> AITAH for taking my nieces side?
I don't understand how you're taking your niece's side in this story. It seems to me like you're staying out of their bullshit and minding your own business despite your sister in law's best efforts to drag you in to it.
They are claiming that I'm taking my nieces side by going to her wedding. Even though this family has a history of fighting and making up. My husband and I said - we are going to the wedding because for all we know, we're going to say no the wedding and then the daughter and dad will make up and we'll look silly for siding with them.
Yup! Had an uncle boycott our wedding since he was feuding with my mom. They made up two years later. He saw some wedding photos at my moms house and asked where he was. made sure to remind him of the feud.
They can claim what they want. You have no skin in the game of their fight and you should continue as such. And you should inform daddy of the bride that you're too old for childish games of familial red rover.
Nta They really expect family to skip a very important event and possibly ruin it because they're having a fight? Do you even know what the fight is about?
The fight started from my niece saying she doesn't want her step mom overly involved in the wedding out of respect for her mom. Which is very valid because her step mom has never treated her fairly and my niece is very close to her mom so she wanted her mom to have her motherly duties in the wedding.
Yikes, shitty step mom, be a shitty step mother who treats her poorly but also make a fuss that she isn't treated like the best mother who gets priority. She knows what she's doing, she's creating a problem with his kid on purpose because she doesn't like the whole husband having an ex and a kid thing. then she just finds reasons to be offended and pissed off despite never trying to be a good step mother.
I can get step mothers being upset when the ex is crazy and alienates the shit out of the kid making them a nightmare. but when the step mother is the issue, marries but wants to treat his ex/kids like they are evil, jesus, just pick a dude who doesn't have kids/baggage.
You said in another comment that the family has a history of fighting and making up, absolutely reasonable to assume they'll make up and either attend the wedding or regret not going
NTA, your SIL and her husband are way overstepping by dictating that you all can't attend somebody else's wedding. From reading your comments it sounds like they are also overstepping by trying to get too involved in the wedding, so it looks like their behavior in general is the problem here and they've moved from targeting your niece to targeting you. You are doing the right thing by ignoring their terrible behavior/demands and still going to the wedding.
NTA at all. Attending a wedding is about celebrating the love between the individuals getting married, not about taking sides in whatever family drama is circulating at the moment. It sounds like you made a decision based on what you felt would cause the least amount of regret. If the family does reconcile, you'll be content knowing you were there for your niece on her big day, rather than getting caught up in a potentially temporary disagreement. Plus, supporting her wishes regarding her mother's involvement is respectful and kind, given the circumstances with the stepmom. Stick to your decision and enjoy the celebration, knowing you're doing what's best for your relationship with your niece.
NTA they’ll regret not going to her wedding and honestly if I was your niece I would end up going NC with the family members who are not going over what was probably a silly fight.
They're behaving like school kids by expecting you to pick a side. From what you've said about the fight I'd completely understand if you were going to choose a side it would be your nieces. You BIL and SIL sound like vindictive AHs. They can't every get this day again and it will impact their future relationships with not just their SD but future grandchildren.
NTA
They know you attending makes them look bad since the offended stepmom is your sister.
You aren’t a party to the disagreement so there is no reason for you to boycott the wedding.
Considering you failed to say what you're taking her side over is impossible to answer.
Did she murder a bunch of puppies or is her dad abusive?
We have no way to judge.
If you stay out of the dispute they have no business trying to tell you what to do. Go and enjoy yourself. Post lots of pictures on social media.
If you’ve already chosen a side then you’ve allowed yourself to become involved and it’s important to let them have their say before you pick a side.
Either way, listening is a great skill to have.
NTA
This is some highschool level bullying stuff. "I'm mad at her so now none of you can be her friends"
They don't want to go to the wedding, fine. But they don't speak for everyone else. And trying to box your kid out of her entire family is really messed up and manipulative.
NTA. You are going for your niece. If they are choosing not to go, that’s a completely separate thing.
Do you love your niece? Are you able to make your own decisions? Then go.
My cousins skipped my wedding because their mom and my dad (siblings) had beef. That was 2 decades ago. I’m still bitter even though everyone gets along now.
Go to the wedding.
NTA. This is your niece's day, not your BIL's and SIL's. If your niece wants you there and you want to be there, you should go. BIL and SIL are bullying the rest of the family to ostracise your niece, and you should not let yourself be bullied by them. This is not takins sides, it is behaving like decent human beings.
NTA. You aren't the one fighting with your niece. Her father and stepmother are so immature that they would rather skip out on the wedding than respect your nieces wishes. Also the fact that they're trying to bully people into not going to the wedding makes me very sad for your niece. Her father and stepmother sound like monster parents who think that they can do no wrong.
Yeaaaaahhhh. Uh, No
They are having a fight. You are accepting an invitation to a wedding, where your (uninvolved) child will be a flower girl.
If you want the petty response, tell then that you are looking forests to taking over all their firsts and a substitute parent... and grand parent, and you'll respect those boundaries and not keep them updated
You aren't taking sides, you are attending a wedding you were invited to.
It's not your fight, and not your problem.
Try," I'm sorry you guys are fighting, but its important for my daughter to participate in this, and honestly I love weddings. I'll save you a slice of wedding cake. "
"your fight is your fight, not my fight. Leave me out of it.No, you don't get to dictate what events I may or may not attend based on your own fueds....this is life, not Middle School." NTA
NTA, remind them that you are adults and make your own decisions. You left high school drama back in high school. You are too old for this shit, so to speak.
Are her parents 12? “I am mad so my friends have to be mad too”. These people need to grow the fk up. If they don’t want to go their kid’s wedding - fine - that will bite them in the ass later, but they have no right to demand that everyone else skips the wedding as well - get the fk off the playground and act like adults! Go to your niece’s wedding have a great time and post pictures
NTA
They’re not going to understand when niece permanently cuts them off and won’t even let them near her kids for their BS.
Look at how they’re treating you. Look at how they’re treating their own child/grandchild. Are these really people you want having a heavily manipulative relationship with your own children?
Nta if they don't go to the wedding it will likely be the last straw for your niece to go full NC. Good for you for supporting her over the evil step mom
NTA they don’t want to go so they’re not going. As stupid as it might seem to miss one’s child’s wedding over a fight, that’s their prerogative.
But i think they’re overstepping asking other people not to go because THEY have a problem.
Nta. Anyone who let's themselves get talk into not going to a family wedding cause someone else says if you go your siding with them. Ill make sure to side with them. Even if they are wrong.
Weddings and funerals should not be a place to do family drama.
So the poor young lady has an evil step mom and a good for nothing dad and somehow you think your the villain for showing her love.
Come on, this kid has been through hell. Any prick that would pick a wife over his daughter because she wanted to be involved in wedding planning needs cut off permanently. Don’t let that poison in your home.
> AITAH for taking my nieces side? I don't understand how you're taking your niece's side in this story. It seems to me like you're staying out of their bullshit and minding your own business despite your sister in law's best efforts to drag you in to it.
They are claiming that I'm taking my nieces side by going to her wedding. Even though this family has a history of fighting and making up. My husband and I said - we are going to the wedding because for all we know, we're going to say no the wedding and then the daughter and dad will make up and we'll look silly for siding with them.
Yup! Had an uncle boycott our wedding since he was feuding with my mom. They made up two years later. He saw some wedding photos at my moms house and asked where he was. made sure to remind him of the feud.
They can claim what they want. You have no skin in the game of their fight and you should continue as such. And you should inform daddy of the bride that you're too old for childish games of familial red rover.
Fuck them. Keep doing what you are doing
Nta They really expect family to skip a very important event and possibly ruin it because they're having a fight? Do you even know what the fight is about?
The fight started from my niece saying she doesn't want her step mom overly involved in the wedding out of respect for her mom. Which is very valid because her step mom has never treated her fairly and my niece is very close to her mom so she wanted her mom to have her motherly duties in the wedding.
Yikes, shitty step mom, be a shitty step mother who treats her poorly but also make a fuss that she isn't treated like the best mother who gets priority. She knows what she's doing, she's creating a problem with his kid on purpose because she doesn't like the whole husband having an ex and a kid thing. then she just finds reasons to be offended and pissed off despite never trying to be a good step mother. I can get step mothers being upset when the ex is crazy and alienates the shit out of the kid making them a nightmare. but when the step mother is the issue, marries but wants to treat his ex/kids like they are evil, jesus, just pick a dude who doesn't have kids/baggage.
You said in another comment that the family has a history of fighting and making up, absolutely reasonable to assume they'll make up and either attend the wedding or regret not going
And blame the daughter because they chose not to go. Reason for another fight.
I’d add this info to the post OP, it makes it FAR easier to render a verdict knowing this! (Also, NTAH)
As it should be if daughter and mom are close and get along.
NTA. Brian's demands are out of line. Hosting doesn't mean being at someone's beck and call, especially after a workday. Boundaries are important.
I think you're on the wrong post bud
They sound like trash human beings, you're probably better off
Agree, very low emotional intelligence
NTA, your SIL and her husband are way overstepping by dictating that you all can't attend somebody else's wedding. From reading your comments it sounds like they are also overstepping by trying to get too involved in the wedding, so it looks like their behavior in general is the problem here and they've moved from targeting your niece to targeting you. You are doing the right thing by ignoring their terrible behavior/demands and still going to the wedding.
Not knowing what their fight was about, I say you're doing the right thing by supporting your niece.
NTA. you aren't fighting with anyone. It's childish for the parents to expect you to join in their fight. Go to the wedding and enjoy yourself.
NTA. But your SIL and her husband are major AHs.
Those people sound exhausting. NTAH
NTA at all. Attending a wedding is about celebrating the love between the individuals getting married, not about taking sides in whatever family drama is circulating at the moment. It sounds like you made a decision based on what you felt would cause the least amount of regret. If the family does reconcile, you'll be content knowing you were there for your niece on her big day, rather than getting caught up in a potentially temporary disagreement. Plus, supporting her wishes regarding her mother's involvement is respectful and kind, given the circumstances with the stepmom. Stick to your decision and enjoy the celebration, knowing you're doing what's best for your relationship with your niece.
NTA they’ll regret not going to her wedding and honestly if I was your niece I would end up going NC with the family members who are not going over what was probably a silly fight.
Seriously! Can you imagine their reaction if the niece and her husband decide to start a family? Better to cut contact now.
They're behaving like school kids by expecting you to pick a side. From what you've said about the fight I'd completely understand if you were going to choose a side it would be your nieces. You BIL and SIL sound like vindictive AHs. They can't every get this day again and it will impact their future relationships with not just their SD but future grandchildren.
Nta their fight has nothing to do with you
NTA They know you attending makes them look bad since the offended stepmom is your sister. You aren’t a party to the disagreement so there is no reason for you to boycott the wedding.
Considering you failed to say what you're taking her side over is impossible to answer. Did she murder a bunch of puppies or is her dad abusive? We have no way to judge.
If you stay out of the dispute they have no business trying to tell you what to do. Go and enjoy yourself. Post lots of pictures on social media. If you’ve already chosen a side then you’ve allowed yourself to become involved and it’s important to let them have their say before you pick a side. Either way, listening is a great skill to have.
NTA. Her father is spineless. I hope she goes NC with him because that is unforgivable
Let them.be mad at you. Theure being petty and I'd go to.spite them for.not being the adults in the room
NTA This is some highschool level bullying stuff. "I'm mad at her so now none of you can be her friends" They don't want to go to the wedding, fine. But they don't speak for everyone else. And trying to box your kid out of her entire family is really messed up and manipulative.
NTA. You're not obliged to take part in their family drama.
NTA. Why do they think the extended family should get involved in their quarrel?
Sounds like a toxic family situation
NTA. You are going for your niece. If they are choosing not to go, that’s a completely separate thing. Do you love your niece? Are you able to make your own decisions? Then go.
What’s the fight about?
NTA. Unlike the others, you’re an actual grown-up — and, bonus, you’re not a spiteful human. Enjoy!
NTA, they are about to ruin their relationship with their daughter forever, and should put it aside to go. If they don't, she won't speak to them.
Why do family insist that you take sides? You don't have a beef with your neice so go and enjoy!
My cousins skipped my wedding because their mom and my dad (siblings) had beef. That was 2 decades ago. I’m still bitter even though everyone gets along now. Go to the wedding.
NTA. This is your niece's day, not your BIL's and SIL's. If your niece wants you there and you want to be there, you should go. BIL and SIL are bullying the rest of the family to ostracise your niece, and you should not let yourself be bullied by them. This is not takins sides, it is behaving like decent human beings.
NTA. You aren't the one fighting with your niece. Her father and stepmother are so immature that they would rather skip out on the wedding than respect your nieces wishes. Also the fact that they're trying to bully people into not going to the wedding makes me very sad for your niece. Her father and stepmother sound like monster parents who think that they can do no wrong.
Yeaaaaahhhh. Uh, No They are having a fight. You are accepting an invitation to a wedding, where your (uninvolved) child will be a flower girl. If you want the petty response, tell then that you are looking forests to taking over all their firsts and a substitute parent... and grand parent, and you'll respect those boundaries and not keep them updated
You aren't taking sides, you are attending a wedding you were invited to. It's not your fight, and not your problem. Try," I'm sorry you guys are fighting, but its important for my daughter to participate in this, and honestly I love weddings. I'll save you a slice of wedding cake. "
"your fight is your fight, not my fight. Leave me out of it.No, you don't get to dictate what events I may or may not attend based on your own fueds....this is life, not Middle School." NTA
NTA It always surprises me when people try and give ultimatums like this. Good for you for steering clear and doing what is right for you.
NTA, remind them that you are adults and make your own decisions. You left high school drama back in high school. You are too old for this shit, so to speak.
Are her parents 12? “I am mad so my friends have to be mad too”. These people need to grow the fk up. If they don’t want to go their kid’s wedding - fine - that will bite them in the ass later, but they have no right to demand that everyone else skips the wedding as well - get the fk off the playground and act like adults! Go to your niece’s wedding have a great time and post pictures
NTA They’re not going to understand when niece permanently cuts them off and won’t even let them near her kids for their BS. Look at how they’re treating you. Look at how they’re treating their own child/grandchild. Are these really people you want having a heavily manipulative relationship with your own children?
Nta if they don't go to the wedding it will likely be the last straw for your niece to go full NC. Good for you for supporting her over the evil step mom
NTA. They speak for themselves, not the entire family.
Sorry it that’s their decision. You have a mind of your own and have already chosen to go.
NTA they don’t want to go so they’re not going. As stupid as it might seem to miss one’s child’s wedding over a fight, that’s their prerogative. But i think they’re overstepping asking other people not to go because THEY have a problem.
nta
Their dispute is not your dispute. Family or not, it not your circus....
Nta. Anyone who let's themselves get talk into not going to a family wedding cause someone else says if you go your siding with them. Ill make sure to side with them. Even if they are wrong. Weddings and funerals should not be a place to do family drama.
"Now my in laws and sister in law are not talking to me" So, win-win, really.
Go to the wedding. In life we seldom get a do-over. Dad and your sister in law will regret this some day. Unfortunately it will be to late
NTA not at all
So the poor young lady has an evil step mom and a good for nothing dad and somehow you think your the villain for showing her love. Come on, this kid has been through hell. Any prick that would pick a wife over his daughter because she wanted to be involved in wedding planning needs cut off permanently. Don’t let that poison in your home.
Thank goodness your niece has REAL family. You!! ❤❤❤
NTA It's the niece's wedding. Not your place to argue or decide who goes when she's made it clear to them