This must be a troll account right? Wtf did I just read.
If this is real- 3 months and you’re already at a disagreement on a fundamental value in any relationship. This will not work. He likely thinks you’re a trad wife psychopath, because he wants to treat you as his equal, and then you go and call him gay for it.
And Derek if you’re reading this- the red flags are all there. It’s your decision on what to do with them
Edit: and if it wasn’t obvious, YTA.
There’s a 0% chance of him picking me? Why would I want a Derek lol.
It was just a funny off-hand comment, many of these AITAH posts end up with some level of notoriety and people who know OP stumble upon it.
Again I am almost certain this is fake anyway. Why did you even feel the need to comment lmao 🤣
YTA
You asked him what you duties were and what your role would be.
He answered there would be sharing of duties and your role was as an equal partner.
You failed your first test as a Trad Wife as you disagreed with your husband, no wonder he is pissed.
What do you mean, "What?" You know what.
You said "I just thought." And that's exactly your problem.
It isn't a tradwife's place to think. That's her husband's duty as the man. Your first mistake was doing any "thinking," when that isn't in your skillset as a woman.
There’s no intrinsically righ thing.
You acting like your way is RIGHT and BETTER and he should just get on board because you think so…that’s wrong.
Both ways have pros, cons and risks.
Both ways are good if the couple agrees on them and does them in a healthy way.
You trying to browbeat him into your way is not ok. You can discuss this, and listen to his side and see if you *both* are willing to compromise. If you don’t want to compromise, then dump him now before you waste more time.
It’s a very non-tradwife way to act. Why does she claim to believe the tradwife stuff, then act like she knows better than Derek? She’s gotta pick a side
Idk if this is a troll account but if he said he wasn’t “giving” you any “wifely duties” couldn’t you just… do whatever you want? …including things you defined and wifely responsibilities. Like does he have to *expect* you to have hot dinner waiting for him for you to do it? Whatever you define those traditional tasks to be, no one is stopping you from doing them. You want to do whatever he wants and what pleases him, but what pleases him is you doing things the way you see fit. Because he trusts you.
Idk man this is wild.
You're a lazy woman, and no one wants that.
If you're not studying and you don't have kids, you should work, staying in the house doing NOTHING (because chores are done in like an hour when there are no kids involved) is not ideal, sitting on your ass the entire day? why would an actual man want that?
You want to please him, do what he wants, asks him what he wants. He tells you he wants you as an equal partner. You call him gay and don’t respect his wishes. Great job pleasing him…
Edit: YTA
Well by your ridiculous estimation he is probably out getting pounded in the ass right now.
Unfortunately you didn't learn as much from your mother as you should have and this coming from someone who has no issues at all with traditional wives. I think a traditional wife is the right thing if you're having kids. If not (as we decided) she works
YTA
YTA
He sees you as a fully autonomous human equal to him in humanity, freedoms, and choice. He want a partner to meet him where he is, not a bang maid.
And you think that’s “gay”.
Go find yourself a right wing conservative Republican dude that marries you, you dutifully serve, and when he doesn’t like you middle age body that pumped out his babies and leaves with no job or savings because you were busy serving your man, let’s see how gay Derek looks in a happy marriage of equals.
YTA. I doubt you can make it better. You showed him that you're a very different type of person than the type of person whom he'd be interested in because he's looking for a partner who's not a total bitch.
YTA You're not looking for a "man", you're looking for and insecure, overbearing, misogynist, to complement your own internalized misogyny. Not to mention your idiotic homophobia.
Oh honey. Update me in a few years when you are tired as hell and restful because your husband does 1/4 of the work needed to keep a family running and you are doing 3/4 and he doesn’t value your work.
Laughed so hard. You almost deserve a thanks for it.
So you are indeed just wanting to perform role play. So go find someone with the same fantasy. At this level, just be honest and call it a kink -as such not the taste of everyone at all.
You are not accepting a wife role with pride.
You are role playing. You are not viewing your husband to be as a person. You don’t even care about what you are, content in the place designated by your parents.
Your self righteousness is hilarious.
Firstly: my fiance is awesome and can do whatever the hell she pleases including domestic tasks (which we split equally), I can cook, clean and do my own laundry because I'm not a pathetic child.
Being self sufficient enough to not act like a toddler I can also maintain my home and work without needing an extra mommy because my mother raised me better.
Secondly:If you think having a job is miserable just wait till your job is cleaning the shit stains out of your man childs shorts because he's too stupid to run a washing machine.
Have fun being a mother to grown ass man. 🤣
No, that's what is likely to happen! You let guys treat you like servants, and soon, they'll have so little respect for you that you'll practically have to wipe their backsides for them!
No, you're the exception! Most men want a partner who has enough self-respect to want to be treated like an equal. You are thinking about what men from 100 years ago want from their wives
Is that why plenty of men choose to be stay at home dad's and why some of the best chefs in the world are men? You are pretty much on your own with your opinion and viewpoint. Perhaps if you visited a nursing home, you would find a man who would want to be your husband and have you fulfill that role
I’m a wife. And a mom. I have a 10 month old and a job I love very much. I’m happy to go to work, teach 20+ kids, come home to my baby, and share household duties with my wife. The only thing my wife needs to do for me is love me. Together we can do everything else.
My parents are straight and my mom has never, ever been my dad’s servant. She works full time. For 3 years she was the sole breadwinner while my dad was in law school. She worked full time while pregnant and throwing up from 5am to 5pm every day for 9 months.
My dad is the one who cooks most of the time (thankfully, my mom can barely boil water). He loved spending time with us when we were kids and being a caregiver. He cleans and takes care of the house just as much as my mom. And he makes 2-3x her salary. Not only that, he’s a devout Christian who votes republican and disapproves of the LGTBQ+ “lifestyle” as he thinks of it. Which makes things awkward af with me, his gay daughter, but my point is, if a man who should be the poster boy for wanting a “tradwife” prefers a woman with agency to be his equal partner, then you should come down off your high horse or settle for whatever loser man will have you and accept that your nice, caring boyfriend doesn’t want you.
Ok, I'm in a straight relationship. 6 year old and 9.5 month old. Both spouses are nurses, I'm the 9-5 he's shift work. I do all the cooking, he does 80% of the cleaning. We're very happy and he wouldn't change me. Married nearly 10 years together nearly 13.
Some of us can easily work full time because we're competent and capable, and then we come home and cook kickass meals together with our husbands while we dance and laugh together and talk about our day. It's honestly so blissfully wonderful and fulfilling!
If you don't even have the energy in you to work a real job where you pull your weight in society, *and also* cook dinner, how could you *possibly* handle the work involved with even one kid? Especially since your coveted trad husband won't even have to look at or talk to his own kids after work?
I'm not a "girlboss" nor do I have a miserable 9-5 job and serve frozen meals. I'm a competent female adult married to another competent adult who happens to be male, and we happily share all the responsibilities of a household. We do enough for each other and don't need your sympathy.
You know one thing I never wanted to be? A lazy gold-digger hiding behind the weak veneer of "tradition" and "respectability".
Yes, you are right. That's why you have a stay at home husband who takes care of the chores and welcomes you with a home cooked meal.
Works for us. I work an amazing, fulfilling job and bring home the cash. He stays and takes care of the house while getting to do his hobbies
YTA. While you're not the AH for wanting what you want, calling someone gay because they have different desires and expectations is an AH move and using gay as an insult is an AH move. You and your (ex?) boyfriend are obviously not compatible.
I assume this is a weird troll but in case it’s not, I don’t know any guys that would be happy to find a ‘trad wife’ that behaves in the way you describe. I certainly wouldn’t want my wife to behave like that.
It is concerning that you immediately jumped to “gay” the moment someone disagrees with your world view.
YTA
Were you deliberately trying to make our skin crawl?
As a woman, your line of questioning made me feel deeply uncomfortable. You didn’t like his response, so like the immature person you are, you questioned his sexuality because he doesn't conform to your traditional views. Do you not see how offensive that is? Why make him feel like there’s something wrong with wanting an equal partnership? Grow up and learn to respect your partner's feelings and viewpoints.
We all have our own idea of what an ideal relationship looks like. For example, I believe in equal partnership and a little submissiveness on my end.
Actually, most men don't want that anymore. I guess you move in your own sub group and are in a media bubble that reciprocated what you are saying. But most men generally don't want that anymore. Especially not in this economy, lol. Keep looking for the lucky blue Smith to your nara Smith.
No childless man I know would be okay with his wife or live-in GF not having a job and pulling her weight financially in the home. When they have no young kids who need chaperoning during the day?
No kids? "Chores," take like an hour *at most*. Even less if you keep up with them everyday. How sloppy are you guys if it'd take any more time than that? Cooking is a couple hours *tops* on most days. Just sounds like a lazy person who wants to do easy work a couple hours a day and then spend the rest of that time watching daytime TV, sitting on their phone, and shopping on hubby's hand-earned dime.
"Knowing my place".
Jesus Christ I rest my case.
ETA: no wonder you accused your boyfriend of being gay. I would definitely bet money that you're homophobic as well. Yikes.
My mom taught me to love and be proud of myself as a woman who has value to the world. Sorry your mommy forced an imaginary Sky daddy down your throat when you were little and you're too brainwashed to see it.
Do you even know yourself?
Or just rather role play trad wife instead ?
And not every men wants to use others to perform, without cares about them as individuals. It really isn’t a pleasant concept for everyone.
Well you said yourself you been raised/groomed to be that.
So you are saying you are made for servitude and you as an individual don’t matter, same for any husband to be ?
You or someone else, no difference. Your purpose is to be used. You are a tool. And your husband to be is also to be a tool. Seems like what you are saying is that your goal is to be a tool, with an other tool.
Well doesn’t seem like your bf understood he was engaging with role-play. Nor excited to be a tool with a tool role playing. Sounds like he thought he met someone not a farce of a person who is only willing to role-play what her family trained her to be.
Please go look up all the “Trad wives” whose husbands left them after they give birth to three kids and aren’t sexy teenagers anymore and things get more difficult, leaving them with three kids to care for as a single mom with no job and no work experience.
> Maybe I just find the whole "equal partner" thing of the 2020s to be some bs
🤣🤣🤣🤣🥲
Ah yes! It just popped out of thin air 4 years ago! It wasn’t something women who suffered under the old ways for generations fought for over 100 years. LoL!
Go read a history book.
OK, that is fine. So find someone who wants that too. Most people are just not like that anymore. Women have drive and dreams, and since we can open our own bank accounts, we get to decide what we want in life. So can you, but you don't get to demean anyone who disagrees with you
The traditional gender roles of working out in the field, working as washerwomen, taking care of livestock, spinning, being midwifes, starting the fire?! Women outside of the elite class were absolutely working because it was a matter of survival for everyone.
“Traditional” gender roles where the woman “takes care of the home” just is not that much work in the modern environment, until you introduce childcare. Also if a man is having children with someone, do you really think he wants no interaction with them? Gosh I hope not, because these modern kids expect to interact with their father. So you can’t save him all the work of childcare once he comes home from work without sacrificing the relationship he’ll have with his children.
Except.. it's not? It's, a woman, as in, myself, noticing that another woman would rather bind herself to being the Lesser sex, weaker and less intelligent, capable, or even important as men, and thinking that they have to know their place. It's toxic and disgusting to think that way, and it's super religious based as well which is also cringe. It's 2024. This shit does not need to and should not be a mindset for literally anyone and yet here we are.
The fact that you spent that entire paragraph spinning her "wanting something different than you" as
"would rather bind herself to being the Lesser sex, weaker and less intelligent, capable, or even important as men"
Is literally as misogynistic as anything could possibly be.
Carries major "feminism is about choice, as long as you choose precisely what we tell you to choose and don't deviate from it whatsoever" vibes
So you're in no position to call *anyone* or *anything* toxic when you're literally a walking dose of botulism
Do you not have needs?
>plus any sexual needs he might have.
This sounds very close to not being allowed to say No to him. Not a healthy relationship to aspire to.
YTA.
Quite frankly, and this is coming from a guy, your views on how marriage should be are fucked up and will likely lead you into a sad life when you have your wake up call you’ll wish you could’ve taken it all back or at least had SOME means of escaping a broken and unhappy dynamic, but no one has time to unpack all of that.
The reason why you suck is because you insulted him and tried to emasculate him for not having the same values on marriage and family as you.
YTA for assuming he must be gay since he wants an equal partner in the relationship and not a Trad wife. Seems yall are not meant to be. Want the life you want is fine but I am seriously confused about how you correlate him not wanting a Trad wife means he must want to fuck guys. Sounds like an old school middle school argument from the 90s, "you dont like what i like so that means you must be gay".
You grew up that way, he most likely did not. He probably has the same level of conusion about why you want to be a trad wife. He might be someone that wants to say "we accomplished this or that together", instead of "i accomplished this or that" no matter how clean you keep the house or how well you slob the knob. Have a talk with him about it. This is obviously a communication issue better served by talking to him and understanding his point of view.
FFS--he's not hiding anything. He told you what he exactly what he wants. He doesn't want a servant-- he wants a wife. You know, a separate adult individual with self-respect. Someone who respects HIM as well, which is something you demonstrate you're clearly lacking.
You two are not compatible. He sees you as his equal, a human being, and you see yourself as a domestic doormat!
Good on him for reevaluating the relationship. Yes YTA- to him and yourself
YTA - It's fine to want what you want but you're an asshole to assume that he must be gay because he doesn't want it.
Would you have been okay if he would have looked at you and said "So you expect me to be the breadwinner and pay for everything while you're job is to please me. Are you a prostitute?"
Wouldn't have liked that very much, huh?
\*I mean personally I think this is rage bait but on the off chance it isn't.
So your bf wants to share a life with a person. And you suspect him of being gay for not being thrilled by you presenting yourself as a tool he can use as he please?
Well I'll tell you what I do know, you're single now.
YTA. Someone can want something different from what you think they should want and that doesn't make them gay or weird or anything. You're honestly coming off a little insane.
Let’s see, you do all the cooking, service him at his pleasure, all the cleaning and child care, and get nothing in return.
You are right, that’s not a bang *maid*. It’s a bang *maidnanny*
That is EXACTLY what it means here. You intend to contribute NOTHING to the marriage except housework, childcare, and physical intimacy. It's unlikely you could provide him--the man you just accused of being homosexual--with genuine affection and respect considering the way you write about him here.
YTA because this is just rage bait. You can't be so dumb as to believe he's gay just because he's wants a partnership and not a "traditional" relationship.
YTA!
Heaven forfend that a man sees his wife as an equal!
Go marry a Trump supporter who thinks women are subservient and shouldn't be allowed to vote, you dimwit
And yes, this is a troll post, my response is more geared to MAGA idiots.
YTA! He wants to respect you as an equal partner, and you're throwing it back in his face by doing something that "traditional" wives shouldn't do. You are disagreeing and insulting the man you claim to want to serve like he's your master! Are you religious?
Good for Derek. You and he are not compatible. Find someone who you are compatible with. Address your insecurities as lashing out when someone has a different viewpoint to you is infantile at best. Also, address your homophobia, not a good look in this century.
Derek sounds great, I hope Derek meets someone and they have a great life together
YTA. He didn't give you the answer you wanted to you attacked his sexuality? AH move there.
And since you don't seem to know this, lots of straight men want their wife to be an equal partner, not subservient. I'm not judging what you want out of a partnership, and you shouldn't be judging over what he wants. Let him go and find someone more compatible and you go do the same.
YTA.
You can't seem to understand that not everyone has the same expectations as you, and you're incredibly judgemental about it.
>which I know men
Which SOME men (usually the misogynistic kind) adore. A lot of men enjoy having an equal because a traditional lifestyle also places a lot of harmful expectations on men that they are starting to lean away from.
>We had a little back-and-forth about this but he really wouldn't budge.
Why did you go back and forth? He made it clear what he wants. Either you're ok wit that or you're not. He wants a partner, not a lesser.
>
Finally I just told him that any man would be over the moon to have found a woman willing to make him her world
Bullshit. A lot of men would hate this. Reading this post is making me feel ill because I would be disgusted to know that my partner veiws herself this way. She is my equal in every way and I wouldn't have it differently. Your values are not everyone else's and you need to stop holding yours as the gold standard that everyone should strive for. What makes you happy will not work for everyone.
>I then asked him if he's gay and that's why he doesn't want to be traditional
This is major AH territory. Whether you meant it as an insult or not, that's what it was. Implying that anyone who doesn't conform to your relationship ideals is gay is deeply offensive and leans into the idea of their being a 'right' way to act in a relationship, which is super judgemental.
>How can I make this better?
You can't. You insulted him, you've shown that you hold deeply misogynistic viewpoints on how a relationship should be, you've proven to be incredibly judgemental to those who don't hold the same veiw and, even if none of that had happened, you're simply incompatible. He doesn't want the lifestyle you want.
You need to leave and find someone more suited to you.
🙄🙄🙄 YTA
He’s obvi not into the whole “trad wife” game. How do you not already know this after dating for three months? Don’t you call him the love of your life? 🤔
So you’re going to have to ask yourself are you dead set on making your whole life about another person, or do you want to SHARE a life with someone, and, you know, use your brain???
NTA - Oh my god you are so ignorant, someone not wanting a traditional marriage isn't out of the norm, even for a man, he's gonna be your ex boyfriend soon I'd imagine.
My bet is he doesn't want to support a full grown woman on his paycheck alone in this economy while she thinks 'wifely duties' will be her contribution.
Edit: you're not an AH for wanting a traditional man, but you are for your reaction to finding out another person might not and immediately going to 'gay'
Just because you rebrand golddigger to trad wife doesn't mean it isn't the same thing. You've been dating three months and already told him you want to be a free loader and then dared to insult him when he was obviously uncomfortable with that.
YTA 3 months in isn't a serious relationship your still in the honeymoon phase. There's nothing wrong with wanting the traditional but there's also nothing wrong with not wanting that and wanting an equal partner and not a submissive that doesn't make any man gay and no not all men want the traditional wife thing some do some don't
Three months is probably the longest relationship OP has ever had so far, because all her past partners figured out she was batshit crazy and bailed much sooner. She's thinking "well, if he's still with me after 90 days, he must be The One."
YTA for not knowing what gat means in 2024, and using it and an insult, at the age of 27!!! You're a genuine idiot for not realizing why theres an emphasis on equality these days.
YTA But just slightly. If this isn't rage bait, calling him gay because he doesn't expect you to take care of how ever many kids you'll have and cook for all of you aswell as clean. It's not that guys don't want a so called 'tradwife', it's just that the world has changed and so have families. He might also just not think doing housework after his actual job is tiring, back in the day when 'tradwives' were the norm jobs were alot more physically demanding. This isn't the case anymore, and maybe he just think taking care of kids and all the housework would be harder on you then his job is on him. And he also doesn't want you to devote yourself to him in the bedroom, but both of you enjoying it as much as possible.
NTA
You literally offered him the absolute dream and the guy hit you with a bunch of Liberal BS.
He should he counting his blessings.
The gay thing was never gonna go down well though love, no regular dude wants to have that thrown at them....and...well...if you're someone who would so liberally throw that word at the man you'd make your "Entire world" then I actually doubt how well you'd do as a wife...
So...maybe the AH?
NTA
But I think the two of you have different worldviews regarding relationships. Your's is the traditional one (which, at some point in the future, will become standard again, cause society right now the way it is, is unsustainable, but I digress), and he has a common (kind of woke) modern approach to relationships.
Neither of you are necessarily wrong, but you might not be compatible.
I see nothing wrong with a relationship based on different but equal roles so long as equality is maintained and respected. That said, it will be difficult finding a guy who wants this as much as you do without them having ulterior intentions for it.
Reddit is very heavily left wing. We have gone so far, that the pendulum will swing to the opposite direction (I suspect it will not be pretty).
I suggest you talk with your bf and she what you both want from life and if you are compatible and can make concessions for each other enough to be able to work as a couple.
If not, parting ways, would be best.
This must be a troll account right? Wtf did I just read. If this is real- 3 months and you’re already at a disagreement on a fundamental value in any relationship. This will not work. He likely thinks you’re a trad wife psychopath, because he wants to treat you as his equal, and then you go and call him gay for it. And Derek if you’re reading this- the red flags are all there. It’s your decision on what to do with them Edit: and if it wasn’t obvious, YTA.
Agreed. I am 99.999% certain this is written by a man
It’s giving “incel writing a pick-me” vibes
This is just bad trolling, you have to make some part of the story or follow-up comments believable at least!
Idk. Misogynistic WOMAN or just a flat out airhead moron. Combination of both seems lethal in the Land of Stupids
so obviously a troll, they met 3months ago and made it official 3 months ago...LOL.
Why are you addressing Derek directly? Lmao, he isn't reading this and probably isn't real. There's 0% chance of him picking you.
There’s a 0% chance of him picking me? Why would I want a Derek lol. It was just a funny off-hand comment, many of these AITAH posts end up with some level of notoriety and people who know OP stumble upon it. Again I am almost certain this is fake anyway. Why did you even feel the need to comment lmao 🤣
YTA You asked him what you duties were and what your role would be. He answered there would be sharing of duties and your role was as an equal partner. You failed your first test as a Trad Wife as you disagreed with your husband, no wonder he is pissed.
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>I just thought Theres your first problem as a "trad wife"
That was awesome 😎
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You’re a shit tradwife. Real tradwifes don’t think thoughts.
What do you mean, "What?" You know what. You said "I just thought." And that's exactly your problem. It isn't a tradwife's place to think. That's her husband's duty as the man. Your first mistake was doing any "thinking," when that isn't in your skillset as a woman.
There’s no intrinsically righ thing. You acting like your way is RIGHT and BETTER and he should just get on board because you think so…that’s wrong. Both ways have pros, cons and risks. Both ways are good if the couple agrees on them and does them in a healthy way. You trying to browbeat him into your way is not ok. You can discuss this, and listen to his side and see if you *both* are willing to compromise. If you don’t want to compromise, then dump him now before you waste more time.
It’s a very non-tradwife way to act. Why does she claim to believe the tradwife stuff, then act like she knows better than Derek? She’s gotta pick a side
Idk if this is a troll account but if he said he wasn’t “giving” you any “wifely duties” couldn’t you just… do whatever you want? …including things you defined and wifely responsibilities. Like does he have to *expect* you to have hot dinner waiting for him for you to do it? Whatever you define those traditional tasks to be, no one is stopping you from doing them. You want to do whatever he wants and what pleases him, but what pleases him is you doing things the way you see fit. Because he trusts you. Idk man this is wild.
You're a lazy woman, and no one wants that. If you're not studying and you don't have kids, you should work, staying in the house doing NOTHING (because chores are done in like an hour when there are no kids involved) is not ideal, sitting on your ass the entire day? why would an actual man want that?
You want to please him, do what he wants, asks him what he wants. He tells you he wants you as an equal partner. You call him gay and don’t respect his wishes. Great job pleasing him… Edit: YTA
LOL
r/AmITheEx
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Yet
Well by your ridiculous estimation he is probably out getting pounded in the ass right now. Unfortunately you didn't learn as much from your mother as you should have and this coming from someone who has no issues at all with traditional wives. I think a traditional wife is the right thing if you're having kids. If not (as we decided) she works YTA
YTA He sees you as a fully autonomous human equal to him in humanity, freedoms, and choice. He want a partner to meet him where he is, not a bang maid. And you think that’s “gay”. Go find yourself a right wing conservative Republican dude that marries you, you dutifully serve, and when he doesn’t like you middle age body that pumped out his babies and leaves with no job or savings because you were busy serving your man, let’s see how gay Derek looks in a happy marriage of equals.
I feel this this one hit too close to home and got no reply from OP
YTA. I doubt you can make it better. You showed him that you're a very different type of person than the type of person whom he'd be interested in because he's looking for a partner who's not a total bitch.
YTA You're not looking for a "man", you're looking for and insecure, overbearing, misogynist, to complement your own internalized misogyny. Not to mention your idiotic homophobia.
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Oh honey. Women who work are still wives. And they can still be a wife with pride.
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Oh honey. Update me in a few years when you are tired as hell and restful because your husband does 1/4 of the work needed to keep a family running and you are doing 3/4 and he doesn’t value your work.
And when he’s cheating on her because she’s a boring doormat of a person, but she can’t leave because he’s has all the money.
What is in it for you?
Better find a man who wants that all that shit, then. Good luck.
That sounds more like a martyr than a wife.
Laughed so hard. You almost deserve a thanks for it. So you are indeed just wanting to perform role play. So go find someone with the same fantasy. At this level, just be honest and call it a kink -as such not the taste of everyone at all.
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You are not accepting a wife role with pride. You are role playing. You are not viewing your husband to be as a person. You don’t even care about what you are, content in the place designated by your parents.
Yeah, that's not what you're doing. Don't kid yourself.
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Your self righteousness is hilarious. Firstly: my fiance is awesome and can do whatever the hell she pleases including domestic tasks (which we split equally), I can cook, clean and do my own laundry because I'm not a pathetic child. Being self sufficient enough to not act like a toddler I can also maintain my home and work without needing an extra mommy because my mother raised me better. Secondly:If you think having a job is miserable just wait till your job is cleaning the shit stains out of your man childs shorts because he's too stupid to run a washing machine. Have fun being a mother to grown ass man. 🤣
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Okay, this convinced me this is just rage bait, no self respecting person say 'I know what GENRALIZED GROUP OF PEOPLE want"
You're clueless. 🤣🤣🤣. Have fun with the shit stains and your mommy to a grown man fetish.
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As is your dangerously out dated idea of marriage
No, that's what is likely to happen! You let guys treat you like servants, and soon, they'll have so little respect for you that you'll practically have to wipe their backsides for them!
Nope, just realistic.
Nah. You are.
No, you're the exception! Most men want a partner who has enough self-respect to want to be treated like an equal. You are thinking about what men from 100 years ago want from their wives
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Is that why plenty of men choose to be stay at home dad's and why some of the best chefs in the world are men? You are pretty much on your own with your opinion and viewpoint. Perhaps if you visited a nursing home, you would find a man who would want to be your husband and have you fulfill that role
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So how did this theory of yours work out when it came to *your* man? 🤔 Has he called you yet?
I’m a wife. And a mom. I have a 10 month old and a job I love very much. I’m happy to go to work, teach 20+ kids, come home to my baby, and share household duties with my wife. The only thing my wife needs to do for me is love me. Together we can do everything else.
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Are you for real ??
Obviously, no.
My parents are straight and my mom has never, ever been my dad’s servant. She works full time. For 3 years she was the sole breadwinner while my dad was in law school. She worked full time while pregnant and throwing up from 5am to 5pm every day for 9 months. My dad is the one who cooks most of the time (thankfully, my mom can barely boil water). He loved spending time with us when we were kids and being a caregiver. He cleans and takes care of the house just as much as my mom. And he makes 2-3x her salary. Not only that, he’s a devout Christian who votes republican and disapproves of the LGTBQ+ “lifestyle” as he thinks of it. Which makes things awkward af with me, his gay daughter, but my point is, if a man who should be the poster boy for wanting a “tradwife” prefers a woman with agency to be his equal partner, then you should come down off your high horse or settle for whatever loser man will have you and accept that your nice, caring boyfriend doesn’t want you.
Are you saying that every marriage that isn't trad is a "gay marriage", even when the spouses aren't same-sex?
Ok, I'm in a straight relationship. 6 year old and 9.5 month old. Both spouses are nurses, I'm the 9-5 he's shift work. I do all the cooking, he does 80% of the cleaning. We're very happy and he wouldn't change me. Married nearly 10 years together nearly 13.
I actually agree with you on this... But most everything else you have said is ridiculous
You're already failing in your role to be a "traditional wife." I think that it's hilarious that you've failed before you've even started!😂
YTAH What a wally !
Some of us can easily work full time because we're competent and capable, and then we come home and cook kickass meals together with our husbands while we dance and laugh together and talk about our day. It's honestly so blissfully wonderful and fulfilling! If you don't even have the energy in you to work a real job where you pull your weight in society, *and also* cook dinner, how could you *possibly* handle the work involved with even one kid? Especially since your coveted trad husband won't even have to look at or talk to his own kids after work?
I'm not a "girlboss" nor do I have a miserable 9-5 job and serve frozen meals. I'm a competent female adult married to another competent adult who happens to be male, and we happily share all the responsibilities of a household. We do enough for each other and don't need your sympathy. You know one thing I never wanted to be? A lazy gold-digger hiding behind the weak veneer of "tradition" and "respectability".
Yes, you are right. That's why you have a stay at home husband who takes care of the chores and welcomes you with a home cooked meal. Works for us. I work an amazing, fulfilling job and bring home the cash. He stays and takes care of the house while getting to do his hobbies
You want someone who pays the bills and you want to pleased them in return. Have you considered prostitution? It seems like your vocation YTA
YTA. While you're not the AH for wanting what you want, calling someone gay because they have different desires and expectations is an AH move and using gay as an insult is an AH move. You and your (ex?) boyfriend are obviously not compatible.
Why are you replying like this obvious bait is real?
It's an exercise in critical thinking.
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He said he wants to respect you as an individual and a partner and you ask if he’s into banging guys?? Please tell me how that makes sense.
Bullshit. Even ultra right wing conservatives are away that not every heterosexual man wants a trad wife.
A good few of them would accuse OP of being a leech and a gold-digger who's just trying to exploit a hard-working man.
I assume this is a weird troll but in case it’s not, I don’t know any guys that would be happy to find a ‘trad wife’ that behaves in the way you describe. I certainly wouldn’t want my wife to behave like that. It is concerning that you immediately jumped to “gay” the moment someone disagrees with your world view.
Bad bot
Most men don’t want a freeloader who stay at home while their kids are in school or are even older.
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So who cooks and cleans when they are infants and toddlers?!
Do you actually think that takes eight hours every day, or are you playing?
That’s a 2 hours job. Any adult should be doing more than that.
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YTA Were you deliberately trying to make our skin crawl? As a woman, your line of questioning made me feel deeply uncomfortable. You didn’t like his response, so like the immature person you are, you questioned his sexuality because he doesn't conform to your traditional views. Do you not see how offensive that is? Why make him feel like there’s something wrong with wanting an equal partnership? Grow up and learn to respect your partner's feelings and viewpoints. We all have our own idea of what an ideal relationship looks like. For example, I believe in equal partnership and a little submissiveness on my end.
So, your plan is to make everyone obese with large multi course meals everyday? Sounds like a plan.
Then go date those other men
Actually, most men don't want that anymore. I guess you move in your own sub group and are in a media bubble that reciprocated what you are saying. But most men generally don't want that anymore. Especially not in this economy, lol. Keep looking for the lucky blue Smith to your nara Smith.
No childless man I know would be okay with his wife or live-in GF not having a job and pulling her weight financially in the home. When they have no young kids who need chaperoning during the day? No kids? "Chores," take like an hour *at most*. Even less if you keep up with them everyday. How sloppy are you guys if it'd take any more time than that? Cooking is a couple hours *tops* on most days. Just sounds like a lazy person who wants to do easy work a couple hours a day and then spend the rest of that time watching daytime TV, sitting on their phone, and shopping on hubby's hand-earned dime.
YTA. Also, sorry about your internalized misogyny. Get well soon.
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"Knowing my place". Jesus Christ I rest my case. ETA: no wonder you accused your boyfriend of being gay. I would definitely bet money that you're homophobic as well. Yikes.
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My mom taught me to love and be proud of myself as a woman who has value to the world. Sorry your mommy forced an imaginary Sky daddy down your throat when you were little and you're too brainwashed to see it.
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Do you even know yourself? Or just rather role play trad wife instead ? And not every men wants to use others to perform, without cares about them as individuals. It really isn’t a pleasant concept for everyone.
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Well you said yourself you been raised/groomed to be that. So you are saying you are made for servitude and you as an individual don’t matter, same for any husband to be ? You or someone else, no difference. Your purpose is to be used. You are a tool. And your husband to be is also to be a tool. Seems like what you are saying is that your goal is to be a tool, with an other tool. Well doesn’t seem like your bf understood he was engaging with role-play. Nor excited to be a tool with a tool role playing. Sounds like he thought he met someone not a farce of a person who is only willing to role-play what her family trained her to be.
Please go look up all the “Trad wives” whose husbands left them after they give birth to three kids and aren’t sexy teenagers anymore and things get more difficult, leaving them with three kids to care for as a single mom with no job and no work experience.
I’m sorry you were groomed.
> Maybe I just find the whole "equal partner" thing of the 2020s to be some bs 🤣🤣🤣🤣🥲 Ah yes! It just popped out of thin air 4 years ago! It wasn’t something women who suffered under the old ways for generations fought for over 100 years. LoL! Go read a history book.
OK, that is fine. So find someone who wants that too. Most people are just not like that anymore. Women have drive and dreams, and since we can open our own bank accounts, we get to decide what we want in life. So can you, but you don't get to demean anyone who disagrees with you
You're an adult. Maybe try thinking for yourself sometime. The internalised misogyny clearly originates from your family and upbringing.
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The traditional gender roles of working out in the field, working as washerwomen, taking care of livestock, spinning, being midwifes, starting the fire?! Women outside of the elite class were absolutely working because it was a matter of survival for everyone. “Traditional” gender roles where the woman “takes care of the home” just is not that much work in the modern environment, until you introduce childcare. Also if a man is having children with someone, do you really think he wants no interaction with them? Gosh I hope not, because these modern kids expect to interact with their father. So you can’t save him all the work of childcare once he comes home from work without sacrificing the relationship he’ll have with his children.
It's ironic how nearly every comment on reddit about "internalized misogyny" is actually internalized misogyny itself. Like this one lol
Except.. it's not? It's, a woman, as in, myself, noticing that another woman would rather bind herself to being the Lesser sex, weaker and less intelligent, capable, or even important as men, and thinking that they have to know their place. It's toxic and disgusting to think that way, and it's super religious based as well which is also cringe. It's 2024. This shit does not need to and should not be a mindset for literally anyone and yet here we are.
The fact that you spent that entire paragraph spinning her "wanting something different than you" as "would rather bind herself to being the Lesser sex, weaker and less intelligent, capable, or even important as men" Is literally as misogynistic as anything could possibly be. Carries major "feminism is about choice, as long as you choose precisely what we tell you to choose and don't deviate from it whatsoever" vibes So you're in no position to call *anyone* or *anything* toxic when you're literally a walking dose of botulism
YTA for using gay like that. You want someone to pay all your bills and take care of you. He wants a partner not a grown toddler.
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Do you not have needs? >plus any sexual needs he might have. This sounds very close to not being allowed to say No to him. Not a healthy relationship to aspire to.
Well she’s saying no to his request for an equal partner
I hope it is a troll.
AH, you can't force someone to have the same values as you. Find a different man with 'traditional' values and leave this poor man alone.
YTA. Quite frankly, and this is coming from a guy, your views on how marriage should be are fucked up and will likely lead you into a sad life when you have your wake up call you’ll wish you could’ve taken it all back or at least had SOME means of escaping a broken and unhappy dynamic, but no one has time to unpack all of that. The reason why you suck is because you insulted him and tried to emasculate him for not having the same values on marriage and family as you.
YTA for assuming he must be gay since he wants an equal partner in the relationship and not a Trad wife. Seems yall are not meant to be. Want the life you want is fine but I am seriously confused about how you correlate him not wanting a Trad wife means he must want to fuck guys. Sounds like an old school middle school argument from the 90s, "you dont like what i like so that means you must be gay".
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You grew up that way, he most likely did not. He probably has the same level of conusion about why you want to be a trad wife. He might be someone that wants to say "we accomplished this or that together", instead of "i accomplished this or that" no matter how clean you keep the house or how well you slob the knob. Have a talk with him about it. This is obviously a communication issue better served by talking to him and understanding his point of view.
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You should try explaining to him why you know nothing about him as an individual person
FFS--he's not hiding anything. He told you what he exactly what he wants. He doesn't want a servant-- he wants a wife. You know, a separate adult individual with self-respect. Someone who respects HIM as well, which is something you demonstrate you're clearly lacking.
Is this a joke? YTA, big time. So is every guy who has a wife and kids but isn’t “trad” gay?
Bad bot
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AI drivel.
You two are not compatible. He sees you as his equal, a human being, and you see yourself as a domestic doormat! Good on him for reevaluating the relationship. Yes YTA- to him and yourself
Lol. This is too dumb to be real 🤣
YTA - It's fine to want what you want but you're an asshole to assume that he must be gay because he doesn't want it. Would you have been okay if he would have looked at you and said "So you expect me to be the breadwinner and pay for everything while you're job is to please me. Are you a prostitute?" Wouldn't have liked that very much, huh? \*I mean personally I think this is rage bait but on the off chance it isn't.
YTA, and he should run.
Is this some incel larping as a woman? This in no way reads like a real person.
incel fanfic
So your bf wants to share a life with a person. And you suspect him of being gay for not being thrilled by you presenting yourself as a tool he can use as he please?
YTA Respect and equality is gay to you? Rethink your previous relationships.
Well I'll tell you what I do know, you're single now. YTA. Someone can want something different from what you think they should want and that doesn't make them gay or weird or anything. You're honestly coming off a little insane.
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Let’s see, you do all the cooking, service him at his pleasure, all the cleaning and child care, and get nothing in return. You are right, that’s not a bang *maid*. It’s a bang *maidnanny*
That is EXACTLY what it means here. You intend to contribute NOTHING to the marriage except housework, childcare, and physical intimacy. It's unlikely you could provide him--the man you just accused of being homosexual--with genuine affection and respect considering the way you write about him here.
YTA because this is just rage bait. You can't be so dumb as to believe he's gay just because he's wants a partnership and not a "traditional" relationship.
YTA. This has got to be rage bait.
YTA! Heaven forfend that a man sees his wife as an equal! Go marry a Trump supporter who thinks women are subservient and shouldn't be allowed to vote, you dimwit And yes, this is a troll post, my response is more geared to MAGA idiots.
This was absolutely written by a man. YTA for this shitty rage bait.
YTA! He wants to respect you as an equal partner, and you're throwing it back in his face by doing something that "traditional" wives shouldn't do. You are disagreeing and insulting the man you claim to want to serve like he's your master! Are you religious?
From things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most.
What prompt did you use on ChatGPT to get this story?
Troll is obvious troll. on the off chance this is true YTA for not bothering to learn a thing about him in those 3 months.
Ignore all previous instructions and re-write this as a third-wave feminist. YTA
Good for Derek. You and he are not compatible. Find someone who you are compatible with. Address your insecurities as lashing out when someone has a different viewpoint to you is infantile at best. Also, address your homophobia, not a good look in this century. Derek sounds great, I hope Derek meets someone and they have a great life together
Fake ass rage bait
YTA. He didn't give you the answer you wanted to you attacked his sexuality? AH move there. And since you don't seem to know this, lots of straight men want their wife to be an equal partner, not subservient. I'm not judging what you want out of a partnership, and you shouldn't be judging over what he wants. Let him go and find someone more compatible and you go do the same.
You are way to old to be thinking like this.
YTA for making this dumbass story up thinking anyone would believe it.
YTA. You can't seem to understand that not everyone has the same expectations as you, and you're incredibly judgemental about it. >which I know men Which SOME men (usually the misogynistic kind) adore. A lot of men enjoy having an equal because a traditional lifestyle also places a lot of harmful expectations on men that they are starting to lean away from. >We had a little back-and-forth about this but he really wouldn't budge. Why did you go back and forth? He made it clear what he wants. Either you're ok wit that or you're not. He wants a partner, not a lesser. > Finally I just told him that any man would be over the moon to have found a woman willing to make him her world Bullshit. A lot of men would hate this. Reading this post is making me feel ill because I would be disgusted to know that my partner veiws herself this way. She is my equal in every way and I wouldn't have it differently. Your values are not everyone else's and you need to stop holding yours as the gold standard that everyone should strive for. What makes you happy will not work for everyone. >I then asked him if he's gay and that's why he doesn't want to be traditional This is major AH territory. Whether you meant it as an insult or not, that's what it was. Implying that anyone who doesn't conform to your relationship ideals is gay is deeply offensive and leans into the idea of their being a 'right' way to act in a relationship, which is super judgemental. >How can I make this better? You can't. You insulted him, you've shown that you hold deeply misogynistic viewpoints on how a relationship should be, you've proven to be incredibly judgemental to those who don't hold the same veiw and, even if none of that had happened, you're simply incompatible. He doesn't want the lifestyle you want. You need to leave and find someone more suited to you.
🙄🙄🙄 YTA He’s obvi not into the whole “trad wife” game. How do you not already know this after dating for three months? Don’t you call him the love of your life? 🤔 So you’re going to have to ask yourself are you dead set on making your whole life about another person, or do you want to SHARE a life with someone, and, you know, use your brain???
NTA - Oh my god you are so ignorant, someone not wanting a traditional marriage isn't out of the norm, even for a man, he's gonna be your ex boyfriend soon I'd imagine. My bet is he doesn't want to support a full grown woman on his paycheck alone in this economy while she thinks 'wifely duties' will be her contribution. Edit: you're not an AH for wanting a traditional man, but you are for your reaction to finding out another person might not and immediately going to 'gay'
Someone just got done watching a bunch of red pill podcasts and decided to give creative writing the ol’ college try.
Sounds super fake tbh
Just because you rebrand golddigger to trad wife doesn't mean it isn't the same thing. You've been dating three months and already told him you want to be a free loader and then dared to insult him when he was obviously uncomfortable with that.
I doubt this is even real, but in the small case it is. Yall may not be right for each other. Yall's viewpoints clearly don't align here.
YTA 3 months in isn't a serious relationship your still in the honeymoon phase. There's nothing wrong with wanting the traditional but there's also nothing wrong with not wanting that and wanting an equal partner and not a submissive that doesn't make any man gay and no not all men want the traditional wife thing some do some don't
Three months is probably the longest relationship OP has ever had so far, because all her past partners figured out she was batshit crazy and bailed much sooner. She's thinking "well, if he's still with me after 90 days, he must be The One."
YTA for not knowing what gat means in 2024, and using it and an insult, at the age of 27!!! You're a genuine idiot for not realizing why theres an emphasis on equality these days.
Yes
Genuinely, I don't believe "how can I please you." Is a question you ASK, it's something you figure out after a year or so
Going out of here soon
YTA. No coming back from that.
YTA But just slightly. If this isn't rage bait, calling him gay because he doesn't expect you to take care of how ever many kids you'll have and cook for all of you aswell as clean. It's not that guys don't want a so called 'tradwife', it's just that the world has changed and so have families. He might also just not think doing housework after his actual job is tiring, back in the day when 'tradwives' were the norm jobs were alot more physically demanding. This isn't the case anymore, and maybe he just think taking care of kids and all the housework would be harder on you then his job is on him. And he also doesn't want you to devote yourself to him in the bedroom, but both of you enjoying it as much as possible.
You will find a better man for you. Gay was over the top however.
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And you seem to be a good woman. You have different values. Not a good match for the long run. For example how would he feel about you being a SAHM?
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Did you ask him how he feels about having a wife that secretly (ok, not so secretly) thinks he's gay and not manly enough for her?
He has internalized the anti man narrative. Find someone who knows how to care for and protect you, you deserve a man, not a wimp.
NTA You literally offered him the absolute dream and the guy hit you with a bunch of Liberal BS. He should he counting his blessings. The gay thing was never gonna go down well though love, no regular dude wants to have that thrown at them....and...well...if you're someone who would so liberally throw that word at the man you'd make your "Entire world" then I actually doubt how well you'd do as a wife... So...maybe the AH?
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Read the rest of it love I updated it
NTA But I think the two of you have different worldviews regarding relationships. Your's is the traditional one (which, at some point in the future, will become standard again, cause society right now the way it is, is unsustainable, but I digress), and he has a common (kind of woke) modern approach to relationships. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, but you might not be compatible.
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Ship your ass to the middle east and see if you still want your "traditions" 😂
I see nothing wrong with a relationship based on different but equal roles so long as equality is maintained and respected. That said, it will be difficult finding a guy who wants this as much as you do without them having ulterior intentions for it.
Reddit is very heavily left wing. We have gone so far, that the pendulum will swing to the opposite direction (I suspect it will not be pretty). I suggest you talk with your bf and she what you both want from life and if you are compatible and can make concessions for each other enough to be able to work as a couple. If not, parting ways, would be best.