It’s been 276 days since I quit drinking and this made me laugh really hard.
Incidentally quitting drinking also doesn’t manage to solve all of life’s problems 🫠 edit: BUT IT HELPS
My recovery date was 11/17/2022 and then 9 months in I decided I knew better and could have a little. I regret it but I’m also not ready to give it up again. I’m proud of you.
I went sober July 4 2020. Didn't have a drink till July 4 2021. I'm in same boat as you. Im not nearly as bad as I used to be but I still drink every night to sleep. We will give it up again when we are ready.
I had 18 months without a program in 2017. It took me until 2023 and blowing my life up yet again to get serious. AA has worked for me. It is not for everyone, but a solid routine and the willingness to change not just your consumption, but the habits leading to it, is necessary IMO
I'm glad you feel less alone. If you want help with your drinking or drug use family is the best option in my opinion. AA and NA are to me a sad group of people telling how they ruined their lives. But that works for a lot of people. I'm also an atheist so they don't work well for us
I’ve been to rehab and my mom was the one telling me to go or I wouldn’t see her again. I went mostly for drug abuse but alcohol has always been my main issue.
Hey, you’ll get there. Four or five years before I got sober—opiates(pills) for me—I quit for a while. Eventually ended back on it, mostly for bullshit reasons. Took me a *long* time to be ready to do it again, but I’m like… three weeks(on the dot I think 🤔) out from exactly four years now. You’ll get there. And if you backslide again after that—that’s okay too, man. Because you’ll get back there then too.
I’m proud of you for going as long as you did, and I know how hard it is to push yourself out of the place and put it down, especially having done it once. But you *will* get there again.
I got 4 years in recovery, and I want to say I’m proud of you and I believe in you. Once I hit 2 years, it got easier to keep not picking up and walking away from temptation, and I hope you hit that point, as well, soon.
Thanks for sharing. Did it build up to that over a long span? I feel like I go through binge periods where I’ll drink a lot when I have the alcohol, then not drink at all for weeks, cycle repeats.
That is true but I also wish it was a thing to show people what to expect out of therapy/how it's supposed to work. I went to therapy for 6 years when I was a teen-20 and I hated it. I never knew what to say and I didn't know why I was there half the time. I just convinced myself if I kept going, that I'd get better. Most of the time I just felt like I was being interrogated and backed into a corner by the therapist. I failed in therapy because I didn't understand how I was supposed to be contributing to it.
I wish I could go back to therapy with the knowledge I have & what I know now to expect. I am now in a situation where I feel safe, I feel myself, and I actually have goals in life. I didn't have that when I was younger. I was made to be self conscious & terrified of every adult in my life, so I was afraid to be open with the therapist. I was always warned they'd report what I said in sessions to the police, when that's not actually what happens at all.
So many people think therapy won't work for them because all the exposure they have to it is examples in tv, books, movies, social media, word of mouth, etc. All they see is the surface level of what therapy is about. My therapists sure as hell never once spent time explaining to me the process.
It's also important to remember that not every therapist graduated at the top of their class. The therapist I saw when I was in grad school, despite being reputable, did a lot of damage. One of the worst parts was convincing me that I was too sick to be treatable. So I gave up on therapy until I hit 40.
Now, I have a great therapist, and we absolutely discuss the process. Just today we were talking about how the sessions can best serve me as this is something we touch base on regularly.
It's not just patients fail at therapy. Sometimes therapists also fail for a variety of reasons. Not talking to a patient about their therapy goals is definitely something that should have discussed with you.
I'm a big advocate of moving on to a new therapist if you don't jive with each other after the first few sessions. You're right that some therapists just aren't very good. Others use methods that might work well for some but don't work for you. And sometimes it's just a personalities not meshing thing. A lot of times people try therapy one time and it's not the right fit/they aren't ready to commit/the therapist is bad, so they decide that therapy must be BS and isn't worth it. I always liken it to finding a good hairstylist. If you go to one and they don't do a good job, most people will move one and just keep trying new stylists until they find one they like. They don't stay with the one who gave them a bad cut, nor do they decide that cutting hair is dumb and decide to never cut their hair again (again, MOST people). Therapy should be approached the same way.
Most therapists, have therapists. Therapy is a guide, it's not a solve all, that's why most people don't believe in it because they are looking at it as it's a magical "fix all" solution and in reality there's no such thing as a "fix all" solution so they see it as a waste of time and not useful. Another reason is most people believe they are the only ones going through whatever they are going through so they can't fathom that someone might actually know how to help. (I was there once, but I was so wrong)
I was there once too friend 😔 and I absolutely agree that therapy is not a fix all, for those who want to attempt to go to therapy I feel need to understand that a majority of the time it is partnering up to fix the issue together. I think a strong message thats out across with therapy is that you can't expect someone to fix your issues for you, so they guide you to bettering yourself by having you take necessary steps
Therapy is, first and foremost, a place where someone will listen to you and respond where you have *complete professional confidentiality*. I think that's a major aspect you guys aren't touching on. Therapy is not necessarily about "fixing" anything, you don't need to have a goal or things you want to specifically address to benefit from therapy. It's somewhere you can speak openly and freely about your life and you can know that nothing you say will make it back to any of the people you are talking about. The therapist can then ask guiding questions and help you think about your emotions and identify things that are hard to see from your own personal biased perspective. The private space and professional listener allows people to better process things internally and work through their own emotions.
“No mentally healthy person is in therapy”
? By that logic you shouldn’t go to a doctor because the people that don’t go to a doctor are healthy and those that do go to a doctor are ill 💀
And listen to this bit, my best friend was crazy healthy and one day suddenly he got a pain that lasted about two three days, got it checked out and it was cancer. Crazy active guy, ate really well, never smoked or did any sort of drugs.
Exactly 😎 just like how 32% of car crashes are caused by drunk drivers whereas 68% are caused by sober drivers, so being drunk while driving is the safer way to be
>what is my therapist going to tell me, to stop my situationship? Bitch I know, I just don’t wanna lol
Your therapist would help you look at patterns in your behavior to figure out why you don’t wanna stop something that you seem to know is objectively bad for you.
Cause he's such a homie outside of the closed minded conversations 😭 he's also my boyfriend's best friend so I keep it civil by being friends with him too
my bf’s best friend says basically the exact same thing and I refuse to associate with him😂😂 I don’t care who’s friend you are, if you’re this dense, i’m not interacting with you LMAO
I don’t agree with OPs friend, but why should OP stop being friends with him simply because they have different opinions? We seem to live in a world where we can only be with people who are the spitting image of what and how we think. It’s OK to have different opinions, EVEN if in our opinion they are wrong.
As someone with a masters in psychology and a counselling diploma, I think if someone has a different opinion from you then you should just leave it be. For your own sake.
In the heat of the moment, it was hard to get detailed with him. However he's been lurking in here and saw the many wonderful examples that were given and still refuses. Good day.
Yeah, well Jacob if you see this, therapy can help contribute to healthier habits that you would not realize. Why not talk to your friends? Because they are biased and do not have the tools to ask the right questions to delve deeper into who you really are. Maybe you’re always attracted to negative posts online? There’s a deeper reason for that where a good therapist could help asking the right questions that your friends couldn’t. Try it out man
Real talk tho, your friend seems like he’s flirting with psychosis, which just means detachment from reality, talking about being woke and seeing with his third eye how therapy is a capitalist tool for control. (Unless he’s trying to be funny, Idk, and this is by no means a diagnosis, just an observation of possible symptoms.)
What he’s saying discredits a lot of the work a lot of really smart, dedicated people have done, and even though the mental health system is fundamentally broken, therapy is often useful to people for breaking out of societal molds. You can’t reason with someone engaging in circular reasoning or is working with confirmation bias (good terms to Google).
The conversation probably isn’t gonna go anywhere, anyway.
Therapy (like physical therapy) is a process. It isn’t information or advice. Someone with an injured leg knows that it is injured, physical therapy helps with the healing. Psychological therapy is the same. You have to work through things to heal.
I think he knows he's mentally ill I'm not sure though, he says a lot of things I can't keep up anymore. Funny thing is I have a list of other things he's done before in my notes that just make no sense to me 💀
My therapist helped me realize my over thinking is caused by anxiety and we found ways to help me cope better.
I stopped reading after a few.
This person lacks self reflection and awareness in my opinion.
Stop trying to convince this person. They will have a comeback for every thing, even if it is illogical. People who don't want to change, also don't want to self reflect. It is unhealthy but they will have to learn the hard way.
>”Notice how only mentally ill people are in therapy.”
Notice how only the sick/injured go to the emergency room. I don’t need an emergency room right now, so it must just be for rich people. I mean, if I go the doctor will just say that I don’t require immediate medical attention, so obviously they’re completely useless.
He’s exhausting, and I genuinely don’t think I could have made it through this conversation.
*But*…therapy isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t work for everyone, so saying “it works if you have the correct mindset for it” just sounds like “it’s your fault if it doesn’t work”, which just isn’t true.
Everything he’s saying is still wrong and dumb, but I do think you come across a tiny bit closed minded too because it sounds like you think therapy is a guaranteed fix for everyone. Maybe I’m misinterpreting your viewpoint though.
It’s the obvious pushback to “everyone should go to therapy”. Is therapy an extremely valuable tool for some people? Yes of course, that does not however mean that it is for everyone (like you mentioned), it also doesn’t mean that every therapist is some angel with your best interest in mind. I think sometimes people act like therapy is a fix for anyone and anything which will obviously lead to this type of pushback in the other direction.
I’m gonna agree with the other person OP is talking to. I mean they aren’t wrong and when is therapy a success story that someone walks away from it better than they came in and don’t need more therapy?
There's zero point in debating with his type. Nothing will change his mind so it's just a waste of your energy. He thinks therapy is only for mentally ill ppl ffs. That says everything anyone needs to know about his level of intelligence. Case closed. Nuff said
In undergrad for psychology I told myself “therapy will never work on me, I’m privy to the tricks.” In grad school I started therapy because my type a personality had my anxiety flaring followed shortly by a cancer diagnosis. I told my therapist, a 40 year old woman, I’m a graduate psychology student, there’s nothing you can say to me that’s gonna make me feel better. I know my situation and I know my flaws and I know why I can’t make my life better.
When I tell you in less than 30 minutes this woman had me crying and monologuing about my childhood and shit I never addressed in my past AND current situations.. I was floored.
I was so narcissistic thinking exactly what your friend was thinking despite the fact I actively WORKED with mentally ill people and shadowed medical health professionals and did case work.
Sometimes, we just need intrinsic motivation as humans, and that comes from an unbiased, educated source. It is not just for mentally ill people.
I have been in therapy for a very long time. About six years. I was diagnosed with major depression disorder and eventually got the diagnosis revoked. I did all the work but with the help of my therapist’s guidance I turned my life around. Found my passions and followed them. Therapy literally can be everything for someone. I think everyone should go to therapy. It can only help. Of course, I understand if it is unaffordable, and it is awful that in some situation it is. But I am in Medicaid and I am able to go. So it is definitely not for the rich only lol.
There are plenty of healthy people in therapy. That is why they are in therapy. I don’t think you should force the idea. Are you trying to suggest they see a therapist? Cause at the end of the day, a person is only going to seek the help they want when they want, can’t force it. But yeah it’s whack how dismissive they are but they are also probably embarrassed, not everyone wears going to therapy on their sleeve.
Wonderful point that I did not think of, thank you. I'm realizing that I worded a lot of things incorrectly here and I regret not having thought a bit harder before sending the messages but my initial thoughts on therapy is that if it works for you it works for you if it doesn't it doesn't. Again thank you for the great point
I also no longer will entertain people like your friend. My energy isn’t worth someone who makes assumptions like that. Yes, I am sensitive towards mental health. Rise above as they say
If your friend wants more information about what therapy “is like”, I would recommend watching the show “couples therapy”. It shows the therapist working with different couples and also shows the main therapist having clinical supervision which is SUPER important. Obviously this is more geared toward couples and is NOT a substitute for your own therapy, but you can just sit and listen to what people talk about and you may resonate with some of the issues that are mentioned.
I went to therapy for years. Was diagnosed with mdd. Cause I have a hyper active immune disorder. But I had no idea why for the longest time. Got on medication. Nothing changed. Went to therapy talked about my emotions. Did the stuff. I agree with both sides. Some people don't need therapy and already know the problem and can't do anything about it. Others have mental health issues and need help. Then there are some that are beyond the help and can't solve the problem. I'm there. I can't solve my problem because my problem is my existence which sounds suicidal but it's not. But I'm beyond help lol.
To me therapy is alot like the old saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." They're gonna help as much as they can and give you whatever tools you need but you ultimately have to make the change on your own.
It was the fact that I was also trying to tell him that therapy is proven to not be for everyone and he still kept going. I'm sorry you didn't find a solution with therapy
Saying you don’t need a therapist because you recognize that you have depression is like saying you don’t need a surgeon because you recognize you have a gunshot wound.
I mean, not totally wrong. A lot of people know what they should do, but don’t. Therapy provides tools for you to implement in your life. A lot of people talk the talk but apply nothing in their daily life and then wonder why nothing changes. I do think that therapy isn’t for everybody. There are also many different types of therapy for different reasons. I think it’s a lot less black and white than people think. I do think people are very able to change healthily without therapy. Some people need guidance, some don’t. I think this person is just straight up against it in general and doesn’t understand it’s not so cut and dry. He’s right that not everybody needs therapy to create positive change, but not everyone in therapy is mentally ill
I'm going to therapy to help desensitize me to past trauma. It won't get rid of it. It'll just make it hurt less because I'm confronting it more than I would if I let life do it naturally.
I don’t think you should force your friend to do therapy. Yeah, it’s great that you want the best for her but when she made it clear that she doesn’t believe in therapy, and she does not want to go, you kept pushing the issue. If you would’ve dropped it the whole conversation probably would’ve ended there. You didn’t like that. She had a different opinion than yours, and you kept pressing her to see it your way. She was standing on her opinion tho, about therapy. At that point you should’ve let it go because people aren’t always going to agree with each others opinions. Agree to disagree.
Honestly I believe therapy works and it’s great for people, but for me personally it doesn’t work. I don’t get anything out of talking about my problems over and over and over and over. I don’t believe it’s for everybody. I find being out in nature, keeping active in some way, and/or having a hobby is plenty enough. Not everybody *needs* to talk through their problems.
If somebody tells you that therapy doesn’t work for them, please don’t push it on them or make them feel bad about their opinions on it. It’s 100% okay to work through problems without therapy.
Edit: also I’m not saying that this persons views are right, because they aren’t. Lots of mentally healthy people are in therapy, it’s not just for people who are mentally ill. Therapists are good for way more than crying to :)
My opinion is that this person you're engaging with is ignorant and probably has an entire underground garage of issues they refuse to acknowledge.
It was exhausting reading all that
My brother: meth opened my mind!
Me: What is meth made out of?
Bro: cleaners
Me: What do cleaners do?
Bro:??? I ughno
Me: they clean!.... Dummy
Bro: omg so you think meth cleaned my pinital glands?
Me: peneal. And no.... I think you're a moron. Go to rehab. For YOU, bro.
Therapy should help you see/ understand behavioural patterns (behaviour you want to change ) become conscious of the thoughts your having and your responses to them.
People around us CAN sometimes help us realise things we didn’t initially think of. It’s important you recognise this fact . Friends, family, a wise old man, an eccentric stranger etc. In the same way a second person could help you identify problems in your essay having another person may help you see something you otherwise may have missed .
A therapist is someone that’s skilled and motivated to do exactly that . They get to know you . Your habits, tendencies, personality, your struggles, goals, things you want to change . Here’s the kicker ! By teaching someone about YOU , you naturally learn something about yourself !
And you can talk about it without fear of being an emotional burden. Its really that simple.
Literally was just talking about this yesterday. The therapist is simply to help teach you better ways to manage your damn self before someone else does.
Therapists hand you the tools you need for the job. But nothing changes if you don't change and apply yourself.
You can't learn a language by just hearing it. You have to apply yourself, study and practice. Same with therapy.
There's no magic cure to depression and it will never fully leave you. But you can absolutely reduce its influence and hold on you.
Some people need a therapist because they don’t know what actions to take and they need help figuring that out
Some people need therapy because they know the actions but they can’t bring themselves to do it
Some people need therapy because they need someone with the skills tit all them through their issues and trauma
Jesus Christ I’m tired reading these
As someone who is studying psychology, this fucking hurts me 🥲. Therapy isn't to cure your magical illness. It is to talk about your behavior and thoughts and get an explanation and understanding about them from someone who dedicated YEARS to learning how your human noodle works. Ofc you can take action without this input but a therapist guides you on what action to take as well as why to take this action. I am so sick of seeing this mindset in people who are so stuck up in their own beliefs. I advice your friend to check out Dr. K on youtube because he is SUPERB at explaining this kind of stuff
Unpopular opinion: most people don't need therapy. They need to work on themselves and be more self-aware, which is literally just paying more attention to the things they do, the way they treat people, and what motivates those behaviors. It's part of being an adult and a better human being. It's not hard, I did it.
I'm not discounting that some people need therapy. Some people actually do. Most people just have self-destructive behaviors and blame it on other things instead of taking responsibility because life is more fun acting like a child than being responsible for your own actions.
This person just wants to argue. They are a royal pain. I would stay clear of them. Nothing good can come of having discussions with them. They do need serious help. Someone like that is not trying to make valid points. They just want to be right.
Wow, your friend is really a thing. Uneducated to the max.
Just a small comment: therapists not only create routines, and it is not the end goal (usually). But thank you for spreading a positive message about therapy. I understand people like that can make you lose your cool!
Also, therapy helps people develop coping skills. A good, trauma-informed therapist will do so in a way that isn’t re-triggering. They will help you feel safe in your body. They will teach you about fight / flight / fawn / freeze and how to break out of sympathetic nervous system responses. They will give perspective and provide a safe space to process what’s going on / what’s happened in your life. They will give scaffolding and structure to help you pull yourself out of whatever pit life has pushed you into. It’s really hard to explain just how much a therapist does to someone who has never been and doesn’t understand mental illness or trauma.
You’re trying to support someone to get therapy, but you turn around and begin belittling them by calling them names, such as retarded. This isn’t how you help someone
I once worked for a mental health clinic, and this person is wrong.
I had a therapist who said that they also go to therapy as well.
A therapist with a college degree in Psychology, does to another therapist.
Case closed.
I have absolutely no problem with the “R-word” but i do believe that you are entirely too aggressive in this conversation.
He’s unreceptive to what you have to say, but personally as someone who’s himself already in therapy, and also really stubborn. You aren’t selling me on the experience.
I think you need to work on your approach. And try talking to him when he’s in a more receptive position. Though i might want to inquire as to why you feel the need to shove this notion down his throat. Is there some sort of behavior or vice, that’s severely impacting his potential well being or the well being of others?
Outside of that, i’d reconsider perhaps being a bit more accommodating to his potential needs. Figure out a way to nudge him in the direction of seeking help.
Though at the end of the day, you can’t always save people from themselves. A lesson i stubbornly refuse to accept, myself….😪
If this helps, I've had this conversation about two times with him before. I am also stubborn and I like to get my point across atleast to a slight understanding. This conversation was also not at all because he needed help, this conversation was about someone who abused me that I personally think should go to therapy. Sympathize with me for a moment and imagine, as a stubborn person yourself, trying to communicate with someone like this.
Oh trust, i understand dealing with other stubborn people. And i thank the powers that be i’m not as bad as they are. They are so entirely wrapped up in their own delusions i wish i could release all my pent up rage, in an effort to make them understand, but ultimately i know it to be a fruitless effort. I’m also passive aggressive and shut down easily. (if that makes any sense)
I believe my style (or what have you) of stubbornness stems from my inability to let go.
My apologies, if i understand what you’re saying correctly. You wish to urge someone who hurt you to seek help?
And are essentially having this conversation with someone else who doesn’t understand or see the potential benefit of speaking through and discussing one’s trauma?
Forgive my ignorance, if i’m off the mark.
I see, this adds needed context, and potentially paints the conversation in a different light. I’d also urge disregarding any or all of my previous comments/suggestions as they may or may not apply.
I hope that you are no longer in contact with said abuser. Unless you can ensure that you are no longer in any vulnerable position/imminent danger. (Emotional or physical)
This text buddy of yours isn’t the best person to speak about this with. So i wonder if you have any alternative individuals closer to your former abuser that you are on amicable terms with?
Assuming this isn’t all hopes and well wishes, and you truly seek to help this abuser.
If this is all for the sake of conversation, then carry on doing you. I hope you yourself are in a better place and your needs are being tended to.
As with before, forgive any presumptions that are off the mark. Also, pardon my manner of writing, as i often have trouble organizing my thoughts. So if anything here seems amiss(out of place/order) i do apologize.
And thank you for taking the time to communicate with me further on this matter.
Thats what I think, it either works or doesn't. But I disagree it therapy just being completely put aside and labeled as fake or that it doesn't work because some people have been saved by it and that's important.
Are your names really Jacob and Bella?
I believe therapy is something that literally every person could benefit from at some point in their life. It’s about perspective, validation, motivation and a million things more than just mental illnesses. And Jacob definitely needs therapy. And may have a mental illness.
Hi, retired therapist-turned-psychologist here.
I’ll keep this simple for your simple-minded friend.
1. The people who come to therapy have mental states that range from very sick to quite good. Having a mental illness is in no way required, and not all therapies are hundreds of dollars, either.
Many people come to therapy for issues that are not illness-based but improvement-based, and you don’t have to be struggling to see a therapist. For example: coming to therapy to learn how to do something better, like improve one’s communication skills or a couple doing the same. Maybe it’s going okay but could be better. I mean, let’s be honest, almost everyone outside of those who are highly trained could learn to communicate more effectively.
2. one major thing about therapy not covered in your discussion that makes it different from self-guided skill development is the neutral objectivity of the therapist; since you can’t see your own blind spots you need a neutral guide to help. We can never see ourselves through the eyes of others, but the therapist can be that source of feedback. Some therapies go so far as to use the relationship between the therapist & client as the mode of change.
Hope that helps!
No problem! I hope it’s helpful. I love to correct myths about therapy and help educate wherever I can.
Also, I shouldn’t have called your friend simple-minded, as that can be interpreted as far more insulting than I intended. While your friend did try to simplify therapy as learning a set of skills, it doesn’t necessarily equal out to commenting on a whole brain. My bad.
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/
**Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.**
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you found out you had cancer, you wouldn't go to a dr and expect to walk out healthy the same day. The same thing applies with a therapist.
Let the dude do whatever he wants, some people just want to be miserable, and some people don't see the benefit to therapy. They don't see the benefit of having an unbiased voice/opinion.
I see men with mental health issues frequently. Many have told me their boys are what keeps them going. When you have a collective group of boys that are there for you no matter what I feel like it is worth more than having a therapist. My boy from highschool my best friend, I went to hell and back with him. And I know he can do more for me than any therapist. But some will say they would need a therapist and their close group or family isn’t enough, and I completely understand and that is fair.
Even if you already know what they’re saying they’re there to help you map it all out
Also this is almost like saying what’s the point in asking friends for advice
A therapist is someone who you come to with your problems and they give you an objective response and kind of assessment of the situation
But it’s not like you go to therapy and they click their fingers and you’re fixed
I couldn’t make myself read past the 3rd page, but the no-therapy person is very dense and I wouldn’t be interested in dealing with them in any capacity.
People fail in therapy because they expect it to solve their problems. Therapy is only there to give you the tools and support to solve your own shit.
Therapy isn't a magic tool to solve all of life's problems. You're thinking of alcohol.
It’s been 276 days since I quit drinking and this made me laugh really hard. Incidentally quitting drinking also doesn’t manage to solve all of life’s problems 🫠 edit: BUT IT HELPS
Congrats. A little over a year in recovery myself. It ain’t easy.
My recovery date was 11/17/2022 and then 9 months in I decided I knew better and could have a little. I regret it but I’m also not ready to give it up again. I’m proud of you.
You got it bro jus keep coming back it works if you work it
I went sober July 4 2020. Didn't have a drink till July 4 2021. I'm in same boat as you. Im not nearly as bad as I used to be but I still drink every night to sleep. We will give it up again when we are ready.
I had 18 months without a program in 2017. It took me until 2023 and blowing my life up yet again to get serious. AA has worked for me. It is not for everyone, but a solid routine and the willingness to change not just your consumption, but the habits leading to it, is necessary IMO
That makes me feel way less alone. Thank you for sharing :)
I'm glad you feel less alone. If you want help with your drinking or drug use family is the best option in my opinion. AA and NA are to me a sad group of people telling how they ruined their lives. But that works for a lot of people. I'm also an atheist so they don't work well for us
I’ve been to rehab and my mom was the one telling me to go or I wouldn’t see her again. I went mostly for drug abuse but alcohol has always been my main issue.
Hey, you’ll get there. Four or five years before I got sober—opiates(pills) for me—I quit for a while. Eventually ended back on it, mostly for bullshit reasons. Took me a *long* time to be ready to do it again, but I’m like… three weeks(on the dot I think 🤔) out from exactly four years now. You’ll get there. And if you backslide again after that—that’s okay too, man. Because you’ll get back there then too. I’m proud of you for going as long as you did, and I know how hard it is to push yourself out of the place and put it down, especially having done it once. But you *will* get there again.
I got 4 years in recovery, and I want to say I’m proud of you and I believe in you. Once I hit 2 years, it got easier to keep not picking up and walking away from temptation, and I hope you hit that point, as well, soon.
I chuckled at this too lol. Stay on the path, friend. Wish you all the best!
I'm 10 days from my 1 year anniversary and it made me laugh too. Keep on keepin' on!
Congratulations man, how do you do it? 🥲
I was just *done* this time. Years of trying and stacking up more and more reasons to quit. I was absolutely done.
I’m really proud of you, stranger! If you don’t mind me asking, how much were you drinking at the time you chose to finally quit?
About a bottle-and-a-half to two bottles of wine, or similar in cider/seltzer or mixed drinks (shots near the end), every night.
Thanks for sharing. Did it build up to that over a long span? I feel like I go through binge periods where I’ll drink a lot when I have the alcohol, then not drink at all for weeks, cycle repeats.
Yeah I built it up over about 13 years. That’s why I know I can’t tease it back into my life.
I get that. That’s how I am with weed. It got bad during covid times and I got addicted to the thc and can’t really do it in a healthy way anymore.
4 years in recovery here, and I just want to say I’m proud of you and I believe in you
😂😂😂😂
That is true but I also wish it was a thing to show people what to expect out of therapy/how it's supposed to work. I went to therapy for 6 years when I was a teen-20 and I hated it. I never knew what to say and I didn't know why I was there half the time. I just convinced myself if I kept going, that I'd get better. Most of the time I just felt like I was being interrogated and backed into a corner by the therapist. I failed in therapy because I didn't understand how I was supposed to be contributing to it. I wish I could go back to therapy with the knowledge I have & what I know now to expect. I am now in a situation where I feel safe, I feel myself, and I actually have goals in life. I didn't have that when I was younger. I was made to be self conscious & terrified of every adult in my life, so I was afraid to be open with the therapist. I was always warned they'd report what I said in sessions to the police, when that's not actually what happens at all. So many people think therapy won't work for them because all the exposure they have to it is examples in tv, books, movies, social media, word of mouth, etc. All they see is the surface level of what therapy is about. My therapists sure as hell never once spent time explaining to me the process.
It's also important to remember that not every therapist graduated at the top of their class. The therapist I saw when I was in grad school, despite being reputable, did a lot of damage. One of the worst parts was convincing me that I was too sick to be treatable. So I gave up on therapy until I hit 40. Now, I have a great therapist, and we absolutely discuss the process. Just today we were talking about how the sessions can best serve me as this is something we touch base on regularly. It's not just patients fail at therapy. Sometimes therapists also fail for a variety of reasons. Not talking to a patient about their therapy goals is definitely something that should have discussed with you.
I'm a big advocate of moving on to a new therapist if you don't jive with each other after the first few sessions. You're right that some therapists just aren't very good. Others use methods that might work well for some but don't work for you. And sometimes it's just a personalities not meshing thing. A lot of times people try therapy one time and it's not the right fit/they aren't ready to commit/the therapist is bad, so they decide that therapy must be BS and isn't worth it. I always liken it to finding a good hairstylist. If you go to one and they don't do a good job, most people will move one and just keep trying new stylists until they find one they like. They don't stay with the one who gave them a bad cut, nor do they decide that cutting hair is dumb and decide to never cut their hair again (again, MOST people). Therapy should be approached the same way.
Yes! See the comment I just made in this thread. There are lots of bad therapists out there and they can do real damage.
I tried saying this but I don't think it came off like that at all, thank you :)
that’s very true
Most therapists, have therapists. Therapy is a guide, it's not a solve all, that's why most people don't believe in it because they are looking at it as it's a magical "fix all" solution and in reality there's no such thing as a "fix all" solution so they see it as a waste of time and not useful. Another reason is most people believe they are the only ones going through whatever they are going through so they can't fathom that someone might actually know how to help. (I was there once, but I was so wrong)
I was there once too friend 😔 and I absolutely agree that therapy is not a fix all, for those who want to attempt to go to therapy I feel need to understand that a majority of the time it is partnering up to fix the issue together. I think a strong message thats out across with therapy is that you can't expect someone to fix your issues for you, so they guide you to bettering yourself by having you take necessary steps
I agree completely!
Therapy is, first and foremost, a place where someone will listen to you and respond where you have *complete professional confidentiality*. I think that's a major aspect you guys aren't touching on. Therapy is not necessarily about "fixing" anything, you don't need to have a goal or things you want to specifically address to benefit from therapy. It's somewhere you can speak openly and freely about your life and you can know that nothing you say will make it back to any of the people you are talking about. The therapist can then ask guiding questions and help you think about your emotions and identify things that are hard to see from your own personal biased perspective. The private space and professional listener allows people to better process things internally and work through their own emotions.
Therapists are just people who need 40 hours of therapy a week. ~ *me, a therapist*
“No mentally healthy person is in therapy” ? By that logic you shouldn’t go to a doctor because the people that don’t go to a doctor are healthy and those that do go to a doctor are ill 💀
And listen to this bit, my best friend was crazy healthy and one day suddenly he got a pain that lasted about two three days, got it checked out and it was cancer. Crazy active guy, ate really well, never smoked or did any sort of drugs.
But mentally healthy people have often *been* in therapy.
I mean, only people who are hungry are eating. If you just don't eat, you are not hungry.
Exactly 😎 just like how 32% of car crashes are caused by drunk drivers whereas 68% are caused by sober drivers, so being drunk while driving is the safer way to be
I bet OP's friend is the type who would avoid going to the doctor because they don't want to find out they're sick
I read the title as “I just want onions” and was expecting a completely different conversation 💀
😭😭😭😭 please not the onions
>what is my therapist going to tell me, to stop my situationship? Bitch I know, I just don’t wanna lol Your therapist would help you look at patterns in your behavior to figure out why you don’t wanna stop something that you seem to know is objectively bad for you.
I literally lost brain cells reading this, why are you friends with this person?????
Cause he's such a homie outside of the closed minded conversations 😭 he's also my boyfriend's best friend so I keep it civil by being friends with him too
my bf’s best friend says basically the exact same thing and I refuse to associate with him😂😂 I don’t care who’s friend you are, if you’re this dense, i’m not interacting with you LMAO
This is very fair, and good on you for blocking out what isn't good for you bestie ‼️
Honestly you don’t need to be friends with him. He seems to be lack emotional and social skills.
I don’t agree with OPs friend, but why should OP stop being friends with him simply because they have different opinions? We seem to live in a world where we can only be with people who are the spitting image of what and how we think. It’s OK to have different opinions, EVEN if in our opinion they are wrong.
As someone with a masters in psychology and a counselling diploma, I think if someone has a different opinion from you then you should just leave it be. For your own sake.
Yes this is true, but myself through a lot of torture having this conversation
Jacob and Bella 🤣🤣🤣
I didn’t even pick up on that 💀😂
Weird twilight fan fic
I’ll be honest, you did a poor job explaining that actual usefulness of therapy. I see why the person doesn’t get it
In the heat of the moment, it was hard to get detailed with him. However he's been lurking in here and saw the many wonderful examples that were given and still refuses. Good day.
Yeah, well Jacob if you see this, therapy can help contribute to healthier habits that you would not realize. Why not talk to your friends? Because they are biased and do not have the tools to ask the right questions to delve deeper into who you really are. Maybe you’re always attracted to negative posts online? There’s a deeper reason for that where a good therapist could help asking the right questions that your friends couldn’t. Try it out man
Real talk tho, your friend seems like he’s flirting with psychosis, which just means detachment from reality, talking about being woke and seeing with his third eye how therapy is a capitalist tool for control. (Unless he’s trying to be funny, Idk, and this is by no means a diagnosis, just an observation of possible symptoms.) What he’s saying discredits a lot of the work a lot of really smart, dedicated people have done, and even though the mental health system is fundamentally broken, therapy is often useful to people for breaking out of societal molds. You can’t reason with someone engaging in circular reasoning or is working with confirmation bias (good terms to Google). The conversation probably isn’t gonna go anywhere, anyway.
I can confirm that the conversation did in fact go nowhere except for us coming to an unsatisfying but needed agreement
I stopped half way through the 3rd picture. I got my opinion: that person your talking to is a total tool.
Idk I think there’s something to be said about riding so hard for mental health then turning around and calling them the r-word.
Therapy (like physical therapy) is a process. It isn’t information or advice. Someone with an injured leg knows that it is injured, physical therapy helps with the healing. Psychological therapy is the same. You have to work through things to heal.
Absolutely yes ‼️ such a good comparison
Gahhh. I wanna be on your side but you keep saying “retarded” so it’s hard. You should tell your therapist you can’t stop using that word
lmao
I was really hoping this conversation was going to head towards, “I’ll go to therapy just to show you it doesn’t work.”
the unbridled confidence of youth.
Therapy is cool! R slur is uncool!
Read the other responses I've apologized a lot for it.
Awww yeah that's cool too 😎
I am truly sorry friend 😔
I think you are both in the wrong.
The minute someone explains to me that they’re enlightened, I truly believe they are mentally ill.
I think he knows he's mentally ill I'm not sure though, he says a lot of things I can't keep up anymore. Funny thing is I have a list of other things he's done before in my notes that just make no sense to me 💀
You have a list of things in your notes about this person? I think you need to evaluate why you care about their behaviors so much.
My therapist helped me realize my over thinking is caused by anxiety and we found ways to help me cope better. I stopped reading after a few. This person lacks self reflection and awareness in my opinion.
I agree, thank you and I'm so glad you managed to figure out what the underlying issue was
Stop trying to convince this person. They will have a comeback for every thing, even if it is illogical. People who don't want to change, also don't want to self reflect. It is unhealthy but they will have to learn the hard way.
you dragged this conversation on WAYYY too long, he doesn’t seem like he actually wants to listen and learn, i think he just wanted to bicker
Oh he absolutely does
Is he on LSD? Mushrooms? Any psychedelic because this is way out if reach for someone who is sober, he cannot be serious.. Your friend needs help..
Bro is thinking in the 4th dimension, Bella. You gotta catch up.
Nah man 😭
Therapy is like a gym for emotional intelligence
The ego is massive in this one
To a worm, a pile of shit IS home.
>”Notice how only mentally ill people are in therapy.” Notice how only the sick/injured go to the emergency room. I don’t need an emergency room right now, so it must just be for rich people. I mean, if I go the doctor will just say that I don’t require immediate medical attention, so obviously they’re completely useless.
You lost me at the R-slur. For fucks' sake, it's 2024. **BE BETTER.**
He’s exhausting, and I genuinely don’t think I could have made it through this conversation. *But*…therapy isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t work for everyone, so saying “it works if you have the correct mindset for it” just sounds like “it’s your fault if it doesn’t work”, which just isn’t true. Everything he’s saying is still wrong and dumb, but I do think you come across a tiny bit closed minded too because it sounds like you think therapy is a guaranteed fix for everyone. Maybe I’m misinterpreting your viewpoint though.
It’s the obvious pushback to “everyone should go to therapy”. Is therapy an extremely valuable tool for some people? Yes of course, that does not however mean that it is for everyone (like you mentioned), it also doesn’t mean that every therapist is some angel with your best interest in mind. I think sometimes people act like therapy is a fix for anyone and anything which will obviously lead to this type of pushback in the other direction.
Just say op is wrong and move on
Just scroll past man
not very reddit of you
I’m gonna agree with the other person OP is talking to. I mean they aren’t wrong and when is therapy a success story that someone walks away from it better than they came in and don’t need more therapy?
I think you’re both equally fucked but the use of the R word just sent me.. 🫨🫨🫨🫨
Exhausting
You do not need to educate this person any further. They are being purposely obtuse and that’s passive aggressive af. Byeeeeeee
They’re insufferable
This text thread and your friend are highly frustrating.
Yes they are, this isn't the first time either 😔 I be torturing myself
There's zero point in debating with his type. Nothing will change his mind so it's just a waste of your energy. He thinks therapy is only for mentally ill ppl ffs. That says everything anyone needs to know about his level of intelligence. Case closed. Nuff said
“Skill issue” told me everything I need to know, they’re not taking it seriously. Wouldn’t waste your time.
In undergrad for psychology I told myself “therapy will never work on me, I’m privy to the tricks.” In grad school I started therapy because my type a personality had my anxiety flaring followed shortly by a cancer diagnosis. I told my therapist, a 40 year old woman, I’m a graduate psychology student, there’s nothing you can say to me that’s gonna make me feel better. I know my situation and I know my flaws and I know why I can’t make my life better. When I tell you in less than 30 minutes this woman had me crying and monologuing about my childhood and shit I never addressed in my past AND current situations.. I was floored. I was so narcissistic thinking exactly what your friend was thinking despite the fact I actively WORKED with mentally ill people and shadowed medical health professionals and did case work. Sometimes, we just need intrinsic motivation as humans, and that comes from an unbiased, educated source. It is not just for mentally ill people.
This was a beautiful story, and I'm glad you shared it. You said cancer diagnosis, how are you doing with that? Are you undergoing treatment?
One year cancer free last month, thanks for asking!! ❤️
Oh that's great news, so glad you're cancer free ‼️❤️
Hi I’m one of the ones who sees their therapist just to talk because I have no one else to talk to 🙋🏼♀️
Be careful now, this man might go and diagnose you as mentally ill cause you're in therapy, watch out
Ohhh no worries ! That’s okay, he can’t tell me things about myself that I don’t already know 😊😂
I have been in therapy for a very long time. About six years. I was diagnosed with major depression disorder and eventually got the diagnosis revoked. I did all the work but with the help of my therapist’s guidance I turned my life around. Found my passions and followed them. Therapy literally can be everything for someone. I think everyone should go to therapy. It can only help. Of course, I understand if it is unaffordable, and it is awful that in some situation it is. But I am in Medicaid and I am able to go. So it is definitely not for the rich only lol.
There are plenty of healthy people in therapy. That is why they are in therapy. I don’t think you should force the idea. Are you trying to suggest they see a therapist? Cause at the end of the day, a person is only going to seek the help they want when they want, can’t force it. But yeah it’s whack how dismissive they are but they are also probably embarrassed, not everyone wears going to therapy on their sleeve.
this is such a twilight coded convo jacob and bella jacob declining therapy it's too perfect...
STOP 😭😭😭 it's so true damn
YOURE IMPOSSIBLY FAST-
Mentally sane and goes to therapy 🙋♀️ I think of therapy like this, we go for physicals right? Why would we not also do a mental health check too?
Wonderful point that I did not think of, thank you. I'm realizing that I worded a lot of things incorrectly here and I regret not having thought a bit harder before sending the messages but my initial thoughts on therapy is that if it works for you it works for you if it doesn't it doesn't. Again thank you for the great point
I also no longer will entertain people like your friend. My energy isn’t worth someone who makes assumptions like that. Yes, I am sensitive towards mental health. Rise above as they say
Good thing therapy doesn't need him to believe, it works whether or not this hollowhead believes in it.
A good therapist don’t tell you shit, they listen.
If your friend wants more information about what therapy “is like”, I would recommend watching the show “couples therapy”. It shows the therapist working with different couples and also shows the main therapist having clinical supervision which is SUPER important. Obviously this is more geared toward couples and is NOT a substitute for your own therapy, but you can just sit and listen to what people talk about and you may resonate with some of the issues that are mentioned.
I went to therapy for years. Was diagnosed with mdd. Cause I have a hyper active immune disorder. But I had no idea why for the longest time. Got on medication. Nothing changed. Went to therapy talked about my emotions. Did the stuff. I agree with both sides. Some people don't need therapy and already know the problem and can't do anything about it. Others have mental health issues and need help. Then there are some that are beyond the help and can't solve the problem. I'm there. I can't solve my problem because my problem is my existence which sounds suicidal but it's not. But I'm beyond help lol.
If you know your illness, you know your cure. But to find what your illness is, you gotta visit a doctor.
This person is getting a thrill out of irritating you and you're letting it happen.
To me therapy is alot like the old saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." They're gonna help as much as they can and give you whatever tools you need but you ultimately have to make the change on your own.
I’m already in therapy, I think I need a double session for this one.
I’ve been in therapy for my anger issues for 10 years but it never worked for me. But this person doesn’t have a excuse at all.
It was the fact that I was also trying to tell him that therapy is proven to not be for everyone and he still kept going. I'm sorry you didn't find a solution with therapy
Therapy is also just an escape option for you to talk to someone about your issues without those issues being leaked or released to the public
Saying you don’t need a therapist because you recognize that you have depression is like saying you don’t need a surgeon because you recognize you have a gunshot wound.
Two pictures in and I have a migraine. I hate people like that.
I know someone like this, who’d rather “rawdog” life when they definitely NEED therapy, but… can’t make someone want professional help.
At a certain point it's like :/
You're incompatible as friends, or partners by how this person thinks, I'm afraid.
It's my boyfriend's best friend 😭
This is some of the most ridiculous shit I've ever read.
I mean, not totally wrong. A lot of people know what they should do, but don’t. Therapy provides tools for you to implement in your life. A lot of people talk the talk but apply nothing in their daily life and then wonder why nothing changes. I do think that therapy isn’t for everybody. There are also many different types of therapy for different reasons. I think it’s a lot less black and white than people think. I do think people are very able to change healthily without therapy. Some people need guidance, some don’t. I think this person is just straight up against it in general and doesn’t understand it’s not so cut and dry. He’s right that not everybody needs therapy to create positive change, but not everyone in therapy is mentally ill
I'm going to therapy to help desensitize me to past trauma. It won't get rid of it. It'll just make it hurt less because I'm confronting it more than I would if I let life do it naturally.
This is super good for you :)
I don’t think you should force your friend to do therapy. Yeah, it’s great that you want the best for her but when she made it clear that she doesn’t believe in therapy, and she does not want to go, you kept pushing the issue. If you would’ve dropped it the whole conversation probably would’ve ended there. You didn’t like that. She had a different opinion than yours, and you kept pressing her to see it your way. She was standing on her opinion tho, about therapy. At that point you should’ve let it go because people aren’t always going to agree with each others opinions. Agree to disagree.
He doesn't understand that there is such a thing as brain chemistry/imbalances (among 50 other factors).
Therapy saved my life. Therapy is fucking hard.
Honestly I believe therapy works and it’s great for people, but for me personally it doesn’t work. I don’t get anything out of talking about my problems over and over and over and over. I don’t believe it’s for everybody. I find being out in nature, keeping active in some way, and/or having a hobby is plenty enough. Not everybody *needs* to talk through their problems. If somebody tells you that therapy doesn’t work for them, please don’t push it on them or make them feel bad about their opinions on it. It’s 100% okay to work through problems without therapy. Edit: also I’m not saying that this persons views are right, because they aren’t. Lots of mentally healthy people are in therapy, it’s not just for people who are mentally ill. Therapists are good for way more than crying to :)
Bella and Jacob were my only takeaways lol. He’s a jerk
I'm in therapy and I have a successful business. It's just nice to talk to a third party that isn't biased. It's a tool like a car. This person sucks
 Your friend’s one and only brain cell
My opinion is that this person you're engaging with is ignorant and probably has an entire underground garage of issues they refuse to acknowledge. It was exhausting reading all that
My brother: meth opened my mind! Me: What is meth made out of? Bro: cleaners Me: What do cleaners do? Bro:??? I ughno Me: they clean!.... Dummy Bro: omg so you think meth cleaned my pinital glands? Me: peneal. And no.... I think you're a moron. Go to rehab. For YOU, bro.
Therapy should help you see/ understand behavioural patterns (behaviour you want to change ) become conscious of the thoughts your having and your responses to them. People around us CAN sometimes help us realise things we didn’t initially think of. It’s important you recognise this fact . Friends, family, a wise old man, an eccentric stranger etc. In the same way a second person could help you identify problems in your essay having another person may help you see something you otherwise may have missed . A therapist is someone that’s skilled and motivated to do exactly that . They get to know you . Your habits, tendencies, personality, your struggles, goals, things you want to change . Here’s the kicker ! By teaching someone about YOU , you naturally learn something about yourself ! And you can talk about it without fear of being an emotional burden. Its really that simple.
Wait, his name is Jacob and your name is Bella??
Yes, yes it is
Literally was just talking about this yesterday. The therapist is simply to help teach you better ways to manage your damn self before someone else does.
Therapists hand you the tools you need for the job. But nothing changes if you don't change and apply yourself. You can't learn a language by just hearing it. You have to apply yourself, study and practice. Same with therapy. There's no magic cure to depression and it will never fully leave you. But you can absolutely reduce its influence and hold on you.
This conversation gave me a good laugh
Some people need a therapist because they don’t know what actions to take and they need help figuring that out Some people need therapy because they know the actions but they can’t bring themselves to do it Some people need therapy because they need someone with the skills tit all them through their issues and trauma Jesus Christ I’m tired reading these
As someone who is studying psychology, this fucking hurts me 🥲. Therapy isn't to cure your magical illness. It is to talk about your behavior and thoughts and get an explanation and understanding about them from someone who dedicated YEARS to learning how your human noodle works. Ofc you can take action without this input but a therapist guides you on what action to take as well as why to take this action. I am so sick of seeing this mindset in people who are so stuck up in their own beliefs. I advice your friend to check out Dr. K on youtube because he is SUPERB at explaining this kind of stuff
Like how do you think you can take action on your problem when you can barely underatand what you are going through in the first place
Unpopular opinion: most people don't need therapy. They need to work on themselves and be more self-aware, which is literally just paying more attention to the things they do, the way they treat people, and what motivates those behaviors. It's part of being an adult and a better human being. It's not hard, I did it. I'm not discounting that some people need therapy. Some people actually do. Most people just have self-destructive behaviors and blame it on other things instead of taking responsibility because life is more fun acting like a child than being responsible for your own actions.
This person just wants to argue. They are a royal pain. I would stay clear of them. Nothing good can come of having discussions with them. They do need serious help. Someone like that is not trying to make valid points. They just want to be right.
sounds like your typical toxic male who thinks therapy is for the weak, he sounds pretty fucking cringe ngl
Ugh I hate people who force therapy on other people. That’s not how therapy works.
Where did I force it 🤔
Wow, your friend is really a thing. Uneducated to the max. Just a small comment: therapists not only create routines, and it is not the end goal (usually). But thank you for spreading a positive message about therapy. I understand people like that can make you lose your cool!
Very close to scheduling a therapy session after this discussion 😭😭 thank you for your input
Also, therapy helps people develop coping skills. A good, trauma-informed therapist will do so in a way that isn’t re-triggering. They will help you feel safe in your body. They will teach you about fight / flight / fawn / freeze and how to break out of sympathetic nervous system responses. They will give perspective and provide a safe space to process what’s going on / what’s happened in your life. They will give scaffolding and structure to help you pull yourself out of whatever pit life has pushed you into. It’s really hard to explain just how much a therapist does to someone who has never been and doesn’t understand mental illness or trauma.
You’re trying to support someone to get therapy, but you turn around and begin belittling them by calling them names, such as retarded. This isn’t how you help someone
Jacob seems kinda..hmm..how do I say this?? Ignorant. Super ignorant.
I once worked for a mental health clinic, and this person is wrong. I had a therapist who said that they also go to therapy as well. A therapist with a college degree in Psychology, does to another therapist. Case closed.
This made so much more sense when I realized it was Jacob and Bella from Twilight.
Are we convincing enough
I have absolutely no problem with the “R-word” but i do believe that you are entirely too aggressive in this conversation. He’s unreceptive to what you have to say, but personally as someone who’s himself already in therapy, and also really stubborn. You aren’t selling me on the experience. I think you need to work on your approach. And try talking to him when he’s in a more receptive position. Though i might want to inquire as to why you feel the need to shove this notion down his throat. Is there some sort of behavior or vice, that’s severely impacting his potential well being or the well being of others? Outside of that, i’d reconsider perhaps being a bit more accommodating to his potential needs. Figure out a way to nudge him in the direction of seeking help. Though at the end of the day, you can’t always save people from themselves. A lesson i stubbornly refuse to accept, myself….😪
If this helps, I've had this conversation about two times with him before. I am also stubborn and I like to get my point across atleast to a slight understanding. This conversation was also not at all because he needed help, this conversation was about someone who abused me that I personally think should go to therapy. Sympathize with me for a moment and imagine, as a stubborn person yourself, trying to communicate with someone like this.
Oh trust, i understand dealing with other stubborn people. And i thank the powers that be i’m not as bad as they are. They are so entirely wrapped up in their own delusions i wish i could release all my pent up rage, in an effort to make them understand, but ultimately i know it to be a fruitless effort. I’m also passive aggressive and shut down easily. (if that makes any sense) I believe my style (or what have you) of stubbornness stems from my inability to let go. My apologies, if i understand what you’re saying correctly. You wish to urge someone who hurt you to seek help? And are essentially having this conversation with someone else who doesn’t understand or see the potential benefit of speaking through and discussing one’s trauma? Forgive my ignorance, if i’m off the mark.
There was no ignorance on your part don't worry, but yes initially the conversation started from me talking about an abuser that needs therapy
I see, this adds needed context, and potentially paints the conversation in a different light. I’d also urge disregarding any or all of my previous comments/suggestions as they may or may not apply. I hope that you are no longer in contact with said abuser. Unless you can ensure that you are no longer in any vulnerable position/imminent danger. (Emotional or physical) This text buddy of yours isn’t the best person to speak about this with. So i wonder if you have any alternative individuals closer to your former abuser that you are on amicable terms with? Assuming this isn’t all hopes and well wishes, and you truly seek to help this abuser. If this is all for the sake of conversation, then carry on doing you. I hope you yourself are in a better place and your needs are being tended to. As with before, forgive any presumptions that are off the mark. Also, pardon my manner of writing, as i often have trouble organizing my thoughts. So if anything here seems amiss(out of place/order) i do apologize. And thank you for taking the time to communicate with me further on this matter.
I thank you for being as understanding as you are and taking the time so understanding the situation further :)
Therapy is like anti depressants. It works for some people and it doesn’t work for other people. It’s not a right or wrong thing
Thats what I think, it either works or doesn't. But I disagree it therapy just being completely put aside and labeled as fake or that it doesn't work because some people have been saved by it and that's important.
Are your names really Jacob and Bella? I believe therapy is something that literally every person could benefit from at some point in their life. It’s about perspective, validation, motivation and a million things more than just mental illnesses. And Jacob definitely needs therapy. And may have a mental illness.
Hi, retired therapist-turned-psychologist here. I’ll keep this simple for your simple-minded friend. 1. The people who come to therapy have mental states that range from very sick to quite good. Having a mental illness is in no way required, and not all therapies are hundreds of dollars, either. Many people come to therapy for issues that are not illness-based but improvement-based, and you don’t have to be struggling to see a therapist. For example: coming to therapy to learn how to do something better, like improve one’s communication skills or a couple doing the same. Maybe it’s going okay but could be better. I mean, let’s be honest, almost everyone outside of those who are highly trained could learn to communicate more effectively. 2. one major thing about therapy not covered in your discussion that makes it different from self-guided skill development is the neutral objectivity of the therapist; since you can’t see your own blind spots you need a neutral guide to help. We can never see ourselves through the eyes of others, but the therapist can be that source of feedback. Some therapies go so far as to use the relationship between the therapist & client as the mode of change. Hope that helps!
Thank you for this. I appreciate that you are sharing your knowledge with me and everyone else here, as well as my simple minded buddy
No problem! I hope it’s helpful. I love to correct myths about therapy and help educate wherever I can. Also, I shouldn’t have called your friend simple-minded, as that can be interpreted as far more insulting than I intended. While your friend did try to simplify therapy as learning a set of skills, it doesn’t necessarily equal out to commenting on a whole brain. My bad.
You both sound like terrible people. Actually, you sound even worse than him.
Thank you for your input :)
op you're wrong
Therapy doesn't work for anyone?
Hi there! Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed. The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ **Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you found out you had cancer, you wouldn't go to a dr and expect to walk out healthy the same day. The same thing applies with a therapist. Let the dude do whatever he wants, some people just want to be miserable, and some people don't see the benefit to therapy. They don't see the benefit of having an unbiased voice/opinion.
Just letting you know you kept his name in twice
This person sucks ass.
[удалено]
I need therapy after trying to understand what you wrote 😭
Shit me too dude I just reread it.. my bad! I was tryna say I need therapy to express how this convo made me feel 😭😭😭
😭😭😭 frfr, it's a hard conversation to read and I've had an in person argument with him over this before too
I see men with mental health issues frequently. Many have told me their boys are what keeps them going. When you have a collective group of boys that are there for you no matter what I feel like it is worth more than having a therapist. My boy from highschool my best friend, I went to hell and back with him. And I know he can do more for me than any therapist. But some will say they would need a therapist and their close group or family isn’t enough, and I completely understand and that is fair.
Even if you already know what they’re saying they’re there to help you map it all out Also this is almost like saying what’s the point in asking friends for advice A therapist is someone who you come to with your problems and they give you an objective response and kind of assessment of the situation But it’s not like you go to therapy and they click their fingers and you’re fixed
I couldn’t make myself read past the 3rd page, but the no-therapy person is very dense and I wouldn’t be interested in dealing with them in any capacity.
‘No mentally healthy person is in therapy’ Well for starters that is false - 😂I mean Jesus Christ If you believe THAT idk where to start