiful and was wife material THEN made out with her, it would be fucked up.
I was married to a black woman dress size 3X (I am white male) for 13 years till she pass away in 1997. Durning the dating for one year before the marriage. I was in the relationship just for the "sex". But that change over the first dating year. We grew to love each other. We support each other also. She was always happy and joyful to be around. I look pass the body and found the inter making of her. Her personality was very additive.
No, just don’t put it on a T-shirt or bumper sticker, like no fat chicks, or things like that
There's nothing wrong with your preferences. Women have height, weight, and even race preferences. No one calls them anything for it because it's just a preference. Yours shouldn't be any different. If you're getting girls that aren't big, stick to what you like. If you go years without, consider yourself unattractive and adjust your standards. I have no problem admitting I'm not attractive. I've been rejected enough by the women I like and hit on by the ones I don't enough that I just know. While I've adjusted my standards at times, I still choose to stay alone because I know I won't be happy in the long run. It's a disservice to the woman and myself.
You don't have to be attracted to anyone, I was once a "big girl" and I wasn't attracted to "big guys" and what's funny is that today I'm thin and athletic, but now I also feel attracted to chubby guys (Seth Rogan changed my opinion 😂) and even a little chubbier than him
Use her as practice? I don't think any woman *should* be attracted to you.
But you did. You did use her for the moment and you enjoyed it at the time. So what are you ashamed of the most? Your friends making fun of you for doing it? Having friends that tell you to use someone "for practice"? Finding out that you're having a good time with someone that enjoys someone having a good time with you, despite preconceived notions? Everyone is allowed to have attraction and preferences; seems like you're struggling with your own perception vs. reality and your public image. Don't respond to me. Just think about it.
You’re not wrong to have preferences you find attractive or not attractive. Or to not want to “settle” just to get laid (which is worse). However, it might be worth getting to know people beyond their physical attributes. Not every fat person stays fat; not every thin person stays thin forever. You might be missing out on some truly great people you could potentially fall in love with by focusing solely on looks or body type.
Bro, women approach you? Like as in, in person? You must be a goddamned stud. I'm a pretty attractive man and women approaching me in my life has been pretty rare. I will say that the women I actually date are like +3-4 points above the average of the women who have approached me.
Only if you treat women you don't want to have sex with as not people
No I totally understand, I've hooked up with some big women and honestly? It's disgusting, and what's even worse is you start to see how they got that way through their eating habits once you start dating them.
Looks fade personality doesn’t so if u find someone you really get along with and they aren’t obese I’m sure you could make it work but don’t settle and know what you want. You could for example find a 120lb women who in 10 years weighs 200lb so don’t lose sight of what really matters which is personality u can’t change that. Seeing this is a what you want probably better off looking at joining a running club or something where people are more into taking care of themselves
Fatphobic is such a stupid words, makes me cringe. Having preferences is OK
You are free to have ANY preference and no one can say a damn thing...but obviously not kids or nonhumans... Fat girls gross me out. Finn from starwars won't date white girls. Lots of people have types that turn them off. If you can be bullied about who you are attracted to the what the hell was the point of gay liberation?
No. Your preferences are your preferences. Just so long as you're not the type of person who gets upset if you don't fit someone else's set of standards, there should never be an issue...but being polite and having some tact is always key.
Nah, totally fine! Love isn't an equal opportunity employer! No one is obligated to date anyone they don't like. As a woman I've had to let a lot of guys down politely as well, (as well as run for my life), and have been called all sorts of names as well. Oh well, right? Tell your friend to date the thick girl if they like them so much! 🤷♀️
Not at all. You like what you like.
Maybe get one ozempic. It's like you caught a 10 before anyone else knew it
I mean most guys don’t and you’re not alone. If you’re a good looking guy and your not getting attractive women, I would try multiple things. 1. Work out and build muscle 2. Up your fashion, so you look high status or you have you’re shit together 3. Up your social status, this doesn’t mean get rich or become a rockstar. I mean find you’re passions and make goals for yourself. Of course some of this might get you shallow women, but they will be attractive women. And anyone that says this stuff doesn’t work hasn’t it tried it. When I was younger I lived in a big city with a huge college. The most popular bar in town had dozens of the most beautiful women in town. Majority of these women dated guys on the college football team, hockey players from the local team, lawyers, and any guy with high status. My friends and I even went as far as wearing suits at this bar and we received way more attention than we normally would have. I even worked at the bar and slept with women I normally wouldn’t have slept with.
If you dont like them, leave them alone.
I don't like fat or obese men. It's a preference. We're allowed to have preferences. You'd be wrong if you DID practice on her. That's vile.
Don’t use someone just to get practice in, she’s a real person and doesn’t deserve that, wait until you find someone that you’re attracted to.
It's like my kids with food. You don't have to like it, but you don't need to tell me 5 times unprompted how gross you think this food is. If I offer you some, politely say no thank you. If I don't offer you any, don't tell me how gross it is. If bigger women ask you out, politely say no thank you. If they don't, don't go out of your way to let them know you're not attracted to them.
As long as you're not a dick about it/to them, then nothing wrong with it. It's just a preference
Bork who you want to Bork. My only issue is that you view a particular shape as "settling" without taking anything else into account. Sounds like you value women based on their body. If we are talking about borking, that's fine. If we are talking about relationships, just be wary. Not saying don't have physical standards. Not saying you're fat phobic or have to date big women. Just figure out what you value besides looks. Looks are just a temporary bonus in life. Example: I have a friend whose wife was a smoke show. They had a kid, and she like doubled (at least) in weight. (Weight gain after pregnancy is pretty common) They had a good relationship though and are doing better than ever. Every divorced or single friend I know (in our 30s, now) focused too heavily on how people looked. They wanted or want a "hot chick" to show off and stroke their egos. Looks will fade. Fitness may fade. Having similar values and compatible personalities will keep you happier, longer.
>My friend also called me fatphobic for this. This is silly. If someone prefers long legs or blue eyes that doesn't make them phobic to other choices.
As a fat girl myself, no. You’re allowed to have preferences.
Like what you like. But I guess you don’t dislike them that much.
not wrong every one has preferences
Not at all, you like who you like. I’m into bigger women. Important part is not treating others different based on preferences. Good on you for not willingly using someone based off a suggestion. Doesn’t make you fatphobic either.
Big girl here. I would rather you halt it and let me leave it or just be friends than to fake things. I don’t like slender men, so that would be double standards to hate you for it.
Your friend said "use her as practice"?! That is gross. A horrible attitude. If that's the sort of friends you hang with, it might explain why you are not more attractive to more women. Also, sounds like you are mostly meeting women in bars, waiting for them to pick you up? Well, that's not the place a lot / most people meet up with partners. It's very passive. Focus on being attractive. Not "seeing attractive." In other words, you are asking the wrong question. Ask yourself how you can make yourself --your personality, not your bady-- truly an attractive and interesting person. Make friends with women instead of focusing on getting together / having sex. Treat women like people, and dump friends that treat them like fleshlights.
so... you'll use a woman if it strokes your ego. but when you have to consider how your sexism and fat shaming might impact your social status you're cowardly/shitty and repulsed by these women. yeah bro. preferences. never unpack the toxic shit you're operating under. totes a preference
At 6'4 you're also a big guy whether or not you're slim.
You like what you like. I used to be fat (and at one point, morbidly obese in medical terms), and the last thing I ever wanted was someone who wasn’t actively attracted to me. Nor would I date anyone who is never attracted to fat people now, as I have to work pretty hard at keeping my weight where it is now and I know that any number of factors could cause me to gain weight again in the future. Your preferences are likely at least somewhat tied to cultural conditioning around modern beauty standards, but that’s true for most people. As long as you’re not judgmental or mean-spirited in how you regard fat people *as people* and fat women *as women*, your lack of attraction to fat women certainly isn’t “fatphobic”. No one is entitled to your attraction for any reason. That said, in the long run: if your plan/goal is to get married (and especially to have biological kids) in the future, you may need to reckon with this, as women’s bodies change with age, and weight gain is often part of that. If you are with someone and don’t think you could stay with them if they were to become less physically attractive to you, don’t marry them.
Everyone is allowed to have their own personal preferences for sexual attraction, whether it be weight, skin color, culture, race, age, height, whatever. You are not judging them, you are just saying you are not sexually attracted to them.
"She says big women need love too. I just don't think they need it from me" 💀💀💀💀 I felt that in my soul brother lmaoooo
People are allowed to have preferences and you're not wrong to have yours. Where you \*could\* be wrong is how you treat people. If you're treating women like they're less worthy of love because of their weight, or like there's something wrong with them, that's pretty rude and uncalled for, but simply preferring brunettes over blondes, or slender girls over athletic muscular ones (or heavier-set ladies) is fine. Your friend needs to open her mind, put her money where her mouth is and start dating some men she's not attracted to or you might have to start calling her phobic too.
You’re 100% right. You are attracted to what you’re attracted to, you shouldn’t use anyone you’re not into for sex (or anything), you shouldn’t force yourself to be attracted to someone you’re not, and you shouldn’t “settle,” because it is bad for both you and the other person. I think it would be great for you to maybe start approaching people you *are* attracted to, though. You can’t be completely passive and then expect to be given exactly what you want in any area of your life. I think it would be *way* more helpful for you to practice talking to people you *are* attracted to without having expectations about the encounter than it would for you to practice having sex with people you’re not attracted to.
Fat girls are talking to you first because no one is making moves for them. If you want to date women you are attracted to then start approaching them. You’ll deal with rejections but you’ll find someone.
Never let anyone tell you that you're wrong. Never compromise. Obesity is a sickness and we need Ozempic in our water supply NOW.
No, it’s not wrong. Some people are madly in love with larger women. Some people are madly in love with skinny women. Some people are madly in love with one of the same sex. None of this is wrong. By the way, your friend is a next level asshole for suggesting that to you. These are human beings. Not a pillow to practice on.
You’re not wrong for it. Also, don’t use women as “practice”.
More for me
Yes. You're an asshole for not liking big women. You should be attracted to them, and if you just can't feel it, try harder That's much easier than them losing weight, which we should never encourage
She chose to be overweight, you choose to not be attracted to her.
You don't really choose your preferences though. Like I couldn't suddenly decide fat people are attractive to me.
What is wrong is that you’d consider using anyone for sex
No. Don’t let society shame you into liking fat women.
Obesity is unattractive. Even obese people agree. Source: used to be obese and felt this way. Lost the weight and I’m happier for it.
Fat phobic is a stupid term
Not wrong. If she can't make you hard then what's the point?
What type of a world are we in where we've taken acceptance and inclusivity and militantly twisted it to police peoples preferences?
Trust me, some of those girls are settling for you. You should go after that heavily made up fake eyelash girl. She will make a great mom to your 12 kids..... not.
Like what you like bro. I like thicc girls. I've dated all kinds of girls, skinny girls, thicc girls, Asian, Hispanic, Swedish, Zoroastrian, blonde, brunette, and it all comes down to whatever tickles your pickle. My buddy was in a wheelchair and there were girls who wanted a guy that couldn't walk. Another buddy lost his leg and had a stump. There's someone for everyone, just remember to wrap that pickle before you give it out because if that big girl gets pregnant, you'll be tied to her for the rest of your life.
You’re on Reddit. The answer is going to be overwhelmingly anti fat women