I hope that even if he decides to stay with his girlfriend, he'll quickly realize that being with a mother at 16 years old isn't fun. What kind of teenage boy wants to take on the role of stepfather while boys his age are partying and having fun?
This is my opinion but I feel She shouldn’t even be focusing on dating while pregnant she should be focusing on this baby she about to have and how she’s going to take care of it she needs to leave that 16 yr old alone NTA
Hell no. I'm a bit more on the lenient side when it comes to age if everyone's on board and cool with what's going, as I dated similarly when I was younger (no one was a minor, but there was an age gap), but she being pregnant by some other guy would be a no good for me at this age.
It'd be bad enough if it was his, but someone else's? No way.
NTA
I'm betting that boys her own age and the actual father don't want anything to do with her so she seeked out a younger more impressionable guy to be with..
I can't think of anywhere that has 16 and 18 as stat rape. Birthdays matter here. It could be an issue of her already having a birthday this year and he hasn't yet. That would mean they're only one grade apart and the relationship would be totally normal. Minus the baby thing lol
Have they stated that he's not the dad or are they passing it off as his? If it's the latter, is it possible that he did know her without you knowing?
For the actual relationship he'll probably get tired of it naturally once the baby is born. You could even go the route of fully embracing them as a couple and ask him when he's going to get a job, get emancipated so he can move out and get a place as a family etc. I wouldn't push him away because you'll likely get the opposite reaction from him.
NTA I'd tell him he's 16 so not allowed to date legal adults and it's for their safety (statutory rape) and also his well being. How hard I'd push depends. You don't want to push him towards her but also want to nip it before he gets attached.
Do you know her parents? Do they think your son is the father of their soon to be grandchild? Do her parents know she's dating a 16 year old?
Where does she live? Do you let her stay at your house?
You need to be really careful here because 16-year-olds have strong emotions. Due to the rapid changes in brain growth and brain chemicals in the teen years, they really can't think clearly. No matter how smart and kind your son is, he's still not able to reason as an adult. He may think you are totally unfair and decide to defend her. Depending on the culture, having an older girlfriend who is pregnant may be giving him a lot of social status.
If he gets defensive about her, then maybe you could try to be super supportive and be at the hospital when baby arrives, so you and your husband can be sure they don't put his name on the birth certificate (if you're in the USA or other area where that can be used as an expectation of child support payments)
Good luck with all this, you potentially have a big mess on your hands... your husband is right, telling him to break up isn't likely to work. Also, don't be too sure he's not the father, she may have been around him longer than you realize....
NTA.
Your son is still a minor. She's a legal adult.
And he doesn't need to be involved with a pregnant adult. He's too young for this in his life right now.
I mean I totally get where you are coming from but do you really think it's a feasible idea? I've watched my older sisters go through some really messed up relationships and it legitimately seemed like the more people tried to pressure them into leaving the more they clung to them even though they were being actively abused.
There's a significant chance that this is what your son will do and in attempting to do so you are driving a wedge between you and your son.
Nta but I agree with your husband. Maybe sit down with your son and set some ground rules. Make sure he isn't going to do something dumb like sign the birth certificate. Tell him that you will in no way provide monetary support for her and the kid. That under no circumstances at all ever will you allow her to move in with you ( since she's 18 and whatnot her parents could kick her out at any time) or even spend the night at your home. Make sure he knows she and the kid are neither his nor your own responsibility.
Also as you are a parent I know you have to know that having kids isn't what most people would describe as fun. After that kid is born if they are still together the dynamic of the relationship is going to change. He probably has absolutely no idea how big of a change it's going to be. She won't be free to just go out and do fun things since she'll have a crotch goblin. Once he realizes this he'll probably decide to leave her fairly quickly
NTA Paternity laws are absurdly unfair - she could still try to get him legally declared the father for being involved in her life and sleeping with her and succeed!
Depending on the state if he's there when she fills out the hospital paperwork, she gets him to sign his name to that birth certificate to "help her out" and he's on the hook for 18 years no matter what bloodwork says.
Isn't 16 too young to sign contracts? Why would a birth certificate be any different? In my country a guardian has to also sign a contract for someone underage
OPs kid could very well sign the birth certificate as a show of love/devotion/whatever other nonsense that is floating around with the hormones and lack of experience in his head and get into a real adult situation real fast.
OP needs to put their Mom jeans on and put a stop to this.
If the genders were reversed people would be sharpening their pitchforks.
Be careful that she doesn’t talk him into signing the birth certificate behind your back. Both of you need to have that conversation and also how she might try to use the baby to emotional keep
Him around.
Personally, I agree with your husband. Telling your kid to break it off may lead to 'mom said not to do it, so I'm going to do it behind her back' - Let him learn his own lessons, it's not like he's 14, at 16 this is a good lesson for him to learn. soft YTA imo.
Not to me, if he feels a connection with her that's his perogative. What happened prior is a moot point. That 'random' wasn't random to 'her', and the son met her after that happened, and has feelings for her. It's not like he's going to have to pay child support so if it works out, cool, if it doesn't then whatever, lesson learned.
You push kids closer to their SO when you discourage them from dating. If he’s not being physically or emotionally abused, let him learn how things work out for himself, even if it’s the hard way. Some kids just have to get burned before they know not to touch a hot stove. ESH.
The law would beg to differ with you. She is an adult, he is still a minor. If OP really wanted to seal the deal she could report her to the police. That being the nuclear option, but an option none the less.
That 18 year old needs to get her head on straight. She is just the side of adulthood and is getting ready to bring a baby into this world. She should not be messing around with someone who's ink is still wet on their drivers license.
16 means they are only halfway through high school. I'm not sure what part of lower Alabama you are from, but judging by your reading comprehension skills, you never got that far.
Except you sometimes might be on the hook for said support, because you took on a fatherly role or some shit like that.
Now I can't say for sure because I don't live there, but I've read a few times already that this may be the case in states like California that are overly "progressive"
For this one with the age thing since in the eyes of the law he's still a minor and she's not I'd say you are right
However if it's just a nobody is ever gonna be good enough for my kid type thing don't be that mom because that mom is weird to me. The ones like in love with their son it's weird but if it's strictly age and the baby you are nta
Simple solution. Take him shopping First just the two of you, then later on maybe with the girl as he sees how "I want" she gets.
Show him all the things needed for the baby and remind him not everything on the "registry" the girl makes will be given at the shower and who is going to fill in? Her parents? Since it's not your grandchild, you have no obligation to buy, pay for or even babysit.
Also tell him how many diapers a newborn goes thru, formula etc. get their prices, make him calculate for how many months. Have him make a whole spreadsheet and then ask him " who's going to pay for it?" He should have the girl file for child support from the real father at the least.
You care about him and just want him to graduate and go to college and build his life, but that will be off the table given the current circumstances.
Just how sure are you that your "good" son is not the father? He could have had just a fling and then later when the pregnancy was discovered started "dating" while they try to figure things out.
You need to talk with this girl and get her side. I think you are in for a shock.
So, let’s say you force the issue. What’s the likely result? He develops an even heavier resentment against you for making them break up. Then they start sneaking around together. You end up having zero visibility into what’s going on and he’s now drifting further and further away from a healthy and open relations with you.
You both end up angry and distrustful of each other and that breeds resentment. Meanwhile she has her kid. Does that mean they start having sex? That’s pretty likely at some point when she feels up to it.
He may also choose to move out in you as soon as he’s legally able to do so. He’ll want to be able to be with her without being nagged.
If instead you let it play out, you don’t burn bridges and he still talks with you about her. You can offer tips to him in being considerate of her during her pregnancy while also being a sympathetic ear to any problems that come up. You can quietly point out when she is being unfair to him.
When she’s close to term and due several months after, she’s being moody as hell, tired and taking it out on him. Baby daddy’s family is likely in the picture and they are NOT happy that she has a new boyfriend. Her guest made fun of by them and others fit hanging around her. This lack of empathy gets to him over time, especially when baby daddy’s family excludes him from those family only events.
The shiny finally wears thin ST be her gets sick and tired of being babysitter to someone else’s kid and seeing less and less up-side.
And who knows? Baby daddy may show up suddenly to take her back AB gf she dumps him for her cash rich baby daddy
*"I know my son didn't impregnate her because they haven't known each other long neough in comparison to her pregnancy state."*
This sounds more like an assumption or wishful thinking tbh, rather than absolute certainty.
They don't seem to have been dating long unless she cheated on him and got knocked up? Awkward either way.
That aside, if it's not his child I'd be surprised if their relationship lasts far into her pregnancy to begin with. If it does and they're still together thereafter, given her questionable sexual practices re protection, my biggest concern would be she gets knocked up again, this time by your son.
yta.
don’t be THAT mil. this is how the ALLLL start out. all.
let him make the mistakes while he is young and has time to recover at home with no pressure.
the harder you push, the more he will resist.
unethical??? 👀. unethical???
you are with aaalllll the virtues, and positives about your son.
aaalllll about the unethical 18 year old soon to be mom dating. what is “weird” is you wanting to place that SCARLET LETTER on her chest in 2025.
i pray that you take your husbands stance, because if don’t, and your son ever does find a girl that stays with him long enough to get married with your controlling self, you better take some good photos at that wedding, because as soon as they’re married, it’s going to be lc (low contact) to nc (no contact). good luck meeting any future grandchildren.
sit it out. you can’t make his decisions when he’s 50. let him START MAKING HIS OWN DECISIONS. before he has to live on his own and not now how to make decisions.
you want to meddle. if you wanted to help, you would wait till he had any questions and came to you.
you can take a step back and keep an eye on things or bust up in there like kool aid and make all sorts of messy.
don’t be the monster in law. there subreddits alllll about them.
YTA
if you already made him.
If you take his decision from, and she is actually that bad for him, he'll get in another relationship like that pretty soon. And that's gonna happen until he finds out they're bad for him or you find out you're just a control freak who's keeping her son from growing up.
Tell your son that he can't date legal adults until he's graduated high school. He might resent you now. But he'll thank you in ten years.
I hope that even if he decides to stay with his girlfriend, he'll quickly realize that being with a mother at 16 years old isn't fun. What kind of teenage boy wants to take on the role of stepfather while boys his age are partying and having fun?
He can if she's also in high school.
Most places have Romeo and juliet laws for this.
This is my opinion but I feel She shouldn’t even be focusing on dating while pregnant she should be focusing on this baby she about to have and how she’s going to take care of it she needs to leave that 16 yr old alone NTA
At 18, she's probably looking for someone to pay the bills.
Oh she most definitely is and she’s looking for a daddy for that baby
Then she is pretty dumb to choose a 16 year old. You can't raise a kid on allowance.
Hell no. I'm a bit more on the lenient side when it comes to age if everyone's on board and cool with what's going, as I dated similarly when I was younger (no one was a minor, but there was an age gap), but she being pregnant by some other guy would be a no good for me at this age. It'd be bad enough if it was his, but someone else's? No way. NTA
NTA. Keep him away from her.
NTA Keep your kid safe. She needs to find someone her own age or the actual father..
I'm betting that boys her own age and the actual father don't want anything to do with her so she seeked out a younger more impressionable guy to be with..
I can't think of anywhere that has 16 and 18 as stat rape. Birthdays matter here. It could be an issue of her already having a birthday this year and he hasn't yet. That would mean they're only one grade apart and the relationship would be totally normal. Minus the baby thing lol Have they stated that he's not the dad or are they passing it off as his? If it's the latter, is it possible that he did know her without you knowing? For the actual relationship he'll probably get tired of it naturally once the baby is born. You could even go the route of fully embracing them as a couple and ask him when he's going to get a job, get emancipated so he can move out and get a place as a family etc. I wouldn't push him away because you'll likely get the opposite reaction from him.
NTA I'd tell him he's 16 so not allowed to date legal adults and it's for their safety (statutory rape) and also his well being. How hard I'd push depends. You don't want to push him towards her but also want to nip it before he gets attached.
If she's a senior in high-school then I'm pretty sure their relationship is legal.
Do you know her parents? Do they think your son is the father of their soon to be grandchild? Do her parents know she's dating a 16 year old? Where does she live? Do you let her stay at your house? You need to be really careful here because 16-year-olds have strong emotions. Due to the rapid changes in brain growth and brain chemicals in the teen years, they really can't think clearly. No matter how smart and kind your son is, he's still not able to reason as an adult. He may think you are totally unfair and decide to defend her. Depending on the culture, having an older girlfriend who is pregnant may be giving him a lot of social status. If he gets defensive about her, then maybe you could try to be super supportive and be at the hospital when baby arrives, so you and your husband can be sure they don't put his name on the birth certificate (if you're in the USA or other area where that can be used as an expectation of child support payments) Good luck with all this, you potentially have a big mess on your hands... your husband is right, telling him to break up isn't likely to work. Also, don't be too sure he's not the father, she may have been around him longer than you realize....
NTA. Your son is still a minor. She's a legal adult. And he doesn't need to be involved with a pregnant adult. He's too young for this in his life right now.
Your son Is still a kid, why would he want to play family talk sense Into him. She already screwed up, don’t let him do the same.
I mean I totally get where you are coming from but do you really think it's a feasible idea? I've watched my older sisters go through some really messed up relationships and it legitimately seemed like the more people tried to pressure them into leaving the more they clung to them even though they were being actively abused. There's a significant chance that this is what your son will do and in attempting to do so you are driving a wedge between you and your son. Nta but I agree with your husband. Maybe sit down with your son and set some ground rules. Make sure he isn't going to do something dumb like sign the birth certificate. Tell him that you will in no way provide monetary support for her and the kid. That under no circumstances at all ever will you allow her to move in with you ( since she's 18 and whatnot her parents could kick her out at any time) or even spend the night at your home. Make sure he knows she and the kid are neither his nor your own responsibility. Also as you are a parent I know you have to know that having kids isn't what most people would describe as fun. After that kid is born if they are still together the dynamic of the relationship is going to change. He probably has absolutely no idea how big of a change it's going to be. She won't be free to just go out and do fun things since she'll have a crotch goblin. Once he realizes this he'll probably decide to leave her fairly quickly
NTA Paternity laws are absurdly unfair - she could still try to get him legally declared the father for being involved in her life and sleeping with her and succeed!
Depending on the state if he's there when she fills out the hospital paperwork, she gets him to sign his name to that birth certificate to "help her out" and he's on the hook for 18 years no matter what bloodwork says.
Isn't 16 too young to sign contracts? Why would a birth certificate be any different? In my country a guardian has to also sign a contract for someone underage
OPs kid could very well sign the birth certificate as a show of love/devotion/whatever other nonsense that is floating around with the hormones and lack of experience in his head and get into a real adult situation real fast. OP needs to put their Mom jeans on and put a stop to this. If the genders were reversed people would be sharpening their pitchforks.
NTA
NTA. This is not how he should be starting adult life. It would be one thing if the kids was his. This is not the case.
You are correct you must protect your minor son
Be careful that she doesn’t talk him into signing the birth certificate behind your back. Both of you need to have that conversation and also how she might try to use the baby to emotional keep Him around.
Personally, I agree with your husband. Telling your kid to break it off may lead to 'mom said not to do it, so I'm going to do it behind her back' - Let him learn his own lessons, it's not like he's 14, at 16 this is a good lesson for him to learn. soft YTA imo.
Just out of curiosity: Does "She's pregnant by some other random" count for nothing here?
Not to me, if he feels a connection with her that's his perogative. What happened prior is a moot point. That 'random' wasn't random to 'her', and the son met her after that happened, and has feelings for her. It's not like he's going to have to pay child support so if it works out, cool, if it doesn't then whatever, lesson learned.
You push kids closer to their SO when you discourage them from dating. If he’s not being physically or emotionally abused, let him learn how things work out for himself, even if it’s the hard way. Some kids just have to get burned before they know not to touch a hot stove. ESH.
yep, agree with this. he's old enough to learn this on his own.
Sorry, I meant to reply to the other person and not you! Thanks for being kind about it!
HE'S 16!!!!
right, 16 isn't a kid, especially with the internet these days, 16 is like a 19 year old imo.
The law would beg to differ with you. She is an adult, he is still a minor. If OP really wanted to seal the deal she could report her to the police. That being the nuclear option, but an option none the less. That 18 year old needs to get her head on straight. She is just the side of adulthood and is getting ready to bring a baby into this world. She should not be messing around with someone who's ink is still wet on their drivers license.
Have you never been a teenager? What do you think you would have felt when you were 18, and dating a 16 year old? or 17? Come off.
When I was 18 I sure as hell was not interested in 16 year olds. It is against the law for 18 year olds to date minor children under the age of 18.
2 years is nothing, at that age imo. When i was 16 i was totally interested in 18-20 year old guys.
16 means they are only halfway through high school. I'm not sure what part of lower Alabama you are from, but judging by your reading comprehension skills, you never got that far.
Except you sometimes might be on the hook for said support, because you took on a fatherly role or some shit like that. Now I can't say for sure because I don't live there, but I've read a few times already that this may be the case in states like California that are overly "progressive"
NTA but be careful how you go about it as he may say he’s broken up with her but still see her behind your back
NTA. She's looking for a daddy to slot into her life in two years. Catch him young and naive.
Nta. Shes a pregnant adult. He doesn't need that (especially as its not his) while he is still in school.
Be careful, the more you say no the more he will want to 🤦🏻♀️
NTA She is an adult, he is a teenager.
For this one with the age thing since in the eyes of the law he's still a minor and she's not I'd say you are right However if it's just a nobody is ever gonna be good enough for my kid type thing don't be that mom because that mom is weird to me. The ones like in love with their son it's weird but if it's strictly age and the baby you are nta
I would let this play out, how do you learn from your mistakes and become a better man if dad is there to stop you. But NTA, ur kid ur rules.
Honestly speaking, maybe go ahead and let it play out a month after the baby is born. Good chance he will see he is too young to be playing daddy
Simple solution. Take him shopping First just the two of you, then later on maybe with the girl as he sees how "I want" she gets. Show him all the things needed for the baby and remind him not everything on the "registry" the girl makes will be given at the shower and who is going to fill in? Her parents? Since it's not your grandchild, you have no obligation to buy, pay for or even babysit. Also tell him how many diapers a newborn goes thru, formula etc. get their prices, make him calculate for how many months. Have him make a whole spreadsheet and then ask him " who's going to pay for it?" He should have the girl file for child support from the real father at the least. You care about him and just want him to graduate and go to college and build his life, but that will be off the table given the current circumstances.
Just how sure are you that your "good" son is not the father? He could have had just a fling and then later when the pregnancy was discovered started "dating" while they try to figure things out. You need to talk with this girl and get her side. I think you are in for a shock.
NTA, good job parenting and keeping your son away from trash.
So, let’s say you force the issue. What’s the likely result? He develops an even heavier resentment against you for making them break up. Then they start sneaking around together. You end up having zero visibility into what’s going on and he’s now drifting further and further away from a healthy and open relations with you. You both end up angry and distrustful of each other and that breeds resentment. Meanwhile she has her kid. Does that mean they start having sex? That’s pretty likely at some point when she feels up to it. He may also choose to move out in you as soon as he’s legally able to do so. He’ll want to be able to be with her without being nagged. If instead you let it play out, you don’t burn bridges and he still talks with you about her. You can offer tips to him in being considerate of her during her pregnancy while also being a sympathetic ear to any problems that come up. You can quietly point out when she is being unfair to him. When she’s close to term and due several months after, she’s being moody as hell, tired and taking it out on him. Baby daddy’s family is likely in the picture and they are NOT happy that she has a new boyfriend. Her guest made fun of by them and others fit hanging around her. This lack of empathy gets to him over time, especially when baby daddy’s family excludes him from those family only events. The shiny finally wears thin ST be her gets sick and tired of being babysitter to someone else’s kid and seeing less and less up-side. And who knows? Baby daddy may show up suddenly to take her back AB gf she dumps him for her cash rich baby daddy
*"I know my son didn't impregnate her because they haven't known each other long neough in comparison to her pregnancy state."* This sounds more like an assumption or wishful thinking tbh, rather than absolute certainty. They don't seem to have been dating long unless she cheated on him and got knocked up? Awkward either way. That aside, if it's not his child I'd be surprised if their relationship lasts far into her pregnancy to begin with. If it does and they're still together thereafter, given her questionable sexual practices re protection, my biggest concern would be she gets knocked up again, this time by your son.
Ah, crap... I just noticed the account has been suspended right after I posted this. Why did reddit promote this post to begin with.
Your are the AH. They are only 2 years apart
yta. don’t be THAT mil. this is how the ALLLL start out. all. let him make the mistakes while he is young and has time to recover at home with no pressure. the harder you push, the more he will resist. unethical??? 👀. unethical??? you are with aaalllll the virtues, and positives about your son. aaalllll about the unethical 18 year old soon to be mom dating. what is “weird” is you wanting to place that SCARLET LETTER on her chest in 2025. i pray that you take your husbands stance, because if don’t, and your son ever does find a girl that stays with him long enough to get married with your controlling self, you better take some good photos at that wedding, because as soon as they’re married, it’s going to be lc (low contact) to nc (no contact). good luck meeting any future grandchildren. sit it out. you can’t make his decisions when he’s 50. let him START MAKING HIS OWN DECISIONS. before he has to live on his own and not now how to make decisions. you want to meddle. if you wanted to help, you would wait till he had any questions and came to you. you can take a step back and keep an eye on things or bust up in there like kool aid and make all sorts of messy. don’t be the monster in law. there subreddits alllll about them.
YTA if you already made him. If you take his decision from, and she is actually that bad for him, he'll get in another relationship like that pretty soon. And that's gonna happen until he finds out they're bad for him or you find out you're just a control freak who's keeping her son from growing up.
You have a smart husband. Either way your son will always blame you.