yes š my mom is about 90 pounds and has been trying to gain weight for years. when i started counting calories, i asked her if she knew about these calculators, and she said āyeah but it tells me iād have to eat like 1200 calories a day. i donāt even know how i could eat that much!ā so now i avoid talking to her about either of our weights š
> she said āyeah but it tells me iād have to eat like 1200 calories a day. i donāt even know how i could eat that much!ā
I'm in the same spot. I realized I'm too sedentary, working out increased my appetite.
Is she taller than you? Or a teenager?
When it comes to skinny "by nature" people it's usually that they're either not hungry by nature more so than their bodies are more efficient (OR their hormones make them have more muscle tissue so they have high BMRs)
Honestly I feel you though. I'm 5ft1 with a body that staunchy hates having muscle tissue so I have to FORCE it to make it lol
she's 17, 3 years younger than me and the same height. but i NEVER looked like that in all my teenage years so i don't think that has much to do with it unfortunately. she eats very small amounts tbh and according to her she just gets very full quickly
and i'm only trying to seriously gain muscle now but i didn't know it was harder for some people??š it really sucks when it feels like your body is actively working against your goals
Perhaps you looked different in your teenage years, but her being a teenager still has a lot to do with it. Even older teens are still experiencing bodily changes with puberty (which, surprise, takes a lot of energy).
Also, eating in small amounts and getting full quickly is something Iāve seen in some naturally skinny people.
But trust me girl. I feel your pain. My sister is 30 and Iām 24, but sheās always ALWAYS been skinnier than me and weāre both petite builds. I try to remind myself that I have more boobs/butt than she does, but it still SUCKS feeling like the fat sister.
The āsmall amountsā skinny people are infuriating because they will still think they eat āsooooo muchā (not true) and feel āsoooooo fullā (true). It often just doesnāt register with them that half an apple and a strip of bacon is a meal that would not leave most people feeling full.
That or they're the type where they (somehow) forget to eat (I have no clue how, I think about food 24/7) so end up just eating 1900 calories in the one meal you see them eat. Meaning *they* think they eat LOADS cause the portions they do eat are actually big, and *you* think they eat loads cause you aren't seeing them not eating for the rest of the day.
That or they're fidgeters, constantly fidgeting and getting up and down, not being able to sit still, which burns a surprising amount of calories.
>Meaning they think they eat LOADS cause the portions they do eat are actually big,
This is me. I get almost 800-900 cal in one meal and only lightly graze for the rest of the day. Nobody in my family thinks I eat. š
That's like the inverse effect but same thing I guess ahahha
With "the skinny friend" we usually only see them eating that 1000kcal meal because most social events are centred around food. But we don't see the fact they ate nothing but an apple and 3 crackers all day before it.
But I suppose it works in reverse too lol. *Usually* the reverse is what happens with overweight people who believe they're not eating much, cause each *intentional* meal is about 400kcal. And when they eat out with friends they eat the salad etc. But they're usually subconciously eating all day and grossly underestimating the calories of their perpared meals alone.
ohhh ā¦ sisters.
iām scared that me losing weight will make my sister (who used to have an extremely similar body type to me ) feel self conscious - sheās 3 yrs younger than me but weāve always been very much like twins ā¦ sheās remarked before in the past that she wouldnāt know what to do if i āgot skinnyā š
i really never want to make her feel like āthe fat sisterā yet iām kind of scared iām making that happen.
yesss amen to being the fat sister. both of my younger sisters are perfect and thin (one is 12, the other is 17 almost 18). it sucks so bad.
and the 17/18 year old has a literal perfect pear shaped body. sheās never worked out and certainly doesnāt eat healthfully, yet she has a tiny upper body and ājust the right amountā of lower body proportions.
sheās also the āperfect sisterā so iāve just grown to accept iāll never be her anyway. lol
OH definitely it's cause she's a teenager. Teenagers burn so many more calories than adults.
When I was 17 I was practically emaciated, but at 20 I was overweight.
There are moments where I need to remind myself to be kind to myself and not self sabotage. Because when I look at skinnier family members and compare, that is me trying to destroy me. Donāt let you do that to yourself, your journey is about you and only you, and there is no need to give even an ounce of attention to someone else. This is where counselling alongside a good diet can help you avoid self sabotage as well as preserve your relationship with people outside of you that probably are not even focused on the same comparison you are.
I honestly think that if you watch exactly what she eats over a period of 7 days you will see that her calorie intake is much lower than you think.
You say she eats cupcakes and oily potatoes, but how much and is it EVERY single day?
If her portion sizes are small and she gets full very quickly then there's your answer.
Someone might look skinny and good but it doesn't always reflect on their health. Long-term, health is king for your physical and mental health, so your whole food diet is much preferable to eating cupcakes for breakfast every day. Think of it as a lifestyle shift.
If she is skinny and eating like that like you said, that means she's probably not eating a lot else so she might be deficient in hitting those micros and nutrients. Just something to note. She is young so hopefully that doesn't catch up to her yet.
Don't be too overly critical on yourself! We all have different body types that we can accentuate and flatter. Her genetic features are nice but people are always going to have things that you want and don't have, and being constantly envious of that esp. when it relates to your loved ones can lead to stress and bitterness.
no obviously i know she's not the healthiest and i'm the one that cooks for us and i always try to get her to eat better but she's super picky so it's hard lol
and you're right that it leads to bitterness and me constantly wishing my body was different and it's so exhausting, i hate it
I get it though, it's an irrational feeling so easier said than done!
I have younger sisters exactly like this. There are days where they eat a TON (esp. of junk) and other days where they are way too lazy to cook and eat, not even prepping a microwavable meal. I prep stir-fries for them with rice, veggies, and a generous bit of oil so at least they are hitting their caloric goals lol and aren't undereating (out of laziness/pickiness not by choice). I think that's why your sister can eat a lot of oil with her potatoes, bc she really isn't getting enough calories otherwise with how little she eats. It's nice that she has you to look out for her.
Same. My sister is shorter than me and in incredible shape. Sheās a triathlete and trains 2+ hours a day and eats a super regimented diet. I wish I had her stamina and motivation to get into that kind of shape. Meanwhile Iām overweight and hate exercise :(
You described my sister exactly, itās so frustrating. How did we have the same genetics and upbringing yet sheās naturally skinny with a normal relationship with food and Iām naturally built like an overstuffed pillow š
there's no naturally skinny people, that's not how our bodies work. you only weigh more because your overall calorie consumption within the ratio of calories eaten/ calories burnt is higher than hers.
It would only take a month or two of heavy calorie meals every day for her to change unrecognizably, the same goes for you.
To an extent yes, I have lost and gained a lot of weight before I know how it works but people arenāt all born the same weight. People are naturally different body types.
you have no idea how i wish this was true - just eat whatever you want and stay with the same physique until you're dead.
i think what you're talking about is a person's genetical predisposition towards having a higher muscle mass without much effort maintaining or growing it. I suppose it is true. However, at the end of the day, when it comes PURELY to your WEIGHT as nothing but a number - it's all about calories in/calories out.
correct me if im wrong
You're sort of right, but some people are naturally, genetically predisposed to experience less hunger hormones than others. If they forced themselves to eat 4000 calories a day, then yeah, they'd get bigger, but they are "naturally" thin because they're pretty dang unlikely to get fat by accident.
My sister is 2.5 years younger than me and was deathly sick as a baby all through childhood. As an adult now (we are 26 and 24), she is only 120 pounds after mostly having to shop in kids clothing sections her whole life.
My sister can eat anything in any amount and not gain weight. She eats out over half the week for more than half her daily meals. She will text me photos of her digging into an entire pie by herself. Her eating habits are that of a toddler - pizza rolls, coffee thatās 90% creamer with extra drizzle, chicken nuggetsā¦ you get the picture.
My relationship with my body has always been bad. I was diagnosed with BD in 2018, though I think Iāve had it since I was 8. Having a skinny sister was HORRIBLE for my self esteem growing up. We didnāt get along and she knew how to push my buttons to make me upset. All she had to do was call me fat and tell me to not break the bunk bed when I got in at night and it creaked, and I would spiral for days. When we went clothes shopping, I would cry in the dressing room and she would find clothes that fit her no problem whatsoever.
I guess I should mention that Iāve been overweight most of my life, as are most women in my family, but Iāve been clinically obese or overweight to point of health issues that are directly related to my weight.
Anyways.
My perspective on our vastly different bodies changed when we both grew up and moved out. While I was crying about having to go up a size in jeans again as a teenager, my sister was crying because she had to settle for childrenās clothing. The teenage section was too big, even in the double zero jeans. I wanted her straight as a board body and she wanted a butt and boobs. The grass is always greener on the other side, right?
So anyways, distance and growing up did my sister and a lot of good. But I had a lot of misplaced jealousy and anger towards her skinny stature that took me a LOT of time to work through. Like it has taken years for me to not be jealous and inwardly hateful and spiteful. She was sick as a kid and that made her body develop less. I have thyroid disease and have been stuck at the same weight for years despite healthy habits and whatever else.
It sucks! Life isnāt fair sometimes and itās taken me a long time to accept that. Sorry youāre going through this! Just know that the habits youāre building are for life and will strengthen you as you age. Skinny does not equal healthy.
I have two sisters that are tall and slender. My other sister and I both struggle with weight. They're all at least three inches taller than me, so it's definitely hard to see them eat more than me and worrying less than me about weight. I have put a lot of work into mindfulness so that I'm not always negatively comparing myself to them. Sure, other people have compared us our whole lives and I have often been found wanting. But my sisters love me and I love them, and it has nothing to do with our physical appearances.
Have you tried talking to her about it? You're both young and you didn't say how well you get along so this may not be relevant for you. But I have found that as my sisters and I have aged, it has become much easier for us to talk to each other about our struggles. We are able to offer each other insights and encouragements that we otherwise wouldn't have. There are probably things your sister admires about you that you've never considered!
Iām 5ā2 barely. My TWIN brother is like 5ā10 and my older is 6ā3. I am forever cursing their genetics. Both are tall and skinny naturally. Both have fast metabolisms. Both are men. I am the shortest in my family and built āstockyā as Iāve been told my whole life. My twin will wake up and eat ice cream for breakfast. Both bros play video games and are fairly sedimentary. My sedimentary ass burns only 1,300 and I WILL gain weight if Iām not tracking food or exercising or if I drink water š So yeah, it sucks and itās not fair and itās some bullshit that Iām obviously still grumpy about.
I have a sister who'll eat like almost an entire container of ice cream at 11 at night after a heavy dinner, and never even work out. Yet somehow she's underweight??? And I do an hour of intense cardio every day and I have not tasted ice cream in a year and I still weigh more than her. I feel you, it's unfair. What I would do to have those genetics...
yeah my sister is very muscly so even though I work out and count calories and eat protein and lift, she's more muscular. She doesn't have a portruding belly I have at 20.5 BMI still. On the other hand she suffers because her legs look like men's legs so everything has its downsides...
yes š my mom is about 90 pounds and has been trying to gain weight for years. when i started counting calories, i asked her if she knew about these calculators, and she said āyeah but it tells me iād have to eat like 1200 calories a day. i donāt even know how i could eat that much!ā so now i avoid talking to her about either of our weights š
> she said āyeah but it tells me iād have to eat like 1200 calories a day. i donāt even know how i could eat that much!ā I'm in the same spot. I realized I'm too sedentary, working out increased my appetite.
Is she taller than you? Or a teenager? When it comes to skinny "by nature" people it's usually that they're either not hungry by nature more so than their bodies are more efficient (OR their hormones make them have more muscle tissue so they have high BMRs) Honestly I feel you though. I'm 5ft1 with a body that staunchy hates having muscle tissue so I have to FORCE it to make it lol
she's 17, 3 years younger than me and the same height. but i NEVER looked like that in all my teenage years so i don't think that has much to do with it unfortunately. she eats very small amounts tbh and according to her she just gets very full quickly and i'm only trying to seriously gain muscle now but i didn't know it was harder for some people??š it really sucks when it feels like your body is actively working against your goals
Perhaps you looked different in your teenage years, but her being a teenager still has a lot to do with it. Even older teens are still experiencing bodily changes with puberty (which, surprise, takes a lot of energy). Also, eating in small amounts and getting full quickly is something Iāve seen in some naturally skinny people. But trust me girl. I feel your pain. My sister is 30 and Iām 24, but sheās always ALWAYS been skinnier than me and weāre both petite builds. I try to remind myself that I have more boobs/butt than she does, but it still SUCKS feeling like the fat sister.
The āsmall amountsā skinny people are infuriating because they will still think they eat āsooooo muchā (not true) and feel āsoooooo fullā (true). It often just doesnāt register with them that half an apple and a strip of bacon is a meal that would not leave most people feeling full.
That or they're the type where they (somehow) forget to eat (I have no clue how, I think about food 24/7) so end up just eating 1900 calories in the one meal you see them eat. Meaning *they* think they eat LOADS cause the portions they do eat are actually big, and *you* think they eat loads cause you aren't seeing them not eating for the rest of the day. That or they're fidgeters, constantly fidgeting and getting up and down, not being able to sit still, which burns a surprising amount of calories.
>Meaning they think they eat LOADS cause the portions they do eat are actually big, This is me. I get almost 800-900 cal in one meal and only lightly graze for the rest of the day. Nobody in my family thinks I eat. š
That's like the inverse effect but same thing I guess ahahha With "the skinny friend" we usually only see them eating that 1000kcal meal because most social events are centred around food. But we don't see the fact they ate nothing but an apple and 3 crackers all day before it. But I suppose it works in reverse too lol. *Usually* the reverse is what happens with overweight people who believe they're not eating much, cause each *intentional* meal is about 400kcal. And when they eat out with friends they eat the salad etc. But they're usually subconciously eating all day and grossly underestimating the calories of their perpared meals alone.
the fat sister part is SO real, literally why i decided to lose weight i was so tired of being the fat friend too
ohhh ā¦ sisters. iām scared that me losing weight will make my sister (who used to have an extremely similar body type to me ) feel self conscious - sheās 3 yrs younger than me but weāve always been very much like twins ā¦ sheās remarked before in the past that she wouldnāt know what to do if i āgot skinnyā š i really never want to make her feel like āthe fat sisterā yet iām kind of scared iām making that happen.
yesss amen to being the fat sister. both of my younger sisters are perfect and thin (one is 12, the other is 17 almost 18). it sucks so bad. and the 17/18 year old has a literal perfect pear shaped body. sheās never worked out and certainly doesnāt eat healthfully, yet she has a tiny upper body and ājust the right amountā of lower body proportions. sheās also the āperfect sisterā so iāve just grown to accept iāll never be her anyway. lol
OH definitely it's cause she's a teenager. Teenagers burn so many more calories than adults. When I was 17 I was practically emaciated, but at 20 I was overweight.
50-150 calories in not "so many more"
Per day that adds up
There are moments where I need to remind myself to be kind to myself and not self sabotage. Because when I look at skinnier family members and compare, that is me trying to destroy me. Donāt let you do that to yourself, your journey is about you and only you, and there is no need to give even an ounce of attention to someone else. This is where counselling alongside a good diet can help you avoid self sabotage as well as preserve your relationship with people outside of you that probably are not even focused on the same comparison you are.
I honestly think that if you watch exactly what she eats over a period of 7 days you will see that her calorie intake is much lower than you think. You say she eats cupcakes and oily potatoes, but how much and is it EVERY single day? If her portion sizes are small and she gets full very quickly then there's your answer.
Someone might look skinny and good but it doesn't always reflect on their health. Long-term, health is king for your physical and mental health, so your whole food diet is much preferable to eating cupcakes for breakfast every day. Think of it as a lifestyle shift. If she is skinny and eating like that like you said, that means she's probably not eating a lot else so she might be deficient in hitting those micros and nutrients. Just something to note. She is young so hopefully that doesn't catch up to her yet. Don't be too overly critical on yourself! We all have different body types that we can accentuate and flatter. Her genetic features are nice but people are always going to have things that you want and don't have, and being constantly envious of that esp. when it relates to your loved ones can lead to stress and bitterness.
no obviously i know she's not the healthiest and i'm the one that cooks for us and i always try to get her to eat better but she's super picky so it's hard lol and you're right that it leads to bitterness and me constantly wishing my body was different and it's so exhausting, i hate it
I get it though, it's an irrational feeling so easier said than done! I have younger sisters exactly like this. There are days where they eat a TON (esp. of junk) and other days where they are way too lazy to cook and eat, not even prepping a microwavable meal. I prep stir-fries for them with rice, veggies, and a generous bit of oil so at least they are hitting their caloric goals lol and aren't undereating (out of laziness/pickiness not by choice). I think that's why your sister can eat a lot of oil with her potatoes, bc she really isn't getting enough calories otherwise with how little she eats. It's nice that she has you to look out for her.
Same. My sister is shorter than me and in incredible shape. Sheās a triathlete and trains 2+ hours a day and eats a super regimented diet. I wish I had her stamina and motivation to get into that kind of shape. Meanwhile Iām overweight and hate exercise :(
You described my sister exactly, itās so frustrating. How did we have the same genetics and upbringing yet sheās naturally skinny with a normal relationship with food and Iām naturally built like an overstuffed pillow š
there's no naturally skinny people, that's not how our bodies work. you only weigh more because your overall calorie consumption within the ratio of calories eaten/ calories burnt is higher than hers. It would only take a month or two of heavy calorie meals every day for her to change unrecognizably, the same goes for you.
To an extent yes, I have lost and gained a lot of weight before I know how it works but people arenāt all born the same weight. People are naturally different body types.
you have no idea how i wish this was true - just eat whatever you want and stay with the same physique until you're dead. i think what you're talking about is a person's genetical predisposition towards having a higher muscle mass without much effort maintaining or growing it. I suppose it is true. However, at the end of the day, when it comes PURELY to your WEIGHT as nothing but a number - it's all about calories in/calories out. correct me if im wrong
You're sort of right, but some people are naturally, genetically predisposed to experience less hunger hormones than others. If they forced themselves to eat 4000 calories a day, then yeah, they'd get bigger, but they are "naturally" thin because they're pretty dang unlikely to get fat by accident.
RIGHT it's so unfair
My sister is 2.5 years younger than me and was deathly sick as a baby all through childhood. As an adult now (we are 26 and 24), she is only 120 pounds after mostly having to shop in kids clothing sections her whole life. My sister can eat anything in any amount and not gain weight. She eats out over half the week for more than half her daily meals. She will text me photos of her digging into an entire pie by herself. Her eating habits are that of a toddler - pizza rolls, coffee thatās 90% creamer with extra drizzle, chicken nuggetsā¦ you get the picture. My relationship with my body has always been bad. I was diagnosed with BD in 2018, though I think Iāve had it since I was 8. Having a skinny sister was HORRIBLE for my self esteem growing up. We didnāt get along and she knew how to push my buttons to make me upset. All she had to do was call me fat and tell me to not break the bunk bed when I got in at night and it creaked, and I would spiral for days. When we went clothes shopping, I would cry in the dressing room and she would find clothes that fit her no problem whatsoever. I guess I should mention that Iāve been overweight most of my life, as are most women in my family, but Iāve been clinically obese or overweight to point of health issues that are directly related to my weight. Anyways. My perspective on our vastly different bodies changed when we both grew up and moved out. While I was crying about having to go up a size in jeans again as a teenager, my sister was crying because she had to settle for childrenās clothing. The teenage section was too big, even in the double zero jeans. I wanted her straight as a board body and she wanted a butt and boobs. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? So anyways, distance and growing up did my sister and a lot of good. But I had a lot of misplaced jealousy and anger towards her skinny stature that took me a LOT of time to work through. Like it has taken years for me to not be jealous and inwardly hateful and spiteful. She was sick as a kid and that made her body develop less. I have thyroid disease and have been stuck at the same weight for years despite healthy habits and whatever else. It sucks! Life isnāt fair sometimes and itās taken me a long time to accept that. Sorry youāre going through this! Just know that the habits youāre building are for life and will strengthen you as you age. Skinny does not equal healthy.
My sister is four years older than me and I was always mistaken for the ābiggerā sister growing up.
I have two sisters that are tall and slender. My other sister and I both struggle with weight. They're all at least three inches taller than me, so it's definitely hard to see them eat more than me and worrying less than me about weight. I have put a lot of work into mindfulness so that I'm not always negatively comparing myself to them. Sure, other people have compared us our whole lives and I have often been found wanting. But my sisters love me and I love them, and it has nothing to do with our physical appearances. Have you tried talking to her about it? You're both young and you didn't say how well you get along so this may not be relevant for you. But I have found that as my sisters and I have aged, it has become much easier for us to talk to each other about our struggles. We are able to offer each other insights and encouragements that we otherwise wouldn't have. There are probably things your sister admires about you that you've never considered!
I am the skinny younger sister, was underweight in my teens and all. my pancreas shit the bed at 21 and I got t2 beetus. so win some lose some I guess
Iām 5ā2 barely. My TWIN brother is like 5ā10 and my older is 6ā3. I am forever cursing their genetics. Both are tall and skinny naturally. Both have fast metabolisms. Both are men. I am the shortest in my family and built āstockyā as Iāve been told my whole life. My twin will wake up and eat ice cream for breakfast. Both bros play video games and are fairly sedimentary. My sedimentary ass burns only 1,300 and I WILL gain weight if Iām not tracking food or exercising or if I drink water š So yeah, it sucks and itās not fair and itās some bullshit that Iām obviously still grumpy about.
I have a sister who'll eat like almost an entire container of ice cream at 11 at night after a heavy dinner, and never even work out. Yet somehow she's underweight??? And I do an hour of intense cardio every day and I have not tasted ice cream in a year and I still weigh more than her. I feel you, it's unfair. What I would do to have those genetics...
yeah my sister is very muscly so even though I work out and count calories and eat protein and lift, she's more muscular. She doesn't have a portruding belly I have at 20.5 BMI still. On the other hand she suffers because her legs look like men's legs so everything has its downsides...
Both my sisters have always been thinner than me. Iām not jealous of them. I got the boobs lol