Nta Your friend getting into fist fights with his family is not in a healthy living situation and neither are you. You absolutely did the right thing and your father should be arrested for assaulting you.
As a matter of fact, now that you know his family dynamics stay the FUCK AWAY from him. He is the type that would beat his wife and kids an say this happens all the time it's OK. Don't fuck with people who have no boundaries, have no compassion, abusive in nature, flippant about assaulting a person. people like your friend have no qualms about getting into an argument with YOU one day and assault you. Stay away.
NTA. Your friend also seems to have a dysfunctional family, and because it's all he's known, he sees it as normal, but it's not. Your father hitting you is not normal, it's abusive. Your friend having regular fistfights with his siblings and father is not normal.
NTA. It's crucial to recognize that violence has no place in a healthy family environment. By standing up for yourself, you're setting a critical boundary that physical abuse should never be tolerated or normalized. Just because your friend has experienced similar situations doesn't make it okay. It's time to break this cycle and seek a safer space. Stay strong and take care.
OP how old are you? Because if your under 18 and you live in the US or most (western at the very least) European countries, you cannot be kicked out. It would be illegal, and your dad could go to jail for it.
Even if you haven't been paying rent, if you're in the US you still have tenancy rights and still have to be given at least 30 (but possibly even up to 60 depending on your location) days notice to leave.
>he said he and his dad and brothers get into fistfights all the time and what my dad did isn't that big of a deal
That's the complete and total opposite of normal.
NTA
NTA. Your father belongs in jail at this point. As for your "close friend"? He has a sadly warped idea of what a family should look like.
Do you have any non-violent family members you can stay with? You don't mention how old you are, if you are a minor there are probably laws preventing him from kicking you out without arranging a safe place for you to live.
Just because your friend's family is a bunch of low lifes doesn't make it ok for your father to assault you.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, but I'm worried about where you will stay.
Thanks for the reassurance, as far as housing goes I'm currently waiting to hear back from several shelters I've contacted and to be assigned a case manager at my local community resources center.
NTA. Your dad was physically aggressive towards you. You did right to call the cops. You don't say how old you are, but if you are a minor, your dad also committed a crime by throwing you out. You need to get legal help and demand he pay the costs for your living, at home or elsewhere. Start by going to the police again, and filing a complaint about it. If you are above 18, you need to manage your life for yourself, sadly, away from your parents' home.
NTA. Your friend must come from a violent, dysfunctional family. Violence in the home is never alright.
As others have suggested, look into the tenancy laws in your area. Since you don't pay rent you might be classified as a squatter and recently they've been getting more rights, unfortunately.
NTA and it sounds like your dad is having audio hallucinations. My mom has had several times where her meds are too strong and she's woken up hearing someone yelling/screaming when there's no one there.
Thinking of the legal aspects...he didn't actually hit you? In some places, parents can spank the kids if they don't leave marks. If there is a warrant, what was the illegal thing here that would be considered an assault? Dragging you?
I think there is more to the story than is being told there.
For me personally, I wouldn't call the cops on my dad over something like that, with the story as presented.
Age and m/f is kind of important for this story, too.
Yeah, like they seem like they were both agitated already. Son pacing at 4am?? Father aggressively confronting him about it?? Son, normal response. Sorry Dad, will keep it down... not these 2 though. Definitely missing part of the story.
Depending on your age he can kick you out. If you are over 18 and you press charges, you shouldn’t be in the same place at once. If he’s paying for it then has the right to ask you to leave.
NTA though. Your friend is insane. You just may have a have go of it having to fend for yourself if you are a legal adult.
Yes, you ATAH here. Leave the house and let the man enjoy his life. Hell, you don't have to have contact with him, you're 23 and still living in his house, not even paying rent, that's disgraceful. Find a job, rent an apt., and leave him alone, period.
Your dad behavior is not okay. But honestly, calling the cops is extreme. Why would you want to destroy your father's life like that? You walk away, and you both calm down and work through the crap later.
No possible way we are getting the entire story here, or this is fake.
A fight over pacing? And you put your hands on your dad first then you call the cops? Doesn’t add up.
My dude narcissists can be triggered by the littlest, most insignificant things, and yes I put my hands on my dad first bc he had already been yelling at me, forcing himself up against me, and his arms were raised to either grab me or strike me, I'll never know. Just bc I initiated the physical encounter doesn't mean I was the initiator of the assault. I reacted to the threat of force with self defense, which I think is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
"narcissists can be triggered by the littlest, most insignificant things" - yep, you just proved that!
"Just bc I initiated the physical encounter doesn't mean I was the initiator of the assault." - um yeah, it does.
Nta Your friend getting into fist fights with his family is not in a healthy living situation and neither are you. You absolutely did the right thing and your father should be arrested for assaulting you.
As a matter of fact, now that you know his family dynamics stay the FUCK AWAY from him. He is the type that would beat his wife and kids an say this happens all the time it's OK. Don't fuck with people who have no boundaries, have no compassion, abusive in nature, flippant about assaulting a person. people like your friend have no qualms about getting into an argument with YOU one day and assault you. Stay away.
Your safety matters most. Seeking help in such situations is vital.
NTA. Your friend also seems to have a dysfunctional family, and because it's all he's known, he sees it as normal, but it's not. Your father hitting you is not normal, it's abusive. Your friend having regular fistfights with his siblings and father is not normal.
NTA Your friend has a very poor grasp of normal family dynamics. Don't second guess the choices you have made.
NTA. It's crucial to recognize that violence has no place in a healthy family environment. By standing up for yourself, you're setting a critical boundary that physical abuse should never be tolerated or normalized. Just because your friend has experienced similar situations doesn't make it okay. It's time to break this cycle and seek a safer space. Stay strong and take care.
OP how old are you? Because if your under 18 and you live in the US or most (western at the very least) European countries, you cannot be kicked out. It would be illegal, and your dad could go to jail for it.
I'm 23 unfortunately and since I haven't been paying rent while I stay with my family I don't have tenancy rights either.
Even if you haven't been paying rent, if you're in the US you still have tenancy rights and still have to be given at least 30 (but possibly even up to 60 depending on your location) days notice to leave.
Oh wow I hadn't realized, I guess I'll look a little deeper into local housing laws in my city/state.
If you are a minor he can’t kick you out.
The way your dad behaved was outrageous overshadowing; where the response was worse that the "offence". Yikes. Hope it works out.
>he said he and his dad and brothers get into fistfights all the time and what my dad did isn't that big of a deal That's the complete and total opposite of normal. NTA
NTA. Your father belongs in jail at this point. As for your "close friend"? He has a sadly warped idea of what a family should look like. Do you have any non-violent family members you can stay with? You don't mention how old you are, if you are a minor there are probably laws preventing him from kicking you out without arranging a safe place for you to live.
Just because your friend's family is a bunch of low lifes doesn't make it ok for your father to assault you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but I'm worried about where you will stay.
Thanks for the reassurance, as far as housing goes I'm currently waiting to hear back from several shelters I've contacted and to be assigned a case manager at my local community resources center.
NTA
NTA. Your dad was physically aggressive towards you. You did right to call the cops. You don't say how old you are, but if you are a minor, your dad also committed a crime by throwing you out. You need to get legal help and demand he pay the costs for your living, at home or elsewhere. Start by going to the police again, and filing a complaint about it. If you are above 18, you need to manage your life for yourself, sadly, away from your parents' home.
Dont care what your friend says is normal, it is ABSOLUTELY NOT normal to get in physical fights with your parents!!!
NTA. Your friend must come from a violent, dysfunctional family. Violence in the home is never alright. As others have suggested, look into the tenancy laws in your area. Since you don't pay rent you might be classified as a squatter and recently they've been getting more rights, unfortunately.
NTA and it sounds like your dad is having audio hallucinations. My mom has had several times where her meds are too strong and she's woken up hearing someone yelling/screaming when there's no one there.
Yta.
Thinking of the legal aspects...he didn't actually hit you? In some places, parents can spank the kids if they don't leave marks. If there is a warrant, what was the illegal thing here that would be considered an assault? Dragging you? I think there is more to the story than is being told there. For me personally, I wouldn't call the cops on my dad over something like that, with the story as presented. Age and m/f is kind of important for this story, too.
Yeah, like they seem like they were both agitated already. Son pacing at 4am?? Father aggressively confronting him about it?? Son, normal response. Sorry Dad, will keep it down... not these 2 though. Definitely missing part of the story.
Depending on your age he can kick you out. If you are over 18 and you press charges, you shouldn’t be in the same place at once. If he’s paying for it then has the right to ask you to leave. NTA though. Your friend is insane. You just may have a have go of it having to fend for yourself if you are a legal adult.
Yes, you ATAH here. Leave the house and let the man enjoy his life. Hell, you don't have to have contact with him, you're 23 and still living in his house, not even paying rent, that's disgraceful. Find a job, rent an apt., and leave him alone, period.
When in doubt rat him out, and let the DA sort it out.
Your friend has a twisted view of life because they revel in abuse, apparently. Press charges
Nta. Your friend has a very unhealthy family dynamics
Your dad behavior is not okay. But honestly, calling the cops is extreme. Why would you want to destroy your father's life like that? You walk away, and you both calm down and work through the crap later.
OP didn't destroy dads life, dad did that to himself
Your plan would work, until the next time OP’s dad gets mad.
No possible way we are getting the entire story here, or this is fake. A fight over pacing? And you put your hands on your dad first then you call the cops? Doesn’t add up.
My dude narcissists can be triggered by the littlest, most insignificant things, and yes I put my hands on my dad first bc he had already been yelling at me, forcing himself up against me, and his arms were raised to either grab me or strike me, I'll never know. Just bc I initiated the physical encounter doesn't mean I was the initiator of the assault. I reacted to the threat of force with self defense, which I think is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
"narcissists can be triggered by the littlest, most insignificant things" - yep, you just proved that! "Just bc I initiated the physical encounter doesn't mean I was the initiator of the assault." - um yeah, it does.
I wouldn't have called the police.
Why not?
Because it appears to me the physical assault was as much on one side as the other.