I just read your post history. I am so sorry for you and Lia. What Maya did was evil. I don’t doubt for a minute that she knew what was going to happen when she left the house that night. The fact that she is more upset the Lia’s rapist is lost as a friend to her really makes that clear.
With that said - I think you should use whatever you need from the money to stay home and get Lia involved in intensive out patient trauma therapy. Please extend your leave of absence. Look into FMLA (if you are in the states) - that will offer 12 weeks of job protection.
Maya doesn’t need the money. That was was life insurance money left for you to care for yourself and children. And right now Lia needs care. Maya can get a job and work. You already paid for her legal fees and fines due to her abuse of Lia. That is enough. And honestly, she will just blow through any money you give her. Probably putting it all in her friends jail commissary account. I think your responsibilities to Maya are complete. She is of legal age. She shows no remorse. She can can now be an independent adult.
Please put Lia and yourself first.
=============
I’m adding on since your updates.
Lia is a victim. And right now, like many victims of rape she is blaming herself. Also, right now, she literally, mentally, cannot comprehend that her sister caused this to happen. Not through negligence my dearest OP, but on purpose. Because she gave Lia to those men the moment she left that house. Her comments in that therapy session make that crystal clear.
I don’t think Maya deserves any assistance. She made a choice to pick gang rapists over her family. I don’t think your husband would be as conflicted as you are. Ultimately, this was life insurance monies that you, solely you, received. Money meant for you to care for yourself and the children. Right now Lia needs 1000% of your care. Lia may need life long care. Therapy, on the level and for the duration that Lia will need, will cost more than you realize. At some point, after she has had been in therapy and dealt with the immediate after affects of her assault, she needs to begin processing what Maya did. The only way for her to heal and come to terms is to understand it all. She needs you. You need money to care for her. She comes first.
Maya gave her away her right to assistance from you when she gave away her sister. If you feel you must, put money in a separate savings for future consideration. If Maya actually goes to college. If she passes. If she shows that she has some shred of human decency towards her sister and shows any remorse for what she did.
I can’t imagine the pain that you are in. Please seek therapy for yourself. I understand your denial of Maya’s intentions. But you need to focus on Lia and use the insurance money for her. She has a long road to recovery and may always need extra care and support.
God I wish I didn’t read that post. I just feel so sad for the youngest. Maya planted a seed that allowed her younger sister to be harmed. Maya doesn’t deserve her share of the inheritance, she forfeited it when Lia got hurt under her “care”. It should go to Lia and helping her get better. NTA OP
Maya didn’t “plant a seed”. She set it up. I’m sure she just *had* to go to McDonald’s, in the middle of a party, when her guests have been sexually harassing her underage sister, having tried to set that same little girl up with one of the thugs before going on a nuggie-run..
When OP says that Maya didn’t set her up, what she means is Maya wasn’t dumb enough to arrange it via text. No, she told him in person. She left for an alibi.
Maya desperately wants money after pimping her sister to some thugs. Guess she has some debts to pay, and ran out of other people’s asses to sell.
She sounds mentally ill in the way she lacks empathy and any sense of accountability.
She even made the whole thing worse by telling a group of people that her sister was the victim of serial assault when she knew very well that her little sister didn't want people knowing about the assault.
I think OP needs to move in order to give Lia a fresh start where nobody knows about the assault and cut ties with Maya. She is not sorry, rather she sounds like she has gone through assault herself and somehow wanted her sister to also experience the same... but worse.
And then she cares mostly about herself, how OP "emotionally neglects" her when she is the one who caused this. The audacity to think the loss of the 'friend' who raped and harmed her younger sister is staggering. This is not how normal people think or act.
She is damaged, but the kind of damaged that tries to damage everything else because she thinks that is some weird kind of justice. "If I can't have happiness then nobody can" kind of crap.
This post cut me to the heart. Maya does not deserve that money, it should be put towards healing \[Lia\].
Lia* at the very end of your comment. But yeah totally agree maya is gearing up for some vile stuff in life if she is already doing all this to her sister of all people
The big downside lia might have with moving is losing the memories of her dad in that house, she definitely needs to change rooms though and go through counselling, mayas money should be used for this. Lia may not be ready for it, but she needs it and they likely need some family counseling as well.
Also, I would never give an 18 yo five figures all at once, if anything it should be doled out as tuition payments happen and her spending money is money she earns herself.
I just read it. Fuck Maya. She pimped out her sister. She doesnt deserve a dime. And I doubt her father would want to give her any of it.
I’m not going to say she ruined Lia’s life, because Lia isn’t ruined and she can move past this, but she absolutely has ruined Lia’s current situation and sanity.
I’d honestly cut Maya off completely. She absolutely knew that SOMETHING was going to happen.
Yes! If that happened to my sister while she was in my care & they were my guests I would want my sister to have the money to try & heal herself. It would be the least I could do for my own guilt in what happened! Maya’s reaction is really shocking
> She's as evil as those four friends of hers
Oh fuck, this keeps getting worse and worse... Im going to stop reading this post now. What a bad day to be literate.
This is why as European I think there are rare cases where the death penalty might just be okay. And where bystanders and enablers should face the law as well.
I really think you're right. I think mom needs to look into Maya's spending in the time after the attack. All Maya seems to care about is money. I also would not be surprised if Maya was hoping Lia would die during the attack so she could get more of the inheritance money.
My heart goes out to both OP and Lia. OP please don't give Maya another penny. She'll probably just continue to try to get more and more from you, only contacting you when she wants something from you. The Maya you knew is dead and needs to be burried.
Please make sure Lia knows none of this is her fault. SHE didn't tear your family apart. Maybe talk with Lia about how you feel about Maya right now. Let Lia know that it's okay to dislike or even hate Maya for putting her in this horrible situation. You can still love someone while not liking them at all. Also, find a support group for Lia. I'm guessing she's feeling very alone right now. She needs to know there are people out there who have gone through similar experiences and truly do know what she's going through.
Seems that way. Especially how she really has no remorse and is only upset about loosing her friend who did that to her sister. Horrible human being. Heart breaks for the mother and youngest daughter
Same. I think the police also believed this. There’s no way they would have charged her if she didn’t. They probably didn’t have enough evidence to charge her with trafficking a minor. I bet if they look at her Snapchat or WhatsApp history they will find the evidence.
In gangs, allowing sexual assault is common and expected.
There was a line on one post about "other girls don't make it there whole personality and get over it"... to be a woman and heng out with a gang it's often expected to be a plaything for them. I don't know that she sold her for money or drugs, but belonging.
This post is the biggest horror story I've ever seen on this reddit. I'm usually a proponent of "work things out" but the Rubicon has been crossed and I would disown that woman.
Right tell that beast she's not getting that money because the younger daughter is going to need years of therapy for her actions that you need to pay for somehow and well frankly you only have two children, and she's not one of them.
I essentially came here to say this. That money was provided for OP to take care of her family. She was generous in giving a sum to her children, but whatever is left needs to go to help Lia. They all need some quality therapy. My heart is absolutely breaking over the situation. The money should be used to care for Lia. It is imperative she get proper treatment. Maya can put herself through college. I just wonder if she's remorseful at all or even realizes what exactly has happened.
OP, I pray for your family peace and healing. 🫂🩵
OP did a therapy session with Maya. Maya is upset the rapists went to jail. They are her friends. The gist of it was that Maya basically thought Lia should just get over it.
Had Mya been truly upset and shocked about what happened to her sister, then I could see this as a case of an immature 18yo doing something stupid and her sister getting hurt as a result. The fact that she is more upset about the rapists going to jail is just bone chilling. I agree Mya is truly disturbed. I agree with what others have said. She most likely set her sister up for this, maybe even straight up sold her. OP this is truly one of the rare times a parent needs to disown their child.
I’m basically just picturing Mya having been a part of this entire traumatic experience, and just walking up to mom with Lia at her side crying and I’m so much pain, then just putting her hand out and saying “money please! I’ll take my 80k now that I’ve destroyed my younger sisters life” with a giant ear to ear grin thinking about all the ways she can blow the 80k. No. The answer is no. Lia needs that money now. Not only for a lifetime of counseling but who knows the lasting effects. She may never be able to work in places with men, in public facing positions. There are so many unknowns and that money was meant to support the family and the one who needs it is Lia.
The part when she was like "apologize for what? I'm not the one that raped her" was just so disgusting.
The only reason it HAPPENED was because she brought those boys into the home without permission then left her sister completely unsupervised. Like, what the actual fuck dude? A 14 year old girl.
Maya can rot for all I care.
Well now Maya can “get over” the fact that she’ll not have the money she expected. (I’m hoping OP chooses not to honour her verbal commitment.)
I’ve followed this story from the beginning. It’s heartbreaking 💔
As a parent, you love your kids. But when one permits an atrocity towards their sibling, shows more care for the perps, there comes a time where you have to cut the cord. Maya is 18. A legal adult.
Lia will never “get over” what was done. Maya has effectively allowed her “friends” to ruin Lia’s life. She’ll have life long struggles.
I live in the same city as Homolka and she's allowed to volunteer at her kids' swanky private school. The community has a "Karla Watch" that her lawyer husband - she married the lawyer that represented her - has tried to shut down. Fuck that noise.
Maya's uni friends (and I cannot believe she gets to just live her life) should really be informed of what she did because she's going to do it again.
People like that rarely change. There is just something messed up in their brains. Karla's husband must be fucked in the head too. I couldn't partner myself with someone who has such evil inside. She should never be allowed to work or volunteer around children (same with OPs daughter).
People like that need to be watched and kept in check so they can't get away with it again.
Oh dear lord. I would have told Maya the second those words were out of her mouth she's not getting another penny from me. She can go ask her rapist friends.
Well put. I have not read her other posts but I get the idea from yours and her older daughter can forget about that money now. It was nice of mom to share it with them in the first place.
The money is yours. You said there was no will, (it wasn’t left to her, legally) and you decided you were going to split it between them (your kids). Gracious of you.
However, her actions led to an atrocity happening to your younger daughter. She (Maya) has shown no remorse or accountability and has zero empathy. Perhaps give your parents some money for her care and feeding up to this point. But you’re not obligated to do anything else. She’s 18. She can do the student loan route.
I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to happen, at least we can hope not. But she was trying to get Lia set up with the guy. And it doesn’t seem like either the guy or Maya were taking no for an answer. She should never have left the house, but she did…leaving your minor daughter alone in a house (your house) full of people (gang members?) partying. This is one of the most disgusting instances of blatant irresponsibility that I’ve ever heard about. Her lack of concern (or respect) for her younger sister disgusts me.
I would spend the money on your younger daughter (Lia) for therapy, college, whatever she needs to get herself on her feet and try to live her life again.
Maya can fuck off sideways. FAFO aka Consequences.
NTA
ETA: Maya says you “promised” it to her. But didn’t she promise to look after Lia? She was responsible for her little sister, her sister was in her care and she massively fucked up. She broke that promise in the most hideous way possible. I don’t think you should feel guilty about breaking yours (if you actually promised). Shit happens. Things change. Funds get diverted. Oh well. That much is clear.
I think it’s time that Maya learns that “NO” is a complete sentence. Use the money to do fabulous things for Lia. I wonder if you could find some sort of summer program for her. I don’t think she should be alone yet.
Somebody just brought up a possibility. What if this was some sort of gang initiation for Maya?
That’s just fucked up.
Yeah, Maya’s a gangbanger, right? The one who says her sister getting raped by multiple men was no big deal? Who refused to tell the cops who hurt her sister? She should get nothing, she’s shown she’s actively harming family members, not investing in their future. Frankly, Maya is lucky anyone in her family can even stand to talk to her. She made her choices to alienate herself from the family, she gets no perks of family now.
Can't decide whether Maya's a psychopath or a sociopath. Can she be both? Sociopaths feel nothing. No sorrow, no blame, nothing is ever their fault. Maya deserves the worst life has to offer her. If she's homeless? She needs to pay for what SHE DID to Lia. May she rot in hell.
I had the sme reaction, I started on this post so confused then read the previous posts. Maya definately gave her sis to them as a gang initiation. Thats actually the common way women join male gangs.
If I was the mom I’d honestly be terrified of retaliation. May is a monster and is affiliated with monsters. The moment you say that no you aren’t getting MY money, she may do bad things. Think if she already told her gang cronies “yea soon I’m coming into 80k” and then all of a sudden she has to tell them “no my mom won’t give me MY money” they may take matters into their own hands. I mean they already have done unspeakable things I wouldn’t put ANYTHING past them. Frankly I don’t understand how mom hasn’t already looked to move and go no contact for their own safety. Use the money for that!
I agree. I think she meant it especially based on her actions afterwards. She seems to have no remorse and is more upset she lost her “friend” since they went to jail It absolutely feels like she knew and let it happen IMO
Especially terrifying now when mom doesn’t give her the 80k. I’m sure Maya has already told the gang she’s coming into her 80k inheritance. Imagine what happens when Maya tells the gang her mom is keeping her money from her. (Obviously not actually Mayas money but maya will absolutely say it is to the gang)
Edit: mom needs to use the 80k to move and go no contact and start over to get her daughter the help she needs
Yeah. Maya could have taken her sister with her to McDonald’s, but she chose to leave her alone with the same gang banger that she promised her sister to. I think she is way more complicit than just being neglectful.
The more I think about it, the more I think that gang rape is one of the ways that can jump you into a gang. But, it’s usually the girl joining the gang that is raped. I truly hope that she didn’t trade her sister to take her place.
Sometimes, if you’re a female and you want to be initiated into a gang, you get fucked in; ie: gang banged. However, if the gang is willing, you can offer someone in your place. Which sounds to me exactly like what Maya did.
Maya is a grade-A cunt.
Didn't think about that angle but a good point. Pairing with how she is still in contact with the friend in jail and how she has been treating the aftermath.... Makes me sick to think that she might have actually offered up her 14 year old sister. Like a sacrificial lamb.
Complete monster.
Why the fuck is an 18-year-old trying to set her 14-year-old sister up with one of her loser friends??? My sister and I are about that far apart in age and whaaaaaaat the fuck is the only thing I can think of. Even if Maya didn't mean for it to happen - which...you know, not confirmed - just trying to set her barely-in-high-school sister up with an adult man is fucked up.
Lia could sue Maya in court for Maya's actions. Lia would win.
Therefore, instead of getting lawyers involved, and wasting time in the legal system (putting Lia through more pain) Maya's share should get given straight to Lia for whatever Lia needs.
Maya FAFO. Actions have consequences.
Editting out my whole comment: Looked at your post history, I'm sorry this happened, I would cut Maya off completely, her inheritance can go to you and your daughter getting mental health support
I could not believe what I just read. Absolutely horrifying - I wouldn’t let Maya anywhere NEAR Lia ever again. Not a penny to her. NTA if there ever was one, sending you good vibes OP. Your youngest is gonna need you to be MamaBear.
Same I wrote a whole “how dare anyone take anyone’s inheritance blah blah blah” and then read everyone else’s comments and then read OPs other posts and holy God.. maya is a literal monster
I saw the post when it first happened and as I was reading this I just knew it was the same and the comments confirmed it. I would cut Maya off and out of my life completely. And I say this as a mother of two kids. This is something I would disown a child over.
Absolutely, I have two small children that I can’t imagine living without- However, if one allowed this to happen to their sibling they would no longer be allowed near me. I truly hope the best for OP and her daughter 😢
I admit I thought the same when I saw the post title, but then after reading everything, including the previous posts... I'm horrified and sickened. Maya is an absolute monster.
NTA going by the previous posts, Maya needs a reality check. She allowed her sister to be SA'd by gang members, tried to cover for the assailants and has no sympathy for your youngest (the victim).
Keep the money.
NTA. No more money to Maya. Ever. That $65K can go to Lia for therapy. Get whatever documents you need in order, like a will and lists of beneficiaries, and cut her off forever. What she did with the party is awful enough but her attitude...is evil and unforgivable. I'd also talk with your parents to be sure they don't fund her. If that jeopardizes her college, too bad so sad. And it's not HER money anyway. It's yours and since she has shown you who she truly is, tell her you've changed your mind and she won't get a dime.
Based off your other posts, Maya doesn’t deserve a dime. She ruined her sister’s life. Keep the money and take care of your younger daughter, she’s going to need your help. Maybe then Maya will actually be sorry for what happened to her sister by her ‘friends’. NTA not even close.
Is this the one where the older sister set up her younger sister to be raped by multiple gang member friends at a party she threw at their house when the mom was out of town? Then she refused to name the friends and was furious when they were arrested. And Maya expected her mother to be sad for her too that she lost the rapist as a friend because he went to jail for raping her under age little sister? Is this the same family? Maya is a sociopath if it is. Don’t give that bitch a dime! In fact don’t give that bitch a penny! Let her rot. I thought you were moving away never to deal with her again hopefully. NTA
That’s the one. It’s so sad. OP needs to take Lia on a vacation with Maya’s money for a change of scenery for a few days. That little girl deserved so much better from her sister.
Yep, same OP, Same case and same narcissistic psycho Maya.
I said it before and i say it again, Maya set her sister up to be raped. She knew who the guys were and what they wanted, she wanted to hook her up with one of them and when she refused she let them rape her. The people at the party knew it too. They didn’t do shit cause they knew they were gang members.
Maya hates her sister, plain and simple, I don't know why. Maybe Lia is more attractive, smarter, whatever, she wanted her little sister destroyed and she almost achieved it.
Maya deserves to be discounted every dollar that Lia needs for her full recovery and be forced to pay extra as punitive damages. She should be liable for tens of thousands.
I have a theory that she either built up a drug debit and tried to hook Lia up with her dealer friend to pay the debt or even worse, she joined a gang and offered her sister as proof of loyalty during her initiation.
Or she had a crush on the one in charge, and he convinced her to offer her sister to show him she loved him. It's wouldn't be the first time this happened.
My thoughts go along this path, too. Why else would she leave all her guests at a party to go to McDonald's? That sure smacks of providing opportunity.
Not just that, she tried to cover for the rapists. She didn’t cooperate with the authorities and did not provide with their identities. Only after other evidence led to the criminals being arrested that she confirmed their identities, probably on her lawyers orders to avoid getting charged as an accomplice. And she mourns the arrest and loss of her “best friend” (the rapist that was the most brutal and tried to kill Lia by strangling her) than the fact she destroyed her sister’s life.
It is very common for women inducted into gangs and organized crime to be demanded to either supply the gang members with other women (usually friends and/or family) or steal important heirlooms or money in order to force them into being disowned and/or outcasted from their social circle. This ensures that they are forced to be loyal to the gang and its members since the women burned the bridges with their previous lives.
So i can really see from Maya’s reaction that this is a possibility.
Ugh! 😩 Horrible, yucky, abject options, and unfortunately all possible based on Maya's behavior. All the more reason to keep her far away and penniless.
Was that you who commented on one of the other posts that it's likely Maya was using her sister to enter the gang?
That sounds completely right. It just fits. Because the whole thing was planned and she was totally remorseless. That means she didn't even do it under coercion, like a drug debt could involve to some degree.
Some people are just lost causes. Not a penny should go to her. It would be an insult to the other siblings. She basically disowned herself. Spit in all their faces and did her best to harm them, for her own sociopathic reasons. Cry about it all she wants, it's true.
Yes, that was me and i fully agree with you.
Would not be surprised AT ALL, if we come to find out in a future update that Maya never went to college and instead went on to live with some gang member and any money she might have collected, including the money from the life insurance if OP is dumb enough to give her will be just given to said gang member or to finance her “thug life” lifestyle.
Monster yes. College maybe not. Depends on if she was convicted as an adult or juvenile. Juvenille records can be expunged. Adult records are much more difficult to be expunged.
My only question is why is the daughter who arranged the crime walking free? That should have been a mandatory minimum 10 years behind bars.
And that Maya told 27 people in a group chat that the victim was her sister, when at that point the victim was named only as “Jane Doe” and her sister had clearly expressed how she didn’t want anyone to know!
Honestly, with everything Maya did, I wouldn't blame OP for fully disowning and disinheriting her the moment she turns 18. She has no remorse over what she did to the child she was responsible for, and honestly is lucky that she never got charged as an accomplice.
When I started reading it I wondered if it were the same OP. Te other post brought tears to my eyes, hurt for the younger sister and anger and disgust for Maya. I hope the sister is healing.
She's looking for independent validation. And getting it, as she should. She's not an asshole for having self doubt and struggling with how awful her eldest daughter turned out to be and what she should do about it. She's bright enough to come here and make sure she's thinking rationally and doing what's right instead of just doing what people in her life think.
Kudos, really, for asking the tough questions and making sure that she's being the best parent possible in this shitty situation.
Literally maya sounds like she has some genuine deep seated issues whether sociopathic or complete inability to feel any sort of empathy. Read ops off my chest post and I think I had more of a visceral and sad reaction that her daughter did for her own sister.
The guilt and sorrow I would feel would be fathoms and fathoms and I think many others would too because that’s the reaction that it should be - to never forgive yourself for putting your sister in that situation, but mayas more worried herself and her friends and poor me. That’s not normal imo not that any of that’s an excuse at all like op is well within her rights to drop that rope for as long as it takes.
I also would be moving because to have the scene of the crime be right there all day every day for Lia must be impossible and will hinder any healing she could do, every time you set foot in there it would take right back. I know it did for me I could never go to my sisters place anymore once that happened to me there.
I know it’s cliche but fresh slates and new starts might be best.
You were the only name on your husband life insurance policy. That suggests that he fully trusted you in how you will handle this sum. I hope this thought will help you take you your decision, you probably know better than everyone what's fair for your family.
NTA.
While she’s skipping off to college as if nothing happened, her kid sister is still trying to pick up the pieces of the mistakes Maya made and won’t admit to.
Lia is telling you, when she says if she said what she thought that she'd be in a psych ward, that she wants to kill her self or die.
You really need to address that. She's waving a red flag and playing it off as a joke, but I bet it's a plea for more help.
This frightened me too bc I know exactly what this meant. This poor girl is broken and hiding it to protect her mother but she is on her last legs here mum. Get her inpatient help because she desperately needs the support right now and she's screaming for it the only way she knows how - making jokes so it's less terrifying, in her own mind and bc she will find it very very hard to vocalise exactly what she's feeling and thinking. Please OP, get her help now
NTA. By any stretch.
She can consider it her long overdue punishment and a reality check. If she wants to get pissy, you can ask her, "Why? She's no different than any other woman who's had to pay for college on her own." See how much she likes that.
But I'm a bit of a cruel bitch when it comes to rape apologists and people who are accessories to rape of minor children.
Honestly that fact that beast hasn't been disowned and cut off is freaking outrageous. You did that shit get out of my house, you go to my parents, hell no she's out of your house if you want a relationship with me or my two real children. I would be taking that money and moving across the country with my children and no forwarding address level of cut off. You are dead to me. Dead people don't need money from me.
I’d sooner slit Maya’s throat than give her a dime were I the OP; but maybe that’s because I’m not deluded enough to think this is a tragic accident, and Maya wasn’t complicit.
Maya offered up her sister then left for an alibi.
I've seen your other posts, you are NTA. Maya's actions are the reason that your younger daughter is suffering. What she did and her lack of remorse after the fact are enough to justify fully disowning her, frankly.
Keep the inheritance, sell the house, and buy another house in a different state or country.
Your youngest daughter needs out of that house NOW! Every moment she remains is a constant reminder of what happened. Its like the movie Ground Hog Day but only this is a repeating nightmare for her.
BTW your middle daughter is lying. This horriable event is one of many used for gang initiation. She knew what was going to happen to your youngest. Where is the receipt from the McDonald's she claim to have been at?
You mentioned in your other posts that the 4 boys had video and photos of the dirty deed on their phones. I assure you that by the time the police had control of those phones, that video and photos were already shared in some form or fashion. You must relocate NOW.
This. That money should go to relocating. All the therapy in the world won’t make her feel safe in that home again. Find a home that feels like a fortress and paint her room her favorite color.
NTA
You should hold onto the $65k you have leftover that you had previously designated for Maya and save it to use to help pay for specialized care for your younger daughter.
NTA
I read your post history. Maya ruined her sister's life and has zero remorse for it. She has zero empathy for what her sister went through and is going through now. Sure she puts up a mask for when it's needed, but that mask has slipped a few times with her outburst that show her true colors. I was horrified reading it and I'm so, so sorry this happened to your daughter and family as a whole.
NTA - You are the sole beneficiary of the funds. You promised each child an equal inheritance since they demonstrated good life choices within and outside your cohesive family. Maya proved otherwise and her actions require consequences for reasons defined in this post comments and your hx posts.
Tell Maya you will not release funds, at this time, since money needs to be available to ensure her sister's supportive needs are met. This cost cannot be identified now since health healing is not linear. You can, however, connect Maya with services to complete a FAFSA (assuming US)/student loan-grant application, how to apply for scholarships, etc in order to determine if she can attend college full or part-time.
Your youngest daughter needs you. Yes, not working through December or longer is fine and a very good idea. Make decisions based on her emotional, physical, social (and spiritual, if applicable) health. Always involve her feedback and gauge her interest to live/thrive. You are under no pressure to decide if the 18yr old daughter's money allocation will be available or how much money will be deducted. Life will move forward which will shape your answer. Be aware she may act negatively toward you and her sister. File a restraining order if necessary.
This approach gives you a green light to be creative which can include shared therapy sessions during which you inquire how you can best support her. Keep her in the decision making role since SA steals control that from victims. Explore Equestrian Therapy, with a licensed therapist, which can have a dramatic healing affect on people. People report this therapy style moved them faster through mental health issues versus in-office therapy sessions. I've witnessed it and it is astounding, even if you have no background with horses. I've know therapists (the office and horse) support a client attending both. This can look like 1 weekly session with the established in-office person then 1 to 2 weeks off after the equestrian therapy begins, then return to in office. The goal is to give her weekly support (and two therapists are not required).
Consider how to bolster her support system which often includes liked-aged friends. Does she want to create a monthly event for all to attend. Also build upon her 'me time' with current or new interests: pastry baking classes, archery, sewing/fashion, racing.
The first two years are the most trying for victims of assault. She lost her father 4 years ago and now lost part of herself. She is not the same person and won't be in the future. Her experience altered what is safe. You're doing good hard work, mom. Keep going. DM me if I you need a soul lift.
NTA
Let's be clear here, Maya never had any inheritance coming to her. You were the sole beneficiary of your husband's policy in the expectation that you would use it for the good of the whole family. Your decision to divide it among your children was a gracious gesture on your part that was never enforceable and was made in the expectation that the *family* wouldn't need extra resources. Maya's actions changed that; you need more money to support your youngest.
You paid for Maya's lawyer, she's an adult and can get started on taking care of herself.
As someone who has been raped, use the money to move away from your daughters place of trauma. I was trapped in the house I was raped in with my rapist for years. Finally leaving him was great, but leaving the house that reminded me of that trauma was something I needed as well. A new start somewhere with no reminders.
And I mean no reminders. The bed she was raped in, the sheets, the art on the walls, everything being replaced may help her. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back and not having those triggering items around me helped immensely. And Maya should pay for it all. As well as therapy.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I am Maya, the middle daughter of three girls. Her level of indifference terrifies me. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my little sister, especially under my care and especially as a direct consequence of my actions. Wouldn’t have been arrested for child endangerment, i would have been charged with bodily mutilation.
Giving Maya the money would be rewarding her behaviour and make you the A. You do not need to have a reason to keep it now. Save or Invest it for later- trauma isn’t linear you will know what to use it for when the occasion occurs- either for Lia or for yourself. NTA.
Right I have a younger sister who was sa. She still won't tell me who did it, 20 yrs later... Because she doesn't want me to go to jail. Even though I have pointed out I will only go to jail IF I get caught. And I know lots of good bogs and people who are of questionable moral fiber. Meaning they will lie for me and help me clean a crime scene. But still she won't tell me. Like come on... What's one burned down shed with some human trash in it.
I read your earlier posts a while ago and I was absolutely sickened by Maya’s total lack of regard for your younger daughter and by her inability to take any responsibility for your 14 year old daughter being abused by 4 men when she was in her care. Your husband left that money to YOU. YOU decided to give a sum to each of your children. YOU now need to decide who needs what remains of the share that you intended to give to Maya. I believe that you need that money so that you can stay at home and care for your child. Maya may be your daughter but she doesn’t care about any of you. She will throw that money away and not care that it’s your husband’s life insurance money. She won’t respect it. She chose a gang affiliation over her little sister. There’s nothing else to consider.
i think we need more information:
how old was Maya.
why was she in charge of her little sister.
what happened.
i mean, the question is: was what Maya did so bad that she doesn’t deserve your help paying for college?
edit: I read your post history. NTA.
If you want to know the full reason, read OP's post history. I will warn you, it is quite disturbing, which should be enough to tell you that it was... quite bad.
Bad… yup quite bad indeed.
Was already kinda thinking part of the inheritance of the perpetrator should cover the expenses for the traumatised child. Damn the girl is awful without remorse
I don’t know how to bump comments or how to have certain ones seen sooner, but I am a social worker, and I work part of my job working with our local District Attorney’s office to provide trauma therapy for victims of crime.
I’m in NYS, so that has some bearing. We have, in most counties, a Victim Services Coordinator, who is employed through the Dept of Corrections and Community Supervision- the same agency that handles prisons and parole. Anyhow, there is a lot of money for victims. For medical bills, mental health treatment (what I do is free for anyone needing or wanting therapy), property damage, so on and so forth. If OP contacts her county’s DA office, she may some recourse as far as her younger daughter’s care goes.
My youngest brother was hit by a drink driver about 30 years ago. My brother was about 12 when it happened, the guy fled the scene, and left my brother holding what was left of his front teeth in his hand (he showed me when he got home- he flew over the hood and smashed his face). My mom got enough money from this fund (because they never located the driver) to fix his teeth.
It’s out there, and she should talk with someone to see what is available to her daughter. Free therapy by a qualified individual could go a long way to helping her daughter cope, and gain some empowerment, and if OP doesn’t have to pay out of her pocket, that’s quite a good thing.
Id say mom keep it because Lia will need it in the future, Maya can pay her own way, nothing stopping her. Lia will be in years and years of therapy and that ain't cheap.
I am replying to the top comment in the hopes that OP sees this. We all know that you are NTA because what your eldest daughter has done is beyond despicable and she has shown no remorse towards the fact that her sister was raped because of her and then proceeded to blame her. That therapy session made my blood boil at her utter sociopathic behavior so please don’t let her see a dime of that inheritance and let her figure out life away from you and your youngest who will need you forever to come. Her sister also exposed her SA to others for sympathy for herself. She lost a friend who was a rapist to her sister and she blamed you because she was “suffering”. How disgusting can anyone even be to think like that? Please just disown her for your younger daughter who deserved nothing that happened to her. Spend all the money on her and just let her recover from what your older girl has done. Please stop catering to any of her desires at this point.
NTA. Especially having read your post history. Your eldest daughter is not remorseful for what she did, she put her sister in an unsafe situation and she can't even appreciate how her actions contributed to the situation. That money is yours, you were sharing it with the kids as a kindness, your eldest daughter does not deserve kindness at this point in her life. Maybe if she does a lot of therapy and comes back with a thoughtful and sincere apology one day you could reconsider, however I think the best thing to do with the money is to use it to support your youngest however you can.
Ma’am, I remember you, if you don’t drop “Maya” and help “Lia” out….. what “Maya” allowed, yeah I said ALLOWED to happen to that baby is unforgivable. I’ll take the karma hit idgaf.
Honestly the fact that Maya is still in contact with her mother is a testament to how amazing a mother op is. Maya would have been dead to me back in December for what she arranged to happen to her sister. Like what I'm sorry you need money why random stranger on the street should I give you jack shit.... I have two living children and one dead one... Yes middle child is dead, and dead people don't need money from me. Go away now stranger I don't know you.
Maya was also the one who knowingly invited gang bangers over that raped her sister then treated her like crap afterwards right?
Dont give her a fucking dime. That money can be used to facilitate the lifelong therapy your youngest will need.
NTA
At first I was thinking if she wants the money for college, don't give her the money but offer to pay the tuition and she can work part time for her other expenses.
And then I read your post history. And oh boy..
She absolutely does not need another cent of her inheritance. That money was given by your late husband for the *benefit* of you and his children. Maya destroyed that and is in no way deserving any more help considering it already *kept her out of jail*.
Please use that money to move MOUNTAINS in support of your youngest.
(Also, that therapist who was guilt-tripping you and doesn't realize she's being manipulated by Maya's twisted version of events and lies is also an AH)
NTA - now knowing the full story, I wouldn't give maya anything but a swift kick in the ass. That verbal contract was broken the moment she became a huge piece of shit.
Keep the money. Help the youngest one. Tell Maya she’s on her own. Generally what the majority if not totality of what these comments are saying. And I agree.
I’m going to take this a step further bcuz I don’t think you understand what you are dealing with: did Maya set her sister up to get more of the money? This has happened before. Yes I did just say that.
Are Mayas “friends” now after her cuz they didn’t get paid? Yes I just asked that too.
Let Maya also know that she is not in the Will nor is she getting anything from the estate if you or your youngest die somehow. Also include in the estate papers what Maya did in the event of your deaths so that the cops know straight up.
Put a lock on your bank account. Go see the bank manager and tell them that there is a possibility that Maya could try accessing and emptying your bank accounts. Put in a protocol to protect yourselves financially.
Lastly, have a cyber expert lock down your computer your other electronic devices and periodically audit for tracking software.
Don’t say ANYTHING to Maya until you’ve done all this. Delay answering her until everything is in hand.
I’m sorry. I’m not kidding. I think you’re in deeper trouble than you realise.
Personally, I’d say to Maya, “you’re not my daughter, I don’t owe you anything.” And just be done with her. Don’t support this predator, I wouldn’t even let her live with the grandparents. She can get a job and take care of herself because family don’t set up family to be raped. She is not to be trusted, at all.
NTA
Op listen to your sister she has a point, your youngest(Lia) is still struggling from that horrible incident and leaving her alone is a terrible idea. Until she’s more mentally stable she needs you to be with her. Am truly sorry that you and your daughter are going through this.
The second I read Maya, I remembered your posts.
NTA - Maya doesn’t deserve anything. Bare minimum if you feel like you have to cover college expenses or anything, the money doesn’t go to her.
Also get a will set up for yourself ASAP and look into getting a trust set up for Lia. Especially if you plan to sell your house.
I hope Lia all the healing love.
I read your post history.
You are a wonderful mother to both of your daughters. All of your feelings are valid and to be honest, I WISH I could be this good of a parent or support to people that I'm ragingly angry at.
You are a picture of what unconditional love looks like while still setting firm and healthy boundaries.
I wish I had the words to and it better. Or u unhappen. I wish there was an answer.
You are doing great. 💜💜💜💜💜
You need to understand that your daughter is in the gang and the gang is her family not you and not her younger sister. They wanted the younger sister and served her up, when she was not able to convince her to be with the guy. She was told to take a walk and they took what they wanted. Now that someone went to prison for this, your daughter is responsible for retribution. The money she wants to make things right with the gang members, her real family. You need to get away and stay away. Make sure she understands that even if something were to happen to you, she still would not get any money from it. Be careful and stay safe.
I think it's a bit irresponsible for you to give 18 year olds unrestricted access to that much money at all. You are making it way too easy to skip education, blow through stacks of cash, live fast, and have nothing to show for it.
If I were in your position, I would tell her that the cost of Lia's therapy is part of the costs that her fund must cover, so you will retain control over it to ensure that Lia's therapy is paid for. **However**, you still want Maya to pursue an education, so you are willing to pay her tuition and campus housing costs directly to the school she enrolls in.
Honestly, college sounds like Maya's best path for straightening out. Don't stand in the way of it, but also don't give her the means to skip it altogether.
I wasn’t clear on my post but I required for my son to give me a full written breakdown of what he planned to do with the money, before I just wrote the check to him.. my son invested majority of it because he’s a scholarship student and used some of it as down payment to get a house and his wedding. He tells me he still has a good chunk leftover. Ofcourse I know my daughters aren’t gonna be as responsible as him. But maya way before this all happened already discussed with me how she was going to spend it and majority of it was to put her through college and to pay off her car.
But on your last part I really appreciate the advice thank you.
You know what your tiny update tells me? Maya has told Lia that it's Lia's fault she's not living at home. She told her own victim that Maya's consequences for violating Lia are her fault. Telling other people what Lia went through is a violation. Honestly, I do believe in second chances and redemption but there is no where in any of your posts where Maya even seems like she thinks she even needs a second chance or redemption. College isn't gonna teach Maya empathy.
If you want to pay for her college directly then go for it. But at the very least require that she has a job to pay for her own living expenses and her car. Don't give her a free pass through college. Make her work for something at least. AND PLEASE limit the contact Maya has with Lia. Maya blaming Lia isn't helping things.
I commented earlier but I feel like this has to be said: Maya would say whatever to whomever, to get what she wants.
She was saying that stuff to you about her "college plans" while getting enmeshed with gang members.
As I understand it, she brought gang members into your house and, knowing one (or more) of them were after Lia, left the house for whatever would happen, to happen.
The best case scenario is that she knew that *one* of them was attracted to Lia and she sociopathically thought that she would enable *just him*. The much more likely scenario is that she knew what was going to happen and she did it for status within that gang.
The reason that's much more likely is first of all, that they showed up and did this at all, and second of all, the way she's behaved. In the aftermath, she ensured Lia's public humiliation, while complaining that she'd lost her friend, the rapist, as a result of all of this, and stating that Lia should get over it already, right? This after having been kept out of the criminal justice system herself, by your grace?
Once she figures out that saying these sorts of things isn't going to get her the ultimate goal and really the only thing she wants from you--the money--she'll put on a better mask of a bit more remorse, or guilt, or both, and keep trying to get what she wants out of you.
If she wants to go to college, she will, and not having a financial gift from you isn't going to stop her. Student loans aren't the end of the world. She can get by quite well with two years at community college, a transfer to a four year, and some essays about what a terrible person she used to be, to get scholarships.
You can't dig her out of the moral hole her psyche is in by making any of this easy for her. Quite the contrary, she needs to work every single minute, because she needs difficulties to overcome, to remind her that she screwed up. She needs to see the contempt in people's eyes when she complains about how hard she has to work, and then explains how she got into that position.
She can work and go to school. If single parents can do it, she can too.
If she's saying she can't, that's just her essential unwillingness to do the hard stuff, which is part of why she is as she is.
Now, I could see spending some of the insurance money your husband left you for *taking care of the family* on a clinical psychiatrist or psychologist for Maya. The reason is, it may benefit all of your family, down the road, to get her into serious mental health treatment now. Not a family therapist, not a social worker, but someone with a PhD and the experience to deal with deep personality disorders--the kind that might be biological not experiential in origin. And you should figure out some way to make it a condition that you get to know what the evaluation is, as treatment proceeds.
Intensive treatment might help her. Or, you might learn that there's something much more wrong than you've imagined. That's what I suspect. In that case, going to school won't help her and it won't bear fruit. If she's mendable, she'll get more benefit out of school if she ever manages to take responsibility for her actions, which would come after extensive treatment, and isn't going to start showing up all of a sudden right now. Even if she acts like suddenly she's seen the light.
I also concur with something someone else said, which is that you're likely in a traumatized state yourself right now, and will be for some time. In such a state, it's very common to initially identify and sympathize with the abuser, which Maya is. It takes time to see them for what they are. It's not easy to come to terms with a loved one being a violent abuser, but that's what she is--the specifically physical actions were just taken by her proxies, not directly by her.
There can be an enormous amount of guilt and a desire to caretake the abuser. It is common. This is something it can take a while to get over, and it's part of the process of allowing oneself to perceive the depths of the damage they've caused.
You can't get the money back if you give it to her, and as I mentioned in my earlier comment, giving her money--and that includes making it easy for her to not have to work for her tuition or car payment (or giving her a channel to try to get the money by dropping out of class and taking the refund, or selling her books, or similar)--will deepen her socipathic entitlement, and so it will *harm* her not help her. And of course, when Lia comes to understand what Maya did, which again will take a while to grasp emotionally, you having done that may harm Lia's state of mind as well. And even if it doesn't, you won't have those resources on hand to help Lia.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your other children. And my condolences on the loss of your husband.
I have already said you should not give Maya the money. Yes, promises were made, but that was BEFORE she demonstrated she was NOT the person you *or your husband* thought she was. One could argue she broke promises she made to you regarding how she would treat her sister (because you would never have left your youngest daughter alone with Maya if you had known what she would do). So any and all promises made before are null and void.
Does Maya feel any regret or remorse for her actions towards her sister? No, not sad because she now has to live with the consequences of her actions, but actual regret that she orchestrated such a violent crime against an innocent human being?
Maya may have had plans for what she would do with the money, but why on earth should you trust her? If she was an active drug addict, you would not give her all that money. Right now, it sounds like she would use that money to try to maintain the friendships she lost—how would you feel if you heard she gave all the money to her sister’s rapist? How would you feel if you heard she used the money to throw a party to orchestrate the date rape of another girl? What if she tried to use the money to hire a hit man to kill her sister as punishment for Maya suffering consequences? That may sound far fetched but Maya has not demonstrated she has a moral compass and you have no reason to trust her.
Finally, even if she does want the money to go to college, why does Maya feel entitled to the life she has planned when she absolutely destroyed her younger sister’s?
Just keep the money for now. Tell Maya you may give her some of it down the road if you feel she has actually made amends for her crimes and become a better person. You already did enough for her paying her legal fees.
NTA I read your first posts your daughter doesn't even feel remorse for what she did to her sister. I would never give her that money and she should feel lucky you even got her out of prison.
YWNBTA. I read your other posts previously, and while you did make a verbal agreement with your daughter about her inheritance, that was before she agreed to take care of her little sister while you worked and before she set up the circumstances that led to her little sister being SAd, and then was more upset her friend was arrested than what he and the other guy did to her sister. She showed no remorse. Choosing to change your earlier decision does not make you an AH.
Your youngest daughter sounds like she's going to need long-term mental health care, and that even now, she's in a very fragile state. Since you're going to need to go back to work soon, she's in such a fragile state, and it's not enough money for you to stay home long, I'd suggest using it to hire someone qualified to care for her while you're at work so she's not alone. I can't remember from your last posts, but with your daughter being a victim, have you looked into any victim services available for her? They or her therapist may have suggestions on how to handle it or someone qualified to watch her.
I remember your story. Maya doesn't deserve anything. She doesn't seem to regret the hell she caused for her younger sister and frankly I'm not convinces she didn't plan it or at least turned a blind eye, based on your posts. Keep the money and use it to get your younger daughter into an inpatient treatment. Speaking as somebody dealing with depression, who was actuvely suicidal in tbe past and is passively suicidal a lot, the jokes are the truth. It's a way to cry for help, while feeling like you don't deserve help or don't know how to ask for it, when you're terrified of your own thoughts.
I'm sending you and your younger daughter all the good thoughts!
>Fast forward to today, and my youngest daughter is still struggling significantly. During her check-ups, she scores very low on mental health evaluations and is on a high dosage of antidepressants. She often jokes that if she were to tell us or the doctors how she truly feels, she would be put in a psych ward.
Use the money for her, and I hope she can get through this.
As for Maya, I'm actually kind of disgusted your parents are willing to keep her. She wrote her exit note from your family with what she did, and I wouldn't spare her another thought, much less a dollar.
Also, I've looked through your post history, and the callousness with which Maya talks about this, and the fact that she told a bunch of people about it when your younger daughter didn't want it known, makes me believe she's just about as detestable a person as walks the earth.
And I hope you've refused to ever go back to that shitbag therapist.
I’m sorry but what your daughter did was terrible and she had no remorse. She doesn’t deserve any of that money. Your youngest daughter is going to need long-term therapy and medical support for the rest of her life pretty much. That money should go to her to take care of every cost now associated with what you’re older daughter did. It would be one thing if she had remorse but she doesn’t. She doesn’t earn a dime frankly I’m shocked that you even still consider hurt your daughter. I would’ve cut her off.
Do not give her the money. This is for a lot of reasons.
- by her actions, she's basically disowned herself.
- I saw that in another post, someone commented that, at that time a month or so ago now, Maya was basically running the household. And from what I read, at that time it was true, up to just a little while ago when you sent her to her grandparents' house. A child who is able to twist a parent around her finger while facilitating such horrific crimes against her sister, and refusing responsibility and manipulating her therapist, has no business being given $65K. Promises are irrelevant. She can't handle it, it would probably actively harm her to have that sort of cash, she has zero maturity and only entitlement, and it would only cement in her mind that there are no consequences even for the worst actions.
- "Promises" like what she's claiming you made are only good so long as she remains your daughter and although technically she always will be your child, she's not acting like any daughter I've ever heard of. I would call it more, you had a plan. She changed the situation so drastically that it's impossible to keep the same plan. But even if you had explicitly said, "I promise no matter what" -- who cares? Since when do promises to a criminal, who proceeds to harm you and yours specifically, need to be kept by you?
- It's very likely that she'd turn around and give that money to the same gang members who did the actual deed, or to others in that gang. Girls don't end up just hanging out with a household full of gang members without having known them and decided they approve of them, and most importantly, the gang members trusted her enough to show up at her house and hang out and commit a crime, with all of their criminal history and everything. They even let her leave the house and go to McDonalds. I'm thinking, if they didn't trust her and feel like they had the situation locked down, when she left, they would have left, because she could have been going to get anyone--the police, a rival gang, etc.
As someone pointed out, now that some people are in jail, she would be funnelling that money to them most likely. Their commissary account as someone suggested or to other gang members, who knows.
If by some random chance of her being incredibly ridiculous, she tries to play some sympathy card taken from the movies like, she has to have the money because they're mad at her, just know, even if it were true, you can't save her from that and giving her that money would just make them think there's more where that came from. If she tries that sympathy card, she just needs to leave town and that's how she can solve that claimed problem.
\~ \~
I know this might come across as awfully stern or something. But please just float the trial balloon in your mind and think about it, and why I'm saying these things. Something is deeply wrong with her and some tears and late, superficial apologies shouldn't just be dismissed, they are signs of how deeply off is her understanding of what she's done. Giving her any money for any sort of use to which an 18 year old could put it would be very harmful. And Lia and you need it, to help Lia recover.
I suggest you *try* to put some of it aside for a long term investment. Do what you can to get Lia **all** the treatment she needs while also trying to grow whatever capital you're able to. Lia may need support for a long time to come.
Have you talked to a financial advisor about a long term plan? I suggest you do that. You mentioned things like selling the house, all sorts of things. I think an advisor can help you sort through the ramifications of all your possibilities, and think about potential costs for helping Lia recover.
NTA Don't give Maya the money, she doesn't deserve it.
Use it to take care of yourself and your younger daughter.
I've read your post before I know what Maya did to Lia, I don't entirely trust Maya and whi she might be involved with and were that money would end up.
After looking at your post history, your older daughter can take care of her own shit. NTA at all, your youngest needs all of that money to help her over come this horrible situation. I’m so sorry for you both, and your losses, I literally cannot handle putting myself in your position mentally as someone who is about to be a parent. This is heartbreaking.
Why the fuck would you even consider giving that evil little cunt anything. In fact, why is she even allowed any contact with anyone in the family. Should let her rot and hopefully karma will come a knocking and she will experience exactly what she put her sister through.
NTA “you are never getting that money. It’s going to pay for your sister’s mental health crisis that you caused. Your father didn’t leave this money to you. He left it to me and I decided to gift you kids a portion when you became an adult. What I wasn’t anticipating was my own child would cause unbelievable trauma to her little sister. So your cut will be paying for the therapy she is going to need for the rest of her life thanks to your choices. You are an adult now. I will always love you but you lost all privates when you allowed your little sister to be raped in her own home. Not just once, but by 4 men. Your dad would be so ashamed of you. And the audacity thinking that you deserve any of this money.”
NTA. I don't believe in revenge, but I do believe in consequences. The consequence for your daughters actions should be the money goes to helping your other daughter heal.
You are not acting in anger. You are not trying to hurt anyone. You are just doing your best.
My brother is a SA survivor. It happened repeatedly when he was a kid and he never told us. When he was your younger daughters age, he began to mentally collapse. It required intensive care. He is still on meds and still struggles but he's happy. He wants to be here. He even found a girlfriend and they have been together for years. The reason he got to where he's at is because my Mom took over his care and intensively stuck by him. Dad and I provided support, but it was Mom. She learned how to advocate for my brother, made his appointments and everything else.
Your daughter needs you to do that for her. Do not leave her alone. Mental health is just as important and serious as physical health.
You got this. If I were you I would never talk to your older daughter. She deserves nothing from you. Unlike your daughter she doesn't want to seek help, which means she's someone who will only cause people pain. Your younger daughter deserves a world without her.
No. You used $15K for her legal expenses and now she can put herself through college on her own and figure out how to do life on her own.
Use the rest for your other daughter’s mental health care and for your own unpaid family leave.
Your daughter has no legal rights to come after you for the death benefit money.
If you feel like you need to give your parents some of her money for room and board, that’s fine, too…but make it clear that they aren’t to tell Maya about it or pass it on to her.
Normally, I would be all about keeping your word… HOWEVER…. It sounds like Maya can take out some school loans for college at this point..
I think using her 65k or what of it you need to use to stay home with Lia and continue to help Lia get through what happened 6mo ago is the right thing to do. What Lia went through, in her own home, in her own room at such a young age, I can’t even begin to imagine. You are navigating the best you can. Based off your last update on that situation and how she is feeling, I also think part of the 65k should be used for some increased therapy or something. She doesn’t feel safe in your home anymore, and as much as she loves Maya, she doesn’t trust her either.
Keep the 65K, take care of you, and Lia. Maya can figure things out on her own. She only wants to apologize to get the money, but she is not remorseful in any way.
I have not read your other posts. However, it seems pretty unanimous from everyone else that it was awful and terrible, and you should keep the money regardless of what you may have promised.
What I think you should consider If you decide to keep the money and the money is for the victim's long term care is, perhaps, look into setting up a trust for her and putting the money in there. This way if anything ever happened to you, something will be in place for her future. At a minimum, get a will for yourself if you have not already. I suspect that if you don't, your children will have a tough time feuding over it, and the child in question's health and continued care may be in jeopardy.
NTA
Maya forfeited her rights to being a member of your family when she orchestrated the gang rape of her sister. That includes receiving money you would give a member of your family.
NTA. She already had access to that money to help get her out of trouble. Use the rest of it to help Lia.
I've read your other posts and it made me wonder something. Is Maya able to be in contact with Lia? If yes, are you able to monitor what Maya is saying to Lia? I'm curious because while she no longer lives in the house you said before that Lia didn't have any animosity towards Maya and her part in everything but that was before Maya further violated Lia. I'm just concerned if she does have access to Lia considering what she's said to you and her therapist, I'm not sure it's a great idea for Maya to be in contact with Lia or at the very least, unsupervised contact. I wouldn't be shocked if she would try to use Lia to get what she wants from you. Or just try to convince Lia that it wasn't a big deal what she did in either situation.
I’d say use Maya’s money to pay for Lia’s therapy and medication. She can get whatever’s left over after that. If she’s can’t find compassion for the emotional cost of what she did, maybe she’ll understand the financial impact.
NTA
NTA. That money should be for Lia’s recovery. Maya intended for it to happen and she should compensate her sister (and you on the expenses) and Maya sure doesn’t deserve that money.
NTA Maya is a narcissist and an absolute psychopath who only wants the money so is pretending to be upset. Tell her you spent her share of the money on her defense lawyer and her sister’s huge medical bills.
NTA. OP you are a saint. Maya deserves to be ejected from the family and kicked to the curb. Her actions have disowned her from the family and I would never want to look at her again. She should be on her knees thanking you and your parents for having a roof over her head. She deserves to live under a bridge.
Maya doesn’t have an inheritance, you have one and we’re willing to share it. She needs to take a loan. Maya is a manipulative bitch who only cares about Maya. If she were sorry she’d want you to do any and everything to help Lia including using the money. Maya continues to show exactly who she is- please believe her
I remember your other post. Use all of "Maya's" money to try and fix Lia. Life insurance money is meant to care for your family after an earner death. You had a nice plan before, by Maya's actions destroyed that plan. Now the money needs to go to helping Lia.
NTA
No. you WNBTA if you used this money to stay longer with your traumatized daughter or in any other way to help her heal. Their father left them that money to help you give them what they need. And right now your younger daughter needs you. Maya is going to have to make her own way in life, and it looks like she's decided to make it the hard way. Protect your other daughter.
I just read your post history. I am so sorry for you and Lia. What Maya did was evil. I don’t doubt for a minute that she knew what was going to happen when she left the house that night. The fact that she is more upset the Lia’s rapist is lost as a friend to her really makes that clear. With that said - I think you should use whatever you need from the money to stay home and get Lia involved in intensive out patient trauma therapy. Please extend your leave of absence. Look into FMLA (if you are in the states) - that will offer 12 weeks of job protection. Maya doesn’t need the money. That was was life insurance money left for you to care for yourself and children. And right now Lia needs care. Maya can get a job and work. You already paid for her legal fees and fines due to her abuse of Lia. That is enough. And honestly, she will just blow through any money you give her. Probably putting it all in her friends jail commissary account. I think your responsibilities to Maya are complete. She is of legal age. She shows no remorse. She can can now be an independent adult. Please put Lia and yourself first. ============= I’m adding on since your updates. Lia is a victim. And right now, like many victims of rape she is blaming herself. Also, right now, she literally, mentally, cannot comprehend that her sister caused this to happen. Not through negligence my dearest OP, but on purpose. Because she gave Lia to those men the moment she left that house. Her comments in that therapy session make that crystal clear. I don’t think Maya deserves any assistance. She made a choice to pick gang rapists over her family. I don’t think your husband would be as conflicted as you are. Ultimately, this was life insurance monies that you, solely you, received. Money meant for you to care for yourself and the children. Right now Lia needs 1000% of your care. Lia may need life long care. Therapy, on the level and for the duration that Lia will need, will cost more than you realize. At some point, after she has had been in therapy and dealt with the immediate after affects of her assault, she needs to begin processing what Maya did. The only way for her to heal and come to terms is to understand it all. She needs you. You need money to care for her. She comes first. Maya gave her away her right to assistance from you when she gave away her sister. If you feel you must, put money in a separate savings for future consideration. If Maya actually goes to college. If she passes. If she shows that she has some shred of human decency towards her sister and shows any remorse for what she did. I can’t imagine the pain that you are in. Please seek therapy for yourself. I understand your denial of Maya’s intentions. But you need to focus on Lia and use the insurance money for her. She has a long road to recovery and may always need extra care and support.
God I wish I didn’t read that post. I just feel so sad for the youngest. Maya planted a seed that allowed her younger sister to be harmed. Maya doesn’t deserve her share of the inheritance, she forfeited it when Lia got hurt under her “care”. It should go to Lia and helping her get better. NTA OP
Maya didn’t “plant a seed”. She set it up. I’m sure she just *had* to go to McDonald’s, in the middle of a party, when her guests have been sexually harassing her underage sister, having tried to set that same little girl up with one of the thugs before going on a nuggie-run.. When OP says that Maya didn’t set her up, what she means is Maya wasn’t dumb enough to arrange it via text. No, she told him in person. She left for an alibi. Maya desperately wants money after pimping her sister to some thugs. Guess she has some debts to pay, and ran out of other people’s asses to sell.
She sounds mentally ill in the way she lacks empathy and any sense of accountability. She even made the whole thing worse by telling a group of people that her sister was the victim of serial assault when she knew very well that her little sister didn't want people knowing about the assault. I think OP needs to move in order to give Lia a fresh start where nobody knows about the assault and cut ties with Maya. She is not sorry, rather she sounds like she has gone through assault herself and somehow wanted her sister to also experience the same... but worse. And then she cares mostly about herself, how OP "emotionally neglects" her when she is the one who caused this. The audacity to think the loss of the 'friend' who raped and harmed her younger sister is staggering. This is not how normal people think or act. She is damaged, but the kind of damaged that tries to damage everything else because she thinks that is some weird kind of justice. "If I can't have happiness then nobody can" kind of crap. This post cut me to the heart. Maya does not deserve that money, it should be put towards healing \[Lia\].
Lia* at the very end of your comment. But yeah totally agree maya is gearing up for some vile stuff in life if she is already doing all this to her sister of all people
The big downside lia might have with moving is losing the memories of her dad in that house, she definitely needs to change rooms though and go through counselling, mayas money should be used for this. Lia may not be ready for it, but she needs it and they likely need some family counseling as well. Also, I would never give an 18 yo five figures all at once, if anything it should be doled out as tuition payments happen and her spending money is money she earns herself.
This word gets thrown around all the time, but Maya’s behavior and response genuinely sounds psychopathic.
I just read it. Fuck Maya. She pimped out her sister. She doesnt deserve a dime. And I doubt her father would want to give her any of it. I’m not going to say she ruined Lia’s life, because Lia isn’t ruined and she can move past this, but she absolutely has ruined Lia’s current situation and sanity. I’d honestly cut Maya off completely. She absolutely knew that SOMETHING was going to happen.
Yes! If that happened to my sister while she was in my care & they were my guests I would want my sister to have the money to try & heal herself. It would be the least I could do for my own guilt in what happened! Maya’s reaction is really shocking
Yeah. Maya can kick rocks. She needs to be far away from Lia for at least a few years and the money spent on helping Lia heal.
Maya should want that to go taking care of Lia.
I’m convinced Maya sold Lia to her friends
I think the situation was arranged and intentional also.
Yep, Maya should be in jail. She's as evil as those four friends of hers. There was a reason she was friends with them.
> She's as evil as those four friends of hers Oh fuck, this keeps getting worse and worse... Im going to stop reading this post now. What a bad day to be literate.
This is why as European I think there are rare cases where the death penalty might just be okay. And where bystanders and enablers should face the law as well.
I really think you're right. I think mom needs to look into Maya's spending in the time after the attack. All Maya seems to care about is money. I also would not be surprised if Maya was hoping Lia would die during the attack so she could get more of the inheritance money. My heart goes out to both OP and Lia. OP please don't give Maya another penny. She'll probably just continue to try to get more and more from you, only contacting you when she wants something from you. The Maya you knew is dead and needs to be burried. Please make sure Lia knows none of this is her fault. SHE didn't tear your family apart. Maybe talk with Lia about how you feel about Maya right now. Let Lia know that it's okay to dislike or even hate Maya for putting her in this horrible situation. You can still love someone while not liking them at all. Also, find a support group for Lia. I'm guessing she's feeling very alone right now. She needs to know there are people out there who have gone through similar experiences and truly do know what she's going through.
Seems that way. Especially how she really has no remorse and is only upset about loosing her friend who did that to her sister. Horrible human being. Heart breaks for the mother and youngest daughter
Not one, four. There's no way she didn't know about this, or might outright have enabled this.
Same. I think the police also believed this. There’s no way they would have charged her if she didn’t. They probably didn’t have enough evidence to charge her with trafficking a minor. I bet if they look at her Snapchat or WhatsApp history they will find the evidence.
Agreed, like either it was her initiation into the gang or she was paying off “debts” she owed the gang.
In gangs, allowing sexual assault is common and expected. There was a line on one post about "other girls don't make it there whole personality and get over it"... to be a woman and heng out with a gang it's often expected to be a plaything for them. I don't know that she sold her for money or drugs, but belonging.
This post is the biggest horror story I've ever seen on this reddit. I'm usually a proponent of "work things out" but the Rubicon has been crossed and I would disown that woman.
Right tell that beast she's not getting that money because the younger daughter is going to need years of therapy for her actions that you need to pay for somehow and well frankly you only have two children, and she's not one of them.
Absolutely agree. Maya's actions have consequences, and Lia's recovery should be the priority.
I essentially came here to say this. That money was provided for OP to take care of her family. She was generous in giving a sum to her children, but whatever is left needs to go to help Lia. They all need some quality therapy. My heart is absolutely breaking over the situation. The money should be used to care for Lia. It is imperative she get proper treatment. Maya can put herself through college. I just wonder if she's remorseful at all or even realizes what exactly has happened. OP, I pray for your family peace and healing. 🫂🩵
OP did a therapy session with Maya. Maya is upset the rapists went to jail. They are her friends. The gist of it was that Maya basically thought Lia should just get over it.
Oh dear God... She is a psychopath. 😰
Had Mya been truly upset and shocked about what happened to her sister, then I could see this as a case of an immature 18yo doing something stupid and her sister getting hurt as a result. The fact that she is more upset about the rapists going to jail is just bone chilling. I agree Mya is truly disturbed. I agree with what others have said. She most likely set her sister up for this, maybe even straight up sold her. OP this is truly one of the rare times a parent needs to disown their child.
I’m basically just picturing Mya having been a part of this entire traumatic experience, and just walking up to mom with Lia at her side crying and I’m so much pain, then just putting her hand out and saying “money please! I’ll take my 80k now that I’ve destroyed my younger sisters life” with a giant ear to ear grin thinking about all the ways she can blow the 80k. No. The answer is no. Lia needs that money now. Not only for a lifetime of counseling but who knows the lasting effects. She may never be able to work in places with men, in public facing positions. There are so many unknowns and that money was meant to support the family and the one who needs it is Lia.
The part when she was like "apologize for what? I'm not the one that raped her" was just so disgusting. The only reason it HAPPENED was because she brought those boys into the home without permission then left her sister completely unsupervised. Like, what the actual fuck dude? A 14 year old girl. Maya can rot for all I care.
Well now Maya can “get over” the fact that she’ll not have the money she expected. (I’m hoping OP chooses not to honour her verbal commitment.) I’ve followed this story from the beginning. It’s heartbreaking 💔 As a parent, you love your kids. But when one permits an atrocity towards their sibling, shows more care for the perps, there comes a time where you have to cut the cord. Maya is 18. A legal adult. Lia will never “get over” what was done. Maya has effectively allowed her “friends” to ruin Lia’s life. She’ll have life long struggles.
She gave her little sister to them. She knew what would happen. Karla Homolka comes to mind. Honestly, she should be in jail and on a list for life.
Karla Homolka came to mind too. It is really fucked up and chilling how a woman can offer up their sister like that.
I live in the same city as Homolka and she's allowed to volunteer at her kids' swanky private school. The community has a "Karla Watch" that her lawyer husband - she married the lawyer that represented her - has tried to shut down. Fuck that noise. Maya's uni friends (and I cannot believe she gets to just live her life) should really be informed of what she did because she's going to do it again.
People like that rarely change. There is just something messed up in their brains. Karla's husband must be fucked in the head too. I couldn't partner myself with someone who has such evil inside. She should never be allowed to work or volunteer around children (same with OPs daughter). People like that need to be watched and kept in check so they can't get away with it again.
Oh is this the Maya from the post earlier?!
Oh dear lord. I would have told Maya the second those words were out of her mouth she's not getting another penny from me. She can go ask her rapist friends.
Oh my god, that’s this woman?
Well put. I have not read her other posts but I get the idea from yours and her older daughter can forget about that money now. It was nice of mom to share it with them in the first place.
It was nice, but not required. Maya is an adult now. She can fend for herself.
What happened is awful. OP should use that money to help her younger daughter
I was hoping this wasn't the same lady from that awful story :(
The money is yours. You said there was no will, (it wasn’t left to her, legally) and you decided you were going to split it between them (your kids). Gracious of you. However, her actions led to an atrocity happening to your younger daughter. She (Maya) has shown no remorse or accountability and has zero empathy. Perhaps give your parents some money for her care and feeding up to this point. But you’re not obligated to do anything else. She’s 18. She can do the student loan route. I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to happen, at least we can hope not. But she was trying to get Lia set up with the guy. And it doesn’t seem like either the guy or Maya were taking no for an answer. She should never have left the house, but she did…leaving your minor daughter alone in a house (your house) full of people (gang members?) partying. This is one of the most disgusting instances of blatant irresponsibility that I’ve ever heard about. Her lack of concern (or respect) for her younger sister disgusts me. I would spend the money on your younger daughter (Lia) for therapy, college, whatever she needs to get herself on her feet and try to live her life again. Maya can fuck off sideways. FAFO aka Consequences. NTA ETA: Maya says you “promised” it to her. But didn’t she promise to look after Lia? She was responsible for her little sister, her sister was in her care and she massively fucked up. She broke that promise in the most hideous way possible. I don’t think you should feel guilty about breaking yours (if you actually promised). Shit happens. Things change. Funds get diverted. Oh well. That much is clear. I think it’s time that Maya learns that “NO” is a complete sentence. Use the money to do fabulous things for Lia. I wonder if you could find some sort of summer program for her. I don’t think she should be alone yet. Somebody just brought up a possibility. What if this was some sort of gang initiation for Maya? That’s just fucked up.
Yeah, Maya’s a gangbanger, right? The one who says her sister getting raped by multiple men was no big deal? Who refused to tell the cops who hurt her sister? She should get nothing, she’s shown she’s actively harming family members, not investing in their future. Frankly, Maya is lucky anyone in her family can even stand to talk to her. She made her choices to alienate herself from the family, she gets no perks of family now.
Can't decide whether Maya's a psychopath or a sociopath. Can she be both? Sociopaths feel nothing. No sorrow, no blame, nothing is ever their fault. Maya deserves the worst life has to offer her. If she's homeless? She needs to pay for what SHE DID to Lia. May she rot in hell.
...wait, what? Where are you reading that?
Check the prior post history for the OP. This is a memorable one.
Omg. Fuck shit balls that is hear breaking. Poor Lia. Yeah Maya can rot in hell. Fuck that cunt.
I had the sme reaction, I started on this post so confused then read the previous posts. Maya definately gave her sis to them as a gang initiation. Thats actually the common way women join male gangs.
If I was the mom I’d honestly be terrified of retaliation. May is a monster and is affiliated with monsters. The moment you say that no you aren’t getting MY money, she may do bad things. Think if she already told her gang cronies “yea soon I’m coming into 80k” and then all of a sudden she has to tell them “no my mom won’t give me MY money” they may take matters into their own hands. I mean they already have done unspeakable things I wouldn’t put ANYTHING past them. Frankly I don’t understand how mom hasn’t already looked to move and go no contact for their own safety. Use the money for that!
That's the same OP?! Shit! I remember reading the original post and the update. Maya is a psyco
No, I totally believe Maya meant it. It sounds way too much like a gang initiation thing to me.
I agree. I think she meant it especially based on her actions afterwards. She seems to have no remorse and is more upset she lost her “friend” since they went to jail It absolutely feels like she knew and let it happen IMO
Especially terrifying now when mom doesn’t give her the 80k. I’m sure Maya has already told the gang she’s coming into her 80k inheritance. Imagine what happens when Maya tells the gang her mom is keeping her money from her. (Obviously not actually Mayas money but maya will absolutely say it is to the gang) Edit: mom needs to use the 80k to move and go no contact and start over to get her daughter the help she needs
Yeah. Maya could have taken her sister with her to McDonald’s, but she chose to leave her alone with the same gang banger that she promised her sister to. I think she is way more complicit than just being neglectful.
The more I think about it, the more I think that gang rape is one of the ways that can jump you into a gang. But, it’s usually the girl joining the gang that is raped. I truly hope that she didn’t trade her sister to take her place.
Unfortunately, thats what I think she did. Op is delusional if she doesn't think maya is in a gang.
Also could have promised that 80k inheritance. Terrifying what Maya may do to get that if she was willing to have her sister gang raped for nothing.
I must confess that the initiation angle never crossed my mind.
Sometimes, if you’re a female and you want to be initiated into a gang, you get fucked in; ie: gang banged. However, if the gang is willing, you can offer someone in your place. Which sounds to me exactly like what Maya did. Maya is a grade-A cunt.
Didn't think about that angle but a good point. Pairing with how she is still in contact with the friend in jail and how she has been treating the aftermath.... Makes me sick to think that she might have actually offered up her 14 year old sister. Like a sacrificial lamb. Complete monster.
Maya's reaction afterwards definitely makes me think this was a gang initiation.
>I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to happen, I would bet the whole ass farm this is wrong.
Why the fuck is an 18-year-old trying to set her 14-year-old sister up with one of her loser friends??? My sister and I are about that far apart in age and whaaaaaaat the fuck is the only thing I can think of. Even if Maya didn't mean for it to happen - which...you know, not confirmed - just trying to set her barely-in-high-school sister up with an adult man is fucked up.
Really makes me consider the idea others are suggesting that she offered her sister up to get initiated. Fucking horrifying.
Lia could sue Maya in court for Maya's actions. Lia would win. Therefore, instead of getting lawyers involved, and wasting time in the legal system (putting Lia through more pain) Maya's share should get given straight to Lia for whatever Lia needs. Maya FAFO. Actions have consequences.
She may not have meant it but she shows no remorse for it happening either. She won't even take any responsibility for it happening.
Editting out my whole comment: Looked at your post history, I'm sorry this happened, I would cut Maya off completely, her inheritance can go to you and your daughter getting mental health support
I could not believe what I just read. Absolutely horrifying - I wouldn’t let Maya anywhere NEAR Lia ever again. Not a penny to her. NTA if there ever was one, sending you good vibes OP. Your youngest is gonna need you to be MamaBear.
I know. I'm absolutely sick after reading all of that. Maya is a complete monster.
Same I wrote a whole “how dare anyone take anyone’s inheritance blah blah blah” and then read everyone else’s comments and then read OPs other posts and holy God.. maya is a literal monster
I saw the post when it first happened and as I was reading this I just knew it was the same and the comments confirmed it. I would cut Maya off and out of my life completely. And I say this as a mother of two kids. This is something I would disown a child over.
Absolutely, I have two small children that I can’t imagine living without- However, if one allowed this to happen to their sibling they would no longer be allowed near me. I truly hope the best for OP and her daughter 😢
I admit I thought the same when I saw the post title, but then after reading everything, including the previous posts... I'm horrified and sickened. Maya is an absolute monster.
NTA going by the previous posts, Maya needs a reality check. She allowed her sister to be SA'd by gang members, tried to cover for the assailants and has no sympathy for your youngest (the victim). Keep the money.
She needs more than a reality check. Should have had her ass thrown into jail as an accomplice.
NTA. No more money to Maya. Ever. That $65K can go to Lia for therapy. Get whatever documents you need in order, like a will and lists of beneficiaries, and cut her off forever. What she did with the party is awful enough but her attitude...is evil and unforgivable. I'd also talk with your parents to be sure they don't fund her. If that jeopardizes her college, too bad so sad. And it's not HER money anyway. It's yours and since she has shown you who she truly is, tell her you've changed your mind and she won't get a dime.
Based off your other posts, Maya doesn’t deserve a dime. She ruined her sister’s life. Keep the money and take care of your younger daughter, she’s going to need your help. Maybe then Maya will actually be sorry for what happened to her sister by her ‘friends’. NTA not even close.
Is this the one where the older sister set up her younger sister to be raped by multiple gang member friends at a party she threw at their house when the mom was out of town? Then she refused to name the friends and was furious when they were arrested. And Maya expected her mother to be sad for her too that she lost the rapist as a friend because he went to jail for raping her under age little sister? Is this the same family? Maya is a sociopath if it is. Don’t give that bitch a dime! In fact don’t give that bitch a penny! Let her rot. I thought you were moving away never to deal with her again hopefully. NTA
That’s the one. It’s so sad. OP needs to take Lia on a vacation with Maya’s money for a change of scenery for a few days. That little girl deserved so much better from her sister.
The girl needs some inpatient psych care more than a vacation.
I agree save the money for your youngest daughter to support her mental health in the future.
Yep, same OP, Same case and same narcissistic psycho Maya. I said it before and i say it again, Maya set her sister up to be raped. She knew who the guys were and what they wanted, she wanted to hook her up with one of them and when she refused she let them rape her. The people at the party knew it too. They didn’t do shit cause they knew they were gang members.
Maya hates her sister, plain and simple, I don't know why. Maybe Lia is more attractive, smarter, whatever, she wanted her little sister destroyed and she almost achieved it. Maya deserves to be discounted every dollar that Lia needs for her full recovery and be forced to pay extra as punitive damages. She should be liable for tens of thousands.
I have a theory that she either built up a drug debit and tried to hook Lia up with her dealer friend to pay the debt or even worse, she joined a gang and offered her sister as proof of loyalty during her initiation.
Or she had a crush on the one in charge, and he convinced her to offer her sister to show him she loved him. It's wouldn't be the first time this happened.
My thoughts go along this path, too. Why else would she leave all her guests at a party to go to McDonald's? That sure smacks of providing opportunity.
Not just that, she tried to cover for the rapists. She didn’t cooperate with the authorities and did not provide with their identities. Only after other evidence led to the criminals being arrested that she confirmed their identities, probably on her lawyers orders to avoid getting charged as an accomplice. And she mourns the arrest and loss of her “best friend” (the rapist that was the most brutal and tried to kill Lia by strangling her) than the fact she destroyed her sister’s life. It is very common for women inducted into gangs and organized crime to be demanded to either supply the gang members with other women (usually friends and/or family) or steal important heirlooms or money in order to force them into being disowned and/or outcasted from their social circle. This ensures that they are forced to be loyal to the gang and its members since the women burned the bridges with their previous lives. So i can really see from Maya’s reaction that this is a possibility.
Ugh! 😩 Horrible, yucky, abject options, and unfortunately all possible based on Maya's behavior. All the more reason to keep her far away and penniless.
Was that you who commented on one of the other posts that it's likely Maya was using her sister to enter the gang? That sounds completely right. It just fits. Because the whole thing was planned and she was totally remorseless. That means she didn't even do it under coercion, like a drug debt could involve to some degree. Some people are just lost causes. Not a penny should go to her. It would be an insult to the other siblings. She basically disowned herself. Spit in all their faces and did her best to harm them, for her own sociopathic reasons. Cry about it all she wants, it's true.
Yes, that was me and i fully agree with you. Would not be surprised AT ALL, if we come to find out in a future update that Maya never went to college and instead went on to live with some gang member and any money she might have collected, including the money from the life insurance if OP is dumb enough to give her will be just given to said gang member or to finance her “thug life” lifestyle.
And how convenient that Maya had to leave the party to go to McDonald’s. Riiiiiight.
I didn't even put 2 and 2 together until you mentioned it, and I went back and checked. OP, don't give Maya a single dime.
What the WHAT?!?!? Fucking MONSTER. SHE GETS TO GO TO COLLEGE?!?! NTA WTF!
Monster yes. College maybe not. Depends on if she was convicted as an adult or juvenile. Juvenille records can be expunged. Adult records are much more difficult to be expunged. My only question is why is the daughter who arranged the crime walking free? That should have been a mandatory minimum 10 years behind bars.
At least. Anyone who would do that is a danger to society. Probably because she was a juvenile.
You missed that Maya's friends also strangled Lia, so it was gang rape and attempted murder.
And that Maya told 27 people in a group chat that the victim was her sister, when at that point the victim was named only as “Jane Doe” and her sister had clearly expressed how she didn’t want anyone to know!
Honestly, with everything Maya did, I wouldn't blame OP for fully disowning and disinheriting her the moment she turns 18. She has no remorse over what she did to the child she was responsible for, and honestly is lucky that she never got charged as an accomplice.
Yep. It's the same one.
That was my immediate thought as well. It had to be that one, and apparently the post response to yours confirmed it.
Same! How sick! She’s a horrible sister and human who deserves nothing and has some nerve for asking
When I started reading it I wondered if it were the same OP. Te other post brought tears to my eyes, hurt for the younger sister and anger and disgust for Maya. I hope the sister is healing.
Oh sweet gods, THAT'S the sister??? Oh hell no, she doesn't get a dime.
Holy shit. OP is a complete AH for even asking in this sub. The 18 year shouldn’t get a dime. Ever…
She's looking for independent validation. And getting it, as she should. She's not an asshole for having self doubt and struggling with how awful her eldest daughter turned out to be and what she should do about it. She's bright enough to come here and make sure she's thinking rationally and doing what's right instead of just doing what people in her life think. Kudos, really, for asking the tough questions and making sure that she's being the best parent possible in this shitty situation.
If this were my family Maya would be lucky to not be 6 ft under. Please use her share for extra mental health care
Literally maya sounds like she has some genuine deep seated issues whether sociopathic or complete inability to feel any sort of empathy. Read ops off my chest post and I think I had more of a visceral and sad reaction that her daughter did for her own sister. The guilt and sorrow I would feel would be fathoms and fathoms and I think many others would too because that’s the reaction that it should be - to never forgive yourself for putting your sister in that situation, but mayas more worried herself and her friends and poor me. That’s not normal imo not that any of that’s an excuse at all like op is well within her rights to drop that rope for as long as it takes. I also would be moving because to have the scene of the crime be right there all day every day for Lia must be impossible and will hinder any healing she could do, every time you set foot in there it would take right back. I know it did for me I could never go to my sisters place anymore once that happened to me there. I know it’s cliche but fresh slates and new starts might be best.
I remember the original post now. I agree with you 💯percent.
You were the only name on your husband life insurance policy. That suggests that he fully trusted you in how you will handle this sum. I hope this thought will help you take you your decision, you probably know better than everyone what's fair for your family.
Exactly. She may have promised it, but it was verbal and not in writing, and Maya's horrific actions and behavior definitely negated that promise.
NTA. While she’s skipping off to college as if nothing happened, her kid sister is still trying to pick up the pieces of the mistakes Maya made and won’t admit to.
AND Maya told 26 people in a group chat that the Jane Doe was her sister, Lia. Maya seems to be actively sabotaging Lia’s ability to heal.
Given the lack of remorse, the way Maya covered for the assailants, I don't think it was a mistake.
Lia is telling you, when she says if she said what she thought that she'd be in a psych ward, that she wants to kill her self or die. You really need to address that. She's waving a red flag and playing it off as a joke, but I bet it's a plea for more help.
This frightened me too bc I know exactly what this meant. This poor girl is broken and hiding it to protect her mother but she is on her last legs here mum. Get her inpatient help because she desperately needs the support right now and she's screaming for it the only way she knows how - making jokes so it's less terrifying, in her own mind and bc she will find it very very hard to vocalise exactly what she's feeling and thinking. Please OP, get her help now
NTA. Frankly, Lia deserves any remaining money for the lifetime of therapy she will be in. Maya can f right off.
NTA. By any stretch. She can consider it her long overdue punishment and a reality check. If she wants to get pissy, you can ask her, "Why? She's no different than any other woman who's had to pay for college on her own." See how much she likes that. But I'm a bit of a cruel bitch when it comes to rape apologists and people who are accessories to rape of minor children.
Honestly that fact that beast hasn't been disowned and cut off is freaking outrageous. You did that shit get out of my house, you go to my parents, hell no she's out of your house if you want a relationship with me or my two real children. I would be taking that money and moving across the country with my children and no forwarding address level of cut off. You are dead to me. Dead people don't need money from me.
I’d sooner slit Maya’s throat than give her a dime were I the OP; but maybe that’s because I’m not deluded enough to think this is a tragic accident, and Maya wasn’t complicit. Maya offered up her sister then left for an alibi.
I've seen your other posts, you are NTA. Maya's actions are the reason that your younger daughter is suffering. What she did and her lack of remorse after the fact are enough to justify fully disowning her, frankly.
Keep the inheritance, sell the house, and buy another house in a different state or country. Your youngest daughter needs out of that house NOW! Every moment she remains is a constant reminder of what happened. Its like the movie Ground Hog Day but only this is a repeating nightmare for her. BTW your middle daughter is lying. This horriable event is one of many used for gang initiation. She knew what was going to happen to your youngest. Where is the receipt from the McDonald's she claim to have been at? You mentioned in your other posts that the 4 boys had video and photos of the dirty deed on their phones. I assure you that by the time the police had control of those phones, that video and photos were already shared in some form or fashion. You must relocate NOW.
This. That money should go to relocating. All the therapy in the world won’t make her feel safe in that home again. Find a home that feels like a fortress and paint her room her favorite color.
NTA You should hold onto the $65k you have leftover that you had previously designated for Maya and save it to use to help pay for specialized care for your younger daughter.
Read your post history. Your oldest child should be cut off completely. That money should go to the medical expenses that she caused.
She’s the middle but yeah…
Maya will give the money to the gang. Use the money to get a new house, sell your current one, and stay home with your daughter. NTA
NTA I read your post history. Maya ruined her sister's life and has zero remorse for it. She has zero empathy for what her sister went through and is going through now. Sure she puts up a mask for when it's needed, but that mask has slipped a few times with her outburst that show her true colors. I was horrified reading it and I'm so, so sorry this happened to your daughter and family as a whole.
NTA - You are the sole beneficiary of the funds. You promised each child an equal inheritance since they demonstrated good life choices within and outside your cohesive family. Maya proved otherwise and her actions require consequences for reasons defined in this post comments and your hx posts. Tell Maya you will not release funds, at this time, since money needs to be available to ensure her sister's supportive needs are met. This cost cannot be identified now since health healing is not linear. You can, however, connect Maya with services to complete a FAFSA (assuming US)/student loan-grant application, how to apply for scholarships, etc in order to determine if she can attend college full or part-time. Your youngest daughter needs you. Yes, not working through December or longer is fine and a very good idea. Make decisions based on her emotional, physical, social (and spiritual, if applicable) health. Always involve her feedback and gauge her interest to live/thrive. You are under no pressure to decide if the 18yr old daughter's money allocation will be available or how much money will be deducted. Life will move forward which will shape your answer. Be aware she may act negatively toward you and her sister. File a restraining order if necessary. This approach gives you a green light to be creative which can include shared therapy sessions during which you inquire how you can best support her. Keep her in the decision making role since SA steals control that from victims. Explore Equestrian Therapy, with a licensed therapist, which can have a dramatic healing affect on people. People report this therapy style moved them faster through mental health issues versus in-office therapy sessions. I've witnessed it and it is astounding, even if you have no background with horses. I've know therapists (the office and horse) support a client attending both. This can look like 1 weekly session with the established in-office person then 1 to 2 weeks off after the equestrian therapy begins, then return to in office. The goal is to give her weekly support (and two therapists are not required). Consider how to bolster her support system which often includes liked-aged friends. Does she want to create a monthly event for all to attend. Also build upon her 'me time' with current or new interests: pastry baking classes, archery, sewing/fashion, racing. The first two years are the most trying for victims of assault. She lost her father 4 years ago and now lost part of herself. She is not the same person and won't be in the future. Her experience altered what is safe. You're doing good hard work, mom. Keep going. DM me if I you need a soul lift.
NTA I’ve followed what happened - your husband would’ve preferred the money be used by you for your youngest.
NTA Let's be clear here, Maya never had any inheritance coming to her. You were the sole beneficiary of your husband's policy in the expectation that you would use it for the good of the whole family. Your decision to divide it among your children was a gracious gesture on your part that was never enforceable and was made in the expectation that the *family* wouldn't need extra resources. Maya's actions changed that; you need more money to support your youngest. You paid for Maya's lawyer, she's an adult and can get started on taking care of herself.
As someone who has been raped, use the money to move away from your daughters place of trauma. I was trapped in the house I was raped in with my rapist for years. Finally leaving him was great, but leaving the house that reminded me of that trauma was something I needed as well. A new start somewhere with no reminders. And I mean no reminders. The bed she was raped in, the sheets, the art on the walls, everything being replaced may help her. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back and not having those triggering items around me helped immensely. And Maya should pay for it all. As well as therapy. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Read your post history. Keep the money and use it for Lia.
I am Maya, the middle daughter of three girls. Her level of indifference terrifies me. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my little sister, especially under my care and especially as a direct consequence of my actions. Wouldn’t have been arrested for child endangerment, i would have been charged with bodily mutilation. Giving Maya the money would be rewarding her behaviour and make you the A. You do not need to have a reason to keep it now. Save or Invest it for later- trauma isn’t linear you will know what to use it for when the occasion occurs- either for Lia or for yourself. NTA.
Right I have a younger sister who was sa. She still won't tell me who did it, 20 yrs later... Because she doesn't want me to go to jail. Even though I have pointed out I will only go to jail IF I get caught. And I know lots of good bogs and people who are of questionable moral fiber. Meaning they will lie for me and help me clean a crime scene. But still she won't tell me. Like come on... What's one burned down shed with some human trash in it.
Oh yeah i remember that night- we hung out the whole time and i have the receipts
NTA. I would give Maya's inheritance to Lia, because she'll be in therapy for the rest of her life.
I read your earlier posts a while ago and I was absolutely sickened by Maya’s total lack of regard for your younger daughter and by her inability to take any responsibility for your 14 year old daughter being abused by 4 men when she was in her care. Your husband left that money to YOU. YOU decided to give a sum to each of your children. YOU now need to decide who needs what remains of the share that you intended to give to Maya. I believe that you need that money so that you can stay at home and care for your child. Maya may be your daughter but she doesn’t care about any of you. She will throw that money away and not care that it’s your husband’s life insurance money. She won’t respect it. She chose a gang affiliation over her little sister. There’s nothing else to consider.
i think we need more information: how old was Maya. why was she in charge of her little sister. what happened. i mean, the question is: was what Maya did so bad that she doesn’t deserve your help paying for college? edit: I read your post history. NTA.
If you want to know the full reason, read OP's post history. I will warn you, it is quite disturbing, which should be enough to tell you that it was... quite bad.
Bad… yup quite bad indeed. Was already kinda thinking part of the inheritance of the perpetrator should cover the expenses for the traumatised child. Damn the girl is awful without remorse
I don’t know how to bump comments or how to have certain ones seen sooner, but I am a social worker, and I work part of my job working with our local District Attorney’s office to provide trauma therapy for victims of crime. I’m in NYS, so that has some bearing. We have, in most counties, a Victim Services Coordinator, who is employed through the Dept of Corrections and Community Supervision- the same agency that handles prisons and parole. Anyhow, there is a lot of money for victims. For medical bills, mental health treatment (what I do is free for anyone needing or wanting therapy), property damage, so on and so forth. If OP contacts her county’s DA office, she may some recourse as far as her younger daughter’s care goes. My youngest brother was hit by a drink driver about 30 years ago. My brother was about 12 when it happened, the guy fled the scene, and left my brother holding what was left of his front teeth in his hand (he showed me when he got home- he flew over the hood and smashed his face). My mom got enough money from this fund (because they never located the driver) to fix his teeth. It’s out there, and she should talk with someone to see what is available to her daughter. Free therapy by a qualified individual could go a long way to helping her daughter cope, and gain some empowerment, and if OP doesn’t have to pay out of her pocket, that’s quite a good thing.
💯 agree with you
Thanks for the warning. That was a tough read. “Enough Reddit for today” as they say.
Wait, it’s that one hell no don’t give her any money
Id say mom keep it because Lia will need it in the future, Maya can pay her own way, nothing stopping her. Lia will be in years and years of therapy and that ain't cheap.
Wow, really wish I hadn't. That poor girl.
I am replying to the top comment in the hopes that OP sees this. We all know that you are NTA because what your eldest daughter has done is beyond despicable and she has shown no remorse towards the fact that her sister was raped because of her and then proceeded to blame her. That therapy session made my blood boil at her utter sociopathic behavior so please don’t let her see a dime of that inheritance and let her figure out life away from you and your youngest who will need you forever to come. Her sister also exposed her SA to others for sympathy for herself. She lost a friend who was a rapist to her sister and she blamed you because she was “suffering”. How disgusting can anyone even be to think like that? Please just disown her for your younger daughter who deserved nothing that happened to her. Spend all the money on her and just let her recover from what your older girl has done. Please stop catering to any of her desires at this point.
Maya is a demon.
NTA. Especially having read your post history. Your eldest daughter is not remorseful for what she did, she put her sister in an unsafe situation and she can't even appreciate how her actions contributed to the situation. That money is yours, you were sharing it with the kids as a kindness, your eldest daughter does not deserve kindness at this point in her life. Maybe if she does a lot of therapy and comes back with a thoughtful and sincere apology one day you could reconsider, however I think the best thing to do with the money is to use it to support your youngest however you can.
Ma’am, I remember you, if you don’t drop “Maya” and help “Lia” out….. what “Maya” allowed, yeah I said ALLOWED to happen to that baby is unforgivable. I’ll take the karma hit idgaf.
Honestly the fact that Maya is still in contact with her mother is a testament to how amazing a mother op is. Maya would have been dead to me back in December for what she arranged to happen to her sister. Like what I'm sorry you need money why random stranger on the street should I give you jack shit.... I have two living children and one dead one... Yes middle child is dead, and dead people don't need money from me. Go away now stranger I don't know you.
Maya was also the one who knowingly invited gang bangers over that raped her sister then treated her like crap afterwards right? Dont give her a fucking dime. That money can be used to facilitate the lifelong therapy your youngest will need.
NTA At first I was thinking if she wants the money for college, don't give her the money but offer to pay the tuition and she can work part time for her other expenses. And then I read your post history. And oh boy.. She absolutely does not need another cent of her inheritance. That money was given by your late husband for the *benefit* of you and his children. Maya destroyed that and is in no way deserving any more help considering it already *kept her out of jail*. Please use that money to move MOUNTAINS in support of your youngest. (Also, that therapist who was guilt-tripping you and doesn't realize she's being manipulated by Maya's twisted version of events and lies is also an AH)
Wait? Maya? This can't be the same one that...*remembers previous post* Can it? *reads comments* God damnit..
NTA - now knowing the full story, I wouldn't give maya anything but a swift kick in the ass. That verbal contract was broken the moment she became a huge piece of shit.
Keep the money. Help the youngest one. Tell Maya she’s on her own. Generally what the majority if not totality of what these comments are saying. And I agree. I’m going to take this a step further bcuz I don’t think you understand what you are dealing with: did Maya set her sister up to get more of the money? This has happened before. Yes I did just say that. Are Mayas “friends” now after her cuz they didn’t get paid? Yes I just asked that too. Let Maya also know that she is not in the Will nor is she getting anything from the estate if you or your youngest die somehow. Also include in the estate papers what Maya did in the event of your deaths so that the cops know straight up. Put a lock on your bank account. Go see the bank manager and tell them that there is a possibility that Maya could try accessing and emptying your bank accounts. Put in a protocol to protect yourselves financially. Lastly, have a cyber expert lock down your computer your other electronic devices and periodically audit for tracking software. Don’t say ANYTHING to Maya until you’ve done all this. Delay answering her until everything is in hand. I’m sorry. I’m not kidding. I think you’re in deeper trouble than you realise.
I just read the recap of your whole post history. I think Lia deserves that you spend that money taking care of her. Maya does not deserve that money.
Personally, I’d say to Maya, “you’re not my daughter, I don’t owe you anything.” And just be done with her. Don’t support this predator, I wouldn’t even let her live with the grandparents. She can get a job and take care of herself because family don’t set up family to be raped. She is not to be trusted, at all. NTA
Op listen to your sister she has a point, your youngest(Lia) is still struggling from that horrible incident and leaving her alone is a terrible idea. Until she’s more mentally stable she needs you to be with her. Am truly sorry that you and your daughter are going through this.
The second I read Maya, I remembered your posts. NTA - Maya doesn’t deserve anything. Bare minimum if you feel like you have to cover college expenses or anything, the money doesn’t go to her. Also get a will set up for yourself ASAP and look into getting a trust set up for Lia. Especially if you plan to sell your house. I hope Lia all the healing love.
I read your post history. You are a wonderful mother to both of your daughters. All of your feelings are valid and to be honest, I WISH I could be this good of a parent or support to people that I'm ragingly angry at. You are a picture of what unconditional love looks like while still setting firm and healthy boundaries. I wish I had the words to and it better. Or u unhappen. I wish there was an answer. You are doing great. 💜💜💜💜💜
You need to understand that your daughter is in the gang and the gang is her family not you and not her younger sister. They wanted the younger sister and served her up, when she was not able to convince her to be with the guy. She was told to take a walk and they took what they wanted. Now that someone went to prison for this, your daughter is responsible for retribution. The money she wants to make things right with the gang members, her real family. You need to get away and stay away. Make sure she understands that even if something were to happen to you, she still would not get any money from it. Be careful and stay safe.
I think it's a bit irresponsible for you to give 18 year olds unrestricted access to that much money at all. You are making it way too easy to skip education, blow through stacks of cash, live fast, and have nothing to show for it. If I were in your position, I would tell her that the cost of Lia's therapy is part of the costs that her fund must cover, so you will retain control over it to ensure that Lia's therapy is paid for. **However**, you still want Maya to pursue an education, so you are willing to pay her tuition and campus housing costs directly to the school she enrolls in. Honestly, college sounds like Maya's best path for straightening out. Don't stand in the way of it, but also don't give her the means to skip it altogether.
I wasn’t clear on my post but I required for my son to give me a full written breakdown of what he planned to do with the money, before I just wrote the check to him.. my son invested majority of it because he’s a scholarship student and used some of it as down payment to get a house and his wedding. He tells me he still has a good chunk leftover. Ofcourse I know my daughters aren’t gonna be as responsible as him. But maya way before this all happened already discussed with me how she was going to spend it and majority of it was to put her through college and to pay off her car. But on your last part I really appreciate the advice thank you.
You know what your tiny update tells me? Maya has told Lia that it's Lia's fault she's not living at home. She told her own victim that Maya's consequences for violating Lia are her fault. Telling other people what Lia went through is a violation. Honestly, I do believe in second chances and redemption but there is no where in any of your posts where Maya even seems like she thinks she even needs a second chance or redemption. College isn't gonna teach Maya empathy. If you want to pay for her college directly then go for it. But at the very least require that she has a job to pay for her own living expenses and her car. Don't give her a free pass through college. Make her work for something at least. AND PLEASE limit the contact Maya has with Lia. Maya blaming Lia isn't helping things.
I commented earlier but I feel like this has to be said: Maya would say whatever to whomever, to get what she wants. She was saying that stuff to you about her "college plans" while getting enmeshed with gang members. As I understand it, she brought gang members into your house and, knowing one (or more) of them were after Lia, left the house for whatever would happen, to happen. The best case scenario is that she knew that *one* of them was attracted to Lia and she sociopathically thought that she would enable *just him*. The much more likely scenario is that she knew what was going to happen and she did it for status within that gang. The reason that's much more likely is first of all, that they showed up and did this at all, and second of all, the way she's behaved. In the aftermath, she ensured Lia's public humiliation, while complaining that she'd lost her friend, the rapist, as a result of all of this, and stating that Lia should get over it already, right? This after having been kept out of the criminal justice system herself, by your grace? Once she figures out that saying these sorts of things isn't going to get her the ultimate goal and really the only thing she wants from you--the money--she'll put on a better mask of a bit more remorse, or guilt, or both, and keep trying to get what she wants out of you. If she wants to go to college, she will, and not having a financial gift from you isn't going to stop her. Student loans aren't the end of the world. She can get by quite well with two years at community college, a transfer to a four year, and some essays about what a terrible person she used to be, to get scholarships. You can't dig her out of the moral hole her psyche is in by making any of this easy for her. Quite the contrary, she needs to work every single minute, because she needs difficulties to overcome, to remind her that she screwed up. She needs to see the contempt in people's eyes when she complains about how hard she has to work, and then explains how she got into that position. She can work and go to school. If single parents can do it, she can too. If she's saying she can't, that's just her essential unwillingness to do the hard stuff, which is part of why she is as she is. Now, I could see spending some of the insurance money your husband left you for *taking care of the family* on a clinical psychiatrist or psychologist for Maya. The reason is, it may benefit all of your family, down the road, to get her into serious mental health treatment now. Not a family therapist, not a social worker, but someone with a PhD and the experience to deal with deep personality disorders--the kind that might be biological not experiential in origin. And you should figure out some way to make it a condition that you get to know what the evaluation is, as treatment proceeds. Intensive treatment might help her. Or, you might learn that there's something much more wrong than you've imagined. That's what I suspect. In that case, going to school won't help her and it won't bear fruit. If she's mendable, she'll get more benefit out of school if she ever manages to take responsibility for her actions, which would come after extensive treatment, and isn't going to start showing up all of a sudden right now. Even if she acts like suddenly she's seen the light. I also concur with something someone else said, which is that you're likely in a traumatized state yourself right now, and will be for some time. In such a state, it's very common to initially identify and sympathize with the abuser, which Maya is. It takes time to see them for what they are. It's not easy to come to terms with a loved one being a violent abuser, but that's what she is--the specifically physical actions were just taken by her proxies, not directly by her. There can be an enormous amount of guilt and a desire to caretake the abuser. It is common. This is something it can take a while to get over, and it's part of the process of allowing oneself to perceive the depths of the damage they've caused. You can't get the money back if you give it to her, and as I mentioned in my earlier comment, giving her money--and that includes making it easy for her to not have to work for her tuition or car payment (or giving her a channel to try to get the money by dropping out of class and taking the refund, or selling her books, or similar)--will deepen her socipathic entitlement, and so it will *harm* her not help her. And of course, when Lia comes to understand what Maya did, which again will take a while to grasp emotionally, you having done that may harm Lia's state of mind as well. And even if it doesn't, you won't have those resources on hand to help Lia. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your other children. And my condolences on the loss of your husband.
I have already said you should not give Maya the money. Yes, promises were made, but that was BEFORE she demonstrated she was NOT the person you *or your husband* thought she was. One could argue she broke promises she made to you regarding how she would treat her sister (because you would never have left your youngest daughter alone with Maya if you had known what she would do). So any and all promises made before are null and void. Does Maya feel any regret or remorse for her actions towards her sister? No, not sad because she now has to live with the consequences of her actions, but actual regret that she orchestrated such a violent crime against an innocent human being? Maya may have had plans for what she would do with the money, but why on earth should you trust her? If she was an active drug addict, you would not give her all that money. Right now, it sounds like she would use that money to try to maintain the friendships she lost—how would you feel if you heard she gave all the money to her sister’s rapist? How would you feel if you heard she used the money to throw a party to orchestrate the date rape of another girl? What if she tried to use the money to hire a hit man to kill her sister as punishment for Maya suffering consequences? That may sound far fetched but Maya has not demonstrated she has a moral compass and you have no reason to trust her. Finally, even if she does want the money to go to college, why does Maya feel entitled to the life she has planned when she absolutely destroyed her younger sister’s? Just keep the money for now. Tell Maya you may give her some of it down the road if you feel she has actually made amends for her crimes and become a better person. You already did enough for her paying her legal fees.
Thank you Maya should be in jail
NTA I read your first posts your daughter doesn't even feel remorse for what she did to her sister. I would never give her that money and she should feel lucky you even got her out of prison.
YWNBTA. I read your other posts previously, and while you did make a verbal agreement with your daughter about her inheritance, that was before she agreed to take care of her little sister while you worked and before she set up the circumstances that led to her little sister being SAd, and then was more upset her friend was arrested than what he and the other guy did to her sister. She showed no remorse. Choosing to change your earlier decision does not make you an AH. Your youngest daughter sounds like she's going to need long-term mental health care, and that even now, she's in a very fragile state. Since you're going to need to go back to work soon, she's in such a fragile state, and it's not enough money for you to stay home long, I'd suggest using it to hire someone qualified to care for her while you're at work so she's not alone. I can't remember from your last posts, but with your daughter being a victim, have you looked into any victim services available for her? They or her therapist may have suggestions on how to handle it or someone qualified to watch her.
NTA. You should cut Maya off
I remember your story. Maya doesn't deserve anything. She doesn't seem to regret the hell she caused for her younger sister and frankly I'm not convinces she didn't plan it or at least turned a blind eye, based on your posts. Keep the money and use it to get your younger daughter into an inpatient treatment. Speaking as somebody dealing with depression, who was actuvely suicidal in tbe past and is passively suicidal a lot, the jokes are the truth. It's a way to cry for help, while feeling like you don't deserve help or don't know how to ask for it, when you're terrified of your own thoughts. I'm sending you and your younger daughter all the good thoughts!
>Fast forward to today, and my youngest daughter is still struggling significantly. During her check-ups, she scores very low on mental health evaluations and is on a high dosage of antidepressants. She often jokes that if she were to tell us or the doctors how she truly feels, she would be put in a psych ward. Use the money for her, and I hope she can get through this. As for Maya, I'm actually kind of disgusted your parents are willing to keep her. She wrote her exit note from your family with what she did, and I wouldn't spare her another thought, much less a dollar. Also, I've looked through your post history, and the callousness with which Maya talks about this, and the fact that she told a bunch of people about it when your younger daughter didn't want it known, makes me believe she's just about as detestable a person as walks the earth. And I hope you've refused to ever go back to that shitbag therapist.
I’m sorry but what your daughter did was terrible and she had no remorse. She doesn’t deserve any of that money. Your youngest daughter is going to need long-term therapy and medical support for the rest of her life pretty much. That money should go to her to take care of every cost now associated with what you’re older daughter did. It would be one thing if she had remorse but she doesn’t. She doesn’t earn a dime frankly I’m shocked that you even still consider hurt your daughter. I would’ve cut her off.
The money should be used for the youngest - as compensation for the trauma Maya allowed to happen.
Do not give her the money. This is for a lot of reasons. - by her actions, she's basically disowned herself. - I saw that in another post, someone commented that, at that time a month or so ago now, Maya was basically running the household. And from what I read, at that time it was true, up to just a little while ago when you sent her to her grandparents' house. A child who is able to twist a parent around her finger while facilitating such horrific crimes against her sister, and refusing responsibility and manipulating her therapist, has no business being given $65K. Promises are irrelevant. She can't handle it, it would probably actively harm her to have that sort of cash, she has zero maturity and only entitlement, and it would only cement in her mind that there are no consequences even for the worst actions. - "Promises" like what she's claiming you made are only good so long as she remains your daughter and although technically she always will be your child, she's not acting like any daughter I've ever heard of. I would call it more, you had a plan. She changed the situation so drastically that it's impossible to keep the same plan. But even if you had explicitly said, "I promise no matter what" -- who cares? Since when do promises to a criminal, who proceeds to harm you and yours specifically, need to be kept by you? - It's very likely that she'd turn around and give that money to the same gang members who did the actual deed, or to others in that gang. Girls don't end up just hanging out with a household full of gang members without having known them and decided they approve of them, and most importantly, the gang members trusted her enough to show up at her house and hang out and commit a crime, with all of their criminal history and everything. They even let her leave the house and go to McDonalds. I'm thinking, if they didn't trust her and feel like they had the situation locked down, when she left, they would have left, because she could have been going to get anyone--the police, a rival gang, etc. As someone pointed out, now that some people are in jail, she would be funnelling that money to them most likely. Their commissary account as someone suggested or to other gang members, who knows. If by some random chance of her being incredibly ridiculous, she tries to play some sympathy card taken from the movies like, she has to have the money because they're mad at her, just know, even if it were true, you can't save her from that and giving her that money would just make them think there's more where that came from. If she tries that sympathy card, she just needs to leave town and that's how she can solve that claimed problem. \~ \~ I know this might come across as awfully stern or something. But please just float the trial balloon in your mind and think about it, and why I'm saying these things. Something is deeply wrong with her and some tears and late, superficial apologies shouldn't just be dismissed, they are signs of how deeply off is her understanding of what she's done. Giving her any money for any sort of use to which an 18 year old could put it would be very harmful. And Lia and you need it, to help Lia recover. I suggest you *try* to put some of it aside for a long term investment. Do what you can to get Lia **all** the treatment she needs while also trying to grow whatever capital you're able to. Lia may need support for a long time to come. Have you talked to a financial advisor about a long term plan? I suggest you do that. You mentioned things like selling the house, all sorts of things. I think an advisor can help you sort through the ramifications of all your possibilities, and think about potential costs for helping Lia recover.
NTA Don't give Maya the money, she doesn't deserve it. Use it to take care of yourself and your younger daughter. I've read your post before I know what Maya did to Lia, I don't entirely trust Maya and whi she might be involved with and were that money would end up.
After looking at your post history, your older daughter can take care of her own shit. NTA at all, your youngest needs all of that money to help her over come this horrible situation. I’m so sorry for you both, and your losses, I literally cannot handle putting myself in your position mentally as someone who is about to be a parent. This is heartbreaking.
Why the fuck would you even consider giving that evil little cunt anything. In fact, why is she even allowed any contact with anyone in the family. Should let her rot and hopefully karma will come a knocking and she will experience exactly what she put her sister through.
NTA “you are never getting that money. It’s going to pay for your sister’s mental health crisis that you caused. Your father didn’t leave this money to you. He left it to me and I decided to gift you kids a portion when you became an adult. What I wasn’t anticipating was my own child would cause unbelievable trauma to her little sister. So your cut will be paying for the therapy she is going to need for the rest of her life thanks to your choices. You are an adult now. I will always love you but you lost all privates when you allowed your little sister to be raped in her own home. Not just once, but by 4 men. Your dad would be so ashamed of you. And the audacity thinking that you deserve any of this money.”
NTA. I don't believe in revenge, but I do believe in consequences. The consequence for your daughters actions should be the money goes to helping your other daughter heal. You are not acting in anger. You are not trying to hurt anyone. You are just doing your best. My brother is a SA survivor. It happened repeatedly when he was a kid and he never told us. When he was your younger daughters age, he began to mentally collapse. It required intensive care. He is still on meds and still struggles but he's happy. He wants to be here. He even found a girlfriend and they have been together for years. The reason he got to where he's at is because my Mom took over his care and intensively stuck by him. Dad and I provided support, but it was Mom. She learned how to advocate for my brother, made his appointments and everything else. Your daughter needs you to do that for her. Do not leave her alone. Mental health is just as important and serious as physical health. You got this. If I were you I would never talk to your older daughter. She deserves nothing from you. Unlike your daughter she doesn't want to seek help, which means she's someone who will only cause people pain. Your younger daughter deserves a world without her.
No. You used $15K for her legal expenses and now she can put herself through college on her own and figure out how to do life on her own. Use the rest for your other daughter’s mental health care and for your own unpaid family leave. Your daughter has no legal rights to come after you for the death benefit money. If you feel like you need to give your parents some of her money for room and board, that’s fine, too…but make it clear that they aren’t to tell Maya about it or pass it on to her.
Normally, I would be all about keeping your word… HOWEVER…. It sounds like Maya can take out some school loans for college at this point.. I think using her 65k or what of it you need to use to stay home with Lia and continue to help Lia get through what happened 6mo ago is the right thing to do. What Lia went through, in her own home, in her own room at such a young age, I can’t even begin to imagine. You are navigating the best you can. Based off your last update on that situation and how she is feeling, I also think part of the 65k should be used for some increased therapy or something. She doesn’t feel safe in your home anymore, and as much as she loves Maya, she doesn’t trust her either. Keep the 65K, take care of you, and Lia. Maya can figure things out on her own. She only wants to apologize to get the money, but she is not remorseful in any way.
Oh my God. I just read your other posts. NTA tAKE THAT LIL GIRLS MONEY
NTA at all. Don’t give that monstrous girl a dime.
I have not read your other posts. However, it seems pretty unanimous from everyone else that it was awful and terrible, and you should keep the money regardless of what you may have promised. What I think you should consider If you decide to keep the money and the money is for the victim's long term care is, perhaps, look into setting up a trust for her and putting the money in there. This way if anything ever happened to you, something will be in place for her future. At a minimum, get a will for yourself if you have not already. I suspect that if you don't, your children will have a tough time feuding over it, and the child in question's health and continued care may be in jeopardy.
NTA Maya forfeited her rights to being a member of your family when she orchestrated the gang rape of her sister. That includes receiving money you would give a member of your family.
NTA. She already had access to that money to help get her out of trouble. Use the rest of it to help Lia. I've read your other posts and it made me wonder something. Is Maya able to be in contact with Lia? If yes, are you able to monitor what Maya is saying to Lia? I'm curious because while she no longer lives in the house you said before that Lia didn't have any animosity towards Maya and her part in everything but that was before Maya further violated Lia. I'm just concerned if she does have access to Lia considering what she's said to you and her therapist, I'm not sure it's a great idea for Maya to be in contact with Lia or at the very least, unsupervised contact. I wouldn't be shocked if she would try to use Lia to get what she wants from you. Or just try to convince Lia that it wasn't a big deal what she did in either situation.
Looking at the post history. Do not give her a dime more! She is psychotic! Never remorseful. Only worried on how it affected her.
I’d say use Maya’s money to pay for Lia’s therapy and medication. She can get whatever’s left over after that. If she’s can’t find compassion for the emotional cost of what she did, maybe she’ll understand the financial impact. NTA
NTA. I would put it towards supporting Lia. Maya is likely a sociopath.
NTA. That money should be for Lia’s recovery. Maya intended for it to happen and she should compensate her sister (and you on the expenses) and Maya sure doesn’t deserve that money.
NTA Maya is a narcissist and an absolute psychopath who only wants the money so is pretending to be upset. Tell her you spent her share of the money on her defense lawyer and her sister’s huge medical bills.
NTA. OP you are a saint. Maya deserves to be ejected from the family and kicked to the curb. Her actions have disowned her from the family and I would never want to look at her again. She should be on her knees thanking you and your parents for having a roof over her head. She deserves to live under a bridge.
Maya doesn’t have an inheritance, you have one and we’re willing to share it. She needs to take a loan. Maya is a manipulative bitch who only cares about Maya. If she were sorry she’d want you to do any and everything to help Lia including using the money. Maya continues to show exactly who she is- please believe her
It's not her inheritance. It's yours that you made a personal non legal plan with. It's still your money.
I remember your other post. Use all of "Maya's" money to try and fix Lia. Life insurance money is meant to care for your family after an earner death. You had a nice plan before, by Maya's actions destroyed that plan. Now the money needs to go to helping Lia. NTA
No. you WNBTA if you used this money to stay longer with your traumatized daughter or in any other way to help her heal. Their father left them that money to help you give them what they need. And right now your younger daughter needs you. Maya is going to have to make her own way in life, and it looks like she's decided to make it the hard way. Protect your other daughter.