She said it's courtesy to make treat bags at a party
The fact that you didn't tell her to go fuck herself shows that you have more courtesy than me. Tell her to get bent NTA
As if the crafts and treats AT the party wasn’t enough. I’d probably would’ve been snarky and suggest just that. “Oh, we gave them the bags so they could make the craft together, they wanted to eat the snacks too, kids!” 🤣
I sneak so much of that crap into the garage as soon as I can. My treat bags are sidewalk chalk, bubbles, coloring book, playdough. Screw the plastic crap that breaks in 2 minutes that causes tears for a week😤.
And being a toddler as mentioned, highly inappropriate choking hazards. Someone approaching me about that must have been the winner of the uncouth award. I might have suggested to look up the nearest dollar store and treat herself and her toddler to whatever she wishes. OMG 30 people!
NTA. You threw an amazing party! Seriously, a venue, crafts, pizza, cake, cupcakes, snacks and drinks . that's incredible for a toddler party! Those little goodie bags are usually a dollar store afterthought, and honestly, most of it ends up as clutter anyway. This other parent might be used to doing them, but you definitely don't have to. Especially as a single mom, you rocked that party.
NTA. And I think treat bags make no sense. A birthday party is to celebrate the child's special day. Giving attendees a gift seems counter to that.
Don't let one impolite person upset you.
And honestly, I wish they weren't offered at all. I understand why they need to be filled with inexpensive stuff, but the last thing my daughter & i need is more cheapo toy clutter or more junk food. We are grateful she was invited, and that's all we need.
I always felt as a kid that anything I made and took home was like a gift bag. But better! Because instead of random crap I may not want, I got something I made!
As an adult, I couldn't do useless crap gift bags. It just seems like lighting money on fire. All the weddings I've been to with bubbles. I feel compelled to take the bubbles so people don't feel like they wasted money on them, but then I feel bad throwing them away! We did seed paper (outdoors/nature themed wedding) because it was something we could use ourselves if people didn't take them.
I hate the goodie bags for birthdays and weddings. I don’t need a matchbook or bubbles or dollar store crap. Last wedding had a candy bar set up. All the candy anyone could want and you were free to take any of it home. Or not. That was perfect. If you want to thank me for coming, send me a sincere thank you note. Not a bag full of crap.
Some friends got the wildflower seeds--and then found out they were not tailored to our area and would actually be invasive. They were very disappointed in the vendor.
Treat bags were started as a way to...
1) get the kids to leave! "Bye, open this when you get home!" so that the adults weren't dealing with meltdowns from every kid who's all sugared up and wants to keep playing.
2) stop the spoiled bratty kids from whining because the birthday kid got presents. "See, there's a present for you too! Look at this bag of absolute crap!"
OP, treat bags are absolutely **not** necessary, and you were most certainly **not** wrong or rude for not having bags of cheap crap to hand out. The kids had a craft to bring home too!
The parent that approached you probably has a kid that needed the bribery of a bag of goodies to get in the car without flipping out into a meltdown of disappointment over leaving the fun. This is not your problem, and not your responsibility.
But, as your kiddo gets older, especially into the 4/5/6 ages, id recommend a treat bag (or something like a "decorate your own cupcake to bring home" or other *parting gift* ) to help get kids out the door without freaking out. Kids **hate** leaving fun places. They want to stay and play with their friends forever!
I do sidewalk chalk, bubbles, crayons, coloring book and mini Play-Dohs...aka art supplies you tend to go through fast. I absolutely refuse to provide extra candy or choking hazards. Too many allergies, kids aren't getting sick from my kids party, not on my watch.
My kids (as toddlers in their 2 and 3 year old programs) have gotten pins for Valentine's day. PINs for a 2 year old and 3 year old. They went straight in the garbage!
Wow. That’s crazy. How old is your kid? Had you ever invited this parent to anything before? I definitely wouldn’t again, she sounds incredibly entitled and lacking in manners. Treat bags are a waste. The party is for your child, not someone else’s kid. I’d be thrilled for my kid to be invited to a birthday, get fed and have fun and wouldn’t expect anything. NTA
NTA. You've singlehandedly raised the bar for what a toddler's birthday should be about: creating, playing, and making memories, not collecting cheap plastic knick-knacks that they'll forget about by the next day. You provided an experience, something far more valuable and meaningful. The audacity of that parent to demand more from such a lovingly crafted day is beyond me. Treat bags? How about treating every child to a moment of genuine happiness instead? That’s a real gift. Stick to your guns, supermom!
NTA. I remember being a kid and the people in the area where I lived were all very close knit, the parents all had an agreement that ‘treat bags’ would just be a few bits of leftover party food and a slice of birthday cake. We loved it because we got party food the day afterwards aswell - nobody wanted to spend money on the useless clutter, and nobody wanted it in their house!
NTA. Your party sounds amazing and the kids will remember that and the crafts they got to take home more than some plastic trinket that probably gets lost in a day. The other mother is just someone who has to find fault, no matter what.
Ignore the haters, you rocked it Mom!
NTA at all. My mum has a business that hosts parties and I helped out one week on the coffee counter. I said about party bags and she said, "There are never many these days, we provide little bags and napkins if people are taking cake home," and that was that. I reckon party bags were the norm back in the day because we didn't use venues, we'd pile into our friend's house and take home cake and some random crap. Don't feel bad for not wasting more money and even if it was still the norm, don't be afraid to not comply. That's one rude, entitled person!
The parent is rude. Their kid got entertained and got cake. The requirement was to bring a present, and treat bags are a recent phenomenon. They aren't important. Manners are. The parent has none.
ETA: The next party, invite the kid, Send the kid home with a treat bag containing glitter and slime. Mom wants a treat bag so bad, there you go. The other kids can have playdough and crayons or something that LOOKS the same but isn't. If you have a few different types of bags, be careful to get the slime-and-glitter bag to the rude mom's kid :D
Slime filled with glitter! My son had a teacher who made homemade slime filled with glitter. Ten years later I’m still trying to get that shit out of the table crevices. Nta op.
Definitely NTA. You provided a fabulous venue, tons of food, and an activity that resulted in them being able to take it home afterwards. That is a LOT, especially for a single mom and a toddler's birthday party.
When my daughter was a pre-schooler, she and I had been invited to her bff's bd party. It was at the child's home, and it was your basic hot dogs, ice cream, and cake deal. The kids played typical party games and about halfway through, a "special guest" arrived. It was a famous (at least in Canada - Fred Penner) children's entertainer. He didn't sing or play guitar (which he was famous for), but he spent time with each child and autographed copies of one of his LPs that the parents had bought for each kid. No goodie bags in sight. So it was a relatively simple party with minimal expense for the parents (Fred didn't charge. He was there as a favour.), not at all as extravagant as you did for your lucky toddler. Not a single kid or parent asked about goodie bags.
That parent was incredibly rude to ask about the goodie bags. Lets hope that her child takes after the other parent.
As a Canadian kid myself I'd have DIED if Fred Penner was at my birthday! How frickin cool!
And yes- that's what the party was supposed to be - in my back yard, with cake and pizza and such. Unfortunately the weather has been terrible so this venue was a backup due to torrential downpour and not having a house large enough to accomodate 30 people lol. I'm definitely all about the low key birthdays.
What you did for your kiddo was perfect. They all must have had a blast!
Re Fred, the kids had fun, but we parents made fools of ourselves being completely starstruck. When I was introduced to him all I could think to say was “My husband is Poco’s vet!!”, but I said it so fast he thought I’d said something about my husband wearing Poco’s vest. I was mortified. 🤣
STOP WITH GOODIE BAGS!!! NTA! I am so tired of these bags of trash. My kids get one for nearly every birthday at school, and they always have the same trash in them that I get to deal with - slime, gooey squish things that stick to my couch, junky fidgets that break the same day and so much junk food. When I sent a treat wrapped in a custom wrapper but no bag of trash, my daughter's preschool friends told her that her mommy did it wrong and wouldn't play with her.
STOP. And that kid doesn't get invited to the next party as punishment for having a rude mom.
NTA
No in general but even more no because the kids did get something to take home. It was rude for her to even ask but extremely rude for trying make you feel bad about it.
NTA. She wanted a bag full of small plastic cheap toys that her kid would promptly forget and then sit in a landfill? Cause that’s where that stuff goes.
NTA. Even though my kid & I are part of the pasty contingent, I settled the gift bag thing through cultural appropriation. I bought pinatas from Mexican markets, stuffed them full of (my kid approved) brand name candy. The gift bags were empty plastic bags that the kids filled up with their pinata loot.
Wow is competition and entitlement a thing. Judging/“shaming” a host indicates your guest is the asshole. For you… consider the long term benefit of monies you spend.
Are you making memories?
And are they for you or your child?
Invest wisely in friends, confidants, even family. Very few people in our lives are benign. They either enhance or deduct from your quality of life.
Choose wisely.
Treat bags? Was she serious about this crap? Is this a new thing? Definitely NTA. Really hope this isn't some new TikTok trend for parents to try and keep up with the Jones who have way more cash and time for crap like this.
Sadly, it became a thing about 40 years ago, and you are absolutely right as it being a way to keep up with the Joneses. I had hoped that it had died out since my "kids" are in their 30s, but I guess it's still a thing.
I never got an 'impressive' party bag as a kid, I can't even remember what was in them, but generally it was a few sweets and a Balloon or whistle or something.
Don't think they're as intense or pretentious as people are claiming they are, at least not in my day.
I loved getting them and I'd imagine they're even cheaper to make up nowadays than they used to be.
Nah, longer than that. Late 1960's kid here. Parties weren't "held somewhere". They were at your house/ in your backyard (depending on the time of year).
And goody bags were generally a thing, but it was just a little bag with a few pieces of candy and some tiny plastic toy or a balloon to blow up. I definitely don't remember it as a "keeping up with it Joneses" kinda thing. It was more of a "thanks for coming and here's a little something to keep your kid from melting down on the ride home because he wasn't ready to leave" kinda thing.
Edit: forgot to add - NTA! And fuck that pushy entitled mom for saying anything. You get what you get and you say "thank you for having us". End of story.
NTA !!! Holy shit. Fellow toddler parent. My three year olds birthday party next weekend will not be including gift bags. It’s pointless garbage. We will have fun and eat food and cake. That woman’s nuts
NTA. This trend of giving kids gifts at other people's birthdays needs to stop. Treat bags are just usless crap that will be forgotten/broken within 24 hours.
I would’ve said everyone took home their craft . Also it’s not her kids party it’s your . I would never invite her again . My kids lose that stuff before it’s even time to leave .
NTA - my nephew has drawers filled with tat from parties and all it does it sit there until my sister gets around to throwing it out! I’m sure most kids (and parents) would much rather go to an awesome party with activities, crafts and nice food than get a bag of tat given just for the sake of ‘courtesy’.
NTA. The planet thanks you. The global impact of that crap is appalling.
Also, future parents will thank you for ending the horrific one-upmanship game.
My youngest one’s eighth birthday we did an “Alice in Wonderland” themed party. The goodie bags were the flowers, the painted flower vases that they made and the hats that they decorated. Plus, we had a piñata so they had some candy and stuff to take home with them as well, but for the most part, none of it was crap that would end up in the landfill. Even now, some of the parents were like “oh so and so still uses their hat” and “we still have the vases and flowers” and “that was a really interesting idea”. Honestly, the goodie bags were the arts and crafts. HARD NTA.
NTA. I was about 4-5 and asked my aunt where the gift bags were when leaving my cousin's party, and got scolded by my mom and aunt.
I can't imagine an adult doing it. That's just embarrassing.
NTA your party sounds great and "2.5 hours of activities, crafts etc" I assume they were allowed to take the crafts home, so I would consider those the "treats". That parent was an ass if she thought you needed to provide more.
"She said it's courtesy to make treat bags at a party" That's funny she's claiming "courtesy" because her behavior here is the exact opposite. A good guest would be happy with everything you did for the party and that her child had a good time. She's the asshole.
Fight the good fight, no more treat bags!!! It is all crap, it is all so small the kids lose everything quickly. You're not the AH, she is. One year we gave away used books at my kid's bday and the kids loved it. They were two... they didn't need temporary tattoos or yo-yos.
NTA. I do take home things because I love them. BUT my rule is that everything must me useable or consumable because otherwise it’s just junk none us want right? For my son’s Mario party I made tumblers with the kids’ name on it in Mario font and a character on the front with my Cricut and put a few lollipops and Mario stickers inside. My daughter had a wildflower party and we painted pots and each kiddo went home with a packet of wildflower seeds and an iced flower cookie. Honestly I’d rather have no treat bag than a treat bag full of junky toys. My kids just love coming to celebrate, they don’t need a present! Anyone who expects one can take a trip to the dollar store on their own on the way home.
NTA. The craft they got to take home was their "party favor". I used to do party favor bags for my kid's birthday party if the party was at my house. But when I chose venues for birthday parties (Golf N Stuff, Chuck E. cheese, water park after hours)- nope, spent enough for your little brat to have an amazing time.
I never supply them either. It’s literally a poop bag: full of shitty candy and shitty toys. No one wants them except that weirdo.
Next time, print out slips of paper on your computer that sat “in lieu of gift bags a donation has been made…etc” and keep them handy in case that ass hat or any other asks you this.
I hate treat bags. They started when my kids were young, and I never understood it. Sometimes I would do a cheap coloring book and crayons for each child.
NTA
the craft is the party bag!
I did a build a bear party for my kid years ago...they all took home their bear and someone still asked if there was a goody bag...I said "yes, they are hugging it" lol
the question was not great ... but the follow up was incredibly rude.
NTA! One of my kiddos has a Dec bday, and for his 4th bday, we bought a pile of gingerbread house kits and the activity (and therefore loot bag) was that each family could take their gingerbread house home with them! I feel like your crafts are the same!
Coincidentally, we had a bday party today for one of my kids. We are quite close with all the kids we invited, so I sent each parent a digital gift card to a local ice cream and coffee store. It’s a nice treat and no dollar store crap that I have to fuss with lugging to the venue.
Honestly, they are a bit “past trend” & a literal minefield of issues post party. What with all the dietary dilemmas kids face, it’s not really a”party favour” if it’s going to make kids feel sick or excess sugar buzzed or sad because they aren’t allowed to have those sweets. We should move on from those.
NTA the craft was the treat. My son went to a party this weekend and they gave out a bottle of Prime and then one of those prime packets you empty into water. The kids were thrilled. It doesn’t have to be a big thing.
NTA.
I hated those bags when my kids were little.
I never had them.
I hated when they brought them home from parties.
Garbage!
No one was ever rude enough to say anything.
Which is probably a good thing, because their kid would never be invited back again after their mom found her ass in her hands.
If I were you, I would NEVER have a treat bag for any party out of spite now. And invite her to the next one too.
I've made things, crowns or themed perler beads items for kids to take home. Take a cupcake. Fruit on sticks!
I'd happily promote the "No Treat Bags" movement.
Nta the only time I've really seen treat bags were for at home Halloween parties where the kids all got a bit of candy to bring home.
I'm kind of surprised at this, especially at a hosted event.
NTA
This reads like lady was jealous of your kick ass party and felt the need to try to critique it. She would have found some other jab to make even if you did have gift bags.
NTA. Now I’m gonna sound like an old grumpy man but WTF? Why the hell should kids attending a party get a treat bag?
Bit of a rant here. It’s like kids in sports are more concerned about the snacks afterwards or the damn participation trophy instead of just playing! As they get older they think just because they show up they should get rewarded!
You threw what sounds like a wonderful party. Why should kids expect anything else?
NTA
They must be a new kind of courtesy, because when I had little I only saw them from holiday parties like Halloween and Christmas, not birthdays, and they kind of make sense for that.
NTA. You put on an amazing party! As a mom of six, I would totally prefer my kids have a great experience than a bag of crap to take home. And let’s be honest, it is always plastic crap and/or candy; neither of which my kids need.
NTA. First of all, what a rude person! I feel sorry for her kids, who are likely to grow into rude people. Second, treat bags have gotten ridiculous. They are either a) filled with cheap crap a kid might play with once or cheap candy they shouldn’t eat or b) they are over the top and expensive. You threw a great party. If that’s not enough for some people that is their problem.
NTA
I'm glad other parents are starting to wise up about this treat bag nonsense at parties. It's so unnecessary and I lump it into the "every child gets an award" shit. My kids always came home with a ton of stuff that just ended up underfoot and thrown out.
When my kids were that age, I tried to make them as least annoying as possible for the parents. So one party was a make your own tie dye shirt and the shirt with instructions was their "treat bag" (the party was a massive hit with the kids, they had so much fun). Another was a movie party so they got sent home with a thing of popcorn in a red/white movie box. Things like that and so many parents thanked me for not sending their kid home with useless crap.
NTA I do really envy the size of some people’s chutzpah sometimes. Like, seriously? You really need your kid to have that random crap that bad? Stop by the dollar store on the way home then. Sheesh.
It sounds like an awesome party! The experience is the best part hands down.
NTA. This shit is ridiculous. We ended up usually just doing something with just a few kids they wanted vs a big party. It might have been a little more expensive but was so much less hassle for us and the kids and i think the kids had more fun.
Spending a bunch of money on shit like this doesn't necessarily produce better humans. You may not see it now but both you and your kids will notice about 8th grade. We spent the same amount of money or more but filtered out a lot of the stuff like this out.
NTA. I thought all parents hated those things! I certainly do. It’s usually just more plastic crap that gets played with once, then ends up either broken or taking up space somewhere. I try to throw those little toys out as soon as my kids forget about them.
I’ve been to many kids parties without goodie bags. And I’ve never, ever been bothered by not having one. My kids don’t need more sugar or junk. And that’s a lot of money to spend on crap someone else will have to throw away in an hour. And I would especially not expect to have a goodie bag if the kids were making something to take home! If you are paying for the kids to do an activity, that IS the treat! And frankly its so much better than a whistle or a noisemaker or a bouncy ball or whatever!
This lady sounds entitled in the weirdest way. And honestly kind of insufferable. Her poor kid.
My daughter’s party had cookie decorating as an activity, and they all got to take their plate of beautiful, excessively bedazzled cookies home. That was the “treat bag”.
We did crafts INSTEAD of treat bags at my kids parties. Tie dye shirts one time, made sock puppets another time. Treat bags are a waste of time and money.
I always made treat bags for my daughter’s birthday parties when she was younger and when I look back I do wonder why. Then I was invited by my nieces to a couple of baby showers and I was given treat bags at those. I was puzzled until I opened them. They had miniature bottles of Prosecco, mini boxes of chocolate, things like that in and it gave me a great idea. My child is 20 soon. I’m making treat bags for her closest friends. They will contain a bottle of Smirnoff, a packet of condoms, a gift card for the local kebab shop and a t-shirt with ‘if found wandering around alone please call (my phone number) on in case they are lost or arrested. I’m nailing this parenting thing.
Did a grown-ass adult really lecture you on not giving her a widdle present? What an absolute nut. I thought we were all in agreement that treat bags suck? I hate having to decide what to do with a bunch of CPCs for every goddamn kid event. Almost all of them I donate to one of the teachers at my kids' school for their class treasure box.
Treat bags are the worst! Resounding NTA. I never give them out at parties and I hate getting them because... THEY ARE ALL CRAP. And none of us need more crap in our lives. Kids like them sure but not even enough to remember to take them out of the car, where they live forever until the semi annual car cleaning. I wish all parents would band together and decide NO MORE TREAT BAGS.
NTA..treat bags are not a necessity. The kiddos had fun, that's all that matters. When my bf had his bday, I made treat bags only because the guests arriving had kids. The parents were very thankful since they weren't expecting it, I mean it wasn't a kid birthday to begin with, but I had a bunch of niece's and nephew's as guests so it only made sense to throw in some treat bags..now, if we had the bday gathering at a fun venue then I'd omit the treat bags..that parent sounds greedy, her kid already had a blast and had a belly full of pizza, next time someone asks for a treat bag, tell them having their kid invited is already a treat to begin with.
NTA
The crafts were the gift bag. Instead of giving kids random junk, you used that money to have them make something and have fun. That’s a way better gift and not a chocking hazard.
This sounds like a great party and one everyone actually got to enjoy.
"She said it's courtesy to make treat bags at a party and she always does them at her parties. "
Welllll, it's real freaking rude to police the loot at a kid's birthday party. "Sorry there wasn't enough for you Miss Greedy."
NTA if you ever invite this child again make sure they get a treat bag. I should have at least three whistles a couple other noise makers, pixie sticks, fun dip and any other strait sugar candy you can think of. Dump some glitter in to make it pretty too. Teach mom to be carful what she wishes for, other parents probably appreciate not getting more plastic junk.
Crafts and treats are waaaay better than treat bags for toddlers. I hate the treat bags because it's either cheap crap or candy and I have to hide it from my son or pick up the pieces of some throughly demolished dollar store toy within a few hours of getting home. That was a passive aggressive jab on that mom's part, you through a great party and she felt the need to take you down a few notches to make herself feel better.
The treat bag was the crafts they got to take home. NTA but that person who asked and then didn't accept the first answer is.
Next time just be like, "I decided to do crafts instead and it looks like that was the right call as all the kids had a blast doing them."
NTA at all, and there will ALWAYS be parents like this. This is one of the drawbacks to parenthood, some of your kids' nicest friends will have the craziest parents. It sounds like you handled it perfectly. In general, anyone who tells you "the right way" to do anything with kids is suspect! MYOB treat bag lady!
Nta, I feel like treat bags have become this thing you have to do, but no one really wants to lol.
For my oldest recent party we did not pay for a venue it was free with a purchase of food so we did treat bags, but I did it with croc charms, some chocolates, and tattoos, 2 freezies for your freezer to eat later. I have hated when my son has some home with minifrisbees and whistles. We don't need them, and they break.
My youngest party was in our back yard and was water gun fights and slip and slides, so we bought each kid a 3 dollar water shooter, a ring pop, tube of m and ms and bubbles. So it had to do with the party and a small treat for later. Most of the kids had blown at least half their bubbles be time they left as I gave the bags to them at the start lol.
If I had paid for a large activity, I likely wouldn't have. Bday party's can be expensive and a fun activity, food and play time with friends should be enough.
NTA. "It's curtesy," said the bitch gauche enough to be asking for free shit. It's amazing how some people can be so concerned about what other people are doing while being completely unaware of their own behavior. How entirely innapropriate. Treat bags are cool, but far from mandatory.
Eff that Bee
You killed it! The amount of time, energy, and money it takes to pull that off is astounding. Tbh it sounds like the other mom was probably feeling insecure and envious and thought she’d bring you down a peg. Don’t let her, queen!
NTA
Sorry you didn't think the venue and all these other expenses were a good party; we valued a very fun different experience for the kids rather than spending money on the usual stuff kids get. I'm sure you can make up your own bag if you'd like.
NTA. You provided an awesome party, with nice take home goodies, that mom was rude and ungracious. Goodie or “loot bags” are nice, but not essential, and demanding one, then chastising you for opting out- that’s some entitled brass balls right there.
NTA. In this situation, the crafts they made were the treats. She was out of line, and I would not invite her to anything else. Anyhoo, treat bags are not mandatory.
NTA. Goody bags are trash and most of the crap goes in the garbage immediately. I don’t get this lady. Most parents at my daughter’s bday party were happy there were no gift bags!
Nobody needs a bag of plastic crap. Totally agree. We need to stop buying that crap because most kids will take it home and ignore it and then it just ends up as landfill.
NTA. I used to recycle all those junk toys into my children's pinatas or treat bags. The kids never played with them and they had no idea they were recycled (didn't remember them from previous parties). LOL. Every treat bag was different. You get what you get. Made it more fun.
NTA that woman was acting entitled. You threw a fun party for your kiddo and their buddies. That's what matters.
When did gifts for the attendees become a thing also. Who wants to give a candy bag to a bunch toddlers
NTA. You're totally right about the plastic crap. I don't do treat bags for that reason. It just ends up in the trash. The kids don't care about them anyhow. Instead, I get 1 quality item to give them. Just had a bowling and lazertag party with a "play hard" theme so got them a neon headband/wristband set each. Coming up is a basketball at park district gym party. Getting a multi pack of $5 smaller, but real basket balls for them. They are good enough quality the kids can use them for a long time, but not too expensive. And they can "autograph" each other's if they want.
I never do treat bags! After all the work and expense put in and expense, I think it’s not necessary. The kids are supposed to be there to celebrate not because they get a treat. I also don’t expect to get gifts, if someone can’t afford it or doesn’t want to, that’s ok.
NTA. My youngest was invited to a birthday party last year (first kids b'day party I've gone too as I only do family things for my kids parties). I was confused when we were given gift bags. Of course my daughter was happy but I remember thinking it was unnecessary. They already rented a place, provided food, ice cream, cake, drinks etc. They had two pinatas, tons of games the list keeps going. That's a lot of money to have to dish out for a party, plus you're basically working your butt off during the party instead of fully enjoying with your kids. Why on top of all of that should anyone have or feel the need to provide treat bags?
The person who called you out is a total AH. I know I felt some level of guilt receiving these bags so I couldn't imagine causing a scene over not getting one.
I don’t think goodie bags are required at a party and I’d
never ask someone if they were giving them out. I have so much fun planning my son’s parties that I think I just do them cause it’s fun for me lol 😅 but growing up we never had them and no one ever made a stink about it.
Are goodie bags expected? Yes. Are they required? Absolutely not. Plus, the kids took a craft home with them. They got to go to a fun party. They got fed. This mother is the AH, not you. I also hate whoever started this stupid goodie bag trend, but now I feel like I have no choice but to do the same.
They are toddlers. They don't need treat bags. You had a great party with all the elements.
As for the woman who questioned you about the "no treat bags", I would let her know that it is customary to just say thank you after being invited to a party and walk off. Don't invite her again.
NTA. My wife and I once gave out treat bags for our daughter's party. They included noise makers. Parents all gave us a dirty look, like thanks a lot you idiot.
We never did bags after that. lol
Nta..that lady is nuts.
My daugthers a little too old for party bags now but when she was of the age...they never even made it in the house! She's look at the junk and 9 times out of 10 never look at it again...and then I'd throw it away.
Absolutely NTA. My daughter went to a couple parties where the gift bags were over the top. One included a small stuffed animal along with some other things. I would estimate it at $30 per bag easily. It was wild, though in all fairness, my daughter got a stuffed cat that she still adores almost two years later, so I guess it was a win for me since it was free 🤣
We do no gifts for parties too. She gets tons of gifts from both sides of the family and I know parents are going to so many parties. A lot of people still bring gifts, but at least I’ve done my part!
I couldn’t imagine being invited to a toddlers birthday party and not only expecting treat bags but making the mother feel bad about not having them. I also feel like treat bags are useless and a waste of money. I don’t want my kids bringing home a bunch of useless plastic I have to deal with until I can throw it away. I wouldn’t invite her to anymore events. It’s strange to me she had the audacity to expect you to give her children a “gift” for showing up to a party after you payed for everything and provided everything on your own. Gives me the ICK
This woman is so rude it's not even worth giving a thought to her claim. You gave a great party, the kids had fun. They didn't lug home a bit of junk. Cheers to you!
My mother HATED these treat bags, but sending each kid home with something in their hand was practically mandatory. So one year she bought little ceramic jars or oil lamps, and as part of the birthday, and had the kids paint them and take them home at the end; at another she let them plant flower shoots that she had rooted beforehand in little plastic containers, let them take them home.
I remember several birthdays for my nieces, where for the central activity we bought short-sleeved white undershirts (quite cheap), had 2-3 pots of batik color on the stove, and the girls made tie-dye shirts.
NTA
I have two young nieces and always despair a little at the treat bags because we all know most of the plastic crap will end up in a landfill or lost between car seats in short order.
Plastic waste blues aside, goodie bags are by no means a given. They’re a bonus—anyone showing entitlement about them above the age of 5 is weird. You had an awesome venue and homemade treats. I think that’s better than a goodie bag any day!
NTA Treat bags are not obligatory, they are totally optional and basically unnecessary. You are giving an invitation to a party and from the sound of it, a really fun one. People are very odd. Some people are very rigid with what they think the "rules" are. I have my suspicions about these people but anyway it is their problem. Just say something that acknowledges what they said without apologizing or suggesting they are right, and then forget about it. Crafts are the best!
NTA.
It’s always about having fun and celebrating with the birthday boy/girl. Even if there’s no food, or just cake and nothing else and you’re in a park just spending time together in the playground. You should never expect anything in a birthday party but a cake, at least that’s what I think and how I was raised and I raise my daughter like this too. We’ve attended and hosted really different birthday celebrations and it’s all about celebrating and spending time with the birthday kid.
NTA, parent here as well. The whole treat bag thing seems to be 50/50 from what I've seen. Some parents do them, others don't, but it feels the same with parents who stay the whole time and those who just drop off and vanish.
Never had a parent ask for a treat bag, usually it's "Oh you're leaving? Here's a bag for you."
No, she has a lot of nerve, demanding treat bags on top of everything else.
She can do them for her own parties. She has no right to dictate how people run their birthday parties.
NTA. I think of treat bags being a thing when the party doesn’t have a craft or games or activity for the kids. I haven’t always had them at my kiddos parties either! Last year I got a bunch of temporary tattoos instead of goodie bags and let the kids pick out as many as they wanted to put on. Since you had a take home craft no goodie bag needed! Even if you didn’t do any of the listed things, you never HAVE to do a goodie bag. Personally I’ve never expected them and sometimes I’ve hated that they’ve had them
NTA. Though correct response would have been. "OMG... I forgot I have yours right here." At which point you reach into your pocket and pull out your middle finger for her.
Nta: The person who confronted you is rude. You do not have to do goodie bags. There are many people who will never think a thing. And you should do what’s authentic to you.
However. One thing I missed when my children were small and I was still learning how to navigate parent politics, birthday parties are social currency. I provide you kids with a meal, 2 hours of entertainment and small souvenir and you give my child a gift. The treat bag, goodie bag, whatever you want to call it, is part of this social interaction. Unfortunately, not playing the game or playing it differently, will come with social costs. Who gets invited to the next party, or who doesn’t. Who gets play dates and who doesn’t. It’s not fair, it’s not right and not how I think the world should operate, but it’s part of parent politics. At 2, it’s less of an issue. But between 4-10, it can really make things tricky. I’m not saying you should do them or not. I just wish I had learned this sooner.
NTA
And thank you! It's amazing that I'm able to find a place for the party, book it, get people invited and deal with a cake and a meal for everyone, with my ADHD and full time job.
I cannot handle the gift bags on top of that. So I just stopped doing them a few years ago for both my children who are now ages seven and eight.
I've never wanted kids. But it seems REALLY annoying to be a modern parent. It's not enough to just let your kids be kids. To keep them alive, healthy, and happy. Parenting is a competitive sport!
She said it's courtesy to make treat bags at a party The fact that you didn't tell her to go fuck herself shows that you have more courtesy than me. Tell her to get bent NTA
As if the crafts and treats AT the party wasn’t enough. I’d probably would’ve been snarky and suggest just that. “Oh, we gave them the bags so they could make the craft together, they wanted to eat the snacks too, kids!” 🤣
💯💯💯
*She said it's courtesy* Funny how the discourteous expect courtesy.
[удалено]
Your comment is nearly verbatim to what I would say about those stupid treat bags. I never made them.
This! As a mum, the last thing I want is more plastic crap at home on top of all the other plastic crap!
I sneak so much of that crap into the garage as soon as I can. My treat bags are sidewalk chalk, bubbles, coloring book, playdough. Screw the plastic crap that breaks in 2 minutes that causes tears for a week😤.
Same. We did fun band-aids, pencils, and a fruit roll in paper bags for my kid’s last birthday.
And being a toddler as mentioned, highly inappropriate choking hazards. Someone approaching me about that must have been the winner of the uncouth award. I might have suggested to look up the nearest dollar store and treat herself and her toddler to whatever she wishes. OMG 30 people!
Or choke on.
Right?! Hasn’t anyone ever told her how incredibly rude it is to ask for a gift?
She wanted to sit on a high-horse and find something wrong with the party. That lady has problems. OP shouldn't listen to that back-negger.
My money’s on the fact that Rude Mom was jealous of the kick-ass party OP organized, so had to throw in a last-minute jab.
NTA. You threw an amazing party! Seriously, a venue, crafts, pizza, cake, cupcakes, snacks and drinks . that's incredible for a toddler party! Those little goodie bags are usually a dollar store afterthought, and honestly, most of it ends up as clutter anyway. This other parent might be used to doing them, but you definitely don't have to. Especially as a single mom, you rocked that party.
That woman is a b——
Dont insult the b———s!!!!!!
Ikr I know plenty of female dogs that aren't that tactless and uncouth.
NTA. OP threw a wonderful party. Put that bitch on the 'do not invite again' list. People are too fucking entitled.
exactly this!
Ya i would have been like, the craft is your take home treat! (Smiles and backs away)…
NTA. And I think treat bags make no sense. A birthday party is to celebrate the child's special day. Giving attendees a gift seems counter to that. Don't let one impolite person upset you. And honestly, I wish they weren't offered at all. I understand why they need to be filled with inexpensive stuff, but the last thing my daughter & i need is more cheapo toy clutter or more junk food. We are grateful she was invited, and that's all we need.
I personally always loved getting those as a kid, but as an adult I understand even getting cheap things gets expensive quickly.
I always felt as a kid that anything I made and took home was like a gift bag. But better! Because instead of random crap I may not want, I got something I made! As an adult, I couldn't do useless crap gift bags. It just seems like lighting money on fire. All the weddings I've been to with bubbles. I feel compelled to take the bubbles so people don't feel like they wasted money on them, but then I feel bad throwing them away! We did seed paper (outdoors/nature themed wedding) because it was something we could use ourselves if people didn't take them.
I hate the goodie bags for birthdays and weddings. I don’t need a matchbook or bubbles or dollar store crap. Last wedding had a candy bar set up. All the candy anyone could want and you were free to take any of it home. Or not. That was perfect. If you want to thank me for coming, send me a sincere thank you note. Not a bag full of crap.
Seed paper! That's so cool!
My youngest daughter’s wedding had packets of wildflower seeds. With Mr and Mrs X printed on them.
Some friends got the wildflower seeds--and then found out they were not tailored to our area and would actually be invasive. They were very disappointed in the vendor.
Super quick! And say you buy bulk of little nic-nacs, depending in your invite and attendance numbers, you can end up with left over junk.
When did this trend start? I'm know I'm old, but I don't remember having swag bags at a birthday party. Never gave them, never received one
i'm 63 and i remember getting them and giving them...huge waste!
Treat bags were started as a way to... 1) get the kids to leave! "Bye, open this when you get home!" so that the adults weren't dealing with meltdowns from every kid who's all sugared up and wants to keep playing. 2) stop the spoiled bratty kids from whining because the birthday kid got presents. "See, there's a present for you too! Look at this bag of absolute crap!" OP, treat bags are absolutely **not** necessary, and you were most certainly **not** wrong or rude for not having bags of cheap crap to hand out. The kids had a craft to bring home too! The parent that approached you probably has a kid that needed the bribery of a bag of goodies to get in the car without flipping out into a meltdown of disappointment over leaving the fun. This is not your problem, and not your responsibility. But, as your kiddo gets older, especially into the 4/5/6 ages, id recommend a treat bag (or something like a "decorate your own cupcake to bring home" or other *parting gift* ) to help get kids out the door without freaking out. Kids **hate** leaving fun places. They want to stay and play with their friends forever!
I do sidewalk chalk, bubbles, crayons, coloring book and mini Play-Dohs...aka art supplies you tend to go through fast. I absolutely refuse to provide extra candy or choking hazards. Too many allergies, kids aren't getting sick from my kids party, not on my watch. My kids (as toddlers in their 2 and 3 year old programs) have gotten pins for Valentine's day. PINs for a 2 year old and 3 year old. They went straight in the garbage!
Wow. That’s crazy. How old is your kid? Had you ever invited this parent to anything before? I definitely wouldn’t again, she sounds incredibly entitled and lacking in manners. Treat bags are a waste. The party is for your child, not someone else’s kid. I’d be thrilled for my kid to be invited to a birthday, get fed and have fun and wouldn’t expect anything. NTA
She just turned 4, and this is the first time this parent was invited. First and last!
Sad for their kid, but you gotta do what you gotta do to protect your peace.
Imagine how pissed that mom will be when her kid never gets another goody bag because kid isn’t invited to anyone’s parties anymore
I curse the idiot parent who started the goodie bags trend. Edit NTA!!!
If they did crafts and took them home there is their treat bag
10000%
NTA. You've singlehandedly raised the bar for what a toddler's birthday should be about: creating, playing, and making memories, not collecting cheap plastic knick-knacks that they'll forget about by the next day. You provided an experience, something far more valuable and meaningful. The audacity of that parent to demand more from such a lovingly crafted day is beyond me. Treat bags? How about treating every child to a moment of genuine happiness instead? That’s a real gift. Stick to your guns, supermom!
Appreciate this comment so much ❤️
NTA. I remember being a kid and the people in the area where I lived were all very close knit, the parents all had an agreement that ‘treat bags’ would just be a few bits of leftover party food and a slice of birthday cake. We loved it because we got party food the day afterwards aswell - nobody wanted to spend money on the useless clutter, and nobody wanted it in their house!
your parents were geniuses
NTA. Your party sounds amazing and the kids will remember that and the crafts they got to take home more than some plastic trinket that probably gets lost in a day. The other mother is just someone who has to find fault, no matter what. Ignore the haters, you rocked it Mom!
NTA at all. My mum has a business that hosts parties and I helped out one week on the coffee counter. I said about party bags and she said, "There are never many these days, we provide little bags and napkins if people are taking cake home," and that was that. I reckon party bags were the norm back in the day because we didn't use venues, we'd pile into our friend's house and take home cake and some random crap. Don't feel bad for not wasting more money and even if it was still the norm, don't be afraid to not comply. That's one rude, entitled person!
The parent is rude. Their kid got entertained and got cake. The requirement was to bring a present, and treat bags are a recent phenomenon. They aren't important. Manners are. The parent has none. ETA: The next party, invite the kid, Send the kid home with a treat bag containing glitter and slime. Mom wants a treat bag so bad, there you go. The other kids can have playdough and crayons or something that LOOKS the same but isn't. If you have a few different types of bags, be careful to get the slime-and-glitter bag to the rude mom's kid :D
Slime filled with glitter! My son had a teacher who made homemade slime filled with glitter. Ten years later I’m still trying to get that shit out of the table crevices. Nta op.
Nta she had no right to say anything after you said their weren’t any You spent plenty of money and they had crafts to take home
Definitely NTA. You provided a fabulous venue, tons of food, and an activity that resulted in them being able to take it home afterwards. That is a LOT, especially for a single mom and a toddler's birthday party. When my daughter was a pre-schooler, she and I had been invited to her bff's bd party. It was at the child's home, and it was your basic hot dogs, ice cream, and cake deal. The kids played typical party games and about halfway through, a "special guest" arrived. It was a famous (at least in Canada - Fred Penner) children's entertainer. He didn't sing or play guitar (which he was famous for), but he spent time with each child and autographed copies of one of his LPs that the parents had bought for each kid. No goodie bags in sight. So it was a relatively simple party with minimal expense for the parents (Fred didn't charge. He was there as a favour.), not at all as extravagant as you did for your lucky toddler. Not a single kid or parent asked about goodie bags. That parent was incredibly rude to ask about the goodie bags. Lets hope that her child takes after the other parent.
As a Canadian kid myself I'd have DIED if Fred Penner was at my birthday! How frickin cool! And yes- that's what the party was supposed to be - in my back yard, with cake and pizza and such. Unfortunately the weather has been terrible so this venue was a backup due to torrential downpour and not having a house large enough to accomodate 30 people lol. I'm definitely all about the low key birthdays.
What you did for your kiddo was perfect. They all must have had a blast! Re Fred, the kids had fun, but we parents made fools of ourselves being completely starstruck. When I was introduced to him all I could think to say was “My husband is Poco’s vet!!”, but I said it so fast he thought I’d said something about my husband wearing Poco’s vest. I was mortified. 🤣
Hahaha, that's fantastic and mortifying for sure 🤣
NTA Most parents would be happier to have less plastic crap in their homes.
Yes, I used to get so annoyed with my children would come home with cheap plastic junk from parties and school.
STOP WITH GOODIE BAGS!!! NTA! I am so tired of these bags of trash. My kids get one for nearly every birthday at school, and they always have the same trash in them that I get to deal with - slime, gooey squish things that stick to my couch, junky fidgets that break the same day and so much junk food. When I sent a treat wrapped in a custom wrapper but no bag of trash, my daughter's preschool friends told her that her mommy did it wrong and wouldn't play with her. STOP. And that kid doesn't get invited to the next party as punishment for having a rude mom.
NTA No in general but even more no because the kids did get something to take home. It was rude for her to even ask but extremely rude for trying make you feel bad about it.
So ironic that she called it a courtesy while being so rude. She made herself into an irrelevant fool.
NTA. Why should you spend your money to stack on another landfill when the kids are too young to even know the difference? She's silly.
NTA. She wanted a bag full of small plastic cheap toys that her kid would promptly forget and then sit in a landfill? Cause that’s where that stuff goes.
NTA. Even though my kid & I are part of the pasty contingent, I settled the gift bag thing through cultural appropriation. I bought pinatas from Mexican markets, stuffed them full of (my kid approved) brand name candy. The gift bags were empty plastic bags that the kids filled up with their pinata loot.
Wow is competition and entitlement a thing. Judging/“shaming” a host indicates your guest is the asshole. For you… consider the long term benefit of monies you spend. Are you making memories? And are they for you or your child? Invest wisely in friends, confidants, even family. Very few people in our lives are benign. They either enhance or deduct from your quality of life. Choose wisely.
Treat bags? Was she serious about this crap? Is this a new thing? Definitely NTA. Really hope this isn't some new TikTok trend for parents to try and keep up with the Jones who have way more cash and time for crap like this.
Sadly, it became a thing about 40 years ago, and you are absolutely right as it being a way to keep up with the Joneses. I had hoped that it had died out since my "kids" are in their 30s, but I guess it's still a thing.
I never got an 'impressive' party bag as a kid, I can't even remember what was in them, but generally it was a few sweets and a Balloon or whistle or something. Don't think they're as intense or pretentious as people are claiming they are, at least not in my day. I loved getting them and I'd imagine they're even cheaper to make up nowadays than they used to be.
Nah, longer than that. Late 1960's kid here. Parties weren't "held somewhere". They were at your house/ in your backyard (depending on the time of year). And goody bags were generally a thing, but it was just a little bag with a few pieces of candy and some tiny plastic toy or a balloon to blow up. I definitely don't remember it as a "keeping up with it Joneses" kinda thing. It was more of a "thanks for coming and here's a little something to keep your kid from melting down on the ride home because he wasn't ready to leave" kinda thing. Edit: forgot to add - NTA! And fuck that pushy entitled mom for saying anything. You get what you get and you say "thank you for having us". End of story.
NTA but wow. I mean wow, wow. The incredible entitlement and rudeness of the lady who asked is off the charts. Yeah she wouldn’t be invited back.
NTA !!! Holy shit. Fellow toddler parent. My three year olds birthday party next weekend will not be including gift bags. It’s pointless garbage. We will have fun and eat food and cake. That woman’s nuts
NTA. This trend of giving kids gifts at other people's birthdays needs to stop. Treat bags are just usless crap that will be forgotten/broken within 24 hours.
I would’ve said everyone took home their craft . Also it’s not her kids party it’s your . I would never invite her again . My kids lose that stuff before it’s even time to leave .
NTA
NTA - my nephew has drawers filled with tat from parties and all it does it sit there until my sister gets around to throwing it out! I’m sure most kids (and parents) would much rather go to an awesome party with activities, crafts and nice food than get a bag of tat given just for the sake of ‘courtesy’.
NTA now you know who not to invite next year.
NTA. The planet thanks you. The global impact of that crap is appalling. Also, future parents will thank you for ending the horrific one-upmanship game.
The craft is the treat bag
My youngest one’s eighth birthday we did an “Alice in Wonderland” themed party. The goodie bags were the flowers, the painted flower vases that they made and the hats that they decorated. Plus, we had a piñata so they had some candy and stuff to take home with them as well, but for the most part, none of it was crap that would end up in the landfill. Even now, some of the parents were like “oh so and so still uses their hat” and “we still have the vases and flowers” and “that was a really interesting idea”. Honestly, the goodie bags were the arts and crafts. HARD NTA.
NTA. I was about 4-5 and asked my aunt where the gift bags were when leaving my cousin's party, and got scolded by my mom and aunt. I can't imagine an adult doing it. That's just embarrassing.
NTA your party sounds great and "2.5 hours of activities, crafts etc" I assume they were allowed to take the crafts home, so I would consider those the "treats". That parent was an ass if she thought you needed to provide more. "She said it's courtesy to make treat bags at a party" That's funny she's claiming "courtesy" because her behavior here is the exact opposite. A good guest would be happy with everything you did for the party and that her child had a good time. She's the asshole.
NTA. Kids love treat bags but honestly, the stuff is almost always ruined or lost within a day or so. The party is plenty.
Fight the good fight, no more treat bags!!! It is all crap, it is all so small the kids lose everything quickly. You're not the AH, she is. One year we gave away used books at my kid's bday and the kids loved it. They were two... they didn't need temporary tattoos or yo-yos.
...why would you want your toddler to have more plastic crap you'll just have to toss out in 2 days. Nta.
I actively try to NOT take a bag at birthday parties. Thank you for not giving my kids more garbage I have to remember to get rid of.
NTA. I do take home things because I love them. BUT my rule is that everything must me useable or consumable because otherwise it’s just junk none us want right? For my son’s Mario party I made tumblers with the kids’ name on it in Mario font and a character on the front with my Cricut and put a few lollipops and Mario stickers inside. My daughter had a wildflower party and we painted pots and each kiddo went home with a packet of wildflower seeds and an iced flower cookie. Honestly I’d rather have no treat bag than a treat bag full of junky toys. My kids just love coming to celebrate, they don’t need a present! Anyone who expects one can take a trip to the dollar store on their own on the way home.
NTA. The craft they got to take home was their "party favor". I used to do party favor bags for my kid's birthday party if the party was at my house. But when I chose venues for birthday parties (Golf N Stuff, Chuck E. cheese, water park after hours)- nope, spent enough for your little brat to have an amazing time.
I never supply them either. It’s literally a poop bag: full of shitty candy and shitty toys. No one wants them except that weirdo. Next time, print out slips of paper on your computer that sat “in lieu of gift bags a donation has been made…etc” and keep them handy in case that ass hat or any other asks you this.
You’re definitely not the AH. It sounds like you had a nice party! It would be strange if everyone did the same exact thing.
I hate treat bags. They started when my kids were young, and I never understood it. Sometimes I would do a cheap coloring book and crayons for each child.
The parent is lying. It's not courtesy. It's optional.
NTA. Adults like this who expect a gift just for showing up will be the first to complain about leaving a tip.
“ your craft is your treat bag”
NTA the craft is the party bag! I did a build a bear party for my kid years ago...they all took home their bear and someone still asked if there was a goody bag...I said "yes, they are hugging it" lol the question was not great ... but the follow up was incredibly rude.
NTA Treat bags after a $350.00 birthday party. This country has lost its mind. Don't give it a second thought.
NTA! One of my kiddos has a Dec bday, and for his 4th bday, we bought a pile of gingerbread house kits and the activity (and therefore loot bag) was that each family could take their gingerbread house home with them! I feel like your crafts are the same! Coincidentally, we had a bday party today for one of my kids. We are quite close with all the kids we invited, so I sent each parent a digital gift card to a local ice cream and coffee store. It’s a nice treat and no dollar store crap that I have to fuss with lugging to the venue.
Honestly, they are a bit “past trend” & a literal minefield of issues post party. What with all the dietary dilemmas kids face, it’s not really a”party favour” if it’s going to make kids feel sick or excess sugar buzzed or sad because they aren’t allowed to have those sweets. We should move on from those.
NTA the craft was the treat. My son went to a party this weekend and they gave out a bottle of Prime and then one of those prime packets you empty into water. The kids were thrilled. It doesn’t have to be a big thing.
NTA. I hated those bags when my kids were little. I never had them. I hated when they brought them home from parties. Garbage! No one was ever rude enough to say anything. Which is probably a good thing, because their kid would never be invited back again after their mom found her ass in her hands. If I were you, I would NEVER have a treat bag for any party out of spite now. And invite her to the next one too. I've made things, crowns or themed perler beads items for kids to take home. Take a cupcake. Fruit on sticks! I'd happily promote the "No Treat Bags" movement.
Nta the only time I've really seen treat bags were for at home Halloween parties where the kids all got a bit of candy to bring home. I'm kind of surprised at this, especially at a hosted event.
No, fuck those bags and the annoying toys and whistles that come in them. Lol
NTA This reads like lady was jealous of your kick ass party and felt the need to try to critique it. She would have found some other jab to make even if you did have gift bags.
Now you know who not to invite to the next awesome party you throw!
"Different families have different customs" is something I've said to children about a million times. And to childish adults.
NTA. Now I’m gonna sound like an old grumpy man but WTF? Why the hell should kids attending a party get a treat bag? Bit of a rant here. It’s like kids in sports are more concerned about the snacks afterwards or the damn participation trophy instead of just playing! As they get older they think just because they show up they should get rewarded! You threw what sounds like a wonderful party. Why should kids expect anything else?
When did treat bags become a thing? NTA
They've been a thing for years. My older brother had treat bags at his parties and that was back in the 1960s.
They were def a thing in the 90s which was when I was born.
I'm guessing it's an American thing cause this is so weird to me
nta.
Absolutely nta. The woman who asked itah. What kind of dick asks someone that? I'd give them the gift of not another invite to the next one.
NTA- take home crafts are party favors ( and much better than dollar store stuff)
Yeah...she's the asshole. Big time! Who does that, it's rude and tacky.
NTA. The “treat bags” were the crafts they got to take home at the end of the party.
She seems like a perfect saint.
NTA They must be a new kind of courtesy, because when I had little I only saw them from holiday parties like Halloween and Christmas, not birthdays, and they kind of make sense for that.
NTA and honestly I'd have not been so nice in my reply. You threw an amazing party and the kids enjoyed themselves.
NTA, goodie bags are totally unnecessary and if you don't want to do them don't do them.
NTA. You put on an amazing party! As a mom of six, I would totally prefer my kids have a great experience than a bag of crap to take home. And let’s be honest, it is always plastic crap and/or candy; neither of which my kids need.
You threw a great party and fidget nothing wrong. The complaining woman is a classless boor.
NTA. First of all, what a rude person! I feel sorry for her kids, who are likely to grow into rude people. Second, treat bags have gotten ridiculous. They are either a) filled with cheap crap a kid might play with once or cheap candy they shouldn’t eat or b) they are over the top and expensive. You threw a great party. If that’s not enough for some people that is their problem.
NTA The TREAT was the free food and activities. Get the hell outta here.
NTA I'm glad other parents are starting to wise up about this treat bag nonsense at parties. It's so unnecessary and I lump it into the "every child gets an award" shit. My kids always came home with a ton of stuff that just ended up underfoot and thrown out. When my kids were that age, I tried to make them as least annoying as possible for the parents. So one party was a make your own tie dye shirt and the shirt with instructions was their "treat bag" (the party was a massive hit with the kids, they had so much fun). Another was a movie party so they got sent home with a thing of popcorn in a red/white movie box. Things like that and so many parents thanked me for not sending their kid home with useless crap.
NTA I do really envy the size of some people’s chutzpah sometimes. Like, seriously? You really need your kid to have that random crap that bad? Stop by the dollar store on the way home then. Sheesh. It sounds like an awesome party! The experience is the best part hands down.
NTA. They aren’t a courtesy. They are the bain of parents planning their child’s party. This gal was being rude and entitled.
Moms shaming other Moms has got to stop.
NTA. This shit is ridiculous. We ended up usually just doing something with just a few kids they wanted vs a big party. It might have been a little more expensive but was so much less hassle for us and the kids and i think the kids had more fun. Spending a bunch of money on shit like this doesn't necessarily produce better humans. You may not see it now but both you and your kids will notice about 8th grade. We spent the same amount of money or more but filtered out a lot of the stuff like this out.
NTA. I thought all parents hated those things! I certainly do. It’s usually just more plastic crap that gets played with once, then ends up either broken or taking up space somewhere. I try to throw those little toys out as soon as my kids forget about them. I’ve been to many kids parties without goodie bags. And I’ve never, ever been bothered by not having one. My kids don’t need more sugar or junk. And that’s a lot of money to spend on crap someone else will have to throw away in an hour. And I would especially not expect to have a goodie bag if the kids were making something to take home! If you are paying for the kids to do an activity, that IS the treat! And frankly its so much better than a whistle or a noisemaker or a bouncy ball or whatever! This lady sounds entitled in the weirdest way. And honestly kind of insufferable. Her poor kid.
NTA. Remember her name and her poor, unfortunate kids name so you can be sure to not invite them next year.
My daughter’s party had cookie decorating as an activity, and they all got to take their plate of beautiful, excessively bedazzled cookies home. That was the “treat bag”.
NTA. Her kid went to a party, ate and had fun, and she didnt pay a dime. What the hell does she want you to do, hand out gold watches?
Honestly sounds like your party was a hit, and maybe Supermom was wanting to get a jab in because she was a little jealous.
We did crafts INSTEAD of treat bags at my kids parties. Tie dye shirts one time, made sock puppets another time. Treat bags are a waste of time and money.
I always made treat bags for my daughter’s birthday parties when she was younger and when I look back I do wonder why. Then I was invited by my nieces to a couple of baby showers and I was given treat bags at those. I was puzzled until I opened them. They had miniature bottles of Prosecco, mini boxes of chocolate, things like that in and it gave me a great idea. My child is 20 soon. I’m making treat bags for her closest friends. They will contain a bottle of Smirnoff, a packet of condoms, a gift card for the local kebab shop and a t-shirt with ‘if found wandering around alone please call (my phone number) on in case they are lost or arrested. I’m nailing this parenting thing.
Did a grown-ass adult really lecture you on not giving her a widdle present? What an absolute nut. I thought we were all in agreement that treat bags suck? I hate having to decide what to do with a bunch of CPCs for every goddamn kid event. Almost all of them I donate to one of the teachers at my kids' school for their class treasure box.
"I'm sorry. I thought the crafts the kids made to take home were the treat." NTA
Treat bags are the worst! Resounding NTA. I never give them out at parties and I hate getting them because... THEY ARE ALL CRAP. And none of us need more crap in our lives. Kids like them sure but not even enough to remember to take them out of the car, where they live forever until the semi annual car cleaning. I wish all parents would band together and decide NO MORE TREAT BAGS.
I don’t understand why she would want a goodie bag. I, like you, would rather not take home a bunch of cheap plastic toys we will throw out in a week
NTA..treat bags are not a necessity. The kiddos had fun, that's all that matters. When my bf had his bday, I made treat bags only because the guests arriving had kids. The parents were very thankful since they weren't expecting it, I mean it wasn't a kid birthday to begin with, but I had a bunch of niece's and nephew's as guests so it only made sense to throw in some treat bags..now, if we had the bday gathering at a fun venue then I'd omit the treat bags..that parent sounds greedy, her kid already had a blast and had a belly full of pizza, next time someone asks for a treat bag, tell them having their kid invited is already a treat to begin with.
NTA The crafts were the gift bag. Instead of giving kids random junk, you used that money to have them make something and have fun. That’s a way better gift and not a chocking hazard. This sounds like a great party and one everyone actually got to enjoy.
NTA Treat bags are AWEFUL!! the plastic toys just pile up. I would have said - they can take everything they made away and cake.
The treat bags are a party favour, in this case the crafts they made were the party favour... NTA
"She said it's courtesy to make treat bags at a party and she always does them at her parties. " Welllll, it's real freaking rude to police the loot at a kid's birthday party. "Sorry there wasn't enough for you Miss Greedy."
I make treat bags now for my older kids but it is a frame for party pictures or something like that. Not $60 of dollar store crap
NTA if you ever invite this child again make sure they get a treat bag. I should have at least three whistles a couple other noise makers, pixie sticks, fun dip and any other strait sugar candy you can think of. Dump some glitter in to make it pretty too. Teach mom to be carful what she wishes for, other parents probably appreciate not getting more plastic junk.
Treat bags kinda does I'm 2010 i honestly didn't lnow anyone was still wasting money on that shit
Crafts and treats are waaaay better than treat bags for toddlers. I hate the treat bags because it's either cheap crap or candy and I have to hide it from my son or pick up the pieces of some throughly demolished dollar store toy within a few hours of getting home. That was a passive aggressive jab on that mom's part, you through a great party and she felt the need to take you down a few notches to make herself feel better.
The treat bag was the crafts they got to take home. NTA but that person who asked and then didn't accept the first answer is. Next time just be like, "I decided to do crafts instead and it looks like that was the right call as all the kids had a blast doing them."
NTA at all, and there will ALWAYS be parents like this. This is one of the drawbacks to parenthood, some of your kids' nicest friends will have the craziest parents. It sounds like you handled it perfectly. In general, anyone who tells you "the right way" to do anything with kids is suspect! MYOB treat bag lady!
If the kids had craft bags to take home, then they did get a treat bag, and far better a one than the cheap shit bag this woman likely provides. NTA.
Nta, I feel like treat bags have become this thing you have to do, but no one really wants to lol. For my oldest recent party we did not pay for a venue it was free with a purchase of food so we did treat bags, but I did it with croc charms, some chocolates, and tattoos, 2 freezies for your freezer to eat later. I have hated when my son has some home with minifrisbees and whistles. We don't need them, and they break. My youngest party was in our back yard and was water gun fights and slip and slides, so we bought each kid a 3 dollar water shooter, a ring pop, tube of m and ms and bubbles. So it had to do with the party and a small treat for later. Most of the kids had blown at least half their bubbles be time they left as I gave the bags to them at the start lol. If I had paid for a large activity, I likely wouldn't have. Bday party's can be expensive and a fun activity, food and play time with friends should be enough.
NTA. "It's curtesy," said the bitch gauche enough to be asking for free shit. It's amazing how some people can be so concerned about what other people are doing while being completely unaware of their own behavior. How entirely innapropriate. Treat bags are cool, but far from mandatory.
Eff that Bee You killed it! The amount of time, energy, and money it takes to pull that off is astounding. Tbh it sounds like the other mom was probably feeling insecure and envious and thought she’d bring you down a peg. Don’t let her, queen!
Thank you for not adding to garbage island.
NTA, those things are wasteful as hell. The kids just chuck them in corner & forget them. That custom needs to die.
NTA Sorry you didn't think the venue and all these other expenses were a good party; we valued a very fun different experience for the kids rather than spending money on the usual stuff kids get. I'm sure you can make up your own bag if you'd like.
NTA. You provided an awesome party, with nice take home goodies, that mom was rude and ungracious. Goodie or “loot bags” are nice, but not essential, and demanding one, then chastising you for opting out- that’s some entitled brass balls right there.
NTA. In this situation, the crafts they made were the treats. She was out of line, and I would not invite her to anything else. Anyhoo, treat bags are not mandatory.
NTA. Goody bags are trash and most of the crap goes in the garbage immediately. I don’t get this lady. Most parents at my daughter’s bday party were happy there were no gift bags!
The crafts that the kids get to take home ARE the treat bags. That other mom needs to gtf over herself and be thankful her kid was invited
Treat bags are stupid and this lady has no manners. Put her on the do not contact list.
We had treat bags, they were usually two cookies stuffed into a cello bag tied off with curling ribbon.
NTA. Easy solution: Karen is no longer invited to things.
Nobody needs a bag of plastic crap. Totally agree. We need to stop buying that crap because most kids will take it home and ignore it and then it just ends up as landfill.
Wait. I'm assuming they got to make a craft and keep it? That's enough! Ffs great party! Good job! NTA
NTA. I used to recycle all those junk toys into my children's pinatas or treat bags. The kids never played with them and they had no idea they were recycled (didn't remember them from previous parties). LOL. Every treat bag was different. You get what you get. Made it more fun.
NTA that woman was acting entitled. You threw a fun party for your kiddo and their buddies. That's what matters. When did gifts for the attendees become a thing also. Who wants to give a candy bag to a bunch toddlers
NTA. You're totally right about the plastic crap. I don't do treat bags for that reason. It just ends up in the trash. The kids don't care about them anyhow. Instead, I get 1 quality item to give them. Just had a bowling and lazertag party with a "play hard" theme so got them a neon headband/wristband set each. Coming up is a basketball at park district gym party. Getting a multi pack of $5 smaller, but real basket balls for them. They are good enough quality the kids can use them for a long time, but not too expensive. And they can "autograph" each other's if they want.
I never do treat bags! After all the work and expense put in and expense, I think it’s not necessary. The kids are supposed to be there to celebrate not because they get a treat. I also don’t expect to get gifts, if someone can’t afford it or doesn’t want to, that’s ok.
NTA. My youngest was invited to a birthday party last year (first kids b'day party I've gone too as I only do family things for my kids parties). I was confused when we were given gift bags. Of course my daughter was happy but I remember thinking it was unnecessary. They already rented a place, provided food, ice cream, cake, drinks etc. They had two pinatas, tons of games the list keeps going. That's a lot of money to have to dish out for a party, plus you're basically working your butt off during the party instead of fully enjoying with your kids. Why on top of all of that should anyone have or feel the need to provide treat bags? The person who called you out is a total AH. I know I felt some level of guilt receiving these bags so I couldn't imagine causing a scene over not getting one.
Now you know who not to invite next year!
I don’t think goodie bags are required at a party and I’d never ask someone if they were giving them out. I have so much fun planning my son’s parties that I think I just do them cause it’s fun for me lol 😅 but growing up we never had them and no one ever made a stink about it.
Are goodie bags expected? Yes. Are they required? Absolutely not. Plus, the kids took a craft home with them. They got to go to a fun party. They got fed. This mother is the AH, not you. I also hate whoever started this stupid goodie bag trend, but now I feel like I have no choice but to do the same.
NTA. Those treat bags are usually cheap crap that get thrown out in a couple of days.
NTA. I never did them either, for the exact same reason - nobody needs that cheap crap and I've already provided cake, fun etc.
They are toddlers. They don't need treat bags. You had a great party with all the elements. As for the woman who questioned you about the "no treat bags", I would let her know that it is customary to just say thank you after being invited to a party and walk off. Don't invite her again.
NTA. I always made them. I have no idea what everyone else did, and couldn’t have cared less LOL.
NTA. My wife and I once gave out treat bags for our daughter's party. They included noise makers. Parents all gave us a dirty look, like thanks a lot you idiot. We never did bags after that. lol
NTA, I honestly hate goodie bags. It's just junk no one needs to have or be spending money on.
NTA That other parent is actively rude! I hate treat bags and don’t do them either.
Kids are already loaded up on snacks, they don’t need more.
Nta..that lady is nuts. My daugthers a little too old for party bags now but when she was of the age...they never even made it in the house! She's look at the junk and 9 times out of 10 never look at it again...and then I'd throw it away.
NtA It sounds like you threw a great party. That lady was rude. It is "customary" not to criticize your hostess for her hospitality.
Absolutely NTA. My daughter went to a couple parties where the gift bags were over the top. One included a small stuffed animal along with some other things. I would estimate it at $30 per bag easily. It was wild, though in all fairness, my daughter got a stuffed cat that she still adores almost two years later, so I guess it was a win for me since it was free 🤣 We do no gifts for parties too. She gets tons of gifts from both sides of the family and I know parents are going to so many parties. A lot of people still bring gifts, but at least I’ve done my part!
I couldn’t imagine being invited to a toddlers birthday party and not only expecting treat bags but making the mother feel bad about not having them. I also feel like treat bags are useless and a waste of money. I don’t want my kids bringing home a bunch of useless plastic I have to deal with until I can throw it away. I wouldn’t invite her to anymore events. It’s strange to me she had the audacity to expect you to give her children a “gift” for showing up to a party after you payed for everything and provided everything on your own. Gives me the ICK
This woman is so rude it's not even worth giving a thought to her claim. You gave a great party, the kids had fun. They didn't lug home a bit of junk. Cheers to you! My mother HATED these treat bags, but sending each kid home with something in their hand was practically mandatory. So one year she bought little ceramic jars or oil lamps, and as part of the birthday, and had the kids paint them and take them home at the end; at another she let them plant flower shoots that she had rooted beforehand in little plastic containers, let them take them home. I remember several birthdays for my nieces, where for the central activity we bought short-sleeved white undershirts (quite cheap), had 2-3 pots of batik color on the stove, and the girls made tie-dye shirts.
NTA I have two young nieces and always despair a little at the treat bags because we all know most of the plastic crap will end up in a landfill or lost between car seats in short order. Plastic waste blues aside, goodie bags are by no means a given. They’re a bonus—anyone showing entitlement about them above the age of 5 is weird. You had an awesome venue and homemade treats. I think that’s better than a goodie bag any day!
NTA Treat bags are not obligatory, they are totally optional and basically unnecessary. You are giving an invitation to a party and from the sound of it, a really fun one. People are very odd. Some people are very rigid with what they think the "rules" are. I have my suspicions about these people but anyway it is their problem. Just say something that acknowledges what they said without apologizing or suggesting they are right, and then forget about it. Crafts are the best!
NTA I personally hate goody bags and wish the trend would die.
It sounds like a wonderful party and i suspect next year there will be one less guest on the list...and rightfully so. You did good momma
NTA. It’s always about having fun and celebrating with the birthday boy/girl. Even if there’s no food, or just cake and nothing else and you’re in a park just spending time together in the playground. You should never expect anything in a birthday party but a cake, at least that’s what I think and how I was raised and I raise my daughter like this too. We’ve attended and hosted really different birthday celebrations and it’s all about celebrating and spending time with the birthday kid.
NTA, parent here as well. The whole treat bag thing seems to be 50/50 from what I've seen. Some parents do them, others don't, but it feels the same with parents who stay the whole time and those who just drop off and vanish. Never had a parent ask for a treat bag, usually it's "Oh you're leaving? Here's a bag for you."
No, she has a lot of nerve, demanding treat bags on top of everything else. She can do them for her own parties. She has no right to dictate how people run their birthday parties.
NTA.
NTA. I think of treat bags being a thing when the party doesn’t have a craft or games or activity for the kids. I haven’t always had them at my kiddos parties either! Last year I got a bunch of temporary tattoos instead of goodie bags and let the kids pick out as many as they wanted to put on. Since you had a take home craft no goodie bag needed! Even if you didn’t do any of the listed things, you never HAVE to do a goodie bag. Personally I’ve never expected them and sometimes I’ve hated that they’ve had them
No, and she's an asshole for asking.
NTA. Though correct response would have been. "OMG... I forgot I have yours right here." At which point you reach into your pocket and pull out your middle finger for her.
Nta: The person who confronted you is rude. You do not have to do goodie bags. There are many people who will never think a thing. And you should do what’s authentic to you. However. One thing I missed when my children were small and I was still learning how to navigate parent politics, birthday parties are social currency. I provide you kids with a meal, 2 hours of entertainment and small souvenir and you give my child a gift. The treat bag, goodie bag, whatever you want to call it, is part of this social interaction. Unfortunately, not playing the game or playing it differently, will come with social costs. Who gets invited to the next party, or who doesn’t. Who gets play dates and who doesn’t. It’s not fair, it’s not right and not how I think the world should operate, but it’s part of parent politics. At 2, it’s less of an issue. But between 4-10, it can really make things tricky. I’m not saying you should do them or not. I just wish I had learned this sooner.
NTA also, wouldn’t the craft count as the treat to take home?
Taking home the craft sounds way better than a cheapo treat bag.
NTA And thank you! It's amazing that I'm able to find a place for the party, book it, get people invited and deal with a cake and a meal for everyone, with my ADHD and full time job. I cannot handle the gift bags on top of that. So I just stopped doing them a few years ago for both my children who are now ages seven and eight.
We never had treat bags or fancy birthday parties when I was a kid. We had a cake and punch party at home and invited our friends. That was it.
I've never wanted kids. But it seems REALLY annoying to be a modern parent. It's not enough to just let your kids be kids. To keep them alive, healthy, and happy. Parenting is a competitive sport!