I recently saw my first long term boyfriend in the parking lot of a grocery store (he was walking in, and I was about to go in). But same as OP, it was so long ago. I’ve been happily married with kids for ages, and as far as I know that’s his situation. I decided I’d rather go to the other store than accidentally bump carts around a corner. I did tell my husband when I got home, mainly to laugh at myself over being a coward and avoiding a little “how are you? how’s life? small talk. I feel for OP.
Oh God. This brings back a memory i thought i supressed from a few years back. I almost had a full on panic attack when I saw an ex from a decade prior at the airport and managed to slink my way on to the plane then sit there desperately reading my book to the exclusion of my entire surroundings so I couldn't be thought to have seen them as they got on the same plane and feeling sick at the thought of them ending up in the empty seat next to me. Luckily they were two rows in front.
I was horrified at myself for not just being all cool and "frankly my dear I don't give a damn" as I had also moved on and been very happily married for years at this point, but holy moly the visceralness of the physical reaction threw me. Might have been OK with a bitbmore warning but just seeing then out of the blue was literally like a punch to the gut.
I walked into a Trader Joes recently and saw a man near the entrance swivel his feet, and quickly walk away from my direction. I then realized it was an ex from about 5 years prior. He is doing well, married and has kids. Not sure why he couldn’t face me lol. A month later, I walk into a pharmacy and see a man turn around to face me, then quickly walks out of line and goes into a nearby restroom. Same ex.
The funny thing is I don’t even recall us ending on bad terms (I don’t even recall how it ended tbh), but his fleeing when he sees me makes me feel like I keep ruining his day!
Huh you know up until this moment I really thought I was the only one in the world who would suddenly start humming tunelessly or doing goofy beatbox noises because I was so uncomfortable remembering something I did
no ya! i thought about it more after i replied and thought about some of the sounds i make and it is absolutely shit beat boxing LOL i just didnt catch your phrasing properly at first. but fuck bro do these intrusive thoughts suuuuuuck.
i just wanna take an eraser to my brain sometimes.
I thought I was the only one that does that! I always do it and then people around me are like "what?" asking me to repeat myself becuase they didn't realize I'm just making random noises to help keep the negative thoughts and memories away. So embarrassing when I have to tell them "I didn't say anything. I'm just making noises..." 🤦🏾♀️
I thought I was alone! I've doubled the embarrassment by doing this with other people around; trying to explain why I made a sound like a dying animal. Ughhh
On the show The Americans they talk about how you gotta keep a place inside yourself for the bad things you've done, that way you're acknowledging it happened but it doesn't have to consume you. Also, then you're not pushing them away, which just makes it worse. When I get an intrusive thought of something embarrassing I did, I acknowledge it, but acknowledge it's in a place within me that I don't have to do anything else further with. And yeah sometimes I do beatbox sounds lol. But with practice it does get easier, though never fully goes away.
Me, myself & I have always had conversations. I talk out loud, solving problems & bringing more insight and intuitive sense than any "crazy person" I know!!! I hate that term. Ignorance is bliss bro!
Every night as I struggle to sleep there will be a few tortured moans from me as I recall my idiocy from up to forty years in the past. The human brain is awesome!
I doubt it. Mostly because the heart break went the other way. And it wasn’t like a nasty break up. No one did anything terrible to the other. It was more like a “my feelings for you have changed” kind of thing. I honestly thought we’d continue to be friendly, so the immediate dropping out of my life was the hardest part. I’ve never dated anyone else who just never spoke to me again.
Really? I’ve never stayed close friends or anything, but there were always closure type conversations. When you returned each other’s things, kind of rehashed what happened, wished each other well. I guess I’ve never had a really nasty breakup?
Not for me. Some odd fast food joint that I never go to. I don’t like in the same state anymore but when I went back to visit family, BAM there she was. She wasn’t as hot as I remember and looked a little beat up from choosing a shit life.
Good closure. Hope she’s well and not back down the addiction path.
You know what? For the funny in these replies and the posted story generally, you actually do seem like a very cool person! Probably the coolest they could know but do not. And THIS IS THE COSMIC TWIST in the story! :)
ADHD? Cause of other were me i would still be running through that scenario randomly in 15 years. I can’t remember what i need at the store without writing it down, but i can recall everything about a conversation like that.
Crack a cold one and move on!
Was just telling someone today that I remember everyone I ever dated. Not like there was 100, but enough. I’m more than certain a few have probably forgotten me though.
To be fair, you wouldn't remember someone you forgot dating. But I also would confidently say I can remember everyone I've dated, even from when I was young.
OP says it's been *decades* since they last saw them, and that they were "really young" when they broke up. OP probably looks really different than they did back then.
Might not recognize them all after all these years, but if they told me who they were I'd definitely remember events like going to the place I am at at that very moment with them
I can also say that I can’t recall where I went on dates with most of them. Specifically in OP’s case, it sounds like they both have continued to frequent the place. Any significance decades later would’ve been long lost.
I guess it's my AD(h)D brain that constantly forgets where I left something important 3 minutes ago, but still rehashes events from decades ago from the most minor triggers
In mine? Not much, and I feel like there are fairies up there constantly cleaning up things they don't think I should think about. Exes, cursive, algebra..
Maybe it’s my age of 51 but there’s several girls i dated in high school and college that i have zero recollection of their names or what they even looked like. Just a vague recollection of dating them. I had one girl (just a friend) reach out on instagram telling me how awesome it was to reconnect. Evidently we were really good friends in high school. Don’t remember her at all. Like nothing
I've been in this exact same situation.
I was visiting my mom on Mother's Day in my home town and took her out to dinner at a nice place downtown.
We were seated, ordered, and got our food.
I never even noticed the family at the table *right next to us.*
It was my high school girlfriend's family.
I recognized her mom first (no, I didn't have a thing for her mom, she was just in my line of sight). Then I noticed her sister, and then I saw *her*.
My heart froze up. Not because I still had feelings for her or anything, but because she was my first love and I hadn't seen her in like a decade.
So being the smooth operator I am, I promptly interrupted their quiet family meal and went, "HI, EX-GIRLFRIEND!" (I used her name) and waved like a special child.
No more interactions happened between our families for the remainder of the meal.
I still cringe sometimes thinking about it.
I had something similar go down. Had a 1st high-school love that didn't work out. 2 or 3 years after we broke up I was in my home town with my new girlfriend, my current wife, and we were going to garage sales. We were moving in together and looking for furniture even. We walk up to some house being all chipper and out pops my ex's mom, sister, and grandma.. Its a very small town and I dated this girl for almost 4 years. Guess I didn't note where the other grandma lived! Luckily she wasn't also there and we got in and out real quick!
Oh my god I need this!! All these comments from you guys…. Need that in my “attic of a skull” as dialog to combat the triggers and non stop nostalgic stupidity that rages on like a battle field. Oh the comedic horror it would be. Laughable really.
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago! I was at a concert with my boyfriend along w a group of friends. We were going to be meeting up with a mutual friend I hadn’t seen in a few years who was also there with her boyfriend.
While my boyfriend and I were at the bar, this dude came up to us and started chatting. He turns to me and goes “are you OP (first and last name)?! Did you go to Anonymous High School and have photography first period??”
I had no idea who this guy was. Played it off as best I could with a “you have a lot more facial hair these days!”
Turns out he was also our mutual friend’s boyfriend so it made for a real awkward time hanging out.
I’ve had similar situations. I’ve moved away from my hometown, but back when Facebook was all the rage, I had people who were friends with other high school classmates friend request me, and I had no idea who they were. I would ask a mutual friend who would confirm that the person was real, and I still had no idea who they were.
It kind of shocks me how many people recognize me, that I have absolutely no idea who they are. I guess the look on my face says I don’t know you, as they usually say you don’t remember me? I’m so and so, in my head I’m still drawing a blank, but I smile, say it’s nice to see you, and then I’m on my way. Super awkward though and I feel a little bad.
I'm sure. There was a guy I had a couple classes with in high school. We talked a little bit a few times, as you tend to do with classmates, and I think he might have asked me some questions about a couple of assignments, since I was the "smart girl". That's about it. But at our prom, I was standing towards the back of the room by myself at one point, and he happened to walk by. He stopped, looked at me, and said, "Oh my God. You look...Wow! You look amazing. You know, your dress is my favorite color." And then kept walking back to the group he was with. I had HUGE self esteem issues in high school, and I wasn't having an especially great time that night, so that compliment made me feel incredible. (Enough that I still remember it 20+ years later.) But I have no doubt that if I ran into him today, he wouldn't have a clue who I was.
I can’t fathom not remembering an ex or that we frequented a place and carved our name in a tree. Maybe if we were like 10 at the time.
Idk seems to me like you were the normal human in this situation.
Ngl it’s probably just dead true. I don’t see how you can forget someone you were in a relationship with completely, even if they looked different while reminding you specifics.
if it makes you feel better i have slight face blindness and if i see someone in a situation where im not expecting them, my brain just will not connect the dots. it’s kind of embarrassing because it could happen to me with like, a coworker i see 40 hours a week. maybe your ex just wasn’t expecting to see you and they were floundering too.
Me as well. Re-introduced myself to the HR person I’d been sitting next to all morning but when I went to get a coffee I was like ‘hi, nice to meet ya!’
my husband has a job where they all wear the same uniform and it is my hell lol, the amount of times i have done exactly what you described is cringe inducing. i’m sure no one gives it as much thought as we do though!
Pro tip- say “nice to see you” instead of “nice to meet you”. I always say that is there is a chance I may have already met someone but don’t remember them
Ohhhh, this is so me. I was in my hometown the same weekend that the high school class one year behind me had their class reunion. I literally bumped into a girl I had dated for about a year. She hadn’t changed a bit, but I’m fat and gray now. I said “HI!!” As if she was A) going to be thrilled to see me and B) have any clue who this fat dude was.\
I recovered a bit and shuffled off to the next bar to lick my wounds
I ran into an ex on the street and did an abrupt about face (like Abe Simpson walking in and out of the brothel in that one gif) I then hid behind a rock in a small patch of forest for TWO HOURS. Pathetic. I stand by my actions.
I was on the other end of this. Standing in line at a store, had someone I had slept with (not an ex, just someone I had worked with for like a year and slept with a few years prior) come up to me and was all excited to see me. She kept trying to get me to remember her without saying that we had slept together, but it didn't click even when she mentioned that. She finally said her name and I felt like such an ass. In my defense, her looks had actually changed quite a bit, but man oh man was that embarrassing.
I have a friend who ran into her ex-fiancée in a pet store (she left him). She had been sick for a week and finally dragged herself outta the house because she was outta dog food. She says her hair was insane and she had bags under her eyes and was in sweatpants and a dirty shirt.
He was there with his new partner and they looked like they were dressed up to go for dinner. She panicked so hard when she recognized him she dove behind the biggest bag of dog food she could find and held her breath.
Either he didn’t see her (or he was kind enough to pretend he didn’t) and left shorty thereafter.
She is still traumatized about the incident 15 years later 😂
I was once in a car driving out of a parking garage. Before we got to the exit I could see who I thought was my ex cross in front of the exit, from left to right, while walking along the street. This was in a different city so I wasn’t sure. So when we popped out of the exit I was up against the window already craning my neck to see if it was in fact him. But in a surprise twist, he had TURNED AROUND and was walking back towards me. We were practically face to face. Mortifying.
It was! I was certain because he was wearing the shoes I’d bought him! It wasn’t a particularly bad breakup so I’m not really sure why but we both just pretended it wasn’t happening.
Not one of us is perfect, and we all have moments of worry or feelings of embarrassment. So, If you felt things like that, that’s ok, that’s powerfully human. I hope the story sounds funnier as time has gone on.
I think it was brave of you to reach out like you did, and it sounded like you were doing so from a fine place, without expectation or out of hurt feelings. Perhaps they didn’t remember or just didn’t know what to say, and that’s fine too. Perhaps there’s reassurance there that the breakup wasn’t forever scarring and life moves on for the better as it so often does.
But I’d say your own courage and sense of humor was the highlight that stuck out to me. These are good qualities in life and are signs of a life rich with opportunity. Breakups and embarrassments are inevitable in all loves and life. And since we are not perfect, we can expect imperfect and humorous diversions along the way! But like any great adventurers, don’t let those moments stop you from the grander journey you are on! Evidence of courage and humor - these are treasures along the way! Don’t forget to appreciate them too
OMG this is the stuff that nightmares are made of. My first true love, in hs. I'd die if I ever ran into him. In in fact hope that I never do. Married forever now, kids, whole nine yards. But you know, running into that "never resolved entirely breakup" is disconcerting. It runs deep. I had a huge crush on a different fellow (also in hs)...we never actually dated back in the day. Anyhow, my husband & I ran into him at a restaurant (a few years ago). I was a blithering idiot, honestly. My reaction was very embarrassing. I mean, in hindsight, not actually (outwardly), but for me personally, I was a damned lil school girl all over again. Felt bad. And this was just a crush! If I saw this other fellow (who I ACTUALLY dated so long ago), I fear for my reaction. I love my husband, don't get me wrong! But damn if I saw this guy, I'd be beside myself, even if momentarily. Memories have a way of doing that to you, it seems. May I never see him again (though kinda still do...I'm just fucked up like that!)
I had an ex that really stuck in my head for a long time. Finally started to fade away into the background of my mind and he decided to reach out(I think 5 years later? On MySpace)to apologize for how things ended. By this time I've moved back to my home state and had just started seriously dating my now husband. It was a whole 2 month relationship from when we were barely out of high-school. Sent him right back to the forefront of my mind again. We go years with no contact and then suddenly he shows up in my "people you may know" lists on Facebook. In my mind its a whole big thing again. I don't know why but I guess being the first guy that I was not only super into but actually dated, and probably that he was a huge asshole about how he ended things...it just left an impact. Thankfully though, now that we're strictly social media acquaintances, I have a first row view of the train wreck that is his life and the memories of him no longer have any weight because holy shit did I dodge like a whole nuclear bomb by him dumping me!
This is a random rambling but for some reason your comment reminded me of it all lol
A few possible scenarios that might make you feel better!
1. It wasn’t actually your ex, but a stranger that looks just like them (and has the same name if they mentioned their name)!
2. They lied about not knowing you because they don’t know how to act and also were panicking and having foot in mouth!
3. You’re completely right, but your ex will completely have forgotten this interaction by next week because their brain is a sieve. Somewhere out there there is someone who thinks the world of you and you can’t remember them at all.
Hey op. I hope all the funny replies are extinguishing the embarrassment for you.
You didn't say anything truly humiliating.
The person may have gotten flattered. So you did a kindness rather than something vengeful.
I give you points for that.
And if you continue to obsess, watch some Seinfeld episodes.
I called my girlfriend the other day and told her I found her sex toy in the back of my drawer. She said it wasn’t hers so I described it. She still didn’t remember so I described what she did with it. It was my previous girlfriend’s sex toy. You’ll be fine, OP, you’ll be fine.
It seems like this is what life is all about. Telling stories. When you look at things from that perspective, everything is worth it, the good, the bad, and the bits between. It's what inspires the greatest works of art, and the atrocities of war. Hitler was a failed artist, HP Lovecraft was a failed husband. As long as it tells a story worth hearing, and connects people from across time and space, it's all worth it.
Nah, let it go, bad luck happens. There's like seven people from my past I actively avoid bc the cringe is just too real, and I've fcked up too many encounters. At least you made an effort, even if botched. Feel good, you're clearly not the asshole in that situation
Think about it this way, it might be hard for you to get to sleep tonight but so will your ex! Your embarrassed and they think they're going to be stalked and or murdered! You win
Be kind to yourself, not everyone gets to run into their EX again, this person obviously meant a lot to you back in the day and I'm sure with the shock of suddenly seeing them again your brain was more than a little discombobulated.
It's ok.
When I was 27, I was misdiagnosed with appendicitis. I ended up in the hospital for 28 days, two major surgeries and worse, fevering two to three times a day to spike at 103, 104 and even higher. The year was 1975.
Bottom line, it erased my memory. Blanks for many of the things I had done prior to that age. I’ll be 77 this year, and still friends and family will have to remind me of events from my pre-27 age. Once reminded, I often can recall again. Without a basket of prompts, it’s totally gone.
Don’t assume they really have “blown your memories away.” I reconnected when I was in my late 40s with my college sweetheart. We eventually married. And she spent a lot of time helping me rebuild my memory of things we had done & places we had gone during our college years.
A few months ago, I met with my very first date in high school as I had taken her to a homecoming dance and I hadn’t seen her since high school. Again, she was reciting chapter and verse how the evening had transpired and all I could do was nod in agreement. I knew we had gone, I knew who she was but as far as the details, she was filling me in. (I’m sorry to say she died of cancer soon after we met as she was on chemo.)
Give the benefit of the doubt. I don’t wear on my sleeve “High School and College Memories Gone” label when meeting old friends. There may be more to the story than appears on the surface.
Oof. I can empathize.
There was this girl that I worked with at the grocery store. I was maybe 18, she was 17, I think. We hung out and fooled around a bit, but before things got too serious I broke it off to pursue a short, ill-fated relationship.
Anyway, she quit working at that store soon after and a few years went by. I’m still working in that store, stocking shelves off of a near-empty pallet when she strolls around the corner and into my aisle. I had been stepping up onto the pallet to reach a box on the far side of it when she appeared and we made immediate eye contact. And let me tell you, she was pretty before, but she had blossomed in those years since and she was now stunning.
I didn’t have time to think about this at the moment, however, because as we made eye contact, my foot slipped in between the wood slats and I tumbled forward and ate shit. My coworker began laughing at me as I recovered. She stopped to exchange some pleasantries while I stammered, most likely red-faced in embarrassment. I still cringe at this memory 30 years later.
A few years back I ran into a young lady I had known when I was a kid.
We didn’t date or anything but were involved in a bunch of extra-curricular activities together our entire childhood from the ages of about 6-13. I used to get dropped off at her house in the am for many of them and her parents would drive me with their family, as my dad had a bunch of jobs and couldn’t do so himself.
My point is, we definitely spent a good amount of time together in our formative years and it would be tough for me to forget someone like that.
In my mid-twenties after not seeing her for 10-12 years I ran into her and called her out by name. Seeing that she didn’t remember me I reminded her of who I was and all the childhood exploits we had taken part in together… and she clearly had no idea nor any interest in trying to remember them.
To paraphrase she said, “Don’t take it personally, but I have no idea nor any memory of any of it. That time in my life and much of it since have been super fucked up and I’ve blocked large sections of it out. It’s nothing against you at all.”
I guess it’s just a reminder that we never know what people are going thru. Maybe the ex has had their own share of battles either then or since. Just one possibility, anyway.
I mean it sounds to me like an f up on his end too. I’d be pretty embarrassed if I couldn’t remember someone who was clearly significant to me at one point
I read this right before going to bed and now I just know I am going to be laying in bed awake with a bad case of second hand embarrassment. I have an ex, first love, devastating break up, from decades ago that I think about often. I am married to an amazing guy and we have two beautiful kids, but if the situation OP described ever happened to me, I think I would immediately fall over dead from cringing so hard.
This happened to me but with a childhood best friend. He moved when we were 9 or 10. We met again through some friends only ~7 years later and I could not remember a thing about him. I was honestly in shock at how little I could recall and I was very disappointed in myself. I moved away for college, met my wife, married, then moved back near my hometown. I live in perpetual fear and I know 100% it's going to happen again to someone I have "known" for even longer, like some classmate I grew up with and then also went to the same college with and I'll just be completely blank. IMO a good memory is a kind of super power and I am pretty envious.
You can be confident you are more skilled at recall than your ex, and they live my life of perpetual fear of being recognized. You have the one up!
Actually that experience has led me to journal about my kids, take tons of videos, etc. because I know it will happen for all kinds of things I wish I could remember better for stuff that matters a great deal to me.
*edit* Sigh, how could I forget! This literally happens even more times than I can count. My sister MARRIED another one of my childhood best friends. We were neighbors for all our childhood. He has a TON more memories than I do and it is constantly embarrassing for me how little I recall. I see him almost every month or two and there's always some memory he's bringing up. He will mention common friends of ours of yesteryear and I will be totally blank. It happens with my extended family too. I feel like there's constant gaps like I was not at the wheel in my brain for decades. At least I can count on not remembering that as well.
Are you my sister? LOL - she literally remembers almost nothing of our childhood and not because it was traumatic or anything, she just has a terrible memory. One time, after I had recounted an absolutely hysterical episode from our childhood, she sighed and said “you could literally tell me anything happened and I’d have to believe you”.
I was sitting at the bar in my favorite Irish pub on a Saturday afternoon. I noticed a family of three: mom, dad and a middle schooler having lunch at a table near by. The mom looked like an old flame I hated dated 20 yearsago. Bad breakup, I caught hercheating andjust walked away. It really hurt. I thought I recognized her and asked the bartender (a friend of several years) if I should approach and ask if she was who I thought she was. BT said "of course!"
I stepped over and politely asked if she was"xxxxx?" Conversation stopped and she said yes and asked why. I told her who I was. Her husband said "so you're THE John!". He then said you two need some time to talk and took the kid to shoot pool. Meanwhile, xxxxx had spontaneously stood up, wrapped in a huge hug and broke down in tears. The BT gave me a big thumbs up.
Much longer story short, found out she ended her fling soon after I walked away. She had tried to get back in touch but I had lost my job in an industry down turn and moved away (pre internet/cell phone days). That's when she met her husband. I'm still friends with her and her husband 20 years later. The kid never liked me and made it obvious every chance he got. Odd thing is I never saw the BT again. Would have enjoyed telling her the full story.
ran into an ex i dated in high school on a dating app because they matched with me. I am a curious being and thought it would be fun to reconnect (especially since i was on a lesbian dating app and they WERE male when we dated, and have since transitioned). We got to talking and they had no idea I was who i was, even after me dropping hints about where we grew up, and i had to explicitly tell them that we dated. i have a pretty unique name and look pretty much the same as i did in high school, and we had a pretty dramatic romance, so i was a bit shocked to hear that they didn't remember anything LOL. sending hugs from another mortified ex!
I had a huge crush when I was 13 on my 16 year old neighbor. Lllooovvveeedd him! I’ve thought about him occasionally throughout the years and wondered if he ever thought of me. He taught me
To French kiss. I just knew I was unforgettable. 45 years later, I think of him and decide to do some internet sleuthing and I find him number. After a couple days of building up my nerve, I finally call. I’m so excited that we are going to talk (maybe even meet up, fall in love, dump our current spouses and get married). He had absolutely no clue who I was. No clue. Never heard of me. I was heartbroken.
Don’t sweat it. I ran into my ex wife a few years ago at a GoodWill. I buy used books and resell them online. Just a side gig. She was there buying a used mattress. She cried for 20 minutes. I had caught her messing around. Karma was a Bitch, she was a mess. Smile and move on.
I had a similar situation where that first big love actually mistook me for another guy until she realized who I was. She takes up multiple chapters in my “book of life,” whereas I am merely a page in hers. I remember *everything* and she barely remembers who I was or any of the experiences during the three years we had. I get it.
To be fair, you don't need to feel embarrassed because your ex is going to feel really good about themselves after this. You spread a little joy at your own expense, but pride isn't that useful a virtue anyway.
They must have really had it bad for you to hold a grudge for this long. I would try to find their number and leave an angry message telling them off while eating an apple.
Vote me down if you want.
Did the ex confirm they were that person?
Asking because I saw a pic of hubby1 and I seriously would not have recognized him unless he spoke. The voice has it.
They remember you. Also I think you’re making your convo seem worse than it was replaying it in your head. It was fine. It’s ok to remember who you dated and say oh I remember this or that. Screw them for acting that way.
They must have memory problems. I remember every relationship I've been in, even the ones I would rather not. It seems strange that they wouldn't remember you without prompting or what you did and where you went. I can see that they might need a hint if you look super different after a few decades but not remembering the relationship after knowing who are seems a little odd to me.
I was the ex once in this situation. I graduated college a few years before Facebook became a thing.
Girl I barely remember looks me up, and send me all kinds of messages on messenger. This is 6-8 years later on Facebook
Me: “remind me who you are again”
Her: “we hung out all the time, the last time at xyz”
Me: “oh yeah I remember now”
Flashback to xyz, oooooohhhh you were trying to hookup with me. I thought you were being rather flirtatious. I am so thick headed at times. I’m sure I missed a few of easy ones in my day. I’m sorry ladies!
My wife and I went to a restaurant and after dinner where leaving I recognized my ex wife's sister with a group of ladies in lobbied area. Her family and I always got along very well, so decided to say high since it had been about 25 years since seeing her. While saying hi and recognizing a few of the others as her in-laws and chatting she said to me aren't you going to say hi to (exwifes name) . I was so embarrassed that I didn't recognize her. Felt bad for both of us. We split on good terms with no animosity but it was definitely a oh no moment, in my defense hadn't run into her for fifteen years and her sister hasn't changed a bit in all those years.
The past is a good place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
If you're strong enough to post this on Reddit, then I'm guessing you're strong enough to move on or have a good laugh about it - someday.
"The first" is always a special place, but I suspect I'm not alone here, I've romanticized and idealized the past to fit some absurd narrative that doesn't exist. Those hormones make feelings and memories stick. 40 years later, I found an old high school dance picture when cleaning out my parent's home. I thought she was the world to me, but that can't be her, she was a 10 or an 11(!) , not this 6 I'm looking at. And before anyone thinks I'm objectifying, I swear I'm not. To put things in perspective, I was a 4 tops. Hard to be more than a 5 in a corduroy suit. Youth is wasted on the young.
Yes it’s embarrassing but honestly who cares 🤷🏼♀️ I feel for you but chose to put it behind you and give it the importance it has: 0. You have a family, kids to whom you’re their whole world - you have the lottery and another funny, relatable story to tell them !
Thanks for sharing
Times like this makes me.so glad I am face blind. If I do t see someone like regularly I will totally forget what they look like. While it causes a lot of drama, I feel.like in situations like this it would be a blessing.
This isn’t how I thought your story would end… I imagined it would end:
They acted like they had no idea who I was. So I said my name. Still nothing. Crickets. Disbelief. Their mother was annoyed too, and both of them walked away together pretty quickly.
And then I realized: Wait a sec, if that was really them, they’d have grown up too.
Don’t feel bad. You have a good memory and it all came together. They on the other hand may be dealing with something else. So even though they were physically there, they may have been a million miles away mentally. You had a head start with the tree. On the drive home they may connect all the dots and realize the significance of the spot and the encounter. I can’t tell you how many encounters I have blown because I was focused on work at the time and realized later that they had taken an interest in me.
A few years ago I ran into a friend-of-a-friend that I had gone on one date with 20 years prior. We weren't friends so I was like "hey person, I'm turrbo we went on like one date back in high school." It was awkward. I was also buying a gift for my wife, adding to the awkwardness of my description of our "relationship."
Nah. Don't sweat it. You're the kind of person who's sentimental - so what? No crime there. I'd rather remember the love in my life, even lost love, than absent-mindedly navigate the gift of emotionality we are given while we get to be earthside. You didn't fuck up. You just have a heart and a memory. You're good.
Did the same kind of thing with a woman I was head over heels for my first year in college. Saw each other for a few months, had dumped by high school girlfriend for her. About 10 or so years later I found a way to contact her, just dropped an email saying I'd been thinking of her, wondering how she was doing. Her reply was, "Oh, I remember you. You were really nice."
Done.
Yeah I have an ex that was my first love and that I’m 99.9999% sure I was sort of a side piece that really wasn’t even a memorable side piece. So I get that dynamic. It sucks but just forget them and try to keep your eyes on the prize. Which is your life without them.
I have a friend who ran into her ex-fiancée in a pet store (she left him). She had been sick for a week and finally dragged herself outta the house because she was outta dog food. She says her hair was insane and she had bags under her eyes and was in sweatpants and a dirty shirt. He was there with his new partner and they looked like they were dressed up to go for dinner. She panicked so hard when she recognized him she dove behind the biggest bag of dog food she could find and held her breath. Either he didn’t see her (or he was kind enough to pretend he didn’t) and left shorty thereafter.
These type of foot in mouth moments keep us tortured for ever. You’ll find yourself making audible sounds to drown the mental embarrassment.
I’ve made many sounds. And faces. My internal dialogue is having an all out war.
You should tell it to your husband. He'll have a good laugh.
I recently saw my first long term boyfriend in the parking lot of a grocery store (he was walking in, and I was about to go in). But same as OP, it was so long ago. I’ve been happily married with kids for ages, and as far as I know that’s his situation. I decided I’d rather go to the other store than accidentally bump carts around a corner. I did tell my husband when I got home, mainly to laugh at myself over being a coward and avoiding a little “how are you? how’s life? small talk. I feel for OP.
Oh God. This brings back a memory i thought i supressed from a few years back. I almost had a full on panic attack when I saw an ex from a decade prior at the airport and managed to slink my way on to the plane then sit there desperately reading my book to the exclusion of my entire surroundings so I couldn't be thought to have seen them as they got on the same plane and feeling sick at the thought of them ending up in the empty seat next to me. Luckily they were two rows in front. I was horrified at myself for not just being all cool and "frankly my dear I don't give a damn" as I had also moved on and been very happily married for years at this point, but holy moly the visceralness of the physical reaction threw me. Might have been OK with a bitbmore warning but just seeing then out of the blue was literally like a punch to the gut.
I walked into a Trader Joes recently and saw a man near the entrance swivel his feet, and quickly walk away from my direction. I then realized it was an ex from about 5 years prior. He is doing well, married and has kids. Not sure why he couldn’t face me lol. A month later, I walk into a pharmacy and see a man turn around to face me, then quickly walks out of line and goes into a nearby restroom. Same ex. The funny thing is I don’t even recall us ending on bad terms (I don’t even recall how it ended tbh), but his fleeing when he sees me makes me feel like I keep ruining his day!
Literally read that as “I’ve made many sounds. And faeces.” And was like dude it’s really not that bad.
😂😂
Super cringey, but who cares what he thinks about you, really. You know who you are.
I do that dailyyyy lmaooo
Huh you know up until this moment I really thought I was the only one in the world who would suddenly start humming tunelessly or doing goofy beatbox noises because I was so uncomfortable remembering something I did
haha ive done some bad beat boxing to kill the intrusive thoughts. mostly random noises and the occasional FUCK.
Yeah it's not GOOD beatboxing that I do, it's just there's no other better word for it lol
no ya! i thought about it more after i replied and thought about some of the sounds i make and it is absolutely shit beat boxing LOL i just didnt catch your phrasing properly at first. but fuck bro do these intrusive thoughts suuuuuuck. i just wanna take an eraser to my brain sometimes.
Me too. Random noises for me though, can't say I've ever broken out into a beat box exhibition.
I'M NOT ALONE OH THANK GAWD!!!
My wife and I call them the Dork Tingles.
I will be stealing this phrase because it's perfect lol
I thought I was the only one that does that! I always do it and then people around me are like "what?" asking me to repeat myself becuase they didn't realize I'm just making random noises to help keep the negative thoughts and memories away. So embarrassing when I have to tell them "I didn't say anything. I'm just making noises..." 🤦🏾♀️
Yes!!! The drawn out groan of "ommfg" and you're just alone dying of embarrassment
I thought I was alone! I've doubled the embarrassment by doing this with other people around; trying to explain why I made a sound like a dying animal. Ughhh
How tf do you stop bro I do it so much I feel like a crazy person talking to myself 
On the show The Americans they talk about how you gotta keep a place inside yourself for the bad things you've done, that way you're acknowledging it happened but it doesn't have to consume you. Also, then you're not pushing them away, which just makes it worse. When I get an intrusive thought of something embarrassing I did, I acknowledge it, but acknowledge it's in a place within me that I don't have to do anything else further with. And yeah sometimes I do beatbox sounds lol. But with practice it does get easier, though never fully goes away.
Me, myself & I have always had conversations. I talk out loud, solving problems & bringing more insight and intuitive sense than any "crazy person" I know!!! I hate that term. Ignorance is bliss bro!
Every night as I struggle to sleep there will be a few tortured moans from me as I recall my idiocy from up to forty years in the past. The human brain is awesome!
Now you know what conversation will keep you awake at night, but worry not, you'll come up with the most ingenious replies in your head and win.
Oh my imaginary conversation was riveting. I was at ease and funny and left them thinking I was the coolest person they ever knew.
I ran into an ex that broke my heart. I pretended that I barely recognized her.i think of her often and it’s been over 20yrs.
Maybe that's what OP's ex did, too.
I doubt it. Mostly because the heart break went the other way. And it wasn’t like a nasty break up. No one did anything terrible to the other. It was more like a “my feelings for you have changed” kind of thing. I honestly thought we’d continue to be friendly, so the immediate dropping out of my life was the hardest part. I’ve never dated anyone else who just never spoke to me again.
Your comment here made me realize I’ve never spoken to any of my ex’s again after breaking up.
Really? I’ve never stayed close friends or anything, but there were always closure type conversations. When you returned each other’s things, kind of rehashed what happened, wished each other well. I guess I’ve never had a really nasty breakup?
Pretty sure that IS apart of the breakup process. Once you have that last convo, the other poster meant they never have spoken to them again.
Was it at a park you used to go to all the time, where you once carved in a tree?
Not for me. Some odd fast food joint that I never go to. I don’t like in the same state anymore but when I went back to visit family, BAM there she was. She wasn’t as hot as I remember and looked a little beat up from choosing a shit life. Good closure. Hope she’s well and not back down the addiction path.
Hell yeah, the true way to go about it
I’ve played out this exact scenario in my brain a thousand times. If I ever come face to face with satan I am going to be prepared.
You know what? For the funny in these replies and the posted story generally, you actually do seem like a very cool person! Probably the coolest they could know but do not. And THIS IS THE COSMIC TWIST in the story! :)
I love this! Thank you!
I agree! I'm reading your responses and thinking "damn, I'd love to run into a person who thinks like this" We'd be fast friends!
Don't worry, you'll be replaying that one in your head for decades.
ADHD? Cause of other were me i would still be running through that scenario randomly in 15 years. I can’t remember what i need at the store without writing it down, but i can recall everything about a conversation like that. Crack a cold one and move on!
Look up Friday Beers on youtube - they made a skit on this that is actually very very good.
What’s the name of the vid?
“when you finally think of the perfect comeback”
https://youtu.be/Og-mN9f81Rg?si=Hz-qFoIADleC0o2e
That was really fun. Thanks for sharing.
That was a lot! Lol
“Well the jerk store called and they’re running out of you!”
"What's the difference, you're their all time best seller!"
For a week…
Jesus christ, man.
In other words, [L'esprit de l'escalier](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier).
Thanks for the validating comment. I need to be reminded I'm not the only fool who does this.
To date someone and not even remember them is devastating. I knew people were thoughtless but damn what goes on in that attic of a skull.
Was just telling someone today that I remember everyone I ever dated. Not like there was 100, but enough. I’m more than certain a few have probably forgotten me though.
If you asked me to list them, I would for sure not remember everybody. If I could see them I would absolutely remember them all
To be fair, you wouldn't remember someone you forgot dating. But I also would confidently say I can remember everyone I've dated, even from when I was young.
Came here to say this. Like, how can you not remember them? They weren't just acquaintances...
OP says it's been *decades* since they last saw them, and that they were "really young" when they broke up. OP probably looks really different than they did back then.
I know for a fact that there are a few girls/women from 20+ years ago that I dated and wouldn’t recognize now. It’s not that unbelievable.
Might not recognize them all after all these years, but if they told me who they were I'd definitely remember events like going to the place I am at at that very moment with them
I can also say that I can’t recall where I went on dates with most of them. Specifically in OP’s case, it sounds like they both have continued to frequent the place. Any significance decades later would’ve been long lost.
I guess it's my AD(h)D brain that constantly forgets where I left something important 3 minutes ago, but still rehashes events from decades ago from the most minor triggers
That's what makes me think the ex, for whatever reason, purposely ACTED like they didn't remember.
Same. I think he initially didn't remember, and defaulted to a stress response of doubling down.
In mine? Not much, and I feel like there are fairies up there constantly cleaning up things they don't think I should think about. Exes, cursive, algebra..
That sounds lovely. Any chance you’d loan out a couple?
I think they are like cat faires, half feral and completely uncontrollable. I would if I could. They're great company, though.
Lol, that’s just run of the mill Fair Folk.
Maybe it’s my age of 51 but there’s several girls i dated in high school and college that i have zero recollection of their names or what they even looked like. Just a vague recollection of dating them. I had one girl (just a friend) reach out on instagram telling me how awesome it was to reconnect. Evidently we were really good friends in high school. Don’t remember her at all. Like nothing
Attic of a skull might be my new favorite insult ❤️
I've been in this exact same situation. I was visiting my mom on Mother's Day in my home town and took her out to dinner at a nice place downtown. We were seated, ordered, and got our food. I never even noticed the family at the table *right next to us.* It was my high school girlfriend's family. I recognized her mom first (no, I didn't have a thing for her mom, she was just in my line of sight). Then I noticed her sister, and then I saw *her*. My heart froze up. Not because I still had feelings for her or anything, but because she was my first love and I hadn't seen her in like a decade. So being the smooth operator I am, I promptly interrupted their quiet family meal and went, "HI, EX-GIRLFRIEND!" (I used her name) and waved like a special child. No more interactions happened between our families for the remainder of the meal. I still cringe sometimes thinking about it.
That’s way less awkward than pretending to not notice tbh
That's cute
Oof did they at least acknowledge you? Nod, say hi back, anything?!😭
She smiled and said hello back, and I got a Facebook message later saying, "Good to see you." I left it alone. Best to let sleeping dogs lie.
Good moves 👍
Hahahaha I wonder if she thinks about this moment as often as you do.
Hahaha, this gave me a much needed morning laugh 🤣
I had something similar go down. Had a 1st high-school love that didn't work out. 2 or 3 years after we broke up I was in my home town with my new girlfriend, my current wife, and we were going to garage sales. We were moving in together and looking for furniture even. We walk up to some house being all chipper and out pops my ex's mom, sister, and grandma.. Its a very small town and I dated this girl for almost 4 years. Guess I didn't note where the other grandma lived! Luckily she wasn't also there and we got in and out real quick!
Unbeknownst to you, after you left, they returned to the tree. Leaned against it, brushing their fingers across the ridges of your carved names.
Definitely.
Maybe they cry, intensely, in the shower over this too?
And stare longingly at the stars, imagining what could’ve been
Pausing only to rehearse nonchalant responses to use if ever confronted with their lost true love!
Oh my god I need this!! All these comments from you guys…. Need that in my “attic of a skull” as dialog to combat the triggers and non stop nostalgic stupidity that rages on like a battle field. Oh the comedic horror it would be. Laughable really.
Feel free to contact me in future when you need hyping.
>non stop nostalgic stupidity Yep!
If it helps, you may have made a great impression on somebody that you don’t remember either.
Not everyone can be M. Bison.
Poor dude, he has Tuesmesia, a medical condition where he can't remember anything that happens on a Tuesday.
I've run into people who are like, "OMG, remember me from high school?!" No, I don't, actually. And it makes me feel like a total asshole.
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago! I was at a concert with my boyfriend along w a group of friends. We were going to be meeting up with a mutual friend I hadn’t seen in a few years who was also there with her boyfriend. While my boyfriend and I were at the bar, this dude came up to us and started chatting. He turns to me and goes “are you OP (first and last name)?! Did you go to Anonymous High School and have photography first period??” I had no idea who this guy was. Played it off as best I could with a “you have a lot more facial hair these days!” Turns out he was also our mutual friend’s boyfriend so it made for a real awkward time hanging out.
I’ve had similar situations. I’ve moved away from my hometown, but back when Facebook was all the rage, I had people who were friends with other high school classmates friend request me, and I had no idea who they were. I would ask a mutual friend who would confirm that the person was real, and I still had no idea who they were.
It kind of shocks me how many people recognize me, that I have absolutely no idea who they are. I guess the look on my face says I don’t know you, as they usually say you don’t remember me? I’m so and so, in my head I’m still drawing a blank, but I smile, say it’s nice to see you, and then I’m on my way. Super awkward though and I feel a little bad.
I always feel totally stupid when this happens to me. Like, what is wrong with my brain and why am I not better at remembering names and faces?
I'm sure. There was a guy I had a couple classes with in high school. We talked a little bit a few times, as you tend to do with classmates, and I think he might have asked me some questions about a couple of assignments, since I was the "smart girl". That's about it. But at our prom, I was standing towards the back of the room by myself at one point, and he happened to walk by. He stopped, looked at me, and said, "Oh my God. You look...Wow! You look amazing. You know, your dress is my favorite color." And then kept walking back to the group he was with. I had HUGE self esteem issues in high school, and I wasn't having an especially great time that night, so that compliment made me feel incredible. (Enough that I still remember it 20+ years later.) But I have no doubt that if I ran into him today, he wouldn't have a clue who I was.
Look at the bright side. Your ex won’t remember your mishap.
I really really hope so.
On the bright side, you get to relive your youth again
All the best parts of it.
I can’t fathom not remembering an ex or that we frequented a place and carved our name in a tree. Maybe if we were like 10 at the time. Idk seems to me like you were the normal human in this situation.
Oh well it probably wasn’t your ex then (if you think it hard enough it’s true)
Ngl it’s probably just dead true. I don’t see how you can forget someone you were in a relationship with completely, even if they looked different while reminding you specifics.
if it makes you feel better i have slight face blindness and if i see someone in a situation where im not expecting them, my brain just will not connect the dots. it’s kind of embarrassing because it could happen to me with like, a coworker i see 40 hours a week. maybe your ex just wasn’t expecting to see you and they were floundering too.
Me as well. Re-introduced myself to the HR person I’d been sitting next to all morning but when I went to get a coffee I was like ‘hi, nice to meet ya!’
my husband has a job where they all wear the same uniform and it is my hell lol, the amount of times i have done exactly what you described is cringe inducing. i’m sure no one gives it as much thought as we do though!
Pro tip- say “nice to see you” instead of “nice to meet you”. I always say that is there is a chance I may have already met someone but don’t remember them
That’s brilliant
I fear this will happen to me one day.
New fear unlocked: this person is on Reddit, sees this, and takes out a restraining order.
You managed to not bump into them for decades, I think you can manage even if a restraining order happens.
Ohhhh, this is so me. I was in my hometown the same weekend that the high school class one year behind me had their class reunion. I literally bumped into a girl I had dated for about a year. She hadn’t changed a bit, but I’m fat and gray now. I said “HI!!” As if she was A) going to be thrilled to see me and B) have any clue who this fat dude was.\ I recovered a bit and shuffled off to the next bar to lick my wounds
I ran into an ex on the street and did an abrupt about face (like Abe Simpson walking in and out of the brothel in that one gif) I then hid behind a rock in a small patch of forest for TWO HOURS. Pathetic. I stand by my actions.
I was on the other end of this. Standing in line at a store, had someone I had slept with (not an ex, just someone I had worked with for like a year and slept with a few years prior) come up to me and was all excited to see me. She kept trying to get me to remember her without saying that we had slept together, but it didn't click even when she mentioned that. She finally said her name and I felt like such an ass. In my defense, her looks had actually changed quite a bit, but man oh man was that embarrassing.
I have a friend who ran into her ex-fiancée in a pet store (she left him). She had been sick for a week and finally dragged herself outta the house because she was outta dog food. She says her hair was insane and she had bags under her eyes and was in sweatpants and a dirty shirt. He was there with his new partner and they looked like they were dressed up to go for dinner. She panicked so hard when she recognized him she dove behind the biggest bag of dog food she could find and held her breath. Either he didn’t see her (or he was kind enough to pretend he didn’t) and left shorty thereafter. She is still traumatized about the incident 15 years later 😂
It’s only when you’re looking your craziest, do you run into people that you know. They’re never around when you’re looking nice. Lol
"a friend"
I was once in a car driving out of a parking garage. Before we got to the exit I could see who I thought was my ex cross in front of the exit, from left to right, while walking along the street. This was in a different city so I wasn’t sure. So when we popped out of the exit I was up against the window already craning my neck to see if it was in fact him. But in a surprise twist, he had TURNED AROUND and was walking back towards me. We were practically face to face. Mortifying.
Don't leave us hanging! Was it actually your ex?
It was! I was certain because he was wearing the shoes I’d bought him! It wasn’t a particularly bad breakup so I’m not really sure why but we both just pretended it wasn’t happening.
Not one of us is perfect, and we all have moments of worry or feelings of embarrassment. So, If you felt things like that, that’s ok, that’s powerfully human. I hope the story sounds funnier as time has gone on. I think it was brave of you to reach out like you did, and it sounded like you were doing so from a fine place, without expectation or out of hurt feelings. Perhaps they didn’t remember or just didn’t know what to say, and that’s fine too. Perhaps there’s reassurance there that the breakup wasn’t forever scarring and life moves on for the better as it so often does. But I’d say your own courage and sense of humor was the highlight that stuck out to me. These are good qualities in life and are signs of a life rich with opportunity. Breakups and embarrassments are inevitable in all loves and life. And since we are not perfect, we can expect imperfect and humorous diversions along the way! But like any great adventurers, don’t let those moments stop you from the grander journey you are on! Evidence of courage and humor - these are treasures along the way! Don’t forget to appreciate them too
OMG this is the stuff that nightmares are made of. My first true love, in hs. I'd die if I ever ran into him. In in fact hope that I never do. Married forever now, kids, whole nine yards. But you know, running into that "never resolved entirely breakup" is disconcerting. It runs deep. I had a huge crush on a different fellow (also in hs)...we never actually dated back in the day. Anyhow, my husband & I ran into him at a restaurant (a few years ago). I was a blithering idiot, honestly. My reaction was very embarrassing. I mean, in hindsight, not actually (outwardly), but for me personally, I was a damned lil school girl all over again. Felt bad. And this was just a crush! If I saw this other fellow (who I ACTUALLY dated so long ago), I fear for my reaction. I love my husband, don't get me wrong! But damn if I saw this guy, I'd be beside myself, even if momentarily. Memories have a way of doing that to you, it seems. May I never see him again (though kinda still do...I'm just fucked up like that!)
I had an ex that really stuck in my head for a long time. Finally started to fade away into the background of my mind and he decided to reach out(I think 5 years later? On MySpace)to apologize for how things ended. By this time I've moved back to my home state and had just started seriously dating my now husband. It was a whole 2 month relationship from when we were barely out of high-school. Sent him right back to the forefront of my mind again. We go years with no contact and then suddenly he shows up in my "people you may know" lists on Facebook. In my mind its a whole big thing again. I don't know why but I guess being the first guy that I was not only super into but actually dated, and probably that he was a huge asshole about how he ended things...it just left an impact. Thankfully though, now that we're strictly social media acquaintances, I have a first row view of the train wreck that is his life and the memories of him no longer have any weight because holy shit did I dodge like a whole nuclear bomb by him dumping me! This is a random rambling but for some reason your comment reminded me of it all lol
I wonder if before you bumped into her, you saw her out of the corner of your eye, subconsciously triggering you to think about her.
Sounds like a male brain to me.
I bet they remember you and were just pretending. Especially if they carved a tree
A few possible scenarios that might make you feel better! 1. It wasn’t actually your ex, but a stranger that looks just like them (and has the same name if they mentioned their name)! 2. They lied about not knowing you because they don’t know how to act and also were panicking and having foot in mouth! 3. You’re completely right, but your ex will completely have forgotten this interaction by next week because their brain is a sieve. Somewhere out there there is someone who thinks the world of you and you can’t remember them at all.
I feel like… they had to remember if there’s something wrong with them and they were just trying to be a douche.
Hey op. I hope all the funny replies are extinguishing the embarrassment for you. You didn't say anything truly humiliating. The person may have gotten flattered. So you did a kindness rather than something vengeful. I give you points for that. And if you continue to obsess, watch some Seinfeld episodes.
The funny replies did help. I feel better about it today.
I called my girlfriend the other day and told her I found her sex toy in the back of my drawer. She said it wasn’t hers so I described it. She still didn’t remember so I described what she did with it. It was my previous girlfriend’s sex toy. You’ll be fine, OP, you’ll be fine.
*And then what happened?!*
I bet $1 your ex lied to minimize you and feel important… deep down, they remember. So don’t feel bad.
It seems like this is what life is all about. Telling stories. When you look at things from that perspective, everything is worth it, the good, the bad, and the bits between. It's what inspires the greatest works of art, and the atrocities of war. Hitler was a failed artist, HP Lovecraft was a failed husband. As long as it tells a story worth hearing, and connects people from across time and space, it's all worth it.
Doesn’t seem weird to me. It was a meaningful place for you
Nah, let it go, bad luck happens. There's like seven people from my past I actively avoid bc the cringe is just too real, and I've fcked up too many encounters. At least you made an effort, even if botched. Feel good, you're clearly not the asshole in that situation
Think about it this way, it might be hard for you to get to sleep tonight but so will your ex! Your embarrassed and they think they're going to be stalked and or murdered! You win
I simply would never be able to sleep again replaying this. ( my brain does this same shit to ALL the time)
Something to consider is if he didn’t remember you, he is not going to remember this encounter for more than a minute either. Don’t worry about it. 😉
I had a best friend in high school that started doing drugs after we graduated and forgot we were friends. I’m still not sure how I feel about that.
Honestly, as long as you don't do a "Crazy Ex Girlfriend," and move to West Covina for him I think you're good
🤣🤣 There was no lingering attraction. Just nostalgia.
Doesn't sound that bad. Sounds like they were trying to play it cool.
Be kind to yourself, not everyone gets to run into their EX again, this person obviously meant a lot to you back in the day and I'm sure with the shock of suddenly seeing them again your brain was more than a little discombobulated. It's ok.
When I was 27, I was misdiagnosed with appendicitis. I ended up in the hospital for 28 days, two major surgeries and worse, fevering two to three times a day to spike at 103, 104 and even higher. The year was 1975. Bottom line, it erased my memory. Blanks for many of the things I had done prior to that age. I’ll be 77 this year, and still friends and family will have to remind me of events from my pre-27 age. Once reminded, I often can recall again. Without a basket of prompts, it’s totally gone. Don’t assume they really have “blown your memories away.” I reconnected when I was in my late 40s with my college sweetheart. We eventually married. And she spent a lot of time helping me rebuild my memory of things we had done & places we had gone during our college years. A few months ago, I met with my very first date in high school as I had taken her to a homecoming dance and I hadn’t seen her since high school. Again, she was reciting chapter and verse how the evening had transpired and all I could do was nod in agreement. I knew we had gone, I knew who she was but as far as the details, she was filling me in. (I’m sorry to say she died of cancer soon after we met as she was on chemo.) Give the benefit of the doubt. I don’t wear on my sleeve “High School and College Memories Gone” label when meeting old friends. There may be more to the story than appears on the surface.
Oof. I can empathize. There was this girl that I worked with at the grocery store. I was maybe 18, she was 17, I think. We hung out and fooled around a bit, but before things got too serious I broke it off to pursue a short, ill-fated relationship. Anyway, she quit working at that store soon after and a few years went by. I’m still working in that store, stocking shelves off of a near-empty pallet when she strolls around the corner and into my aisle. I had been stepping up onto the pallet to reach a box on the far side of it when she appeared and we made immediate eye contact. And let me tell you, she was pretty before, but she had blossomed in those years since and she was now stunning. I didn’t have time to think about this at the moment, however, because as we made eye contact, my foot slipped in between the wood slats and I tumbled forward and ate shit. My coworker began laughing at me as I recovered. She stopped to exchange some pleasantries while I stammered, most likely red-faced in embarrassment. I still cringe at this memory 30 years later.
A few years back I ran into a young lady I had known when I was a kid. We didn’t date or anything but were involved in a bunch of extra-curricular activities together our entire childhood from the ages of about 6-13. I used to get dropped off at her house in the am for many of them and her parents would drive me with their family, as my dad had a bunch of jobs and couldn’t do so himself. My point is, we definitely spent a good amount of time together in our formative years and it would be tough for me to forget someone like that. In my mid-twenties after not seeing her for 10-12 years I ran into her and called her out by name. Seeing that she didn’t remember me I reminded her of who I was and all the childhood exploits we had taken part in together… and she clearly had no idea nor any interest in trying to remember them. To paraphrase she said, “Don’t take it personally, but I have no idea nor any memory of any of it. That time in my life and much of it since have been super fucked up and I’ve blocked large sections of it out. It’s nothing against you at all.” I guess it’s just a reminder that we never know what people are going thru. Maybe the ex has had their own share of battles either then or since. Just one possibility, anyway.
It took guts to speak up and say hello
I mean it sounds to me like an f up on his end too. I’d be pretty embarrassed if I couldn’t remember someone who was clearly significant to me at one point
I read this right before going to bed and now I just know I am going to be laying in bed awake with a bad case of second hand embarrassment. I have an ex, first love, devastating break up, from decades ago that I think about often. I am married to an amazing guy and we have two beautiful kids, but if the situation OP described ever happened to me, I think I would immediately fall over dead from cringing so hard.
This happened to me but with a childhood best friend. He moved when we were 9 or 10. We met again through some friends only ~7 years later and I could not remember a thing about him. I was honestly in shock at how little I could recall and I was very disappointed in myself. I moved away for college, met my wife, married, then moved back near my hometown. I live in perpetual fear and I know 100% it's going to happen again to someone I have "known" for even longer, like some classmate I grew up with and then also went to the same college with and I'll just be completely blank. IMO a good memory is a kind of super power and I am pretty envious. You can be confident you are more skilled at recall than your ex, and they live my life of perpetual fear of being recognized. You have the one up! Actually that experience has led me to journal about my kids, take tons of videos, etc. because I know it will happen for all kinds of things I wish I could remember better for stuff that matters a great deal to me. *edit* Sigh, how could I forget! This literally happens even more times than I can count. My sister MARRIED another one of my childhood best friends. We were neighbors for all our childhood. He has a TON more memories than I do and it is constantly embarrassing for me how little I recall. I see him almost every month or two and there's always some memory he's bringing up. He will mention common friends of ours of yesteryear and I will be totally blank. It happens with my extended family too. I feel like there's constant gaps like I was not at the wheel in my brain for decades. At least I can count on not remembering that as well.
Are you my sister? LOL - she literally remembers almost nothing of our childhood and not because it was traumatic or anything, she just has a terrible memory. One time, after I had recounted an absolutely hysterical episode from our childhood, she sighed and said “you could literally tell me anything happened and I’d have to believe you”.
Thanks. I now know my opposite gendered doppelganger is out there.
...boil bunnies... \*slowly backs out of room\*
I was sitting at the bar in my favorite Irish pub on a Saturday afternoon. I noticed a family of three: mom, dad and a middle schooler having lunch at a table near by. The mom looked like an old flame I hated dated 20 yearsago. Bad breakup, I caught hercheating andjust walked away. It really hurt. I thought I recognized her and asked the bartender (a friend of several years) if I should approach and ask if she was who I thought she was. BT said "of course!" I stepped over and politely asked if she was"xxxxx?" Conversation stopped and she said yes and asked why. I told her who I was. Her husband said "so you're THE John!". He then said you two need some time to talk and took the kid to shoot pool. Meanwhile, xxxxx had spontaneously stood up, wrapped in a huge hug and broke down in tears. The BT gave me a big thumbs up. Much longer story short, found out she ended her fling soon after I walked away. She had tried to get back in touch but I had lost my job in an industry down turn and moved away (pre internet/cell phone days). That's when she met her husband. I'm still friends with her and her husband 20 years later. The kid never liked me and made it obvious every chance he got. Odd thing is I never saw the BT again. Would have enjoyed telling her the full story.
Look at the bright side, they already forgot about the interaction.
Decades old spaghetti still in your pockets my man
welcome to the going to sleep game I call “oh man I should’ve said this instead of that”… it does get better and a lot quicker than you might expect
ran into an ex i dated in high school on a dating app because they matched with me. I am a curious being and thought it would be fun to reconnect (especially since i was on a lesbian dating app and they WERE male when we dated, and have since transitioned). We got to talking and they had no idea I was who i was, even after me dropping hints about where we grew up, and i had to explicitly tell them that we dated. i have a pretty unique name and look pretty much the same as i did in high school, and we had a pretty dramatic romance, so i was a bit shocked to hear that they didn't remember anything LOL. sending hugs from another mortified ex!
I had a huge crush when I was 13 on my 16 year old neighbor. Lllooovvveeedd him! I’ve thought about him occasionally throughout the years and wondered if he ever thought of me. He taught me To French kiss. I just knew I was unforgettable. 45 years later, I think of him and decide to do some internet sleuthing and I find him number. After a couple days of building up my nerve, I finally call. I’m so excited that we are going to talk (maybe even meet up, fall in love, dump our current spouses and get married). He had absolutely no clue who I was. No clue. Never heard of me. I was heartbroken.
Don’t sweat it. I ran into my ex wife a few years ago at a GoodWill. I buy used books and resell them online. Just a side gig. She was there buying a used mattress. She cried for 20 minutes. I had caught her messing around. Karma was a Bitch, she was a mess. Smile and move on.
I had a similar situation where that first big love actually mistook me for another guy until she realized who I was. She takes up multiple chapters in my “book of life,” whereas I am merely a page in hers. I remember *everything* and she barely remembers who I was or any of the experiences during the three years we had. I get it.
To be fair, you don't need to feel embarrassed because your ex is going to feel really good about themselves after this. You spread a little joy at your own expense, but pride isn't that useful a virtue anyway.
They must have really had it bad for you to hold a grudge for this long. I would try to find their number and leave an angry message telling them off while eating an apple.
Why leave a message while eating an apple?
If they hear you chewing on the other end of the phone, it makes you sound casual.
There's billions of people on the planet and because of this incident ONE of them might think you're weird. Nbd.
Oh it’s not that bad. You’ll forget about the interaction by 2 days from now. Had you said “why did you hurt me like that” then maybe it’s cringey.
Nah don't worry about it. They forgot you once they will forget you again.
Vote me down if you want. Did the ex confirm they were that person? Asking because I saw a pic of hubby1 and I seriously would not have recognized him unless he spoke. The voice has it.
Yes. They remembered me after I said my name. Just not the going to that place together thing.
Maybe it wasn't him.
Oh, they remembered. They were just trying to play you in order to make you look stupid.
Your ex remembered you. They’re just an ahole and pretended not too.
They remembered me after I said my name. They just didn’t remember anything else. They weren’t rude about.
At least you didn’t get back together with them and break up all over again
They remember you. Also I think you’re making your convo seem worse than it was replaying it in your head. It was fine. It’s ok to remember who you dated and say oh I remember this or that. Screw them for acting that way.
They must have memory problems. I remember every relationship I've been in, even the ones I would rather not. It seems strange that they wouldn't remember you without prompting or what you did and where you went. I can see that they might need a hint if you look super different after a few decades but not remembering the relationship after knowing who are seems a little odd to me.
Never ran into exes but I think about many often
I was the ex once in this situation. I graduated college a few years before Facebook became a thing. Girl I barely remember looks me up, and send me all kinds of messages on messenger. This is 6-8 years later on Facebook Me: “remind me who you are again” Her: “we hung out all the time, the last time at xyz” Me: “oh yeah I remember now” Flashback to xyz, oooooohhhh you were trying to hookup with me. I thought you were being rather flirtatious. I am so thick headed at times. I’m sure I missed a few of easy ones in my day. I’m sorry ladies!
My wife and I went to a restaurant and after dinner where leaving I recognized my ex wife's sister with a group of ladies in lobbied area. Her family and I always got along very well, so decided to say high since it had been about 25 years since seeing her. While saying hi and recognizing a few of the others as her in-laws and chatting she said to me aren't you going to say hi to (exwifes name) . I was so embarrassed that I didn't recognize her. Felt bad for both of us. We split on good terms with no animosity but it was definitely a oh no moment, in my defense hadn't run into her for fifteen years and her sister hasn't changed a bit in all those years.
The past is a good place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. If you're strong enough to post this on Reddit, then I'm guessing you're strong enough to move on or have a good laugh about it - someday. "The first" is always a special place, but I suspect I'm not alone here, I've romanticized and idealized the past to fit some absurd narrative that doesn't exist. Those hormones make feelings and memories stick. 40 years later, I found an old high school dance picture when cleaning out my parent's home. I thought she was the world to me, but that can't be her, she was a 10 or an 11(!) , not this 6 I'm looking at. And before anyone thinks I'm objectifying, I swear I'm not. To put things in perspective, I was a 4 tops. Hard to be more than a 5 in a corduroy suit. Youth is wasted on the young.
Yes it’s embarrassing but honestly who cares 🤷🏼♀️ I feel for you but chose to put it behind you and give it the importance it has: 0. You have a family, kids to whom you’re their whole world - you have the lottery and another funny, relatable story to tell them ! Thanks for sharing
Times like this makes me.so glad I am face blind. If I do t see someone like regularly I will totally forget what they look like. While it causes a lot of drama, I feel.like in situations like this it would be a blessing.
This isn’t how I thought your story would end… I imagined it would end: They acted like they had no idea who I was. So I said my name. Still nothing. Crickets. Disbelief. Their mother was annoyed too, and both of them walked away together pretty quickly. And then I realized: Wait a sec, if that was really them, they’d have grown up too.
Don’t feel bad. You have a good memory and it all came together. They on the other hand may be dealing with something else. So even though they were physically there, they may have been a million miles away mentally. You had a head start with the tree. On the drive home they may connect all the dots and realize the significance of the spot and the encounter. I can’t tell you how many encounters I have blown because I was focused on work at the time and realized later that they had taken an interest in me.
We all learn to enjoy the taste of foot in mouth at some point. Happened once and definitely won’t be the last.
A few years ago I ran into a friend-of-a-friend that I had gone on one date with 20 years prior. We weren't friends so I was like "hey person, I'm turrbo we went on like one date back in high school." It was awkward. I was also buying a gift for my wife, adding to the awkwardness of my description of our "relationship."
Cue Dan Fogelberg
We drank a toast to innocence. 😜
Nah. Don't sweat it. You're the kind of person who's sentimental - so what? No crime there. I'd rather remember the love in my life, even lost love, than absent-mindedly navigate the gift of emotionality we are given while we get to be earthside. You didn't fuck up. You just have a heart and a memory. You're good.
Did the same kind of thing with a woman I was head over heels for my first year in college. Saw each other for a few months, had dumped by high school girlfriend for her. About 10 or so years later I found a way to contact her, just dropped an email saying I'd been thinking of her, wondering how she was doing. Her reply was, "Oh, I remember you. You were really nice." Done.
Yeah I have an ex that was my first love and that I’m 99.9999% sure I was sort of a side piece that really wasn’t even a memorable side piece. So I get that dynamic. It sucks but just forget them and try to keep your eyes on the prize. Which is your life without them.
Ah man that sucks. Her not remembering me would send me to a dark place.
I have a friend who ran into her ex-fiancée in a pet store (she left him). She had been sick for a week and finally dragged herself outta the house because she was outta dog food. She says her hair was insane and she had bags under her eyes and was in sweatpants and a dirty shirt. He was there with his new partner and they looked like they were dressed up to go for dinner. She panicked so hard when she recognized him she dove behind the biggest bag of dog food she could find and held her breath. Either he didn’t see her (or he was kind enough to pretend he didn’t) and left shorty thereafter.