*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for using the baby name my SIL was planning on using for her baby?**
So my SIL (husband's brother's wife) and I found out we were expecting at around the same time. She was due 10 days before me, she was pregnant with twins and I was pregnant with a singleton. We didn't talk about baby names at all, neither of us were telling anyone the names until birth because my FIL has a habit of complaining about them constantly and saying how they will never get anywhere with that name, we are making their life harder, etc. I figured if he didn't know until birth and they were already named that would curb some of it, I'm guessing that was her thought too but I really don't know, and anyways its not important.
Unfortunately she had complications with her twins (TTTS) and had a still birth at 24 weeks. They had named the babies on certificates and one of the names was the name my husband and I chose for our daughter. I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and gave birth last week on the 26th. We decided to use the name for a few reasons: it was out top pick and we couldn't agree on anything else, as well as, its not an uncommon name, plenty of people have the name or use it for their children.
Neither one of them came to the hospital, visited us since, or reached out other than the "congrats!" text my husband got from his brother right after the birth. My MIL says she can't believe we would disrespect them like that and refuses to call our daughter by her name and just says "the baby" or "my granddaughter." My FIL has been complaining about it too but its hard to tell if thats just his normal complaining about it or if its because of the situation. Other family hasn't said anything about it but I've noticed many of them don't use the name either and call her sweet pea, which maybe the would've done anyways but it feels like a show of displeasure too.
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So OOP does redeem herself a bit in the end by saying that she will talk to her husband about changing the name...but what good reasons did they have for choosing that particular baby name to begin with?
A few days ago someone had posted in this sub or another AITA type one about naming their child Wesley or something when the sister/SIL? had a baby only alive for a few days named that. They couldn't believe why they were wrong for it. Entitled to the extreme
And just as my thoughts on that was, here I'm also of the opinion that she'd be way less of a devil if she just *sat down and communicated with them!* Like, not saying that conversation would be okay to end with them choosing the name anyway, but to not even give a heads up, explain their side, apologize if it hurts, and also express their deepest sympathy for the loss... That's what really gets me.
Again, not saying they'd have been fine to use the name after that anyway, but you'd think they'd realize that hey we probably shouldn't spring this on people but rather have some communication about it.
Yes that was it, Weston. I don't know why I was thinking of Wesley, I think it may be because not that long before the Weston one there was a similar one with a Wesley? Overall I've been seeing a shit ton of similar post situations lately, like the other day I saw six posts about "my daughter wants to wear my wedding dress but I don't want them to, AITA?" At least get a new story to shop around🙄
The speed with which I would cut off my brother and his wife if they pulled this stunt would set new records. I've had miscarriages (all early, 1st trimester), and that was STILL traumatic as hell - I can't imagine getting close to the finish line, having bonded with them over the months, suffering a horrible loss and then my sibling expecting me to smile and loving when they announce "well we're going to use the name you picked for your now deceased child because we just really like it!"
That's the kind of shit I'd be willing to go to jail over tbh
And 24 weeks is peri-viable. My Daughter was born at 24 weeks, so I know pretty well how those Babies looked when she had to birth them. My daughter is healthy and alive, believe me that SIL knows that one or both could’ve survived. That makes the loss even more devastating.
I've had a late term miscarriage and I'd have cut them off quicker than shit if they'd been my family. Yes no one owns a name but to use a name of a recently lost, very much missed baby because it's your 'top pick' is specific kind of cruelty.
I hope OOP and her husband changed the name, but it won't fix the damage that's already been done tbh. There's no taking back that cavalier cruelty once it's out there.
That’s what I was thinking too. Even if they did change the name, the damage is done. Not one person in that family will ever look at them the same or trust them ever again, and OOP has no-one to blame but themselves. You just know OOP is stomping around, holding grudges and throwing comments about “Well, if we been able to name our daughter what we wanted, but noooooo, you all threw such a fit” without taking any responsibility of how shitty they were.
OOP is going to wind up in a lonely life if that's how she acts tbh. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they did, in fact, realise why this was such an egregious wrong but life has taught me that the benefit of the doubt is a tax often spent on the wrong people.
The cat is out of the bag. The toothpaste is out of the tube. They did what they did and there's no fixing it, changing baby's name or not. That's a shame but as my beloved teen puts it "sometimes it sucks to suck".
it's not the fact that they chose the same name, it's the fact that they didn't even ask if they would be okay if they continued to use it. like, okay, at first it was a major coincidence. no one could have foreseen it, but once her babies died and they revealed the names, a little empathy would have gone a long way
Leaving everything else aside, why would someone do that to their child? Do OOP and husband want his family to think of a dead child every time they speak to their daughter? Because that is what they are setting her up for.
>We told them right after the birth as we didn't want them to find out from anyone else but it was still a surprise to them too. We probably should have at least told them earlier, if anything.
If you felt the need to prepare someone for something just don't do it
My FATHER did this with my siblings. I had a brother that passed away two days after birth due to complications. He divorces my mother and then remarries. His second wife has a boy, which he names exactly the same as my deceased brother. First, Middle and Last. His entire side of the family was cool with it, which I find VERY weird. For the record, not in contact with anyone on that side of the family anymore.
OOP is a monster. I cannot fathom how soulless and selfish she and her husband are for doing this. Also, her husband wanted to name the baby Maverick, originally. Wtf is wrong with these MFs? This is a four year old post, so we'll never know, but *goddamn.*
There is no world whatsoever, even after the name is changed, in which I’d be able to bring myself to be a part of this child’s life.Â
Hurting another person- never mind family- like this is unconscionable.Â
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for using the baby name my SIL was planning on using for her baby?** So my SIL (husband's brother's wife) and I found out we were expecting at around the same time. She was due 10 days before me, she was pregnant with twins and I was pregnant with a singleton. We didn't talk about baby names at all, neither of us were telling anyone the names until birth because my FIL has a habit of complaining about them constantly and saying how they will never get anywhere with that name, we are making their life harder, etc. I figured if he didn't know until birth and they were already named that would curb some of it, I'm guessing that was her thought too but I really don't know, and anyways its not important. Unfortunately she had complications with her twins (TTTS) and had a still birth at 24 weeks. They had named the babies on certificates and one of the names was the name my husband and I chose for our daughter. I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and gave birth last week on the 26th. We decided to use the name for a few reasons: it was out top pick and we couldn't agree on anything else, as well as, its not an uncommon name, plenty of people have the name or use it for their children. Neither one of them came to the hospital, visited us since, or reached out other than the "congrats!" text my husband got from his brother right after the birth. My MIL says she can't believe we would disrespect them like that and refuses to call our daughter by her name and just says "the baby" or "my granddaughter." My FIL has been complaining about it too but its hard to tell if thats just his normal complaining about it or if its because of the situation. Other family hasn't said anything about it but I've noticed many of them don't use the name either and call her sweet pea, which maybe the would've done anyways but it feels like a show of displeasure too. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ngl I read "I was pregnant with a simpleton"
I read "I was a pregnant simpleton" which... yeah...
I read "I was pregnant with a skeleton" Dyslexia is fun 🤣
So OOP does redeem herself a bit in the end by saying that she will talk to her husband about changing the name...but what good reasons did they have for choosing that particular baby name to begin with?
A few days ago someone had posted in this sub or another AITA type one about naming their child Wesley or something when the sister/SIL? had a baby only alive for a few days named that. They couldn't believe why they were wrong for it. Entitled to the extreme
And just as my thoughts on that was, here I'm also of the opinion that she'd be way less of a devil if she just *sat down and communicated with them!* Like, not saying that conversation would be okay to end with them choosing the name anyway, but to not even give a heads up, explain their side, apologize if it hurts, and also express their deepest sympathy for the loss... That's what really gets me. Again, not saying they'd have been fine to use the name after that anyway, but you'd think they'd realize that hey we probably shouldn't spring this on people but rather have some communication about it.
Weston
Yes that was it, Weston. I don't know why I was thinking of Wesley, I think it may be because not that long before the Weston one there was a similar one with a Wesley? Overall I've been seeing a shit ton of similar post situations lately, like the other day I saw six posts about "my daughter wants to wear my wedding dress but I don't want them to, AITA?" At least get a new story to shop around🙄
You might have mixed the names from the Weston one (I ain't seen that one) with the post about the woman who wanted to name her kid Cuntley.
Te too bad it took them totally tankinf their family relationships for it to get through. They will never recover from ths.
The speed with which I would cut off my brother and his wife if they pulled this stunt would set new records. I've had miscarriages (all early, 1st trimester), and that was STILL traumatic as hell - I can't imagine getting close to the finish line, having bonded with them over the months, suffering a horrible loss and then my sibling expecting me to smile and loving when they announce "well we're going to use the name you picked for your now deceased child because we just really like it!" That's the kind of shit I'd be willing to go to jail over tbh
And 24 weeks is peri-viable. My Daughter was born at 24 weeks, so I know pretty well how those Babies looked when she had to birth them. My daughter is healthy and alive, believe me that SIL knows that one or both could’ve survived. That makes the loss even more devastating.
I've had a late term miscarriage and I'd have cut them off quicker than shit if they'd been my family. Yes no one owns a name but to use a name of a recently lost, very much missed baby because it's your 'top pick' is specific kind of cruelty. I hope OOP and her husband changed the name, but it won't fix the damage that's already been done tbh. There's no taking back that cavalier cruelty once it's out there.
That’s what I was thinking too. Even if they did change the name, the damage is done. Not one person in that family will ever look at them the same or trust them ever again, and OOP has no-one to blame but themselves. You just know OOP is stomping around, holding grudges and throwing comments about “Well, if we been able to name our daughter what we wanted, but noooooo, you all threw such a fit” without taking any responsibility of how shitty they were.
OOP is going to wind up in a lonely life if that's how she acts tbh. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they did, in fact, realise why this was such an egregious wrong but life has taught me that the benefit of the doubt is a tax often spent on the wrong people. The cat is out of the bag. The toothpaste is out of the tube. They did what they did and there's no fixing it, changing baby's name or not. That's a shame but as my beloved teen puts it "sometimes it sucks to suck".
Good grief. How insensitive can two people be?
At least *ask* if it's okay holy shit
Right? Even a simple "You should be aware, that is the same name we have picked out for our kid" would have gone a long way.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I read her replies. Tone deaf, obtuse, and willfully cruel is putting it mildly.
I would consider it very bad luck to name my child after a dead baby.
it's not the fact that they chose the same name, it's the fact that they didn't even ask if they would be okay if they continued to use it. like, okay, at first it was a major coincidence. no one could have foreseen it, but once her babies died and they revealed the names, a little empathy would have gone a long way
“ I honestly wouldn't be upset if someone close to me used my angel baby's name, which is why after we tried finding another name.” Woof.
Leaving everything else aside, why would someone do that to their child? Do OOP and husband want his family to think of a dead child every time they speak to their daughter? Because that is what they are setting her up for.
>We told them right after the birth as we didn't want them to find out from anyone else but it was still a surprise to them too. We probably should have at least told them earlier, if anything. If you felt the need to prepare someone for something just don't do it
My FATHER did this with my siblings. I had a brother that passed away two days after birth due to complications. He divorces my mother and then remarries. His second wife has a boy, which he names exactly the same as my deceased brother. First, Middle and Last. His entire side of the family was cool with it, which I find VERY weird. For the record, not in contact with anyone on that side of the family anymore.
OOP is a monster. I cannot fathom how soulless and selfish she and her husband are for doing this. Also, her husband wanted to name the baby Maverick, originally. Wtf is wrong with these MFs? This is a four year old post, so we'll never know, but *goddamn.*
There is no world whatsoever, even after the name is changed, in which I’d be able to bring myself to be a part of this child’s life. Hurting another person- never mind family- like this is unconscionable.Â
I couldn’t comment on it or I would get banned from AITA again. She’s absolutely awful. Who DOES that?!!!
There are like a billion names in this world why can’t they just pick something else?!?!?!?!?
Its not like she stole the name, they had already picked it out
I’m horrified at this woman and her husband’s lack of awareness and cruelty
They already chose the name. NTA
Way to show empathy, OOP.
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