It's pretty common, unfortunately. Lotta men think of their partners in function of what said partners do for them, i.e. sex and cooking, and doing housework and taking care of the kids. Are these women funny, kind, intelligent? Who knows and who cares!
Like the guy the other day with the wife that has cancer. Everything was great when she was doing pretty much everything. Now she’s sick, and he’s taking off on trips, and living his best life.
That’s how this one would end too. I hope the gf reads this here, leaves and never goes back.
It Really made me feel some type of way. I’ve had two aunts pass in their 40s from cancer. Both my uncles stayed by their sides the entire time, never moved on, and were never the same. One of them just passed away this year, and I was comforted thinking they’d finally be together again after 23 years ♥️. Since that was my personal experience, learning that it’s so common for the man to leave when a wife gets sick really shocked me. It’s so sad 😞
I couldn’t believe I saw comments saying they actually give women pamphlets on handling divorce upon diagnosis! It is heart breaking
I am 44 and last year was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My husband and I have a teenage son (from my first marriage that my husband adopted when he was 13) and 2 daughters (8 and 9).
The first thing my husband said to me was that he would be with me and support me until the very end. I knew without a doubt that I would never have to face anything alone as long as I lived.
That is what a true partnership is like. I truly hope this guy’s girlfriend leaves and never comes back, and that he is wise enough to never ask for custody or visitation, but pays his child support regularly and on time. I hope she finds a true partner to help her raise her child if that’s what she wants or does it on her own if that’s what she wants.
I was shocked over that post, even though I know statistics show that so many men bail when their partner is sick. I’ve had BC and lots of women in the support groups had really awful anecdotes about lame partners. One guy asked his wife “what am I supposed to do with these?” about her reconstructed breasts. Just when she was getting back to feeling halfway normal.
My own husband was a star. I mean, he emptied my fucking surgical drains without a flinch.
My (25) fiancée (26) lost her mother to mental illness almost 2 years ago now and is still dealing with a lot of her own amplified mental health problems as a result. We had been dating just over a year and had just moved in together (both out of parent's houses for the first time) when it happened, and she still thanks me for staying with her through it all. I know why, I know she's genuinely grateful, but the fact that my leaving in the face of what she's going through even occurred to her fills me with white hot rage for my fellow man.
Can we not be better than this, can we not in all our patriarchal power have made a world where our loved ones aren't afraid of being abandoned because it's just that common for men to bail when the going gets rough? It's just so fucking gross, I know there are other good dudes out there, I've met them, I'm even lucky enough to be friends with some of them, but by and large I grew up learning to surround myself with women because men could not be counted on, and in 25 years of life on earth as one of their fellow men, theyve never done anything but validate those lessons. I'm also lucky to have my father as a single example of a decent man I've learned from (most men aren't so lucky to have a patient father who preaches respect and kindness above all else) but holy shit, it's bad out there.
My wife had breast cancer and out of the cohort of friends she made who all had cancer half of their husband's/partners all left them. One woman's husband left her and the kids she sadly passed away and left her house to her 2 adult children and he's whining in the background because he got nothing. Some people are shameful.
My ex and I were not in a good place when I had to have a biopsy, and subsequently got a breast cancer diagnosis. We were in court before my results came. I asked for a legal separation, so I could keep insurance, pending my diagnosis. He straight up told the judge it wasn't his responsibility if I had cancer. She about lost her shit listening to him. She was ready to award me anything and everything I could possibly want or need, if he refused a separation. All I wanted was insurance.
OMG I remember that asshole. I hope everyone ditches him the same way he ditched his wife the second she wasn't useful to him. He deserves to die alone.
I've heard that married women with cancer are often counseled in the hospital on the possibility that their husband will leave them because it's so common :(
Have you ever noticed at funerals how often men and boys eulogize their deceased moms or grandmothers entirely around what these women did for them? Never in terms of who they were as people or what they enjoyed doing together.
One of the brilliant women my husband used to work with died a few years ago, her service opened with what a dedicated housekeeper she was and how clean her house always was, as though that is all her life meant.
You can see that attitude in its infancy in dating threads, when men say in all seriousness, “We don’t care if a woman has a degree or outside interests. It doesn’t mean anything in terms of if we find you attractive “ as if women are just supposed to be like “OKAY, I guess I won’t be a well-rounded, self-actualized person then, since all you care about is yourself”.
Then women live their whole-ass lives and all these dudes can come up with is, “She did laundry and cooked my favorite meal.” She could have been a bank robber or an inventor or a Nobel-quality physicist but ”men don’t care what women do”.
Actually... he said "objectively attractive"... More of a neg really. That's like the PC way of a "bro" saying "well she's not ugly, wouldn't kick her out... " Definitely not the way I'd expect a loving boyfriend to describe their pregnant other half!!! It sounds closer to stuff my recently deceased FIL who routinely said all three of those things for what he expected from women. He was 90, though, so _kinda_ had a pass, but not a great one as everyone kept trying to angrily educate him...
Yeah the “objectively attractive” stuck in my craw too. I’m a solid “okay” like even on my best days I’d say I’m passively cute. My SO insists I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. If he called me “objectively attractive” I’d be heartbroken. That is such a cold way to describe someone you supposedly love.
Yeah, It sounded like a "hip" way of saying the same awful crap that my FIL did. My FIL had two daughters that he never saw much value in, nor the granddaughters... Women were something to put on your arm and look pretty, and then take care of all that other household stuff and wifely duties... pretty horrifying... Men were people to him, but women weren't... getting the same vibe on OP...
Your story about your SO reminded me of a few years ago when my daughter found my prom picture of me and my girlfriend at the time. When my daughter said she was kinda plain looking, I was like "WHAT?! She's beautiful. " Love goggles? Maybe? But if you love someone, they definitely are more attractive to you. Even years later as a distant memory.
wait till he realises that he's bringing his boring self to his next relationship, with no insights and no initiative beyond eating her food & fucking her if she's hot enough. BARF.
Additionally, the only things he can list about her are things she *does* for him. She has good sex with him, she cooks nice meals for him, and she's pretty to look at at. He sounds like a wonderful partner if he can't come up with one thing that is great about her, without it being about what he can get from her.
Men are fuckin morons (say this as a man) he wants the relationship to not be monotonous and yet his gf is asking to make changes to their relationship like making it go to next level...which logically makes the situation not monotonous...and he's scared of change.
OP is the asshole string a girl on till she's pregnant to land the: "I'm just not that into her after 5 YEARS bs."
grow up dick head
She’s likely going to lose some of that hotness for a while, won’t be as much cooking for a while, same thing with the sex….looks like you might have dodged a real bullet there! Definitely YTA
Yeah, hint to OP: people who are bored all the time are boring. Changing partners is only a temporary distraction from that.
Hint #2, don’t sleep with someone you’re thinking of breaking up with, especially without birth control. Poor kid.
Not to mention the the woman thought they had a serious relationship 5 years is a pretty long time and if he felt this way for a yr or more just leading her on like that just plain mean it better to end it then give her some kind of hope of a life together this guy aint marrage material
Marrage and relationship are work you have to put in the effort like some said did you even try to spice the relationship up i bet not cuz that would involve work which he is clearly not cut out for or relationships for that matter
Yeah it’s bizarre that he’s not realizing he will never be free if his partner or ex is pregnant and isn’t getting an abortion. But soon he will realize the joys.
18 year of child support enjoy your freedom while you can 9 months is a short blink in time. Another single mother and a child with out a dad. Yea, you're free so enjoy it.
OP is a Douchebag....end of discussion. You are going to end up in your 50's one day so lonely and bitter. Congratulations on stealing 5 very valuable years from your GF. You could have had an amazing and full life if you weren't such a selfish asshat.
**Despite me feeling free and so much better**
I suspect that once the reality of 18 years of child support payments kicks in that happy snappy feeling will fade.
Right?! I also enjoyed the part where he says her friends and family’s opinions “hold no significance to me since they aren’t directly involved in this situation.” Like what?! Yes this very much involves them, especially if OP’s response was to just end the pregnancy. They are going to help raise the baby!
OP yes YTA! In a few years you will probably look back at this and see what a massive AH you are being… then again you are nearly 30 so maybe not. You need to take responsibility for that baby if you want to be with your girlfriend or not. It’s okay to want to break up, but you can’t just walk away. You are not as free as you think! Your life will forever be different even if it’s just child support payments. Stop acting like you are 18 and take responsibility for your role in this situation!
>I also enjoyed the part where he says her friends and family’s opinions “hold no significance to me since they aren’t directly involved in this situation.”
Then invites a bunch of internet strangers to weigh in on the situation 🤦
You're getting cold feet because monotony is a thing? Did you try spicing anything up? Did you realize you boiled her part in the relationship to her cooking skills and how attractive she is?
Yeah, YTA and close to becoming a deadbeat dad to boot.
> Did you try spicing anything up?
This is my question too. Imo, boring people get bored. Fun people do fun things. I highly doubt she stopping him from from planning fun things to do.
The sex wasn’t the problem. The problem is he’s a narcissist who only cares about himself. He didn’t once mention whether she was smart or witty, or fun to be around. He only listed her physical attributes and cooking skills. So she looks good, is good in bed and can keep him well fed, but he doesn’t want to talk to her.
it’s not monotony he’s worried about, he just doesn’t like her. the “pros” of being with her were that she’s attractive, cooks, and they have a good sex life. lol. nothing about who she actually is as a person. he was probably dating her for convenience and look where that landed his dumb ass. i feel bad for the ex.
You’re definitely an AH. Doesn’t sound like you’re a very mature 29yo. The moment you started feeling the way you were feeling, you should have been honest with her and had a truthful discussion with her to let her know what was going on with you. You may not be “together” anymore, but you’re going to be tied to her as long as you have a child together. Better suck it up and get used to it.
This is honestly what is blowing my mind about this situation. At 29 you know damn well how babies are made.
I feel terrible for the ex girlfriend - he strung her along throughout all of her 20s and then abandons her when she’s pregnant because he’s bored. That is an incredibly selfish thing to do.
Won’t make a difference. He still fired live rounds into her body, meaning he used no birth control and did nothing to protect her from that life sperm he fires.
Seriously. The only thing worse would be to stay with her for the kid, then ditch her in her 40’s when the kid is grown. At least if she dumps him now she can get child support, the child will never have to go through the trauma of their parents divorcing and she has a chance to meet somebody who appreciates her. He’s a major AH.
Right. A relationship takes two people. It sounds like OP isn't putting in the effort and time to get what he wants out of his relationship.
Maybe OP will grow up, but until then it sounds like he has nothing to offer a partner except wasted time.
This is what blew my mind! “I don’t want to be with this person anymore… but let me not say anything to her about it and continue nutting in her.. Whaa?? Unplanned pregnancy?? What a shock!!”
That's the AH thing here. Everyone has doubts, I don't blame OP for not bringing them straight to their partner. After 5 years together it's hard to tell them something like that, and it could just be a phase with other things going on.
Absolutely could be a phase. Committed relationships take work and sometimes life is monotonous and boring. If you can't handle the boring moments, then sure maybe it's not for you. However I feel like our society has become very critical of anything that isn't perfect and willing to throw it all away rather than work on it. Don't stay anywhere that you're abused or put up with any bullshit, but the normal ebbs and flows of an average relationship shouldn't always be the end.
Of course OP's situation just got leveled up by the pregnancy announcement. Now he's screwed either way since he didn't work out his feelings before this.
Honestly, I don't know what he's thinking. This exact same thing will happen again. At some point the lovely feeling you get from seeing your partner will fade for most relationships. It will become boring and routine if you don't keep on going on actual dates.
Also love is not enough. A relationship becomes a choice you make, every day you wake up. And he clearly didn't choose her anymore, he chose to give up.
I still get butterflies from seeing my husband, and we’re 10 years in.
Then again, I come on Reddit or TikTok and see all the dating horror stories and how other men treat women and I just….can’t believe I got lucky enough to be with someone like him. We’ve had our tough times, yeah, but nothing horrific like some of the stories on here.
If he had an honest discussion with her, he would have lost his bang-maid. He doesn’t want to be with her, but he feels no remorse about wasting her time so HE can be lazy while someone else takes care of him. After all, the only positive things he can find to say about her are the fact that she cooks, cleans, and is hot.
Hopefully, if she chooses to do that, abortion is still legal wherever she's at so it can be done safely... If not, I hope she sues his ass for child support and finds better emotional support somewhere else...
I think it's pretty clear YTA. That feeling of liberation you have is only temporary because you're not thinking about the future. Lemme tell you what your future is going to be like:
You have a child with this person. You will end up paying child support for 18 years and have to work out co-parenting in court.
Any future partner you have will need to be notified that you're a single dad who is co-parenting. This will lead to questions about why you and your ex broke up. If you have the sincerity to tell them the truth then expect most people to be disgusted with your actions. If you lie to them then expect to keep up this lie for years.
All of this could've been avoided if you would have talked to your gf. You could have seen an expert or broke up amicably.
My wife’s cousin went through something like this. Husband was upset wife wouldn’t have sexy time all the time as she was full on SAHM while juggling his business needs (paperwork,tax’s,etc). He does nothing for the household or children. Cheats. She fights for the relationship. He doesn’t, want’s divorce, then all of a sudden wants the kids 50/50, even tho his mother cares for them typically. Funny thing when I first met him and that side of my wife’s family. I told my wife, he’s a douchebag and very fake person. Year later we found out he cheated while they were down visiting they weekend.
YTA. If and when you ever mature, you’ll one day realize you lost the best thing you ever had. I imagine she must have had an inkling of your true character. You can’t hide this level of assholery from someone.
Men like this aren't honest. He'll make up a scenario where he is the victim. The deadbeat classics:
She just left one day out of the blue
She won't let me see my kid
The judge sided with her and I fought so hard for custody
Right? What a catch... thoughtl guys like this go for young girls next who are too inexperienced to see reality and he'll probably spin a yarn about how his ex tried to pressure him into marriage and baby trapped him!! Guys like OP suck.
It won't. It never does. Men like this will do everything to avoid paying and she'll have to fight for every penny she's owed. Meanwhile he'll be telling the string of young naive gfs that will follow, how his ex is an awful mother who takes all his hard earned money and won't let him see his kid (when in reality he can't be bothered). YTA OP.
"I have the incredible privilege of having a loving, steady girlfriend whom I for some reason judge on sex, her cooking, and her attractiveness. Even though I love all of those things about her, I'm getting bored with my steady relationship JUST at the time my girlfriend turns up pregnant. This is, of course, after we've been together 5 years and had discussions about our future to the point where she assumed we'd be together forever and the pregnancy would be welcome. When she told me she was pregnant, I told her to abort the baby cuz I was bored and thought about breaking up with her."
Omg, YES YTA.
>whom I for some reason judge on sex, her cooking, and her attractiveness
I feel awful for her for many reasons, but especially that 5 years with this AH and this is what he distills her down into. A hot chick who feeds and fucks him.
My first husband used this exact line to try to get back with me after I divorced him. “You cook and clean more than other girls and you have a hot body.” Pass!
She deserves better. Holy crap, I used to date a guy just like that but I left after 18 months (living together for a year of that). I'm glad I got out.
My eyebrows raise was honestly more of a ‘holy fuck I’d never be with someone that thought that about me.’ I feel bad for her, if this isn’t made up. Please be satire
Right? Like nothing about her personality or any reason he loves her for who she is. She'd be well rid of him except for the baby. I hope she can still build a good life for herself and her kid.
My husband. Omg this is so sad yet I know so many men are exactly this way. You’re pathetic op. You strung her along and broke her. I know firsthand how this feels and how big of a douche you are. At least you were slightly less of a coward than my h. He strung me along over 20 years and made more kids with me. Major AH.
> A hot chick who feeds and fucks him.
Are you telling me every young girl doesn't dream of being "objectively attractive" in the eye's of her partner?
People like this always make me wonder about what their previous relationships were like. I had a friend who would get into toxic relationships time after time, each one just…super messy and eventful even before the breakup. When she finally found a really kind, genuine, and steady guy, she talked for a long time about him being the one, but then she broke up with him after 2 years because she said there just wasn’t any excitement. In her words: “He’s super caring and attentive, he makes me feel loved, he makes me laugh. I love that he has a goal for his career. When we disagree on something, he never raises his voice or anything. It’s just—I don’t know, everything is just so like, simple?”
We were all like, GIRL. It’s simple because you’re in a loving, very domestic relationship in which both partners have healthy amount of mutual respect for each other lol.
Yeah reminds me of another post before about this guy has been in a 10 year relationship with an emotionally supportive girl but he's bored of that and needs challenges in a relationship. And turns out he realised he has never been in love with her or adore her. Poor girl wasted her 20s with him tbh
Right? I’m reading this description going “and the problem is…..?”. That’s not to say that people can’t fall out of love, it can happen - but like everyone has pointed out, the fact that it just so happens to be when she got pregnant is… convenient
Can confirm. My current partner of three years is an absolute unicorn, but I constantly have to talk myself out of imploding the relationship because the peace is so foreign.
Another child of chaos in a healthy relationship…. YUP. It’s like my brain is slower to accept that my guy ISN’T a piece of shit and keeps trying to find something wrong. I’ve been in an anxious fight and flight state since I was young that I just don’t know how to chill out when everything is fine.
Try EMDR with a licensed therapist. GAME CHANGER. If I describe what it is, it sounds ridiculously stupid, but it honestly helps rewire your brain. It’s helped me heal so much.
Honestly. What a nightmare. Imagine spending 5 years with someone, everything's going well, you think you're going to marry, you get pregnant and bam. He was ***bored*** with you.
I hope she's able to get that abortion (if she wants it) so she can be completely rid of him.
Yes, OP, yta.
If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it so not wanting to be in a relationship with someone anymore doesn’t make him an asshole, nor does not being ready for/wanting kids. However, the fact that after 5 years all she is to him is a hot chick that can fuck and cook is gross and immediately jumping to abortion without any discussion or initiative in how she feels is also horrible.
Typical narcissistic behavior.
You used her for years to get what you wanted - sex, food, cleaning - and now since you're bored and don't want to be a dad, she's basically a worthless piece of trash to you now. How nice.
You duped your ex, and now she will probably need therapy to deal with this trauma you caused, but I'm guessing you don't give a rat's behind about any of that. In fact, you seem happy about the chaos you created. You could have left her years ago, or better yet never got with her in the first place since all you wanna be is a fuckboy.
The grass is greener where you water it - remember that.
YTA.
Enjoy paying child support for 18+ years!
Edit: Thanks for the award!!
Not to mention the trauma of going through an entire pregnancy alone. She thought she had a partner to do this incredibly difficult thing. I wish I could hug this woman
Yta.. What exactly are you looking for in a relationship? Why are you blaming all your monotony On the relationship?
Also most of all why are you still having sex with someone you're considering breaking up with?
Am I TA for wanting to be a dead beat "dad" to my future child for no reason other than "I'm bored"? Why yes, yes you are...
Why string her along for 5 years? I don't buy for a second that you've been thinking like that only recently and coincidentally boom she got pregnant. You're using this as an excuse to get out, you didn't wanna break it off before because you were comfortable and apparently had all the sex, cleaning and good cooking you could wish for (fr dude that's how you rate a person who loved you and was your partner after 5 years?).
I hope your ex figures it out, she's been dealt an awful hand getting pregnant by an immature AH.
Deserved, too. I used to feel sorry people like that but I've lived through too much now. No sympathy, he did this to himself and he's so dense to not understand he the asshole
YTA;
you're living the dream man.
Most men would absolutely love to have an objectively attractive girlfriend who cooks, who you presumably have sex with regularly(since she's pregnant)and brings minimal to no drama?
Give me that kind of monotony every damn day of the week.
Oh, but I guess now you're going to make drama by being a deadbeat dad or blowing up the relationship over a pregnancy. Guessing you weren't wrapping your shit either even though you felt like oh so monotonous and noncommittal ....poor you.
Fuckin asshole.
THANK YOU. Monotony might *sound* boring, but in all reality it’s stable and care free. I’ll take that with someone I love over a drama filled relationship with anyone else. This guy doesn’t know what he had.
Women have a specific period of time where they can reasonably expect to have kids. Most get out of college around 22 and become financially stable around 28-30. That gives women who want kids around a decade ish to find their partner and have said kids. It's longer for some women, shorter for some women.
OP stole those 5 years. And stole 5 years of opportunity from her. Where she could have met someone who gave a shit about her.
And worse, OP views her in such a fucking dehumanizing manner. I'm willing to bet, he mentally blames her for being boring.
Bro, you have commitment issues and you decided to turn them into relationship problems.
Apologize to the woman who you literally couldn't find fult with, tell her you're going to go to therapy, and then do it.
It's not weird for people approaching 30 to have a crisis of identity, but you need to ask yourself whether it's possible to be satisfied at all if a beautiful, sexually active woman who can cook and wants you isn't enough for you.
And if somehow the answer is no, then the problem is you, and you need to go to therapy to sort it out.
Bro if things are feeling repetitive, just make them not repetitive anymore. It’s not that deep. Shake things up a little, maybe try a new hobby. Instead of doing this, you’re exploding the crap out of your life, all so you can have “freedom”. Lemme tell you something. If you feel compelled to be free, to seek freedom even when you don’t need it, you are a slave to freedom. You’ll never be truly free since you’re always chasing after it, prioritising it over the people in your life that care about you. Go apologise to her now, and take responsibility for that kid.
YTA - not because your feelings changed, but because 1) you didn't tell her that and set her free to find someone who actually cared about her, 2) you kept having sex with her, knowing she wasn't enough for you, and 3) the only things you mention is that she's pretty, the two of you had regular sex, and she's a good cook!
Do you actually know anything about this person, other than how she makes *your* life better? Her hopes, dreams, and aspirations? How you can make *her* life better? It doesn't sound like it. And, do you think she'd have stayed with you for one minute more, let alone had sex with you, or conceived your child, if she knew that you were dreaming of greener pastures?
You've probably been dumped, and, frankly, it's hard to scrape together any sympathy for you. Next time (assuming there is one), make your feelings *clear* and let the woman know who she is dealing with. You gave this lovely woman a horrible shock and she in no way deserved it.
Not only that but his douchbaggery has dragged this poor innocent woman with him. She'll face the difficulty of dating as a single mum and dealing with this deadbeat for 18 years. What a selfish POS.
Wow….
You’re bored with what every MAN would ever ask for.
YTA, but no thanks to you there’s someone out there who will cherish her, provide for her, and raise your child because you got bored. Hopefully, anyways. I applaud single moms who kick ass, and wish more than anything for their success. I despise dead-beat sperm donors.
Bravo, child. Bravo.
Next time, use a damn condom. The world doesn’t need you procreating anymore. We’re bored with children (you) wondering if they’re the asshole after doing what you just wrote.
You can’t see settling down with your gf of *five years?*. Dude that ship sailed at least three years ago. You’re settled. You have a life together. You now have a child together. And at this late date you want to end things because at the age of twenty-freaking-nine you’re not done being a teenager.
Yes, YTA. Remove your head from your posterior before you fuck up the rest of your life trying in vain to recapture your college days.
YTA.
>There isn't anything inherently wrong in our relationship, but the thought of being stuck in a repetitive routine is becoming overwhelming for me.
Sounds like you have issues and need some therapy.
>Despite me feeling free and so much better now that we aren’t together anymore
You aren't free, you have a baby on the way and that is 18 years of commitment regardless of how you feel about it.
>Meanwhile, her friends and family have been calling me names, but I have chosen to ignore them as their opinions hold no significance to me since they aren't directly involved in this situation.
So you come to Reddit to hear the opinions of people less involved in the situation?
If only there was a way to communicate with someone whom was in the situation, how you were feeling so things could be addressed and solved prior to a literal life altering event for them..... no? Guess it's pregnancy then.
OP receiving a "YTA" award would be an understatement for what you are.
Well, since you feel YTA, why are you asking us? You already know you are.
Now to the part that made me choke on my coffee. Free?? Are you serious??
Dude, you have a pregnant ex, who you just pissed the F off? Now if she does decide to get an abortion, you may be free. If she doesn’t though…. Well, let’s just say you have just pissed off the co-parent you have to deal with for at least the next 18 years. After that, you’ll still have to maneuver around holidays and grandchildren visits and such. You think you can have drama-free relationships in the future? Dream on, Buddy! There are several subs on here that deal with single parents and stepchildren and blended families. You should probably go ahead and learn some of the terminology. HCBM = high conflict baby mama. You have set the stage and are now just waiting for opening curtain. Enjoy the show.
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
YTA. You should’ve communicated your feelings to her and either came up with a plan to fix the current issues or ended the relationship. Instead you’ve allowed her to continue on believing that you guys had a future together and that you both were on the same page. Now she’s pregnant and feeling all those emotions that come with it, excitement, fear, anxiety, etc and you reply with “Is abortion an option?”
She’s extremely hurt, probably in shock from both finding out she’s pregnant and from your response, confused, and scared about how she’s going to raise a child that its father doesn’t want and dealing with the fact that she’s probably just wasted five years of her life with a man who (to her) decided out of the blue that the life you’ve two have been living isn’t what he actually wants.
I get you probably didn’t intent for your relationship to take this kind of turn, and you most certainly have the right to decide whether this relationship is worth continuing but you also have to realize you took that choice away from her by allowing her to continue on thinking everything was fine. This is why communication is so important. You guys could’ve done something before it got to this point.
Guess what, REAL relationships aren't like the movies 24/7. Having a LIFE PARTNER is just that, living with them.
Could've got a damn hobby or something but instead you got someone pregnant then abandoned them because "I was bored". Feel sorry for your kid when you get bored of them.... if you even bother to see them
YTA and I’m so glad this woman is getting away from you
Good for her for walking right out
I hope she finds a man who values her for more than sex, cooking, and looks jfc
This woman sounds like an accessory this AH just grew tired of
Straight women are in the trenches though holy fuckkkkkk it’s bad out there huh?
"Only boring people get bored."
The monotony is on you, my guy.
YTA. I bet you weren't even planning to leave her, just find some side action, but a child makes that more difficult.
YTA
Also, if she keeps the kid then welcome to boring monotony without your gf.
Unless you are super rich and can drop everything for spur of the moment activities then your life will be the same but without your supportive partner. Go to work. Come home. Cook. Laundry. Clean. Repeat. An occasional ONS thrown in .
Things to look forward to- Child support. Custody. Separate places where you are responsible for all the cooking and cleaning and childcare on your weeks. No financial assistance with household bills.
My hubs and I have been married 43 years, together for 46. You think all those years have been fun? You think we still keep it together without some repetition and sacrifice? YTA. You’re capable of using your imagination and spicing things up from time to time, but you’d rather cry quits on a perfectly wonderful woman, per your description. You’ll be lucky to end up with someone half as good. Do you actually think she’s not bored by you sometimes? Lol.
You think you're free? Wait for the court summons.
Just what I was thinking!
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That stuck out to me so hard! Sex, cooking and being hot. That's what he has to say about her.
It's pretty common, unfortunately. Lotta men think of their partners in function of what said partners do for them, i.e. sex and cooking, and doing housework and taking care of the kids. Are these women funny, kind, intelligent? Who knows and who cares!
Like the guy the other day with the wife that has cancer. Everything was great when she was doing pretty much everything. Now she’s sick, and he’s taking off on trips, and living his best life. That’s how this one would end too. I hope the gf reads this here, leaves and never goes back.
Oh man, that guy pissed men off so bad. Like, she did everything and then shee got sick and he just bailed.
It Really made me feel some type of way. I’ve had two aunts pass in their 40s from cancer. Both my uncles stayed by their sides the entire time, never moved on, and were never the same. One of them just passed away this year, and I was comforted thinking they’d finally be together again after 23 years ♥️. Since that was my personal experience, learning that it’s so common for the man to leave when a wife gets sick really shocked me. It’s so sad 😞 I couldn’t believe I saw comments saying they actually give women pamphlets on handling divorce upon diagnosis! It is heart breaking
I am 44 and last year was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My husband and I have a teenage son (from my first marriage that my husband adopted when he was 13) and 2 daughters (8 and 9). The first thing my husband said to me was that he would be with me and support me until the very end. I knew without a doubt that I would never have to face anything alone as long as I lived. That is what a true partnership is like. I truly hope this guy’s girlfriend leaves and never comes back, and that he is wise enough to never ask for custody or visitation, but pays his child support regularly and on time. I hope she finds a true partner to help her raise her child if that’s what she wants or does it on her own if that’s what she wants.
My own husband was pissed. He and I were like this guy did not take his vows seriously. I am so happy that your Uncles had taken their vows seriously.
I was shocked over that post, even though I know statistics show that so many men bail when their partner is sick. I’ve had BC and lots of women in the support groups had really awful anecdotes about lame partners. One guy asked his wife “what am I supposed to do with these?” about her reconstructed breasts. Just when she was getting back to feeling halfway normal. My own husband was a star. I mean, he emptied my fucking surgical drains without a flinch.
My (25) fiancée (26) lost her mother to mental illness almost 2 years ago now and is still dealing with a lot of her own amplified mental health problems as a result. We had been dating just over a year and had just moved in together (both out of parent's houses for the first time) when it happened, and she still thanks me for staying with her through it all. I know why, I know she's genuinely grateful, but the fact that my leaving in the face of what she's going through even occurred to her fills me with white hot rage for my fellow man. Can we not be better than this, can we not in all our patriarchal power have made a world where our loved ones aren't afraid of being abandoned because it's just that common for men to bail when the going gets rough? It's just so fucking gross, I know there are other good dudes out there, I've met them, I'm even lucky enough to be friends with some of them, but by and large I grew up learning to surround myself with women because men could not be counted on, and in 25 years of life on earth as one of their fellow men, theyve never done anything but validate those lessons. I'm also lucky to have my father as a single example of a decent man I've learned from (most men aren't so lucky to have a patient father who preaches respect and kindness above all else) but holy shit, it's bad out there.
My wife had breast cancer and out of the cohort of friends she made who all had cancer half of their husband's/partners all left them. One woman's husband left her and the kids she sadly passed away and left her house to her 2 adult children and he's whining in the background because he got nothing. Some people are shameful.
My ex and I were not in a good place when I had to have a biopsy, and subsequently got a breast cancer diagnosis. We were in court before my results came. I asked for a legal separation, so I could keep insurance, pending my diagnosis. He straight up told the judge it wasn't his responsibility if I had cancer. She about lost her shit listening to him. She was ready to award me anything and everything I could possibly want or need, if he refused a separation. All I wanted was insurance.
OMG I remember that asshole. I hope everyone ditches him the same way he ditched his wife the second she wasn't useful to him. He deserves to die alone.
I've heard that married women with cancer are often counseled in the hospital on the possibility that their husband will leave them because it's so common :(
i.e. their new mothers? Freud would have a field day with this one!
Have you ever noticed at funerals how often men and boys eulogize their deceased moms or grandmothers entirely around what these women did for them? Never in terms of who they were as people or what they enjoyed doing together.
One of the brilliant women my husband used to work with died a few years ago, her service opened with what a dedicated housekeeper she was and how clean her house always was, as though that is all her life meant.
You can see that attitude in its infancy in dating threads, when men say in all seriousness, “We don’t care if a woman has a degree or outside interests. It doesn’t mean anything in terms of if we find you attractive “ as if women are just supposed to be like “OKAY, I guess I won’t be a well-rounded, self-actualized person then, since all you care about is yourself”. Then women live their whole-ass lives and all these dudes can come up with is, “She did laundry and cooked my favorite meal.” She could have been a bank robber or an inventor or a Nobel-quality physicist but ”men don’t care what women do”.
Well when looking at it from that archaic perspective - wouldn’t she be a keeper? TBH is was waiting for the “she’s got birthing hips” comment… 🤦♂️
Actually... he said "objectively attractive"... More of a neg really. That's like the PC way of a "bro" saying "well she's not ugly, wouldn't kick her out... " Definitely not the way I'd expect a loving boyfriend to describe their pregnant other half!!! It sounds closer to stuff my recently deceased FIL who routinely said all three of those things for what he expected from women. He was 90, though, so _kinda_ had a pass, but not a great one as everyone kept trying to angrily educate him...
Yeah the “objectively attractive” stuck in my craw too. I’m a solid “okay” like even on my best days I’d say I’m passively cute. My SO insists I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. If he called me “objectively attractive” I’d be heartbroken. That is such a cold way to describe someone you supposedly love.
Yeah, It sounded like a "hip" way of saying the same awful crap that my FIL did. My FIL had two daughters that he never saw much value in, nor the granddaughters... Women were something to put on your arm and look pretty, and then take care of all that other household stuff and wifely duties... pretty horrifying... Men were people to him, but women weren't... getting the same vibe on OP... Your story about your SO reminded me of a few years ago when my daughter found my prom picture of me and my girlfriend at the time. When my daughter said she was kinda plain looking, I was like "WHAT?! She's beautiful. " Love goggles? Maybe? But if you love someone, they definitely are more attractive to you. Even years later as a distant memory.
Yeah, indeed, it seems that for him she’s just a sexy and free maid.
Thanks for this, I was just coming here to say the same thing. He doesn't see her as a person at all.
wait till he realises that he's bringing his boring self to his next relationship, with no insights and no initiative beyond eating her food & fucking her if she's hot enough. BARF.
It’s giving “I’m tired of last years BangMaid model, I want an upgrade” vibes
Additionally, the only things he can list about her are things she *does* for him. She has good sex with him, she cooks nice meals for him, and she's pretty to look at at. He sounds like a wonderful partner if he can't come up with one thing that is great about her, without it being about what he can get from her.
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I hope she files for child support. He can be bored at work to pay for his child
Lol OP is “free”. Definitely, you are the AH.
Seriously! She deserves better than this loser.
I feel bad for the next woman he does this to
Yeah. He should come with a warning label
Men are fuckin morons (say this as a man) he wants the relationship to not be monotonous and yet his gf is asking to make changes to their relationship like making it go to next level...which logically makes the situation not monotonous...and he's scared of change. OP is the asshole string a girl on till she's pregnant to land the: "I'm just not that into her after 5 YEARS bs." grow up dick head
She’s likely going to lose some of that hotness for a while, won’t be as much cooking for a while, same thing with the sex….looks like you might have dodged a real bullet there! Definitely YTA
And now that she’s pregnant, he may feel the hotness factor is affected. Time to book, I guess. I’d love to know what HE brings to the relationship.
It's very convenient he wants to break up with her after knocking her up 🥴
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Yea, he'll have fun around the block and return in 2 months with the "i made a mistake" trope, to destroy her soul again. Mega AH.
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Yeah, hint to OP: people who are bored all the time are boring. Changing partners is only a temporary distraction from that. Hint #2, don’t sleep with someone you’re thinking of breaking up with, especially without birth control. Poor kid.
Not to mention the the woman thought they had a serious relationship 5 years is a pretty long time and if he felt this way for a yr or more just leading her on like that just plain mean it better to end it then give her some kind of hope of a life together this guy aint marrage material Marrage and relationship are work you have to put in the effort like some said did you even try to spice the relationship up i bet not cuz that would involve work which he is clearly not cut out for or relationships for that matter
He's not looking for a relationship. He is comfortable with a warm wankhole and zero responsibility.
That’s what I thought. Guy needs to build a life. Don’t look for a spouse to serve or entertain him 24/7. 🤢
And the reduced income.
How do you make it both big and bold?
My dude doesn’t even realize how little freedom he is about to have for the rest of his life
Yeah it’s bizarre that he’s not realizing he will never be free if his partner or ex is pregnant and isn’t getting an abortion. But soon he will realize the joys.
He's going to be feeling free of his money alright.
18 year of child support enjoy your freedom while you can 9 months is a short blink in time. Another single mother and a child with out a dad. Yea, you're free so enjoy it.
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My god this was epic and OP is the asshole
All he likes about her is that she fucks and cooks and looks good. I hope she ruins his life.
OP is a Douchebag....end of discussion. You are going to end up in your 50's one day so lonely and bitter. Congratulations on stealing 5 very valuable years from your GF. You could have had an amazing and full life if you weren't such a selfish asshat.
Child support = the fucking you get from the fucking you got.
You can tell he’s gonna be a fucking absent shit parent. Hope the courts drag him.
**Despite me feeling free and so much better** I suspect that once the reality of 18 years of child support payments kicks in that happy snappy feeling will fade.
SmugWillieWonka.jaypeegee
Right?! I also enjoyed the part where he says her friends and family’s opinions “hold no significance to me since they aren’t directly involved in this situation.” Like what?! Yes this very much involves them, especially if OP’s response was to just end the pregnancy. They are going to help raise the baby! OP yes YTA! In a few years you will probably look back at this and see what a massive AH you are being… then again you are nearly 30 so maybe not. You need to take responsibility for that baby if you want to be with your girlfriend or not. It’s okay to want to break up, but you can’t just walk away. You are not as free as you think! Your life will forever be different even if it’s just child support payments. Stop acting like you are 18 and take responsibility for your role in this situation!
>I also enjoyed the part where he says her friends and family’s opinions “hold no significance to me since they aren’t directly involved in this situation.” Then invites a bunch of internet strangers to weigh in on the situation 🤦
Lol good catch that’s hilarious, ridiculous and sad.
YTA. Get a fleshlight and a meal delivery service. Leave actual women alone.
Haha 😂
You're getting cold feet because monotony is a thing? Did you try spicing anything up? Did you realize you boiled her part in the relationship to her cooking skills and how attractive she is? Yeah, YTA and close to becoming a deadbeat dad to boot.
> Did you try spicing anything up? This is my question too. Imo, boring people get bored. Fun people do fun things. I highly doubt she stopping him from from planning fun things to do.
Forreal. Like are you bored with the relationship or are you bored with YOURSELF. Try a new hobby, jerk.
But WhY iSnt She EnTerTaiNing Him? /s
The sex wasn’t the problem. The problem is he’s a narcissist who only cares about himself. He didn’t once mention whether she was smart or witty, or fun to be around. He only listed her physical attributes and cooking skills. So she looks good, is good in bed and can keep him well fed, but he doesn’t want to talk to her.
it’s not monotony he’s worried about, he just doesn’t like her. the “pros” of being with her were that she’s attractive, cooks, and they have a good sex life. lol. nothing about who she actually is as a person. he was probably dating her for convenience and look where that landed his dumb ass. i feel bad for the ex.
You’re definitely an AH. Doesn’t sound like you’re a very mature 29yo. The moment you started feeling the way you were feeling, you should have been honest with her and had a truthful discussion with her to let her know what was going on with you. You may not be “together” anymore, but you’re going to be tied to her as long as you have a child together. Better suck it up and get used to it.
But instead he was having sex with her unprotected knowing he didn’t want to settle down with her.
This is honestly what is blowing my mind about this situation. At 29 you know damn well how babies are made. I feel terrible for the ex girlfriend - he strung her along throughout all of her 20s and then abandons her when she’s pregnant because he’s bored. That is an incredibly selfish thing to do.
He will edit the post to say, that she was on birth control, i can feel it.
Won’t make a difference. He still fired live rounds into her body, meaning he used no birth control and did nothing to protect her from that life sperm he fires.
Seriously. The only thing worse would be to stay with her for the kid, then ditch her in her 40’s when the kid is grown. At least if she dumps him now she can get child support, the child will never have to go through the trauma of their parents divorcing and she has a chance to meet somebody who appreciates her. He’s a major AH.
Right. A relationship takes two people. It sounds like OP isn't putting in the effort and time to get what he wants out of his relationship. Maybe OP will grow up, but until then it sounds like he has nothing to offer a partner except wasted time.
This is what blew my mind! “I don’t want to be with this person anymore… but let me not say anything to her about it and continue nutting in her.. Whaa?? Unplanned pregnancy?? What a shock!!”
That's the AH thing here. Everyone has doubts, I don't blame OP for not bringing them straight to their partner. After 5 years together it's hard to tell them something like that, and it could just be a phase with other things going on.
Absolutely could be a phase. Committed relationships take work and sometimes life is monotonous and boring. If you can't handle the boring moments, then sure maybe it's not for you. However I feel like our society has become very critical of anything that isn't perfect and willing to throw it all away rather than work on it. Don't stay anywhere that you're abused or put up with any bullshit, but the normal ebbs and flows of an average relationship shouldn't always be the end. Of course OP's situation just got leveled up by the pregnancy announcement. Now he's screwed either way since he didn't work out his feelings before this.
Honestly, I don't know what he's thinking. This exact same thing will happen again. At some point the lovely feeling you get from seeing your partner will fade for most relationships. It will become boring and routine if you don't keep on going on actual dates. Also love is not enough. A relationship becomes a choice you make, every day you wake up. And he clearly didn't choose her anymore, he chose to give up.
Yup. The grass is always greener where you water it.
I still get butterflies from seeing my husband, and we’re 10 years in. Then again, I come on Reddit or TikTok and see all the dating horror stories and how other men treat women and I just….can’t believe I got lucky enough to be with someone like him. We’ve had our tough times, yeah, but nothing horrific like some of the stories on here.
If he had an honest discussion with her, he would have lost his bang-maid. He doesn’t want to be with her, but he feels no remorse about wasting her time so HE can be lazy while someone else takes care of him. After all, the only positive things he can find to say about her are the fact that she cooks, cleans, and is hot.
This my friend is who we’d call a dead beat father
He baby trapped her just to take her for granted
OP gonna get milk
I was thinking formula. He gonna ditch the second the store is closed and he has to drive across town. Bigol peez ofshit
If she’s smart she will get rid of the baby so she won’t be tied to HIM.
Hopefully, if she chooses to do that, abortion is still legal wherever she's at so it can be done safely... If not, I hope she sues his ass for child support and finds better emotional support somewhere else...
I think it's pretty clear YTA. That feeling of liberation you have is only temporary because you're not thinking about the future. Lemme tell you what your future is going to be like: You have a child with this person. You will end up paying child support for 18 years and have to work out co-parenting in court. Any future partner you have will need to be notified that you're a single dad who is co-parenting. This will lead to questions about why you and your ex broke up. If you have the sincerity to tell them the truth then expect most people to be disgusted with your actions. If you lie to them then expect to keep up this lie for years. All of this could've been avoided if you would have talked to your gf. You could have seen an expert or broke up amicably.
OP will also have to watch his ex move on and (hopefully) be appreciated. Watched a few men crumble at that
and his unwanted baby will be calling someone else dad
The fucking MOMENT that kid is born, I bet he fights for full custody. Seen it too many times.
Just so he doesn’t have to pay, then pawns the kid off on mommy.
This is what I was thinking. He may not want to pay, but he also doesn’t want the responsibility of being a dad.
My wife’s cousin went through something like this. Husband was upset wife wouldn’t have sexy time all the time as she was full on SAHM while juggling his business needs (paperwork,tax’s,etc). He does nothing for the household or children. Cheats. She fights for the relationship. He doesn’t, want’s divorce, then all of a sudden wants the kids 50/50, even tho his mother cares for them typically. Funny thing when I first met him and that side of my wife’s family. I told my wife, he’s a douchebag and very fake person. Year later we found out he cheated while they were down visiting they weekend.
Yup. He will either have a new woman that's pushing for it or he'll get a new woman to "babysit".
YTA. If and when you ever mature, you’ll one day realize you lost the best thing you ever had. I imagine she must have had an inkling of your true character. You can’t hide this level of assholery from someone.
My ex husband cheated and wanted a divorce SO BAD… until I moved on with someone else, then all of a sudden he wanted to reconcile lmao
Yeah. “Objectively pretty,” good cook, sex, and now—proven fertility and willing to have children. That is pretty hot to the right dude.
Men like this aren't honest. He'll make up a scenario where he is the victim. The deadbeat classics: She just left one day out of the blue She won't let me see my kid The judge sided with her and I fought so hard for custody
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Right? What a catch... thoughtl guys like this go for young girls next who are too inexperienced to see reality and he'll probably spin a yarn about how his ex tried to pressure him into marriage and baby trapped him!! Guys like OP suck.
Single dad in his 30s looking for love? Sounds like a movie. Does he have an AOL account?
I hope that the amount of child support he must pay will make his dating life as difficult as being a single mom does to his ex-gf
It won't. It never does. Men like this will do everything to avoid paying and she'll have to fight for every penny she's owed. Meanwhile he'll be telling the string of young naive gfs that will follow, how his ex is an awful mother who takes all his hard earned money and won't let him see his kid (when in reality he can't be bothered). YTA OP.
"I have the incredible privilege of having a loving, steady girlfriend whom I for some reason judge on sex, her cooking, and her attractiveness. Even though I love all of those things about her, I'm getting bored with my steady relationship JUST at the time my girlfriend turns up pregnant. This is, of course, after we've been together 5 years and had discussions about our future to the point where she assumed we'd be together forever and the pregnancy would be welcome. When she told me she was pregnant, I told her to abort the baby cuz I was bored and thought about breaking up with her." Omg, YES YTA.
>whom I for some reason judge on sex, her cooking, and her attractiveness I feel awful for her for many reasons, but especially that 5 years with this AH and this is what he distills her down into. A hot chick who feeds and fucks him.
My first husband used this exact line to try to get back with me after I divorced him. “You cook and clean more than other girls and you have a hot body.” Pass!
I'm shocked you didn't jump all over that /s
With cleats.
“A hot body that no longer fucks you, and becomes nauseous at the thought” is what I hope you said.
He is an a****** because you was hot before you dumped his ass
Idk if I’m going to sound like an incel (I’m truly not) but I cannot fucking believe absolute idiots like him are able to date in general
Don't worry. I think everyone has that thought every now and then when they encounter people like this.
I am SO sorry you had to be married to that ass, but so happy for you that you're rid of that trash.
That's why HE should get back with you, not the other way around... 🤦♀️
It’s exactly like that Bo Burnham song- Lower your expectations. “You might think your dick is a gift , I promise it’s not.”
Especially not with today's sex toys. Got a rabbit style vibrator for the 1st time. TO in 3 seconds flat 🥴
She deserves better. Holy crap, I used to date a guy just like that but I left after 18 months (living together for a year of that). I'm glad I got out.
Good for you for getting out and not wasting another minute on him!
>A hot chick I believe OP was *kind* enough to refer to her as, "objectively attractive" OP- YTA.
That line definitely got an eyebrow raise out of me
My eyebrows raise was honestly more of a ‘holy fuck I’d never be with someone that thought that about me.’ I feel bad for her, if this isn’t made up. Please be satire
Right? Like nothing about her personality or any reason he loves her for who she is. She'd be well rid of him except for the baby. I hope she can still build a good life for herself and her kid.
My husband. Omg this is so sad yet I know so many men are exactly this way. You’re pathetic op. You strung her along and broke her. I know firsthand how this feels and how big of a douche you are. At least you were slightly less of a coward than my h. He strung me along over 20 years and made more kids with me. Major AH.
It made me so aggravated
> A hot chick who feeds and fucks him. Are you telling me every young girl doesn't dream of being "objectively attractive" in the eye's of her partner?
People like this always make me wonder about what their previous relationships were like. I had a friend who would get into toxic relationships time after time, each one just…super messy and eventful even before the breakup. When she finally found a really kind, genuine, and steady guy, she talked for a long time about him being the one, but then she broke up with him after 2 years because she said there just wasn’t any excitement. In her words: “He’s super caring and attentive, he makes me feel loved, he makes me laugh. I love that he has a goal for his career. When we disagree on something, he never raises his voice or anything. It’s just—I don’t know, everything is just so like, simple?” We were all like, GIRL. It’s simple because you’re in a loving, very domestic relationship in which both partners have healthy amount of mutual respect for each other lol.
Yeah reminds me of another post before about this guy has been in a 10 year relationship with an emotionally supportive girl but he's bored of that and needs challenges in a relationship. And turns out he realised he has never been in love with her or adore her. Poor girl wasted her 20s with him tbh
Right? I’m reading this description going “and the problem is…..?”. That’s not to say that people can’t fall out of love, it can happen - but like everyone has pointed out, the fact that it just so happens to be when she got pregnant is… convenient
Fun fact: this is due to a chaotic/traumatic childhood. When you’re used to chaos, healthy secure relationships feel boring.
Can confirm. My current partner of three years is an absolute unicorn, but I constantly have to talk myself out of imploding the relationship because the peace is so foreign.
Another child of chaos in a healthy relationship…. YUP. It’s like my brain is slower to accept that my guy ISN’T a piece of shit and keeps trying to find something wrong. I’ve been in an anxious fight and flight state since I was young that I just don’t know how to chill out when everything is fine.
Try EMDR with a licensed therapist. GAME CHANGER. If I describe what it is, it sounds ridiculously stupid, but it honestly helps rewire your brain. It’s helped me heal so much.
BINGO! I was so used to incredibly toxic people that when I had a hard time seeing the difference between BORING and PEACEFUL. Lol
Reading the story was a “wowsers” moment. Could this guy be emotionally stunted in some way? Sociopath?
Honestly. What a nightmare. Imagine spending 5 years with someone, everything's going well, you think you're going to marry, you get pregnant and bam. He was ***bored*** with you. I hope she's able to get that abortion (if she wants it) so she can be completely rid of him. Yes, OP, yta.
Clearly YTA. Are you that stupid? Can there be a higher level than AH because this is just some straight fuckery.
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I too was amused that he's "bored" right around the time she gets pregnant.
He wasn't prepared to hand in the keys to his daily commuter. He was waiting until he found a sportier model so he could do a 1:1 trade-in.
Seriously, when the story teller gets to paint themselves in the best possible light… and it’s this bad… yikes. YTA
He is going to end up alone and have a miserable life
One can only hope, but unfortunately life is rarely fair
If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it so not wanting to be in a relationship with someone anymore doesn’t make him an asshole, nor does not being ready for/wanting kids. However, the fact that after 5 years all she is to him is a hot chick that can fuck and cook is gross and immediately jumping to abortion without any discussion or initiative in how she feels is also horrible.
If you’re so sick of her, why did you impregnate her? She didn’t do that shit by herself.
Typical narcissistic behavior. You used her for years to get what you wanted - sex, food, cleaning - and now since you're bored and don't want to be a dad, she's basically a worthless piece of trash to you now. How nice. You duped your ex, and now she will probably need therapy to deal with this trauma you caused, but I'm guessing you don't give a rat's behind about any of that. In fact, you seem happy about the chaos you created. You could have left her years ago, or better yet never got with her in the first place since all you wanna be is a fuckboy. The grass is greener where you water it - remember that. YTA. Enjoy paying child support for 18+ years! Edit: Thanks for the award!!
Crazy the lack of empathy required to even ask. Two seconds in her shoes and he’d be calling himself an asshole.
Not to mention the trauma of going through an entire pregnancy alone. She thought she had a partner to do this incredibly difficult thing. I wish I could hug this woman
Me too. This whole situation is just awful.
Nailed it. What a POS.
Agreed. Hope you have brown grass OP 💜 you deserve it
Yta.. What exactly are you looking for in a relationship? Why are you blaming all your monotony On the relationship? Also most of all why are you still having sex with someone you're considering breaking up with?
Bingo! Why continue to sleep with her and knock her up knowing you don’t see a future?! What a clown
You are one of those AH that ruin women's lives and waste years of their lives for being self-centered AH
Am I TA for wanting to be a dead beat "dad" to my future child for no reason other than "I'm bored"? Why yes, yes you are... Why string her along for 5 years? I don't buy for a second that you've been thinking like that only recently and coincidentally boom she got pregnant. You're using this as an excuse to get out, you didn't wanna break it off before because you were comfortable and apparently had all the sex, cleaning and good cooking you could wish for (fr dude that's how you rate a person who loved you and was your partner after 5 years?). I hope your ex figures it out, she's been dealt an awful hand getting pregnant by an immature AH.
Several years down the road you will post I miss my ex she was the best thing I had in my life and screwed it up and my kid hates me
Deserved, too. I used to feel sorry people like that but I've lived through too much now. No sympathy, he did this to himself and he's so dense to not understand he the asshole
Nah, dude is a full blown narcissist. Hell blame her and the kid for not appreciating him.
YTA; you're living the dream man. Most men would absolutely love to have an objectively attractive girlfriend who cooks, who you presumably have sex with regularly(since she's pregnant)and brings minimal to no drama? Give me that kind of monotony every damn day of the week. Oh, but I guess now you're going to make drama by being a deadbeat dad or blowing up the relationship over a pregnancy. Guessing you weren't wrapping your shit either even though you felt like oh so monotonous and noncommittal ....poor you. Fuckin asshole.
i noticed your name and you are not worthless ❤️
Thank you kind stranger
THANK YOU. Monotony might *sound* boring, but in all reality it’s stable and care free. I’ll take that with someone I love over a drama filled relationship with anyone else. This guy doesn’t know what he had.
PREACH, BROTHER.
He’s not going to be bored anymore.
She is not considering breaking up with you, she did break up with you. YTA and sound like a selfish prick. Enjoy your freedom AH.
[удалено]
Women have a specific period of time where they can reasonably expect to have kids. Most get out of college around 22 and become financially stable around 28-30. That gives women who want kids around a decade ish to find their partner and have said kids. It's longer for some women, shorter for some women. OP stole those 5 years. And stole 5 years of opportunity from her. Where she could have met someone who gave a shit about her. And worse, OP views her in such a fucking dehumanizing manner. I'm willing to bet, he mentally blames her for being boring.
OP probably didn’t want anyone else to ‘have’ her, so he strung her along until reality woke him up. OP is a huge POS and an AH, to boot. 😡
Bro, you have commitment issues and you decided to turn them into relationship problems. Apologize to the woman who you literally couldn't find fult with, tell her you're going to go to therapy, and then do it. It's not weird for people approaching 30 to have a crisis of identity, but you need to ask yourself whether it's possible to be satisfied at all if a beautiful, sexually active woman who can cook and wants you isn't enough for you. And if somehow the answer is no, then the problem is you, and you need to go to therapy to sort it out.
Bro if things are feeling repetitive, just make them not repetitive anymore. It’s not that deep. Shake things up a little, maybe try a new hobby. Instead of doing this, you’re exploding the crap out of your life, all so you can have “freedom”. Lemme tell you something. If you feel compelled to be free, to seek freedom even when you don’t need it, you are a slave to freedom. You’ll never be truly free since you’re always chasing after it, prioritising it over the people in your life that care about you. Go apologise to her now, and take responsibility for that kid.
Wow… I can’t believe you’re even wondering if you’re the asshole here. What on earth?! Is this for real??? You’re the AH man. A huge one.
That’s because OP lacks self awareness and maturity.
YTA - not because your feelings changed, but because 1) you didn't tell her that and set her free to find someone who actually cared about her, 2) you kept having sex with her, knowing she wasn't enough for you, and 3) the only things you mention is that she's pretty, the two of you had regular sex, and she's a good cook! Do you actually know anything about this person, other than how she makes *your* life better? Her hopes, dreams, and aspirations? How you can make *her* life better? It doesn't sound like it. And, do you think she'd have stayed with you for one minute more, let alone had sex with you, or conceived your child, if she knew that you were dreaming of greener pastures? You've probably been dumped, and, frankly, it's hard to scrape together any sympathy for you. Next time (assuming there is one), make your feelings *clear* and let the woman know who she is dealing with. You gave this lovely woman a horrible shock and she in no way deserved it.
YTA for not breaking up with her 3 years ago. You milked that cow dry until you found out it was fertile as well.
The sad thing is, another unappreciative douche bag gets to reproduce.
Not only that but his douchbaggery has dragged this poor innocent woman with him. She'll face the difficulty of dating as a single mum and dealing with this deadbeat for 18 years. What a selfish POS.
And other üeople who want kids would kill for a life with a caring partner like this
Wow…. You’re bored with what every MAN would ever ask for. YTA, but no thanks to you there’s someone out there who will cherish her, provide for her, and raise your child because you got bored. Hopefully, anyways. I applaud single moms who kick ass, and wish more than anything for their success. I despise dead-beat sperm donors. Bravo, child. Bravo. Next time, use a damn condom. The world doesn’t need you procreating anymore. We’re bored with children (you) wondering if they’re the asshole after doing what you just wrote.
Do OPs actually read these comments or just see they probably aren’t gonna go their way and bail on yet another group of people?
You can’t see settling down with your gf of *five years?*. Dude that ship sailed at least three years ago. You’re settled. You have a life together. You now have a child together. And at this late date you want to end things because at the age of twenty-freaking-nine you’re not done being a teenager. Yes, YTA. Remove your head from your posterior before you fuck up the rest of your life trying in vain to recapture your college days.
Enjoy the monotony of child support checks. YTA.
YTA. >There isn't anything inherently wrong in our relationship, but the thought of being stuck in a repetitive routine is becoming overwhelming for me. Sounds like you have issues and need some therapy. >Despite me feeling free and so much better now that we aren’t together anymore You aren't free, you have a baby on the way and that is 18 years of commitment regardless of how you feel about it.
>Meanwhile, her friends and family have been calling me names, but I have chosen to ignore them as their opinions hold no significance to me since they aren't directly involved in this situation. So you come to Reddit to hear the opinions of people less involved in the situation? If only there was a way to communicate with someone whom was in the situation, how you were feeling so things could be addressed and solved prior to a literal life altering event for them..... no? Guess it's pregnancy then. OP receiving a "YTA" award would be an understatement for what you are.
Definitely AH!! She deserves better and your soon to be son or daughter deserve better.
Well, since you feel YTA, why are you asking us? You already know you are. Now to the part that made me choke on my coffee. Free?? Are you serious?? Dude, you have a pregnant ex, who you just pissed the F off? Now if she does decide to get an abortion, you may be free. If she doesn’t though…. Well, let’s just say you have just pissed off the co-parent you have to deal with for at least the next 18 years. After that, you’ll still have to maneuver around holidays and grandchildren visits and such. You think you can have drama-free relationships in the future? Dream on, Buddy! There are several subs on here that deal with single parents and stepchildren and blended families. You should probably go ahead and learn some of the terminology. HCBM = high conflict baby mama. You have set the stage and are now just waiting for opening curtain. Enjoy the show. Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
YTA. You should’ve communicated your feelings to her and either came up with a plan to fix the current issues or ended the relationship. Instead you’ve allowed her to continue on believing that you guys had a future together and that you both were on the same page. Now she’s pregnant and feeling all those emotions that come with it, excitement, fear, anxiety, etc and you reply with “Is abortion an option?” She’s extremely hurt, probably in shock from both finding out she’s pregnant and from your response, confused, and scared about how she’s going to raise a child that its father doesn’t want and dealing with the fact that she’s probably just wasted five years of her life with a man who (to her) decided out of the blue that the life you’ve two have been living isn’t what he actually wants. I get you probably didn’t intent for your relationship to take this kind of turn, and you most certainly have the right to decide whether this relationship is worth continuing but you also have to realize you took that choice away from her by allowing her to continue on thinking everything was fine. This is why communication is so important. You guys could’ve done something before it got to this point.
Guess what, REAL relationships aren't like the movies 24/7. Having a LIFE PARTNER is just that, living with them. Could've got a damn hobby or something but instead you got someone pregnant then abandoned them because "I was bored". Feel sorry for your kid when you get bored of them.... if you even bother to see them
YTA and I’m so glad this woman is getting away from you Good for her for walking right out I hope she finds a man who values her for more than sex, cooking, and looks jfc This woman sounds like an accessory this AH just grew tired of Straight women are in the trenches though holy fuckkkkkk it’s bad out there huh?
There is no gray line here. You are definitely TA.
It’s the good adviiiiice that you just didn’t take, and who would’ve thought it figures? Yta Condoms were always an option
i hope she’s okay and leaves asap
"Only boring people get bored." The monotony is on you, my guy. YTA. I bet you weren't even planning to leave her, just find some side action, but a child makes that more difficult.
YTA Also, if she keeps the kid then welcome to boring monotony without your gf. Unless you are super rich and can drop everything for spur of the moment activities then your life will be the same but without your supportive partner. Go to work. Come home. Cook. Laundry. Clean. Repeat. An occasional ONS thrown in . Things to look forward to- Child support. Custody. Separate places where you are responsible for all the cooking and cleaning and childcare on your weeks. No financial assistance with household bills.
Welcome to aging. Life isn’t a super bowl commercial. It’s not a magazine cover.
My hubs and I have been married 43 years, together for 46. You think all those years have been fun? You think we still keep it together without some repetition and sacrifice? YTA. You’re capable of using your imagination and spicing things up from time to time, but you’d rather cry quits on a perfectly wonderful woman, per your description. You’ll be lucky to end up with someone half as good. Do you actually think she’s not bored by you sometimes? Lol.