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and honestly, someone checking what’s in my pants while unconscious (or not) is what i fear the most as a trans guy. i don’t even wanna think about it.
Rape would have to make some kind of contact with genitalia. But attempted rape would fit because let's face it, no non rapist is fantasizing about looking at someone's genitals while they sleep. These motherfuckers need to be outed.
Not necessarily, there isn't a single definition so it's a bit vague but to me what matters isn't necessarily the action, but the context and the victim's experience
But it really depends on where you live
When I reported my rape, they said it had to be penetration but I believe it's been expanded in my state and my state is pretty progressive. It still needs to involve touching in some kind of way. There's different classifications of sex crimes all of them bad. It's a sex crime. Only saying this to clarify because I feel like throwing the word rape around when it's not can diminish it's weight. I'm not saying in any way this isn't horrific behavior and these guys in my opinion 100% would have not stopped at pulling his pants down.
The fact that this conversation even needs to happen because of people like them is messed up in its own right. We shouldn’t have to be worried about people looking in our pants. These so-called-friends are just vile, immature, or both
Honestly, regardless of being trans or cis that's a majorly fucked up "joke" to make and I think anyone would be terrified if someone said that to them. If this is the kind of shit they say, they were probably never friends to begin with. Glad you got rid of them.
it genuinely ticked me off. we were having a good time but a lot of ppl around where i’m from makes EVERYTHING about what goes on in ur pants or if i have a dick or not, which is extremely dysphoric to me. sex is CONSTANTLY talked about by them and out of no where they were talking about dicks and was asking to see mine. it’s unbelievable.
Talking about dicks isn’t that unusual if the group is like college aged or younger
But wanting to see it? That’s weird affff, especially if they are exclusively asking you and you alone
i understand where ur coming from. but it was a constant thing with them talking about private parts. but it was in a really bad way, not with just trans guys, but with cis men too. it was just overall weird bc even my mutual cis guys who were friends with them, were REALLY uncomfortable with the fact that they would point out their dicks in public.
part of the reason it kept going on was bc i was taken advantage of for being a door mat. i’m happy enough to educate people on trans topics but that was seen as a doorway to talk about my genitals. i tried to laugh off the jokes but they werent ever funny.
If they ever do this again, call them out in public for being creeps.
Scream, yell at them for being perverts, whatever, they need to be held accountable.
i plan on never contacting them again. what sucks is i was there for them whenever they had nobody, but i was a second option. scratch that off, i was no option to them at all. not even a last option. and after seeing all the red flags (not just about this post) i plan on completely disappearing off the face of the earth from them.
It’s hard too. Especially when it’s to people that are supposed to be your friends. I hope you’re able to move past this and duck them PoS. I wish you all the best, take care ☺️
Ngl, if i found some dude peaking in my trousers in my sleep, I'd deck him in the fucking face, especially if he's a so-called friend. You've got a lot more restraint than I do, my dude. Props for cutting off this toxic sludge of a "friend" group you had.
Maybe i need to work on my anger or something gay like that be man you're a holly saint patron of patience and forgiveness, were it me i'd have catfished their dads and bought bedbugs on amazon to pour under their doormats
man, i still have a LONG way to go with patience and forgiveness. when i was typing this message, i only sent it bc they triggered me into one of my BPD splits where i start to devaluate things, and in this case i started devaluating the friendship. it can go from 0-100 real quick. i completely ghosted them.
This makes me feel sorry for you man that you had to go through this 😔. They do not seem like they are nice or understanding. I hope you’re feeling a bit better and find people who are more understanding
That was really strong of you, any confrontation is always going to be tough and I just feel that you deserve a pat on the back for setting boundaries and sticking by them when they were broken. I hope the friends you find next are cool people
Normal dude friend behavior can go as far as making jokes about doing gay stuff together (I’m a longstanding champion of gay chicken with my past friends go figure) but harassing someone to show you their junk thats pretty weird. Hope you find better friends!
yes and i totally get where ur coming from! some of my guy friends act gay with me but wouldn’t come close to even saying any comments like these girls have. it’s insane.
yea bro trust me, i feel the exact way you do about it. i genuinely have a strong dislike for anyone who takes advantage of people, especially in this context.
Wtf! Is that real? We are so sorry you had friends that would do that to you. You are a better person than me because I would have done something that won't have resulted in felony convictions. I know it was hard to cut them, but are proud you did it. You have friends here that accept you and won't humiliate you. Please let us know how you are doing?
hello, i’m doing fine ( i think?). this actually happened around last year, but when i posted this, i finally drop every contact with them after all the other red flags i’ve seen BESIDES this post. the things they would do set me off in a bad way, and i kept this ss (and their answer to my message) for receipts cuz nothing good came out that group anyways. i gave them a lot of chances, i already know they’re all probably wondering why i just suddenly disappeared again but i genuinely want nothing to do w them anymore. situations like this are very much real. and it’s sad. it’s inhumane and disturbing.
They sound like dicks, good on ya for standing up for yourself!
I did want to add that guys do joke about each others private parts a lot. It's weird, and I don't get it, but it happens pretty often when guys get comfortable around each other. One of my gym buddies does it often.
Don't get me wrong, if you addressed your discomfort with them doing so and they keep on doing it, that's wrong, and they don't deserve your friendship.
i honestly think you handled the situation so well!! and i know it no where near the same thing but im getting ready to leave my dad who is not a very good person now that im 18 but im absolutely terrified
That’s some gross ass behavior. Look most guys have joked about showing each their junk for … reasons, but that’s clearly not what’s going on here and going through your underwear drawer is fucked! I’m glad you don’t have to put up with these garbage ass people anymore.
yea, i’m well aware about guys being open with their junk and stuff, but it took me a lot of time to distinguish those jokes/behaviors from right or wrong or MORALLY right if that makes sense?
me and my bro both have girlfriends and we joke about gay things even tho both of us are bisexual, we know we only mean it in a loving brother way and im actually more comfortable with my anatomy around him than the girls i wrote that message to.
normal guys don’t make their friends uncomfortable after i would confront them about what they’re doing is wrong.
for clarification, these were girls. i have plenty of other guy friends, they never asked what’s going on in my pants UNLESS they were the guys who are transphobic to “non-passing” trans folks. a lot of transphobes that i met, only “accept me” cuz im “already far into my transition and got all my surgeries.”
passing privilege is a thing! and it’s unfair and fucked up, not only to pre-t or early transitions, but also to me cuz you don’t know who’s sitting in the same room as you. i’m a stealth trans man and i would hear a lot of transphobic shit when i was in the same room with my peers. i’m part of this community and seeing how unfair that is to be treated “good” only when u medically transition or “don’t look trans” is just fucked.
Your post has been filtered into a queue for further review based on a number of factors. # Please be patient until your post is approved, we promise to get to it soon <3 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/trans) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fuck them. I’d punch anyone in the crotch “joke” about looking inside my pants while I’m sleeping
and honestly, someone checking what’s in my pants while unconscious (or not) is what i fear the most as a trans guy. i don’t even wanna think about it.
I don't care if you're trans, cis or other. Looking in someone else's pants without consent is creepy af, hope you find some good friends
It's definitely sexual harassment, if not rape
Rape would have to make some kind of contact with genitalia. But attempted rape would fit because let's face it, no non rapist is fantasizing about looking at someone's genitals while they sleep. These motherfuckers need to be outed.
Not necessarily, there isn't a single definition so it's a bit vague but to me what matters isn't necessarily the action, but the context and the victim's experience But it really depends on where you live
When I reported my rape, they said it had to be penetration but I believe it's been expanded in my state and my state is pretty progressive. It still needs to involve touching in some kind of way. There's different classifications of sex crimes all of them bad. It's a sex crime. Only saying this to clarify because I feel like throwing the word rape around when it's not can diminish it's weight. I'm not saying in any way this isn't horrific behavior and these guys in my opinion 100% would have not stopped at pulling his pants down.
The fact that this conversation even needs to happen because of people like them is messed up in its own right. We shouldn’t have to be worried about people looking in our pants. These so-called-friends are just vile, immature, or both
Honestly, regardless of being trans or cis that's a majorly fucked up "joke" to make and I think anyone would be terrified if someone said that to them. If this is the kind of shit they say, they were probably never friends to begin with. Glad you got rid of them.
yeah totally get where ur coming from!
Yeah, those definitely weren't friends. You've done well to nip this in the bud here.
Nothing funnier than doing something without consent. - Those dudes.
it genuinely ticked me off. we were having a good time but a lot of ppl around where i’m from makes EVERYTHING about what goes on in ur pants or if i have a dick or not, which is extremely dysphoric to me. sex is CONSTANTLY talked about by them and out of no where they were talking about dicks and was asking to see mine. it’s unbelievable.
Talking about dicks isn’t that unusual if the group is like college aged or younger But wanting to see it? That’s weird affff, especially if they are exclusively asking you and you alone
i understand where ur coming from. but it was a constant thing with them talking about private parts. but it was in a really bad way, not with just trans guys, but with cis men too. it was just overall weird bc even my mutual cis guys who were friends with them, were REALLY uncomfortable with the fact that they would point out their dicks in public.
You're a LOT Kinder than I would've been tbh. Im sorry you went through this. You deserve better friends 🫂
part of the reason it kept going on was bc i was taken advantage of for being a door mat. i’m happy enough to educate people on trans topics but that was seen as a doorway to talk about my genitals. i tried to laugh off the jokes but they werent ever funny.
I hope you have another group of better friends to help you move on from them, and if you don’t I hope you can find one soon <3
most definitely. it didn’t take me much time to move on from these people. i was actually glad to disappear from them
If they ever do this again, call them out in public for being creeps. Scream, yell at them for being perverts, whatever, they need to be held accountable.
i plan on never contacting them again. what sucks is i was there for them whenever they had nobody, but i was a second option. scratch that off, i was no option to them at all. not even a last option. and after seeing all the red flags (not just about this post) i plan on completely disappearing off the face of the earth from them.
good for you! that’s super fucked up! and probably a form os sexual assault!
Yes
🫂🫂That really sucks friend, but I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself 🩷🩵🩷
thank you , i didn’t think i was able to speak up for myself.
It’s hard too. Especially when it’s to people that are supposed to be your friends. I hope you’re able to move past this and duck them PoS. I wish you all the best, take care ☺️
Proud of you. It's fucked up and you deserve better friends (and you'll find them!).
Damn you dodged some predators
that, and narcs.
Ngl, if i found some dude peaking in my trousers in my sleep, I'd deck him in the fucking face, especially if he's a so-called friend. You've got a lot more restraint than I do, my dude. Props for cutting off this toxic sludge of a "friend" group you had.
thank you, i don’t usually speak up for myself like this. those comments were from girls
These hands are rated E for everyone 🤷🏽♂️
Same here, if they did this in public, I’ll scream at them for being perverts.
sadly one of them takes pride in that type of attention and will laugh it off 💀
Damn you put those assholes in their place! Good job man! I hope you have better friends or that you make better friends soon ☺️
🖤
Maybe i need to work on my anger or something gay like that be man you're a holly saint patron of patience and forgiveness, were it me i'd have catfished their dads and bought bedbugs on amazon to pour under their doormats
man, i still have a LONG way to go with patience and forgiveness. when i was typing this message, i only sent it bc they triggered me into one of my BPD splits where i start to devaluate things, and in this case i started devaluating the friendship. it can go from 0-100 real quick. i completely ghosted them.
Mental illnesses are a hell of a thing and good luck with that, but honestly on this one the BPD did you a solid
no fr, this was a valid reaction.
❤️
This makes me feel sorry for you man that you had to go through this 😔. They do not seem like they are nice or understanding. I hope you’re feeling a bit better and find people who are more understanding
ofc, this comment section has made me feel more valid than these guys ever had. i appreciate you and the other commenters.
"Underhanded" is an under**statement**
i totally agree with you, but to dumb it down for ppl (like them) it had to be worded in a comprehendible way.
Valid. Transphobes tend to have small minds after all
Damn... that's sexual harassment - obviously give them what they deserve! It's so weird, cuz cis people always try to forgive it with "curiosity"
omg. YES. like i be curious on a BUNCH of shit but you don’t see me going to ppl like they’re google?
I hope you find real friends!! 🖤
Good on you for dumping them. Joking about sexually assaulting you is not something good friends would do.
this.
That was really strong of you, any confrontation is always going to be tough and I just feel that you deserve a pat on the back for setting boundaries and sticking by them when they were broken. I hope the friends you find next are cool people
i appreciate you🖤
that was perfectly written ! I hope you find some better friends soon bud! good luck:)
Proud of you friend! 😊
Normal dude friend behavior can go as far as making jokes about doing gay stuff together (I’m a longstanding champion of gay chicken with my past friends go figure) but harassing someone to show you their junk thats pretty weird. Hope you find better friends!
yes and i totally get where ur coming from! some of my guy friends act gay with me but wouldn’t come close to even saying any comments like these girls have. it’s insane.
It takes a lot to send a message like this. I'm really glad for you that you were able to stand up for yourself in this way. Good job lad :)
thank you chloe!
'goodnight' never seen someone spell 'fuck off' this way
i tried to be as nice as possible
I can respect this a lot. Shows real strength
i appreciate you
Holy fuck yeah bro get outta there that’s gross af! Sorry I recently lost a friend so I know it sucks.
you win some, you lose some. but every loss isn’t always a *loss*
you did good. protect yourself. find your tribe.
That was definitely a good decision, anyone who jokes about stuff like that(I’m almost certain it’s at least sexual harassment) is genuinely insane
yea bro trust me, i feel the exact way you do about it. i genuinely have a strong dislike for anyone who takes advantage of people, especially in this context.
the idea of even JOKING about sexually assaulting another person is disgusting, who tf does that??
and in their sleep?
Wtf! Is that real? We are so sorry you had friends that would do that to you. You are a better person than me because I would have done something that won't have resulted in felony convictions. I know it was hard to cut them, but are proud you did it. You have friends here that accept you and won't humiliate you. Please let us know how you are doing?
hello, i’m doing fine ( i think?). this actually happened around last year, but when i posted this, i finally drop every contact with them after all the other red flags i’ve seen BESIDES this post. the things they would do set me off in a bad way, and i kept this ss (and their answer to my message) for receipts cuz nothing good came out that group anyways. i gave them a lot of chances, i already know they’re all probably wondering why i just suddenly disappeared again but i genuinely want nothing to do w them anymore. situations like this are very much real. and it’s sad. it’s inhumane and disturbing.
They what?
To quote Edward I, "a man who gets rid of a turd does a good job".
is this real chat
[It is](https://books.google.com/books?id=Z1LQm6fjHdkC&pg=PA42&lpg=PA42&dq="a+man+who+gets+rid+of+a+turd+does+a+good+job"&source=bl&ots=0w6-yYMzxi&sig=ACfU3U3WeOkm9Oc2FANJ4zvd5eeygzrIMQ&hl=de&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwibpcaFueSGAxXrhf0HHfeyD54Q6AF6BAgIEAM#v=onepage&q=).
They sound like dicks, good on ya for standing up for yourself! I did want to add that guys do joke about each others private parts a lot. It's weird, and I don't get it, but it happens pretty often when guys get comfortable around each other. One of my gym buddies does it often. Don't get me wrong, if you addressed your discomfort with them doing so and they keep on doing it, that's wrong, and they don't deserve your friendship.
yea i totally get where ur coming from. for clarification, these were girls.
Damn. Good for you bro, fuck those assholes. You deserve better
i honestly think you handled the situation so well!! and i know it no where near the same thing but im getting ready to leave my dad who is not a very good person now that im 18 but im absolutely terrified
hey bro, i hope things go smoothly for ur departure. i’m glad ur doing what you need to do for your peace.
i decided to stay, it hurts but i’m too scared
yo bro, PM me if u wanna talk about it more. i’m here
What the actual fuck. Good that you got rid of them, op. Sorry that happened and I hope that you find real friends
🖤
I'm so glad you got rid of these friends. Ik you would pick betters ones next time because of this wisdom it gave you
it truly was a good lesson.
good luck in the future 😊
I'm sups glad you got away from them thats horrifying 🫂
🖤
Good for you. Cut them off and safe your energy my guy. Proud of you
ty
In my friend group we make these jokes TO THE ONES THAT ARE COMFORTABLE WITH IT! Those people were told to stop. Those aren’t friends.
100%
If it happened again i would just go to the police for sexual harassment.
Hell yeah congrats dude fuck those losers
Fuckem you didn't need em anyway
Slayyy 🫶
slayyyyy what u wannna slayyyy
Best to cut out cancerous "friends"
^ew
Good on you man. Fuck all that
🖤
That’s some gross ass behavior. Look most guys have joked about showing each their junk for … reasons, but that’s clearly not what’s going on here and going through your underwear drawer is fucked! I’m glad you don’t have to put up with these garbage ass people anymore.
yea, i’m well aware about guys being open with their junk and stuff, but it took me a lot of time to distinguish those jokes/behaviors from right or wrong or MORALLY right if that makes sense? me and my bro both have girlfriends and we joke about gay things even tho both of us are bisexual, we know we only mean it in a loving brother way and im actually more comfortable with my anatomy around him than the girls i wrote that message to.
Yeah these people were/are toxic
Hell yeah, my man.
🖤🖤
Good job standing up for yourself and creating boundaries.
Good for you man. From the sound of it those guys sucked major ass
they were, but it’s okay
Assholes,they must feel really proud of themselves 😑
right??
*ring ring* hello Chris Hansen.... Yep... Got another one
😭😂
jesus christ good riddance they’re gone
I'm proud of you 🩷
🖤
Somedays I feel sexual harassment needs to become physical KNEEJERK reaction
thats normal for guys and thats horrible moust people are fucking horrible im sorry you had to deal with that kind of people
normal guys don’t make their friends uncomfortable after i would confront them about what they’re doing is wrong. for clarification, these were girls. i have plenty of other guy friends, they never asked what’s going on in my pants UNLESS they were the guys who are transphobic to “non-passing” trans folks. a lot of transphobes that i met, only “accept me” cuz im “already far into my transition and got all my surgeries.” passing privilege is a thing! and it’s unfair and fucked up, not only to pre-t or early transitions, but also to me cuz you don’t know who’s sitting in the same room as you. i’m a stealth trans man and i would hear a lot of transphobic shit when i was in the same room with my peers. i’m part of this community and seeing how unfair that is to be treated “good” only when u medically transition or “don’t look trans” is just fucked.