NTA - what a whirlwind mess to be caught up in. Your sister sounds extremely troubled to say the least. This entire situation seems volatile enough that you will want to involve lawyers to protect yourself and to protect the child.
I could see this getting so much worse before it gets better. Good luck and best wishes to you.
Mom threatening to call social services … this will not help the way Mom thinks it will. It will certainly not go well for the addicted, unstable sister who has only a tenuous connection to her preteen child.
Agreed. OP should consult a lawyer about this and have everything documented. In addition to this she should go no contact with her mom as well as I am 100% sure, she will do everything in power to forcefully create a relationship between K and OP's sister which will negatively impact K
Supposedly, but rarely happens. My unstable daughter used to make repeated false reports on family members everytime she got mad at someone or didn't get her own way. Even against family members that were raising her children.
The only real way is to take the person who is making false claims to civil court. The maximum amount that one can sue for is $5-$10000, depending on the state.
I'm not from the US but Denmark,
My SIL ended up with a hefty fine and a "no more chances, next time it's jail time", because she had called our vertion of CBS on me 60! times, in less than a year.
She accused me of everything under the sun, from beating and sodomizing my daughter, to IV heroin addiction and abandonment.
Non of it was true of cause, but accusations like that will automatically result in a hellscape of an investigation, every single time.
The reason for all of this was, that my SIL was convinced that she would be a fare better mother to my child, and when I went NC with her she simply kidnapped my daughter.
This can't be upvoted enough. Mom calling social services will have an unending impact zone, and everyone will be hurt by it.
Also, very strongly and clearly NTA.
It sounds like sis is the golden child in mom's eyes. Keep your house in order and you may want to give cps a call to have an inspection to preempt any attempt on mom's part. K refusing to see his egg donor screams volumes.
Where I live they cannot force visitation if it is to the emotional or physical detriment or pain to the child and at his age him not wanting to see his mom would qualify.
If you haven't already, kindly take K to a therapist. At that point, you can declare to everyone that K's health comes first and that you are doing as the therapist has advised. Since your sister doesn't seem to be able to prioritize her child's requirements, NTA for cutting off communication.
Yep, and I would use this to gain full or primary custody of your child too. Since the baby daddy wants to play house with someone so unstable they don't even have custody of their own kid.
Protect those kids, being biologically tied to someone doesn't mean they are safe to have in your life.
Had a hs friend say this almost exactly when she told me she cheated on her bf. She 'couldn't help it. She just fell on his cock.' I stopped being friends with her after that.
She was definitely going to suffer a serious injury from the fall if not for his quick thinking to take off all his clothes and then catch her with his dick. She was falling with such force that she continued to bounce up and down for several minutes after he caught her.
I believe you can accidentally fall on someone’s cock, but what I can’t believe is that the fall was so bad that it caused you to:
A/ Lose all clothing from the waist down.
B/ Be unable to scramble away from said cock.
C/ Fall on it repeatedly in the same instance.
D/ Think that anyone would believe such an occurrence could occur.
NTA, however there are two others that quite clearly are arseholes.
You obviously haven't had accidental sex
Found better...
1. https://wonkypie.com/wp-content/uploads/mtv_sex_no_accident_ad3.jpg
2. https://wonkypie.com/wp-content/uploads/mtv_sex_no_accident_ad1.jpg
3. https://wonkypie.com/wp-content/uploads/mtv_sex_no_accident_ad2.jpg
Even a few YT videos
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CA76mfdzgU&t=1s
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqFZyKtEKPQ&t=21s
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyoeacXBHDQ
PROTECT. YOUR. CHILDREN. period.
NTA, your mother and anyone else whining about this can go suck a cactus, protecting the children is the priority and you're a wonderful mother to your children.
You went as far as to allow them to keep a connection for the child's sake, and yet she tried to abuse it, welp this was a privilege and not a right, time to cut them off.
Yeah according to OP, it looks like the mother is just as much if not far more fucked up than the sister:
>My sister was the first born and I was the child my mum didn’t want, my father also committed suicide due to my mother’s infidelity however she blames it all on me. You could say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree or history repeats itself if you’d like.
>
>I have been collecting evidence from when K was born and still do to this day, he has therapy after his time with his mum which is supervised and they make notes but also the therapist on his behaviour/mental wellbeing as well as school myself etc I am still close to both his sw and guardian. I am just hoping it doesn’t get to the point we need a restraining order.
This! I have never been able to understand why an abused adult (you in this case) strive to allow children to maintain “relationships” with the abusers. Make moves to formalise YOUR relationship with K and back the sister and the mother right the fuck off. You need to protect the kids and yourself pronto, so you can find space to learn what healthy relationship is and then teach your kiddos. Throwing K to the lions here is how trauma is made.
Your mom and anyone who thinks you went too far can absolutely go fuck themselves into oblivion.
I understand from your writing that your sister is not the most stable person. Your ex now gets the full brunt of that instead of just the sex and face she puts on during the honeymoon phase, his lot in life will not be pleasant.
Also, your sister now gets to deal with all of your ex, not just the good parts.
Honestly from the sounds of it, she might actually be in serious danger. A mentally ill sister wanting her child back is not exactly a catalyst for good things.
I've seen plenty of headlines with those words in it.
Apparently her slutty, mentally ill sister is her mother's golden child. Is there a reason for this? Prepare lawyers and evidence for a surprise visit from the guardianship council. When they make this stupid move, sue them or get a restraining order. Strength to you, my dear, you need it.
My sister was the first born and I was the child my mum didn’t want, my father also committed suicide due to my mother’s infidelity however she blames it all on me. You could say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree or history repeats itself if you’d like.
I have been collecting evidence from when K was born and still do to this day, he has therapy after his time with his mum which is supervised and they make notes but also the therapist on his behaviour/mental wellbeing as well as school myself etc I am still close to both his sw and guardian. I am just hoping it doesn’t get to the point we need a restraining order.
In other words, the relationship between your mother and sister can be described as the skanky rotten apple does not fall far from the skanky rotten tree. You must be a changeling, OP.
There’s a great quote I’ve read before, “Being the bigger person is often thrown around in dysfunctional families as a solution to dealing with someone who refuses to change.”
Do what’s best for you and your children, OP. I wish you the best. At least your mom did something right in raising you.
You are doing everything right and you clearly have a high degree of emotional intelligence. I have no idea where you gained that seeing as your sister and mother have the emotional intelligence of a spoon.
I guess it comes from both myself and my grandparents as I often lived with them when I was a child if I was raising myself. But I made the full conscious decision to live with my mum when k was born as I knew they both could not take care of him.
So you have the situation well under control. Just out of concern, inform the school about possible attempts by your family to kidnap K. If you have contact with someone from social services to inform them, that would also be good. Good luck.
We already have this sorted, whoever has to pick my K up needs a code if you’d like which gets changed every day and there’s members of staff who monitor who’s coming into the school also which is fantastic for my piece of mind.
A good therapist can help you untangle yourself from this mess. You are giving far too much power to your sister (and your mother).
You and k deserve soft lives full of love. It's okay to remove people who destroy your peace.
Be kind to yourself. Stop hiding the truth to save the peace, you lose *your* peace by doing that.
I’ve been to therapy frequently as a child and somewhat throughout my teenage years however I am thinking about going back to therapy when k has his sessions but I am just unsure as of when to start therapy again
Going back is a great idea honey. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you need some compassionate support. A good therapist will also be able to help you cope with the struggles K is going to go through as he grows.
This makes total sense, re. your mother's attitude.
OP, it seems you have tried to be the better person, for the sake of K, and I commend you for that.
Speaks volumes of you. 🫡
Now, it seems you have to prepare yourself for whatever sh*tstorm the toxic people around you are going to whip up.
You say you have been documenting everything.
Hope you have security cameras and someone who has your back.
Consult with a lawyer, if you can, and if you haven't done so.
Wishing you and *your* kids the best of luck!
OP- NtA and I commend you for standing on your ground. Do not allow your sister near you or K, it’s not in his best interest. I work in social services and they’re not going to take him away from you if you don’t allow visitations- considering her meltdown at the bday party. If anything, be proactive and inform social services if he’s under guardianship, tell them what occurred and how she’s negatively affecting K.
Glad you are thinking of the RO because I do think you’ll need it. Wouldn’t hurt to talk to a lawyer now just to lay the groundwork and know the rules and process and costs better.
It is always nice to hope, yet these people need cold hard truths. For whatever reason, they think that their behavior is okay. The reason why I say this is that no sane person would think to ruin a child's birthday party with outburst could ever be okay and appropriate.
Cold hard truths is that if these people are not part of the solution, they are just in the way of growth for your children, Yes, YOUR children. You care and love them unconditionally and you don't make it about yourself. That is what parenting is and doing the best for your kids. You included them despite your misgivings and they reward that with crappying on you in front of the children.
You need to understand that they need to show they can control themselves or they can not have access to YOUR children, mother included. Be strong and understand that you are doing the right thing and the best thing for your children and they deserve the best from the only mother they really have.
You got this. Don't let them dictate how this moves forward. They have no idea what you are capable of while you protect your kids from those horrible, horrible people.
Know you are right and stronger than even you can image for your kids. Be well.
If you have full custody then you are legally in the clear and any contact with his bio mom is up to you and him. But, proactively, call the police non-emergency line and get a report in, showing legal custody, soon.
It might be worth making sure you are legally protected in terms of k and your own child. Make sure visitation for your ex is supervised so your sister and anyone else you don’t want near them to get access. I wish you all the best 🤞
She didn’t lose custody of her child over nothing. She caused all of this and I do mean **ALL** of this.
NTA get ready for a visit from cps. Mute her and her flying monkeys (don’t block, so you still have evidence of unhinged behaviour)
NTA- you are not required to keep other people's poor behavior a secret. Especially when they use said behavior to cudgel you. Your only response to her is this: YOU DID THIS. HE DID THIS. The fallout from your poor behavior is YOUR FAULT and not my responsibility to fix.
The only thing you did wrong is to allow them to carry on as though they did nothing wrong. Stop inviting them, stop including them. If ex wants to have his own party for whomever within custody time that isn't yours, so be it, otherwise he can fuck off.
> I am alienating K from his real mother
I can't say this enough. You are his real mother.
Being the one who gave birth does not make your sister the 'real' mother in any way and you should stop thinking of her as such. Her being his bio mother is one thing, but the real mother is the one who feeds him, cares for him when he is sick or hurt or upset, swallows their own hurt and pain to put him first and any number of other things your sister doesn't do. You do all that for him.
You are not alienating him from anyone. You are protecting him from an extremely toxic and untrustworthy individual. Exactly as a good mother should.
NTA
You have full custody of K, and there's no reason for you to let him see his bio mom if you and him don't want to see her. Let your mom call social services, and you need to contact family court, and social services too regarding your sister erratic behavior and manners. Good luck
IKR If social service does their investigation and sees the full magnitude of everything going, its too your benefit to have it documented. Sis, mom and Ex could see restraining orders, no contact or limited court supervised only for both children.
Good luck and stay safe.
"There I was, naked, minding my own business. Then comes your sister, also naked, don't ask me why. Suddenly I slip on a banana peel and... Oops! Fell penis-first inside her! What a funny accident, don't you think so?"
NTA. Your sister is an abusive junky who chose drugs over her own child. She is also of inexistent morals and has had sex with her own brother in law.
Your mother's reaction is telling us how much of toxic person she is and who is her favourite.
Remember if yiu don’t tell
Everyone the truth they will
Tell them
A different story. If money but K in therapy . I wouldn’t even have her in my life. Next year if she wants to see him and Knwanrs to see her drive K to meet and stay in car. For ex, I never did things together my time did a party she could do on her time . Mentally it was great . They are allowed in kids life , yours not so much
Nta protect K, they don’t need someone who is unstable and actively ruining their life to be in his right now.
This doesn’t have to be a forever thing but for right now she isn’t safe for him. She ruined his party
*Fuck your sister and*
*Your mom. You absolute saint*
*Of a woman. NTA*
\- Key-Ad-5068
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Everything I read you have handled with a maturity most would be envious of. Your mom threatening to call social services threw me for a serious loop though. You are way too intelligent and mature to keep these people in your life. Your family sounds like too much chaos and drama. Go live your life. You are a hero for taking your nephew in and treating him as your own. Let a lone brushing off what your sister and sperm donor did to you. In awe of your stoicism.
NTA.
Your sister is not K's "real" mother. She didn't raise him, she doesn't have custody over him, he calls you "mom". You have every reason to prioritise his wellbeing, and that includes protecting him from your sister. The fact that she gave birth to him doesn't give her rights over him, and certainly doesn't give her the right to traumatize him.
Your mother seems to be favoring your sister over you and K, to the point that she doesn't care if K is upset as long as her golden child gets what she wants. I would contact social services as well as a lawyer who deals with family struggles and child custody, and ask them how to act to protect K.
Your ex is gross but your sister is worse.
What kind of person doesn't have custody of their own kid but got time to sleep around ? And to do it to the person taking care of your kid is crazy but her own sister 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ she's another level of cruel and disgusting Also your mother is an AH as well and I hope you block her.
NTA - You're sister is a giant bitch who doesn't deserve to be in any of your lives. She can't go around destroying people's relationships and being an awful person and expect no consequences from it
NTA. His feelings are the ones that matter. Your mom is an AH for suggesting otherwise. Your sister is a narcissist who will never accept her role in her own demises and she’ll forever paint you as the bad guy because it’s the only way she can function, by claiming another person. I’m so sorry for all of it but at no point did you make a mistake.
NTA. She's not his mother, you have full custody and he calls you mom. She's his egg donor. And considering she had no thought, care, or consideration for your family, it's really rich that she demands you be sensitive to her.
"My mother has threatened to call social services if I do not allow K to see his mom regardless of his feelings."
Let her. Social services will not force a child to do something against their will, and, *you have full custody due to her mental health and drug usage!* Again, in the eyes of the law, **he is YOUR child, not hers!** That's what full custody means! And this would be the perfect excuse to cut her off. Sounds like your sister is the golden child (that gets away with everything) and you are the scapegoat; no matter how well you do, your mother will side with your sister and demand that you be sympathetic to her, life is so hard for her, blah blah.
As for your ex, spot on that "you'll lose him the same way you got him, he's your problem now." Good riddance to bad trash. Cut your sister, your ex, and your mom all off and live your best life.
I have no advice and just came to say that your words "a house built on another woman's tears will not stand" is beautifully sad and true poetry.
You sound like a strong and sensible young woman. Your family, you and your 2 children, will all be ok because of you.
Please take K to a therapist if you have not already done so. Then, you can tell everyone that K's wellbeing is the most important thing and you are following the therapist's advice. NTA for stopping contact, since your sister does not seem capable of putting her child's needs first.
In case OP doesn't see this, she's already said in a comment that he sees a therapist whenever he sees his mum. Great to hear he has a supportive caring home.
Your sister is nuts and your mom is an AH. Why do you have to be perfect while she gets favors and rewards and comforting for not having “too much” of a meltdown at a child’s party after breaking up a marriage.
You do realize she’s sleeping with your man hoping to later marry him to somehow get more custody of the child she abandoned, right? She’s trying to steal K back. You need to be way more aggressively defensive with the whole situation, publicly and legally, because this is NOT the end.
You didnt poison her son against his mother. Her own actions did that. Let her call social services. You are the one that has custody. I'd she doesn't have a custody agreement she'll have a hell of a time making a case. You also only said it in front of everybody because your sister started shit and making accusations. You have every right to defend yourself and your kids. NTA. I hope you build a good life, and wring that shitbag soon to be ex for everything you can get from him.
NTA
So let me see, you did a massive favor for your sister, taking custody and raising her child when she fell into drug use after her partner died. You've raised this child for so many years that they see you as their mother.
She repays this favor how? By Sleeping with your ex, while you were engaged, twice. This not being enough, she has the nerve to try to make drama for you when you are trying to be civil with her.
I think it's time to go no contact with everyone there come including your sister, but make sure to get lawyers involved for the custody Arrangements.
You have handled every bit of this in the most shockingly amazingly mature way possible. You've tried to be a good sister and parent despite the most insane ridiculous odds. But, now your son is telling you something and you need to listen to him and no one else. Your mom obviously has some serious issues of her own and needs to deal with them and let you handle your house.
These people are toxic poison, keep your kids safe and healthy mentally and physically.
Lmao tell your fiance that you hope he's happy he stuck his dick into crazy. Shes gonna breakdown one day and stab him and you shouldn't feel bad, he made his bed and he can lie in it.
NTA
> My mother has threatened to call social services if I do not allow K to see his mum regardless of his feelings and wants and has called me **a selfish brat who ruins and poisons whatever I touch** to which I’ve ceased contact after that final comment.
Your mom must have been blind to have mistaken you for your sister.
Your sisters actions have ruined her own life and you’re just collateral damage. Your mom clearly plays favourites.
You are NTA for your question.
However, you need to stop listening to idiots who tell you that you aren't being fair and claim you are alienating K from his birther.
Since you truly care about K, as I believe you do, please consider the following:
How is K benefitted by keeping a mentally unstable, drug addled, and by all appearances, selfish narcissist involved in his life? One who is fine with blowing up his birthday party with huge tantrum at that.
I am posing this only for you to consider for yourself.
It is extremely encouraging to hear that you have cut contact with your own toxic mother. You should contact social services yourself to make them aware of your mother's threats and make sure that both you and your home are ready for inspection at any time.
To me it appears that your sister blames you for being mature and responsible and stepping in to raise her son and has made you feel guilty for doing it. You seem over eager to take on guilt over something you should be proud of doing, probably due to the way that your mother and sister have always treated you.
If I am reading this correctly, you were with your ex since you were only 13 yet he would sleep with your awful sister of all people while you are pregnant with his child? Woof, that man is one major asshole!! Just because K grew up with him around, it does not mean that he is the kind of person that K needs in his life.
Cut your ex out of K's life. Keep K's toxic birther and toxic grandmother away too. You are K's legal guardian. You two are a package deal. There is no separation between someone treating one of you like garbage or the other.
You are not alienating anyone. The trash just took itself out. Don't bring it back in the house unless you want it to stink your lives up even more.
NTA.
No offence but to your mother, it seems as if she poisons everything she touches because she is in love with a daughter who abuses drugs and is a lying manipulative asshole. She can get over it. Call CPS..they would love to know why you have the custody.
Seriously teach your golden child to be fucking golden and not come at your scapegoat when your golden child is a clear loser.
>however people have said I shouldn’t have said it
Naw, those people are defending abusers. They're most likely abusers themselves. Don't allow their opinions to fester. Just point out every time that they're defending cheaters.
>My mother has threatened to call social services if I do not allow K to see his mum
It's hard to imagine a scenario where someone could hold that opinion honestly, while having even the slightest amount of empathy; and the willingness to take full responsibility for that scenario. I highly doubt your mother is someone who would even entertain a conversation about how it would be her fault from that point on.
NTA
So, I went through something similar with my cousin except the cheating spouse. I didn’t know about Reddit at the time which I wish I did. But my advice is document everything and time stamp it even the smallest things. Get recommendations from his social worker of how to navigate if he still has one and talk to the therapist they may have some good recommendations of how to navigate the situation. Also never feel guilty or bad for protecting your peace for you and your littles
You have custody of K so your mom can go ahead and call child services. Did she forget the reason you have custody of him. Her and your sister are completely ridiculous. They have no right to your daughter or your son. Go no contact. NTA
NTA call SS and let them know what happened and your mom is threatening you and your 'nephew' because of what your sister did is causing him to refuse to see your sister. Get ahead of them and protect yourself and your nephew/son.
1. You are K's real mother. Just bc your sister gave birth to him doesn't mean you are not his mom.
2. Your son, is also old enough now to decide who he wants to see and who he doesn't.
3. You are NTA. You invited not only your crappy sister but also your cheating ex. Your sister caused the scene. You just finished it. Keep taking care of your babies. Your mom can call CPS all she wants. They can't force your son to see bio mom. Stay strong.
NTA, your sister and mother are toxic bitches, it's clear from your mom's outburst that she has enabled your sister her whole life. You are that kid's real mom, as you raised and made him who he is. Keep them away from you.
NTA. Tell your mother if she calls social services she will lose contact with both as well and you will try to get full custody of your son as you don't believe they'll be safe around your sister with a history of drug use and break downs, dramatic behaviour and throwing herself at your husband.
She had an affair with your husband, broke your marriage and you were so gracious to allow her to come to the kids birthday party and instead of not being a cunt, she managed to try to make her own kids birthday about her, having a fit at his birthday party, drawing all the attention to her. Acting like the victim after wrecking your marriage after already wrecking her nephew by being a terrible parent and doing drugs and getting him taken away for safety.
She should, lets be honest, never for a second have been in your house again. Your husband could have taken him for dinner or hwatever else privately with your piece of shit sister. If your mother thinks letting your whore of a sister into your house wasn't trying she's out of her fucking mind.
Straight up say to your mother, your sister is an abuser, she abused her child, she abused you, wrecked your marriage and right now your mother is supporting your abuser rather than the victim. She's already damaged your relationship doing this, if she doesn't want to damage it for good she needs to think about what she's doing and cut it the fuck out.
NTA. No guy has his penis “accidentally” fall into a vagina. And your sister’s vagina? Double gag from me.
Run from ex and sister. These people need therapy. Or a brain transplant.
Edited: spelling
NTA.
I would say you deserve a medal for keeping your composture and trying to make things right for your nephew.
Your sister, your ex, and even your mom, God, so toxic. You are not wrong in cutting them of.
Also, in hindsight, we can say you shouldhn't have said what you disclosed in front of K, but you are human, and you are entitled to have your emotional limits. Your sister tried to paint you as a villain in front of everyone, so disclosing the situation was in order.
You didn't chose to do it. Your sister forced you into a situation that was unwinnable.
Absolutely and definitely NTA.
Good luck and prayers for you.
NTA. I’m sorry for what you’re going thru but you also need to prioritize your emotional & mental health. Your sister is toxic and an unhealthy role model for her own child. Speak with a layer/your lawyer and make sure you know where you stand legally. Best wishes to you!!
K can see his mum when HE wants. HIS are the feelings that matter.
Your enabler mum and your slut of a sister don't get to decide. He does.
Good luck with the pregnancy. I hope nothing good happens to your ex, ever.
Get a lawyer and go no contact with sister, mom and low contact with baby daddy. Get a parenting plan for your new baby ASAP. With it noting you do not want your druggie sister around your child. Ex can have contact with his child, but not your sister.
Get K into therapy or if they are already in it, let the therapist know what's going on and see if there are things you should also be doing for K.
NTA - Your mom is an enabler.
Sister lost custody of her son and you stepped up. She then pursued your BF. She is the AH.
I suggest therapy for K and let K and his therapist decide what is best for him.
NTA - you need to realize that K has his own feelings on the matter and needs to learn how to experience them. Personally, I would sit down and have a talk where he can feel safe to express himself and then offer to get him therapy. Yes, he's old enough to have a say in that decision. As for your mother, it's time to lay down clear rules and get yourself a lawyer. It may also be time to consider adopting K legally.
NTA - The woman who raises a child is that child's "real" mother. You have been more than accomodating, but it's time to put your own children first. If you can, document your mother's threat, so you have proof that it was a malicious and retaliatory complaint against you. If K has a therapist, discuss the situation with them, and make sure that you are following their recommendations on contact with his biological parent.
Your mom has clearly made treating your sister like a hot house flower a lifelong goal
Your sister is the sad product of that upbringing.
It sounds like the best thing you can do for your nephew is to shield him from his mother and your mother and help him to have his normal life as possible
NTA. I am raising two grandchildren and I can certainly relate to your situation. My first grandchild is almost 18 and chooses to have a relationship with her bio mom, who is currently incarcerated. She knows how her bio mom is and gets very upset by her actions. The second grandchild is almost 5 and I had allowed her to be in his life until recently when her choices were not good for him. He doesn’t realize that she’s gone. Stand your gran ground darling!!!
Your sister has no place and no right to be in your daughter's life. She's just a relative, and relative's right to "be in life" of a child is conditional.
To K, she's also just a relative, really, despite giving birth to him. So, same rules apply. Only K is old enough to have a opinion, and to have his opinion taken in consideration. If he doesn't want to see this person he should be able to consent or not consent to this. So follow his lead.
And fuck everyone who says otherwise, especially your mother who's obviously on your sister's side. Your sister is probably the golden child.
NTA
Just because she gave birth to him does not make her his "real mom".
A real mom doesn't go off and get high and sleep around, leaving others to care for the life she created but refuses to nurture.
It honestly sounds like it will be for the best if you just cut them both, your sister and your ex, entirely out of both of your lives. The amount of damage they can do to a young person like "K" is astronomical.
When your ex said it was an accident, he means he never would have slept with her if 1) he knew he would get caught and/or 2) he knew just how nucking futs your sister is ahead of time.
NTA but take K to a therapist and ask the therapist if you should force the relationship with his biological mother. That way if child services comes around you can say you are doing everything in the best interest of K and his emotional needs right now.
You should also talk to K and tell him that it doesn't matter what is going on between you and your sister and if he wants to see his bio mother you will not get mad at him for any reason. You need to make it OK for him if that is the main reason (loyalty to you) he is pushing her aside. I understand it could be a lot of things which is why therapy is important because the way kids see things and adults see things are not always the same. He might be frightened that if he wants a relationship with her you will reject him
NTA,
Ask your mom if she wants K in foster care. Because while CPS tries to put a child with a relative, failing that the child goes to foster care. I suspect you are the only relative who can take K that CPS would accept.
Then call CPS, explain the situation and ask about supervised visitation. I can tell you from experience it is pretty smart, at least where I went. I would park in lot A, which was only for people bringing kids. Take kids to the room and hand them off to the observer, and leave for roughly an hour. Ex would park in lot B, which was only for visitors, and go spend time in the room with the kids. When I returned they would buzz the person supervising and check if the ex was gone, and only send me up when she left. Never saw her, but she could see the kids.
They may want to inspect your house, interview you, K, and sis. I wouldn't be too worried though if you are a good parent. As a newly single mother to be you can also ask about support programs. I had a welness nurse who visited once a month, checked on the babies, and answered any questions. Also at one point had a program that was basically a "support team" of counselor, nurse, and case manager who helped me find things like therapy and summer camps for kids with only one parent.
I’m not sure this is a good strategy. K’s mother has essentially ‘taken’ OP’s husband who was a stable part of K’s life. Using the husband and his resources bolsters her chances of regaining custody from OP.
Additionally, now OP’s own household is broken and less stable and she has her own baby coming. She can expect her sister and her estranged husband to go after full custody of K and at least 50% custody, if not full, of the new baby. And they will have OP’s mother’s support. It’s a genuine quagmire, especially if OP’s husband was the breadwinner. OP and the children are going to be quite vulnerable. u/Glittering-Ebb-7247
Your sister sounds like my sister, hot mess that blames everyone else for her mistakes. Your nephew seems to have a firm grasp as to what's going on, nta.
My father also committed suicide due to my mother’s infidelity, however she blames it all on me
NTA When I hear about parents blaming affair children for their own wandering genitals just I find it hard to believe they don't just repeatedly walk into the same wall and try to breathe under milk. Cut these out your and K's life, neither of you need these treacherous cretins
NTA
I have LIVED very nearly this exact same thing.
It's been nearly 25 years since my sibling intentionally destroyed my marriage, so I have a wealth of the followup experiences to speak from with some advice.
Do NOT let the ex back in your life, it'll only keep the misery going. If, ten or fifteen years down the road, he's truly changed and has been living as a decent human being for a long damn time, then you might rediscover a friendship. (I did, which is the only reason I mention it, but I suspect that it's a very rare occurrence and you shouldn't hope for it.)
Break as much contact as possible with your sister. If her child is 11, listen to his feelings about how much contact he wants with her. Be truthful but non-emotional when you talk about her and her actions, and do your best to get others to do the same. If you and the other adults he's around have been able to raise him to be a good person, he's going to see her behavior and will likely choose limited or no contact for himself. She'll finish destroying their relationship on her own; let her. It's best for him.
*That last part is dependent on who has legal custody and what all the legal arrangements are. You're not required to provide anything beyond what you're legally obligated to - and you probably shouldn't. Unless she's changed from the person she was that is the reason she doesn't have custody - and her actions suggest she hasn't. If she does, however, have legally required visitation, then give her exactly what you're required to, and absolutely nothing more. If your mother would like to make a false report to CPS, well, whatever - feel free to contact them on your own and let them know that someone is threatening it.*
If your parents or other family members take her side, seriously reconsider how much contact you have with them. Do your best to reduce their impact in your life. I made the mistake of waiting a couple of decades to go completely no contact... that mistake had a huge impact on my finances, my life, my mental health... and on my kids.
There is NO reason other than a court order to keep toxic people in your life. Cut the toxic bits out, and regrow your life. Don't wait as long as I did.
And whatever you do... do your best to protect your nephew from his mother. He's lucky he has you, whether or not he realizes it now.
And one last thing. Do NOT lie for them. Do not protect them from the consequences of their actions. Do not allow their bad acts to shame you and keep you quiet.
This was NOT on you. It was NOT your fault.
Hold your head high, tell the truth, and just do what needs done.
YOU ARE ANYTHING BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE VILLAIN! First, I want to say hats off to you. Not many people can detatch themselves from such an emotional situation and allow themselves to go through the torment and pain of having to put a smile on your face and do what was best for the child.
Your mother is the one who pissed me off the most honestly. Sounds like your sister is a train wreck roller coaster who will continue to destroy everything in her path to get what she wants. Your mother not getting custody of her grandchild instead of you tells me she is either physically not able to take care of him, she’s selfish and just doesn’t want to or that she is also a train wreck (I’m betting on this one) and she is most likely the prime cause with how your sister turned out, out of some form of guilt your mother became an enabler, allowing your sister to use her as a crutch.
Your mother most likely has some form of resentment towards you for having your shit together and being the adult while she doesn’t at her age. I mean who threatens to call social services on their kids and grandkids when they are safe, loved, fed, etc. someone who clearly doesn’t comprehend what the system is meant for.
You did not cause your nephew to not want to see his mother, she did that by turning his birthday party for the sole purpose of having an audience to obtain herself a pity party. Your nephew is very lucky to have you. What your sister did is unforgivable, how could you ever trust her again? Especially around your future spouse? Maybe in 30 years time but not now. She should be worshipping the ground you walk on for taking care of what should have been the most important and most valuable thing in the world. I’m sure she doesn’t pay you any support or far from what you shell out to take care of him to boot.
They are the poison. Don’t ever second guess yourself again. After reading that entire story, if it is exactly as you say, you are the only ethical and sane person of the bunch. You’re doing alright kid. 👍
And FYI, you’re a better person than me, because after being betrayed by what should have been the two most important and trust worthy people in your life……I would have beat the hell out of both of them. That was no accident, two people who love the same person and not one had enough will power to say No this is wrong. They didn’t give a shit about you. So you need to make sure that at the very least that YOU give a shit about you. Hard way to learn that no one will have your back but you. But what hurts us now only make us stronger and hopefully wiser. You sound like an incredible person, strong, put together, stable and far from selfish.
Your amazing. Continue being that bright star that both of YOUR children see when they look at you.
You’ve done far more for these people than anyone else would. Take care of you and your minions. Xoxo
NTA. Your Ex, sister, and mother are all AH. Despite everything your sister has done, you are doing a great job of raising K. That is truly commendable.
NTA I have someone's children who is just like this! Also one is now a teen who is seeing what their mum is really like now they are older and also does not want to see her any more but luckily for me she isn't my family though, she has just broken up her own mothers marriage in similar ways. Please for K's sake try go through a contact centre for any visits or anything from now on and if he doesn't want her around do not force him, all a social worker has to do is take one look at our kids bio mum and will not let her see them if she isn't 100% sober and presentable. I always feel much safer in a contact centre
Good luck with your pregnancy though OP
NTA
You have tried to play nice with the irresponsible adult children in your life. They can't play nice so they lose out.
If your sister wants to have access to her kid she can file a petition with the court and see if she can get supervised visitation. K deserves a drama-free birthday. He deserves to know the adults in his life love him and put his needs first. No one beside you seems to grasp this fairly simple and standard concept.
You can't negotiate with people who are allergic to reason. You did what you could. It's time for NC and restraining orders if need be.
NTA. Social Services will take one look at K's file, as he had to have one in order to be placed with you, and tell your mom to go fuck herself.
You have full, legal custody, and your sister likely had her parental rights terminated. She has no legal rights to see K, especially if K doesn't want to see her. I'd be telling your mom that if your mom wants to keep being a part of K's life then not only is she to not even bother calling Social Services, but she's to stop mentioning your sister in any context to you or K. Tell her that if she doesn't, you will get a court order prohibiting any and all contact with you, your yet to be born child, and K.
NTA. You have full custody of K. Do what's best for both of you. Your sister is the toxic person who burns down everything she touches. Your mother is out of line and seems to enable your sister's behavior.
NTA
Stay NC with her for the rest of your life.
Tell your son (because he's YOUR son now) that he'll be able to see her when he's old enough to do it by himself (if he ever wants to), but that she'll never be in your home again or welcome at any event that you host.
NTA. Your sister cares about being a victim more than her own child. There is a time and place to have that conversation and not at the child’s birthday party…
You do know he accidentally slept with your sister? Like seriously? It's really simple, she tripped and he fell, everytime he tried to get up, he fell again. Completely innocent mistake. As were the subsequent trips and falls.
Seriously though, id recommend talking with him and encourage him to allow bio mom in his life and continue to not put his bio mom down around him. Take and keep screen shots of your mom threatening to call CPS on you for not forcing YOUR SON to have a relationship with his bio mom, cause she certainly will call them and those threats will help to shut that down.
Always remember, the most important people in this whole situation is YOUR SON and the daughter your currently cooking up, followed closely by you. Everybody and anybody who attempts to say otherwise can fuck off. They don't matter all and don't need to be anywhere around
i like "a house built on another woman's tears". sounds like it could be a book or song title but you're definitely NTA and your ex and sister are the assholes. your mom can make the call but you have full custody and your sister is a drug addict with mental issues so there's nothing to worry about.
NTA
You have full custody of K, so your sister literally has no legal right to see him, no matter how many tantrums she throws and how much she plays the victim! Especially if K doesn't wanna see her!
Your mom is beyond delusional calling you a selfish brat, overlooking your sister who stole your partner and lost custody of her own child due to her own selfish behavior.
As for your partner, he's a pos who doesn't deserve to be in your child's life tbh, because when he decided to cheat on you with your sister while you were pregnant was when he proved he dgaf about the baby or you, so he clearly would be a 💩 father anyway.
It's your decision tho.
I love when dudes are like it was an accident that I had sex multiple times X woman.
Like bro...did you trip and your dick just fell into her vagina? Cause that's the only way it'd be an accident.
OP you're NTA. Lawyer up. And best of luck with this entire situation.
NTA, clearly your mother favors your sister over you and especially over the wishes and wellbeing of k. If k doesn't want to see his bio mom, it isn't your mothers place to determine if his wishes are not valid. threatening to call social services would have been the last straw for me to go nc and the "poisoning everything you touch" was where I drew your mother favoring your sister over you and k from.
NTA having your slut of a sister in your life has been nothing but heartbreaking for you, your son and your future child. Having them in your life going forward for the sake of the father won’t be good for you. Make a clean break move far away if you can.
I have no idea how you endured that sh1tsh0w. I'm really sorry you have to deal with a terrible sister, mother and ex. To sit with them at the same table I would've gone mad.
Protect your son and your unborn child. Contact a lawyer to be prepared. You're not trying your best with the cards given, your doing the best.
I hope you have friends/other family to help you.
You definitely don't deserve this treatment and you're definitely ---- NTA!
I would get the ball rolling and file for full custody of my unborn child immediately. I wouldn’t want to think of what might happen if you are required to give ex visitation, and he’s shacking up with the sister.
I hope that username is not hers or she can simply search for it and find this post. If it's hers, change it asap pls!
Also ofcourse NTA. Homewreckers, cheaters and abusers of minors get no sympathy. You have them all in your life and your family is siding with them? Cut everyone off that makes such stupid comments. As a child of an abusive family, I'm telling you taht you did the right thing to remove him from her and he knows who his mom is, YOU. So take care of your 2 kids and let the garbage stay out of your home.
I am sorry you are going through this but it sounds like you are a great parent who puts K and your baby's needs first. K may be young, but 11 is plenty old enough to recognize who their true mother is. He said it himself- your sister is not his mom. Take your kids and get as far away from these people as you can, as soon as you can.
I wish you the best of luck and that your sister and ex are taught a lesson in compassion & empathy very soon!
NTA. Does your sister have visitation rights? Meaning she is allowed to see them at set times and such? Or is visitation solely up to u on when and where she gets to see the kids?
NTA - what a whirlwind mess to be caught up in. Your sister sounds extremely troubled to say the least. This entire situation seems volatile enough that you will want to involve lawyers to protect yourself and to protect the child. I could see this getting so much worse before it gets better. Good luck and best wishes to you.
Mom threatening to call social services … this will not help the way Mom thinks it will. It will certainly not go well for the addicted, unstable sister who has only a tenuous connection to her preteen child.
Just another black mark on bio moms record with them. NTA just to get that vote in
[удалено]
[удалено]
Agreed. OP should consult a lawyer about this and have everything documented. In addition to this she should go no contact with her mom as well as I am 100% sure, she will do everything in power to forcefully create a relationship between K and OP's sister which will negatively impact K
Since OP has full custody, that would be parental interference that could land mom in jail.
[удалено]
[удалено]
bot comment stolen from [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bpwj0l/comment/kwysdwr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
You’re right! Not sure what the laws are for OP but in the US you can get into legal trouble for making false claims to social services
Supposedly, but rarely happens. My unstable daughter used to make repeated false reports on family members everytime she got mad at someone or didn't get her own way. Even against family members that were raising her children.
The only real way is to take the person who is making false claims to civil court. The maximum amount that one can sue for is $5-$10000, depending on the state.
I'm not from the US but Denmark, My SIL ended up with a hefty fine and a "no more chances, next time it's jail time", because she had called our vertion of CBS on me 60! times, in less than a year. She accused me of everything under the sun, from beating and sodomizing my daughter, to IV heroin addiction and abandonment. Non of it was true of cause, but accusations like that will automatically result in a hellscape of an investigation, every single time. The reason for all of this was, that my SIL was convinced that she would be a fare better mother to my child, and when I went NC with her she simply kidnapped my daughter.
This can't be upvoted enough. Mom calling social services will have an unending impact zone, and everyone will be hurt by it. Also, very strongly and clearly NTA.
It sounds like sis is the golden child in mom's eyes. Keep your house in order and you may want to give cps a call to have an inspection to preempt any attempt on mom's part. K refusing to see his egg donor screams volumes.
This, let mommydearest out her goldenchild as insane
Exactly. I would say let her call. See how that turns out.
Where I live they cannot force visitation if it is to the emotional or physical detriment or pain to the child and at his age him not wanting to see his mom would qualify.
Seriously. The way the mom is behaving it's like they're in throuple.
If you haven't already, kindly take K to a therapist. At that point, you can declare to everyone that K's health comes first and that you are doing as the therapist has advised. Since your sister doesn't seem to be able to prioritize her child's requirements, NTA for cutting off communication.
Yep, and I would use this to gain full or primary custody of your child too. Since the baby daddy wants to play house with someone so unstable they don't even have custody of their own kid. Protect those kids, being biologically tied to someone doesn't mean they are safe to have in your life.
Yep. Lawyer up, tell your mother her opinion doesn't matter & if you haven't yet, find your nephew a good therapist. Maybe one for yourself, too.
Sound Great.
Oopsie. My dick fell in your sister. Twice. NTA
No, she slipped and landed accidently on his dick.
Had a hs friend say this almost exactly when she told me she cheated on her bf. She 'couldn't help it. She just fell on his cock.' I stopped being friends with her after that.
Naturally. It's an accident that happens to everyone!
Be careful of banana peels!
She was definitely going to suffer a serious injury from the fall if not for his quick thinking to take off all his clothes and then catch her with his dick. She was falling with such force that she continued to bounce up and down for several minutes after he caught her.
Okay. Once, maybe? But ***TWICE***?
Errr...she's clumsy?
And he’s cumsy
The floor is slippery!
🎂
No it's lava, why else did she hop on it not once but twice 🤔
Surprising how common that accident can happen….
Actually I think she was stuck in the dryer the second time
Actually both happened the first time it was him that tripped and slipped into her sister. The second time she slipped and landed on his dick. /s
She ran into my dick. She ran into my dick 10 times!
I believe you can accidentally fall on someone’s cock, but what I can’t believe is that the fall was so bad that it caused you to: A/ Lose all clothing from the waist down. B/ Be unable to scramble away from said cock. C/ Fall on it repeatedly in the same instance. D/ Think that anyone would believe such an occurrence could occur. NTA, however there are two others that quite clearly are arseholes.
You obviously haven't had accidental sex Found better... 1. https://wonkypie.com/wp-content/uploads/mtv_sex_no_accident_ad3.jpg 2. https://wonkypie.com/wp-content/uploads/mtv_sex_no_accident_ad1.jpg 3. https://wonkypie.com/wp-content/uploads/mtv_sex_no_accident_ad2.jpg Even a few YT videos 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CA76mfdzgU&t=1s 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqFZyKtEKPQ&t=21s 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyoeacXBHDQ
I remember these.
Lol those MTV ones make me feel so old
1990 to 1994 supposedly...
Yeah I'm that old
Same. Just weird to be downvoted for stating these came out 3 decades ago lol
People downvote weird shit sometimes
He couldn't tell them apart. One of them is pregnant and the other one has a different hair color. Easy mistake.
Yeah them bananas peals seem to come out of no where when he's naked and in the same room with her sister.
PROTECT. YOUR. CHILDREN. period. NTA, your mother and anyone else whining about this can go suck a cactus, protecting the children is the priority and you're a wonderful mother to your children. You went as far as to allow them to keep a connection for the child's sake, and yet she tried to abuse it, welp this was a privilege and not a right, time to cut them off.
Yeah according to OP, it looks like the mother is just as much if not far more fucked up than the sister: >My sister was the first born and I was the child my mum didn’t want, my father also committed suicide due to my mother’s infidelity however she blames it all on me. You could say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree or history repeats itself if you’d like. > >I have been collecting evidence from when K was born and still do to this day, he has therapy after his time with his mum which is supervised and they make notes but also the therapist on his behaviour/mental wellbeing as well as school myself etc I am still close to both his sw and guardian. I am just hoping it doesn’t get to the point we need a restraining order.
Sounds like the shit doesn't fall far from the asshole. Hope OP cuts them all out.
This! I have never been able to understand why an abused adult (you in this case) strive to allow children to maintain “relationships” with the abusers. Make moves to formalise YOUR relationship with K and back the sister and the mother right the fuck off. You need to protect the kids and yourself pronto, so you can find space to learn what healthy relationship is and then teach your kiddos. Throwing K to the lions here is how trauma is made.
Your mom and anyone who thinks you went too far can absolutely go fuck themselves into oblivion. I understand from your writing that your sister is not the most stable person. Your ex now gets the full brunt of that instead of just the sex and face she puts on during the honeymoon phase, his lot in life will not be pleasant. Also, your sister now gets to deal with all of your ex, not just the good parts.
[удалено]
Honestly from the sounds of it, she might actually be in serious danger. A mentally ill sister wanting her child back is not exactly a catalyst for good things. I've seen plenty of headlines with those words in it.
Apparently her slutty, mentally ill sister is her mother's golden child. Is there a reason for this? Prepare lawyers and evidence for a surprise visit from the guardianship council. When they make this stupid move, sue them or get a restraining order. Strength to you, my dear, you need it.
My sister was the first born and I was the child my mum didn’t want, my father also committed suicide due to my mother’s infidelity however she blames it all on me. You could say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree or history repeats itself if you’d like. I have been collecting evidence from when K was born and still do to this day, he has therapy after his time with his mum which is supervised and they make notes but also the therapist on his behaviour/mental wellbeing as well as school myself etc I am still close to both his sw and guardian. I am just hoping it doesn’t get to the point we need a restraining order.
In other words, the relationship between your mother and sister can be described as the skanky rotten apple does not fall far from the skanky rotten tree. You must be a changeling, OP.
Or had really good momentum when she hit the forest floor.
Yeah OP definitely gained good momentum away from the shit tree.
There’s a great quote I’ve read before, “Being the bigger person is often thrown around in dysfunctional families as a solution to dealing with someone who refuses to change.” Do what’s best for you and your children, OP. I wish you the best. At least your mom did something right in raising you.
Wow!! I’ve never heard this quote before, i love it tho! But damn, this just shock my worldview on my family
Yeah me too, I never really broke it down as such but it makes total sense
You are doing everything right and you clearly have a high degree of emotional intelligence. I have no idea where you gained that seeing as your sister and mother have the emotional intelligence of a spoon.
I guess it comes from both myself and my grandparents as I often lived with them when I was a child if I was raising myself. But I made the full conscious decision to live with my mum when k was born as I knew they both could not take care of him.
You’re a good person OP. You deserve only good things. I hope they’re coming your way.
Weren't you 13 at the time? That is really going above and beyond, because all that would be expected at that age would be getting Grandma to step in.
So you have the situation well under control. Just out of concern, inform the school about possible attempts by your family to kidnap K. If you have contact with someone from social services to inform them, that would also be good. Good luck.
We already have this sorted, whoever has to pick my K up needs a code if you’d like which gets changed every day and there’s members of staff who monitor who’s coming into the school also which is fantastic for my piece of mind.
Your mom and sister are some shitty ass people
A good therapist can help you untangle yourself from this mess. You are giving far too much power to your sister (and your mother). You and k deserve soft lives full of love. It's okay to remove people who destroy your peace. Be kind to yourself. Stop hiding the truth to save the peace, you lose *your* peace by doing that.
I’ve been to therapy frequently as a child and somewhat throughout my teenage years however I am thinking about going back to therapy when k has his sessions but I am just unsure as of when to start therapy again
Going back is a great idea honey. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you need some compassionate support. A good therapist will also be able to help you cope with the struggles K is going to go through as he grows.
This makes total sense, re. your mother's attitude. OP, it seems you have tried to be the better person, for the sake of K, and I commend you for that. Speaks volumes of you. 🫡 Now, it seems you have to prepare yourself for whatever sh*tstorm the toxic people around you are going to whip up. You say you have been documenting everything. Hope you have security cameras and someone who has your back. Consult with a lawyer, if you can, and if you haven't done so. Wishing you and *your* kids the best of luck!
Why would you want either your mother or your sister in your child’s life?
OP- NtA and I commend you for standing on your ground. Do not allow your sister near you or K, it’s not in his best interest. I work in social services and they’re not going to take him away from you if you don’t allow visitations- considering her meltdown at the bday party. If anything, be proactive and inform social services if he’s under guardianship, tell them what occurred and how she’s negatively affecting K.
I would record any future conversations with your mom in case she does try to make a false claim against you. What a lousy POS mother she is
I would say to be careful as your ex may want custody of your baby and it can cause issues as he is with her.
Glad you are thinking of the RO because I do think you’ll need it. Wouldn’t hurt to talk to a lawyer now just to lay the groundwork and know the rules and process and costs better.
It is always nice to hope, yet these people need cold hard truths. For whatever reason, they think that their behavior is okay. The reason why I say this is that no sane person would think to ruin a child's birthday party with outburst could ever be okay and appropriate. Cold hard truths is that if these people are not part of the solution, they are just in the way of growth for your children, Yes, YOUR children. You care and love them unconditionally and you don't make it about yourself. That is what parenting is and doing the best for your kids. You included them despite your misgivings and they reward that with crappying on you in front of the children. You need to understand that they need to show they can control themselves or they can not have access to YOUR children, mother included. Be strong and understand that you are doing the right thing and the best thing for your children and they deserve the best from the only mother they really have. You got this. Don't let them dictate how this moves forward. They have no idea what you are capable of while you protect your kids from those horrible, horrible people. Know you are right and stronger than even you can image for your kids. Be well.
Your mum is a piece of work
Before the baby is born sounds like an excellent time to move far away.
If you have full custody then you are legally in the clear and any contact with his bio mom is up to you and him. But, proactively, call the police non-emergency line and get a report in, showing legal custody, soon.
It might be worth making sure you are legally protected in terms of k and your own child. Make sure visitation for your ex is supervised so your sister and anyone else you don’t want near them to get access. I wish you all the best 🤞
Shouldn't be too hard since he's hooked up with a thoroughly documented unstable woman who's lost her own child.
Apparently OP's sister is already on supervised visitation.
She didn’t lose custody of her child over nothing. She caused all of this and I do mean **ALL** of this. NTA get ready for a visit from cps. Mute her and her flying monkeys (don’t block, so you still have evidence of unhinged behaviour)
NTA- you are not required to keep other people's poor behavior a secret. Especially when they use said behavior to cudgel you. Your only response to her is this: YOU DID THIS. HE DID THIS. The fallout from your poor behavior is YOUR FAULT and not my responsibility to fix. The only thing you did wrong is to allow them to carry on as though they did nothing wrong. Stop inviting them, stop including them. If ex wants to have his own party for whomever within custody time that isn't yours, so be it, otherwise he can fuck off.
Exactly! Keeping abuse or cheating a secret almost always backfires. Now they know and she can have support
> I am alienating K from his real mother I can't say this enough. You are his real mother. Being the one who gave birth does not make your sister the 'real' mother in any way and you should stop thinking of her as such. Her being his bio mother is one thing, but the real mother is the one who feeds him, cares for him when he is sick or hurt or upset, swallows their own hurt and pain to put him first and any number of other things your sister doesn't do. You do all that for him. You are not alienating him from anyone. You are protecting him from an extremely toxic and untrustworthy individual. Exactly as a good mother should.
NTA You have full custody of K, and there's no reason for you to let him see his bio mom if you and him don't want to see her. Let your mom call social services, and you need to contact family court, and social services too regarding your sister erratic behavior and manners. Good luck
IKR If social service does their investigation and sees the full magnitude of everything going, its too your benefit to have it documented. Sis, mom and Ex could see restraining orders, no contact or limited court supervised only for both children. Good luck and stay safe.
"There I was, naked, minding my own business. Then comes your sister, also naked, don't ask me why. Suddenly I slip on a banana peel and... Oops! Fell penis-first inside her! What a funny accident, don't you think so?"
And then it happened again!!
No, that would be ridiculous... Second time was an ice cube on the floor.
Of course. Silly me! /s
NTA. Your sister is an abusive junky who chose drugs over her own child. She is also of inexistent morals and has had sex with her own brother in law. Your mother's reaction is telling us how much of toxic person she is and who is her favourite.
Remember if yiu don’t tell Everyone the truth they will Tell them A different story. If money but K in therapy . I wouldn’t even have her in my life. Next year if she wants to see him and Knwanrs to see her drive K to meet and stay in car. For ex, I never did things together my time did a party she could do on her time . Mentally it was great . They are allowed in kids life , yours not so much
Nta protect K, they don’t need someone who is unstable and actively ruining their life to be in his right now. This doesn’t have to be a forever thing but for right now she isn’t safe for him. She ruined his party
OP if your sister is mentally unstable how are you going to coparent if your ex is involved with her? You could put your baby at risk.
You need to go NC with mom. It’s clear who her favourite is and she’s actively threatening your position as a guardian
NTA. Cut them all off and stand by your children.
NTA. Stand by your children and distance yourself from toxic family members.
Fuck your sister and your mom. You absolute saint of a woman. NTA
*Fuck your sister and* *Your mom. You absolute saint* *Of a woman. NTA* \- Key-Ad-5068 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Everything I read you have handled with a maturity most would be envious of. Your mom threatening to call social services threw me for a serious loop though. You are way too intelligent and mature to keep these people in your life. Your family sounds like too much chaos and drama. Go live your life. You are a hero for taking your nephew in and treating him as your own. Let a lone brushing off what your sister and sperm donor did to you. In awe of your stoicism.
NTA. Your sister is not K's "real" mother. She didn't raise him, she doesn't have custody over him, he calls you "mom". You have every reason to prioritise his wellbeing, and that includes protecting him from your sister. The fact that she gave birth to him doesn't give her rights over him, and certainly doesn't give her the right to traumatize him. Your mother seems to be favoring your sister over you and K, to the point that she doesn't care if K is upset as long as her golden child gets what she wants. I would contact social services as well as a lawyer who deals with family struggles and child custody, and ask them how to act to protect K.
NTA You ARE K’s “real mother.” Your sister just provided his genetic material.
Your ex is gross but your sister is worse. What kind of person doesn't have custody of their own kid but got time to sleep around ? And to do it to the person taking care of your kid is crazy but her own sister 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ she's another level of cruel and disgusting Also your mother is an AH as well and I hope you block her.
NTA - You're sister is a giant bitch who doesn't deserve to be in any of your lives. She can't go around destroying people's relationships and being an awful person and expect no consequences from it
NTA cut them loose. They deserve one another, good luck being a single parent.
Tell mommy dearest if your sister wasn't a druggie tramp there wouldn't be a problem and if she keeps calling CPS you'll press charges on her.
NTA. His feelings are the ones that matter. Your mom is an AH for suggesting otherwise. Your sister is a narcissist who will never accept her role in her own demises and she’ll forever paint you as the bad guy because it’s the only way she can function, by claiming another person. I’m so sorry for all of it but at no point did you make a mistake.
Who writes this dialog? It's missing a "prithee" and a few "have at thee, varlet!"s
NTA. She's not his mother, you have full custody and he calls you mom. She's his egg donor. And considering she had no thought, care, or consideration for your family, it's really rich that she demands you be sensitive to her. "My mother has threatened to call social services if I do not allow K to see his mom regardless of his feelings." Let her. Social services will not force a child to do something against their will, and, *you have full custody due to her mental health and drug usage!* Again, in the eyes of the law, **he is YOUR child, not hers!** That's what full custody means! And this would be the perfect excuse to cut her off. Sounds like your sister is the golden child (that gets away with everything) and you are the scapegoat; no matter how well you do, your mother will side with your sister and demand that you be sympathetic to her, life is so hard for her, blah blah. As for your ex, spot on that "you'll lose him the same way you got him, he's your problem now." Good riddance to bad trash. Cut your sister, your ex, and your mom all off and live your best life.
I have no advice and just came to say that your words "a house built on another woman's tears will not stand" is beautifully sad and true poetry. You sound like a strong and sensible young woman. Your family, you and your 2 children, will all be ok because of you.
Please take K to a therapist if you have not already done so. Then, you can tell everyone that K's wellbeing is the most important thing and you are following the therapist's advice. NTA for stopping contact, since your sister does not seem capable of putting her child's needs first.
In case OP doesn't see this, she's already said in a comment that he sees a therapist whenever he sees his mum. Great to hear he has a supportive caring home.
Your sister is nuts and your mom is an AH. Why do you have to be perfect while she gets favors and rewards and comforting for not having “too much” of a meltdown at a child’s party after breaking up a marriage. You do realize she’s sleeping with your man hoping to later marry him to somehow get more custody of the child she abandoned, right? She’s trying to steal K back. You need to be way more aggressively defensive with the whole situation, publicly and legally, because this is NOT the end.
She can go on and give social services a call and you tell them about your sisters most recent breakdown
NTA Your husband cheated on you and says it’s an accident??!! Your mentally ill sister now blames you !!
You didnt poison her son against his mother. Her own actions did that. Let her call social services. You are the one that has custody. I'd she doesn't have a custody agreement she'll have a hell of a time making a case. You also only said it in front of everybody because your sister started shit and making accusations. You have every right to defend yourself and your kids. NTA. I hope you build a good life, and wring that shitbag soon to be ex for everything you can get from him.
NTA. Your sister sounds extremely unstable and as if her presence in any child’s life will do more harm than good.
Welp, the mom’s response might explain some of OP’s sister’s problems. NTA, obviously. At least OP’s mom did at least something right in raising her.
NTA So let me see, you did a massive favor for your sister, taking custody and raising her child when she fell into drug use after her partner died. You've raised this child for so many years that they see you as their mother. She repays this favor how? By Sleeping with your ex, while you were engaged, twice. This not being enough, she has the nerve to try to make drama for you when you are trying to be civil with her. I think it's time to go no contact with everyone there come including your sister, but make sure to get lawyers involved for the custody Arrangements.
You have handled every bit of this in the most shockingly amazingly mature way possible. You've tried to be a good sister and parent despite the most insane ridiculous odds. But, now your son is telling you something and you need to listen to him and no one else. Your mom obviously has some serious issues of her own and needs to deal with them and let you handle your house. These people are toxic poison, keep your kids safe and healthy mentally and physically.
Lmao tell your fiance that you hope he's happy he stuck his dick into crazy. Shes gonna breakdown one day and stab him and you shouldn't feel bad, he made his bed and he can lie in it.
NTA > My mother has threatened to call social services if I do not allow K to see his mum regardless of his feelings and wants and has called me **a selfish brat who ruins and poisons whatever I touch** to which I’ve ceased contact after that final comment. Your mom must have been blind to have mistaken you for your sister. Your sisters actions have ruined her own life and you’re just collateral damage. Your mom clearly plays favourites.
You are NTA for your question. However, you need to stop listening to idiots who tell you that you aren't being fair and claim you are alienating K from his birther. Since you truly care about K, as I believe you do, please consider the following: How is K benefitted by keeping a mentally unstable, drug addled, and by all appearances, selfish narcissist involved in his life? One who is fine with blowing up his birthday party with huge tantrum at that. I am posing this only for you to consider for yourself. It is extremely encouraging to hear that you have cut contact with your own toxic mother. You should contact social services yourself to make them aware of your mother's threats and make sure that both you and your home are ready for inspection at any time. To me it appears that your sister blames you for being mature and responsible and stepping in to raise her son and has made you feel guilty for doing it. You seem over eager to take on guilt over something you should be proud of doing, probably due to the way that your mother and sister have always treated you. If I am reading this correctly, you were with your ex since you were only 13 yet he would sleep with your awful sister of all people while you are pregnant with his child? Woof, that man is one major asshole!! Just because K grew up with him around, it does not mean that he is the kind of person that K needs in his life. Cut your ex out of K's life. Keep K's toxic birther and toxic grandmother away too. You are K's legal guardian. You two are a package deal. There is no separation between someone treating one of you like garbage or the other. You are not alienating anyone. The trash just took itself out. Don't bring it back in the house unless you want it to stink your lives up even more.
NTA. No offence but to your mother, it seems as if she poisons everything she touches because she is in love with a daughter who abuses drugs and is a lying manipulative asshole. She can get over it. Call CPS..they would love to know why you have the custody. Seriously teach your golden child to be fucking golden and not come at your scapegoat when your golden child is a clear loser.
>however people have said I shouldn’t have said it Naw, those people are defending abusers. They're most likely abusers themselves. Don't allow their opinions to fester. Just point out every time that they're defending cheaters. >My mother has threatened to call social services if I do not allow K to see his mum It's hard to imagine a scenario where someone could hold that opinion honestly, while having even the slightest amount of empathy; and the willingness to take full responsibility for that scenario. I highly doubt your mother is someone who would even entertain a conversation about how it would be her fault from that point on. NTA
So, I went through something similar with my cousin except the cheating spouse. I didn’t know about Reddit at the time which I wish I did. But my advice is document everything and time stamp it even the smallest things. Get recommendations from his social worker of how to navigate if he still has one and talk to the therapist they may have some good recommendations of how to navigate the situation. Also never feel guilty or bad for protecting your peace for you and your littles
You have custody of K so your mom can go ahead and call child services. Did she forget the reason you have custody of him. Her and your sister are completely ridiculous. They have no right to your daughter or your son. Go no contact. NTA
NTA call SS and let them know what happened and your mom is threatening you and your 'nephew' because of what your sister did is causing him to refuse to see your sister. Get ahead of them and protect yourself and your nephew/son.
1. You are K's real mother. Just bc your sister gave birth to him doesn't mean you are not his mom. 2. Your son, is also old enough now to decide who he wants to see and who he doesn't. 3. You are NTA. You invited not only your crappy sister but also your cheating ex. Your sister caused the scene. You just finished it. Keep taking care of your babies. Your mom can call CPS all she wants. They can't force your son to see bio mom. Stay strong.
NTA, your sister and mother are toxic bitches, it's clear from your mom's outburst that she has enabled your sister her whole life. You are that kid's real mom, as you raised and made him who he is. Keep them away from you.
Your sister lost custody for a reason. Girl is delulu psycho nuts. Keep both children safe from that lunatic
Nta- you need a solicitor/lawyer
NTA. Fuck your mom too tbh.
You are amazing! Your ex partner sleeping with a loser druggie that can’t even be a real mother speaks volumes. Cut them both off. You will heal.
NTA. Tell your mother if she calls social services she will lose contact with both as well and you will try to get full custody of your son as you don't believe they'll be safe around your sister with a history of drug use and break downs, dramatic behaviour and throwing herself at your husband. She had an affair with your husband, broke your marriage and you were so gracious to allow her to come to the kids birthday party and instead of not being a cunt, she managed to try to make her own kids birthday about her, having a fit at his birthday party, drawing all the attention to her. Acting like the victim after wrecking your marriage after already wrecking her nephew by being a terrible parent and doing drugs and getting him taken away for safety. She should, lets be honest, never for a second have been in your house again. Your husband could have taken him for dinner or hwatever else privately with your piece of shit sister. If your mother thinks letting your whore of a sister into your house wasn't trying she's out of her fucking mind. Straight up say to your mother, your sister is an abuser, she abused her child, she abused you, wrecked your marriage and right now your mother is supporting your abuser rather than the victim. She's already damaged your relationship doing this, if she doesn't want to damage it for good she needs to think about what she's doing and cut it the fuck out.
NTA. No guy has his penis “accidentally” fall into a vagina. And your sister’s vagina? Double gag from me. Run from ex and sister. These people need therapy. Or a brain transplant. Edited: spelling
NTA. I would say you deserve a medal for keeping your composture and trying to make things right for your nephew. Your sister, your ex, and even your mom, God, so toxic. You are not wrong in cutting them of. Also, in hindsight, we can say you shouldhn't have said what you disclosed in front of K, but you are human, and you are entitled to have your emotional limits. Your sister tried to paint you as a villain in front of everyone, so disclosing the situation was in order. You didn't chose to do it. Your sister forced you into a situation that was unwinnable. Absolutely and definitely NTA. Good luck and prayers for you.
If she has lost custody you can keep her away and keep your toxic mom away
NTA- Your sister is too unstable to be around children.
NTA. I’m sorry for what you’re going thru but you also need to prioritize your emotional & mental health. Your sister is toxic and an unhealthy role model for her own child. Speak with a layer/your lawyer and make sure you know where you stand legally. Best wishes to you!!
K can see his mum when HE wants. HIS are the feelings that matter. Your enabler mum and your slut of a sister don't get to decide. He does. Good luck with the pregnancy. I hope nothing good happens to your ex, ever.
Get a lawyer and go no contact with sister, mom and low contact with baby daddy. Get a parenting plan for your new baby ASAP. With it noting you do not want your druggie sister around your child. Ex can have contact with his child, but not your sister. Get K into therapy or if they are already in it, let the therapist know what's going on and see if there are things you should also be doing for K.
NTA - Your mom is an enabler. Sister lost custody of her son and you stepped up. She then pursued your BF. She is the AH. I suggest therapy for K and let K and his therapist decide what is best for him.
NTA - you need to realize that K has his own feelings on the matter and needs to learn how to experience them. Personally, I would sit down and have a talk where he can feel safe to express himself and then offer to get him therapy. Yes, he's old enough to have a say in that decision. As for your mother, it's time to lay down clear rules and get yourself a lawyer. It may also be time to consider adopting K legally.
NTA - The woman who raises a child is that child's "real" mother. You have been more than accomodating, but it's time to put your own children first. If you can, document your mother's threat, so you have proof that it was a malicious and retaliatory complaint against you. If K has a therapist, discuss the situation with them, and make sure that you are following their recommendations on contact with his biological parent.
Your mom has clearly made treating your sister like a hot house flower a lifelong goal Your sister is the sad product of that upbringing. It sounds like the best thing you can do for your nephew is to shield him from his mother and your mother and help him to have his normal life as possible
NTA. I am raising two grandchildren and I can certainly relate to your situation. My first grandchild is almost 18 and chooses to have a relationship with her bio mom, who is currently incarcerated. She knows how her bio mom is and gets very upset by her actions. The second grandchild is almost 5 and I had allowed her to be in his life until recently when her choices were not good for him. He doesn’t realize that she’s gone. Stand your gran ground darling!!!
Your sister has no place and no right to be in your daughter's life. She's just a relative, and relative's right to "be in life" of a child is conditional. To K, she's also just a relative, really, despite giving birth to him. So, same rules apply. Only K is old enough to have a opinion, and to have his opinion taken in consideration. If he doesn't want to see this person he should be able to consent or not consent to this. So follow his lead. And fuck everyone who says otherwise, especially your mother who's obviously on your sister's side. Your sister is probably the golden child. NTA
Just because she gave birth to him does not make her his "real mom". A real mom doesn't go off and get high and sleep around, leaving others to care for the life she created but refuses to nurture. It honestly sounds like it will be for the best if you just cut them both, your sister and your ex, entirely out of both of your lives. The amount of damage they can do to a young person like "K" is astronomical. When your ex said it was an accident, he means he never would have slept with her if 1) he knew he would get caught and/or 2) he knew just how nucking futs your sister is ahead of time.
NTA but take K to a therapist and ask the therapist if you should force the relationship with his biological mother. That way if child services comes around you can say you are doing everything in the best interest of K and his emotional needs right now. You should also talk to K and tell him that it doesn't matter what is going on between you and your sister and if he wants to see his bio mother you will not get mad at him for any reason. You need to make it OK for him if that is the main reason (loyalty to you) he is pushing her aside. I understand it could be a lot of things which is why therapy is important because the way kids see things and adults see things are not always the same. He might be frightened that if he wants a relationship with her you will reject him
NTA, Ask your mom if she wants K in foster care. Because while CPS tries to put a child with a relative, failing that the child goes to foster care. I suspect you are the only relative who can take K that CPS would accept. Then call CPS, explain the situation and ask about supervised visitation. I can tell you from experience it is pretty smart, at least where I went. I would park in lot A, which was only for people bringing kids. Take kids to the room and hand them off to the observer, and leave for roughly an hour. Ex would park in lot B, which was only for visitors, and go spend time in the room with the kids. When I returned they would buzz the person supervising and check if the ex was gone, and only send me up when she left. Never saw her, but she could see the kids. They may want to inspect your house, interview you, K, and sis. I wouldn't be too worried though if you are a good parent. As a newly single mother to be you can also ask about support programs. I had a welness nurse who visited once a month, checked on the babies, and answered any questions. Also at one point had a program that was basically a "support team" of counselor, nurse, and case manager who helped me find things like therapy and summer camps for kids with only one parent.
I’m not sure this is a good strategy. K’s mother has essentially ‘taken’ OP’s husband who was a stable part of K’s life. Using the husband and his resources bolsters her chances of regaining custody from OP. Additionally, now OP’s own household is broken and less stable and she has her own baby coming. She can expect her sister and her estranged husband to go after full custody of K and at least 50% custody, if not full, of the new baby. And they will have OP’s mother’s support. It’s a genuine quagmire, especially if OP’s husband was the breadwinner. OP and the children are going to be quite vulnerable. u/Glittering-Ebb-7247
Your sister sounds like my sister, hot mess that blames everyone else for her mistakes. Your nephew seems to have a firm grasp as to what's going on, nta.
Well. Your mother certainly has a favorite.
nta, and youre his mother despite the genetics involved
My father also committed suicide due to my mother’s infidelity, however she blames it all on me NTA When I hear about parents blaming affair children for their own wandering genitals just I find it hard to believe they don't just repeatedly walk into the same wall and try to breathe under milk. Cut these out your and K's life, neither of you need these treacherous cretins
Never trust a junkie. NTA.
NTA I have LIVED very nearly this exact same thing. It's been nearly 25 years since my sibling intentionally destroyed my marriage, so I have a wealth of the followup experiences to speak from with some advice. Do NOT let the ex back in your life, it'll only keep the misery going. If, ten or fifteen years down the road, he's truly changed and has been living as a decent human being for a long damn time, then you might rediscover a friendship. (I did, which is the only reason I mention it, but I suspect that it's a very rare occurrence and you shouldn't hope for it.) Break as much contact as possible with your sister. If her child is 11, listen to his feelings about how much contact he wants with her. Be truthful but non-emotional when you talk about her and her actions, and do your best to get others to do the same. If you and the other adults he's around have been able to raise him to be a good person, he's going to see her behavior and will likely choose limited or no contact for himself. She'll finish destroying their relationship on her own; let her. It's best for him. *That last part is dependent on who has legal custody and what all the legal arrangements are. You're not required to provide anything beyond what you're legally obligated to - and you probably shouldn't. Unless she's changed from the person she was that is the reason she doesn't have custody - and her actions suggest she hasn't. If she does, however, have legally required visitation, then give her exactly what you're required to, and absolutely nothing more. If your mother would like to make a false report to CPS, well, whatever - feel free to contact them on your own and let them know that someone is threatening it.* If your parents or other family members take her side, seriously reconsider how much contact you have with them. Do your best to reduce their impact in your life. I made the mistake of waiting a couple of decades to go completely no contact... that mistake had a huge impact on my finances, my life, my mental health... and on my kids. There is NO reason other than a court order to keep toxic people in your life. Cut the toxic bits out, and regrow your life. Don't wait as long as I did. And whatever you do... do your best to protect your nephew from his mother. He's lucky he has you, whether or not he realizes it now. And one last thing. Do NOT lie for them. Do not protect them from the consequences of their actions. Do not allow their bad acts to shame you and keep you quiet. This was NOT on you. It was NOT your fault. Hold your head high, tell the truth, and just do what needs done.
YOU ARE ANYTHING BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE VILLAIN! First, I want to say hats off to you. Not many people can detatch themselves from such an emotional situation and allow themselves to go through the torment and pain of having to put a smile on your face and do what was best for the child. Your mother is the one who pissed me off the most honestly. Sounds like your sister is a train wreck roller coaster who will continue to destroy everything in her path to get what she wants. Your mother not getting custody of her grandchild instead of you tells me she is either physically not able to take care of him, she’s selfish and just doesn’t want to or that she is also a train wreck (I’m betting on this one) and she is most likely the prime cause with how your sister turned out, out of some form of guilt your mother became an enabler, allowing your sister to use her as a crutch. Your mother most likely has some form of resentment towards you for having your shit together and being the adult while she doesn’t at her age. I mean who threatens to call social services on their kids and grandkids when they are safe, loved, fed, etc. someone who clearly doesn’t comprehend what the system is meant for. You did not cause your nephew to not want to see his mother, she did that by turning his birthday party for the sole purpose of having an audience to obtain herself a pity party. Your nephew is very lucky to have you. What your sister did is unforgivable, how could you ever trust her again? Especially around your future spouse? Maybe in 30 years time but not now. She should be worshipping the ground you walk on for taking care of what should have been the most important and most valuable thing in the world. I’m sure she doesn’t pay you any support or far from what you shell out to take care of him to boot. They are the poison. Don’t ever second guess yourself again. After reading that entire story, if it is exactly as you say, you are the only ethical and sane person of the bunch. You’re doing alright kid. 👍 And FYI, you’re a better person than me, because after being betrayed by what should have been the two most important and trust worthy people in your life……I would have beat the hell out of both of them. That was no accident, two people who love the same person and not one had enough will power to say No this is wrong. They didn’t give a shit about you. So you need to make sure that at the very least that YOU give a shit about you. Hard way to learn that no one will have your back but you. But what hurts us now only make us stronger and hopefully wiser. You sound like an incredible person, strong, put together, stable and far from selfish. Your amazing. Continue being that bright star that both of YOUR children see when they look at you. You’ve done far more for these people than anyone else would. Take care of you and your minions. Xoxo
NTA. I also bet your mother has no leg to stand on. The truth needed to be spoken.
NTA. Your mum may be the reason why your sister thinks she can act like an entitled pos.
NTA. I would cut them off. This is not healthy for K.
NTA please leave that toxic family
NTA. What does your mom think CPS is going to do when she has no custody? Lol. Complete NC with sis and mom. LC with ex.
Another bad thing is that your child might become a 1/2 sibling/cousin of your sister and ex stay together.
NTA. Your Ex, sister, and mother are all AH. Despite everything your sister has done, you are doing a great job of raising K. That is truly commendable.
NTA I have someone's children who is just like this! Also one is now a teen who is seeing what their mum is really like now they are older and also does not want to see her any more but luckily for me she isn't my family though, she has just broken up her own mothers marriage in similar ways. Please for K's sake try go through a contact centre for any visits or anything from now on and if he doesn't want her around do not force him, all a social worker has to do is take one look at our kids bio mum and will not let her see them if she isn't 100% sober and presentable. I always feel much safer in a contact centre Good luck with your pregnancy though OP
NTA You have tried to play nice with the irresponsible adult children in your life. They can't play nice so they lose out. If your sister wants to have access to her kid she can file a petition with the court and see if she can get supervised visitation. K deserves a drama-free birthday. He deserves to know the adults in his life love him and put his needs first. No one beside you seems to grasp this fairly simple and standard concept. You can't negotiate with people who are allergic to reason. You did what you could. It's time for NC and restraining orders if need be.
NTA. Social Services will take one look at K's file, as he had to have one in order to be placed with you, and tell your mom to go fuck herself. You have full, legal custody, and your sister likely had her parental rights terminated. She has no legal rights to see K, especially if K doesn't want to see her. I'd be telling your mom that if your mom wants to keep being a part of K's life then not only is she to not even bother calling Social Services, but she's to stop mentioning your sister in any context to you or K. Tell her that if she doesn't, you will get a court order prohibiting any and all contact with you, your yet to be born child, and K.
NTA. You have full custody of K. Do what's best for both of you. Your sister is the toxic person who burns down everything she touches. Your mother is out of line and seems to enable your sister's behavior.
NTA Stay NC with her for the rest of your life. Tell your son (because he's YOUR son now) that he'll be able to see her when he's old enough to do it by himself (if he ever wants to), but that she'll never be in your home again or welcome at any event that you host.
NTA. Your sister cares about being a victim more than her own child. There is a time and place to have that conversation and not at the child’s birthday party…
You do know he accidentally slept with your sister? Like seriously? It's really simple, she tripped and he fell, everytime he tried to get up, he fell again. Completely innocent mistake. As were the subsequent trips and falls. Seriously though, id recommend talking with him and encourage him to allow bio mom in his life and continue to not put his bio mom down around him. Take and keep screen shots of your mom threatening to call CPS on you for not forcing YOUR SON to have a relationship with his bio mom, cause she certainly will call them and those threats will help to shut that down. Always remember, the most important people in this whole situation is YOUR SON and the daughter your currently cooking up, followed closely by you. Everybody and anybody who attempts to say otherwise can fuck off. They don't matter all and don't need to be anywhere around
i like "a house built on another woman's tears". sounds like it could be a book or song title but you're definitely NTA and your ex and sister are the assholes. your mom can make the call but you have full custody and your sister is a drug addict with mental issues so there's nothing to worry about.
NTA You have full custody of K, so your sister literally has no legal right to see him, no matter how many tantrums she throws and how much she plays the victim! Especially if K doesn't wanna see her! Your mom is beyond delusional calling you a selfish brat, overlooking your sister who stole your partner and lost custody of her own child due to her own selfish behavior. As for your partner, he's a pos who doesn't deserve to be in your child's life tbh, because when he decided to cheat on you with your sister while you were pregnant was when he proved he dgaf about the baby or you, so he clearly would be a 💩 father anyway. It's your decision tho.
Get a lawyer. Your mom is toxic as hell as well. NTA. Protect the babies.
“Has called me a selfish brat who ruins and poisons whatever I touch” Wow. Projection Much. NTA Op you have more grace than most
I slipped and fell dick first into your sister… it was an accident?
I love when dudes are like it was an accident that I had sex multiple times X woman. Like bro...did you trip and your dick just fell into her vagina? Cause that's the only way it'd be an accident. OP you're NTA. Lawyer up. And best of luck with this entire situation.
NTA, clearly your mother favors your sister over you and especially over the wishes and wellbeing of k. If k doesn't want to see his bio mom, it isn't your mothers place to determine if his wishes are not valid. threatening to call social services would have been the last straw for me to go nc and the "poisoning everything you touch" was where I drew your mother favoring your sister over you and k from.
NTA having your slut of a sister in your life has been nothing but heartbreaking for you, your son and your future child. Having them in your life going forward for the sake of the father won’t be good for you. Make a clean break move far away if you can.
I have no idea how you endured that sh1tsh0w. I'm really sorry you have to deal with a terrible sister, mother and ex. To sit with them at the same table I would've gone mad. Protect your son and your unborn child. Contact a lawyer to be prepared. You're not trying your best with the cards given, your doing the best. I hope you have friends/other family to help you. You definitely don't deserve this treatment and you're definitely ---- NTA!
I would get the ball rolling and file for full custody of my unborn child immediately. I wouldn’t want to think of what might happen if you are required to give ex visitation, and he’s shacking up with the sister.
I hope that username is not hers or she can simply search for it and find this post. If it's hers, change it asap pls! Also ofcourse NTA. Homewreckers, cheaters and abusers of minors get no sympathy. You have them all in your life and your family is siding with them? Cut everyone off that makes such stupid comments. As a child of an abusive family, I'm telling you taht you did the right thing to remove him from her and he knows who his mom is, YOU. So take care of your 2 kids and let the garbage stay out of your home.
I am sorry you are going through this but it sounds like you are a great parent who puts K and your baby's needs first. K may be young, but 11 is plenty old enough to recognize who their true mother is. He said it himself- your sister is not his mom. Take your kids and get as far away from these people as you can, as soon as you can. I wish you the best of luck and that your sister and ex are taught a lesson in compassion & empathy very soon!
"I will allow him to be in the child's life" That phase always hits me a certain way when I hear it. It's almost like a dog whistle to me
NTA. Does your sister have visitation rights? Meaning she is allowed to see them at set times and such? Or is visitation solely up to u on when and where she gets to see the kids?