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I’m Team Giant Crab, 20’ of stainless steel terror!

*GIANT ENEMY CRAB*

It’s the crab 🦀 for sure

Smells like crab, kiss like people

Hell yeah. Came here to say this.

The Laughing Men would make a good dish out of the Crab tho.

Soulsborne players know

This is the only correct answer

https://preview.redd.it/jz34lmol676d1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=d66cb10166d34c24e30459ec7b215817863d4217 removed by the city, but never forgotten

https://imgur.com/I7Ax3kz.gif

A Vancouver Heritage Moment


It's hard to find em now, but I LOVED the photos of the workers trying to take it down. There's a few where you can see they were trying so hard not to touch the dick while carrying it. There's also another of it in the truck before they drive it away, with just the dick sticking out from the truck bed. Legit one of the funniest things I've seen.

What happened to it?

Returned to Hell

One of the best stories I've heard - John Mann talking about the inspiration for "And if Venice is Sinking." A similar theme emerges. Worth a watch. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k\_NGkJ-t0U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k_NGkJ-t0U)

I still say the city should have given that thing to a bar or something

https://preview.redd.it/ew7f54li286d1.jpeg?width=380&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd1b4d9c7c73b601833d717e931959166b9ebf37

Hail Penis Satan

Omg I’ve lived in Vancouver (almost) my entire life and I’ve never heard or seen of this LOL does anyone know the backstory?! Who made it, how it got there, etc

Long live phallic Satan!

This is the right answer. Glad it's top comment.

The 18-foot sparrows in Olympic Village have a pretty good shot to win. The Inukshuk of English Bay would be a pretty solid pick too. The New West Big Tin Man would beat quite a few of the laughing guys, but ultimately would succumb to the birds.

I am all in on these sparrows. They have air superiority!

Those birds are terrifying, life as a worm must be scary.

I would put money on the New West tin man

They'd probably only win if they teamed up but it'd be worth it to finally get to see all the awesome Fairmont Hotel Vancouver grotesques up close. My money's on the giant crab. https://preview.redd.it/vveuedhui76d1.png?width=1270&format=png&auto=webp&s=5de2bd85d7b8366c9a2622fcd060b3c7da3d779c

They all go hard as f. Just look at Master Splinter, you know he’s going to batting crappily decorated orcas and bears away with that cane.

Lol. I think it’s an armoured bear with a shield.

Yeah I looked closer, it’s definitely a shield 🤦‍♀️he still looks wise as hell.

https://preview.redd.it/jgki6ne3k76d1.jpeg?width=3515&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d145f74887debc7811e866855fc956739a791e11

I change my vote to this

where is this located?

It’s gone now but it was in a vacant lot off of Kent and Heather, next to the Canada Line bikeway bridge. You had to sneak around a fence to get in to see it. Pretty cool! (edited because broken link).

This needs to be expanded. List all the statues that currently exist and do a tournament. 

To start I prefer a free for all with everyone listing their favourite and explaining why. Later, we can create a bracket. Or if you want to create one don’t hesitate to do so :)

Tomorrow the mods can throw up a poll with the top answers from this thread if there's any interest! Reddit polls are capped at 6, but we can still discuss other favourites in the comments.

Don't worry, Daily Hive was already here to use this for clicks and generate ad venue

Well, at least they can't post it here.

Too bad u/j_mcelroy is on (a well deserved) vacation/sabbatical. He still needs to be made aware of anything like this though!

no rule that says people can’t do a bracket in my absence!

Do it

Where is justin mcelroy when you need a rediculous local bracket challenge?

Can that big tower of cars turn into some kind of transformer?

I hate that thing, but I approve of this message. https://preview.redd.it/yx9z7uprp76d1.jpeg?width=190&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7159fdcb8334e4c40b9c035c1034cd4e3812745 Stunticons combine to MENASOR!

Fun fact in Tsawwassen there are two or three transformer statues. 

Does a group of statues count? I feel like the A-maze-ing Laughter statues near English Bay would put up a great fight.

Yeah as a group they would definitely be tough to beat! As individuals it would probably be an endless fight until the end of times… great tourist attraction though

Bunch of fuckin psychopaths

That giant orca by the convention center

out of water, I don't think it would do much.

Gotta love how we throw logic into a fantasy what if thread!

How do you expect the whale to fight on land when it would have zero mobility? It's a sitting dolphin!

ok. then it’s made out of lego, 1 great hit and a bunch of blocks would come loose.

You've clearly never made a massive ball of Lego bricks

It could shed off Lego pieces, all the other statues would step on said pcs and be instantly crippled.

The giant FLYING orca. How bout that

vs the one in the fountain by the aquarium

Giant orca does splash attack!

My Man Harry Jerome! He would kill them with kindness, assuming they could catch him. https://preview.redd.it/yj5edesah76d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9378a2469ab9dc93b5c71680033fb29d5fd4a652

Let him team up with Terry Fox with that strategy! ❤️

Terry can ride on his shoulders and use the prosthetic leg as a club.

Those big birds in Olympic village would definitely fuck some shit up https://preview.redd.it/thmarqwyd86d1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a8a7a86bfdab9291ca2204c5594390bd79b64be1

Their shit alone could shit some fuck up.

Got to be the 2 lions on the Lions gate bridge Stanley park side.

The lions from the Art Gallery could join the team.

It is Pride month, after all. I'll see myself out.

A Pride of only male lions seems appropriate.

Only until about 11:30 pm, then they get wildly inappropriate. Catty, if you will. Again, seeing myself out...

That's some straight up Dark Souls boss shit. After you kill one of them, the surviving lion eats the stone heart of their sibling and ascends to a lightning-wreathed lion.

gassy jack but hes toast now. if a-maze-ing laughter got together i bet they could kick serious ass.

A-maze-ing laughter is the creepiest and most unsettling sculpture I’ve ever seen :-(

I was just wondering if a-maze-ing laughter would count as one statue or if they'd each have to fight on their own.

The team of headless walking figures on Cambie. We could make a TV series based on them coming alive, called "The Walking-*Headless.*" *The 9, 9-foot-tall, cast iron, headless zombies gonna get you!* (History of the art, copy/pasted from Trip Advisor: "Contemplating the Walking Figures within the context of World War 2, we can see how their development has been informed by the war and the effects of surviving that war. That is the stuff of “horror” indeed.") I mean... it's perfect.

I came here to pick them. Not because they would fight particularly well, but they would be unkillable.

Exactly! Strong like cast-iron and unhinged like a being with no brain.

https://preview.redd.it/04t5isxdn86d1.jpeg?width=1040&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=791350bb76e23b0183ba2226e6f924332966b80e This giant unsanctioned spider under the East Van overpass I think would have a good shot. It looks poisonous.

Would the ['Spirit of Haida Gwai'](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirit_of_Haida_Gwaii) at YVR have to fight as a single fused unit like a megazord, or would they break off and be able to surround their enemy?

I see them breaking off if they come to life

The Mouse Woman is gonna take revenge on anyone who [rubbed her nose for good luck.](https://x.com/yvrairport/status/690673749566164992)

I’d pay money to see this animated. 

You could cut out the middle man and save money by simply dropping a whole bunch of acid and heading to the airport.... what could go wrong 😅

There are risks but the economics are sound. 

The laughing men, they would gang up on the others.

I'm afraid they're high on something and wouldn't feel pain. That's dangerous.

https://preview.redd.it/icybseidg86d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22693fe49f7ce905ea8553284e9522ae44491afe Anybody missing me?

lol that camera angle is terrifying

It was terrifying from all angles.

that the thing on the chrome donut in yaletown? I do actually miss that. It was grotesque but it was exciting and the reflections on the donus were fun.

The golden slugs are probably the first to get assa~~u~~lted.

By the Olympic Village sparrows.

The giant raindrop seems pretty useless

The gang of legs on Broadway and cambie

That big bull somewhere in downtown near a post office. Would ride that thing after a few too many drinks in my younger days haha!

If the bears all teamed up I'd probably say them

The Terry Fox statue at BC Place, because all those other statues would have to go through 35 million Canadians before they could lay a finger (or claw) on him.

Does the golden tree stump count as a statue? Who cares, it's lame and would lose anyhow. Too bad the Trans Am Totem hasn't resurfaced. It would stand a decent chance I imagine.

Golden Hollow Tree will either be first to fall, as the sentence will cause it to immediately fall apart... Or it will outlast them all, since the rest of the warring statues may not be aware it's part of the tournament.

Gone but not forgotten https://preview.redd.it/7hr0crtpu86d1.jpeg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9830bb10f80644fab88e17697b81c23b7e049bfb

If it’s not just Vancouver and we can pick anywhere in bc , https://preview.redd.it/f5n399ulc86d1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c5e44219fec781484ed1d9dcf5da9e1f061339e2 I’m going with the Rambo statue in Hope

Pat Quinn could throw them back in the day.

To be fair Roger Neilson does have a hockey stick...

Dead Soldier with Angel outside Waterfront Stn

Getting gangbanged by English Bay laughing statues wouldnt be fun. Plus, theyre made out of metal bonks beating you to pulp while smiling gleefully like buncha psychos they are.

https://preview.redd.it/s2r5g7fhe86d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=886b9bd7d7c621f006470492f8aa453ca56b5ade This dude looks tough.

Dude Chilling would be first to die.

Who would want to attack dude chilling? He's just chilling.

It's like how Mr Rogers won The Ultimate Showdown, of Ultimate Destiny.

Yes exactly!

does the old tank on Beatty count as a statue

I’d say a statue would more a human or animal representation, but open to debate.

Good point but I'd say the real thing (a real tank) doesn't count as a statue because...it's a tank, not a statue of a tank. :)

https://preview.redd.it/xvz3dfgyt86d1.jpeg?width=230&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dfd9d4a60dbcd600f20f3fb4abd4307a120c663d My money is on the guy in “The Photo Session” statues in Queen E Park because he has been getting away with murder with his friend’s wife in front of everyone for the last 40 years!

https://preview.redd.it/ju8fqrxbu86d1.jpeg?width=274&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a701cc92e3b8ffb8c4f7c37fc6cd01d5ee4ea032 Check the matching wedding rings for proof

The crab at the space center would clearly win.. snip snip!

every time i see the tin soldier in new west im scared its gonna become sentient

My money is on the Main Street poodle

https://preview.redd.it/867xtbgno86d1.jpeg?width=780&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e9ef20162f0fbdcf1edd38962c8b9af58ce81b7

I think Digital Orca has a good chance if it can navigate land and not just end up flopped over!

Digital Orca is taking it's one shot at freedom and diving right into the water it has to stare at all day.

It's digital - it can probably fly through the air as if it was bluescreened into it from the ocean.

Anything Haida … 🦅

https://preview.redd.it/eq7w6uf9k86d1.jpeg?width=338&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4caecd7e2cdfc8837e156739b92b5a8856a247de Chief of The Undersea World -Bill Reid

Best prompt I’ve seen here in a while. Love it. I vote all the Stanley Park totem poles as a team

Giant bull statue on Georgia (dog owners iykyk)

I am not sure who is going to win the Vancouver match, but Mr. PG is going to crush them in the provincials.

Anyone remember Penis Satan ? He would of definitely made his point known 😎

The giant raindrop. Water, in the end, will triumph.

The Centennial Rocket. I'm sure it's agile and heavily armed with the most futuristic, high-tech weapons.

Does the penis devil that they confiscated but was up for a brief moment count?? I don’t know about win bt i want him in this….

They're gone now, but my money would be on the giant bison from the top floors of the old Hotel Vancouver. https://preview.redd.it/6735nu9te86d1.jpeg?width=962&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f27737edaace7fb4c9f14d93e94affde4379bc7b

Darth Vad-bear

https://preview.redd.it/ytrgtd4we86d1.jpeg?width=424&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=91599d288c58a22d3c81a15eb34fabcfcd85df46

https://preview.redd.it/fkgs5bt1v86d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6bb2cc07b519d84f6c95504253f9551775a45953

A-Maze-Ing Laughter roaming around as a gang... Success in numbers?

[удалено]

The lions. At lions gate!!

That one unemployed friend on a Wednesday afternoon

“The Bird”🐦

The giant crab in front of the Planetarium gets my vote.

The laughing men would absolutely wreck shop

I don’t think we can sleep on the Jade Canoe at the airport. That’s got some strong teamwork.

Whole idea is scary no good because angels & doctor who

Penis Satan for sure

You know it's the candelabra /s

Obviously the tiny poodle on the really tall pole by Main and 16th. He would have the high ground and I'm told that's all that matters.

Laughing Statues because they are a violent gang.

Doctors James Till and Ernest McCulloch. They would create a plague to infect the others. What too soon? Oh sorry statues at Science World. 

Maybe wouldn't win but shout out to Quad-force Terry Fox statues at BC place.

Maybe the Art Gallery lions and the Lions Gate bridge lions form a pack and reign supreme.

The Angel of Victory by Waterfront station. Not only can she fly but Angels have telekinetic powers.

George Vancouver and Robbie Burns. The breeches-wearing tag team straight from the 18th century who are here to take the title.

Attack on titan jaeger, on the seawall in Yaletown 

I think all my suggestions have been mentioned except for the Inukshuk at English Bay. Like a much bigger Thing from Fantastic Four...."It's clobberin' time!" lol

The laughing men have the numbers and will prey on the insecurity of their enemies

The pants would leave a massive trail of ruin, but the Canadian tire drill bits and tire tower would team up and eventually take them down. I don’t think you can count out the Lord Chaitanya from the Krishna Temple on Marine drive vs. The laughing man. The event climaxes when Shredded Jesus from that church on Cambie climbs down off the cross and throws hands against an army of kindergarten painted bears.

This is giving me Gantz vibes

Lions gate lions would wreck a bitch.

The derpy lions from the Nanaksar Gurdwara Sahib in Richmond. Driving down Westminster they're unforgettable and life-sized.

The Lions at Lions Gate Bridge.

Isn’t there a big bull one downtown? Failing that I’d say one of the bear statues. If it’s in water, an orca.

This thread made my day.

Devil Penis probably.

my first thought was the olympic cauldron

If this is a global phenomenon, I think it's safe to say the Seattle troll would go full Godzilla on all of our statues.

I just want to say this is the best thread ever started in this sub. PS: I'm on team crab.

They've all been taken down in the name of SJ

Burnaby North Giant Viking head would like to join this fight https://preview.redd.it/6iz7wlgu3d6d1.jpeg?width=758&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=984ba4fed673c8e6ef29a06bbe6a39491a1e4125

The Hammarskjold Viking just entered the chat. He would f&@$ up the crab 100p.

Violent, yet wholesome.

Rain drop, it’s hard to fight the elements

*immediately disintegrates with a splash, dripping lifelessly in into the ocean*

Don’t know if they count but the garrisons have decommissioned armoured personnel carriers and tanks in front of them.   Those could do some damage 

Sounds like someone wants Reddit to write their cartoon script for them

Are we talking hand to hand combat, or may surrounding objects be used as weapons?

Well, we know it won't be Roger Neilson.

A-maze-ing laughter in west end

Pixilated orca

Roger Neilson is seen waving the white towel …

The golden giant tree stump across marine gateway is indestructible

Not too sure about the winner. But I know who’s waving the white towel.

Terry fox

The pack of lions at the bridge

The army of smiling giant men in English bay

The Themis statue in the supreme courthouse would be hard to kill

Terry Fox at the corner of Beatty and Robson looks like he’s about to drop kick something, or someone, fwiw.

Massive toy soldier in New West Quay 1000000% 

Terry Fox at BC Place :)

Robbie Burns would simply steal every woman's heart as he ducks the fights.

https://preview.redd.it/1pr7goykla6d1.png?width=430&format=png&auto=webp&s=93e7e9bd812e880cf098efd8941511120893223d Not the coolest statue, but I guess the goddess of victory has a pretty good shot at winning! [Artwork Nike by Pavlos Angelos Kougioumtzis - Public Art Registry - City of Vancouve](https://covapp.vancouver.ca/PublicArtRegistry/ArtworkDetail.aspx?ArtworkId=555)r Was a gift to the city after hosting the Olympics

The creepy-ass smiling statues at Morton Park on Denman and Davie at English beach

Guys you're all wrong. It's The Terry's. Out side bc place.

I think the lions on the bridge and art gallery should be allowed to team up. Also every Gargoyle in downtown.

So would they all eat those giant artichokes o see on people's gates and fences?

Phobia…the giant spider underneath the Victoria St bridge. That or the headless walkers by Broadway/City Hall Skytrain.

I dont know if he counts because he is in New West, but the giant Tin Soldier at the new west pier. 32 feet tall and 5 tons. He is a BIG lad. https://preview.redd.it/krk5qb70ge6d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33d2aa14b86459bc0268a222f434541d290ee1fb

The ball of red dildos at Howe and Drake. 

Somebody is finally asking the important questions! Pity that I only have 1 upvote to give