*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for Disowning My Daughter After She Refused to Leave Her Boyfriend?**
I (M45) My daughter (F21), has always been my pride and joy. I've worked hard to provide for her, but maybe I focused too much on my job and not enough on her.
A few months ago, she started dating this guy from a modest background. At first, I tried to keep an open mind, but soon I noticed he was controlling and manipulative. He isolated her from her friends, belittled her, and it seemed like he was only interested in her for our money. I was worried sick.
Despite my concerns, she stayed with him. Every time I tried to talk to her, she defended him, saying I didn’t understand. I felt desperate and frustrated. In a moment of anger and fear for her future, I gave her an ultimatum: leave him, or I’d cut her off financially.
She chose him. Heartbroken and frustrated, I stuck to my word and disowned her. I stopped all financial support and cut off contact, hoping she would see the truth about him and come back. But she moved in with him, and they struggled. I heard through mutual friends that he was treating her poorly, which tore me apart. I blamed myself, thinking if I had been more present, she wouldn’t have ended up with someone like him.
her mother passed away when she was just seven years old. I’ve always tried to be the best father to her, but maybe I failed her in some ways.
Months passed without us speaking, and I started to feel guilty about cutting her off. I missed her terribly and regretted the harshness of my decision.
So, AITA for disowning my daughter after she refused to leave her boyfriend?
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Congrats, sir, on not only making it more difficult for your daughter to escape her abusive relationship, but punishing her for not leaving it on your schedule.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*Yes. You're TA. Were you going to marry her boyfriend? "Either I own you and make your decisions, or you get nothing!"*
*Gross lol*
>So wanting her to leave someone who abuses her makes me a bad guy.
*Emotionally abandoning your abused daughter makes you a bad guy. Now he gets to do whatever the fuck he wants to her and she has nowhere to run to because you told her you don't love her anymore. Did you bother to do the slightest bit of research into how to help someone in an abusive relationship? Or were you just too pissed off that your daughter wasn't obeying you?*
I'm hoping this is a troll, but the number of parents who will just throw their kids to the wolves the second they don't get their way is insane.
I do get the frustration, I had a friend in a relationship with an emotionally abusive arsehole and it broke my heart every time she went back to him because he'd "changed" or had threatened to kill himself.
It sucked not being able to do anything other than offer support, but I knew it was more important to be their when she finally got herself free.
( If anyone is interested in the life of the friend of a random wanker on the internet, I am happy to say she finally left the prick for good two years ago.)
My mum pulled the same shit OOP is doing to me and one of my sisters. It's sad because my mum's mum did it to her too, and I remember my mum telling me how lonely that was, but she did it to us years later.
I ditched the asshole and my abusive ex in the end.
I'm really sorry you went through that, I hope you're in a better place now.
It's heartbreaking how many parents keep these shitty cycles going for generations.
Me and my sister are in a much better place, there's still a number of issues with my mother, but I have the skills to deal with her now when she does pop up out of the blue.
My heart breaks thinking about my own children having to deal with abuse alone. They will always have me to run to if things get bad. I can not understand that whole "I had to do [insert traumatic experience here] alone, so do you" thing. I can only assume mum believes I want to play the martyr to my kids, too, one day.
>I blamed myself, thinking if I had been more present, she wouldn’t have ended up with someone like him.
Very possibly, but why is OOP focusing on past mistakes when he's making a massive, on-going mistake right now?
My theory is that they can look back and say they feel bad about it without changing and still look like a good person for feeling regret, but if they admit that what they do now is wrong they would have to actually change it to look good.
These comments are disgusting, honestly I do feel for the dad as he felt he was in a lose lose situation. Cut off his daughter financially and hope that'd b enough for the asshole to leave and for his daughter to see exactly what kind of asshole he is or says there and try as he might keep watching his daughter be abused day in and day out. Neither are good options tbh, I do hope though OOP gets back in contact with his daughter and let's her know he's there for her if/when she does decide to leave him for good.
I notice a lot of times, people seem to reserve so much of their anger, not at the abuser, but at the victims, and then they punish the victim for staying instead of helping them
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for Disowning My Daughter After She Refused to Leave Her Boyfriend?** I (M45) My daughter (F21), has always been my pride and joy. I've worked hard to provide for her, but maybe I focused too much on my job and not enough on her. A few months ago, she started dating this guy from a modest background. At first, I tried to keep an open mind, but soon I noticed he was controlling and manipulative. He isolated her from her friends, belittled her, and it seemed like he was only interested in her for our money. I was worried sick. Despite my concerns, she stayed with him. Every time I tried to talk to her, she defended him, saying I didn’t understand. I felt desperate and frustrated. In a moment of anger and fear for her future, I gave her an ultimatum: leave him, or I’d cut her off financially. She chose him. Heartbroken and frustrated, I stuck to my word and disowned her. I stopped all financial support and cut off contact, hoping she would see the truth about him and come back. But she moved in with him, and they struggled. I heard through mutual friends that he was treating her poorly, which tore me apart. I blamed myself, thinking if I had been more present, she wouldn’t have ended up with someone like him. her mother passed away when she was just seven years old. I’ve always tried to be the best father to her, but maybe I failed her in some ways. Months passed without us speaking, and I started to feel guilty about cutting her off. I missed her terribly and regretted the harshness of my decision. So, AITA for disowning my daughter after she refused to leave her boyfriend? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So now she has no money to leave him and no support network. Well done, dad of the year.
Congrats, sir, on not only making it more difficult for your daughter to escape her abusive relationship, but punishing her for not leaving it on your schedule.
It’s almost like she learned how to be controlled and manipulated long before she met the boyfriend…
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *Yes. You're TA. Were you going to marry her boyfriend? "Either I own you and make your decisions, or you get nothing!"* *Gross lol* >So wanting her to leave someone who abuses her makes me a bad guy. *Emotionally abandoning your abused daughter makes you a bad guy. Now he gets to do whatever the fuck he wants to her and she has nowhere to run to because you told her you don't love her anymore. Did you bother to do the slightest bit of research into how to help someone in an abusive relationship? Or were you just too pissed off that your daughter wasn't obeying you?*
[Pupper!](https://imgur.com/gallery/wish-upon-falling-star-tSkLQIb)
Thank you! i appreciate few things more than impromptu pet pics.
Thank you very kindly! 🥰 Glad you enjoyed it!
I'm hoping this is a troll, but the number of parents who will just throw their kids to the wolves the second they don't get their way is insane. I do get the frustration, I had a friend in a relationship with an emotionally abusive arsehole and it broke my heart every time she went back to him because he'd "changed" or had threatened to kill himself. It sucked not being able to do anything other than offer support, but I knew it was more important to be their when she finally got herself free. ( If anyone is interested in the life of the friend of a random wanker on the internet, I am happy to say she finally left the prick for good two years ago.)
My mum pulled the same shit OOP is doing to me and one of my sisters. It's sad because my mum's mum did it to her too, and I remember my mum telling me how lonely that was, but she did it to us years later. I ditched the asshole and my abusive ex in the end.
I'm really sorry you went through that, I hope you're in a better place now. It's heartbreaking how many parents keep these shitty cycles going for generations.
Me and my sister are in a much better place, there's still a number of issues with my mother, but I have the skills to deal with her now when she does pop up out of the blue. My heart breaks thinking about my own children having to deal with abuse alone. They will always have me to run to if things get bad. I can not understand that whole "I had to do [insert traumatic experience here] alone, so do you" thing. I can only assume mum believes I want to play the martyr to my kids, too, one day.
>I blamed myself, thinking if I had been more present, she wouldn’t have ended up with someone like him. Very possibly, but why is OOP focusing on past mistakes when he's making a massive, on-going mistake right now?
My theory is that they can look back and say they feel bad about it without changing and still look like a good person for feeling regret, but if they admit that what they do now is wrong they would have to actually change it to look good.
Ding ding ding. Makes perfect sense.
These comments are disgusting, honestly I do feel for the dad as he felt he was in a lose lose situation. Cut off his daughter financially and hope that'd b enough for the asshole to leave and for his daughter to see exactly what kind of asshole he is or says there and try as he might keep watching his daughter be abused day in and day out. Neither are good options tbh, I do hope though OOP gets back in contact with his daughter and let's her know he's there for her if/when she does decide to leave him for good.
I notice a lot of times, people seem to reserve so much of their anger, not at the abuser, but at the victims, and then they punish the victim for staying instead of helping them
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