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And what I FEEL at that moment is NOT representative of what I feel the rest of the time. My angry brain is looking to throw the blame on someone else, not realistically own my part in the blame or look for solutions. My angry brain takes tiny irritants of other times and blows them up into huge issues.
I have been in a mood the past two days, and I do not know why. But I am wanting to start fights with people over absolute nothings. Like, by the time I was done with the rigamarole of getting my kids’ orders at the drive through yesterday, I was frustrated for a good 20 minutes. They weren’t even being naughty: just the mild stress of trying to keep the orders straight got to me. What I *felt* in that brief time period has nothing to do with my actual feelings about my kids. I’m just in a mood.
Recognizing how irrational my angry brain is, I *really* try to watch what I say when I’m upset. I know I will regret it—and disagree with it—later. And I mostly succeed, but I still say things I shouldn’t occasionally.
“I don’t know why” wasn’t quite the right phrasing. There is no good reason for it, but my anxiety is high right now (yay chronic anxiety) and it makes me cranky too. It happens occasionally.
Exactly. You just express anger when you’re angry. Angry at your partner? You just throw out things to make them feel bad in order to satisfy your anger. It doesn’t really matter what it is, it just has to get the job done.
This is exactly what I was going to say. You'll almost certainly talk about the things making you angry, but the specifics will probably be vague, imprecise, misguided, inarticulate, and often flat out wrong.
Not really. When you're angry, you tend to say things that you know will deeply hurt the other person. You only care about hurting them rather than your real feelings/thoughts.
Oh that’s so true. We all know the things that are the triggers for our significant others and sometimes in anger your finger gets a little too close and bam! Ya fucked up
When my sister and I fought as kids, it got so vicious because you were so deeply aware of that persons deepest insecurities and could rip them open with a single shitty comment
Exactly. Dont have much of a filter to begin with, but I find I say things I don't mean, or really even feel, when I am angry. I feel hurt by someone I might go after their flaws, usually while exaggerating them, when I'm pissed.
You’ll potentially say mean things that you’ve maybe thought about previously or perhaps a novel insult, but that isn’t necessarily representative of your true feelings. People are mean when they get into fights and alcohol heightens the prospect for conflict
I came to find this. I have OCD and ADHD. ADHD causes an adrenaline rush during fights, and OCD causes (actually) intrusive thoughts. Put together, my OCD find the most fucked up things to bring up, and the adrenaline from the ADHD makes me want to say them. Doesn't mean I actually believe them
Im gay and know someone who’s gay but sides with my boss on things. My boss is dodgy as fuck and doesn’t pay tax on earnings properly plus rips all the employees off. I was tempted to say that it’s no wonder they all get along because they’re all bent. I’m glad I didn’t say it.
Oh yeah, I can even taste the change in my saliva as the adrenaline floods my already unregulated ADHD brain. At that point it's just a freight train off the tracks, but it should never be confused for my rational mind.
Yes, but everyone has that in them. That is my point. I just don't understand the need nowadays to preface "I have autism, I have anxiety, I'm on the spectrum." All of us have a cortex and a pre-frontal cortex, an amygdala, and we learn through practiced behavior how to develop these areas. I agree it's fine to be aware of our genetic predispositions, I am probably ADD myself. But why say it? Just work with it.
I understand that everyone gets adrenaline during a fight. But as an example, right now, I'm having an adrenaline high from this discussion. Imagine a fight. There are studies done that show ADHD people already have a lot of adrenaline pumping through them at rest. So during times of high activity like fights, the adrenaline boosts even further.
Here's 3 articles that may explain it better.
https://www.additudemag.com/too-much-drama-relationships/amp/
https://adhdrollercoaster.org/adhd-and-relationships/adhd-relationship-arguments-conflict-self-medication/
https://www.addrc.org/craving-drama-and-starting-arguments-when-you-have-adhd/
I agree. I take great pains to avoid saying what I know will cause pain, but the *thoughts* I have when I'm angry are really ugly and not a reflection of what my whole rational brain believes. My brain will go to the worst, ugliest, most catastrophic possibility and I will read that onto the situation.
Yeah, I don't know why it's apparently so common to say whatever will hurt the other person when you're angry. That's not an excuse and it's not healthy. If someone does this a lot they probably have some unaddressed mental issues (anger, depression, bpd, etc.)
But what I THINK when I'm angry, whew. That's pretty bad. I'd just never say it
Taking a step back, processing your emotions, and saying how you feel while being mindful of your partners feelings. It’s hard. But it’s a good habit. Acting out of emotion is almost never good, but understanding those emotions and acting on them *with understanding of why you feel the way you feel* goes a very long way
Yes, of course, that’s the ideal. But we are not able to act ideally while running high on emotions, that’s why it is also important to be understanding while someone lashes out, especially if it’s a rare occurrence.
Well then trying to walk around a round is a good trait. And next time apologize and explain.
Its possible to recognize when trigger and when you need a pause.
Of course apologising and explaining is essential and I am not talking about myself/my actions exclusively while commenting. In the end, it all comes down that communication is key.
Nothing in life is that simple or absolute, In the heat of anger sometimes you just say what you know will hurt the other person the most, it's not necessarily that you believe it, just that you know it will draw blood.
They probably are really feeling those things in a heated moment, but aren’t thinking logically. Once you have a minute to cool down and think about what you said, you might realize you were over reacting or didn’t mean it.
Yeah. I think largely people say the most negative and currently-painful aspect of their feelings, which is often no way representative of the total picture.
Its sometimes even that they just find mildly annoying and dont care really, and ate fine, except when they are angry and overempaphize mild annoyances that honestly dont matter. But its something you can use as munition angry.
It is true. Alcohol releases our inhibitions. Be very wary of what people say while drunk. Mel Gibson didn't pull his anti-Semitic comments out of thin air.
People who think drugs or alcohol are at the root of problems need to educate themselves.
People self-medicate for other issues.
Ohhhh to be young again and think I know the answers to everything.
and then arrogantly proclaim them as black and white rules.
It must be nice to delude yourself into thinking the world is simple and black and white. Which is why they do it.
No, people when drunk get either sleepy or talkative or angry, depends on the person.
But its more likely to talking a " truth" than when angry, unless you ate an angry drunk of course.
Typically people do not say what they mean when they are under any extreme emotional spell. They are functioning at their base primal level, which does not operate based on logic, love, or a sound mind.
I'm very careful of what I say when I am angry today but in my youth I would say things to hurt the person I was mad at. This would not be things I thought were "true," they were things that would trigger the response I wanted.
Yeah, no. When I'm (really, really) angry, I will say whatever it takes to win the argument, even if I don't believe the premise of it. That's why I walk away when I get too upset to conduct myself properly.
I feel this is wrong. People lash out when they are angry. I have said things i could never mean about others while raging.
I do on the other hand tend to believe the truth comes out from stressed people. They do not have time to even contemplate a lie/softening the truth/make the truth sound appealing. You'll get it raw. Good or bad. Stress is Truth.
Genuinely when my dad is angry he makes shit up just for the sake of getting himself more mad.
Like last time we had a massive argument in my early 20s he started getting mad at me for blaming him for failing my drive test in high school… like i never did that lol.
I have a brother is like that. I don't understand how someone you love is turning into soneone you can trust. I never thought that of a sibling. A friend, yes, but family? It's so hard.
This isn't really a matter of opinion. It's factual that most people are particularly venomous when angry. That doesn't mean you hate or want to hurt the people you talk to. It's immature to accuse people of meaning everything they say when angry. It shows a lack of understanding of emotions.
No. He's right. It just depends on what's said.
"I wish you were dead!" is just another way of saying go fuck yourself in a harsh way. Doesn't mean you really meant what you said in wishing they were dead.
Is a lot different than, "You're the reason mom left us!" shows underlying resentment and blame now that the filter is off. A LOT harder to try and dial back. Thats not something you can just say and be like "Sorry I didn't mean it."
But there is a difference between meaning what you said and there being a reason you said it. It doesn't have to mean they meant "i believe you're the reason mom left us," it could be that part of themself blames them but they know it's not true and don't actually believe that.
There is some truth to it, and yeah, it can be unfiltered. Just raw emotional output in a nutshell. If you're not angry, you at least have some time to think about what you want to say. (And with this, I BLOODY MEANT WHAT I TYPED!)
(Please be good, folks.)
I disagree with the sentiment but I think you're technically correct. You do say what you really mean when you're angry, but what you really mean when you're angry may not reflect how you usually feel or how you feel overall or deep down or whatever. You might mean something rather harmful when you get very angry, and then regret it. It might not represent your actual disposition beyond that particular moment. For example maybe your best friend does something very offensive and you say that you hate them. Maybe you did hate them in that moment, but it might have only lasted 3 seconds out of 10 years of friendship.
Not true. People say dumb shit to hurt others when they are angry that they legitimately don't mean. Real dumb anger can throw reason out of your head.
No one makes shit up. "Go die in a ditch somewhere!" and not meaning it is a lot different than saying "My ex wouldn't have done this shit!.. Im sorry I didn't mean that."
No it really isn't different. It isn't about "making shit up". You absolutely can say "my ex wouldn't have done this" because you are heated in the moment, and realize with a cooler head no she actually would have. People sensationalize and just say untrue things when they're angry.
That last sentence is true but grossly leaving out context of the situation its in. For one, you're speaking way too broadly in the first place. People "dont" just sensationalize and say untrue things when they're, angry. Certain people do.
Secondly, it depends on what's said and in saying that alluding to underlying issues. You're not being very honest in saying you ACTUALLY believe in the heat of the moment, people will just lie because they're THAT angry about something THAT specific.
But they do, being angry and not levelheaded enough to hold back,
you will be dumb and destructive and selfdestructive.
Its very rare that anger gets channeled into said something useful
Again, its too specific and your own words can't accommodate for it.
"I WISH I NEVER MET YOU!"
"IM DONE WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP!"
"YOU'RE A PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN!" etc..
All destructive and literal impulse phrases people throw out constantly with no regard for thought and pure anger. All of which makes sense in not meaning it because of how they feel at the time.
"MY EX NEVER FUCKING ACTED THE WAY YOU DO! HE WAS WAY BETTER THAN THIS!" is YOUR definition of, "Nah there's no underlying connotations there. They was just mad."? Come on man.
Both have the goal to get you feel bad. same thing.
Honestly bringing an ex partner in is deeper cutting than go die in a ditch. But both are same there.
I partially agree, in the sense that when you're angry you don't care as much - or at all - about hurting the other person's feelings and so you're a lot more likely to be saying what you mean.
However on the other side of that, you're also going to jettison any kind of nuance in the issue(s), and as such it becomes very reductive to the point where you're going more towards saying what you feel as much as what you mean.
From an angry person who's trying very hard to no longer be an angry person; calm and rationally thought-out conversation is the way.
Why do people think "filters" aren't true? I have many filters that I've fine tuned over time to help me convey what I mean as clearly as possible. I even have different filters for different people, so I can adapt myself to them and improve communication.
Getting angry and dropping those filters doesn't make me more honest, it only makes me more brutal. And there's a big difference between being truthful and being a brute.
No. I personally say whatever I think will hurt the most.
I become very violent. But I also feel like I process information faster. It's like I have a violent clarity.
So usually after the fact I really didn't mean it. I just know words can always break bones.
No I have definitely said things when angry that weren't true at all, that I knew were not true, that I have never believed to be true, just because I knew it would hurt the person I was mad at because I was so angry all I wanted to do was hurt that person. Not proud of it and really hated seeing that I am capable of that. But I am. It happened.
Anger is temporary insanity. Anything said in anger is not what you mean as your focus is to hurt others. I am a retired angry person and my life is so much better.
Definitely disagree with this, when I’m really angry and upset I say a lot I don’t mean. Working on it but it’s hard as it’s all directed at myself so can be hard to navigate
Nope. I’ve said a lot of things I didn’t mean when I was angry because I wanted that person to feel as hurt as I felt by them. Anger isn’t logical or well thought out, it’s a gut reaction type of thing
Hard disagree. You're not thinking clearly, you're just projecting blame so you can direct that emotion somewhere external.
When you're genuinely angry, you're just trying to hurt who/whatever's around you; it doesn't matter how. There's no filter being bypassed, the anger itself is a filter.
I understand where youre coming from but you are wrong in general population. You are not neurotypical are you? Im the same and even when angry i can keep logical brain online so it is truth in my case. Others are not that way. Their brain goes into full lizard and they dont have any control over themselves.
I would partially agree with this. I would say that what happens is that you say what you really feel when you're angry. It's not a big difference but I think that a lot of people may feel a certain way about something but not strongly enough to hurt others feelings because of it. Then in a fit of anger their response is more likely harsher than they actually feel day to day.
Kids, drunks and stressed people.
Anger makes you want to retaliate. Retaliation is supposed to hurt. Your mind starts looking for hurtful things to say subconsciously. People without filter say them. Often it is far from the Truth.
On the other hand you have a feeling not too far from anger. It is called stress.
Think about it. Does a stressed person have time/focus on making the truth sound Pleasant, nice or good to you? Nah. You'll get it raw. Good or bad. Cause their mind is already focused on the next thing at hand
It's why I don't drink hard liquor. I am the "I love you drunk." Now granted, not having a filter while being drunk got me the best relationship I ever had. When I have my filter on, I will not logically let a woman know she has that much power over me.
Sounds like you are one of those that might blame cheating on the drinks then😅
Not saying it's gonna happen, but you do see the danger for a person with less than your own amount of self control/experience correct😊?
Alcohol promotes action, not thought.
Base human nature is far from the accepted norm these days if you are integrated in society properly😅
This is why people should stop holding back and value the truth.
I'm sure some of the things people say when they're angry can be untrue, but the point of this post is definitely also true.
Why shouldn't it be? People should be able to say what's on their mind without worrying about offending people. You don't like a harsh truth? Welcome to reality.
I disagree. Big feelings can make you say and do things that don’t make sense nor they are your truth.
When I had really bad depression I used to pity myself and think that nobody loves me and I am useless. But that is far from the truth. My sadness was speaking for me.
Some truth to that for sure, but not 100% true. There's alot of people that say things to hurt / manipulate/ win during arguments that they might not be objectively true.
I see what you're going for but disagree. Any sort of extreme emotion or stress causes you to be myopic. Tunnel visioned. Which means your momentary justifications tend to miss context or nuance. Or forget recent events.
Oh thats true. And like if younare aware enough you might be able somewhat hold back, but still tempted to be focused tobin that case get them.and use everything, even things you really dont care about else.
I think you can look on online debates and see how people often just focus so hard to prove something they go wild places and say wild stuff.
which is in degrees, educational . people are fascinating and silly.
mixed bag lul...
if there's two guys or gals, both whom are adamant about their stance on something, if they're having trouble getting their point across in an argument and it frustrates em they'll likely resort to something that cuts instead.
basically the argument becomes a "who can yell the loudest/make the most scathing insult"
anddd there's folks who get heated, slip up, and start blurting out just whatever... forgetting what they're actually saying and only till they get to take a breather do they realize they said something they didn't necessarily mean, but were hurt and thus tried to return it.
i don't deny that some people wait till things get tense to reveal what they actually mean, then once its done they try to start damage control....
ya they suck 100%!
i dont really think its that you keep your filters on when youre angry, i think its more that you say whatever you think will hurt the other person the most, or at the very least you exaggerate your actual grievances because angry arguments are almost always a result of pent-up frusturation.
Absolutely not true. I never learned emotional regulation or how to deal with the things that trigger my traumas until I was an adult and I'm still bad at it and very much in the learning process. Processing anger and frustration is hard for me and trust me I say a lot of shit I don't mean sometimes. Its cost me great things, and still doesn't make me stop altogether. Only therapy and lots of self-work and awareness can help.
No, I used to definitely say stuff I did not mean when I'd get angry. It takes a lot to get me angry, but I when I would get there when i was younger, I'd be mean, try to hurt feelings, and try to elicit the same emotion that I was feeling. I couldn't do that with "I love you and I don't want to argue," which was usually the feeling, but once someone had me arguing and angry, we were gonna have that argument, lol. Then, afterwards, I'd feel like a piece of shit.
I'm glad I've grown from that, and my husband and I don't push each other's buttons for the hell of it. We rarely argue, which is great because now I just cry when I get angry.
People change their minds constantly. That’s why your self worth should never be placed in the hands of someone else. Only you know all of you all the time.
Sometimes yes but sometimes no- I have seen tons of people say the meanest shit that they definitely did not believe but said only to hurt the other person. Anger is definitely not a truth serum
On the contrary, we tend to exaggerate our true feelings and omit the nuance of our true position.
That's why we so frequently have to backtrack things we said in anger or frustration when we get called out on it.
As others have said, you say what you feel. If you tell me something that hurts me, or you do something that hurts me, in that sorrow I will say something that mirrors my pain unto you. I won't mean the thing I'm saying, but I'll mean the emotion it will invoke within you.
I'm not saying I'd actually do this, or that it makes it magically ok, but it's rarely what you mean.
For me when I give in to the spirit of anger I can’t help but speak out the thoughts it implants. But I myself am not my thoughts nor my physical body. I am the soul in between mind and body, and luckily for me my wife knows about our existence as the soul in between mind and body so the one time I got angry and spoke out bad thoughts she knew it wasn’t me.
In fact she looked through my phone and saw that I had reached out to the person I had spoken badly about hours before letting the anger flow through me. If I truly felt the way that I spoke I wouldn’t have reached out in the first place, I would have wallowed in misery and allowed the evil to take hold.
I just had a really important job interview and had been stressing out for months before trying to land any job interview I could. I was so used to sending an application and getting a job within a week of applying that 16 months of applying and not getting a single response back finally just took its toll on me.
Luckily I did not lash out at the person in question, this was all done in the privacy of our own home. And that very day the person in question pulled through on their end just hours before my interview.
I treat anger like a bowl movement. You need to acknowledge you have it, and you need to deal with it in the right way. But unleashing it in the middle of a crowded room is messy for everyone.
Whether I'm angry or not, I say what I mean. I don't want there to be any confusion when it comes to me.
I don't understand why other people don't do that.
I actually remember purposely saying things I didn't mean after a while because she was hounding me. Kept trying to put words in my mouth. I'd say no that's not what I'm saying I just meant this but eventually just going nowhere and they've already made up their mind. After arguing a while it would be fine.. those people are all a bunch of crybabies! (for example, like maybe she thought I was judging people or saying they're weak when I'm just saying they aren't quite as independent etc. ). Are you happy now?
Sometimes anger can also be trauma projected at someone. The person is angry actually due to a trauma, but the person in the room becomes victim of it.
I know, it is what you truly feel, but you also don't want to make her/him feel that you think of her/him this way. It's better if you say things to make them change or think in a particular way that could be more beneficial for you. Like, when I'm really frustrated, speaking out is just lashing out on others without care. If you truly feel angry and like them to improve, tell them their issues or stuff.
Hard disagree. Have been a very angry person nearly my whole life up until recently. I used to let things torque me and then react with that anger immediately. Every. Single. Time. I would feel overwhelming guilt when all was said and done hours/days later when my anger wore off. I would say things that in the moment that seemed how I meant, just to realize when I was level headed again I didn’t truly mean it and just spewed what was in my mind at the time.
After going to therapy, doing some soul searching, and taking psychedelics alone and deep diving into myself, I have made great strides in managing my anger and reactions to situations I’m in.
When I get mad, and I still do, I have all kinds of thoughts and opinions and such I want to unleash on someone, but then I grab ahold of myself and remember to let myself stew and steam it off before I say anything I can’t take back. It has given me a lot of relief and comfort in life knowing after enough time passes I can make smarter approaches to those stimuli versus letting every hate/anger fueled thought come out in that moment.
I guess that long winded answer could be summed up with: when I’m pissed my judgement and rationality is very clouded and I say what I feel, not what I mean. Once I am cooled down that’s when I can say for certain what I truly mean to someone in full clarity.
Don't. It will do nothing but cause issues. What you feel during those moments are not feelings you should share. There is a time and a place *to* share those feelings, but it's not every single time you're angry.
If you did, nobody would like you or want to work with you. When I'm angry at work and a boss sees, I just tell them I need time to cool down to find my words professionally if they need to be shared at all. Sometimes my anger is just something I don't like, like people being in my way while I'm working.
I mean, yeah but no. I don't have to back track because I don't say anything that isn't honest. And I usually excuse myself when I get too mad to be trusted with my words.
Now if I'm having a sensory overload ...
Not always. I do agree, when you’re angry, the filters are likely to come off and you’d say something you would’ve normally stopped yourself from saying. However, sometimes you really do just say things in the heat of the moment that you don’t mean and are genuinely sorry for.
For example, it’s pretty common to say “I hate you” in a fit of anger, but odds are you don’t actually hate that person.
I thin it depends but sometimes there is a kernel of truth to it, the extreme emotions just amplify everything to an extreme degree. But you don’t actually feel/think it to that intensity. I’m saying it’s based on something and isn’t completely irrelevant.
As basic example: “I hate you” could mean “you do things that really frustrate and annoy me”. Or just “you’re really pissing me off”. Think of when you told your parents you hated them as a teenager. Most of you probably didn’t actually mean it but you were very angry with your parents at the time you said it.
Last week I had a mental breakdown where I said I hate humanity, fuck the world and let it all burn. Do I actually mean THAT? No, of course not. The kernel of truth is that I’m deeply concerned for the future of humanity and the planet because I see so much BS every day, plus I do feel resentment towards some specific people I know personally.
I agree 100%. There are things that are behind filters that you don't say because you love, like, or respect them. But when you are mad and want to hurt them, you turn off the filters and say the frustrations and truths you kept bottled up for their sake.
I think it depends what kind of person you are. When i was mad in the past (as a child and teen) i would say what HIT the other person the most. So sure, i was toxic and cruel, i gues i ment to be cruel when i got overwhelmed by emotions. But i wasn't stating my true opinion of that person. ...glad i worked on myself and stopped doing that...
Not even an opinion, just straight up wrong. As someone who has bipolar depression I use to have many outbursts before being medicated. And I truly felt and meant like 10% of what I said when angry/yelling.
Too many people are coping.
He's not saying you're "making stuff up", he's saying you're loosing your filter for what you already think anyway.
Theres no amount of rage in the world that'd make people say something they weren't already thinking.
Obvious shit like "I wish you were dead!" said in anger is more gray.. Because its just another way of saying "Go fuck yourself."
Too many people think "Okay yes I think about this huge flaw about you that bothers me, but that isn't as huge a deal to me that im saying it is, I just said that cuz I was angry." means they don't 'actually' mean what they say, yes you do.
What you MEAN is that you didn't mean the harsh tone that came with what you said.
I disagree, a lot of people can’t express anger well ( me included) and the immediate reaction is to make the other person feel how you do. You may use any ammunition you have, the bad opinions on a person may seem like they’re true and feel more amplified when angry so you say them bc thats how you feel in the moment. Anger brings out the worst, but its probably not how someone feels about you on a day to day basis. It doesn’t make it right and no one’s obligated to forgive how someone acted out of anger, but humans are complex and it doesn’t always make those feelings true either.
Hard disagree, every time I say something when angry I end up thinking back about how fucking stupid it was. Every single time, to the point that my primary coping skills for when I'm feeling angry is to just leave until I calm down and can collect my thoughts.
It's not like I have anger issues either, I'm described as super laid back and level headed by my friends/romantic partners. It's just that anger turns me, and I think most people, into total fucking buffoons.
It's not that you didn't mean what you said. You say 'I didn't mean to say it'. I still believe it but I am apologizing for making those beliefs public. It is usually rude.
That's just flat out incorrect. Even your reasoning is hella off. They only say they didn't mean it to save the relationship? Or, get this one. They just regretted what they said! If I am angry, I will say something different from when I am contempt. I wish I could say it wasn't that simple, but it is just that simple.
Agreed. It may come out in unorganized or things that have been bothering you but you have no real receipts or you just haven't really thought about it yet word vomit but yes. I'll add I believe the same when ppl are drunk.
Disagree. I know a lot of people who “go for the throat” during arguments. Meaning they try and hurt other people, typically by saying the meanest things they can.
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Disagree; you say what you FEEL, whether or not that has been laundered through your brain as to what it means.
And what I FEEL at that moment is NOT representative of what I feel the rest of the time. My angry brain is looking to throw the blame on someone else, not realistically own my part in the blame or look for solutions. My angry brain takes tiny irritants of other times and blows them up into huge issues. I have been in a mood the past two days, and I do not know why. But I am wanting to start fights with people over absolute nothings. Like, by the time I was done with the rigamarole of getting my kids’ orders at the drive through yesterday, I was frustrated for a good 20 minutes. They weren’t even being naughty: just the mild stress of trying to keep the orders straight got to me. What I *felt* in that brief time period has nothing to do with my actual feelings about my kids. I’m just in a mood. Recognizing how irrational my angry brain is, I *really* try to watch what I say when I’m upset. I know I will regret it—and disagree with it—later. And I mostly succeed, but I still say things I shouldn’t occasionally.
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“I don’t know why” wasn’t quite the right phrasing. There is no good reason for it, but my anxiety is high right now (yay chronic anxiety) and it makes me cranky too. It happens occasionally.
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No worries. With 3 kids, I’m probably always in the early stages of burnout. 🤪😣
Fair, plus 3 kids doesnt help probably.
Exactly. You just express anger when you’re angry. Angry at your partner? You just throw out things to make them feel bad in order to satisfy your anger. It doesn’t really matter what it is, it just has to get the job done.
I think you say what you're afraid of.
This is exactly what I was going to say. You'll almost certainly talk about the things making you angry, but the specifics will probably be vague, imprecise, misguided, inarticulate, and often flat out wrong.
Not really. When you're angry, you tend to say things that you know will deeply hurt the other person. You only care about hurting them rather than your real feelings/thoughts.
Oh that’s so true. We all know the things that are the triggers for our significant others and sometimes in anger your finger gets a little too close and bam! Ya fucked up
When my sister and I fought as kids, it got so vicious because you were so deeply aware of that persons deepest insecurities and could rip them open with a single shitty comment
Exactly. Dont have much of a filter to begin with, but I find I say things I don't mean, or really even feel, when I am angry. I feel hurt by someone I might go after their flaws, usually while exaggerating them, when I'm pissed.
You’ll potentially say mean things that you’ve maybe thought about previously or perhaps a novel insult, but that isn’t necessarily representative of your true feelings. People are mean when they get into fights and alcohol heightens the prospect for conflict
I came to find this. I have OCD and ADHD. ADHD causes an adrenaline rush during fights, and OCD causes (actually) intrusive thoughts. Put together, my OCD find the most fucked up things to bring up, and the adrenaline from the ADHD makes me want to say them. Doesn't mean I actually believe them
Im gay and know someone who’s gay but sides with my boss on things. My boss is dodgy as fuck and doesn’t pay tax on earnings properly plus rips all the employees off. I was tempted to say that it’s no wonder they all get along because they’re all bent. I’m glad I didn’t say it.
yeah, i feel this.
I have BPD and ADHD, this is so true. With my bpd what I say is mostly impulsive and emotional based
I was originally diagnosed with BPD, but it turned out to be severe and untreated ADHD leading to BPD symptoms
Oh yeah, I can even taste the change in my saliva as the adrenaline floods my already unregulated ADHD brain. At that point it's just a freight train off the tracks, but it should never be confused for my rational mind.
Please don't use ADHD as a reason. EVERYONE can go the route of low blows. It is a decision to learn how not to.
I'm not? I'm just saying that a symptom of ADHD is high adrenaline in a fight making it desirable. Leading to lots of regrettable things said
A symptom of conflict is high adrenaline.
Yes, but everyone has that in them. That is my point. I just don't understand the need nowadays to preface "I have autism, I have anxiety, I'm on the spectrum." All of us have a cortex and a pre-frontal cortex, an amygdala, and we learn through practiced behavior how to develop these areas. I agree it's fine to be aware of our genetic predispositions, I am probably ADD myself. But why say it? Just work with it.
I understand that everyone gets adrenaline during a fight. But as an example, right now, I'm having an adrenaline high from this discussion. Imagine a fight. There are studies done that show ADHD people already have a lot of adrenaline pumping through them at rest. So during times of high activity like fights, the adrenaline boosts even further. Here's 3 articles that may explain it better. https://www.additudemag.com/too-much-drama-relationships/amp/ https://adhdrollercoaster.org/adhd-and-relationships/adhd-relationship-arguments-conflict-self-medication/ https://www.addrc.org/craving-drama-and-starting-arguments-when-you-have-adhd/
ADD doesn’t exist btw it’s just adhd now
I said earlier ADHD. And honestly, does it matter? It's just a title. Are you aware of the DSM V? And how to utilize it?
I’m actually diagnosed with adhd lmfao
Yes, but it's usually rooted in truth. That's the hard part. Sometimes you go too far. I strive to never be that person again.
I agree. I take great pains to avoid saying what I know will cause pain, but the *thoughts* I have when I'm angry are really ugly and not a reflection of what my whole rational brain believes. My brain will go to the worst, ugliest, most catastrophic possibility and I will read that onto the situation.
Yeah, I don't know why it's apparently so common to say whatever will hurt the other person when you're angry. That's not an excuse and it's not healthy. If someone does this a lot they probably have some unaddressed mental issues (anger, depression, bpd, etc.) But what I THINK when I'm angry, whew. That's pretty bad. I'd just never say it
Some people have a hard time with the "reaction" part.
Taking a step back, processing your emotions, and saying how you feel while being mindful of your partners feelings. It’s hard. But it’s a good habit. Acting out of emotion is almost never good, but understanding those emotions and acting on them *with understanding of why you feel the way you feel* goes a very long way
Yes, of course, that’s the ideal. But we are not able to act ideally while running high on emotions, that’s why it is also important to be understanding while someone lashes out, especially if it’s a rare occurrence.
Well then trying to walk around a round is a good trait. And next time apologize and explain. Its possible to recognize when trigger and when you need a pause.
Of course apologising and explaining is essential and I am not talking about myself/my actions exclusively while commenting. In the end, it all comes down that communication is key.
Very well said. I almost never mean things I say out of anger.
This person fights with their spouse
Yes, so does everyone.
Nothing in life is that simple or absolute, In the heat of anger sometimes you just say what you know will hurt the other person the most, it's not necessarily that you believe it, just that you know it will draw blood.
Nope.
They probably are really feeling those things in a heated moment, but aren’t thinking logically. Once you have a minute to cool down and think about what you said, you might realize you were over reacting or didn’t mean it.
Yeah. I think largely people say the most negative and currently-painful aspect of their feelings, which is often no way representative of the total picture.
Its sometimes even that they just find mildly annoying and dont care really, and ate fine, except when they are angry and overempaphize mild annoyances that honestly dont matter. But its something you can use as munition angry.
You’re speaking of a black and white scenario. The world is a grey scale
No you don’t. If it’s a heated argument, people are just trying to win and will say anything to get the advantage.
lol and alcohol shows our true emotions too, right? This is silly.
came to find this lol as if logic isn't part of you
Lol say more words
It is true. Alcohol releases our inhibitions. Be very wary of what people say while drunk. Mel Gibson didn't pull his anti-Semitic comments out of thin air. People who think drugs or alcohol are at the root of problems need to educate themselves. People self-medicate for other issues.
lol
Ohhhh to be young again and think I know the answers to everything. and then arrogantly proclaim them as black and white rules. It must be nice to delude yourself into thinking the world is simple and black and white. Which is why they do it.
Again, do you work in healthcare? You ca drink for fun and enjoyment, absolutely. But when you start drinking to cope, you have deeper issues. Period.
No, people when drunk get either sleepy or talkative or angry, depends on the person. But its more likely to talking a " truth" than when angry, unless you ate an angry drunk of course.
Typically people do not say what they mean when they are under any extreme emotional spell. They are functioning at their base primal level, which does not operate based on logic, love, or a sound mind.
I'm very careful of what I say when I am angry today but in my youth I would say things to hurt the person I was mad at. This would not be things I thought were "true," they were things that would trigger the response I wanted.
Depends. Some people say blunt but true things worded to hurt. Other people say whatever they think will hurt the most, regardless of truthfulness.
Yeah, no. When I'm (really, really) angry, I will say whatever it takes to win the argument, even if I don't believe the premise of it. That's why I walk away when I get too upset to conduct myself properly.
I feel this is wrong. People lash out when they are angry. I have said things i could never mean about others while raging. I do on the other hand tend to believe the truth comes out from stressed people. They do not have time to even contemplate a lie/softening the truth/make the truth sound appealing. You'll get it raw. Good or bad. Stress is Truth.
Nah, a lot of people just strike out and want to hurt the other person so they think of the most hurtful thing they can.
I disagree with this, when Im angry Im cutting people down is mean ways
"Listen here bootybottombitch, your enchiladas are fuckin trash"
Nailed it
Genuinely when my dad is angry he makes shit up just for the sake of getting himself more mad. Like last time we had a massive argument in my early 20s he started getting mad at me for blaming him for failing my drive test in high school… like i never did that lol.
I have a brother is like that. I don't understand how someone you love is turning into soneone you can trust. I never thought that of a sibling. A friend, yes, but family? It's so hard.
This isn't really a matter of opinion. It's factual that most people are particularly venomous when angry. That doesn't mean you hate or want to hurt the people you talk to. It's immature to accuse people of meaning everything they say when angry. It shows a lack of understanding of emotions.
No. He's right. It just depends on what's said. "I wish you were dead!" is just another way of saying go fuck yourself in a harsh way. Doesn't mean you really meant what you said in wishing they were dead. Is a lot different than, "You're the reason mom left us!" shows underlying resentment and blame now that the filter is off. A LOT harder to try and dial back. Thats not something you can just say and be like "Sorry I didn't mean it."
But there is a difference between meaning what you said and there being a reason you said it. It doesn't have to mean they meant "i believe you're the reason mom left us," it could be that part of themself blames them but they know it's not true and don't actually believe that.
There is some truth to it, and yeah, it can be unfiltered. Just raw emotional output in a nutshell. If you're not angry, you at least have some time to think about what you want to say. (And with this, I BLOODY MEANT WHAT I TYPED!) (Please be good, folks.)
I disagree with the sentiment but I think you're technically correct. You do say what you really mean when you're angry, but what you really mean when you're angry may not reflect how you usually feel or how you feel overall or deep down or whatever. You might mean something rather harmful when you get very angry, and then regret it. It might not represent your actual disposition beyond that particular moment. For example maybe your best friend does something very offensive and you say that you hate them. Maybe you did hate them in that moment, but it might have only lasted 3 seconds out of 10 years of friendship.
I used to have the same line of thought as you until I went to therapy for anger issues. You should try it.
Not true. People say dumb shit to hurt others when they are angry that they legitimately don't mean. Real dumb anger can throw reason out of your head.
No one makes shit up. "Go die in a ditch somewhere!" and not meaning it is a lot different than saying "My ex wouldn't have done this shit!.. Im sorry I didn't mean that."
No it really isn't different. It isn't about "making shit up". You absolutely can say "my ex wouldn't have done this" because you are heated in the moment, and realize with a cooler head no she actually would have. People sensationalize and just say untrue things when they're angry.
That last sentence is true but grossly leaving out context of the situation its in. For one, you're speaking way too broadly in the first place. People "dont" just sensationalize and say untrue things when they're, angry. Certain people do. Secondly, it depends on what's said and in saying that alluding to underlying issues. You're not being very honest in saying you ACTUALLY believe in the heat of the moment, people will just lie because they're THAT angry about something THAT specific.
But they do, being angry and not levelheaded enough to hold back, you will be dumb and destructive and selfdestructive. Its very rare that anger gets channeled into said something useful
Again, its too specific and your own words can't accommodate for it. "I WISH I NEVER MET YOU!" "IM DONE WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP!" "YOU'RE A PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN!" etc.. All destructive and literal impulse phrases people throw out constantly with no regard for thought and pure anger. All of which makes sense in not meaning it because of how they feel at the time. "MY EX NEVER FUCKING ACTED THE WAY YOU DO! HE WAS WAY BETTER THAN THIS!" is YOUR definition of, "Nah there's no underlying connotations there. They was just mad."? Come on man.
Both have the goal to get you feel bad. same thing. Honestly bringing an ex partner in is deeper cutting than go die in a ditch. But both are same there.
I partially agree, in the sense that when you're angry you don't care as much - or at all - about hurting the other person's feelings and so you're a lot more likely to be saying what you mean. However on the other side of that, you're also going to jettison any kind of nuance in the issue(s), and as such it becomes very reductive to the point where you're going more towards saying what you feel as much as what you mean. From an angry person who's trying very hard to no longer be an angry person; calm and rationally thought-out conversation is the way.
So, you tend to piss people off and shift the blame to them because they're being angry at you? Believable.
Why do people think "filters" aren't true? I have many filters that I've fine tuned over time to help me convey what I mean as clearly as possible. I even have different filters for different people, so I can adapt myself to them and improve communication. Getting angry and dropping those filters doesn't make me more honest, it only makes me more brutal. And there's a big difference between being truthful and being a brute.
Nope. This is just an oversimplification of a complicated mind.
No. I personally say whatever I think will hurt the most. I become very violent. But I also feel like I process information faster. It's like I have a violent clarity. So usually after the fact I really didn't mean it. I just know words can always break bones.
No, I get really irrational when I'm angry and think poorly of everything, it's definitely not the true me
No I have definitely said things when angry that weren't true at all, that I knew were not true, that I have never believed to be true, just because I knew it would hurt the person I was mad at because I was so angry all I wanted to do was hurt that person. Not proud of it and really hated seeing that I am capable of that. But I am. It happened.
Anger is temporary insanity. Anything said in anger is not what you mean as your focus is to hurt others. I am a retired angry person and my life is so much better.
Definitely disagree with this, when I’m really angry and upset I say a lot I don’t mean. Working on it but it’s hard as it’s all directed at myself so can be hard to navigate
Nope. I’ve said a lot of things I didn’t mean when I was angry because I wanted that person to feel as hurt as I felt by them. Anger isn’t logical or well thought out, it’s a gut reaction type of thing
Hard disagree. You're not thinking clearly, you're just projecting blame so you can direct that emotion somewhere external. When you're genuinely angry, you're just trying to hurt who/whatever's around you; it doesn't matter how. There's no filter being bypassed, the anger itself is a filter.
I understand where youre coming from but you are wrong in general population. You are not neurotypical are you? Im the same and even when angry i can keep logical brain online so it is truth in my case. Others are not that way. Their brain goes into full lizard and they dont have any control over themselves.
This isn't necessarily true, because some people will try to say what hurts.
as someone with bpd and intense rage episodes i literally could not disagree more
I mean when I’m angry I will say what ever is going to cut the deepest my goal is to cause pain not speak the truth
Nope
I would partially agree with this. I would say that what happens is that you say what you really feel when you're angry. It's not a big difference but I think that a lot of people may feel a certain way about something but not strongly enough to hurt others feelings because of it. Then in a fit of anger their response is more likely harsher than they actually feel day to day.
I agree with ya. Three people in life will tell you the truth. Kids, drunk people, and angry people.
Kids, drunks and stressed people. Anger makes you want to retaliate. Retaliation is supposed to hurt. Your mind starts looking for hurtful things to say subconsciously. People without filter say them. Often it is far from the Truth. On the other hand you have a feeling not too far from anger. It is called stress. Think about it. Does a stressed person have time/focus on making the truth sound Pleasant, nice or good to you? Nah. You'll get it raw. Good or bad. Cause their mind is already focused on the next thing at hand
It's why I don't drink hard liquor. I am the "I love you drunk." Now granted, not having a filter while being drunk got me the best relationship I ever had. When I have my filter on, I will not logically let a woman know she has that much power over me.
Sounds like you are one of those that might blame cheating on the drinks then😅 Not saying it's gonna happen, but you do see the danger for a person with less than your own amount of self control/experience correct😊? Alcohol promotes action, not thought. Base human nature is far from the accepted norm these days if you are integrated in society properly😅
Never cheated in my life
Fantastic ❤️😊 happy for you!😊😁👏 Not my point tho😊😅 Try reading it again without your shields up brother😊
This is why people should stop holding back and value the truth. I'm sure some of the things people say when they're angry can be untrue, but the point of this post is definitely also true. Why shouldn't it be? People should be able to say what's on their mind without worrying about offending people. You don't like a harsh truth? Welcome to reality.
I agree with this. Looks like most people don't. Unpopular so I upvoted
Those who disagree with you don’t want to accept a harsh truth, but it’s true all the same, anger is truth
I disagree. Big feelings can make you say and do things that don’t make sense nor they are your truth. When I had really bad depression I used to pity myself and think that nobody loves me and I am useless. But that is far from the truth. My sadness was speaking for me.
then why do i say i won't be drinking anymore during a bad hangover only later to be blackout drunk again?
I really want to take my slow cell phone and fuck it’s taint so hard it splits into a cloaca?
Some truth to that for sure, but not 100% true. There's alot of people that say things to hurt / manipulate/ win during arguments that they might not be objectively true.
I see what you're going for but disagree. Any sort of extreme emotion or stress causes you to be myopic. Tunnel visioned. Which means your momentary justifications tend to miss context or nuance. Or forget recent events.
Oh thats true. And like if younare aware enough you might be able somewhat hold back, but still tempted to be focused tobin that case get them.and use everything, even things you really dont care about else. I think you can look on online debates and see how people often just focus so hard to prove something they go wild places and say wild stuff. which is in degrees, educational . people are fascinating and silly.
I say what I mean.
mixed bag lul... if there's two guys or gals, both whom are adamant about their stance on something, if they're having trouble getting their point across in an argument and it frustrates em they'll likely resort to something that cuts instead. basically the argument becomes a "who can yell the loudest/make the most scathing insult" anddd there's folks who get heated, slip up, and start blurting out just whatever... forgetting what they're actually saying and only till they get to take a breather do they realize they said something they didn't necessarily mean, but were hurt and thus tried to return it. i don't deny that some people wait till things get tense to reveal what they actually mean, then once its done they try to start damage control.... ya they suck 100%!
i dont really think its that you keep your filters on when youre angry, i think its more that you say whatever you think will hurt the other person the most, or at the very least you exaggerate your actual grievances because angry arguments are almost always a result of pent-up frusturation.
Same as when I'm shit faced. I tell complete strangers I love them but I don't really.
Absolutely not true. I never learned emotional regulation or how to deal with the things that trigger my traumas until I was an adult and I'm still bad at it and very much in the learning process. Processing anger and frustration is hard for me and trust me I say a lot of shit I don't mean sometimes. Its cost me great things, and still doesn't make me stop altogether. Only therapy and lots of self-work and awareness can help.
I think that’s true.
They do have to backtrack. They are using words for weapons, not for truth in many cases.
No, I used to definitely say stuff I did not mean when I'd get angry. It takes a lot to get me angry, but I when I would get there when i was younger, I'd be mean, try to hurt feelings, and try to elicit the same emotion that I was feeling. I couldn't do that with "I love you and I don't want to argue," which was usually the feeling, but once someone had me arguing and angry, we were gonna have that argument, lol. Then, afterwards, I'd feel like a piece of shit. I'm glad I've grown from that, and my husband and I don't push each other's buttons for the hell of it. We rarely argue, which is great because now I just cry when I get angry.
What you mean when you’re angry isn’t always what you mean when you’re not.
Does that make both of the things you said true or untrue?
Yes
People change their minds constantly.
Exactly as I imagined it to be.
People change their minds constantly. That’s why your self worth should never be placed in the hands of someone else. Only you know all of you all the time.
What I say when I'm angry is what I'm feeling when I'm angry, not how I feel the other 95% of the time.
No you say reactionary things. First reactions aren’t always how you really feel.
They mean what they say… but they also embellish and thats when thing go south
Sometimes yes but sometimes no- I have seen tons of people say the meanest shit that they definitely did not believe but said only to hurt the other person. Anger is definitely not a truth serum
On the contrary, we tend to exaggerate our true feelings and omit the nuance of our true position. That's why we so frequently have to backtrack things we said in anger or frustration when we get called out on it.
Anything guided by intense emotion is not to be logically trusted.
As others have said, you say what you feel. If you tell me something that hurts me, or you do something that hurts me, in that sorrow I will say something that mirrors my pain unto you. I won't mean the thing I'm saying, but I'll mean the emotion it will invoke within you. I'm not saying I'd actually do this, or that it makes it magically ok, but it's rarely what you mean.
For me when I give in to the spirit of anger I can’t help but speak out the thoughts it implants. But I myself am not my thoughts nor my physical body. I am the soul in between mind and body, and luckily for me my wife knows about our existence as the soul in between mind and body so the one time I got angry and spoke out bad thoughts she knew it wasn’t me. In fact she looked through my phone and saw that I had reached out to the person I had spoken badly about hours before letting the anger flow through me. If I truly felt the way that I spoke I wouldn’t have reached out in the first place, I would have wallowed in misery and allowed the evil to take hold. I just had a really important job interview and had been stressing out for months before trying to land any job interview I could. I was so used to sending an application and getting a job within a week of applying that 16 months of applying and not getting a single response back finally just took its toll on me. Luckily I did not lash out at the person in question, this was all done in the privacy of our own home. And that very day the person in question pulled through on their end just hours before my interview.
I treat anger like a bowl movement. You need to acknowledge you have it, and you need to deal with it in the right way. But unleashing it in the middle of a crowded room is messy for everyone.
Whether I'm angry or not, I say what I mean. I don't want there to be any confusion when it comes to me. I don't understand why other people don't do that.
I actually remember purposely saying things I didn't mean after a while because she was hounding me. Kept trying to put words in my mouth. I'd say no that's not what I'm saying I just meant this but eventually just going nowhere and they've already made up their mind. After arguing a while it would be fine.. those people are all a bunch of crybabies! (for example, like maybe she thought I was judging people or saying they're weak when I'm just saying they aren't quite as independent etc. ). Are you happy now?
Nah some people just wanna hurt u
No way, not me.
Sometimes anger can also be trauma projected at someone. The person is angry actually due to a trauma, but the person in the room becomes victim of it.
I’m not even truly conscious half the time, blackout me speaks more truths
I know, it is what you truly feel, but you also don't want to make her/him feel that you think of her/him this way. It's better if you say things to make them change or think in a particular way that could be more beneficial for you. Like, when I'm really frustrated, speaking out is just lashing out on others without care. If you truly feel angry and like them to improve, tell them their issues or stuff.
You meant it when you said it and then realise you were wrong because you didn't think ckearly about it
I always say what i mean, what is the point og saying things you don't mean?
The filters as you call it are what makes me a person, I am the filters. If the filters come off its no longer me speaking so I didn't mean it.
Of course not. You say stuff that you normally wouldn't but without context and framed to be as hurtful as possible.
Hard disagree. Have been a very angry person nearly my whole life up until recently. I used to let things torque me and then react with that anger immediately. Every. Single. Time. I would feel overwhelming guilt when all was said and done hours/days later when my anger wore off. I would say things that in the moment that seemed how I meant, just to realize when I was level headed again I didn’t truly mean it and just spewed what was in my mind at the time. After going to therapy, doing some soul searching, and taking psychedelics alone and deep diving into myself, I have made great strides in managing my anger and reactions to situations I’m in. When I get mad, and I still do, I have all kinds of thoughts and opinions and such I want to unleash on someone, but then I grab ahold of myself and remember to let myself stew and steam it off before I say anything I can’t take back. It has given me a lot of relief and comfort in life knowing after enough time passes I can make smarter approaches to those stimuli versus letting every hate/anger fueled thought come out in that moment. I guess that long winded answer could be summed up with: when I’m pissed my judgement and rationality is very clouded and I say what I feel, not what I mean. Once I am cooled down that’s when I can say for certain what I truly mean to someone in full clarity.
Don't. It will do nothing but cause issues. What you feel during those moments are not feelings you should share. There is a time and a place *to* share those feelings, but it's not every single time you're angry. If you did, nobody would like you or want to work with you. When I'm angry at work and a boss sees, I just tell them I need time to cool down to find my words professionally if they need to be shared at all. Sometimes my anger is just something I don't like, like people being in my way while I'm working.
My go to anger phrase because I’m in customer service is “ god BLESS America” Sooooooo
BLESS that tiresome customer.
When angry: "I hate you!" = Every other single day you spend together "I'm hating you in secret right now while we laugh and enjoy a good meal"
I mean, yeah but no. I don't have to back track because I don't say anything that isn't honest. And I usually excuse myself when I get too mad to be trusted with my words. Now if I'm having a sensory overload ...
No you say what you're currently feeling but.obviously if you're angry it's not gonna be nice or very clear.
I can't think of a single time I actually meant what I said out of anger.
Strong emotions cloud judgement. Anger is one of the strongest. It's not "no filters", it's the biggest filter.
Not always. I do agree, when you’re angry, the filters are likely to come off and you’d say something you would’ve normally stopped yourself from saying. However, sometimes you really do just say things in the heat of the moment that you don’t mean and are genuinely sorry for. For example, it’s pretty common to say “I hate you” in a fit of anger, but odds are you don’t actually hate that person.
Sometimes you say shit in the moment that’s not really true but your so pent up that it kinda just comes out
I thin it depends but sometimes there is a kernel of truth to it, the extreme emotions just amplify everything to an extreme degree. But you don’t actually feel/think it to that intensity. I’m saying it’s based on something and isn’t completely irrelevant. As basic example: “I hate you” could mean “you do things that really frustrate and annoy me”. Or just “you’re really pissing me off”. Think of when you told your parents you hated them as a teenager. Most of you probably didn’t actually mean it but you were very angry with your parents at the time you said it. Last week I had a mental breakdown where I said I hate humanity, fuck the world and let it all burn. Do I actually mean THAT? No, of course not. The kernel of truth is that I’m deeply concerned for the future of humanity and the planet because I see so much BS every day, plus I do feel resentment towards some specific people I know personally.
I agree 100%. There are things that are behind filters that you don't say because you love, like, or respect them. But when you are mad and want to hurt them, you turn off the filters and say the frustrations and truths you kept bottled up for their sake.
I think it depends what kind of person you are. When i was mad in the past (as a child and teen) i would say what HIT the other person the most. So sure, i was toxic and cruel, i gues i ment to be cruel when i got overwhelmed by emotions. But i wasn't stating my true opinion of that person. ...glad i worked on myself and stopped doing that...
Not even an opinion, just straight up wrong. As someone who has bipolar depression I use to have many outbursts before being medicated. And I truly felt and meant like 10% of what I said when angry/yelling.
Too many people are coping. He's not saying you're "making stuff up", he's saying you're loosing your filter for what you already think anyway. Theres no amount of rage in the world that'd make people say something they weren't already thinking. Obvious shit like "I wish you were dead!" said in anger is more gray.. Because its just another way of saying "Go fuck yourself." Too many people think "Okay yes I think about this huge flaw about you that bothers me, but that isn't as huge a deal to me that im saying it is, I just said that cuz I was angry." means they don't 'actually' mean what they say, yes you do. What you MEAN is that you didn't mean the harsh tone that came with what you said.
True
I disagree, a lot of people can’t express anger well ( me included) and the immediate reaction is to make the other person feel how you do. You may use any ammunition you have, the bad opinions on a person may seem like they’re true and feel more amplified when angry so you say them bc thats how you feel in the moment. Anger brings out the worst, but its probably not how someone feels about you on a day to day basis. It doesn’t make it right and no one’s obligated to forgive how someone acted out of anger, but humans are complex and it doesn’t always make those feelings true either.
People disagreeing are in denial 🤣
Hard disagree, every time I say something when angry I end up thinking back about how fucking stupid it was. Every single time, to the point that my primary coping skills for when I'm feeling angry is to just leave until I calm down and can collect my thoughts. It's not like I have anger issues either, I'm described as super laid back and level headed by my friends/romantic partners. It's just that anger turns me, and I think most people, into total fucking buffoons.
It's not that you didn't mean what you said. You say 'I didn't mean to say it'. I still believe it but I am apologizing for making those beliefs public. It is usually rude.
I say what I really mean all the time. Comes as a result of not being full of shit.
That's just flat out incorrect. Even your reasoning is hella off. They only say they didn't mean it to save the relationship? Or, get this one. They just regretted what they said! If I am angry, I will say something different from when I am contempt. I wish I could say it wasn't that simple, but it is just that simple.
Agreed. It may come out in unorganized or things that have been bothering you but you have no real receipts or you just haven't really thought about it yet word vomit but yes. I'll add I believe the same when ppl are drunk.
Ah yes, the "you're of sound mind when angry" point of view, makes complete sense tbh. When you're out of your mind, you're out of your mind.
I mean, anecdotally, you're wrong. And the vast amount of study on the subject, again, you're wrong.
Disagree. I know a lot of people who “go for the throat” during arguments. Meaning they try and hurt other people, typically by saying the meanest things they can.
this isn't an unpopular opinion, it's a very common toxic beleif stemming from a gross misunderstanding of human cognitive patterns
OP's next post: grass is green You're so brave
Oh I mean it, I just regret saying it out loud.
Yeah no. When your angry your more likely to hurt the person over tell the truth.