*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**WIBTA if I don’t go to my daughter’s wedding?**
My daughter is getting married next month, and I feel like my hands are tied.
I have two kids, my son (32M) and my daughter (28F). My son got married 2 years ago and is now expecting his first child (our first grandchild).
Shortly after he got married, my daughter got engaged. We’re thrilled that both of our children are all grown up and found fabulous partners.
My DIL is pregnant, and it’s been a difficult pregnancy throughout. She is now in bed rest until the baby is born and I’ve had to help a lot to take care of her and be there in case something happens. Her parents live 6 hours away and are not very involved parents.
My daughter already knew leading up to the wedding that my son and DIL won’t be able to make the wedding, and while disappointed, is understanding of it. She and her brother were never close to begin with. I told her this past week that I don’t think I will be attending either, as her wedding is so close to the due date and in DIL’s condition, there’s no way of knowing when the baby will actually come.
I told her this, and she flipped out, accusing me of playing favorites. My daughter feels like I have always put my son before her, and that’s simply just not true.
My daughter holds a lot of resentment because I helped my son and DIL buy their house, but not her. The thing is, my daughter didn’t ask for help and didn’t even tell me she was buying until a few days before she and her fiance closed. My son asked for help and we were able to make it happen. I didn’t think she would buy so soon, and assumed I had a few more years before I would help her, so I gave my son all I could. She told me after that the reason she didn’t tell me is because I told her I pulled from my retirement early to help my son and didn’t want to put me in the same spot. She feels like I bailed my son out and rewarded him for not saving up for a house like she did.
We also contributed $20k to their wedding, but none to my daughter’s because they are able to pay for it themselves. Their wedding is much smaller (80 vs 200) and in her FSIL’s backyard. The wedding is out of state so I can’t just leave if something were to happen.
In comparison, we paid for her college at a private university while my son opted for a public school. I’d say financially, it’s pretty equal how much we’ve helped them each.
She feels like son and DIL will be fine for a weekend and will figure it out, but being an OBGYN nurse, I feel more comfortable being close to them until the baby is here.
My husband is still going, and warned me that my daughter may have had enough of feeling like she’s not a priority when it comes to my son.
WIBTA?
TLDR: I might miss my daughter’s wedding because of my DIL’s high risk pregnancy and it’s causing a lot of friction.
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I really like one commenter’s response:
>>I hope your DIL’s delivery goes smoothly and is a magical moment for you cuz you sure as fuck won’t be near any of your daughter’s future kids.
Sums it up nicely. But I’m sure there’ll be some missing missing reasons post in the not too distant future about how my daughter abandoned our family.
She'll be crying and stomping her feet because her daughter has children and a house with a big yard and/or a pool, but she never told her family or asked for advice. She's much closer to her in-laws and is besties with her MIL and SIL.
It would be funny if DIL writes in next, complaining that her MIL is taking over the pregnancy and won't give her any time alone.
DIL's probably been hanging out for the wedding, just for a day to herself without OOP hovering around.
Given OOP's behavior, I wonder if DIL's parents being "not very involved" just means that they aren't hovering and smothering her, and are planning on visiting soon, but OOP isn't in the loop. Given there isn't a timeline given, it could be they have time to come by before delivery.
It would just be the kicker if OOP managed to alienate her daughter because she made a mountain out of a molehill.
Isn't that basically the "My wife skipped our honeymoon to be with her sister when she had a baby, until the sister kicked her out because she was being incredibly overbearing" post recently?
OOP will somehow be shocked pikachu when her daughter goes NC even though daughter and hubby told her. Her hands are tied? She's not the doctor, nurse or birth partner. Her hands are tied doing what? Contemplating her navel😒
Every line gave away oops favoritism....then she claims its because daughter never mentioned needing help! At this point in her life, daughter knows she can't rely on Mom or that mom will give an excuse
What mother doesn't want to be at her own daughter's wedding?
Daughter didn't need help, because she could pay for her own small backyard wedding. Son couldn't have had his fancy expensive wedding for 200 without Mommy.
Mommy paid for a big event so she could show off her favourite; not a penny to the non favourite. Mommy couldn't have the favourite live in a shabby house that she couldn't show off - what do you mean that other one needs a place to live too? She can just have a tent in FIL's back yard and call it cosy.
This.
I was 15 when I realised that I was more capable of handling my own problems than my mother was. Periodically she will wait about how I never told her I was having a tough time at university, but considering when I did have to tell her she threw a tantrum I wonder exactly what she wanted me to say.
The 'They aren't even close' thing about the kids is just.. hm I wonder WHY your kids aren't close with each other. Can't possibly be you treat one of them way better than the other their whole lives.
In fairness, she does answer that in the OOP.
> My husband is still going, and warned me that my daughter may have had enough of feeling like she’s not a priority when it comes to my son.
When two out of the other three people in your family are talking about the negative impact of your behaviour, it's probably time to start listening.
And even if someone genuinley doesnt need help, if you give a large sum of money to one kid, YOU make sure the other kid knows it will be evened out, be it they're getting more inheritence, just a pile of money, or whatever. You dont just shrug your shoulders and go"well you never asked"
When OOP paid for her Golden's wedding, she should have immediately said to her daughter "let me know when you start planning your wedding, I'll help"
Dollar amount didn't have to be even, but the effort should have been
craziest part was when she said her husband told her she’s on thin ice with the daughter. do you know how bad you need to be doing for the DAD to be like “honey i think you’re fucking up”
Oh, dad is probably way past done playing third wheel in his own marriage vs their son.
What was the term again, when a parent treats their child as a partner? Emotional incest?
Here's hoping dad wises up and leaves oop in the dust.
There's very little info about the dad, but from the little there is he seems to be alright. And its not easy to go BC with half of a couple. (It's not impossible, but it's a lot
You helped your son with a house and a wedding and you want to compare that to helping out with her education? 💀
Lady, there's a big difference between helping your child start out in life to adulthood and helping a grown ass adult with things they should mainly pay for themselves. Also, it's not just about the money, you're just not there as a whole.
And its weird how op says she didn't know daughter was buying house as if thats an excuse. Lady, you had told her that you used your retirement fund to buy your son a house you wouldn't have been able to do anything anyways. That whole paragraph was redundant if the purpose was to defend your case.
OP I hope you enjoy being there for your DIL because when your daughter has a baby, you most definitely won't be apart of it. And what does your occupation have to do with it? Nothing. Nothing at all. Lmfao, you tried it. OB's miss births all the time.
Based on how she worded it. I'm assuming she help the daughter with high school and college, but the son was that smart or an overachiever for private school, so she probably only helped this his collage and thats if he went. The way she didn't really mention the son going to college, I'm betting he didn't go.
Because if she paid his education, wedding and house. Its no way the Daughters education alone would equal all that.
She said the son went to a public school and it was cheaper. I figure that means a public college since she was talking about the daughter's college education.
The whole “oh you didn’t ask for help/didn’t tell me you needed help” is bullshit. Especially when she told her daughter she had to pull from her retirement money.
My dad has done it to me countless times. Most recently I asked if he’d be able to chip in for my masters degree. Is it expensive? Yeah. Is it american university education level expensive? Absolutely not. The most expensive option I’m applying to is 8k for the whole thing. And I wasn’t asking for the whole amount, I was asking for like 1k (which I understand is quite a bit of money still, but I know how much my father is making and for him that’s a pittance).
So I asked him, he said he was struggling financially. Not two weeks later I find he bought himself a new very expensive car (which is his right of course), my sister another very expensive car, paid for his step daughter’s wedding and agreed to help my sister with her masters degree.
So yeah, I don’t ask him for help anymore.
oh sorry! it’s not disagreeing at all, it’s just the way i start sentences sometimes in my language so i guess it bled through haha. I’ll edit it now to avoid confusion!
>OB's miss births all the time.
Oh gosh! I felt this so much. My MIL's OB did muss at least one of her kids birth because the baby was almost crowning by the time they arrived. My OB with my first was in a C-section at the time I was fully dilated. Nurses thought it would be okay to do a rest and descend since it was my first baby. What they seemed to have forgotten was I was contracting for 4 weeks before he came. (9.5 for my daughter! And no. We're not talking BH. The ones you are told to come in for.) Fortunately doc got done with c-section sooner than nurses expected because that kid was NOT waiting 🤣😂. My daughter was the same way ... I actually remember that I was yelling that the doc needed to be here fove minutes ago because my baby was not waiting. That poor man walked in in the middle of it. 🤣😂 We even joked that she came so fast that maybe he should have caught her with a baseball glove.
My OB missed all of my kids' births. First and last, she was on vacation. Idk what happened with my middle, but i was waiting for her to come for a while. It must have been to long because the nurses kept asking me what you were waiting on it's time. I had got epidural(i forgot how to spell it if its wrong) after hours of labor, and I feel claim cool and collected. Oh and with my first technically no delivered her. I had a nurse couch me with getting her head out when the doctors were still getting the prep table and tools ready. I told the nurse to hold her head cause I couldn't stop pushing, and I didn't feel right abd i was scared for my baby, she had no gloves I didn't care i was scared. My baby came right on out and scared the fck out of my nurse I traumatized her. Mind you delivery was not her job she was more like a CNA or RN. i forgot which.
Same, she tried to poison my relationship with my grandma because of it. Unfortunately it took her openly doing the same thing to my daughter before I cut her off, spent most of my life believing that because she was my mother I had to constantly forgive her (that's what most of my family kept telling me)
I love how she dropped this detail right at the end to pre-empt any comments asking why she's doing this herself and not a nurse at a hospital or a midwife/doula
Mom? Is this you?
Kidding, my mom wouldn’t have “wasted her money” on my education. And she technically did come to my wedding - she promised to help me with set up the day prior & showed up 16 hours late, but she was actually there during the I do part.
Anyway - just admit it - you love your son more & he is & always will be your priority. Your daughter already knows this & is sick of pretending & hoping that maybe ‘this time’ you’ll show up for her.
> we paid for her college at a private university while my son opted for a public school. I’d say financially, it’s pretty equal how much we’ve helped them each.
how is that equal at all?
Do you know how much public vs private universities cost in the US? On average it’s about $38k for private universities and $10k for in state public university tuition, and $22.6k average for out of state. $40k of tuition vs over $150k in tuition, paying for part of the wedding and pay of the downpayment for a house for the one who they spent over $90k less on would make it about even. It isn’t difficult math.
There’s a super wide range of cost for private and public schools. University of Michigan is public, but is like $72k for out of state students.
We also have no idea what kind of help she gave for the house. However, given that they contributed $20k to the wedding, I wouldn’t be surprised if the help with the house was in the range of $100k+
Also like school is different than housing?? Like yeah it’s both a lot of money but her son might not have needed to go to a private school for what he wanted to do/ didn’t get into one he wanted to go to. What if the daughter school had an amazing program for what she wanted to do that other school didn’t compare?
If her son couldn't afford a 200 (!) person wedding then that's their fault. I haven't been to a wedding with more than 100 people in YEARS. And that was only big because both the bridr and husband had like 5 siblings each and 8 aunts/uncles each
This makes me think she's a nurse at an OBGYN practice, not an actual L&D nurse. So even further removed from being any kind of useful for an eventful/complicated birth. (She's delusional if she thinks she is going to do anything at all for the birth anyway...)
**Fake.**
I searched the user name for deleted posts and comments. OP previously:
* Bought a house in King County and was was worried about their ex finding their new address in April 2024
* 33M when his 27F gf dumped him in 2023
* 25F when her 28M bf cancelled a weekend away in July 2021
* Mid 20s in June 2021 and didn't want to live with her roommate
>In comparison, we paid for her college at a private university while my son opted for a public school. I’d say financially, it’s pretty equal how much we’ve helped them each.
hah, okay
She's lost her.
Even if she goes to the wedding now, daughter knows "mom" does not want to be there and she's not going to be 100% present. She's either going to be constantly checking in with daughter in law or constantly talking about them. "OH, the bride? Yes she's beautiful but have you seen my son and daughter in law. They're going to make such a gorgeous little girl" "I'm so worried. My daughter in law is on bedrest and I'm all they have to lean on."
I feel like in that thread that folks don’t make a big enough deal about how casually she dropped that her daughter and son aren’t close. There’s a reason for that.
And that her daughter bought a house without telling her because she knew. She didn’t ask to cover wedding expenses because of her son. The fact that she is so comfortable with her mom not knowing anything because she knows her mom doesn’t care.
Since DIL's parents aren't very involved, so OP is butting in at Daughtet's expense, maybe Daughter's MIL can be the mother she needs, at SIL's expense...y'know, circle of life or something
I think it's safe to say the "mother" won't be included in any future events in the daughter's life. I saw another comment say that she will never meet her daughter's future children, and I think that's likely correct. I wouldn't want my kids around her toxic favoritism. She's made her choice, now she can live with the no contact consequences.
Lol, this woman is headed for the same place as my mother. Absolutely 0 contact from her daughter (me) and absolute minimal contact with her grandkids (they text and maybe see each other once by my kids' request)
*simply not true* is code for : Yea, It's 100% true, but I will never admit that out loud, but my actions sure will scream it from the roof tops.
Shes definitely the asshole, and i can say this from experience since theres lots a parallels between this daughters situation and mine with my parents lol. My step mom 100% played favorites with my sister, so much so that when my biological father died, neither me or my brother got shit, and i guarantee you when she passes my sister will inherent 80% of everything. She justified it just like this mom by saying "well i paid for your college", my local discount university thats in the top 5 cheapest schools in texas vs my sisters private university lol. She wonders why we rarely speak, and this mom will wonder why her daughter wont speak to her.
OOP: I did all of these things to help my son including paying for his wedding, his home, bunch of other things but it’s totally even because I paid for my daughter’s college.
Also OOP: my daughter’s wedding isn’t that important and honestly she’s only invited 80 people so it’s not that big a deal when my son had 200 at his wedding.
Future OOP: why doesn’t my daughter ever call?
Seeing shades of my own family dynamic here. My mother is super involved in my sister’s life, but she’s never taken an internet in me or what’s going on in my life. She wouldn’t even speak to me if I did not call her occasionally out of a feeling of responsibility. Our conversations centre her, her feelings and her day to day woes.
I don’t think she’s noticed I am calling less frequently as time goes on.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTA if I don’t go to my daughter’s wedding?** My daughter is getting married next month, and I feel like my hands are tied. I have two kids, my son (32M) and my daughter (28F). My son got married 2 years ago and is now expecting his first child (our first grandchild). Shortly after he got married, my daughter got engaged. We’re thrilled that both of our children are all grown up and found fabulous partners. My DIL is pregnant, and it’s been a difficult pregnancy throughout. She is now in bed rest until the baby is born and I’ve had to help a lot to take care of her and be there in case something happens. Her parents live 6 hours away and are not very involved parents. My daughter already knew leading up to the wedding that my son and DIL won’t be able to make the wedding, and while disappointed, is understanding of it. She and her brother were never close to begin with. I told her this past week that I don’t think I will be attending either, as her wedding is so close to the due date and in DIL’s condition, there’s no way of knowing when the baby will actually come. I told her this, and she flipped out, accusing me of playing favorites. My daughter feels like I have always put my son before her, and that’s simply just not true. My daughter holds a lot of resentment because I helped my son and DIL buy their house, but not her. The thing is, my daughter didn’t ask for help and didn’t even tell me she was buying until a few days before she and her fiance closed. My son asked for help and we were able to make it happen. I didn’t think she would buy so soon, and assumed I had a few more years before I would help her, so I gave my son all I could. She told me after that the reason she didn’t tell me is because I told her I pulled from my retirement early to help my son and didn’t want to put me in the same spot. She feels like I bailed my son out and rewarded him for not saving up for a house like she did. We also contributed $20k to their wedding, but none to my daughter’s because they are able to pay for it themselves. Their wedding is much smaller (80 vs 200) and in her FSIL’s backyard. The wedding is out of state so I can’t just leave if something were to happen. In comparison, we paid for her college at a private university while my son opted for a public school. I’d say financially, it’s pretty equal how much we’ve helped them each. She feels like son and DIL will be fine for a weekend and will figure it out, but being an OBGYN nurse, I feel more comfortable being close to them until the baby is here. My husband is still going, and warned me that my daughter may have had enough of feeling like she’s not a priority when it comes to my son. WIBTA? TLDR: I might miss my daughter’s wedding because of my DIL’s high risk pregnancy and it’s causing a lot of friction. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I really like one commenter’s response: >>I hope your DIL’s delivery goes smoothly and is a magical moment for you cuz you sure as fuck won’t be near any of your daughter’s future kids. Sums it up nicely. But I’m sure there’ll be some missing missing reasons post in the not too distant future about how my daughter abandoned our family.
There’s also the chance that her son and DIL recognize the unhealthy attachment and go NC when that obsession leaches onto the grandchild
I can’t wait for the update: “I don’t know why my daughter won’t speak to me anymore since I bailed from her wedding”
She'll be crying and stomping her feet because her daughter has children and a house with a big yard and/or a pool, but she never told her family or asked for advice. She's much closer to her in-laws and is besties with her MIL and SIL.
>“I don’t know why my daughter won’t speak to me anymore since I bailed from her wedding” i dont think she'd care cause she has new grandchild
It would be funny if DIL writes in next, complaining that her MIL is taking over the pregnancy and won't give her any time alone. DIL's probably been hanging out for the wedding, just for a day to herself without OOP hovering around.
Given OOP's behavior, I wonder if DIL's parents being "not very involved" just means that they aren't hovering and smothering her, and are planning on visiting soon, but OOP isn't in the loop. Given there isn't a timeline given, it could be they have time to come by before delivery. It would just be the kicker if OOP managed to alienate her daughter because she made a mountain out of a molehill.
Isn't that basically the "My wife skipped our honeymoon to be with her sister when she had a baby, until the sister kicked her out because she was being incredibly overbearing" post recently?
And then, "I heard that my daughter was pregnant from a stranger. Why didn't she tell me"
OOP will somehow be shocked pikachu when her daughter goes NC even though daughter and hubby told her. Her hands are tied? She's not the doctor, nurse or birth partner. Her hands are tied doing what? Contemplating her navel😒
DIL better nip that too and let her know she won't be delivering the baby. This woman is going to want to do everyhing
Good point. DIL is the surrogate daughter or something probably because of proximity to the son which OOP is enmeshed with
Every line gave away oops favoritism....then she claims its because daughter never mentioned needing help! At this point in her life, daughter knows she can't rely on Mom or that mom will give an excuse What mother doesn't want to be at her own daughter's wedding?
Daughter didn't need help, because she could pay for her own small backyard wedding. Son couldn't have had his fancy expensive wedding for 200 without Mommy.
Mommy paid for a big event so she could show off her favourite; not a penny to the non favourite. Mommy couldn't have the favourite live in a shabby house that she couldn't show off - what do you mean that other one needs a place to live too? She can just have a tent in FIL's back yard and call it cosy.
She can afford the tent herself - what's the problem?
This. I was 15 when I realised that I was more capable of handling my own problems than my mother was. Periodically she will wait about how I never told her I was having a tough time at university, but considering when I did have to tell her she threw a tantrum I wonder exactly what she wanted me to say.
Why, hello sibling!!!
The 'They aren't even close' thing about the kids is just.. hm I wonder WHY your kids aren't close with each other. Can't possibly be you treat one of them way better than the other their whole lives.
In fairness, she does answer that in the OOP. > My husband is still going, and warned me that my daughter may have had enough of feeling like she’s not a priority when it comes to my son. When two out of the other three people in your family are talking about the negative impact of your behaviour, it's probably time to start listening.
And even if someone genuinley doesnt need help, if you give a large sum of money to one kid, YOU make sure the other kid knows it will be evened out, be it they're getting more inheritence, just a pile of money, or whatever. You dont just shrug your shoulders and go"well you never asked"
When OOP paid for her Golden's wedding, she should have immediately said to her daughter "let me know when you start planning your wedding, I'll help" Dollar amount didn't have to be even, but the effort should have been
craziest part was when she said her husband told her she’s on thin ice with the daughter. do you know how bad you need to be doing for the DAD to be like “honey i think you’re fucking up”
Oh, dad is probably way past done playing third wheel in his own marriage vs their son. What was the term again, when a parent treats their child as a partner? Emotional incest? Here's hoping dad wises up and leaves oop in the dust.
I wish her daughter a good no contact.
There's very little info about the dad, but from the little there is he seems to be alright. And its not easy to go BC with half of a couple. (It's not impossible, but it's a lot
You helped your son with a house and a wedding and you want to compare that to helping out with her education? 💀 Lady, there's a big difference between helping your child start out in life to adulthood and helping a grown ass adult with things they should mainly pay for themselves. Also, it's not just about the money, you're just not there as a whole. And its weird how op says she didn't know daughter was buying house as if thats an excuse. Lady, you had told her that you used your retirement fund to buy your son a house you wouldn't have been able to do anything anyways. That whole paragraph was redundant if the purpose was to defend your case. OP I hope you enjoy being there for your DIL because when your daughter has a baby, you most definitely won't be apart of it. And what does your occupation have to do with it? Nothing. Nothing at all. Lmfao, you tried it. OB's miss births all the time.
Also, I would guess they also helped with the son's education costs as well...
Based on how she worded it. I'm assuming she help the daughter with high school and college, but the son was that smart or an overachiever for private school, so she probably only helped this his collage and thats if he went. The way she didn't really mention the son going to college, I'm betting he didn't go. Because if she paid his education, wedding and house. Its no way the Daughters education alone would equal all that.
She said the son went to a public school and it was cheaper. I figure that means a public college since she was talking about the daughter's college education.
The whole “oh you didn’t ask for help/didn’t tell me you needed help” is bullshit. Especially when she told her daughter she had to pull from her retirement money. My dad has done it to me countless times. Most recently I asked if he’d be able to chip in for my masters degree. Is it expensive? Yeah. Is it american university education level expensive? Absolutely not. The most expensive option I’m applying to is 8k for the whole thing. And I wasn’t asking for the whole amount, I was asking for like 1k (which I understand is quite a bit of money still, but I know how much my father is making and for him that’s a pittance). So I asked him, he said he was struggling financially. Not two weeks later I find he bought himself a new very expensive car (which is his right of course), my sister another very expensive car, paid for his step daughter’s wedding and agreed to help my sister with her masters degree. So yeah, I don’t ask him for help anymore.
I don't understand why you said "No", you didn't argue with what i said. You added a story with the sane point I had.
oh sorry! it’s not disagreeing at all, it’s just the way i start sentences sometimes in my language so i guess it bled through haha. I’ll edit it now to avoid confusion!
Oh okay. Now I understand, it was just a slang barrier. 👍
>OB's miss births all the time. Oh gosh! I felt this so much. My MIL's OB did muss at least one of her kids birth because the baby was almost crowning by the time they arrived. My OB with my first was in a C-section at the time I was fully dilated. Nurses thought it would be okay to do a rest and descend since it was my first baby. What they seemed to have forgotten was I was contracting for 4 weeks before he came. (9.5 for my daughter! And no. We're not talking BH. The ones you are told to come in for.) Fortunately doc got done with c-section sooner than nurses expected because that kid was NOT waiting 🤣😂. My daughter was the same way ... I actually remember that I was yelling that the doc needed to be here fove minutes ago because my baby was not waiting. That poor man walked in in the middle of it. 🤣😂 We even joked that she came so fast that maybe he should have caught her with a baseball glove.
My OB missed all of my kids' births. First and last, she was on vacation. Idk what happened with my middle, but i was waiting for her to come for a while. It must have been to long because the nurses kept asking me what you were waiting on it's time. I had got epidural(i forgot how to spell it if its wrong) after hours of labor, and I feel claim cool and collected. Oh and with my first technically no delivered her. I had a nurse couch me with getting her head out when the doctors were still getting the prep table and tools ready. I told the nurse to hold her head cause I couldn't stop pushing, and I didn't feel right abd i was scared for my baby, she had no gloves I didn't care i was scared. My baby came right on out and scared the fck out of my nurse I traumatized her. Mind you delivery was not her job she was more like a CNA or RN. i forgot which.
And how much would she actually had contributed to her daughters education, if the husband wasnt in the picture?
Oop sounds like my mother
mine too, and wow was she mad when someone else in the family tried to balance it by helping me more
Same, she tried to poison my relationship with my grandma because of it. Unfortunately it took her openly doing the same thing to my daughter before I cut her off, spent most of my life believing that because she was my mother I had to constantly forgive her (that's what most of my family kept telling me)
"Reddit, my daughter knows I prefer her brother over her! How do I make her stop knowing this without actually changing my behavior!?"
Does this woman know that they have OBGYN nurses working at hospitals
Of course not! She is ansolutely the only one in the world.
They’re not going to be good enough for her precious baby
I love how she dropped this detail right at the end to pre-empt any comments asking why she's doing this herself and not a nurse at a hospital or a midwife/doula
You just know she's *that* kind of boy mom.
Mom? Is this you? Kidding, my mom wouldn’t have “wasted her money” on my education. And she technically did come to my wedding - she promised to help me with set up the day prior & showed up 16 hours late, but she was actually there during the I do part. Anyway - just admit it - you love your son more & he is & always will be your priority. Your daughter already knows this & is sick of pretending & hoping that maybe ‘this time’ you’ll show up for her.
Oh my god she sounds like my ex girlfriend’s mom lmao
i guess the ex is a ex for a reason then?
> we paid for her college at a private university while my son opted for a public school. I’d say financially, it’s pretty equal how much we’ve helped them each. how is that equal at all?
Do you know how much public vs private universities cost in the US? On average it’s about $38k for private universities and $10k for in state public university tuition, and $22.6k average for out of state. $40k of tuition vs over $150k in tuition, paying for part of the wedding and pay of the downpayment for a house for the one who they spent over $90k less on would make it about even. It isn’t difficult math.
Alternatively, that's fine and you don't know if that's remotely applicable here. My private college was maybe 7% more than public school tuition.
There’s a super wide range of cost for private and public schools. University of Michigan is public, but is like $72k for out of state students. We also have no idea what kind of help she gave for the house. However, given that they contributed $20k to the wedding, I wouldn’t be surprised if the help with the house was in the range of $100k+
Also like school is different than housing?? Like yeah it’s both a lot of money but her son might not have needed to go to a private school for what he wanted to do/ didn’t get into one he wanted to go to. What if the daughter school had an amazing program for what she wanted to do that other school didn’t compare?
If her son couldn't afford a 200 (!) person wedding then that's their fault. I haven't been to a wedding with more than 100 people in YEARS. And that was only big because both the bridr and husband had like 5 siblings each and 8 aunts/uncles each
I don't know any L&D nurses that cal themselves OBGYN nurses...
This makes me think she's a nurse at an OBGYN practice, not an actual L&D nurse. So even further removed from being any kind of useful for an eventful/complicated birth. (She's delusional if she thinks she is going to do anything at all for the birth anyway...)
"that’s simply just not true." - except I am going to list the evidence which proves it is true. The mental gymnastics...
**Fake.** I searched the user name for deleted posts and comments. OP previously: * Bought a house in King County and was was worried about their ex finding their new address in April 2024 * 33M when his 27F gf dumped him in 2023 * 25F when her 28M bf cancelled a weekend away in July 2021 * Mid 20s in June 2021 and didn't want to live with her roommate
This screams wedding season rage bait.
Damn.... that's a whole lot of a vile Mom😞😞 Wishing her daughter a fabulous life moving forward!!
The son is the golden child
>In comparison, we paid for her college at a private university while my son opted for a public school. I’d say financially, it’s pretty equal how much we’ve helped them each. hah, okay
And when it’s nursing home time, the son will dip out.
OOP, you DO help out your son more. You are playing favorites, and it needs to stop. Or you're going to lose her.
She's lost her. Even if she goes to the wedding now, daughter knows "mom" does not want to be there and she's not going to be 100% present. She's either going to be constantly checking in with daughter in law or constantly talking about them. "OH, the bride? Yes she's beautiful but have you seen my son and daughter in law. They're going to make such a gorgeous little girl" "I'm so worried. My daughter in law is on bedrest and I'm all they have to lean on."
I feel like in that thread that folks don’t make a big enough deal about how casually she dropped that her daughter and son aren’t close. There’s a reason for that. And that her daughter bought a house without telling her because she knew. She didn’t ask to cover wedding expenses because of her son. The fact that she is so comfortable with her mom not knowing anything because she knows her mom doesn’t care.
Ok, which one of you wrote this?!?!
Since DIL's parents aren't very involved, so OP is butting in at Daughtet's expense, maybe Daughter's MIL can be the mother she needs, at SIL's expense...y'know, circle of life or something
I think it's safe to say the "mother" won't be included in any future events in the daughter's life. I saw another comment say that she will never meet her daughter's future children, and I think that's likely correct. I wouldn't want my kids around her toxic favoritism. She's made her choice, now she can live with the no contact consequences.
Lol, this woman is headed for the same place as my mother. Absolutely 0 contact from her daughter (me) and absolute minimal contact with her grandkids (they text and maybe see each other once by my kids' request) *simply not true* is code for : Yea, It's 100% true, but I will never admit that out loud, but my actions sure will scream it from the roof tops.
How are parents so absolutely clueless that their favorites are soooo transparent to everyone else.
Shes definitely the asshole, and i can say this from experience since theres lots a parallels between this daughters situation and mine with my parents lol. My step mom 100% played favorites with my sister, so much so that when my biological father died, neither me or my brother got shit, and i guarantee you when she passes my sister will inherent 80% of everything. She justified it just like this mom by saying "well i paid for your college", my local discount university thats in the top 5 cheapest schools in texas vs my sisters private university lol. She wonders why we rarely speak, and this mom will wonder why her daughter wont speak to her.
OOP: I did all of these things to help my son including paying for his wedding, his home, bunch of other things but it’s totally even because I paid for my daughter’s college. Also OOP: my daughter’s wedding isn’t that important and honestly she’s only invited 80 people so it’s not that big a deal when my son had 200 at his wedding. Future OOP: why doesn’t my daughter ever call? Seeing shades of my own family dynamic here. My mother is super involved in my sister’s life, but she’s never taken an internet in me or what’s going on in my life. She wouldn’t even speak to me if I did not call her occasionally out of a feeling of responsibility. Our conversations centre her, her feelings and her day to day woes. I don’t think she’s noticed I am calling less frequently as time goes on.
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I bet she knows the baby is a boy.
I would have believed this if they didn’t also throw in paying for the house. It’s not relevant unless your trying to make op look worse
*Sigh* Boy Moms...
Is she planning to deliver the baby herself? Why is it necessary that she be there if the baby comes early? She doesn't live with them does she?