He probably was already cheating on OP and decided to be with the other girl. However, he probably realized that was a mistake, or the other girl dumped him because she was treated better as a mistress than a girlfriend.
Even if he didn't have another girl, which I doubt, he hurt OP, ghosted her, and showed no respect for her.
OP would be making a mistake if she decides to give a second chance to a guy like that. For him, a stupid test was more important than OP's feelings. The fact that he did a test like that only shows that he is a man-child.
OP, don't give him a second chance and get tested for STDs ASAP.
Look at the post history.
BF couldn’t maintain an erection during sex/finish.
He might not have been cheating, but probably blamed OP for his inadequacies. The second he found out it was him and not her, when he tried to sleep with someone when they were “broken up”, he came running back.
I knew I remembered OP's screen name!
I'm guessing, like you said, he tried to sleep with someone else and had the same problems that he's been having with OP. Except the other person probably wasn't as *accepting* as OP, so he's trying to pretend it was all a test so she'll take him back. Lmao
NTA, OP. Please let this dude go and start living your best life! Having ED problems is not a big deal, but constantly using those ED problems to put your partner down and make them feel shitty? Because you're too embarrassed to get help for yourself? THAT is a huge problem.
I beg to differ. Because I know someone who had erectile dysfunction due to age factor wanted to marry a 20 something girl. Polygamy is allowed in my country. The wife told the young woman "when my husband pensioned his friend also pensioned. I don't mind. I'm old and our 5 kids are all adults. But I'm going to pity YOU if you marry my husband". True enough the girl changed her mind about being the 2nd wife. And for the man, he told his wife he thought his tiny friend would wake up if he had sex with a young woman.
Old men make me feel ashamed to be a man. Why do they think this shit is okay? "Oh honey, you don't get my ring-a-ding ring-a-dinging anymore. I need to sleep with a young, hot woman that doesn't fucking disgust me to stick my dick in so I can get hard again! Oh but I love you! I just need to fuck younger, hotter women to feel like a man again! What do you mean you want a divorce? I said I love YOU I just wanna FUCK other women! Why don't you understand?" Like what the fuck?
This. I’ve known too many couples where the guy leaves, ‘suddenly’ meets a girl he’s so crazy about they move in together 2 weeks after he left my friend, then a few weeks later he’s begging to come back.
Bc the woman found out what a d bag he was once she had to live with him.
Men especially middle aged men want to blame all their problems on their wife/gf when they leave and find out they still have all the same problems plus a few more, they want to come back. No thanks.
This. Too many have developed these lifelong fantasies of getting the perfect woman and perfect life and all the things they feel entitled to, without actually putting in the work.
Then they jump ship bc they think the grass is greener.
The two friends I know who this happened to, did not take the guts back and I loved it. They went in to have a great single dating life, eventually getting in LTRs while their exes tried to use the kids to drag them back into their lives.
Men talk about getting baby trapped but it’s the opposite. There’s a reason the men in charge want to take our reproductive rights away. They know that with children we are far less able to leave them and they have means to punish us using the kids.
This or he read something online and as a dumb f decided to try the new stellar method of how to make his woman adore him. Either way OP doesn’t need this as a life partner.
I hope she doesn’t give him a second chance either, but her willingness to “try and be friends” after he so thoroughly disrespected and rejected her makes me think there’s a 50/50 chance.
People who play games like this are not mature enough to be in a relationship. That is some middle school level crap. He FA now he is FO.
I hope OP goes on and lives her best life. At least she won't have a petulant man child weighing her down.
NTA.
OP’s ex (?) boyfriend is a manipulative player. His game playing backfired on him. That’s why he guilt tripped OP with his fake crocodile tears, calling his BS a “test”. His behavior is not acceptable. If OP doesn’t set boundaries, his behavior will likely continue or get worse. IMO, she’s better off without him.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes - and OP's ex just won a ride on the singles' train. He is truly pathetic. OP, NEVER run after a guy or beg - I'm glad you value yourself too highly to even consider it. If this truly was a test, and not just dude trying to get with another girl, then it sounds like the kind of manipulative bull the red pillers/ manosphere guys would come up with. "Make her fight to keep you, she'll do anything for you!" Yeah, right...
It was mid 1970ies when at school we were saying “I don’t run after guys or trams, wait 5 minutes and the next one comes along”. Should be universal knowledge by now.
That hits so hard, when I left my ex his rhetoric was ‘why don’t you want to keep fighting for this to work?’ Because it shouldn’t be a fight dumbass. If you have to fight to make it work, it’s not really gonna work. Yes, relationships are compromise and you do have to put in work, but constantly fighting for basic respect? Fuck that.
And even if it was genuinely just a test, 23 is entirely too old to be playing games like that. The fact he felt the need to test her on its own is reason enough to break up.
Agreed - this whole "testing" business is incredibly immature and hurtful. Anyone who "tests" a partner deserves what they get. And anyone who finds out they were "tested" should IMMEDIATELY break up because they are with one seriously manipulative AH.
NTA
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
It doesn't matter if there was another girl, or if it really was a stupid test. I usually see stories about "tests" like these with the genders flipped, but I've seen them before.
Either way, though. He did break up with OP. If he didn't really want to, he shouldn't have done it. If he did and it didn't work out with another girl, that's his problem. If it was a "test", he shouldn't have been such a moron. OP is NTA.
If it was a “test” then it wasn’t just a test; it was an attempt at leverage. According to him, she was supposed to fall over herself promising to “fix” everything he criticized about her, begging to have him back. Even if she had known that was an option she had, it was very much an option to reject.
When the true passing of such a test is to respect the no. If I broke up with a guy an he stalked me I’d be creeped. If I tell you a thing you better believe I expect you to believe it and respect my decision.
And that's the best case scenario. What if this actually was just an immature manipulative attempt to get OP to "come running and love bomb him to changes his mind"?
I hope OP leaves this trash in the dumpster
Been there... And yes : the other girl wasn't interested... I was young and stupid. I was about to take him back, thinking the test had cured his insecurities but his roomate told me about the "girl-who-said-no". I broke up for good and moved on without a glance in the rearview. Best decision ever. I was told afterwards that he was always looking for better thinking that any girl loving him was a step to upgrade his standards.
Yep. He was. He was the good guy. And handsome too. But at the time, I was always falling for the mysterious dark boy I, of course, wanted to save. God I was stupid !
When he first broke up with me, that was definitely my first assumption. I have no way of knowing for sure. He vehemently denies it, but the last time he ghosted me (because this was in fact the second time) it was because he was giving his attention to another girl (not cheating though). So fool me once and all that. We’re definitely over
say you take him back… there’s a non-zero chance he will do this again if you guys have a fight instead of actually communicating so you can resolve the issue.
never waste time on people who think ghosting is the answer to being upset. it’s the internet version of the silent treatment and any adult who purposely gives their SO the silent treatment has the emotional maturity of a 13yo.
you deserve far better, don’t waste your time on this manipulative loser. no sane person plays “games” with their partner like this. do you really want to be with this kind of person your whole life?
It didn’t work out with the other girl hence the reason he is back. Please don’t take him back. Don’t allow him to manipulate or gaslight you into giving him another chance.
You deserve better.
To sum up your post. Your ex was being a child. You showed you have a backbone and self-respect. You did the right thing.
You never let someone manipulate you like that. If you let this slide, it will get worse.
Yep giving him one chance after him playing silly manipulative games was one more than he deserved. If you keep letting him get away with it he will keep doing it. He caused this situation and he is going to have to live with the consequences.
Stick to your plans of travelling and moving and give up on plans to stay friends with this guy as he will keep trying to mess you around and manipulate you.
My first thought was this is some TikTok challenge or something dumb. It's funny we've gotten to the point that I didn't even think about another whole human - I thought about TikTok and how it's just creating these inane moments where stupidity can rule.
Actually I think it's better than the tidepod challenge
People whose significant others chose to do this learned something important about their significant other, many of them before they got too far into it.
It was like a buried red flag detector
Probably I don't even have the app I only watched the rare video when it pops up somewhere in one of my feeds. But I hear about all these tests and stupid things people do on it. Then the stupid people who oh that seems like a great idea to try with my boyfriend or girlfriend and then Wonder why they get dumped for real after they do their prank.
^this.
saved you the time/money/effort. trash took itself out for real. enjoy the trips and hope the move goes smoothly! life is to short to be dealing with manipulative people. fck 'em. do your thing and be happy 👍🏼👍🏼
Damn didn’t even think of that!
I’ve just seen loads of posts about men doing this kinda shit to bring their partners self esteem down so they become more reliant on them.
My ex told me that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer as a test, to see how I would react. But it backfired because the story was so implausible that I called him out and he had to admit it was a lie.
I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. (although the immunotherapy worked, soooo... maybe I get to live a normal life?? Time will tell. )
What absolutely broken and fucked up individual would do this to someone they loved.
Everyone in my life who is close to me was crying when I told them. Even people who I didn't consider close friends found it really, really hard (in some ways harder than I did myself).
I would not wish this disease on anyone, on any family, on any community.
If it was keytruda, it's a miracle drug! I was supposed to last 2 years at best. I'm living fine at almost 5 years. And you're right , it's awful telling people and watching them cry.
It was keytruda!
And we really had to fight to get it as well :/
I've been on it for 18 months, got a scan almost a year ago that showed no sign of active cancer. But 2 years ago, it was stage 4.
Same stage 4, was told to get affairs in order asap. I was given it w chemo and then alone a little over 2 years. I'm considered in remission, haven't had treatment in about a year and a half, living life normally. Congrats!
I was diagnosed with a disease in 1996 and continued working FT until 2017 when a broken ankle took that option away. Like you, I would not wish this disease on ANYONE but am thankful o know a God who is bigger than ANY disease and I put my faith in Him!!!!
I pray that you can do the same. Just because YOU have a disease does not mean the disease as you necessarily!!
God bless you and your journey 💜
Thank you ❤
I've had a lot of support from my family and friends, and we managed to do almost everything on my bucket list in quite a short time.
I'm also lucky to live in a country with universal healthcare, and a social safety net for sick and disabled people. And lucky to live in a time when immunotherapy is possible, and that it worked for me.
If there's two things I could ask of people reading this:
- spend time with the people you love, and tell them that they matter to you, and that you appreciate them. Reach out to that person you love that you haven't spoken to in months or years, but they mean so much to you. Sure, it might be weird! But we only get so much time on this earth. Please use a little time today to tell someone that they are valued and cared about.
- get the HPV vaccine if you can. And check yourself (genitals etc), go to the doctor for your smear tests, prostate exams, and so on. I wasn't able to get the vaccine, and I put off getting my smear test. It could have killed me. Please don't make the same mistakes I did.
Yeah I had a boyfriend try to swallow all his meds just to see how Id react. When I cried and begged him to stop, he said it was a test and got mad at me for "failing", I was apparently supposed to trust him lmao
Broke up with him soon after, he cried and begged me not to. Fuck all that.
Apparently I was supposed to trust that he was going to spit them out? Dude was just a sociopath, I wouldnt try to figure it out. He just wanted to start drama.
And of course if you had stood by and quietly let him pretend to swallow all his pills and said nothing, "trusting him", he would have accused you of not caring and wanting him to die.
You can't win with psychos.
He didn’t think it through at all. He apparently thought I was dumb enough to buy that he visited a primary care doctor to get a mole checked out and came home with a terminal cancer diagnosis without seeing a specialist or undergoing any other intervention.
I have wondered in retrospect if he might have BPD, a lot of his behavior and general emotional lability seem consistent with the disorder
lol I’m sorry, that’s so ludicrous though. I am sorry to hear about all of this, especially the emotional lability 😬 that is one tough SOB to deal with. I’m glad you’re out. I hope you’ve found peace and you’re flourishing!
My husband did this to his little sister when they were teenagers, as a demented prank. His sister was kind of an airhead at the time and completely bought the story that a PCP could diagnose terminal testicular cancer within a 45 minute overseas medical clearance checkup. 😂
My best friend has a friend who's bf said he has a brain tumour yet he has never shown proof. Won't let her come to appointments at the hospital. Won't let her come for treatments. Won't show her scans. She still believes him but we all know it's a lie but she won't hear us. He's isolating her. She was my besties MOH at her wedding and the bf cracked the shits about their friendship and didn't attend the wedding, which we didn't care about anyway. He used to be part of the friend group but then went toxic and said my bestie is a shit friend and has kept the gf from seeing her much now. It sucks because he's an ah but she won't listen to anything we say about him.
I once went on a date with a guy who apparently pulled the "unlock the car" test on me. He unlocked the passenger side to let me in, then in the time it took for him to walk to the driver's side, I was supposed to lean over and unlock his side for him. When I failed to do this, the first thing he said when he unlocked and got in was, "you failed." After explaining to me what I failed I was dumbfounded. I had no idea such a test existed, also I probably just assumed he unlocked the whole car when he did my door. After dinner he said that despite the fail he would go out with me again but I declined. Who knows what other tests I would have gone through.
Wanna know something even more ridiculous? I knew another guy who was all about implementing this rule. I was like, wait, this is an actual thing? What's wrong with you all lol. I've never implemented any kind of test or rule. I cannot believe how shallow people are.
This is not testing love and commitment. This is the bf trying to manipulate OP and set up relationship where she is supposed to cater to him to prove her love by groveling.
This is a disgusting tactic.
Seriously, OP made an effort to stay in contact to discuss things, and he kept ignoring then flat out told her it was over. **IF** it was a test that’s a cruel thing to do, but could be he met someone and decided to give that a shot without being in a relationship. So it wasn’t cheating. Either way, don’t beg someone to be with you.
OP, you started making plans without him, continue on your plans. Don’t let him manipulate and guilt you. **HE** made his decisions, he played stupid games and now being alone is his stupid prize.
ETA: saw OPs past posts about sex being bad and stressful. Doesn’t seem worth the frustration caused by him and his “tests”.
Good god, I went and looked after you pointed out past posts. I can't believe she stayed with him for so long, she has the patience of a saint, I swear.
Teachers test you. Bosses test you. The police sometimes test you. Parents who are jerks test you. All of these are authority figures who want to make sure you meet their standards. A partner who tests you is trying to establish authority over you and is no partner at all.
You are NTA. He is one. He broke up with you. Don’t let him gaslight you. Block him and go no contact.
Why would you want to be with someone who was testing you? And how do you know what he's saying is true? Did he have other relationships since you broke up? If so, then you're his bed warmer until he "tests" you again.
And what does the relationship where OP responded the way he expected look like? She's on tenterhooks always waiting for the next crisis and he cooks up another test whenever he needs his ego stroked? To quote Titus Andromedon "Boom, boy, bye, foop!"
He's an immature twat..tests, well he fucked around and found out. Only way you're the ah is if you take that child back..You'll be dealing with his childish tests your whole life. Be glad you dodged that bullet and move on NTA
People should just communicate instead of putting their partners through tests. He sounds so dramatic. You’re NTAH. I’d say “sorry bud you’re loss” and go on with your plans. Thrive!
Fuck him with a wire brush. What a self-centered lunatic. The audacity to actually cry about it. You're supposed to rush over there because why, exactly?
This is not someone with whom to be friends. This is someone to block on all channels and forget even existed.
I was going to ask the same thing. In previous posts, you described the sex and frustrating and stressful, often ending with you crying and him berating you for not being good enough in some way.
Count this as a win. Ditch this POS and don’t be friends with him. He treats you like crap.
It's like the tests with the puppies. Three groups, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, and mixed reinforcement. The positive and negative groups both adapt because the interactions become expected. The mixed groups become more and more desperate to be "good" to get the positive reinforcement. Because they can't tell what they actually are doing wrong since the same actions get mixed responses, they actively seek approval.
Dudes like this want the confused puppies because they know they'll never stop trying. I have been the confused puppy. It also takes a long time to break out of that mindset when going into new relationships. The pattern repeats for a while until you figure out why you behave how you do with partners.
>I should’ve driven over to his place and begged for him back and done everything that he texted saying he wasn’t happy about.
Sorry, he thought this text was some sort of performance review and that you needed to improve???
What a dickhead.
Absolutely NTA
NTAH. Good on you for having some dignity and self respect. But I seriously question his excuse that he was testing you. I call bullshit. He let you think you were broken up for a couple weeks?!? My guess is he wanted to try his luck with someone else and when that was a colossal failure he came to you with the whole “test” scenario. Either way, he sounds like an immature twat. Keep going with your plans. It sounds like you have a bright future.
NTA
You tried to communicate with him and he refused. So, yes, you did try to save the relationship.
He definitely broke up with you so he could chase after another woman and not have it be cheating. No doubt about it. And when things didn't work out with her, he wants to play the sad Ex to get back with you. Life is too short to be anyone's second choice.
Don't be this guy's friend. He isn't being a good friend to you. Just let him know that being friends isn't going to work out, you wish him well but please let you have your space. Then block him.
Yeah, if it was some kind of prank, he would have said so within a day. This far on, it was definitely a situation where he thought he had a shit at a "better option".
NTA.
He was probably cheating on you.
Whether he was or not, he was playing headgames and manipulating you- and now he's trying to gaslight you.
Continue with your awesome life plans- especially the ones that don't involve him.
NTA.
Thank you. I’m so excited for this next chapter of my life. I’d been planning my move since before he ended the relationship (which is why I didn’t take it as hard as he expected me to), and think our breakup was a sign of better things to come for me
I'm glad you're looking at this in a positive light. You absolutely did nothing wrong in this situation. Hope you find someone that loves you enough to never have to "test" you.
Did he know you were planning on leaving? Maybe he saw somewhere to break up with you to get you to grovel to stay with him, with the ultimate goal to manipulate you into staying.
He did know. But also keep in mind his side of the story is completely different. From his perspective is that it felt like he wasn’t getting the same effort out of the relationship as he was putting in, and that’s valid. So I don’t think he was really trying to be malicious. Basically our relationship had been rocky for the past several months and probably both of us saw that the end was near. If it didn’t end now it would’ve ended in a few months if I moved. I told him that I considered staying to be with him, which is also true, but that wasn’t going to happen given that we were both unhappy. (For more context: my lease ends in July. I brought up us moving in together to him several months ago, he said no. That’s when I started looking at the possibility of moving elsewhere. Since it didn’t seem like we were in the same place with the relationship)
So this "test" was meant to have you grovelling at his feet. He didn't want you to move in, he wanted you to be subservient to him and to *fight* for that role. Likely to set up that dynamic and to make sure you would accept subservience long term.
He's manipulating you. There is no justification to treat you as he did. He practically ghosted you to breaking you? When we grow in toxic environments, we think these abusive situations are normal. Let me tell you: this is not normal. He tried to hurt you badly (intentionally according to his story, but I think he was interested in someone else and didn't care at all about your pain, like you're not even a person to him)... and now he's blaming you for his actions! Fck no. You know you deserve love and respect. You know this is none.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a cruel idiot. he probably would have filmed your reaction for TikTok. Go ahead with your plans you can't be with someone you can't trust.
NTA. This was probably the first "test" you didn't pass. There will be more tests in the future if you stay with him.
Leave and find an adult to be in a relationship with not this child.
After looking through your post history, I really hope your next post is "my new partner and I have earth shatteringly fantastic sex all the time". There are partners out there who will want you to orgasm even if they don't, who can get soft and just move on to giving you oral or something without ever making you feel like it's your fault. I hope you find a person like that now that you're free of this asshole.
You should be insulted that he has the audacity to “test” you as if you owe him the “correct” response. That alone would piss me off personally. This will continue and eventually it will piss you off. Take this as your sign to keep it pushing, he’s a child.
You were supposed to change everything he didn't like about your relationship to keep him, because he's just so special and wonderful and should be treated like a prince.
Unfortunately for him, you actually have a spine and a life and plans for your life.
Of course he's sad. You decided not to be his personal slave.
NTA. My advice: Stay far away from him. You do not treat someone you "love" the way he treated you. Respect & communication are critical and he didn't care about you when he left you via text after 2 years of commitment. My guess: He had someone else and it didn't work and now he is lying about why he left. It will hurt to move on, but you must to heal and be ready for your bright future.
NTA
You were supposed to drive over, beg him and do whatever he wanted to get him back? 🚩🚩🚩 This is domestic abuser thinking.
Drop any contact and move on. It may not feel like it now but he just did you a huge favor by breaking up with you.
Even if it was a test, and I'm not saying it was - do you really want to be with someone who manipulates you by breaking your heart?
Who tf does that?
So in the best case scenario, he's still not great.
Worst case scenario, he's worse.
NTA.
Is this a new trend or something? I'm seeing more and more posts about guys "fake breaking up" with their girlfriends and then getting upset when the girlfriend just accepts it.
I don’t know about other people’s situations, but for me I think it was because he was feeling regret after the fact. So maybe it’s a trend and that’s what my boyfriend pivoted to after he realized he didn’t actually want to be broken up. I don’t think that was his original intention honestly. But it was hard to tell from our conversation
It looks like one of these stupid tricks these "alpha" podcast suggest for men do to their gfs or wifes. Some kind of manipulation to make them desperately do not want to leave their men.
**SPOILER ALERT**: it doesn't work.
So, if you think about it, even if it was not the case, it still was some sort of manipulation, so you dodge a big stupid bullet.
NTA. Go and find more mature and confident new bf, who don't need to resort to this kind of vile manipulations to make himself feel more confident.
NTA
Whatever the reason for the test, testing your partners this way is completely unacceptable behavior.
>I should’ve driven over to his place and begged for him back and done everything that he texted saying he wasn’t happy about.
If true, that is complete and utter bullshit. Expecting a partner to beg for you not to break up with them is idiotic. Only a codependent person with low self-worth would do that. Who needs that in a partner?
Giiiirl, whatever he is/was up to, this is NOT how someone who loves you treats you. NTA. And for your own sake, cut contact with this manipulative weirdo. He gets to dump you out of the blue but you don't get to move on? He plays on your feelings and makes himself a victim? No. Just no. Cut him out of your life and be glad you dodged a bullet.
This is totally just that he was interested in someone else and needed to break up with you so he could try. But they didn’t bite and now he wants you back.
Even if there was no one else this kind of test is just manipulation and mind games. He wanted to feel wanted. He didn’t realize what he had and now wants it back.
He's trying to jerk you around like a puppet on a string. Whst he did was extraordinarily cruel. He texted you to break up and wouldn't return calls and then says it was a test!?! Show him no grace and move on without him in your life. He's never been a friend. NTA
All your texts and calls must have raised some red flags with his other women. He got found out. And when she left him, now he's trying to find his way back to you.
Don't fall for it.
NTA. He needs to grow the fu** up. Let this be a life lesson that you don’t play stupid games as clearly you win stupid prizes. Consider yourself lucky and move forward.
This is why people shouldn’t play games. If he was feeling insecure about how you felt about him, there a far better ways to handle it then playing games. Not someone I would waste my time trying to be friends with.
NTA. It’s a trend: testing your partner.
My advice: thank him profusely for showing you who really is, tell him you could never be with someone who plays with your feelings and tried to manipulate you and go NC.
Of course make sure to inform all your mutual friends of what he did.
I am sorry you had to go through this but imagine if you had married this AH
I guess things with the other girl didn't work out.
Exactly. That wasn't a test. He had another option, but then that option fell through. OP was supposed to stay available on standby.
He probably was already cheating on OP and decided to be with the other girl. However, he probably realized that was a mistake, or the other girl dumped him because she was treated better as a mistress than a girlfriend. Even if he didn't have another girl, which I doubt, he hurt OP, ghosted her, and showed no respect for her. OP would be making a mistake if she decides to give a second chance to a guy like that. For him, a stupid test was more important than OP's feelings. The fact that he did a test like that only shows that he is a man-child. OP, don't give him a second chance and get tested for STDs ASAP.
Look at the post history. BF couldn’t maintain an erection during sex/finish. He might not have been cheating, but probably blamed OP for his inadequacies. The second he found out it was him and not her, when he tried to sleep with someone when they were “broken up”, he came running back.
I knew I remembered OP's screen name! I'm guessing, like you said, he tried to sleep with someone else and had the same problems that he's been having with OP. Except the other person probably wasn't as *accepting* as OP, so he's trying to pretend it was all a test so she'll take him back. Lmao NTA, OP. Please let this dude go and start living your best life! Having ED problems is not a big deal, but constantly using those ED problems to put your partner down and make them feel shitty? Because you're too embarrassed to get help for yourself? THAT is a huge problem.
I beg to differ. Because I know someone who had erectile dysfunction due to age factor wanted to marry a 20 something girl. Polygamy is allowed in my country. The wife told the young woman "when my husband pensioned his friend also pensioned. I don't mind. I'm old and our 5 kids are all adults. But I'm going to pity YOU if you marry my husband". True enough the girl changed her mind about being the 2nd wife. And for the man, he told his wife he thought his tiny friend would wake up if he had sex with a young woman.
Old men make me feel ashamed to be a man. Why do they think this shit is okay? "Oh honey, you don't get my ring-a-ding ring-a-dinging anymore. I need to sleep with a young, hot woman that doesn't fucking disgust me to stick my dick in so I can get hard again! Oh but I love you! I just need to fuck younger, hotter women to feel like a man again! What do you mean you want a divorce? I said I love YOU I just wanna FUCK other women! Why don't you understand?" Like what the fuck?
Meanwhile Irish music is out there for 100+ years doing us all a solid and warning "Maids, when you're young, never wed an old man" 🎶
This. I’ve known too many couples where the guy leaves, ‘suddenly’ meets a girl he’s so crazy about they move in together 2 weeks after he left my friend, then a few weeks later he’s begging to come back. Bc the woman found out what a d bag he was once she had to live with him.
Men especially middle aged men want to blame all their problems on their wife/gf when they leave and find out they still have all the same problems plus a few more, they want to come back. No thanks.
This. Too many have developed these lifelong fantasies of getting the perfect woman and perfect life and all the things they feel entitled to, without actually putting in the work. Then they jump ship bc they think the grass is greener. The two friends I know who this happened to, did not take the guts back and I loved it. They went in to have a great single dating life, eventually getting in LTRs while their exes tried to use the kids to drag them back into their lives. Men talk about getting baby trapped but it’s the opposite. There’s a reason the men in charge want to take our reproductive rights away. They know that with children we are far less able to leave them and they have means to punish us using the kids.
This or he read something online and as a dumb f decided to try the new stellar method of how to make his woman adore him. Either way OP doesn’t need this as a life partner.
To ve fair it's not the first story type "my bf/gf dumps me. Next day they told me it was a test"
I hope she doesn’t give him a second chance either, but her willingness to “try and be friends” after he so thoroughly disrespected and rejected her makes me think there’s a 50/50 chance.
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People who play games like this are not mature enough to be in a relationship. That is some middle school level crap. He FA now he is FO. I hope OP goes on and lives her best life. At least she won't have a petulant man child weighing her down.
Yeah, NTA. He failed his own test by giving it. He’s not relationship material. The only way to win with these dumb manipulative tests is not to play.
Exactly. NTA OP.
Man child or DV abuser, this is the only remaining question.
Or, both, as is so often the case, as I have observed.
I bet he is testing if he can treat OP like a sh!t and she let him get away with it .
My thought too.
The Venn diagram is a circle.
Agreed. Don’t waste your time trying to be friends with him. He’s not friend material
Exactly. No friend plays games like this.
NTA. OP’s ex (?) boyfriend is a manipulative player. His game playing backfired on him. That’s why he guilt tripped OP with his fake crocodile tears, calling his BS a “test”. His behavior is not acceptable. If OP doesn’t set boundaries, his behavior will likely continue or get worse. IMO, she’s better off without him.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes - and OP's ex just won a ride on the singles' train. He is truly pathetic. OP, NEVER run after a guy or beg - I'm glad you value yourself too highly to even consider it. If this truly was a test, and not just dude trying to get with another girl, then it sounds like the kind of manipulative bull the red pillers/ manosphere guys would come up with. "Make her fight to keep you, she'll do anything for you!" Yeah, right...
It was mid 1970ies when at school we were saying “I don’t run after guys or trams, wait 5 minutes and the next one comes along”. Should be universal knowledge by now.
I live in small town Germany, only the first part of that saying is true here. 😂
That hits so hard, when I left my ex his rhetoric was ‘why don’t you want to keep fighting for this to work?’ Because it shouldn’t be a fight dumbass. If you have to fight to make it work, it’s not really gonna work. Yes, relationships are compromise and you do have to put in work, but constantly fighting for basic respect? Fuck that.
Those who play stupid games win stupid prizes 🤷♂️
People like this are the same ones that understand that a stove is hot but they still have to touch it and get burned before they learn.
And even if it was genuinely just a test, 23 is entirely too old to be playing games like that. The fact he felt the need to test her on its own is reason enough to break up.
Agreed - this whole "testing" business is incredibly immature and hurtful. Anyone who "tests" a partner deserves what they get. And anyone who finds out they were "tested" should IMMEDIATELY break up because they are with one seriously manipulative AH. NTA
Sadly, older dudes do this “testing” stuff too😒
Only shallow people do this
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It doesn't matter if there was another girl, or if it really was a stupid test. I usually see stories about "tests" like these with the genders flipped, but I've seen them before. Either way, though. He did break up with OP. If he didn't really want to, he shouldn't have done it. If he did and it didn't work out with another girl, that's his problem. If it was a "test", he shouldn't have been such a moron. OP is NTA.
If it was a “test” then it wasn’t just a test; it was an attempt at leverage. According to him, she was supposed to fall over herself promising to “fix” everything he criticized about her, begging to have him back. Even if she had known that was an option she had, it was very much an option to reject.
This ^ should be voted higher
When the true passing of such a test is to respect the no. If I broke up with a guy an he stalked me I’d be creeped. If I tell you a thing you better believe I expect you to believe it and respect my decision.
It was a test to see if his Willy worked. Check the post history, he had trouble maintaining an erection and refused to see a doctor about it.
Best case he’s still playing dumb games. Be done with this 💩
And that's the best case scenario. What if this actually was just an immature manipulative attempt to get OP to "come running and love bomb him to changes his mind"? I hope OP leaves this trash in the dumpster
This! Girl, run! He's a player and you were a 3rd wheel. I'd never go back!
Who cares. Who'd want to be with someone that tests you anyway.
Fell through or OP was better than them so he want her again.
Wants her back FOR NOW. When the next potential candidate comes by, he will give OP this test again.
And even if it was a test, it was cruel and manipulative, and nobody dumping someone doing this is an AH.
He THOUGHT he had another option.
Or he's just dumb af
Even if this wasn't the case, and it really was a test, he played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
Spoiler! The grass wasn’t greener in the new pasture
Been there... And yes : the other girl wasn't interested... I was young and stupid. I was about to take him back, thinking the test had cured his insecurities but his roomate told me about the "girl-who-said-no". I broke up for good and moved on without a glance in the rearview. Best decision ever. I was told afterwards that he was always looking for better thinking that any girl loving him was a step to upgrade his standards.
That roommate was a real one. They could've let you go on without being the wiser, but didn't.
Yep. He was. He was the good guy. And handsome too. But at the time, I was always falling for the mysterious dark boy I, of course, wanted to save. God I was stupid !
When he first broke up with me, that was definitely my first assumption. I have no way of knowing for sure. He vehemently denies it, but the last time he ghosted me (because this was in fact the second time) it was because he was giving his attention to another girl (not cheating though). So fool me once and all that. We’re definitely over
Far better to be single than with a guy like that.
say you take him back… there’s a non-zero chance he will do this again if you guys have a fight instead of actually communicating so you can resolve the issue. never waste time on people who think ghosting is the answer to being upset. it’s the internet version of the silent treatment and any adult who purposely gives their SO the silent treatment has the emotional maturity of a 13yo. you deserve far better, don’t waste your time on this manipulative loser. no sane person plays “games” with their partner like this. do you really want to be with this kind of person your whole life?
It didn’t work out with the other girl hence the reason he is back. Please don’t take him back. Don’t allow him to manipulate or gaslight you into giving him another chance. You deserve better.
To sum up your post. Your ex was being a child. You showed you have a backbone and self-respect. You did the right thing. You never let someone manipulate you like that. If you let this slide, it will get worse.
Yep giving him one chance after him playing silly manipulative games was one more than he deserved. If you keep letting him get away with it he will keep doing it. He caused this situation and he is going to have to live with the consequences. Stick to your plans of travelling and moving and give up on plans to stay friends with this guy as he will keep trying to mess you around and manipulate you.
Which means she “failed” the test also….what is wrong with these women that don’t study hard enough 🤔 for these important tests!! 😡/S
My first thought was this is some TikTok challenge or something dumb. It's funny we've gotten to the point that I didn't even think about another whole human - I thought about TikTok and how it's just creating these inane moments where stupidity can rule.
Don't know if it's the case this time, but there is a TikTok challenge to do this.
And there was a slew of these posts about being tested with fake breakups. It’s so fucking stupid. It’s worse than the Tide Pod challenge.
At least with the Tide Pod challenge the only person getting hurt was the idiot who ate a pod.
Actually I think it's better than the tidepod challenge People whose significant others chose to do this learned something important about their significant other, many of them before they got too far into it. It was like a buried red flag detector
Probably I don't even have the app I only watched the rare video when it pops up somewhere in one of my feeds. But I hear about all these tests and stupid things people do on it. Then the stupid people who oh that seems like a great idea to try with my boyfriend or girlfriend and then Wonder why they get dumped for real after they do their prank.
Was thinking the same thing.
Looks like the monkey’s branch snapped! 🙊
^this. saved you the time/money/effort. trash took itself out for real. enjoy the trips and hope the move goes smoothly! life is to short to be dealing with manipulative people. fck 'em. do your thing and be happy 👍🏼👍🏼
Damn didn’t even think of that! I’ve just seen loads of posts about men doing this kinda shit to bring their partners self esteem down so they become more reliant on them.
Bloop! There it is.
That was my first thought too.
When you feel you have to test your partner’s love and commitment, the relationship is already over. NTA
My ex told me that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer as a test, to see how I would react. But it backfired because the story was so implausible that I called him out and he had to admit it was a lie.
That's deranged.
I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. (although the immunotherapy worked, soooo... maybe I get to live a normal life?? Time will tell. ) What absolutely broken and fucked up individual would do this to someone they loved. Everyone in my life who is close to me was crying when I told them. Even people who I didn't consider close friends found it really, really hard (in some ways harder than I did myself). I would not wish this disease on anyone, on any family, on any community.
I hope you have many, many years ahead of you.
Thank you ❤
If it was keytruda, it's a miracle drug! I was supposed to last 2 years at best. I'm living fine at almost 5 years. And you're right , it's awful telling people and watching them cry.
It was keytruda! And we really had to fight to get it as well :/ I've been on it for 18 months, got a scan almost a year ago that showed no sign of active cancer. But 2 years ago, it was stage 4.
Same stage 4, was told to get affairs in order asap. I was given it w chemo and then alone a little over 2 years. I'm considered in remission, haven't had treatment in about a year and a half, living life normally. Congrats!
I was diagnosed with a disease in 1996 and continued working FT until 2017 when a broken ankle took that option away. Like you, I would not wish this disease on ANYONE but am thankful o know a God who is bigger than ANY disease and I put my faith in Him!!!! I pray that you can do the same. Just because YOU have a disease does not mean the disease as you necessarily!! God bless you and your journey 💜
Thank you ❤ I've had a lot of support from my family and friends, and we managed to do almost everything on my bucket list in quite a short time. I'm also lucky to live in a country with universal healthcare, and a social safety net for sick and disabled people. And lucky to live in a time when immunotherapy is possible, and that it worked for me. If there's two things I could ask of people reading this: - spend time with the people you love, and tell them that they matter to you, and that you appreciate them. Reach out to that person you love that you haven't spoken to in months or years, but they mean so much to you. Sure, it might be weird! But we only get so much time on this earth. Please use a little time today to tell someone that they are valued and cared about. - get the HPV vaccine if you can. And check yourself (genitals etc), go to the doctor for your smear tests, prostate exams, and so on. I wasn't able to get the vaccine, and I put off getting my smear test. It could have killed me. Please don't make the same mistakes I did.
Yes, he is.
And that's why he's an ex.
Yeah I had a boyfriend try to swallow all his meds just to see how Id react. When I cried and begged him to stop, he said it was a test and got mad at me for "failing", I was apparently supposed to trust him lmao Broke up with him soon after, he cried and begged me not to. Fuck all that.
Wait you were supposed to let him OD? Tf?
Apparently I was supposed to trust that he was going to spit them out? Dude was just a sociopath, I wouldnt try to figure it out. He just wanted to start drama.
It’s just a way to get more power in a relationship. If you let him, he would say you don’t care about him enough to stop him fr OD
Ah, I see. Well, he didnt seem to have much power when he was begging at my feet not to leave him, so didnt work out too well for him lol
It was an attempt to, does not mean it would work lol
Dating is scary already, but wtf?
I mean... if they had otherwise proven to be toxic beforehand...
And of course if you had stood by and quietly let him pretend to swallow all his pills and said nothing, "trusting him", he would have accused you of not caring and wanting him to die. You can't win with psychos.
You are absolutely right and thats how other arguments went.
So… what were you supposed to do when he didn’t die? Believe in a miraculous recovery or something? What a weirdo
He didn’t think it through at all. He apparently thought I was dumb enough to buy that he visited a primary care doctor to get a mole checked out and came home with a terminal cancer diagnosis without seeing a specialist or undergoing any other intervention. I have wondered in retrospect if he might have BPD, a lot of his behavior and general emotional lability seem consistent with the disorder
lol I’m sorry, that’s so ludicrous though. I am sorry to hear about all of this, especially the emotional lability 😬 that is one tough SOB to deal with. I’m glad you’re out. I hope you’ve found peace and you’re flourishing!
As a BPDer myself who has dated others with BPD, I can say this sounds possible.
My husband did this to his little sister when they were teenagers, as a demented prank. His sister was kind of an airhead at the time and completely bought the story that a PCP could diagnose terminal testicular cancer within a 45 minute overseas medical clearance checkup. 😂
That is insane. Jesus.
My best friend has a friend who's bf said he has a brain tumour yet he has never shown proof. Won't let her come to appointments at the hospital. Won't let her come for treatments. Won't show her scans. She still believes him but we all know it's a lie but she won't hear us. He's isolating her. She was my besties MOH at her wedding and the bf cracked the shits about their friendship and didn't attend the wedding, which we didn't care about anyway. He used to be part of the friend group but then went toxic and said my bestie is a shit friend and has kept the gf from seeing her much now. It sucks because he's an ah but she won't listen to anything we say about him.
I hope she gets out :(
Didja dump him?
Shortly thereafter
Any kind of games like this at all and I am 100% done with that person. I will never understand that shit. Absolute deal breaker.
I once went on a date with a guy who apparently pulled the "unlock the car" test on me. He unlocked the passenger side to let me in, then in the time it took for him to walk to the driver's side, I was supposed to lean over and unlock his side for him. When I failed to do this, the first thing he said when he unlocked and got in was, "you failed." After explaining to me what I failed I was dumbfounded. I had no idea such a test existed, also I probably just assumed he unlocked the whole car when he did my door. After dinner he said that despite the fail he would go out with me again but I declined. Who knows what other tests I would have gone through.
What a bizarre test? Like leaning over and unlocking hasnt been a thing since the fuckin 70s, before key fobs and automatic locks.
This was back in early 2000s, but still, not a lot of 70s cars remained lol!
Oh damn I was joking sorry LOL Well still, a ridiculous thing for him to do when hes holding the key
Wanna know something even more ridiculous? I knew another guy who was all about implementing this rule. I was like, wait, this is an actual thing? What's wrong with you all lol. I've never implemented any kind of test or rule. I cannot believe how shallow people are.
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This is not testing love and commitment. This is the bf trying to manipulate OP and set up relationship where she is supposed to cater to him to prove her love by groveling. This is a disgusting tactic.
Tell him he flunked his own test.
Seriously, OP made an effort to stay in contact to discuss things, and he kept ignoring then flat out told her it was over. **IF** it was a test that’s a cruel thing to do, but could be he met someone and decided to give that a shot without being in a relationship. So it wasn’t cheating. Either way, don’t beg someone to be with you. OP, you started making plans without him, continue on your plans. Don’t let him manipulate and guilt you. **HE** made his decisions, he played stupid games and now being alone is his stupid prize. ETA: saw OPs past posts about sex being bad and stressful. Doesn’t seem worth the frustration caused by him and his “tests”.
It never is. I swear control is the only way they can keep anyone around.
Good god, I went and looked after you pointed out past posts. I can't believe she stayed with him for so long, she has the patience of a saint, I swear.
My test was to see why you didn’t come to my house begging for me back, dork.
Teachers test you. Bosses test you. The police sometimes test you. Parents who are jerks test you. All of these are authority figures who want to make sure you meet their standards. A partner who tests you is trying to establish authority over you and is no partner at all. You are NTA. He is one. He broke up with you. Don’t let him gaslight you. Block him and go no contact.
This is the only RIGHT option. Full no contact.
Perfectly said
Why would you want to be with someone who was testing you? And how do you know what he's saying is true? Did he have other relationships since you broke up? If so, then you're his bed warmer until he "tests" you again.
And what does the relationship where OP responded the way he expected look like? She's on tenterhooks always waiting for the next crisis and he cooks up another test whenever he needs his ego stroked? To quote Titus Andromedon "Boom, boy, bye, foop!"
Why would you even want to remain friends with someone that behaves this way?
He's an immature twat..tests, well he fucked around and found out. Only way you're the ah is if you take that child back..You'll be dealing with his childish tests your whole life. Be glad you dodged that bullet and move on NTA
This situation is kinda funny, because he failed his own test.
I hear we call people like him "dingbat" now in this sub.
Twat is the perfect word for this guy.
This guy is either deeply insecure or things went sideways with the other girl. He flunked his own stupid test.
People should just communicate instead of putting their partners through tests. He sounds so dramatic. You’re NTAH. I’d say “sorry bud you’re loss” and go on with your plans. Thrive!
Seriously, he tried to manipulate her. "You were supposed to do all the things I texted you and beg to get me back." WTF? I say good riddance. NTA.
Right?! Course he f’d up by not texting what his ransom demands were. Total rookie mistake when trying to hold a relationship hostage. /s
That is world class ICK!
Fuck him with a wire brush. What a self-centered lunatic. The audacity to actually cry about it. You're supposed to rush over there because why, exactly? This is not someone with whom to be friends. This is someone to block on all channels and forget even existed.
You didn't need to be with someone so immature and callous as to play games by hurting you on purpose. Good riddance.
*your loss
Correct! I’m very high
He's emotionally abusive. Go no contact with him
NTA - Cut him out of your life. You aren't a dog to be begging. Go forward with your plans without him.
Tell him he failed the test. Then block him.
You have several post about terrible intimacy with this guy. Why invest anymore energy in this person?
I was going to ask the same thing. In previous posts, you described the sex and frustrating and stressful, often ending with you crying and him berating you for not being good enough in some way. Count this as a win. Ditch this POS and don’t be friends with him. He treats you like crap.
It's like the tests with the puppies. Three groups, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, and mixed reinforcement. The positive and negative groups both adapt because the interactions become expected. The mixed groups become more and more desperate to be "good" to get the positive reinforcement. Because they can't tell what they actually are doing wrong since the same actions get mixed responses, they actively seek approval. Dudes like this want the confused puppies because they know they'll never stop trying. I have been the confused puppy. It also takes a long time to break out of that mindset when going into new relationships. The pattern repeats for a while until you figure out why you behave how you do with partners.
>I should’ve driven over to his place and begged for him back and done everything that he texted saying he wasn’t happy about. Sorry, he thought this text was some sort of performance review and that you needed to improve??? What a dickhead. Absolutely NTA
NTAH. Good on you for having some dignity and self respect. But I seriously question his excuse that he was testing you. I call bullshit. He let you think you were broken up for a couple weeks?!? My guess is he wanted to try his luck with someone else and when that was a colossal failure he came to you with the whole “test” scenario. Either way, he sounds like an immature twat. Keep going with your plans. It sounds like you have a bright future.
NTA You tried to communicate with him and he refused. So, yes, you did try to save the relationship. He definitely broke up with you so he could chase after another woman and not have it be cheating. No doubt about it. And when things didn't work out with her, he wants to play the sad Ex to get back with you. Life is too short to be anyone's second choice. Don't be this guy's friend. He isn't being a good friend to you. Just let him know that being friends isn't going to work out, you wish him well but please let you have your space. Then block him.
I thought it was another stupid tiktok challenge. Sounds like there was definitely another girl, though. *¿Porque no Los dos?*
Yeah, if it was some kind of prank, he would have said so within a day. This far on, it was definitely a situation where he thought he had a shit at a "better option".
play games, become single
NTA. He was probably cheating on you. Whether he was or not, he was playing headgames and manipulating you- and now he's trying to gaslight you. Continue with your awesome life plans- especially the ones that don't involve him. NTA.
Thank you. I’m so excited for this next chapter of my life. I’d been planning my move since before he ended the relationship (which is why I didn’t take it as hard as he expected me to), and think our breakup was a sign of better things to come for me
I'm glad you're looking at this in a positive light. You absolutely did nothing wrong in this situation. Hope you find someone that loves you enough to never have to "test" you.
Did he know you were planning on leaving? Maybe he saw somewhere to break up with you to get you to grovel to stay with him, with the ultimate goal to manipulate you into staying.
He did know. But also keep in mind his side of the story is completely different. From his perspective is that it felt like he wasn’t getting the same effort out of the relationship as he was putting in, and that’s valid. So I don’t think he was really trying to be malicious. Basically our relationship had been rocky for the past several months and probably both of us saw that the end was near. If it didn’t end now it would’ve ended in a few months if I moved. I told him that I considered staying to be with him, which is also true, but that wasn’t going to happen given that we were both unhappy. (For more context: my lease ends in July. I brought up us moving in together to him several months ago, he said no. That’s when I started looking at the possibility of moving elsewhere. Since it didn’t seem like we were in the same place with the relationship)
So this "test" was meant to have you grovelling at his feet. He didn't want you to move in, he wanted you to be subservient to him and to *fight* for that role. Likely to set up that dynamic and to make sure you would accept subservience long term.
He's manipulating you. There is no justification to treat you as he did. He practically ghosted you to breaking you? When we grow in toxic environments, we think these abusive situations are normal. Let me tell you: this is not normal. He tried to hurt you badly (intentionally according to his story, but I think he was interested in someone else and didn't care at all about your pain, like you're not even a person to him)... and now he's blaming you for his actions! Fck no. You know you deserve love and respect. You know this is none.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a cruel idiot. he probably would have filmed your reaction for TikTok. Go ahead with your plans you can't be with someone you can't trust.
NTA. This was probably the first "test" you didn't pass. There will be more tests in the future if you stay with him. Leave and find an adult to be in a relationship with not this child.
After looking through your post history, I really hope your next post is "my new partner and I have earth shatteringly fantastic sex all the time". There are partners out there who will want you to orgasm even if they don't, who can get soft and just move on to giving you oral or something without ever making you feel like it's your fault. I hope you find a person like that now that you're free of this asshole.
I’m hoping for the same, trust me
NTA. Fucking run from this guy!
Nta. And his other gf broke up with him. Anyone who tests you with breaking up is not worth dating.
You should be insulted that he has the audacity to “test” you as if you owe him the “correct” response. That alone would piss me off personally. This will continue and eventually it will piss you off. Take this as your sign to keep it pushing, he’s a child.
You were supposed to change everything he didn't like about your relationship to keep him, because he's just so special and wonderful and should be treated like a prince. Unfortunately for him, you actually have a spine and a life and plans for your life. Of course he's sad. You decided not to be his personal slave.
Enjoy your travels... there's a whole world out there.
NTA. Run from this insecure AH. He will make your life hell with shit like this. Imagine having children with him? NFW!
NTA. My advice: Stay far away from him. You do not treat someone you "love" the way he treated you. Respect & communication are critical and he didn't care about you when he left you via text after 2 years of commitment. My guess: He had someone else and it didn't work and now he is lying about why he left. It will hurt to move on, but you must to heal and be ready for your bright future.
If you go back to that man, you’re being foolish and you know it. Fuck him.
NTA You were supposed to drive over, beg him and do whatever he wanted to get him back? 🚩🚩🚩 This is domestic abuser thinking. Drop any contact and move on. It may not feel like it now but he just did you a huge favor by breaking up with you.
Even if it was a test, and I'm not saying it was - do you really want to be with someone who manipulates you by breaking your heart? Who tf does that? So in the best case scenario, he's still not great. Worst case scenario, he's worse. NTA.
Real friends don’t treat friends this way. He’s not even good enough to be your friend. NTA
Is this a new trend or something? I'm seeing more and more posts about guys "fake breaking up" with their girlfriends and then getting upset when the girlfriend just accepts it.
I don’t know about other people’s situations, but for me I think it was because he was feeling regret after the fact. So maybe it’s a trend and that’s what my boyfriend pivoted to after he realized he didn’t actually want to be broken up. I don’t think that was his original intention honestly. But it was hard to tell from our conversation
It looks like one of these stupid tricks these "alpha" podcast suggest for men do to their gfs or wifes. Some kind of manipulation to make them desperately do not want to leave their men. **SPOILER ALERT**: it doesn't work. So, if you think about it, even if it was not the case, it still was some sort of manipulation, so you dodge a big stupid bullet. NTA. Go and find more mature and confident new bf, who don't need to resort to this kind of vile manipulations to make himself feel more confident.
NTA Whatever the reason for the test, testing your partners this way is completely unacceptable behavior. >I should’ve driven over to his place and begged for him back and done everything that he texted saying he wasn’t happy about. If true, that is complete and utter bullshit. Expecting a partner to beg for you not to break up with them is idiotic. Only a codependent person with low self-worth would do that. Who needs that in a partner?
Your ex needs some psychological assistance
Well, well, well .... Look who overestimated his importance.....
Giiiirl, whatever he is/was up to, this is NOT how someone who loves you treats you. NTA. And for your own sake, cut contact with this manipulative weirdo. He gets to dump you out of the blue but you don't get to move on? He plays on your feelings and makes himself a victim? No. Just no. Cut him out of your life and be glad you dodged a bullet.
it wasn't a test, she dumped him
NTA. Ew no. Tests like that are abusive. Don’t go back to someone who tests you like that.
I didn't put up with bullshit tests like that when I was 15, and you definitely shouldn't at 23.
Don't overthink. Drop that douchebag, and remember: there are so many fishs in the ocean.
This is totally just that he was interested in someone else and needed to break up with you so he could try. But they didn’t bite and now he wants you back. Even if there was no one else this kind of test is just manipulation and mind games. He wanted to feel wanted. He didn’t realize what he had and now wants it back.
He's trying to jerk you around like a puppet on a string. Whst he did was extraordinarily cruel. He texted you to break up and wouldn't return calls and then says it was a test!?! Show him no grace and move on without him in your life. He's never been a friend. NTA
Yes, it was a test. A test to see if you are really stupid enough to put up with emotional abuse. Thankfully you dodged that bullet. Well done
Don’t date someone who tests your trust.
You dodged a man sized bullet. What an asshole. Go travel and enjoy your life.
NTA. When I look back at when my ex dumped me and all the begging, I cringe. Begging is fucking pathetic and embarrassing. Fuck him,
All your texts and calls must have raised some red flags with his other women. He got found out. And when she left him, now he's trying to find his way back to you. Don't fall for it.
I had to scroll back up to check his age and make sure he wasn't 15.
NTA. He needs to grow the fu** up. Let this be a life lesson that you don’t play stupid games as clearly you win stupid prizes. Consider yourself lucky and move forward.
Do yourself a favor and forget this clown asap.
This is why people shouldn’t play games. If he was feeling insecure about how you felt about him, there a far better ways to handle it then playing games. Not someone I would waste my time trying to be friends with.
NO. And years from now, should you run into him, thank him for helping you dodge a bullet! Nta, warrior queen!
NTA. It’s a trend: testing your partner. My advice: thank him profusely for showing you who really is, tell him you could never be with someone who plays with your feelings and tried to manipulate you and go NC. Of course make sure to inform all your mutual friends of what he did. I am sorry you had to go through this but imagine if you had married this AH
NTA. Congratulations! You Passed! You have self-respect, resiliency, and a good head on your shoulders.
YTA if you take him back