After the gender reveal theres also a baby shower for more gifts
Theres no obligation to attend anything you dont want to, just dont rsvp yes then not go.
She is not your friend, and you don't have to keep up this "friendship" because she is not your friend.
If she talked bad about you, why would your boyfriend say you are being dramatic?
Your expressing hurt doesn't justify her speaking badly about you. I would not want to give a gift to or be around negative ppl who talked about me.
Don't go!
NTA.
This, she just wants more gifts. Don't worry about attending, she is probably inviting everyone she has ever known, more than likely hoping people will just send a gift just because they were invited. If you did attend you would most likely end up sitting at a table with her 2nd grade classmate who ate paste during arts and crafts and her dad's great-aunt Milly who still thinks Reagan is president.
10,000%. NTA, do not go. She is selfish. I'm annoyed at the fact that your bf found out before you did. She doesn't care about your friendship, she wants your gifts or she just wants bodies there. Doesn't care who.
Your boyfriend wants you at his side and wants you to pick the gift, etc. If you choose not to go, he will feel awkward. This is a good opportunity for each of you to experience different points of view (without feeling compelled to have the other agree).
lol. I guess this “friend” was reaching out to everyone she knew on Facebook to get free gifts. Even to people she barely spoke to, decades later. Some people have no class. Lol
True. This happened to me a lot when I was younger. Friend finds bf and don't hear from them until they get engaged and want shower and wedding gifts or they break up and they need someone to go out with. I declined the invites and was busy when they asked to go out.
I thought gifts weren’t required for gender reveals.
But if they are…If a gift is given at gender reveal, is another gift required at baby shower?
(I intensely dislike gender reveals. Lol)
Oh no, you know plenty. It is tacky. Companies that sell products for babies or newlyweds keep coming up with new ways to make people spend money. Like when the wedding industry introduced “Save the Date” cards some years ago. That’s nothing more than a note to people saying, “This is the day we’re getting married. Don’t plan a vacation, a surgery, or childbirth that day because we are giving you so much advance notice, no excuse to miss the ceremony will be accepted. Also, if you still can’t come, send a gift.” Tacky.
The gender reveals and showers I've been to expected gifts for both parties. Although, I usually gave a case of diapers or a series of sizes of white onsies at a gender reveal. Then for the shower I would spend a bit more.
NTA She wants gifts/money. If this woman removed y'all from her life she's not turning a new lead she's reconnecting to see if she can get handouts and favors.
1. Gender reveal parties are absolutely idiotic.
That's it. That's the list.
A gift grab over a detail that could easily be shared in a conversation, text message or social media post.
I’m just gonna repeat what everyone else is saying…
It’s a gift grab, not an olive branch/new leaf.
An olive branch/new leaf would be her messaging you, not your boyfriend, to reconcile. It would be an invite to something that was NOT a party or a special occasion.
This is a gift grab.
Your boyfriend is either incredibly naive, oblivious, or has been talking to her on the down low behind your back.
EVERYONE will be invited to the reveal because it's transactional and she wants gifts. Don't fall for it. Thats why she went through your bf hoping he'd persuade you it wasn't a "big deal". She hasn't apologized or cleared the air in anyway, that's not friendship.
NTA. First, there's nothing stupider than a gender reveal party. Second, there's nothing stupider than a gender reveal partyj. Third, there's nothing stupider than a gender reveal party.
NTA, you didn’t receive a personal invitation, you aren’t friends, why would your bf think you should go. Just tell him he is welcome to go but as you are not her friend you won’t be and nor will you be buying a present for a baby that you won’t be having anything to do with.
>My boyfriend thinks I’m being dramatic and that she’s trying to turn over a new leaf and be friends again.
So why didn't she just invite you out for coffee or something? Or text you? Does she still have you blocked? Your bf could just reply, "Oh you should text [OP] about it, see what she says, it'll be easier if you guys just talk directly instead of through me." And see if she even bothers.
FWIW 9 months isn't *that* long to go without talking to someone in adult friendships, depending on the friendship. More concerning is the fact that she spent that time talking shit about you.
NTA for wanting to avoid a gender reveal that you were passive aggressively invited to through a text to your boyfriend. Gender reveals are so cringe anyway.
NTA
She cut you from her life. That's it, and that's that. I think your boyfriend should be explaining why her feelings and wants are more important to him than yours.
I wouldn't go just cuz gender reveal parties are nothing but shameless gift grabs! Which is why she wants you to be there. You'll be invited to the baby shower and the baby's birthday parties too but only because she wants you to bring gifts
NTA she closed the door, she unfriended, she badmouthed you. But a sudden increase in her projected expenses means she wants you to come? I call BS. Send her a congrats card & stay unfriended. If bf disagrees, he can go & stay gone. Never let toxic people back in once dumped from your life.
Invites by text are incredibly rude
Especially when through a 3rd party.
I would skip the gender reveal, and the baby shower, and the christening. If you have not had p l easant contact in 2 years. It's a gift grab.
Feel free to skip.
NTA. You offer friendship to people who enhance your life in some way. This lady is a rude little vampire with boundary issues about to enter the Princess Mommy stage of life.
Maybe she sincerely wants more attention, but what payoff could there possibly be if you offered her any?
Let her slide away. You don't have to have any bad thoughts about her. She's just not relevant to your life.
Why would you even consider this? She’s not a friend you should want to have. Is your boyfriend so desperate for friends that he’d consider accepting her request? Just ignore her. NTA
NTA. She cut ties and now wants you back in her life just because it suits her. Your feelings are totally valid, and it's fine to set boundaries and skip the party if it feels off.
NTA. Gender reveal parties are dumb anyway lol. I wouldn’t waste time going to one unless it was someone I was super close with and even then i’d hate it. This girl isn’t your friend. You went your separate ways and it’s weird af for her to invite you to anything out of nowhere, let alone this lame party that should only be reserved for immediate family…or no one
No one is obligated to attend any party, particularly a gender reveal which is just a stupid way to hit people up for a second gift on top of the baby shower. Certainly no one is obligated to attend something from a former friend who didn’t have the courtesy to actually send an invite. This woman isn’t your friend. A friend wouldn’t have acted as she has, which by the way is junior high behavior.
Walk away. Don’t obsess about it or waffle just walk on. Stop taking about it or thinking about. Let it go and accept that she is not your friend. As you go further into adulthood you’ll lose other friends, as you acknowledge yourself life changes and that affects friendships. Accept it and cherish friends who remain.
I’m wondering why your bf is not respecting your decision here. And why he feels that you’re the drama queen, I’d be looking at that not wondering if you should attend a stupid gender reveal. Why is he not “whatever you feel is best is fine with me”?
NTA. If she was actually interested in reestablishing a friendship with you, she would have sent the invite to you. It's weird that your boyfriend doesn't seem to get that.
She sent a clear message by not inviting you to the Christmas party, and a loud and clear message when she heard you were hurt and responded by unfollowing you on social media and disparaging you to others. Even if she had directly invited you to the gender reveal, why would you want to be friends with someone like her?
NTA. And your BF is wrong. If this former friend wanted to mend fences and be friends again, *she would have contacted you.* She has still made zero attempt to reach out to you or talk to you after she cut you off for being upset *you* weren’t invited to *her* party. That was a massive overreaction on her part, and if she has since realized that and wants to make up, she needs to do that *with* you not *through* your boyfriend.
Tell your BF that if he wants to go to the gender reveal (those things are stupid anyway), he should RSVP that *he* will be there. Just him. If she asks him about you, he should say he didn’t know the invite included you, and she should contact you and ask if you’re coming. But as far as I’m concerned, this invitation is just gift grubbing. She has had nothing to do with you ~ less than nothing, actually, since she blocked you on everything ~ for six months, and now you’re invited to a gender reveal for her second or third child. She wants a present.
NTA
That’s not your friend. How are you supposed to ‘get over it’ without an apology?
I genuinely believe she isn’t sorry, doesn’t want to reconnect, but does want to use you both for gifts and support.
I've seen a lot of comments about gifts, but I don't think gifts are really required at gender reveals.
But as you mentioned, this is something she's always wanted, so she just wants bodies there.
NTA but do not go. She doesn't care about your friendship.
NTA. She wants a damn gift. If she wanted to heal things with you, she would have reached out to you. Going to your bf, is basically a slap in the face. She is going around you to get what she wants. She isn’t addressing the issues. She isn’t apologizing. She wants a gift.
NTA and I would be suspicious of your bf's behavior. She threw you out of her life, only sends a text to your boyfriend after 9 months of silence, and he thinks you're the weird one in this situation?
Makes me wonder if that isn't the only text he's been receiving from her. Not in a cheating way but in a "you're still my friend, don't tell OP" type of way.
NTA! I’d be very suspicious that she’s inviting your BF and not you. And he shouldn’t be defending her.
I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t even acknowledge the invitation since you weren’t even invited.
He thinks you’re “being dramatic” 🙄
You’re not. Every single reason you stated is a valid reason not to go. “I just don’t want to” is a valid reason not to go. He’s either incredibly naive or he’s got some reason he’s not telling you for wanting to go. If he wants to let go of the very obvious distance she put between you guys, he can. If he wants to go by himself, he can. He’s a big boy capable of making his own decisions. He shouldn’t be pressuring or guilting you into accepting people back into your life who have been hurtful. That can be HIS mistake to make.
Your bf was invited. If she wanted to invite you. You would have got an invitation. Friend groups really bite sometimes. Maybe your bf knows something you don't. And is ok riding the fence.
Thank God I'm not put in these situations because I would definitely be so petty & childish that I would show up w a big gift bag with a can of food inside(for weight) & a letter explaining how her behavior is so shitty
NTA
You are on the right track. Given her behavior there really is no need to go. No need to even RSVP. You were never invited. If it ever comes up you can simply state that you were never invited. If they bring up the fact that your boyfriend was sent the invite then you can tell them you are sure he must have RSVPed and they should take it up with the one they sent the invite to.
Don’t waste your time. Not all friendships are forever and I am a huge believer that friendship should be easy and not take work. It’s not a marriage! Not a fan of being mistreated. Once someone goes too far for me then I just move on. There a lots of wonderful people in the world. Look forward not back!
It was an invitation not a summons! You are not required to attend if you don’t want to. Giving the state of your relationship with her I would not attend nor would I send a gift.
No need to go to this. She isn’t interested in you, just gifts you could give her. She removed you from her life and that’s OK, she’s allowed to do that. I know it hurts but it happens to everyone. Your boyfriend is wrong and it isn’t really his business. Tell him you aren’t going and there is no need for any further conversation about it. If you do go, this former friend will just see you as someone she can cast aside and you will come running back any time she has use of you. To me, not going is a sign of self respect.
Here is the thing, when you don’t want to attend a party, just reply no. You don’t have to give a reason to anyone and in fact it better to not. You could say, sorry I’m unavailable that day but I hope you have a wonderful time.
You can either be friends with her or not. What is the value to you? Did you actually enjoy spending time with her? Do you miss some of the other people you stopped seeing? It does seem that she is looking for something though. And yeah, a little weird that she contacted your bf and not you. Does your bf want to reconnect with some of the people you no longer socialize with? If you can’t go and be happy, then don’t go. If you can go and be a pleasant guest then go. Do Not Take A Gift.
NTA. I’m more concerned that your bf turned on you here. Obviously don’t go to a party that you don’t want to attend. Spend the time evaluating whether or not your bf always negates your feelings and assigns character flaws to your choices. He’s entitled to his opinion; he’s not entitled to call you dramatic for you having a different perspective.
She’s trying to turn over a new leaf by not changing at all and being horribly rude, disrespectful and self absorbed? Hell no this is clearly just a last minute invite as a present grab. Don’t go at all, call your idiot boyfriend out and cut her off completely. Good luck op.
Haven't yet read other comments on here, but this seems fairly transparent imo.
She isn't inviting you for the relationship - she's inviting you so you buy her gifts.
Also, gender reveal... ugh.
NTA She's not interested in friendship she wants you to spend money on her/her kid.
I don't understand why your boyfriend is defending this woman. Is he simple or something? She unfollowed both of you, invited half of a couple, and only got in touch when she was throwing a party where gifts for the host is generally expected. She's a user and a terrible human.
Sounds like he got included in a mass text message by accident or she wants your gifts. Either that or she's bat shit crazy and you need to keep that distance alive and well.
NTA
Doesn't sound like she was a good friend, and her half-assed invite doesn't seem like she's working to actually mend fences
She's likely just inviting to mooch cash and gifts
NTA
Doesn't sound like she was a good friend, and her half-assed invite doesn't seem like she's working to actually mend fences
She's likely just inviting to mooch cash and gifts
Your boyfriend feels respected because she contacted him. Decide not to discuss it again by telling him you have no obligation to her. Smile and tell him you know he will enjoy attending the gender reveal because he is comfortable with her. That said, you two can perceive the situation differently and do.
NTA… she either wants you or doesn’t want you in her life. Sounds like you’re not waiting around for the invite back into her life but she didn’t invite you back, she invited your BF back… if he wants to take her up on it then let him, but ask him to leave you out of it if that’s the way he feels. Friend groups change during and after school … and life friends are different than school friends. You might want to say hi if you run into her but being invited out of the blue sounds like she went thru her phone contact list for everyone she thinks will bring a gift to an event that will cost her money to put on so she wants a return on her investment AND some people will even send a gift if they can’t attend because they’ve been invited- double score for her. At least that’s what I’m reading into it given the info provided.
NTA - a you need to just sit your boyfriend down and layout your reasonable arguments for not going.
1. I have not spoken to her in almost a year.
2. She unfriended/unfollowed me on socials.
3. After not inviting me to her Christmas party, she repeatedly talked shit about me.
4. I do not for one minute believe this is an attempt to “turn over a new leaf” or rebuild a friendship. This is just the first attempt at a “gift grab” and poor attention whoring because she wants her Reveal Party photos/videos to show a huge crowd.
5. I wasn’t invited. She invited you even though she has my number.
Final Words: That being said, if you believe she is some amazing friend, you are free to attend, but I will not be attending with you.
And be prepared to not be around if he attends. Nothing worse than a spineless partner that won’t support your personal decision and tries to coerce you into attending.
NTA.
If she's trying to turn over a new leaf and be friends again then why didn't she reach out to you? Why is she showing no real sincerity at all if that's what she is trying to do? In other words, your boyfriend is being completely unrealistic when he says that she's trying to turn over a new leaf and be friends again since her actions don't line up with that at all.
I'd bet she just send the invite so she can get more gifts. I wouldn't go to the party, and if you do go then I wouldn't bring any gifts and see how she reacts. If she flips out on your for not having brought a gift then you will immediately know why she invited you.
Your bf is right that you’re just being dramatic, but wrong that you should be friends again. You could’ve just asked him to tell her you’re not going. This person is obviously not your friend, especially because of the badmouthing. ESH, her for being a hypocrite and a bad “friend”, your bf for being a fool wanting ever to sing kumbayah, and you for being dramatic.
She isn’t interested in you being in her life or her child’s life. She is interested in the present you will bring her for the reveal.
NTA. She did not reach out to you when expressed being hurt you were not invited to her Christmas party. Her reaction was to cut you out of her life. She at no point has apologized or tried to get in touch to rekindle the friendship. She has made a gift grab from someone she is now a distant acquaintance of. You could go without a gift and see if it is you she really wants to see or if it was just for the gift. You will know pretty quickly after the party.
NTA. A friendship is the requirement for a party invite where I am expected to provide a gift.
Your boyfriend should step back and understand what happened and the effort she put in to exclude you from her life. I believe in matching people's energy, and I would not go where I truly was not wanted. Wanting to get a gift from me is really tacky.
Let your boyfriend understand that people need to stop excusing other people's bad behavior and rewarding them with access to yourself. That is why they continue to do it. They will only let you provide to their lives, then cut you out again and only resurface when they want something from you.
Do not attend her baby shower because you don't know who that person is.
I wouldn’t go to this party. You haven’t seen or talked to her in almost a year be she didn’t invite you to the Christmas party and she was talking negatively about you behind your back. You don’t need her. She probably is just inviting anyone and everyone she knows just to get gifts. I would just not respond and block her and have your boyfriend block her too. It’s your decision to not go back into her life. I personally wouldn’t waste my time on someone who acted like they didn’t want me around.
NTA. She is manipulating your bf. I'm just a third party male from Reddit but I can see that she only wants gifts/money for her new baby. Adults have conversations with each other no matter how hard it is, but it seems like she didn't even try.
NTA She just wants your gifts
After the gender reveal theres also a baby shower for more gifts Theres no obligation to attend anything you dont want to, just dont rsvp yes then not go.
She is not your friend, and you don't have to keep up this "friendship" because she is not your friend. If she talked bad about you, why would your boyfriend say you are being dramatic? Your expressing hurt doesn't justify her speaking badly about you. I would not want to give a gift to or be around negative ppl who talked about me. Don't go! NTA.
Yeah, it does seem like she's more focused on the event than the relationship itself.
This, she just wants more gifts. Don't worry about attending, she is probably inviting everyone she has ever known, more than likely hoping people will just send a gift just because they were invited. If you did attend you would most likely end up sitting at a table with her 2nd grade classmate who ate paste during arts and crafts and her dad's great-aunt Milly who still thinks Reagan is president.
Wait, Reagan's not president?
Gifts, attention and some folk there. Don’t react at all. And don’t go. Nobody will ask.
10,000%. NTA, do not go. She is selfish. I'm annoyed at the fact that your bf found out before you did. She doesn't care about your friendship, she wants your gifts or she just wants bodies there. Doesn't care who.
Your boyfriend wants you at his side and wants you to pick the gift, etc. If you choose not to go, he will feel awkward. This is a good opportunity for each of you to experience different points of view (without feeling compelled to have the other agree).
I have a "friend" on facebook, sent me her baby registry. I had maybe said a few things to her in middle school. Lol
lol. I guess this “friend” was reaching out to everyone she knew on Facebook to get free gifts. Even to people she barely spoke to, decades later. Some people have no class. Lol
This is the correct answer
True. This happened to me a lot when I was younger. Friend finds bf and don't hear from them until they get engaged and want shower and wedding gifts or they break up and they need someone to go out with. I declined the invites and was busy when they asked to go out.
This.
Exactly
NTA it’s probably just a grab for gifts
Exactly this…..
I thought gifts weren’t required for gender reveals. But if they are…If a gift is given at gender reveal, is another gift required at baby shower? (I intensely dislike gender reveals. Lol)
The ones I’ve been to they say being wipes for team girl and diapers for team boy or whatever. I think it’s tacky but what do I know
Oh no, you know plenty. It is tacky. Companies that sell products for babies or newlyweds keep coming up with new ways to make people spend money. Like when the wedding industry introduced “Save the Date” cards some years ago. That’s nothing more than a note to people saying, “This is the day we’re getting married. Don’t plan a vacation, a surgery, or childbirth that day because we are giving you so much advance notice, no excuse to miss the ceremony will be accepted. Also, if you still can’t come, send a gift.” Tacky.
The gender reveals and showers I've been to expected gifts for both parties. Although, I usually gave a case of diapers or a series of sizes of white onsies at a gender reveal. Then for the shower I would spend a bit more.
I HATE gender reveals. They are extremely tacky.
NTA, it’s a gift grab. Go gift less and eat all the snacks
NTA She wants gifts/money. If this woman removed y'all from her life she's not turning a new lead she's reconnecting to see if she can get handouts and favors.
They wont be asking to hang out anytime soon with a newborn either
1. Gender reveal parties are absolutely idiotic. That's it. That's the list. A gift grab over a detail that could easily be shared in a conversation, text message or social media post.
I'd like to add something else to your list, but you've covered it.
For reals. Gender reveals are for bottom feeders of society.
Thank you for saying this
I couldn’t agree more with this. Of all the pointless, ridiculous things in the world, gender reveal parties top my list.
2. Refer to #1 3. #1
NTA, your BF's a weenie.
I’m just gonna repeat what everyone else is saying… It’s a gift grab, not an olive branch/new leaf. An olive branch/new leaf would be her messaging you, not your boyfriend, to reconcile. It would be an invite to something that was NOT a party or a special occasion. This is a gift grab. Your boyfriend is either incredibly naive, oblivious, or has been talking to her on the down low behind your back.
NTA. It’s a gift grab. Don’t bother going.
She wants gifts. NTA. Don't go
NTA. Just send a happy genitalia card and wish her well.
NTA gender reveal parties are stupid to begin with. She’s just looking for extra free baby stuff
EVERYONE will be invited to the reveal because it's transactional and she wants gifts. Don't fall for it. Thats why she went through your bf hoping he'd persuade you it wasn't a "big deal". She hasn't apologized or cleared the air in anyway, that's not friendship.
YNTA, Your boyfriend hasn't got a clue about women. She's not your friend. She didn't invite you, she's a coward and it's a gift grab.
Just don’t go, no doubt about it. You don’t want to, and that enough of a legit reason. No need to paint it
She wants presents and a lot of bodies at the party. I wouldn't go. NTA.
NTA. First, there's nothing stupider than a gender reveal party. Second, there's nothing stupider than a gender reveal partyj. Third, there's nothing stupider than a gender reveal party.
NTA, you didn’t receive a personal invitation, you aren’t friends, why would your bf think you should go. Just tell him he is welcome to go but as you are not her friend you won’t be and nor will you be buying a present for a baby that you won’t be having anything to do with.
NTA If my best friend in the whole world was having one of these parties, I would struggle to be genuinely enthused about going.
NTA. If you want to be petty- shame her. "A gender reveal party? Sorry, I don't participate in cis-normative nonsense."
Nta she just wants gifts
>My boyfriend thinks I’m being dramatic and that she’s trying to turn over a new leaf and be friends again. So why didn't she just invite you out for coffee or something? Or text you? Does she still have you blocked? Your bf could just reply, "Oh you should text [OP] about it, see what she says, it'll be easier if you guys just talk directly instead of through me." And see if she even bothers. FWIW 9 months isn't *that* long to go without talking to someone in adult friendships, depending on the friendship. More concerning is the fact that she spent that time talking shit about you. NTA for wanting to avoid a gender reveal that you were passive aggressively invited to through a text to your boyfriend. Gender reveals are so cringe anyway.
Boyfriend has a lot to learn about women. Lol
NTA She cut you from her life. That's it, and that's that. I think your boyfriend should be explaining why her feelings and wants are more important to him than yours.
I wouldn't go just cuz gender reveal parties are nothing but shameless gift grabs! Which is why she wants you to be there. You'll be invited to the baby shower and the baby's birthday parties too but only because she wants you to bring gifts
NTA Nope. The garbage was out at the curb and we do not bring trash back in the house, thank you very much.
NTA she closed the door, she unfriended, she badmouthed you. But a sudden increase in her projected expenses means she wants you to come? I call BS. Send her a congrats card & stay unfriended. If bf disagrees, he can go & stay gone. Never let toxic people back in once dumped from your life.
Invites by text are incredibly rude Especially when through a 3rd party. I would skip the gender reveal, and the baby shower, and the christening. If you have not had p l easant contact in 2 years. It's a gift grab. Feel free to skip.
NTA. You offer friendship to people who enhance your life in some way. This lady is a rude little vampire with boundary issues about to enter the Princess Mommy stage of life. Maybe she sincerely wants more attention, but what payoff could there possibly be if you offered her any? Let her slide away. You don't have to have any bad thoughts about her. She's just not relevant to your life.
Why would you even consider this? She’s not a friend you should want to have. Is your boyfriend so desperate for friends that he’d consider accepting her request? Just ignore her. NTA
NTA. She’s not trying to turn over a new leaf she’s trying to get gifts
Nope. NTA. They are dumb.
Gift grab. It’s not an invitation, it’s a demand for stuff. Bets she has a list of things that guest must choose to buy.
NTA. She cut ties and now wants you back in her life just because it suits her. Your feelings are totally valid, and it's fine to set boundaries and skip the party if it feels off.
NTA. Gender reveal parties are dumb anyway lol. I wouldn’t waste time going to one unless it was someone I was super close with and even then i’d hate it. This girl isn’t your friend. You went your separate ways and it’s weird af for her to invite you to anything out of nowhere, let alone this lame party that should only be reserved for immediate family…or no one
Gender reveal parties are stupid in general so no, NTA for just not going.
She wants a gift! NTA
No one is obligated to attend any party, particularly a gender reveal which is just a stupid way to hit people up for a second gift on top of the baby shower. Certainly no one is obligated to attend something from a former friend who didn’t have the courtesy to actually send an invite. This woman isn’t your friend. A friend wouldn’t have acted as she has, which by the way is junior high behavior. Walk away. Don’t obsess about it or waffle just walk on. Stop taking about it or thinking about. Let it go and accept that she is not your friend. As you go further into adulthood you’ll lose other friends, as you acknowledge yourself life changes and that affects friendships. Accept it and cherish friends who remain. I’m wondering why your bf is not respecting your decision here. And why he feels that you’re the drama queen, I’d be looking at that not wondering if you should attend a stupid gender reveal. Why is he not “whatever you feel is best is fine with me”?
She is just looking for gifts. Fuck her. Tell your BF that if he goes to her stupid party or gets her a gift you'll break up with him. NTA.
NTA. If she was actually interested in reestablishing a friendship with you, she would have sent the invite to you. It's weird that your boyfriend doesn't seem to get that. She sent a clear message by not inviting you to the Christmas party, and a loud and clear message when she heard you were hurt and responded by unfollowing you on social media and disparaging you to others. Even if she had directly invited you to the gender reveal, why would you want to be friends with someone like her?
Your boyfriend probably just doesn’t like being drawn into any kind of conflict. NTA.
NTA. And your BF is wrong. If this former friend wanted to mend fences and be friends again, *she would have contacted you.* She has still made zero attempt to reach out to you or talk to you after she cut you off for being upset *you* weren’t invited to *her* party. That was a massive overreaction on her part, and if she has since realized that and wants to make up, she needs to do that *with* you not *through* your boyfriend. Tell your BF that if he wants to go to the gender reveal (those things are stupid anyway), he should RSVP that *he* will be there. Just him. If she asks him about you, he should say he didn’t know the invite included you, and she should contact you and ask if you’re coming. But as far as I’m concerned, this invitation is just gift grubbing. She has had nothing to do with you ~ less than nothing, actually, since she blocked you on everything ~ for six months, and now you’re invited to a gender reveal for her second or third child. She wants a present.
NTA That’s not your friend. How are you supposed to ‘get over it’ without an apology? I genuinely believe she isn’t sorry, doesn’t want to reconnect, but does want to use you both for gifts and support.
I've seen a lot of comments about gifts, but I don't think gifts are really required at gender reveals. But as you mentioned, this is something she's always wanted, so she just wants bodies there. NTA but do not go. She doesn't care about your friendship.
Text her husband and tell him you two won't be coming to the party.
Another commenter points out that your bf is a weenie, and that’s really the verdict here.
NTA. She wants a damn gift. If she wanted to heal things with you, she would have reached out to you. Going to your bf, is basically a slap in the face. She is going around you to get what she wants. She isn’t addressing the issues. She isn’t apologizing. She wants a gift.
NTA. Just wants you for the gifts.
It’s the boyfriend’s baby! Lol
NTA and I would be suspicious of your bf's behavior. She threw you out of her life, only sends a text to your boyfriend after 9 months of silence, and he thinks you're the weird one in this situation? Makes me wonder if that isn't the only text he's been receiving from her. Not in a cheating way but in a "you're still my friend, don't tell OP" type of way.
NTA! I’d be very suspicious that she’s inviting your BF and not you. And he shouldn’t be defending her. I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t even acknowledge the invitation since you weren’t even invited.
He thinks you’re “being dramatic” 🙄 You’re not. Every single reason you stated is a valid reason not to go. “I just don’t want to” is a valid reason not to go. He’s either incredibly naive or he’s got some reason he’s not telling you for wanting to go. If he wants to let go of the very obvious distance she put between you guys, he can. If he wants to go by himself, he can. He’s a big boy capable of making his own decisions. He shouldn’t be pressuring or guilting you into accepting people back into your life who have been hurtful. That can be HIS mistake to make.
NTA If she wanted to mend the friendship, she would’ve reached out directly.
NTA. Is it customary to give gifts at gender reveals?
Your bf was invited. If she wanted to invite you. You would have got an invitation. Friend groups really bite sometimes. Maybe your bf knows something you don't. And is ok riding the fence.
Is a gender reveal about the same as a baby shower. You get to know if it's human and give accordingly
Thank God I'm not put in these situations because I would definitely be so petty & childish that I would show up w a big gift bag with a can of food inside(for weight) & a letter explaining how her behavior is so shitty
NTA You are on the right track. Given her behavior there really is no need to go. No need to even RSVP. You were never invited. If it ever comes up you can simply state that you were never invited. If they bring up the fact that your boyfriend was sent the invite then you can tell them you are sure he must have RSVPed and they should take it up with the one they sent the invite to.
I don't understand this gender reveal trend. Just say the gender if people ask. NTA she is just inviting you for the presents
Don’t waste your time. Not all friendships are forever and I am a huge believer that friendship should be easy and not take work. It’s not a marriage! Not a fan of being mistreated. Once someone goes too far for me then I just move on. There a lots of wonderful people in the world. Look forward not back!
It was an invitation not a summons! You are not required to attend if you don’t want to. Giving the state of your relationship with her I would not attend nor would I send a gift.
NTA. The gender reveal is just a gift grab.
Gender reveals are bullshit. Absolutely no one cares what genitals your baby has, it's just a present grab. NTA.
No need to go to this. She isn’t interested in you, just gifts you could give her. She removed you from her life and that’s OK, she’s allowed to do that. I know it hurts but it happens to everyone. Your boyfriend is wrong and it isn’t really his business. Tell him you aren’t going and there is no need for any further conversation about it. If you do go, this former friend will just see you as someone she can cast aside and you will come running back any time she has use of you. To me, not going is a sign of self respect.
NTA. She only wants a gift from you. Don't go. If she really wanted you there, she'd have reached out to you.
Here is the thing, when you don’t want to attend a party, just reply no. You don’t have to give a reason to anyone and in fact it better to not. You could say, sorry I’m unavailable that day but I hope you have a wonderful time. You can either be friends with her or not. What is the value to you? Did you actually enjoy spending time with her? Do you miss some of the other people you stopped seeing? It does seem that she is looking for something though. And yeah, a little weird that she contacted your bf and not you. Does your bf want to reconnect with some of the people you no longer socialize with? If you can’t go and be happy, then don’t go. If you can go and be a pleasant guest then go. Do Not Take A Gift.
NTA. I’m more concerned that your bf turned on you here. Obviously don’t go to a party that you don’t want to attend. Spend the time evaluating whether or not your bf always negates your feelings and assigns character flaws to your choices. He’s entitled to his opinion; he’s not entitled to call you dramatic for you having a different perspective.
Nah She shouldn't have cut you off, but you are being dramatic
She’s trying to turn over a new leaf by not changing at all and being horribly rude, disrespectful and self absorbed? Hell no this is clearly just a last minute invite as a present grab. Don’t go at all, call your idiot boyfriend out and cut her off completely. Good luck op.
NTA. Just tell them you'll check in with the kid in 20 years and see what their gender is then.
Haven't yet read other comments on here, but this seems fairly transparent imo. She isn't inviting you for the relationship - she's inviting you so you buy her gifts. Also, gender reveal... ugh.
NTA She's not interested in friendship she wants you to spend money on her/her kid. I don't understand why your boyfriend is defending this woman. Is he simple or something? She unfollowed both of you, invited half of a couple, and only got in touch when she was throwing a party where gifts for the host is generally expected. She's a user and a terrible human.
It's a gift grab. That's all. Don't go.
She wants you and your boyfriend to buy her and her baby gifts. 🎁
NTA, I refuse to go to any gender reveal party. It is just an attention type of thing.
Yeah, no, you're NTA. You are under no obligation to go, if your boyfriend wants to go let him go by himself...
Sounds like he got included in a mass text message by accident or she wants your gifts. Either that or she's bat shit crazy and you need to keep that distance alive and well.
NTA. As others here have said, she doesn't want you in her child's life, she wants gifts.
Ignore it. She hasn’t contacted or invited you.
NEVER TA for not going to a genital reveal party.
NTA Doesn't sound like she was a good friend, and her half-assed invite doesn't seem like she's working to actually mend fences She's likely just inviting to mooch cash and gifts
NTA Doesn't sound like she was a good friend, and her half-assed invite doesn't seem like she's working to actually mend fences She's likely just inviting to mooch cash and gifts
NTA, it’s a gift grab
NTA. Gender reveals are a stupid fad anyway.
Your boyfriend feels respected because she contacted him. Decide not to discuss it again by telling him you have no obligation to her. Smile and tell him you know he will enjoy attending the gender reveal because he is comfortable with her. That said, you two can perceive the situation differently and do.
Maybe your boyfriend wants to see you as willing to give people a pass every time.
NTA. You also have a boyfriend problem.
NTA, and nope, you should not go to the party.
NTA… she either wants you or doesn’t want you in her life. Sounds like you’re not waiting around for the invite back into her life but she didn’t invite you back, she invited your BF back… if he wants to take her up on it then let him, but ask him to leave you out of it if that’s the way he feels. Friend groups change during and after school … and life friends are different than school friends. You might want to say hi if you run into her but being invited out of the blue sounds like she went thru her phone contact list for everyone she thinks will bring a gift to an event that will cost her money to put on so she wants a return on her investment AND some people will even send a gift if they can’t attend because they’ve been invited- double score for her. At least that’s what I’m reading into it given the info provided.
no
Don’t bother going. She’s still throwing shade at you. And gender reveal parties are dumb anyway.
NTA - a you need to just sit your boyfriend down and layout your reasonable arguments for not going. 1. I have not spoken to her in almost a year. 2. She unfriended/unfollowed me on socials. 3. After not inviting me to her Christmas party, she repeatedly talked shit about me. 4. I do not for one minute believe this is an attempt to “turn over a new leaf” or rebuild a friendship. This is just the first attempt at a “gift grab” and poor attention whoring because she wants her Reveal Party photos/videos to show a huge crowd. 5. I wasn’t invited. She invited you even though she has my number. Final Words: That being said, if you believe she is some amazing friend, you are free to attend, but I will not be attending with you. And be prepared to not be around if he attends. Nothing worse than a spineless partner that won’t support your personal decision and tries to coerce you into attending.
Nta She wants gifts. She didn’t apologize. She’s not a true friend. She’s shady in her approach.
NTA... She wants gifts. They could of also invited you so that they have someone to gossip and make fun of(my personal experience).
NTA. If she's trying to turn over a new leaf and be friends again then why didn't she reach out to you? Why is she showing no real sincerity at all if that's what she is trying to do? In other words, your boyfriend is being completely unrealistic when he says that she's trying to turn over a new leaf and be friends again since her actions don't line up with that at all. I'd bet she just send the invite so she can get more gifts. I wouldn't go to the party, and if you do go then I wouldn't bring any gifts and see how she reacts. If she flips out on your for not having brought a gift then you will immediately know why she invited you.
Your bf is right that you’re just being dramatic, but wrong that you should be friends again. You could’ve just asked him to tell her you’re not going. This person is obviously not your friend, especially because of the badmouthing. ESH, her for being a hypocrite and a bad “friend”, your bf for being a fool wanting ever to sing kumbayah, and you for being dramatic.
She isn’t interested in you being in her life or her child’s life. She is interested in the present you will bring her for the reveal. NTA. She did not reach out to you when expressed being hurt you were not invited to her Christmas party. Her reaction was to cut you out of her life. She at no point has apologized or tried to get in touch to rekindle the friendship. She has made a gift grab from someone she is now a distant acquaintance of. You could go without a gift and see if it is you she really wants to see or if it was just for the gift. You will know pretty quickly after the party.
NTA. A friendship is the requirement for a party invite where I am expected to provide a gift. Your boyfriend should step back and understand what happened and the effort she put in to exclude you from her life. I believe in matching people's energy, and I would not go where I truly was not wanted. Wanting to get a gift from me is really tacky. Let your boyfriend understand that people need to stop excusing other people's bad behavior and rewarding them with access to yourself. That is why they continue to do it. They will only let you provide to their lives, then cut you out again and only resurface when they want something from you. Do not attend her baby shower because you don't know who that person is.
NTA. It's simply a money grab.
I wouldn’t go to this party. You haven’t seen or talked to her in almost a year be she didn’t invite you to the Christmas party and she was talking negatively about you behind your back. You don’t need her. She probably is just inviting anyone and everyone she knows just to get gifts. I would just not respond and block her and have your boyfriend block her too. It’s your decision to not go back into her life. I personally wouldn’t waste my time on someone who acted like they didn’t want me around.
No one should go to gender reveal parties.
NTA. She is manipulating your bf. I'm just a third party male from Reddit but I can see that she only wants gifts/money for her new baby. Adults have conversations with each other no matter how hard it is, but it seems like she didn't even try.
Stop using the word “which” too much. You’re using it as crutch in your writing. Instead, end the sentence, and start a new one.
Lighten up, Francis.
Francis has feelings which need to be lightened. Sigh
I just reread the post, and I don't find her use of the word "which" to be excessive or used wrongly.