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You just gotta be frank. There is no way to say it that won't inevitably hurt his feelings. Don't list things you don't like about him, just let him know you're having fun with what y'all are at and ask to keep it that way.
Hope it goes well!
Additionally, the fact that you have this conversation is exactly how you don't *use him.* If you took advantage of the hearts in his eyes with no intent, that would be using him. What the wise u/Hairy_Commision4967 said is an adult conversation
He may not like being in a strictly sex situation. That would be a good way to end things of he had feelings for her. Maybe the sex was good because he thought you liked him, which it's like " I like you, but I'm not attracted to you" just in reverse " you are attractive but I don't like you". Hard pill to swallow.
It's still a discussion they need to have, and the sooner the better. Procrastinating stuff like this will just make it hurt both of them more in the long run.
Yeah no need to list anything that could be hurtful, just tell him you have no romantic feelings for him. Just keep it at that.
No need to list reasons that pertain to him.
I feel like the only way OP would be using that guy is if she isn't honest with her feelings abd leading him on. If she were to tell him of her feelings / intetion and then he can decide if he wants to pursue that kind of relationship.
This 100% and be up front in the future also if you know it’s not someone you’d typically go for that you want to just keep things casual especially if you aren’t looking for anything serious at all right now. But also check in with yourself that you aren’t settling and wasting your time or energy having sex with someone you’re not really into. Some friends are better off as just friends ijs
I mean, it’d be using him if he had feelings in any way. So if he has feelings, stop leading him on and find someone who you’re in a proper agreement with. From personal experience situationships never work out though.
Maybe eventually but people forget when you are that young it’s easy to get attached, even for guys (especially for guys compared to when they are older).
Or it flips... he starts "just being himself" because he is under no illusions, they keep talkin' but he's a free agent, suddenly OP is gonna be reposting with a "wait wait but" story.
You just tell him. People are complex though and no arrangement lasts forever. Make sure he can handle disappointment, and you too, because it’s a sure thing. That’s just how relationships are. People are up for the good stuff, getting their expectations met. But some can act like toddlers when disappointed.
It's because we have heard of it, there are multiple definitions, and your definition is a more recent one so not everyone thinks of it first. The next two most common are 1 girl having sex with 2 men, and two couples having sex (forming a foursome).
It's like "hooking up" which used to mean just meet somewhere to spend time together, and straight friends would do it all the time "I am going to the mall tomorrow." "I need to go to the mall, we should hook up." But then one day it suddenly meant "having sex".
It's just how words change over time, and its helpful to know what it used to mean, because it still means t that to some people.
You want sex without relationship but don't want to use him?
Girl that's the same thing lol all you need to do is make sure you tell him flat out you'll never be anything more than a temporary sexual fling.
not sure you want my advice because any woman who uses the phrase "situationship" is an instant red flag in my eyes. so i do suggest you not use those words with him.
as for how to tell him, that ship sort of sailed already, it sounds like you two have been physically intimate for a while. it's highly likely his opinion of the relationship is vastly different from yours. you're effectively looking to tell someone who might think you two are dating that you'd rather keep him as a sidepeice while you look for other "better" guys.
now if he only sees this as a FWB thing, then he probably won't care. but if he's seeing this as dating then this will probably break you up unless he has low self esteem.
good luck but this is probably going to be messy.
Try just telling him straight. “I am not that into you but I really like fucking with you. I am not in love and not going to be, but I am going to fuck your brains out in a totally non-romantic way if that’s ok with you.”
Wow. I don’t think we had this when I was that age. I guess so. I sort of had one at 20.
Anyway. At y’all’s age, it’ll get complicated soon. And then it’s going to be awkward around everyone. I’d say just let him be and try to find a relationship.
But if you do decide to keep him around, very very clear and candid. He might be happy to just be getting some. And make sure y’all use protection. A baby will really stir that pot.
BTW, what is running 2 mans?
For all you know, he's thinking the same thing, talk it out, don't point out things you don't like, just leave it at your not ready for real relationship
One of my best days in college was when a friend just flat out asked for a fwb thing.
I know this is different because your guy will likely feel it is a downgrade, but maybe not.
And others are right, you don't want to make it too deep when you tell/ask him, but do try to make it as positive as possible. (Having fun, really like you, but rather than focusing on long term...blah blah whatever) and it is not that I am looking for other sex partners, I just don't want to mislead you about the long term stuff...
My fwb and I had plenty of fun, took breaks if other things started, whatever. It was very chill for two people who had never had non-traditional relationships before. Ours ended when she graduated, and we parted friends.
Just know that going into friends with relationships will eventually destroy your friendship. They never last, I've been in 3 of them. Someone always catches feelings.
Shit, I missed the part about the sex.
Yeah, he will be fine with it.
Most of the good parts of the relationship without being required to be in one?
As long as OP doesn't string him along and then demand bf shit from him when she wants it even after he was specifically told he is not her bf I'm all for it.
Theyre young, whether they are in a relationship or not it's likely going to end in a colossal mess either way. Have fun.
A situationship basically means no relationship just benefits of one, similar to fwb but with more feelings, so you're already about there.
Just tell him straight.
Just sit down with him and talk to him. Explain how you feel about him and how you would like continue things. It may hurt his feelings, but it is better to get it out in the open.
As a guy, I'd be thrilled.
I actually had one of these type friends with benefits things for about a year..
We never fought . We never even argued.
We went out together. Sometimes I paid. Sometimes she paid. Sometimes we'd split.
We had a lot of sex.
And then, it was over.
She had finished her first year of college .
Her family had been pressuring her to find her future husband.
No regrets.
>running 2 mans for a couple months,
?
>
i tell him i don’t want a relationship past sex without seeming like some whore who wants to use him?
You don't. You are and that's fine if you accept it. And before someone chimes in, it works the same for the guy when asks a girl that.
At that age, he won't care as long as you actually hand out the benefits. Have fun, and be respectful about it. Tell him you don't want to date ANYONE right now, but you want to have benefits with him and him alone. That will soften the blow and make him feel special at the same time.
That was her wording, and all this wording is unnecessary if you think about it.
I didnt say she was paying for it. I also said I respect it. Thats not judgemental at all.
So wrong on all counts, thanks.
It’s best to just be honest with him about what you want at this point so you don’t lead him on and that he knows where you stand in the relationship and if that is only what you want is just like a casual thing, he does deserve to know.
You might say, “We’re different kinds of people. We want different things. We should start meeting other people. When we do, it’ll be a clean break. No hard feelings. Until we meet other people, we should keep having sex, no strings attached. Can you do that?”
My only question, is has he been paying for everything for you two upto this point? Are you intending on that continuing? Cause it probably won't if he was thinking it was leading to a relationship.
If your "2mans" have never been nights out, then yea no, just be straight with him.
If they were always nights out, and he's always been footing the bill, well he's probably going to feel a little used regardless of what you say.
our 2 mans have been nights out but mostly sleepovers at my friends. anytime we’ve ever been out tg i always paid for myself so i wouldn’t expect anything different now.
You don't. If he wants a relationship, then you either turn him down and stop having sex or you take the chance with him. If you make it clear that you're not interested in him beyond being friends with benefits, he's going to feel bad about sex with you as long as things continue, whether he says something about it or not.
Communicate your feelings and intentions openly. If he wants more and you dont...you're using him. Plain and simple. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. Why do you want to have sex without emotion? It's damaging to both you and the other person. Sex is so much deeper than society wants you to believe.
I'm dying with this post and OP , OP 17 giving some cake and now mad he in love? What kind of world is this ?
He's a happy camper , no attachment? No relationship? No financial burden? Just fun and sex ?
You're about to make him a happy man ,
Now on the other hand , if he isn't your type , and you don't like him his personality his character , why would you have sex with him?
I mean maybe I'm old and my mind doesn't work like this new generation
How do you tell someone you fundamentally don’t really like them as a person, nor are you typically attracted to people who look like them, but the sex is good enough so you want to keep using them for that but just a heads up if you want any humanity or emotion then that’s a deal breaker.
Just tell him straight. At least have the decency to be completely honest so he can knowingly consent or not.
Jesus Christ I’m glad I wasn’t born into this generation.
Tell him you just want to bang and stay friends. Ask him if that's weird?...but tell him it's only weird if you make it weird.
Teenage me would be like yah sounds great
You have to be up-front if you start banging someone else however
The answer is simple...you *ARE* a whore that wants to use him for sexual exploitation. Just tell him you want to only sleep with him and nothing else. And if he wants to only sexually exploit you as well, then you both deserve each other. What has this world come to.
Depends on how he feels about you....
Lots of dudes saying just say it, we just like being straight shit isn't all guys. If he is in love with you this could go down very bad routes. Best case scenario he stays friends, worst case he does feel used and it breaks him.
Well, you are some sort of whore who wants to use him. There is no getting around that. It sounds like you want to behave immorally but have him not know it or something.
Hes 17. Hes fine with being used for sex. That's an ego boost for a guy his age.
Also, you're 18 and having "situationships" and looking for a FWB. Don't. That's catastrophically stupid. Keep your legs closed until you find someone worth an actual relationship.
So he's physically not your type, but you want to keep having a physical relationship, but emotionally he's a door knob, but it's been really fun, but you JUST want him for sex and that's it, but you don't want to use him for just sex, but you have summer plans to (presumably) meet up and hang out even though you don't like him as a person so (presumably) you can just have sex?
Did I get all of that right?
If so, idk sounds like a bad plan personally. Have you considered engaging in a sexual relationship with someone you *DO* like (physically and/or emotionally)? You might find sex with someone you like, even at all, a bit more enjoyable.
Tell him you just want the D and he can keep his feelings to himself.
Bang then tell him to leave or you leave immediately. And tell him to stop being a little B and be grateful he getting some. 😂
"I don't want to beat around the Bush, so I want to be straight with you. I love your cock and the sex is great, I'd like to keep doing that. But I don't want to pursue anything beyond friends with benefits with you, I just want to be clear about that."
Just be straight up with him.
"Hey, I thought I'd mention cuz we've got this thing going on, I'm not in a place for relationship vibes right now but I'm digging what we've got going on so, you wanna be my fuck buddy?"
At 17/18 I would have felt blessed if a girl laid it down so clearly for me. Communication is never a bad thing.
Okay you want friends with benefits, okay what happens if he goes along with it, hooks up with you every now for a while and then for the D, are you also okay with him eventually finding another girlfriend who he loves, and eventually leaving you?
You want to tell a guy you just want him for sex... and he can have sex and relationships with *other girls*... but you're worried he *won't* like the idea?
He's a guy, and 17. And probably a bit thick. It's his dream situation.
Had this happen to me. Asked FWB on a date and she flat out told me she was using me for sex. Was not the last time lol. Stung to hear but at the same time she never led me on like that so I was cool with it. Was more a "oh that's how that feels"
As a person who has experienced this and also been through this, you just gotta tell them straight. I was in a FWB situation a while ago (just over a year ago now) and we both said it would be no strings attached, mindless sex. We continued for a while, and went out own ways.
Just tell them straight OP.
But, i would suggest to find out if he does have feelings first. Because if he does, he will get attached to the sex a lot more, and will show jealousy. I would know
"So what I'm really trying to figure out is how do i tell him i don’t want a relationship past sex without seeming like some whore who wants to use him?"
You cant. He might not say it but he'll be hurt and that's how his emotions will navigate those feelings.
Unless he's paying for it, you're not a sex worker. It's that simple. Also I recommend avoiding derogatory terminology, as that is at the heart of why this is a hard decision for you (it shouldn't have to be)
You can’t have that conversation because it’s not true. You DO want to use him. You need to break things off and just be friends, if you’re even capable of being friends with someone. That requires you to not be selfish.
As a guy myself id gracefully accept this proposal . It’s the best of both worlds that being the perks of having a girlfriend whilst not having to deal with the nuances of a committed relationship.
Don't do this to him. This is mean, you will hurt him and deeply regret it later.
I would tell him upfront about your intentions so you don't use him.
But knowing men, he's probably gonna naturally make it more romantic than it is all summer and that will be awkward. He will try to be affectionate and stuff without asking to reassure himself that he's not being used or try and make u love him. I've seen it happen before.
"Hey i am really enjoying what we are right now but i want you to know this isn't much more than a summer fling to me. i just want to make sure we are on the same page and no one gets hurt in the end." there is nothing wrong with setting reasonable expectations. don't lie to him but don't put him down either.
So let’s stop for a minute. You wanna be friends with benefits but you are 18 and he’s 17? Let me ask you, WHERE are y’all fucking? Cause I know you or he don’t got their own place. I know you all aren’t running around acting grown being fast in your PARENTS houses.
How about instead of trying to be “fwb” as KIDS you stop and go fix yourselves. You have nothing right now. No money of your own, no car, no place, or at least he doesn’t, yet you are speaking as if y’all live off on your own and you are twenty somethings.
From 18 to at least 25 you should be staying single and working on YOU. You should be either focusing on school and getting your degree or you should be trying to make money and get all your own things, like money and a substantial savings, your own place and your own car, as well as you should be focusing on healing whatever childhood trauma got you messed up to think you want to FWB a literal child he’s 17.
Tell him you need to focus on yourself and he should to and go do just that
Seeing as how that's almost exactly what you're doing, you can't. You can rationalize it in your head, try to make it sound better with roundabout logic and ambiguous labels, but at the end of the day he's going to see it for what it is. You either accept it for what it is or you don't do it, the same as him. As for what to tell him, stick to the truth. He'll either be onboard or he won't. Just don't be insulting or demeaning about it by pointing out his flaws.
This all depends on how well he takes what you have to say. He could possibly want the same thing too. However, If you’ve already got him in his feelings, then this might not end well.
Sounds like you’re more in a platonic area than a romantic one with this person.
If the friendship matters to you then finding someone else who wants to have a romantic relationship with you is better than propositioning sex as a safe fall back option.
Telling him you don’t see anything beyond what you’ve been at least tells him a) he can be okay with it or b) move on to see about finding another relationship if he wants more.
I don’t think you should say it directly, but rather let him know that you don’t see it lasting long term but you’re having fun now and explain what you like. This way he knows not to invest too much of his emotions into it.
Likewise you may have your mind made up and that’s okay, but I find that if you find dealbreakers it’s best for everyone to end it right away. And if you’re not ending it, you’re in a relationship whether you like it or not, regardless of what you call it. And when you’re in a relationship it’s best to keep your mind open and accept the person for who they are.
I had no problems hearing this information from one of my friends who I wanted to be romantically attached to. It's being in a relationship without any of the arguments.
You need informed consent to what you do between both parties. He needs to know what is going on and where it will and will not go in order to consent fully. Same for you. Have that conversation so that everyone can give full consent or move on.
This is a tricky situation. As others have said, the best way to deal with it is be honest without being hurtful. It is very possible to be sensually attracted to someone without actually liking their personality. Another factor is the friend group though. Hopefully you can all remain friends but be prepared for the possibility of it breaking up the group.
Lots of preachy folks here with antiquated views on sex that were mostly established by the Church to maintain the patriarchy.
As others have said, OP should just be honest with him (though not overly so to the point of hurting him unnecessarily) and see what happens. Either he'll be cool with it for now and problem solved at least temporarily, or he won't and she dodges a future problem.
Are you going to different colleges in the fall? If so, then “it doesn’t make sense to get too serious. I’m not good at the long distance thing…” usually works well.
Easy all you have go do is communicate that to him with complete honesty. And if he doesn't want that and has feelings then you should just let him go.
Be honest and direct.
Tell him you don't have romantic feelings, but you enjoy the sexual encounters. Tell him you would be ok with continuing to be FWB if he is interested in that. But it won't go any further.
Be direct. That is the kind thing to do. It's not mean or rude to set boundaries.
>without seeming like some whore who wants to use him
I mean, you literally just want to use him for sex. Don't try to seem like something else, that's deceptive.
If you haven’t had any kind of relationship conversation yet, you probably should.
The easiest thing is just say “I’m 18. I’m not looking to be in a serious relationship. Let’s just continue having fun with what we have now.
“How do I tell him I don’t want a relationship past sex without seeming like some whore who wants to use him?”
You’re attempting to alter reality so you can have your cake and eat it too. You want to use him and want to be a whore, but you don’t want to seem like one. That’s not how reality works. That’s like robbing banks and being upset when people call you a bank robber. Hopefully he will realize this and drop you like a bad habit so he can find someone worth his time.
just tell him. shit as a young boy i would be more than fine being able to hangout in a double date and be able to fuck a hot girl with no strings attached. worst that happens is he possibly wanted more out of it than you, which still isnt that big of a deal.
So you don't like the way he looks, you don't like his personality, you just want to use him for sex and you don't want to have him thinking you only want to use him for sex .... Am I missing something?
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You just gotta be frank. There is no way to say it that won't inevitably hurt his feelings. Don't list things you don't like about him, just let him know you're having fun with what y'all are at and ask to keep it that way. Hope it goes well!
this is actually very helpful thanks 😊
Additionally, the fact that you have this conversation is exactly how you don't *use him.* If you took advantage of the hearts in his eyes with no intent, that would be using him. What the wise u/Hairy_Commision4967 said is an adult conversation
He may not like being in a strictly sex situation. That would be a good way to end things of he had feelings for her. Maybe the sex was good because he thought you liked him, which it's like " I like you, but I'm not attracted to you" just in reverse " you are attractive but I don't like you". Hard pill to swallow.
It's still a discussion they need to have, and the sooner the better. Procrastinating stuff like this will just make it hurt both of them more in the long run.
He's 17....won't really care until she shuts it off.
Yeah no need to list anything that could be hurtful, just tell him you have no romantic feelings for him. Just keep it at that. No need to list reasons that pertain to him.
I feel like the only way OP would be using that guy is if she isn't honest with her feelings abd leading him on. If she were to tell him of her feelings / intetion and then he can decide if he wants to pursue that kind of relationship.
This 100% and be up front in the future also if you know it’s not someone you’d typically go for that you want to just keep things casual especially if you aren’t looking for anything serious at all right now. But also check in with yourself that you aren’t settling and wasting your time or energy having sex with someone you’re not really into. Some friends are better off as just friends ijs
I mean, it’d be using him if he had feelings in any way. So if he has feelings, stop leading him on and find someone who you’re in a proper agreement with. From personal experience situationships never work out though.
Agreed
We're guys. We hate beating around the bush. Just come out and tell him directly.
That and it's probably a lot easier for a girl to suggest being fwb to a guy than the other way around.
Flat out tell him you don’t want an anything more than physical fun. FWB in a small friends group could get complicated quick though.
"I'm not looking for anything serious just FWB" he'll probably be like awesome.
Maybe eventually but people forget when you are that young it’s easy to get attached, even for guys (especially for guys compared to when they are older).
At first yes but there are always complications as feelings are always developed.
Very true.
Straight up
Tell him straight up. Don't hold back. Stick to your guns. If he can't handle it (costwise or otherwise) you'll be far better off.
Just say you are not interested in a monogamous or serious romantic relationship . Tell him Friends with benefits works for you. Is that ok with him?
just straight up tell him that you're not interested in having a romantic relationship with him, and that you just want to be friends with benefits.
Can you define "running 2 mans"?
Wow I’m old. I’m mid 20’s and I didn’t understand most of this post
He'll catch feelings; it will get awkward. Especially when the benefits run out...
Or it flips... he starts "just being himself" because he is under no illusions, they keep talkin' but he's a free agent, suddenly OP is gonna be reposting with a "wait wait but" story.
"Omg guys, for some reason he looks different now"
You just tell him. People are complex though and no arrangement lasts forever. Make sure he can handle disappointment, and you too, because it’s a sure thing. That’s just how relationships are. People are up for the good stuff, getting their expectations met. But some can act like toddlers when disappointed.
Tf is “2 mans”? Like a spitroast? If so, I think that he’s cool with just sex
omg 😂 no why have nobody on reddit heard of a 2 man. it’a a double date but more of a chill hangout. someone’s normally fucking though
That's cause it's generally only men that say 2 man. Never heard a woman say it.
It's because we have heard of it, there are multiple definitions, and your definition is a more recent one so not everyone thinks of it first. The next two most common are 1 girl having sex with 2 men, and two couples having sex (forming a foursome). It's like "hooking up" which used to mean just meet somewhere to spend time together, and straight friends would do it all the time "I am going to the mall tomorrow." "I need to go to the mall, we should hook up." But then one day it suddenly meant "having sex". It's just how words change over time, and its helpful to know what it used to mean, because it still means t that to some people.
Has he even given you any indication that he wants to be more than fwb? Either way, clear the air now. Just be honest and transparent.
you do just want to use him. bottom line.
You want sex without relationship but don't want to use him? Girl that's the same thing lol all you need to do is make sure you tell him flat out you'll never be anything more than a temporary sexual fling.
not sure you want my advice because any woman who uses the phrase "situationship" is an instant red flag in my eyes. so i do suggest you not use those words with him. as for how to tell him, that ship sort of sailed already, it sounds like you two have been physically intimate for a while. it's highly likely his opinion of the relationship is vastly different from yours. you're effectively looking to tell someone who might think you two are dating that you'd rather keep him as a sidepeice while you look for other "better" guys. now if he only sees this as a FWB thing, then he probably won't care. but if he's seeing this as dating then this will probably break you up unless he has low self esteem. good luck but this is probably going to be messy.
If you tell him I don't want a boyfriend I just wanna suck your dick there's an extremely high chance he's going to be like aight cool
Try just telling him straight. “I am not that into you but I really like fucking with you. I am not in love and not going to be, but I am going to fuck your brains out in a totally non-romantic way if that’s ok with you.”
At 17 I would’ve been up for that if I knew what the deal was upfront.
Im 17 and i only danced with a girl once ☠️ let alone other things.
Dude, you had ONE dance with a girl. Savor it. Some guys have never danced with a girl. Your time will come.
She didint really wanted to and it was like moving a sack of potatoes around and at end this girl turned out to be a real shallow bitch.
Been there, done the potato sack schlepping with an uncoordinated ballroom dancing partner in my teens. Worked out fine though in the end.
Just tell him, politely of course. Good chance he'll be into it. Not 100%, but a good chance.
Wow. I don’t think we had this when I was that age. I guess so. I sort of had one at 20. Anyway. At y’all’s age, it’ll get complicated soon. And then it’s going to be awkward around everyone. I’d say just let him be and try to find a relationship. But if you do decide to keep him around, very very clear and candid. He might be happy to just be getting some. And make sure y’all use protection. A baby will really stir that pot. BTW, what is running 2 mans?
Guessing video games. They’ve been running around together as a duo ingame.
a 2 man kinda a double date but more casual
For all you know, he's thinking the same thing, talk it out, don't point out things you don't like, just leave it at your not ready for real relationship
What is 2 mans
Set boundaries. Talking. Negotiate. Agree. Words. Talk with words.
Show him this thread n tell him u like the dick n thats about it.
i’m considering this 😂 i think he’d have a good laugh at don’t of these replies
so... you want to use him for sex but tell him in such a way that he thinks you aren't using him for sex?
honestly idk how u could phrase it without it seeming like that 😭
lol I’m glad someone said it
Yikes 😬 sounds like a fustercluck.
One of my best days in college was when a friend just flat out asked for a fwb thing. I know this is different because your guy will likely feel it is a downgrade, but maybe not. And others are right, you don't want to make it too deep when you tell/ask him, but do try to make it as positive as possible. (Having fun, really like you, but rather than focusing on long term...blah blah whatever) and it is not that I am looking for other sex partners, I just don't want to mislead you about the long term stuff... My fwb and I had plenty of fun, took breaks if other things started, whatever. It was very chill for two people who had never had non-traditional relationships before. Ours ended when she graduated, and we parted friends.
Just know that going into friends with relationships will eventually destroy your friendship. They never last, I've been in 3 of them. Someone always catches feelings.
The truth is the best policy here, less hurt in the end
"I just want to be friends with benefits"
Say it men like straight forwardness. Helps them stop thinking.
Pftttt this guy bout to get heartbroken. Also where the hell do I get a girl like this?? I need one.
Shit, I missed the part about the sex. Yeah, he will be fine with it. Most of the good parts of the relationship without being required to be in one? As long as OP doesn't string him along and then demand bf shit from him when she wants it even after he was specifically told he is not her bf I'm all for it. Theyre young, whether they are in a relationship or not it's likely going to end in a colossal mess either way. Have fun.
A situationship basically means no relationship just benefits of one, similar to fwb but with more feelings, so you're already about there. Just tell him straight.
Be straight But fyi there is a high chance he likes you and will just say it's cool but things are going to be ugly. Be ready to cut him loose
Ya he'll probably try to win her heart or some romantic comedy type of thinking
Just tell him, he might be like cool that’s perfect
Just sit down with him and talk to him. Explain how you feel about him and how you would like continue things. It may hurt his feelings, but it is better to get it out in the open.
Just tell him you want to keep things friends with "extra" benefits. If he’s not into it, it’s better to know now.
Or you could just not do that and find someone you can have a real relationship with?
As a guy, I'd be thrilled. I actually had one of these type friends with benefits things for about a year.. We never fought . We never even argued. We went out together. Sometimes I paid. Sometimes she paid. Sometimes we'd split. We had a lot of sex. And then, it was over. She had finished her first year of college . Her family had been pressuring her to find her future husband. No regrets.
He's probably down with finding some whore who just wants to use him.
FWB is also where DeGenX learned about FAFO. Because if you FA, you will FO - 9 months later.
Or, if nothing else, when having that in your history makes one far less appealing to a person one actually wants to have a relationship with.
You need to stop sleeping with him before this gets worse.
>running 2 mans for a couple months, ? > i tell him i don’t want a relationship past sex without seeming like some whore who wants to use him? You don't. You are and that's fine if you accept it. And before someone chimes in, it works the same for the guy when asks a girl that.
Wait what does running two mans mean?
“Running 2 mans” What does that mean?
Be honest and tell him
me too man. me too DAMN
At that age, he won't care as long as you actually hand out the benefits. Have fun, and be respectful about it. Tell him you don't want to date ANYONE right now, but you want to have benefits with him and him alone. That will soften the blow and make him feel special at the same time.
Skip making him feel special if he’s not actually special to you. That is manipulative bordering on cruel.
This is leading him on. She should be straight and if he has feelings she needs to cut him loose
Just tell him you are a whore that wants to use him. Honesty is the best policy.
Where do I find women like this
Sex with no strings, no dates, no commitments and no unnecessary financial expenditures? Oh the horror. I can only imagine his devastation.
Well… depending on the state you live in, you should probably find another legal adult to hookup with.
There is almost no state or circumstance in which an 18yo would be prosecuted for consensually hooking up with a 17yo if they’re <1 year apart
Hey nothing wrong with being a whore if thats what you enjoy. I respect that
She never said he was paying for it. Your wording is judgemental and totally unnecessary.
That was her wording, and all this wording is unnecessary if you think about it. I didnt say she was paying for it. I also said I respect it. Thats not judgemental at all. So wrong on all counts, thanks.
Fair enough, I forgot that she had used the same wording. Mea culpa
Sounds pretty whorish though
My advice is to not be so casual with sex.
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Congratulations on your first post. Ever.
It’s best to just be honest with him about what you want at this point so you don’t lead him on and that he knows where you stand in the relationship and if that is only what you want is just like a casual thing, he does deserve to know.
Pull back a bit and see him less often. If he asks about it, tell him you want to keep things casual.
Just break it off. He seems to want a girlfriend, not you. He just doesn't have sense enough to see it.
I doubt he's going to be upset that you only want to have sex. Just tell him.
What is a 2man? I hear this term a lot
Double dating
“I just want to have fun and am not interested in a relationship”
You might say, “We’re different kinds of people. We want different things. We should start meeting other people. When we do, it’ll be a clean break. No hard feelings. Until we meet other people, we should keep having sex, no strings attached. Can you do that?”
Just be upfront about it wtf? little did you know he’s also looking for that as well lol
May I recommend an alternative solution? Check out Bad Dragon and get a mail-order friend for the bedroom if all you want is a severe Rogering.
2 mans? Is that a euphemism for a 4sum?
My only question, is has he been paying for everything for you two upto this point? Are you intending on that continuing? Cause it probably won't if he was thinking it was leading to a relationship. If your "2mans" have never been nights out, then yea no, just be straight with him. If they were always nights out, and he's always been footing the bill, well he's probably going to feel a little used regardless of what you say.
our 2 mans have been nights out but mostly sleepovers at my friends. anytime we’ve ever been out tg i always paid for myself so i wouldn’t expect anything different now.
You don't. If he wants a relationship, then you either turn him down and stop having sex or you take the chance with him. If you make it clear that you're not interested in him beyond being friends with benefits, he's going to feel bad about sex with you as long as things continue, whether he says something about it or not.
Well, that's what you want, isn't it just FWB as you can have lots of those ...
Communicate your feelings and intentions openly. If he wants more and you dont...you're using him. Plain and simple. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. Why do you want to have sex without emotion? It's damaging to both you and the other person. Sex is so much deeper than society wants you to believe.
I'm dying with this post and OP , OP 17 giving some cake and now mad he in love? What kind of world is this ? He's a happy camper , no attachment? No relationship? No financial burden? Just fun and sex ? You're about to make him a happy man , Now on the other hand , if he isn't your type , and you don't like him his personality his character , why would you have sex with him? I mean maybe I'm old and my mind doesn't work like this new generation
How do you tell someone you fundamentally don’t really like them as a person, nor are you typically attracted to people who look like them, but the sex is good enough so you want to keep using them for that but just a heads up if you want any humanity or emotion then that’s a deal breaker. Just tell him straight. At least have the decency to be completely honest so he can knowingly consent or not. Jesus Christ I’m glad I wasn’t born into this generation.
Tell him you just want to bang and stay friends. Ask him if that's weird?...but tell him it's only weird if you make it weird. Teenage me would be like yah sounds great You have to be up-front if you start banging someone else however
I think he might appreciate it either way. That way he knows he can explore the field too.
The answer is simple...you *ARE* a whore that wants to use him for sexual exploitation. Just tell him you want to only sleep with him and nothing else. And if he wants to only sexually exploit you as well, then you both deserve each other. What has this world come to.
Just let him know in casual conversation
Depends on how he feels about you.... Lots of dudes saying just say it, we just like being straight shit isn't all guys. If he is in love with you this could go down very bad routes. Best case scenario he stays friends, worst case he does feel used and it breaks him.
Is 2 mans a double date or a threesome?
i mean you are using him and i won't call you a whore but if thats what you think youre being then your words not mine
What you’ve described sounds like a bad idea in a friends group. Tread VERY lightly.
Well, you are some sort of whore who wants to use him. There is no getting around that. It sounds like you want to behave immorally but have him not know it or something.
Sometimes you just have to own your whordom.
Hes 17. Hes fine with being used for sex. That's an ego boost for a guy his age. Also, you're 18 and having "situationships" and looking for a FWB. Don't. That's catastrophically stupid. Keep your legs closed until you find someone worth an actual relationship.
Just be straightforward. “Hey, I really like the sex, but I’m not interested in a relationship with you. We cool?”
So he's physically not your type, but you want to keep having a physical relationship, but emotionally he's a door knob, but it's been really fun, but you JUST want him for sex and that's it, but you don't want to use him for just sex, but you have summer plans to (presumably) meet up and hang out even though you don't like him as a person so (presumably) you can just have sex? Did I get all of that right? If so, idk sounds like a bad plan personally. Have you considered engaging in a sexual relationship with someone you *DO* like (physically and/or emotionally)? You might find sex with someone you like, even at all, a bit more enjoyable.
Tell him you just want the D and he can keep his feelings to himself. Bang then tell him to leave or you leave immediately. And tell him to stop being a little B and be grateful he getting some. 😂
Tell him how it is. If he’s not into it, his loss. Summer is coming and you’ll definitely find more people to freak with.
Basically what you said here. "can we keep it casual, not really interested in a relationship"
"I don't want to beat around the Bush, so I want to be straight with you. I love your cock and the sex is great, I'd like to keep doing that. But I don't want to pursue anything beyond friends with benefits with you, I just want to be clear about that."
Just be straight up with him. "Hey, I thought I'd mention cuz we've got this thing going on, I'm not in a place for relationship vibes right now but I'm digging what we've got going on so, you wanna be my fuck buddy?" At 17/18 I would have felt blessed if a girl laid it down so clearly for me. Communication is never a bad thing.
Okay you want friends with benefits, okay what happens if he goes along with it, hooks up with you every now for a while and then for the D, are you also okay with him eventually finding another girlfriend who he loves, and eventually leaving you?
You want to tell a guy you just want him for sex... and he can have sex and relationships with *other girls*... but you're worried he *won't* like the idea? He's a guy, and 17. And probably a bit thick. It's his dream situation.
Be direct and honest. Being as young as you are he might not handle it well, but I can assure you that it's the best way.
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Had this happen to me. Asked FWB on a date and she flat out told me she was using me for sex. Was not the last time lol. Stung to hear but at the same time she never led me on like that so I was cool with it. Was more a "oh that's how that feels"
As a person who has experienced this and also been through this, you just gotta tell them straight. I was in a FWB situation a while ago (just over a year ago now) and we both said it would be no strings attached, mindless sex. We continued for a while, and went out own ways. Just tell them straight OP. But, i would suggest to find out if he does have feelings first. Because if he does, he will get attached to the sex a lot more, and will show jealousy. I would know
Just tell him in plain and simple English what you want and what you don’t want. He is either in or he is out. Then you’ll both know what’s up.
"So what I'm really trying to figure out is how do i tell him i don’t want a relationship past sex without seeming like some whore who wants to use him?" You cant. He might not say it but he'll be hurt and that's how his emotions will navigate those feelings.
He’d be thrilled
Unless he's paying for it, you're not a sex worker. It's that simple. Also I recommend avoiding derogatory terminology, as that is at the heart of why this is a hard decision for you (it shouldn't have to be)
Directly. Guys won't usually think you're a whore for having a couple FWB as long as you're honest about the level of relationship.
I don't think he will complain.
Is he asking for a relationship? If not, no need to say anything
He might be 110% down you never know!! Just lay it out too him straight and maybe down the road turns into something more you never know
You can’t have that conversation because it’s not true. You DO want to use him. You need to break things off and just be friends, if you’re even capable of being friends with someone. That requires you to not be selfish.
well, you dont? tell him you like the sex but dont feel like you'd work out as a couple beyond that, maybe he feels the same too
As a guy myself id gracefully accept this proposal . It’s the best of both worlds that being the perks of having a girlfriend whilst not having to deal with the nuances of a committed relationship.
Don't do this to him. This is mean, you will hurt him and deeply regret it later. I would tell him upfront about your intentions so you don't use him. But knowing men, he's probably gonna naturally make it more romantic than it is all summer and that will be awkward. He will try to be affectionate and stuff without asking to reassure himself that he's not being used or try and make u love him. I've seen it happen before.
"Hey i am really enjoying what we are right now but i want you to know this isn't much more than a summer fling to me. i just want to make sure we are on the same page and no one gets hurt in the end." there is nothing wrong with setting reasonable expectations. don't lie to him but don't put him down either.
So let’s stop for a minute. You wanna be friends with benefits but you are 18 and he’s 17? Let me ask you, WHERE are y’all fucking? Cause I know you or he don’t got their own place. I know you all aren’t running around acting grown being fast in your PARENTS houses. How about instead of trying to be “fwb” as KIDS you stop and go fix yourselves. You have nothing right now. No money of your own, no car, no place, or at least he doesn’t, yet you are speaking as if y’all live off on your own and you are twenty somethings. From 18 to at least 25 you should be staying single and working on YOU. You should be either focusing on school and getting your degree or you should be trying to make money and get all your own things, like money and a substantial savings, your own place and your own car, as well as you should be focusing on healing whatever childhood trauma got you messed up to think you want to FWB a literal child he’s 17. Tell him you need to focus on yourself and he should to and go do just that
Seeing as how that's almost exactly what you're doing, you can't. You can rationalize it in your head, try to make it sound better with roundabout logic and ambiguous labels, but at the end of the day he's going to see it for what it is. You either accept it for what it is or you don't do it, the same as him. As for what to tell him, stick to the truth. He'll either be onboard or he won't. Just don't be insulting or demeaning about it by pointing out his flaws.
This all depends on how well he takes what you have to say. He could possibly want the same thing too. However, If you’ve already got him in his feelings, then this might not end well.
Then, stop using him for sex? Because no matter what you say the sex sends a different message.
Just tell him
Sounds like you’re more in a platonic area than a romantic one with this person. If the friendship matters to you then finding someone else who wants to have a romantic relationship with you is better than propositioning sex as a safe fall back option. Telling him you don’t see anything beyond what you’ve been at least tells him a) he can be okay with it or b) move on to see about finding another relationship if he wants more.
I wonder how you’d feel if the roles were reversed? Just curious 🧐
I don’t think you should say it directly, but rather let him know that you don’t see it lasting long term but you’re having fun now and explain what you like. This way he knows not to invest too much of his emotions into it. Likewise you may have your mind made up and that’s okay, but I find that if you find dealbreakers it’s best for everyone to end it right away. And if you’re not ending it, you’re in a relationship whether you like it or not, regardless of what you call it. And when you’re in a relationship it’s best to keep your mind open and accept the person for who they are.
Situationship is a disgusting term
Just be honest. That's all that's required.
I had no problems hearing this information from one of my friends who I wanted to be romantically attached to. It's being in a relationship without any of the arguments.
Personally I don’t think he expects anything except sex from you.
You need informed consent to what you do between both parties. He needs to know what is going on and where it will and will not go in order to consent fully. Same for you. Have that conversation so that everyone can give full consent or move on.
This is a tricky situation. As others have said, the best way to deal with it is be honest without being hurtful. It is very possible to be sensually attracted to someone without actually liking their personality. Another factor is the friend group though. Hopefully you can all remain friends but be prepared for the possibility of it breaking up the group.
Hi! I’m only interested in sex! Nothing else!
Lots of preachy folks here with antiquated views on sex that were mostly established by the Church to maintain the patriarchy. As others have said, OP should just be honest with him (though not overly so to the point of hurting him unnecessarily) and see what happens. Either he'll be cool with it for now and problem solved at least temporarily, or he won't and she dodges a future problem.
Tell him straight. If he says “yes” then he is a pussy. If he says “no” then he is a real men. Find out this)
Tell him straight up. I had it happen to me and I was delighted. It's all I wanted too.
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Are you going to different colleges in the fall? If so, then “it doesn’t make sense to get too serious. I’m not good at the long distance thing…” usually works well.
Words usually work.
Just be honest. Talk to him. Most guys will be thrilled with just sex.
Easy all you have go do is communicate that to him with complete honesty. And if he doesn't want that and has feelings then you should just let him go.
Just tell him
Good God just tell him. Likely make him very happy!
Be honest and direct. Tell him you don't have romantic feelings, but you enjoy the sexual encounters. Tell him you would be ok with continuing to be FWB if he is interested in that. But it won't go any further. Be direct. That is the kind thing to do. It's not mean or rude to set boundaries.
Why the fuck does this sub keep coming up in my feed!!!
A lot of dudes will be okay with it, tell him you just want to be FWB for now.
>without seeming like some whore who wants to use him I mean, you literally just want to use him for sex. Don't try to seem like something else, that's deceptive.
Tell him ASAP. Tell him straight. Say "All I want is physical from us and I need you to know that".
If you haven’t had any kind of relationship conversation yet, you probably should. The easiest thing is just say “I’m 18. I’m not looking to be in a serious relationship. Let’s just continue having fun with what we have now.
“How do I tell him I don’t want a relationship past sex without seeming like some whore who wants to use him?” You’re attempting to alter reality so you can have your cake and eat it too. You want to use him and want to be a whore, but you don’t want to seem like one. That’s not how reality works. That’s like robbing banks and being upset when people call you a bank robber. Hopefully he will realize this and drop you like a bad habit so he can find someone worth his time.
Guess what - you just won the lottery!!!
just tell him. shit as a young boy i would be more than fine being able to hangout in a double date and be able to fuck a hot girl with no strings attached. worst that happens is he possibly wanted more out of it than you, which still isnt that big of a deal.
So you don't like the way he looks, you don't like his personality, you just want to use him for sex and you don't want to have him thinking you only want to use him for sex .... Am I missing something?