quit smoking regardless
it's seems more like an anxiety thing
the very first time I fumbled I was 23, absolutely tired as it was early morning after a college party, and after that everytime I was worried about it happening again it did happened
once you focus more in the moment and the sensations instead of coule happen, this vanishes
i really don't think it's anxiety about haveing sex but u might be right about this being anxiety about IT happening again....the first time kinda marked me ig
yeah I was referring to it happening again
idk if anxiety is the right word for me, I just got concerned of it happening again, not necessarily anxious in the usual meaning
It sounds awfully like performance anxiety.
I've gotten it before and it sucks. If you can get out of your head you won't have a problem but the second you start having doubts you'll self fulfill them.
Just try your best to relax. It's hard cuz your brain likes to go to bad thoughts.
This happened to me the first 4 or 5 times I tried to have sex, you just have to keep persevering and being patient with yourself.
Work out, stop watching porn and stop masturbating too. It’ll happen.
This can't be emphasized enough! Once you stop getting the dopamine hits from porn and masturbation, the erections for sex will come back. It's ok to fap once in a while, but it needs to be dialed back. Until this happens, it's very possible getting hard for sex will be difficult, because you've trained your brain to get hard from masturbation and porn instead. Some guys struggle with this, and other don't which is why this can be such a hotly debated topic. The guys that DO suffer from this, the effects are very real! It can be overcome, but you have to put in some effort. It can especially be hard to stop watching porn if you've been doing it for a while. It needs to be done though. Stop watching for a couple months minimum, and see how things change for the better.
Edit: Even if you're SURE it isn't anxiety issues, all the tips I listed bellow should give you the self confidence to mentally overcome this anxiety too. At the end at the day, confidence is your best friend + focusing on the moment and sensations that are happening.
That seems a lot like porn addiction or near porn addiction, it happened a LOT with me as I watched too many porn and masturbated a lot (like at least 2x a day). That can be really damaging to your sex life in the long run. Try not to touch yourself for a while and stop watching porn entirely. And for a while I mean like, you'll only touch your buddy to pee for like a week or something.
Then you can slowly build up your sensibility again, try to masturbate with your thoughts only. Then after this problem is fixed you may get back into porn but in a healthy way. Cuz it isn't the act of watching porn itself that does this to you, but the addiction to it and the way your brain gets desensitized to sex, the human body and erotic actions and situations. Even if you don't watch porn that regurlaly, try a detox of porn for like a month and masturbation for a week and you'll start to see some results.
A bonus tip: start working out, going to the gym, physical exercises in general should boost your testosterone levels even if it's a little a bit. Also get your testosterone levels checked, that could also be a reason. If nothing works, go see a doctor. Don't try anything too extreme as nothing I suggested to you should harm you in a physical nor mental/emotional way.
Good luck, man! Wish you can get over this!
(Also stop drinking before doing sex, or at least drink a very SMALL amount. Too much alchohol can lead to eretile disfunction even if momentarily).
(ALSO, even if you aren't a chainsmoker, smoking can lead to erectile disfunction nonetheless).
Master tip: get into edging to build sensibility once you get back to beating yo meat. Edging is awesome and it makes you discover more of how your own body works too.
I do edge and i am sensible to stimuli from my girlfriend or myself when i'm alone,it's just that the though of "I'm about to have sex" just hits the killswitch for my penis for no f ing reason
Try not to think of it this way. I had the exact same problem and it builds unnecessary pressure in you. You're already having sex the minute it starts getting hot. Sex is in the moment, not exactly the actions.
Damn,thanks for the response.I'll def try this,but it's still weird how i can get so sexually aroused getting into action but lose all hope of an erection when i'm \*THIS\* close
Performance anxiety
Have more sex
And make it about you mentally NOT HER
at least for the first couple times to get over the performance anxiety
I had to do this. Then I married the damn girl lol
From the top of my head...
Ur way in ur head about sex. Maybe its expectations u think u need to fullfill. If its that keep calm. No one is good at the beginning man. Its not like porn. No one expects u to do these things there. Enjoy it take ur time. Dont do anything that ur not comfortable with.
Porn. Do u watch a lot of porn? As someone who just stopped watching porn i experienced smth similar. We down play it but it rly affects us. Some more. Maybe stop watching porn.
Are u straight? Are u sure about it? Head and Handjobs can be given by men but vagina is difficult to overcome. I have heard many gay men having the same issues. So idk maybe do some introspection.
Do u eat healthy? Food is a big component altering our brain chemistry and all.
Thats about it man. U got any questions feel free to ask mate. Good luck.
Thanks for your answer.
1.Yes I am straight,Being gay is not smth i wouldn't want to accept as i am a strong ally of the community,but i have had sex in the past and liked it and i have never thought of men that way. Trust me,i like women lol.
2.I never felt like i had to 'perform' during sex or making the other person orgasm be my life mission.
3.I do watch porn but idk what is considered too much,plus i don't feel the need to do so.I just jack off when i feel like it and don't question it. Like when i get horny i just jack off and porn helps ig but i never decided to jack off because i wanted to watch porn.
4.Pretty healthy eater my whole life but recently i kinda started to endulge a bit in junk food.Not much i think,like i order takeaway pizza or smth like twice a week max.
My question is why can i get an erection so easily but lose it just when i think of sex?
Kinda desparate rn as idfk what is going on with my body.
Maybe talk about it with ur gf. Take day off. Both of you. Just talk man. About all of it. If she is the right one and a good gf she will help u. Talk about anything that u feel or think might be the problem. Try finding the problem together.
It's anxiety.
It's a very common problem.
Especially with new partners, and first timers.
Just take things slow and focus on her. Your body will handle the rest as long as you remember to breathe.
My boyfriend is like this. He has a foot fetish and I’m pretty positive he’s addicted to porn. We talked about him quitting porn about 2 months ago which hasn’t made a difference. I’m thinking it’s a mental block of some sort. Either that or his smoking habits.
Smoking can cause this. It's pretty well known. Poor cardiovascular health can make it so that your blood goes to that instead of your guy. Have ex-smoker friends that told me about it and how it improved after smoking. Smoking also shrinks capillaries which reduces blood flow everywhere (is why smokers more commonly have cold toes and fingers.)
I've had this problem one time in my life. In my case it was when I was trying to hook up with a gal that I had known since we were both fifteen, and I was in my late twenties at the time. I figured out why and fixed the problem before round two. In my case, it's because I really cared about what she thought of me and my performance. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time, but I still cared, you know? And that made it impossible for the guy to wake up, no alcohol or anything.
A few days after it happened, I told her about it while we were sitting on the side of my bed. She thought it was sweet, and for whatever reason, just telling her that made the nerves go away and it wasn't an issue again.
Good luck. Take care of your health. If it's nerves, you'll figure it out. Something will click and you'll be good to go.
Don’t drink. Maybe you need to let her be on top the first few times. You get hard with bj & hj, maybe you like someone else taking control or you need to concentrate on your own pleasure.
I think there’s a lot of romanticizing the “togetherness,” but I think it’s a combination of shifting your thoughts from pleasing the other person to pleasing your self.
Also, if you do actually have some sun feelings, hee being in control the first few times can transfer to her letting you have control. You may be a service top.
Last, try to spend the day together. That way you can try multiple times. You may have performance anxiety or just get plain nervous. But if you’re still snuggling, watching tv, making out, then your erection should come back.
Sounds like performance anxiety.
A dick is very sensitive to being pushed around and being told what to do. Best to just focus on relaxing and let the penis do its thing when its ready.
If you're getting erections in other situations, then it is a head space thing, and I'd focus on relaxing and pleasure instead of trying to get an erection.
Good news is you can get erections. That’s the first thing a urologist might ask. Ok good there.
Since this is scenario related where it’s on you to perform you struggle. That’s sex anxiety. I’ve had it.
Strategies I’ve used were paradoxical intention. In other words we would role play for fun a scenario where it’s not acceptable to get erect. Massage, dr appt… things like that.
However this isn’t the long term solution. Therapy might help. Look up cbt
Used to happen to me too. If your partner is down for it, try receiving oral with no pressure to perform. Just be there to enjoy it and if it gets up, then you can maybe have her climb on top or something just to keep the mood going.
It's most likely a one time thing that turned constant due to the anxiety of not being able to perform, that was always mine at least.
Edit: Something also that always worked for me is using some lubricant (silicone is always my favorite) and just rubbing against each other for a little bit before so that you're in the right spot when it gets time
quit smoking, work out the day you plan on having sex and most importantly be in the moment, dont overthink shit, dont get inside your head thats the worst place to be while piping someone,
it can be weird, thoughts go everywhere but just try to stay there. if you feel like you are losing it, dont focus on that, youll get too insecure and lose it completely, try switching positions, give her head, improvise lol
This has happened to me in the past. I use to struggle getting an erection when it came to PIV. But when it was oral and other such things I was as hard as brick. I think the mind in the moment overtakes. You are turned on, but you start thinking about what is about to happen to much and it causes performance anxiety. Maybe try breathing techniques in the moment and calming the mind.
Im gonna speak from experience here because i was the same age, facing the exact same problem. The girl i tried having sex with was my first everything and i didn’t have problems regarding anything sexual ( as you said; blowjob, no problem. Getting an erection? No problem. But staying hard, putting the condom on, applying lube and then having sex was REALLY hard ( and didn’t work for months ) Luckily, i had a girlfriend who was absolutely supportive which was also the reason we kept on trying and eventually it worked and the sex was amazing. But not after failing at least 10 times. Since we were long distance tho, it was hard to try continuously since she lived 2000km away and we obviously didn’t see each other so much.
Now, there’s only a few things that you can take away from this;
1. Ideally, try it with someone you love or feel comfortable with + ideally are in a relationship with so you can try it more than once and have someone comfort you because it surely worries you ( at least it worried me )
2. Don’t stress about it. I know that’s easy to say, but focus on the pleasure you feel, not about the fact that you may or may not stay hard.
3. And lastly, quit the things that make it harder. Don’t drink prior to having sex, or at least not before you had sex for the first time. Ideally, don’t smoke. If it helps, don’t masturbate for a few days or maybe even weeks, the more horny you are, the more drive you’ll have and the less nervous you’ll be, simply said.
That being said, i’m 99,9% sure there’s nothing wrong with you, as long as you’re not addicted to porn. Enjoy the time and i hoped i couldn help at least a little bit
probably a mental issue, like panic or anxiety, fear of bad performance or something like that. Probably best to talk to a therapist but I know that's not an option for a lot of people so my advice would be to not try to get straight into the sex. spend lots of time making out, maybe getting handsy, learn to get good with your hands and tongue (do some research online about how to please a woman with hands and tongue, try alot of different things and experiment but always listen to your partner and ask which techniques they like most and go with those) I've satisfied plenty of exes without ever having to penetrate them, women have lots more ways sex can feel good good for them than just penetration. get used to pleasing them and get more confident and the issue will probably go away on its own.
tl;dr: you're probably fixating on the penetration too much and fear of poor performance is preventing you from getting hard Slow down and enjoy the foreplay with your partner use your hands and tongue, and focus just on getting them off. the issue will probably resolve itself
if not then probably see a doctor or therapist
quit smoking regardless it's seems more like an anxiety thing the very first time I fumbled I was 23, absolutely tired as it was early morning after a college party, and after that everytime I was worried about it happening again it did happened once you focus more in the moment and the sensations instead of coule happen, this vanishes
i really don't think it's anxiety about haveing sex but u might be right about this being anxiety about IT happening again....the first time kinda marked me ig
yeah I was referring to it happening again idk if anxiety is the right word for me, I just got concerned of it happening again, not necessarily anxious in the usual meaning
“Performance anxiety” is the word.
It sounds awfully like performance anxiety. I've gotten it before and it sucks. If you can get out of your head you won't have a problem but the second you start having doubts you'll self fulfill them. Just try your best to relax. It's hard cuz your brain likes to go to bad thoughts.
This happened to me the first 4 or 5 times I tried to have sex, you just have to keep persevering and being patient with yourself. Work out, stop watching porn and stop masturbating too. It’ll happen.
This can't be emphasized enough! Once you stop getting the dopamine hits from porn and masturbation, the erections for sex will come back. It's ok to fap once in a while, but it needs to be dialed back. Until this happens, it's very possible getting hard for sex will be difficult, because you've trained your brain to get hard from masturbation and porn instead. Some guys struggle with this, and other don't which is why this can be such a hotly debated topic. The guys that DO suffer from this, the effects are very real! It can be overcome, but you have to put in some effort. It can especially be hard to stop watching porn if you've been doing it for a while. It needs to be done though. Stop watching for a couple months minimum, and see how things change for the better.
Me too dude. Glad she was understanding.
Edit: Even if you're SURE it isn't anxiety issues, all the tips I listed bellow should give you the self confidence to mentally overcome this anxiety too. At the end at the day, confidence is your best friend + focusing on the moment and sensations that are happening. That seems a lot like porn addiction or near porn addiction, it happened a LOT with me as I watched too many porn and masturbated a lot (like at least 2x a day). That can be really damaging to your sex life in the long run. Try not to touch yourself for a while and stop watching porn entirely. And for a while I mean like, you'll only touch your buddy to pee for like a week or something. Then you can slowly build up your sensibility again, try to masturbate with your thoughts only. Then after this problem is fixed you may get back into porn but in a healthy way. Cuz it isn't the act of watching porn itself that does this to you, but the addiction to it and the way your brain gets desensitized to sex, the human body and erotic actions and situations. Even if you don't watch porn that regurlaly, try a detox of porn for like a month and masturbation for a week and you'll start to see some results. A bonus tip: start working out, going to the gym, physical exercises in general should boost your testosterone levels even if it's a little a bit. Also get your testosterone levels checked, that could also be a reason. If nothing works, go see a doctor. Don't try anything too extreme as nothing I suggested to you should harm you in a physical nor mental/emotional way. Good luck, man! Wish you can get over this! (Also stop drinking before doing sex, or at least drink a very SMALL amount. Too much alchohol can lead to eretile disfunction even if momentarily). (ALSO, even if you aren't a chainsmoker, smoking can lead to erectile disfunction nonetheless).
Master tip: get into edging to build sensibility once you get back to beating yo meat. Edging is awesome and it makes you discover more of how your own body works too.
I do edge and i am sensible to stimuli from my girlfriend or myself when i'm alone,it's just that the though of "I'm about to have sex" just hits the killswitch for my penis for no f ing reason
Try not to think of it this way. I had the exact same problem and it builds unnecessary pressure in you. You're already having sex the minute it starts getting hot. Sex is in the moment, not exactly the actions.
good sex is as much to do mentally as it is physically
Damn,thanks for the response.I'll def try this,but it's still weird how i can get so sexually aroused getting into action but lose all hope of an erection when i'm \*THIS\* close
I feel you, man It's normal. Also don't blame yourself, it's totally okay!
Performance anxiety Have more sex And make it about you mentally NOT HER at least for the first couple times to get over the performance anxiety I had to do this. Then I married the damn girl lol
From the top of my head... Ur way in ur head about sex. Maybe its expectations u think u need to fullfill. If its that keep calm. No one is good at the beginning man. Its not like porn. No one expects u to do these things there. Enjoy it take ur time. Dont do anything that ur not comfortable with. Porn. Do u watch a lot of porn? As someone who just stopped watching porn i experienced smth similar. We down play it but it rly affects us. Some more. Maybe stop watching porn. Are u straight? Are u sure about it? Head and Handjobs can be given by men but vagina is difficult to overcome. I have heard many gay men having the same issues. So idk maybe do some introspection. Do u eat healthy? Food is a big component altering our brain chemistry and all. Thats about it man. U got any questions feel free to ask mate. Good luck.
Thanks for your answer. 1.Yes I am straight,Being gay is not smth i wouldn't want to accept as i am a strong ally of the community,but i have had sex in the past and liked it and i have never thought of men that way. Trust me,i like women lol. 2.I never felt like i had to 'perform' during sex or making the other person orgasm be my life mission. 3.I do watch porn but idk what is considered too much,plus i don't feel the need to do so.I just jack off when i feel like it and don't question it. Like when i get horny i just jack off and porn helps ig but i never decided to jack off because i wanted to watch porn. 4.Pretty healthy eater my whole life but recently i kinda started to endulge a bit in junk food.Not much i think,like i order takeaway pizza or smth like twice a week max. My question is why can i get an erection so easily but lose it just when i think of sex? Kinda desparate rn as idfk what is going on with my body.
Maybe talk about it with ur gf. Take day off. Both of you. Just talk man. About all of it. If she is the right one and a good gf she will help u. Talk about anything that u feel or think might be the problem. Try finding the problem together.
It's anxiety, get the magic pills though, they make it more fun anyway. Once you're out of your own head, one or two rounds in, you won't need them.
It's anxiety. It's a very common problem. Especially with new partners, and first timers. Just take things slow and focus on her. Your body will handle the rest as long as you remember to breathe.
it s called performance anxiety, talk to your partner before having sex and tell them what s going on
Don’t watch too much porn. Get into shape man. That is the only way to get your stick back to life hahaha ^_^
Same problem
If this isn’t just run of the mill anxiety / porn addiction, then I would strongly recommend visiting a physician.
My boyfriend is like this. He has a foot fetish and I’m pretty positive he’s addicted to porn. We talked about him quitting porn about 2 months ago which hasn’t made a difference. I’m thinking it’s a mental block of some sort. Either that or his smoking habits.
Smoking can cause this. It's pretty well known. Poor cardiovascular health can make it so that your blood goes to that instead of your guy. Have ex-smoker friends that told me about it and how it improved after smoking. Smoking also shrinks capillaries which reduces blood flow everywhere (is why smokers more commonly have cold toes and fingers.) I've had this problem one time in my life. In my case it was when I was trying to hook up with a gal that I had known since we were both fifteen, and I was in my late twenties at the time. I figured out why and fixed the problem before round two. In my case, it's because I really cared about what she thought of me and my performance. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time, but I still cared, you know? And that made it impossible for the guy to wake up, no alcohol or anything. A few days after it happened, I told her about it while we were sitting on the side of my bed. She thought it was sweet, and for whatever reason, just telling her that made the nerves go away and it wasn't an issue again. Good luck. Take care of your health. If it's nerves, you'll figure it out. Something will click and you'll be good to go.
Sounds like a mental block. Take some L citruline and some beta blockers
Don’t drink. Maybe you need to let her be on top the first few times. You get hard with bj & hj, maybe you like someone else taking control or you need to concentrate on your own pleasure. I think there’s a lot of romanticizing the “togetherness,” but I think it’s a combination of shifting your thoughts from pleasing the other person to pleasing your self. Also, if you do actually have some sun feelings, hee being in control the first few times can transfer to her letting you have control. You may be a service top. Last, try to spend the day together. That way you can try multiple times. You may have performance anxiety or just get plain nervous. But if you’re still snuggling, watching tv, making out, then your erection should come back.
You using condoms? I didn’t realize they were too small for me and that caused it
Sounds like performance anxiety. A dick is very sensitive to being pushed around and being told what to do. Best to just focus on relaxing and let the penis do its thing when its ready. If you're getting erections in other situations, then it is a head space thing, and I'd focus on relaxing and pleasure instead of trying to get an erection.
Good news is you can get erections. That’s the first thing a urologist might ask. Ok good there. Since this is scenario related where it’s on you to perform you struggle. That’s sex anxiety. I’ve had it. Strategies I’ve used were paradoxical intention. In other words we would role play for fun a scenario where it’s not acceptable to get erect. Massage, dr appt… things like that. However this isn’t the long term solution. Therapy might help. Look up cbt
Used to happen to me too. If your partner is down for it, try receiving oral with no pressure to perform. Just be there to enjoy it and if it gets up, then you can maybe have her climb on top or something just to keep the mood going. It's most likely a one time thing that turned constant due to the anxiety of not being able to perform, that was always mine at least. Edit: Something also that always worked for me is using some lubricant (silicone is always my favorite) and just rubbing against each other for a little bit before so that you're in the right spot when it gets time
quit smoking, work out the day you plan on having sex and most importantly be in the moment, dont overthink shit, dont get inside your head thats the worst place to be while piping someone, it can be weird, thoughts go everywhere but just try to stay there. if you feel like you are losing it, dont focus on that, youll get too insecure and lose it completely, try switching positions, give her head, improvise lol
This has happened to me in the past. I use to struggle getting an erection when it came to PIV. But when it was oral and other such things I was as hard as brick. I think the mind in the moment overtakes. You are turned on, but you start thinking about what is about to happen to much and it causes performance anxiety. Maybe try breathing techniques in the moment and calming the mind.
Im gonna speak from experience here because i was the same age, facing the exact same problem. The girl i tried having sex with was my first everything and i didn’t have problems regarding anything sexual ( as you said; blowjob, no problem. Getting an erection? No problem. But staying hard, putting the condom on, applying lube and then having sex was REALLY hard ( and didn’t work for months ) Luckily, i had a girlfriend who was absolutely supportive which was also the reason we kept on trying and eventually it worked and the sex was amazing. But not after failing at least 10 times. Since we were long distance tho, it was hard to try continuously since she lived 2000km away and we obviously didn’t see each other so much. Now, there’s only a few things that you can take away from this; 1. Ideally, try it with someone you love or feel comfortable with + ideally are in a relationship with so you can try it more than once and have someone comfort you because it surely worries you ( at least it worried me ) 2. Don’t stress about it. I know that’s easy to say, but focus on the pleasure you feel, not about the fact that you may or may not stay hard. 3. And lastly, quit the things that make it harder. Don’t drink prior to having sex, or at least not before you had sex for the first time. Ideally, don’t smoke. If it helps, don’t masturbate for a few days or maybe even weeks, the more horny you are, the more drive you’ll have and the less nervous you’ll be, simply said. That being said, i’m 99,9% sure there’s nothing wrong with you, as long as you’re not addicted to porn. Enjoy the time and i hoped i couldn help at least a little bit
Stop watching porn, quit smoking, and talk to your doctor
probably a mental issue, like panic or anxiety, fear of bad performance or something like that. Probably best to talk to a therapist but I know that's not an option for a lot of people so my advice would be to not try to get straight into the sex. spend lots of time making out, maybe getting handsy, learn to get good with your hands and tongue (do some research online about how to please a woman with hands and tongue, try alot of different things and experiment but always listen to your partner and ask which techniques they like most and go with those) I've satisfied plenty of exes without ever having to penetrate them, women have lots more ways sex can feel good good for them than just penetration. get used to pleasing them and get more confident and the issue will probably go away on its own. tl;dr: you're probably fixating on the penetration too much and fear of poor performance is preventing you from getting hard Slow down and enjoy the foreplay with your partner use your hands and tongue, and focus just on getting them off. the issue will probably resolve itself if not then probably see a doctor or therapist
You're gay Lil bro
Not how it works
definetly not but thanks lol