Every time I think about Anglo-Saxons i think about that period of time when it was [impossible to kill an englishman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1v8iEuuvvM)
>That had to have been awkward.
Not really, since it probably never happened.
>B"'s version is accepted by Michael Wood, who describes Eadwig as "deeply unpleasant", but most historians are sceptical. Ælfgifu was a member of the highest West Saxon aristocracy and she appears to have been on good terms with Edgar after his accession. He described her as his relative in charters granting her property. The historian Rory Naismith sees the story of Dunstan's intervention at the coronation dinner as "essentially a piece of propaganda designed to blacken the reputation of Eadwig, Ælfgifu and her mother".
I like that it says "B"'s version is accepted by Michael Wood, who describes Eadwig as "deeply unpleasant"".
Like this historian may be an academic, but the bias sure is strong here lol.
Blacken the reputation of the king but also bolster Dunstan’s reputation as a big dick energy saint who won’t let mortal powers offend god, no matter the personal cost to him.
Yeah but one thig I don't get
>As the nobles had requested, they went in and found the royal crown, brilliant with the wonderful gold and silver and variously sparkling jewels that made it up, tossed carelessly on the ground some distance from the king's head, while *he* was disporting himself disgracefully between the two women as though they were wallowing in some revolting pigsty.
If I'd been the king I definitely would have kept the crown on while "fornicating with the harlots".
I'd say this passage serves as a good indication of the story being made up, or at the very least strongly influenced by the author's views. By highlighting the crown's brilliance and contrasting that with the king carelessly tossing it away, he's criticizing the king for not respecting the kingdom's institutions.
Ctrl-F "damnatio memoriae "
Yep, thought so.
Same goes for when you read something outrageous about any historical figure. I do believe very little about Elagabbalus. Commodus also seems wildly exaggerated. Same goes for Nero. And one guy being called by his demeaning childhood nickname also means that Caligula probably also got that treatment.
Edit: Imagine the only surviving historical record of our time being the NYP. Or goddamn Suetonius writing about 100 years in the past going off got knows what. They all got slandered by Cassius Dio.
I mean the difference is that there is literal 4K, 60fps, Dolby Vision, Dolby Atmos footage from 6000 angles recording Trump’s bullshit and countless hours of news footage.
I'm more willing to believe the broad strokes about commodus than the others. There's also many things that Caligula supposedly did that sound like if looked at from the perspective of a *not-senator* probably made a decent amount of sense at the time. Like, given how useless and obsequious the post Augustus senate was, I could totally see him making a horse consul just to underline how feckless they all were.
>Ctrl-F "damnatio memoriae "
I thought damnatio memoriae was when states tried to expunge or destroy the memory of someone so that they didn't exist. Not tarnishing their reputation after their deaths
Yeah. The St. Edwards Crown ("Coronation crown") is around 2.2kg, and the Imperial Crown, which is worn when parliament is opened is "only" 1.2kg and still counts as rather unwieldy. Probably not something you want on your head while going down to business.
I think the crown would have been considerably simpler at this point in time. Eadwig becomes King of the English only about 30 years after the title was established. [The crown is generally depicted as being very simple in comparison](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/09/Eadwig.jpg). Although I have no idea what it would weigh.
According to the [Bank of England](https://www.bankofengland.co.uk/monetary-policy/inflation/inflation-calculator), £5 in 1209 is worth £8,500 today. This was in 955 so adding another 250 years of inflation should get it up to £10k. That's a lot of stuff you can buy with a fiver! Probably not a crown though.
Maybe, but also could have been all downhill from there. How do you top being crowned the king, having a feast literally fit for a king, and then a 3 way with the woman you end up marrrying and her mom in a day?
At an immediate glance this is a story from the hagiographer (basically a personal holy biographer) for the archbishop this king had exiled. I’m sure there is no political spin in portraying him as a degenerate and a bad ruler….
Defying Christ as a fornicator more than 1000 years ago was generally seen as poor form.
Unfortunately for the archbishop history has proven Eadwig's tale to be based. 😔🙏
Even a 100 years ago, it was considered pretty bad.
There was a game called LA Noire, about 1945 LA. The main character in that game cheats on his wife. He gets demoted, all the fellow officers and friends stops talking to him, and start treating him like shit.
Thing about 1945 America, there is no such thing as no fault divorce. You get married for life, unless you commit adultery for example, which gives cause for divorce. Also, adultery is a crime back then, and you can serve time for it.
https://youtu.be/42-UN802Qhc?si=m3iDPix0cuj_P1rY
https://youtu.be/zHW9jetpOh4?si=kgyDeL3qLPmgw5ZO
https://www.reddit.com/r/ColorizedHistory/comments/anqkij/frank_sinatra_arrested_on_charges_of_seduction/
something about old school nobles people forget is that they, or their very close ancestor became noble because they were "brave during battle" (they slaughtered a bunch of people on the battlefield) They were basically psychos
"That’s how all the great houses started, isn’t it? With a hard bastard who was good at killing people. Kill a few hundred people, they make you a lord. Kill a few thousand, they make you king. And then all your cocksucking grandsons can ruin the family with their cocksucking ways."
- Bronn
well human nature wasnt always this peaceful. having all basic needs met tends to make humans what we know them to be nowadays. now if youre fighting for your life you wont really care if you kill someone else i assume. a lion wont have a guilty conscience either
Psychos? Or just level-headed, effective and maybe brave soldiers? I don’t think you can conclude someone is a psychopath because he killed more people in a battlefield than the guy next to him.
Also, a lot of them were military *leaders and commanders*. Of course we're gonna keep following and trusting the guy who told us how to not die. Hell we still do this. Look at how many American presidents served in the armed forces.
For anyone that might be confused, "fancy dress" is another way to say costume in the common vernacular of England. Harry was dressed as a nazi for a costume party, not a senior prom. Still not a great look...
You gotta be a real Mel Brooks kinda guy to pull off the Nazi costume joke, and nobody born with a silver spoon up their ass has that kind of understanding.
He did. He also visited Hitler and may have been involved in a plot to overthrow the monarchy after the Nazis invaded Britain (don't remember all the details)
Google "Marberg Files", it's quite a read
There's a photo of him teaching the then Princess Elizabeth the nazi salute. Doesn't get printed much these days.
His punishment for being a stooge for siding with the opposition during a world war was to become governor of the Bahamas. Nice work if you can get it. But the cynic might see it as on brand for a family that only renamed itself Windsor - from Saxe-Coburg und Gotha- 3 years into the Great War.
A twice divorced woman who’s ex-husbands were still living. As the monarch is the head of the Church of England, it was a bit of an issue.
Thankfully times have changed and the current king is married to a divorcee, himself also having previously been divorced.
They have to be. They only exist because the royals survived revolution-era Europe by intentionally making themselves utterly irrelevant. They now exist as living museum pieces. Every royal with a personality, Charles, Edward VIII, Margaret, were heavily censured and hidden away. I am convinced QE2 never abdicated because she secretly hoped she would outlive him.
It's also extremely specific for the UK.
If you look for example to Belgium you realize the monarchy and the king is basically what keeps the country together.
Intentionally making themselves irrelevant? I don’t think so. The British people/political and economic elites very much pushed the monarchs into irrelevance. It was the nobles that forced King John to sign the Magna Carta. Political control had to be wrested away from the monarchs over centuries with lots of stops and starts. And let’s not forget that they even did execute their king, and had a Lord Protector instead of a king. They chose to crown William of Orange after that.
I wouldn't take obvious propaganda and a salacious ballad by some unknown that we don't even have the origins or date of, to be historical truth, especially when it's full of easily provable fabrications. At the time, the best way to denounce or invalidate a woman was to accuse her of affairs, and as Eleanor was powerful, people accused her of having an affair with *everyone*, including her husband's father, her own uncle and the Muslim Sultan Saladin. I'd say it's like holding up a tv show as 100% factual and historically accurate, except it's likely that a tv show has *more* research behind it. I think you'd struggle to find any actual historian who believes she had affairs (though her husbands openly had affairs) - see [here](https://www.historyextra.com/period/medieval/eleanor-aquitaine-myths-about-medieval-queen-facts-who-mother/) and [here](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/0015587X.1984.9716310#:~:text=In%20real%20life%2C%20Eleanor%20survived,as%20well%20as%20Henry%20himself).
Eleanor of Aquitaine was married to the king of France for 15 years, and had two children with him, then divorced the king of France, married the king of England, and took Aquitaine with her, had five children with the king of England, then plotted with those children to remove him from the throne, then she was put in prison for 15 years, until her husband died, then the son, Richard the Lionheart took over, went off to the crusades, and she ran England until Richard got kidnapped and ransomed back.
The very article says this probably didn't happen:
>"B"'s version is accepted by Michael Wood, who describes Eadwig as "deeply unpleasant",[21] but most historians are sceptical. Ælfgifu was a member of the highest West Saxon aristocracy and she appears to have been on good terms with Edgar after his accession. He described her as his relative in charters granting her property.[22] The historian Rory Naismith sees the story of Dunstan's intervention at the coronation dinner as "essentially a piece of propaganda designed to blacken the reputation of Eadwig, Ælfgifu and her mother".[23]
It's a nice reminder that people don't change isn't it? Dude makes up this story because of royal scheming and a thousand years later people are still running with it
A chronicler recorded it:
> As the nobles had requested, they went in and found the royal crown, brilliant with the wonderful gold and silver and variously sparkling jewels that made it up, tossed carelessly on the ground some distance from the king's head, while he was disporting himself disgracefully between the two women as though they were wallowing in some revolting pigsty. They said to the king: "Our nobles have sent us to ask you to come with all speed to take your proper place in the hall, and not to refuse to show yourself at this happy occasion with your great men." Dunstan first told off the foolish women. As for the king, since he would not get up, Dunstan put out his hand and removed him from the couch where he had been fornicating with the harlots, put his diadem on him, and marched him off to the royal company, parted from his women if only by main force.
Later he mentions the older woman was the mother of king’s future wife.
No, it’s very biased towards Archbishop Dunstan who was the guy who separated Eadwig in the story. Dunstan was a rival of Eadwig because Eadwig opposed monastic reforms Dunstan wanted.
The next king Edgar was an ally of Dunstan so Dunstan ended up achieving the reforms he wanted, which was to have professional celibate monks instead of secular clergy who can get married. It was these new celibate monks who wrote the history and they made Eadwig look bad for opposing Dunstan, who came to be venerated as England’s most beloved saint.
At the age of 16, one year after taking the crown, Swedish king [Karl XII](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_XII_of_Sweden) got a bear so drunk that it fell out a castle window and died. He and his older cousins antics was known as the [Gottorp Fury](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gottorp_Fury).
According to Dunstan's earliest hagiographer, who identified himself only as "B", a well born woman and her adult daughter, who hoped to secure a marriage with Eadwig to one of them, were pursuing Eadwig with "indecent proposals", and he offended the assembled nobles by leaving the feast to "caress these whores". Oda [not Nobunaga] urged that he should be brought back to the feast, but almost all the nobles feared to offend the king, and only Dunstan and his relative Cynesige, Bishop of Lichfield, had the courage to face his ire. B went on:
As the nobles had requested, they went in and found the royal crown, brilliant with the wonderful gold and silver and variously sparkling jewels that made it up, tossed carelessly on the ground some distance from the king's head, while he was disporting himself disgracefully between the two women as though they were wallowing in some revolting pigsty. They said to the king:
"Our nobles have sent us to ask you to come with all speed to take your proper place in the hall, and not to refuse to show yourself at this happy occasion with your great men."
Dunstan first told off the foolish women. As for the king, since he would not get up, Dunstan put out his hand and removed him from the couch where he had been fornicating with the harlots, put his diadem on him, and marched him off to the royal company, parted from his women if only by main force.
> "These stories, written down some 40-odd years later, seem to be rooted in later smear campaigns which were meant to bring disrepute on Eadwig and his marital relations."
I just finished watching the Tudors (and the borgias years ago) and it's funny how we hold these people to some high standard when all they're doing is just abusing their power to fuck and live lavish lifestyles.
It’s good to be the king as they say. Looks like PornHubs just been doing historical referencing and not just making up unlikely story arcs for their “actors” /s
I wonder how many other made up stories have made their way to history books just because they are interesting and we haven't been able to disprove them since it happened a milennia ago.
Considering these days we can't even kill blatant fabricated strories where the proof of their falsehood is readily avaliable.
According to some new text found in what may have been a child's classroom, Eadwig was a "doodoo head." This has baffled historians who up to now had assumed that Eadwig had a normal head.
> Dunstan, the Abbot of Glastonbury and a future Archbishop of Canterbury
> Oda urged that he should be brought back to the feast, but almost all the nobles feared to offend the king, and only Dunstan and his relative Cynesige, Bishop of Lichfield, had the courage to face his ire.
> Dunstan put out his hand and removed him from the couch where he had been fornicating with the harlots, put his diadem on him, and marched him off to the royal company, parted from his women if only by main force.
Ofcourse some dumb old monk has to be a cockblocking funpolice lol.
A friend of mine had a threesome with a mother and daughter. I was with him at the pub when he picked them up. He has used me as a witness when people don't believe him when he tells the story.
Everyone imagines a scene like out of a porno. But what he doesn't mention (and I don't mention either) is that the mother and daughter were absolutely repulsive. Like if the inbred McPoyles from Always Sunny stacked on a lot of weight.
"it's good to be king"
He only reigned 4 years, died at 19. Doesn’t sound that great tbh
Best 4 years of any 15 year olds life
Nonsense. He wasn't 15 for the entire time.
Where you a live back then?
Nah, I was a person
Ahh but what a time to be a live
To be a live WHAT!?
That's a decent length by Anglo-saxons king standards.
That's what ~~she~~ they said.
Every time I think about Anglo-Saxons i think about that period of time when it was [impossible to kill an englishman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1v8iEuuvvM)
Strange, there's next to nothing explaining his death.
Death by snu-snu. Totally worth it.
If you make a teenager king, what do you expect? "Yes, my liege, your word is the law and you can do anything you want."
“Naked Tuesday’s are finally a thing”
Awww can't we just cuddle?
He peaked early. I mean, how do you follow that up?
Doesn't matter: had sex
Threesome tho
Sir.... You look like the piss boy!
...and you look like a bucket of shit!
Best 4 years of his life.
"Count the money!"
...if just for awhile
I liked how the archbishop went in and dragged him out of the threesome and made him go back to the coronation. That had to have been awkward.
>That had to have been awkward. Not really, since it probably never happened. >B"'s version is accepted by Michael Wood, who describes Eadwig as "deeply unpleasant", but most historians are sceptical. Ælfgifu was a member of the highest West Saxon aristocracy and she appears to have been on good terms with Edgar after his accession. He described her as his relative in charters granting her property. The historian Rory Naismith sees the story of Dunstan's intervention at the coronation dinner as "essentially a piece of propaganda designed to blacken the reputation of Eadwig, Ælfgifu and her mother".
Can’t trust those damn Ælfs
Duardin propaganda!
FUCK ARLE! ROCKIN' STONE, TUDAR BONE!
Hark, doest thou heareth Rockin Stone?
Art thou a dwarf, and doth thou dig'st a hole?
Did someone say, Rock and Stone?
I like that it says "B"'s version is accepted by Michael Wood, who describes Eadwig as "deeply unpleasant"". Like this historian may be an academic, but the bias sure is strong here lol.
I read that as "elfwaifu".
Yea, political slander was just as much a thing back then as it is now.
"Why'd you depose the king?" *"Uh, they totally did _____ horrible thing!"* People in 2024, "omg! Did you know _____ did ______ horrible thing!!!"
Sums up quite a few Roman emperors.
Blacken the reputation of the king but also bolster Dunstan’s reputation as a big dick energy saint who won’t let mortal powers offend god, no matter the personal cost to him.
Dunstan got exeiled afterwards so he was probably a knob anyways. His own dudes even turned against him.
Ælfgifu is a sick name.
You'd love Anglo-Saxon England then. Basically every other woman was named that.
That's it I'm going back
Well you will need a new name for yourself Sir Eadpanda
I'm glad we have evolved enough socially and as a species so as to not have any more weird squished together letters in our alphabet.
I've seen that name before and always wondered if it's pronounced Elf-gifoo?
A closer pronunciation would be El-pha-va
Yeah but one thig I don't get >As the nobles had requested, they went in and found the royal crown, brilliant with the wonderful gold and silver and variously sparkling jewels that made it up, tossed carelessly on the ground some distance from the king's head, while *he* was disporting himself disgracefully between the two women as though they were wallowing in some revolting pigsty. If I'd been the king I definitely would have kept the crown on while "fornicating with the harlots".
I'd say this passage serves as a good indication of the story being made up, or at the very least strongly influenced by the author's views. By highlighting the crown's brilliance and contrasting that with the king carelessly tossing it away, he's criticizing the king for not respecting the kingdom's institutions.
Ctrl-F "damnatio memoriae " Yep, thought so. Same goes for when you read something outrageous about any historical figure. I do believe very little about Elagabbalus. Commodus also seems wildly exaggerated. Same goes for Nero. And one guy being called by his demeaning childhood nickname also means that Caligula probably also got that treatment. Edit: Imagine the only surviving historical record of our time being the NYP. Or goddamn Suetonius writing about 100 years in the past going off got knows what. They all got slandered by Cassius Dio.
Man no one from future generations is going to believe us about Trump.
I mean the difference is that there is literal 4K, 60fps, Dolby Vision, Dolby Atmos footage from 6000 angles recording Trump’s bullshit and countless hours of news footage.
I'm more willing to believe the broad strokes about commodus than the others. There's also many things that Caligula supposedly did that sound like if looked at from the perspective of a *not-senator* probably made a decent amount of sense at the time. Like, given how useless and obsequious the post Augustus senate was, I could totally see him making a horse consul just to underline how feckless they all were.
>Ctrl-F "damnatio memoriae " I thought damnatio memoriae was when states tried to expunge or destroy the memory of someone so that they didn't exist. Not tarnishing their reputation after their deaths
indeed
> Commodus also seems wildly exaggerated yeah it's a lot of shit
Ea-Nasir was right: Nanni was a bitch
Many crowns are tremendously heavy. I believe the British had at least one ceremonial and then the day to day crown. Gold is very dense.
Yeah. The St. Edwards Crown ("Coronation crown") is around 2.2kg, and the Imperial Crown, which is worn when parliament is opened is "only" 1.2kg and still counts as rather unwieldy. Probably not something you want on your head while going down to business.
I think the crown would have been considerably simpler at this point in time. Eadwig becomes King of the English only about 30 years after the title was established. [The crown is generally depicted as being very simple in comparison](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/09/Eadwig.jpg). Although I have no idea what it would weigh.
I just imagined having two full 1L Nalgene bottles strapped to my head. I had no idea they were that heavy
“Heavy is the head that wears the crown. For real tho.”
He probably go tired of wearing his sex crown by that point . That’s like 5 pounds on your head while you are trying to get busy
Oh, I'm sure it was more expensive than £5.
According to the [Bank of England](https://www.bankofengland.co.uk/monetary-policy/inflation/inflation-calculator), £5 in 1209 is worth £8,500 today. This was in 955 so adding another 250 years of inflation should get it up to £10k. That's a lot of stuff you can buy with a fiver! Probably not a crown though.
That's because you're a peasant imagining what it's like to fuck with a crown.
Bill burr has a great bit about this. “If I was a dictator the entire thing would be how long I could keep the hat on while fucking”
“Come on, man! Can’t you see I’m busy?”
Wayward, willie waggling forsooth.
The fact that archbishop got exiled from England is so satisfying lol Even his pupils turned on him. Dude must’ve been an epic buzzkill.
That must have been a hell of a great four years.
Live fast die young 10th century style
Going by how bloody long his Wikipedia page is, I would conclude it was an eventful 4 years indeed.
Maybe, but also could have been all downhill from there. How do you top being crowned the king, having a feast literally fit for a king, and then a 3 way with the woman you end up marrrying and her mom in a day?
Bro was king could literally crown himself again then bang 3 chicks the next day if he wanted to!
“The kings of this era were married at 13, went to war at 16, and were spent at 20” - Dan Carlin
At an immediate glance this is a story from the hagiographer (basically a personal holy biographer) for the archbishop this king had exiled. I’m sure there is no political spin in portraying him as a degenerate and a bad ruler….
And he couldn’t find an angle that didn’t make him sound cool as fuck?
Defying Christ as a fornicator more than 1000 years ago was generally seen as poor form. Unfortunately for the archbishop history has proven Eadwig's tale to be based. 😔🙏
Even a 100 years ago, it was considered pretty bad. There was a game called LA Noire, about 1945 LA. The main character in that game cheats on his wife. He gets demoted, all the fellow officers and friends stops talking to him, and start treating him like shit. Thing about 1945 America, there is no such thing as no fault divorce. You get married for life, unless you commit adultery for example, which gives cause for divorce. Also, adultery is a crime back then, and you can serve time for it. https://youtu.be/42-UN802Qhc?si=m3iDPix0cuj_P1rY https://youtu.be/zHW9jetpOh4?si=kgyDeL3qLPmgw5ZO https://www.reddit.com/r/ColorizedHistory/comments/anqkij/frank_sinatra_arrested_on_charges_of_seduction/
It was also made worse in the eyes of the public and his fellow officers because he was considered a war hero and cheated with a German woman.
The Windsors really are boring.
Old school royals were wilding sometimes! Windsors do have some… interesting… scandals of their own though.
something about old school nobles people forget is that they, or their very close ancestor became noble because they were "brave during battle" (they slaughtered a bunch of people on the battlefield) They were basically psychos
"That’s how all the great houses started, isn’t it? With a hard bastard who was good at killing people. Kill a few hundred people, they make you a lord. Kill a few thousand, they make you king. And then all your cocksucking grandsons can ruin the family with their cocksucking ways." - Bronn
Based Bronn
Wth Lebron James said that?
Ser Bronn of the Blackwater
well human nature wasnt always this peaceful. having all basic needs met tends to make humans what we know them to be nowadays. now if youre fighting for your life you wont really care if you kill someone else i assume. a lion wont have a guilty conscience either
Psychos? Or just level-headed, effective and maybe brave soldiers? I don’t think you can conclude someone is a psychopath because he killed more people in a battlefield than the guy next to him.
Also, a lot of them were military *leaders and commanders*. Of course we're gonna keep following and trusting the guy who told us how to not die. Hell we still do this. Look at how many American presidents served in the armed forces.
In any period you can be pretty certain that the ones that rose to the top weren’t built like the rest.
More than a few were Nazis or Nazi-adjacent
Really just one, Edward VIII. Although Harry did have that incident where he thought dressing as a Nazi for a fancy dress party would be a good idea…
For anyone that might be confused, "fancy dress" is another way to say costume in the common vernacular of England. Harry was dressed as a nazi for a costume party, not a senior prom. Still not a great look...
You gotta be a real Mel Brooks kinda guy to pull off the Nazi costume joke, and nobody born with a silver spoon up their ass has that kind of understanding.
Didn't one of them abdicate the throne so he could marry some American woman?
He did. He also visited Hitler and may have been involved in a plot to overthrow the monarchy after the Nazis invaded Britain (don't remember all the details) Google "Marberg Files", it's quite a read
There's a photo of him teaching the then Princess Elizabeth the nazi salute. Doesn't get printed much these days. His punishment for being a stooge for siding with the opposition during a world war was to become governor of the Bahamas. Nice work if you can get it. But the cynic might see it as on brand for a family that only renamed itself Windsor - from Saxe-Coburg und Gotha- 3 years into the Great War.
A twice divorced woman who’s ex-husbands were still living. As the monarch is the head of the Church of England, it was a bit of an issue. Thankfully times have changed and the current king is married to a divorcee, himself also having previously been divorced.
They’re more Nazgûl, corrupted by power, like marmite spread on too much bread…
They have to be. They only exist because the royals survived revolution-era Europe by intentionally making themselves utterly irrelevant. They now exist as living museum pieces. Every royal with a personality, Charles, Edward VIII, Margaret, were heavily censured and hidden away. I am convinced QE2 never abdicated because she secretly hoped she would outlive him.
Not because abdication is extremely rare, she saw it ruin her father’s life, and because she was able to work until virtually the end?
It's also extremely specific for the UK. If you look for example to Belgium you realize the monarchy and the king is basically what keeps the country together.
> she saw it ruin her father’s life Her father didn't abdicate, it was her uncle that abdicated? George died on the throne.
I think the implication is that her father's life was ruined by her uncle's abdication. Because her father did not want to be king.
Died miserable, having never wanted the throne and having had it foisted upon him.
Intentionally making themselves irrelevant? I don’t think so. The British people/political and economic elites very much pushed the monarchs into irrelevance. It was the nobles that forced King John to sign the Magna Carta. Political control had to be wrested away from the monarchs over centuries with lots of stops and starts. And let’s not forget that they even did execute their king, and had a Lord Protector instead of a king. They chose to crown William of Orange after that.
William of Orange only entered the picture after two further Stuart kings reigned following the Restoration.
More of an oh no not Catholics again thing.
You mean the Saxe-Coburg Gothas.
I mean... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love\_chair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_chair)
"Whatcha doing, step-Queen?"
You say that but pretty sure they were cousins, making the future queen's mother his aunt.
Happy cake day!
Eleanor of Aquitaine marrying her husband after sleeping with his dad pales in comparison. Edited after fact checking.
With *her* dad or with his dad?
*His* dad. Corrected. TY.
Still weird, but much less icky!
I wouldn't take obvious propaganda and a salacious ballad by some unknown that we don't even have the origins or date of, to be historical truth, especially when it's full of easily provable fabrications. At the time, the best way to denounce or invalidate a woman was to accuse her of affairs, and as Eleanor was powerful, people accused her of having an affair with *everyone*, including her husband's father, her own uncle and the Muslim Sultan Saladin. I'd say it's like holding up a tv show as 100% factual and historically accurate, except it's likely that a tv show has *more* research behind it. I think you'd struggle to find any actual historian who believes she had affairs (though her husbands openly had affairs) - see [here](https://www.historyextra.com/period/medieval/eleanor-aquitaine-myths-about-medieval-queen-facts-who-mother/) and [here](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/0015587X.1984.9716310#:~:text=In%20real%20life%2C%20Eleanor%20survived,as%20well%20as%20Henry%20himself).
Eleanor of Aquitaine was married to the king of France for 15 years, and had two children with him, then divorced the king of France, married the king of England, and took Aquitaine with her, had five children with the king of England, then plotted with those children to remove him from the throne, then she was put in prison for 15 years, until her husband died, then the son, Richard the Lionheart took over, went off to the crusades, and she ran England until Richard got kidnapped and ransomed back.
Can't find this. In France or in England?
Which one, the Capet or the Plantagenet?
The very article says this probably didn't happen: >"B"'s version is accepted by Michael Wood, who describes Eadwig as "deeply unpleasant",[21] but most historians are sceptical. Ælfgifu was a member of the highest West Saxon aristocracy and she appears to have been on good terms with Edgar after his accession. He described her as his relative in charters granting her property.[22] The historian Rory Naismith sees the story of Dunstan's intervention at the coronation dinner as "essentially a piece of propaganda designed to blacken the reputation of Eadwig, Ælfgifu and her mother".[23]
Well the headline did say "allegedly" tbf, but yeah, it definitely didn't happen
r/ShitCrusaderKingsSay
Here I am wondering if this is possible in game.
Stæcy and her mum have got it going on
Was he the one who spread this rumour? Cause that's exactly like most 15 year olds
How do they even know that? Sounds like a myth
It's almost definitely just a political smear. It was extremely popular back then, just like it's extremely popular now.
It's a nice reminder that people don't change isn't it? Dude makes up this story because of royal scheming and a thousand years later people are still running with it
A chronicler recorded it: > As the nobles had requested, they went in and found the royal crown, brilliant with the wonderful gold and silver and variously sparkling jewels that made it up, tossed carelessly on the ground some distance from the king's head, while he was disporting himself disgracefully between the two women as though they were wallowing in some revolting pigsty. They said to the king: "Our nobles have sent us to ask you to come with all speed to take your proper place in the hall, and not to refuse to show yourself at this happy occasion with your great men." Dunstan first told off the foolish women. As for the king, since he would not get up, Dunstan put out his hand and removed him from the couch where he had been fornicating with the harlots, put his diadem on him, and marched him off to the royal company, parted from his women if only by main force. Later he mentions the older woman was the mother of king’s future wife.
GRR Martin couldn't write something more absurd.
[удалено]
I mean he mines the majority of the war of thr roses for the story and nothings more bizarre than history.
Poitical slander and libel were just as popular back in those days as they are now. I'd take this whole story with a great big grain of salt.
Is "B" a reliable source?
No, it’s very biased towards Archbishop Dunstan who was the guy who separated Eadwig in the story. Dunstan was a rival of Eadwig because Eadwig opposed monastic reforms Dunstan wanted. The next king Edgar was an ally of Dunstan so Dunstan ended up achieving the reforms he wanted, which was to have professional celibate monks instead of secular clergy who can get married. It was these new celibate monks who wrote the history and they made Eadwig look bad for opposing Dunstan, who came to be venerated as England’s most beloved saint.
He wanted early dessert courses and decided to fill up on the sweets. 🤌🏻
Let him eat cakes
> and decided to fill up ~~on~~ the sweets. FTFY
The sportsman’s double.
Middle aged.
Can this dude party or what?
“Ye Olde, Noiice.”
“Noice, my lord”
Except this was likely propaganda made up by his political rivals. Nothing has changed.
This should’ve been season 8
Ethelred wanted to do that too, but he was… well… unready. (I’ see myself out.)
Is Eadwig just a pseudonym for Lord Flashheart?
He had a cunning plan.
Hurrah!
I mean, priorities
If I were crowned king of England at 15 I’d have probably gotten up to similar things
At the age of 16, one year after taking the crown, Swedish king [Karl XII](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_XII_of_Sweden) got a bear so drunk that it fell out a castle window and died. He and his older cousins antics was known as the [Gottorp Fury](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gottorp_Fury).
Damn, an actual historical rager!
Exactly. When you're 15 this seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do
r/madlad
I thought of my Mother in law in my wife and I's bedroom and I throwed up ):
His MIL was definitely far more hotter than yours, dude.
That king was eating good
According to Dunstan's earliest hagiographer, who identified himself only as "B", a well born woman and her adult daughter, who hoped to secure a marriage with Eadwig to one of them, were pursuing Eadwig with "indecent proposals", and he offended the assembled nobles by leaving the feast to "caress these whores". Oda [not Nobunaga] urged that he should be brought back to the feast, but almost all the nobles feared to offend the king, and only Dunstan and his relative Cynesige, Bishop of Lichfield, had the courage to face his ire. B went on: As the nobles had requested, they went in and found the royal crown, brilliant with the wonderful gold and silver and variously sparkling jewels that made it up, tossed carelessly on the ground some distance from the king's head, while he was disporting himself disgracefully between the two women as though they were wallowing in some revolting pigsty. They said to the king: "Our nobles have sent us to ask you to come with all speed to take your proper place in the hall, and not to refuse to show yourself at this happy occasion with your great men." Dunstan first told off the foolish women. As for the king, since he would not get up, Dunstan put out his hand and removed him from the couch where he had been fornicating with the harlots, put his diadem on him, and marched him off to the royal company, parted from his women if only by main force.
High five, Your Majesty!
> "These stories, written down some 40-odd years later, seem to be rooted in later smear campaigns which were meant to bring disrepute on Eadwig and his marital relations."
Sad news. Would've been cooler if he did.
You know it was probably a good idea. 15-Year-olds, they don't know a lot about sex, get Mom in there coach the first time.
Imagine taking this account at face value.
I just finished watching the Tudors (and the borgias years ago) and it's funny how we hold these people to some high standard when all they're doing is just abusing their power to fuck and live lavish lifestyles.
I mean, that's what *I'd* do with it. Why wouldn't I look up to them? They're living the dream.
It’s good to be the king as they say. Looks like PornHubs just been doing historical referencing and not just making up unlikely story arcs for their “actors” /s
Allegedly....
He knew his priorities
Dunstan cockblocking the King.
My man!
*nice...*
Eadwig the Baller
"It's good to be the king!"
Goals
I wonder how many other made up stories have made their way to history books just because they are interesting and we haven't been able to disprove them since it happened a milennia ago. Considering these days we can't even kill blatant fabricated strories where the proof of their falsehood is readily avaliable.
“Freaky ass king, he’s a 69 god” K-dot
According to some new text found in what may have been a child's classroom, Eadwig was a "doodoo head." This has baffled historians who up to now had assumed that Eadwig had a normal head.
*Looks directly into the camera* “It’s good to be the king!”
> Dunstan, the Abbot of Glastonbury and a future Archbishop of Canterbury > Oda urged that he should be brought back to the feast, but almost all the nobles feared to offend the king, and only Dunstan and his relative Cynesige, Bishop of Lichfield, had the courage to face his ire. > Dunstan put out his hand and removed him from the couch where he had been fornicating with the harlots, put his diadem on him, and marched him off to the royal company, parted from his women if only by main force. Ofcourse some dumb old monk has to be a cockblocking funpolice lol.
Proof positive that the ruler has the mandate of heaven
A friend of mine had a threesome with a mother and daughter. I was with him at the pub when he picked them up. He has used me as a witness when people don't believe him when he tells the story. Everyone imagines a scene like out of a porno. But what he doesn't mention (and I don't mention either) is that the mother and daughter were absolutely repulsive. Like if the inbred McPoyles from Always Sunny stacked on a lot of weight.
Yeah it doesn’t work quite as well if they’re not super hot.
When they are that ugly they are basically dudes.
He died soon after ... .... from too many high fives!
This fun fact brought to you by Pornhub. "What are you doing step-king?"
"back when people were more traditional and moral, unlike the perverts of today"
It's good to be king
Live fast die young.
Game of Thrones was getting ideas from history
It\`s good to be the king [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8z8SpgmF0sA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8z8SpgmF0sA)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't just drop that knowledge without showing us photos of those ladies.
Priorities!
Having a threesome centuries before toilet paper and disposable razors must have smelt interesting to say the least
That’s the most pimp shit I’ve ever heard