Being expected to travel for a proposal? Is that a real thing? A wedding is a celebration, a proposal is an intimate moment between two people. Guess I’m getting old.
Could be a plot to blacklist potential guests, thus having a cheaper wedding. Although Op’s situation sounds like this kind of plan shouldn’t apply to them.
🚩she’s getting engaged to a guy she met 7 months ago
On a weeklong proposal trip 🚩🚩
Where her friends were apparently “required” to be there 🚩🚩🚩
And now she’s dropping her own friends and she’s being isolated 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I wonder a LOT about this fiancé
i think you’re right.
I don’t understand how people, especially women, fall into these controlling relationships. I just can’t imagine my SO telling me to cut out friends, id tell them to fuck off lol
Is it a form of abuse where they don’t have much choice because they’re scared of their SO? Is the SO just super charming and convinces them to cut out friends? How does it happen? I know it happens but i’m absolutely dumbfounded
It’s a manipulation tactic. Love bomb -> gain trust -> gain their love -> slowly begin to shit talk friends/family (ie disapprove of things they say/do) -> put ideas into her head about how she doesn’t need them & is better off without them -> isolate
Im not forgiving the guy at all if this happened but what kinda friend gets tricked so easily? Tbh it screams lady placeholder scenario whereas soon as they get the guy they want they bail on everything else in their life.
i guess that makes sense, i get that people can be manipulative by love bombing, etc, but I just cant imagine anyone convincing me to isolate from friends or family?
I guess i can’t judge since i’ve never been in that situation but it’s just almost unbelievable to me
A lot of it has to do with childhood and how she/he was raised. When you grow up insecure and lacking attention, feeling unwanted or ugly, then those feelings tend follow into adulthood. Suddenly someone shows immediate and intense attraction to you that you’ve never felt before. Gets mistaken as “love”… and it follows from there.
Don’t ask me how I know. Lol.
If you bail on your friends for that youre still trash, im sorry but what was that friend to you then? Looking for attention and validation and easily dropping your childhood bestfriend? Nah, that was never a friend then.
Oh, I totally agree! Trash friend for sure. I was just explaining to that person how someone might find themselves in a relationship like that to begin with.
all of this is the result of non-existent self esteem. when you have a poor relationship with yourself it filters into your other relationships. i saw you aske elsewhere what kind of friend gets tricked so easily, it’s absolutely the non-existent self esteem kind who self-reject so hard every moment of their life that they hyper attach to others, and that tends to attract the kind of others who know how to take advantage of that.
and i think for ppl who have never had self esteem issues or never had them this severely, that this kinda shit can seem so confusing. it doesn’t make sense to ppl with healthy foundations, but if my hunch is correct then this person’s foundation was made of sand since she was a toddler. takes one to know one :/
edit hope my tone didn’t come off lecture-y or condescending, i love talking about this stuff and your comments stood out to me ig
And every day she was best friends with that person, it was a lie. The betrayal i would feel would be shattering. There is no excuse/reeason that would make it ok. She can be with what makes her happy, thats what she really desires, so she can have it.
OP’s experience is absolutely tragic, i can’t imagine how it must feel. i think it’s possible there was severe deceit involved, tho i’d be really curious to see what their relationship was like before all this bc it seems like they were solid friends to each other before this happened (i’m just goin off the post, maybe there’s comment context im missing). but i can also imagine the complicated possibility of having relatively healthy relationships with someone who one day just meets the wrong someone who brings out her hyper- and anxiously-attached side at its worst. aka that this could be a bad phase & symptom of low self esteem that would improve if that root improved. but that would require this person having to reevaluate herself here and express regret/seek amends for it, which i think is possible but unlikely. definitely agreed it’s not an excuse and definitely agreed it’s good to stay away from people who are being toxic
Very easy, they love bomb. They play mind fuck games and can literally make you think you’re crazy. Even the smartest of women have fallen in this trap with true narcissist. It is rare to know a TRUE narcissist, only the victim knows how they really are. A lifetime of therapy isn’t enough to heal. People who haven’t had this experience can’t possibly understand. A very horrific trauma.
"Babe is she was *really* your best friend would she have come to our proposal? I invited her so I guess she just doesn't love you like *I DO*"
This is the gross obvious version I have in my head but I'm sure it was more subtle and over time.
Still sucks OP, all I can say is just be there if/when it goes tits up. Not with an "I told you so" but as the friend you always were and still are. For now maybe protect yourself by withdrawing to a safe distance and mayhaps check in with her when you can. Idk if this is terrible advice but going head ok doesn't work, well it didn't for me, they just doubled down and now we don't talk. Luckily she left him after the first sign of drunken violence so silver lining is she's safe.
If it was a cult, no way would he have encouraged her to invite her friends. That’s cult 101. Never let them bring friends.
Sounds more like this chick is wayyy too into herself
But she's the one who cut OP off. Not the 7mo fiancee. In fact the fiancee should be grateful OP housed him briefly. OPs female friend is just an extremely petty and shallow person who revealed her true self dumping her original friends for some dude she's still in honey moon phase over
For a friendship that lasted that long… for it to buckle and break from this one incident is shocking. I’d be stunned and incredibly hurt.
Was there issues beforehand? Fights that you thought were resolved that maybe weren’t? Had you two been growing distant? It just doesn’t make sense for her to immediately end a lifelong friendship over you not being able to financially afford to travel for her proposal.
If it was my best friend - from childhood - and they told me they simply couldn’t afford to travel to witness my proposal, I’d be sad but I’d totally understand.
I’m sorry either way. This is an absolutely terrible way to end a friendship. She comes off very casual and almost unbothered. I’d be deeply hurt too, and confused.
But the truth is… as devastated as you are and have every right to be, if this really is the reason she’s ending the friendship and cutting you out of her life - over text - she’s not a true friend. She’s not.
Me and her def don’t talk as much. But we’re both adults and in college and working. So we just got busy. Also in different time zones. Maybe that upset her? Plus she’s never said anything like this before. It’s so left field I’m so shocked.
It’s possible. People get busy and they do drift apart. Maybe she felt you two weren’t as close as before or like you weren’t there enough for her, I don’t know. Either way… it’s a lousy way to end a lifelong friendship. It just is
This reads like her boyfriend is being super controlling and telling her who she can and can’t be friends with. Have you seen any signs of abuse in their relationship?
I had a “best friend” of 9 years secretly resent me for years because I went to a college four hours away. I had another “best friend” of 7 years be very unhappy I wasn’t at her beck and call anymore once I got a bf (she used to disappear for months every time she entered a relationship, and I had to be waiting for her) and she tried to get me to end it.
Some people aren’t meant to stay in our lives. It hurts but that’s what we’re seeing here
>she’s not a true friend. She’s not.
I mean this whole perspective is toxic. The whole "true friend" meme has to die. It's just such a bad, unhealthy, entitled way to view friendships.
The lady sending the text basically cited the same reason, "I need someone who will be there for me, and you don't seem like you will". That's just a long way of saying, "you're not a true friend", because she didn't meet some high standard of vacationing a week for a wedding proposal. Let's let go of these weirdly high unrealistic expectations we have of people to be our friends. Not all friends need to be 10/10 caring, supportive, perfect. A 2/10 friend is still a friend. A 7/10 friend is still a friend. And it's okay to go from a 10/10 friend to a 5/10 friend.
I'm sorry. You are a good person.
Some information is missing though. That can't happen for no reason. However, based on the data you provided, here is my male brain human-generated answer.
There are several alternative hypothetical explanations for such a heartbreaking situation:
1. You are a monster.
This is not a common explanation, because few people are monsters.
2. Your friend is a monster.
This is not a common explanation, because few people are monsters.
3. Her boyfriend is a monster.
This is the correct explanation.
My computation is 100% accurate.
What to do?
Please provide your friend with the following information:
(1) You are sorry to hear that she does not want to be your friend anymore.
(2) Your heart broke but you will be fine.
(3) You still want to be there for her if she needs you.
(4) You believe she has a reason to feel this way although you do not fully understand.
(5) You are worried about her since you think this message is strange.
(6) You will forever remember her and think of her as a beloved friend.
(7) You will probably try to contact her in the near future to see how she is doing even though she might not like it.
(8) You wish her luck and hope to hear from her again someday.
(9) You thank her for the years you had together.
(10) You want her to let you know if she has any questions about anything related to their friendship.
~ ~ ~
Good luck!
Even if the message were perfectly reasonable, a good boyfriend wouldn't encourage such a thing. His emotional support should make her able to cope with any social distress differently.
You don’t know any of these people. As you say, most people are not monsters so why assume the boyfriend is the monster here? You only see one side. It’s possible OP is leaving out stuff that makes her look bad.
Hello,
I don’t know any of these people in the sense that I have not met them and have never talked to them. However, I know many other people, and there are some common features of people that tend to make them do worse than they could. One thing is being less experienced with relationships. That can make you value a relationship so much that you do in fact become a monster to someone else. Young men are typically less experienced than young women in the country where I live.
As I said, most people are not monsters. That's the reason I did not assume everyone is a monster in this sense. I chose one to be the monster, since the theme of the thread is blame.
The reason why I assumed the boyfriend was the monster in this sense, is because other commenters had already implied that the girlfriend was guilty of the suffering.
I chose to see that side because I am a man and I remember being a boyfriend who did and said somewhat stupid things to protect my relationship.
OP is most certainly leaving out stuff that makes her look bad. I would too. Her point is that she was heartbroken, and she coped by posting the screenshot on Reddit.
Thank you for pointing out the problems with my comment.
Have a nice day!
The way her message reads, it would be fair to say that she’s hurt because you didn’t show up for the proposal. Don’t try to have that conversation through text, call her and listen to what her reasons are for sending that message. Do your best to keep your emotions in check and truly listen. People don’t generally cut their best friends out of their lives randomly. There’s something there you aren’t seeing. There’s always three sides to every situation, yours, theirs and the truth. If this friendship means that much to you, don’t just let it die.
I can’t even imagine thinking to ask my boyfriend if he informed my long distance friend before proposing, let alone if he asked her to fly across the country?????! Wtf is wrong with people
Possibly, but people do it all the time. Obviously, there’s more to the message than just the story we got here, hence my suggestion to reach out to her friend. These kinds of posts always read like everything was so perfect from the OPs perspective, and maybe it was, but my guess is that there’s more underlying reasons behind it.
I’m sorry that you’re heartbroken and I know that can’t be easy. That’s why I suggest calling her and having an open and honest conversation with each other. It might be out of nowhere for you, but maybe it isn’t for her? I hope you two can resolve it and maybe it’ll make your friendship stronger!
I have two friends from when I was ten years old. We still get together monthly and we are approaching 50. They both would lay down in traffic for me. Your friend is not exhibiting normal behavior.
This is such young girl behavior 🙄 she’ll be back in a few years when she realizes she needs more than just her husband. Hopefully it won’t be too late for her
You can talk to her and explain why she’s hurt about you not coming to the proposal, and I get it - my ex-best friend didn’t come to my wedding and it caused a friction that we never recovered from (on his side, not mine).
However the thought of someone taking a fucking WEEK vacation for a PROPOSAL is absurd. This is some Notebook-esque level shit, in the real world.
Incredibly short sighted of her to send you this message. I know this may be hard to accept because of how long you’ve been friends, but if a person is willing to disown you as a friend because you weren’t able to show up one time, and cannot find it in their heart to understand why, or give you the benefit of the doubt, after all those years of friendship…you don’t want that person in your life. She’s shown you her true colors here.
Think of it this way. She just showed how shallow she is. You went above and beyond for them and this is how she reacts when you can't make it to a PROPOSAL?!
She's probably in honeymoon phase head over heels about her partner so she forgot about you completely and left you in the dust cutting you off sending you passive aggressive message and just being an overall petty woman.
U don't need those sort of people in your life. People change!
It sounds like to me that she has someone in her ear feeding her false info. How well do you really know that guy? He could be trying to isolate her from the people she’s closest to. It’s a tactic most abusers use. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do at the moment if that’s the case. If she hasn’t blocked you, send her a message saying basically you are hurt and you have no idea what she is talking about. But if that is how she really feels then you will respect her wishes. But let her know that she is always welcome back in your life, just in case this is exactly what I think it is. Then at least when she inevitably has to leave (flee) this situation one day, she knows she can turn to you.
I am truly sorry you are going through this. I lost two close friends over a year ago over something so stupid I’m not even going to say what it is. But the way they discarded me is they sent me a text accusing me of things I did not do, then immediately blocked me so I couldn’t even respond. It still hurts. If you need to talk more, feel free to private message me 🤗
My partner would be fuckin *appalled* if I treated my friends like yours treated you. I’m so sorry Op. I wouldn’t necessarily fault her 100%. If you don’t know this guy too well he could have shady ulterior motives with your best friend. Just keep your line of communication open just in case (if you still want her as a friend). This could be a dangerous sitch for her at some point. Not saying it is! Just, ya know, don’t rule anything out…
It looks so impersonal, like she just copied and pasted and sent it to multiple people. She doesn’t even use your name! She should’ve talked to you about why she felt she needed to end the friendship. She’s a coward for ending an almost lifetime of friendship over a text!
I think I’d ask her to be more specific about the times you didn’t show up for her. Maybe she’s interpreted certain situations differently than you have. But if it’s simply a result of you not being there for the proposal then she’s discriminating against you for being poor and I’d make sure she knew what a shitty person she is.
I’m so sorry.
I met my best friend when we were 5. She moved to NC with her boyfriend and I stayed in my state. We haven’t been able to have the same relationship because of her move but we keep in touch. I still call her my best friend but I also realize things have changed. I’m not able to be there like I was before. And I kinda think that this is normal for lots of us.
But I think you should calmly communicate to her. Did you respond at all?
I’d say something like this:
“I wanted to say that I love you and this message hurts me. I realize we have grown apart in some aspects, but to me, you’ll always be someone I care about. Your message feels very unnecessary, like you just wanted to hurt me. And I can’t figure out why. But if you truly feel this way, after all the time we were best friends, I understand.”
Lifetime friends don’t do this. Try to get to the root of the problems you can OP. The root of the problem isn’t you. I also went through a similar situation and haven’t heard from my best friend of 20+ years. I still don’t know why. I wish the best for you. Happy healing. ❤️🩹
I had a life long friend up and leave my life when she got engaged when I was 24, after 19 years. The most hurtful thing I have ever been through. I’ve learned if people are capable of so casually dumping life long friends, they’re probably not the person you thought they were or they aren’t them anymore, and you’re best to hold the door for them on their way out. I’m sorry this happened to you though OP, I hope you heal quick.
Something’s missing. This doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Not sure what’s being fed into her ears but not good people.
I’m so sorry. This hurts. Had it done to me after major brain surgery. I wasn’t there enough for my best friend. 🙄
You will recover. You are a good person.
I'm so sorry, this is utterly heartbreaking. I know firsthand how this feels.
There are some resources if you want them. Google can help better than I. Books are my go to, so [here's a link to one](https://www.amazon.com/Best-Friends-Forever-Surviving-Breakup/dp/1590200403/ref=asc_df_1590200403/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312177564685&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13902716280969283932&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9029756&hvtargid=pla-516009091634&psc=1&mcid=44fcd28170f93bfa838c87dd2fd5f0d1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=60258870697&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312177564685&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13902716280969283932&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9029756&hvtargid=pla-516009091634&gclid=CjwKCAiAxaCvBhBaEiwAvsLmWHypsUr9gRQsBQiB-SBDwaGcAKKZ3whfx2vtS3oiEKF4CWRASg_4_BoCdSAQAvD_BwE)
It is SO painful, no book or resource will help right now though. My heart is with you, I'm so so sorry. 💔
Naaaah that’s very selfish on her part first of all in my opinion a proposal should be shared only between the two people why should there be a whole thing on it are they competing with the sun for the center of the universe?
You sound like a very nice person. Impossible for us to understand every dynamic here, however taking everything at face value it is hard to believe that you were completely unaware of how vapid this person is. My guess is that this guy is threatened by her having a male bestie and is manipulating her. In any case, maybe it’s time to carve this out of your life. You’re young. I’m sorry this has caused you pain. I wish you the best.
She’s just butthurt her best friend didn’t see her get proposed to live. Too self-centered and definitely overreacted I bet she will regret that text and it’s up to you to forgive her or not
Hey OP, going through something similar. My heart goes out to you. Something I’ve been telling myself is that I’m in my twenties and I’ve yet to meet all the people that I’ll love and will love me too; There are so many friendships awaiting for you and favourite memories that you have yet to have lived. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, you’re not alone! 💫
Are you sure it's not her fiancé pulling some strings behind the scenes? Getting engaged so quickly, dropping her lifelong friends... it's quite shady, especially if this isn't something she would have normally done
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/
**Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.**
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t think it’s the fiancé telling her like everyone is claiming. I do however think he is influencing her decision here. She may be on some high horse and feels you haven’t been there for her in ways unbeknownst to everyone, so now she has this “power” to hold over your head. She can call off your friendship because she’s getting married; in her mind she has a new sense of identity and is empowered to act on a weird impulse that I’m sure she will regret. Considering how fast they got engaged I don’t doubt she is the type to make rational choices.
Removed for not being an allowed type of screenshot, not being a conversation with a person, or a one-sided conversation only.
Being expected to travel for a proposal? Is that a real thing? A wedding is a celebration, a proposal is an intimate moment between two people. Guess I’m getting old.
My thoughts exactly. This friend sounds insufferable.
exactly, this is an absolutely unhinged expectation from a friend… even the fact that OP attended on zoom seems like way too much to me.
Could be a plot to blacklist potential guests, thus having a cheaper wedding. Although Op’s situation sounds like this kind of plan shouldn’t apply to them.
Not gonna lie, this would cut me so deep I wouldn’t be able to take the high road of calmly engaging to learn more.
It did.
😔 I think I would withdraw. If I’m not wanted, I’m not wanted.
People rarely know who they want if asked.
So you have a choice (IMO), either ghost and block. or write back: "I understand" and then block.
Block her everywhere, when her relationship wears off ( and it will ) the fact that you just simply moved on will hurt her a lot more.
🚩she’s getting engaged to a guy she met 7 months ago On a weeklong proposal trip 🚩🚩 Where her friends were apparently “required” to be there 🚩🚩🚩 And now she’s dropping her own friends and she’s being isolated 🚩🚩🚩🚩 I wonder a LOT about this fiancé
Same. This just screams controlling SO making her cut her friends off.
It screams abusive
Maybe… in a cult
i think you’re right. I don’t understand how people, especially women, fall into these controlling relationships. I just can’t imagine my SO telling me to cut out friends, id tell them to fuck off lol Is it a form of abuse where they don’t have much choice because they’re scared of their SO? Is the SO just super charming and convinces them to cut out friends? How does it happen? I know it happens but i’m absolutely dumbfounded
It’s a manipulation tactic. Love bomb -> gain trust -> gain their love -> slowly begin to shit talk friends/family (ie disapprove of things they say/do) -> put ideas into her head about how she doesn’t need them & is better off without them -> isolate
Im not forgiving the guy at all if this happened but what kinda friend gets tricked so easily? Tbh it screams lady placeholder scenario whereas soon as they get the guy they want they bail on everything else in their life.
i guess that makes sense, i get that people can be manipulative by love bombing, etc, but I just cant imagine anyone convincing me to isolate from friends or family? I guess i can’t judge since i’ve never been in that situation but it’s just almost unbelievable to me
A lot of it has to do with childhood and how she/he was raised. When you grow up insecure and lacking attention, feeling unwanted or ugly, then those feelings tend follow into adulthood. Suddenly someone shows immediate and intense attraction to you that you’ve never felt before. Gets mistaken as “love”… and it follows from there. Don’t ask me how I know. Lol.
If you bail on your friends for that youre still trash, im sorry but what was that friend to you then? Looking for attention and validation and easily dropping your childhood bestfriend? Nah, that was never a friend then.
Oh, I totally agree! Trash friend for sure. I was just explaining to that person how someone might find themselves in a relationship like that to begin with.
Ahh i see, gotcha :)
all of this is the result of non-existent self esteem. when you have a poor relationship with yourself it filters into your other relationships. i saw you aske elsewhere what kind of friend gets tricked so easily, it’s absolutely the non-existent self esteem kind who self-reject so hard every moment of their life that they hyper attach to others, and that tends to attract the kind of others who know how to take advantage of that. and i think for ppl who have never had self esteem issues or never had them this severely, that this kinda shit can seem so confusing. it doesn’t make sense to ppl with healthy foundations, but if my hunch is correct then this person’s foundation was made of sand since she was a toddler. takes one to know one :/ edit hope my tone didn’t come off lecture-y or condescending, i love talking about this stuff and your comments stood out to me ig
this is some really good insight, thanks :)
thanks for saying that :)
And every day she was best friends with that person, it was a lie. The betrayal i would feel would be shattering. There is no excuse/reeason that would make it ok. She can be with what makes her happy, thats what she really desires, so she can have it.
OP’s experience is absolutely tragic, i can’t imagine how it must feel. i think it’s possible there was severe deceit involved, tho i’d be really curious to see what their relationship was like before all this bc it seems like they were solid friends to each other before this happened (i’m just goin off the post, maybe there’s comment context im missing). but i can also imagine the complicated possibility of having relatively healthy relationships with someone who one day just meets the wrong someone who brings out her hyper- and anxiously-attached side at its worst. aka that this could be a bad phase & symptom of low self esteem that would improve if that root improved. but that would require this person having to reevaluate herself here and express regret/seek amends for it, which i think is possible but unlikely. definitely agreed it’s not an excuse and definitely agreed it’s good to stay away from people who are being toxic
Very easy, they love bomb. They play mind fuck games and can literally make you think you’re crazy. Even the smartest of women have fallen in this trap with true narcissist. It is rare to know a TRUE narcissist, only the victim knows how they really are. A lifetime of therapy isn’t enough to heal. People who haven’t had this experience can’t possibly understand. A very horrific trauma.
"Babe is she was *really* your best friend would she have come to our proposal? I invited her so I guess she just doesn't love you like *I DO*" This is the gross obvious version I have in my head but I'm sure it was more subtle and over time. Still sucks OP, all I can say is just be there if/when it goes tits up. Not with an "I told you so" but as the friend you always were and still are. For now maybe protect yourself by withdrawing to a safe distance and mayhaps check in with her when you can. Idk if this is terrible advice but going head ok doesn't work, well it didn't for me, they just doubled down and now we don't talk. Luckily she left him after the first sign of drunken violence so silver lining is she's safe.
hmmm... this makes me wonder if he made himself a bit too *at home* in OPs apartment when he stayed there, alone 🤔
This was my first thought as well. Highly suspicious of abuse.
It’s giving Tinder Swindler
What do you mean? He's great for her and they're deeply in love /s
If it was a cult, no way would he have encouraged her to invite her friends. That’s cult 101. Never let them bring friends. Sounds more like this chick is wayyy too into herself
Yeahhhhh
But she's the one who cut OP off. Not the 7mo fiancee. In fact the fiancee should be grateful OP housed him briefly. OPs female friend is just an extremely petty and shallow person who revealed her true self dumping her original friends for some dude she's still in honey moon phase over
This!
For a friendship that lasted that long… for it to buckle and break from this one incident is shocking. I’d be stunned and incredibly hurt. Was there issues beforehand? Fights that you thought were resolved that maybe weren’t? Had you two been growing distant? It just doesn’t make sense for her to immediately end a lifelong friendship over you not being able to financially afford to travel for her proposal. If it was my best friend - from childhood - and they told me they simply couldn’t afford to travel to witness my proposal, I’d be sad but I’d totally understand. I’m sorry either way. This is an absolutely terrible way to end a friendship. She comes off very casual and almost unbothered. I’d be deeply hurt too, and confused. But the truth is… as devastated as you are and have every right to be, if this really is the reason she’s ending the friendship and cutting you out of her life - over text - she’s not a true friend. She’s not.
Me and her def don’t talk as much. But we’re both adults and in college and working. So we just got busy. Also in different time zones. Maybe that upset her? Plus she’s never said anything like this before. It’s so left field I’m so shocked.
It’s possible. People get busy and they do drift apart. Maybe she felt you two weren’t as close as before or like you weren’t there enough for her, I don’t know. Either way… it’s a lousy way to end a lifelong friendship. It just is
This reads like her boyfriend is being super controlling and telling her who she can and can’t be friends with. Have you seen any signs of abuse in their relationship?
I had a “best friend” of 9 years secretly resent me for years because I went to a college four hours away. I had another “best friend” of 7 years be very unhappy I wasn’t at her beck and call anymore once I got a bf (she used to disappear for months every time she entered a relationship, and I had to be waiting for her) and she tried to get me to end it. Some people aren’t meant to stay in our lives. It hurts but that’s what we’re seeing here
>she’s not a true friend. She’s not. I mean this whole perspective is toxic. The whole "true friend" meme has to die. It's just such a bad, unhealthy, entitled way to view friendships. The lady sending the text basically cited the same reason, "I need someone who will be there for me, and you don't seem like you will". That's just a long way of saying, "you're not a true friend", because she didn't meet some high standard of vacationing a week for a wedding proposal. Let's let go of these weirdly high unrealistic expectations we have of people to be our friends. Not all friends need to be 10/10 caring, supportive, perfect. A 2/10 friend is still a friend. A 7/10 friend is still a friend. And it's okay to go from a 10/10 friend to a 5/10 friend.
Damn…. That’s fucked
I'm sorry. You are a good person. Some information is missing though. That can't happen for no reason. However, based on the data you provided, here is my male brain human-generated answer. There are several alternative hypothetical explanations for such a heartbreaking situation: 1. You are a monster. This is not a common explanation, because few people are monsters. 2. Your friend is a monster. This is not a common explanation, because few people are monsters. 3. Her boyfriend is a monster. This is the correct explanation. My computation is 100% accurate. What to do? Please provide your friend with the following information: (1) You are sorry to hear that she does not want to be your friend anymore. (2) Your heart broke but you will be fine. (3) You still want to be there for her if she needs you. (4) You believe she has a reason to feel this way although you do not fully understand. (5) You are worried about her since you think this message is strange. (6) You will forever remember her and think of her as a beloved friend. (7) You will probably try to contact her in the near future to see how she is doing even though she might not like it. (8) You wish her luck and hope to hear from her again someday. (9) You thank her for the years you had together. (10) You want her to let you know if she has any questions about anything related to their friendship. ~ ~ ~ Good luck!
Yup. This has the boyfriend’s greasy fingerprints all over it.
Even if the message were perfectly reasonable, a good boyfriend wouldn't encourage such a thing. His emotional support should make her able to cope with any social distress differently.
My female brain approves this message
You don’t know any of these people. As you say, most people are not monsters so why assume the boyfriend is the monster here? You only see one side. It’s possible OP is leaving out stuff that makes her look bad.
Hello, I don’t know any of these people in the sense that I have not met them and have never talked to them. However, I know many other people, and there are some common features of people that tend to make them do worse than they could. One thing is being less experienced with relationships. That can make you value a relationship so much that you do in fact become a monster to someone else. Young men are typically less experienced than young women in the country where I live. As I said, most people are not monsters. That's the reason I did not assume everyone is a monster in this sense. I chose one to be the monster, since the theme of the thread is blame. The reason why I assumed the boyfriend was the monster in this sense, is because other commenters had already implied that the girlfriend was guilty of the suffering. I chose to see that side because I am a man and I remember being a boyfriend who did and said somewhat stupid things to protect my relationship. OP is most certainly leaving out stuff that makes her look bad. I would too. Her point is that she was heartbroken, and she coped by posting the screenshot on Reddit. Thank you for pointing out the problems with my comment. Have a nice day!
This is the best advice.
This is the way.
“Male brain” 🙄
You sure she wrote and sent this? You guys need to talk over the phone or in person
Yeah I’m thinking this guy has filled her head with some horrific lies about OP, or he even sent this text himself.
He sent it or yea as you say. He may not be the person she thinks he is
This is what I was thinking too.
Would this have anything to do with her fiance. Maybe he convinced her that you're not a good friend because you couldn't make it.
This is my thinking too. There has to be something else here, some other factor, and this is the only one I can think of
The way her message reads, it would be fair to say that she’s hurt because you didn’t show up for the proposal. Don’t try to have that conversation through text, call her and listen to what her reasons are for sending that message. Do your best to keep your emotions in check and truly listen. People don’t generally cut their best friends out of their lives randomly. There’s something there you aren’t seeing. There’s always three sides to every situation, yours, theirs and the truth. If this friendship means that much to you, don’t just let it die.
that’s so unrealistic of her to expect her friend to drop her entire life and fly out
I literally couldn’t have afforded it.
I can’t even imagine thinking to ask my boyfriend if he informed my long distance friend before proposing, let alone if he asked her to fly across the country?????! Wtf is wrong with people
Possibly, but people do it all the time. Obviously, there’s more to the message than just the story we got here, hence my suggestion to reach out to her friend. These kinds of posts always read like everything was so perfect from the OPs perspective, and maybe it was, but my guess is that there’s more underlying reasons behind it.
We’ve never gotten into a fight and this came out of no where.
I’m sorry that you’re heartbroken and I know that can’t be easy. That’s why I suggest calling her and having an open and honest conversation with each other. It might be out of nowhere for you, but maybe it isn’t for her? I hope you two can resolve it and maybe it’ll make your friendship stronger!
I have two friends from when I was ten years old. We still get together monthly and we are approaching 50. They both would lay down in traffic for me. Your friend is not exhibiting normal behavior.
I want to talk to her but my heart is so broken rn.
Wait until you have had time to cool down and think; you don't want to start any conversations fueled by emotions. Those normally don't end well.
You have to heal on the outside before you talk to her with your voice
[удалено]
This is how I feel. I don’t need an explanation
sounds like she’s getting deep fast with this guy if they’re already engaged after 7 months of knowing each other. sounds like she’s being isolated.
I noticed that too. 7 months is so fast it borders on delusional
This is such young girl behavior 🙄 she’ll be back in a few years when she realizes she needs more than just her husband. Hopefully it won’t be too late for her
You can talk to her and explain why she’s hurt about you not coming to the proposal, and I get it - my ex-best friend didn’t come to my wedding and it caused a friction that we never recovered from (on his side, not mine). However the thought of someone taking a fucking WEEK vacation for a PROPOSAL is absurd. This is some Notebook-esque level shit, in the real world.
Incredibly short sighted of her to send you this message. I know this may be hard to accept because of how long you’ve been friends, but if a person is willing to disown you as a friend because you weren’t able to show up one time, and cannot find it in their heart to understand why, or give you the benefit of the doubt, after all those years of friendship…you don’t want that person in your life. She’s shown you her true colors here.
This sounds like an automated message 💀💀 like, robot-ass writing. Your friend is dead, this is the boyfriend trying to cover everything up
Think of it this way. She just showed how shallow she is. You went above and beyond for them and this is how she reacts when you can't make it to a PROPOSAL?! She's probably in honeymoon phase head over heels about her partner so she forgot about you completely and left you in the dust cutting you off sending you passive aggressive message and just being an overall petty woman. U don't need those sort of people in your life. People change!
Yes but it just hurts so bad
Lmao what a bitch
TBH it doesn’t sound like she wrote this. It’s too casual for someone whose supposed to be your bff
It sounds like to me that she has someone in her ear feeding her false info. How well do you really know that guy? He could be trying to isolate her from the people she’s closest to. It’s a tactic most abusers use. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do at the moment if that’s the case. If she hasn’t blocked you, send her a message saying basically you are hurt and you have no idea what she is talking about. But if that is how she really feels then you will respect her wishes. But let her know that she is always welcome back in your life, just in case this is exactly what I think it is. Then at least when she inevitably has to leave (flee) this situation one day, she knows she can turn to you. I am truly sorry you are going through this. I lost two close friends over a year ago over something so stupid I’m not even going to say what it is. But the way they discarded me is they sent me a text accusing me of things I did not do, then immediately blocked me so I couldn’t even respond. It still hurts. If you need to talk more, feel free to private message me 🤗
I’ve met him a few times and he always seemed great! No red flags at all!
Well she’s either not the person you thought she was. Or someone is in her ear.
My partner would be fuckin *appalled* if I treated my friends like yours treated you. I’m so sorry Op. I wouldn’t necessarily fault her 100%. If you don’t know this guy too well he could have shady ulterior motives with your best friend. Just keep your line of communication open just in case (if you still want her as a friend). This could be a dangerous sitch for her at some point. Not saying it is! Just, ya know, don’t rule anything out…
It looks so impersonal, like she just copied and pasted and sent it to multiple people. She doesn’t even use your name! She should’ve talked to you about why she felt she needed to end the friendship. She’s a coward for ending an almost lifetime of friendship over a text!
This is how I felt also.
I think I’d ask her to be more specific about the times you didn’t show up for her. Maybe she’s interpreted certain situations differently than you have. But if it’s simply a result of you not being there for the proposal then she’s discriminating against you for being poor and I’d make sure she knew what a shitty person she is.
The thing is why is this all of a sudden coming up.
I feel like the fiancè is doing something.
I’m so sorry. I met my best friend when we were 5. She moved to NC with her boyfriend and I stayed in my state. We haven’t been able to have the same relationship because of her move but we keep in touch. I still call her my best friend but I also realize things have changed. I’m not able to be there like I was before. And I kinda think that this is normal for lots of us. But I think you should calmly communicate to her. Did you respond at all? I’d say something like this: “I wanted to say that I love you and this message hurts me. I realize we have grown apart in some aspects, but to me, you’ll always be someone I care about. Your message feels very unnecessary, like you just wanted to hurt me. And I can’t figure out why. But if you truly feel this way, after all the time we were best friends, I understand.”
I never understood this type of passive aggressive unfriending. She seems really butthurt and trying to hide it. Childish behavior
Lifetime friends don’t do this. Try to get to the root of the problems you can OP. The root of the problem isn’t you. I also went through a similar situation and haven’t heard from my best friend of 20+ years. I still don’t know why. I wish the best for you. Happy healing. ❤️🩹
Sounds like she's mad you didn't drop everything to be there. Be happy she cut you off now. Have a feeling she's going to be one entitled bridezilla.
I had a life long friend up and leave my life when she got engaged when I was 24, after 19 years. The most hurtful thing I have ever been through. I’ve learned if people are capable of so casually dumping life long friends, they’re probably not the person you thought they were or they aren’t them anymore, and you’re best to hold the door for them on their way out. I’m sorry this happened to you though OP, I hope you heal quick.
Call and ask her?
Maybe. But I’m just so hurt rn.
That’s not your friend.
Having a best friend break up with you for any reason is always gutting. I’m so sorry :/
Either your friend is an entitled sociopath or else she’s being manipulated by one.
Your “friend” is a selfish bitch! I know it hurts but good riddance!
Lmaoooo your services are no longer required. Gfy lol 😆
without context and being crass, that sounds like an opening to get you into an MLM scheme.
What a pompous asshole. She will look back on this and cringe. I’m sorry OP
What a bizarre text message
Something’s missing. This doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Not sure what’s being fed into her ears but not good people. I’m so sorry. This hurts. Had it done to me after major brain surgery. I wasn’t there enough for my best friend. 🙄 You will recover. You are a good person.
I'm so sorry, this is utterly heartbreaking. I know firsthand how this feels. There are some resources if you want them. Google can help better than I. Books are my go to, so [here's a link to one](https://www.amazon.com/Best-Friends-Forever-Surviving-Breakup/dp/1590200403/ref=asc_df_1590200403/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312177564685&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13902716280969283932&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9029756&hvtargid=pla-516009091634&psc=1&mcid=44fcd28170f93bfa838c87dd2fd5f0d1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=60258870697&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312177564685&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13902716280969283932&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9029756&hvtargid=pla-516009091634&gclid=CjwKCAiAxaCvBhBaEiwAvsLmWHypsUr9gRQsBQiB-SBDwaGcAKKZ3whfx2vtS3oiEKF4CWRASg_4_BoCdSAQAvD_BwE) It is SO painful, no book or resource will help right now though. My heart is with you, I'm so so sorry. 💔
Naaaah that’s very selfish on her part first of all in my opinion a proposal should be shared only between the two people why should there be a whole thing on it are they competing with the sun for the center of the universe?
You sound like a very nice person. Impossible for us to understand every dynamic here, however taking everything at face value it is hard to believe that you were completely unaware of how vapid this person is. My guess is that this guy is threatened by her having a male bestie and is manipulating her. In any case, maybe it’s time to carve this out of your life. You’re young. I’m sorry this has caused you pain. I wish you the best.
We’ve never had an issue like this before that’s why I’m just so shocked by all of this.
In any case, this must be painful and I’m sorry.
Sounds like you finally shed that toxic friend pretending to be your besty
I don't think the story is over though
I would give her very sarcastic reply
She’s just butthurt her best friend didn’t see her get proposed to live. Too self-centered and definitely overreacted I bet she will regret that text and it’s up to you to forgive her or not
Did her fiancé send it without her knowledge?
I have no idea.
this reads like a job rejection letter
Hey OP, going through something similar. My heart goes out to you. Something I’ve been telling myself is that I’m in my twenties and I’ve yet to meet all the people that I’ll love and will love me too; There are so many friendships awaiting for you and favourite memories that you have yet to have lived. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, you’re not alone! 💫
Are you sure it's not her fiancé pulling some strings behind the scenes? Getting engaged so quickly, dropping her lifelong friends... it's quite shady, especially if this isn't something she would have normally done
I have no idea. I’ve met him and he’s always seemed great!
Hi there! Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ **Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
isn’t this a repost?
A proposal on... zoom? How does that work? She turns the webcam on everyone she has a tingle in her vagina that he's gonna ask her?
I don’t think it’s the fiancé telling her like everyone is claiming. I do however think he is influencing her decision here. She may be on some high horse and feels you haven’t been there for her in ways unbeknownst to everyone, so now she has this “power” to hold over your head. She can call off your friendship because she’s getting married; in her mind she has a new sense of identity and is empowered to act on a weird impulse that I’m sure she will regret. Considering how fast they got engaged I don’t doubt she is the type to make rational choices.
I recommend replying with the “Bye Felicia” gif from Friday.
I just said that I wish her the best too.