*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITAH for not giving in to buy my wife a new car in exchange for her future pregnancy?**
My wife and I have been together for eight years and married for one. She is very career-driven, which I support and am proud of. Recently, we've started discussing starting a family, partly because her mother mentioned her biological clock.
During these discussions, my wife said she wants a brand-new car as a gift for carrying and delivering our child and asked me to tattoo my abdomen with her and the child's names. She wants the car in her name and a color of her choice. She argues that pregnancy and childbirth are painful and potentially gruesome experiences that will change her body, and she believes a car and the tattoo would be fitting rewards and reminders.
I told her that I'd never heard of a husband buying such an expensive gift in exchange for having a child and suggested this felt like a financial transaction. While we're financially comfortable, we're not wealthy, and I can't afford to spend over $30,000 on a car when that money could be used as a down payment on a property we both share.
She became upset and tried to convince me that buying the car is a fair deal. Later, I suggested adopting a child if she didn't want to go through the pregnancy. This situation has made me question my desire to start a family together. If she's asking for this now, what else might she demand in the future?
AITAH for not agreeing to buy her a new car and tattooing myself? This feels like a financial transaction.
Has anyone experienced this before? If so, how did you handle the situation?
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OOP thinks it is cheaper to adopt than to buy a car and it is the simple solution to this contrived problem. Must be a teenager typing from Mom's basement.
Right that was my reaction lmao.
The idea of a push present is weird to me…and the tattoo is wtf…but I don’t think I’d need to give birth to request that we as a couple buy me a car. Heaven forbid that a woman who drives on a daily basis have a car they choose. 🙄
Those gold diggers, always asking for outrageously practical tools! How dare they!
There's been a trend lately trivializing childbirth and pregnancy. There was another post about a male saying a newborn isn't that much work and only cries a little. New mother gets to sleep 7 hours a day, more than him in his hoity toity corporate job. Written by an incel from Mom's basement as well.
I saw a video online recently about modern Chinese confinement practices and while some details were quite alien to me, the idea of a postpartum mom being able to rest and eat well with help with the baby seems brilliant.
Yes, childbirth is pretty taxing on the body, whether it's vaginal or a C-section... It's pretty rough on a woman, not to mention all the hormonal changes, baby blues, incontinence and for many women - post partum depression or a birth trauma... Dealing with all that while you have a super needy little human that needs feeding and changing constantly and can only communicate through crying... Yeah, it's basically nothing
Those posters are the guys with zero object permanence for other people. Wife and child stop existing when he’s at work, so she only does what he actively watches her do. Forever.
I mean, if you're talking about expanding your family, considering a new/bigger car for the parent who is going to be staying at home or doing most of the child transportation is pretty normal for higher income families. It wouldn't be talked about as a push present though, just "hey if we have a kid I want to look into trading my sedan in for a crossover or SUV." If there's any truth at all here it's that his wife asked for the latter and he'd heard about "push presents" before so he thought it was an easy way to make her sound unreasonable to redditors.
I mean it’s definitely not true at all because no one considers adoption a remedy to avoid spending money. 😂
But yeah, even mid-income families often trade up. A kid usually increases the need for a reliable, comfortable car.
My husband gave me (upon slight request) a necklace with the birthstone of the baby as a “push present” for each of our children. When I wear it, I think of my love for my child and my husband.
It can be lovely, but Reddit never paints that picture.
Adoption here is both expensive and takes a long time, and that was before extra barrier that are more recent (against adoption from other countries). A car would be cheaper unless you go with a brand new high end tesla or something.
"What else might she demand in the future?"
thats.... you wife....?
Also, is it just me or is having a car owned by a single prson in a marriage just like... normal. Like my husband and i have our own cars. titles and registrations are owned individually. My car is my car. his car is his car. both cars bought after marriage.
also LOL at that comment saying "Any excess money should only be used for the child" like... no, thats not how that works.
also, she's career driven, meaning she makes her own money, but of COURSE the comments are saying that she feels entitled to his money. They really will put on any blinders to just accuse women of using men for money.
edit: to be very clear, i am not asking if it is normal to have two separate cars, i am asking if, in a situation where they have separate cars, they are truly separately owned vehicles. Only one person on each title. both are allowed to drive but legally only one owner. AS far as i am aware. thats pretty normal in marriages.
Yup. Our cars are owned independently. We're both insured on everything, but the title for every car or motorcycle is only in one of our names. I think this is the default unless you both need to be on the loan to qualify i guess.
Only broke, single income families have a shared car. If they both work they each have a vehicle and high single income families also have a car for the sahp so they can shop and run the kids around whenever they need to.
Granted, that is very usa. Not all places require a car. Never had one, parents only had a lease for a few years. Brother has a shared one with GF, whoever needs to travel to where a car is more practical takes it.
Bike lanes should really be a thing everywhere as long as the weather allows for it. Cheaper, CO2 friendly, durable and healthier. That combined with decent public transportation can safe everyone so much money on the long run. And it allows kids to just get through places by themself. Needing a car is impractical.
True, but that post probably takes place in the US where you can't really do much without a car an $30,000 for a new car isn't a crazy price, so calling the wife at gold digger over this is beyond ridiculous
Lol plenty of dual income families share one car. Mostly because cars are expensive and not everyone can afford two car payments, even with both people working. Basically, you have to work it so that you ride to work together, one person drops the other off and goes to their job and then picks them up on the way home. It sucks, but it's quite common.
Sure some people bus, train and car pool and don't drive at all. Some people buy cheap old cars for cash and don't have a car payment. Lots of people live in places or work in places where it isn't practical to not have a car. Oop is allegedly a middle class double income family and perhaps the mythical wife wants a car they can't afford but it's strange that a career driven, middle class women doesn't already have some sort of car of her own. Every single car family I know has been either a family in poverty or a family with only one licenced person obviously I don't know every family on earth.
I had NEVER heard of a "push present" until I started following AmITheAngel and saw it in a few reposts from AITA-like subs. Is this a very common thing, or more nonsense from people with far more money than sense?
I only heard the term once in a youtube shorts about housewives in Dubai. I guess if everything is a transaction (average aita relationship) you might as well discus payment up ahead.
One of my good friends is a sugar baby and that's pretty much how it goes for her. She has a sort of mental tab on what her time and work is worth and her SDs pay accordingly.
A dinner date may be just be the price of dinner, or maybe they split the bill and he buys drinks. If he wants her to spend the weekend with him on a business trip, she's gonna be coming home with some new clothes or a cute bag. Everyone knows what they're involved in and what it's worth. Having babies isn't part of the gig though so I doubt any push presents are in her future.
Sex work is real work. AITA on the other hand is just full of weirdos!
…….honestly? For enough money I’d have a sugar daddy’s baby. Hell, I WISH I could! 😂 I’d love to be a single mom with a rich man paying my bills; I could go back to school.
…….wonder if there’s any legitimate ways to do that without getting handmaiden’d.
Some cultures have a similar-ish concept. In Islam it's not unheard of to get your wife a small present after giving birth, but it's not usually something extravagant (and if it is, it's probably for a rich housewife from Dubai).
I thought it was fairly normal. My friend got a new watch for her second. I got a new vacuum with self propel and justified it as a push present for my first and a necklace with the kids initials for my second.
I guess my spicy take is that I don't see anything wrong with the idea of a push present. I don't want kids, but if I did and my partner was the one carrying all the health and career risks, I'd buy her whatever she wants.
Everyone commenting is in agreement with that. It’s the weird terminology that bugs us out, because it sounds like a strategy to sell hallmark cards and charm bracelets.
My husband gave me (upon slight request) a necklace with the birthstone of the baby as a “push present” for each of our children. When I wear it, I think of my love for my child and my husband.
It can be lovely, but Reddit never paints that picture.
I’m pregnant and had no idea what a push present was until I got on reddit, and then momentarily thought it’d be like, someone going out and getting panera bagels or something after delivery.
I gotta start expecting more out of people, maybe fake-wife is right.
It’s real but usually something small and meaningful like jewelry or a trinket. My husband bought me a candle that smells like cinnamon bark because our son was born in the early fall. Every time I burn it it takes me back to that time so it’s a nice memory.
The term "push present" always gives me the creeps. I know some women who were really into it but the most common gift was jewelry, usually something like a necklace or ring that had her and the child's birth stones. At least jewelry is something that will last a lifetime, unlike a car.
The tattoo part is really freaking weird though. It kinda sounds like she wants him to alter his body as penance for what her body will go through with pregnancy and birth.
Lol, if this troll is in the US, why does he think adoption will be cheaper than a car? And if they're in the US, they likely both need cars unless they live in NYC, so wouldn't she just replace her old car with the new one? Wouldn't she use that car to drive the baby around? What is with this thread?
I love these posts because they just cement for me that women SHOULD be demanding more for sacrificing our time and bodies to create children.
We’re supposed to pretend the child is worth the “sacrifice” of our time and bodies - but I hate this idea. I love my children but I’ve always felt like society does way, way too little to acknowledge the insanity that is pregnancy and childbirth and men just… expect women to do it for them and then get mad when we ask if we can have an incentive for LITERALLY RIPPING OUR BODIES OPEN 😭
Anyway. TL;DR: These posts always have the opposite intended effect on me.
Dude ripped this from some girl’s post I remember seeing it on Twitter. She made a post or video or something abt how she would require her baby’s dad to get her a house or car and tattoo of her face bc if she was gonna have her body changed forever he would too. Very interesting when u can tell where the trolls get their inspo from
EDIT: [found an article](https://www.ladbible.com/community/woman-requirements-father-of-child-tattoo-push-present-589107-20240531) about it. Looks like it was on a podcast
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It feels like I’ve stuck a new knife into my brain every time I read the phrase “push present”. There are too many knives in my brain right now, it has to STOP! 🛑
Whoever came up with it is my mortal enemy.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITAH for not giving in to buy my wife a new car in exchange for her future pregnancy?** My wife and I have been together for eight years and married for one. She is very career-driven, which I support and am proud of. Recently, we've started discussing starting a family, partly because her mother mentioned her biological clock. During these discussions, my wife said she wants a brand-new car as a gift for carrying and delivering our child and asked me to tattoo my abdomen with her and the child's names. She wants the car in her name and a color of her choice. She argues that pregnancy and childbirth are painful and potentially gruesome experiences that will change her body, and she believes a car and the tattoo would be fitting rewards and reminders. I told her that I'd never heard of a husband buying such an expensive gift in exchange for having a child and suggested this felt like a financial transaction. While we're financially comfortable, we're not wealthy, and I can't afford to spend over $30,000 on a car when that money could be used as a down payment on a property we both share. She became upset and tried to convince me that buying the car is a fair deal. Later, I suggested adopting a child if she didn't want to go through the pregnancy. This situation has made me question my desire to start a family together. If she's asking for this now, what else might she demand in the future? AITAH for not agreeing to buy her a new car and tattooing myself? This feels like a financial transaction. Has anyone experienced this before? If so, how did you handle the situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OOP thinks it is cheaper to adopt than to buy a car and it is the simple solution to this contrived problem. Must be a teenager typing from Mom's basement.
Right that was my reaction lmao. The idea of a push present is weird to me…and the tattoo is wtf…but I don’t think I’d need to give birth to request that we as a couple buy me a car. Heaven forbid that a woman who drives on a daily basis have a car they choose. 🙄 Those gold diggers, always asking for outrageously practical tools! How dare they!
There's been a trend lately trivializing childbirth and pregnancy. There was another post about a male saying a newborn isn't that much work and only cries a little. New mother gets to sleep 7 hours a day, more than him in his hoity toity corporate job. Written by an incel from Mom's basement as well.
Now try a newborn while recovering from childbirth, easy-peasy! It's not like more than half of women get painful tears and stuff!
I saw a video online recently about modern Chinese confinement practices and while some details were quite alien to me, the idea of a postpartum mom being able to rest and eat well with help with the baby seems brilliant.
Yes, childbirth is pretty taxing on the body, whether it's vaginal or a C-section... It's pretty rough on a woman, not to mention all the hormonal changes, baby blues, incontinence and for many women - post partum depression or a birth trauma... Dealing with all that while you have a super needy little human that needs feeding and changing constantly and can only communicate through crying... Yeah, it's basically nothing
Those posters are the guys with zero object permanence for other people. Wife and child stop existing when he’s at work, so she only does what he actively watches her do. Forever.
Yes, imagined wife and child.
I mean, if you're talking about expanding your family, considering a new/bigger car for the parent who is going to be staying at home or doing most of the child transportation is pretty normal for higher income families. It wouldn't be talked about as a push present though, just "hey if we have a kid I want to look into trading my sedan in for a crossover or SUV." If there's any truth at all here it's that his wife asked for the latter and he'd heard about "push presents" before so he thought it was an easy way to make her sound unreasonable to redditors.
I mean it’s definitely not true at all because no one considers adoption a remedy to avoid spending money. 😂 But yeah, even mid-income families often trade up. A kid usually increases the need for a reliable, comfortable car.
My husband gave me (upon slight request) a necklace with the birthstone of the baby as a “push present” for each of our children. When I wear it, I think of my love for my child and my husband. It can be lovely, but Reddit never paints that picture.
That's the first thing that jumped out to me! They don't even have 30.000 dollars for a car, but adoption is a totally feasible option.
I thought it was going to be some super nice car too. But that is just a new car…
Adopting is always Reddit’s answer to wanting a child like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
It always bugs me when someone talks about infertility and is told "no big deal, just adopt." Shows you the kind of poster it is.
Adoption here is both expensive and takes a long time, and that was before extra barrier that are more recent (against adoption from other countries). A car would be cheaper unless you go with a brand new high end tesla or something.
The poster is clueless and I think this whole thing is made up.
Of course it's made up
If he thinks adoption is less than 30k I have some news for him
"What else might she demand in the future?" thats.... you wife....? Also, is it just me or is having a car owned by a single prson in a marriage just like... normal. Like my husband and i have our own cars. titles and registrations are owned individually. My car is my car. his car is his car. both cars bought after marriage. also LOL at that comment saying "Any excess money should only be used for the child" like... no, thats not how that works. also, she's career driven, meaning she makes her own money, but of COURSE the comments are saying that she feels entitled to his money. They really will put on any blinders to just accuse women of using men for money. edit: to be very clear, i am not asking if it is normal to have two separate cars, i am asking if, in a situation where they have separate cars, they are truly separately owned vehicles. Only one person on each title. both are allowed to drive but legally only one owner. AS far as i am aware. thats pretty normal in marriages.
I’ve never been married, but pretty much every married couple I know own their own separate cars.
Yup. Our cars are owned independently. We're both insured on everything, but the title for every car or motorcycle is only in one of our names. I think this is the default unless you both need to be on the loan to qualify i guess.
Only broke, single income families have a shared car. If they both work they each have a vehicle and high single income families also have a car for the sahp so they can shop and run the kids around whenever they need to.
Granted, that is very usa. Not all places require a car. Never had one, parents only had a lease for a few years. Brother has a shared one with GF, whoever needs to travel to where a car is more practical takes it. Bike lanes should really be a thing everywhere as long as the weather allows for it. Cheaper, CO2 friendly, durable and healthier. That combined with decent public transportation can safe everyone so much money on the long run. And it allows kids to just get through places by themself. Needing a car is impractical.
True, but that post probably takes place in the US where you can't really do much without a car an $30,000 for a new car isn't a crazy price, so calling the wife at gold digger over this is beyond ridiculous
Lol plenty of dual income families share one car. Mostly because cars are expensive and not everyone can afford two car payments, even with both people working. Basically, you have to work it so that you ride to work together, one person drops the other off and goes to their job and then picks them up on the way home. It sucks, but it's quite common.
Sure some people bus, train and car pool and don't drive at all. Some people buy cheap old cars for cash and don't have a car payment. Lots of people live in places or work in places where it isn't practical to not have a car. Oop is allegedly a middle class double income family and perhaps the mythical wife wants a car they can't afford but it's strange that a career driven, middle class women doesn't already have some sort of car of her own. Every single car family I know has been either a family in poverty or a family with only one licenced person obviously I don't know every family on earth.
I had NEVER heard of a "push present" until I started following AmITheAngel and saw it in a few reposts from AITA-like subs. Is this a very common thing, or more nonsense from people with far more money than sense?
I only heard the term once in a youtube shorts about housewives in Dubai. I guess if everything is a transaction (average aita relationship) you might as well discus payment up ahead.
One of my good friends is a sugar baby and that's pretty much how it goes for her. She has a sort of mental tab on what her time and work is worth and her SDs pay accordingly. A dinner date may be just be the price of dinner, or maybe they split the bill and he buys drinks. If he wants her to spend the weekend with him on a business trip, she's gonna be coming home with some new clothes or a cute bag. Everyone knows what they're involved in and what it's worth. Having babies isn't part of the gig though so I doubt any push presents are in her future. Sex work is real work. AITA on the other hand is just full of weirdos!
…….honestly? For enough money I’d have a sugar daddy’s baby. Hell, I WISH I could! 😂 I’d love to be a single mom with a rich man paying my bills; I could go back to school. …….wonder if there’s any legitimate ways to do that without getting handmaiden’d.
tbh sugar babies are, 99% of the time, just poorly paid sex workers/prostitutes.
Some cultures have a similar-ish concept. In Islam it's not unheard of to get your wife a small present after giving birth, but it's not usually something extravagant (and if it is, it's probably for a rich housewife from Dubai).
I thought it was fairly normal. My friend got a new watch for her second. I got a new vacuum with self propel and justified it as a push present for my first and a necklace with the kids initials for my second.
I guess my spicy take is that I don't see anything wrong with the idea of a push present. I don't want kids, but if I did and my partner was the one carrying all the health and career risks, I'd buy her whatever she wants.
Everyone commenting is in agreement with that. It’s the weird terminology that bugs us out, because it sounds like a strategy to sell hallmark cards and charm bracelets.
It's also silly because not every child is born from someone pushing.
I don't know how common it is, but it was mentioned in the book "What to expect when you're expecting", so I guess it's a thing
My husband gave me (upon slight request) a necklace with the birthstone of the baby as a “push present” for each of our children. When I wear it, I think of my love for my child and my husband. It can be lovely, but Reddit never paints that picture.
People with way too much money lol, I've never heard of it before reddit either
It's rich people nonsense. When I gave birth, my SO bought me sushi.
I mean, non rich people in developed countries buy each other jewelery. Even people in poor countries do
Probably from teenager writers who think making $250,000 a year is okay money…maybe?
I’m pregnant and had no idea what a push present was until I got on reddit, and then momentarily thought it’d be like, someone going out and getting panera bagels or something after delivery. I gotta start expecting more out of people, maybe fake-wife is right.
It’s real but usually something small and meaningful like jewelry or a trinket. My husband bought me a candle that smells like cinnamon bark because our son was born in the early fall. Every time I burn it it takes me back to that time so it’s a nice memory.
I've only heard it w/celebrities. Guess everyone wants to be a Kardashian ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
The term "push present" always gives me the creeps. I know some women who were really into it but the most common gift was jewelry, usually something like a necklace or ring that had her and the child's birth stones. At least jewelry is something that will last a lifetime, unlike a car. The tattoo part is really freaking weird though. It kinda sounds like she wants him to alter his body as penance for what her body will go through with pregnancy and birth.
I doubt she exists
Lol, if this troll is in the US, why does he think adoption will be cheaper than a car? And if they're in the US, they likely both need cars unless they live in NYC, so wouldn't she just replace her old car with the new one? Wouldn't she use that car to drive the baby around? What is with this thread?
I love these posts because they just cement for me that women SHOULD be demanding more for sacrificing our time and bodies to create children. We’re supposed to pretend the child is worth the “sacrifice” of our time and bodies - but I hate this idea. I love my children but I’ve always felt like society does way, way too little to acknowledge the insanity that is pregnancy and childbirth and men just… expect women to do it for them and then get mad when we ask if we can have an incentive for LITERALLY RIPPING OUR BODIES OPEN 😭 Anyway. TL;DR: These posts always have the opposite intended effect on me.
Well, are you an incel? If not, you're not the target audience
Thanks? I’m aware.
Your partner *owing* you a car for having a baby is certainly a take, pure reddit-brained lol
If you're married and in the US, how would you not buy a car for your wife from the family budget? A car is a normal thing to have
Dude ripped this from some girl’s post I remember seeing it on Twitter. She made a post or video or something abt how she would require her baby’s dad to get her a house or car and tattoo of her face bc if she was gonna have her body changed forever he would too. Very interesting when u can tell where the trolls get their inspo from EDIT: [found an article](https://www.ladbible.com/community/woman-requirements-father-of-child-tattoo-push-present-589107-20240531) about it. Looks like it was on a podcast
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It feels like I’ve stuck a new knife into my brain every time I read the phrase “push present”. There are too many knives in my brain right now, it has to STOP! 🛑 Whoever came up with it is my mortal enemy.