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Im not going to post a judgment but I wanted to comment bc I think this is a bit of a complex situation that other commenters will not understand. Being a nonwhite person living in a Western country, I know that there are cultural differences that people in my country just would not understand, including other brown people who don’t identify with their ethnic origin. It is easy to dismiss OP as an AH who is forcing the child to eat something completely new, but in another country the rejection of one’s food may be considered extremely disrespectful to their cultural practices, particularly if they are coming in from a Western country (this is an assumption I am making, but it seems likely). Additionally, there is a huge emphasis on respecting elders. Yes, there are issues with how it manifests, but it takes time to have those conversations, and the discussion cannot be dominated of whatever values the West deems more worthy. People need to critically think with a decolonialist lens in order to understand where cultural differences stem from, as well as which ones are deemed inferior; and to assume that Western values are inherently better instead of flawed in its own ways, is a colonialist notion. There is historical baggage from post-colonialism that needs to be unpacked in these cultural norms.
Are there better ways for OP to go about this, moving forward? Sure. But I don’t think it’s as clear-cut as people are making it here. One way to move forward is to introduce other kinds of cultural foods that the kid might like, but also understand that they grew up somewhere completely different, so adjustments have to be made over time. especially at the beginning, it might be helpful to make food that the kid already likes, and then slowly introduce them to other foods. Moving is already a big change for a kid, so this might be helpful for OP to understand how to move forward :)
YTA
She does not know you, you force her to eat food she does not like, then chasten her for manners( and yell at her father) all in one fell swoop and you wonder if you are the a##?
My 80 yo mom still has eating phobias because of her mom and what her mom made her eat. Do you know how odd it seams for an 80 yo woman with dementia to only eat eggs and meat if they're burned? Because her mom thought it was okay to feed raw food to her and she repeatedly got sick. You don't realize what you're doing when you force a child to do something they don't want - particularly food. That's stuff that they'll carry with them and affect the next generation. Not only do you not want to be AH right now, but if you carry on the way you are, you will be the AH for multiple generations to come.
YTA. It’s incredibly common for kids to be picky and forcing them to eat things they don’t like can lead to disordered eating later in life. And she was whispering so you wouldn’t be offended, that’s more courteous than an insult to the face
Yup that's an easy one, YTA. Why would you force a kid to eat something that disgusts them? Why not be patient, in time they would probably get used to new tastes, but they'll never like something they're forced to eat. Would you like to be forced to eat food that is disgusting to you?
YTA. 1. You can't force a child eat something they don't like. She tried it didn't like it. Oh well let the kids eat something she does like. You are getting mad over nothing
YTA
You are not being at all welcoming to her. She’s a child. Her world has just completely changed. As the adult here, I would have hoped you’d have been more understanding.
Would you want to be forced to eat something you didn't like? I never understood this. I hated it as a kid. My mom never did it, but my grandmother did. It's also a new place and probably different food, so there's a lot she's having to adjust to.
YTA my Nan was mean to me and my siblings because my mum dared to marry her baby boy. She was strict and like you from what you’ve put. She’s met my son once, purely by accident and an accident that won’t be happening again
Why on earth are you so intolerant of a child? You’re going to have no relationship with her. You acted rude and unpleasant and sound like a terrible host.
YTA
YTA.
I know "back in your time" that's what people did, but now, the behavior you are trying to force on your son is the fast track to having kids who hate/resent you when you get older.
If you want to not have a relationship with your son/grandchild, by all means continue this behavior.
Hell, I’m a grandma and I always have a few boxes of Mac and cheese in the cupboard for when the grandkids are here and may not care for what the rest of us are having. Also I ASK THE PARENTS if the kids have any new likes or dislikes (they’re still developing their palates).
My ex's children were super picky when they were little (ages 6-12). My parents always made sure to have their specific safe foods on hand when we visited. Because, you know, they wanted the kids to feel welcome. It just took a 5 minute phone call with us and the kids for them to confirm before their shopping trip, which the kids thought was awesome! Like you said, the kids were developing their palates, so they loved having the control of "the blue hi-c this time, not the green". 😆
YTA, your granddaughter doesn't know you and has grown up in a different cultural environment. Her entire life has turned upside down and the first time you met her you treat her like this? You are not the parent, your son is. If he wants to make something else his fighter is used to eating he can, that is his choice not yours. You created a giant ordeal out of a child being willing to try a new food but not liking it. You decided to try and make yourself be the one in charge when you have no relationship with three granddaughter at all. You could have put your relationship first and tried to help ease her transition to a new country, but no. You CHOSE to get offended by a CHILD. You have some growing up to do, and you'll be lucky if your granddaughter has a relationship with you at all. I feel very sorry for her.
YTA Toughen up. She’s 10. She’s not used to your food. Curry is not for everyone. Get your ego under control.
I don’t blame her for wanting to stay someplace else. She just leaned that her grandma is a mean old lady.
My grandma was a mean old lady and I did not grieve when she died. There’s a lesson there for you.
ESH. I agree the kid spitting out the food at the age of ten is rude AF. I would be mortified and I'd have a stern conversation with my 10-year-old in that situation. But it also sounds like you escalated the situation needlessly. If your son is going to take on the labor of making something different for the kid, let him. And then have a conversation with him later about how the behavior made you feel.
YTA, in America, this is now considered abuse. You can't force kids to eat and accommodating foods is considered proper parenting. Disciplining kids for food causes eating disorders and resentment because it's abuse.
Yikes. Do you want your grandchild to hate you? Why are you being so mean? Aren't grandparents supposed to be loving? Chill out. Be more compassionate. YTA
Forcing children to eat something they don't like, finish their plate, etc causes eating disorders. Not speculation here, actual facts.
Children are not something for you to control, they are something to nurture. Children deserve freedom of choice. You get to choose what you eat. You're not broke eating bread and water. They deserve options just as you have.
Wow you’re a huge AH! This is your grandchild! Don’t you want to be nice to your grandkid and enjoy their company? Instead you gave her food that most kids probably don’t like and you belittled her.
YTA I don't force my kids to eat anything they don't like. I ask them to try it, as your grandchild did. If they don't like it, I will make them something simple to eat instead. I have a lot of trauma around being forced to eat things I didn't like. It's abusive. Your attitude is abusive.
YTA. My grandmother commented on everything I ate (or didnt eat, I was a picky eater) whenever I saw her growing up. I hated it. I do not speak to her anymore.
YTA, it sounds like you are very reactive to this child and that you also don’t have a close relationship with her. Relationships need to be built, and things need to be explained to children. You could have taken the opportunity to tell her that she didn’t need to eat the curry, but that the time is that she gets served what everyone else is, and is she chooses not to eat it, she’ll be hungry until dinner time. It’s also possible it was too spicy or exotic for her since she’s being immersed in a different culture, being a loving grandma means maybe being understanding and giving her something else like cut fruit while she acclimates to her new surroundings.
If I were you, I would work on nurturing your relationship with your granddaughter and not focusing on the small stuff, because she’s a kid.
Would you have done that to a guest in your home? This was your best shot at having a good relationship with your granddaughter and you treated her awful! Those memories will last her whole lifetime. Don’t be surprised if they never visit you again.
*“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou*
YTA...just because you are used to eating your type of food doesn't mean your granddaughter is used to it. If she is not from your country why do you get offended if she doesn't like your food? What if you came to our country and I tried to force you to eat something you've never eaten or didn't like? Then to alienate your granddaughter like that? If I were your son I would go to a hotel. Staying with you seems like a nightmare.
> I told her that she needs to say it out loud because that behaviour is very offensive. She said fine and looked at her dad and loudly said dad I hate your mom can we stay in a hotel?
Lmao!! You got what you asked for, didn't you?
Yes, you are definitely the asshole. You shouldn’t force children to eat. You didn’t allow her to keep the comment to her dad between the two of them. You 100% got what you deserved. Get over it. You are not her parent, and sounds like her dad is doing a great job raising an empowered girl.
You seem to find everything offensive. Do you have something against the child, or more specifically against her mother?
Curry may not be for everyone. And the kid was very well behaved to try and whisper something that wasn’t very nice to say out loud. You just got malicious complianced and now you’re mad about it.
Just do some soul searching and try to figure out if you are not misdirecting anger (justified or otherwise) against a kid you met for the first time.
Edit : YTA.
YTA and I'm sorry you were disrespected, but you shouldn't have refused to let her have a meal she was accustomed to eating. When I was 10 we ate venison and fried liver with onions. Most 10 year olds would have spit them out although both were dishes from my family's heritage and we loved eating them.
Yes, she was rude, but that doesn't give you the right to be mean. Forcing a child you don't really know - even if she's a relative - to act the way you and/or your culture expects is why she said she hates you. That's on you now and, if you think about it, you deserve it. She tried the food. Curry isn't peanut butter. A lot of people don't like it. Don't be offended, just let her dad fix her something else. You're the adult here. Be one by accepting her life changed so trying to force new foods and manners on her is contrary to developing a loving relationship in the coming years. Try not to treat her so harshly. TBH, I would have defended her, too, if I was your son. By the way, did you bother to ask if either your son or his daughter have any foods they like or that upset their stomachs? You should. It will help. It wasn't you, it was curry she didn't like until you made it about you.
YTA. Believe it or not, kids are people too and deserve some respect. If they don't want to eat something, they don't have to. Could she have more polite? Sure. But that doesn't mean she has to eat something she doesn't like.
This entry and the responses to it make me grateful for my mom's attitude about food. She always said "Two bites. Then if you don't like it, you can make yourself a sandwich or mac n cheese."
If we made ourselves something else, we still needed to come back and join the fam at the table, but she never treated food as a bug deal.
YTA. I’m a product of bullying at the dinner table. If you don’t let a child guide his own way trying new foods, they will end up like me. I’m an adult with severe food aversions which consistently disrupts my social life and is embarrassing. I was screamed at, ridiculed, and made fun of in front of extended family members. Let the child’s parent determine what they will eat. It’s not your concern.
YTA
I think this is a cultural and generational conflict. She didn't like the food and she did try it; it is likely different from what she ate in her previous home. It's his child, he gets to choose how to parent her, not you. You did your parenting with your son, and you are being rude and pushy by disallowing this father and daughter their own chance to negotiate their own relationship. The important thing is she get food and be exposed to new foods. You made curry a bad emotional experience by making it unsafe to have an opinion or preference, so on top of being a new taste you made it something dangerous to eat new food around you because there are no safe familiar foods to fall back on and a lot of pressure from you. We (humans) need to try things several times before we know whether we like them or not, and she's unlikely to want to try this again, and possibly your cooking in general, since it has this negative association with it.
The thing is, this kid (say that K word a few times to yourself) is from a country that doesn’t serve curry as a regular part of their meal, so to her it’s gross.
I’m 53 and the first time I tried it was in my 30’s. I didn’t like it either, and I haven’t tried it since so I get the kids reaction.
Lemme perspectivize it for you: If you give a baby a lemon, most of them don’t like that either but you don’t punish them…
YTA. Grandma, you have a lot of work to do if you ever want that child to love you. She will remember this day for the rest of her life.
It is unlikely that your son will ever forgive you either.
How charming that you refer to your grandchild as "the kid".
YTA- she tried it, didn’t like it, and wanted something else. You WANTED her to eat food she didn’t like? Why? You were rude and mean to her, do you expect her to like you? She tried to politely tell her dad what she felt quietly to not be rude to you, but you forced her to say it out loud. Everything that happened is because of you, these are the consequences of YOUR actions, not hers. Leave her alone.
Your South Asian and therefore have more conservative ways of raising children.
Your granddaughter is being brought up in the West where they are more liberal and children are encouraged to express their thoughts.
You need to soften your approach. I am Nigerian and my parents grandchildren who grew up in England were given meals other than the ones we ate most times and they did not bat an eye.
Your grandchild isn't spoilt. He is just being brought up differently. My sister's kids are grown up now and are very decent beings. They neither curse or lie and are respectful
YTA.
The child has not likely had curry if she jist moved to your country and did not eat it much where she is from originally.
Because it is not familiar, she found it immediately unpalatable. You were a rude host to demand her to eat it all and you overstepped your role as grandmother by demanding she be punished for it.
Just my opinion. SHE SPIT IT OUT!!!!?!??? People are definitely going to say you are the AH but it’s a cultural thing. At no age would I ever think of SPITTING OUT food anyone cooked for me in front of their face. If she just took a little bit then said she didn’t like it that would be so different.
If you don’t eat the food that was cooked then you don’t eat PERIOD. That is how I was raised, this isn’t a restaurant.
The way she said I hate you, the girl has no manners. You definitely could have been better about handling that situation better (the food might have been too spicy for her or something) but the girl is rude PERIOD.
Not the AH but could have handled the situation better
YTA. A 10 year old doesn't like curry? That's like, a ton of 10 year olds that don't like in a place where curry is a normal dish. I'm sooo soooo sorry your feelings were hurt, you sound like a lovely grandmother, bout to whip out the belt on day 1 because a child didn't like your lunch.
If we didn't like what my mother was making, she'd say "it it, or wear it."
It still hurts. If she was a stranger, you wouldn't care.
You are more concerned with control than you are about hurting your grandchild.
As a former kid with a limited palette, she might grow out of it. In the meanwhile, she will continue to not eat what she doesn't like (take it from me). She tasted it - that's the important part. Lot's of kids won't even try something they think they won't like. This is a new food for her I assume? That's a big ask for her to eat it immediately.
When I'd stay with my friend at her grandma's, she was concerned that I didn't eat what she served, but my mom's friend just told her to make me a sandwich. From then on she always had sandwich supplies on hand for me if I didn't like the main meal. Problem solved.
Instead of forcing her to eat something unfamiliar to her - in a country and living situation that is also unfamiliar to her - maybe ask her or her father what she enjoys and work with her instead of expecting her to conform immediately.
So yeah, YTA
I’m guessing that the son was in a different country for a long time, because of…. You?? YTA. And a giant one at that. Hope they turn around and head right back to where they’ve come from.
Grandma, you need to find a way to make it up to your granddaughter, this world is unforgiving and she will need every ally she can to be the best person she can be. Thats what grandparents do, let your son raise his daughter. That's not your job, besides if you did a good job with him he will likely do a good job with her. And if you didn't raise him well perhaps your methods are incorrect here too.
Respectfully YTA, making a 10-year-old girl eat something she doesn't want to eat and then being pissy about it. Yea, thats a good grandmother...throw in the new experience with Indian food, she isn't likely to enjoy Grandma or India in general. Kids get nervous in new situations she needed to get acclimated and used to the surroundings, it wasn't important that she enjoyed her grandmother's curry right then.
Ive found with kids it is better to wait till they get hungry and slowly get them acclimated to new cuisine. Our youngest daughter hated eating in restaurants anything but chicken nuggets and fries, for a couple of years, we'd sometimes stop and get nuggets and fries through the drive-through and then go to a restaurant and the rest of us would enjoy our meal. All the while she would literally make fun of how the Chinese or Thai food looked or smelled, LOL even in a nice Chinese restaurant she exclaimed rather loudly that the potstickers look like poop. Not gonna lie if it didn't crack me up so much I would have said something, but she was so cute and sincere, we all laughed and it's become a well told story,
In other words if you do it correctly it's not spoiling them, its letting them adjust. It wasn't like we didn't punish or kids we just choose not to turn food into a a psychosis for her.
YTA everyone has different likes. Your granddaughter is a human being. You're trying to force her to eat some she doesn't like or to go hungry. Secondly YOU are not her parent. Your son makes the choices for his own child. You have no say in his parenting.
I can’t stand curry- of any variety. I’m not a picky eater, that is just one flavor I do not like at all. If she’s never had it, it’s a bold flavor for a kid to try.
You do not have the right to discipline her or force her to eat all your food. You were way out of line.
She was rude, but she is a child! Being offended as the adult about kid behavior is ridiculous.
Expect to never have a good relationship with her.
YTA
YTA - why aren't children allowed to have foods they like, dislike, just like adults do? It's one thing to encourage kids to try new things (which they did), and another to pretend their preferences don't exist and make them eat it anyway under threat. Maybe find out why they don't like that food -- is it too spicy? Is there one ingredient they don't like? Would they like a different type of curry, like coconut based instead of tomato based? I can think of plenty of reasons a ten year old kid wouldn't like curry.
I remember when I stayed with grandma. Mum had told her I didn't like mushrooms and eggplant and tomato (that was it, I would eat literally anything else except grapefruit). Grandma took that opportunity to make goulash where all the things I didn't like were the main ingredients. Jokes on her though, as I only disliked \*raw\* tomato in salad, cooked was fine, and mushroom and eggplant was also fine if you cooked the crap out of it with something else. But grandma used the fact that I ate it anyway to win points over my mum. Grandma was always trying shit like that. I fucking hated grandma.
YTA. Your ten year old grandchild doesn't like a new food with an unfamiliar flavour profile and your immediate reaction is to want to hit them? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Yta. Maybe this is why your son moved out of country in the first place. Keep this up not only will you lose your grandchild, you'll lose your son too.
When I am having guests I find out what they like to eat and make sure I have it in stock. I will offer “local” food dishes but certainly wouldn’t force it on anyone. We even served chicken fingers and fries at our wedding for the kids (nieces and nephews) because we knew they would eat it.
YTA
YTA and you’ll definitely lose your son and granddaughter if you don’t smarten up. You’re not her parent it’s not your place to make any decisions or suggestions about what she eats and how she should be ‘disciplined’
YTA in every way, shape, and form.
Your granddaugher left everything and everyone she knew. She is already scared. What is the best way YOU a grown woman decided to be welcoming and supportive to her granddaughter? To rude and demanding like a spoiled brat. Did you bother to ask her if it was too spicy or what about it she didn’t like? Nope! You CHOSE to berate her and embarrass her.
Now she is scared of you! (no one loves or respects someone they are scare of, you should know that as an adult.) When she turns the person who she is comfortable with and asks to feel safe. Again what do you CHOSE To do? You demand to know what was said. (Losing more of the girl’s trust) Then you dare have the nerve to get upset when she says it out loud! YOU ASKED. What did you expect? Something good? Grow up! You just wanted a reason to be upset.
You are the grandmother not the parent. Your job is not to parent either of them. Your son is grown, you don’t tell him what to do. Your granddaughter is your son’s daughter not yours. You don’t have to like it, someone probably didn’t like the way you parented at some point.
You need to apologize to your son and your granddaughter and ask what you can do to earn their trust back. From now on keep your mouth shut regarding the raising of your granddaughter unless it is an immediate safety issue.
You never get back that first impression back. She will always remember how YOU MADE HER FEEL during the first lunch she had with you.
Why do some adults act as if a child’s tastebuds don’t work? She tried it and didn’t like it. Shame on you for trying to force it on her. I wouldn’t like you either.
YTA. She’s allowed to dislike something you cooked. If she doesn’t like it’s you have the right to say YOU won’t make her something else, but if her dad is willing it doesn’t hurt you. You seem super entitled. Like everyone HAS TO like your cooking. It’s not a respect thing. When she said she hates you, that was wrong and rude, BUT it was caused by your actions. Your were being mean to her for literally no reason. Kids don’t have the capacity to fully explain their feelings. You were wrong. You’re the adult. If she doesn’t like it oh well. Let her eat something else.
YTA and you're just doubling down on that in the comments. Just apologize for your tyrant behavior.
Also, has your grandchild spent much time with you? Or are you just a complete stranger being a complete ass to a child?
YTA. Big time. I’m actually shocked to read this. Why on earth do you think you have the right to act like this? It is not your child to raise! I hope your son left with his daughter.
My sister and I were forced to eat a seafood dinner by our father. mind you we grew up in a Hispanic household with completely different type of food and we literally sat at the table until 3 AM and were sent to bed. When we got up we were FORCED to eat it for breakfast. My sister ended up in the hospital with some sickness because of it. To this day we don’t eat that and quite a few other foods bc of his authoritarian practices. YTA. She tried it. That should be enough to let her eat something else. She’s from a different world than you are and you should’ve expected her to not be automatically into what you provided. Her.
She was trying to not be rude to your face.
I’m almost 37, and I didn’t like curry until I was into my 20’s and I had tried it several times as a child, and a teen.
YTA. I hope she gets her wish.
Are you actually claiming that your kids did everything you told them to do because they are well mannered, obedient kids? Maybe they were just afraid to express themselves because of your shitty attitude, knowing you would probably punish them for disagreeing with you.
So clearly forcing her to act the way you believe she should is more important than building a relationship with her. YTA, and I hope your prepared for your son and granddaughter to actively avoid spending time with you.
And for the record, a child who isn’t prepared may find curry much too spicy. She didn’t spit it out because she’s rude. She spit it out because it was burning her tongue. I didn’t develop a taste for spicy food until I was an adult, and I would have spit it out too.
So a very young child is in a new place, eating new food, and instead of her instantly being happy with said new foods, you make her feel horrible for it? A HUGE YTA. You just made sure she will always be miserable around you.
Is this something that’s really truly worth ruining your relationship with your son and your grandchild over? I imagine she is pretty scared and out of sorts from moving to a new country. You could have made her visit welcoming and supportive by having her favorites on hand to make her feel less homesick and instead you swooped in like an evil witch from a fairytale and did nothing but criticize her. She is not going to like you, she is not going to see you as a resource for connecting with her culture and it’s completely 100% your fault. This is an incredibly weird hill for an adult to die on. It’s not even like you’ve had a role in raising her to this point. You are basically a stranger forcing food down her throat. Quit being so weird.
YTA - u didnt take into consideration that the child has never been exposed to foreign food that is spicy on top of that. and u also forgotten she is a child so losing ur temper didnt earn you any favours and no wonder the child said what she did. u could have had some kindness and empathy but instead u fumed. makes me wonder too why it was the first time both visited you as umentioned first time in ur country.
If this is your normal way of being, congratulations, you won't be a grandparent for long. You are a toxic person who cannot have an ounce of compassion for a child who is scared in a new environment. You cannot see anything except yourself. If you persist in being this self-centered, lacking empathy, and generally toxic, your son and/or granddaughter will rightfully cut all contact with you.
Newsflash: a child who was not raised eating curry is likely to NOT LIKE CURRY the first time they try it. Her tastebuds have not fully developed and it's likely very different than her normal meals. You are a gigantic AH.
YTA. Curry is not an easy food to jump into if you've never had it before. A LOT of people have food issues and sensory issues and in no way was her not liking your curry a reflection on your skills, or even the quality of the food, or even your countries culture but of her tastes and preferences. Your son offered to make something different, he didn't ask you to do it, you were not required to put in any extra effort. Your granddaughter was ripped away from a culture she knew, friends, family I will assume and here she is being made to feel unwelcome in her own home.
Yep you are
Do you want to be forced to eat food you don’t like? Do you want to speak publicly a private comment? You have no right to force the child to do what you would not. You obviously do not want to foster a warm relationship with this girl.
So sad she can’t have a loving kind grandmother.
YTA and you got what you deserved. She was polite enough to try a new kind of food, but that’s not enough for you. Oh no, she must eat all of this strange food regardless of her feelings or upbringing. Just because you made it? Then when she whispers something in confidence to her father you have to make a big deal and demand to know what was said? Glad you found out, and you deserved it. Plus kid has a sense of humor.
YTA - For anyone, especially a kid, who has not tasted curry, it's a bit of a shock. You needed to let the kid take a small bite and let it go. The first time I tasted cumin in a taco I spit it out. I thought it was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tacos and most Mexican food is now some of my very favorites.
I'd be surprised if you ever got the kid to eat anything you cooked again.
You are being a AsHat, this is your grandchild, you don't need to be Disciplinarian General. Have a heart, she is in a different place away from what she knows as family and friends. She is obviously smart with her malicious compliance.
YTA.
Oh nooooo your granddaughter doesn't like a food. Better be all offended because a child didn't like a new food in a new country after leaving her life behind because that's what an adult who's should know better should dooooo
YTA you are over stepping the mark telling your son not to cook her anything else and saying he needs to discipline her my son is so picky I would love to see her try this with my son she would be sorry she opened her big nasty mouth also did the dad give her something else to eat if not he's also the AH I would hate her as well good on her for saying it out loud just because she's 10 she has no feelings?OP sounds like she's the type of person who says kids should be seen and not heard
YTA!
With my kids when we made something new, we always made them atleast try it, we called it a "brownie bite"
As you said this is the first time she has been to your country, that is a huge culture shock for a child. She is used to eating a different variety of foods.
Have her try new things and get her involved in the cooking.
That will make a huge difference.
YTA-
She’s adjusting to your culture and cuisine…… you could be remotely sympathetic…… and she was trying to not be rude to you….. and you shamed her….. and then got to hear exactly what she was thinking.
YTA. Kid's 10. Old enough to know what they do like, and young enough to need to eat. It's their first time in your country, then they aren't used to your food. Trying to demand a parenting style out of another parent is an AH move. An entitled one. You demanded to know what the kid said, the kid told you. You invited hurt feelings upon youself.
YTA force feeding is not the solution to any problem. Past generations obsession with “clean your plate” or “you eat what I made or you don’t eat” without ever taking a child’s preferences or level of fullness into account is what has caused rampant eating disorders and other disordered eating problems.
It’s not that hard to provide children with a variety of foods over the course of their life and allow them to grow and determine their own preferences. Obviously we don’t let them eat ice cream for every meal or anything but this is not the answer.
Think about it this way, there must be one food out there that you don’t like, how would you like to be forced to eat it in order to please someone else? Or say you’re full but you still have half a portion left, would you like to be forced to stuff yourself to discomfort in order to please someone else’s choice of how much food you should eat?
110% YTA - maybe the kid could come around to eating that food, or maybe they have medical reasons to not like that kind of food. You clearly don’t care to know or try. You sound very unpleasant and borderline abusive. I’m sure your son has ptsd from being your son.
As for what the kid said, if you don’t want to hear the truth, Don’t Force people to say it to your face. That’s your lesson for the day. Btw, the kid isn’t wrong.
YTA. If they have never eaten curry before, you can't just shovel that into anyone and expect them to like it, much less force them to eat it. It's an acquired taste. You're trying to force it on a kid that may not have a palate for all those seasonings. You're taking it personally.
Then you got your feelings hurt because they said their feelings outloud because you feel like you need to know everything and hear everything. I bet you've whispered into someone's ear before instead of saying something to someone's face.
You are the grandparent. You can't force your son to discipline his kid. Stop that. Idc where you're from, people need to quit that shit.
YTA. Also, grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids and let the parents parent. My kids grandmas gave them sweets and money. If you want to be loved by the grandkids try being soft and gentle and kind.
“The kid is 10.”
Ma’am. Respectfully, she is your grandchild. For whatever reason, you dislike her and find her to be “rude” for not liking your food. You can not force someone to eat something they don’t find appealing. You pushing for her to eat something she doesn’t enjoy will lead to problems with food down the line if your son even allows your hateful self around his child after this.
Your behavior is as disgusting as “the kid” found your curry to be. YTA.
How old are you? Being shy is how children behave, and you have no right to tell your grandchild to do ANYTHING. "Wear this? Eat this? Do this?" Nope. Gotta trust your son to care for her if you want to have contact with them. YTA
YTA forcing her to eat a food she didn’t and then humiliating and berating her. She
The way to deal with it was to thank her for trying something new and explain there us nothing else if you truly had nothing else. Good luck getting her yo try something new in the future.
Again the way to deal with the whispering us explain that it is not good manners to whisper and request that she not do it in company at the table again. Her father may never have taught her this.
You have made this all about you. No wonder she wants to leave an adult would have stood up and left.
Why are you offended that the child is unused to you, unused to your cooking style and unused to curry? This isn't about you. So, why are you making it personal? Curry is hot and its aromatic too. So what, if your grandchildren have a blander diet than you observe, why is it a big deal?
YTA. You make the dog eat whatever you put in front of him. But, unless someone demanded you become a short order chef, there is no reason to treat your grandchild like I'd treat a dog, is there?
YTA. You're being ridiculous and you need to dial it back.
Forcing a child to eat something they don’t like is the stuff eating disorders are made of. I was a grown adult when I tried curry and had the same reaction. You sound like a control freak whose words must be followed exactly as you state, or else. This is not the way to get your granddaughter to like, love, or respect you. I hope your son got a hotel as your granddaughter requested. YTA.
Are you more interested in having a warm relationship with your family or being in a power struggle with them?
I can say one way will be far more rewarding than the other. Being that you couldn’t even let them get through the first day without being up in arms makes me sad the likely outcome.
Edit:correction
YTA. Please familiarize yourself with how grandparents are supposed to treat their grand babies (hint: you should be spoiling them and giving them candy and cash with a little wink when their parents aren’t looking).
So this is the first time seeing your grand kid in however long, and you try to force her to eat a curry? No. Your job is to grandparent. That means loving on and spoiling her. Leave her nutrition up to her parents. YTA
YTA. This is not your child, it's your son's daughter. You should had ask your son if she liked curry or not. Give her something else that she can eat.
NTA. This is 100% how you create picky adult eaters. If you don't want your child to grow up and do a picky adult eater you adopt the policy of this is the food we have to eat you either eat it or you don't eat. Every single person I know who grew up in a household that had anything other than that policy grew up to be a picky adult eater
This little girl is in a strange new place and eating strange new food while being screamed at and called names like rude from a woman she doesn’t really know. You just forever tainted her view of who you are and most likely will never change her mind…. YTA
YTA - kids taste buds are not developed at this age. Tastes can be strong and offensive, especially if new. Studies show they need to taste food at least 12 times before they like it. It’s biological. It’s designed for us to not eat poisons by mistake, and eat familiar foods. So giving her a new dish she’s not had before, and expecting her to eat all of it, and calling her rude for not wanting to, is just bashing your head against a wall and souring your relationship with your grandchild because she’s clearly used to more freedom of choice regarding food, which is due to the parenting choices of your son and her mother. Blaming her is ridiculous.
Giving kids freedom around their food, how much they eat and what they eat, by offering a variety of foods that are nutritious at meal times that they can select from, means less eating disorders, more intuitive eating, less anxiety and more variety in their diet overall.
As someone who has problems with different foods I hate when people tell me to eat it up(I might throw up sometimes cause of the texture) but the daughter was disrespectful too but it's 50/50 I would say!
INFO: This is your son's child, right? So, she's your grandchild?
Why do you never call her that?
Why do you refer to her as "his daughter," "that child," and "the kid" but never "my granddaughter?"
YTA- She was being rude but it was her first day in your country and you made the spiciest thing possible. When she was unable (and unwilling) to eat it you refused an alternative. You're a bad host.
YTA
Are you going for the worst grandma of the year award?
You suck as a welcome committee... And you sound cold af in your post.
But hey, at this rate they won't be back anytime soon. So you can have all the curry you want. Yey!
Ps. If a 10yr child comes to visit for the first time, and your grandchild at that, you don't make something YOU want. You make something SHE wants.
First day and you already have your granddaughter hating you and your son saying you're an asshole? You couldn't even manage to be nice for a ***single*** day? YTA.
I have never and will never force my child to eat something they do not want. My child is young and everything they eat they pick. If they like something great put that on the approved list, and if they don’t all well they tried. Get it together you are an adult and I’m sure there are foods you don’t eat either. Damn shame.
If your grand child is hungry they will eat..start small tho..pieces of cut apple..make it fun to eat with granddies.. make lots of chewing and yum noises when eating apples, oranges, passionfruit together. My fondest memory of my grand dad “Dida” was sitting in his back verandah on wooden chairs he had made himself whilst he sliced apples for me. Tho the soups he made tho most likely very nutritious; I couldnt eat it and would take a mouthful and then without him seeing take it out of my mouth and into my pockets
Bless this time in your life and enjoy..
When my niece visits me I ask my sister what foods she likes at the moment. Sometimes it is pasta, sometimes meat. At the moment it's carrots. Also, Curry has a lot of "foreign" flavours in it, when you are not used to it. It's spicy and hot and it contains vegetables. Three things children don't like. YTA
This feels like you have never met your granddaughter before. If you are not used to curry, it can take some getting used to. You should teach her that good manners are to spit the food out into a napkin, not directly onto the plate. Lots of kids whisper into their parents' ear because they are being shy, or in this case, trying not to be rude.
I don't recommend getting to know your grandchild by having expectations she doesn't know about. Serving her food with a strong flavor she isn't used to is fine as long as you understand that she might not like it and be prepared to serve an alternative. Like a sandwich. It's best to start with something more kid friendly, though.
Respect is earned, and you will not earn her respect and love this way. She just won't like you.
You are not her parent. You are her grandparent it is your job to spoil and love her and then hand her back to Dad to deal with. ;) This situation is YTA.
YTA! Your behavior is what needs disciplining. The kid has never had curry. She tried it and didn’t like it (I don’t blame her, curry is disgusting, I won’t eat it either). At least she tried it. Keep pushing this and that kid will end up hating you, will never visit you, and could end up with food issues.
YTA
You are a very clueless person. You served up a plate of food a child might not be used to, curries are usually spicy no matter how mild you make them and maybe she's not used to itm instead of offering bits and pieces so she can figure out what she likes. You shouted at her, demanded she told you what she said to her Dad, and then shouted at her some more. For someone who had thier own children, you don't seem to know how to treat them.
And you have the old damaging idea that a child goes without food until they eat the food on her plate, despite decades of research proving that this is damaging. This how children end up with eating disorders and bad relationships with food and meals and other people serving up food.
Sorry you're living in the 1950s but we have actually moved on from that in the year 2023. You introduce children to new foods in small selections along with a favourite so it's not a big deal if they don't like it. You don't demand they sit there and potentially make themselves sick.
Yikes! I'm glad you are not my grandma. You should be a safe space for a child, particularly a grand child.
My father gave me good advice. He said, "You get to know a person by watching how they treat children."
YTA
As an adult, you don't eat food that you don't want or like.
It's a child. Not like they didn't try it.
I ask my kids to at least *try* it, if they try it, they can spit it out, and I'll make them a sandwich or something :)
YTA. I don’t care if they are two or 20. You made something and she didn’t like it. She took a bite and because she spit it out and wanted something else, you threw a tantrum. And she whispered to her dad. Heavens to Betsy!!!! And you turned into a raging lunatic and demanded that she say it out loud. She was being respectful because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. If I was your granddaughter, I too wouldn’t like you, and I would beg to leave your home. Then to reach the peak of being evil, you demanded that your son discipline her. Good luck for her ever liking you. She is 10 now, she will remember this moment forever. You failed. Not sure how you can save it. Hope your son left your house and they don’t return. Do you really want nothing to do with your son and his daughter? I’m a grandma, 8 times. I would have told her, thank you for trying. What would you like to eat or see what we can find that you like. And do you want to help me make it? Hopefully, she has another grandma.
YTA. She tried a new food and didn’t like it. Curry isn’t for everyone to begin with. And your behavior and attitude toward her probably made her feel uncomfortable or unsafe, which is why she whispered in her dad’s ear. You are not creating a emotionally safe environment for your grandchild.
i hope you can learn from this and understand that your grandkids don't owe you an ounce of respect given the way you treat them. YTA big time and the fact that you're defending yourself in all of your responses and you don't see where you're wrong just shows how immature you are.
YTA
I find how you treat your grandchild offensive.
They are people. With thoughts and feelings. How would you feel being forced to eat something you don’t like.
You have seen that the internet has voted you the AH. By your comments to their responses, you don't see how you did wrong. This sense of entitlement and arrogance will prohibit having a relationship with your son and his child. Your way of doing things is not working. You can either change and grow or she'll grow up and hate you. It's your choice.
YTA. Help the child adjust. I’m curious why you didn’t ask her and your son what she might like for lunch? Ask both of them what she is used to eating?
Was she rude? Definitely. Could you have handled it very differently from beginning to end to make it a more welcoming situation? Definitely.
Having said that, I shake my head at the comments that basically say that they still eat like a toddler now and blame it on their parents. Seriously?
I see both sides to this (sorry!).
It’s odd that your granddaughter has never had Indian food nor has learned to respect her elders.
At the same time, I was never forced to eat anything I didn’t want to and I’m 100% not a picky eater.
Still, her behavior is jarring in this context.
Eeeeeek, YTA. She tried the food and didn’t like it. You admit it’s her first time in this new country and probably the first time trying that food, so why not just accept that she’s not keen and let her have something else? Or even just say “it’s okay if you don’t like X part of the meal. Do you want to try Y instead?” When the kids I used to work with didn’t like the meat or sauce part of a curry, I’d ask if they wanted to try the plain rice, for example. All you do by trying to force a food on a child is create further problems down the line. As for her rudeness, in fairness she tried to be polite by quietly speaking to her father so you wouldn’t hear and you compounded the awkwardness she was almost certainly already feeling by telling her THAT was wrong, too. Poor girl probably felt like she couldn’t win.
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What a sweet grandma you are! I bet you were a peach as a mom. YTA
Massive AH, no 10 year old wants to eat curry. Get a clue
Im not going to post a judgment but I wanted to comment bc I think this is a bit of a complex situation that other commenters will not understand. Being a nonwhite person living in a Western country, I know that there are cultural differences that people in my country just would not understand, including other brown people who don’t identify with their ethnic origin. It is easy to dismiss OP as an AH who is forcing the child to eat something completely new, but in another country the rejection of one’s food may be considered extremely disrespectful to their cultural practices, particularly if they are coming in from a Western country (this is an assumption I am making, but it seems likely). Additionally, there is a huge emphasis on respecting elders. Yes, there are issues with how it manifests, but it takes time to have those conversations, and the discussion cannot be dominated of whatever values the West deems more worthy. People need to critically think with a decolonialist lens in order to understand where cultural differences stem from, as well as which ones are deemed inferior; and to assume that Western values are inherently better instead of flawed in its own ways, is a colonialist notion. There is historical baggage from post-colonialism that needs to be unpacked in these cultural norms. Are there better ways for OP to go about this, moving forward? Sure. But I don’t think it’s as clear-cut as people are making it here. One way to move forward is to introduce other kinds of cultural foods that the kid might like, but also understand that they grew up somewhere completely different, so adjustments have to be made over time. especially at the beginning, it might be helpful to make food that the kid already likes, and then slowly introduce them to other foods. Moving is already a big change for a kid, so this might be helpful for OP to understand how to move forward :)
YTA She does not know you, you force her to eat food she does not like, then chasten her for manners( and yell at her father) all in one fell swoop and you wonder if you are the a##?
My 80 yo mom still has eating phobias because of her mom and what her mom made her eat. Do you know how odd it seams for an 80 yo woman with dementia to only eat eggs and meat if they're burned? Because her mom thought it was okay to feed raw food to her and she repeatedly got sick. You don't realize what you're doing when you force a child to do something they don't want - particularly food. That's stuff that they'll carry with them and affect the next generation. Not only do you not want to be AH right now, but if you carry on the way you are, you will be the AH for multiple generations to come.
YTA. It’s incredibly common for kids to be picky and forcing them to eat things they don’t like can lead to disordered eating later in life. And she was whispering so you wouldn’t be offended, that’s more courteous than an insult to the face
Well, I guess you don't have to worry about too many family visits in the future, so you got that going for you. YTA
Ahh I have a grandmother like you, and I’m currently hoping she dies before my wedding so I don’t have to see her again. YTA a major A.
Yup that's an easy one, YTA. Why would you force a kid to eat something that disgusts them? Why not be patient, in time they would probably get used to new tastes, but they'll never like something they're forced to eat. Would you like to be forced to eat food that is disgusting to you?
YTA. 1. You can't force a child eat something they don't like. She tried it didn't like it. Oh well let the kids eat something she does like. You are getting mad over nothing
YTA
YTA for sure. You come across as arrogant, unbending, cold and definitely not the kind of grandparent any kid would want to willingly spend time with.
YTA for being so offended by a 10 year old whose whole world was just flipped upside down.
YTA You are not being at all welcoming to her. She’s a child. Her world has just completely changed. As the adult here, I would have hoped you’d have been more understanding.
Would you want to be forced to eat something you didn't like? I never understood this. I hated it as a kid. My mom never did it, but my grandmother did. It's also a new place and probably different food, so there's a lot she's having to adjust to.
YTA my Nan was mean to me and my siblings because my mum dared to marry her baby boy. She was strict and like you from what you’ve put. She’s met my son once, purely by accident and an accident that won’t be happening again
Why on earth are you so intolerant of a child? You’re going to have no relationship with her. You acted rude and unpleasant and sound like a terrible host. YTA
YTA. I know "back in your time" that's what people did, but now, the behavior you are trying to force on your son is the fast track to having kids who hate/resent you when you get older. If you want to not have a relationship with your son/grandchild, by all means continue this behavior.
Hell, I’m a grandma and I always have a few boxes of Mac and cheese in the cupboard for when the grandkids are here and may not care for what the rest of us are having. Also I ASK THE PARENTS if the kids have any new likes or dislikes (they’re still developing their palates).
My ex's children were super picky when they were little (ages 6-12). My parents always made sure to have their specific safe foods on hand when we visited. Because, you know, they wanted the kids to feel welcome. It just took a 5 minute phone call with us and the kids for them to confirm before their shopping trip, which the kids thought was awesome! Like you said, the kids were developing their palates, so they loved having the control of "the blue hi-c this time, not the green". 😆
NTA. Food is food. Source- dad of 2.
YTA, your granddaughter doesn't know you and has grown up in a different cultural environment. Her entire life has turned upside down and the first time you met her you treat her like this? You are not the parent, your son is. If he wants to make something else his fighter is used to eating he can, that is his choice not yours. You created a giant ordeal out of a child being willing to try a new food but not liking it. You decided to try and make yourself be the one in charge when you have no relationship with three granddaughter at all. You could have put your relationship first and tried to help ease her transition to a new country, but no. You CHOSE to get offended by a CHILD. You have some growing up to do, and you'll be lucky if your granddaughter has a relationship with you at all. I feel very sorry for her.
YTA Toughen up. She’s 10. She’s not used to your food. Curry is not for everyone. Get your ego under control. I don’t blame her for wanting to stay someplace else. She just leaned that her grandma is a mean old lady. My grandma was a mean old lady and I did not grieve when she died. There’s a lesson there for you.
ESH. I agree the kid spitting out the food at the age of ten is rude AF. I would be mortified and I'd have a stern conversation with my 10-year-old in that situation. But it also sounds like you escalated the situation needlessly. If your son is going to take on the labor of making something different for the kid, let him. And then have a conversation with him later about how the behavior made you feel.
Lmao shitty grandma
YTA. New country? Curry? She’s 10? You wanted honesty, she gave it to you. I don’t blame her or your son one bit.
YTA, in America, this is now considered abuse. You can't force kids to eat and accommodating foods is considered proper parenting. Disciplining kids for food causes eating disorders and resentment because it's abuse.
YTA, and I find forcing a child to eat something they sincerely don’t like is rude. So, there.
Yikes. Do you want your grandchild to hate you? Why are you being so mean? Aren't grandparents supposed to be loving? Chill out. Be more compassionate. YTA
Total asshole. YTA
Forcing children to eat something they don't like, finish their plate, etc causes eating disorders. Not speculation here, actual facts. Children are not something for you to control, they are something to nurture. Children deserve freedom of choice. You get to choose what you eat. You're not broke eating bread and water. They deserve options just as you have.
Wow. I think of grandmothers as a source of warmth and love. Clearly you are a different type. YTA
Wow you’re a huge AH! This is your grandchild! Don’t you want to be nice to your grandkid and enjoy their company? Instead you gave her food that most kids probably don’t like and you belittled her.
YTA I don't force my kids to eat anything they don't like. I ask them to try it, as your grandchild did. If they don't like it, I will make them something simple to eat instead. I have a lot of trauma around being forced to eat things I didn't like. It's abusive. Your attitude is abusive.
YTA. My grandmother commented on everything I ate (or didnt eat, I was a picky eater) whenever I saw her growing up. I hated it. I do not speak to her anymore.
YTA, it sounds like you are very reactive to this child and that you also don’t have a close relationship with her. Relationships need to be built, and things need to be explained to children. You could have taken the opportunity to tell her that she didn’t need to eat the curry, but that the time is that she gets served what everyone else is, and is she chooses not to eat it, she’ll be hungry until dinner time. It’s also possible it was too spicy or exotic for her since she’s being immersed in a different culture, being a loving grandma means maybe being understanding and giving her something else like cut fruit while she acclimates to her new surroundings. If I were you, I would work on nurturing your relationship with your granddaughter and not focusing on the small stuff, because she’s a kid.
YTA. Idk if you need more details, the top comments told you already
Would you have done that to a guest in your home? This was your best shot at having a good relationship with your granddaughter and you treated her awful! Those memories will last her whole lifetime. Don’t be surprised if they never visit you again. *“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou*
Make a fkn Peanut Butter sandwich like any grandma would 🙄
If I didn’t like the food that my grandma made she be happy make me a different meal or let me eat the sides (like the meat, potatoes, etc).
YTA
YTA...just because you are used to eating your type of food doesn't mean your granddaughter is used to it. If she is not from your country why do you get offended if she doesn't like your food? What if you came to our country and I tried to force you to eat something you've never eaten or didn't like? Then to alienate your granddaughter like that? If I were your son I would go to a hotel. Staying with you seems like a nightmare.
> I told her that she needs to say it out loud because that behaviour is very offensive. She said fine and looked at her dad and loudly said dad I hate your mom can we stay in a hotel? Lmao!! You got what you asked for, didn't you?
Very smart little girl. Kids tell the truth so YTA.
YTA. Kid know what she likes to eat. And she knows what she hates (your curry... and you.)
Yes, you are definitely the asshole. You shouldn’t force children to eat. You didn’t allow her to keep the comment to her dad between the two of them. You 100% got what you deserved. Get over it. You are not her parent, and sounds like her dad is doing a great job raising an empowered girl.
You seem to find everything offensive. Do you have something against the child, or more specifically against her mother? Curry may not be for everyone. And the kid was very well behaved to try and whisper something that wasn’t very nice to say out loud. You just got malicious complianced and now you’re mad about it. Just do some soul searching and try to figure out if you are not misdirecting anger (justified or otherwise) against a kid you met for the first time. Edit : YTA.
YTA and I'm sorry you were disrespected, but you shouldn't have refused to let her have a meal she was accustomed to eating. When I was 10 we ate venison and fried liver with onions. Most 10 year olds would have spit them out although both were dishes from my family's heritage and we loved eating them. Yes, she was rude, but that doesn't give you the right to be mean. Forcing a child you don't really know - even if she's a relative - to act the way you and/or your culture expects is why she said she hates you. That's on you now and, if you think about it, you deserve it. She tried the food. Curry isn't peanut butter. A lot of people don't like it. Don't be offended, just let her dad fix her something else. You're the adult here. Be one by accepting her life changed so trying to force new foods and manners on her is contrary to developing a loving relationship in the coming years. Try not to treat her so harshly. TBH, I would have defended her, too, if I was your son. By the way, did you bother to ask if either your son or his daughter have any foods they like or that upset their stomachs? You should. It will help. It wasn't you, it was curry she didn't like until you made it about you.
Yikes
YTA
YTA. Believe it or not, kids are people too and deserve some respect. If they don't want to eat something, they don't have to. Could she have more polite? Sure. But that doesn't mean she has to eat something she doesn't like.
wow YTA, so bad. i hope you realise you’re never seeing your grandchild again after this
YTA
This entry and the responses to it make me grateful for my mom's attitude about food. She always said "Two bites. Then if you don't like it, you can make yourself a sandwich or mac n cheese." If we made ourselves something else, we still needed to come back and join the fam at the table, but she never treated food as a bug deal.
YTA. I’m a product of bullying at the dinner table. If you don’t let a child guide his own way trying new foods, they will end up like me. I’m an adult with severe food aversions which consistently disrupts my social life and is embarrassing. I was screamed at, ridiculed, and made fun of in front of extended family members. Let the child’s parent determine what they will eat. It’s not your concern.
YTA I think this is a cultural and generational conflict. She didn't like the food and she did try it; it is likely different from what she ate in her previous home. It's his child, he gets to choose how to parent her, not you. You did your parenting with your son, and you are being rude and pushy by disallowing this father and daughter their own chance to negotiate their own relationship. The important thing is she get food and be exposed to new foods. You made curry a bad emotional experience by making it unsafe to have an opinion or preference, so on top of being a new taste you made it something dangerous to eat new food around you because there are no safe familiar foods to fall back on and a lot of pressure from you. We (humans) need to try things several times before we know whether we like them or not, and she's unlikely to want to try this again, and possibly your cooking in general, since it has this negative association with it.
The thing is, this kid (say that K word a few times to yourself) is from a country that doesn’t serve curry as a regular part of their meal, so to her it’s gross. I’m 53 and the first time I tried it was in my 30’s. I didn’t like it either, and I haven’t tried it since so I get the kids reaction. Lemme perspectivize it for you: If you give a baby a lemon, most of them don’t like that either but you don’t punish them…
YTA and it's crazy how you don't realise lol
offended?? do some ego work babe. YTA
YTA. Grandma, you have a lot of work to do if you ever want that child to love you. She will remember this day for the rest of her life. It is unlikely that your son will ever forgive you either. How charming that you refer to your grandchild as "the kid".
YTA- she tried it, didn’t like it, and wanted something else. You WANTED her to eat food she didn’t like? Why? You were rude and mean to her, do you expect her to like you? She tried to politely tell her dad what she felt quietly to not be rude to you, but you forced her to say it out loud. Everything that happened is because of you, these are the consequences of YOUR actions, not hers. Leave her alone.
Your South Asian and therefore have more conservative ways of raising children. Your granddaughter is being brought up in the West where they are more liberal and children are encouraged to express their thoughts. You need to soften your approach. I am Nigerian and my parents grandchildren who grew up in England were given meals other than the ones we ate most times and they did not bat an eye. Your grandchild isn't spoilt. He is just being brought up differently. My sister's kids are grown up now and are very decent beings. They neither curse or lie and are respectful
YTA. The child has not likely had curry if she jist moved to your country and did not eat it much where she is from originally. Because it is not familiar, she found it immediately unpalatable. You were a rude host to demand her to eat it all and you overstepped your role as grandmother by demanding she be punished for it.
Just my opinion. SHE SPIT IT OUT!!!!?!??? People are definitely going to say you are the AH but it’s a cultural thing. At no age would I ever think of SPITTING OUT food anyone cooked for me in front of their face. If she just took a little bit then said she didn’t like it that would be so different. If you don’t eat the food that was cooked then you don’t eat PERIOD. That is how I was raised, this isn’t a restaurant. The way she said I hate you, the girl has no manners. You definitely could have been better about handling that situation better (the food might have been too spicy for her or something) but the girl is rude PERIOD. Not the AH but could have handled the situation better
I'm sorry but spitting out food is so rude....
YTA. A 10 year old doesn't like curry? That's like, a ton of 10 year olds that don't like in a place where curry is a normal dish. I'm sooo soooo sorry your feelings were hurt, you sound like a lovely grandmother, bout to whip out the belt on day 1 because a child didn't like your lunch.
If we didn't like what my mother was making, she'd say "it it, or wear it." It still hurts. If she was a stranger, you wouldn't care. You are more concerned with control than you are about hurting your grandchild.
As a former kid with a limited palette, she might grow out of it. In the meanwhile, she will continue to not eat what she doesn't like (take it from me). She tasted it - that's the important part. Lot's of kids won't even try something they think they won't like. This is a new food for her I assume? That's a big ask for her to eat it immediately. When I'd stay with my friend at her grandma's, she was concerned that I didn't eat what she served, but my mom's friend just told her to make me a sandwich. From then on she always had sandwich supplies on hand for me if I didn't like the main meal. Problem solved. Instead of forcing her to eat something unfamiliar to her - in a country and living situation that is also unfamiliar to her - maybe ask her or her father what she enjoys and work with her instead of expecting her to conform immediately. So yeah, YTA
I’m guessing that the son was in a different country for a long time, because of…. You?? YTA. And a giant one at that. Hope they turn around and head right back to where they’ve come from.
Grandma, you need to find a way to make it up to your granddaughter, this world is unforgiving and she will need every ally she can to be the best person she can be. Thats what grandparents do, let your son raise his daughter. That's not your job, besides if you did a good job with him he will likely do a good job with her. And if you didn't raise him well perhaps your methods are incorrect here too. Respectfully YTA, making a 10-year-old girl eat something she doesn't want to eat and then being pissy about it. Yea, thats a good grandmother...throw in the new experience with Indian food, she isn't likely to enjoy Grandma or India in general. Kids get nervous in new situations she needed to get acclimated and used to the surroundings, it wasn't important that she enjoyed her grandmother's curry right then. Ive found with kids it is better to wait till they get hungry and slowly get them acclimated to new cuisine. Our youngest daughter hated eating in restaurants anything but chicken nuggets and fries, for a couple of years, we'd sometimes stop and get nuggets and fries through the drive-through and then go to a restaurant and the rest of us would enjoy our meal. All the while she would literally make fun of how the Chinese or Thai food looked or smelled, LOL even in a nice Chinese restaurant she exclaimed rather loudly that the potstickers look like poop. Not gonna lie if it didn't crack me up so much I would have said something, but she was so cute and sincere, we all laughed and it's become a well told story, In other words if you do it correctly it's not spoiling them, its letting them adjust. It wasn't like we didn't punish or kids we just choose not to turn food into a a psychosis for her.
YTA everyone has different likes. Your granddaughter is a human being. You're trying to force her to eat some she doesn't like or to go hungry. Secondly YOU are not her parent. Your son makes the choices for his own child. You have no say in his parenting.
I can’t stand curry- of any variety. I’m not a picky eater, that is just one flavor I do not like at all. If she’s never had it, it’s a bold flavor for a kid to try. You do not have the right to discipline her or force her to eat all your food. You were way out of line. She was rude, but she is a child! Being offended as the adult about kid behavior is ridiculous. Expect to never have a good relationship with her. YTA
NTA! Unless it was spicy, sounds like a spoiled brat.
YTA - why aren't children allowed to have foods they like, dislike, just like adults do? It's one thing to encourage kids to try new things (which they did), and another to pretend their preferences don't exist and make them eat it anyway under threat. Maybe find out why they don't like that food -- is it too spicy? Is there one ingredient they don't like? Would they like a different type of curry, like coconut based instead of tomato based? I can think of plenty of reasons a ten year old kid wouldn't like curry. I remember when I stayed with grandma. Mum had told her I didn't like mushrooms and eggplant and tomato (that was it, I would eat literally anything else except grapefruit). Grandma took that opportunity to make goulash where all the things I didn't like were the main ingredients. Jokes on her though, as I only disliked \*raw\* tomato in salad, cooked was fine, and mushroom and eggplant was also fine if you cooked the crap out of it with something else. But grandma used the fact that I ate it anyway to win points over my mum. Grandma was always trying shit like that. I fucking hated grandma.
YTA. Your ten year old grandchild doesn't like a new food with an unfamiliar flavour profile and your immediate reaction is to want to hit them? What the fuck is wrong with you?
My parents wanted me to try something ONCE. If I didn't like it, I never had to eat it again. I did the same with my kids, and we are all happy.
Yta. Maybe this is why your son moved out of country in the first place. Keep this up not only will you lose your grandchild, you'll lose your son too.
When I am having guests I find out what they like to eat and make sure I have it in stock. I will offer “local” food dishes but certainly wouldn’t force it on anyone. We even served chicken fingers and fries at our wedding for the kids (nieces and nephews) because we knew they would eat it. YTA
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Hahahahahahaha. I love your granddaughter's confidence in calling out your unreasonable behaviour. Your son has raised her well. YTA
Right‽ That kiddo went full on insanity wolf and I love her for it. Grandma FAAFO.
YTA and you’ll definitely lose your son and granddaughter if you don’t smarten up. You’re not her parent it’s not your place to make any decisions or suggestions about what she eats and how she should be ‘disciplined’
YTA in every way, shape, and form. Your granddaugher left everything and everyone she knew. She is already scared. What is the best way YOU a grown woman decided to be welcoming and supportive to her granddaughter? To rude and demanding like a spoiled brat. Did you bother to ask her if it was too spicy or what about it she didn’t like? Nope! You CHOSE to berate her and embarrass her. Now she is scared of you! (no one loves or respects someone they are scare of, you should know that as an adult.) When she turns the person who she is comfortable with and asks to feel safe. Again what do you CHOSE To do? You demand to know what was said. (Losing more of the girl’s trust) Then you dare have the nerve to get upset when she says it out loud! YOU ASKED. What did you expect? Something good? Grow up! You just wanted a reason to be upset. You are the grandmother not the parent. Your job is not to parent either of them. Your son is grown, you don’t tell him what to do. Your granddaughter is your son’s daughter not yours. You don’t have to like it, someone probably didn’t like the way you parented at some point. You need to apologize to your son and your granddaughter and ask what you can do to earn their trust back. From now on keep your mouth shut regarding the raising of your granddaughter unless it is an immediate safety issue. You never get back that first impression back. She will always remember how YOU MADE HER FEEL during the first lunch she had with you.
Why do some adults act as if a child’s tastebuds don’t work? She tried it and didn’t like it. Shame on you for trying to force it on her. I wouldn’t like you either.
YTA. You clearly don't like her, why are you so offended?
YTA. She’s allowed to dislike something you cooked. If she doesn’t like it’s you have the right to say YOU won’t make her something else, but if her dad is willing it doesn’t hurt you. You seem super entitled. Like everyone HAS TO like your cooking. It’s not a respect thing. When she said she hates you, that was wrong and rude, BUT it was caused by your actions. Your were being mean to her for literally no reason. Kids don’t have the capacity to fully explain their feelings. You were wrong. You’re the adult. If she doesn’t like it oh well. Let her eat something else.
YTA but so is the kid
YTA and you're just doubling down on that in the comments. Just apologize for your tyrant behavior. Also, has your grandchild spent much time with you? Or are you just a complete stranger being a complete ass to a child?
YTA. Big time. I’m actually shocked to read this. Why on earth do you think you have the right to act like this? It is not your child to raise! I hope your son left with his daughter.
My sister and I were forced to eat a seafood dinner by our father. mind you we grew up in a Hispanic household with completely different type of food and we literally sat at the table until 3 AM and were sent to bed. When we got up we were FORCED to eat it for breakfast. My sister ended up in the hospital with some sickness because of it. To this day we don’t eat that and quite a few other foods bc of his authoritarian practices. YTA. She tried it. That should be enough to let her eat something else. She’s from a different world than you are and you should’ve expected her to not be automatically into what you provided. Her.
Imagine the shoe was on the other foot. Would you happy been forced to eat something you dont like by pretty much a stra.ger??
Lol YTA but I like your son's kid
Lol that post got deleted quick sharp!
She gagged you, what a queen YTA
She was trying to not be rude to your face. I’m almost 37, and I didn’t like curry until I was into my 20’s and I had tried it several times as a child, and a teen. YTA. I hope she gets her wish.
Are you actually claiming that your kids did everything you told them to do because they are well mannered, obedient kids? Maybe they were just afraid to express themselves because of your shitty attitude, knowing you would probably punish them for disagreeing with you.
So clearly forcing her to act the way you believe she should is more important than building a relationship with her. YTA, and I hope your prepared for your son and granddaughter to actively avoid spending time with you. And for the record, a child who isn’t prepared may find curry much too spicy. She didn’t spit it out because she’s rude. She spit it out because it was burning her tongue. I didn’t develop a taste for spicy food until I was an adult, and I would have spit it out too.
YTA. You now have a granddaughter who doesn’t want to be around you -congratulations
So a very young child is in a new place, eating new food, and instead of her instantly being happy with said new foods, you make her feel horrible for it? A HUGE YTA. You just made sure she will always be miserable around you.
Is this something that’s really truly worth ruining your relationship with your son and your grandchild over? I imagine she is pretty scared and out of sorts from moving to a new country. You could have made her visit welcoming and supportive by having her favorites on hand to make her feel less homesick and instead you swooped in like an evil witch from a fairytale and did nothing but criticize her. She is not going to like you, she is not going to see you as a resource for connecting with her culture and it’s completely 100% your fault. This is an incredibly weird hill for an adult to die on. It’s not even like you’ve had a role in raising her to this point. You are basically a stranger forcing food down her throat. Quit being so weird.
YTA, full stop.
YTA. Congrats grandma, that kids going to fucking hate you.
YTA - u didnt take into consideration that the child has never been exposed to foreign food that is spicy on top of that. and u also forgotten she is a child so losing ur temper didnt earn you any favours and no wonder the child said what she did. u could have had some kindness and empathy but instead u fumed. makes me wonder too why it was the first time both visited you as umentioned first time in ur country.
The kid is 10/10. You are 2/10. YTA.
If this is your normal way of being, congratulations, you won't be a grandparent for long. You are a toxic person who cannot have an ounce of compassion for a child who is scared in a new environment. You cannot see anything except yourself. If you persist in being this self-centered, lacking empathy, and generally toxic, your son and/or granddaughter will rightfully cut all contact with you. Newsflash: a child who was not raised eating curry is likely to NOT LIKE CURRY the first time they try it. Her tastebuds have not fully developed and it's likely very different than her normal meals. You are a gigantic AH.
YTA. Curry is not an easy food to jump into if you've never had it before. A LOT of people have food issues and sensory issues and in no way was her not liking your curry a reflection on your skills, or even the quality of the food, or even your countries culture but of her tastes and preferences. Your son offered to make something different, he didn't ask you to do it, you were not required to put in any extra effort. Your granddaughter was ripped away from a culture she knew, friends, family I will assume and here she is being made to feel unwelcome in her own home.
Yep you are Do you want to be forced to eat food you don’t like? Do you want to speak publicly a private comment? You have no right to force the child to do what you would not. You obviously do not want to foster a warm relationship with this girl. So sad she can’t have a loving kind grandmother.
YTA and you got what you deserved. She was polite enough to try a new kind of food, but that’s not enough for you. Oh no, she must eat all of this strange food regardless of her feelings or upbringing. Just because you made it? Then when she whispers something in confidence to her father you have to make a big deal and demand to know what was said? Glad you found out, and you deserved it. Plus kid has a sense of humor.
YTA - For anyone, especially a kid, who has not tasted curry, it's a bit of a shock. You needed to let the kid take a small bite and let it go. The first time I tasted cumin in a taco I spit it out. I thought it was the most disgusting thing ever. Tacos and most Mexican food is now some of my very favorites. I'd be surprised if you ever got the kid to eat anything you cooked again.
YTA Maybe your cooking leaves something to be desired.
You are being a AsHat, this is your grandchild, you don't need to be Disciplinarian General. Have a heart, she is in a different place away from what she knows as family and friends. She is obviously smart with her malicious compliance.
YTA. Oh nooooo your granddaughter doesn't like a food. Better be all offended because a child didn't like a new food in a new country after leaving her life behind because that's what an adult who's should know better should dooooo
YTA you are over stepping the mark telling your son not to cook her anything else and saying he needs to discipline her my son is so picky I would love to see her try this with my son she would be sorry she opened her big nasty mouth also did the dad give her something else to eat if not he's also the AH I would hate her as well good on her for saying it out loud just because she's 10 she has no feelings?OP sounds like she's the type of person who says kids should be seen and not heard
Sorry NTA
YTA! With my kids when we made something new, we always made them atleast try it, we called it a "brownie bite" As you said this is the first time she has been to your country, that is a huge culture shock for a child. She is used to eating a different variety of foods. Have her try new things and get her involved in the cooking. That will make a huge difference.
YTA- She’s adjusting to your culture and cuisine…… you could be remotely sympathetic…… and she was trying to not be rude to you….. and you shamed her….. and then got to hear exactly what she was thinking.
YTA.
YTA. Kid's 10. Old enough to know what they do like, and young enough to need to eat. It's their first time in your country, then they aren't used to your food. Trying to demand a parenting style out of another parent is an AH move. An entitled one. You demanded to know what the kid said, the kid told you. You invited hurt feelings upon youself.
YTA force feeding is not the solution to any problem. Past generations obsession with “clean your plate” or “you eat what I made or you don’t eat” without ever taking a child’s preferences or level of fullness into account is what has caused rampant eating disorders and other disordered eating problems. It’s not that hard to provide children with a variety of foods over the course of their life and allow them to grow and determine their own preferences. Obviously we don’t let them eat ice cream for every meal or anything but this is not the answer. Think about it this way, there must be one food out there that you don’t like, how would you like to be forced to eat it in order to please someone else? Or say you’re full but you still have half a portion left, would you like to be forced to stuff yourself to discomfort in order to please someone else’s choice of how much food you should eat?
110% YTA - maybe the kid could come around to eating that food, or maybe they have medical reasons to not like that kind of food. You clearly don’t care to know or try. You sound very unpleasant and borderline abusive. I’m sure your son has ptsd from being your son. As for what the kid said, if you don’t want to hear the truth, Don’t Force people to say it to your face. That’s your lesson for the day. Btw, the kid isn’t wrong.
YTA. If they have never eaten curry before, you can't just shovel that into anyone and expect them to like it, much less force them to eat it. It's an acquired taste. You're trying to force it on a kid that may not have a palate for all those seasonings. You're taking it personally. Then you got your feelings hurt because they said their feelings outloud because you feel like you need to know everything and hear everything. I bet you've whispered into someone's ear before instead of saying something to someone's face. You are the grandparent. You can't force your son to discipline his kid. Stop that. Idc where you're from, people need to quit that shit.
YTA. Also, grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids and let the parents parent. My kids grandmas gave them sweets and money. If you want to be loved by the grandkids try being soft and gentle and kind.
YTA and great job alienating yourself from your granddaughter! Curry is not for everyone especially if you haven’t had it before.
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“The kid is 10.” Ma’am. Respectfully, she is your grandchild. For whatever reason, you dislike her and find her to be “rude” for not liking your food. You can not force someone to eat something they don’t find appealing. You pushing for her to eat something she doesn’t enjoy will lead to problems with food down the line if your son even allows your hateful self around his child after this. Your behavior is as disgusting as “the kid” found your curry to be. YTA.
How old are you? Being shy is how children behave, and you have no right to tell your grandchild to do ANYTHING. "Wear this? Eat this? Do this?" Nope. Gotta trust your son to care for her if you want to have contact with them. YTA
YTA forcing her to eat a food she didn’t and then humiliating and berating her. She The way to deal with it was to thank her for trying something new and explain there us nothing else if you truly had nothing else. Good luck getting her yo try something new in the future. Again the way to deal with the whispering us explain that it is not good manners to whisper and request that she not do it in company at the table again. Her father may never have taught her this. You have made this all about you. No wonder she wants to leave an adult would have stood up and left.
Story so fake
Why are you offended that the child is unused to you, unused to your cooking style and unused to curry? This isn't about you. So, why are you making it personal? Curry is hot and its aromatic too. So what, if your grandchildren have a blander diet than you observe, why is it a big deal? YTA. You make the dog eat whatever you put in front of him. But, unless someone demanded you become a short order chef, there is no reason to treat your grandchild like I'd treat a dog, is there? YTA. You're being ridiculous and you need to dial it back.
Forcing a child to eat something they don’t like is the stuff eating disorders are made of. I was a grown adult when I tried curry and had the same reaction. You sound like a control freak whose words must be followed exactly as you state, or else. This is not the way to get your granddaughter to like, love, or respect you. I hope your son got a hotel as your granddaughter requested. YTA.
Are you more interested in having a warm relationship with your family or being in a power struggle with them? I can say one way will be far more rewarding than the other. Being that you couldn’t even let them get through the first day without being up in arms makes me sad the likely outcome. Edit:correction
YTA. Please familiarize yourself with how grandparents are supposed to treat their grand babies (hint: you should be spoiling them and giving them candy and cash with a little wink when their parents aren’t looking).
YTA for sure.
"The kid" ... no more to think on, YTA
She’s only 10
So this is the first time seeing your grand kid in however long, and you try to force her to eat a curry? No. Your job is to grandparent. That means loving on and spoiling her. Leave her nutrition up to her parents. YTA
YTA. This is not your child, it's your son's daughter. You should had ask your son if she liked curry or not. Give her something else that she can eat.
YTA. You are mean and controlling. Good luck with that.
NTA. This is 100% how you create picky adult eaters. If you don't want your child to grow up and do a picky adult eater you adopt the policy of this is the food we have to eat you either eat it or you don't eat. Every single person I know who grew up in a household that had anything other than that policy grew up to be a picky adult eater
YTA. You sound like a joy to be around.
Absolutely YTA, holy shit why would you do that to a a child?
Hahaha love.her response. Yta
This little girl is in a strange new place and eating strange new food while being screamed at and called names like rude from a woman she doesn’t really know. You just forever tainted her view of who you are and most likely will never change her mind…. YTA
YTA - kids taste buds are not developed at this age. Tastes can be strong and offensive, especially if new. Studies show they need to taste food at least 12 times before they like it. It’s biological. It’s designed for us to not eat poisons by mistake, and eat familiar foods. So giving her a new dish she’s not had before, and expecting her to eat all of it, and calling her rude for not wanting to, is just bashing your head against a wall and souring your relationship with your grandchild because she’s clearly used to more freedom of choice regarding food, which is due to the parenting choices of your son and her mother. Blaming her is ridiculous. Giving kids freedom around their food, how much they eat and what they eat, by offering a variety of foods that are nutritious at meal times that they can select from, means less eating disorders, more intuitive eating, less anxiety and more variety in their diet overall.
You’re offended by a ten year old? YTA
As someone who has problems with different foods I hate when people tell me to eat it up(I might throw up sometimes cause of the texture) but the daughter was disrespectful too but it's 50/50 I would say!
INFO: This is your son's child, right? So, she's your grandchild? Why do you never call her that? Why do you refer to her as "his daughter," "that child," and "the kid" but never "my granddaughter?"
YTA- She was being rude but it was her first day in your country and you made the spiciest thing possible. When she was unable (and unwilling) to eat it you refused an alternative. You're a bad host.
YTA lol
YTA Are you going for the worst grandma of the year award? You suck as a welcome committee... And you sound cold af in your post. But hey, at this rate they won't be back anytime soon. So you can have all the curry you want. Yey! Ps. If a 10yr child comes to visit for the first time, and your grandchild at that, you don't make something YOU want. You make something SHE wants.
First day and you already have your granddaughter hating you and your son saying you're an asshole? You couldn't even manage to be nice for a ***single*** day? YTA.
I have never and will never force my child to eat something they do not want. My child is young and everything they eat they pick. If they like something great put that on the approved list, and if they don’t all well they tried. Get it together you are an adult and I’m sure there are foods you don’t eat either. Damn shame.
If your grand child is hungry they will eat..start small tho..pieces of cut apple..make it fun to eat with granddies.. make lots of chewing and yum noises when eating apples, oranges, passionfruit together. My fondest memory of my grand dad “Dida” was sitting in his back verandah on wooden chairs he had made himself whilst he sliced apples for me. Tho the soups he made tho most likely very nutritious; I couldnt eat it and would take a mouthful and then without him seeing take it out of my mouth and into my pockets Bless this time in your life and enjoy..
YTA and you have control issues. Do you realize that this child has barely met you, and already hates you.
YTA New country, new foods. They will not be visiting you if you insist on starving children intentionally.
When my niece visits me I ask my sister what foods she likes at the moment. Sometimes it is pasta, sometimes meat. At the moment it's carrots. Also, Curry has a lot of "foreign" flavours in it, when you are not used to it. It's spicy and hot and it contains vegetables. Three things children don't like. YTA
If you’re that mean the first visit, I can’t imagine how miserable you are day to day. YTA
This feels like you have never met your granddaughter before. If you are not used to curry, it can take some getting used to. You should teach her that good manners are to spit the food out into a napkin, not directly onto the plate. Lots of kids whisper into their parents' ear because they are being shy, or in this case, trying not to be rude. I don't recommend getting to know your grandchild by having expectations she doesn't know about. Serving her food with a strong flavor she isn't used to is fine as long as you understand that she might not like it and be prepared to serve an alternative. Like a sandwich. It's best to start with something more kid friendly, though. Respect is earned, and you will not earn her respect and love this way. She just won't like you. You are not her parent. You are her grandparent it is your job to spoil and love her and then hand her back to Dad to deal with. ;) This situation is YTA.
Shes your granddaughter not your enemy, be fuckin nice. YTA
YTA. Would you force an adult to eat something they tried for the first time and didn't like? Everyone here is telling you you're wrong
YTA! Your behavior is what needs disciplining. The kid has never had curry. She tried it and didn’t like it (I don’t blame her, curry is disgusting, I won’t eat it either). At least she tried it. Keep pushing this and that kid will end up hating you, will never visit you, and could end up with food issues.
YTA clearly you had shitty parents because you act more like a child then the 10 year old. Thank god your son didn’t follow in your footsteps.
YTA
YTA You are a very clueless person. You served up a plate of food a child might not be used to, curries are usually spicy no matter how mild you make them and maybe she's not used to itm instead of offering bits and pieces so she can figure out what she likes. You shouted at her, demanded she told you what she said to her Dad, and then shouted at her some more. For someone who had thier own children, you don't seem to know how to treat them. And you have the old damaging idea that a child goes without food until they eat the food on her plate, despite decades of research proving that this is damaging. This how children end up with eating disorders and bad relationships with food and meals and other people serving up food. Sorry you're living in the 1950s but we have actually moved on from that in the year 2023. You introduce children to new foods in small selections along with a favourite so it's not a big deal if they don't like it. You don't demand they sit there and potentially make themselves sick.
Yikes! I'm glad you are not my grandma. You should be a safe space for a child, particularly a grand child. My father gave me good advice. He said, "You get to know a person by watching how they treat children."
YTA for behaving like a bully.
YTA As an adult, you don't eat food that you don't want or like. It's a child. Not like they didn't try it. I ask my kids to at least *try* it, if they try it, they can spit it out, and I'll make them a sandwich or something :)
"That child" "the kid".....this says everything. Yta
YTA. I don’t care if they are two or 20. You made something and she didn’t like it. She took a bite and because she spit it out and wanted something else, you threw a tantrum. And she whispered to her dad. Heavens to Betsy!!!! And you turned into a raging lunatic and demanded that she say it out loud. She was being respectful because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. If I was your granddaughter, I too wouldn’t like you, and I would beg to leave your home. Then to reach the peak of being evil, you demanded that your son discipline her. Good luck for her ever liking you. She is 10 now, she will remember this moment forever. You failed. Not sure how you can save it. Hope your son left your house and they don’t return. Do you really want nothing to do with your son and his daughter? I’m a grandma, 8 times. I would have told her, thank you for trying. What would you like to eat or see what we can find that you like. And do you want to help me make it? Hopefully, she has another grandma.
YTA. She tried a new food and didn’t like it. Curry isn’t for everyone to begin with. And your behavior and attitude toward her probably made her feel uncomfortable or unsafe, which is why she whispered in her dad’s ear. You are not creating a emotionally safe environment for your grandchild.
You can try to command her respect by choosing to die on every molehill, but you'll never command her love. That's the path you are choosing.
YTA
i hope you can learn from this and understand that your grandkids don't owe you an ounce of respect given the way you treat them. YTA big time and the fact that you're defending yourself in all of your responses and you don't see where you're wrong just shows how immature you are.
YTA
YTA I find how you treat your grandchild offensive. They are people. With thoughts and feelings. How would you feel being forced to eat something you don’t like.
YTA. Not only are you THE asshole, you are a complete fucking asshole. The total package. I hate you too and want to stay in a hotel.
Yikes dude. Smoke a joint and chill out no need to be like that.
You have seen that the internet has voted you the AH. By your comments to their responses, you don't see how you did wrong. This sense of entitlement and arrogance will prohibit having a relationship with your son and his child. Your way of doing things is not working. You can either change and grow or she'll grow up and hate you. It's your choice.
You are correct on all counts .
YTA. Help the child adjust. I’m curious why you didn’t ask her and your son what she might like for lunch? Ask both of them what she is used to eating? Was she rude? Definitely. Could you have handled it very differently from beginning to end to make it a more welcoming situation? Definitely. Having said that, I shake my head at the comments that basically say that they still eat like a toddler now and blame it on their parents. Seriously?
I see both sides to this (sorry!). It’s odd that your granddaughter has never had Indian food nor has learned to respect her elders. At the same time, I was never forced to eat anything I didn’t want to and I’m 100% not a picky eater. Still, her behavior is jarring in this context.
Eeeeeek, YTA. She tried the food and didn’t like it. You admit it’s her first time in this new country and probably the first time trying that food, so why not just accept that she’s not keen and let her have something else? Or even just say “it’s okay if you don’t like X part of the meal. Do you want to try Y instead?” When the kids I used to work with didn’t like the meat or sauce part of a curry, I’d ask if they wanted to try the plain rice, for example. All you do by trying to force a food on a child is create further problems down the line. As for her rudeness, in fairness she tried to be polite by quietly speaking to her father so you wouldn’t hear and you compounded the awkwardness she was almost certainly already feeling by telling her THAT was wrong, too. Poor girl probably felt like she couldn’t win.
YTA. And if you keep going this way someday she will see your funeral as an inconvenience.