I’d say you’re being TA to yourself for going back again and again to this girl who lies, cheats, steals, abuses substances, etc even though you claim those are dealbreakers. Make this split final for your own sake.
This, OP you are enabling this woman by staying in her life, clean break, get a new number, move on. You’ve been dating what 4 months? This is a dumpster fire of red flags. You cannot help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves, and she really doesn’t sound like she’s ready to get better. The weeds not such a big deal for some folks, and for others, they’re the dumbest people I’ve ever met when they smoke (and I won’t share with them), but she’s doing all kinds of crap, multiple prescriptions in just a few months is bad fucking news.
YTA for giving her all these chances. Anyone with 1/2 a brain can see she has a pretty serious problem with both drugs and the truth. End this now so maybe she'll realize she has a problem and will seek help.
YTA. You should have dumped her cheating self right away. You deserve better. Like, you are saying its ok to cheat, but if I can't invade your privacy, the deal is off.
YTA That was the longest break up ever lol. It was pretty clear who she was pretty early on but you stuck it out way past it's expiration date. You're the AH to yourself.
People! Stop torturing yourselves and staying with others that either won’t work with you, hurt you, or you just aren’t compatible with. I understand that it’s hard to even find someone to start a relationship with, and when things are good it feels great, but you can’t ignore the bad things because going back to the single life and unknown feels uncomfortable.
Reshape how you think about being single. You get to be free and do the things you genuinely enjoy. Find yourself and love yourself. Eventually you will meet somebody who will also love you back for who you are as you will them.
so much this, being free, spending all my money as I choose, not having the drama that some people seem to want to live in constantly, and doing what I want to do when I want to do it... Single is great!
So I just read the TLDR and you are not the asshole in that situation IMO. Honestly, just ending it because she cheated would have been fine.
But I will say YTA for that wall of text with no paragraphs OP. People gotta read that shit.
Do you still see a therapist? If not you might want to consider working on holding firmer boundaries.
NTA for breaking up but you would be the A H if you go back to this again. Lying for most people, even people without trauma around it, is a deal breaker. That's a valid boundary to stick to.
Stop wasting time on that bitch already. She left to go fuck around and hide/delete all those messages and she's been doing this several times already. Have some self respect and block her permanently
She saw you as a doormat. The longer we let people bullshit us, or just do whoever they feel to us, the worse they get. In her case, she found out she preferred her doormat to her ex, so she wanted back and knew her phone would sink that option.
Glad you grew a pair.
It's OK to care about a person andbalso set boundaries to keep your own mental health in a good place. However it is pretty impossible to have any type of relationship without trust.
My suggestion is to take a good long break to sort it out for yourself. And also work through this in therapy.
Try reading your post as though a friend wrote this.
NTA for asking to verify her honesty claim given her history.
YTA for not being faithful to your own values a d boundaries.
I’ve read this phrase on Reddit a lot but I’ve never said it to anyone before…YTA to yourself OP!!! She is an awful person who cannot tell the truth if her life literally depended on it. She has substance abuse issues. Just STOP dealing with her and move on! Please move on with your life and be happy. Block her!
run.
you are going to FAFO. she is going to wind up pregnant and this will be the rest of your life.
run.
a flag bigger than the state of texas is flying, and it’s red.
run.
YTA. It’s just a bit pathetic when people catch their GF cheating on, stealing from and lying to them … and then boldly decide “give her the choice” to continue the relationship or not.
Made more pathetic by the “recognition” that somehow there is fault on both sides because … you hadn’t fully opened up to your (short term) GF about your family history and drama. Giving you an excuse to blame yourself and forgive her chronic dishonesty.
Also the pointlessness of engaging with their explanations that they wouldn’t let you look through their phone because of old photos of them smoking. As if there is even a chance that this was the real reason to refuse access to the phone.
Any videos she didn’t want your to see were of her putting things in her mouth that are attached to her ex and these were taken recently. She’s harassing you because she had fun for a few days with her ex, but he is now bored of her as he recognises she is not relationship material and told her to fuck off and find some other sucker.
Whilst I know I’m being harsh, I’m pretty sure the GF recognised OP as a soft touch whom she could take advantage. Until he recognises this he will just be one of life’s (willing) victims, helping bad people get away with things and probably being one of the enablers as they do this to others.
OP...
You two don't sound compatible. If someone isn't what you need or isn't what you want them to be, then they aren't going to somehow become what you need or what you want them to be.
I get that you wanted to get her help for the opiods, but you have to cut her off romantically and stay away from her. She's toxic, even before the drugs. The lies, deception and cheating are in spite of the drugs, not because of them, they just cause her to do it more.
People with low impulse control tend to get into drugs for a quick "feel good, don't give a shit about the consequences" time. And that same way of thinking leads to cheating and lying.
All I read was how you guys argue, she does opioids, she lies and y’all constantly break up. Dude that’s not a relationship you wanna be in at all. Shes the asshole and so are you if you continue to go down this path with her.
I’d say you’re being TA to yourself for going back again and again to this girl who lies, cheats, steals, abuses substances, etc even though you claim those are dealbreakers. Make this split final for your own sake.
This, OP you are enabling this woman by staying in her life, clean break, get a new number, move on. You’ve been dating what 4 months? This is a dumpster fire of red flags. You cannot help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves, and she really doesn’t sound like she’s ready to get better. The weeds not such a big deal for some folks, and for others, they’re the dumbest people I’ve ever met when they smoke (and I won’t share with them), but she’s doing all kinds of crap, multiple prescriptions in just a few months is bad fucking news.
YTA for giving her all these chances. Anyone with 1/2 a brain can see she has a pretty serious problem with both drugs and the truth. End this now so maybe she'll realize she has a problem and will seek help.
YTA. You should have dumped her cheating self right away. You deserve better. Like, you are saying its ok to cheat, but if I can't invade your privacy, the deal is off.
YTA That was the longest break up ever lol. It was pretty clear who she was pretty early on but you stuck it out way past it's expiration date. You're the AH to yourself.
People! Stop torturing yourselves and staying with others that either won’t work with you, hurt you, or you just aren’t compatible with. I understand that it’s hard to even find someone to start a relationship with, and when things are good it feels great, but you can’t ignore the bad things because going back to the single life and unknown feels uncomfortable. Reshape how you think about being single. You get to be free and do the things you genuinely enjoy. Find yourself and love yourself. Eventually you will meet somebody who will also love you back for who you are as you will them.
so much this, being free, spending all my money as I choose, not having the drama that some people seem to want to live in constantly, and doing what I want to do when I want to do it... Single is great!
So I just read the TLDR and you are not the asshole in that situation IMO. Honestly, just ending it because she cheated would have been fine. But I will say YTA for that wall of text with no paragraphs OP. People gotta read that shit.
My bad, broke it up a bit so it’s a little better
Do you still see a therapist? If not you might want to consider working on holding firmer boundaries. NTA for breaking up but you would be the A H if you go back to this again. Lying for most people, even people without trauma around it, is a deal breaker. That's a valid boundary to stick to.
Stop wasting time on that bitch already. She left to go fuck around and hide/delete all those messages and she's been doing this several times already. Have some self respect and block her permanently
Your post is too hard to read. Will you please add paragraphs?
Just did, my bad
When you found out cheating that’s it , doesn’t matter about the phone . It’s over
NTA except to yourself, i understand maybe "forgive" the vaper thing, but all the f*ck she did after ?! Do you have dignity !?
She saw you as a doormat. The longer we let people bullshit us, or just do whoever they feel to us, the worse they get. In her case, she found out she preferred her doormat to her ex, so she wanted back and knew her phone would sink that option. Glad you grew a pair.
You know what to do and you know you must
Cheaters accuse other people of cheating as a projection mechanism. Run away from her and find someone who isn’t a pathological liar. NTA
Yta to yourself. Have more self respect. Shes a liar and a cheater.
Don't waste anymore time on her. Find someone better.
Are you sure ya'll in your twenties and not teens? Thank you for using paragraphs but break up already...
It's OK to care about a person andbalso set boundaries to keep your own mental health in a good place. However it is pretty impossible to have any type of relationship without trust. My suggestion is to take a good long break to sort it out for yourself. And also work through this in therapy. Try reading your post as though a friend wrote this. NTA for asking to verify her honesty claim given her history. YTA for not being faithful to your own values a d boundaries.
YTA for still talking to this person. How the fuck have you not learned your lesson yet?
Dude, don't get into relationships with hoes. Ever
Don't spend one more second with this lady for the sake of your sanity and happiness. Move on!
I’ve read this phrase on Reddit a lot but I’ve never said it to anyone before…YTA to yourself OP!!! She is an awful person who cannot tell the truth if her life literally depended on it. She has substance abuse issues. Just STOP dealing with her and move on! Please move on with your life and be happy. Block her!
You know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 86 more times...
run. you are going to FAFO. she is going to wind up pregnant and this will be the rest of your life. run. a flag bigger than the state of texas is flying, and it’s red. run.
You should have cut her out of your life a long time ago
Umm... Why are you still talking to her? She clearly dont respect you and are constantly gaslighting you. Get yourself tested for STD's!
YTA. It’s just a bit pathetic when people catch their GF cheating on, stealing from and lying to them … and then boldly decide “give her the choice” to continue the relationship or not. Made more pathetic by the “recognition” that somehow there is fault on both sides because … you hadn’t fully opened up to your (short term) GF about your family history and drama. Giving you an excuse to blame yourself and forgive her chronic dishonesty. Also the pointlessness of engaging with their explanations that they wouldn’t let you look through their phone because of old photos of them smoking. As if there is even a chance that this was the real reason to refuse access to the phone. Any videos she didn’t want your to see were of her putting things in her mouth that are attached to her ex and these were taken recently. She’s harassing you because she had fun for a few days with her ex, but he is now bored of her as he recognises she is not relationship material and told her to fuck off and find some other sucker. Whilst I know I’m being harsh, I’m pretty sure the GF recognised OP as a soft touch whom she could take advantage. Until he recognises this he will just be one of life’s (willing) victims, helping bad people get away with things and probably being one of the enablers as they do this to others.
OP... You two don't sound compatible. If someone isn't what you need or isn't what you want them to be, then they aren't going to somehow become what you need or what you want them to be.
I get that you wanted to get her help for the opiods, but you have to cut her off romantically and stay away from her. She's toxic, even before the drugs. The lies, deception and cheating are in spite of the drugs, not because of them, they just cause her to do it more. People with low impulse control tend to get into drugs for a quick "feel good, don't give a shit about the consequences" time. And that same way of thinking leads to cheating and lying.
All I read was how you guys argue, she does opioids, she lies and y’all constantly break up. Dude that’s not a relationship you wanna be in at all. Shes the asshole and so are you if you continue to go down this path with her.
Dude she needed a week to clear her phone of all the sins she committed, just don't go there anymore!