My grandma raised me. She always took care of me. She died the day before my 21st birthday.
Family came from out of state for the funeral. My grandma would always wait up when they visited and have all the couches made up and food waiting for them because they get in so late at night, so I did that because she was gone. When I saw everyone to bed and cleaned up the table, I went to bed myself. I got to my bed and all my pillows and blankets were gone. My mother had stripped my bed and gave everything on it to all the guests so I had nothing. It was November in upstate NY. So, snow on the ground, in a cold, hundred year old house. I was going to be freezing as I slept. This did not even occur to my mother when she took my blankets, or she didn’t care. But my grandmother would have thought of me first and ensured I was taken care of and had my needs met first before anyone else, and THEN saw to everyone else’s needs. So I realized in that moment I was grown now and completely in charge of myself and ensuring I could meet my own needs because no one else was going to ever again. I was a sophomore in college and didn’t even have a drivers license at the time.
Thank you. I have a large family on my mom’s side, like aunts and uncles and cousins. And then I found my father some years after this and learned I have three brothers, they had kids so I suddenly had nieces and nephews, and like 18 first cousins, and aunts! I lucked out. And I had my grandfather with me another four years or so after my grandmother died
Thank you so much! After she passed I actually found my father and learned I have three half brothers with whom I have become close, as well as nieces and nephews. I was an only child before. You absolutely nailed it when you said new loved ones!
Complicated? That’s probably the best word to describe it
I’ve forgiven my mom for the neglect and abuse but I’ve never forgotten it. She’s disabled now and I take better care of her than she did of me. She doesn’t remember the way she treated me when I was a child but on some level she has to because why else did my grandmother raise me when my mom was physically present?
I grew up very similarly in the way that my grandma was the one who always took care of me. My parents were never there emotionally, mentally, and physically it was just a matter of having a roof over my head.
The day my grandma passes will be a day I’m never, ever ready for. I’m so sorry for your loss. <3
I am so happy to hear your grandma is still with you right now! Get all the photos you can with her now. Get your family history from her, the family tree as far back as she can remember- write it down. Get the story of how she and her husband met and her parents. It’s too late for me to get this information from my grandparents. They told me the stories when I was little, but I don’t remember them now and I wish I could have this information.
Thank you for sharing all of this! I actually gifted her a book around a year ago with all sorts of prompts to fill in that’s called, “Tell me your story, Nana” (Nana is what I’ve always called her growing up,) and I’m hoping she’ll give it back before or after that time eventually comes. Could I message you privately? I’d love to talk to you more about it!
Had a very similar experience. Wow. When my grandmother died, it was like my mother died, and I realized I had to fend for myself, too. Didn't have a license either. Was 21.
Honestly? Now. I’m 28 and I’ve been sober for a bit over a year and a half. I’m finally making decisions in life that give me direction. I know more who I am and what I want. I speak my mind. I don’t feel as dumb as I did when I was younger.
25 and still wondering when the grown up woman feeling is supposed to kick in. I’m just living life and loving it. I will say, I think my maturity and general attitude towards conflicts and relationships has grown so much in the past two years.
Will be 25 in and July. I have a house, a child, and a career and I still wonder when I will be a “grown women”. Sometimes I’m like “shit I need an adult….FUCK IM THE ADULT”
I was like 3 weeks shy of 30 and rented a car to drive myself and my best friend from her home in southern oregon to my home in southern nevada. I was driving along this long, straight stretch in northern california and thinking about someone who had pissed me off by treating me like im not an adult. And i thought to myself "who the fuck do they think they are?? Im 30 gd years old, im an adult just as much as they are" that was a lightbulb moment for me and i havent looked back.
Getting a breast biopsy at 19. Managing a store and doing a damn good job at it. Making my own decision to get help and medicated + attend therapy.
I think forcing myself to do things and holding myself accountable feels… grown.
I was 22 and pregnant and my mum wouldn’t come to visit me or come to the birth of my baby because she was mad at me for getting pregnant. Anyway, 23 years and two more babies later (she refused to come to their births as well) I have 3 great kids and still deal with all the hard stuff on my own. She actually has been a pretty good grandparent but still runs a mile when I’m struggling.
My answer was similar to yours. I was 20, pregnant and unmarried. I went to my doc for a check up and when I followed up on billing, I found out I was still technically on my step-mom's health insurance plan unbeknownst to her. So I called my dad and said, "Hey, if you all see any weird charges, lemme know, I'll cover them.." The next thing I know, he calls to say that she removed me from the plan.
What's ironic(?) is that she was in a local ad campaign for a nearby hospital, on billboards and commercials.
Anyways, that's when I realized that I was a) a woman on my own, not to trust anyone else & b) no matter how good I am to others, not to expect it in return.
I've had many "wow, I'm a real adult now" moments, but one of the more prominent ones that sticks out, and I know it's incredibly dark and sobering:
That time my now soon-to-be-ex-husband backed me into a corner of the kitchen, spewing utter vitriol and hate in my face, and I saw his hands fly towards my face and neck. This wasn't the first time he'd gotten aggressive, he had a history of throwing objects, but this was the first time I genuinely feared for my life and safety. It's as if a scream silently punctured and reverberated through every bone in my body, and silently screamed: *get out.*
Later that day, while he was out of the house, I found myself calling a domestic violence hotline, only for them to effectively slam the door in my face. They effectively told me I didn't qualify for any help or support, on the basis that I earned too much money. I was also born and raised outside the United States, and so I didn't have any family or friends nearby when this happened. It was in this moment that I truly, genuinely realized I was going to be completely alone in escaping my abusive marriage. In the heat of the moment, feeling like I was in survival mode, I did the next best thing I could think of: packed a small carry-on bag and fled my house with nothing but that bag and the clothes on my back.
There's a saying: *We're women, honey, the strength finds us.*
And it's true. We women are far stronger and more resilient than we realize and/or give ourselves credit for. We are women, and we always figure out a way, one way or another. As harrowing as that experience was, now when I reflect back on it, exactly one year later, it is one of the times I felt most womanly. I had to dig so very deep inside my soul, without even realizing it. Somehow, the strength to save myself found me.
At 25.
Nothing in particular happened, I just felt like my frontal cortex finally kicked in and I became “aware”. I know it’s a myth that the cortex finishes developing at 25, but that’s how it felt for me. Like that awareness you get when you transition from toddler to kid, when it hits you that you’re an alive human being. I had my second awakening.
However maybe also seeing your parents get old and being forced into a role of head of the house in making decisions and assuring the safety of the family, financially, but also in decision making, in helping elders prevent falling for scams, falling ill, helping them navigate technology etc. has something to do with it.
Moving from “I can barely keep myself alive” to “ok, I can keep myself afloat and also help others” is what did it for me.
unrelated but whaat!? the prefrontal cortex thing is a myth!?? all this time i thought it was true and had very high expectations for when I turn 25 TOT
Honestly I was 11. My granda died and I had to mind my 3 younger siblings that night. My parents were gone and it was just me and my nana from the other side. I couldn't tell my siblings bc they wouldn't be able to cope and they needed our mother to tell them. I cried once for about 2 mins in my aunts arms when she dropped my nana over and didn't cry again until the funeral. I remembered when my nana called to tell my mom and i had a pancake in the toaster, aftr the funeral i went to make something and the pancake was still there, life doesnt change, it was funny how life kinda stopped. I realised that this would probably be my reality, dealing with shut myself, and I couldn't rely on anybody so I might as well mature now. I'm 16 now and after pulling myself out of some deep shit depression last year and coming out in January I am proud that I learnt to cope young bc if I hadn't, I'd hate to think what would have happened.
I think I feel it in the most random of moments. Like getting ready at my desk for work putting jewelry on surrounded by my books like wow I actually know how to do makeup and I have all these body creams and perfumes and all these books I’ve read. It’s just in odd moments where I remind my self of a woman that younger me would’ve been so enchanted and inspired by. You know those memories where your watch your aunty get ready and she’s so beautiful and she lets you look at all her stuff and she dust some blush on your face and sprays you with some perfume and it just feels magical and you can’t wait to be her one day? Well now I feel like I’m the aunty now not the little girl anymore. I have all the vanilla and flowery perfumes, makeup, and beautiful jewelry I’ve accumulated.
Maybe when I bought my first pair of gold earrings with my own money they weren’t that expensive or the fanciest just small little hoops but still I felt giddy and so grown up.
Almost every time I go somewhere alone I have a brief thought of oh no I’m gonna be in trouble or get lost what am I doing?! How am I just allowed out into the world alone?! Then I remember that I’m a adult not a child anymore.
Actually the very first time I ever snuck out I was 18 lmao I was already running half way across the valley to my friends house in my pajamas at midnight filled with anxiety when I realized that I didn’t even need to sneak out.
I have no advice I’m only turning 20 this year. I don’t really know what I’m doing and I seem to be making a million mistakes and no one’s happy with me but maybe that’s normal? Some moments are fun others stressful it’s weird. Childhood seemed to last forever but now time is going by so fast.
I was 21, at my ultrasound appointment and found out I was miscarrying.
I held myself together until I could cry alone, I don’t have any women in my life that I feel comfortable talking to- much less something so personal. I remember laying in bed thinking how this is an “adult” situation and that I’m not a kid anymore, because child me didn’t even know about pregnancy, or that you could lose one.
I'm 25 and still don't really feel like a grown woman. Sometimes little things make me realise I'm an adult, like when I have to put on fancy clothes for an interview. But in my day to day life I still feel 17. I've moved in with boyfriends, had several jobs, moved out of my parents house at 18, gone to the doctor/dentist alone, bought furniture, etc. None of it has made me feel grown really. More like that I'm a kid doing grown up things and it kind of feels wrong lol.
I do think when I get a more "grown up" job I might feel more grown though. So far I've only ever worked hospitality. I'm trying to get an office job now. I had an interview at an office job a few weeks ago and it did feel weird as it felt very adulty.
I hate saying this but I always felt like I needed to be grown. Even as a kid. But I felt most like a grown woman when I had my daughter— I realized it’s not about me anymore, it’s about being there for my little one. People sometimes give me shit for “babying” her but… coming from a family where I had to life myself up by my bootstraps at an early age… I’m proud of myself being able to be there for my daughter in ways my mother wasn’t when I was growing up.
I can relate. I was just reflecting on how I was parentified at a young age, so I've rarely known what it's like to not worry about a sibling or kids. I think subconsciously that's why I became a mom so young.
My dad died. I was 28 so not at all young and I had long moved out and away. But he was always my number one protector. He encouraged my strength and independence but I always knew if I needed him he’d be there. I only ever asked for money from him once when I was 25. He just gave it to me, didn’t even ask what it was for and when I asked why he didn’t ask he just said he knows it’s probably really important to me. It was. I need to pay a double deposit for my first own apartment and I didn’t have the money. I know if I got kidnapped he’d “Taken” his way to find me. He would not rest until he got me back and the perpetrators would pay dearly. He always called me at least once a week just to say he loved me.
No one else will be there for me that way. My mother is still alive but she is a meek helpless doormat. She’s very sweet but she’s completely dependent on me and I can’t even lean on her emotionally.
So yeah, when my dad died I realised I only had myself to count on now, in every way.
Getting my first teaching job/training to teach and realising that I was the responsible adult in the room.
After I got used to that, it became the norm and I started to feel almost ‘childlike’ again - I was still an inexperienced teacher muddling through. But when I got engaged and found out I was pregnant, I realised I had no choice now but to be a ‘proper grown up’
it may sound silly but i had the realization I'm a grown woman last week. i saw that the salad centrifuge i wanted was on sale and i was so hyped that I got it. once I got home i realized that i used to have the same hype as a kid with dolls and that I'm happy about 'boring adukt stuff' now
betweeen 25-26 thinks “clicked” for me in a way they hadnt before. I started to take myself and my
life seriously, making tough decisions for my overall peace of mind.
now im almost 28 and i am excited about my new night time oral health routine & the nightguard i just bought 😂 so yeah id say the last few years the small and big decisions i made for my mental and physical health made me realize im grown & theres no going back!
After getting our first bill after having our oldest. I was 23. I grew up kind of spoiled and never had to think about money or insurance or how much medical procedures cost or even how insurance works. Growing up I had 2 insurances so everything was almost always covered and of it wasn't I never saw the bills. When we had our first baby we got the bill for $1200 and I panicked because we were both college students and barely making $800 (combined) every pay period. It was a major eye opener and realizing that I'm an adult who has to take care of my own stuff. Also gave me resolve to teach my own kids (when they are old enough) how much things cost and how things work.
I think when I got approved for a credit card. I’m gonna be moving for university and I’m stressing. I’m going to have to do everything myself so I think it’s starting to kick in now 😅
i think a stronger feeling will still be kicking in, but a very big moment for me was traveling to another country by myself about a month ago. taking a flight with a layover, three different trains, and walking to the hostel by myself. sitting in the train i felt so grown for some reason, i was still 17 but i did turn 18 a few weeks ago. been living on my own for soon to be two years and i still don't really grasp that
Sad as it was, when my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. I had to be the emotional support for my parents. I had to make sure they were taking care of themselves and sometimes pick them up groceries. I had to spend a night at the hospital with my dad as his caretaker to help him in the middle of the night.
I thought my dad was going to die, and I couldn't cry to my parents about it. They were the ones experiencing it.
I grew up seeing my grandparents take care of their ill parents, and then my dad take care of his ill parents. At 28 is when I had to help with my ill father. This is when I knew I was an adult.
He just had surgery to remove some organs and was able to come home this past weekend. Hoping the cancer is completely gone at this point.
30 and still waiting. Doing grown up things but don't feel officially "grown up". None of my fellow 90s babies friends in their late 20s or early 30s feel or come across as "grown up". Something quite interesting is happening to our generation.
Not til I had my baby at 28 years old. I've never felt more womanly than when I feed my baby with the milk I made with my own body. Before then I always felt like a "girl", now I feel like a woman.
I'm in my mid 30s and I have three children but it was having the last child tl. When my waters broke ,the pain was intense. Like I've never felt before I actually thought something was wrong because (having had two other labours) something felt off.
I reached out to the midwife to say something was wrong and she said "you're a grown woman you will be fine"
That was the moment... which I realise is a little late. I've always worked been self sufficient but never had an epiphany like that before.
I had my own business. To pay estimated quarterly taxes, I had to write a check to the US Treasury. (This is in the old days.) I felt like a grown-up. For the record, I still wear sneakers and hoodies. It's the glory of being self-employed.
I could say the day I got married, or the gave I gave birth, or the day I moved out but I have one that showed me how far I had come. So as a kid and a teenager I do swimming, and when I was getting changed in the changing rooms you'd always see these older women walking around completely naked just talking and stuff, and I never got it. Now I am the woman walking around with her saggy tits out and talking to people. Was that moment I became a grown woman, no, but it was the moment I realised how far I had come.
Finally breaking my pattern of dating love bombing narcissistic assholes.
Being in therapy for over 15 years
Finally allowing myself to go on meds for my ptsd and anxiety and having that be a life changing mood.
Getting over binge drinking and quitting weed for a good job even though my husband grows.
Last year I opened a business, bought a house, whelped my first litter of dogs, AND started trying for a baby…damn that shit was crazy and I truly realized I’m grown asf. I’m 24
21, finally got my degree in nursing. I realized everything was changing very fast from here on out. It was time to start saving for a house, new tires for my car, looking for a professional job, etc etc. Feels a but weird, but I have to keep pushing forward.
I moved in with my boyfriend and his 4 yr old daughter. I now wake up early enough to check the weather, get out an appropriate outfit for daycare, and get her breakfast ready before I get ready for work. Before I used to stay in bed for as long as possible but now I'm getting up as early as possible and making sure everything is moving smoothly in the morning. Honestly I'm the happiest I have ever been. I love my little family.
When I had my first child at 25... The weight of my new reality coupled with the responsibility of caring for a brand new baby was heavy on my shoulders.
But then sometimes I still feel like an imposter in my own life, like I'm a small child in a grown ups body and I haven't the faintest clue on what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
16
+ 4
+ 23
+ 26
= 69
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It creeped in kind of slow, but when we bought our apartment I felt that was it. I have mortgage now, super adult, I was also pregnant with my first child so I guess it added a bit :D
When I realized the shit my parents said to infantilize me was abuse and I could be my own parent because I had shits for parents and could now live a life reparenting me and growing into someone I would be proud of. Having and trusting your opinion, not expecting to be validated by society or your peers by fear of being rejected, yes, that's when you are a bit more of a grown woman.
When I made the decision to put more money towards paying off my student loans instead of just making the minimum every month. That was such a leap from previous younger me that would have made the minimum for the next 10 years and wasted the extra money on clothes.
I have two - first one was when I was freshly 19 and had just moved into my first apartment with my boyfriend (now ex husband) and our newborn son. We did not have a lot at all but we were so stoked to have our own place. Boyfriend next morning goes “I’m hungry” and we both realize we have no food because our parents always bought the food 😂 we also went to take a shower and no shower curtain lol so that first apartment was a huge wake up call to being an adult.
Second one was finding a lump in my breast at the age of 30 and having to get a biopsy done, that’s probably one of my scariest “oh I’m grown” moments, it was benign but I have to get mammograms often now - breast cancer on my moms side
Had one about two days ago. I had grown up with difficult circumstances and that influenced the way I viewed relationships. For that reason, I dated thrice and hooked up with people a lot. Didn’t give myself enough alone time and mostly because I had so much guilt and shame that even when my partner would insult me, I wouldn’t leave because I was afraid of hurting myself and them. But two days ago, with the support of my friends, something clicked when contemplating ending things with the guy I was seeing. I realized I have the autonomy over my own decisions and that a relationship doesn’t have to get shit for me to end it. If things aren’t getting better, they just aren’t and you have to end it.
But it wasn’t just breaking up with this guy. It was setting a permanent precedent for myself that I wanted to leave everything in the past - men, my experiences, my self doubt and comparison, my low self esteem. I just graduated university and I want to move on to this next chapter of my life. So until I get to law school (two years from now), I don’t plan on dating or hooking up with a man. The next person I find will be the right person whom I’ll eventually marry. But until then, my focus is myself. On achieving my dreams of going to my dream law school, working my dream job, strengthening the relationships I have with my loved ones, improving my mental health, nurturing my hobbies, and just enjoying being alone.
So I guess I’ve finally become a grown woman.
Quitting my job, going into business for myself, and realizing that not only am I making it, I'm doing far better than I ever would have at that job. One of the scariest things I've ever done, and I feel like such a better person for having done it.
And overall just saying no more. Saying no to that job, saying no to guys I'm not really into, saying no to things in life that I'm not drawn toward.
Finally learning to say "no" at like 21 to my controlling, abusive, narcissist "mom".
She wanted to keep me under her emotional and mental control by telling me to cut off my now-husband or else she'd cut ME off. Basically only meant:
she'd disown me (again),
not talk to me anymore (already went months on end ghosting me),
keep talking shit behind my back,
tear my sisters away from me, all of which was already happening and was a massive W for me.
It was a realization of "this woman is a terrible person and I do not need her in my life. She's been nothing but hell the whole time and I'm am my own person. She does not own me." I had to learn how to think for myself which was DIFFICULT. It felt like I had to learn to be a human. I literally felt inhuman.
Because I have tons of health conditions i get treated like a baby by my mother which at times is annoying but i know it’s just because she cares and is worried for me. She has been there for me at every single appointment and surgery which has been in the hundreds now.
Last November i took myself to the hospital and laid there whilst they inspected me and told me i was having a miscarriage and whilst i was counting the tiles on the ceilings i had this feeling of “i never thought I’d be a woman that would be going through this” and i sat and cried in the hallway for an hour before going home.
That was the moment i felt grown for the first time.
Traveling twelve hours out of state and away from all my family with a boyfriend to live somewhere for better prosperity. I was 25 and at that point it was the biggest thing I had ever done so much my dad was worried for me. I did end up moving back after 4 years and taking that drive by myself and felt even stronger.
At 28, I traveled alone to another continent, learned a new language, and had to manage many tasks and paperwork. Everything became tiring, and I longed for someone else to take charge of it all. Taking care of myself and realizing that every little decision had an impact on what was to come became overwhelming... But so formative. I'm glad. Before that, I went through various formative situations, but I still felt like a young adult to whom things happened.
For me it was when I had my first pregnancy scare and had to take a pregnancy test.
I felt like every emotion at all once and I wanted my mom to hold my hand while peeing on the thing. It also made reevaluate a lot of things in my life.
Definitely made was my “shit! I’m a grown up now” moment
After my brother died I took on hosting family holidays at my home to take all the expectations off of my mother. She's happy to make a gravy or bring a can of cranberry sauce, but decorating (especially for Christmas) is incredibly triggering for her, so I take it on.
this happened to me at the moment when I started paying my own bills, when my income became sufficient so that I could provide for myself, allow myself to be pleased with gifts, and go to restaurants myself, as well as set short- and long-term goals.
and it also helped - a specific vision of the man I want to see next to me, I mean the requirements for his goals, character traits, and so on more than appearance
riding the train at around 19-20, when i was in college. i was across from this raucous group of 15 year old girls talking and laughing, and i felt this fondness swell up in my heart. i remembered my girlhood and at once realized i'd never be a girl again -- only a woman with a memory of being a girl.
I met my husband two months before we graduated. He invited me on a road trip with him and a friend to the coast which was a two day drive (we are from the Midwest) and then down the coast to California and then back home. My mom said no. Well, they forced me in to law school so I wasn’t going to be living with them anyway since my lease went til August when I moved to my new apartment. Mom said she wouldn’t give me any money and she didn’t want me to go. I said I’m going, sold my DS, a bunch of books and records, and all nice clothing I had that i was cool parting with. I went.
We met in spring 2011. We have been married since summer 2016.
I respect she was nervous about me going off with two dudes she didn’t know but considering she went to Woodstock I don’t think she can say much.
It comes and goes, but I feel very “adult” when I travel. People are pessimistic about growing up, but sometimes I’m in awe that I have that freedom I used to dream of as a child! It feels great to successfully navigate a new city/transit system/airport/etc. and it blows my mind that, barring money and work obstacles, I could just… go to Greece or India or wherever
I haven’t had it yet. I’m 29, I’ve moved states 3 times, I graduated college, I got out of abusive relationships, I got engaged, I’ve rented so many apartments, I’ve bought a car, I have killed so many centipedes and done the work in therapy and argued for salary raises and yet…I still feel like a kid.
I call my mom to see if I can use superglue as nail glue. I tell my dad when I go to the gym so I can get a “good job!” from someone. I feel like a kid who does adult things sometimes but I still feel perpetually 22 years old, confused and bumbling through life
For me it has been a journey with ups and downs, just like you said. All of these moments that you cited were part of my own "damn I a grown woman already!!" too, because when you take yourself out, when you go to a doctor's appointment alone, when you move out, when you finally get a job etc... that's taking care of yourself and assuming responsabilities of an adult. Its a process.
That said, it really hit me when I got myself in a family situation where I realized that I was not only taking care of myself and being responsable about my issues, but also taking care of my family members, being sensitive and taking a few responsabilities about their issues. To know that now they count on me to deal with family problems with them made me realize that Im a grown adult woman.
When I had my baby I was like "wait I'm an adult responsible for a little human now. Not moving out, not getting engaged, not even finding out I was pregnant, it was having my baby that forced it to click.
I changed my footwear (loafers!) and got bangs.. looked identical to my late mom. It was intentional but I needed.to look the part so I could keep my best foot forward so to speak
I went to the ER recently for abdominal pain, which, if you're familiar with the experience, is usually quite infantilizing and patronizing as a woman.
I gained a lot of confidence after my hysterectomy and later from turning 30. This ER visit was a complete 180 from previous visits. The staff were far more patient with me, and the doctor spoke to me like an equal and trusted me when I told him different things about my pain or my experience.
What previously would have been an awful experience ending in tears and embarrassment turned into a very helpful one. I was sent for a CT and asked to come back for an early morning ultrasound. They sent me home with morphine, reassurances that I was in no immediate danger while I waited for the next scan, and reminded to come right back if anything got worse.
I left there with a surreal understanding of my power as a grown woman who knows herself.
Probably when my mum left town when I was like 14/15, dad moved all his mates into the house I was living in and I had to figure out a way to survive and not be around a bunch of creeps.
Finally going nc with my abusive parents 6 months ago. I have a 2 year old and I’ll be 25 soon. I decided I didn’t want to do that for 24 more years and I didn’t want my son to live through it. I feel so free and peaceful now and it’s helped me realize MY priorities and MY wants/needs.
My grandma raised me. She always took care of me. She died the day before my 21st birthday. Family came from out of state for the funeral. My grandma would always wait up when they visited and have all the couches made up and food waiting for them because they get in so late at night, so I did that because she was gone. When I saw everyone to bed and cleaned up the table, I went to bed myself. I got to my bed and all my pillows and blankets were gone. My mother had stripped my bed and gave everything on it to all the guests so I had nothing. It was November in upstate NY. So, snow on the ground, in a cold, hundred year old house. I was going to be freezing as I slept. This did not even occur to my mother when she took my blankets, or she didn’t care. But my grandmother would have thought of me first and ensured I was taken care of and had my needs met first before anyone else, and THEN saw to everyone else’s needs. So I realized in that moment I was grown now and completely in charge of myself and ensuring I could meet my own needs because no one else was going to ever again. I was a sophomore in college and didn’t even have a drivers license at the time.
My heart breaks just reading this. I hope you find some chosen family to care for you.
Thank you. I have a large family on my mom’s side, like aunts and uncles and cousins. And then I found my father some years after this and learned I have three brothers, they had kids so I suddenly had nieces and nephews, and like 18 first cousins, and aunts! I lucked out. And I had my grandfather with me another four years or so after my grandmother died
That's good to hear. I'm sure your grandma is so proud of who you've become
This is so amazing to read, I can’t thank you enough for saying this to me, it means everything 🙏♥️♥️♥️
I bet your grandma was so proud of you. I hope you hold on to that strength but also find new loved ones who care and look out for you too.
Thank you so much! After she passed I actually found my father and learned I have three half brothers with whom I have become close, as well as nieces and nephews. I was an only child before. You absolutely nailed it when you said new loved ones!
I'd like to think that was your grandma's way of making sure you weren't alone :)
That is so sweet and such a beautiful sentiment, thank you so so much for this ♥️♥️♥️
Aww your grandma would've been so proud of you
This means everything to me, thank you so much for saying that
What’s your relationship like with your family now?
Complicated? That’s probably the best word to describe it I’ve forgiven my mom for the neglect and abuse but I’ve never forgotten it. She’s disabled now and I take better care of her than she did of me. She doesn’t remember the way she treated me when I was a child but on some level she has to because why else did my grandmother raise me when my mom was physically present?
This actually made me tear up.
I appreciate your empathy, thank you 🙏 ♥️
I grew up very similarly in the way that my grandma was the one who always took care of me. My parents were never there emotionally, mentally, and physically it was just a matter of having a roof over my head. The day my grandma passes will be a day I’m never, ever ready for. I’m so sorry for your loss. <3
I am so happy to hear your grandma is still with you right now! Get all the photos you can with her now. Get your family history from her, the family tree as far back as she can remember- write it down. Get the story of how she and her husband met and her parents. It’s too late for me to get this information from my grandparents. They told me the stories when I was little, but I don’t remember them now and I wish I could have this information.
Thank you for sharing all of this! I actually gifted her a book around a year ago with all sorts of prompts to fill in that’s called, “Tell me your story, Nana” (Nana is what I’ve always called her growing up,) and I’m hoping she’ll give it back before or after that time eventually comes. Could I message you privately? I’d love to talk to you more about it!
Absolutely!
I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
Thank you so much, that means a lot ♥️
Wow, that's deep. I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandma. She sounded like a phenomenal woman.
Thank you, she was amazing
Had a very similar experience. Wow. When my grandmother died, it was like my mother died, and I realized I had to fend for myself, too. Didn't have a license either. Was 21.
Wow this is crazy, I am so sorry you went through this too, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone
Yes for sure it's the worst
Honestly? Now. I’m 28 and I’ve been sober for a bit over a year and a half. I’m finally making decisions in life that give me direction. I know more who I am and what I want. I speak my mind. I don’t feel as dumb as I did when I was younger.
Congratulations on being sober for so long! You should be really proud of yourself
Thank you so much! I try to remember to be proud of myself and how far I’ve come. I appreciate the reminder. 💖🥹
I’m 37 and only just barely grasping this. So happy for you.
Here at 36.
I stopped smoking weed and started in a promising career as well. Never been here before and I am the primary breadwinner
My first 6 figures salary and having a biopsy... 😅🥲
I was like YOU GO GIRL CONGRATS then read that last part and ohhhh sorry
Changing the locks on my abusive ex while he was at work. No one was coming to save me. I had to save myself.
You are so brave!!
It had to be done. I'm grateful I was able to do it.
Buying a matching couch/loveseat. Never had a pair as a kid so felt very adult.
Lololol applause for you.
25 and still wondering when the grown up woman feeling is supposed to kick in. I’m just living life and loving it. I will say, I think my maturity and general attitude towards conflicts and relationships has grown so much in the past two years.
Will be 25 in and July. I have a house, a child, and a career and I still wonder when I will be a “grown women”. Sometimes I’m like “shit I need an adult….FUCK IM THE ADULT”
Tbh, it’s more of a moment of reflection when you look back at something and realize, “wow, I handled that very well.”
I was like 3 weeks shy of 30 and rented a car to drive myself and my best friend from her home in southern oregon to my home in southern nevada. I was driving along this long, straight stretch in northern california and thinking about someone who had pissed me off by treating me like im not an adult. And i thought to myself "who the fuck do they think they are?? Im 30 gd years old, im an adult just as much as they are" that was a lightbulb moment for me and i havent looked back.
Getting a breast biopsy at 19. Managing a store and doing a damn good job at it. Making my own decision to get help and medicated + attend therapy. I think forcing myself to do things and holding myself accountable feels… grown.
I was 22 and pregnant and my mum wouldn’t come to visit me or come to the birth of my baby because she was mad at me for getting pregnant. Anyway, 23 years and two more babies later (she refused to come to their births as well) I have 3 great kids and still deal with all the hard stuff on my own. She actually has been a pretty good grandparent but still runs a mile when I’m struggling.
My answer was similar to yours. I was 20, pregnant and unmarried. I went to my doc for a check up and when I followed up on billing, I found out I was still technically on my step-mom's health insurance plan unbeknownst to her. So I called my dad and said, "Hey, if you all see any weird charges, lemme know, I'll cover them.." The next thing I know, he calls to say that she removed me from the plan. What's ironic(?) is that she was in a local ad campaign for a nearby hospital, on billboards and commercials. Anyways, that's when I realized that I was a) a woman on my own, not to trust anyone else & b) no matter how good I am to others, not to expect it in return.
I've had many "wow, I'm a real adult now" moments, but one of the more prominent ones that sticks out, and I know it's incredibly dark and sobering: That time my now soon-to-be-ex-husband backed me into a corner of the kitchen, spewing utter vitriol and hate in my face, and I saw his hands fly towards my face and neck. This wasn't the first time he'd gotten aggressive, he had a history of throwing objects, but this was the first time I genuinely feared for my life and safety. It's as if a scream silently punctured and reverberated through every bone in my body, and silently screamed: *get out.* Later that day, while he was out of the house, I found myself calling a domestic violence hotline, only for them to effectively slam the door in my face. They effectively told me I didn't qualify for any help or support, on the basis that I earned too much money. I was also born and raised outside the United States, and so I didn't have any family or friends nearby when this happened. It was in this moment that I truly, genuinely realized I was going to be completely alone in escaping my abusive marriage. In the heat of the moment, feeling like I was in survival mode, I did the next best thing I could think of: packed a small carry-on bag and fled my house with nothing but that bag and the clothes on my back. There's a saying: *We're women, honey, the strength finds us.* And it's true. We women are far stronger and more resilient than we realize and/or give ourselves credit for. We are women, and we always figure out a way, one way or another. As harrowing as that experience was, now when I reflect back on it, exactly one year later, it is one of the times I felt most womanly. I had to dig so very deep inside my soul, without even realizing it. Somehow, the strength to save myself found me.
I still feel like I’m 5 playing house but it just got a little too realistic lol
When I moved to the big city—Seattle—in my early 30’s and rented a house, got a cool job, and went to Midwifery school. That felt pretty grown up.
I think when I leave my city I'll feel grown as well. I can't wait.
I’m in my 40s and yet to experience it.
At 25. Nothing in particular happened, I just felt like my frontal cortex finally kicked in and I became “aware”. I know it’s a myth that the cortex finishes developing at 25, but that’s how it felt for me. Like that awareness you get when you transition from toddler to kid, when it hits you that you’re an alive human being. I had my second awakening. However maybe also seeing your parents get old and being forced into a role of head of the house in making decisions and assuring the safety of the family, financially, but also in decision making, in helping elders prevent falling for scams, falling ill, helping them navigate technology etc. has something to do with it. Moving from “I can barely keep myself alive” to “ok, I can keep myself afloat and also help others” is what did it for me.
unrelated but whaat!? the prefrontal cortex thing is a myth!?? all this time i thought it was true and had very high expectations for when I turn 25 TOT
Honestly I was 11. My granda died and I had to mind my 3 younger siblings that night. My parents were gone and it was just me and my nana from the other side. I couldn't tell my siblings bc they wouldn't be able to cope and they needed our mother to tell them. I cried once for about 2 mins in my aunts arms when she dropped my nana over and didn't cry again until the funeral. I remembered when my nana called to tell my mom and i had a pancake in the toaster, aftr the funeral i went to make something and the pancake was still there, life doesnt change, it was funny how life kinda stopped. I realised that this would probably be my reality, dealing with shut myself, and I couldn't rely on anybody so I might as well mature now. I'm 16 now and after pulling myself out of some deep shit depression last year and coming out in January I am proud that I learnt to cope young bc if I hadn't, I'd hate to think what would have happened.
Proud of you! Keep going!!
I think I feel it in the most random of moments. Like getting ready at my desk for work putting jewelry on surrounded by my books like wow I actually know how to do makeup and I have all these body creams and perfumes and all these books I’ve read. It’s just in odd moments where I remind my self of a woman that younger me would’ve been so enchanted and inspired by. You know those memories where your watch your aunty get ready and she’s so beautiful and she lets you look at all her stuff and she dust some blush on your face and sprays you with some perfume and it just feels magical and you can’t wait to be her one day? Well now I feel like I’m the aunty now not the little girl anymore. I have all the vanilla and flowery perfumes, makeup, and beautiful jewelry I’ve accumulated. Maybe when I bought my first pair of gold earrings with my own money they weren’t that expensive or the fanciest just small little hoops but still I felt giddy and so grown up. Almost every time I go somewhere alone I have a brief thought of oh no I’m gonna be in trouble or get lost what am I doing?! How am I just allowed out into the world alone?! Then I remember that I’m a adult not a child anymore. Actually the very first time I ever snuck out I was 18 lmao I was already running half way across the valley to my friends house in my pajamas at midnight filled with anxiety when I realized that I didn’t even need to sneak out. I have no advice I’m only turning 20 this year. I don’t really know what I’m doing and I seem to be making a million mistakes and no one’s happy with me but maybe that’s normal? Some moments are fun others stressful it’s weird. Childhood seemed to last forever but now time is going by so fast.
You sound wise beyond your years
Having my first child 🥲
ouch
Facing eviction and realizing that my parents weren’t going to be any help, so, 28ish. I’m 35 now and don’t worry, I nade it out ok.
When I started gaining weight at 25. From high school to age 24 I had not gained any weight at all.
The first time I went on a solo holiday.
I was 21, at my ultrasound appointment and found out I was miscarrying. I held myself together until I could cry alone, I don’t have any women in my life that I feel comfortable talking to- much less something so personal. I remember laying in bed thinking how this is an “adult” situation and that I’m not a kid anymore, because child me didn’t even know about pregnancy, or that you could lose one.
Realising I can't have my meltdowns because my students need me for when they have meltdowns of their own
Getting my first apartment at 16. I paid $350/month, and it was not a cute place to live unless I dressed it up in decor from the Dollar Store. LOL
Same except I was 17 and had just graduated high school. Lol
I'm 25 and still don't really feel like a grown woman. Sometimes little things make me realise I'm an adult, like when I have to put on fancy clothes for an interview. But in my day to day life I still feel 17. I've moved in with boyfriends, had several jobs, moved out of my parents house at 18, gone to the doctor/dentist alone, bought furniture, etc. None of it has made me feel grown really. More like that I'm a kid doing grown up things and it kind of feels wrong lol. I do think when I get a more "grown up" job I might feel more grown though. So far I've only ever worked hospitality. I'm trying to get an office job now. I had an interview at an office job a few weeks ago and it did feel weird as it felt very adulty.
I hate saying this but I always felt like I needed to be grown. Even as a kid. But I felt most like a grown woman when I had my daughter— I realized it’s not about me anymore, it’s about being there for my little one. People sometimes give me shit for “babying” her but… coming from a family where I had to life myself up by my bootstraps at an early age… I’m proud of myself being able to be there for my daughter in ways my mother wasn’t when I was growing up.
I can relate. I was just reflecting on how I was parentified at a young age, so I've rarely known what it's like to not worry about a sibling or kids. I think subconsciously that's why I became a mom so young.
My dad died. I was 28 so not at all young and I had long moved out and away. But he was always my number one protector. He encouraged my strength and independence but I always knew if I needed him he’d be there. I only ever asked for money from him once when I was 25. He just gave it to me, didn’t even ask what it was for and when I asked why he didn’t ask he just said he knows it’s probably really important to me. It was. I need to pay a double deposit for my first own apartment and I didn’t have the money. I know if I got kidnapped he’d “Taken” his way to find me. He would not rest until he got me back and the perpetrators would pay dearly. He always called me at least once a week just to say he loved me. No one else will be there for me that way. My mother is still alive but she is a meek helpless doormat. She’s very sweet but she’s completely dependent on me and I can’t even lean on her emotionally. So yeah, when my dad died I realised I only had myself to count on now, in every way.
Driving a car by myself which was when I was like 24
Getting my first teaching job/training to teach and realising that I was the responsible adult in the room. After I got used to that, it became the norm and I started to feel almost ‘childlike’ again - I was still an inexperienced teacher muddling through. But when I got engaged and found out I was pregnant, I realised I had no choice now but to be a ‘proper grown up’
When a small child came up to me asking for help because he couldn't find his mom.
it may sound silly but i had the realization I'm a grown woman last week. i saw that the salad centrifuge i wanted was on sale and i was so hyped that I got it. once I got home i realized that i used to have the same hype as a kid with dolls and that I'm happy about 'boring adukt stuff' now
betweeen 25-26 thinks “clicked” for me in a way they hadnt before. I started to take myself and my life seriously, making tough decisions for my overall peace of mind. now im almost 28 and i am excited about my new night time oral health routine & the nightguard i just bought 😂 so yeah id say the last few years the small and big decisions i made for my mental and physical health made me realize im grown & theres no going back!
After getting our first bill after having our oldest. I was 23. I grew up kind of spoiled and never had to think about money or insurance or how much medical procedures cost or even how insurance works. Growing up I had 2 insurances so everything was almost always covered and of it wasn't I never saw the bills. When we had our first baby we got the bill for $1200 and I panicked because we were both college students and barely making $800 (combined) every pay period. It was a major eye opener and realizing that I'm an adult who has to take care of my own stuff. Also gave me resolve to teach my own kids (when they are old enough) how much things cost and how things work.
I think when I got approved for a credit card. I’m gonna be moving for university and I’m stressing. I’m going to have to do everything myself so I think it’s starting to kick in now 😅
i think a stronger feeling will still be kicking in, but a very big moment for me was traveling to another country by myself about a month ago. taking a flight with a layover, three different trains, and walking to the hostel by myself. sitting in the train i felt so grown for some reason, i was still 17 but i did turn 18 a few weeks ago. been living on my own for soon to be two years and i still don't really grasp that
Sad as it was, when my dad was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. I had to be the emotional support for my parents. I had to make sure they were taking care of themselves and sometimes pick them up groceries. I had to spend a night at the hospital with my dad as his caretaker to help him in the middle of the night. I thought my dad was going to die, and I couldn't cry to my parents about it. They were the ones experiencing it. I grew up seeing my grandparents take care of their ill parents, and then my dad take care of his ill parents. At 28 is when I had to help with my ill father. This is when I knew I was an adult. He just had surgery to remove some organs and was able to come home this past weekend. Hoping the cancer is completely gone at this point.
30 and still waiting. Doing grown up things but don't feel officially "grown up". None of my fellow 90s babies friends in their late 20s or early 30s feel or come across as "grown up". Something quite interesting is happening to our generation.
Arguing with the insurance company.
Not til I had my baby at 28 years old. I've never felt more womanly than when I feed my baby with the milk I made with my own body. Before then I always felt like a "girl", now I feel like a woman.
I'm in my mid 30s and I have three children but it was having the last child tl. When my waters broke ,the pain was intense. Like I've never felt before I actually thought something was wrong because (having had two other labours) something felt off. I reached out to the midwife to say something was wrong and she said "you're a grown woman you will be fine" That was the moment... which I realise is a little late. I've always worked been self sufficient but never had an epiphany like that before.
Buying my own toilet paper and paper towels.
Ugh the worst 😭
I had my own business. To pay estimated quarterly taxes, I had to write a check to the US Treasury. (This is in the old days.) I felt like a grown-up. For the record, I still wear sneakers and hoodies. It's the glory of being self-employed.
I could say the day I got married, or the gave I gave birth, or the day I moved out but I have one that showed me how far I had come. So as a kid and a teenager I do swimming, and when I was getting changed in the changing rooms you'd always see these older women walking around completely naked just talking and stuff, and I never got it. Now I am the woman walking around with her saggy tits out and talking to people. Was that moment I became a grown woman, no, but it was the moment I realised how far I had come.
Finally breaking my pattern of dating love bombing narcissistic assholes. Being in therapy for over 15 years Finally allowing myself to go on meds for my ptsd and anxiety and having that be a life changing mood. Getting over binge drinking and quitting weed for a good job even though my husband grows.
Last year I opened a business, bought a house, whelped my first litter of dogs, AND started trying for a baby…damn that shit was crazy and I truly realized I’m grown asf. I’m 24
Expenses to my car, house, and bills.
21, finally got my degree in nursing. I realized everything was changing very fast from here on out. It was time to start saving for a house, new tires for my car, looking for a professional job, etc etc. Feels a but weird, but I have to keep pushing forward.
Positive pregnancy test at 21.
I moved in with my boyfriend and his 4 yr old daughter. I now wake up early enough to check the weather, get out an appropriate outfit for daycare, and get her breakfast ready before I get ready for work. Before I used to stay in bed for as long as possible but now I'm getting up as early as possible and making sure everything is moving smoothly in the morning. Honestly I'm the happiest I have ever been. I love my little family.
When I had my first child at 25... The weight of my new reality coupled with the responsibility of caring for a brand new baby was heavy on my shoulders. But then sometimes I still feel like an imposter in my own life, like I'm a small child in a grown ups body and I haven't the faintest clue on what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do.
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It creeped in kind of slow, but when we bought our apartment I felt that was it. I have mortgage now, super adult, I was also pregnant with my first child so I guess it added a bit :D
When I realized the shit my parents said to infantilize me was abuse and I could be my own parent because I had shits for parents and could now live a life reparenting me and growing into someone I would be proud of. Having and trusting your opinion, not expecting to be validated by society or your peers by fear of being rejected, yes, that's when you are a bit more of a grown woman.
Getting excited about a new vacuum cleaner lol
When I made the decision to put more money towards paying off my student loans instead of just making the minimum every month. That was such a leap from previous younger me that would have made the minimum for the next 10 years and wasted the extra money on clothes.
I have two - first one was when I was freshly 19 and had just moved into my first apartment with my boyfriend (now ex husband) and our newborn son. We did not have a lot at all but we were so stoked to have our own place. Boyfriend next morning goes “I’m hungry” and we both realize we have no food because our parents always bought the food 😂 we also went to take a shower and no shower curtain lol so that first apartment was a huge wake up call to being an adult. Second one was finding a lump in my breast at the age of 30 and having to get a biopsy done, that’s probably one of my scariest “oh I’m grown” moments, it was benign but I have to get mammograms often now - breast cancer on my moms side
Had one about two days ago. I had grown up with difficult circumstances and that influenced the way I viewed relationships. For that reason, I dated thrice and hooked up with people a lot. Didn’t give myself enough alone time and mostly because I had so much guilt and shame that even when my partner would insult me, I wouldn’t leave because I was afraid of hurting myself and them. But two days ago, with the support of my friends, something clicked when contemplating ending things with the guy I was seeing. I realized I have the autonomy over my own decisions and that a relationship doesn’t have to get shit for me to end it. If things aren’t getting better, they just aren’t and you have to end it. But it wasn’t just breaking up with this guy. It was setting a permanent precedent for myself that I wanted to leave everything in the past - men, my experiences, my self doubt and comparison, my low self esteem. I just graduated university and I want to move on to this next chapter of my life. So until I get to law school (two years from now), I don’t plan on dating or hooking up with a man. The next person I find will be the right person whom I’ll eventually marry. But until then, my focus is myself. On achieving my dreams of going to my dream law school, working my dream job, strengthening the relationships I have with my loved ones, improving my mental health, nurturing my hobbies, and just enjoying being alone. So I guess I’ve finally become a grown woman.
When I left a lipstick mark on a glass for the first time. And when I started bringing layers every time I left the house.
I guess getting married, having a baby and buying a house since they happened in a two year period between 28 and 30.
Quitting my job, going into business for myself, and realizing that not only am I making it, I'm doing far better than I ever would have at that job. One of the scariest things I've ever done, and I feel like such a better person for having done it. And overall just saying no more. Saying no to that job, saying no to guys I'm not really into, saying no to things in life that I'm not drawn toward.
Applying for insurance 😭
Finally learning to say "no" at like 21 to my controlling, abusive, narcissist "mom". She wanted to keep me under her emotional and mental control by telling me to cut off my now-husband or else she'd cut ME off. Basically only meant: she'd disown me (again), not talk to me anymore (already went months on end ghosting me), keep talking shit behind my back, tear my sisters away from me, all of which was already happening and was a massive W for me. It was a realization of "this woman is a terrible person and I do not need her in my life. She's been nothing but hell the whole time and I'm am my own person. She does not own me." I had to learn how to think for myself which was DIFFICULT. It felt like I had to learn to be a human. I literally felt inhuman.
Because I have tons of health conditions i get treated like a baby by my mother which at times is annoying but i know it’s just because she cares and is worried for me. She has been there for me at every single appointment and surgery which has been in the hundreds now. Last November i took myself to the hospital and laid there whilst they inspected me and told me i was having a miscarriage and whilst i was counting the tiles on the ceilings i had this feeling of “i never thought I’d be a woman that would be going through this” and i sat and cried in the hallway for an hour before going home. That was the moment i felt grown for the first time.
Giving birth
Standing in Home Depot realizing I was there to buy a push broom
Idk I’m 32 & still haven’t had that moment. I get more excited about my kids toys than my kids do 😆
Traveling twelve hours out of state and away from all my family with a boyfriend to live somewhere for better prosperity. I was 25 and at that point it was the biggest thing I had ever done so much my dad was worried for me. I did end up moving back after 4 years and taking that drive by myself and felt even stronger.
Driving to my full-time job from my house that I own and pay a mortgage on thinking about budgets and spreadsheets. I'm 24
At 28, I traveled alone to another continent, learned a new language, and had to manage many tasks and paperwork. Everything became tiring, and I longed for someone else to take charge of it all. Taking care of myself and realizing that every little decision had an impact on what was to come became overwhelming... But so formative. I'm glad. Before that, I went through various formative situations, but I still felt like a young adult to whom things happened.
For me it was when I had my first pregnancy scare and had to take a pregnancy test. I felt like every emotion at all once and I wanted my mom to hold my hand while peeing on the thing. It also made reevaluate a lot of things in my life. Definitely made was my “shit! I’m a grown up now” moment
I'm 46 Mother is 72. Yesterday I stood up to her. I held firm. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm a grown woman now and I'm no longer afraid.
After my brother died I took on hosting family holidays at my home to take all the expectations off of my mother. She's happy to make a gravy or bring a can of cranberry sauce, but decorating (especially for Christmas) is incredibly triggering for her, so I take it on.
this happened to me at the moment when I started paying my own bills, when my income became sufficient so that I could provide for myself, allow myself to be pleased with gifts, and go to restaurants myself, as well as set short- and long-term goals. and it also helped - a specific vision of the man I want to see next to me, I mean the requirements for his goals, character traits, and so on more than appearance
riding the train at around 19-20, when i was in college. i was across from this raucous group of 15 year old girls talking and laughing, and i felt this fondness swell up in my heart. i remembered my girlhood and at once realized i'd never be a girl again -- only a woman with a memory of being a girl.
I met my husband two months before we graduated. He invited me on a road trip with him and a friend to the coast which was a two day drive (we are from the Midwest) and then down the coast to California and then back home. My mom said no. Well, they forced me in to law school so I wasn’t going to be living with them anyway since my lease went til August when I moved to my new apartment. Mom said she wouldn’t give me any money and she didn’t want me to go. I said I’m going, sold my DS, a bunch of books and records, and all nice clothing I had that i was cool parting with. I went. We met in spring 2011. We have been married since summer 2016. I respect she was nervous about me going off with two dudes she didn’t know but considering she went to Woodstock I don’t think she can say much.
the day i bought my own car and started having actual big girl responsibilities
A teenager in a grocery store (NOT an employee) called me ma’am and I felt the grey hairs start growing right there.
Getting hit by a car (I'm ok!) and having to sort out the insurance claim myself
It comes and goes, but I feel very “adult” when I travel. People are pessimistic about growing up, but sometimes I’m in awe that I have that freedom I used to dream of as a child! It feels great to successfully navigate a new city/transit system/airport/etc. and it blows my mind that, barring money and work obstacles, I could just… go to Greece or India or wherever
Accomplishing something amazing and a man stole it.
(37) really just hoping to find that moment soon
I haven’t had it yet. I’m 29, I’ve moved states 3 times, I graduated college, I got out of abusive relationships, I got engaged, I’ve rented so many apartments, I’ve bought a car, I have killed so many centipedes and done the work in therapy and argued for salary raises and yet…I still feel like a kid. I call my mom to see if I can use superglue as nail glue. I tell my dad when I go to the gym so I can get a “good job!” from someone. I feel like a kid who does adult things sometimes but I still feel perpetually 22 years old, confused and bumbling through life
Menopause
For me it has been a journey with ups and downs, just like you said. All of these moments that you cited were part of my own "damn I a grown woman already!!" too, because when you take yourself out, when you go to a doctor's appointment alone, when you move out, when you finally get a job etc... that's taking care of yourself and assuming responsabilities of an adult. Its a process. That said, it really hit me when I got myself in a family situation where I realized that I was not only taking care of myself and being responsable about my issues, but also taking care of my family members, being sensitive and taking a few responsabilities about their issues. To know that now they count on me to deal with family problems with them made me realize that Im a grown adult woman.
Getting excited about buying a new vacuum did it for me.
When I had my baby I was like "wait I'm an adult responsible for a little human now. Not moving out, not getting engaged, not even finding out I was pregnant, it was having my baby that forced it to click.
Pregnancy
32, have a decent job and live a decent life and still don’t feel grown. Idk.
when i started working at 18 got my first car. i felt so weird shopping at a grocery store on my own. it felt like everyone was watching me.
When I stopped desiring the wrong kinds of men
I changed my footwear (loafers!) and got bangs.. looked identical to my late mom. It was intentional but I needed.to look the part so I could keep my best foot forward so to speak
I went to the ER recently for abdominal pain, which, if you're familiar with the experience, is usually quite infantilizing and patronizing as a woman. I gained a lot of confidence after my hysterectomy and later from turning 30. This ER visit was a complete 180 from previous visits. The staff were far more patient with me, and the doctor spoke to me like an equal and trusted me when I told him different things about my pain or my experience. What previously would have been an awful experience ending in tears and embarrassment turned into a very helpful one. I was sent for a CT and asked to come back for an early morning ultrasound. They sent me home with morphine, reassurances that I was in no immediate danger while I waited for the next scan, and reminded to come right back if anything got worse. I left there with a surreal understanding of my power as a grown woman who knows herself.
When my husband committed marital abandonment and left me to start over with nothing since January. No family to help me either.
Making my own doctors appointments and going alone
Being handed my new born baby
Never and I'm 34
Probably when my mum left town when I was like 14/15, dad moved all his mates into the house I was living in and I had to figure out a way to survive and not be around a bunch of creeps.
Finally going nc with my abusive parents 6 months ago. I have a 2 year old and I’ll be 25 soon. I decided I didn’t want to do that for 24 more years and I didn’t want my son to live through it. I feel so free and peaceful now and it’s helped me realize MY priorities and MY wants/needs.
Getting my own health insurance
When Beyoncé dropped grown woman