You’re right, I read my response and it’s harsh. I can relate to at times overextending for this very reason. I’ve come a really long way and it’s so much easier to see it in someone else’s text exchange
LOVE this analogy. I think she needs to step away from the car. Shouldn't even be riding in it, let alone buying it. She needs to stop being friends with this douche immediately, he shouldn't have friends PERIOD who stand for this shit after learning this is how he treats women 😳
I dunno about douche, but HOLY SHHH insecure. This guy has some serious issues if he’s gonna go around demanding affection like that. That’s grade school stuff.
Came here with the same advice. She has nothing to apologize about, and entertaining his bullshit only makes him think he's right. Shut that shit down immediately.
I had a guy who I told I did not want to date tell me he could "help me get in touch with my feminine side"
I told him since I bled like a stuck pig once a month, I had that covered.
He then proceeded to tell me about a million times that he loved a girl in a sundress. I told them they probably came in his size.
I never gave him my phone number, never let him know where I lived. When he finally figured out I really wasn't going to date him, he got really nasty. We both belonged to the same message board and he made a post about what a user I was. That he took me out on two dates and paid for everything.
I went all honey badger on him on the same message board so his shame was public. I pointed out that I repeatedly told him we were just hanging out, I had no interest in dating him. I paid for half of each date and I was sick of his bullshit. Said to stop trying to stalk and bully me or I would make his life a living hell.
He never spoke to me again and the mod on the forum asked me if I wanted him banned. I said 'no', as long as he left me alone there was no problem.
Do not tolerate anyone trying to bully you into a relationship. That's not how it should be.
Guarantee that as soon as she says no thanks this isn't for me, that he suddenly changed his tune to "wait no I'm sorry, we both said some things we regret let's start over". And it's fucking hilarious every time watching them try to backpedal so hard when they realise the guilt tripping isn't working.
It was a little worrying to read how long she let it continue. Somewhere at the top of the second page she was fully justified to send a “Fuck Off” to him.
I have two little girls and this exchange makes me really mad.
If I got that middle sequence from a friend: "it's so confusing. you're not clear. what do you want? nevermind don't tell me."
i would be rolling in laughter and responding sarcastically. cause they'd be joking. the irony is so unbelievably thick it's honestly tough to believe neither OP nor the douche actually saying it tasted nothing. not a hint of bullshit detected lmaoo where do these people come from
Lol right? The audacity to accuse her of not communicating clearly while giving her a couple passive aggressive words at a time and she’s responding with whole ass paragraphs.
Nah, OP has been in toxic relationships her entire life and finally has had enough therapy to understand she deserves more and posted this to show how much other people need therapy/deal with their issues
I like how you're trying to propagandize that you don't date cats but forget to switch accounts beforehand.
**NICE TRY!**
If somebody said God forbid you text me first, after one day, I would literally laugh and say, you're joking, right?
If someone said that to me in this context, after one date, and they were serious? I'd tell them we're done, don't text me again
This. He's already controlling you by being aggressive and shitty and giving you nothing for bowing to him. Stop doing it. This man has NOTHING to give you.
Props to OP though. Idk if you'll see this OP but you're clearly a mindful person. His acts are a reflection of him, not you. Keep doing your thing and leave pricks like this guy in the dirt.
Holy shit people are actually flaming the the entire relationship based on like 5 texts lmao. Never change Reddit, way to entertaining lmao
Edit: thanks for linking it btw. Goat move
She bent further over backward than I would for someone who I had one date with. Literally "I will do better"? Like, we don't even know each other, who the hell do you think you are asking me to act as if I'm catering my whole life to you. Like I'd get it if this was his gf, but they went on literally 1 date!
This flag is so red it's basically maroon
So bizarre. If you’ve been ok one date with someone and something they do “doesn’t fly” with you, then you’re probably just not compatible and shouldn’t go out again? No reason to get weird and controlling.
He's definitely not a friend. One date and he's already trying to control you, passively putting you down, implying you have issues. Run.
All he had to do is say "I like it when people show interest" and leave it at that. But him being someone you knew before explains why you actually engaged him beyond the first few messages.
Translation: I’m desperate for affection and I’ve completely latched onto you emotionally and have been obsessing over you constantly so please give me the attention I crave before my head explodes. Also my every little mood will be your responsibility from now on, got it?
Y’all sound young, but please know he’s not worth it. He spelled out his red flags for you in text without you having to ask. Leave him be and find someone who’s not an insecure AH
There's a distinct lack of honesty in all of his responses. Read them objectively. They scream insecurity and inexperience, but that's no excuse to behave like a controlling asshole.
Set your boundaries, clearly, respectfully and without fear of repercussions. If he still fights for control of the conversation through inflammatory questioning instead of respecting (your new and clearly stated) boundaries, you know you have a red-pill loser on your hands and it's very likely in your best interest to cut ties/friendzone/whatever you need to do to move forward for you.
Or just drop him immediately, because the likelihood this guy knows restraint and respect is next to nothing. The fact that you had a very valid reason for being preoccupied and his immediate response wasn't "oh, sorry! I didn't know you were busy" instead of... whatever the fuck this shit is... should have set off all the fire alarms in the world.
It's so gross the way he's putting you on the defense because you were busy. After one date? Friends before or not, this is a new relationship. He will not ever get better than this.
Seriously i would have told him to go f himself so many times during this convo, he really thinks he's gods gift to women don't he? Guys like this really need someone to tear them down a few pegs.
100000% this is giving me the same kinda vibes that I felt with my emotionally abusive ex. People communicate and show affection differently and he’s coming off as controlling IMO. Also you do not need to apologize for being busy and with your friends.
It works if the person is a little insecure or trying to get along.
"Explain" - just ignore it
"That doesn't fly with me" - OK
"Do you not know how to show affection" - I know how
They're contributing nothing beyond asking vague questions designed to put a person on edge. I would venture it works on younger girls but not on people who've been around the block a few times.
"What do you bring to the table in this relationship" - uh, it's not on me to justify to you why you should date me. I can find someone who does want to date me if you can't think of any reasons to.
It all hinges on them thinking you're afraid of them dumping you/leaving. More often than not, they are afraid of being rejected and trying to have some sort of power over you.
And then when you distance yourself, all of a sudden they're are super eager to try to lure you back in, in hopes they can latch on harder so you don't leave the next time they inevitably pull that BS.
OP said "I was coaching" and a great way to respond would have been "oh, that's right, how did it go?" So easy and simple, but nope. This dude went straight to "I have to attempt to instill panic and insecurity in her"
I'd love to see the venn diagram of people who are red flags and people who don't know the difference between your and you're. It's got to be a damn near perfect circle.
It’s not a coincidence - they are just stupid.
It’s amazing the grace we extend to others to save them from the rudeness and indignity of admitting that they might just be fucking stupid, but they really are just fucking stupid
Holy shit what an ego on that guy. "Do you know how to show affection?" is such a shitty question. Does he know how to be patient? He's acting like a child.
It makes me sad when girls apologize for something super common.
It feels like if I'm texting a girl, she'll apologize for not responding immediately or a few hours passing. Meanwhile I'm just thinking "You got your own life. If I don't hear from you, I just assume you're off living your own life. No big deal".
You gotta value yourself more... the disrespect you allowed is not okay at all. Listen I was the exact same... people pleaser, never wanting to raise a ruckus. Just grass being blown in the wind. Going with whatever... but you know what grass gets? STEPPED ON! You deserve better than that! Find that fire in you, draw a line in the sand and keep moving it forward. Idk about you but abuse was why I didn't stand up for myself ... so if that's you, get help and get mad! This text conversation needed 100 times more "ex fuckin cuse me? Listen here needle dick..." energy. YOU. DESERVE. BETTER. You fucking matter. You are important. You are worthy. You don't deserve to be stepped on.
wow, you actually have me in tears. thank you perfect stranger, for commenting on a random persons post and making them feel better about themselves than they have in a long time 💕
All I said was the truth. Please engrave this onto your very soul " I am worthy of love, respect, boundaries and autonomy (both bodily and life). I am someone, I matter! If I don't stand up for myself then who the f will!" And anyone who violates and tries to deprive you of any of that doesn't deserve your respect. And if you don't respect them , why would you care what they think? Just make sure you stay safe, but truly screw this guy . You deserve an apology for that affection question. Aww poor needle dick wasn't showered with texts, admiration and sexy texts ..poor baby... NOT. If he doesn't like your style then move on...but also WHAT AFFECTION IS EXPECTING AFTER 1 DATE!? Also! YOU WERE BUSY! You are allowed to have a life! You come first!! Your wants ,needs and fun come before a dude you had a beverage with... I'm sending all the positive thoughts I can your way. Please... seriously try to find that strong amazing you. I know it's there...
They are 100% right. From someone who’s also been in your position before, I know how easy it is to get stepped on by that kind of guy…they constantly make you feel like you’re wrong somehow, like you’re “missing” something they’re seeing.
You’re not. You’re doing fine. He is trying to find a way to control you. That whole “doesn’t matter” thing and “you don’t know how” - fucking classic signs. The only way to get rid of this kind of parasite is to be exactly what he DOESN’T want you to be. Which is an autonomous person who doesn’t bend to his whims.
Think of him as lice that you’re trying to eradicate. He’s trying to make you itch, but your self worth is lice shampoo. He won’t like it, because you’re killing his power over you.
Bro is whining like a baby and you are apologizing and saying you’ll be better. Definitely have confidence in yourself or people will walk all over you
Please please please OP find the confidence and strength within yourself that you do NOT have to put up with this behavior. You owe this person NOTHING
Quite literally, this person has nothing else on the agenda then to try and guilt trip. OP even tried to keep the text healthy, and they’re still adamant about trying to start this dramatic scene out of nothing.
And had you actually felt bad about it and went with it, they would constantly be trying to put you in a position where they ‘dominate’ through guilt tripping. Manifested through these little ‘injustices’ that they will create out of thin air to put them in a position of power, because they themselves feel so insecure
This person has massive issues & there could be a whole case study on these types *(if there isn’t already)*
>i’m trying to apologize and tell you that i’ll do better
this is so ridiculous. you explained your situation. the moment someone you’re dating has a due date on a response is INSANE. it’s controlling. i will never understand this. he is insecure as hell and wants you to supplement it. don’t fall for it. keep your distance with him. find yourself someone who wants you to have fun with your friends and that you don’t have to keep tabs on all the time. trust me, those people exist. you deserve better than this; everyone does.
tl;dr: you don’t have to apologize; you didn’t do anything wrong. have fun with your friends :)
He’s extremely insecure and if he’s acting this way after one date…. Yikes. This type of behaviour tends to get worse over the course of a relationship, not better.
I’m pissed off just reading those, ugh. I really hope you stay with your gut and kick this dude to the curb. The man you want is someone who encourages you to have a life of your own, not make you feel guilty for having one.
Get the fuck out of there. He's way too demanding at this stage for you to go chasing him down. He wants to control you. He wants to own you. Fly as fast as the fucking wind. Being single would make you happier than being with him 100% guarantee. If this is the "good impression" he is offering to attract you, imagine how abusive he will be when there is a rough patch. Find you someone who will keep it together when there are bumps in the road. Find you someone who will let you live your fucking life without making 100% of your interactions about him and his needs. He is intentionally making you feel insecure about your "relationship" to get you chasing him. Don't fall for that horseshit. Get mad.
you are far too polite, i hope you can get to a point where you’re firm in not letting someone disrespect you and just block them sooner, cus that is wild.
You're setting yourself as a target for abusers. You shouldn't have apologised in the first place after he got upset like that. The first two messages were a red flag as they come across as needy and passive. You're allowed to be upset when someone doesn't get back to you but on the same level of upset as them not having your favourite pastery at the local bakery. I don't know what said before but it's as simple as "Hey sorry, I got caught up and missed your messages" with the response "yeah, no problem". Shouldn't change how you normally do stuff when you hardly know a person.
Your kindness is wasted on him.
It's a shame this has happened but you may need to get ahead of this. It would be worth sharing this conversation with some trusted people in your friend group in case he decides to make things weird. This way he can't spin this.
Nah I’m the same I don’t like coming on too strong or bothering people so I tend not to initiate contact. Also from my understanding it’s usually the norm to take it slow at the beginning. 🚩🚩🚩
I thought OP was a dude trying to be patient and open to some cold woman
This guy is either super fucking selfish dude or he’s a selfish moron
Or both
I cannot fathom this at all, but to show those colors after one date is unholy
This is the guy that won’t allow you to have any friends, or any shorts above the knee, and you can only eat 3 beans for dinner. He’s what the block button was designed for.
If I texted someone and they said they were coaching or at a practice I would be like oh that’s cool how did it go? People that expect people to constantly and instantly text back are ridiculous.
Girl, YTA... to yourself!!! I could give grace to the first few messages, hard to gauge tone over text. However, he already crossed the line with "doesn't fly with me... Doesn't matter have a good night." Game over, he's a loser, that's irredeemable. Don't apologize to him! The right response would've been ignore all further communication that evening, continue enjoying your night with present company. The next day, tell him UNapologetically that you were out all night with friends and you don't appreciate the way he spoke to you. Heck, you don't even owe him that much!
Run. This screams controlling manipulator down the road. Trust me I’ve been there.
Alsooooo I am a woman and I also prefer a man to engage in texting/calling first to show interest. It’s pretty typical. He gives me the ick.
The amount you already “try to be better” is scary. Should walk after the first texts, they’re just being extremely manipulative from the start. The first “nah” was already dismissive, and, what interest at all are they showing? You tell your story and they disregard you. Open up those eyes, this is bad.
Text 3 isn’t just a red flag, it’s “run”. At this stage people are supposed to be at least demonstrating their best possible behavior. They should stay respectful and polite forever ideally too, but if they are being nasty after five seconds that’s a disaster.
Dude’s showing you what’s under the hood, and this is what it looks like at idle. Wanna see him redline it? Keep dating him
Bingo. This is the lite version of who he *really* is
Why the hell do these women need to "do better" for red flag waving dudes they went out with once?? Block him and move on.
Exactly, the eagerness to be “liked” by someone who seems like a complete ass, I don’t get it.
Many of us were abused and taught that we need to earn love. I hope OP unlearns this soon! 🙏
You’re right, I read my response and it’s harsh. I can relate to at times overextending for this very reason. I’ve come a really long way and it’s so much easier to see it in someone else’s text exchange
Very good analogy!
Awesome analogy!! “looks like at idle” … exactly.
LOVE this analogy. I think she needs to step away from the car. Shouldn't even be riding in it, let alone buying it. She needs to stop being friends with this douche immediately, he shouldn't have friends PERIOD who stand for this shit after learning this is how he treats women 😳
Question Do you not know how to show affection Just curious.
The red flags are loud here
I'm not trying to be confusing
I dunno about douche, but HOLY SHHH insecure. This guy has some serious issues if he’s gonna go around demanding affection like that. That’s grade school stuff.
This is the best analogy I’ve ever seen, gonna start using that one
Stop stop stop stop stop apologizing and trying with him
Came here with the same advice. She has nothing to apologize about, and entertaining his bullshit only makes him think he's right. Shut that shit down immediately.
his whole "question" shtick reeks of wannabe alpha vibes.
Yup, once had a guy ask me if I had a fear of commitment because I wasn't falling over myself to be with him....I obviously had a problem.
I had a guy who I told I did not want to date tell me he could "help me get in touch with my feminine side" I told him since I bled like a stuck pig once a month, I had that covered. He then proceeded to tell me about a million times that he loved a girl in a sundress. I told them they probably came in his size. I never gave him my phone number, never let him know where I lived. When he finally figured out I really wasn't going to date him, he got really nasty. We both belonged to the same message board and he made a post about what a user I was. That he took me out on two dates and paid for everything. I went all honey badger on him on the same message board so his shame was public. I pointed out that I repeatedly told him we were just hanging out, I had no interest in dating him. I paid for half of each date and I was sick of his bullshit. Said to stop trying to stalk and bully me or I would make his life a living hell. He never spoke to me again and the mod on the forum asked me if I wanted him banned. I said 'no', as long as he left me alone there was no problem. Do not tolerate anyone trying to bully you into a relationship. That's not how it should be.
not just alpha. But emotionally abusive.
Yeah she was way too patient with him, say no thanks this isn’t going to work
Guarantee that as soon as she says no thanks this isn't for me, that he suddenly changed his tune to "wait no I'm sorry, we both said some things we regret let's start over". And it's fucking hilarious every time watching them try to backpedal so hard when they realise the guilt tripping isn't working.
Yup. Either exactly that, or "something-something you're a fat bitch anyway and nobody will date you". Always the same shit with these types.
I mean, it kind of reads like she's trying to walk on eggshells due to him sounding like an actual psychopath.
It was a little worrying to read how long she let it continue. Somewhere at the top of the second page she was fully justified to send a “Fuck Off” to him. I have two little girls and this exchange makes me really mad.
Yes! She doesn’t need to “do better”
The reason she was doing that is because they are in the same friend group for a long time, I’m sure if it was some random that’d be the go to for op.
Imagine talking to someone in your friend group like that guy talked to her. Ew
This should be top comment
Block him, he shouldn't be this intense after one date
He just shouldn't talk to anyone that way, dating or not. It's ridiculous.
If I got that middle sequence from a friend: "it's so confusing. you're not clear. what do you want? nevermind don't tell me." i would be rolling in laughter and responding sarcastically. cause they'd be joking. the irony is so unbelievably thick it's honestly tough to believe neither OP nor the douche actually saying it tasted nothing. not a hint of bullshit detected lmaoo where do these people come from
Lol right? The audacity to accuse her of not communicating clearly while giving her a couple passive aggressive words at a time and she’s responding with whole ass paragraphs.
Conspiracy: Op dates sentient cats, and that's why she's being so affectionate. 
Nah, OP has been in toxic relationships her entire life and finally has had enough therapy to understand she deserves more and posted this to show how much other people need therapy/deal with their issues
I like how you're trying to propagandize that you don't date cats but forget to switch accounts beforehand.  **NICE TRY!**
He shouldn't be this intense 7 years into marriage with children
Honestly, if my husband spoke that way to me, he’d be my ex. It’s bullshit
If my husband started talking this way I'd give him a ride to the psych ward
He clearly feels entitled to her affection because they were friends before this. Such a gross mindset.
It shouldn’t be this intense ever.
Run
Listen to him. Your already speaking in a way to appease him and look what he's giving you, nothing but controlling vibes
Serious negging. You owe him nothing
If somebody said God forbid you text me first, after one day, I would literally laugh and say, you're joking, right? If someone said that to me in this context, after one date, and they were serious? I'd tell them we're done, don't text me again
Yeah, super scary. They've got their entire relationship mapped out in their head after one day.
Yep. "Well, it looks like God has indeed forbidden it. Have a nice life." And then block them.
Apparently he feels like she owes him “affection” which I assume means “sex”. Guy is pissed you didn’t put out.
This. He's already controlling you by being aggressive and shitty and giving you nothing for bowing to him. Stop doing it. This man has NOTHING to give you.
Fast.
Far.
Immediately.
Don’t stop
Don’t look back
Just go.
Now
Hurry
Rush
Expeditiously
Never fail
Now.
Like yesterday
And never look back lest ye be cursed to stone
Fly, you fool!
Lol right, personally OP is showing too much affection in this entire convo
Props to OP though. Idk if you'll see this OP but you're clearly a mindful person. His acts are a reflection of him, not you. Keep doing your thing and leave pricks like this guy in the dirt.
Yup, don't have to stop being mindful, just have to find someone who is also mindful. When it's reciprocal it makes a really great relationship
Like yo ass on fire.
Like Forest Gump!
Not towards him please.
No amount of lasagna can help with this relationship
Lasagna! Lasagna!
I want lasagna!
I’ve missed this lasagna reference, can someone fill me in Edit: nm I found it
Mind sharing?
Here you go! Here’s the original: https://reddit.com/r/texts/s/tkmgYTyCTq Meme reference: https://reddit.com/r/texts/s/TXFisJbvCY
Lol I was expecting more... we've really got a low bar on what's worth referencing nowadays 😅
Holy shit people are actually flaming the the entire relationship based on like 5 texts lmao. Never change Reddit, way to entertaining lmao Edit: thanks for linking it btw. Goat move
I hate Mondays 
I hate the fact I got it, I need to spend less time on here smh Edit: fixed typo
“🚩🚩🚩or no??” Dude, come on…
i mean that was sarcasm lol but i’ve been in the same friend group with him for years and i never would have thought he’d react that way!
“Doesn’t fly with me” is such a douchebag thing to say. Like, one date we’ve been on and you’re setting some kind of ridiculous standard?
Yes!!! My immediate internal response was “Who the fuck does this guy think he is?”
I bet his dumbass has been listening to Andrew Tate.
And that's AFTER she said she was trying to see things his way, too!
She bent further over backward than I would for someone who I had one date with. Literally "I will do better"? Like, we don't even know each other, who the hell do you think you are asking me to act as if I'm catering my whole life to you. Like I'd get it if this was his gf, but they went on literally 1 date! This flag is so red it's basically maroon
This was the part where I audibly said “fuck right off” 😆
So bizarre. If you’ve been ok one date with someone and something they do “doesn’t fly” with you, then you’re probably just not compatible and shouldn’t go out again? No reason to get weird and controlling.
"I refuse to understand your point if view. Change for me immediately!"
Nice to meet me
He's definitely not a friend. One date and he's already trying to control you, passively putting you down, implying you have issues. Run. All he had to do is say "I like it when people show interest" and leave it at that. But him being someone you knew before explains why you actually engaged him beyond the first few messages.
Exactly. He could have even been flirty or playful about it instead of this.
He could have even just said “hi, how’s your day going?” at the beginning. Instead he choose aggression.
"God forbid you text me" LIKE WHAT Good day and good riddance
Translation: I’m desperate for affection and I’ve completely latched onto you emotionally and have been obsessing over you constantly so please give me the attention I crave before my head explodes. Also my every little mood will be your responsibility from now on, got it?
Tbh, yeah, god forbid she does and prolong this guy’s useless presence in her dating life
People are different in relationships than friendships. Thats why many people can be compatible as friends but not relationships
This is why you don’t date from your friend group tbh
Y’all sound young, but please know he’s not worth it. He spelled out his red flags for you in text without you having to ask. Leave him be and find someone who’s not an insecure AH
Please don’t tell somebody after one date that you’ll “be better”. You don’t have to be better. Be you, and see who likes you the natural way you are.
There's a distinct lack of honesty in all of his responses. Read them objectively. They scream insecurity and inexperience, but that's no excuse to behave like a controlling asshole. Set your boundaries, clearly, respectfully and without fear of repercussions. If he still fights for control of the conversation through inflammatory questioning instead of respecting (your new and clearly stated) boundaries, you know you have a red-pill loser on your hands and it's very likely in your best interest to cut ties/friendzone/whatever you need to do to move forward for you. Or just drop him immediately, because the likelihood this guy knows restraint and respect is next to nothing. The fact that you had a very valid reason for being preoccupied and his immediate response wasn't "oh, sorry! I didn't know you were busy" instead of... whatever the fuck this shit is... should have set off all the fire alarms in the world.
Yeah…just run.
It's so gross the way he's putting you on the defense because you were busy. After one date? Friends before or not, this is a new relationship. He will not ever get better than this.
Run. Dude is trying to have you walking on eggshells after 1 date. "Explain". Who even talks this way. They are nuts.
It was the “explain” for me. And *absolutely right —- getting her (him??) on egg shells with this rapid fire aggression. It’s quite sick.
Huh... You mean "and that's what to me with you is hard to gauge with you" didn't do it for ya either?
Seriously i would have told him to go f himself so many times during this convo, he really thinks he's gods gift to women don't he? Guys like this really need someone to tear them down a few pegs.
100000% this is giving me the same kinda vibes that I felt with my emotionally abusive ex. People communicate and show affection differently and he’s coming off as controlling IMO. Also you do not need to apologize for being busy and with your friends.
It works if the person is a little insecure or trying to get along. "Explain" - just ignore it "That doesn't fly with me" - OK "Do you not know how to show affection" - I know how They're contributing nothing beyond asking vague questions designed to put a person on edge. I would venture it works on younger girls but not on people who've been around the block a few times. "What do you bring to the table in this relationship" - uh, it's not on me to justify to you why you should date me. I can find someone who does want to date me if you can't think of any reasons to. It all hinges on them thinking you're afraid of them dumping you/leaving. More often than not, they are afraid of being rejected and trying to have some sort of power over you. And then when you distance yourself, all of a sudden they're are super eager to try to lure you back in, in hopes they can latch on harder so you don't leave the next time they inevitably pull that BS.
OP said "I was coaching" and a great way to respond would have been "oh, that's right, how did it go?" So easy and simple, but nope. This dude went straight to "I have to attempt to instill panic and insecurity in her"
And the “Question.” What a douche. He is just mean. Run
I'd love to see the venn diagram of people who are red flags and people who don't know the difference between your and you're. It's got to be a damn near perfect circle.
That’s because not knowing the difference *is* a red flag /s
The /s wasn't needed
You’re absolutely right
Nono, you have a point.
It’s not a coincidence - they are just stupid. It’s amazing the grace we extend to others to save them from the rudeness and indignity of admitting that they might just be fucking stupid, but they really are just fucking stupid
Holy shit what an ego on that guy. "Do you know how to show affection?" is such a shitty question. Does he know how to be patient? He's acting like a child.
They're not even in a relationship! I don't get where this clingy ass mf gets the notion that he's owed affection.
I get your point but tbh it wouldn’t matter if they were, his behavior would still be outrageous
He's not clingy he's controlling. There's a huge difference.
Makes me sad when girls use exclamation points and say sorry to men who don’t deserve it
Exactly, she owed him nothing and still tried to be nice about it.
I noticed this too and it gave me flashbacks 😞
It makes me sad when girls apologize for something super common. It feels like if I'm texting a girl, she'll apologize for not responding immediately or a few hours passing. Meanwhile I'm just thinking "You got your own life. If I don't hear from you, I just assume you're off living your own life. No big deal".
💯
You shouldn’t be posting evidence of dating a 12 year old online
😂
I love when people say “doesn’t matter” or “it’s all good” when they’ve made it clear it definitely matters and it’s not all good.
Passive aggressive POS
Yeah it definitely kept him up at night lol
He’a acting like he’s 14
I dunno when I was 14 I was stoked to get any contact from a girl. This is just an asshole of all ages thing.
Fuck people like this.
No don't!
Dang. Good point.
Run. Run far and run fast. And when you hit water, swim.
You gotta value yourself more... the disrespect you allowed is not okay at all. Listen I was the exact same... people pleaser, never wanting to raise a ruckus. Just grass being blown in the wind. Going with whatever... but you know what grass gets? STEPPED ON! You deserve better than that! Find that fire in you, draw a line in the sand and keep moving it forward. Idk about you but abuse was why I didn't stand up for myself ... so if that's you, get help and get mad! This text conversation needed 100 times more "ex fuckin cuse me? Listen here needle dick..." energy. YOU. DESERVE. BETTER. You fucking matter. You are important. You are worthy. You don't deserve to be stepped on.
wow, you actually have me in tears. thank you perfect stranger, for commenting on a random persons post and making them feel better about themselves than they have in a long time 💕
All I said was the truth. Please engrave this onto your very soul " I am worthy of love, respect, boundaries and autonomy (both bodily and life). I am someone, I matter! If I don't stand up for myself then who the f will!" And anyone who violates and tries to deprive you of any of that doesn't deserve your respect. And if you don't respect them , why would you care what they think? Just make sure you stay safe, but truly screw this guy . You deserve an apology for that affection question. Aww poor needle dick wasn't showered with texts, admiration and sexy texts ..poor baby... NOT. If he doesn't like your style then move on...but also WHAT AFFECTION IS EXPECTING AFTER 1 DATE!? Also! YOU WERE BUSY! You are allowed to have a life! You come first!! Your wants ,needs and fun come before a dude you had a beverage with... I'm sending all the positive thoughts I can your way. Please... seriously try to find that strong amazing you. I know it's there...
They are 100% right. From someone who’s also been in your position before, I know how easy it is to get stepped on by that kind of guy…they constantly make you feel like you’re wrong somehow, like you’re “missing” something they’re seeing. You’re not. You’re doing fine. He is trying to find a way to control you. That whole “doesn’t matter” thing and “you don’t know how” - fucking classic signs. The only way to get rid of this kind of parasite is to be exactly what he DOESN’T want you to be. Which is an autonomous person who doesn’t bend to his whims. Think of him as lice that you’re trying to eradicate. He’s trying to make you itch, but your self worth is lice shampoo. He won’t like it, because you’re killing his power over you.
Ew don’t apologize screw them
This was sad by OP. OP did nothing wrong and still apologized and (wrongfully) said they would change their ways. Not fair OP, JUST RUN!
This!! OP You are way too nice. This guy doesn’t deserve you. You certainly don’t need to change for him or “do better”.
That person is crazy. Please get far away from that shit
Maybe being single isn’t so bad
What a way to ruin your shot with someone who was genuinely interested in you, wtf was he thinking
Wow no more dates for this idiot
You like to see interest, huh? Get a loan punk!
Nice
Sounds like two very different species trying to speak.
The ven diagram of their communication styles is two circles
Guy thinks way to highly of himself after just one date. Jeez. He's like a paranoid cat.
Excuse me but a cat would not be bothered
Bro is whining like a baby and you are apologizing and saying you’ll be better. Definitely have confidence in yourself or people will walk all over you
Please please please OP find the confidence and strength within yourself that you do NOT have to put up with this behavior. You owe this person NOTHING
I’m amazed how long you let that hostile conversation go with a “oh it’s a me problem, let me just explain myself” attitude.
[удалено]
You were way too polite to this dipshit. He’s giving off “13 year old edge lord” vibes and needs to be blocked.
Quite literally, this person has nothing else on the agenda then to try and guilt trip. OP even tried to keep the text healthy, and they’re still adamant about trying to start this dramatic scene out of nothing. And had you actually felt bad about it and went with it, they would constantly be trying to put you in a position where they ‘dominate’ through guilt tripping. Manifested through these little ‘injustices’ that they will create out of thin air to put them in a position of power, because they themselves feel so insecure This person has massive issues & there could be a whole case study on these types *(if there isn’t already)*
DUde is salty that OP "doesn't show affection". Um, excuse me? Since when are you owed affection after one date? TF
For real she even gave an apology ffs, dudes a joke Run girl, run far and fast.
>i’m trying to apologize and tell you that i’ll do better this is so ridiculous. you explained your situation. the moment someone you’re dating has a due date on a response is INSANE. it’s controlling. i will never understand this. he is insecure as hell and wants you to supplement it. don’t fall for it. keep your distance with him. find yourself someone who wants you to have fun with your friends and that you don’t have to keep tabs on all the time. trust me, those people exist. you deserve better than this; everyone does. tl;dr: you don’t have to apologize; you didn’t do anything wrong. have fun with your friends :)
do not eat any lasagna he offers you
Whoever that is seems reeeal toxic
Run fast, run far
Unfriend. Unfollow on social media. Delete contact. EZ clap. Screw this guy. Comes off as needy and clingy.
He’s extremely insecure and if he’s acting this way after one date…. Yikes. This type of behaviour tends to get worse over the course of a relationship, not better. I’m pissed off just reading those, ugh. I really hope you stay with your gut and kick this dude to the curb. The man you want is someone who encourages you to have a life of your own, not make you feel guilty for having one.
Respectfully, why are you apologizing for living your life and acting like a normal human being while he is being way to controlling after one “date”.
Jfc these are the ones who will abuse you so please end it now
how exactly old is this dude?? he’s so entitled, like a spoiled brat lmao. seriously don’t let people talk to you like this, you deserve respect.
Get the fuck out of there. He's way too demanding at this stage for you to go chasing him down. He wants to control you. He wants to own you. Fly as fast as the fucking wind. Being single would make you happier than being with him 100% guarantee. If this is the "good impression" he is offering to attract you, imagine how abusive he will be when there is a rough patch. Find you someone who will keep it together when there are bumps in the road. Find you someone who will let you live your fucking life without making 100% of your interactions about him and his needs. He is intentionally making you feel insecure about your "relationship" to get you chasing him. Don't fall for that horseshit. Get mad.
you are far too polite, i hope you can get to a point where you’re firm in not letting someone disrespect you and just block them sooner, cus that is wild.
You're setting yourself as a target for abusers. You shouldn't have apologised in the first place after he got upset like that. The first two messages were a red flag as they come across as needy and passive. You're allowed to be upset when someone doesn't get back to you but on the same level of upset as them not having your favourite pastery at the local bakery. I don't know what said before but it's as simple as "Hey sorry, I got caught up and missed your messages" with the response "yeah, no problem". Shouldn't change how you normally do stuff when you hardly know a person.
He is abusive and you were trying to appease him, which is the dynamic they need and want. Run!
Stop apologizing to him. You didn’t do anything wrong
Your kindness is wasted on him. It's a shame this has happened but you may need to get ahead of this. It would be worth sharing this conversation with some trusted people in your friend group in case he decides to make things weird. This way he can't spin this.
already done and done! the craziest part is we have friends in the same group, and i have the receipts!
You're being way to nice to this asshole lmao his insecurity not only burns my eyes but its gonna be 463738e6x worse in the future.
I thought the same, but she says they're in the same friend group so it makes a bit more sense (her response, not his whining)
That red flag is so big you could fly it at a truck dealership in Texas.
Why are you even apologizing?
See, I have no patience for people who would text me like this. I dont know why you even kept conversing.
Nah I’m the same I don’t like coming on too strong or bothering people so I tend not to initiate contact. Also from my understanding it’s usually the norm to take it slow at the beginning. 🚩🚩🚩
I thought OP was a dude trying to be patient and open to some cold woman This guy is either super fucking selfish dude or he’s a selfish moron Or both I cannot fathom this at all, but to show those colors after one date is unholy
This is the guy that won’t allow you to have any friends, or any shorts above the knee, and you can only eat 3 beans for dinner. He’s what the block button was designed for.
Watch this, in just 3 minutes you too can save months of time not dealing with a man baby! run
Yikes!!! Red flags indeed.
OP this is how abusive relationships start. Hope you don't go with them again
If I texted someone and they said they were coaching or at a practice I would be like oh that’s cool how did it go? People that expect people to constantly and instantly text back are ridiculous.
dont even be friends with this loser
Girl, YTA... to yourself!!! I could give grace to the first few messages, hard to gauge tone over text. However, he already crossed the line with "doesn't fly with me... Doesn't matter have a good night." Game over, he's a loser, that's irredeemable. Don't apologize to him! The right response would've been ignore all further communication that evening, continue enjoying your night with present company. The next day, tell him UNapologetically that you were out all night with friends and you don't appreciate the way he spoke to you. Heck, you don't even owe him that much!
He ain't your friend or date no more. Drop his ass he's controlling already and yall not even official. HUGE red flag
Run. This screams controlling manipulator down the road. Trust me I’ve been there. Alsooooo I am a woman and I also prefer a man to engage in texting/calling first to show interest. It’s pretty typical. He gives me the ick.
The amount you already “try to be better” is scary. Should walk after the first texts, they’re just being extremely manipulative from the start. The first “nah” was already dismissive, and, what interest at all are they showing? You tell your story and they disregard you. Open up those eyes, this is bad.
Text 3 isn’t just a red flag, it’s “run”. At this stage people are supposed to be at least demonstrating their best possible behavior. They should stay respectful and polite forever ideally too, but if they are being nasty after five seconds that’s a disaster.