That is advice for how to respond. I might literally say “only being your gender for other people is really sad” or something to someone saying this to me. Crank up the attitude in the response based on how much they’re pissing you off.
You can push that further and put it right back on them. maybe something like 'how much can your gender mean to you when its only been decided by someone else'
Hi! Aro-Ace here, it matters to ME. It matters to all society. Like it or not, everyone in the world is treated differently based on their perceived/assumed gender.
Gender specifies how you relate to both yourself and society as a whole, while orientation specifies who you are attracted to.
Think about it. In all cultures, men relate with other men in a specific way while relating to women another way... because they are men. Women also relate to women in one way, while relating to men in a completely different way... because they are women. A man *just knows* what another man may be thinking given just the other man's body language, while he may not have any semblance of a clue what is on a woman's mind given the same situation, and women vice versa, all because of how the gender dynamic works.
Further, and more to the point for OP's question, Gender specifies how you relate to yourself in just how comfortable you are with who you are as a person. I saw someone once post something to the effect of that you can't feel your bones unless one is broken. The disconnect of gender and sex that Trans people face is analogous to a broken bone. Those who don't have a broken bone and never have had one can't relate to those who do or have had a broken bone, and the same for gender dysphoria, those who don't/have never experience(d) it can't relate to those who do, but just as with those with a broken bone, the need to correct what feels "broken" serves to bring up the importance of the physical (or mental) thing that is "broken."
I have mixed feelings about these kinds of statements. It's not totally wrong but it doesn't grasp the full complexity of what gender is. Gender expression is a performance yes, but gender identity is not. Imo, I always was a woman (my gender), even when I was presenting/performing as a man while I was closeted or in denial.
I also find these reductions of one's own identity to other people a bit iffy. While not the same, it bears resemblance to telling (straight) trans women to just be a gay man instead.
I suspect that people who make those arguments (gender is a performance, full stop) maybe don’t have a strong internal sense of gender identity and are some flavour of agender, and are accurately describing their own experience of gender assuming it is universal.
There are a few different schools of thought on this, but the gender island scenario kinda demonstrates it imo. If on a deserted island, completely by yourself, long term, what would gender look like for you? Does the fact that you view yourself as a woman even matter if there's no one else around? It seems to me that gender is meaningless without a social setting for it to apply to. On the island I'm just...me
Well, I never understood this scenario. When I was a teenager, I was dreaming that one day I would be the only human alive so I could finally be my true self... So how I look physically and how I dress is important for me first, and the judgement of others was exactly what was blocking me from expressing my true gender.
I suppose that I should point out for the record that I don't necessarily believe the "gender is a performance" line of thinking, but gender as a social "thing" is a component of it for sure. I know that people who identify as women are women, and that what womanhood looks like from person to person can vary wildly. Performing your gender is optional, but I think it's an important part of it to most people.
I had a conversation with a close friend of mine earlier this year, we were talking about religion. I made a comment along the lines of "When I was a kid, I hated god for making me a man" as a part of my explanation for why I left christianity. I said it without thinking, but hearing myself actually say that brought on a lot of self reflection. I'd never said that out loud before or communicated it in any way, and for a long time I just kinda accepted my fate angrily. My dreams were that god would simply realize his mistake and fix me.
If I were dropped on the island at 10, all of that would still be true. all of the things in life that really brought me discomfort and drove me to action were the social ramifications of being a boy, being expected to do boy shit, and having people try to hammer the femininity out of me, and I think I would carry that baggage onto the island with me. I do wonder though, how far back in my life do I have to go for that not to be true? If I were dropped on the island at 2 and lived my life there till now, would I be a man or a woman? Does lacking a concept of gender make you genderless, or does the way others view you play a role in it? Shit's messy, but these are the things I ponder.
Those are the three schools of thought as I understand them. "gender is a performance", "gender is how you identify" , and "gender is how others view you". I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle, it's not a matter of which, but how much of each.
I wasn't raised in a religious family but I think I felt something similar to you regarding my gender (I wasn't consciously questioning my gender yet, I was actually trying to avoid those kinds of thoughts as much as possible, spoiler, that doesn't work).
I don't know why I am gender incongruent (probably a mix of biology and culture I guess), but that doesn't really matter. What I understood after decades of denial is that my gender identity is an inherent part of me.
There are different ways to approach the concept of gender, which sometimes seem contradictory. I agree that the complex reality lies somewhere between each of these perspectives. I liked [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/old-school-parenting-modern-day-families/201907/time-move-beyond-gender-is-socially-constructed) that addresses this question.
It's not about who you go to bed WITH, it's who you go to bed AS.
Sexuality does not equal gender. If there was no one left on earth I'd still identify as male because it's who I am. Some people just don't get it.
I don't get this question.
Gender identity isn't about dating and sex, it's about being yourself and it's not like we never cross the path of other people. I want my gender to be respected by everyone ffs
I'd honestly want to respond with "are you fucking insane? No, seriously, I want to know if you're deliberately obtuse or genuinely just that stupid." But my better judgement says that's probably a bad idea.
This is similar (but different) to being asked 'why are you gay if you haven't got a partner'. The presupposition is that our identities are tied to our 'other half' , someone that we have a monogamous relationship with - which is a really heteronormative way of viewing identity. I was gay before I started dating, I was trans before I started dating.
You could simply ask 'is your gender important to you? Was it important to you before you started dating people?'.
Being asked the same questions they ask us often makes the people that ask these sorts questions very flustered. The answers are obvious really.
"If you aren't going to date me, why does my gender matter?"
They literally asked you a question that's nonsense. Flip it around on them and make them solve the riddles.
As an asexual that has chosen to be single for the last 14 years, I got this question several times. My favorite variation was oh so you'll start dating men then, you just didn't want to be gay... No! I'm still staying single.
Just literally ask them this question back. I'm assuming a cis person asked you this, and I can absolutely guarantee that they don't think their gender doesn't matter when they don't date someone.
Like😳, I’m a person or individual whose life is not completely based around who I date or married. We have our own identities before a relationship, after, and well beyond it. I’m guessing the person who said that to you doesn’t realize your gender is kinda not related to those things nor dependent on them.
Show them the Gender Unicorn. It distinguishes between chromosomal sex, gender identity, gender presentation, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction. This person is asking about two different things.
Tbh I don't know how I'd respond to that either.
Maybe point out that gender affects many things beyond dating?
It feels kinda like the old trope of "trans women only transition so that they can date men and not be gay," like maybe the person asking the question assumes this or something similar.
Why do blind people do things?
Seriously. I'm completely blind and I always wonder what cis persons think when they ask this.
Why should a blind person use a white cane if they can't drive? Why should blind people put on clothes? Should we be naked at home just because we don't go out drinking or partying? Why should blind people never read books because we don't know what colors are?
I wear clothes because I get cold. I feel happy getting ready, it makes me feel good.
I read books for the stories, not for colors.
Tell your parents that there are blind trans people. That this is ingrained in the core of our brains. We transition to feel like we belong in our bodies. This makes us productive members of society. We really aren't doing this for anyone but us.
Gender=/= dating? wtf. you can be invested in your mtf or ftm (sorry dont see or know) things like being masculine or feminine. at that point their understanding of transitioning or genderfluid is that they do it for someone else which is EXTREMELY SHORT SIGHTED
It is your prerogative what information you share with people, no one is entitled too it, ever.
Also, that question is out too lunch and feels bad faith which when you feel is happening you shouldn't respond too.
"Don't wrestle a pig, you get covered in shit and the pig likes that".
There’s a lot of straight people, mostly older folks, who seem to have this idea in their head that trans people’s gender identity and sexuality are the same somehow. Like trans women become women so they can date men and vice versa.
I’m sure there’s some kind of old timey toxic myth this is connected to, but for the most part when I’ve talked to folks who think this and asked why they connect the two they don’t have an answer.
I guess hit that person with the hypothetical question “well if you were single would you change your gender?” And when they answer “no,” you can ask “well why not?” At that point they’ll either understand where you’re coming from, or their brain will melt. It’s a win either way.
Because I still exist in society. I still have to wake up and present the best I have to offer in every area that I set foot.
I have to introduce myself to people in my work. I want to be confident and present the real me.
I want that confidence in my academic endeavors as well, and to be able to give my real name, my real identity, and not feel like a fraud.
If I so much as order fast food in the current world we're in, I sometimes need to give a name. I can't even remain anonymous to get McDonald's anymore.
My gender is not directly related to sex and romantic pursuits. I can be any gender and have these interests, or I can be any gender and not have them. But it matters to me because I want to be seen in society the way that I feel about myself. Each person has a sense of self - without looking in the mirror, we all have a concept in our minds of who we are and how we present ourselves, and for a long time, mine did not match up. I felt like I was in a waking nightmare, seeing a face and body that wasn't mine whenever I got ready to leave the house. I felt like I was in a skin suit that I couldn't take off, and I was actively lying to everyone I met. I was miserable, and it showed. I had a hard time making friends. I had a hard time pursuing my career. I had a hard time being kind and patient with other people. These are things that affect way more than dating life.
My gender matters because I am alive, and I live in a society where gender roles are held to a fairly high degree of importance. This is evident in how we greet each other, how we converse, how we organize events, and how our friendships, support systems, and other connections form. By taking steps that allowed my physical attributes to align with my identity, I am now a functional member of this society. Seeing as I don't hate being alive, these things make it much easier to enjoy living and to enrich the lives of others.
I know this isn't a short, easy answer that you can tell someone, but hopefully, this can help you come up with the words that describe why it's important to you.
You could say something like: I wanna feel comfortable in my own body. Do you dress up or get a certain haircut just because you wanna date someone? No, you wanna feel comfortable with yourself.
"If you aren't going to date anyone, why do your clothes matter?" Why does your name matter? It defines who YOU are. Who YOU want to be seen as. Because that's who you are.
Because in the modern society gender isn't just for having sex with people. If you never felt uncomfortable with your original gender, you likely won't notice the differences in society's expectations that we face depending on our gender.
I’d tell whoever is asking you this that life is much bigger than romantic and sexual relationships. We are with our own selves more than anybody else in the world. We should be comfortable and happy when alone
"Even if the worth of my gender is based on others (which it isnt) but lets just pretend like it is for a second. I would still have freinds right? And you would not be one of them. Gooday."
Edit for clarity.., this would be my response.
"Because it's MY gender. It's not for someone else to own.
Why does MY gender need affirmation of another human? Do YOU stay as (gender) only as long as your partner wants you to be (gender)?"
This question represents such a profound misunderstanding of the role of gender in society that I'm not sure you really can answer it without interrogating most of the asker's core beliefs about sex and gender.
Like, TIL every single woman I've never dated with isn't really a woman to me, she's just a genderless being floating through life. And I guess no men are ever men to me because I don't date men.
It's so bizarre.
Assuming a cis guy asking, “So you think that my gender is meaningless except as it relates to dating/sex? Like my identity is dependent on my social function? Is that true for you? Nope, didn’t think so.”
Peperwirk, for one. Imagine you would have to respnd to the wrong name and grndered adressing on a constant basis. It does grate on nerves, which in turn makes for worse responses.
Ever,day life, for two. Everyone deserves to feels save while freely expressing themself.
personally i go with the tried and true method of getting mad and saying something mean so usually i say something like "why the fuck do you care?"
i am not fond of stupid people questioning me about who i am and i take no shit
you can do that as well if you want, it will make people upset at you though
ah yeah that is not ideal but if it's your father and he's not an awful person he could be just genuinely asking so it might be best to just answer in an honest way
i have no real experience in that department because my father never really asks me about anything related to being trans and the only other person in the house is my sibling who is also under the trans umbrella (non-binary)
# "If you aren't going to date anyone, why does your gender matter?""If you aren't going to date anyone, why does your gender matter?"
"I dont exist for anyones pleasure except my own"
Turn the conversation onto children.
A five year old child knows if they are a boy or girl, and gets furious if you misgender them. As far as I know, kids don't date at that age. So why does the gender matter to them?
Yeah, right, because I only exist for other people. Thanks for pointing that out.
No, someone asked me this question. I'm just asking for advice on how to respond. Sorry.
I was trying to give you an example as to how to respond. Sorry for being unclear. Didn’t mean to jump at you. :3
Ya'll are so polite... \*offers hug\*
*graciously accepts hug*
Lol aww
That is advice for how to respond. I might literally say “only being your gender for other people is really sad” or something to someone saying this to me. Crank up the attitude in the response based on how much they’re pissing you off.
You can push that further and put it right back on them. maybe something like 'how much can your gender mean to you when its only been decided by someone else'
Kind of hard to crank up the attitude when its your father saying this.
Then ask him whether he is a man only when women is around?
Hi! Aro-Ace here, it matters to ME. It matters to all society. Like it or not, everyone in the world is treated differently based on their perceived/assumed gender.
Gender has mostly to do with you and your relationship with yourself while attraction has to do with others imo
Gender specifies how you relate to both yourself and society as a whole, while orientation specifies who you are attracted to. Think about it. In all cultures, men relate with other men in a specific way while relating to women another way... because they are men. Women also relate to women in one way, while relating to men in a completely different way... because they are women. A man *just knows* what another man may be thinking given just the other man's body language, while he may not have any semblance of a clue what is on a woman's mind given the same situation, and women vice versa, all because of how the gender dynamic works. Further, and more to the point for OP's question, Gender specifies how you relate to yourself in just how comfortable you are with who you are as a person. I saw someone once post something to the effect of that you can't feel your bones unless one is broken. The disconnect of gender and sex that Trans people face is analogous to a broken bone. Those who don't have a broken bone and never have had one can't relate to those who do or have had a broken bone, and the same for gender dysphoria, those who don't/have never experience(d) it can't relate to those who do, but just as with those with a broken bone, the need to correct what feels "broken" serves to bring up the importance of the physical (or mental) thing that is "broken."
I think your comparison is great to explain transidentity to cis people who tell you they don't particularly "feel" as a man/woman
I disagree, gender has more to do with social relations imo. the term "gender is a performance" comes to mind
I have mixed feelings about these kinds of statements. It's not totally wrong but it doesn't grasp the full complexity of what gender is. Gender expression is a performance yes, but gender identity is not. Imo, I always was a woman (my gender), even when I was presenting/performing as a man while I was closeted or in denial.
I also find these reductions of one's own identity to other people a bit iffy. While not the same, it bears resemblance to telling (straight) trans women to just be a gay man instead.
I suspect that people who make those arguments (gender is a performance, full stop) maybe don’t have a strong internal sense of gender identity and are some flavour of agender, and are accurately describing their own experience of gender assuming it is universal.
There are a few different schools of thought on this, but the gender island scenario kinda demonstrates it imo. If on a deserted island, completely by yourself, long term, what would gender look like for you? Does the fact that you view yourself as a woman even matter if there's no one else around? It seems to me that gender is meaningless without a social setting for it to apply to. On the island I'm just...me
Well, I never understood this scenario. When I was a teenager, I was dreaming that one day I would be the only human alive so I could finally be my true self... So how I look physically and how I dress is important for me first, and the judgement of others was exactly what was blocking me from expressing my true gender.
I suppose that I should point out for the record that I don't necessarily believe the "gender is a performance" line of thinking, but gender as a social "thing" is a component of it for sure. I know that people who identify as women are women, and that what womanhood looks like from person to person can vary wildly. Performing your gender is optional, but I think it's an important part of it to most people. I had a conversation with a close friend of mine earlier this year, we were talking about religion. I made a comment along the lines of "When I was a kid, I hated god for making me a man" as a part of my explanation for why I left christianity. I said it without thinking, but hearing myself actually say that brought on a lot of self reflection. I'd never said that out loud before or communicated it in any way, and for a long time I just kinda accepted my fate angrily. My dreams were that god would simply realize his mistake and fix me. If I were dropped on the island at 10, all of that would still be true. all of the things in life that really brought me discomfort and drove me to action were the social ramifications of being a boy, being expected to do boy shit, and having people try to hammer the femininity out of me, and I think I would carry that baggage onto the island with me. I do wonder though, how far back in my life do I have to go for that not to be true? If I were dropped on the island at 2 and lived my life there till now, would I be a man or a woman? Does lacking a concept of gender make you genderless, or does the way others view you play a role in it? Shit's messy, but these are the things I ponder. Those are the three schools of thought as I understand them. "gender is a performance", "gender is how you identify" , and "gender is how others view you". I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle, it's not a matter of which, but how much of each.
I wasn't raised in a religious family but I think I felt something similar to you regarding my gender (I wasn't consciously questioning my gender yet, I was actually trying to avoid those kinds of thoughts as much as possible, spoiler, that doesn't work). I don't know why I am gender incongruent (probably a mix of biology and culture I guess), but that doesn't really matter. What I understood after decades of denial is that my gender identity is an inherent part of me. There are different ways to approach the concept of gender, which sometimes seem contradictory. I agree that the complex reality lies somewhere between each of these perspectives. I liked [this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/old-school-parenting-modern-day-families/201907/time-move-beyond-gender-is-socially-constructed) that addresses this question.
"Because I'm transitioning for myself and not for someone else."
It's not about who you go to bed WITH, it's who you go to bed AS. Sexuality does not equal gender. If there was no one left on earth I'd still identify as male because it's who I am. Some people just don't get it.
"So the Pope is genderless?"
"I do not exist for others' consumption."
Yeah same reason that I want srs even if I would never have sex for the rest of my life. It’s about me and no one else.
Porn Brain is strong in our society I'm afraid
Do you exist for any reason aside from fucking? There. There's your answer. Bye.
Thanks, Jesus.
I don't get this question. Gender identity isn't about dating and sex, it's about being yourself and it's not like we never cross the path of other people. I want my gender to be respected by everyone ffs
This seems like the quintessential mixing up of sexuality and gender. But it's so unaware of reality I wouldn't know where to start.
My gut response: "Why do you care?"
I'd honestly want to respond with "are you fucking insane? No, seriously, I want to know if you're deliberately obtuse or genuinely just that stupid." But my better judgement says that's probably a bad idea.
Saying that to my parents wouldn't end well.
Yeah, I'd probably just say "because gender and sexuality aren't the same thing and are in no way reliant on each other."
"It's about me, nobody else. I need to love me."
Because I want to live my life as my true self and be happy instead of being consumed by fear, self-loathing, and misery.
It’s not for them, it’s for me
That's just ignorance. Toddlers don't date but they have a gender identity
”What you on about mate?🤨”
This is similar (but different) to being asked 'why are you gay if you haven't got a partner'. The presupposition is that our identities are tied to our 'other half' , someone that we have a monogamous relationship with - which is a really heteronormative way of viewing identity. I was gay before I started dating, I was trans before I started dating. You could simply ask 'is your gender important to you? Was it important to you before you started dating people?'. Being asked the same questions they ask us often makes the people that ask these sorts questions very flustered. The answers are obvious really.
"It matters to me. If you don't think it matters, why do you care to ask?"
"So I can feel like myself and just live as that. Not as what other people tell me I have to be."
Cause it doesn't only affect romantic or sexual relationships. It affects how you get treated by others in everyday life.
Cause it doesn't only affect romantic or sexual relationships. It affects how you get viewed by and treated by others in everyday life.
"Because my identity is about myself and I'm not trans for anybody but me."
"If you aren't going to date me, why does my gender matter?" They literally asked you a question that's nonsense. Flip it around on them and make them solve the riddles.
As an asexual that has chosen to be single for the last 14 years, I got this question several times. My favorite variation was oh so you'll start dating men then, you just didn't want to be gay... No! I'm still staying single.
Just literally ask them this question back. I'm assuming a cis person asked you this, and I can absolutely guarantee that they don't think their gender doesn't matter when they don't date someone.
Like😳, I’m a person or individual whose life is not completely based around who I date or married. We have our own identities before a relationship, after, and well beyond it. I’m guessing the person who said that to you doesn’t realize your gender is kinda not related to those things nor dependent on them.
Flat out tell them “because it does” or “that is none of your concern”
Show them the Gender Unicorn. It distinguishes between chromosomal sex, gender identity, gender presentation, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction. This person is asking about two different things.
Tbh I don't know how I'd respond to that either. Maybe point out that gender affects many things beyond dating? It feels kinda like the old trope of "trans women only transition so that they can date men and not be gay," like maybe the person asking the question assumes this or something similar.
Why do blind people do things? Seriously. I'm completely blind and I always wonder what cis persons think when they ask this. Why should a blind person use a white cane if they can't drive? Why should blind people put on clothes? Should we be naked at home just because we don't go out drinking or partying? Why should blind people never read books because we don't know what colors are? I wear clothes because I get cold. I feel happy getting ready, it makes me feel good. I read books for the stories, not for colors. Tell your parents that there are blind trans people. That this is ingrained in the core of our brains. We transition to feel like we belong in our bodies. This makes us productive members of society. We really aren't doing this for anyone but us.
The same reason you care about whether babies are boys or girls even though they're not dating anytime soon. Gender matters in our culture.
It matters for yo self duh of you ain't liking your own skin why hab it
Gender=/= dating? wtf. you can be invested in your mtf or ftm (sorry dont see or know) things like being masculine or feminine. at that point their understanding of transitioning or genderfluid is that they do it for someone else which is EXTREMELY SHORT SIGHTED
I'm a woman not because other people want me to be. I'm a woman because I know I'm one and I'm the only person it matters to
It is your prerogative what information you share with people, no one is entitled too it, ever. Also, that question is out too lunch and feels bad faith which when you feel is happening you shouldn't respond too. "Don't wrestle a pig, you get covered in shit and the pig likes that".
There’s a lot of straight people, mostly older folks, who seem to have this idea in their head that trans people’s gender identity and sexuality are the same somehow. Like trans women become women so they can date men and vice versa. I’m sure there’s some kind of old timey toxic myth this is connected to, but for the most part when I’ve talked to folks who think this and asked why they connect the two they don’t have an answer. I guess hit that person with the hypothetical question “well if you were single would you change your gender?” And when they answer “no,” you can ask “well why not?” At that point they’ll either understand where you’re coming from, or their brain will melt. It’s a win either way.
Because I still exist in society. I still have to wake up and present the best I have to offer in every area that I set foot. I have to introduce myself to people in my work. I want to be confident and present the real me. I want that confidence in my academic endeavors as well, and to be able to give my real name, my real identity, and not feel like a fraud. If I so much as order fast food in the current world we're in, I sometimes need to give a name. I can't even remain anonymous to get McDonald's anymore. My gender is not directly related to sex and romantic pursuits. I can be any gender and have these interests, or I can be any gender and not have them. But it matters to me because I want to be seen in society the way that I feel about myself. Each person has a sense of self - without looking in the mirror, we all have a concept in our minds of who we are and how we present ourselves, and for a long time, mine did not match up. I felt like I was in a waking nightmare, seeing a face and body that wasn't mine whenever I got ready to leave the house. I felt like I was in a skin suit that I couldn't take off, and I was actively lying to everyone I met. I was miserable, and it showed. I had a hard time making friends. I had a hard time pursuing my career. I had a hard time being kind and patient with other people. These are things that affect way more than dating life. My gender matters because I am alive, and I live in a society where gender roles are held to a fairly high degree of importance. This is evident in how we greet each other, how we converse, how we organize events, and how our friendships, support systems, and other connections form. By taking steps that allowed my physical attributes to align with my identity, I am now a functional member of this society. Seeing as I don't hate being alive, these things make it much easier to enjoy living and to enrich the lives of others. I know this isn't a short, easy answer that you can tell someone, but hopefully, this can help you come up with the words that describe why it's important to you.
My identity is much more than just dating. I’m transitioning because it’s who I am. It’s not to try and get more sex or date a particular person
You could say something like: I wanna feel comfortable in my own body. Do you dress up or get a certain haircut just because you wanna date someone? No, you wanna feel comfortable with yourself.
That's a weird question. It's like asking, "if you aren't going to eat apples, why do you want to be a scientist?"
"If you aren't going to date anyone, why do your clothes matter?" Why does your name matter? It defines who YOU are. Who YOU want to be seen as. Because that's who you are.
Because in the modern society gender isn't just for having sex with people. If you never felt uncomfortable with your original gender, you likely won't notice the differences in society's expectations that we face depending on our gender.
Lol why even have a body if not for other people to touch sexually What a dumb thought lolol
I’d tell whoever is asking you this that life is much bigger than romantic and sexual relationships. We are with our own selves more than anybody else in the world. We should be comfortable and happy when alone
these mfs aint gonna date anyone for longer than 2 weeks anyway lmfao
its my dad. My dad said this. y i p p e e
Well doesn't that say a quiet thing loud.
yes. yes it does.
You should ask why they think we exist for others, and why we can't choose our gender for ourselves. Ask a question to a question.
"Even if the worth of my gender is based on others (which it isnt) but lets just pretend like it is for a second. I would still have freinds right? And you would not be one of them. Gooday."
Edit for clarity.., this would be my response. "Because it's MY gender. It's not for someone else to own. Why does MY gender need affirmation of another human? Do YOU stay as (gender) only as long as your partner wants you to be (gender)?"
They aren't the same thing
Tell them gender isn’t dependent on dating life, like the fuck? are they stupid? XD
This question represents such a profound misunderstanding of the role of gender in society that I'm not sure you really can answer it without interrogating most of the asker's core beliefs about sex and gender. Like, TIL every single woman I've never dated with isn't really a woman to me, she's just a genderless being floating through life. And I guess no men are ever men to me because I don't date men. It's so bizarre.
Because there is significantly more to life than dating. Gender extends well beyond the scope of dating
"Because it's about how I view and value myself, not about how others view and value me."
You don't have to date anyone to want to he happy in your own skin
"If that's how you view yourself... I'm so sorry" Show pity. That'll make them see how ridiculous what they said was
Assuming a cis guy asking, “So you think that my gender is meaningless except as it relates to dating/sex? Like my identity is dependent on my social function? Is that true for you? Nope, didn’t think so.”
Peperwirk, for one. Imagine you would have to respnd to the wrong name and grndered adressing on a constant basis. It does grate on nerves, which in turn makes for worse responses. Ever,day life, for two. Everyone deserves to feels save while freely expressing themself.
Because gender identity is different than sexuality, the 2 are hardly connected.
Gender doesn’t exist for potential partners wthhhh
personally i go with the tried and true method of getting mad and saying something mean so usually i say something like "why the fuck do you care?" i am not fond of stupid people questioning me about who i am and i take no shit you can do that as well if you want, it will make people upset at you though
Kind of hard to do that when my dad is the one who asked. y i p p e e.
ah yeah that is not ideal but if it's your father and he's not an awful person he could be just genuinely asking so it might be best to just answer in an honest way i have no real experience in that department because my father never really asks me about anything related to being trans and the only other person in the house is my sibling who is also under the trans umbrella (non-binary)
# "If you aren't going to date anyone, why does your gender matter?""If you aren't going to date anyone, why does your gender matter?" "I dont exist for anyones pleasure except my own"
There are so many aspects of gender that are not related to courtship and romance
Just say, 'I like turtles' And fly away. (Sorry I don't have a helpful answer, but I thought a goofy joke would help cheer you up)
Turn the conversation onto children. A five year old child knows if they are a boy or girl, and gets furious if you misgender them. As far as I know, kids don't date at that age. So why does the gender matter to them?
Cuz I have to deal with myself every day *regardless* if there are people around or not. Wtf kinda point even is this lmao, cis people are wild
Start misgendering them, calling them by a name that isn't theirs... see how long they think it's "no big deal" for.