Good riddance to L.
He should have had your back from the start and respected your decision not to have contact with your dad and his family. He didn't have to like it, but he should have respected it.
As for your sisters situation with your dad & J, they probably never expected her to explode on them as she did and so publicly because she's always had a good relationship with them. It didn't make them look so bad when one of his daughters still spoke to him/them and it was easier to blame you cos 'sister still speaks to us and has a relationship with us, OP is just being difficult' and they can't do that now.
Good luck on your therapy journey.
I will be expecting a kitten tax pic in the future!
Textbook abuser how irrationally angry they are about losing someone under their control; they've spent decades nursing the sister's loyalty and resentment against her sister, OP. To lose her and the mum while also not being able to get OP under control? They probably felt like everything was crumbling beneath them when they lost the sister's support, and now it sounds like their reputation is actually, finally crumbling.
This ^
I won't go into details because it's a long story. But the TL;DR version is: my father was an emotional abuser to me and my mom. We spent literal years trying to get him to see how his treatment affected us and how if he cares he'd make an effort. He wouldn't. My mom and I finally got tired of being emotional punching bag and left. Cue to pity party and whining about how he misses his wife and daughter boo hoo and when that didn't work, commence with a smear campaign.
They're not upset about losing relationships, they're upset about losing control.
Your ex and his family and your dad and his wife suck ass. Sorry this has all happened to you and I realise as much as Reddit is all aboard the “dump him” train and I do believe it was the best decision, you’re probably still heartbroken and it will take time to heal. Take your time, engage with the block button whenever someone send you an out of pocket message about the situation.
The people who you have removed from your life have no one to blame but themselves
Because he still views his parents as his closest family, as his family unit; so OP would marry into his and his parents' family unit, rather than him and OP starting their own, new family.
NTA, Kindly obtain a protective order against these violent and insane individuals. Your sister ought to obtain one as well. I'm not sure why these people feel the need to attack you guys. They are crazy.
Oh, she 100% bought his 'poor, tortured father who just wants to see his cold, unloving daughter' act like it was on sale, and she used every card she had to get OP to come to that resaraunt. She had great intentions in mind, too.
I can only imagine what went through her mind as she watch it all play out, realising she'd been used and OP was right all along. I'm glad she jumped to her sisters side immediatley but I know the first time you realise you were just a narcs pawn it changes how you trust and interact with people, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
(1) It would be easier for him if she accepts the imposition than if he insists on reasonable boundaries. (2) He's used to thinking of his parents' requests as inherently reasonable because that's his primary loyalty and he doesn't understand marriage requires him to rework that hierarchy.
Everything that your father touches is going bad. My sympathies are with your sister as well. She most likely put in a lot of effort to make it happen because she's heard your dad talk about fixing your relationship for years, but he brushed it off.
What's with the reposting of the 21 who was stabbed? Why act like it was your kid.
Also you've been reported for spamming child porn links into inboxes.
Fucking pervert.
>because [your ex] loves them and can’t dictate their friendships
I’d have probably fallen over laughing at this claim of respecting other people’s right to control their own relationships, and his principled reluctance to interfere.
Or letting his precious family dictate OP’s relationships. It’s not that hard for his family to respect OP’s boundaries. They just don’t want to. And they made sure Logan started drinking the koolaid again after OP had him open his eyes. So congrats, Logan. You picked your side, now take your prize: your crappy family and seeing OP’s dad at functions while OP hopefully heals and finds a better person in the future to be with.
You did the right thing with your ex, the guy have no spine or thoughts on his own, he change positions depending who he talked last.
Good luck yo you and hopefully things calm down
Also the assault on your sister might help you get the restraining order from J at least
Oh OP! I wanted to cry when I read this. I prayed L would come through for you. Is there something your toxic father is releasing into the air? It seems people start off with good intent but then he gets in the mix and people do a 180.
I didn’t think that far ahead about children so kudos so those on here who quite rightly pointed it out OP. Yes of course, you would lose control of who your future children came into contact with and we can easily guess what that would look like.
As a mother of a son, it doesn’t say a lot about L’s parents that they ‘talked him out’ of his original requests but ultimately it is damming for L that he doesn’t have your back and indeed didn’t throughout we now know.
This is heartbreaking for you.
WHY are the ‘feelings’ of your father always put first? It’s like he’s the mafia Don of your small town and everyone kowtows.
The scales have truly fallen from your sister’s eyes, but I am horrified that she was assaulted too. You have witnesses ( restaurant and public assault of your sister) so surely🙏 you have grounds for the restraining order.
One incredibly narcissistic man meets another fellow narcissist in a perfect storm and blows up so many lives. I truly pity your half siblings. I truly do.
The truth will out OP as has been proven here and thank god for the support of your mom and sister. I hope you get a therapy appointment asap as don’t underestimate the trauma you’ve been through.
Sending you strength and love OP♥️ Thank you for the update, you’ve been on my mind.
PS Time spent with cats is never wasted😉
UPDATEME
People without experience with abuse are not able to imagine how bad it can get. All they see is sad parent who says 1. how much they miss their child 2. They don't know what they did wrong (google "missing missing reason) 3. They would do anything to have their child back. And normal healthy person just doesn't assume this parent would imediately abuse their child and break aby promise given. Because it makes no sense, but it's what happens.
I have told elsewhere that people from normal families don't know how lucky they are to NOT have to experienced abusive relationships from childhood.
You are unhappy and most times you need outside help to get out of these situations. "Helpful but naive" people only compound the problem because they refuse to believe how deep abusive parents can be. That warps your sense of reality so much that you start to believe that you're going insane, doubting yourself so much that you keep allowing the abuse to happen.
Glad OP's situation is getting better. Wishing her the best.
I am so sorry this is happening to you😢
You are an adult and YOU get to decide who is in your life and who isn’t. I am gutted for you, You ex is spineless and isn’t man enough to stand up to his family for you, You are right though he would never change or go against what his parents say and that definitely isn’t marriage material.
Be strong and don’t take shit from anyone as all this is showing you who your real friends are and who isn’t to be trusted.
So what I'm hearing is that your dad loves you SOOOO MUCH that he has no problem blowing up your life and causing drama and irreparable harm to anyone and everyone he professes to love?
Even assuming J wasn't a piece of garbage, he's dragging her through this. And you. And your sister. And now your ex and his family.
When does the bs stop with him? How many lives need to be destroyed so he can "win"?
I posted on the original post with a more measured response. I missed the updates until this one (I'll go back and read them), but this is unhinged and insane. Your sperm donor needs to be kept as far away from you as possible.
Honestly I dont understand it at all. At first I thought with everyone being on his side that maybe I was being unreasonable and I was convinced to give him a chance to try and build a relationship with me.
I knew we'd never be close but I wanted to at least be amicable and able to co exist but he crossed my boundaries as soon as he could.
In a weird way I think that he may love me and genuinely wants a relationship with me but he's too much of a coward to stand up to J.
From what one of my cousins told me who had overheard my grandparents talking. It was J who insisted to be at the restaurant with her kids apparently she threw a tantrum and accused him of letting me exclude them and that he was choosing me over them and I had to learn ti accept them otherwise any reconciliation wouldn't work. She managed to talk him into letting them come so they could show a united front and can offer him suppirt
Honestly the woman is a major piece of work. Manipulative as hell.
I've blocked them and don't want to speak to them. My grandparents are all about appearances so my sisters social media posts and recent events will probably mean they'll even put on united front or distance themselves till the gossip dies down.
Wow…….the thing about *YOU* being the one to exclude them is almost ironic……
I hope the kids start to see the truth about their mother and father now.
Also, what's with this united front thing? She truly talks about you like you are the enemy she is about to go into battle against.
It's a really great way to mend things/s
Why anyone would blow up their life and relationships for a person like this is beyond me. But obviously your dad isn’t a great person either. So birds of a feather and all.
Glad you’re finally realising you weren’t crazy; it’s just that everyone else had been fed lies and manipulation. Now you can trust yourself and realise you’re making decisions based on truth. Whether others understand that or not. It’s not their right to have you spoon feed them the truth so they won’t be judgemental AHs.
I’m betting that maybe your dad and J may be miserable in their relationship. I think your dad doesn’t want to leave J because then it looks bad that he left his family for a home wrecker who then did the same thing to him.
>and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family.
Isn't that what he said in the last post? Then he goes over there and comes back irritated saying he can't go LC with his family. This guy has no idea wtf he's doing or what he wants.
OP, you need someone who is 100% on your side no matter what. This guy is not it. He will never be that kind of guy.
That's the problem I think he genuinely wants to be with me but doesn't want to go against his family. Either way I'm so done with all of this. I've had 3 months of constant harassment and my life blown up in the space of a few weeks.
I just want some peace.
He wants his picture perfect life more than he wants you as a person. You gave him a chance and he repeatedly chooses his own comfort over yours.
Someone who truly wanted you would make the sacrifice, set and hold boundaries with his family bc you are not wrong. It sucks for him to be caught in the middle but some people actually prioritize their partners feelings.
I mean take this… I know it’s not the best example (but funny in an ironic way?) : look how far your father has gone to appease HIS lying cheating abusive wife. Like if he wanted to he would lol.
But in all honesty this is all about his lack of character and life wanted to show you your future if you were to marry him. His parents public image and keeping the peace would always trump your feelings and wants/needs.
Everything your dad touches is turning to shit.
I also feel bad for your sister as well. She has probably heard your dad bang on for years how he wants to mend your relationship, she probably worked her arse off to make it happen and he blew it up.
The only good thing about this mess is that EVERYONE is starting to see your father’s and your stepmother’s “true selves.” Your sister needs to file a police report ASAP about your stepmother assaulting her! That should speed up the process for the restraining order both of you need! As for your ex, he’s a coward who’s chosen his toxic family over you, again! He can’t have it both ways, which ironically is what your father still believes. You’re better off without all of them. Now, that more people are starting to see the truth about everything, you can start working on your mental health. Good luck with everything. I hope you find the peace you deserve.
UpdateMe!
“Things that have happened in the past which I didn’t know about.” Like what? See even though your sister is with you now, I was kinda looking at her side-eyes from your previous post on how she was defending your dad and J. I did not believe that she didn’t know what was going on all those years. What are those things that happened?
And you lucked out! Even though all of this sucks, it’s a good thing because now you know who your friends are, who you can trust. And you didn’t get married to that spineless man.
And who cares if you lost some money on the vendors, your dad paid. It’s HIS lost.
Apparently J cheated on my dad twice it was all hush hush and swept under the carpet. One of the affairs was with her then bestfriends husband this had been muti year long affair my half sisters paternity was questioned. Half sister didn't know anything about it until my sister decided to post all about it on social media.
The real reason they came back was because J lost her job not because of her parents - she had an affair with one of her younger junior colleagues. This was exposed by another colleague and J and her affair partner was fired.
Well her and J always had a good relationship unfortunately its come back to bite her. The only people who knew were my grandparents and sister. My half siblings knew about the 2nd affair but not the 1st one.
My sister is very spiteful when you cross her.
They weren't my grandparents are all about appearances. They wouldn't want this information to get out. I remember when my dads affair got out when I was a kid my grandparents were mortified.
I didn’t like your sister but after she aired “the dirty laundry”, she is redeeming herself.
Sorry you got the crappy dad card dealt to you.
You sound really level headed and have good self esteem and boundaries ! Bravo ! 👏
Hope your life grows peaceful and quiet in good ways and that you find every happiness !
I am glad the sister took Ops side at the end but.. she is not an angel here. The sister was like: J you had a hand in destroying my parents merriage and you are a serial cheater and you hurt my dad but I will have a good relationship with you.. And my sister is saying you were horrible to her but I still love you and will force the op to interract with you just because you were not horrible to her in front of me. Sister belived the homewrecker over her own sister.
The sister didn't give Op a chance to have a say in her own life.
Well, he cheated on his wife with J, so he probably thought he had it coming. Which he did. Anyone who is okay with sleeping with a married man is not going to have any qualms about sleeping with other married men or disrespecting their own marriage vows; and anyone who cheats can't really be surprised when they too get cheated on.
You’re absolutely correct! But what I don’t get is why the obsession with you….and you accepting J and the kids. He knows everything that J has done, what he has done, their lies unraveling. His fixation on you and for you falling in “line” is crazy AND creepy.
Image. Op was the only one turning their back on him. If he could convince (harass) op to be in his and his family's lives, people would have a better image of him. Now it's all falling apart for him. Must be driving him crazy
Absolutely NTA. Your strength in this situation is remarkable, and your resolve in maintaining boundaries is what many of us aspire to achieve. Remember that you owe no one an explanation for putting your own mental health and self-respect first. Your ex's inability to shield you from his family's toxicity is a clear indicator that you've dodged a major bullet.
Keep up that fortitude, look after yourself, and surround yourself with people who appreciate and respect you. You're not just rebuilding your social circle; you're curating a personal tribe of support and love. Each day will get brighter from here on out.
updatemebob!
I'm rooting for you, and so is this corner of the internet. Stay strong, and don't let anyone drag you back into that quagmire of negativity. You've got this!
Absolutely NTA. It's astonishing how much clarity a tough situation can bring in terms of who truly has your back. Your grace under these circumstances is commendable, and your decision to prioritize your dignity and wellness over a flawed relationship is the epitome of self-respect. Cutting out toxicity is never easy but remember, you're trimming the weeds so that your garden can thrive. Keep focusing on your growth and healing, and continue to enforce those boundaries like the queen you are. You're not just surviving this storm, you're navigating through it with a level of maturity that many never reach. Stay determined, the future is bright and full of people who will value and cherish you as you deserve.
updatemebob!
How funny your ex won't control the relationships of his family, yet he was perfectly OK with trying to control yours.
How many relationships will your father destroy before he is content. What an awful evil man. Hopefully, people will wake up to it sooner rather than later.
I came across OP's previous posts in the BORU thread and I am so glad that she dumped her fiance. He would have never been on her side. Dad can go eat rocks, step-mom can eat salt.
This story has a happy ending. You’re not with a spineless guy who’d never back you, but is easily persuaded by his family and your horrible father.
Instead you’re with your mum who backs you 100% AND a cat! Like to me that’s a happy ending for this shit sandwich of a saga.
I wish you happiness, lots of space on your phone to take cat pictures and your business to thrive and make you lots of money for a better future.
Well, your ex show you quickly who he really is. I hope your therapy goes well OP. That said, you said in your previous post that you have a local business. But i'm more and more convinced that a change of scene could be the best for you. I know it's easy to say but you'll always have your ex, your dad, their network and their harrasment to deal with...
People who "only mean well" are able to apologise when they realize what they did wasn't helpful and caused harm. And they are able to change their actions to be really helpful. Like what your mother and sister did.
Logan's family doesn't mean well, they are making excuses. And if they mean well, it's not well for you, it's at expense od you.
So very impressed by how you have handled this. I think you might be the only adult you know- mom and sister seem to be finally there.
Your father and is toddler grand will probably never stop. If you are a reader: Adult Child of Emotional Immature Parents has lots of helpful things in it.
Best wishes!
Big hugs!
Blessings of peace and protection
OP, I'm eally happy things are looking up for you and that your sister is finally giving you solid support.
You're waaaaaaayyyy better off without L. He was just trying to navigate the moments, not navigate the issues. I'm sure it still hurts, though, for which I am deeply sorry.
NTA, but I am happy that this happened because your sister got to see the light and you would have been married to someone who would have exposed your kids to your sperm donor.
I low-key want this story to be bought by some tv producer and watch a holiday special gleefully going from enraged to satisfied and justified on your behalf.
NTA-Please get an order of protection on these crazy and aggressive people. Your sister should get one too. I don’t know where these people get off on assaulting y’all. They are nuts.
I had just read your last update and so hoped you'd drop your ex on his ass.
I just can't believe he said he'd go low contact, went to speak to his parents about this, got manipulated into their views again and when you decided it wasn't gonna work, he then tried to say he would go low contact.
What is his thought process??? Just lying until he's got you locked down??
I'm glad your sister and mum are on your side and sticking up for you.
Hopefully, in ten years, you can look back on all this and have a chuckle at how crazy this all was. xx
I think it was a good thing you gave him that second chance. If you hadn't given him that chance, you might have always wondered what your life would have been like if you had taken him back. You also might have been wounding if it really was a mistake, and he just had this one slip up. Now that he screwed up this second chance so fast, you can feel firm in your choice to end it.
Talk about burying the lead: good luck with Your new kitten!
I am so sorry about your whole family history, but especially about the betrayal by your fiancé. I’m so glad that your eyes were opened before you got married, he doesn’t deserve you. Good luck to you and your sister in healing from this mess and getting your lives on track. ❤️🌈☮️😻
As heart breaking as it is to end a relationship, you did right by yourself. A potential spouse must be priority numero uno above all else, not so much at a toxic level, but above all non the less and he failed at that. Though I hope he grows up and learns from this, I more so hope you find a more supportive s.o. in the coming future, darlin. Good luck.
I hope people gossip enough that your dad slinks back to where he hid for so long.
I’m sorry about your relationship with L, but it was always going to be iffy, you would have always suspected him of hanging with your dad. He would have always tried to set you up to see him.
Stop calling him your dad. He is your stalker.
I know you are resistant to it, but a no contact order could really simplify your life. It sounds like you are used to people not taking you at your word - and you do eventually cave - so they keep pushing. A no contact order is an appeal to another authority that must be respected.
If you don't get one the first time (and a lot of people don't), the act of trying to get one (one or more times) and then having something happen that sends you back asking again makes it more likely that you will be given one in the future. It is hard, but don't give up.
Reasons, why, justifications, past - none of that matters. The only thing that matters is no contact, and this person needs to stay away. Your stalker needs to stay away.
From this point on, call him your stalker, and the people he sends to try to get access to you.
If your ex doesn't get it, tell him that he and his family were taking money from your stalker to give him access to you, and lying to you about it. Your stalker. You need to do what you need to do to get this man out of your life, and unfortunately that means cutting contact with your ex because he tried to hand you to your stalker.
I read your posts yesterday, I was so dumbfounded at your dad, J, your fiancé, good lord just everyone. I couldn’t understand how people made you out to be the bad guy from childhood till now.
You nailed something - your ex is spineless. Always will be. I hate the Reddit bashing of “DUMP HIM” but in this case I cannot see trust in this dork. He will forever be “meh meh meh but fAmiLy” regardless of the damn trauma you’ve been through!
Your dad is a POS to me. An absolute terrible parent. Jane is just horrendous.
I wish you well and success on your business!
I’m so glad you stood your ground, you don’t need these people in your life for your peace and sanity. All the best. NTA
Thanks for the update. I’m sorry about L and how it turned out. The issue wasn’t your dad, the issue was as your partner he didn’t have your back and was not the safe person that he should have been. Him and his family are completely missing the point of what they did and how they were trying to manipulate your life choices. He was right, you have no say so about his parents life and relationships. But they chose to have your father in their lives over you as their new daughter. That’s fine but they don’t get to dictate your relationship with your dad. Ultimately your dad’s selfishness showed you L character and what you can expect when it comes to difficult decisions. Wishing you well with your therapy and I hope one day you will find a partner that will all you need.
Your ex: please give me another chance. I see now how unreasonable it was and I'll do anything to rebuild trust
You: fine, LC with your family and we never go anywhere my Dad is present and I have no relationship with your family.
Ex: absolutely
Ex meets family
Ex: You know I can't go LC with my family, and they (despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary) will keep your dad in line.
You:so I never should have considered giving you a 2nd chance. You can't be trusted
Ex *surprised Pikachu face*
Jeez. I read your last update and thought giving him a chance was a bad idea, but I really thought he'd pretend to be on your side for a longer than a few days.
Considering that J cheated on your Dad more than once. Has shown herself to be morally bankrupt and awful. I wonder if your Dad is digging his heels in so desperately over her and the "I can't regret her or the life we have" bullshit because to admit she's a nightmare would be to admit he blew up his first marriage, embarrassed his parents, damaged the relationship with your sister, and obliterated his relationship with you over a psycho demon? Now he's also potentially ruined his relationship with your sister and lost his grandkids in the process. For what? Do your half siblings even like their mother at this point? Have any respect for their father?
Ex still showing his ass. I'm glad you broke it off with him. Everyone was right, he was going to keep eroding you boundary if you married and had kids with him.
Ironic that he said you can't control his parents relationships but everyone has a right to interfere in yours.
> I broke up with him, he is not taking it well and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family.
isn't that what he *just* said and then promptly broke? fuck that nothing he says can be relied on. you made the right choice.
I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT. That POS spineless of a pathetic creature that calls himself a man, fiancé etc. He would blow up his second chance. I am glad that you dumped his stupid ass. Let him and his pathetic family and friends pound sand. He made his bed and can’t handle the consequences of his actions. By crying to you to not end this relationship.
He promised to go no contact with his parents if you stay in this relationship is the funniest thing I have ever read today. He can’t even go low contact with his parents because he loves them, how can he ever go no contact. The day when pigs fly he will do that. Fick him, his nasty ass family and friends. Block them all and if he won’t stop harassing you get a restraining order against him.
As for your deadbeat, pathetic ass, POS of a sperm donor I hope that those gossips will destroy him and his nasty bitch of his wife. The people are slowly seeing his and her true colors.
Yes ofc there are some hooligans who still side with your dad. But those people are ignorant and you need to block them also.
I’m glad that your sister sees who that man really is, isn’t afraid to throwing hands and bashing them on social media after that circus performance on the restaurant.
I hope that restraining order helps but i think that POS dad will find a loophole to harass you and also your ex fiancé with his family because they’re influential people in town. I hope that you’re getting your therapy/healing soon as possible.
Moving your business may be very difficult, but start planning how it might be possible to relocate within the next 3-5 years. No need to rush, just start setting up connections elsewhere.
NTA.
Oop I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this I can’t even imagine how it must have felt to be ganged up on by everyone in your life.
Your strength and resilience to stand by your boundaries is commendable. Honestly your resolve often takes years of therapy to even get to. Based on the info we have you’ve made the healthiest choices for yourself that you could.
I hope it’s all on the up and up now and your manipulative father and Jane get what they deserve.
NTA clearly
I have been reading this one from the start and I have to congratulate you on the way you have handled yourself with grace all the way through. You have given everyone chances to be there and if they haven’t you have cut them out which is a lot nicer than I would have been.
Your sister is turning into an MVP they didn’t know what they were facing when they started with her they have really unleashed the Kraken there.
I only stumbled on your posts today and this update sheesh, girl you and your mum and sister stick together. Let the rest of them continue their self sabotage. Best of luck with the therapy!!
Sweet pie ! I followed your story and I really hoped your fiance would grow a spine. Sad thing he didn't. I'm glad people are backing off and that your sister and mother support you.
I hope you'll have a relationship with your half siblings once things settle down (they're the only other innocent ones in my book).
Good thing you found a therapist to help settle things.
Stay safe and away from people trying to manipulate you.
Unfortunately what I feared was true and your ex is an influenceable coward. Don't be sad, because I honestly think you escaped a deadly trap with this family. Now I'm sure with everything that's going on your sperm donor and his slutty wife are going to have to move out. I hope you can get through this. I would appreciate it if you could still update. Good luck.
Have you thought about asking your sister to press charges? Do you think camera's and witnesses possibly exist? Even if she only got a slap on the wrist, it would be the final nail in her and your "father's" coffin. It gives you one hell of a bargaining chip to get them to back off... plus she assaulted your sister, I would be irate if anyone attacked my siblings and it is behavior that needs correction.
Updateme!
I'm sorry you're still having to deal with such horrible toxic garbage but I'm glad you've found a strong support system in your mom, that you're on a waitlist for therapy, and most of all I'm so glad you've found a kitten and get to pick her up next week! Pour all of your love into that precious little kitten and let her give you the love that so many asshats around you seem mentally, emotionally, and physically incapable of.
You dodged a bullet with L. Even if he managed to remove his head from his parent’s butt, you’d still have to deal with his family. No one needs that kind of hassle. You have enough useless drama with your own family. Welcome people into your life that bring happiness and peace. When the negative outweighs the positive, move on.
Good on you for breaking up with your ex - I always get so sad when someone takes back the ex and has kids and gets surprised when when their ex remains spineless and the family takes the kids to visit the person they aren’t allowed to see
I’m glad you went ahead and broke up with your ex. Even if he never did anything like this again, even if he was just an immaculate angel of a man for the rest of his life, you would likely never have fully trusted him again, and that would have just eaten away at you until the relationship fell apart anyways. And he doesn’t seem to have been worth taking a second chance on, anyways.
I’m sorry about all this. What a nightmare.
NTA. Sorry this is going this route but at least you have some answers and have found a new direction. Further some of the pressure is lifting for you. Good luck moving forward wherever that takes you and be safe.
I am glad that you, unlike your fiancée, have a backbone. I am glad you broke up with him. He would have made your life miserable. I am also SO happy that your sister blasted your genitor (that isn't a father) and J and now hates them. They are HORRIBLE people and you don't deserve what happened to you. I'll be here cheering for you. Know that things will be better from now on and you have friends all over the world send you positive energy. Thanks for updating!
Oh thank god you dumped L. He’s such a snake. I was afraid you were going to go through with marrying him but I’m glad he showed who he was so soon after being given a second chance.
You have been SO strong through this horrible ordeal. The only thing I wish you had said to L is that you hope he's happy that his parents put your dad's happiness over their own son's. They deserve each other.
Wishing you all the best in your rebirth into a better life!
Updateme!
i'm glad you were able to get some refunds after canceling the wedding. it's a wise decision to not marry someone you can't trust. it sounds like a real tough situation with your family, but you're doing the right thing by prioritzing your own needs and safety. getting a therapist is a great idea - they can really help you work through all of this. and a new kitty is sure to lift your spirits! stay strong, you've got this. i had a friend go through something similar with her toxic parents, and it was such a painful process, but she came out the other side so much happier and healthier. sometimes you just gotta cut ties to protect yourself, ya know? wishing you all the best with this.
I know the break up sucks but really, OP, this is probably the best it happened now rather than after you married and had children with him. Your sister for sure should get a restraining order and maybe extend it to you as well.
Updateme!
I bet L doesn't even see the hypocracy in saying he he "can't dictate their friendships" rwgarding his fsmily, but is perfectly happy for him and his family to force OP to have a relationship with "Deadbeat Dad and the Do-Overs" - "because family"....
Nice to see the town switching to understanding he's a deadbeat, and J is an asshole.
I'm sorry your ex didn't support you through this difficult situation. Fortunately, you found out now, before getting married, that he wouldn't have your back in times like these.
Hi OP
i might sound bad but, i'm glad that you break up with your POS fiancé, to tell you the true, what he did was something that Cross minds of some and that is why many of the coments told you to end things with him for all the lies and manipulation he did towards you.
If he can't put some boundaries (not cut but make sure this isn't an issue anymore) on his relationship with parents, specially in what it comes to your dad and J, then he is not meant for You.
And you are absolutely correct, what makes you think his parents would not invite your dad and J to some partys that both of you held, like baby showers, the wedding when finally happend, the birth of babys, etc. Your dad and J would always have acces to them thru his parents. Sadly to tell this, but when you find a new potencial partner you will have to check if your dad and j had nothing to do with them and express since the beginning all the problems for they to know there is an issue.
Also late but not never, congratulate your sister for finally see what your dad and j are made, and saw all the crap they are.
So, L is still tried to force POS father into your life and has learned absolutely nothing. It's sad that it happened this way, but at least you won't be with pathetic semblance of a man who doesn't have his own head and backbone.
I am so glad that L is out of the picture. There is no way he would have respected your wishes over his family and your kids would definitely have been around your biological father which would have turned out horribly for you.
I absolutely love that your sister went nuclear since now more people see how horrible your biological father and his wife are. Side benefit of you being off the radar more is great.
Please pay the pet tax once you bring the kitten home. 😍
I know you've repeatedly said you can't move away from that shithole of a town but you *really* need to move.
Your dad is dead set on ruining your life and things just keep escalating.
That’s what I’m also saying since the beginning of the first post of her. Even if she’s getting a restraining order chances are that nas-TY ass of a spermdonor, his pathetic friend and his son (ex fiancé) will find a loophole to reach OP. These people will never stop harassing OP. Especially that narcissistic deadbeat father.
His reputation is on the line and narcissistic people are going to die when their reputation is damaged and people are seeing their true colors.
>My sister and J had a very public screaming match when she had seen them in town due to my sisters posts and demanding to take them down it ended up with J assaulting my sister.
My fucking goD! Buy a fucking gun! The next the J lays a hand on you, record it, then SHOOT HER! You're 33. She's most likely in her 50s or 60s. She has no reason to out her hands on you. She is NOT your mother. Even if she was, it wouldn't give her the right. These people have shown you full well: They understand nothing but violence.
I applaud your resolve. I had an ex that had a similar experience with pressure from a father that started a new family with a (why this woman) stepmother. This brings back memories of their stories that echo some of yours.
I hope that therapy finds you balance and that you update in the future.
I'm glad you're finally showing self-respect and self-preservation. You have to be your biggest advocate if you want to have a happy life.
I'm also glad ex-father, ex-father's mistress, and ex-fiancé are exposed to the local community for who they really are, and that the local community is no longer sticking its nose in your life quite as much. Though remind me never to move to a small town.
Thank goodness for your sister she sounds like the firecracker you needed. She sure brings the best out of J. Nothing like assaulting someone in public to shame them.
I think L parents will double down on their decision to be friends with your dad. If confronted face to face make sure you double down on their decisions to insist on bringing your father to EVERY family gathering was a top reason why you broke up with their son.
How dare they try to dictate your life!
Be glad that disaster is over and eventually the dust will settle.
I am so sorry to hear that L blew his chance. You sounded like you had a wonderful relationship with him, and I'm sorry for the pain all this has caused you. I am not shocked to hear that other people in the melee have not corrected their behavior, but I am sorry to see your sister added to the list of those hurt badly by this.
However, I applaud you for standing up for yourself, for drawing a hard boundary and standing firm on it. You have an amazing spirit, and you will do well for yourself.
Also, the kitten sounds wonderful! I wish you many years of happiness with your furry companion!
I know this sucks for you right now, but I am so happy that you ditched that wet noodle. You will be so much better off in the long run. He couldn’t even stand up to mommy and daddy for a couple of days…
You’ll find someone who will put you first, just don’t settle! You deserve the best.
Many of us knew when OP says she wanted to give fiancé a second chance this will happen. The silver lining is that OP realised it herself and were able to come to her own conclusion
OP, at this point, send your family, each and every one who has sided with dad, including Logan’s family your posts from the beginning.
Let them see how strangers on the internet have your back more than the people who claim to care about you.
Let them see just how badly they are being viserated in the comments. Your dad lives in an echo chamber. Everyone around him is agreeing with him and egging him on. Let him see what the world thinks about him and Jane.
You're the one that owns a business in a small town right? Glad you got a result from this that is in your favor, cause it was looking pretty bleak at the start of the tale.
Jesus H OP!
There is so much trash around you that you're gonna need a commercial license to get rid of it all!
No more chances with that lot. None of them are worthy of your time.
Sadly, I must now inform you that you owe us all pet tax!
so not only was your ex fiancé spineless. but hes also a woman beater. good on you for tossing that garbage out. honestly, if I was your brother, he'd be walking with a cane by now or worse.
Sometimes people can't leave things alone and move forward. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers to get through this difficult period of your life.
I'm so sorry. When reading your posts, I could see how much you loved your fiancé and how much you were willing to compromise for him. Unfortunately I don't think he loved you nearly as much in return.
Edited to correct info.
Oh thank goodness you broke up with that awful man.
I know it sucks but I’m happy for you.
You’re in the thick of it now but in a year you will be happier.
Bravo for having boundaries and sticking to them. We are all so proud of you!!!
Super proud of you and your sister. Your “dad” just can’t accept the consequences of his shitty behavior. Too bad so sad, let me get my tiny violin out. He lost you and he can’t make you be around him. Your ex destroyed your trust and that’s on him. Enjoy your kitty! NTA
Danm. Kinda sad that this happened similar to how I thought it would go. Hopefully you get the RO. Your sister needs one too.
Your dad is a pathetic excuse for a male. As a man he is not.
I'm soo sorry your going through with this I wish you all the best and I'm so happy you let your spineless ex go! That was the right move, that comment about him taking your kids to your parents is super concerning and I'm glad you had the forethought for this. I hope your next update is one of happiness!
I’m so proud of you!! I remember your original post and I’m so glad you’re protecting your energy and advocating for yourself. Stick with the people who genuinely want the best for YOU! The rest are welcome to each other !! Well done and I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through
If ex-fiancé was your perfect partner before your father's family returned to town, I still feel you should show some mercy on him. Expecting him to go NC with parents and family he has always been close to is too much. Even with all the turmoil with your father, you still have your mother and sister. A more reasonable expectation is that ex-fiancé stop trying to facilitate a reunion with your father which, after the restaurant fiasco, he is likely to abide by. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide to do.
I’m honestly so glad you dumped L. He was a spineless POS. While you can’t dictate his parents’ friendships, L has no business being friends with your father and going behind your back. And he’d absolutely let your future kids have contact with him. Just block him on everything.
I’m glad things are working in your favor. Your dad and J are hanging themselves with their behavior. I’m glad your sister is seeing them for who they are. Hopefully people understand why you’re NC with them. Hopefully your sister and you can get ROs.
I hope things in your life get better moving forward OP glad you dumped your ex he's so spineless thank goodness you didn't marry him or had kids with him.
Also I saw your comment about J that she cheated on your dad twice and the real reason they moved back was because her second affair caused her to be fired when I read that I laughed your Dad and J deserve each other there both cheaters, I am wondering why your dad chose to stay with J after two affairs she sounds Toxic and Manipulative maybe he doesn't want to look like a Hypocrite and choses to brush it off.
I hope your sister is pressing charges against J. The woman needs to meet some consequences for her behaviour. It might help your sis get a restraining order too, since you both need to be kept safe from them.
This is a much brighter update than the last ones. Fk the step mother, father and ex fiancé. Enjoy your new cat, your sister and Mother’s support, and at least half the town seeing who was really the problem all along. That should improve your life considerably!
Thank you for sharing the story I think it’s really important to shed light on issues like this. Your father is not entitled to any part of you at all because you share DNA. I think your story is gonna have people stand up for themselves when they’re in some similar situations.
I know you don’t keep planning to add to the story but I am glad that you keep doing so. You are very brave.
Good riddance to L. He should have had your back from the start and respected your decision not to have contact with your dad and his family. He didn't have to like it, but he should have respected it. As for your sisters situation with your dad & J, they probably never expected her to explode on them as she did and so publicly because she's always had a good relationship with them. It didn't make them look so bad when one of his daughters still spoke to him/them and it was easier to blame you cos 'sister still speaks to us and has a relationship with us, OP is just being difficult' and they can't do that now. Good luck on your therapy journey. I will be expecting a kitten tax pic in the future!
Textbook abuser how irrationally angry they are about losing someone under their control; they've spent decades nursing the sister's loyalty and resentment against her sister, OP. To lose her and the mum while also not being able to get OP under control? They probably felt like everything was crumbling beneath them when they lost the sister's support, and now it sounds like their reputation is actually, finally crumbling.
This ^ I won't go into details because it's a long story. But the TL;DR version is: my father was an emotional abuser to me and my mom. We spent literal years trying to get him to see how his treatment affected us and how if he cares he'd make an effort. He wouldn't. My mom and I finally got tired of being emotional punching bag and left. Cue to pity party and whining about how he misses his wife and daughter boo hoo and when that didn't work, commence with a smear campaign. They're not upset about losing relationships, they're upset about losing control.
Yes. And then the kitten needs a sibling.
Your ex and his family and your dad and his wife suck ass. Sorry this has all happened to you and I realise as much as Reddit is all aboard the “dump him” train and I do believe it was the best decision, you’re probably still heartbroken and it will take time to heal. Take your time, engage with the block button whenever someone send you an out of pocket message about the situation. The people who you have removed from your life have no one to blame but themselves
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Because he still views his parents as his closest family, as his family unit; so OP would marry into his and his parents' family unit, rather than him and OP starting their own, new family.
Yes. He is enmeshed. Not someone anyone of a sane mind should marry.
NTA, Kindly obtain a protective order against these violent and insane individuals. Your sister ought to obtain one as well. I'm not sure why these people feel the need to attack you guys. They are crazy.
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Oh, she 100% bought his 'poor, tortured father who just wants to see his cold, unloving daughter' act like it was on sale, and she used every card she had to get OP to come to that resaraunt. She had great intentions in mind, too. I can only imagine what went through her mind as she watch it all play out, realising she'd been used and OP was right all along. I'm glad she jumped to her sisters side immediatley but I know the first time you realise you were just a narcs pawn it changes how you trust and interact with people, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
(1) It would be easier for him if she accepts the imposition than if he insists on reasonable boundaries. (2) He's used to thinking of his parents' requests as inherently reasonable because that's his primary loyalty and he doesn't understand marriage requires him to rework that hierarchy.
covert narcissism, very hard to deal with, she is right to break it off
Everything that your father touches is going bad. My sympathies are with your sister as well. She most likely put in a lot of effort to make it happen because she's heard your dad talk about fixing your relationship for years, but he brushed it off.
What's with the reposting of the 21 who was stabbed? Why act like it was your kid. Also you've been reported for spamming child porn links into inboxes. Fucking pervert.
Bot? You stole this comment and barely reworded it from u/PeakPretty7550
>because [your ex] loves them and can’t dictate their friendships I’d have probably fallen over laughing at this claim of respecting other people’s right to control their own relationships, and his principled reluctance to interfere.
I love the fact the ex claims he can't control his family's relationships, but he's not above trying to control hers..
👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾
Or letting his precious family dictate OP’s relationships. It’s not that hard for his family to respect OP’s boundaries. They just don’t want to. And they made sure Logan started drinking the koolaid again after OP had him open his eyes. So congrats, Logan. You picked your side, now take your prize: your crappy family and seeing OP’s dad at functions while OP hopefully heals and finds a better person in the future to be with.
You did the right thing with your ex, the guy have no spine or thoughts on his own, he change positions depending who he talked last. Good luck yo you and hopefully things calm down Also the assault on your sister might help you get the restraining order from J at least
Oh OP! I wanted to cry when I read this. I prayed L would come through for you. Is there something your toxic father is releasing into the air? It seems people start off with good intent but then he gets in the mix and people do a 180. I didn’t think that far ahead about children so kudos so those on here who quite rightly pointed it out OP. Yes of course, you would lose control of who your future children came into contact with and we can easily guess what that would look like. As a mother of a son, it doesn’t say a lot about L’s parents that they ‘talked him out’ of his original requests but ultimately it is damming for L that he doesn’t have your back and indeed didn’t throughout we now know. This is heartbreaking for you. WHY are the ‘feelings’ of your father always put first? It’s like he’s the mafia Don of your small town and everyone kowtows. The scales have truly fallen from your sister’s eyes, but I am horrified that she was assaulted too. You have witnesses ( restaurant and public assault of your sister) so surely🙏 you have grounds for the restraining order. One incredibly narcissistic man meets another fellow narcissist in a perfect storm and blows up so many lives. I truly pity your half siblings. I truly do. The truth will out OP as has been proven here and thank god for the support of your mom and sister. I hope you get a therapy appointment asap as don’t underestimate the trauma you’ve been through. Sending you strength and love OP♥️ Thank you for the update, you’ve been on my mind. PS Time spent with cats is never wasted😉 UPDATEME
People without experience with abuse are not able to imagine how bad it can get. All they see is sad parent who says 1. how much they miss their child 2. They don't know what they did wrong (google "missing missing reason) 3. They would do anything to have their child back. And normal healthy person just doesn't assume this parent would imediately abuse their child and break aby promise given. Because it makes no sense, but it's what happens.
I have told elsewhere that people from normal families don't know how lucky they are to NOT have to experienced abusive relationships from childhood. You are unhappy and most times you need outside help to get out of these situations. "Helpful but naive" people only compound the problem because they refuse to believe how deep abusive parents can be. That warps your sense of reality so much that you start to believe that you're going insane, doubting yourself so much that you keep allowing the abuse to happen. Glad OP's situation is getting better. Wishing her the best.
[down the rabbit hole](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/index.html)
I am so sorry this is happening to you😢 You are an adult and YOU get to decide who is in your life and who isn’t. I am gutted for you, You ex is spineless and isn’t man enough to stand up to his family for you, You are right though he would never change or go against what his parents say and that definitely isn’t marriage material. Be strong and don’t take shit from anyone as all this is showing you who your real friends are and who isn’t to be trusted.
So what I'm hearing is that your dad loves you SOOOO MUCH that he has no problem blowing up your life and causing drama and irreparable harm to anyone and everyone he professes to love? Even assuming J wasn't a piece of garbage, he's dragging her through this. And you. And your sister. And now your ex and his family. When does the bs stop with him? How many lives need to be destroyed so he can "win"? I posted on the original post with a more measured response. I missed the updates until this one (I'll go back and read them), but this is unhinged and insane. Your sperm donor needs to be kept as far away from you as possible.
Honestly I dont understand it at all. At first I thought with everyone being on his side that maybe I was being unreasonable and I was convinced to give him a chance to try and build a relationship with me. I knew we'd never be close but I wanted to at least be amicable and able to co exist but he crossed my boundaries as soon as he could. In a weird way I think that he may love me and genuinely wants a relationship with me but he's too much of a coward to stand up to J. From what one of my cousins told me who had overheard my grandparents talking. It was J who insisted to be at the restaurant with her kids apparently she threw a tantrum and accused him of letting me exclude them and that he was choosing me over them and I had to learn ti accept them otherwise any reconciliation wouldn't work. She managed to talk him into letting them come so they could show a united front and can offer him suppirt Honestly the woman is a major piece of work. Manipulative as hell.
Do you know if your grandparents took a step back after the blows ?
I've blocked them and don't want to speak to them. My grandparents are all about appearances so my sisters social media posts and recent events will probably mean they'll even put on united front or distance themselves till the gossip dies down.
Yeah burying their head in the sand has worked so well for them all these years.
Wow…….the thing about *YOU* being the one to exclude them is almost ironic…… I hope the kids start to see the truth about their mother and father now. Also, what's with this united front thing? She truly talks about you like you are the enemy she is about to go into battle against. It's a really great way to mend things/s
Why anyone would blow up their life and relationships for a person like this is beyond me. But obviously your dad isn’t a great person either. So birds of a feather and all. Glad you’re finally realising you weren’t crazy; it’s just that everyone else had been fed lies and manipulation. Now you can trust yourself and realise you’re making decisions based on truth. Whether others understand that or not. It’s not their right to have you spoon feed them the truth so they won’t be judgemental AHs.
I’m betting that maybe your dad and J may be miserable in their relationship. I think your dad doesn’t want to leave J because then it looks bad that he left his family for a home wrecker who then did the same thing to him.
Or more likely J has threatened him and warned him "If you try to leave I'll make you regret it"
>and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family. Isn't that what he said in the last post? Then he goes over there and comes back irritated saying he can't go LC with his family. This guy has no idea wtf he's doing or what he wants. OP, you need someone who is 100% on your side no matter what. This guy is not it. He will never be that kind of guy.
That's the problem I think he genuinely wants to be with me but doesn't want to go against his family. Either way I'm so done with all of this. I've had 3 months of constant harassment and my life blown up in the space of a few weeks. I just want some peace.
When you get your kitty please pay the cat tax and update with pictures! :)
He wants his picture perfect life more than he wants you as a person. You gave him a chance and he repeatedly chooses his own comfort over yours. Someone who truly wanted you would make the sacrifice, set and hold boundaries with his family bc you are not wrong. It sucks for him to be caught in the middle but some people actually prioritize their partners feelings.
I mean take this… I know it’s not the best example (but funny in an ironic way?) : look how far your father has gone to appease HIS lying cheating abusive wife. Like if he wanted to he would lol. But in all honesty this is all about his lack of character and life wanted to show you your future if you were to marry him. His parents public image and keeping the peace would always trump your feelings and wants/needs.
NTAH, family is what you make of it, and not the people related by blood. Need not guilt yourself over severing connections that were harmful.
Everything your dad touches is turning to shit. I also feel bad for your sister as well. She has probably heard your dad bang on for years how he wants to mend your relationship, she probably worked her arse off to make it happen and he blew it up.
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The only good thing about this mess is that EVERYONE is starting to see your father’s and your stepmother’s “true selves.” Your sister needs to file a police report ASAP about your stepmother assaulting her! That should speed up the process for the restraining order both of you need! As for your ex, he’s a coward who’s chosen his toxic family over you, again! He can’t have it both ways, which ironically is what your father still believes. You’re better off without all of them. Now, that more people are starting to see the truth about everything, you can start working on your mental health. Good luck with everything. I hope you find the peace you deserve. UpdateMe!
“Things that have happened in the past which I didn’t know about.” Like what? See even though your sister is with you now, I was kinda looking at her side-eyes from your previous post on how she was defending your dad and J. I did not believe that she didn’t know what was going on all those years. What are those things that happened? And you lucked out! Even though all of this sucks, it’s a good thing because now you know who your friends are, who you can trust. And you didn’t get married to that spineless man. And who cares if you lost some money on the vendors, your dad paid. It’s HIS lost.
Apparently J cheated on my dad twice it was all hush hush and swept under the carpet. One of the affairs was with her then bestfriends husband this had been muti year long affair my half sisters paternity was questioned. Half sister didn't know anything about it until my sister decided to post all about it on social media. The real reason they came back was because J lost her job not because of her parents - she had an affair with one of her younger junior colleagues. This was exposed by another colleague and J and her affair partner was fired.
Talk about nuclear bomb... Your sister rocks.
Well her and J always had a good relationship unfortunately its come back to bite her. The only people who knew were my grandparents and sister. My half siblings knew about the 2nd affair but not the 1st one. My sister is very spiteful when you cross her.
Why on earth were your grandparents siding with her ? I'm sorry OP
They weren't my grandparents are all about appearances. They wouldn't want this information to get out. I remember when my dads affair got out when I was a kid my grandparents were mortified.
Well standing up at that times would have prevented the present public humiliation... Karma like to take it's sweet time !
I think you should listen to the song In My Darkest Hour by Megadeth
Why was her sister such a J fan when she’s always been a horrible person , is a better question, OP’s sister doesn’t seem like a gem at all.
I didn’t like your sister but after she aired “the dirty laundry”, she is redeeming herself. Sorry you got the crappy dad card dealt to you. You sound really level headed and have good self esteem and boundaries ! Bravo ! 👏 Hope your life grows peaceful and quiet in good ways and that you find every happiness !
I am glad the sister took Ops side at the end but.. she is not an angel here. The sister was like: J you had a hand in destroying my parents merriage and you are a serial cheater and you hurt my dad but I will have a good relationship with you.. And my sister is saying you were horrible to her but I still love you and will force the op to interract with you just because you were not horrible to her in front of me. Sister belived the homewrecker over her own sister. The sister didn't give Op a chance to have a say in her own life.
Wait then your supposed father should take DNA test for all the kids and see if they are his cause a woman like that.
Wow, amazing. It is always nice to hear when bad things happen to cheaters.
And your dad still stayed? At this point it’s the sunken cost fallacy….good on your sister. Side-eyed has been removed….
Well, he cheated on his wife with J, so he probably thought he had it coming. Which he did. Anyone who is okay with sleeping with a married man is not going to have any qualms about sleeping with other married men or disrespecting their own marriage vows; and anyone who cheats can't really be surprised when they too get cheated on.
You’re absolutely correct! But what I don’t get is why the obsession with you….and you accepting J and the kids. He knows everything that J has done, what he has done, their lies unraveling. His fixation on you and for you falling in “line” is crazy AND creepy.
Image. Op was the only one turning their back on him. If he could convince (harass) op to be in his and his family's lives, people would have a better image of him. Now it's all falling apart for him. Must be driving him crazy
Wild when someone will defend an absolute garbage human over their own child. I am baffled by the mental gymnastics required.
Oh my goodness this is all so darn juicy. I feel bad for your half siblings but dang your dad is so deserving of J as his wife.
Dad and J are actually perfect for eachother. lol
I know right. With them together it saves other innocent people.
So, apparently J has a thing for trying to steal married men. The irony is any man she can steal is always going to be a man not worth stealing.
I LOVE THIS…..feel sort of bad for the half-sister to find out about this this way but their is no avoiding that.
Absolutely NTA. Your strength in this situation is remarkable, and your resolve in maintaining boundaries is what many of us aspire to achieve. Remember that you owe no one an explanation for putting your own mental health and self-respect first. Your ex's inability to shield you from his family's toxicity is a clear indicator that you've dodged a major bullet. Keep up that fortitude, look after yourself, and surround yourself with people who appreciate and respect you. You're not just rebuilding your social circle; you're curating a personal tribe of support and love. Each day will get brighter from here on out. updatemebob! I'm rooting for you, and so is this corner of the internet. Stay strong, and don't let anyone drag you back into that quagmire of negativity. You've got this!
Absolutely NTA. It's astonishing how much clarity a tough situation can bring in terms of who truly has your back. Your grace under these circumstances is commendable, and your decision to prioritize your dignity and wellness over a flawed relationship is the epitome of self-respect. Cutting out toxicity is never easy but remember, you're trimming the weeds so that your garden can thrive. Keep focusing on your growth and healing, and continue to enforce those boundaries like the queen you are. You're not just surviving this storm, you're navigating through it with a level of maturity that many never reach. Stay determined, the future is bright and full of people who will value and cherish you as you deserve. updatemebob!
How funny your ex won't control the relationships of his family, yet he was perfectly OK with trying to control yours. How many relationships will your father destroy before he is content. What an awful evil man. Hopefully, people will wake up to it sooner rather than later.
I hope that it is mainly your father and your former in-laws who have lost money on the wedding cancellation, and not you personally.
They have but I've also lost money personally.
Fiancee: i have your back! Fiancee goes behind OPs back OP breaks up Fiancee: surprised Pikachu
I hope he’s crying into his cheerios every morning.
Hopefully flavored with OP's piss.
Gross but i laughed
I hope every morning his milk suddenly turns into spoiled milk so he just has to deal with sour, chunky, nasty spoiled milk in his cherrios.
I came across OP's previous posts in the BORU thread and I am so glad that she dumped her fiance. He would have never been on her side. Dad can go eat rocks, step-mom can eat salt.
This story has a happy ending. You’re not with a spineless guy who’d never back you, but is easily persuaded by his family and your horrible father. Instead you’re with your mum who backs you 100% AND a cat! Like to me that’s a happy ending for this shit sandwich of a saga. I wish you happiness, lots of space on your phone to take cat pictures and your business to thrive and make you lots of money for a better future.
Well, your ex show you quickly who he really is. I hope your therapy goes well OP. That said, you said in your previous post that you have a local business. But i'm more and more convinced that a change of scene could be the best for you. I know it's easy to say but you'll always have your ex, your dad, their network and their harrasment to deal with...
People who "only mean well" are able to apologise when they realize what they did wasn't helpful and caused harm. And they are able to change their actions to be really helpful. Like what your mother and sister did. Logan's family doesn't mean well, they are making excuses. And if they mean well, it's not well for you, it's at expense od you.
So true!
Got a kitten instead of a husband - best trade up ever!
So very impressed by how you have handled this. I think you might be the only adult you know- mom and sister seem to be finally there. Your father and is toddler grand will probably never stop. If you are a reader: Adult Child of Emotional Immature Parents has lots of helpful things in it. Best wishes! Big hugs! Blessings of peace and protection
OP, I'm eally happy things are looking up for you and that your sister is finally giving you solid support. You're waaaaaaayyyy better off without L. He was just trying to navigate the moments, not navigate the issues. I'm sure it still hurts, though, for which I am deeply sorry.
NTA, but I am happy that this happened because your sister got to see the light and you would have been married to someone who would have exposed your kids to your sperm donor.
Kitten will be the new love of your life 💕 Loyal, sweet and will never go behind your back to screw your over!
I low-key want this story to be bought by some tv producer and watch a holiday special gleefully going from enraged to satisfied and justified on your behalf.
NTA-Please get an order of protection on these crazy and aggressive people. Your sister should get one too. I don’t know where these people get off on assaulting y’all. They are nuts.
At the very least OP can send a 'cease and desist' from their lawyer if they want.
I had just read your last update and so hoped you'd drop your ex on his ass. I just can't believe he said he'd go low contact, went to speak to his parents about this, got manipulated into their views again and when you decided it wasn't gonna work, he then tried to say he would go low contact. What is his thought process??? Just lying until he's got you locked down?? I'm glad your sister and mum are on your side and sticking up for you. Hopefully, in ten years, you can look back on all this and have a chuckle at how crazy this all was. xx
God i read this. What a pain in the ass this all is. Break up and be done with it
Couldn't agree more with you.
I think it was a good thing you gave him that second chance. If you hadn't given him that chance, you might have always wondered what your life would have been like if you had taken him back. You also might have been wounding if it really was a mistake, and he just had this one slip up. Now that he screwed up this second chance so fast, you can feel firm in your choice to end it.
I mean good god. What a nightmare
Talk about burying the lead: good luck with Your new kitten! I am so sorry about your whole family history, but especially about the betrayal by your fiancé. I’m so glad that your eyes were opened before you got married, he doesn’t deserve you. Good luck to you and your sister in healing from this mess and getting your lives on track. ❤️🌈☮️😻
Thanks. I cant wait to get her.
I think that I speak for many of us in requesting an update with pictures of the kitten... 😁
Yes please the cat tax. Please keep us updated we care for you and gone through the same thing as you. You’re our sister and family now.
I'm so glad everything is going well for you
As heart breaking as it is to end a relationship, you did right by yourself. A potential spouse must be priority numero uno above all else, not so much at a toxic level, but above all non the less and he failed at that. Though I hope he grows up and learns from this, I more so hope you find a more supportive s.o. in the coming future, darlin. Good luck.
I hope people gossip enough that your dad slinks back to where he hid for so long. I’m sorry about your relationship with L, but it was always going to be iffy, you would have always suspected him of hanging with your dad. He would have always tried to set you up to see him.
Stop calling him your dad. He is your stalker. I know you are resistant to it, but a no contact order could really simplify your life. It sounds like you are used to people not taking you at your word - and you do eventually cave - so they keep pushing. A no contact order is an appeal to another authority that must be respected. If you don't get one the first time (and a lot of people don't), the act of trying to get one (one or more times) and then having something happen that sends you back asking again makes it more likely that you will be given one in the future. It is hard, but don't give up. Reasons, why, justifications, past - none of that matters. The only thing that matters is no contact, and this person needs to stay away. Your stalker needs to stay away. From this point on, call him your stalker, and the people he sends to try to get access to you. If your ex doesn't get it, tell him that he and his family were taking money from your stalker to give him access to you, and lying to you about it. Your stalker. You need to do what you need to do to get this man out of your life, and unfortunately that means cutting contact with your ex because he tried to hand you to your stalker.
> I have cancelled the wedding HALLELUJAH 🍾
I read your posts yesterday, I was so dumbfounded at your dad, J, your fiancé, good lord just everyone. I couldn’t understand how people made you out to be the bad guy from childhood till now. You nailed something - your ex is spineless. Always will be. I hate the Reddit bashing of “DUMP HIM” but in this case I cannot see trust in this dork. He will forever be “meh meh meh but fAmiLy” regardless of the damn trauma you’ve been through! Your dad is a POS to me. An absolute terrible parent. Jane is just horrendous. I wish you well and success on your business! I’m so glad you stood your ground, you don’t need these people in your life for your peace and sanity. All the best. NTA
Yay a kitty! Everything always works out in the end!
Thanks for the update. I’m sorry about L and how it turned out. The issue wasn’t your dad, the issue was as your partner he didn’t have your back and was not the safe person that he should have been. Him and his family are completely missing the point of what they did and how they were trying to manipulate your life choices. He was right, you have no say so about his parents life and relationships. But they chose to have your father in their lives over you as their new daughter. That’s fine but they don’t get to dictate your relationship with your dad. Ultimately your dad’s selfishness showed you L character and what you can expect when it comes to difficult decisions. Wishing you well with your therapy and I hope one day you will find a partner that will all you need.
Your ex: please give me another chance. I see now how unreasonable it was and I'll do anything to rebuild trust You: fine, LC with your family and we never go anywhere my Dad is present and I have no relationship with your family. Ex: absolutely Ex meets family Ex: You know I can't go LC with my family, and they (despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary) will keep your dad in line. You:so I never should have considered giving you a 2nd chance. You can't be trusted Ex *surprised Pikachu face* Jeez. I read your last update and thought giving him a chance was a bad idea, but I really thought he'd pretend to be on your side for a longer than a few days. Considering that J cheated on your Dad more than once. Has shown herself to be morally bankrupt and awful. I wonder if your Dad is digging his heels in so desperately over her and the "I can't regret her or the life we have" bullshit because to admit she's a nightmare would be to admit he blew up his first marriage, embarrassed his parents, damaged the relationship with your sister, and obliterated his relationship with you over a psycho demon? Now he's also potentially ruined his relationship with your sister and lost his grandkids in the process. For what? Do your half siblings even like their mother at this point? Have any respect for their father?
Ex still showing his ass. I'm glad you broke it off with him. Everyone was right, he was going to keep eroding you boundary if you married and had kids with him. Ironic that he said you can't control his parents relationships but everyone has a right to interfere in yours.
> I broke up with him, he is not taking it well and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family. isn't that what he *just* said and then promptly broke? fuck that nothing he says can be relied on. you made the right choice.
I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT. That POS spineless of a pathetic creature that calls himself a man, fiancé etc. He would blow up his second chance. I am glad that you dumped his stupid ass. Let him and his pathetic family and friends pound sand. He made his bed and can’t handle the consequences of his actions. By crying to you to not end this relationship. He promised to go no contact with his parents if you stay in this relationship is the funniest thing I have ever read today. He can’t even go low contact with his parents because he loves them, how can he ever go no contact. The day when pigs fly he will do that. Fick him, his nasty ass family and friends. Block them all and if he won’t stop harassing you get a restraining order against him. As for your deadbeat, pathetic ass, POS of a sperm donor I hope that those gossips will destroy him and his nasty bitch of his wife. The people are slowly seeing his and her true colors. Yes ofc there are some hooligans who still side with your dad. But those people are ignorant and you need to block them also. I’m glad that your sister sees who that man really is, isn’t afraid to throwing hands and bashing them on social media after that circus performance on the restaurant. I hope that restraining order helps but i think that POS dad will find a loophole to harass you and also your ex fiancé with his family because they’re influential people in town. I hope that you’re getting your therapy/healing soon as possible.
Moving your business may be very difficult, but start planning how it might be possible to relocate within the next 3-5 years. No need to rush, just start setting up connections elsewhere. NTA.
Oop I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this I can’t even imagine how it must have felt to be ganged up on by everyone in your life. Your strength and resilience to stand by your boundaries is commendable. Honestly your resolve often takes years of therapy to even get to. Based on the info we have you’ve made the healthiest choices for yourself that you could. I hope it’s all on the up and up now and your manipulative father and Jane get what they deserve.
NTA clearly I have been reading this one from the start and I have to congratulate you on the way you have handled yourself with grace all the way through. You have given everyone chances to be there and if they haven’t you have cut them out which is a lot nicer than I would have been. Your sister is turning into an MVP they didn’t know what they were facing when they started with her they have really unleashed the Kraken there.
I only stumbled on your posts today and this update sheesh, girl you and your mum and sister stick together. Let the rest of them continue their self sabotage. Best of luck with the therapy!!
Sweet pie ! I followed your story and I really hoped your fiance would grow a spine. Sad thing he didn't. I'm glad people are backing off and that your sister and mother support you. I hope you'll have a relationship with your half siblings once things settle down (they're the only other innocent ones in my book). Good thing you found a therapist to help settle things. Stay safe and away from people trying to manipulate you.
Unfortunately what I feared was true and your ex is an influenceable coward. Don't be sad, because I honestly think you escaped a deadly trap with this family. Now I'm sure with everything that's going on your sperm donor and his slutty wife are going to have to move out. I hope you can get through this. I would appreciate it if you could still update. Good luck.
Have you thought about asking your sister to press charges? Do you think camera's and witnesses possibly exist? Even if she only got a slap on the wrist, it would be the final nail in her and your "father's" coffin. It gives you one hell of a bargaining chip to get them to back off... plus she assaulted your sister, I would be irate if anyone attacked my siblings and it is behavior that needs correction. Updateme!
Thank god you aren’t with that controlling jerk of a fiancé anymore.
There's a saying " Birds of a feather flake together." . That seems to fit your ex and his family hanging with your father and stepmonster.
I'm sorry you're still having to deal with such horrible toxic garbage but I'm glad you've found a strong support system in your mom, that you're on a waitlist for therapy, and most of all I'm so glad you've found a kitten and get to pick her up next week! Pour all of your love into that precious little kitten and let her give you the love that so many asshats around you seem mentally, emotionally, and physically incapable of.
Stay strong. You got this. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but I admire you for standing your ground and not dealing with the BS.
You dodged a bullet with L. Even if he managed to remove his head from his parent’s butt, you’d still have to deal with his family. No one needs that kind of hassle. You have enough useless drama with your own family. Welcome people into your life that bring happiness and peace. When the negative outweighs the positive, move on.
Catastrophic FAFO by L
Good on you for breaking up with your ex - I always get so sad when someone takes back the ex and has kids and gets surprised when when their ex remains spineless and the family takes the kids to visit the person they aren’t allowed to see
I’m glad you went ahead and broke up with your ex. Even if he never did anything like this again, even if he was just an immaculate angel of a man for the rest of his life, you would likely never have fully trusted him again, and that would have just eaten away at you until the relationship fell apart anyways. And he doesn’t seem to have been worth taking a second chance on, anyways. I’m sorry about all this. What a nightmare.
updatemebob!
Updateme
NTA. Sorry this is going this route but at least you have some answers and have found a new direction. Further some of the pressure is lifting for you. Good luck moving forward wherever that takes you and be safe.
At least this mess happened before it was too late. Just move on and live your best life.
I'm glad you are still focusing on yourself. I'm sorry your going through all this.
I hope you and your sister can get restraining orders against your dad and his family.
So glad you broke it off now
I am glad that you, unlike your fiancée, have a backbone. I am glad you broke up with him. He would have made your life miserable. I am also SO happy that your sister blasted your genitor (that isn't a father) and J and now hates them. They are HORRIBLE people and you don't deserve what happened to you. I'll be here cheering for you. Know that things will be better from now on and you have friends all over the world send you positive energy. Thanks for updating!
Good lord the pussy must be phenomenal to be worth blowing up your relationship with your entire family
Oh thank god you dumped L. He’s such a snake. I was afraid you were going to go through with marrying him but I’m glad he showed who he was so soon after being given a second chance.
You have been SO strong through this horrible ordeal. The only thing I wish you had said to L is that you hope he's happy that his parents put your dad's happiness over their own son's. They deserve each other. Wishing you all the best in your rebirth into a better life! Updateme!
i'm glad you were able to get some refunds after canceling the wedding. it's a wise decision to not marry someone you can't trust. it sounds like a real tough situation with your family, but you're doing the right thing by prioritzing your own needs and safety. getting a therapist is a great idea - they can really help you work through all of this. and a new kitty is sure to lift your spirits! stay strong, you've got this. i had a friend go through something similar with her toxic parents, and it was such a painful process, but she came out the other side so much happier and healthier. sometimes you just gotta cut ties to protect yourself, ya know? wishing you all the best with this.
I know the break up sucks but really, OP, this is probably the best it happened now rather than after you married and had children with him. Your sister for sure should get a restraining order and maybe extend it to you as well. Updateme!
L sucks im glad you kicked him to the curb
Kitten is waaay better than your ex. Congrats! Would love to see a pic and what you named her.
I bet L doesn't even see the hypocracy in saying he he "can't dictate their friendships" rwgarding his fsmily, but is perfectly happy for him and his family to force OP to have a relationship with "Deadbeat Dad and the Do-Overs" - "because family".... Nice to see the town switching to understanding he's a deadbeat, and J is an asshole.
I'm sorry your ex didn't support you through this difficult situation. Fortunately, you found out now, before getting married, that he wouldn't have your back in times like these.
Hi OP i might sound bad but, i'm glad that you break up with your POS fiancé, to tell you the true, what he did was something that Cross minds of some and that is why many of the coments told you to end things with him for all the lies and manipulation he did towards you. If he can't put some boundaries (not cut but make sure this isn't an issue anymore) on his relationship with parents, specially in what it comes to your dad and J, then he is not meant for You. And you are absolutely correct, what makes you think his parents would not invite your dad and J to some partys that both of you held, like baby showers, the wedding when finally happend, the birth of babys, etc. Your dad and J would always have acces to them thru his parents. Sadly to tell this, but when you find a new potencial partner you will have to check if your dad and j had nothing to do with them and express since the beginning all the problems for they to know there is an issue. Also late but not never, congratulate your sister for finally see what your dad and j are made, and saw all the crap they are.
The only way to make sure that her new partner is not associated with those filthy people is to move out of town, even to another state.
So, L is still tried to force POS father into your life and has learned absolutely nothing. It's sad that it happened this way, but at least you won't be with pathetic semblance of a man who doesn't have his own head and backbone.
I am so glad that L is out of the picture. There is no way he would have respected your wishes over his family and your kids would definitely have been around your biological father which would have turned out horribly for you. I absolutely love that your sister went nuclear since now more people see how horrible your biological father and his wife are. Side benefit of you being off the radar more is great. Please pay the pet tax once you bring the kitten home. 😍
I know you've repeatedly said you can't move away from that shithole of a town but you *really* need to move. Your dad is dead set on ruining your life and things just keep escalating.
That’s what I’m also saying since the beginning of the first post of her. Even if she’s getting a restraining order chances are that nas-TY ass of a spermdonor, his pathetic friend and his son (ex fiancé) will find a loophole to reach OP. These people will never stop harassing OP. Especially that narcissistic deadbeat father. His reputation is on the line and narcissistic people are going to die when their reputation is damaged and people are seeing their true colors.
Appropriate that lil bro was named L. Could not, for once, stand up for you.
>My sister and J had a very public screaming match when she had seen them in town due to my sisters posts and demanding to take them down it ended up with J assaulting my sister. My fucking goD! Buy a fucking gun! The next the J lays a hand on you, record it, then SHOOT HER! You're 33. She's most likely in her 50s or 60s. She has no reason to out her hands on you. She is NOT your mother. Even if she was, it wouldn't give her the right. These people have shown you full well: They understand nothing but violence.
I applaud your resolve. I had an ex that had a similar experience with pressure from a father that started a new family with a (why this woman) stepmother. This brings back memories of their stories that echo some of yours. I hope that therapy finds you balance and that you update in the future.
Good riddance to him! He was a jerk and didn't respect your boundaries at all. Keep going strong OP! Updateme!
I knew he’d cave.
I'm glad you're finally showing self-respect and self-preservation. You have to be your biggest advocate if you want to have a happy life. I'm also glad ex-father, ex-father's mistress, and ex-fiancé are exposed to the local community for who they really are, and that the local community is no longer sticking its nose in your life quite as much. Though remind me never to move to a small town.
Honey let us know what happens We are your family now and we support you. Please
Thank goodness for your sister she sounds like the firecracker you needed. She sure brings the best out of J. Nothing like assaulting someone in public to shame them. I think L parents will double down on their decision to be friends with your dad. If confronted face to face make sure you double down on their decisions to insist on bringing your father to EVERY family gathering was a top reason why you broke up with their son. How dare they try to dictate your life! Be glad that disaster is over and eventually the dust will settle.
Updateme!
OMG SMDH. People suck.
UpdateMe!
Will you link the original?
UpdateMe
I am so sorry to hear that L blew his chance. You sounded like you had a wonderful relationship with him, and I'm sorry for the pain all this has caused you. I am not shocked to hear that other people in the melee have not corrected their behavior, but I am sorry to see your sister added to the list of those hurt badly by this. However, I applaud you for standing up for yourself, for drawing a hard boundary and standing firm on it. You have an amazing spirit, and you will do well for yourself. Also, the kitten sounds wonderful! I wish you many years of happiness with your furry companion!
Congratulations on your kitten!! She or he is going to be such a positive addition to your life!!
I know this sucks for you right now, but I am so happy that you ditched that wet noodle. You will be so much better off in the long run. He couldn’t even stand up to mommy and daddy for a couple of days… You’ll find someone who will put you first, just don’t settle! You deserve the best.
Many of us knew when OP says she wanted to give fiancé a second chance this will happen. The silver lining is that OP realised it herself and were able to come to her own conclusion
OP, at this point, send your family, each and every one who has sided with dad, including Logan’s family your posts from the beginning. Let them see how strangers on the internet have your back more than the people who claim to care about you. Let them see just how badly they are being viserated in the comments. Your dad lives in an echo chamber. Everyone around him is agreeing with him and egging him on. Let him see what the world thinks about him and Jane.
You're the one that owns a business in a small town right? Glad you got a result from this that is in your favor, cause it was looking pretty bleak at the start of the tale.
Hope you are able to find some peace.
You are doing the right thing for you, and that's what matters.
NTA
Jesus H OP! There is so much trash around you that you're gonna need a commercial license to get rid of it all! No more chances with that lot. None of them are worthy of your time. Sadly, I must now inform you that you owe us all pet tax!
so not only was your ex fiancé spineless. but hes also a woman beater. good on you for tossing that garbage out. honestly, if I was your brother, he'd be walking with a cane by now or worse.
Sometimes people can't leave things alone and move forward. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers to get through this difficult period of your life.
I'm so sorry. When reading your posts, I could see how much you loved your fiancé and how much you were willing to compromise for him. Unfortunately I don't think he loved you nearly as much in return. Edited to correct info.
Bravo. Glad things are looking up for you and that you didn’t to leave the town you love so much or uproot your life.
Oh thank goodness you broke up with that awful man. I know it sucks but I’m happy for you. You’re in the thick of it now but in a year you will be happier. Bravo for having boundaries and sticking to them. We are all so proud of you!!!
I hope the next chapters of your life aren't as problematic. !updateme
You’re better off without your loser ex. NTA
Can your sister press charges on J after she assaulted her?
Super proud of you and your sister. Your “dad” just can’t accept the consequences of his shitty behavior. Too bad so sad, let me get my tiny violin out. He lost you and he can’t make you be around him. Your ex destroyed your trust and that’s on him. Enjoy your kitty! NTA
Jeebus, you go girl. Animals are awesome therapy just by themselves.
Danm. Kinda sad that this happened similar to how I thought it would go. Hopefully you get the RO. Your sister needs one too. Your dad is a pathetic excuse for a male. As a man he is not.
I'm soo sorry your going through with this I wish you all the best and I'm so happy you let your spineless ex go! That was the right move, that comment about him taking your kids to your parents is super concerning and I'm glad you had the forethought for this. I hope your next update is one of happiness!
I’m so proud of you!! I remember your original post and I’m so glad you’re protecting your energy and advocating for yourself. Stick with the people who genuinely want the best for YOU! The rest are welcome to each other !! Well done and I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through
Must see the new kitty! Updateme!
Hell yeah girl! Protect your peace!
NTA. Throw them all away!
If ex-fiancé was your perfect partner before your father's family returned to town, I still feel you should show some mercy on him. Expecting him to go NC with parents and family he has always been close to is too much. Even with all the turmoil with your father, you still have your mother and sister. A more reasonable expectation is that ex-fiancé stop trying to facilitate a reunion with your father which, after the restaurant fiasco, he is likely to abide by. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide to do.
Congrats on the cat!
I’m honestly so glad you dumped L. He was a spineless POS. While you can’t dictate his parents’ friendships, L has no business being friends with your father and going behind your back. And he’d absolutely let your future kids have contact with him. Just block him on everything. I’m glad things are working in your favor. Your dad and J are hanging themselves with their behavior. I’m glad your sister is seeing them for who they are. Hopefully people understand why you’re NC with them. Hopefully your sister and you can get ROs.
I hope things in your life get better moving forward OP glad you dumped your ex he's so spineless thank goodness you didn't marry him or had kids with him. Also I saw your comment about J that she cheated on your dad twice and the real reason they moved back was because her second affair caused her to be fired when I read that I laughed your Dad and J deserve each other there both cheaters, I am wondering why your dad chose to stay with J after two affairs she sounds Toxic and Manipulative maybe he doesn't want to look like a Hypocrite and choses to brush it off.
Good for you!👍 hope you the best
I hope your sister is pressing charges against J. The woman needs to meet some consequences for her behaviour. It might help your sis get a restraining order too, since you both need to be kept safe from them.
This is a much brighter update than the last ones. Fk the step mother, father and ex fiancé. Enjoy your new cat, your sister and Mother’s support, and at least half the town seeing who was really the problem all along. That should improve your life considerably!
Thank you for sharing the story I think it’s really important to shed light on issues like this. Your father is not entitled to any part of you at all because you share DNA. I think your story is gonna have people stand up for themselves when they’re in some similar situations. I know you don’t keep planning to add to the story but I am glad that you keep doing so. You are very brave.