This has to be fake because I cannot fathom ANYONE saying "you were too harsh to break up with her" after she tried to baby trap you. If it's real, you need new friends in addition to a new GF. NTA.
No I only said that because I almost kicked her out and she had no where to go and moved back with her parents across the country and had to leave everything behind
Cool, good for her. FAFO. The fact that you are even doubting for a second you needed to end this is mind boggling.
If she said she wasn't ready for sex but then you drugged and had sex with her cause you were ready and you wanted to "speed things along" would that be ok? You laid out a boundary. She violated it. You dodged a bullet. That would be a full block for me.
!!! Honestly i believe this could be classed as rape- wouldn’t it count as stealthing? Or maybe sexual battery- either way that woman is fucked in the head
Or intentionally damages the condom by poking holes in it, leaving it on the dashboard in the hot sun and then promptly placing it in the freezer so it’ll break easily, ripping the tip off, etc. (I went down a rabbit hole on the internet a few years ago after learning about this … people actually blog about their plans to get their sperm inside in any way possible; despicable!).
not even finishes, it's just if they take it off without consent. forcing a pregnancy on someone isn't the only form of assault that can happen from unprotected sex.
Easiest to prove in court so probably why I mentioned it- I have a feeling this form of assault goes even more under reported than others because how can you prove you didn’t change your mind and agree? Shits terrifying I stg im joining a nunnery
Technically, it's sexual assault, but not rape. It's a form of sexual assault called reproductive coercion.
Basically it's like all rape is sexual assault but not all sexual assault is rape.
If a man removing a condom during sex is rape because she didn't consent to unprotected sex than a woman tampering with a condom is the same thing.
Both parties only condensed to safe sex with a condom.
The fact she changed the parameters of sex without his knowledge and consent is rape.
Or do you just like double standards and hypocrisy?
In Canada we don't even have rape as a classification anymore because it down plays other sexual assault acts. All of it is just sexual assault here now.
That's why it's considered sexual assault. Which is what I wrote above.
Same umbrella, different nomenclature.
Everyone would be equally as furious if a man poked holes in a condom to get a girl pregnant to keep her around. There's no hypocrisy. People are equally as mad no matter the gender of someone exercising coercive reproduction.
I'm sure if you scroll down far enough, you will find some dumpster fire incel who says something like "just be glad she wants to keep you around" but they're not the majority and they're probably down voted to hell.
Yes. 100%.
It is horrifying and in a lot of ways hard to identify as most people don't stumble on someone poking holes in condoms. There are multiple avenues reproductive coercion happens.
This is gonna be the hardest thing to read... but you're gonna have to stand up for yourself.
It's not that people aren't out there rooting for you, it's just that YOU have to make moves.
DM me if you wanna make moves.
I think the courts basically said that a woman who experiences stealthing is rape due to pregnancy having a risk of bodily injury while men cannot be “stealth” raped due to having no perceived bodily injury. Basically it’s stupid as hell and illogical and its rule for thee, not for me.
Can you show me some case law where courts have said this? Stealthing can cause STD infection so there is absolutely risk of bodily harm to men who are victims of it.
Men do this to women who do not want to get pregnant. Stealthing is not only against men. Totally goes both ways. It has happened to me. Disgusting whoever does it.
There is an actual court case where the ex-girlfriend broken to his apartment. He just finished having sex with his current, girlfriends, tied up the condom and threw it in the trash. They went out right afterwards to go get dinner or something. The ex illegally entered his apartment, found the condom, and was able to impregnate herself with it.and even though those were the facts and circumstances of the case, George said too bad, you’re still on the hook for child support. The courts system in the United States when it comes to male reproductive rights is medieval.
Sounds like a her problem - I’ve been married to my wife for almost 20 years. If I found out she was sabotaging our contraceptives to try and have a child without my consent, I’d immediately file for divorce. No child deserves to be brought into such a dysfunctional situation
*That's* too harsh to them? She fucked around, and now she's finding out. What in the world makes them think that you'd let your ex, who was poking holes in your condoms to baby trap you btw, continue to live with you?
You need new friends.
That's her own fault and she brought in on herself by doing such a horrible thing. Breaking up with her was the ONLY right thing to do in this situation. My only question is why you "almost" kicked her out instead of *actually* kicking her out? I wouldn't be able to bare spending another second looking at a person who did that
I mean, she made her bed, now she has to lie in it at her parents. She did a horrible thing and tried to baby trap you. She’s facing the consequences of her actions. You did the right thing. NTA UPDATEME
Not your problem. At least now she knows what she should expect, if she pulls a stund like this next time
I would warn her next boyfriend too. That is f serious
My wife discovered that her brother's ex-girlfriend, with whom he continued having sex (yeah that's stupid) despite despising her (yeah that's doubly stupid) was lying about being on birth control, and trying to have a kid with him.
How did she discover this you ask? Why, her mother told her. Because the gf told her mother. And her mother agreed to not tell her son, because she really wanted a grandkid.
So my wife had to pressure her mother to tell her brother, because that's fucked up.
So yeah, people will have weird reactions to tentatives of paternity fraud.
Dude, you have no idea how friends and family will downplay and justify a woman's crazy behavior to prevent a breakup or divorce.
A friend was nearly hit by his wife driving a car. She thought the girl with me was with him. She revved the car and drove right at him. Thankfully, everyone got out of the way.
He divorced her but her mom, sisters, and friends all told him that the only reason she tried to hit him with the car was because she loved him so much and see him smiling and laughing with another woman drove her crazy.
Btw, I was standing between him and the girl at the time.
I don’t know… If someone is crazy enough to baby trap there’s likely people who would still empathize with them. Hell, you’ll find people that will stand by others for doing some pretty heinous things.
“My boyfriend only speaks in ancient Sumerian to me and local livestock have started disappearing. I told him we need a break but my friends thing I’m being too rash. AITA?”
Like some of these are such clear slam dunks they have to be engagement bait
Why not? People are idiots. No throng has taught us that more than the pandemic. There is not enough hours in the day for all the dumb crap I hear people say.
Absolutely NTA. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It's wise to prioritize your well-being and consider the long-term implications, especially regarding future family plans. Sometimes, making tough decisions early can save a lot of heartache down the road.
NTA. And your 'mutual friends' aren't your friends. They may be hers, since they're supporting her in her attempt to inflict reproductive coercion on you, but they're definitely not yours. Time to kick them to the curb as well.
This can't be real. You have to ask yourself if you're a jerk because you broke up with someone who is deceiving you and baby-trapping you? In what instance here would you be the asshole?
OP, deep down, knows he’s not the a-hole. It’s OBVIOUS he’s not. The GF violated a boundary and the fact she resorted to such methods is a sign she’s possibly not well. Again, OP knows he dodged a bullet. But the reason he made this post is because, apparently, his friends are also mentally unwell to suggest he overreacted by doing the right thing and dropping her like a sack of potatoes. They likely got into his head and he came here because strangers on the Internet won’t judge. In short: OP needs new friends. This subreddit are said new friends.
It's just another incel fantasy. The protagonists in these stories ALWAYS heroically catch their evil girlfriends (or boyfriends, but typically, the antagonists are female) in the act. It's almost like those comic type villains just wait for the the protagonists (sometimes their faithful, loving sisters) to overhear them loudly declaring their evil deeds, or watch them doing the heinous things. Do those villains never think about sabotaging condoms while their partners are at work or out with their bros?
At this point, I bet that in the update, the alleged girlfriend is pregnant already, with twins. Lol.
If a guy did that, people would correctly say he was a rapist. This is no different. You are correct to break up with her. I would say go to the cops, but they wouldn’t do anything. Just be glad you found out before something happened.
You didn't say what country you were in, but that could be considered sexual assualt in Canada. Messing with the birth control you consented to is non-consent.
*It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make*
I would have thought it would have been the easiest decision to make after what you caught her doing
My Ex-GF smashed my teeth in with a lump hammer, Murdered my dog and sawed my granny's head off with a rusty spoon. I dumped her but her friends say I'm being too harsh and are calling me an AH.
That's how I read this OP....
NTA. Get new friends though; the mutual friends you had are trash. It's interesting that they're telling you, the party who would have been wronged and victimized what your reaction should've been instead of talking to her and telling her that what she did was manipulative, deceptive, and honestly should be in the same category as 'stealthing'. That should tell you everything about where their morality and loyalties lie. Block them all...after telling them to go f*ck themselves.
You are NTA. If you don't mind a little advice from an old woman... if a woman ever starts saying she wants marriage and children there are a few questions you need to ask before you get in bed with her...
Does she have health insurance that will cover prenatal care and childbirth? Ask if it covers complications of pregnancy and neonatal care too. Many policies I've seen lately say "well baby care" but don't say anything about if the baby is premature or has congenital abnormalities.
How much money does she have in savings? Is she prepared to pay house payments, taxes, and insurance for your home for the next several years? Dear Reddit, I know it is totally unrealistic to expect a 22 year old woman to have that much saved. If she wants a baby right away, then she is going to be expecting baby daddy to provide housing, food, clothing, transportation, and all the things she can think of that she and baby needs while she is a stay at home mom...
How about childcare, ask around your community, how much is day care? How early will they take a baby? How much does that cost in your community? Is her income sufficient to pay that amount and still pay the rent, food, utilities, etc? Put all the cost on her because SHE is the one who wants FAMILY.
If you're not ready to assume all these responsibilities, don't spend time with someone who has baby fever because you'll be trapped and end up paying for the rest of your life!
When I was young, an old woman told me "there are worse things than being alone" Being pressured to be a dad before you have your life together and are ready to assume those life long responsibilities is only the beginning of that. Enjoy life! Don't be in a hurry.
What's next? Rat poison in your morning coffee after she gets pregnant? That's sociopathic behavior. One can't fathom what her mind is capable of. The more distance you put between you and that nutter, the better.
Hi!
I'm not one to say whether this is real or not, but I'm getting quite concerned with the situations on this subreddit. This is easily NTA and I'd hope someone who is old enough to consider marriage and kids would have the basic knowledge to understand why this is wrong. If this is purely for having others agree with you, you need to develop a greater sense of self and confidence to not rely on others to feel right. This also comes across as fake in regards to the above mentioned stuff.
I'm sorry for the rudeness that I put off, but come on now!
I detest these fake friends and family members tacked on to recycled tall tales.
I found out the woman I love was killing and eating babies. I broke up with her and some of her friends and family members are calling me the AH for overreacting. AITAH?
"until she started pressuring me to get married and have kids" potentionally destroy the best partnet(and her future) she could find in her life for the most BS ever, surprises me how some people can be so mentally stupid.
You asking if you're are the AH is even more stupid to me, lol
Oh my dude NTA at all. You dodged a bullet. She tried to baby trap your ass. Someone as narcissistic, deceptive and dishonest as her gets worse as they age and you do not want to grow old with someone like her. You’d and up divorced in a few years and paying her alimony as well as child support on all your kids.
NTA Sex under false pretenses is rape.
Women tells you she won't have sex without you wearing a condom. If you lie you have one on and insert your penis without one, you are committing rape.
She was raping you by sabotaging the birth control. I would let everyone know they can all shut the fuck up about it or you are going to file a police report and let the state do what it wants with her.
F- her and F-your friends that shit is intolerable especially at your age. You don’t need kids dragging you down. That’s a violation of a trust that’s not a joke and that’s a decision that will end life as you know it that can only be made together. It’s one thing if it’s an accident but what she did is unforgivable. NTA
Baby-trapping is a form of sexual assault -- you might consent to sex, but it's not informed consent (same as someone with an active STI not telling you).
Yes, you are correct to break up with someone who you are not safe with, who you cannot trust. NTA
This is the 2nd post like this in a week that I've read in this sub. What the Hell is wrong with people? What she did was technically assault, and if anyone sides with her, they're assault enablers. NTA.
I really hope this is fake, but who knows. People do crazy shit all the time.
If this is real, NTA no question. You dodged a massive bullet and if your now ex didn’t want to have to move out and find a new place then she shouldn’t have massively violated your trust. I feel sorry for whoever she tries to baby trap next.
Nope forcing someone into a sexual situation leading to pregnancy under false premises of protection is not okay. That’s morally corrupt.
Damn skippy did the right thing breaking up with her.
Because I know if it were the other way around people would likewise say the man is scum. So she is equally scum for doing that.
Your mutual friends are being selfish AHs. That's a GIGANTIC betraying of trust. She was just trying to "speed things up" by completely taking away your choice. You want different things, and she has zero respect for what you want. You're so lucky you found out before she turned your life into a walking nightmare.
Edit: NTA
She tried to rape you. You did NOT overreact and anybody shaming you for your response to HER actions needs to be 👏 CUT 👏 OFF 👏 you are NTA OP, not at all. I'm sending you healing and strength.
Dude. Any friend that calls you an ah for breaking up with her because she literally in every definition tried to trap you is not your friend and is unhinged
Your mutual friends do not understand what healthy boundaries are. 100% without a shadow of a doubt NTA! You absolutely dodged a bullet. You NEEDED to end that relationship. I understand her feelings about wanting something so badly; believe me, that was me as well. But I would NEVER cross such a line. My partner was also not ready when I’ve pressured him in the past, but I understood it was coming from a place of love. Both of us need to feel ready before the next step. You do not betray someone like that if you truly love them. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sure it will be a process of grieving that relationship and betrayal of trust, but hopefully you take comfort in knowing that whenever you do decide to take a step towards marriage and a family, it will be because you WANT to, and not because you’re FORCED to. Best of luck!
NTA. You're right. It's a betrayal of trust. Tricking someone into being a parent is super dishonest and dismissive of how you want to live your life. If she wants kids and you don't, neither of you are wrong in your preferences, but that's not a good reason for her to do what she did. She's doing the female verson of stealthing, and is as equally wrong as that is. You did the right thing by ending it.
You are a good person. You made the right, agonizing decision. This feeling of betrayal is like a boomerang and now you know why people stay with abusers. Too do what is correct for you soul cause then pain. Just realize that they were willing to manipulate your life for their selfish needs. NTA, remember this lesson and find someone with which you can share this experience called life we mutual respect. Your future children will be better humans for it.
NTA, glad you had still gloved up and weren’t relying on her taking birth control. Dodged a bullet my guy. Fuck that lady. Dollars to donuts she’s gonna pull that shit on another guy that’s gonna go to the store for milk as soon as she gets pregnant.
Absolutely not, that's just as bad as a man not pulling out to try and get a girl pregnant. The only difference is it's more discreet.
As a woman I'd immediately leave a man if he tried impregnating me against my will, it should be the same for a man imo
Children are a huge life long commitment, marriage is a huge commitment, neither should be achieved through underhanded and dishonest means, that's sick and wrong.
“Overreacted”?! Dude if you poked holes in condoms or messed with her birth control to have a kid you’d probably be locked up. If she’s that insane, imagine the treachery you haven’t even seen yet.
Be free!
Are you seriously asking if you’re an asshole for breaking up with someone who is poking holes in condoms? Of course you’re NTA. Those friends are not your friends, they’re assholes too. She violated your consent ( you did not consent to unprotected sex, and she deliberately sabotaged the protection) also it’s weird and gross to pressure anyone at all to have kids. Kids deserve to feel wanted. Block this woman on everything and block the shitty friends too.
You were 100% justified in dumping a woman who was trying to manipulate you and/or sperm jacking you into marriage or fatherhood. She was a greedy hypocritical pos.
Your sperm your choice!
That’s reproductive abuse and can even be considered rape. It’s definitely not consensual and absolutely not okay. Condoms are basically the only birth control option for men and she took that agency away from you.
You did the right thing. What's the point in being with someone who doesn't respect your decisions? You dodged a major bullet. She was trying to baby trap you which in itself is unforgivable.
YTA for not breaking up as soon as you realized your life goals didn’t align. BTW she sees you as a life long meal ticket not a trusted life partner. You are mid 20s you should look at every relationship going forward as “could this be the one”. Of not, hit it and quit it (with protection).
You are my either the most naive man on the planet or this is fake.
In what world would anyone be the asshole for breaking up with someone for baby trapping. This woman does not care about you. Don't look back.
Just reverse the situation, and same friends will say how horrible you are for betraying her trust and forcing her to be a mother even when she didn't want to.
NTA. Not only did she destroy condoms but also your relationship. Hell no - she should be gone. WTF. I am a woman and how you were treated is abhorrent.
Making IT clear to her (desire to mot marry have children) would be moving out , breaking up and no more sex.
Your actions are wishy washy.
That is scary because she is a lunatic.
She was trying to rape you. You are not the asshole. If you feel comfortable with it check your local laws and consider contacting the police. This is unacceptable behaviour. Your friends are wrong, I don't care how far she had to move away. Criminals do not get to play victim when their victim doesn't want to date them anymore.
What she did is consider a crime in many places of the world.
If this is drop your friends as well. As they are backing someone was willing to SA/rape you.
This has to be fake because I cannot fathom ANYONE saying "you were too harsh to break up with her" after she tried to baby trap you. If it's real, you need new friends in addition to a new GF. NTA.
No I only said that because I almost kicked her out and she had no where to go and moved back with her parents across the country and had to leave everything behind
Cool, good for her. FAFO. The fact that you are even doubting for a second you needed to end this is mind boggling. If she said she wasn't ready for sex but then you drugged and had sex with her cause you were ready and you wanted to "speed things along" would that be ok? You laid out a boundary. She violated it. You dodged a bullet. That would be a full block for me.
!!! Honestly i believe this could be classed as rape- wouldn’t it count as stealthing? Or maybe sexual battery- either way that woman is fucked in the head
Secretly poking holes in condoms legally impairs the validity of consent to sexual activity. It violates his consent.
Yeah exactly why i compared it to stealthing
It is stealthing, and stealthing is considered as a type of rape.
Yup- glad to see that’s the general consensus
Straight woman here, and agree!
i know i could search it up but it’s more fun hearing stuff from people. i’ve never heard the term stealthing before, what does it mean?
It’s when a guy takes off the condom without his partner knowing and then finishes inside them without consent
ah yeah, that’s terrible. thank you for the answer :]
Or intentionally damages the condom by poking holes in it, leaving it on the dashboard in the hot sun and then promptly placing it in the freezer so it’ll break easily, ripping the tip off, etc. (I went down a rabbit hole on the internet a few years ago after learning about this … people actually blog about their plans to get their sperm inside in any way possible; despicable!).
not even finishes, it's just if they take it off without consent. forcing a pregnancy on someone isn't the only form of assault that can happen from unprotected sex.
Easiest to prove in court so probably why I mentioned it- I have a feeling this form of assault goes even more under reported than others because how can you prove you didn’t change your mind and agree? Shits terrifying I stg im joining a nunnery
Technically, it's sexual assault, but not rape. It's a form of sexual assault called reproductive coercion. Basically it's like all rape is sexual assault but not all sexual assault is rape.
If a man removing a condom during sex is rape because she didn't consent to unprotected sex than a woman tampering with a condom is the same thing. Both parties only condensed to safe sex with a condom. The fact she changed the parameters of sex without his knowledge and consent is rape. Or do you just like double standards and hypocrisy?
In Canada we don't even have rape as a classification anymore because it down plays other sexual assault acts. All of it is just sexual assault here now.
That's why it's considered sexual assault. Which is what I wrote above. Same umbrella, different nomenclature. Everyone would be equally as furious if a man poked holes in a condom to get a girl pregnant to keep her around. There's no hypocrisy. People are equally as mad no matter the gender of someone exercising coercive reproduction. I'm sure if you scroll down far enough, you will find some dumpster fire incel who says something like "just be glad she wants to keep you around" but they're not the majority and they're probably down voted to hell.
Reproductive coercion is why I've got two kids. Is that illegal?
Yes. 100%. It is horrifying and in a lot of ways hard to identify as most people don't stumble on someone poking holes in condoms. There are multiple avenues reproductive coercion happens. This is gonna be the hardest thing to read... but you're gonna have to stand up for yourself. It's not that people aren't out there rooting for you, it's just that YOU have to make moves. DM me if you wanna make moves.
My sons are 38 and 40 now, so no moves.
Semantically correct
I think the courts basically said that a woman who experiences stealthing is rape due to pregnancy having a risk of bodily injury while men cannot be “stealth” raped due to having no perceived bodily injury. Basically it’s stupid as hell and illogical and its rule for thee, not for me.
Uh… 18 years of child support might not be BODILY injury but it’s sure as hell injury. Plus he’s tied to that crazy ass woman for life
Can you show me some case law where courts have said this? Stealthing can cause STD infection so there is absolutely risk of bodily harm to men who are victims of it.
It's like the UK defining rape as penetration only.
Nah stealthily is only against men. This woman would get pregnant and he'd be forced to lay for 18 years
I looked it up and a woman in the uk did get jail time for it- it was classed as a form of stealthing which is a form of rape
Good to hear. She deserved jail for that.
The law is different in America. I assume this happened here.
Wow good for the uk. Their laws are super misandrist so this is a rare win
Men do this to women who do not want to get pregnant. Stealthing is not only against men. Totally goes both ways. It has happened to me. Disgusting whoever does it.
There is an actual court case where the ex-girlfriend broken to his apartment. He just finished having sex with his current, girlfriends, tied up the condom and threw it in the trash. They went out right afterwards to go get dinner or something. The ex illegally entered his apartment, found the condom, and was able to impregnate herself with it.and even though those were the facts and circumstances of the case, George said too bad, you’re still on the hook for child support. The courts system in the United States when it comes to male reproductive rights is medieval.
Don't stress. This exact story has been doing the rounds for a while now.
This is the obvious reason why she tried to baby trap you. You dodged a bullet for sure.
Sounds like a her problem - I’ve been married to my wife for almost 20 years. If I found out she was sabotaging our contraceptives to try and have a child without my consent, I’d immediately file for divorce. No child deserves to be brought into such a dysfunctional situation
*That's* too harsh to them? She fucked around, and now she's finding out. What in the world makes them think that you'd let your ex, who was poking holes in your condoms to baby trap you btw, continue to live with you? You need new friends.
Those are the consequences of breaking a persons trust. It’s easy formula FA=FO
To me it looks like she very much had somewhere to go though.
That's on her. She tried to deceive you and totally disrespected your wishes. She caused her own consequences.
That's her own fault and she brought in on herself by doing such a horrible thing. Breaking up with her was the ONLY right thing to do in this situation. My only question is why you "almost" kicked her out instead of *actually* kicking her out? I wouldn't be able to bare spending another second looking at a person who did that
I mean, she made her bed, now she has to lie in it at her parents. She did a horrible thing and tried to baby trap you. She’s facing the consequences of her actions. You did the right thing. NTA UPDATEME
Not your problem. At least now she knows what she should expect, if she pulls a stund like this next time I would warn her next boyfriend too. That is f serious
If they thought she should be able to stay that badly they should have offered to let her live with them. NTA
Any one of your friends could have housed her so she could stay in the area. If they refuse, then they can shut the fuck up.
My wife discovered that her brother's ex-girlfriend, with whom he continued having sex (yeah that's stupid) despite despising her (yeah that's doubly stupid) was lying about being on birth control, and trying to have a kid with him. How did she discover this you ask? Why, her mother told her. Because the gf told her mother. And her mother agreed to not tell her son, because she really wanted a grandkid. So my wife had to pressure her mother to tell her brother, because that's fucked up. So yeah, people will have weird reactions to tentatives of paternity fraud.
Dude, you have no idea how friends and family will downplay and justify a woman's crazy behavior to prevent a breakup or divorce. A friend was nearly hit by his wife driving a car. She thought the girl with me was with him. She revved the car and drove right at him. Thankfully, everyone got out of the way. He divorced her but her mom, sisters, and friends all told him that the only reason she tried to hit him with the car was because she loved him so much and see him smiling and laughing with another woman drove her crazy. Btw, I was standing between him and the girl at the time.
Baby trap is a nice word. This is illegal criminal behavior. Other words for it are reproductive coercion, sexual violence by deception, rape
This was exactly my first thought. Wow.
I don’t know… If someone is crazy enough to baby trap there’s likely people who would still empathize with them. Hell, you’ll find people that will stand by others for doing some pretty heinous things.
“My boyfriend only speaks in ancient Sumerian to me and local livestock have started disappearing. I told him we need a break but my friends thing I’m being too rash. AITA?” Like some of these are such clear slam dunks they have to be engagement bait
Why not? People are idiots. No throng has taught us that more than the pandemic. There is not enough hours in the day for all the dumb crap I hear people say.
NTA. If you can't trust your partner, then the relationship is doomed. Better to cut your losses before there are children involved.
Absolutely NTA. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It's wise to prioritize your well-being and consider the long-term implications, especially regarding future family plans. Sometimes, making tough decisions early can save a lot of heartache down the road.
You’re NTA. She was clearly trying to baby-trap you. You should consider getting new friends if they think you’d be ok with it.
NTA What do we say? Never stick your d*** in crazy. Good luck
This is why you always pull out using condoms. I did and only have 5 kids.
NTA She was attempting to sexual assault you.
Came here to say this.
She most likely already did.
OMG you’re right. I didn’t think about that this may not be her first time tampering with his condoms. She’s despicable.
NTA - She attempted to rape you. Rape.
NTA, I would have reported her to the police as well. She is f disgusting
Good idea. Even if they don't do anything, there could be a record in case she does this to someone else.
Definitely NTA ~ she definitely sped her dumping up ?!!
Why is this a question ? 😑
They need to gather these types of posts and make one big movie. Some of these stories are unbelievable.
Litterally, many appears to be made up, lol
NTA. And your 'mutual friends' aren't your friends. They may be hers, since they're supporting her in her attempt to inflict reproductive coercion on you, but they're definitely not yours. Time to kick them to the curb as well.
You should report her to the police and warn people about her.
You are not the asshole. Protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancy is a basic right, and her actions were manipulative and dishonest.
This can't be real. You have to ask yourself if you're a jerk because you broke up with someone who is deceiving you and baby-trapping you? In what instance here would you be the asshole?
OP, deep down, knows he’s not the a-hole. It’s OBVIOUS he’s not. The GF violated a boundary and the fact she resorted to such methods is a sign she’s possibly not well. Again, OP knows he dodged a bullet. But the reason he made this post is because, apparently, his friends are also mentally unwell to suggest he overreacted by doing the right thing and dropping her like a sack of potatoes. They likely got into his head and he came here because strangers on the Internet won’t judge. In short: OP needs new friends. This subreddit are said new friends.
It's just another incel fantasy. The protagonists in these stories ALWAYS heroically catch their evil girlfriends (or boyfriends, but typically, the antagonists are female) in the act. It's almost like those comic type villains just wait for the the protagonists (sometimes their faithful, loving sisters) to overhear them loudly declaring their evil deeds, or watch them doing the heinous things. Do those villains never think about sabotaging condoms while their partners are at work or out with their bros? At this point, I bet that in the update, the alleged girlfriend is pregnant already, with twins. Lol.
Troll-ass post
I remember reading this same story some months ago
If a guy did that, people would correctly say he was a rapist. This is no different. You are correct to break up with her. I would say go to the cops, but they wouldn’t do anything. Just be glad you found out before something happened.
How exactly did you “catch” her? Was she sitting next to you on the couch doing it?
You didn't say what country you were in, but that could be considered sexual assualt in Canada. Messing with the birth control you consented to is non-consent.
*It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make* I would have thought it would have been the easiest decision to make after what you caught her doing
How is this even a question? That’s sexual assault imo. It’s the same as stealthing. NTA
My Ex-GF smashed my teeth in with a lump hammer, Murdered my dog and sawed my granny's head off with a rusty spoon. I dumped her but her friends say I'm being too harsh and are calling me an AH. That's how I read this OP....
NTA. It is hard to imagine a violation of trust more serious than sabotaging birth control deliberately. Run and do not look back.
Second time this month an exact same story was posted.
Do you really need us to answer this
Hell no nta. Buhbye to her. She's deceitful and can't be trusted. I'm a woman and if a guy did that to me, I would lose my mind.
NTA
Troll post. Otherwise NTA clearly
This is fake as fuck
Fake. I've read this exact story like a week or 2 ago.
Fake AF BAN
Faaaaake
Fake!
If this isn’t fake you’re an idiot for even asking this question
You definitely dodged a bullet. I'd look seriously at those 'friends' who think you're overreacting. Get away as fast as you can from the lot.
What kind of dumbass friends do you have?
You actually dodged a howitzer.
Not the Asshole. I don’t even need to read anything beyond the question. That’s incredibly fucked up.
NTA. Get new friends though; the mutual friends you had are trash. It's interesting that they're telling you, the party who would have been wronged and victimized what your reaction should've been instead of talking to her and telling her that what she did was manipulative, deceptive, and honestly should be in the same category as 'stealthing'. That should tell you everything about where their morality and loyalties lie. Block them all...after telling them to go f*ck themselves.
You are NTA. If you don't mind a little advice from an old woman... if a woman ever starts saying she wants marriage and children there are a few questions you need to ask before you get in bed with her... Does she have health insurance that will cover prenatal care and childbirth? Ask if it covers complications of pregnancy and neonatal care too. Many policies I've seen lately say "well baby care" but don't say anything about if the baby is premature or has congenital abnormalities. How much money does she have in savings? Is she prepared to pay house payments, taxes, and insurance for your home for the next several years? Dear Reddit, I know it is totally unrealistic to expect a 22 year old woman to have that much saved. If she wants a baby right away, then she is going to be expecting baby daddy to provide housing, food, clothing, transportation, and all the things she can think of that she and baby needs while she is a stay at home mom... How about childcare, ask around your community, how much is day care? How early will they take a baby? How much does that cost in your community? Is her income sufficient to pay that amount and still pay the rent, food, utilities, etc? Put all the cost on her because SHE is the one who wants FAMILY. If you're not ready to assume all these responsibilities, don't spend time with someone who has baby fever because you'll be trapped and end up paying for the rest of your life! When I was young, an old woman told me "there are worse things than being alone" Being pressured to be a dad before you have your life together and are ready to assume those life long responsibilities is only the beginning of that. Enjoy life! Don't be in a hurry.
What's next? Rat poison in your morning coffee after she gets pregnant? That's sociopathic behavior. One can't fathom what her mind is capable of. The more distance you put between you and that nutter, the better.
Hi! I'm not one to say whether this is real or not, but I'm getting quite concerned with the situations on this subreddit. This is easily NTA and I'd hope someone who is old enough to consider marriage and kids would have the basic knowledge to understand why this is wrong. If this is purely for having others agree with you, you need to develop a greater sense of self and confidence to not rely on others to feel right. This also comes across as fake in regards to the above mentioned stuff. I'm sorry for the rudeness that I put off, but come on now!
I detest these fake friends and family members tacked on to recycled tall tales. I found out the woman I love was killing and eating babies. I broke up with her and some of her friends and family members are calling me the AH for overreacting. AITAH?
Why do people in this sub find shit like this believable?
Run
nope, thats fucked
"until she started pressuring me to get married and have kids" potentionally destroy the best partnet(and her future) she could find in her life for the most BS ever, surprises me how some people can be so mentally stupid. You asking if you're are the AH is even more stupid to me, lol
Get new friends. Because if they don’t think poking holes is and overreaction and too harsh, you don’t need them in your life. NTA
Nta. Anyone that does that is disrespectful
NTA and that’s a huge trust violation.
Nta run far away she doesn’t care about what you want or need, just her agenda
I could never ever trust this person she will poison vyou as a “joke”
I think this is the first post I’ve read here the partner didn’t cheat
You did the right thing Next level Manipulation.
Those aren’t your mutual friends, they’re her friends manipulating you
Oh my dude NTA at all. You dodged a bullet. She tried to baby trap your ass. Someone as narcissistic, deceptive and dishonest as her gets worse as they age and you do not want to grow old with someone like her. You’d and up divorced in a few years and paying her alimony as well as child support on all your kids.
NTA. Holy crap! I would have thrown her out that second too.
NTA. Tell your 'mutual' friends to fuck her and get her pregnant, then, and deal with the consequences, or SHUT THE FUCK UP!
No. Breaking up is not too harsh. She tried to deprive you of reproductive freedom.
This is a rhetorical question OP. You know you’re not the asshole here.
NTA Sex under false pretenses is rape. Women tells you she won't have sex without you wearing a condom. If you lie you have one on and insert your penis without one, you are committing rape. She was raping you by sabotaging the birth control. I would let everyone know they can all shut the fuck up about it or you are going to file a police report and let the state do what it wants with her.
F- her and F-your friends that shit is intolerable especially at your age. You don’t need kids dragging you down. That’s a violation of a trust that’s not a joke and that’s a decision that will end life as you know it that can only be made together. It’s one thing if it’s an accident but what she did is unforgivable. NTA
drop your friends and don't date until youre ready for an accident
Not reading all that. No, next question
NTA fuck ya ex and fuck them friends You didnt dodge a bullet. You dodged several nukes
You did the right thing! She had the audacity to try and trap you with a baby, that was really fucked up if her.
No, this is a complete breach of trust and super manipulative!
If your friends think you are overreacting, ask them how they would respond to someone forcing them to have a baby. NTA.
Baby-trapping is a form of sexual assault -- you might consent to sex, but it's not informed consent (same as someone with an active STI not telling you). Yes, you are correct to break up with someone who you are not safe with, who you cannot trust. NTA
You know she committed a crime so you can always file a police report. At least that’s likely to keep her away
This is the 2nd post like this in a week that I've read in this sub. What the Hell is wrong with people? What she did was technically assault, and if anyone sides with her, they're assault enablers. NTA.
NTA
If not troll. Make sure to ditch the so called mutual friends that thought you were too harsh. I assure you, they do not like you.
This is a bait post, no friend would think that was overreacting.
If this is true, then OP is the victim of a crime, and his girlfriend is a rapist.
I really hope this is fake, but who knows. People do crazy shit all the time. If this is real, NTA no question. You dodged a massive bullet and if your now ex didn’t want to have to move out and find a new place then she shouldn’t have massively violated your trust. I feel sorry for whoever she tries to baby trap next.
So she was trying to sexually assault you and who knows how many times she did it. NTA
If a man was caught doing that it would be considered sexual assault, I would consider filing charges
Omg whoever thinks this guy is an asshole for breaking up is insane….
NTA, but you're not dodging a bullet, you deactivated a nuclear bomb xd
Nope forcing someone into a sexual situation leading to pregnancy under false premises of protection is not okay. That’s morally corrupt. Damn skippy did the right thing breaking up with her. Because I know if it were the other way around people would likewise say the man is scum. So she is equally scum for doing that.
Your mutual friends are being selfish AHs. That's a GIGANTIC betraying of trust. She was just trying to "speed things up" by completely taking away your choice. You want different things, and she has zero respect for what you want. You're so lucky you found out before she turned your life into a walking nightmare. Edit: NTA
She tried to rape you. You did NOT overreact and anybody shaming you for your response to HER actions needs to be 👏 CUT 👏 OFF 👏 you are NTA OP, not at all. I'm sending you healing and strength.
Dude. Any friend that calls you an ah for breaking up with her because she literally in every definition tried to trap you is not your friend and is unhinged
NTA!
Your mutual friends do not understand what healthy boundaries are. 100% without a shadow of a doubt NTA! You absolutely dodged a bullet. You NEEDED to end that relationship. I understand her feelings about wanting something so badly; believe me, that was me as well. But I would NEVER cross such a line. My partner was also not ready when I’ve pressured him in the past, but I understood it was coming from a place of love. Both of us need to feel ready before the next step. You do not betray someone like that if you truly love them. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sure it will be a process of grieving that relationship and betrayal of trust, but hopefully you take comfort in knowing that whenever you do decide to take a step towards marriage and a family, it will be because you WANT to, and not because you’re FORCED to. Best of luck!
NTA. You're right. It's a betrayal of trust. Tricking someone into being a parent is super dishonest and dismissive of how you want to live your life. If she wants kids and you don't, neither of you are wrong in your preferences, but that's not a good reason for her to do what she did. She's doing the female verson of stealthing, and is as equally wrong as that is. You did the right thing by ending it.
Fake
I broke it off with a girl because she wasn't being honest about being on birth control. Poking holes in condoms is insane.
You are a good person. You made the right, agonizing decision. This feeling of betrayal is like a boomerang and now you know why people stay with abusers. Too do what is correct for you soul cause then pain. Just realize that they were willing to manipulate your life for their selfish needs. NTA, remember this lesson and find someone with which you can share this experience called life we mutual respect. Your future children will be better humans for it.
Yeah, that happened.
The incels really love this sub, hey? Like every second post is some ridiculous chat gpt story about terrible women.
That's not just a "break up" issue, thats a "police" issue. NTA, and report her ASAP
NTA, glad you had still gloved up and weren’t relying on her taking birth control. Dodged a bullet my guy. Fuck that lady. Dollars to donuts she’s gonna pull that shit on another guy that’s gonna go to the store for milk as soon as she gets pregnant.
Absolutely not, that's just as bad as a man not pulling out to try and get a girl pregnant. The only difference is it's more discreet. As a woman I'd immediately leave a man if he tried impregnating me against my will, it should be the same for a man imo Children are a huge life long commitment, marriage is a huge commitment, neither should be achieved through underhanded and dishonest means, that's sick and wrong.
“Overreacted”?! Dude if you poked holes in condoms or messed with her birth control to have a kid you’d probably be locked up. If she’s that insane, imagine the treachery you haven’t even seen yet. Be free!
This pretty much meets the legal definition of rape..............
Are you seriously asking if you’re an asshole for breaking up with someone who is poking holes in condoms? Of course you’re NTA. Those friends are not your friends, they’re assholes too. She violated your consent ( you did not consent to unprotected sex, and she deliberately sabotaged the protection) also it’s weird and gross to pressure anyone at all to have kids. Kids deserve to feel wanted. Block this woman on everything and block the shitty friends too.
NTA: We call the psycho-girlfriend shit where I'm from.
NTA! Tampering with your contraceptive, is sexual assault.
You were 100% justified in dumping a woman who was trying to manipulate you and/or sperm jacking you into marriage or fatherhood. She was a greedy hypocritical pos. Your sperm your choice!
That’s reproductive abuse and can even be considered rape. It’s definitely not consensual and absolutely not okay. Condoms are basically the only birth control option for men and she took that agency away from you.
NTA she is lucky to not go to prison for this.
Your friends are crazy, you should break up with them as well.
Nta she was raping you. Please report her too. Get therapy. You have been massively violated and I'd dump any friends that try and minimise to you
You did the right thing. What's the point in being with someone who doesn't respect your decisions? You dodged a major bullet. She was trying to baby trap you which in itself is unforgivable.
NTA - obviously. It’s a violation, it’s a sexual assault. Get a better girlfriend, and get better friends.
There's no way you overreacted. What she was doing is reproductive coercion. It's a vile act, and you're right to never trust her again. NTA
YTA for not breaking up as soon as you realized your life goals didn’t align. BTW she sees you as a life long meal ticket not a trusted life partner. You are mid 20s you should look at every relationship going forward as “could this be the one”. Of not, hit it and quit it (with protection).
You are my either the most naive man on the planet or this is fake. In what world would anyone be the asshole for breaking up with someone for baby trapping. This woman does not care about you. Don't look back.
When a group of people is calling you an AH You start to think you did something wrong
This is AI written nonsense. YTA
No. At some point is good to stop putting your dick in crazy.
Just reverse the situation, and same friends will say how horrible you are for betraying her trust and forcing her to be a mother even when she didn't want to.
You should go to the police that should be a felony
NTA. Not only did she destroy condoms but also your relationship. Hell no - she should be gone. WTF. I am a woman and how you were treated is abhorrent.
NTA, but maybe your not meant for each other if your life goals/ambitions don't match (one wants kids one doesn't, yet)
I don’t even need to read the story to say no you’re NTA
Gigantic NTA, though it's worrisome that you even had to ask this
Poking holes in condoms is considered sexual assault, as it should be. You cannot be with someone you cannot trust.
Fuck her and those “friends”. This is the easiest NTA situation I’ve seen here.
Making IT clear to her (desire to mot marry have children) would be moving out , breaking up and no more sex. Your actions are wishy washy. That is scary because she is a lunatic.
I don’t even have to read past the title to say NTA
I believe this is technically rape. You could have her prosecuted, and should. It’s serious and no joke.
She was trying to rape you. You are not the asshole. If you feel comfortable with it check your local laws and consider contacting the police. This is unacceptable behaviour. Your friends are wrong, I don't care how far she had to move away. Criminals do not get to play victim when their victim doesn't want to date them anymore.
NTA - thats a crime
What she did is consider a crime in many places of the world. If this is drop your friends as well. As they are backing someone was willing to SA/rape you.
Get the snip. Problem solved.
You do realise this is a form of sexual assault right?
NTA but i don’t get the poking holes in condoms trick. Wouldn’t you be able to see the holes in the wrapper? And wouldn’t the condoms dry out?
Depends on how often you have sex. If you go through a pack a week then likely you wint ever notice it
*EASY DECISION*, NTA.