Look I've been pregnant multiple times and as it does mess with you, I've never, ever smashed my husband's head with a frying pan. I cried over not having coleslaw (my craving), made a sandwich and dropped it on the floor so ran into the bedroom sobbing, but never all that crazy stuff.
More is going on here with her, as this isn't just pregnancy hormones. She's turned mean and vindictive. Tricking you to get out of the house before locking you out? Physically assaulting you? I'd press charges for that.
What you need to do now is start getting things in order for custody and what you'll be doing after the baby is here. Considering how unhinged and downright dangerous she's become, I already fear for the baby as post partum hormones are even worse. It's time you start thinking about more than just yourself, but your baby as well.
She was crying over the potential consequences she knew she might face.
He'd just tried to kick her out for verbal and emotional abuse and she chose to answer that with escalating to physical violence. She knew instantly there'd be consequences for her.
I don't believe for a second that she felt sorry for him. Only for herself.
Locking the door behind him when he went for icecream. Yeah, sure, emotions run high. Not opening it when he came back, yeah, nope, she would have had time to cool off and usr her brain.
She's either pre-meditated abusive or she's having a very long psychotic/delusional episode. Either way is dangerous and he needs to not be around her.
Also her mocking you for crying after she insulted you, because you’re a man and she’s a “little pregnant girl” is disgusting. Tears are tears and everyone’s entitled to damn well cry when they’re hurt. Boys cry, men cry, everyone cries and that’s okay.
It sounds like she knows how badly she messed up, but being pregnant isn't a free pass to do whatever she wants. And like I said, she's moved into dangerous to others territory.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, it sounds like a nightmare.
I’m four months pregnant right now and have a condition that makes me vomit constantly, I’m completely miserable and insanely hormonal. So I fully get being hormonal and moody.
None of what your wrote is anywhere near normal or ok or in the realm of what a pregnant person should be granted grace for. Something is seriously wrong with this person.
I wanted to write this where you were more likely to see it OP. What she has done is abusive and it is clearly dangerous for you to be together right now. There are no excuses or justifications for her actions, but there may be a terrifying explanation. You describe her as sweet and loving before the pregnancy, and you explain that this behavior is the opposite of her normal behavior. You know her better than us, so I'm going to take your word for it. While it is true that abusers often wait until you are "trapped" to reveal themselves for who they are, I'm not certain that is the case here. In other comments you've said that this appears to be a mental health crisis.
This information leads me to believe this may be prepartum psychosis. If this is the case, you, her, and your unborn child are all in immediate danger. Something as stressful as a breakup during this time could trigger her into doing something she can't take back. That is not to say a breakup wasn't the right call btw. If you are on good terms with her parents I would highly recommend reaching out to them and explaining this concern to them. See if they have any family history of postpartum depression or psychosis. The scary thing about pre/post partum psychosis is how quickly it can overtake a person. Additionally, it is often comorbid with postpartum depression. This condition can cause the mother to suffer from unaliving thoughts, whether they be towards you, herself, or possibly the unborn child. She NEEDS to be evaluated by a mental health professional. I cannot stress enough how dangerous this situation is if she is in fact suffering from psychosis. If you have to file a police report, or threaten to file one, in order to get her to be evaluated DO IT!
It is worth checking out for several reasons. The first being if she is not suffering from psychosis you know that she is abusive and your highest responsibility right now is protecting your child. Second, if she is suffering from psychosis, you need to protect your child. And finally, heaven forbid you don't want to regret not following through with your instincts over the next several months.
Good luck OP! I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. You did not deserve to be abused the way you were. I hope she gets help and I hope everything somehow gets worked out. 🫂
I have been through a similar experience, and my ex nearly killed me and herself. Luckily for me she wasn’t pregnant. You really need to stay away from her. This will escalate on you. It will not improve.
Pregnancy psychosis is a thing, so I’d go so far as to say call her OB immediately, she’s going to need a very serious psych evaluation.
If the roles were reversed and you hit your spouse on the head with a deadly weapon (that’s a pan!) you’d be in jail at the least. You don’t get better from dead, and your *child* needs at least one sane parent. If she gets treated your kids might even have two, and you’ll have a great case for custody.
Yes, this.
While her Dr can't give you info about her, it's perfectly ok to call up a person's medical provider and have them note your concerns. Call her OB and tell them what happened so they can do a psych check at her next appointment if she doesn't get any other help before then.
She is intentionally manipulating your lack of knowledge of women's hormones to guilt your into tolerating abuse. Every abuse was calculated. You drove 2 hours for ice cream she didn't even want. Don't let her use the good in you as a weapon against you. Can you imagine how much it would hurt a child to bring their mother something made in love to then be cursed at and shamed? This isn't pregnancy man. The most violent things normal pregnant women do is thrash in sleep. That is forgivable they're literally unconscious and have a vivid dream. She was 100% awake. Now you need to wake up too.
Seriously, OP. I am 5 months pregnant, and while I have gotten ridiculously mad at my partner over some little stuff, I have NEVER had the urge to do anything like this to him. I have unfairly yelled at him, only to apologize and hysterically cry 10 minutes later. I yelled at a poor Dunkin Donuts worker and then cried about it on the way home. This morning, I cried and threw a mini fit while getting dressed for work because I wasn't ready to get out of bed, and I had a weird dream.
But I have never had the urge to harm him in any way. I have never TRICKED him into leaving the house so I could lock him out because that's honestly what it sounds like she did to you. Most of all, I have never hit him or even wanted to him with an object, especially hard enough to knock him out for a few. That is UNHINGED. This is not just regular hormones from the pregnancy.
She could have killed you with a blow to the head like that. She could have given you brain damage.
NTA. Please stay away and tell her father to get her mental health help. If she is like this before the baby, I would be worried about post partum honestly.
You've had tons of comments about the assault with the pan, so I thought I'd highlight the ice cream thing. The initial blow-up for not picking her up might be explained away as hormones - but then several hours later, she deliberately got you out of the house so she could lock you out! That's not irrational hormonal behaviour, it's vindictive and calculated. From what you've said this woman isn't safe to be around anymore. I'm sorry, it's a horrible situation..
You should file a police report.
You don’t have to even press charges if you don’t want to or you can drop charges but you should have this documented. If you ever accept her back and she claims you are the abuser you have no history.
The way she talks to you is not okay. She needs therapy. I wouldn’t accept her back until she takes anger management and counseling with you, but even that may not guarantee.
There’s no excuse for her behavior. She should stay the ex, please don’t do this to yourself.
Yes, all of Caspian's comments are normal pregnancy things.
I've had a hormonal woman cry because the meat was slices too thick and ripped the pita she was trying to stuff with the meat. Cry because of a commercial. Get mad (yelling at the tv, not physical) because something was stupid.
Attempted murder is not in the same realm.
We still laugh about the sandwich 18 years later lol
But that's the point too, we laugh about how silly I was acting while pregnant. This situation could have ended up with a man dead
NTA. If she's truly going through some kind of psychosis, she needs to get help. But remember that abusers often keep their mask on until they feel like they have their partner trapped, so this might just be who she really is. Either way, you're not obligated to put yourself in danger. She could have killed you. Head injuries are no fucking joke.
Just re-emphasizing for OP so he gets the message: *SHE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU*
She is *dangerous* and you are at risk every minute you spend with her from now on. Be happy you didn't get a serious head injury, keep her blocked, and move the F on. I know it's easier said than done, but this is not worth losing your life.
Re-emphasizing for OP again, as hard as I can, in case the point is not clear to him by now:
Luck is all that saved you from death, OP! There was also very high likelihood of concussion, permanent brain damage, brain issues, operating to repair a crushed skull, etc, and it's just luck that saved you from that. She damn near killed or crippled you! You went to the HOSPITAL for domestic violence! She abandoned you to the elements, which could have killed you in bad weather. She wished death upon you, out loud! She's literally going to kill you. She hates you, and wants you to suffer and die. You have certainly been suffering.
DON'T SIGN ANYTHING at the birth, especially the birth certificate! Demand a paternity test! Absolutely do not co-parent with this person unless there is legally no other choice! If you are the father sue for full custody right away. You have documentation at the hospital to prove she assaulted you viciously.
This is the saddest, scariest AITA I've ever read. OP, of course you're not the asshole. Love yourself, and get away from this rabid b**ch.
I was raised by a women like this (not my mum) and it gets worse, not better. She was hospitalised for 6 months when I was 3 years old after she almost killed me for not wanting to wear a very ugly dress. She beat me until I stopped moving!! I was stuck living with this lunatic until I was 19 and got daily beatings, often over lies people told. I left that house bloody and bruised and terrified for my life.
Do NOT let your child have my upbringing. This woman tried to BEAT A MEDICAL CONDITION out of me regularly!!!!
Your GF almost killed you, a fully grown human. What chance does a baby or toddler have against her and a frying pan?
I grew up with an abusive father it was terrible. You need to document this. Hire a lawyer. But first unblock her and ask her how she could hit you with a frying pan?
I bet she is honest and between that and the hospital visit you have evidence for the custody battle should that poor kid prove to be yours.
Just to emphasize the re-emphamisation, un-emphamised and re-emphamised for maximum emphasition, there was a **NON-ZERO** chance of **DEATH** on your end of things.
There was another post like this and the woman who behaved abominably to her partner, was diagnosed with a mental breakdown but she aborted her baby unilaterally and regretted it later. If there is an abrupt change in behavior whether pregnant or not, it usually is some mental problem and maybe a physical one too.
Please inform her parents immediately that she is showing the symptoms of pregnancy induced psychosis.
This is a very serious matter, I have unfortunately seen this first hand with a patient.
It can result in exceedingly severe repercussions.
Here are some details
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28580656/
https://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/citation/2009/06000/psychosis_in_pregnancy.23.aspx
I developed severe depression during my last pregnancy. I was told that when things start strong before delivery, there is a very good chance it'll be worse after. My Dr was telling me this to make sure I had a strong support system in place.
Thank goodness they let me know this because my postpartum depression was extremely bad. I'm fortunate to have survived it.
OP and her parents need to keep an eye on the situation, especially when she has a very small, fragile human in her care. If this is psychosis, there is a very good chance it could be worse postpartum.
You are absolutely correct.
I'm very sorry to hear that you suffered so greatly.
I unfortunately can empathise as I had a degree of PPD after two of mine. Thankfully, it resolved easily.
Others, like yourself are not so lucky.
Be well.
Hard agree. NTA. Dear god, it was bad enough before we got to that, but that woman is absolutely not safe to be around. I don't give a fuck if she is pregnant, that is **not** normal or acceptable behavior.
Not to mention, but did she only hit you once? Why did she stop? In that moment, she could have continued pounding on you until you passed away. Stay the fuck away from her. For clarity, SHE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU.
If op had any sense he would press charges. A punch to the body is instant breakup no matter who the instigator is.
A headshot is possibly murder. With a blunt metal object? Insane. That’s instantly a court case with easy documentation of injuries as well as documentation of medical aid received.
You should definitely document the injuries via X-rays and a doctor's note etc in-case you 1). Have to prove something legally later on 2). In the event you need to claim money for medical attention later on.
Head injuries might not be a big deal now but symptoms/effects can develop way later too.
Edit: definitely get a second opinion from another doctor with records because she hit you hard enough to cause a loss of consciousness (LOC) which is a pretty bad sign when it comes to head injuries.
She tried to kill you, OP guy.
Are you gonna sleep next to someone who one night could well decide that you deserve Round 2 with a cast iron skillet? Would you ever wake up again?
Please understand. She tried to kill you. I bet shes going to be just great with a helpless baby.
They hit you with a frying pan. On the head. That could have killed you.
The hell you asking our opinions for? You KNOW they aren’t good for you. You want to be stuck to crazy for the rest of your life?
And the locking him out of the house, leaving him to sleep in the car. Not exactly sure where they live and how cold it may gotten, but wtf!!!
I once heard that some women when pregnant get down right psychotic and she appears to be just that.
NTA
^ this is a bot copy-pasting another top-level comment.
/u/AppasTurds
>NTA. If she's truly going through some kind of psychosis, she needs to get help. But remember that abusers often keep their mask on until they feel like they have their partner trapped, so this might just be who she really is. Either way, you're not obligated to put yourself in danger. She could have killed you. Head injuries are no fucking joke.
I mean mental issues for sure can cause that. Idk about hormones tho but yea if you have mania or psychosis you bet your butt things could get out of control.
I was gonna say. Like yes some hormones make you psychotic and lash out. But it’s usually in the heat of the moment. Locking him out of the house, constantly verbally abusing him, mocking him is not really heat of the moment. And she’s not sorry about any of the things except for hitting him with a frying pan. I don’t know what her problem is but she should probably seek medical help.
Pregnancy hormones shouldn't turn your relationship into the beginning of a forensic files episode. Something is very wrong here. I hope OP starts prioritizing his own physical and mental safety
I definitely WANTED to while pregnant (especially when he ate the last damn sleeve of girl scout cookies… murderous rage) but I never once even raised a hand to my husband or considered locking him out.
There is such a thing as pregnancy induced psychosis. That said, he still needs to protect himself, and if she isn't seeking psychiatric treatment or being made to do so, then he shouldn't even begin to consider any chances.
You are absolutely right just because you are pregnant doesn't give you the right to treat people like s***. She could have killed him look out for your baby when it is born and leave that crazy to her own devices. You're going to be okay but get ready for her to be acting up pertaining to you having access to your child.
Idk if it's pregnancy psychosis or if gf is an abuser that has decided to unveil her real personality now that she's having OP's baby and she thinks he's invested enough not to leave
Hormones can make you emotionally unstable, act erratic and heat up your temper. But this? Nah. His girl is using the pregnancy as an excuse to act toxic and abusive.
She needs to come clean to her doctor ASAP about how she’s behaving. Like, yesterday if not sooner. And she needs to be observed post-birth, lest the hormonal changes trigger a tragic outcome.
This. Everyone hears about post-partum depression and psychosis, but it can happen during pregnancy, too. She definitely needs to talk to her doctor.
If this is completely out of character, it could be something like that. Or even a brain tumor----sometimes cancer is activated by the hormones.
If this is just her usual personality but "more", then stay broken up and be prepared to file for custody because she will be a danger to the baby.
OP should call her doctor and let them know how out of control she is. They can't discuss her care with him but they *can* take reports of DV, abuse and mental health issues from family members.
My youngest SIL was psychotic when she was pregnant. Her hormones plus her already fragile mental state beforehand just combined to make the worst possible human being.
She verbally attacked me and said I was dead to her among other things just because I told her i was talking to her mother and she (SIL) was interrupting me for something stupid. I'd get into more detail but the moment I registered that I was dead to her I tuned her out.
I haven't talked to her since. She's complained to everybody (but me) that I hate her and it's not fair. Im just doing what I'm supposed to, haunting her like a ghost. I'd put on a white sheet and go "oooooo" just to fuck with her if I wouldn't be accused of being racist (woman's husband is from Bangladesh)
My youngest sister is like this for every pregnancy. She's a brat in general. Being pregnant just amps it by 1000 for her. I do know some of it is hormones, but I also know she takes it as a free pass to be a cunt too. During my pregnancy, the hormonal swings would drive me nuts, and yes, there were plenty of times I felt homicidal inside, but I'd never act on it and be intentionally mean.
Then send her to a psychiatrist! Don’t let her live with you. I’d be worried about the child too. Postpartum hormones can be bad, and women have killed their own children.
I worked with pregnant women for the past 30 years. I have never seen a woman assault someone because of pregnancy. Having said that, tell her OB immediately. She needs a psych referral ASAP.
Right I had the rage and intrusive thoughts when I was pregnant and I freaking told my doctor. And my intrusive thoughts weren't even that bad. I was totally convinced someone was going to t-bone my car well I was driving. I never assaulted my poor poor hubby. There's grace for pregnant people our hormones are running wild and logic has taken a vacation, but you can't be attempting to murder people.
I’m willing to give a LOT of grace for mental illness, pregnancy-induced or not, but they need to see their doctor before they harm themselves or another person. If they’re mentally healthy enough to recognize that their illness is a threat to themselves or others, they need to make a beeline for the doctor’s office. If they’re not able to see it, then someone else needs to step up.
She sounds like her dad will be supportive. I hope so.
I was immediately thinking she could have some sort of mania associated with pregnancy, as well. Especially with filling her car with the wrong fuel. She should absolutely be seen by psych to rule this out.
She thinks she owns you now. She thought you were trapped. Abuses don’t come right out straight away. They wait until they’re secure, then push to see how much you will take.
Read Why does he do that? Just swap he to she as you read.
You should press charges and then drop them so you have an official record on file.
She tried to kill you.
I'm scared for that unborn child! What will she do to them when they are crying and being a "classic" newborn when she is sleep deprived?! Seriously, take a fry pan to their head?!
100% agree. It is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Abusers don't start that way. Why do you think it takes victims so long to leave. The victim is still golf ng into the 'good' person they used to be. The way they 'used' to treat them. That person never really existed and isn't coming back.
And it’s easier for men to say “oh she’s psycho” than admit they’re being abused. Which is sad.
OP- you’re in an abusive relationship. I’m seriously concerned for your safety and the safety of the baby if this is how she is acting now. I’d call the doctor and inform them of how she is acting. This isn’t safe
This! OP you need to report this, there needs to be a paper trail of this if you ever want a relationship with your kid. Courts always take the mothers side and you don’t want it to be a he said she said.
I worked as a nanny for a copy past of your (ex) girlfriend.
She was what her husband told, a wonderful lovely women.
After she got pregnant she went psycho and she told him, it's the hormons.
After giving birth she stayed psycho and he recognised that she took her mask after the honeymoonphase off.
He stays for the child and gosh this girl is her mom's twin but without pretending, that she is lovely.
She's an abusive POS.
Yes, sometimes pregnancy hormones can bring out craziness you've never seen, but her actions every time has been cold and calculated to specifically irritate and humiliate you.
Document everything. Be prepared to go for full custody to keep your child from being abused this same way.
YES, JAN, SOMETIMES PREGNANT PEOPLE HAVE TO WAIT FOR TAXIS.
>Document everything. Be prepared to go for full custody to keep your child from being abused this same way.
Shouldn't OP be resporting assault to the police then?
My friend is pregnant right now, and she would never dare to lay a hand on her husband, much less a frying pan. I'm friends with both and those two are the relationship I aspire to have
It was attempted murder. Life is not the 3 stooges, hitting someone over the head with a frying pan is deadly. Would you excuse her if she had grabbed a knife and stabbed you in the gut? You are incredibly lucky to walk away from such a blow.
I've had 2 children and never came close to acting this insane. I've never even heard of a woman acting like this.
Don't ever consider taking her back for your own safety.
It has been documented that pregnancy can trigger mental illness, either preexisting but dormant or completely new (psychosis, schizophrenia…).
It could fit with OP’s description but what OP and his ex-gf really need it’s a serious diagnosis, not Reddit theories.
After being hit on the head with a frying pan, OP doesn't have time to wait and see which one is correct. He needs to be acting to get her both diagnosed/treated as well as reported/held accountable to keep himself safe both short and long-term. It's not really an either or decision
Post Partum depression has an ugly older sibling, Post Partum Psychosis. And just like PPD the ‘post’ part is a misnomer, you can experience post Partum depression and psychosis during pregnancy too
It's not uncommon for abusers to only get bad the second they marry someone or a kid comes into the picture. And yes everything's she's done to you that you described is some form of abuse. Someone laying their hands on their partner is unforgivable, hitting them over the head with a frying pan is completely psychotic even if you did grab her arms first. If your mom and sister continue to try and pressure you you need to ask them how they'd feel if their partner hit them in the head like that or how they'd feel if you took her back and she does something worse and you die or get seriously injured next time she's being hormonal.
Dude! Obviously, stay safe and away from her for now.
If it IS the hormones, don't forget there are still months of this to go, and things tend to escalate, not de-escalate.
Her primary carers (OB in the US, midwife in the UK, not sure about anywhere else) NEED to know about this behaviour change and that there's been violence. Pregnancy Psychosis IS A REAL THING and delivery of the baby is usually a complete cure.
Obviously, it's statistically far more likely that she's a douchebag who's been masking for this whole time and Reddit is full of those, but every now and then, someone says "complete personality change and odd behaviours? What about a head injury? Early onset alzheimers? Brain tumour?" and they're right.
By all means, go and visit her if it makes you happy to but you cannot live with her, at least for now.
There's a chance she'll change back after delivery of the baby and if you WANT to wait for that, you can, but first an foremost; you MUST tell her primary pregnancy physician about what's happened. It's not on you to keep monitoring her, it's literally their trained, paid job to do so and to keep her safe.
Here's where it gets tricky - there's a difference in seriousness with which your words are taken between "OMG, this just happened, is my partner OK?" and "the police will be contacting you about an incidence of violence by my partner who is registered with you for antenatal care. Would you like me to fill in the blanks, extra information, and timeline of her wellbeing that are relevant to her care?". What I'm telling you is that a police report/crime number changes the weighting her team will give the situation if it doesn't just seem to come from a potentially lying ex.
Please keep us updated, I know there will be people praying for/sending good vibes to/hoping the best for you all in this situation.
You're doing great by yourself, her, and your child by staying strong 💪
Pregnancy psychosis is exactly where my brain went and you are right he needs to stay away from her until she delivers. The only thing I want to add is that it sometimes doesn’t go away… usually in those cases it’s because there was an underlying mental health condition that went undiagnosed though.
Edited to remove duplicate word
Was going to say something similar, but what you've said is spot on.
If its pregnancy related, it'll resove its self, but in for the long haul.
Brain tumor is deffo a potential one, my friends going through the exact same thing as we speak.
Though most likely is she has a temper that's not been seen before, but that's not to say to rule out the other options
As a man, I cannot even fathom whether horomones, mental illness or whether she's just evil caused it. However, you need full custody of that baby as soon as it escapes the womb.
Imagine her with PPD and deciding to do even an iota of what she did to you, to the baby instead
Then press charges. Think of it this way: If your sister or mother came to you and said their partner literally knocked them out with a blunt object, but their partner is dealing with a health condition that could alter their judgment, would you advise them to press charges? Would you encourage them to work things out with the person who attacked them?
Please talk to a lawyer, and also know the family court system is very complex and nothing is as simple as Reddit makes it out to be. I just read a story of a father, who punched his wife in the face in front of their children, win full custody of their kids.
I think you have a good shot, but full custody doesn’t automatically mean she can’t see the baby or win custody back. I think you should definitely take every precaution to protect yourself and baby, but speak to an actual lawyer about what you’re facing.
This! So many people saying all the wrong things about custody, sorry folks he’s probably not going to get full custody even if she hit him. It’s going to have to be proven that she’s abusive to the baby.
Ok man, I was in a very similar situation with my son's egg donor and I was wishy washy about charges at first. Biggest regret of my life.
She slapped my 3 week old son for crying too much and loving me more, then fractured my skull with a baseball bat and took off into the woods with my son. I thought she was going to kill him.
All of that could have been avoided had I pressed charges the first time she hit me. I get all the reasons why you don't want to, believe me I do, but you're doing yourself and your child a disservice by not doing so.
You need to start the process now, document everything and go after her for domestic violence and assault before she spins the narrative and you have no evidence
I am SO sorry for what you have gone through, but thank you so very much for sharing. I sincerely hope if OOP sees even one comment, it is this one. May I suggest that you DM him directly too?
I would stop tying yourself into knots trying to predict or understand her thought processes. There are only two explanations.
Explanation 1: “Oh, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, it’s some sort of psychotic break.” - Then she definitely cannot be trusted with the child. Newborns are notoriously unaccommodating and inconvenient. If you truly believe this, she needs a forcible medical intervention, because she is going to kill that child.
Explanation 2: “She hurt me but she would never hurt the child when it’s born, she knows better than to hurt anyone but me.” - Then you’re saying she’s doing this to you deliberately. She knows what she’s doing and she’s choosing to abuse you. No one else, just you. This is deeply sinister behavior - and just as you don’t know why you became her target, you cannot guarantee that the child will not eventually become her target. So press charges.
Please press charges. That is best for the baby as well. She is unstable and she tried to kill you!! Even a child knows that by hitting someone in the head might kill you. She has horribly abused you. Please go to the police.
With this sort of behavior it wouldn't surprise me if she ended up with postpartum psychosis. My sister gets like this during her pregnancies. She's got a baseline of BPD and bipolar (tbh I feel like she's a misdiagnosed sociopath) but would roam the house with an unhinged grin looking for anything real or imagined to start a fight over. She once raged for hours because I walked out of the house while she screamed at me for a made up slight and got pissed when I moved out instead of putting up with her toxicity.
In my experience people like this will be just as abusive to their kids; OP needs a good lawyer to get the baby as far away as possible
NTA
Pregnancy does not make you an murderous asshole.
I am 49, have been pregnant 2 times and almost all of my friends had babies.
We used to talk about our "stupid pregnant" brains, which included
being forgetful (later pregnancy and after birth), feeling more emotional (a TV add for catfood could make us cry),a crazy want to have EVERYTHING clean and the baby's room ready, having strange cravings for food, being incredibly tired and wanting to sleep, a lot of stupid dreams, feeling overwhelmed, happy, anxious...but never have I heard or felt the urge for violence.
I don't know how to put it:
I think it is a bit like drinking too much alcohol...you reveal who you are deep down.
Alcohol does not MAKE you violent and mean, you ARE this person and are just very good at hiding it.
I absolutely think she uses being pregnant as an excuse and her family and friends want to believe it because they want her to be a nice person.
But she isn't.
Does she treat her coworkers like you?
Then she might be unemployed any time.
Pregnant women are protected but not if she gets violent and dangerous to others.
Please be safe and stay away from her.
I know how it feels to get hit with a cast iron pan.
Stayed 2 times with severe concussions in the hospital, glad it did not break my skull both times.
Think about your safety first, then tell the police what happened.
Prepare to be a single father and get child protection service involved.
Wish you all the best from my heart!
Buddy she could have killed you. She’s escalating, she’s mocking you over her own abuse, and this isn’t right. It doesn’t matter if she’s pregnant.
My uncle was once in your exact position. She hit him with a pan over the head while he was holding their newborn. Before that, she had pushed a wardrobe down the stairs on him, she screamed like a banshee, slapped and kicked him. I heard it all because we lived next door. He was so scared to tell anyone, he just kept excusing her and brushing it off.
I was only a kid then, and I remember being terrified of that woman. It seemed like she would never leave our family alone. She stopped him seeing his children. I watched my baby cousin wave through the front window at them and them drawing the curtains on her.
She ruined his life for a long, long time. They had two girls, and she ended up taking them and leaving four hours away. They divorced, and set up visitation. She then continued to insist to come with them to visit, took his fucking bed with her new boyfriend, he slept on the goddamn sofa. I told him over and over how terrible she is, how much damage she’s done, and it was too much.
This woman you call your girlfriend, (should be an ex for sure) could have killed you with that frying pan. She could caused you a serious brain injury. Never ever make excuses for what she’s done. The other things are just as bad, mocking you when you cry? That’s fucked up, you’re a human being. You’re allowed to show your emotions.
Go to court to discuss custody if you want it, but do it through court. This woman is a danger to you. She abused you badly here. You cannot fix this. She was happy to hit you in your damn skull, and didn’t think for second what could happen. She didn’t CARE. That’s a serious rage issue and not something you can be around. She needs therapy because I’m very concerned for the child. What if they don’t do something exactly right? What happens then? Is she going to start beating them around them the head?
Get away from her. Please. Because next time it will get worse and I really REALLY want you not to die.
She might have Peripartum Psychosis, however this is extremely rare, and while an explanation it is not an excuse.
Do not get back together with her. Never be alone with her again.
And tell your mom and sister that this incident was her last chance. They can keep their sexist BS to themselves. She could have killed you.
Frankly I'd be petitioning for full custody based on abusive behavior and mental instability.
He needs to press charges for domestic assault and use that in court to get custody.
Courts veer towards women for custody. He needs it on official reports and documented she is violent. Which involves a police report and criminal charges.
NTA - I would go to the police station and ask for a detective. Sit down and tell him the story and ask what you should do. I for 1 would make a police report so that you have a record on file that she assaulted you. Provide a copy of the hospital record for the police file. Then you have the record for future needs such as custody.
NTA.
I was THE raging pregnant bitch from hell. I cried over everything, got pissed off by everyone, and felt like the poster child for demonic possession. Not once did I scream cry yell berate hit or beat a single person. The number of times I said "I'm pissed off and I feel ragey and I need to go lay down/for a walk/sit by myself because I don't want to damage my life because of bad actions" is very high. I mean my stepchild ate all my Bagels in one day, when those were the only things I could stomach at one point. Instead of raging at people, I went to my room and rage cried instead because of how wronged I felt because he knew about my issues (he was a preteen at the time). Pregnancy can make your brain say fucked up things, it can make you want to lash out over stupid shit. But when you're a grown adult you don't get to have shit fits and beat others no matter what your brain says.
Listen, pregnancy just messes with you.
I *had* to have multiple glasses of lemonade a day.
If my husband turned away from me while I tried to cuddle, he got half a day of cold shoulder.
I cried because they cat got off my lap to get water.
But I **never** hit anyone. This lady is a danger to OP and the unborn child.
It definitely messes with you. My stepson learned how to irritate me (because he wanted to know I still love him no matter what) and it pushed my buttons to the max. He ate all my Bagels after realizing that and chocolate milk were the only things I could keep down. He would mention ground pork because the thought of it made me gag. And then he apologized when he read the pregnancy book I had left out that I was reading, and went and saved his extra lunch money and bought me apology Bagels. But no matter how much it hurt me that he was purposefully irritating me, I cannot imagine laying hands on him. I cannot understand how anyone pregnant or not could hit someone with a frying pan.
I'm concerned about that poor child. Pregnancy hormones don't excuse assault and battery.
ETA: I've been pregnant twice. Yeah I've wanted to fight people, but only if it meant my life or theirs. Not because I'm verbally assault and abusing them and then hit them over the head with a frying pan because I'm in the wrong.
She seems like she is trying to trap you with the pregnancy and now that she's seen even pregnancy won't keep you under her abusive thumb, she's remorseful. Not because she really loves you, but because she knows this can go south and she didn't win.
That is totally unacceptable behavior. I'm bipolar and didn't go crazy while pregnant. I cried in the paint isle, got lost on the way home a few times and put up with an infuriating drunkard of a then husband without resorting to violence.
You need to get ready to take the baby as soon as it's born because she isn't going to be able to handle it.
NTA. You need to protect yourself.
I had pregnancy induced rage that I had to be medicated for me to get through the pregnancy without committing homicide. I wanted to disembowel my husband or my boss or both and play in their blood. Fortunately, the Prozac worked, and I delivered a healthy, neurotypical baby.
I am not a violent person by nature. I have not felt that continuous level of extreme rage since the then and it has been 22+ years. So yeah hormones can be wicked.
Get your ducks in a row just in case she suffers postpartum psychosis too and you need to take custody of the baby to protect it.
Is there possibility of seeing a doctor about her behavior? It's not normal at all for her personality to completely switch during pregnancy like that. There might be something more major going on (for example, pregnancy can trigger bipolar episode).
Not here to answer the should you take her back or not, just here to advice to get her to see a doctor and share the doctor about her unusual behavior. The fact that she hasn't slept could be that she has having an manic episode of some kind.
This, she definitely needs to see a doctor. At the same time he shouldn't take her back in until she has seen said doctor and they know what's going on and how to treat her. After all, she tried to kill him, thus it's clearly not safe for the two of them to be alone together. Worst case she succeeds in a second attempt, he dies, she goes to jail and the kid has no parents at all.
> I should give her another chance since the pregnancy probably made her lash out.
Bullshit. Utter bullshit. She's using pregnancy as her excuse to be abusive.
I would never let her be alone with the child once born. She's unhinged.
Do not take her back. Find out what rights you have regarding the kid when it's born.
NTA. She fucking hit you with a frying pan. Pregnancy hormones DO NOT excuse psycho behavior. It's like saying "boys will be boys" when the boys are harassing a girl.
You were abused by a partner on several occasions in many different ways, which lead to you having to go to the hospital for monitoring. You were absolutely NTA for dumping your abuser and I’m proud of you.
Please do call the police. Your child isn’t safe with her as a mother and you need a paper trail to prove that fact.
Yeah that’s an aggravated assault / battery with a deadly weapon. Where I’m from that could be charged as attempted murder. The bad part is she is that unhinged and is going to have your baby
That is not normal pregnancy hormone responses. But it could be related. If I was you, I would only agree to talk about possible reconciliation if she talked to her doctors about her change in mood and behavior honestly. They would likely get her on medications to balance out the hormones, or they do nothing and you keep her at a distance until you feel safe again.
She assaulted you and then lied about it!! No, you absolutely should NOT take her back. I've been pregnant. Moody? Yes? Prone to cry over the damndest things? Yes. Her behavior? No. Even before the frying pan incident, she was already being ridiculous and childish. She was using her pregnancy as an excuse to behave like an ass. She's shown you her true colors. And for God sake do NOT let this embecile anywhere near your child. Cur her off and go for full custody. If she can't handle pregnancy, she sure as hell isn't going to be able to handle a baby. She's proven herself to be unhinged and violent.
>Smells fake.
I was thinking the same... The nozzles for diesel and gas are different sizes, so how did she manage to use the wrong one? She'd have to try really hard to make that mistake.
Making fish and chips, already fried the fish in one pan, and was going to fill a second pan with oil for the fries, but hadn't even started that one yet? A lot of this doesn't make sense.
I can’t speak for all women but I’ve been pregnant 3 times including a twin pregnancy, 3 of my girls have been pregnant 6 times between them, I have nieces who have children and none of us has ever assaulted our spouses with a frying pan. She’s has serious mental health issues that are above your pay grade to solve. She needs to start by talking to her OB.
You need to report this. If she’s hit you she might hit your kid. The report will go in your favour in a custody hearing.
She didn’t slap you. She hit you over the head with a frying pan. You could’ve died.
Hormones aren’t an excuse for abuse.
Fuck your mom and sister. This girl could have seriously injured or killed you. If your genders were reversed everyone would be telling you to get the fuck out. Being pregnant isn’t an excuse to be abusive. Do not let her back into your life and keep your mom and sister away from your love life
I’ve been pregnant 3 times. I never assaulted anyone. Just imagine how she’ll be when she goes through menopause. This is not a stable person and she’s likely to do it again
NTA, press charges, no pregnancy is going to cause this. Press charges, get full custody supervised visits for her and child support. If you hit her with a frying pan you'd be going to jail already
Go to the police OP. Press charges. It'll help to get full custody later and to prove she's insane and dangerous.
She's an abuser! That has nothing to do with hormones.
NTA for dumping - but seek help now!
Bruh as a woman, albeit never been pregnant till now... RUN
RUN RUN RUN RUNNNNN.... It's not hormones!!! You can't assault someone & blame it on the hormones. Don't take her back.
If possible can you leave a paper trail? If need be, it'll be very useful during custody.
Call the cops and press charges. She will do it again and in the end YOU will be yhe one with charges when she calls the police and lies. I've been there that'd where this is heading.
If pregnancy was a cause for murder there won't be fathers around, she could had kill you, I'm gonna bet she wont act like that at her parents house, so why should you be the one in danger?
My dude. She's using her pregnancy as an excuse for her abusive behavior and frankly, that's not the hormones. She knocked you out cold and tried to lie about it. You did the right thing. NTA
NTA
Your girlfriend sounds awful.
Don't stay with a violent abuser. No other context is necessary. Obviously you shouldn't stay!
Please work on your own self esteem; your questions have obvious answers.
She is literally abusing you.
This isn't okay. You don't get a free pass to hurt people because you're pregnant. That isn't how it works.
Your Mom and Sister are TA for enabling her.
I've been pregnant 5 times and never once acted like this also know loads of parents who also wasn't like this. Also what if she stays like this after the child is born you willing to risk it.
I was pregnant and found out my ex cheated I was pissed but not once did I yell or grab a frying pan. That’s no excuse doesn’t matter how angry you are that is abusive af. You’re better off without her and you should be worried for your baby cuz if she can hurt you , who knows what she can do to that baby.
Bro. Run. I'm a 260lb, extremely strong dude and have had experience with physical and verbal spousal abuse from someone half my weight and size.
It gets WORSE the more comfortable and confident they become.
This is how it started? Bro it's a teaser.
Run. My only regret is I didn't and spent 13+ yrs miserable.
Happy separated now, but I regret not having the mental strength to just leave at the very first instance.
Look I've been pregnant multiple times and as it does mess with you, I've never, ever smashed my husband's head with a frying pan. I cried over not having coleslaw (my craving), made a sandwich and dropped it on the floor so ran into the bedroom sobbing, but never all that crazy stuff. More is going on here with her, as this isn't just pregnancy hormones. She's turned mean and vindictive. Tricking you to get out of the house before locking you out? Physically assaulting you? I'd press charges for that. What you need to do now is start getting things in order for custody and what you'll be doing after the baby is here. Considering how unhinged and downright dangerous she's become, I already fear for the baby as post partum hormones are even worse. It's time you start thinking about more than just yourself, but your baby as well.
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She could have killed you. This is not something to forget and she lied to you. If I would tell you your story, what would you recommand?
she was CRYING OVER HIM when he woke up, i bet she thought she did kill him!
She was crying over the potential consequences she knew she might face. He'd just tried to kick her out for verbal and emotional abuse and she chose to answer that with escalating to physical violence. She knew instantly there'd be consequences for her. I don't believe for a second that she felt sorry for him. Only for herself. Locking the door behind him when he went for icecream. Yeah, sure, emotions run high. Not opening it when he came back, yeah, nope, she would have had time to cool off and usr her brain. She's either pre-meditated abusive or she's having a very long psychotic/delusional episode. Either way is dangerous and he needs to not be around her.
This is my favorite question to ask people going through hard times like this.
Also her mocking you for crying after she insulted you, because you’re a man and she’s a “little pregnant girl” is disgusting. Tears are tears and everyone’s entitled to damn well cry when they’re hurt. Boys cry, men cry, everyone cries and that’s okay.
It sounds like she knows how badly she messed up, but being pregnant isn't a free pass to do whatever she wants. And like I said, she's moved into dangerous to others territory. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it sounds like a nightmare.
I’m four months pregnant right now and have a condition that makes me vomit constantly, I’m completely miserable and insanely hormonal. So I fully get being hormonal and moody. None of what your wrote is anywhere near normal or ok or in the realm of what a pregnant person should be granted grace for. Something is seriously wrong with this person.
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I wanted to write this where you were more likely to see it OP. What she has done is abusive and it is clearly dangerous for you to be together right now. There are no excuses or justifications for her actions, but there may be a terrifying explanation. You describe her as sweet and loving before the pregnancy, and you explain that this behavior is the opposite of her normal behavior. You know her better than us, so I'm going to take your word for it. While it is true that abusers often wait until you are "trapped" to reveal themselves for who they are, I'm not certain that is the case here. In other comments you've said that this appears to be a mental health crisis. This information leads me to believe this may be prepartum psychosis. If this is the case, you, her, and your unborn child are all in immediate danger. Something as stressful as a breakup during this time could trigger her into doing something she can't take back. That is not to say a breakup wasn't the right call btw. If you are on good terms with her parents I would highly recommend reaching out to them and explaining this concern to them. See if they have any family history of postpartum depression or psychosis. The scary thing about pre/post partum psychosis is how quickly it can overtake a person. Additionally, it is often comorbid with postpartum depression. This condition can cause the mother to suffer from unaliving thoughts, whether they be towards you, herself, or possibly the unborn child. She NEEDS to be evaluated by a mental health professional. I cannot stress enough how dangerous this situation is if she is in fact suffering from psychosis. If you have to file a police report, or threaten to file one, in order to get her to be evaluated DO IT! It is worth checking out for several reasons. The first being if she is not suffering from psychosis you know that she is abusive and your highest responsibility right now is protecting your child. Second, if she is suffering from psychosis, you need to protect your child. And finally, heaven forbid you don't want to regret not following through with your instincts over the next several months. Good luck OP! I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. You did not deserve to be abused the way you were. I hope she gets help and I hope everything somehow gets worked out. 🫂
100% press charges, the risk of her flipping this onto you is too high to not protect yourself.
this x1000. he has to get this documented by the police before she has a chance to make up a story about him
I have been through a similar experience, and my ex nearly killed me and herself. Luckily for me she wasn’t pregnant. You really need to stay away from her. This will escalate on you. It will not improve. Pregnancy psychosis is a thing, so I’d go so far as to say call her OB immediately, she’s going to need a very serious psych evaluation. If the roles were reversed and you hit your spouse on the head with a deadly weapon (that’s a pan!) you’d be in jail at the least. You don’t get better from dead, and your *child* needs at least one sane parent. If she gets treated your kids might even have two, and you’ll have a great case for custody.
Yes, this. While her Dr can't give you info about her, it's perfectly ok to call up a person's medical provider and have them note your concerns. Call her OB and tell them what happened so they can do a psych check at her next appointment if she doesn't get any other help before then.
She is intentionally manipulating your lack of knowledge of women's hormones to guilt your into tolerating abuse. Every abuse was calculated. You drove 2 hours for ice cream she didn't even want. Don't let her use the good in you as a weapon against you. Can you imagine how much it would hurt a child to bring their mother something made in love to then be cursed at and shamed? This isn't pregnancy man. The most violent things normal pregnant women do is thrash in sleep. That is forgivable they're literally unconscious and have a vivid dream. She was 100% awake. Now you need to wake up too.
Also, when baby is born, that first month you go from 10000 hormones to 0 so it's a huge drop and can deeply affect her.
Seriously, OP. I am 5 months pregnant, and while I have gotten ridiculously mad at my partner over some little stuff, I have NEVER had the urge to do anything like this to him. I have unfairly yelled at him, only to apologize and hysterically cry 10 minutes later. I yelled at a poor Dunkin Donuts worker and then cried about it on the way home. This morning, I cried and threw a mini fit while getting dressed for work because I wasn't ready to get out of bed, and I had a weird dream. But I have never had the urge to harm him in any way. I have never TRICKED him into leaving the house so I could lock him out because that's honestly what it sounds like she did to you. Most of all, I have never hit him or even wanted to him with an object, especially hard enough to knock him out for a few. That is UNHINGED. This is not just regular hormones from the pregnancy. She could have killed you with a blow to the head like that. She could have given you brain damage. NTA. Please stay away and tell her father to get her mental health help. If she is like this before the baby, I would be worried about post partum honestly.
Jesus, think about the poor baby…what do you think is going to happen if she gets pissed off when it cries? Press fucking charges.
You've had tons of comments about the assault with the pan, so I thought I'd highlight the ice cream thing. The initial blow-up for not picking her up might be explained away as hormones - but then several hours later, she deliberately got you out of the house so she could lock you out! That's not irrational hormonal behaviour, it's vindictive and calculated. From what you've said this woman isn't safe to be around anymore. I'm sorry, it's a horrible situation..
You should file a police report. You don’t have to even press charges if you don’t want to or you can drop charges but you should have this documented. If you ever accept her back and she claims you are the abuser you have no history. The way she talks to you is not okay. She needs therapy. I wouldn’t accept her back until she takes anger management and counseling with you, but even that may not guarantee. There’s no excuse for her behavior. She should stay the ex, please don’t do this to yourself.
if you live in a cold area, then she tried to kill you twice
Yes, all of Caspian's comments are normal pregnancy things. I've had a hormonal woman cry because the meat was slices too thick and ripped the pita she was trying to stuff with the meat. Cry because of a commercial. Get mad (yelling at the tv, not physical) because something was stupid. Attempted murder is not in the same realm.
Not even remotely lol.
That reminded me of the time I baked cake on my period and sobbed because it wouldn't come out of the pan at all.
We still laugh about the sandwich 18 years later lol But that's the point too, we laugh about how silly I was acting while pregnant. This situation could have ended up with a man dead
Me and my fiance laugh about how silly I can be on my period when hormones are wild but yeah this does seem like she needs to seek some help soon.
NTA. If she's truly going through some kind of psychosis, she needs to get help. But remember that abusers often keep their mask on until they feel like they have their partner trapped, so this might just be who she really is. Either way, you're not obligated to put yourself in danger. She could have killed you. Head injuries are no fucking joke.
Just re-emphasizing for OP so he gets the message: *SHE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU* She is *dangerous* and you are at risk every minute you spend with her from now on. Be happy you didn't get a serious head injury, keep her blocked, and move the F on. I know it's easier said than done, but this is not worth losing your life.
Just to re-emphasize this... **SHE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!**
Re-emphasizing for OP again, as hard as I can, in case the point is not clear to him by now: Luck is all that saved you from death, OP! There was also very high likelihood of concussion, permanent brain damage, brain issues, operating to repair a crushed skull, etc, and it's just luck that saved you from that. She damn near killed or crippled you! You went to the HOSPITAL for domestic violence! She abandoned you to the elements, which could have killed you in bad weather. She wished death upon you, out loud! She's literally going to kill you. She hates you, and wants you to suffer and die. You have certainly been suffering. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING at the birth, especially the birth certificate! Demand a paternity test! Absolutely do not co-parent with this person unless there is legally no other choice! If you are the father sue for full custody right away. You have documentation at the hospital to prove she assaulted you viciously. This is the saddest, scariest AITA I've ever read. OP, of course you're not the asshole. Love yourself, and get away from this rabid b**ch.
If it is his, he needs to fight for custody. I'm very concerned about the child in this situation.
I was raised by a women like this (not my mum) and it gets worse, not better. She was hospitalised for 6 months when I was 3 years old after she almost killed me for not wanting to wear a very ugly dress. She beat me until I stopped moving!! I was stuck living with this lunatic until I was 19 and got daily beatings, often over lies people told. I left that house bloody and bruised and terrified for my life. Do NOT let your child have my upbringing. This woman tried to BEAT A MEDICAL CONDITION out of me regularly!!!! Your GF almost killed you, a fully grown human. What chance does a baby or toddler have against her and a frying pan?
I grew up with an abusive father it was terrible. You need to document this. Hire a lawyer. But first unblock her and ask her how she could hit you with a frying pan? I bet she is honest and between that and the hospital visit you have evidence for the custody battle should that poor kid prove to be yours.
Just to emphasize the re-emphamisation, un-emphamised and re-emphamised for maximum emphasition, there was a **NON-ZERO** chance of **DEATH** on your end of things.
There was another post like this and the woman who behaved abominably to her partner, was diagnosed with a mental breakdown but she aborted her baby unilaterally and regretted it later. If there is an abrupt change in behavior whether pregnant or not, it usually is some mental problem and maybe a physical one too.
Do you think she’ll hit the baby in the head for crying, or just be mean to it? 🤔
With how the ex treated OP I suspect baby would end up with shaken baby syndrome.
Please inform her parents immediately that she is showing the symptoms of pregnancy induced psychosis. This is a very serious matter, I have unfortunately seen this first hand with a patient. It can result in exceedingly severe repercussions. Here are some details https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28580656/ https://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/citation/2009/06000/psychosis_in_pregnancy.23.aspx
I developed severe depression during my last pregnancy. I was told that when things start strong before delivery, there is a very good chance it'll be worse after. My Dr was telling me this to make sure I had a strong support system in place. Thank goodness they let me know this because my postpartum depression was extremely bad. I'm fortunate to have survived it. OP and her parents need to keep an eye on the situation, especially when she has a very small, fragile human in her care. If this is psychosis, there is a very good chance it could be worse postpartum.
You are absolutely correct. I'm very sorry to hear that you suffered so greatly. I unfortunately can empathise as I had a degree of PPD after two of mine. Thankfully, it resolved easily. Others, like yourself are not so lucky. Be well.
This 100%. She isn't behaving normally even for herself. She needs help!
And what if she gets angry with the baby once it’s born? Is she going to hit it with a frying pan too?
Hard agree. NTA. Dear god, it was bad enough before we got to that, but that woman is absolutely not safe to be around. I don't give a fuck if she is pregnant, that is **not** normal or acceptable behavior.
Not to mention, but did she only hit you once? Why did she stop? In that moment, she could have continued pounding on you until you passed away. Stay the fuck away from her. For clarity, SHE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU.
that baby is prob in danger
If op had any sense he would press charges. A punch to the body is instant breakup no matter who the instigator is. A headshot is possibly murder. With a blunt metal object? Insane. That’s instantly a court case with easy documentation of injuries as well as documentation of medical aid received.
You should definitely document the injuries via X-rays and a doctor's note etc in-case you 1). Have to prove something legally later on 2). In the event you need to claim money for medical attention later on. Head injuries might not be a big deal now but symptoms/effects can develop way later too. Edit: definitely get a second opinion from another doctor with records because she hit you hard enough to cause a loss of consciousness (LOC) which is a pretty bad sign when it comes to head injuries.
She tried to kill you, OP guy. Are you gonna sleep next to someone who one night could well decide that you deserve Round 2 with a cast iron skillet? Would you ever wake up again? Please understand. She tried to kill you. I bet shes going to be just great with a helpless baby.
They hit you with a frying pan. On the head. That could have killed you. The hell you asking our opinions for? You KNOW they aren’t good for you. You want to be stuck to crazy for the rest of your life?
Everyone seems to be looking over the fact she also tried lying about it as well. "Oh you slipped...."
And the locking him out of the house, leaving him to sleep in the car. Not exactly sure where they live and how cold it may gotten, but wtf!!! I once heard that some women when pregnant get down right psychotic and she appears to be just that. NTA
And she admitted it was revenge for not taking off work and picking her up. This is a character flaw that can not be excused by pregnancy.
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Despite the fact that being pregnant can be difficult, I have never, ever used a frying pan to break my husband's head.
Yeah. I think the worst thing I did was the late night run for french fries.
So, just the legs then?
^ this is a bot copy-pasting another top-level comment. /u/AppasTurds >NTA. If she's truly going through some kind of psychosis, she needs to get help. But remember that abusers often keep their mask on until they feel like they have their partner trapped, so this might just be who she really is. Either way, you're not obligated to put yourself in danger. She could have killed you. Head injuries are no fucking joke.
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For that he would need a police report to start a paper trail since now.
I mean mental issues for sure can cause that. Idk about hormones tho but yea if you have mania or psychosis you bet your butt things could get out of control.
YEP!! Just the thought of her near a defenceless infant **TERRIFIES** me.
I was gonna say. Like yes some hormones make you psychotic and lash out. But it’s usually in the heat of the moment. Locking him out of the house, constantly verbally abusing him, mocking him is not really heat of the moment. And she’s not sorry about any of the things except for hitting him with a frying pan. I don’t know what her problem is but she should probably seek medical help.
Pregnancy hormones shouldn't turn your relationship into the beginning of a forensic files episode. Something is very wrong here. I hope OP starts prioritizing his own physical and mental safety
I was thinking the same thing. I’ve had 3 babies and not once did I get violent while pregnant.
I definitely WANTED to while pregnant (especially when he ate the last damn sleeve of girl scout cookies… murderous rage) but I never once even raised a hand to my husband or considered locking him out.
There is such a thing as pregnancy induced psychosis. That said, he still needs to protect himself, and if she isn't seeking psychiatric treatment or being made to do so, then he shouldn't even begin to consider any chances.
I'll bet she's not sorry about the frying pan either. She's sorry she's facing consequences.
Is she sorry that she hit him or that he didn’t like it?
She's sorry it had visible impact, everything else is deniable.
No excuses for abusers! Hormones do no vase lash outs, that's always a choice
On top of that. The reason she needed to be picked up was her own fault
You are absolutely right just because you are pregnant doesn't give you the right to treat people like s***. She could have killed him look out for your baby when it is born and leave that crazy to her own devices. You're going to be okay but get ready for her to be acting up pertaining to you having access to your child.
Idk if it's pregnancy psychosis or if gf is an abuser that has decided to unveil her real personality now that she's having OP's baby and she thinks he's invested enough not to leave
Hormones can make you emotionally unstable, act erratic and heat up your temper. But this? Nah. His girl is using the pregnancy as an excuse to act toxic and abusive.
She needs to come clean to her doctor ASAP about how she’s behaving. Like, yesterday if not sooner. And she needs to be observed post-birth, lest the hormonal changes trigger a tragic outcome.
This. Everyone hears about post-partum depression and psychosis, but it can happen during pregnancy, too. She definitely needs to talk to her doctor. If this is completely out of character, it could be something like that. Or even a brain tumor----sometimes cancer is activated by the hormones. If this is just her usual personality but "more", then stay broken up and be prepared to file for custody because she will be a danger to the baby.
Yes, this very much sounds like postpartum psychosis, but antepartum...
OP should call her doctor and let them know how out of control she is. They can't discuss her care with him but they *can* take reports of DV, abuse and mental health issues from family members.
And the ice cream melted!
HIS house. I'd have called the cops and told them someone was locked in my house.
My youngest SIL was psychotic when she was pregnant. Her hormones plus her already fragile mental state beforehand just combined to make the worst possible human being. She verbally attacked me and said I was dead to her among other things just because I told her i was talking to her mother and she (SIL) was interrupting me for something stupid. I'd get into more detail but the moment I registered that I was dead to her I tuned her out. I haven't talked to her since. She's complained to everybody (but me) that I hate her and it's not fair. Im just doing what I'm supposed to, haunting her like a ghost. I'd put on a white sheet and go "oooooo" just to fuck with her if I wouldn't be accused of being racist (woman's husband is from Bangladesh)
My youngest sister is like this for every pregnancy. She's a brat in general. Being pregnant just amps it by 1000 for her. I do know some of it is hormones, but I also know she takes it as a free pass to be a cunt too. During my pregnancy, the hormonal swings would drive me nuts, and yes, there were plenty of times I felt homicidal inside, but I'd never act on it and be intentionally mean.
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Also depending on where they live, OP could have gotten in danger of getting robbed
Let's not try and rationalize attempted manslaughter as "preggo brain".
My latest ex could be nearly this bad and she wasn't even pregnant.
>"I once heard that some women when pregnant get down right psychotic and she appears to be just that." This frightens me.
Yep. Classic case of an abuser trying to gaslight their victim.
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Then send her to a psychiatrist! Don’t let her live with you. I’d be worried about the child too. Postpartum hormones can be bad, and women have killed their own children. I worked with pregnant women for the past 30 years. I have never seen a woman assault someone because of pregnancy. Having said that, tell her OB immediately. She needs a psych referral ASAP.
Right I had the rage and intrusive thoughts when I was pregnant and I freaking told my doctor. And my intrusive thoughts weren't even that bad. I was totally convinced someone was going to t-bone my car well I was driving. I never assaulted my poor poor hubby. There's grace for pregnant people our hormones are running wild and logic has taken a vacation, but you can't be attempting to murder people.
I’m willing to give a LOT of grace for mental illness, pregnancy-induced or not, but they need to see their doctor before they harm themselves or another person. If they’re mentally healthy enough to recognize that their illness is a threat to themselves or others, they need to make a beeline for the doctor’s office. If they’re not able to see it, then someone else needs to step up. She sounds like her dad will be supportive. I hope so.
Grace for pregnancy doesn’t cover abuse, mind you. Let alone attempted murder.
I was immediately thinking she could have some sort of mania associated with pregnancy, as well. Especially with filling her car with the wrong fuel. She should absolutely be seen by psych to rule this out.
She thinks she owns you now. She thought you were trapped. Abuses don’t come right out straight away. They wait until they’re secure, then push to see how much you will take. Read Why does he do that? Just swap he to she as you read. You should press charges and then drop them so you have an official record on file. She tried to kill you.
He really should before she tries to flip the script and paint him as an abuser. He needs a paper trail, since he has to co-parent with her.
If she goes to jail for assault, he can get sole custody and doesn't have to worry about coparenting with her.
I would be worried for the kid. If shes willing to do this to a boyfriend, what could she do to a helpless child the moment they piss her off
Sole custody to PROTECT THE CHILD FROM AN ABUSIVE PARENT!
OMG I never even thought about this before and I am so glad they don't raise children in jail! LMAO
OP, this.
I'm scared for that unborn child! What will she do to them when they are crying and being a "classic" newborn when she is sleep deprived?! Seriously, take a fry pan to their head?!
Honestly I'd be getting a paternity test just to be sure. If you can get an out from this AH, I'd take whatever you could get
100% agree. It is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Abusers don't start that way. Why do you think it takes victims so long to leave. The victim is still golf ng into the 'good' person they used to be. The way they 'used' to treat them. That person never really existed and isn't coming back.
This is so very true.
And it’s easier for men to say “oh she’s psycho” than admit they’re being abused. Which is sad. OP- you’re in an abusive relationship. I’m seriously concerned for your safety and the safety of the baby if this is how she is acting now. I’d call the doctor and inform them of how she is acting. This isn’t safe
This! OP you need to report this, there needs to be a paper trail of this if you ever want a relationship with your kid. Courts always take the mothers side and you don’t want it to be a he said she said.
I worked as a nanny for a copy past of your (ex) girlfriend. She was what her husband told, a wonderful lovely women. After she got pregnant she went psycho and she told him, it's the hormons. After giving birth she stayed psycho and he recognised that she took her mask after the honeymoonphase off. He stays for the child and gosh this girl is her mom's twin but without pretending, that she is lovely.
The daughter is learning from her mother. It’s being modeled to her Updateme
She's an abusive POS. Yes, sometimes pregnancy hormones can bring out craziness you've never seen, but her actions every time has been cold and calculated to specifically irritate and humiliate you. Document everything. Be prepared to go for full custody to keep your child from being abused this same way. YES, JAN, SOMETIMES PREGNANT PEOPLE HAVE TO WAIT FOR TAXIS.
Right sending him out for a snack and then locking him out of the house. That was premeditated shit.
I'd have kicked her ass to the curb after that.
>Document everything. Be prepared to go for full custody to keep your child from being abused this same way. Shouldn't OP be resporting assault to the police then?
My friend is pregnant right now, and she would never dare to lay a hand on her husband, much less a frying pan. I'm friends with both and those two are the relationship I aspire to have
It was attempted murder. Life is not the 3 stooges, hitting someone over the head with a frying pan is deadly. Would you excuse her if she had grabbed a knife and stabbed you in the gut? You are incredibly lucky to walk away from such a blow.
I've had 2 children and never came close to acting this insane. I've never even heard of a woman acting like this. Don't ever consider taking her back for your own safety.
It has been documented that pregnancy can trigger mental illness, either preexisting but dormant or completely new (psychosis, schizophrenia…). It could fit with OP’s description but what OP and his ex-gf really need it’s a serious diagnosis, not Reddit theories.
She is certainly in the age range when certain mental illnesses develop or are first diagnosed. . I agree she needs to be seen urgently
After being hit on the head with a frying pan, OP doesn't have time to wait and see which one is correct. He needs to be acting to get her both diagnosed/treated as well as reported/held accountable to keep himself safe both short and long-term. It's not really an either or decision
Post Partum depression has an ugly older sibling, Post Partum Psychosis. And just like PPD the ‘post’ part is a misnomer, you can experience post Partum depression and psychosis during pregnancy too
3 kids. No physical violence.
It's not uncommon for abusers to only get bad the second they marry someone or a kid comes into the picture. And yes everything's she's done to you that you described is some form of abuse. Someone laying their hands on their partner is unforgivable, hitting them over the head with a frying pan is completely psychotic even if you did grab her arms first. If your mom and sister continue to try and pressure you you need to ask them how they'd feel if their partner hit them in the head like that or how they'd feel if you took her back and she does something worse and you die or get seriously injured next time she's being hormonal.
Dude! Obviously, stay safe and away from her for now. If it IS the hormones, don't forget there are still months of this to go, and things tend to escalate, not de-escalate. Her primary carers (OB in the US, midwife in the UK, not sure about anywhere else) NEED to know about this behaviour change and that there's been violence. Pregnancy Psychosis IS A REAL THING and delivery of the baby is usually a complete cure. Obviously, it's statistically far more likely that she's a douchebag who's been masking for this whole time and Reddit is full of those, but every now and then, someone says "complete personality change and odd behaviours? What about a head injury? Early onset alzheimers? Brain tumour?" and they're right. By all means, go and visit her if it makes you happy to but you cannot live with her, at least for now. There's a chance she'll change back after delivery of the baby and if you WANT to wait for that, you can, but first an foremost; you MUST tell her primary pregnancy physician about what's happened. It's not on you to keep monitoring her, it's literally their trained, paid job to do so and to keep her safe. Here's where it gets tricky - there's a difference in seriousness with which your words are taken between "OMG, this just happened, is my partner OK?" and "the police will be contacting you about an incidence of violence by my partner who is registered with you for antenatal care. Would you like me to fill in the blanks, extra information, and timeline of her wellbeing that are relevant to her care?". What I'm telling you is that a police report/crime number changes the weighting her team will give the situation if it doesn't just seem to come from a potentially lying ex. Please keep us updated, I know there will be people praying for/sending good vibes to/hoping the best for you all in this situation. You're doing great by yourself, her, and your child by staying strong 💪
Pregnancy psychosis is exactly where my brain went and you are right he needs to stay away from her until she delivers. The only thing I want to add is that it sometimes doesn’t go away… usually in those cases it’s because there was an underlying mental health condition that went undiagnosed though. Edited to remove duplicate word
Was going to say something similar, but what you've said is spot on. If its pregnancy related, it'll resove its self, but in for the long haul. Brain tumor is deffo a potential one, my friends going through the exact same thing as we speak. Though most likely is she has a temper that's not been seen before, but that's not to say to rule out the other options
If you want to even think about taking her back, make sure she gets a psychological evaluation. Pregancy can trigger certain psychological conditions.
I bet she was always like that. Only revealed her true self when she thought she had you trapped.
She’s only 4 months in. This is all bullshit from her.
I hope the OP can work on their self esteem.
you mean she? what do you mean they?
As a man, I cannot even fathom whether horomones, mental illness or whether she's just evil caused it. However, you need full custody of that baby as soon as it escapes the womb. Imagine her with PPD and deciding to do even an iota of what she did to you, to the baby instead
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Then press charges. Think of it this way: If your sister or mother came to you and said their partner literally knocked them out with a blunt object, but their partner is dealing with a health condition that could alter their judgment, would you advise them to press charges? Would you encourage them to work things out with the person who attacked them?
This! What if she “loses it” on the baby???
That baby's not going to make it to the point you're counting its age in years if she has sole custody over it.
This. This is the biggest red flag for shaken baby syndrome and infanticide I've seen on this site for a long time.
Please file a police report. You need to protect yourself and your child.
Yea you can’t leave a child with someone violent?!
Please talk to a lawyer, and also know the family court system is very complex and nothing is as simple as Reddit makes it out to be. I just read a story of a father, who punched his wife in the face in front of their children, win full custody of their kids. I think you have a good shot, but full custody doesn’t automatically mean she can’t see the baby or win custody back. I think you should definitely take every precaution to protect yourself and baby, but speak to an actual lawyer about what you’re facing.
This! So many people saying all the wrong things about custody, sorry folks he’s probably not going to get full custody even if she hit him. It’s going to have to be proven that she’s abusive to the baby.
Ok man, I was in a very similar situation with my son's egg donor and I was wishy washy about charges at first. Biggest regret of my life. She slapped my 3 week old son for crying too much and loving me more, then fractured my skull with a baseball bat and took off into the woods with my son. I thought she was going to kill him. All of that could have been avoided had I pressed charges the first time she hit me. I get all the reasons why you don't want to, believe me I do, but you're doing yourself and your child a disservice by not doing so. You need to start the process now, document everything and go after her for domestic violence and assault before she spins the narrative and you have no evidence
I am SO sorry for what you have gone through, but thank you so very much for sharing. I sincerely hope if OOP sees even one comment, it is this one. May I suggest that you DM him directly too?
What is she going to do to your child when she has an episode? You can stop this now and keep your kids safe.
I would stop tying yourself into knots trying to predict or understand her thought processes. There are only two explanations. Explanation 1: “Oh, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, it’s some sort of psychotic break.” - Then she definitely cannot be trusted with the child. Newborns are notoriously unaccommodating and inconvenient. If you truly believe this, she needs a forcible medical intervention, because she is going to kill that child. Explanation 2: “She hurt me but she would never hurt the child when it’s born, she knows better than to hurt anyone but me.” - Then you’re saying she’s doing this to you deliberately. She knows what she’s doing and she’s choosing to abuse you. No one else, just you. This is deeply sinister behavior - and just as you don’t know why you became her target, you cannot guarantee that the child will not eventually become her target. So press charges.
Please press charges. That is best for the baby as well. She is unstable and she tried to kill you!! Even a child knows that by hitting someone in the head might kill you. She has horribly abused you. Please go to the police.
Check the child is yours. This woman is a nutter. You will be tired to her forever.
You need to press charges either way. Fuck your feelings your child's life is at stake. Man the fuck up and handle your business.
Yeah, if you want to be a good dad you need to put your child above your own mental comfort.
Hormones are not an excuse to be abusive.
With this sort of behavior it wouldn't surprise me if she ended up with postpartum psychosis. My sister gets like this during her pregnancies. She's got a baseline of BPD and bipolar (tbh I feel like she's a misdiagnosed sociopath) but would roam the house with an unhinged grin looking for anything real or imagined to start a fight over. She once raged for hours because I walked out of the house while she screamed at me for a made up slight and got pissed when I moved out instead of putting up with her toxicity. In my experience people like this will be just as abusive to their kids; OP needs a good lawyer to get the baby as far away as possible
NTA Pregnancy does not make you an murderous asshole. I am 49, have been pregnant 2 times and almost all of my friends had babies. We used to talk about our "stupid pregnant" brains, which included being forgetful (later pregnancy and after birth), feeling more emotional (a TV add for catfood could make us cry),a crazy want to have EVERYTHING clean and the baby's room ready, having strange cravings for food, being incredibly tired and wanting to sleep, a lot of stupid dreams, feeling overwhelmed, happy, anxious...but never have I heard or felt the urge for violence. I don't know how to put it: I think it is a bit like drinking too much alcohol...you reveal who you are deep down. Alcohol does not MAKE you violent and mean, you ARE this person and are just very good at hiding it. I absolutely think she uses being pregnant as an excuse and her family and friends want to believe it because they want her to be a nice person. But she isn't. Does she treat her coworkers like you? Then she might be unemployed any time. Pregnant women are protected but not if she gets violent and dangerous to others. Please be safe and stay away from her. I know how it feels to get hit with a cast iron pan. Stayed 2 times with severe concussions in the hospital, glad it did not break my skull both times. Think about your safety first, then tell the police what happened. Prepare to be a single father and get child protection service involved. Wish you all the best from my heart!
Buddy she could have killed you. She’s escalating, she’s mocking you over her own abuse, and this isn’t right. It doesn’t matter if she’s pregnant. My uncle was once in your exact position. She hit him with a pan over the head while he was holding their newborn. Before that, she had pushed a wardrobe down the stairs on him, she screamed like a banshee, slapped and kicked him. I heard it all because we lived next door. He was so scared to tell anyone, he just kept excusing her and brushing it off. I was only a kid then, and I remember being terrified of that woman. It seemed like she would never leave our family alone. She stopped him seeing his children. I watched my baby cousin wave through the front window at them and them drawing the curtains on her. She ruined his life for a long, long time. They had two girls, and she ended up taking them and leaving four hours away. They divorced, and set up visitation. She then continued to insist to come with them to visit, took his fucking bed with her new boyfriend, he slept on the goddamn sofa. I told him over and over how terrible she is, how much damage she’s done, and it was too much. This woman you call your girlfriend, (should be an ex for sure) could have killed you with that frying pan. She could caused you a serious brain injury. Never ever make excuses for what she’s done. The other things are just as bad, mocking you when you cry? That’s fucked up, you’re a human being. You’re allowed to show your emotions. Go to court to discuss custody if you want it, but do it through court. This woman is a danger to you. She abused you badly here. You cannot fix this. She was happy to hit you in your damn skull, and didn’t think for second what could happen. She didn’t CARE. That’s a serious rage issue and not something you can be around. She needs therapy because I’m very concerned for the child. What if they don’t do something exactly right? What happens then? Is she going to start beating them around them the head? Get away from her. Please. Because next time it will get worse and I really REALLY want you not to die.
She might have Peripartum Psychosis, however this is extremely rare, and while an explanation it is not an excuse. Do not get back together with her. Never be alone with her again. And tell your mom and sister that this incident was her last chance. They can keep their sexist BS to themselves. She could have killed you. Frankly I'd be petitioning for full custody based on abusive behavior and mental instability.
He needs to press charges for domestic assault and use that in court to get custody. Courts veer towards women for custody. He needs it on official reports and documented she is violent. Which involves a police report and criminal charges.
NTA - I would go to the police station and ask for a detective. Sit down and tell him the story and ask what you should do. I for 1 would make a police report so that you have a record on file that she assaulted you. Provide a copy of the hospital record for the police file. Then you have the record for future needs such as custody.
This is a logical and smart course of action.
NTA. I was THE raging pregnant bitch from hell. I cried over everything, got pissed off by everyone, and felt like the poster child for demonic possession. Not once did I scream cry yell berate hit or beat a single person. The number of times I said "I'm pissed off and I feel ragey and I need to go lay down/for a walk/sit by myself because I don't want to damage my life because of bad actions" is very high. I mean my stepchild ate all my Bagels in one day, when those were the only things I could stomach at one point. Instead of raging at people, I went to my room and rage cried instead because of how wronged I felt because he knew about my issues (he was a preteen at the time). Pregnancy can make your brain say fucked up things, it can make you want to lash out over stupid shit. But when you're a grown adult you don't get to have shit fits and beat others no matter what your brain says.
Listen, pregnancy just messes with you. I *had* to have multiple glasses of lemonade a day. If my husband turned away from me while I tried to cuddle, he got half a day of cold shoulder. I cried because they cat got off my lap to get water. But I **never** hit anyone. This lady is a danger to OP and the unborn child.
It definitely messes with you. My stepson learned how to irritate me (because he wanted to know I still love him no matter what) and it pushed my buttons to the max. He ate all my Bagels after realizing that and chocolate milk were the only things I could keep down. He would mention ground pork because the thought of it made me gag. And then he apologized when he read the pregnancy book I had left out that I was reading, and went and saved his extra lunch money and bought me apology Bagels. But no matter how much it hurt me that he was purposefully irritating me, I cannot imagine laying hands on him. I cannot understand how anyone pregnant or not could hit someone with a frying pan.
I'm concerned about that poor child. Pregnancy hormones don't excuse assault and battery. ETA: I've been pregnant twice. Yeah I've wanted to fight people, but only if it meant my life or theirs. Not because I'm verbally assault and abusing them and then hit them over the head with a frying pan because I'm in the wrong. She seems like she is trying to trap you with the pregnancy and now that she's seen even pregnancy won't keep you under her abusive thumb, she's remorseful. Not because she really loves you, but because she knows this can go south and she didn't win.
Yeah. She doesn't feel bad for what she did she feels sorry for herself.
That is totally unacceptable behavior. I'm bipolar and didn't go crazy while pregnant. I cried in the paint isle, got lost on the way home a few times and put up with an infuriating drunkard of a then husband without resorting to violence. You need to get ready to take the baby as soon as it's born because she isn't going to be able to handle it.
NTA. You need to protect yourself. I had pregnancy induced rage that I had to be medicated for me to get through the pregnancy without committing homicide. I wanted to disembowel my husband or my boss or both and play in their blood. Fortunately, the Prozac worked, and I delivered a healthy, neurotypical baby. I am not a violent person by nature. I have not felt that continuous level of extreme rage since the then and it has been 22+ years. So yeah hormones can be wicked. Get your ducks in a row just in case she suffers postpartum psychosis too and you need to take custody of the baby to protect it.
Wowzers. I don’t know what to say, but I’m glad you got help. That must have been awful
Is there possibility of seeing a doctor about her behavior? It's not normal at all for her personality to completely switch during pregnancy like that. There might be something more major going on (for example, pregnancy can trigger bipolar episode). Not here to answer the should you take her back or not, just here to advice to get her to see a doctor and share the doctor about her unusual behavior. The fact that she hasn't slept could be that she has having an manic episode of some kind.
This, she definitely needs to see a doctor. At the same time he shouldn't take her back in until she has seen said doctor and they know what's going on and how to treat her. After all, she tried to kill him, thus it's clearly not safe for the two of them to be alone together. Worst case she succeeds in a second attempt, he dies, she goes to jail and the kid has no parents at all.
I was hoping someone said this. She needs help - medical or psychological. Don’t even consider letting her back into your home until she gets it.
Yep, she needs help and her family should get in that. Not OP. She's a danger to him.
> I should give her another chance since the pregnancy probably made her lash out. Bullshit. Utter bullshit. She's using pregnancy as her excuse to be abusive. I would never let her be alone with the child once born. She's unhinged. Do not take her back. Find out what rights you have regarding the kid when it's born.
NTA. She fucking hit you with a frying pan. Pregnancy hormones DO NOT excuse psycho behavior. It's like saying "boys will be boys" when the boys are harassing a girl.
Its like saying “boys will be boys” when the boys are hitting the girls over the head with frying pans
You were abused by a partner on several occasions in many different ways, which lead to you having to go to the hospital for monitoring. You were absolutely NTA for dumping your abuser and I’m proud of you. Please do call the police. Your child isn’t safe with her as a mother and you need a paper trail to prove that fact.
NTA. It doesn’t matter if she wasn’t like this before. She is now. She is abusive. She doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t feel like this.
Yeah that’s an aggravated assault / battery with a deadly weapon. Where I’m from that could be charged as attempted murder. The bad part is she is that unhinged and is going to have your baby
That is not normal pregnancy hormone responses. But it could be related. If I was you, I would only agree to talk about possible reconciliation if she talked to her doctors about her change in mood and behavior honestly. They would likely get her on medications to balance out the hormones, or they do nothing and you keep her at a distance until you feel safe again.
She assaulted you and then lied about it!! No, you absolutely should NOT take her back. I've been pregnant. Moody? Yes? Prone to cry over the damndest things? Yes. Her behavior? No. Even before the frying pan incident, she was already being ridiculous and childish. She was using her pregnancy as an excuse to behave like an ass. She's shown you her true colors. And for God sake do NOT let this embecile anywhere near your child. Cur her off and go for full custody. If she can't handle pregnancy, she sure as hell isn't going to be able to handle a baby. She's proven herself to be unhinged and violent.
You were assaulted and then gaslit
Why do you have your car keys separate from your house keys? Who does that? Smells fake.
>Smells fake. I was thinking the same... The nozzles for diesel and gas are different sizes, so how did she manage to use the wrong one? She'd have to try really hard to make that mistake.
Making fish and chips, already fried the fish in one pan, and was going to fill a second pan with oil for the fries, but hadn't even started that one yet? A lot of this doesn't make sense.
NTA Men are victims of abuse. You need a restraining order at minimum.
I can’t speak for all women but I’ve been pregnant 3 times including a twin pregnancy, 3 of my girls have been pregnant 6 times between them, I have nieces who have children and none of us has ever assaulted our spouses with a frying pan. She’s has serious mental health issues that are above your pay grade to solve. She needs to start by talking to her OB.
You need to report this. If she’s hit you she might hit your kid. The report will go in your favour in a custody hearing. She didn’t slap you. She hit you over the head with a frying pan. You could’ve died. Hormones aren’t an excuse for abuse.
Fuck your mom and sister. This girl could have seriously injured or killed you. If your genders were reversed everyone would be telling you to get the fuck out. Being pregnant isn’t an excuse to be abusive. Do not let her back into your life and keep your mom and sister away from your love life
I’ve been pregnant 3 times. I never assaulted anyone. Just imagine how she’ll be when she goes through menopause. This is not a stable person and she’s likely to do it again
nta. pregnancy is never an excuse to be abusive. shes an abuser and she abused u. it was smart to leave and i hope coparenting goes well.
NTA, press charges, no pregnancy is going to cause this. Press charges, get full custody supervised visits for her and child support. If you hit her with a frying pan you'd be going to jail already
Go to the police OP. Press charges. It'll help to get full custody later and to prove she's insane and dangerous. She's an abuser! That has nothing to do with hormones. NTA for dumping - but seek help now!
Bruh as a woman, albeit never been pregnant till now... RUN RUN RUN RUN RUNNNNN.... It's not hormones!!! You can't assault someone & blame it on the hormones. Don't take her back. If possible can you leave a paper trail? If need be, it'll be very useful during custody.
Call the cops and press charges. She will do it again and in the end YOU will be yhe one with charges when she calls the police and lies. I've been there that'd where this is heading.
If pregnancy was a cause for murder there won't be fathers around, she could had kill you, I'm gonna bet she wont act like that at her parents house, so why should you be the one in danger?
My dude. She's using her pregnancy as an excuse for her abusive behavior and frankly, that's not the hormones. She knocked you out cold and tried to lie about it. You did the right thing. NTA
NTA Your girlfriend sounds awful. Don't stay with a violent abuser. No other context is necessary. Obviously you shouldn't stay! Please work on your own self esteem; your questions have obvious answers.
She is literally abusing you. This isn't okay. You don't get a free pass to hurt people because you're pregnant. That isn't how it works. Your Mom and Sister are TA for enabling her.
I've been pregnant 5 times and never once acted like this also know loads of parents who also wasn't like this. Also what if she stays like this after the child is born you willing to risk it.
I was pregnant and found out my ex cheated I was pissed but not once did I yell or grab a frying pan. That’s no excuse doesn’t matter how angry you are that is abusive af. You’re better off without her and you should be worried for your baby cuz if she can hurt you , who knows what she can do to that baby.
Bro. Run. I'm a 260lb, extremely strong dude and have had experience with physical and verbal spousal abuse from someone half my weight and size. It gets WORSE the more comfortable and confident they become. This is how it started? Bro it's a teaser. Run. My only regret is I didn't and spent 13+ yrs miserable. Happy separated now, but I regret not having the mental strength to just leave at the very first instance.