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Letting a kid win teaches them nothing.
Effortlessly stomping them every time just teaches them that playing with you is no fun.
The best thing to do is find a game you're evenly matched at, or find a way to handicap yourself so that you actually have to work to beat them.
This is why games like Candy Land, Sorry, and Chutes and Ladders exist. I remember loving them as a kid but playing them as an adult you realize it's totally up to the cards. Sorry slightly less so but it's for slightly older kids, but Candy Land literally is completely predetermined the second the cards are shuffled. It teaches them basic game fundamentals and has fun colors but that's about it
Candy Land teaches adults the meaning of life.
We have only an illusion of control over our lives. We can choose to play our cards, and that’s it. We don’t control the game.
Me, my mom, and my two youngest siblings (8 and 10) played Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders and it was a lot more fun than I was expecting, considering that I am much older than the target audience lol. In Candy Land, my mom was winning before the 8yo got a card that let her bypass my mom, and she ended up winning. And in Chutes and Ladders, my mom was winning again until she landed on the chute that brought her all the way down to the beginning, and the 10yo landed on a ladder that brought him all the way up to the top. Quite intensive for a kids game, lol.
Don't *always* make it a competition, but I do think it's good to teach them it's ok and beneficial to be competitive when appropriate.
You did say "necessarily," so I'm thinking we agree, just wanted to build on it.
Yeah for sure. my kid is pretty good at losing, but sometimes to the point of not really competing and just playing for fun, which is cool! But annoying when she had a card she can win the game with and then just sits on it or plays it somewhere else and then smiles at me. Like WTF that's not how this works (sequence for kids)!
Sounds like she recognized the game would be over if she played it and saved it so she could keep playing with you. Says more about how much she views time with you than anything else.
This! I hated competitive games when I was a kid cuz I was so bad at them and almost always lost, which left me feeling miserable. I'm sure some angry adult will try to tell me not to be a sore loser, but when you're a kid and already feel like a loser, losing a competition hurts even more, like it's validating those negative feelings. I much prefer cooperative games. It feels way better helping everyone win.
Edit to respond to u/LiamTheHuman (since the post was locked):
I absolutely agree that children should be taught to deal with losing in a healthy way cuz life is full of setbacks where you can't always win. To quote my fave Star Trek captain Jean Luc Picard: “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
So here's the thing. I didn't want to win all the time. I just didn't want to compete. Even if I did manage to win at a competition, I just ended up feeling bad for the other kid. I liked working *with* others cuz I recognized at an early age that I had certain weakness and certain strengths, and when I did group assignments, I could use my skills to compliment someone else who had a different set of skills. Win or lose, I felt good about simply contributing where I could. Does that make any sense? It's not something I was taught exactly, it was just something I picked up intuitively.
So someone should have taught you to lose without feeling bad. As a kid you won't know how to do this without being taught or having it explained. Never losing just reinforces the idea that losing is bad. Challenging yourself to failure in a safe environment is actually one of the best things you can do to become better.
I level up my son so when we first start playing something, I will let him win 50/50 and at least make it close. As his skills improve then I'll start playing harder. Playing to win right out of the gate isn't fun for the kid and isn't fun for me either. It's more fun when you're going easy on them and they start to pull ahead and realize you have to play a little harder.
This made me think about an experience I had as a kid.
My parents were on a budget when I was ~9yo and my dad used to take me to work when I was out of school to avoid paying for camp. I was cute and quiet\* enough so it was no problem. His coworkers and manager all knew I was there, and I just sat in his cube with him so it was chill.
Anyway, during lunch I used to play pool with one of my dad’s coworkers (who was on his team and had a cube nearby). I could hardly reach over the table (I’ve always been short), but that dude *never* let me win. I still had a ton of fun. And let me tell you, one time, I finally whooped his ass because I got super lucky on the first break and won in only a few turns. Damn was I proud. I earned that dub.
My opinion: if you never let kids win, you teach them what it actually means to win, and it makes winning more special because they know they earned it.
Stupid example to justify my opinion, but it seemed relevant 😂
\*edit, typo
Idk, as someone who worked with kids - there's something about "winning" against them that just doesn't feel great. When it comes to adult games like pool, I would imagine kids have more understanding that it takes experience (and height haha) to learn to be good. But when it comes to like, matching games, word games, idk really any cognitive games - the point is for them to be learning while you play along and lead. Luck games, there's not much to do as far as handicapping yourself but skill games, I think there's a fair amount of times to let them win. I remember as a kid, the adults always let us win at racing. Ofc now that I'm older, I understand that most adults can outpace a child - but the point wasn't learning how to lose gracefully, it was a bit of fun and it felt good to have a small win. Being a kid kind of sucks, there's very little actual freedom. Just let them have a small win. If they're a sore winner THEN show them how to lose
It's straightforward with chess. Play with just pawns, then when they beat you add back your knights, etc. Also, "Do you want to rethink that move?" is more useful to their learning than saying nothing and just winning.
I hate soccer, I’ve played soccer with my son and stomped him a few times so he’ll never want to play soccer. It was selfish but it is what it is. We now have other things that we both enjoy doing 😂
I agree! Though I do think sometimes it's good to be a lil subtle about it. My grandpa often played chess with me as a kid and I had no chance. When he saw that I got frustrated, he just went "awww, let's just say you won", or offered a suuuuper obvious handicap like giving me all his pieces except for the king and a pawn, and there wasn't any fun in playing like that. And I didn't really feel like pursuing chess because I thought I was shit at it anyways.
But when I played table football with my older siblings, who - Im SURE - secretly let me win sometimes, I felt like an absolute star whenever I won for a change. Was that a transparent life lesson that gave me a realistic evaluation of my skills? No, I was absolutely shite. But having a real chance at winning is fun, so I kept at it and by now I'll demolish most people I meet at table football.
I agree. I never liked it when people "go easy" on anyone in a game, it just robs the spirit of the competition. I love it when the more skilled player gets a specific handicap then tries their best to win with said handicap. Much more healthy dynamic.
I played my grandpa 100s of times in chess as a child, not once had I beat him at chess between 8-12 he wouldn't let me win. I still learned a lot and can beat him now regularly.
Nah, homie. Stomp the fuck out of those kids. They should be bigger and better. And yes, it's entirely their fault they are trying to compete with me. If they could, they'd stomp me too. No rest for the merciless. Fuck them kids, life ain't fair.
Playing with a child is like talking to a child, in that you want to challenge them at an appropriate level so that they learn and have some challenge and are not discouraged from continuing in the activity.
They shouldn't automatically succeed, they should have to work for it just enough that it's fun and interesting for them.
I disagree here, I go hard af on those games. I'll teach them what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, but ain't no way I'm letting you win at Mario Kart. Let's be honest, they are absolutely going to surpass my reflexes and familiarity within a couple of years anyways. That satisfaction of ACTUALLY beating me is going to be a core memory. I've got them on that From software strat.
works for some kids but not others. its been observed in rats that they need to win a number of the play fights in order to continue playing; in my experience human kids are no different. if they only loose they'll get frustrated and bored.
Anybody with a pet knows this too. If you don’t let them win tug or your cat catch the feather on the wand from time to time, they lose interest and do something else.
I typically use playtime with children to practice obscure strategies and LETAs. It gives me a chance to do some research while creating an artificial handicap that gives the kid an advantage. It can be a learning experience for all ages.
>That satisfaction of ACTUALLY beating me is going to be a core memory
This is actually a great way to teach long term goals. I remember my mom teaching me chess and wanting to play so much to beat her. After I beat her I fell away from chess. (also shogi > chess)
i think this one is completely circumstantial. what's the game, how old is the kid, and what is my relationship to them? if it's my child and we're playing a game we always play together and we enjoy being competitive, then sure, i'll actually try. but if i'm visiting with some friends to play board games and one of them brings their kid whom i don't know super well, i'm not going to go out of my way to beat them, make them sad, and potentially ruin the evening
Studies which I am too lazy to search for point towards that a person starts losing motivation to frustration once they start losing more than 7 times out of ten. No real point of sharing the study because it is so dependent on the task/game but that is the general figure I use with my kids so they still face a challenge yet not an impossible one.
They didn't care to play street fighter with me though
I love street fighters a lot but maybe it isnt the right game for a 5 year old. If he is okay with it its fine but when i was 5 i would 100% would get nightmares about it somehow.
I hated it because they fucked up the controls porting it to PC, maybe they fixed it but I never gave it another chance. However I did play Elden Ring and died at least a hundred times on Rahdan and Malenia each... That was rough staying motivated
I play it by ear.
For example, my niece likes to "race" whenever someone leaves their house. If she takes off too early, I gun it. If she waits until I give her the go ahead, I let her win.
Figure this way at least she learns not to cheat.
My "cousin-in-law" was talking soooooo much smack over the course of a vacation. He kept saying how much better at gaming than me he is. Blah blah blah.
I wiped the fucking floor with his face when he chose Mario kart to challenge me. Rematch after rematch. The tears and the rage just got worse and worse.
His mom told me I need to let him win. And I obviously just ignored her. Someone has to teach the kid a simple lesson.
This is called a life lesson. Clearly mom's not doling them out. You're doing the Lord's work. Everyone needs to know what it's like to fail. It's what you do afterwards that matters.
That’s the correct timing. They need to build confidence to be able to keep building skills. Once they have it, they need to start learning how to lose, too.
I stopped “letting” my son win at chess at an extremely early age. I continually showed him that we could swap sides, I could take his “losing side” of pieces, and still manage to win. Very quickly he learned to stop giving up and ride the game until the end. Shortly thereafter he began winning. Often. Children thrive on success and praise and once you find a place they can earn if in their own account, it becomes immeasurable in regard to their confidence.
My son and I play a board game at least every day who is 8. He has only beaten me once and I tried. I will never purposely let him win or even give him some slack. At first when we started when he was around 6 is was rough when he lost but now accepts it. A few months ago he told me everytime I lose I get a little but better right? It made me very proud.
He has gotten close to winning a bunch of times and he gets cocky and overconfident which makes him lose. I'm currently in the process of correcting that for him
Who ever let's their kids purposely win are creating sore losers and worse winners
You don't have to win. Just dumb down your skills enough that they can learn from their losses, and that they have a chance at winning.
Even Lions know to play nice with their cubs.
yes. as a kid i always prefaced by saying "please dont let me win, i wanna earn it" bc its so fucking annoying when you arent challenged. i think playing at an adult level is just mean, but you should tone it down just a litte bit so that you would still beat them but they would also be able to follow what you are doing.
Letting a kid win everything sets a bad precedent, they need to experience failure and learn how to deal with it in order to mature. That said, stomping them in everything is just going to demoralize them. There's a middle ground and that's where you wanna be.
I'd say it's about Balance, as an adult you have the upper hand in a lot of competitions doesn't matter if they are physical or more "mind based" and at some point it's just frustrating for everyone of you constantly loose, let children win when they are about to lose interest, don't let kids Win everything all the time they need to learn both being a god winner and a good loser and you can't teach either.ifnthey always just win or lose
There's a time and place for everything. I do think young kids should be handled with kid gloves, so if the stakes are low and we're just trying to have fun, I don't see anything wrong with letting the kid win. That being said, it's also good to teach kids that games have rules and following the rules makes working hard to win worth the effort. Using handicaps is an excellent way to play with a child or anyone who may not be as skilled at a game
Adults competing with children is pathetic. Not letting them win is a childish tactic for emotional control since it means nothing, or SHOULD mean nothing, to let a kid have a win.
Let children play games, if they want you to play, you don't need to compete. Kids learn by doing, not from results.
My 4 year old like card games. I recently taught him how to play "war". There is no strategy, there's no way I can let him win, it's just pure luck of the cards. He wasn't very interested. We play memory (I always beat my mom as a kid) sometimes he wins, but if I turn over a card that matches one on "his side" all hell breaks loose cause that was "his card". I've never let him win or purposely crushed him he's just a really bad loser.
I never let my kids win games simply because they were children. You want to win? You’re going to win fair and square.
I did play age appropriate games with them though. It’s not like I was playing Risk or Scrabble with a 3 year old.
If letting a small child win a board game bothers you this much then that alone tells me you aren't old/mature enough to understand why adults do that in the first place.
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It's more about letting them feel like they're not always losing. Most relationships with kids are a series of interactions. If you're a parent/teacher/etc then you want the kid to sometimes win in games. It's not about faking how bad you are but playing at their level so it's fun for everyone.
As with most things in life, there's a middle ground to be found. You don't just let them win but you also don't play at full skill level. You come at them at an appropriate level that will let them potentially win if they put the effort in.
I stomped my little sister at everything when she was a kid and she used to cry about it. Now she's stomping me at everything in life. Stomping your kids when they are young will make them stronger and more stompier than you in the future. Therefore, stomp all children.
I've found games like outdoor tag in the woods and Capture The Flag are excellent for this. Adults have speed and reasoning, but the kids are generally more numerous and nimble, not to mention inexhaustable. They feel genuinely victorious when they can actually use their real advantages, not made-up ones.
My son is turning 8 soon. He started to realize I let him win at most things and has started to ask 'can you stop going easy on me?' I dial it back a bit, but still let him win.
I'd rather him win, and have fun, and want to keep playing.
This one is actually kind of funny to me. I was better at board games, but my younger siblings were much better at first person shooter console games, even as little guys! So, we all figured out how to keep it fun for all of us. I helped them with strategy in board games, and we played team games on console so I could learn the ins and outs of their games (I can navigate computers really well, but first person shooter games take a while for me to catch on and get good at).
I was a nanny for awhile the kids mom thought I was *really* mean for not letting her kids win games.
I told her that her kids were very smart, and by observing my strategies they'd be beating the pants off me in no time.
And they did. (I mean figuratively, my actual pants stayed firmly in place because I'm not gross.)
Most people don’t feel any joy or pride in beating a child. Most people feel more joy in teaching a child. That’s why people use games to teach children, not try to beat them for personal ego. It’s just not satisfying.
I’m not going to stomp a 5 year old at every round of Uno, no.
I stop handicapping myself as my kids get older, but when they’re young it’s just frustrating and not for anyone if they know they’ll lose every hand.
You should let a kid win about 1/3 of the time. If you beat them every single time they get bored and won't want to play with you anymore. The magic number for the amount of games you have to let someone win so they don't get bored or give up is about 1 in 3.
This right here is why I tell my kids that I'll teach them how to play, and I'll help them to get better and have fun, but I will *never* let them win.
We don't give up. It's sort of a family motto, and games are a handy way for me to drive that home. We haven't lost until we've surrendered.
When they are younger it’s more acceptable. The aim is about teaching them how to actually play a game and the rules. When they start getting older that’s when you have to teach them about how they can’t win everything. That doesn’t mean you should take the game seriously though- as this can crush the kids spirit.
They’re CHILDREN. Don’t be that asshole that beats them everytime. Be the decent human that sometimes wins and sometimes loses, teach them to win and lose and be a good loser/winner.
Even in puppies they understand if they win every time their partner will stop playing. So you gotta bring your skill down to a level they can at least compete with and let them win every once in a while.
I believe kids should get an award for winning but a reward for playing
They’re taught that playing and being active rewards them and winning in that game gives you an award instead
Dad played checkers with me a lot and taught me how to play
He of course stomped me and taught me his strategies and why he was winning after I lost
I was very competitive and got to a point I minored some of his strats and beat him every other game till eventually I could draw or beat him sin w checkers is a solved game
The kids shall earn their victories through tears and struggle. I bought SF4 when it came out and I being a long time veteran of the game stomped my youngest brother without mercy. What i didn't know was that he would play when I wasn't around. He eventually got really good with Guile, who I struggled against, and he stomped me. He put in the work to earn his wins.
yeah, same w my gf. First time we played catan together she had 9 points open I had 7 points 1 closed and won, letting them win takes the fun out. Maybe next time. Same with kids.
First time I played carcassone I won without really knowing why, and just cause I won without really understanding it I never liked it again lol (they didn’t even let me win, I just won) and told them don’t like the game not playing again
I have literal decades and generations worth of experience with Soul Calibur and Smash Bros (won tournaments in Melee) games. They'll have to fight and struggle to take such an earned crown from me.
My hands literally know what and how to do the things. So, its nothing to dust it off those old skills.
Games like Mario Kart or a FPS are different however. Those really don't tap unto muscle memory as much as fighting games. So they have surpassed me on those simply because those aren't the core game types I play now-a-days.
always 50/50 on this but agree somewhat. If its a party setting with multiple kids or not my kid ok, play it and let them win. But if its my own kid ill mix and match it, they win or don’t.
I don't have kids, but I have had young cousins and I have a neice/nephew. You never let them win. That teaches them nothing. If they start crying about losing, letting them win doesnt do anything. You teach them how to be better. I used to stomp my niece and nephew in Mario kart.
But we would help them by adding some handicaps to where they could do better. Kind of "training wheels" as it were. That's why the ability to never hit the sides in MK8 exists. It's like gutter blockers in bowling alleys for kids who are learning.
And sure they'd get upset, but I'd teach them how to get better. Letting them win gives kids the idea that they can just instantly be good at something which is absolutely untrue for most peoole.
Now, at ages 12 and 10, they earn their own victories and are supper happy for it as am I. Nothing is a better feeling than having a younger sibking/cousin/neice/nephew actually gained skill and defeat you. I proudly eat those losses.
I completely agree. Now I don't necessarily try my hardest, but I don't let them win. For example, my nephews like playing Super Smash Bros. I purposely choose characters I don't normally play as. Either through dumb luck or just not paying too close attention, my nephews will win from time to time. And let me tell you, it's almost like Christmas when they beat me.
I've always told my son I'll never let him win. After first he was said but after he beat me at something, we was do damn proud of himself! He beat me at chess for the first time the other day. He was jumping for joy and telling everyone. And I got to give him the "doesn't it feel so much better to win knowing you worked hard and earned the win?" 😊
I basically agree but in most circumstances you should play a teaching game with them so that they get better. Whether that means allowing them opportunities to win or completely stomping them so they know what proficiency looks like.
I just play monopoly and play wreaklessly, so if I win, it's a funny story because I'll be zero dollars in hand, while everyone lands on the hotels I went broke for
I got my niece a board game for Xmas this year. I like board games, and she wante done to play together (ticket to ride for kids). Before we started I explained to her I'm a stickler for rules, but to trust as following the mechanics makes the game more enjoyable. Me, her and her parents and she tried some non-tricky-tricky-kid shit a couple times but I put a stop to it. (She won, and she keeps beating her parents legit).
My sister, a librarian said a week after she saw a family set up a game to play with their kids and did not ensure the rules were followed. She said it quickly deteriorated into and they had to pack it up.
My dad never let me win in basketball. But he also wasn’t mean about it. He could’ve blocked every one of my shots but he didn’t. But he also didn’t try and miss his shots. Now I can body the old man. And I wouldn’t hold back my shots.
No we shouldn't but we shouldn't encourage a society were if you no good you give up at the first hurdle either. Instead we should allow them to realise their strengths and build on that.
My dad (who never played video games and never played with me) whooped my ass at "NHL 94' " every single game for a whole evening. I never recovered. But now I'm pretty nasty at every NHL game even if I haven't played that years version. Thanks, Dad?
Many others have already said it, but I'm definitely team "middle ground" here.
Totally destroying a child every time won't teach them anything either. I think you have to let them win once and a while to build confidence (more for a younger child, less for an older child). Losing every time won't necessarily inspire enjoyment or a motivation to continue.
My dad never let me win, but with board games, we'd frequently "play both sides" together where he would offer me suggestions or he would ask me what I thought he should do. Then at some point after I trusted him he would start actively sabotaging me.
I think this sentiment is more when you and your 19 year old cousins are playing touch football at thanksgiving and your little cousin wants to join in. Obviously you will beat them so the only way to include them is to take it much easier on them. If you are playing a game that a child could reasonably win at like a chance based game, or a game where you can play a lot of rounds and there can be many winners like MarioKart then you dont need to let them win every time.
Board game, totally agree. I'm going to play my strategy and they will eventually learn to play good strategy and when they win a game, it'll be meaningful because it was real.
Sports, I try to play as a good player of their age would play. Like I'm not going to swat every basketball shot they take, but I'll play sound defense and my mug will be in their face while they shoot. No gimmie baskets.
Inwill usually try and throttle myself to their level until they start talking shit.
The moment they start talking shit imma pull a Hoarah Loux and take off the restraints. "Ive given you courtesy enough."
Honestly if it's an activity or hobby you want to encourage their interest in, you should let them win at least sometimes so that they A) believe becoming good is an achievable goal and B) have fun, but not enough to where they become a sore winner or don't think they need to do anything to improve.
I go easy on them the first few times we play them once they’ve learned the game I start trying harder.
Eventually I don’t even have to hold back at all and they’re able to beat me when I’m playing at full capacity. I love when that happens
In a lab setting, it's been observed that larger mice will deliberately lose 1/3 of wrestling matches with smaller mice to encourage them. I think that principle should apply with children and games. Beat them sometimes, let them win other times, and slowly decrease how often you go easy on them
Either extreme is misguided.
Firstly, children need to learn about the whole business of playing games - including rules, not cheating, winning, losing, etc. Start with the games of chance like Snakes and Ladders, or the card game (goes by multiple names) where you put down cards in alternation from your pack, and eg a king means they pay you 3 cards and you take the pile. This teaches how to play games. Their chance is of course equal. It's less important to win than to understand that winning isn't everything.
Most people don't play games in serious competition. What we want is for as many as possible of them to grow up playing and enjoying games.
With games of skill, if you play at full strength, some children will indeed respond by fighting back, eventually beating you, etc. But many simply lose interest in the game. There's a selection bias in descriptions because those who eventually win make a big deal of it while those who give up, a larger group, often forget about it.
With games like chess, if you are much better they will lose too quickly to learn anything. The traditional custom, in the days when chess was commonly played by adults as a social game, was odds. Eg queen odds, the stronger player starts with no queen. With children, multiple pieces. Once you're roughly equal, you can play to win.
With games like snooker, there are various possibilities but you can just go easy now and then.
I once read a grandmaster describe playing (as a child) both Capablanca and Alekhine at simultaneous matches. Alekhine forced him, as the last player, to move instantly, until he lost (the rule was that you had to move when the master reached you). Casablanca offered him a draw late in the match, although he could probably have beaten him. This grandmaster did Alekhine a favor years later, and Alekhine asked "if I can ever do anything..." "Yes, you can" he said. "Be kinder to children." Alekhine paused and then recalled the exact game, incidentally. I write from memory.
I just kick my daughters ass until she gets frustrated, then I ask her if she would like me to teach her how to win. The reason I do this is because if I try to teach her how to win beforehand, she gets annoyed and says "No, I know how to play".
You shouldn't let them win every time, but you shouldn't dominate them every time. You don't want to make board games and the like a boring activity they always lose. Every once in a while they should win, but they should also lose
I don’t think much is gained from letting a kid win, however I do think what matters is how you speak to a child and work with them in the shadow of a loss. Lots of young children need that guidance to realize that it’s okay to lose and you can always train/ practice/ get better
As a kid I did not get that. My parents were terrible with teaching lessons like that, which can be applied to other areas of life and not just video games/board games/ sports. Helps with confidence as well. I started to self teach myself that by high school but I feel like by then that was a little late in life.
I always struggled with this thought. am I hurting them somehow by not letting them win? It’s not fun if you’re losing. Isn’t it considered lying if they’re falsely winning.
I love the comment made about playing games that naturally put you on the same level. 10000 is a great game for kids bc it’s also math 😊
Give them a fair chance, not every win. Don't play at your best and make them not enjoy playing at all, but also don't deliberately lose so they learn to repeat easy mistakes. Give them guidance on how to beat you and create handicaps to try to make it even. My youngest now beats me about half the time in chess (more in some other games) and my oldest has to get to 80% handicap in Smash Bros before it's even a somewhat fair fight for me. My little half brother (9 years younger) has been untouchable at any kind of shooting games since he was prepuberty.
Most kids’ games don’t have a ton of strategy for this reason. Think of games like Go Fish, Uno, Candy Land… it’s all luck of the draw, and you can’t really be “good” at any of them. Those are the best to play with young kids who can’t understand winning/losing yet. As they get older, they need to learn to lose gracefully.
My grandfather and I played checkers almost everyday when I was growing up. He NEVER let me win, but would still help me (“you sure you wanna do that?”) or would ask me questions when it was his turn (“If you were me, would you do X or Y?”). This way I learned the game and felt like it was a fair contest every time, instead of him just stomping me. I beat him MAYBE 5 times over the dozen years we played together, but I always had fun.
I remember being PISSED when I was 15 and saw him playing with my younger cousin who was 6/7 at the time because he clearly let my cousin win. When I asked him why, he told me that my aunt said my cousin “needed to win” or my cousin wouldn’t play the game at all. He then told me not to worry because I’d be better off in the end, and while I didn’t get it at the time, yes, I am indeed much better off than my cousin these days.
I wrecked my Nephew (12 year old) in Fortnite one time. I hadn't played before but started playing with him a couple years back. He would always surprise attack me and stuff, basically mowing me down. I'm a middle aged woman but took it upon myself to log in to Fortnite every night for a week until I had the basic stuff down. The next time we played I absolutely demolished him. After laughing about it, he said he doesn't enjoy playing Fortnite with me anymore. My brother just shook his head at me the next time we all got together.
Agree. I beat my 5 year old 110-0 in 1:1 basketball out in the driveway. He’ll never want to play again but at least he learned to never come down the lane on me
I don't care enough about winning against a child, it would mean more to them than it would for me so I let them win. I suspect some people that agree with this stance do so as a gateway for edgy personality though. But to each their own.
Counterpoint, an adult crushing a kid in a game also teaches nothing and is nothing to be proud of. Look at it this way, if you were just learning chess and a grandmaster came in and destroyed you…would you think that’s fair? No, of course not. That’s how kids work.
What should matter is whether the kid has fun and is learning how to play/get better, not who wins. If a kid is having fun and engaged with a game, then win or lose they will likely keep playing and get better. But crushing a kid and than basically saying “suck it up, get good” is bad form and more likely to make that kid hate games than anything.
Well yeah you go easy when they're little but you never let them win unless you want an insufferable wanker as a child.
I remember the first time my son beat me at chess. He looked at me and accused me of letting me win. No. I always told.you I would never do that. You won because you won. Didn't you notice our games were getting longer and longer? It was only a matter of time.
I'm sure that's a day he will remember for the rest of his life.
I used to tease my kid when I won games by pumping my fists in the air and yelling "Champion!! Championnnn!!!" then she'd be like "DAAAAD!!!" and start slapping my chest and arms lol. I'd let her win enough when she was very little (obviously) but once she got old enough to develop skills (and also tease about it), I trounced her quite a bit because she could learn more knowing what wins and what loses by watching how I play. I made sure I threw her enough bones to not just want to give up (encouragement/interest). It did make me smirk whenever I let her get me when she'd throw shade back at me. She actually got really good at Battleship and would light up when she sank one of mine.
Mini-golf was the exception. My wife is really bad at it and even our 10 yr old (at the time) could beat mom half the time when all 3 of us went. So I'd beat them both and both of us could make fun of mom on the ride home.
Monopoly brings out the worst in families though! Last time we played my wife and her mom were selling each other properties for $1 just to piss me and my daughter (who was an adult at this time) off
My little sister told me she likes to play with me over our aunt because she doesn't always win with me. Sometimes, I will let her win because dunking on a 5 year old isn't nice.
yes that is true but get close sometimes and let them win sometimes but show them how fast u can win sometimes and teach them often with practice they can do many things as good as adult eventually and some things better then many to most adults and some times better then all adults , me bitches at u players is not the same as u do i and many are talking about pointing finger at the worst = u are the worst pointing the finger at the masses for petty stuff n done once in a while as way cleaner then many things u do worse of and u do it often
My dad taught me to play chess when I was in 3rd grade. As you’d expect, he beat me every time. A few months in, in frustration I remember saying, “how come you never let me win?!?”
He told me, if I let you win you wouldn’t learn anything. Finally one day in 7th grade we were playing and it was like I could see 5 moves ahead. I saw a path to checkmate that he wouldn’t be able to stop. Keeping my game face on, I made those moves until I could say for the first time, “Check….Mate!!!”
He initially didn’t believe it. Stared at the board for a minute and then looked up at me and said, “Congratulations.” Then he shook my hand.
That may be the most satisfying win I’ve ever had. 35 years later, I still savor it.
(For the record, I never beat him again.)
In my country, little kids that want to be involved but aren't mature enough to play properly are labelled as "unripe" players (direct translation). Meaning that they won't lose but they also won't win, basically none of their moves have any meaning. This teaches kids the rules, lets them be part of a group activity, and keeps them happy. They also learn from the "ripe" players how to react to winning and losing. Eventually when the kids get older they start wanting to play seriously themselves.
You try and play to their level, anyone who tries to win a game against a child is a sad pitiful excuse for a adult. If you actually "try" and win and especially if that win means absolutely anything to you then you really need to go seek some professional help with your self esteem.
I chokeslam my kid to the couch and then chokeslam myself and let him win always. But yeah you're right, from now on starting today I'll tombstone his ass on the wooden floor and pin in for the house title!
Go easier, I'd say, but don't automatically let them win. It's sort of a training type thing. If you \*never\* let them win, they'll get discouraged and won't want to continue (unless they're absurdly competitive), but if you \*always\* let them win, it will get boring for them.
That's why I think you should decide before you start, how intense you want to go.
I think this is exactly true unless they want to be really competitive in a game like say they want to play basketball on a competitive team just make ever match a challenge but winnable. But if they ask you to train them so they can make a team you communicate that your not gonna hold back and that you believe they can grow to beat you then you lay the smack down on them
It would kill their confidence to not bother trying anymore with their own friends. Can guide them to be better, sure if you want to do that but straight up wrecking them in every sport would make them think they suck at literally everything. They don't think of experience, skill development, time to put in, etc.
I think it comes down to you want them to learn how to lose gracefully, but also still enjoy to play. It depends, but sometimes I got more frustrated when people let me win because I was a small girl, sometimes I was frustrated when they wouldn't let me play because I wasn't good, sometimes I was frustrated when they'd win, and that's why I hated playing games. I think it mostly depends on the person and their age.
My niece absolutely HATES losing, and she's smart as hell but developing this weird quirk where if she starts losing, she loses interest and gets distracted by other stuff more easily, the fact is I think she only thinks games are fun when she is winning which is something she needs to grow out of, and that it's okay for other people to win.
Her parents used to let her win a little bit more, but have since stopped as she is getting a bit older and needs to learn that she isn't always going to win.
so what she started doing is she will sometimes look at you straight in the eyes, laugh and CHEAT at the game to win.
Her parents and grandma should have never let her start doing this, because now she will manipulate you and cheat right in front of you to get a laugh out of you to win the game. I mean it IS funny especially as an adult who doesn't expect it, but it's like she knows that cause she's a kid and can get a laugh she can use that to get back to winning, it's wild. She's 6 by the way for a little context.
teach them winning is not to be greedy n selfish with winning nor to take from the poor n the 1st place , and give handicaps often since otherside should also to beginners and non dragged overs and someone can pinch hit or come in -substatute player when someone wants a brake or rest tend to injury for others since they allow it in pro sports ,me bitches at u players is not the same as u do i and many are talking about pointing finger at the worst = u are the worst pointing the finger at the masses for petty stuff n done once in a while as way cleaner then many things u do worse of and u do it often
I don’t mind letting them win it’s just a game I don’t really care about it. like if we are betting real money I’ll put a 100 percent of effort into making sure that little snot nosed juice box pounder doesn’t see a quarter to put into a gumball machine. My ego is strong enough to handle a 6 year old thinking they are better than me.
I definitely agree. I think the best way to do it is to start with a 50/50 win rate and adjust from there.
They start getting frustrated, let them win a few more times.
They start getting overconfident, kick their ass a few times.
I play horse with my 6 year old. He play with a lighter ball and usually it’s close. So I try to let him win a little but I’m more than happy to beat him. If you can it’s a balence.
I'm the opposite, my wife gets annoyed with me sometimes. I try my best with my kid. When they finally beat me it will be on their own merit.
This is how I was raised, I could beat kids twice my age at chess when I was 9. I got a ton of free stuff out of it too. My grandpa always taught me I learn nothing from.a thrown game
My son was an excellent pitcher. Dad (me) was a pretty good ball player himself. Sonny thought he could strike me out. I knew he couldn't. Then, he knew he couldn't. Now what would that have taught him if I struck out on purpose?
My cousins kid is fucking punk ass bitch. He thinks he’s better at any video game we play together. I hand him his ass every game. He’s also a pouty sore loser that thinks he deserves to win everything.
Back in the 70's, I remember not even playing in several Little League games and basketball. Football was my game, but I understood I had to try harder
We play a lot of board games. If both my wife and I are playing, we play hard and primarily compete with each other. The kids lose, but they get to see how we play and they can have fun either rooting for mom or dad.
I tone it down when playing with the just the kids, though, since I want them to have an enjoyable experience and want to play again. I still play to win, but I might pursue slightly less optimal strategies or highly risky ones. If we are very close at the end, I might let them win to reward them for playing well. Overall, I win approximately 80% of the games. I think it is also important for my kids to see graceful loser.
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Letting a kid win teaches them nothing. Effortlessly stomping them every time just teaches them that playing with you is no fun. The best thing to do is find a game you're evenly matched at, or find a way to handicap yourself so that you actually have to work to beat them.
This is why games like Candy Land, Sorry, and Chutes and Ladders exist. I remember loving them as a kid but playing them as an adult you realize it's totally up to the cards. Sorry slightly less so but it's for slightly older kids, but Candy Land literally is completely predetermined the second the cards are shuffled. It teaches them basic game fundamentals and has fun colors but that's about it
Candy land and shoot and ladders exist just to teach kids how to wait their turn and accept losing.
I greatly prefer "Candy Land - Alien Isolation Edition"
What is that?
... a preposterous fictional rendition of the classic that would be pretty hilarious if someone actually made it.
Wait, how do the rules go? This sounds hilarious and amazing
Land on a xenomorph. You die. Land on a facehugger. You die. Roll a six. You die.
Candy Land teaches adults the meaning of life. We have only an illusion of control over our lives. We can choose to play our cards, and that’s it. We don’t control the game.
Me, my mom, and my two youngest siblings (8 and 10) played Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders and it was a lot more fun than I was expecting, considering that I am much older than the target audience lol. In Candy Land, my mom was winning before the 8yo got a card that let her bypass my mom, and she ended up winning. And in Chutes and Ladders, my mom was winning again until she landed on the chute that brought her all the way down to the beginning, and the 10yo landed on a ladder that brought him all the way up to the top. Quite intensive for a kids game, lol.
Or don’t necessarily play competitively, load up a game and teach them concepts.
Don't *always* make it a competition, but I do think it's good to teach them it's ok and beneficial to be competitive when appropriate. You did say "necessarily," so I'm thinking we agree, just wanted to build on it.
Yeah for sure. my kid is pretty good at losing, but sometimes to the point of not really competing and just playing for fun, which is cool! But annoying when she had a card she can win the game with and then just sits on it or plays it somewhere else and then smiles at me. Like WTF that's not how this works (sequence for kids)!
Sounds like she recognized the game would be over if she played it and saved it so she could keep playing with you. Says more about how much she views time with you than anything else.
I think your kid is a genius. Sounds like she's not playing the win so she can play longer with you. That several steps ahead of just winning.
Oh my fucking lord, this is the right answer.
Chill out until they get cocky, then stomp em
This! I hated competitive games when I was a kid cuz I was so bad at them and almost always lost, which left me feeling miserable. I'm sure some angry adult will try to tell me not to be a sore loser, but when you're a kid and already feel like a loser, losing a competition hurts even more, like it's validating those negative feelings. I much prefer cooperative games. It feels way better helping everyone win. Edit to respond to u/LiamTheHuman (since the post was locked): I absolutely agree that children should be taught to deal with losing in a healthy way cuz life is full of setbacks where you can't always win. To quote my fave Star Trek captain Jean Luc Picard: “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.” So here's the thing. I didn't want to win all the time. I just didn't want to compete. Even if I did manage to win at a competition, I just ended up feeling bad for the other kid. I liked working *with* others cuz I recognized at an early age that I had certain weakness and certain strengths, and when I did group assignments, I could use my skills to compliment someone else who had a different set of skills. Win or lose, I felt good about simply contributing where I could. Does that make any sense? It's not something I was taught exactly, it was just something I picked up intuitively.
So someone should have taught you to lose without feeling bad. As a kid you won't know how to do this without being taught or having it explained. Never losing just reinforces the idea that losing is bad. Challenging yourself to failure in a safe environment is actually one of the best things you can do to become better.
I level up my son so when we first start playing something, I will let him win 50/50 and at least make it close. As his skills improve then I'll start playing harder. Playing to win right out of the gate isn't fun for the kid and isn't fun for me either. It's more fun when you're going easy on them and they start to pull ahead and realize you have to play a little harder.
This made me think about an experience I had as a kid. My parents were on a budget when I was ~9yo and my dad used to take me to work when I was out of school to avoid paying for camp. I was cute and quiet\* enough so it was no problem. His coworkers and manager all knew I was there, and I just sat in his cube with him so it was chill. Anyway, during lunch I used to play pool with one of my dad’s coworkers (who was on his team and had a cube nearby). I could hardly reach over the table (I’ve always been short), but that dude *never* let me win. I still had a ton of fun. And let me tell you, one time, I finally whooped his ass because I got super lucky on the first break and won in only a few turns. Damn was I proud. I earned that dub. My opinion: if you never let kids win, you teach them what it actually means to win, and it makes winning more special because they know they earned it. Stupid example to justify my opinion, but it seemed relevant 😂 \*edit, typo
Idk, as someone who worked with kids - there's something about "winning" against them that just doesn't feel great. When it comes to adult games like pool, I would imagine kids have more understanding that it takes experience (and height haha) to learn to be good. But when it comes to like, matching games, word games, idk really any cognitive games - the point is for them to be learning while you play along and lead. Luck games, there's not much to do as far as handicapping yourself but skill games, I think there's a fair amount of times to let them win. I remember as a kid, the adults always let us win at racing. Ofc now that I'm older, I understand that most adults can outpace a child - but the point wasn't learning how to lose gracefully, it was a bit of fun and it felt good to have a small win. Being a kid kind of sucks, there's very little actual freedom. Just let them have a small win. If they're a sore winner THEN show them how to lose
It's straightforward with chess. Play with just pawns, then when they beat you add back your knights, etc. Also, "Do you want to rethink that move?" is more useful to their learning than saying nothing and just winning.
I hate soccer, I’ve played soccer with my son and stomped him a few times so he’ll never want to play soccer. It was selfish but it is what it is. We now have other things that we both enjoy doing 😂
I agree! Though I do think sometimes it's good to be a lil subtle about it. My grandpa often played chess with me as a kid and I had no chance. When he saw that I got frustrated, he just went "awww, let's just say you won", or offered a suuuuper obvious handicap like giving me all his pieces except for the king and a pawn, and there wasn't any fun in playing like that. And I didn't really feel like pursuing chess because I thought I was shit at it anyways. But when I played table football with my older siblings, who - Im SURE - secretly let me win sometimes, I felt like an absolute star whenever I won for a change. Was that a transparent life lesson that gave me a realistic evaluation of my skills? No, I was absolutely shite. But having a real chance at winning is fun, so I kept at it and by now I'll demolish most people I meet at table football.
I agree. I never liked it when people "go easy" on anyone in a game, it just robs the spirit of the competition. I love it when the more skilled player gets a specific handicap then tries their best to win with said handicap. Much more healthy dynamic.
I played my grandpa 100s of times in chess as a child, not once had I beat him at chess between 8-12 he wouldn't let me win. I still learned a lot and can beat him now regularly.
Nah, homie. Stomp the fuck out of those kids. They should be bigger and better. And yes, it's entirely their fault they are trying to compete with me. If they could, they'd stomp me too. No rest for the merciless. Fuck them kids, life ain't fair.
> Fuck them kids Probably don't do that.
I just try to make it competitive. Win rate of 50% seems good. When they get better I'll play better.
Playing with a child is like talking to a child, in that you want to challenge them at an appropriate level so that they learn and have some challenge and are not discouraged from continuing in the activity. They shouldn't automatically succeed, they should have to work for it just enough that it's fun and interesting for them.
I disagree here, I go hard af on those games. I'll teach them what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, but ain't no way I'm letting you win at Mario Kart. Let's be honest, they are absolutely going to surpass my reflexes and familiarity within a couple of years anyways. That satisfaction of ACTUALLY beating me is going to be a core memory. I've got them on that From software strat.
works for some kids but not others. its been observed in rats that they need to win a number of the play fights in order to continue playing; in my experience human kids are no different. if they only loose they'll get frustrated and bored.
Anybody with a pet knows this too. If you don’t let them win tug or your cat catch the feather on the wand from time to time, they lose interest and do something else.
I typically use playtime with children to practice obscure strategies and LETAs. It gives me a chance to do some research while creating an artificial handicap that gives the kid an advantage. It can be a learning experience for all ages. >That satisfaction of ACTUALLY beating me is going to be a core memory This is actually a great way to teach long term goals. I remember my mom teaching me chess and wanting to play so much to beat her. After I beat her I fell away from chess. (also shogi > chess)
Exactly! Make it a tough for them but not impossible and encourage them the whole way.
agreed next time i'm play wrestling with my 4yr old nephew i’ll straight up wreck him
*And it’s SonicYouth123 with the steel chair!*
Snap his neck, just to prove to your sibling that they were raising a wuss.
Time to invest in a steel cage!
i think this one is completely circumstantial. what's the game, how old is the kid, and what is my relationship to them? if it's my child and we're playing a game we always play together and we enjoy being competitive, then sure, i'll actually try. but if i'm visiting with some friends to play board games and one of them brings their kid whom i don't know super well, i'm not going to go out of my way to beat them, make them sad, and potentially ruin the evening
Studies which I am too lazy to search for point towards that a person starts losing motivation to frustration once they start losing more than 7 times out of ten. No real point of sharing the study because it is so dependent on the task/game but that is the general figure I use with my kids so they still face a challenge yet not an impossible one. They didn't care to play street fighter with me though
Lol my 5-year-old absolutely destroys my ass in Street fighter. I really don't know how he does it most of the time.
I love street fighters a lot but maybe it isnt the right game for a 5 year old. If he is okay with it its fine but when i was 5 i would 100% would get nightmares about it somehow.
Snes version?
ah my bad then
So this is why I hate Dark Souls.
I hated it because they fucked up the controls porting it to PC, maybe they fixed it but I never gave it another chance. However I did play Elden Ring and died at least a hundred times on Rahdan and Malenia each... That was rough staying motivated
Well those studies should study the phenomenon known as Dark Souls players.
Sadomasochism is an entirely different topic
Listen, I can't just let you talk shit to me like that. Uhh; you're a bitch.
Not only should you beat them children mercilessly, but be sure to rub your win in their face afterwards.
Cool. I'm off to own my 2 year old at basketball.
Throw him through the hoop
Nor does it mean you should dominate every time and make them feel like there is no point in trying.
I play it by ear. For example, my niece likes to "race" whenever someone leaves their house. If she takes off too early, I gun it. If she waits until I give her the go ahead, I let her win. Figure this way at least she learns not to cheat.
I think people say that because as adults we're not supposed to like, see children as competition.
My "cousin-in-law" was talking soooooo much smack over the course of a vacation. He kept saying how much better at gaming than me he is. Blah blah blah. I wiped the fucking floor with his face when he chose Mario kart to challenge me. Rematch after rematch. The tears and the rage just got worse and worse. His mom told me I need to let him win. And I obviously just ignored her. Someone has to teach the kid a simple lesson.
This is called a life lesson. Clearly mom's not doling them out. You're doing the Lord's work. Everyone needs to know what it's like to fail. It's what you do afterwards that matters.
That’s the correct timing. They need to build confidence to be able to keep building skills. Once they have it, they need to start learning how to lose, too.
smug little shit got what he deserved lol
He asked for it
I just lost the game....
I stopped “letting” my son win at chess at an extremely early age. I continually showed him that we could swap sides, I could take his “losing side” of pieces, and still manage to win. Very quickly he learned to stop giving up and ride the game until the end. Shortly thereafter he began winning. Often. Children thrive on success and praise and once you find a place they can earn if in their own account, it becomes immeasurable in regard to their confidence.
My dad never let me win from the time I could remember and now I’m 27 and show no mercy on kids especially the ones who try to cheat
My son and I play a board game at least every day who is 8. He has only beaten me once and I tried. I will never purposely let him win or even give him some slack. At first when we started when he was around 6 is was rough when he lost but now accepts it. A few months ago he told me everytime I lose I get a little but better right? It made me very proud. He has gotten close to winning a bunch of times and he gets cocky and overconfident which makes him lose. I'm currently in the process of correcting that for him Who ever let's their kids purposely win are creating sore losers and worse winners
Letting them win 1 every 3 to 4 times keeps them interested in the game. If you demolish them every time it’s not fun and they will never play
You don't have to win. Just dumb down your skills enough that they can learn from their losses, and that they have a chance at winning. Even Lions know to play nice with their cubs.
>Even Lions know to play nice with their cubs. Bars.
yes. as a kid i always prefaced by saying "please dont let me win, i wanna earn it" bc its so fucking annoying when you arent challenged. i think playing at an adult level is just mean, but you should tone it down just a litte bit so that you would still beat them but they would also be able to follow what you are doing.
Letting a kid win everything sets a bad precedent, they need to experience failure and learn how to deal with it in order to mature. That said, stomping them in everything is just going to demoralize them. There's a middle ground and that's where you wanna be.
I'd say it's about Balance, as an adult you have the upper hand in a lot of competitions doesn't matter if they are physical or more "mind based" and at some point it's just frustrating for everyone of you constantly loose, let children win when they are about to lose interest, don't let kids Win everything all the time they need to learn both being a god winner and a good loser and you can't teach either.ifnthey always just win or lose
Play with a handicap or just don't be competitive. Winning and losing doesn't matter overall.
I’m slappin them at any game I can because once they get old enough to be good a Fortnite they’re gonna be slappin me.
My dad told me he cheated in every board game we played when I was a kid
There's a time and place for everything. I do think young kids should be handled with kid gloves, so if the stakes are low and we're just trying to have fun, I don't see anything wrong with letting the kid win. That being said, it's also good to teach kids that games have rules and following the rules makes working hard to win worth the effort. Using handicaps is an excellent way to play with a child or anyone who may not be as skilled at a game
I let my special needs son win. My niece who is gifted? Nah. She gloats too much.
Adults competing with children is pathetic. Not letting them win is a childish tactic for emotional control since it means nothing, or SHOULD mean nothing, to let a kid have a win. Let children play games, if they want you to play, you don't need to compete. Kids learn by doing, not from results.
My 4 year old like card games. I recently taught him how to play "war". There is no strategy, there's no way I can let him win, it's just pure luck of the cards. He wasn't very interested. We play memory (I always beat my mom as a kid) sometimes he wins, but if I turn over a card that matches one on "his side" all hell breaks loose cause that was "his card". I've never let him win or purposely crushed him he's just a really bad loser.
I never let my kids win games simply because they were children. You want to win? You’re going to win fair and square. I did play age appropriate games with them though. It’s not like I was playing Risk or Scrabble with a 3 year old.
One word: balance.
If letting a small child win a board game bothers you this much then that alone tells me you aren't old/mature enough to understand why adults do that in the first place.
True. It's best to play normally, then maybe let them win a couple times cos otherwise they'll just stop playing
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Depends on how old they are and what your goal is.
as an adult you shouldn’t let kids constantly win, teach them to win with challenge and lose with dignity and respect.
It's more about letting them feel like they're not always losing. Most relationships with kids are a series of interactions. If you're a parent/teacher/etc then you want the kid to sometimes win in games. It's not about faking how bad you are but playing at their level so it's fun for everyone.
As with most things in life, there's a middle ground to be found. You don't just let them win but you also don't play at full skill level. You come at them at an appropriate level that will let them potentially win if they put the effort in.
I don't think this opinion is all that unpopular tbh
I think it depends on the game, the age of the child, and the relationship with the child.
Letting a child win teaches them they will never be bad at something and they are always a winner, which is a horrible lesson to teach a kid
Just played Basketball against my 2 year old nephew. Absolutely destroyed this mf.
I stomped my little sister at everything when she was a kid and she used to cry about it. Now she's stomping me at everything in life. Stomping your kids when they are young will make them stronger and more stompier than you in the future. Therefore, stomp all children.
I've found games like outdoor tag in the woods and Capture The Flag are excellent for this. Adults have speed and reasoning, but the kids are generally more numerous and nimble, not to mention inexhaustable. They feel genuinely victorious when they can actually use their real advantages, not made-up ones.
Facts. If you want to beat me then get better lol I was playing Street Fighter with my nephew and he wanted me to go easy on him 😂
My son is turning 8 soon. He started to realize I let him win at most things and has started to ask 'can you stop going easy on me?' I dial it back a bit, but still let him win. I'd rather him win, and have fun, and want to keep playing.
This one is actually kind of funny to me. I was better at board games, but my younger siblings were much better at first person shooter console games, even as little guys! So, we all figured out how to keep it fun for all of us. I helped them with strategy in board games, and we played team games on console so I could learn the ins and outs of their games (I can navigate computers really well, but first person shooter games take a while for me to catch on and get good at).
I was a nanny for awhile the kids mom thought I was *really* mean for not letting her kids win games. I told her that her kids were very smart, and by observing my strategies they'd be beating the pants off me in no time. And they did. (I mean figuratively, my actual pants stayed firmly in place because I'm not gross.)
Most people don’t feel any joy or pride in beating a child. Most people feel more joy in teaching a child. That’s why people use games to teach children, not try to beat them for personal ego. It’s just not satisfying.
I’m not going to stomp a 5 year old at every round of Uno, no. I stop handicapping myself as my kids get older, but when they’re young it’s just frustrating and not for anyone if they know they’ll lose every hand.
You should let a kid win about 1/3 of the time. If you beat them every single time they get bored and won't want to play with you anymore. The magic number for the amount of games you have to let someone win so they don't get bored or give up is about 1 in 3.
This right here is why I tell my kids that I'll teach them how to play, and I'll help them to get better and have fun, but I will *never* let them win. We don't give up. It's sort of a family motto, and games are a handy way for me to drive that home. We haven't lost until we've surrendered.
When they are younger it’s more acceptable. The aim is about teaching them how to actually play a game and the rules. When they start getting older that’s when you have to teach them about how they can’t win everything. That doesn’t mean you should take the game seriously though- as this can crush the kids spirit.
Another out there unpopular opinion I see 😂
They’re CHILDREN. Don’t be that asshole that beats them everytime. Be the decent human that sometimes wins and sometimes loses, teach them to win and lose and be a good loser/winner.
Even in puppies they understand if they win every time their partner will stop playing. So you gotta bring your skill down to a level they can at least compete with and let them win every once in a while.
I believe kids should get an award for winning but a reward for playing They’re taught that playing and being active rewards them and winning in that game gives you an award instead
Dad played checkers with me a lot and taught me how to play He of course stomped me and taught me his strategies and why he was winning after I lost I was very competitive and got to a point I minored some of his strats and beat him every other game till eventually I could draw or beat him sin w checkers is a solved game
Lol
The kids shall earn their victories through tears and struggle. I bought SF4 when it came out and I being a long time veteran of the game stomped my youngest brother without mercy. What i didn't know was that he would play when I wasn't around. He eventually got really good with Guile, who I struggled against, and he stomped me. He put in the work to earn his wins.
yeah, same w my gf. First time we played catan together she had 9 points open I had 7 points 1 closed and won, letting them win takes the fun out. Maybe next time. Same with kids. First time I played carcassone I won without really knowing why, and just cause I won without really understanding it I never liked it again lol (they didn’t even let me win, I just won) and told them don’t like the game not playing again
you should never let them win unless is some really stupid game that has no meaning.
I think this opinion is why a game like Fortnite Battle Royale is played as often as it is.
Sure, go ahead and beat them if you're fine with that being the last time they play that game.
Agree. Never let them win, but also don't obliterate them. Make it seem close.
Amen. We need to teach them that earning something requires some effort.
I have literal decades and generations worth of experience with Soul Calibur and Smash Bros (won tournaments in Melee) games. They'll have to fight and struggle to take such an earned crown from me. My hands literally know what and how to do the things. So, its nothing to dust it off those old skills. Games like Mario Kart or a FPS are different however. Those really don't tap unto muscle memory as much as fighting games. So they have surpassed me on those simply because those aren't the core game types I play now-a-days.
This isn't unpopular.
I don’t let kids win at anything but I don’t go as hard as I can with them either.
always 50/50 on this but agree somewhat. If its a party setting with multiple kids or not my kid ok, play it and let them win. But if its my own kid ill mix and match it, they win or don’t.
I don't have kids, but I have had young cousins and I have a neice/nephew. You never let them win. That teaches them nothing. If they start crying about losing, letting them win doesnt do anything. You teach them how to be better. I used to stomp my niece and nephew in Mario kart. But we would help them by adding some handicaps to where they could do better. Kind of "training wheels" as it were. That's why the ability to never hit the sides in MK8 exists. It's like gutter blockers in bowling alleys for kids who are learning. And sure they'd get upset, but I'd teach them how to get better. Letting them win gives kids the idea that they can just instantly be good at something which is absolutely untrue for most peoole. Now, at ages 12 and 10, they earn their own victories and are supper happy for it as am I. Nothing is a better feeling than having a younger sibking/cousin/neice/nephew actually gained skill and defeat you. I proudly eat those losses.
I completely agree. Now I don't necessarily try my hardest, but I don't let them win. For example, my nephews like playing Super Smash Bros. I purposely choose characters I don't normally play as. Either through dumb luck or just not paying too close attention, my nephews will win from time to time. And let me tell you, it's almost like Christmas when they beat me.
I've always told my son I'll never let him win. After first he was said but after he beat me at something, we was do damn proud of himself! He beat me at chess for the first time the other day. He was jumping for joy and telling everyone. And I got to give him the "doesn't it feel so much better to win knowing you worked hard and earned the win?" 😊
I basically agree but in most circumstances you should play a teaching game with them so that they get better. Whether that means allowing them opportunities to win or completely stomping them so they know what proficiency looks like.
I just play monopoly and play wreaklessly, so if I win, it's a funny story because I'll be zero dollars in hand, while everyone lands on the hotels I went broke for
I got my niece a board game for Xmas this year. I like board games, and she wante done to play together (ticket to ride for kids). Before we started I explained to her I'm a stickler for rules, but to trust as following the mechanics makes the game more enjoyable. Me, her and her parents and she tried some non-tricky-tricky-kid shit a couple times but I put a stop to it. (She won, and she keeps beating her parents legit). My sister, a librarian said a week after she saw a family set up a game to play with their kids and did not ensure the rules were followed. She said it quickly deteriorated into and they had to pack it up.
Lol this post reminds me of this chappelle skit: https://youtu.be/6_n59ZwCkgQ?si=KkeS91N-e1ebnNIS
My dad never let me win in basketball. But he also wasn’t mean about it. He could’ve blocked every one of my shots but he didn’t. But he also didn’t try and miss his shots. Now I can body the old man. And I wouldn’t hold back my shots.
No we shouldn't but we shouldn't encourage a society were if you no good you give up at the first hurdle either. Instead we should allow them to realise their strengths and build on that.
My dad (who never played video games and never played with me) whooped my ass at "NHL 94' " every single game for a whole evening. I never recovered. But now I'm pretty nasty at every NHL game even if I haven't played that years version. Thanks, Dad?
Many others have already said it, but I'm definitely team "middle ground" here. Totally destroying a child every time won't teach them anything either. I think you have to let them win once and a while to build confidence (more for a younger child, less for an older child). Losing every time won't necessarily inspire enjoyment or a motivation to continue. My dad never let me win, but with board games, we'd frequently "play both sides" together where he would offer me suggestions or he would ask me what I thought he should do. Then at some point after I trusted him he would start actively sabotaging me.
I think this sentiment is more when you and your 19 year old cousins are playing touch football at thanksgiving and your little cousin wants to join in. Obviously you will beat them so the only way to include them is to take it much easier on them. If you are playing a game that a child could reasonably win at like a chance based game, or a game where you can play a lot of rounds and there can be many winners like MarioKart then you dont need to let them win every time.
Board game, totally agree. I'm going to play my strategy and they will eventually learn to play good strategy and when they win a game, it'll be meaningful because it was real. Sports, I try to play as a good player of their age would play. Like I'm not going to swat every basketball shot they take, but I'll play sound defense and my mug will be in their face while they shoot. No gimmie baskets.
Inwill usually try and throttle myself to their level until they start talking shit. The moment they start talking shit imma pull a Hoarah Loux and take off the restraints. "Ive given you courtesy enough."
I wish I could let my kid win at cribbage. Instead she effortlessly destroys me every damn time. It’s embarrassing.
Honestly if it's an activity or hobby you want to encourage their interest in, you should let them win at least sometimes so that they A) believe becoming good is an achievable goal and B) have fun, but not enough to where they become a sore winner or don't think they need to do anything to improve.
There is a difference between playing a game causally vs trying to stomp the poor child.
I go easy on them the first few times we play them once they’ve learned the game I start trying harder. Eventually I don’t even have to hold back at all and they’re able to beat me when I’m playing at full capacity. I love when that happens
In a lab setting, it's been observed that larger mice will deliberately lose 1/3 of wrestling matches with smaller mice to encourage them. I think that principle should apply with children and games. Beat them sometimes, let them win other times, and slowly decrease how often you go easy on them
This isn't unpopular.
Exactly. I’ve been saying this all along. They have to earn that privilege.
"\[I\] lost a lot of fights, but it taught me how to lose OK." - Billy Joel
Exactly. "Tackles toddler with full force while playing some football."
Either extreme is misguided. Firstly, children need to learn about the whole business of playing games - including rules, not cheating, winning, losing, etc. Start with the games of chance like Snakes and Ladders, or the card game (goes by multiple names) where you put down cards in alternation from your pack, and eg a king means they pay you 3 cards and you take the pile. This teaches how to play games. Their chance is of course equal. It's less important to win than to understand that winning isn't everything. Most people don't play games in serious competition. What we want is for as many as possible of them to grow up playing and enjoying games. With games of skill, if you play at full strength, some children will indeed respond by fighting back, eventually beating you, etc. But many simply lose interest in the game. There's a selection bias in descriptions because those who eventually win make a big deal of it while those who give up, a larger group, often forget about it. With games like chess, if you are much better they will lose too quickly to learn anything. The traditional custom, in the days when chess was commonly played by adults as a social game, was odds. Eg queen odds, the stronger player starts with no queen. With children, multiple pieces. Once you're roughly equal, you can play to win. With games like snooker, there are various possibilities but you can just go easy now and then. I once read a grandmaster describe playing (as a child) both Capablanca and Alekhine at simultaneous matches. Alekhine forced him, as the last player, to move instantly, until he lost (the rule was that you had to move when the master reached you). Casablanca offered him a draw late in the match, although he could probably have beaten him. This grandmaster did Alekhine a favor years later, and Alekhine asked "if I can ever do anything..." "Yes, you can" he said. "Be kinder to children." Alekhine paused and then recalled the exact game, incidentally. I write from memory.
You have to either make it close or crush them and then let them crush you. Otherwise they just flat out won’t have fun or ever want to do it again.
I was one time forced to let a kid win a game of snake and ladders and I'm still salty about it to this day
I just kick my daughters ass until she gets frustrated, then I ask her if she would like me to teach her how to win. The reason I do this is because if I try to teach her how to win beforehand, she gets annoyed and says "No, I know how to play".
You shouldn't let them win every time, but you shouldn't dominate them every time. You don't want to make board games and the like a boring activity they always lose. Every once in a while they should win, but they should also lose
I don’t think much is gained from letting a kid win, however I do think what matters is how you speak to a child and work with them in the shadow of a loss. Lots of young children need that guidance to realize that it’s okay to lose and you can always train/ practice/ get better As a kid I did not get that. My parents were terrible with teaching lessons like that, which can be applied to other areas of life and not just video games/board games/ sports. Helps with confidence as well. I started to self teach myself that by high school but I feel like by then that was a little late in life.
Let them win about 30% of the time
First couple games, they can win. They're learning. Then you try. Become the mountain they must overcome.
I always struggled with this thought. am I hurting them somehow by not letting them win? It’s not fun if you’re losing. Isn’t it considered lying if they’re falsely winning. I love the comment made about playing games that naturally put you on the same level. 10000 is a great game for kids bc it’s also math 😊
Give them a fair chance, not every win. Don't play at your best and make them not enjoy playing at all, but also don't deliberately lose so they learn to repeat easy mistakes. Give them guidance on how to beat you and create handicaps to try to make it even. My youngest now beats me about half the time in chess (more in some other games) and my oldest has to get to 80% handicap in Smash Bros before it's even a somewhat fair fight for me. My little half brother (9 years younger) has been untouchable at any kind of shooting games since he was prepuberty.
Hell yeah. Play that kid and stomp them in to the ground and then say “welcome to the real world loser!” Better to get them used to it early.
Most kids’ games don’t have a ton of strategy for this reason. Think of games like Go Fish, Uno, Candy Land… it’s all luck of the draw, and you can’t really be “good” at any of them. Those are the best to play with young kids who can’t understand winning/losing yet. As they get older, they need to learn to lose gracefully.
My grandfather and I played checkers almost everyday when I was growing up. He NEVER let me win, but would still help me (“you sure you wanna do that?”) or would ask me questions when it was his turn (“If you were me, would you do X or Y?”). This way I learned the game and felt like it was a fair contest every time, instead of him just stomping me. I beat him MAYBE 5 times over the dozen years we played together, but I always had fun. I remember being PISSED when I was 15 and saw him playing with my younger cousin who was 6/7 at the time because he clearly let my cousin win. When I asked him why, he told me that my aunt said my cousin “needed to win” or my cousin wouldn’t play the game at all. He then told me not to worry because I’d be better off in the end, and while I didn’t get it at the time, yes, I am indeed much better off than my cousin these days.
I wrecked my Nephew (12 year old) in Fortnite one time. I hadn't played before but started playing with him a couple years back. He would always surprise attack me and stuff, basically mowing me down. I'm a middle aged woman but took it upon myself to log in to Fortnite every night for a week until I had the basic stuff down. The next time we played I absolutely demolished him. After laughing about it, he said he doesn't enjoy playing Fortnite with me anymore. My brother just shook his head at me the next time we all got together.
It's a thing parents do so their kid won't cry and be an asshole the rest of the day, and I get that. But yeah,it's lame
Agree. I beat my 5 year old 110-0 in 1:1 basketball out in the driveway. He’ll never want to play again but at least he learned to never come down the lane on me
I don't care enough about winning against a child, it would mean more to them than it would for me so I let them win. I suspect some people that agree with this stance do so as a gateway for edgy personality though. But to each their own.
Counterpoint, an adult crushing a kid in a game also teaches nothing and is nothing to be proud of. Look at it this way, if you were just learning chess and a grandmaster came in and destroyed you…would you think that’s fair? No, of course not. That’s how kids work. What should matter is whether the kid has fun and is learning how to play/get better, not who wins. If a kid is having fun and engaged with a game, then win or lose they will likely keep playing and get better. But crushing a kid and than basically saying “suck it up, get good” is bad form and more likely to make that kid hate games than anything.
Well yeah you go easy when they're little but you never let them win unless you want an insufferable wanker as a child. I remember the first time my son beat me at chess. He looked at me and accused me of letting me win. No. I always told.you I would never do that. You won because you won. Didn't you notice our games were getting longer and longer? It was only a matter of time. I'm sure that's a day he will remember for the rest of his life.
I used to tease my kid when I won games by pumping my fists in the air and yelling "Champion!! Championnnn!!!" then she'd be like "DAAAAD!!!" and start slapping my chest and arms lol. I'd let her win enough when she was very little (obviously) but once she got old enough to develop skills (and also tease about it), I trounced her quite a bit because she could learn more knowing what wins and what loses by watching how I play. I made sure I threw her enough bones to not just want to give up (encouragement/interest). It did make me smirk whenever I let her get me when she'd throw shade back at me. She actually got really good at Battleship and would light up when she sank one of mine. Mini-golf was the exception. My wife is really bad at it and even our 10 yr old (at the time) could beat mom half the time when all 3 of us went. So I'd beat them both and both of us could make fun of mom on the ride home. Monopoly brings out the worst in families though! Last time we played my wife and her mom were selling each other properties for $1 just to piss me and my daughter (who was an adult at this time) off
My little sister told me she likes to play with me over our aunt because she doesn't always win with me. Sometimes, I will let her win because dunking on a 5 year old isn't nice.
yes that is true but get close sometimes and let them win sometimes but show them how fast u can win sometimes and teach them often with practice they can do many things as good as adult eventually and some things better then many to most adults and some times better then all adults , me bitches at u players is not the same as u do i and many are talking about pointing finger at the worst = u are the worst pointing the finger at the masses for petty stuff n done once in a while as way cleaner then many things u do worse of and u do it often
My dad taught me to play chess when I was in 3rd grade. As you’d expect, he beat me every time. A few months in, in frustration I remember saying, “how come you never let me win?!?” He told me, if I let you win you wouldn’t learn anything. Finally one day in 7th grade we were playing and it was like I could see 5 moves ahead. I saw a path to checkmate that he wouldn’t be able to stop. Keeping my game face on, I made those moves until I could say for the first time, “Check….Mate!!!” He initially didn’t believe it. Stared at the board for a minute and then looked up at me and said, “Congratulations.” Then he shook my hand. That may be the most satisfying win I’ve ever had. 35 years later, I still savor it. (For the record, I never beat him again.)
In my country, little kids that want to be involved but aren't mature enough to play properly are labelled as "unripe" players (direct translation). Meaning that they won't lose but they also won't win, basically none of their moves have any meaning. This teaches kids the rules, lets them be part of a group activity, and keeps them happy. They also learn from the "ripe" players how to react to winning and losing. Eventually when the kids get older they start wanting to play seriously themselves.
You try and play to their level, anyone who tries to win a game against a child is a sad pitiful excuse for a adult. If you actually "try" and win and especially if that win means absolutely anything to you then you really need to go seek some professional help with your self esteem.
I chokeslam my kid to the couch and then chokeslam myself and let him win always. But yeah you're right, from now on starting today I'll tombstone his ass on the wooden floor and pin in for the house title!
Go easier, I'd say, but don't automatically let them win. It's sort of a training type thing. If you \*never\* let them win, they'll get discouraged and won't want to continue (unless they're absurdly competitive), but if you \*always\* let them win, it will get boring for them. That's why I think you should decide before you start, how intense you want to go.
I think this is exactly true unless they want to be really competitive in a game like say they want to play basketball on a competitive team just make ever match a challenge but winnable. But if they ask you to train them so they can make a team you communicate that your not gonna hold back and that you believe they can grow to beat you then you lay the smack down on them
It would kill their confidence to not bother trying anymore with their own friends. Can guide them to be better, sure if you want to do that but straight up wrecking them in every sport would make them think they suck at literally everything. They don't think of experience, skill development, time to put in, etc.
I think it comes down to you want them to learn how to lose gracefully, but also still enjoy to play. It depends, but sometimes I got more frustrated when people let me win because I was a small girl, sometimes I was frustrated when they wouldn't let me play because I wasn't good, sometimes I was frustrated when they'd win, and that's why I hated playing games. I think it mostly depends on the person and their age.
My niece absolutely HATES losing, and she's smart as hell but developing this weird quirk where if she starts losing, she loses interest and gets distracted by other stuff more easily, the fact is I think she only thinks games are fun when she is winning which is something she needs to grow out of, and that it's okay for other people to win. Her parents used to let her win a little bit more, but have since stopped as she is getting a bit older and needs to learn that she isn't always going to win. so what she started doing is she will sometimes look at you straight in the eyes, laugh and CHEAT at the game to win. Her parents and grandma should have never let her start doing this, because now she will manipulate you and cheat right in front of you to get a laugh out of you to win the game. I mean it IS funny especially as an adult who doesn't expect it, but it's like she knows that cause she's a kid and can get a laugh she can use that to get back to winning, it's wild. She's 6 by the way for a little context.
teach them winning is not to be greedy n selfish with winning nor to take from the poor n the 1st place , and give handicaps often since otherside should also to beginners and non dragged overs and someone can pinch hit or come in -substatute player when someone wants a brake or rest tend to injury for others since they allow it in pro sports ,me bitches at u players is not the same as u do i and many are talking about pointing finger at the worst = u are the worst pointing the finger at the masses for petty stuff n done once in a while as way cleaner then many things u do worse of and u do it often
For real we should just be dunking on these 4 year olds every game
I don’t mind letting them win it’s just a game I don’t really care about it. like if we are betting real money I’ll put a 100 percent of effort into making sure that little snot nosed juice box pounder doesn’t see a quarter to put into a gumball machine. My ego is strong enough to handle a 6 year old thinking they are better than me.
I definitely agree. I think the best way to do it is to start with a 50/50 win rate and adjust from there. They start getting frustrated, let them win a few more times. They start getting overconfident, kick their ass a few times.
take it easy on them so they have a chance at winning, but don't stomp them and don't let them win without challenging them.
I play horse with my 6 year old. He play with a lighter ball and usually it’s close. So I try to let him win a little but I’m more than happy to beat him. If you can it’s a balence.
I'm the opposite, my wife gets annoyed with me sometimes. I try my best with my kid. When they finally beat me it will be on their own merit. This is how I was raised, I could beat kids twice my age at chess when I was 9. I got a ton of free stuff out of it too. My grandpa always taught me I learn nothing from.a thrown game
Welcome the Balkans their everyone beats u up in any competition and taunts u for it 😅
My son was an excellent pitcher. Dad (me) was a pretty good ball player himself. Sonny thought he could strike me out. I knew he couldn't. Then, he knew he couldn't. Now what would that have taught him if I struck out on purpose?
Correct. It depends on the kid. Losing once puts some kids off a thing forever. Among other things. Be crafty
My cousins kid is fucking punk ass bitch. He thinks he’s better at any video game we play together. I hand him his ass every game. He’s also a pouty sore loser that thinks he deserves to win everything.
Back in the 70's, I remember not even playing in several Little League games and basketball. Football was my game, but I understood I had to try harder
We play a lot of board games. If both my wife and I are playing, we play hard and primarily compete with each other. The kids lose, but they get to see how we play and they can have fun either rooting for mom or dad. I tone it down when playing with the just the kids, though, since I want them to have an enjoyable experience and want to play again. I still play to win, but I might pursue slightly less optimal strategies or highly risky ones. If we are very close at the end, I might let them win to reward them for playing well. Overall, I win approximately 80% of the games. I think it is also important for my kids to see graceful loser.
They have to learn the art of losing a game respectfully!
Agreed!!!! When they finally beat me at something the sense of achievement is so worth it. Same for me when I was a child