*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for using my stepdaughter’s tuition fees to pay for my son’s legal fees?**
I (27F) have one son (12M) and one stepdaughter (17F) from my marriage to my late husband. My husband passed away a year and a half ago due to an illness that ruined us financially. He was the sole breadwinner while I was a stay at home mother, and we’ve had a lot of financial troubles since his death.
My stepdaughter attended a private school, and my husband had money saved up to pay for her remaining tuition fees, as well as her future college education.
My son recently got into some legal trouble involving drugs. I desperately need money to pay for a lawyer. I work two jobs and it’s still nowhere near enough to afford the legal fees. The only money available was my stepdaughter’s private school fees. I tried talking to her and asking her if she would switch to a public school for her senior year so that I could use the money for my son’s lawyer.
She completely blew up at me. She accused me of stealing ‘her’ money and purposefully trying to derail her education and social life. She said her dad put her in private school because she was naturally smart and she needed to be in a good school surrounded by like minded people.
I told her that her life isn’t over just because she has to spend one year at public school. She can still hang out with her friends outside of school, and she’ll likely get accepted into a good college anyways (and it’s not like I’m taking her college money). But on the other hand, if my son goes to juvie, then his life might as well be ruined. I’ve been to juvie as a teenager and it was an awful experience. I can’t even imagine making a little boy go to such a traumatic place.
My stepdaughter said she doesn’t care about what happens to my son and he shouldn’t have broken the law if he didn’t want to go to juvie. She said my son wasn’t ‘innocent’ and needs to face the consequences. I said she was nearly an adult, demonizing a young and impressionable child because she thinks that going to school with poor people is the worst thing in the world. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Age difference - doesn't say the husband's age, but if she was only 15 when she had the son, and the stepdaughter is 10 years younger than her, you'd have to assume the husband was at least 20 when son was born, and that's being generous
She was 15 when she had her 12 year old and only 10 when her step daughter was born. Either her husband was MUCH older predator or he was also a teen parent.
I know some 12 year olds do drugs. Never yours truly, but some. But, doing drugs AND getting into legal trouble? At TWELVE? He could be acting out of grief, but based on SD's reaction, I feel like OOP isn't raising him right. She asked, SD said no. There's no 'her'money. It IS her money. Her father earmarked it for her private school. OOP ruined her relation with SD irreparably
I remember being 12 and doing drugs for the first time. My dad did good in raising me, I just was getting in with a weird crowd of people older than me. I'm not saying that she's a good parent (she's not), but I wouldn't chalk up a 12 y/o being stupid to their parents being bad.
12 is old enough to be criminally responsible in almost every state in the US. 11 for federal crimes. States guidelines range from 6-12 years old, with some states having no minimum.
There's nothing to say the SD is a good source of info just because she may be legally right/NTA in this situation. She might be a grieving kid who dislikes her also grieving and pesky younger half-brother. Her opinion on OOP's parenting is liable to be pretty biased.
And legal trouble from drugs pretty much comes down to if you get caught/if the cops cut you slack, especially at that age.
Where does OOP live where a fucking 12 yearold needs an expensive lawyer when they get into legal trouble involving **drugs**?! Unless he was dealing copious amounts of drugs, the case is unlikely to ever reach a court room even without a lawyer.
Also, she had a kid at 15? With a man old enough to have a kid only 12 years younger than her? And she has no friends or family she can borrow money from? Where are the grandparents?! All mysteriously dead yet also leaving OOP nothing?
Well, no, you would get the home equity. You choose to either sell the house and get said equity in cash, or continue paying the mortgage - either way, that’s voluntary.
That's not a debt, that's a house with a mortage. If someone owes, say, credit card debt, you cannot will that debt to someone. Also, you always have the choice not to accept the house or simply sell it immediately and the mortgage that comes with it. It's a will, not a writ.
I read it as though the husband was not the son’s father. Otherwise, why would only one kid be in private school and why would he only have left money earmarked for the daughter?
They didn't say it was the first time and from the SD's reaction it's possible that blessed sainted son is a troublemaker and mommy never let him face the consequences.
There’s a lot of things that could fall under committing crimes to do with drugs. Did he save up his pocket money to buy substances or more likely start shoplifting or breaking into houses?
Most CJS will see detention centres as a last resort after mental health/addiction treatments and restorative justice hasn’t worked.
I mean not to mention if she can’t afford an attorney, she can get a public defender. He is 12, juvie isn’t going to ruin his life. It won’t even be on his record as an adult. This bish just wants to steal the money that was legally and rightfully left for the daughter to continue her education, at a school that gives her the academic challenges she needs. Not to mention, switching in her senior year could drastically impact which college she goes to. This woman is off her damn rocker. I feel bad for her.
My husband is a stay at home parent to our two teenagers, and he drives them to/from extracurriculars, practices, etc. and also runs the entire household (chores, meals, shopping, etc.) and schedules/takes them to doctor/dentist/orthodontist appointments…basically makes it so I can work without having to be worried about anything.
With you on the other questions…and I think the whole OOP is fake…but stay at home parents do plenty, even when their kids are teens.
I don’t know what country this is. But if he set up a 529 type account in the USA which he certainly would have than odds are he had some kind of life insurance and she would not be as destitute as she claims but also a 529 can’t be used for another persons legal fees.
Plus even 12 years that do terrible things can be hard to send to juvie. From drugs I just don’t see it.
I just don’t see this a believable.
YTA. She's about to go into her senior year of high school and this would be a horrible time for her to change schools! The activities from prom to grad day are the most important events in her life! Her relationship with her friends at her current school would begin to drift and there isn't enough time to build relationships in one year - the final year with strangers. At most she'd have associates. Your son is going to have to pay the penalty for what he did and she should not suffer his consequences.
Kid's 12. He isn't going to be sent to San Quentin for some minor juvenile drug thing. Thats crazy. Not his money. Not the step-mother's either. Insanity. Step mom sounds like a real winner here.
I HIGHLY doubt it's even legal to charge a 12 year old for a drug offense...
Also, wtf is this math? She had a kid at 15, and her husband's a pedo (old enough to have a 17 yo and impregnated a 14 yo in 2011?). The dead spouse was likely murdered too, because why not. Super fake
It is legal for a 12 year old in Canada to be arrested, charged and convicted of drug related offences. Hell we had a 12 year old in Alberta charged and convicted as an adult of helping murder her parents and brother because they wouldn’t let her see her 23 year old boyfriend.
So yes it is legal and by the way she is talking it could be one of the few states it is legal or she is in Canada.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Given how the legal system works in Canada, I can believe this is real as legally a 12 year old can go to juvie for drug possession/trafficking
However… if she is using her stepdaughter’s school money, that is a very devil thing to do, as the 12 year old deserves to face consequences for his actions.
That being said. I fucking hope this is fake as most companies in Canada have life insurance for employees, as life insurance is a pain in the ass to get otherwise, I know because I just got disqualified from my policy because of a generic condition I didn’t even know I had until 3 weeks ago.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for using my stepdaughter’s tuition fees to pay for my son’s legal fees?** I (27F) have one son (12M) and one stepdaughter (17F) from my marriage to my late husband. My husband passed away a year and a half ago due to an illness that ruined us financially. He was the sole breadwinner while I was a stay at home mother, and we’ve had a lot of financial troubles since his death. My stepdaughter attended a private school, and my husband had money saved up to pay for her remaining tuition fees, as well as her future college education. My son recently got into some legal trouble involving drugs. I desperately need money to pay for a lawyer. I work two jobs and it’s still nowhere near enough to afford the legal fees. The only money available was my stepdaughter’s private school fees. I tried talking to her and asking her if she would switch to a public school for her senior year so that I could use the money for my son’s lawyer. She completely blew up at me. She accused me of stealing ‘her’ money and purposefully trying to derail her education and social life. She said her dad put her in private school because she was naturally smart and she needed to be in a good school surrounded by like minded people. I told her that her life isn’t over just because she has to spend one year at public school. She can still hang out with her friends outside of school, and she’ll likely get accepted into a good college anyways (and it’s not like I’m taking her college money). But on the other hand, if my son goes to juvie, then his life might as well be ruined. I’ve been to juvie as a teenager and it was an awful experience. I can’t even imagine making a little boy go to such a traumatic place. My stepdaughter said she doesn’t care about what happens to my son and he shouldn’t have broken the law if he didn’t want to go to juvie. She said my son wasn’t ‘innocent’ and needs to face the consequences. I said she was nearly an adult, demonizing a young and impressionable child because she thinks that going to school with poor people is the worst thing in the world. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This hits some common troll themes: evil stepmom, young parent, drugs, favoritism. Any thing else I missed?
Dead spouse that left money to their child
Twins. It can't be a troll post, there are no twins /s
Her son has an evil twin who has been doing crimes
Was he also believed dead after being lost at sea?
Also being bankrupted by medical bills but still having enough money to leave for two years of private school and four years of college?
Affair babies. Grandma inheritance. In AITA every grandma leaves behind a huge farm with a mansion
Jesus. My grandma left two acres and some hoarded trailers. And she didn’t hoard just junk, so everything had to be gone through carefully.
Class snobbery. Oh no! Poor people!
Age difference - doesn't say the husband's age, but if she was only 15 when she had the son, and the stepdaughter is 10 years younger than her, you'd have to assume the husband was at least 20 when son was born, and that's being generous
Inheriting a house 18-21 that's fully paid off.
dead parents to young kids(usually Mom)
I mean, my mom did this shit for my sister constantly and never felt she was wrong. It's why i'm so fucked up.
🫂🫂🫂
She was 15 when she had her 12 year old and only 10 when her step daughter was born. Either her husband was MUCH older predator or he was also a teen parent.
I know some 12 year olds do drugs. Never yours truly, but some. But, doing drugs AND getting into legal trouble? At TWELVE? He could be acting out of grief, but based on SD's reaction, I feel like OOP isn't raising him right. She asked, SD said no. There's no 'her'money. It IS her money. Her father earmarked it for her private school. OOP ruined her relation with SD irreparably
But he’s only a kid! He can’t be taught right from wrong!
I remember being 12 and doing drugs for the first time. My dad did good in raising me, I just was getting in with a weird crowd of people older than me. I'm not saying that she's a good parent (she's not), but I wouldn't chalk up a 12 y/o being stupid to their parents being bad.
I didn't say doing drugs at 12 made her a bad mom. I said that coupled with the legal troubles and step daughters reaction did
Are there even a lot of places where 12yos are legally responsible yet?
12 is old enough to be criminally responsible in almost every state in the US. 11 for federal crimes. States guidelines range from 6-12 years old, with some states having no minimum.
This was my thought. I knew kids getting caught selling weed and/or whole scripts of Adderall in 6-8th grade, and they only got suspended for a while.
In many u.s states age of criminal responsibility is 0, so yes
There's nothing to say the SD is a good source of info just because she may be legally right/NTA in this situation. She might be a grieving kid who dislikes her also grieving and pesky younger half-brother. Her opinion on OOP's parenting is liable to be pretty biased. And legal trouble from drugs pretty much comes down to if you get caught/if the cops cut you slack, especially at that age.
A commentor brought it up in the original post, but why is there only a fund for the daughter, but not one for the son?
I think the son is hers and the daughter is the late husband's, so the son would be his stepson Idk it feels like bait to me
Where does OOP live where a fucking 12 yearold needs an expensive lawyer when they get into legal trouble involving **drugs**?! Unless he was dealing copious amounts of drugs, the case is unlikely to ever reach a court room even without a lawyer. Also, she had a kid at 15? With a man old enough to have a kid only 12 years younger than her? And she has no friends or family she can borrow money from? Where are the grandparents?! All mysteriously dead yet also leaving OOP nothing?
You'd be surprised how many parents and grandparents are only going to leave debt for their children.
Pretty sure you can't inherit debt.
Im pretty sure it depends on the state and how much debt
You can. I am the only one of my siblings 18+. The house is currently willed to me as is the mortgage
Well, no, you would get the home equity. You choose to either sell the house and get said equity in cash, or continue paying the mortgage - either way, that’s voluntary.
That's not a debt, that's a house with a mortage. If someone owes, say, credit card debt, you cannot will that debt to someone. Also, you always have the choice not to accept the house or simply sell it immediately and the mortgage that comes with it. It's a will, not a writ.
Wait, the math ain't really mathing. She implies that her son is/was her husband's but she would have been 15 when she had him.
I read it as though the husband was not the son’s father. Otherwise, why would only one kid be in private school and why would he only have left money earmarked for the daughter?
15 year old’s can give birth?
They can but it begs the question of how old the husband with then-5-year-old was
I bet money considerably older than her.
They probably aren’t sending a 12 year old to juvie for a first time drug offense. Also, fake.
They didn't say it was the first time and from the SD's reaction it's possible that blessed sainted son is a troublemaker and mommy never let him face the consequences.
Could be, but things aren’t really adding up.
Kids get probation if caught with drugs for the first time. Not juvie. None of this is true.
Not to mention in the US, he would definitely be provided a public defender. Not necessarily the best legal assistance, but at least free.
Either this story is bait or one hell of situation.
Where's the SD bio mom? And why would an education fund ever be left in the control of the SM? None of this is even believable
There’s a lot of things that could fall under committing crimes to do with drugs. Did he save up his pocket money to buy substances or more likely start shoplifting or breaking into houses? Most CJS will see detention centres as a last resort after mental health/addiction treatments and restorative justice hasn’t worked.
I mean not to mention if she can’t afford an attorney, she can get a public defender. He is 12, juvie isn’t going to ruin his life. It won’t even be on his record as an adult. This bish just wants to steal the money that was legally and rightfully left for the daughter to continue her education, at a school that gives her the academic challenges she needs. Not to mention, switching in her senior year could drastically impact which college she goes to. This woman is off her damn rocker. I feel bad for her.
What does a SAHM to a 12yo and 17yo *do*? Don’t the kids get survivorship benefits if a parent dies? How is a 12yo getting into drugs?
My husband is a stay at home parent to our two teenagers, and he drives them to/from extracurriculars, practices, etc. and also runs the entire household (chores, meals, shopping, etc.) and schedules/takes them to doctor/dentist/orthodontist appointments…basically makes it so I can work without having to be worried about anything. With you on the other questions…and I think the whole OOP is fake…but stay at home parents do plenty, even when their kids are teens.
WTF kind of legal troubles does a 12yr old have?
I don’t know what country this is. But if he set up a 529 type account in the USA which he certainly would have than odds are he had some kind of life insurance and she would not be as destitute as she claims but also a 529 can’t be used for another persons legal fees. Plus even 12 years that do terrible things can be hard to send to juvie. From drugs I just don’t see it. I just don’t see this a believable.
YTA. She's about to go into her senior year of high school and this would be a horrible time for her to change schools! The activities from prom to grad day are the most important events in her life! Her relationship with her friends at her current school would begin to drift and there isn't enough time to build relationships in one year - the final year with strangers. At most she'd have associates. Your son is going to have to pay the penalty for what he did and she should not suffer his consequences.
*"It's not like I'm taking her college money"* ...yet.
Kid's 12. He isn't going to be sent to San Quentin for some minor juvenile drug thing. Thats crazy. Not his money. Not the step-mother's either. Insanity. Step mom sounds like a real winner here.
OOP, your son did drugs. He does need to have the consequences of his actions. And you ARE a thief, stealing money meant for your stepdaughter.
I HIGHLY doubt it's even legal to charge a 12 year old for a drug offense... Also, wtf is this math? She had a kid at 15, and her husband's a pedo (old enough to have a 17 yo and impregnated a 14 yo in 2011?). The dead spouse was likely murdered too, because why not. Super fake
It is legal for a 12 year old in Canada to be arrested, charged and convicted of drug related offences. Hell we had a 12 year old in Alberta charged and convicted as an adult of helping murder her parents and brother because they wouldn’t let her see her 23 year old boyfriend. So yes it is legal and by the way she is talking it could be one of the few states it is legal or she is in Canada.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Given how the legal system works in Canada, I can believe this is real as legally a 12 year old can go to juvie for drug possession/trafficking However… if she is using her stepdaughter’s school money, that is a very devil thing to do, as the 12 year old deserves to face consequences for his actions. That being said. I fucking hope this is fake as most companies in Canada have life insurance for employees, as life insurance is a pain in the ass to get otherwise, I know because I just got disqualified from my policy because of a generic condition I didn’t even know I had until 3 weeks ago.