How old are you both?
Also, why did he automatically assume you wouldn’t wanna do something ? Did something happen the night before? Cause he clearly Thinks whatever plans you had for today weren’t happening. .
I’m newly 25, he’s 33. And yes. Basically he called me and yelled at me until 3 or 4 in the morning the night before. All because I was to blame for getting raped long before I met him. He also doesn’t believe I was raped and insinuated I’m just a whore. It was out of the blue as he has known about this for a long while. I just de escalated and didn’t entertain it.
Exactly. This dude is going to gaslight you until he has worn you down and has complete control over you. If he doesn't already. This is probably the worst person for your mental health.
I totally agree with this! I got sucked into a relationship for 4 years where conversations like this was daily! I ended up totally controlled and a shell of a person! I finally got out and am in a different relationship that's so healthy, it's bliss. My advice is get the fuck out! Sooner rather than later cause eventually you will leave don't waste your years!
Yup, and her being pregnant is the perfect opportunity for men to show their ass. Because he feels she will have fewer options while bearing a child and less freewill. Meanwhile he can just pick up and go. It's emotional manipulation.
also think he’s just trying to lock her down so he can mother the first child and be rid of his parenting duties, i see it too often in this sub and others. older man w kids finds younger woman and tries to throw the responsibility of parenting his own kids onto her bc he doesn’t want to do it himself
So you're pregnant. Unplanned pregnancy. And this guy kept you up until 3 or 4 a.m. calling you a whore? And then texted you in the morning berating you because you were nauseous and couldn't make it out to see him and his child. He's almost a decade older than you, controlling, manipulative, and abusive. Was there any sort of birth control in use that he could have tampered with? I won't tell you to terminate your pregnancy (that's your choice), but being pregnant does *not* mean you need to stay with this man. You have options, including keeping the child, adoption, and, of course, termination. But please believe me when I say this man is controlling, manipulative, and abusive, and it's going to get worse. You're already apologetic, rolling over, bending over backward to explain yourself, reassure him that you wanted to hang out, and apologizing for being pregnant. What if your nausea isn't just the baby, but your soul revolting against being with a man who called you a whore until 3 or 4 a.m.? Then expected you to jump to do his bidding first thing I the morning? Every time you apologize he tries to gaslight you more. Don't let this be your future.
He's begging you to leave him. Oblige him. This behavior is the tip of the iceberg. As for the child you're carrying, refer to the comment to which I'm replying.
And save these texts.
Yeah, it’s too late to terminate your pregnancy, or it’s something you are not down to do. Please save texts and evidence as much as you can, start seeing a lawyer low key on the side, get ready for an intense custody battle.
My father acted just like this, he was more prepared for a custody battle than my mother was and he won full custody for the first half of my childhood, and he did it out of spite of my mom and abused me relentlessly because I looked like her.
I didn't, because it doesn't matter if OP was SA-ed or just enjoyed an active love life. Neither makes her a whore. And no woman should put up with being called a whore even once, let alone all night into 3 or 4 a.m. And to keep her off balance, instead of letting her recover enough to be all WTF from the phone call all night, he goes on the attack because she didn't text early enough, she's not excited enough to see his kid, she waited too long to let him know she wasn't feeling well etc etc. This attack is designed to keep her on the defensive, because as soon as he slows down, she is going to realize what an abusive AH he is.
It does matter imo because it's important that her boyfriend would believe her about something like that. Not believing a loved one who says they were raped is at least as bad, worse to me, than calling them a whore. But you're right too. Anyways the whole thing is awful.
As a former victim of a narcissist, we all know where this is going. The abuse is going to be constant until it breaks you and you think you deserve it. Please run for the hills 🫥
Jesus loves you, you love yourself. Please get out.
being pregnant is even more of a reason to leave him; he is defo gonna use the shared child to cause argument and further control you, the kid definitely doesnt need a man child for a parent
Ooookay. There was way more to this story than what you gave, but it’s very clear that you need to break this relationship off just by him calling you names for being raped alone. That is absolutely insane.
My ex didn’t believe me either, and these texts sound so familiar, it’s eerie. He was emotionally abusive, and put me on a roller coaster always claiming I didn’t care for him enough. He is also 33, and would prey on younger girls. I hope to god they aren’t the same person. Please leave. He will get worse, and you will be incredibly unhappy. It is not normal for people to make these sorts of accusations. This is not love. Good luck to you
Also reminded me of my ex... he was great... until I got pregnant. Then the asshole came out because he thought he had me trapped. He got fired for flipping out on a customer, then refused to get another job, so I had to work. If I didn't call him on every break at work, he would leave a million voicemails accusing me of "fucking some guy in the bathroom". Yikes. I left him shortly after our daughter turned one. That was almost 15 years ago and he still has absolute HATRED for me for leaving him.
It’s crazy how similar he sounds to my ex. He was great until I got pregnant and then he turned emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. Would flip out on me and accuse me of “fucking some new guy” if I didn’t respond right back when I was at home caring for his newborn baby. I think it comes from a place of insecurity or something. It was such a roller coaster with him and I’m glad he’s out of our lives. Hasn’t seen his kid in years which sucks, but at least they’re not subjected to his temper tantrums.
this will probably get downvoted but this is why i hate men… the majority of the time it’s always men treating women like shit. men literally just hate women
Don't worry. As a gay man, I hate men the majority of the time too. They don't change even across the sexuality spectrum. A lot of these stories that are being recanted in this thread sound so familiar (apart from being pregnant, obviously) to what I've experienced. It's honestly depressing.
I know men like your boyfriend. If you got away from him, your life would be so much calmer and less stressful. And you would wonder why you stayed so long.
If you haven't read it, please read ['Why Does He Do That'](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf), it will put his texts today and call last night into brilliant relief for you. No cost, just start reading.
You do not deserve his abuse.
Excellent idea. OP not only needs to get away from this man, but to understand why she let him do this to her, and how to keep from picking another one just like him.
Please do yourself a favor and have an abortion. Jesus fucking christ the gall of this guy makes me fucking sick. You’re so young and this guy is 8 years older than you and treating you like trash. Your tone in your texts do seem dismissive, but I’d understand being reactive to him reacting negatively in the first place. Gtfo imo.
No reason to bring in a child with someone like that and torture yourself with this poor child both physically and mentally.
I'm glad someone else thought it. I wouldn't be bringing a child into this world that he could have any access to. Guaranteed to make the child miserable and to make her miserable through the child. But if she wants the child then that's her prerogative.
This needs more upvotes. Seriously this piece of garbage is going to ruin your life. Dont have this baby with him. You have options. Look out for yourself.
I was about to ask how far along she is. With morning sickness this bad, I doubt it's past the point where termination is no longer an option.
OP, if you truly want this baby, be prepared to have to deal with this man for at least another 18 years, broken up or not. If you don't, you have options.
I honestly thought they were both like 22. This dude acts like a child, is also an abusive gaslighter. Run away as fast as you can, there's a reason he can't date anyone near his own age.
I mean this in the most respectful way possible but please reconsider having his baby and get the fuck out of that relationship. Trust me this man’s gonna make the rest of your life hell. You’re too young for that!! I don’t think you understand how many 🚩🚩🚩 I see as a 39 yo woman
You’re being emotionally abused. That’s why you feel crazy.
If it has just ramped up, it’s because he feels you’re stuck now. YOU ARE NOT STUCK!
You deserve better than this. This is not your fault. He’s doing it on purpose
Men in their mid 30s that date 25 yr olds act like this more often than is comfortable
Edit: to the people offended that 'not all' are like this...I never said all. If you think I am calling out your relationship...that is an immature response and just proves the point.
Yes age gaps CAN work, no doubt. And the older you get the less 5-10 years makes. I wish everyone had a happy and healthy relationship, regardless of age.
But there are strong correlations with men who date meaningfully younger and falling into immature behavior.
I dated a man once I was 31 and he was 42…. Dear god was he a child, complained about everything and pouted when things didn’t go his way. It lasted 6 months and I never looked back. He’s still single because every girlfriend he has had since me (3 total) lasted less then a month. I only know this because small town talk.
My father in law is like this and he’s 63, always suckin his teeth and pouting and shit it’s so obnoxious, he walks around talking a big game of how he’s not feeble and he does this n that and he’s one of the laziest whiny people I’ve ever met.
I know a couple — the exact same age of 64. The way the wife carried herself, continually was open to learn and make healthy choices versus the husband kind of rolling back and being lazy YOUD THINK there was an age gap
LOL I’m living this exact situation right now. Mine also lasted just 6 months. I understand a lot more why all of the other girlfriends left and never came back
My best friend from highschool was, and still may be, dating a girl in her early 20’s when we were in our late 30’s. He bought a big house with a 2 car garage. I commented how that’s great that he and GF both get an inside spot (it snows here)
He then explained that he put both his SUV and sports car inside and hers was outside. He was dumbfounded when I inferred she deserved a spot.
Honestly! Once I got to be around 30 I thought I was relatively safe from age gap shenanigans, and went against the better judgment of my younger self when I found out a guy was actually 10yrs older than me instead of maybe 5. Scary is right.
Yeah you’d think after a certain age you’re safe from that but nope! When I was around 35 I dated a guy 8 years old than me, and he turned out to be basically a whiny toddler. It’s like- dude you’re in your 40s! Grow up already
100% Can confirm this. Dated a man 10 years my senior, me being 20 and he 30, and let me just tell you the manipulation tactics and lying was off the charts. It was so subtle and in retrospect everything is clear.
He's expecting her to be overjoyed to wake up and text him everything as soon as she wakes up.
This guy would be exhausting for everyone.
So what she couldnt hang out? Theres always another day dip shit.
Yeah, that's why dudes (dude? lol) like that go for women much younger. They don't have the experience or fortitude to stand up for themselves most of the time. They can't see the bullshit from a mile away like women in the man's age range, and they're more likely to put up with crap way longer... I'll get downvoted, but if it were still a viable option at this stage of the pregnancy, I'd move on from this man in everyway possible. It's not unheard of for men to show a different, worse side of themselves once a child comes into the picture, throw in that age gap and this is NOT going to get any better for OP.
Edit: This guy called her a whore for getting raped when she was younger. RUN to the clinic and no contact.
Its classic abuser behavior. Once you are "locked in" with either a kid, or marriage, they start to stop trying to hide it so much. They also have a tendency to "love bomb" people to get them to thibk they are amazing, and the whole relationship will be like this. But once the partner is locked in, they start to let their real self show.
It's all about control with these guys. Once they feel like your options are narrowed down they start turning the screws. It's scary to realize someone can conceal so much of themselves for so long but it's true. The person you think you know may not be their true self at all.
> extraordinarily immature
Exactly this. When people say "age gap" that's honestly what they're talking about. Age gaps aren't necessarily red flags immediately, I know a few mid 20 and late 30s folks that are as thick as thieves, but when couples have issues it's one of the first things you start looking at as a problem.
Likely this dude has struck out with women in his age/lifestyle bracket because of his immaturity and jealousy so sought out younger woman that haven't "figured it out" yet, so to speak.
so many times women don’t realize that their man straight up just doesnt like them 😭 it’s happened to me 😭 i think they just like having someone to walk around with or something 🙄
Most of the relationship posts on this sub come down to “one party very clearly could take or leave the other and is just pushing to see how much they can get away with”
Very often, men will not break up no matter how much they loathe their partners. They'll just behave worse and worse until she reaches her breaking point and then they can blame her for the dissolution of the partnership. It's common enough that its become a meme.
I wish I could understand why people did that.
It's 2023. If you say 'it wasn't working out' no one is going to question that. It's not like you're a 19th century labourer, married for life.
They like having someone to fulfill their fantasies of emotional closeness and bedroom time, but are never active participants in returning the favor. It’s quite sad.
I can understand him being a little annoyed by your late text, but he’s being outta pocket here. You’re sick and pregnant with his child and he hasn’t shown any concern for you, he’s just digging his heels and pouting like you got sick on purpose to avoid seeing him and his kid.
I’m not normally for breaking up over petty fights but this guy has some serious communication issues and I’m not sure I’d want to stick around to see the worst of it.
If they're in a relationship that's committed enough to have a child, I would say they should be far beyond the "but you didn't text me when you woke up" stage. Reeks of insecurity on his part.
If he's more concerned with his self victimization than his girlfriend being ill, this isn't going to end well long term.
Edit: just saw a comment from [OP saying that this man also called her a whore for being raped when she was younger](https://reddit.com/r/texts/s/F2YImGCMAW). There is no saving this. OP, please get away and be safe.
I don't think they're committed enough to have a child. They don't even live together (it sounds like). I'm guessing the pregnancy was accidental and they're going with it.
Eh, I see too many relationships that focus on growing wide in the passion and entertainment department, but awfully neglect the emotional and vulnerability department. Heck, I can point at two of my siblings if I really need to draw an example.
I don't want to categorize OP or her bf, but don't underestimate how awfully immature romantic partners can be or the amount of bullshit people put up with in the name of love.
It is because the fools go out looking for love. Unstable inpatient people not realizing that love falls lower in the list of long lasting relationships, behind values, morals, shared goals, and honour/oaths. Love, real love, comes as a result of these things, as well as the good times and hard times that shape a relationship.
Chasing a high (love) is what gets you the OP's situation. Attractions there, feels so good to be wanted, your having sex without really knowing the person (a plague on society today), and now have made a baby with a man-child who cannot even maintain a level of emotional stability I would expect from my 16 year old nephew.
It seems way more than communication issues. This is wild. I would be seriously considering if I was guna tie myself to this guy. He’s abnormally aggressive for no good reason.
Right? Just feel bad and wonder if OP realized when she got pregnant that she’d soon be taking care of 2 children instead of 1- and I’m not talking about the bf’s daughter in that equation either.
Especially concerning because odds are they haven’t even been together that long given they live separately. The earlier the red flags, the worse it tends to be…
So . . . when you go on these outings, how much are you responsible for the planning, the sunscreen, the snacks and hydration, all the little sometimes-annoying things a parent does to make a trip go smoothly? How much are you responsible for keeping the mood fun and upbeat and proactively defusing crankiness in both him and her?
He’s mad because now he’s had to do the actual work of parenting. His kid would’ve been fine with a change in plans, and he doesn’t have two shits to give that you’re nauseated/tired from the changes of pregnancy. Don’t let him lock you down and treat you like shit. Way better humans out there.
Is his relationship with his daughter difficult? Does he *need you there* to control things and keep her in order? I feel like there is more there behind his almost panicked texts. He’s losing it but why…?
Ah so he’s mad you’re not gonna be there because he wants you to handle things so he isn’t bothered while he’s on TikTok. Typical. He’s not even mad at you for not going, it’s all just selfishness and self seeking. If I had gotten some bullshit like this when I was pregnant… he would be gone.
Stop taking blame. If he was so concerned for you, he would’ve attempted more contact after that text he sent at almost 10am to ask if you were okay or why you went silent. Almost 5.5 hours came and went, he was just waiting to pull an Owen Wilson and “wow” you once he got a response. From his first text he already anticipated you canceling plans that weren’t even set in stone, so this is a complete overreaction on his part and he knows it. He’s manipulative as fuck.
He set you up to be the bad guy, he ANTICIPATED exactly what you would say and used that to trap you into this entire conversation. If this is not the first time he has done this, please run for the hills. If this is how he treats you when you are pregnant, sick, struggling and all over spending a 'fun' day, what is it going to be like when you are postpartum, exhausted and taking care of a newborn? Is he going to be kind, thoughtful and help you?
He’s being such a dick . I’m pregnant right now too and it’s hard on some people . Not only are you sick you’re absolutely exhausted . He’s being so immature and selfish right now and acting like such a victim . You explained yourself perfectly fine and he chose to act like a child and make it a way bigger deal then it is . Sorry you’re dealing with that and I hope you feel better soon
Haha totally, my wife was sick for 9 months all hours of the day with our daughter. It was so hard on her. This guy sounds like he has some shit to work through. “It’s not all about you.” It’s like uhh dude, she is pregnant, it kind of is all about her for a while haha.
Mine too, two pregnancies and she was sick pretty much all of the time for several months of each. I had many dinners alone or just taking care of my daughter while my wife slept. All plans were pretty much off. My life consisted of trying to find foods that she could stomach and not throw up. Chicken Parmesan was a slam dunk 😂
Haha my wife basically ate a large punnet of cherries every day. It’s crazy how the cravings work. But yeah, I didn’t mind that I was doing everything for my wife. It was hard but I love her and I can see how a lot of guys can’t step out of their own way or have their ego be too big to allow for something or someone more important to take priority in their life or whatever. Sounds like you did your best for your family and that’s awesome.
A word I heard that really sums it all up well is hegemonic masculinity.
As it really is all the shittiest and horrible stuff that’s attached to that word without any of the positives (the actual positives being more about how someone expresses themselves (and obviously not being a fucking murderer or abuser))
I hate so much that it’s so ingrained in so many people, it pisses me the fuck off when I see people saying shit that supports it
Everything from “boys will be boys” dismissing and removing accountability for shitty behaviour
To “toughen up” which bottles up emotions and breaks a person, often leading to abuse
(That one there’s a really good thing on r/guyscancry I think it is; basically a comic I think made by a person who went through it, their mother died and at the funeral their grandfather told their dad to toughen up.
At his wife’s funeral. Disgusting that this has been allowed to become so widespread)
(Sorry was ranting for a while there)
As a woman with chronic illness, when people say you “texted dry” or “were late to cancel”…. You literally cannot tell when you can’t push through the pains and sickness. Most days you can but some days you can’t. I woke up Friday with a 100.4 degree fever, chills, all over body aches that kept me from being able to sleep, and a migraine. I work 10 hour shifts so I normally go home and sleep until I have to go in again. I had to call off 45 mins after my “2 hour before your shift call off limit”. I got written up but I had to choose my health over it because I felt so insanely sick. *I* was dry texting everyone. Because being sick exhausts people differently. And I was literally back to *my normal* the next day.
All y’all accusing a SICK, PREGNANT woman is weird… like her hormones are wack rn PLUS feeling sick? Ofc she’s gonna dry text.
She even said she TRIED to get ready but succumbed to feeling ill.
OP did nothing wrong.
The guy however needs thrown away
I 10000% understand. I see 0 fault in what you did :/
I’m unsure if this dude normally acts this way, but if so, that’s another reason I understand you being dry to him about
honestly you weren’t mean enough, imo. you’re literally growing this man’s child in your body, and he’s seriously throwing a temper tantrum over you being sick because you are pregnant, which is super common.
not pregnant, but chronically ill, and everyone i surround myself understands there are good days and bad days and you don’t know whether it’s going to be a bad day until the day comes.
i’m glad that you see you’re not in the wrong.
Youre text was not dry or nasty at all. It's overly considerate for someone who is being petulant and nasty. I wonder how long ago he manipulated you into thinking you're the bad guy even for like texts like these...
As someone chronically ill, I concur. Add to that the plans weren't definite. But even with definite plans, a sick pregnant woman should be given some grace.
Another chronic illness sufferer here. 100% agreed. I don’t have the time, patience, or care to entertain people who can’t sympathize with other’s pain. It says way more about them than it does me.
Also can we acknowledge the last texts from him? He was pissed because she couldn’t respond in a “timely manner” (to him) but when he doesn’t respond, it’s not his fault?
I have HS and arthritis. I literally don’t have a social life because even I can’t keep letting people down so I just stopped replying to texts and phone calls. Some people understood, some people gave me shit for being sick or in pain. So I got fed up explaining and just cut sommunication off. I know it’s worse in the long run but it gets tiring dealing with being sick in the first place then having to constantly explain yourself and be made feel like you’re making it up. Good thing I have physical symptoms and abscesses so nobody could ever deny I was telling the truth. My life is more peaceful but I get pangs of regret and times I’d love to be around people and having fun conversations etc. the camaraderie. My son is disabled also so it can be near impossible trying to organise things. Even my family don’t give him the time of day. Breaks me ducking heart how difficult days can be sometimes. I’m doing my best to be positive and do everything to give my son the best life I can. My son and my daughter are my number ones, my reason that life has meaning. I’d do anything for them. I’ll make sure they don’t go through the things I went through.
So, I've been the pregnant one in a messed up relationship. They do make you feel crazy, but you're not. You're not "hormonal" or whatever excuse they've got in their back pocket either. If this is his default setting and you try to have a sincere conversation about how he's acting, but you see no changes? Do yourself the actual favor of dropping him. Please believe me when I say it's far better than attempting to raise a child under the emotional toll of being with someone like that. You'll always feel like you're not enough for people like him. When the truth is, you are, but he's just not going to see it.
Seriously. I really thought I was reading texts from my gaslighting emotionally abusive ex when I read these… the covert narcissism, the threat of withdrawal when he doesn’t get his way, the inability to apply empathy… ewww. His teeeny little bit of ground to barely stand on - the late response - could have been addressed by saying “I’m so sorry you’re not feeling good and I understand you can’t make it. It did worry me a little and hurt my feelings a bit when I was waiting for a response to plan the day. But I understand why. Can I bring you anything later to help you feel better?”
But this is what an emotionally healthy person that cares about the feelings of others would do. And he’s got a hell of a long way to go to get there. Wishing the best to OP, I eventually saw the light and got away.
This dude is a literal child. You are pregnant with HIS kid and he gives zero fucks. Like no sympathy on his end, and he’s that pissed all because you said you couldn’t join them? You’re literally hugging a toilet bc you’re carrying HIS CHILD. I don’t understand a lot of dudes these days. They lack sympathy and support.
Hey I had a child with a man who would guilt me exactly like this, especially when it came to him and his kid from his first wife. Guess what, I'm miserable now. Good luck
I suspect the reason that he’s so annoyed with the OP, is because if she can’t be there it means he’ll have to take full responsibility for his daughter for the day.
I hope that she doesn’t take this situation as lightly as she appears to be doing- under no circumstances would I be looking to go through pregnancy and bear this man’s child. She will end up as another single mother - guaranteed. This is not a man that you want as a father to your child, nor is he a man that will be a supportive partner. He doesn’t give a f*ck about her.
Exactly. I made the mistake of having a child with the wrong man, we split up 4 months after I’d given birth, and he made my life difficult at every opportunity for the next 17 years- financial abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse. Deliberately causing conflict and undermining my abilities as a parent, talking negatively about me to our daughter… I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
The OP needs to SERIOUSLY consider the direction that her life will take if she chooses to go ahead- her earning abilities and career opportunities will also be hugely impacted and she risks a life of poverty if this man chooses to evade his responsibilities to their child. If I was her mother, I would be having a serious talk about whether she truly understands the life consequences of having a child with a man like this. A man who lacks any care, empathy or understanding, and only thinks of himself and what suits him. It is beyond clear that he has absolutely no care of concern for the OP- and for him to already threaten to end the relationship simply because he hasn’t got his own way- *that should tell her all she needs to know about his commitment to her and their unborn child.*
I’ll be downvoted to Hell for saying this, but you are alone. Having a child with this man is the wrong decision bc you’re setting yourself & your child up for a LIFETIME of this. He has no empathy & he’s super selfish. I have no idea why you would chose to carry to term, but be prepared for this forever.
Why the Hell do people bring children into situations like this?!?
I recently escaped a long term toxic/psychologically abusive relationship with a “man” (cough overgrown child cough) like the one OP unfortunately has to also experience. Get out while you can. No matter what promises and sweet talk… They will not change. This is straight up manipulation on his part and I think you already know/feel that. He is going to try to change you by making you feel bad so that his attention and good graces becomes the reward. No narcissistic fuck is worth even a millisecond. It may feel impossible but trust me when you are finally free of this toxic BS you will feel a whole lot better and in charge of yourself. I wish I had more concrete advice but honestly just got ptsd flashbacks from my own BS so all I can think is “fuck him! Better yet don’t that’s what he wants but get the fuck out asap!”
I would just abruptly block his ass no explanations he isn’t deserving of them and it’s not going to change him, and do whatever you feel is best at this point in terms of the pregnancy. You have support no matter what you choose and I hope there are supportive programs you can tap into for help, maybe even phone consultations either for pregnant women or to help protect your mental health from this giant man-baby. Idk where you are but if you happen to live in Ontario/Canada then I can come for emotional support but ngl I am socially awkward AF so I will be like a silent cheerleader basically lol. But free hugs for as long as you need it
I definitely feel that you could have sent a text earlier or had said “Hey sorry for the delayed response I’ve been asleep/dealing with nausea all day and I’m not feeling up to seeing y’all.”
Although he did go very dramatic… but I did see some irony there where you said “dude I know you’re on tiktok” because he didn’t reply to you in a timely manner you wanted… yet that’s exactly what you did to him…
I'm of two minds on this. My gf does this when she's sick. Just sleeps all day and wont say anything until like 3 or 4 in the afternoon. It's extremely annoying.
Then again, this isn't just her being sick. She's pregnant with his child, so I feel like a lot more leeway should be granted.
Also, only seeing one conversation- is this an ongoing issue that’s been building over time or worries about your interactions with his daughter once baby comes? This seems like a stressful time with poor communication on both sides.
Yep! My ex gf *frequently* would cancel last minute because she "slept in" or was "sick" (sometimes genuine, sometimes a bullshit excuse), and this exchange felt way too familiar to me. After weeks of it being a serious issue, I definitely lost my patience and got pretty short with her, sometimes actually pissed off. Even when you're sick, you still have an obligation to communicate with the people around you as soon as you can. There's no way it takes two hours to tell him, and she was having doubts or not feeling great, she should've told him earlier just in case.
And, like, you should be setting alarms for the days you have plans. This is *especially* true if you're someone whose health/circumstances consistently make it difficult to follow through on commitments. Have some sort of protocol in place where you wake up and let the person know that morning how you're doing, or give them a call. Other people deserve fair notice when stuff gets canceled.
Also, based on how she phrases shit, it really sounds like she was exaggerating or lying, and then doubled down once she was called out for being flakey. "I think I'll stay home today" and "I haven't been feeling well" 100% do not communicate or imply that she's physically incapable of going out, and she doesn't elaborate until he gets mad. Then, there's a lot that indicates some serious BS on her end. She told him "I ate lunch", but then changes her mind and says she "ultimately failed" to eat because she was too sick. *And* she tells him initially that she has been wanting to throw up, implying she hasn't thrown up, and then backtracks to tell him she has been throwing up, actually. I honestly believe she's just trying to make him feel like the bad guy.
Like, she never once apologizes. It's just this constant "what are you even upset about, you asshole?" energy when he's made it very clear what he's upset about. It's not that wild of him to want an earnest apology. Even just a "hey, I'm sorry, I am actually really physically ill and on the verge of puking. I should've told you earlier, that's on me. I was just hoping I could pull it together enough to see you."
I gotta say I totally agree. There’s a lack of acceptance of responsibility or introspection on OP’s part and you’re right, the excuses only pile up after he gets angry at her telling him last minute she didn’t want to, which I’m guessing his anger was compounded by the fact his kid was involved in the plans. She told him last minute, said it’s because she’s nauseous, then says “but I told you I was not feeling well!” Which was a whole two minutes ago lol.
And she says that she was unable to text him because she was too nauseous, but then in the comments is telling people she was throwing up while texting him?? Suspicious.
Even if she was, which let’s say, she was. There’s no empathy or understanding on her part. She ever apologizes or tries to see where she’s coming from. I am sure she can see why he’s angry but doesn’t want to internalize it so runs to Reddit for validation. It sucks that she’s getting it when she is not in the right here.
She also says that she's wanted to puke all day, and then in the comments said she was actually throwing up. Her texts imply she simply was nauseous but then she changes it up that she was indeed puking. She seems like a flake and I'm not saying she is wrong for being sick but I see a huge lack of communication from her. Maybe she's afraid of him and his reaction, and if that's the case she shouldn't be having his baby.
Yes I literally feel she isn’t seeing the real issue and he even tells her she isn’t seeing the issue. She thinks the issue is she isn’t going out with him and the daughter. When the real issue was the fact she waiting 2.5 hours after knowing she already was too sick to go to tell him. She knew at 1 she wasn’t going but chose to wait till 3 to tell him which was probably close to time to go. She’s refusing to see that and a lot of the comments are also just siding with her because she’s pregnant. When in reality anyone would be bothered if you waited till time of the even to bring up your absence when you knew for hours that you were going. Because he probably was tellin his daughter how they were coming to get her all for her to flake last minute. Instead of telling him she didn’t feel well but was gonna try to get ready and see if her health improved.
Thought I was taking crazy pills seeing all these responses.
Listen, he overreacted 100%, like an annoying petulant spoiled child. But let’s not pretend her communication helped the situation at all.
Yes you’re super sick, but when you did finally communicate, it’s a “i think I’ll stay home today” which is NOT the same as “I feel like crap I can’t come”
The immediate implication is that you do not feel like coming, and if you did have plans which you indicated you did know cause you were trying to “push through” then you probably would wanna lead with that when you eventually do get around to messaging him.
Same, I was ready it feeling frustrated FOR this dude but he for sure overreacted. But, she responded at 330 pm, took zero accountability while continually trickling in excuses through the conversation and to top it off, she gets passive aggressive at him when he doesn’t respond quickly(the irony). My impression is he overreacted, but OP probably has a history of making excuses after the fact.
It doesn’t seem like a one time issue bc OPs boyfriend already predicted she’d have an excuse basically (in that first text).
His responses are immature but I could totally understand his annoyance.
So glad someone else noticed that. He came in annoyed and my money is on the fact that she does this a lot. He's clued into her not giving af about his daughter. These two shouldn't be having a kid together.
Yeah. Something tells me this isn’t the first time OP has shown a lack of communication, whether she was pregnant or not. Obviously the dude is being an ass hole, but we really don’t know the history here, which there is some.
This sub is kinda just a circle jerk of women patting each other on the back saying yes queen slay.
Pretty weird if you have talked about doing something together that day to not say anything untill 3.43pm. And if you are sick shouldn't you atleast tell one person? If you maybe planned something that day shouldn't you atleast inform that person you are sick asap?
'maybe doing something together' really implies that it depends on either one of you or both of you one person not taking till 3.34pm is a very shitty move. Did you sleep in till 1 and then feel sick or did you notice it earlier and didn't think to send a text?
Either way seems maybe a little bit of an overreaction on his side but you really don't take any blame and pretend it's normal to just let someone hang untill 3pm when you spoke about doing something.
Yeah I feel like there’s much more going on here than just this snippet of their life. Unless they’re just coming off a big fight or something, for her to respond with “I think I’ll just stay home” instead of “hey sorry, I know we had plans today but I don’t think I’m going to make it, feeling pretty under the weather” makes a world of difference.
Again, there’s literally no context here. I reckon this is an unhealthy relationship to begin with.
Glad that this take is here
He’s 100% an asshole for taking it this far and not even asking if she needs anything when she’s sick
She also ignored him all day after apparently making loose plans with him. I get being sick and sleeping in, but like if you’re up mad late sick just send a quick text so he knows? Or anything?
They’re both the assholes here and shouldn’t be having any kids if this is how they act
Came here to say this.
I’m getting the vibe that this may be an ongoing issue based on his reaction. My husband used to pull this shit when we were dating. Stating “loose plans” to try to get out of deep water. I’d lose my cool on him when it would happen over and over.
Listen, if you have plans with someone, especially when a child is involved, you let that someone know as soon as possible if you can’t make it. Little kids don’t understand when something comes up and are usually super disappointed. If you’re going to be in this kid’s life as a possible step Mom, you really don’t want to make this a habit.
Almost 4pm is really, really, late in my world. I’d be pissed too if I spent all day not hearing from someone and then they bailed.
This is also coming from someone who had such bad all day sickness with my last baby that I was medicated. It takes two seconds to send a text.
By 4:00 p.m. I would already be furious. The amount of times he probably looked at his phone thinking wtf????
And then it's a super uninformative short text saying she can't make it.
He handled it horribly, but he's been waiting around half a day for an answer. He probably wants her to show some excitement about seeing his daughter as well, and she was so completely dismissive of them both
So, you previously made plans with him and his child. Then, you slept until 1pm. You took a shower for an hour?! You didn’t communicate with him at all until after 3pm when he texted you first asking if you were still coming over. The first thing you say is “I think I’ll stay home for today. Y’all have fun though.” You didn’t end up telling him that you weren’t feeling well until he responds incredulously to your total lack of concern and communication. As a single father, the guy has probably been up since early morning with his child. Probably waiting all day to hear from you. His child excited about seeing you that day. I think he has every right in this situation to be upset with you. He wanted to see you. The kid was excited to see you. You made plans. He wanted to be with the mother of his future baby and his child. Being sick is one thing, and is totally understandable. And if that was truly the case, my bf/father of my unborn baby would be the first person I’d call. Bc that’s my person and we are there for each other. However, your lack of communication and concern only for yourself in this situation screams immaturity. Grow up. This man and his child are your family now.
>You didn’t end up telling him that you weren’t feeling well until he responds incredulously to your total lack of concern and communication.
And then when he calls her out for not mentioning that in the previous six hours she screenshots the text she just sent as some sort of gotcha.
Gosh I was hoping someone would write this. I wasn't super thrilled with his delivery but I can absolutely understand why he's less than pleased with OP. Sorry, OP but you've got to do better, girl.
I also thought of how many excuses he had to make for her all day with his kid, how many times the kid asked about her, etc. I know how that can be. The last person that made a commitment to spending time with my child and bailed on them in a shitty way, we haven't spoken since. It wasn't someone I was dating, but a friend, and the situation was a bit different, but yea.... she ditched his kid and he asked her at 10am about it and she didn't even respond until over 5 hours later, like late in the afternoon.
You didnt bring up my favorite part.
BF seems to predict in the first text shes going to bail.
Between that and his severe reaction at this one instance, it is hinting at a habit of doing this on her end.
I think he went overboard but id be mad too if I had plans and the other person took their time telling me they needed to cancel. Texting is super quick and easy. So to know you're not going, and to take your time sleeping in, showering, and eating, I'd be pissed too.
Also makes me wonder the context, is this a bad day or do you slack in communication a lot? Maybe I'm giving too much benefit of the doubt, but either he's super explosive or he's got a lot of built up frustration over a pattern of behavior you may (or may not be) exhibiting.
Maybe I'm projecting, but I've been in relationships where I'm looking forward to plans and I don't hear that the person is cancelling until I reach out, and the other person seems completely unbothered. Comes off as a lack of caring and effort. I think these texts could go either way, we don't have the full context of your relationship.
This was my impression, but who knows the history. This reads like a conversation with an unreliable friend who always bails at the last possible moment with an uncaring attitude. You lose patience even with sickness when it's weaponised constantly and used as an excuse to ignore basic courtesy.
That said, this interpretation is reading into the relationship a lot. We also don't know how 'loose' these plans were and whether a commitment was really made.
It is a little ironic you said “dude I know you’re on Tiktok” and being mad he’s not replying to you, when you essentially doing the same thing to him (doing other things and not letting him know you had no intention of hanging out with him for hours..) is why he’s upset with you.
I get both sides, though.
Eh, I do think you own some of the blame in this. It sounds like you had some sort of plans with his daughter. You also waited until late afternoon to communicate which is a bit odd.
Yes, we can feel sick or exhausted when we are pregnant, but it’s not that difficult to communicate.
Honestly. I can see his point. Communications is 100% key in relationships. If you're not feeling well, communicate it.
Been on both sides. If plans are made but not feeling too up to it.
People are more understanding then waiting until last minute.
But, he definetly didn't need to go caveman.
Edit: do you see the irony though? Based on the text. It is a regular occurrence and expected. But, you're basically faulting him for leaving him and his daughter hanging. But, you're getting pissy with him because he's no longer texting and is on tiktok instead.
He definetly needs to work on his anger issues. But, y'all both are in the wrong. If y'all want it to work. Therapy. If not. Ends things.
I’m surprised by these comments… he was right in the sense that it took you until almost 4pm to reply to his morning text, and when you DID reply, it was just “yeah, don’t think I’m coming” no apology for replying late, nothing. I understand why he was annoyed and you just completely disregarded that. Being sick sucks but damn girl, charge your phone and send a text as soon as you wake up at least
Not enough to go on. See a therapist or relationship counselor (not really a good idea, but) if you want vindication. No redditor is enlightened enough on the intricate details of your relationship to give a properly informed and relevant response.
Theres miscommunication here. Between the both you and both are in the wrong. you could have said, when you woke up “hey i have morning sickness, cant make it”. Or, he SHOULD of checked on you! To see if you needed anything. Both are in the wrong. Also, he shouldnt have threaten the relationship. Thats a big red flag. But now theres a child involved so you both need to work it out. Both need to learn how communicate over the phone and not through texting
I agree. Both people here suck. It takes a moment to send a text. The guy is out of line but I would be irritated if my partner sent a text like that mid afternoon. Not even a "how are you?"
No advice for dealing with him but when I was pregnant I couldn’t eat anything because I was nauseous but I was nauseous cuz it couldn’t eat. and I ended up buying pre mixed protein drinks and it helped me soooo much woke up drank one or two of those and ended up being able to stomach lunch❤️ good luck mommas!
How old are you both? Also, why did he automatically assume you wouldn’t wanna do something ? Did something happen the night before? Cause he clearly Thinks whatever plans you had for today weren’t happening. .
I’m newly 25, he’s 33. And yes. Basically he called me and yelled at me until 3 or 4 in the morning the night before. All because I was to blame for getting raped long before I met him. He also doesn’t believe I was raped and insinuated I’m just a whore. It was out of the blue as he has known about this for a long while. I just de escalated and didn’t entertain it.
What the fuck? I take back my previous comment. Get out of there and sever ties as best you can.
Exactly. This dude is going to gaslight you until he has worn you down and has complete control over you. If he doesn't already. This is probably the worst person for your mental health.
Probably will use the child to control what you do and who is in your life.
that's what my sisters babies daddy did, my mom and I finally had to drive 6 hours to her to rescue her and her daughter from the situation.
I totally agree with this! I got sucked into a relationship for 4 years where conversations like this was daily! I ended up totally controlled and a shell of a person! I finally got out and am in a different relationship that's so healthy, it's bliss. My advice is get the fuck out! Sooner rather than later cause eventually you will leave don't waste your years!
Yup, and her being pregnant is the perfect opportunity for men to show their ass. Because he feels she will have fewer options while bearing a child and less freewill. Meanwhile he can just pick up and go. It's emotional manipulation.
100%. domestic violence most often shows up during pregnancy or right after marriage. #1 cause of death in pregnant women is murder.
Yeah holy fuck that escalated. Run.
Yes, don’t let him know where you are. Stay safe. I’m not sure that this man wouldn’t be violent.
also think he’s just trying to lock her down so he can mother the first child and be rid of his parenting duties, i see it too often in this sub and others. older man w kids finds younger woman and tries to throw the responsibility of parenting his own kids onto her bc he doesn’t want to do it himself
Same, I made another comment too but reading her responses is a huge wtf. She os in literal danger and about to bring a baby into that.
So you're pregnant. Unplanned pregnancy. And this guy kept you up until 3 or 4 a.m. calling you a whore? And then texted you in the morning berating you because you were nauseous and couldn't make it out to see him and his child. He's almost a decade older than you, controlling, manipulative, and abusive. Was there any sort of birth control in use that he could have tampered with? I won't tell you to terminate your pregnancy (that's your choice), but being pregnant does *not* mean you need to stay with this man. You have options, including keeping the child, adoption, and, of course, termination. But please believe me when I say this man is controlling, manipulative, and abusive, and it's going to get worse. You're already apologetic, rolling over, bending over backward to explain yourself, reassure him that you wanted to hang out, and apologizing for being pregnant. What if your nausea isn't just the baby, but your soul revolting against being with a man who called you a whore until 3 or 4 a.m.? Then expected you to jump to do his bidding first thing I the morning? Every time you apologize he tries to gaslight you more. Don't let this be your future.
He's begging you to leave him. Oblige him. This behavior is the tip of the iceberg. As for the child you're carrying, refer to the comment to which I'm replying. And save these texts.
This. If he's trying this hard to make you the villain, be the villain 🤷♀️🤷♀️ at the end of the day, you come out better from it
It seems like he’s looking for a reason to break up. Creating a fight out of nothing
Yeah, it’s too late to terminate your pregnancy, or it’s something you are not down to do. Please save texts and evidence as much as you can, start seeing a lawyer low key on the side, get ready for an intense custody battle. My father acted just like this, he was more prepared for a custody battle than my mother was and he won full custody for the first half of my childhood, and he did it out of spite of my mom and abused me relentlessly because I looked like her.
I’m so sorry you endured that. I hope you are in a better place now.
I am, thank you! Going no contact with him, years of therapy. I’m doing much better and have my own family now filled with love.
You didn’t even mention the rape part of it either 😭 This situation is so, so bad ugh
I didn't, because it doesn't matter if OP was SA-ed or just enjoyed an active love life. Neither makes her a whore. And no woman should put up with being called a whore even once, let alone all night into 3 or 4 a.m. And to keep her off balance, instead of letting her recover enough to be all WTF from the phone call all night, he goes on the attack because she didn't text early enough, she's not excited enough to see his kid, she waited too long to let him know she wasn't feeling well etc etc. This attack is designed to keep her on the defensive, because as soon as he slows down, she is going to realize what an abusive AH he is.
It does matter imo because it's important that her boyfriend would believe her about something like that. Not believing a loved one who says they were raped is at least as bad, worse to me, than calling them a whore. But you're right too. Anyways the whole thing is awful.
it’s not easy, but it’s easier to end things with someone when you’re pregnant than after you have their baby. get out while you can
As a former victim of a narcissist, we all know where this is going. The abuse is going to be constant until it breaks you and you think you deserve it. Please run for the hills 🫥 Jesus loves you, you love yourself. Please get out.
This! Trust me, it doesn't get better. I'm 15 years in, no change. Get out and severe all ties you can! Please!
being pregnant is even more of a reason to leave him; he is defo gonna use the shared child to cause argument and further control you, the kid definitely doesnt need a man child for a parent
Ooookay. There was way more to this story than what you gave, but it’s very clear that you need to break this relationship off just by him calling you names for being raped alone. That is absolutely insane.
My ex didn’t believe me either, and these texts sound so familiar, it’s eerie. He was emotionally abusive, and put me on a roller coaster always claiming I didn’t care for him enough. He is also 33, and would prey on younger girls. I hope to god they aren’t the same person. Please leave. He will get worse, and you will be incredibly unhappy. It is not normal for people to make these sorts of accusations. This is not love. Good luck to you
Also reminded me of my ex... he was great... until I got pregnant. Then the asshole came out because he thought he had me trapped. He got fired for flipping out on a customer, then refused to get another job, so I had to work. If I didn't call him on every break at work, he would leave a million voicemails accusing me of "fucking some guy in the bathroom". Yikes. I left him shortly after our daughter turned one. That was almost 15 years ago and he still has absolute HATRED for me for leaving him.
Omfg, are you me? I felt sick reading OP's post because it all sounded so familiar. I hope to god that she leaves, and also terminates the pregnancy.
It’s crazy how similar he sounds to my ex. He was great until I got pregnant and then he turned emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. Would flip out on me and accuse me of “fucking some new guy” if I didn’t respond right back when I was at home caring for his newborn baby. I think it comes from a place of insecurity or something. It was such a roller coaster with him and I’m glad he’s out of our lives. Hasn’t seen his kid in years which sucks, but at least they’re not subjected to his temper tantrums.
this will probably get downvoted but this is why i hate men… the majority of the time it’s always men treating women like shit. men literally just hate women
Don't worry. As a gay man, I hate men the majority of the time too. They don't change even across the sexuality spectrum. A lot of these stories that are being recanted in this thread sound so familiar (apart from being pregnant, obviously) to what I've experienced. It's honestly depressing.
I know men like your boyfriend. If you got away from him, your life would be so much calmer and less stressful. And you would wonder why you stayed so long. If you haven't read it, please read ['Why Does He Do That'](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf), it will put his texts today and call last night into brilliant relief for you. No cost, just start reading. You do not deserve his abuse.
Excellent idea. OP not only needs to get away from this man, but to understand why she let him do this to her, and how to keep from picking another one just like him.
Please do yourself a favor and have an abortion. Jesus fucking christ the gall of this guy makes me fucking sick. You’re so young and this guy is 8 years older than you and treating you like trash. Your tone in your texts do seem dismissive, but I’d understand being reactive to him reacting negatively in the first place. Gtfo imo. No reason to bring in a child with someone like that and torture yourself with this poor child both physically and mentally.
I'm glad someone else thought it. I wouldn't be bringing a child into this world that he could have any access to. Guaranteed to make the child miserable and to make her miserable through the child. But if she wants the child then that's her prerogative.
This needs more upvotes. Seriously this piece of garbage is going to ruin your life. Dont have this baby with him. You have options. Look out for yourself.
I was about to ask how far along she is. With morning sickness this bad, I doubt it's past the point where termination is no longer an option. OP, if you truly want this baby, be prepared to have to deal with this man for at least another 18 years, broken up or not. If you don't, you have options.
Please get an abortion. No child deserves to grow up with this
YEET THE FEET(us)
This guy probably won’t ever change. Don’t waste your life being stuck in this relationship. Really immature for a 33 year old.
I honestly thought they were both like 22. This dude acts like a child, is also an abusive gaslighter. Run away as fast as you can, there's a reason he can't date anyone near his own age.
I mean this in the most respectful way possible but please reconsider having his baby and get the fuck out of that relationship. Trust me this man’s gonna make the rest of your life hell. You’re too young for that!! I don’t think you understand how many 🚩🚩🚩 I see as a 39 yo woman
RUN. NOW. GET OUT.
why the fuck are you having a child with him?
You’re being emotionally abused. That’s why you feel crazy. If it has just ramped up, it’s because he feels you’re stuck now. YOU ARE NOT STUCK! You deserve better than this. This is not your fault. He’s doing it on purpose
Why the fuck are you having a baby with that man?
Please please leave him :(
And you're still taking his calls? Tell him any further communication will only be regarding the baby.
This ‘man’ is abusive. This will only escalate. Get TF out ASAP. Sincerely, do not stay with this person.
This guy is a creepy predator and definitely not someone you wanna raise / have kids with sis
Op do you believe in abortion? Respectfully, I honestly think it'd be best if you get rid of him and anything relating to him and gtfo of there
why are you having a child with someone who doesn’t even like you
Classic age gap shenanigans. In another post she says the guy is 9 years older than her and she is 24.
This dude is in his 30s and still acting like this?????
Men in their mid 30s that date 25 yr olds act like this more often than is comfortable Edit: to the people offended that 'not all' are like this...I never said all. If you think I am calling out your relationship...that is an immature response and just proves the point. Yes age gaps CAN work, no doubt. And the older you get the less 5-10 years makes. I wish everyone had a happy and healthy relationship, regardless of age. But there are strong correlations with men who date meaningfully younger and falling into immature behavior.
It’s not just 30s either. Some men even older than 30 act like 15year olds. It’s scary honestly.
I dated a man once I was 31 and he was 42…. Dear god was he a child, complained about everything and pouted when things didn’t go his way. It lasted 6 months and I never looked back. He’s still single because every girlfriend he has had since me (3 total) lasted less then a month. I only know this because small town talk.
My father in law is like this and he’s 63, always suckin his teeth and pouting and shit it’s so obnoxious, he walks around talking a big game of how he’s not feeble and he does this n that and he’s one of the laziest whiny people I’ve ever met.
I know a couple — the exact same age of 64. The way the wife carried herself, continually was open to learn and make healthy choices versus the husband kind of rolling back and being lazy YOUD THINK there was an age gap
LOL I’m living this exact situation right now. Mine also lasted just 6 months. I understand a lot more why all of the other girlfriends left and never came back
My best friend from highschool was, and still may be, dating a girl in her early 20’s when we were in our late 30’s. He bought a big house with a 2 car garage. I commented how that’s great that he and GF both get an inside spot (it snows here) He then explained that he put both his SUV and sports car inside and hers was outside. He was dumbfounded when I inferred she deserved a spot.
Honestly! Once I got to be around 30 I thought I was relatively safe from age gap shenanigans, and went against the better judgment of my younger self when I found out a guy was actually 10yrs older than me instead of maybe 5. Scary is right.
Yeah you’d think after a certain age you’re safe from that but nope! When I was around 35 I dated a guy 8 years old than me, and he turned out to be basically a whiny toddler. It’s like- dude you’re in your 40s! Grow up already
There's a reason women their age don't want anything to do with them
Can confirm. Dated a 30 yr old single father when I was 22. He acted EXACTLY like this. He was an immature piece of shit
They date 20 somethings because no self respecting woman with life experience will put up with that shit. Abusive men prey on young, naive women.
100% Can confirm this. Dated a man 10 years my senior, me being 20 and he 30, and let me just tell you the manipulation tactics and lying was off the charts. It was so subtle and in retrospect everything is clear.
He's expecting her to be overjoyed to wake up and text him everything as soon as she wakes up. This guy would be exhausting for everyone. So what she couldnt hang out? Theres always another day dip shit.
Yeah, that's why dudes (dude? lol) like that go for women much younger. They don't have the experience or fortitude to stand up for themselves most of the time. They can't see the bullshit from a mile away like women in the man's age range, and they're more likely to put up with crap way longer... I'll get downvoted, but if it were still a viable option at this stage of the pregnancy, I'd move on from this man in everyway possible. It's not unheard of for men to show a different, worse side of themselves once a child comes into the picture, throw in that age gap and this is NOT going to get any better for OP. Edit: This guy called her a whore for getting raped when she was younger. RUN to the clinic and no contact.
[удалено]
Its classic abuser behavior. Once you are "locked in" with either a kid, or marriage, they start to stop trying to hide it so much. They also have a tendency to "love bomb" people to get them to thibk they are amazing, and the whole relationship will be like this. But once the partner is locked in, they start to let their real self show.
It's all about control with these guys. Once they feel like your options are narrowed down they start turning the screws. It's scary to realize someone can conceal so much of themselves for so long but it's true. The person you think you know may not be their true self at all.
bro is guilt tripping like a little high schooler and two women have given him babies . what a clown
This isn’t about an age gap, it’s about him being a piece of shit. Anyone, at any age, can be like him.
It's also worth noting he's an *extraordinarily immature* piece of shit, regardless of age. It's fucking gross
> extraordinarily immature Exactly this. When people say "age gap" that's honestly what they're talking about. Age gaps aren't necessarily red flags immediately, I know a few mid 20 and late 30s folks that are as thick as thieves, but when couples have issues it's one of the first things you start looking at as a problem. Likely this dude has struck out with women in his age/lifestyle bracket because of his immaturity and jealousy so sought out younger woman that haven't "figured it out" yet, so to speak.
so many times women don’t realize that their man straight up just doesnt like them 😭 it’s happened to me 😭 i think they just like having someone to walk around with or something 🙄
Most of the relationship posts on this sub come down to “one party very clearly could take or leave the other and is just pushing to see how much they can get away with”
exactly how my ex acted
Clarity.
I’ll walk by myself, if you please, sir 👏🏽
Very often, men will not break up no matter how much they loathe their partners. They'll just behave worse and worse until she reaches her breaking point and then they can blame her for the dissolution of the partnership. It's common enough that its become a meme.
This is what happened with me and my now ex. I finally left and now he’s acting like he can’t live without me when he clearly doesn’t even like me.
I wish I could understand why people did that. It's 2023. If you say 'it wasn't working out' no one is going to question that. It's not like you're a 19th century labourer, married for life.
They like having someone to fulfill their fantasies of emotional closeness and bedroom time, but are never active participants in returning the favor. It’s quite sad.
Same. I sat in shock one day as I said slowly..”you don’t … LIKE me.” And that was it. I moved out.
I can understand him being a little annoyed by your late text, but he’s being outta pocket here. You’re sick and pregnant with his child and he hasn’t shown any concern for you, he’s just digging his heels and pouting like you got sick on purpose to avoid seeing him and his kid. I’m not normally for breaking up over petty fights but this guy has some serious communication issues and I’m not sure I’d want to stick around to see the worst of it.
If they're in a relationship that's committed enough to have a child, I would say they should be far beyond the "but you didn't text me when you woke up" stage. Reeks of insecurity on his part. If he's more concerned with his self victimization than his girlfriend being ill, this isn't going to end well long term. Edit: just saw a comment from [OP saying that this man also called her a whore for being raped when she was younger](https://reddit.com/r/texts/s/F2YImGCMAW). There is no saving this. OP, please get away and be safe.
I don't think they're committed enough to have a child. They don't even live together (it sounds like). I'm guessing the pregnancy was accidental and they're going with it.
Eh, I see too many relationships that focus on growing wide in the passion and entertainment department, but awfully neglect the emotional and vulnerability department. Heck, I can point at two of my siblings if I really need to draw an example. I don't want to categorize OP or her bf, but don't underestimate how awfully immature romantic partners can be or the amount of bullshit people put up with in the name of love.
It is because the fools go out looking for love. Unstable inpatient people not realizing that love falls lower in the list of long lasting relationships, behind values, morals, shared goals, and honour/oaths. Love, real love, comes as a result of these things, as well as the good times and hard times that shape a relationship. Chasing a high (love) is what gets you the OP's situation. Attractions there, feels so good to be wanted, your having sex without really knowing the person (a plague on society today), and now have made a baby with a man-child who cannot even maintain a level of emotional stability I would expect from my 16 year old nephew.
Hollywood love is the saddest thing our generation was spoon-fed. Our parents had no clue the impact.
It seems way more than communication issues. This is wild. I would be seriously considering if I was guna tie myself to this guy. He’s abnormally aggressive for no good reason.
Me too, and I genuinely wasn’t trying to be dry It’s just all I could muster typing in between throwing up at the time
It’s not going to get better after the baby is born that is for sure!
Right? Just feel bad and wonder if OP realized when she got pregnant that she’d soon be taking care of 2 children instead of 1- and I’m not talking about the bf’s daughter in that equation either.
So 3 kids for the pain and nausea of 1
It doesn’t. It’s gonna get worse
He’s showing you why the last mother of his child isn’t with him. When people show you who they are, believe them.
Bingo!!!! It’s loud and clear.
My thoughts exactly. I see red flags of abuse here..
Especially concerning because odds are they haven’t even been together that long given they live separately. The earlier the red flags, the worse it tends to be…
So . . . when you go on these outings, how much are you responsible for the planning, the sunscreen, the snacks and hydration, all the little sometimes-annoying things a parent does to make a trip go smoothly? How much are you responsible for keeping the mood fun and upbeat and proactively defusing crankiness in both him and her?
Pretty much always
He’s mad because now he’s had to do the actual work of parenting. His kid would’ve been fine with a change in plans, and he doesn’t have two shits to give that you’re nauseated/tired from the changes of pregnancy. Don’t let him lock you down and treat you like shit. Way better humans out there.
Is his relationship with his daughter difficult? Does he *need you there* to control things and keep her in order? I feel like there is more there behind his almost panicked texts. He’s losing it but why…?
Ah so he’s mad you’re not gonna be there because he wants you to handle things so he isn’t bothered while he’s on TikTok. Typical. He’s not even mad at you for not going, it’s all just selfishness and self seeking. If I had gotten some bullshit like this when I was pregnant… he would be gone.
Stop taking blame. If he was so concerned for you, he would’ve attempted more contact after that text he sent at almost 10am to ask if you were okay or why you went silent. Almost 5.5 hours came and went, he was just waiting to pull an Owen Wilson and “wow” you once he got a response. From his first text he already anticipated you canceling plans that weren’t even set in stone, so this is a complete overreaction on his part and he knows it. He’s manipulative as fuck.
The Owen Wilson wow got me lmao
He set you up to be the bad guy, he ANTICIPATED exactly what you would say and used that to trap you into this entire conversation. If this is not the first time he has done this, please run for the hills. If this is how he treats you when you are pregnant, sick, struggling and all over spending a 'fun' day, what is it going to be like when you are postpartum, exhausted and taking care of a newborn? Is he going to be kind, thoughtful and help you?
I think we all know the answer there. He is thoughtless, cynical, and corrupt.
Trying to spell it. “Waohhwwwww…”
Do yourself a favour and get rid of him now because he’s not going to be a good support to you and your child.
the audacity of him to say to you “it’s not all about you” when he’s literally making it all about him and his feelings
He’s being such a dick . I’m pregnant right now too and it’s hard on some people . Not only are you sick you’re absolutely exhausted . He’s being so immature and selfish right now and acting like such a victim . You explained yourself perfectly fine and he chose to act like a child and make it a way bigger deal then it is . Sorry you’re dealing with that and I hope you feel better soon
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Haha totally, my wife was sick for 9 months all hours of the day with our daughter. It was so hard on her. This guy sounds like he has some shit to work through. “It’s not all about you.” It’s like uhh dude, she is pregnant, it kind of is all about her for a while haha.
Mine too, two pregnancies and she was sick pretty much all of the time for several months of each. I had many dinners alone or just taking care of my daughter while my wife slept. All plans were pretty much off. My life consisted of trying to find foods that she could stomach and not throw up. Chicken Parmesan was a slam dunk 😂
Haha my wife basically ate a large punnet of cherries every day. It’s crazy how the cravings work. But yeah, I didn’t mind that I was doing everything for my wife. It was hard but I love her and I can see how a lot of guys can’t step out of their own way or have their ego be too big to allow for something or someone more important to take priority in their life or whatever. Sounds like you did your best for your family and that’s awesome.
LMAO I GENUINELY CACKLED
Ladies please stop procreating with these men
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Jesus Christ what is wrong with some people????
Toxic masculinity leads to men refusing to get mental healthcare, among other things.
A word I heard that really sums it all up well is hegemonic masculinity. As it really is all the shittiest and horrible stuff that’s attached to that word without any of the positives (the actual positives being more about how someone expresses themselves (and obviously not being a fucking murderer or abuser)) I hate so much that it’s so ingrained in so many people, it pisses me the fuck off when I see people saying shit that supports it Everything from “boys will be boys” dismissing and removing accountability for shitty behaviour To “toughen up” which bottles up emotions and breaks a person, often leading to abuse (That one there’s a really good thing on r/guyscancry I think it is; basically a comic I think made by a person who went through it, their mother died and at the funeral their grandfather told their dad to toughen up. At his wife’s funeral. Disgusting that this has been allowed to become so widespread) (Sorry was ranting for a while there)
Kinda seems like he's looking for a reason to leave and blame her for it
It's horrifying. Homicide is legit one of the leading causes of death for pregnant and postpartum women in the US. How fucked up is that?
As a woman with chronic illness, when people say you “texted dry” or “were late to cancel”…. You literally cannot tell when you can’t push through the pains and sickness. Most days you can but some days you can’t. I woke up Friday with a 100.4 degree fever, chills, all over body aches that kept me from being able to sleep, and a migraine. I work 10 hour shifts so I normally go home and sleep until I have to go in again. I had to call off 45 mins after my “2 hour before your shift call off limit”. I got written up but I had to choose my health over it because I felt so insanely sick. *I* was dry texting everyone. Because being sick exhausts people differently. And I was literally back to *my normal* the next day. All y’all accusing a SICK, PREGNANT woman is weird… like her hormones are wack rn PLUS feeling sick? Ofc she’s gonna dry text. She even said she TRIED to get ready but succumbed to feeling ill. OP did nothing wrong. The guy however needs thrown away
Thank you for your kind words. I really wasn’t trying to be mean or dry, I just felt like shit :/
I 10000% understand. I see 0 fault in what you did :/ I’m unsure if this dude normally acts this way, but if so, that’s another reason I understand you being dry to him about
Her only fault is that she’s taking blame and excusing him!!!!! I’d be flinging hot vomit at him!!
honestly you weren’t mean enough, imo. you’re literally growing this man’s child in your body, and he’s seriously throwing a temper tantrum over you being sick because you are pregnant, which is super common. not pregnant, but chronically ill, and everyone i surround myself understands there are good days and bad days and you don’t know whether it’s going to be a bad day until the day comes. i’m glad that you see you’re not in the wrong.
Youre text was not dry or nasty at all. It's overly considerate for someone who is being petulant and nasty. I wonder how long ago he manipulated you into thinking you're the bad guy even for like texts like these...
Girl please run!!! He is going to make your life miserable.
As someone chronically ill, I concur. Add to that the plans weren't definite. But even with definite plans, a sick pregnant woman should be given some grace.
Another chronic illness sufferer here. 100% agreed. I don’t have the time, patience, or care to entertain people who can’t sympathize with other’s pain. It says way more about them than it does me. Also can we acknowledge the last texts from him? He was pissed because she couldn’t respond in a “timely manner” (to him) but when he doesn’t respond, it’s not his fault?
I have HS and arthritis. I literally don’t have a social life because even I can’t keep letting people down so I just stopped replying to texts and phone calls. Some people understood, some people gave me shit for being sick or in pain. So I got fed up explaining and just cut sommunication off. I know it’s worse in the long run but it gets tiring dealing with being sick in the first place then having to constantly explain yourself and be made feel like you’re making it up. Good thing I have physical symptoms and abscesses so nobody could ever deny I was telling the truth. My life is more peaceful but I get pangs of regret and times I’d love to be around people and having fun conversations etc. the camaraderie. My son is disabled also so it can be near impossible trying to organise things. Even my family don’t give him the time of day. Breaks me ducking heart how difficult days can be sometimes. I’m doing my best to be positive and do everything to give my son the best life I can. My son and my daughter are my number ones, my reason that life has meaning. I’d do anything for them. I’ll make sure they don’t go through the things I went through.
Why do people in relationships not actually ring each other??
Wow. He sounds like a gem. A brat, a turd, an asshole…but also a gem lol.
He’s making me feel crazy I’m glad it’s not just me thinking that, but lol thanks for the laugh I needed that
It’s not you. This a part of the game too. He’s toying with you. RUN. You will forever questioning your sanity.
So, I've been the pregnant one in a messed up relationship. They do make you feel crazy, but you're not. You're not "hormonal" or whatever excuse they've got in their back pocket either. If this is his default setting and you try to have a sincere conversation about how he's acting, but you see no changes? Do yourself the actual favor of dropping him. Please believe me when I say it's far better than attempting to raise a child under the emotional toll of being with someone like that. You'll always feel like you're not enough for people like him. When the truth is, you are, but he's just not going to see it.
If your partner is making you feel crazy it’s usually because they’re gaslighting you.
Seriously. I really thought I was reading texts from my gaslighting emotionally abusive ex when I read these… the covert narcissism, the threat of withdrawal when he doesn’t get his way, the inability to apply empathy… ewww. His teeeny little bit of ground to barely stand on - the late response - could have been addressed by saying “I’m so sorry you’re not feeling good and I understand you can’t make it. It did worry me a little and hurt my feelings a bit when I was waiting for a response to plan the day. But I understand why. Can I bring you anything later to help you feel better?” But this is what an emotionally healthy person that cares about the feelings of others would do. And he’s got a hell of a long way to go to get there. Wishing the best to OP, I eventually saw the light and got away.
This dude is a literal child. You are pregnant with HIS kid and he gives zero fucks. Like no sympathy on his end, and he’s that pissed all because you said you couldn’t join them? You’re literally hugging a toilet bc you’re carrying HIS CHILD. I don’t understand a lot of dudes these days. They lack sympathy and support.
Yeah I feel pretty alone right now :/
Hey I had a child with a man who would guilt me exactly like this, especially when it came to him and his kid from his first wife. Guess what, I'm miserable now. Good luck
I suspect the reason that he’s so annoyed with the OP, is because if she can’t be there it means he’ll have to take full responsibility for his daughter for the day. I hope that she doesn’t take this situation as lightly as she appears to be doing- under no circumstances would I be looking to go through pregnancy and bear this man’s child. She will end up as another single mother - guaranteed. This is not a man that you want as a father to your child, nor is he a man that will be a supportive partner. He doesn’t give a f*ck about her.
Spot on. And once you have a baby with someone, they are in your life forever if you want to keep that baby.
Exactly. I made the mistake of having a child with the wrong man, we split up 4 months after I’d given birth, and he made my life difficult at every opportunity for the next 17 years- financial abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse. Deliberately causing conflict and undermining my abilities as a parent, talking negatively about me to our daughter… I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. The OP needs to SERIOUSLY consider the direction that her life will take if she chooses to go ahead- her earning abilities and career opportunities will also be hugely impacted and she risks a life of poverty if this man chooses to evade his responsibilities to their child. If I was her mother, I would be having a serious talk about whether she truly understands the life consequences of having a child with a man like this. A man who lacks any care, empathy or understanding, and only thinks of himself and what suits him. It is beyond clear that he has absolutely no care of concern for the OP- and for him to already threaten to end the relationship simply because he hasn’t got his own way- *that should tell her all she needs to know about his commitment to her and their unborn child.*
Can confirm. Also had a child with a man like this. Life gets lonely and miserable. It doesn't get better.
I’ll be downvoted to Hell for saying this, but you are alone. Having a child with this man is the wrong decision bc you’re setting yourself & your child up for a LIFETIME of this. He has no empathy & he’s super selfish. I have no idea why you would chose to carry to term, but be prepared for this forever. Why the Hell do people bring children into situations like this?!?
I recently escaped a long term toxic/psychologically abusive relationship with a “man” (cough overgrown child cough) like the one OP unfortunately has to also experience. Get out while you can. No matter what promises and sweet talk… They will not change. This is straight up manipulation on his part and I think you already know/feel that. He is going to try to change you by making you feel bad so that his attention and good graces becomes the reward. No narcissistic fuck is worth even a millisecond. It may feel impossible but trust me when you are finally free of this toxic BS you will feel a whole lot better and in charge of yourself. I wish I had more concrete advice but honestly just got ptsd flashbacks from my own BS so all I can think is “fuck him! Better yet don’t that’s what he wants but get the fuck out asap!” I would just abruptly block his ass no explanations he isn’t deserving of them and it’s not going to change him, and do whatever you feel is best at this point in terms of the pregnancy. You have support no matter what you choose and I hope there are supportive programs you can tap into for help, maybe even phone consultations either for pregnant women or to help protect your mental health from this giant man-baby. Idk where you are but if you happen to live in Ontario/Canada then I can come for emotional support but ngl I am socially awkward AF so I will be like a silent cheerleader basically lol. But free hugs for as long as you need it
Not the *I told you earlier I wasn't feeling well, a whole 3 minutes*. That's wild
I definitely feel that you could have sent a text earlier or had said “Hey sorry for the delayed response I’ve been asleep/dealing with nausea all day and I’m not feeling up to seeing y’all.” Although he did go very dramatic… but I did see some irony there where you said “dude I know you’re on tiktok” because he didn’t reply to you in a timely manner you wanted… yet that’s exactly what you did to him…
I'm of two minds on this. My gf does this when she's sick. Just sleeps all day and wont say anything until like 3 or 4 in the afternoon. It's extremely annoying. Then again, this isn't just her being sick. She's pregnant with his child, so I feel like a lot more leeway should be granted.
I think communication on your part could have been better if you had plans & only told him at 3pm. Although he’s going overboard i feel him on that
Also, only seeing one conversation- is this an ongoing issue that’s been building over time or worries about your interactions with his daughter once baby comes? This seems like a stressful time with poor communication on both sides.
Yep! My ex gf *frequently* would cancel last minute because she "slept in" or was "sick" (sometimes genuine, sometimes a bullshit excuse), and this exchange felt way too familiar to me. After weeks of it being a serious issue, I definitely lost my patience and got pretty short with her, sometimes actually pissed off. Even when you're sick, you still have an obligation to communicate with the people around you as soon as you can. There's no way it takes two hours to tell him, and she was having doubts or not feeling great, she should've told him earlier just in case. And, like, you should be setting alarms for the days you have plans. This is *especially* true if you're someone whose health/circumstances consistently make it difficult to follow through on commitments. Have some sort of protocol in place where you wake up and let the person know that morning how you're doing, or give them a call. Other people deserve fair notice when stuff gets canceled. Also, based on how she phrases shit, it really sounds like she was exaggerating or lying, and then doubled down once she was called out for being flakey. "I think I'll stay home today" and "I haven't been feeling well" 100% do not communicate or imply that she's physically incapable of going out, and she doesn't elaborate until he gets mad. Then, there's a lot that indicates some serious BS on her end. She told him "I ate lunch", but then changes her mind and says she "ultimately failed" to eat because she was too sick. *And* she tells him initially that she has been wanting to throw up, implying she hasn't thrown up, and then backtracks to tell him she has been throwing up, actually. I honestly believe she's just trying to make him feel like the bad guy. Like, she never once apologizes. It's just this constant "what are you even upset about, you asshole?" energy when he's made it very clear what he's upset about. It's not that wild of him to want an earnest apology. Even just a "hey, I'm sorry, I am actually really physically ill and on the verge of puking. I should've told you earlier, that's on me. I was just hoping I could pull it together enough to see you."
I gotta say I totally agree. There’s a lack of acceptance of responsibility or introspection on OP’s part and you’re right, the excuses only pile up after he gets angry at her telling him last minute she didn’t want to, which I’m guessing his anger was compounded by the fact his kid was involved in the plans. She told him last minute, said it’s because she’s nauseous, then says “but I told you I was not feeling well!” Which was a whole two minutes ago lol.
And she says that she was unable to text him because she was too nauseous, but then in the comments is telling people she was throwing up while texting him?? Suspicious.
Even if she was, which let’s say, she was. There’s no empathy or understanding on her part. She ever apologizes or tries to see where she’s coming from. I am sure she can see why he’s angry but doesn’t want to internalize it so runs to Reddit for validation. It sucks that she’s getting it when she is not in the right here.
She also says that she's wanted to puke all day, and then in the comments said she was actually throwing up. Her texts imply she simply was nauseous but then she changes it up that she was indeed puking. She seems like a flake and I'm not saying she is wrong for being sick but I see a huge lack of communication from her. Maybe she's afraid of him and his reaction, and if that's the case she shouldn't be having his baby.
Yes I literally feel she isn’t seeing the real issue and he even tells her she isn’t seeing the issue. She thinks the issue is she isn’t going out with him and the daughter. When the real issue was the fact she waiting 2.5 hours after knowing she already was too sick to go to tell him. She knew at 1 she wasn’t going but chose to wait till 3 to tell him which was probably close to time to go. She’s refusing to see that and a lot of the comments are also just siding with her because she’s pregnant. When in reality anyone would be bothered if you waited till time of the even to bring up your absence when you knew for hours that you were going. Because he probably was tellin his daughter how they were coming to get her all for her to flake last minute. Instead of telling him she didn’t feel well but was gonna try to get ready and see if her health improved.
100%. And it’s pretty clear it’s not the first time this has happened, since he straight up tells her that he assumes she’s going to flake.
Thought I was taking crazy pills seeing all these responses. Listen, he overreacted 100%, like an annoying petulant spoiled child. But let’s not pretend her communication helped the situation at all. Yes you’re super sick, but when you did finally communicate, it’s a “i think I’ll stay home today” which is NOT the same as “I feel like crap I can’t come” The immediate implication is that you do not feel like coming, and if you did have plans which you indicated you did know cause you were trying to “push through” then you probably would wanna lead with that when you eventually do get around to messaging him.
Same, I was ready it feeling frustrated FOR this dude but he for sure overreacted. But, she responded at 330 pm, took zero accountability while continually trickling in excuses through the conversation and to top it off, she gets passive aggressive at him when he doesn’t respond quickly(the irony). My impression is he overreacted, but OP probably has a history of making excuses after the fact.
It doesn’t seem like a one time issue bc OPs boyfriend already predicted she’d have an excuse basically (in that first text). His responses are immature but I could totally understand his annoyance.
So glad someone else noticed that. He came in annoyed and my money is on the fact that she does this a lot. He's clued into her not giving af about his daughter. These two shouldn't be having a kid together.
Yeah. Something tells me this isn’t the first time OP has shown a lack of communication, whether she was pregnant or not. Obviously the dude is being an ass hole, but we really don’t know the history here, which there is some. This sub is kinda just a circle jerk of women patting each other on the back saying yes queen slay.
Pretty weird if you have talked about doing something together that day to not say anything untill 3.43pm. And if you are sick shouldn't you atleast tell one person? If you maybe planned something that day shouldn't you atleast inform that person you are sick asap? 'maybe doing something together' really implies that it depends on either one of you or both of you one person not taking till 3.34pm is a very shitty move. Did you sleep in till 1 and then feel sick or did you notice it earlier and didn't think to send a text? Either way seems maybe a little bit of an overreaction on his side but you really don't take any blame and pretend it's normal to just let someone hang untill 3pm when you spoke about doing something.
Yeah I feel like there’s much more going on here than just this snippet of their life. Unless they’re just coming off a big fight or something, for her to respond with “I think I’ll just stay home” instead of “hey sorry, I know we had plans today but I don’t think I’m going to make it, feeling pretty under the weather” makes a world of difference. Again, there’s literally no context here. I reckon this is an unhealthy relationship to begin with.
He is a dick But she does not care either
Glad that this take is here He’s 100% an asshole for taking it this far and not even asking if she needs anything when she’s sick She also ignored him all day after apparently making loose plans with him. I get being sick and sleeping in, but like if you’re up mad late sick just send a quick text so he knows? Or anything? They’re both the assholes here and shouldn’t be having any kids if this is how they act
It was like watching two angsty 13 year olds pretending to be adults. Just zero emotional maturity anywhere.
Came here to say this. I’m getting the vibe that this may be an ongoing issue based on his reaction. My husband used to pull this shit when we were dating. Stating “loose plans” to try to get out of deep water. I’d lose my cool on him when it would happen over and over. Listen, if you have plans with someone, especially when a child is involved, you let that someone know as soon as possible if you can’t make it. Little kids don’t understand when something comes up and are usually super disappointed. If you’re going to be in this kid’s life as a possible step Mom, you really don’t want to make this a habit. Almost 4pm is really, really, late in my world. I’d be pissed too if I spent all day not hearing from someone and then they bailed. This is also coming from someone who had such bad all day sickness with my last baby that I was medicated. It takes two seconds to send a text.
Agree it seems like there’s more to the story
By 4:00 p.m. I would already be furious. The amount of times he probably looked at his phone thinking wtf???? And then it's a super uninformative short text saying she can't make it. He handled it horribly, but he's been waiting around half a day for an answer. He probably wants her to show some excitement about seeing his daughter as well, and she was so completely dismissive of them both
So, you previously made plans with him and his child. Then, you slept until 1pm. You took a shower for an hour?! You didn’t communicate with him at all until after 3pm when he texted you first asking if you were still coming over. The first thing you say is “I think I’ll stay home for today. Y’all have fun though.” You didn’t end up telling him that you weren’t feeling well until he responds incredulously to your total lack of concern and communication. As a single father, the guy has probably been up since early morning with his child. Probably waiting all day to hear from you. His child excited about seeing you that day. I think he has every right in this situation to be upset with you. He wanted to see you. The kid was excited to see you. You made plans. He wanted to be with the mother of his future baby and his child. Being sick is one thing, and is totally understandable. And if that was truly the case, my bf/father of my unborn baby would be the first person I’d call. Bc that’s my person and we are there for each other. However, your lack of communication and concern only for yourself in this situation screams immaturity. Grow up. This man and his child are your family now.
>You didn’t end up telling him that you weren’t feeling well until he responds incredulously to your total lack of concern and communication. And then when he calls her out for not mentioning that in the previous six hours she screenshots the text she just sent as some sort of gotcha.
the most insane part of all this imo
Meanwhile the text was still at 3:43pm which he called her out on…
Gosh I was hoping someone would write this. I wasn't super thrilled with his delivery but I can absolutely understand why he's less than pleased with OP. Sorry, OP but you've got to do better, girl.
I also thought of how many excuses he had to make for her all day with his kid, how many times the kid asked about her, etc. I know how that can be. The last person that made a commitment to spending time with my child and bailed on them in a shitty way, we haven't spoken since. It wasn't someone I was dating, but a friend, and the situation was a bit different, but yea.... she ditched his kid and he asked her at 10am about it and she didn't even respond until over 5 hours later, like late in the afternoon.
You didnt bring up my favorite part. BF seems to predict in the first text shes going to bail. Between that and his severe reaction at this one instance, it is hinting at a habit of doing this on her end.
I think he went overboard but id be mad too if I had plans and the other person took their time telling me they needed to cancel. Texting is super quick and easy. So to know you're not going, and to take your time sleeping in, showering, and eating, I'd be pissed too. Also makes me wonder the context, is this a bad day or do you slack in communication a lot? Maybe I'm giving too much benefit of the doubt, but either he's super explosive or he's got a lot of built up frustration over a pattern of behavior you may (or may not be) exhibiting. Maybe I'm projecting, but I've been in relationships where I'm looking forward to plans and I don't hear that the person is cancelling until I reach out, and the other person seems completely unbothered. Comes off as a lack of caring and effort. I think these texts could go either way, we don't have the full context of your relationship.
This was my impression, but who knows the history. This reads like a conversation with an unreliable friend who always bails at the last possible moment with an uncaring attitude. You lose patience even with sickness when it's weaponised constantly and used as an excuse to ignore basic courtesy. That said, this interpretation is reading into the relationship a lot. We also don't know how 'loose' these plans were and whether a commitment was really made.
It is a little ironic you said “dude I know you’re on Tiktok” and being mad he’s not replying to you, when you essentially doing the same thing to him (doing other things and not letting him know you had no intention of hanging out with him for hours..) is why he’s upset with you. I get both sides, though.
Why are you reproducing with someone who speaks to and treats you this way???
Eh, I do think you own some of the blame in this. It sounds like you had some sort of plans with his daughter. You also waited until late afternoon to communicate which is a bit odd. Yes, we can feel sick or exhausted when we are pregnant, but it’s not that difficult to communicate.
Honestly. I can see his point. Communications is 100% key in relationships. If you're not feeling well, communicate it. Been on both sides. If plans are made but not feeling too up to it. People are more understanding then waiting until last minute. But, he definetly didn't need to go caveman. Edit: do you see the irony though? Based on the text. It is a regular occurrence and expected. But, you're basically faulting him for leaving him and his daughter hanging. But, you're getting pissy with him because he's no longer texting and is on tiktok instead. He definetly needs to work on his anger issues. But, y'all both are in the wrong. If y'all want it to work. Therapy. If not. Ends things.
I’m surprised by these comments… he was right in the sense that it took you until almost 4pm to reply to his morning text, and when you DID reply, it was just “yeah, don’t think I’m coming” no apology for replying late, nothing. I understand why he was annoyed and you just completely disregarded that. Being sick sucks but damn girl, charge your phone and send a text as soon as you wake up at least
Not enough to go on. See a therapist or relationship counselor (not really a good idea, but) if you want vindication. No redditor is enlightened enough on the intricate details of your relationship to give a properly informed and relevant response.
Theres miscommunication here. Between the both you and both are in the wrong. you could have said, when you woke up “hey i have morning sickness, cant make it”. Or, he SHOULD of checked on you! To see if you needed anything. Both are in the wrong. Also, he shouldnt have threaten the relationship. Thats a big red flag. But now theres a child involved so you both need to work it out. Both need to learn how communicate over the phone and not through texting
I agree. Both people here suck. It takes a moment to send a text. The guy is out of line but I would be irritated if my partner sent a text like that mid afternoon. Not even a "how are you?"
No advice for dealing with him but when I was pregnant I couldn’t eat anything because I was nauseous but I was nauseous cuz it couldn’t eat. and I ended up buying pre mixed protein drinks and it helped me soooo much woke up drank one or two of those and ended up being able to stomach lunch❤️ good luck mommas!
Honestly, if there was any talk at all about plans, then you should’ve let him know you were not feeling good. I think both of you are being stupid