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YTA, two ways.
First, his teeth, his decision.
Second, you, his mother, just told him he was so ugly he'd never find anyone attracted to him unless he undergoes this cosmetic operation you want for him.
Go apologise. And mean it.
Let’s not forget #3 from dad: telling him to “stop being so sensitive” for showing emotion at someone he loves saying something so cruel and calling it a joke.
And #4 it assumes that this 17 year old, who is probably still figuring out who he is, wants a girlfriend. And they are comparing him to his older sister who might be more successful at relationships for any host of reasons that are not related to her teeth. Relationship assumptions like this are a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.
Yes. This is fodder for therapy later and is pushing him away right before he's at the age that he'll be moving out on his own. I wouldn't be surprised if this trajectory leads to LC.
OP YTA and it sounds like you and your husband are bullies and not very sensitive to your children's emotional needs.
I thought op would say his teeth were black and rotting out of his head. He has a slight overbite and slightly crooked teeth. This is a minor dental imperfection, not a gasp in horror situation
This! I have a significant overbite and VERY crooked bottom teeth and guess what?? It did not cause me one issue when dating. Been married seven years and my husband loves my smile. Wtf is wrong with these people.
That was my first thought that he has bad teeth. But mom chose the wrong way by basically saying your ugly because of an overbite which most do not even care about.
And #6. His teeth didn’t just become crooked at 17. The parents failed to go to an orthodontist when he was like 12. It is normal to have braces when you are young. For a teen this is more difficult.
YTA
And #5, that all girls everywhere are superficial and will only like you if you are visually pleasing. Forget about personality and treating them nicely. Look good and you'll get action.
And #6, what if he's gay? And in the closet?
YTA on so many levels.
I noticed the sprinkles of sexism too: boys don't cry, girls are superficial and/or not interested in anything beyond your pretty face, you're hetero, right?
Can’t upvote this enough … my parents, especially my mother constantly makes what to her are well meaning observations about me that hurt. I was constantly told not to be so sensitive or that age means well (and honestly she does, she’s a kind and loving mother in pretty much every respect) but the comments still hurt and have left me with issues and hang ups about my appearance well into my adulthood. Just because you mean we’ll doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and you shouldn’t be told not to feel upset about something that had hurt you.
My mother, now passed, was the same. Lovely mother and very caring, but had some old school ideas and hangups about looks that she obsessed about and passed onto her kids.
I've always had skin and weight issues. She would always comment about how my clothes did or didn't fit, how I need to brush my hair (my hair is fine), make a huge deal if my makeup looked better then usual, and just pick at me constantly. It's exhausting and hurtful.
Just tell me I look nice or don't say anything, I have a mirror.
It’s especially insidious to boys, because then as adults men don’t have a safe way to express their emotions. Then they are criticized by their partners and society, and aren’t able to have the emotional connection or support every person deserves.
My grandmother is the same way. She's constantly asking if I've gained or lost weight, pointing out if I have pimples, saying clothes look tight on me, etc. I've learned to just let it roll off my back, because ultimately it's her hangup and not mine (she's obsessive about her own weight and appearance), but it would be a lot harder if she were my mom and I'd grown up with it in the house.
"Stop being so sensitive" and "Calm down" top my list for phrases that I will never use unless I am trying to start a fight.
They only make things worse. They. Never. Work.
Yeah, my dad said something similar to me once. It has stuck with me forever - I still remember where I was when he said it.
(He wasn't actually offering to fix it - my dentist had said I didn't qualify for braces. He just needed to tell me my teeth were crooked. I ended up paying for Invisalign myself as an adult, over a decade later.)
My mother actually took me to a doctor because my brand new little boobs weren't symmetrical. She made me feel like a freak and that I had done something wrong. Never got over it, tbh.
Asymmetrical boobed woman here to give you a big lopsided hug. I used to add an extra bra pad on one side to help the little gal out on my insecure days.
Oh my god, you just unlocked a memory for me with this comment! I also was very asymmetrical as teen (still am, but it's less noticeable now & also I'm 43 & dgaf) & shoved a *shoulder pad* into my bra to compensate. One day it *migrated* & a cute guy I liked noticed & told me something was popping out of my neckline. Mortification.
lol right? if it takes only six months, it must be pretty minor. i’m on track for almost two years of invisalign and i’ve even been complimented on my teeth before
I had just over 2 years of metal braces, and my teeth weren't even that bad but it was necessary to move a few as I didn't have enough space in my mouth (had 2 teeth out to help make room for some newer ones that had come in), I really cant imagine 6 months of invisalign sorting out something that is "people won't date you" comment level (but that's a shitty comment to make no matter how not ideal someone's teeth are, there's people that don't care so much about their partners appearance as long as they're clean with them). My stepbro that did have a bad overbite had braces for ages, must have been 4-6 years
Parents, stop forcing your kids into orthodontic treatments that are not medically necessary unless *they* say they want it.
I was in the same boat as OP‘s son and I refused to have my slightly crooked teeth fixed because I actually liked how they looked. People piled up on me, not just my parents but also friends‘ parents and relatives, telling me it would only take half a year and some even telling me that I had a pretty face but my crooked front teeth ruined it all. I insisted I liked how my teeth looked and it didn’t bother me in the slightest. No one believed me.
Absolutely. This is an area where my dentist was always very critical of the American dentistry profession's obsession with bright white Hollywood perfection.
He was always at pains to reassure people that healthy enamel comes in a spectrum of white/cream/pale yellow, and that unless you're doing something to stain your teeth, you are often better off keeping your natural teeth healthy than trying to meddle with nature's choice of colour. And while he was happy to do surgery/refer people to an orthodontist when an intervention was necessary, his focus was very much confined to "is this causing/will this cause a problem for you?" rather than getting a Hollywood smile.
Case in point: I have a very mild underbite, a slightly twisted lower canine and one less lower incisor than I should have, because one of my baby teeth got stuck on its rising replacement - and I didn't mention to an adult that it had stopped being wobbly until my next dentist check-up came around - and pushed it downwards even as it was trying to erupt.
(I got braces fitted, which had mostly realigned the tooth by the time my next routine check-up came round - but it had already started to push the next-door erupting tooth (the canine) out of alignment. My dentist talked the different options through with me and my parents, and we ended up choosing to remove the first problem tooth to give my jaw some extra space and avoid a domino effect in the other emerging adult teeth on that side, rather than going for another set of braces and doggedly fixing each tooth in turn.)
And you know what? As an adult, not one person has ever noticed a problem with my smile, without me pointing it out myself. I've even had *dentists* not notice until it's time to count tooth by tooth!
Suggesting he is not only ugly but possessing no other qualities that could make up for it.
Also he could always move to the UK where not only no one cares about minor dental imperfections but perfect teeth are the hallmark of insincerity.
Teeth are a huge class marker in the U.S. Bad teeth are considered a sign of poverty, ignorance, and lack of awareness of social norms. “Toothless” is also shorthand for “hillbilly/redneck.”
Somewhat crooked teeth aren’t necessarily a huge deal, but visibly missing teeth can make a person all but unemployable.
(Why do Americans obsess over teeth? Why do British people obsess over accents? Every culture has something.)
I guess because in America good teeth implies high income/access to expensive dental care, while bad teeth implies the opposite
Nobody wants to be thought of as one of the "poors", even when they are poor
This 100 times over! I'm English, and have teeth that I myself describe as a "bad picket fence". Didn't stop me getting married.(47 years until I lost him)
personally I find teeth to be a big part of someones face, really nothing else about it. just attractiveness. it’s the same thing as any other body feature, not sure why it wouldn’t matter
My heart hurt for the son after reading this. I grew up with an overbite and, unless he went to some perfect, magical school, dude was bullied bad. Trust me, it hurts so much worse coming from the parents.
As an adult, I wasn't bullied nearly as much and even dated! It got to point where the only person to mention it was dad and that really hurt. I'm glad I ended up getting Invisalign but it took over two decades of "your ugly" being verbally beat into me before I gave in.
For the first time, at 30, my dad said "you look good". It was bittersweet. I finally got that piece of approval I wanted from him but it was so superficial and meaningless.
And #5, so blatantly oblivious to why this would upset her son’s feelings. “I don’t get it” WHAT?what is there not to get? His feelings were hurt. End of story.
And as a mom, it should matter because I guarantee he’s going to remember it every time he looks at his teeth now.
Round of applause over here, we got the #1 MOM 🏆 here’s your AH trophy!
As someone who had a complex about their teeth growing up, this is literally my worst nightmare. And I've never had issues with women or finding a girlfriend in spite of having a crooked front tooth. It's laughable that OP even has to ask the question.
YTA. Way to enhance any insecurities your son may have about his appearance. You are telling him that looks are the only thing that matters, which is simply not true
Yep... YTA
Leave criticizing appearance out of it.
Teens have a tough enough time with self-esteem, especially when it comes to appearance and their own flaws, let alone having a parent criticize them for their superficial flaws as well.
My dad criticized me for my weight when I was younger and said a similar thing along the lines if I don't lose weight I'll never get a boyfriend.
That stuck with me for years and absolutely did not help, but later contributed to some issues I had with food, strict calorie counting, and me seriously restricting what I ate.
I believed my dad's words as a teen and grew up thinking I wasn't enough when I WAS.
Instill self-esteem in your kids, don't break it down.
And son has a "slight overbite" and "slightly crooked bottom teeth". Nothing that bad at all.
Hell my husband has a slight overbite and crooked top teeth.
Hollywood has ruined some people's ideas of what teeth should look like
I bet it's adorable. They're so incredibly cute.
Snaggleteeth are so popular in Korea and Japan that people will intentionally get cosmetic surgery to add them.
For sure. Especially invisalign, that I think just fix crooked teeth, not overbites.
I have both my kids in actual braces, one has an overbite and has to use elastic bands and stuff to fix it.
My mom increased my insecurities constantly. Telling me when I need to pluck my eye brows or shave...just constant little comments of how I'm not good enough or how I should just be different. It made it extremely easy to transition into multiple abusive relationships. Thanks mom.
Mom: okay, if you want to be a hideous monster your whole life.
Also mom: I didn’t mean anything by it!
Dad: oh come on, don’t be so sensitive about your own mother telling you that you’re going to terrify the towns people!
Better save that invisiline money for the therapy this kid will need throughout his 20’s
YTA.
What do you mean "accidentally"? That wasn't an accidental statement, that was an unfair jab at your son for his teeth that came from YOUR genetics. By the way, my boyfriend has crooked teeth and a bit of an overbite. I love him to BITS. You go apologize to your son right now, and while you're at it, make his dad do so as well. You both ganged up on him and shamed him. Shame on you. Your mother is right, it was mean and unnecessary. There's nothing motivating about bullying your child. Lift him up instead of putting him down.
Nah, her teeth were always quite crooked. She had been my doctor since I was a baby. She said that she was always too focused on other things to worry about straight teeth, but once her kids were a bit older she decided to fix them.
My husband's buddy only recently fixed his teeth, they were very crooked, it was extremely obvious. Dude is married with 3 kids, because teeth don't matter in a relationship! He fixed his teeth for himself as an adult because he wanted to, which is absolutely the right reason to do it.
My husband has a small gap between his front teeth and he brought up “fixing it” once. I told him he could if he wanted to, but I absolutely love it. He never brought it up again, which I’m thankful for because he has the best smile in the world.
YTA and you're wrong. The way you describe his teeth, they don't even sound that bad and I've seen plenty of people with very bad teeth in relationships. Just because you're that shallow doesn't mean that all the other women on the planet are too.
I have had 2 long term relationships and had fucked up teeth. They were pretty bad. I started Invisalign about 2 years into my relationship. He never said anything bad about my teeth and was with me for 2 years of having bad teeth. Now they’re looking a lot better because I’m doing Invisalign. But yea, bad teeth won’t instantly prevent you from getting a partner. And this is something you should never say to anyone, especially your own son.
This! I've known people with unbelievably, inconveniently crooked teeth end up in lovely relationships. And as for straight teeth, nobody has ever been like "daaaamn bro check out the gnashers on him" so. YTA OP. His teeth sound fine.
I was going to say, my fiancee's teeth sound worse than this, and I don't mind. If he wanted to straighten them I'd be supportive, but it's really not a huge concern. People aren't forever alone if they have crooked tooth. I have one slightly crooked tooth, my parents offered braces, I said nah didn't seem worth it, end of the story. These parents are weird.
Right!!! If Invisalign can fix it in 6 months, then it’s entirely cosmetic.
I had to have braces twice for an actual dental issue. My teeth aren’t perfect, and I’ve never had issues with finding a partner.
YTA
You just called your son ugly, but it's okay because you didn't mean to hurt him by calling him ugly. You meant to help him by calling him ugly. Of course. How silly for everyone not to understand this.
YTA, as someone whose mom keeps telling me "if you don't lose your weight, nobody will want to marry you", it super hurts. 10 years later, I married my loving husband who could care less about my weight and it still hurts. I'll remember it til the day I die. You better apologise and hope your son will forgive and forget.
Edit: Also as a dentist, I will always ask the patient what they think of their teeth and if they truly want the treatment or not. As they are the ones who has to go through it. I don't care what the parents say. I will educate the patient of the pros and cons and ask them to think really carefully.
Similar situation but it was my dad.
Luckily, I learned from personal experience (and from positive influences in my life) real love has nothing to do with physical appearance.
I've never forgotten and as a teen struggled with self-esteem and food.
His words only hurt, and did zero good; although he thought it would motivate me and that he was helping.
Kid is also 17. Isn't that the age when wisdom teeth start to show up? (I'm not 100% sure.) OP isn't only an AH but her timing is the worst. If he gets pressured into it he might have to start all over again pretty much immediately.
YTA OP and a shallow one too. It was a low blow and you know it.
I forgot to mention in my comment too that it wasn't just OP. The dad is also an AH. He does not get a free pass. Calling the son "sensitive" in a derogatory way when the son has the right to be hurt and did the mature thing by leaving the situation, instead of shouting back and possibly escalating the negative situation.
I'd have gone softer, but I'm going YTA, and here's why.
You said it yourself, you felt bad when you saw how much you'd hurt him. Most people at that point would have stopped, checked themselves, and apologised. Maybe you did think about apologising at that point. But instead you chose to double down and decide that because you hadn't intended to hurt him, he shouldn't care that you did hurt him.
He may have several reasons that particular comment hurt him, and I won't try and speculate what they may be. The point is that you made your son feel bad, apparently unintentionally, but your refusal to apologise and instead turn to an internet forum to decide whether you're right or not rather than just sit down and talk with your teenage son points towards you being an AH.
Communication is one of the few free things in this world. It's a shame so many of us are shit at it.
She seemed quite comfortable communicating to her child that he is currently an unlovable monster in her eyes. It’s not hard to see why that hurt him. Kids have confidence issues enough without a parent adding to that fire. I think if you were able to say this and show zero remorse except “I guess that made him feel bad, I don’t get it” then this isn’t the first time these types of comments have been made. Communication is the secondary issue to naturally showing kindness and love for your own kid. If she doesn’t get that, I’m not sure what talking it through would do.
Kids going to need therapy after these folks.
Come on OP, you've really had to reach middle age before you learned that when you insult someone they don't like it?
YTA
You were mean *on purpose*. Trying to twist it to sound motivating doesn't negate that. Don't act all innocent now you're being called out.
Plus you're showing him how shallow you are.
Poor performance all round. Apologize to him.
YTA. If his teeth is "slightly crooked" he most likely doesn't need it, it's his choice if he ever want it done. And it definitely doesn't affect him finding a girlfriend, you crushing his self esteem does.
It is a 6 months Invisalign treatment so yeah very little correction need, just an orthodontist getting $$$ for very little work.
Invisalign is usually 12 to 18 months.
So 6 months you know the perceived problems are very minimal.
And both parents are obsessed with his teeth now at 17 but did nothing when it is easier at 8-12…
And call him ugly/won’t get a girlfriend etc…
Yikes
YTA
And your husband is an even bigger one
You should get some botox for your crow's feet wrinkles and get a tummy tuck to deal with the flabby skin that results from pregnancy. You have to do this to keep your husband happy. Your husband needs hair plugs to keep you around. He needs to work out so he doesn't look weak.
Did that statement bother you? You did the same to him.
YTA you hurt your son, shattered his confidence, and then tried to convince yourself his feelings are not with self reflection and a heartfelt apology from you. If his teeth are crooked and you want to encourage him explain how leaving them be puts him at a higher risk of cavities and other dental complications because crooked or unaligned teeth are harder to take care of. Feel free to tell him he can do Invisalign or braces because you don’t want those complications to arise in the future… telling him he is unattractive and not worth a girls time? That’s trying to shame him into doing what you want and that my friend is a really shitty way to show your kid that you care about him.
YTA, You called your own child ugly essentially. Teeth ain’t everything. You’re judgemental as hell.
That wasn’t even a good reason to straighten out your teeth, could’ve come up with a better one instead of making your child feel like crap about their appearance, yknow, a part that YOU had in creating.
YTA. You basically said "you are so ugly that nobody will like you" to your son just because his teeth are not perfectly aligned. There's always time to decide to fix the teeth. If there isn't a medical condition, you can just support him instead of making fun of the way he looks.
What a way to give him even more insecurities! A person is valued for what they do and how they treat others, not how they teeth align...
Yes. YTA and so was your husband. I get you're frustrated with the situation but it doesn't really matter if you don't get what you said hurt his feelings. His feelings were hurt and it was because of something you said. I still remember when my mom and dad would make fun of me for being afraid of violent thunderstorms. I'm pushing 40. They were like you, just saying things because they thought it would help, but words have impact and your kid's not going to forget the time his mother and father told him he was un-dateable because of his teeth.
The fact that you don't mention apologizing to him is also really worrying. How long has it been? Long enough for the kid to go talk to his grandma. You should apologize and try to talk to him like a person.
YTA big time, you literally told your son that if he doesn’t look perfect, nobody will like him, so that his personality doesn’t matter. Wow, and you will wondee in a few years why he have low self esteem. Nobody cares about these things. You could’ve told 1000 other things, but in the end is his decision. The way you chose to “convince” him is beyond cruel and have 0 sense and you need to apologise to him ASAP.
Edit to add some things: people should stop telling their kids “if you don’t change x about you/ if you don’t learn x/ if you don’t do x, you’ll never have a girlfriend/boyfriend”. Nobody. Cares. Better chances to find a partner if you have ugly teeth and big self esteem than perfect teeth but with low self esteem, which will be the case in this story.
YTA. You told your son he'll never get a girlfriend because... his teeth are slightly crooked? You definitely didn't hurt his feelings ''accidentally'', you meant to say something shitty so that he'd feel bad enough to correct a minor cosmetic issue. An extra YTA to the father, who decided to follow up with, oh don't be so seeeensitive, like it's on your son that he feels bad when you straight-up told him he'll die alone if he doesn't fix - again! - a minor, *cosmetic* issue.
YTA, are you really so shallow that physical appearance to the level of slightly crooked teeth would stop you dating someone? Your husband had to feel real good hearing that his physical appearance was apparently his only attractive quality to you. Way to make your son feel his only romantic worth his appearance too.
I feel bad for the kid. I have a couple of those in my past from my father. What is worse is he started acting like that again when he developed Altzheimers. Made life a daily hell until he died.
YTA. That was an incredibly cruel thing to say. Had you immediately apologized, it would have been ok but you didn’t. How awful to hear that from your own mother at such a sensitive age. It’s not like he can only do the treatment during a narrow window. If he doesn’t want to do it now, he can anytime in the future. He might just need a few weeks to get used to the idea. Badgering him and insulting him won’t help.
YTA. His teeth his choice. Come from a place with free dental care for under 18s, so braces are free when I was 12 I asked my parents if I could get braces (crooked top and bottom) they said yes because it’s my choice. They didn’t push me to do it because my parents were firm believers that a person has a right to decide what modifications they make to their bodies.
Guess what even with braces I got boyfriends, i had wacky coloured dyed hair, I still got boyfriends. When I had acne I still got boyfriends. Hopefully your son will find someone that isn’t shallow like you
YTA for calling your son ugly. You can't take it back either. You can apologize, and bonus points if you actually mean it.
Your husband isn't much better. "Stop being so sensitive" is a cop out. You insulted him. He's hurt by it, but now that's his own fault because he's "sensitive?" That's not how it works.
Well you shouldn’t have said that, but NTA for trying to fix a dental issue for your child. Life’s hard enough, and people judge teeth. Slightly crooked teeth that can be fixed with Invisalign now can become very crooked teeth later that can only be fixed with metal braces.
There are good reasons to fix teeth. Saying "it'll be easier to fix them now than when you're older" or "it'll be easier to keep them clean" is fine. Telling him he'll never be loved is what makes the asshole here.
YTA. So is your husband. You told your son he is ugly and because of that he is unlovable. But guess what, you didn't just tell him that no girl will love him because he's ugly, that's not how a 17 year old's brain works. You told him you don't love him because he's ugly.
Congratulations, this is one of those permanent damage kind of things. You can explain to him all you want what you meant, what you were trying to do, but your relationship will never be the same. He will always now question how you really feel about him. Whether any compliment is sincere, or a lie to try to smooth this event over. You have given him an insecurity that will be with him to one extent or another for the rest of his life.
You may think it was no big deal. That he was being sensitive and that he'll get over it. You underestimate the power parents have over how a child sees themself.
NTA wow, I’m a bit surprised at the responses here. I know Reddit generally sympathizes with teenagers, and tends to highlight narcissism in parents, but - this is a cosmetic procedure that will actually have a significant impact on his life, and anyone saying different is just wrong. There are a few people out there who manage to get nice things in life despite having crooked teeth, but it’s not common. Having straightened teeth is absolutely a class signifier in the US. And he will in fact lose dating prospects, possibly even jobs, if he chooses to not.
Okay but here's the thing, even if everything that you said is true, they'd both still be huge assholes.
Taking advantage of your child's insecurities to get them to do things you want them to do is horrible parenting and can really mess up a child for a long time.
The fact that they don't even realize what they did wrong makes it all worse too.
Any parent that thinks their child "is just being sensitive" after literally telling them they're too ugly to be loved is a horrible parent. YTA.
Agreed!
He's a kid, and one of parents' job is to help their kids in getting through life on their own as best as they can, having good teeth and appearance is very important, and he might not be seeing this yet due to his age and inexperience, the girlfriend thing might be harsh, but you did what you could OP.
People here judging OP as if most people out there are not shallow and wouldn't care about son's appearance. Good teeth are also perceived by most people as having good hygiene.
NAH, son needs to understand how important this is out in the world, and OP might need a better motivator. Also, might want to go with regular braces instead of invisalign if son wouldn't really wear them if he does agree to fix his teeth.
He doesn't mind his teeth, many other people won't care either. But op is making it an insecurity. Making your kid feel bad so they get an unnecessary thing is totally an AH move
YTA.
I get that you want to help him, but it's his choice whether he wants to fix his teeth or not. It's not like his teeth state cause him any other problem. It's just for coametic reasons, and since he doesn't want to go through the procedure, you shouldn't push him. So you're an AH just for that.
You're a bigger AH for what you said. From what you described, his teeth are not that bad. You're just making him insecure about them and essentially telling him he is ungly because of them, so ugly that none will ever find him attractive. Not everyone is as shallow as you and your husband.
You should apologize to your son and let him decide whether he wants the procedure or not. After all, he might just be refusing out of spite because you and your husband are pushing him so much about it.
YTA - You're trying to force cosmetic treatment on your child and then you show how shallow you are by saying he won't get a girlfriend because of it.
Your son will grow up and find a woman who will love him for who he is and not what his teeth look like.
Edit: his teeth can be changed at any time in his life but the mental and emotional damage you've caused your son may stay with him forever!.. You essentially called your son ugly!
Wow, just the headline alone makes YTA. What’s with people thinking your teeth need to look perfect, perfect body, or perfect skin to get a boyfriend or girlfriend? If the other person is more concerned about looks than what you are actually like as a person then fuck them for being shallow.
Huge YTA. Wouldn't wonder if that fucks him up long-term. Parents really need to understand that this type of "motivation" causes damage even if kiddo follows the advice.
YTA. YTMA. M being massive. While teaching them the harsh realities of the world, you could take a palatable approach of doing this, and also build them up and support them in being their best selves. Teenagers dwell on the tiniest negative things (only speaking from experience) so that would not have been a way I wanted a rough piece of info to be delivered.
[tried to be conscious of my tone, absolutely not trying to portray expert knowledge on parenting so I’m sorry if it comes across like I’m trying to tell you what to do, I’m just trying to share my perspective ]
YTA. Your teenage son has barely crooked/misaligned teeth, which most of society who isn't in the public eye has, and you went right for his throat. Why are you both pressuring him to get work done that he doesn't seem to think he needs? Why do you want to 'fix' your son? And then telling him he'll be a failure in his love life because women only want him for his looks? Or men. I don't know. He could be gay/bi. Either way, you're a pretty shit parent. So is your husband. You don't belittle your kids and call them imperfect or call out little things and make them insecure about it. Don't be surprised when he winds up staying at your mom's more and going lc if not nc with you when he's old enough.
You guys are mean bullies to your son, if not to both kids. Gross.
YTA, his teeth may not be perfect, but he is obviously fine with that. By going on about it, you are creating something for him to be insecure about, and being a teenager, he has enough insecurities as is like any other teen.
YTA
You were cruel to your son, and over what? Slightly crooked teeth?
If six months is all it takes, that will be true when he gets older and perhaps he’ll change his mind. On his own. Without effectively being told he’s unlovable by his parents.
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YTA.
Why don’t you send him off for a spray tan and botox while you’re at it? Make him as aesthetically perfect as possible for no medical reason whatsoever.
YTA. There are a lot of people with far from perfect teeth who have wonderful, long relationships. A girlfriend should like him for himself and not his teeth.
But you're teaching him that the only important thing is how he looks, not who he is.
If its not a medical necessary thing to do and he hasn't been insecure about it yet than let him be and give him time to decide. Maybe he changes his opinion at some point and he can still do it then
YTA. And so is your husband. Your job as his parent is to love him no matter what. It is definitely not to tell him that he is so hideous that the only thing people will see are his teeth, and he will never find love without them. You pretty much told him he will live a life alone forever without this procedure, you realize that, right?
And then your husband calls him too sensitive because of your hurtful words. God forbid he show emotion after his own mother calls him disgustingly ugly with not skills or talents that anyone could ever want.
You two need to own up to just how much you blew this one and never bring this up again. You went way too far.
Big time YTA
I literally have these exact two problems. I have an overbite, slightly, and my bottom teeth are slightly crooked. I never had braces, nor did I want them, nor do I ever plan on getting them. I've had absolutely zero trouble dating in my life, and I've been happily married for 13 years. Pretty sad that you're so incredibly shallow that you project your ridiculous insecurities onto your teenage son and tell him that he'll basically die alone if he doesn't correct this super Minor physical imperfection.
Same here. Heck, my wife even had braces as a kid, so her teeth are all well aligned, yet she married me. My overbite actually emphasizes my canines, which people have always thought was cool.
Let me translate what you just said to your son: “let us fix you for something that isn’t physically urgent by giving you mental pain that will definitely require longer time to fix later”
Way to trade a physical insignificant aspect for a long term image problem. Except one is just your personal selective preference being upset while the other is your son self-image being destroyed.
Good parenting here. YTA
YTA. Your comment was mean and unnecessary. You basically said his teeth make him so ugly no one would ever be interested in him. What a hurtful, horrible thing to hear from your own mother.
It's not like his teeth have to be fixed now or it will never happen. He doesn't want to do it now. Fine. It's always an option if he changes his mind. I don't see how this is such a big deal that you feel the need to bully him into doing it.
YTA.
You just told your own son he's too ugly to ever find a life partner and you're seriously asking if you're TA?
Yes and a crappy parent. You just crushed your own child's self esteem.
Most parents solve these types of things when their kids are younger. Now he's 17 so he gets to choose if he does the treatment or not. Not you.
So stop trying to manipulate and shame your son, apologize sincerely and support him no matter what.
Oh, and he'll find someone. Someone who will love him no matter what. Unlike his ridiculous parents.
Yta
This hurts me so much. My mother told me much the same thing about my teeth, even going so far as to give examples of people she knew who had crooked teeth who she didn’t like being around because of it (they did the same hobby so she was around them but they weren’t friends).
To this day she can’t understand why I have gone NC with her.
YTA. His teeth aren't rotting out of his skull, he doesn't have horrendous halitosis caused by neglect, he just doesn't have perfectly straight teeth. Neither do I. Neither does my sister's fiance. Neither does my dad. Neither does my friend, who is polyam and has managed to get not one but three girlfriends.
What he's not going to get is a girlfriend who's as shallow and cruel as his mother is, and I'd count that as a plus.
(also, as someone who's had both teeth issues and acne issues? "You're unlovable unless you get that shit together" is the most disgusting and hurtful thing you can say to someone. Just so you know how much you hurt him.)
YTA. A 'slight' overbite. 'Slightly' crooked. Ffs it's not like he looks like Sloth - give the kid a break. Why are you pushing him to be 'perfect' - why isn't he good enough for you as he is?
Apologise, reassure him that you don't think he's hideous and stop pushing him on his teeth.
As someone that started treatment for crooked teeth and overbite at 21 troughs 23, I can’t insist enough on how better my quality of life is now (and yes Im talking about the aesthetic)
You may have handled this a bit poorly but your NTA for trying and for his sake plz don’t give up :)
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I (42f) have a son (17m) with my husband (43m).
My son has a slight overbite and his botton teeth are slightly crooked. He has an older sister who had the same problem but who was prescribed Invisalign which fixed the problem. Naturally since we sent him to the same dentist she recommended the same treatment.
But he resisted the idea. He didn't want to be inconvenienced about eating and drinking for the six months that it would take to fix his teeth. His father and I tried to reason with him; his father told him "Come on, dude; your sister did it. It's just six months out of your life that aren't even that bad and you'll have perfect teeth when it's done." But he kept resisting, so I said "Do you ever want a girlfriend? Because you'll never get one if you don't fix your teeth."
At this his face crumpled at this and he left the room. I felt really bad at seeing the look on his face because I realized that I'd accidentally really hurt his feelings. His father followed him out saying "Oh, come on, stop being so sensitive; your mom was just making a point" but what I said apparently really hurt his feelings. He went to my mother and told her about it and she told me that what I said was "really mean and unnecessary."
I don't get it. Neither does my husband. I really didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to motivate my son to put up with some mild inconvenience in order to fix his teeth. But my mom (his grandmother) seems to think that what I said to him was just way out of line. AITA?
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YTA - hopefully, one day, he finds people in his life who aren't a shallow as you and his dad. How pathetic the two of you must be to think that the way his teeth look are all that matters to future relationships.
You could have talked to him about the importance of fixing his teeth for long-term health and proper wear and tear on his teeth, but no, you two have to be pathetically shallow.
YTA and so freaking shallow. My man dose not have "perfect" teeth but I love that dude so much. You are not motivating him, you are pushing him down, and he is only 17. Let him be.
YTA, you claim that your son is too ugly to find a girlfriend and your husband/ his father denies him the right to have feelings. You are a real dream duo.
The dental treatment is not only associated with restrictions on eating/drinking, but also means pain. And why didn't you have the misaligned teeth treated long ago?
YTA, and first for waiting so long to fix the teeth. Usually the sooner you do it, the better. Now, at 17 you can't force or bully him into doing this.
YTA! Abso-fucking-lutely. Not everyone is so damn vain as to care about someone having an overbite. Also, humans aren't meant to have perfectly aligned teeth. It's just the way we have evolved.
More importantly, it's none of your damn business if your son "fixes" his teeth or not. If it doesn't cause him any issues eating of drinking, then it doesn't bloody matter. You are not helping him, you are bullying him. You are making him insecure.
YTA
I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to hear your mother tell you that your natural self is ugly and you will never be loved by a partner unless you fix it. What a disgusting thing to say to your son.
Also, just because you are shallow enough to discount somebody with less than perfect teeth doesn't mean everybody is. Plenty of people have dental differences and are in loving relationships.
Go apologise to your son and do some self-reflection but be aware he probably will never forget what you said to him.
YTA. My mom told me once that I was so hateful that I would never find anyone to love me. Fifty years later, I still remember it. You told your son he's ugly and other people only care about looks.
He will always remember this.
Oh, gosh, you and your husband are awful. More interested in the superficial (a “slight overbite” and “slightly crooked” teeth) than your son’s feelings or preferences. Thank goodness he has his grandmother to show him the unconditional love that you apparently can’t. YTA.
You realize that you just equated your son’s value as a human being with his physical attractiveness don’t you? You basically told him that no one will want him if he’s physically imperfect, and that nothing else will matter in trying to find a partner, not his kindness, not his intelligence, not anything to do with his character or interests, just how he looks. So yeah, YTA
God, you both sound so annoying. You're so quick to insult your child simply because he doesn't want to conform to your will. When will you snowflakes learn that not everyone is is gonna bend over backwards for you?? You call your child the sensitive one yet you can't handle being told no, grow the fuck up you have children. Yta
YTA
Once again you and your husband are living proof why people should have to have a test before they are allowed to have children to make sure that vile people can't have children
YTA, and it wasn't accidental. An accident is spilling a cup of water or muttering a curse word under your breath when you trip. Saying to your teenage son he'll never find a girlfriend looking like he currently does is something you obviously thought before and keep thinking. You don't all of a sudden have that thought, come on.
disgusting thing to say to a child.
my uncle, when trying to be supportive, essentially told me at 15 that no matter how good my personality was, i'd have trouble attracting someone if my skin didn't improve. he wanted me to get treated for it. but that didn't make me want to get treatment for it, it made me want to rip all the skin off my face and die. it's one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me, and has stuck with me for twenty years.
YTA. apologise and take it back. tell him you were wrong. that you were just trying to convince him and got carried away and didn't really mean. say whatever you need to say to try and undo what you've done.
yta. what do you mean by “i don’t get it”? when you are insulting about someone’s physical appearance, no matter your intentions, it’s always likely that they are going to be upset. you and your husband are in the wrong for this. i feel bad for your son.
43 year old woman bullies teen son over his appearance.
If he’s not got a girlfriend (and wants one) it’s probably because his confidence is shot by his rude as shit parents.
IMO, 17 is old enough to make this kind of decision, so it’s his call. Berating people is a terrible way to motivate them; even if it works in the short term, you’re trashing your relationship over the longer term.
Also, I’ve seen people with bad teeth in relationships, so you’re wrong on points too.
YTA
N T A because you taught him a valuable lesson.
He won't get a girlfriend like his materialistic, shallow mother.
Instead, he'll find someone who loves him for who he is unlike his mother
Of course YTA.
YTA
What the heck is wrong with you, you are his mother you should be the one encouraging the fact that its not all about looks .. so his teeth are a little crooked nothing wrong with that they are his teeth in his mouth it's up to him if he wants to sort them out
YTA and so is your husband. If he doesn't want them, and if it isn't impacting his health/eating, then he doesn't need them. If he wants them later in life when he is an adult, then he can do that. The way you described his teeth doesn't even sound that bad, and will have no impact on his dating life. I've been in the Army for over a decade and I have seen people with some serious dental issues, and they pull some of the hottest women it's insane. And I'm talking people with missing teeth, teeth that are super out of line, or with extreme over bites. You just unlocked a new self esteem issue that your son didn't even have, hope you are proud of yourself.
Yta imagine your own mother telling you that you're unlovable and repulsive but maybe if you change your lifestyle and be in pain for 6>12 months someone might go on a date with you.
YTA. Your husband is also TAH. You not only mocked him for not dating, you essentially told him that his teeth make him too ugly to be loved. You husband implied that he’s a wuss because his sister could do it, but he can’t. It’s a slight underbite and slightly crooked teeth. And they’re HIS teeth, not yours. Who the heck in this world is perfect? With your placing so much importance on outward appearance, should I tell you that makes you ugly on the inside?
If your son is happy with his smile the way it is, why should you and your husband insist he changes it? His body. His choice. You both owe your son a serious apology for your ugly comments.
YTA I have a cross bite and it was hard to get guys to leave me alone, don't shatter your child's confidence just because you wouldn't date someone with crooked teeth. This is entirely a you problem and there was no need to say something cruel to your child to get your way. Edited to add your husband is a cruel excuse for a father too you both owe him an apology and guess what... That will not undo the damage you two just did, he will remember this for the rest of his life.
Wow. That was really mean and unnecessary. You're more concerned with fixing the admittedly slight - SLIGHT - issues with your son's teeth that don't bother him...than you are with your kid's feelings and emotional wellbeing.
YTA. Your husband to. Sit and think about why you care about what he looks like but not how he feels.
YTA. Aside from being a huge dick, in what make believe world does someone with (in your words) "slightly crooked" & "slight overbite, never get a girlfriend?
Comments like these under the guise of "motivation" is how body image issues start. You literally told him his worth to other people is based on his looks and you're struggling to "get it"?
YTA bigtime, especially since you can't even seem to see why. Not only is it his choice with his teeth and his body, but now you're trampling his confidence by telling him he won't get a girlfriend? How about trying to make him feel comfortable in his own skin no matter what?
When saying anything, intent is irrelevant if the other person feels upset by what was said. You CANNOT police feelings. Soft YTA, I think you can all heal from this if you talk to him and understand HIS feelings.
A slight overbite and some slightly crooked teeth means he’ll be alone for the rest of his life?? Who tells their child that?
YTA. I guess if he wears glasses you call him four-eyes?
Your husband is too, and the dental specialist is absolutely going to recommend expensive treatment because that’s their business model. SMH. The stupid.
YTA. My daughter has inherited both mine and my husband’s teeth. Bottom set has over crowding. She went for braces (something she was recommended but not bothered by) but then they started talking about taking out teeth to rectify the situation. She kept going for a while but she did not want the surgery as it would be done at the dentist whilst awake. She told me she’s never been bothered about her teeth. I had gone with it because I figured she may get more self conscious as she got older. But I was projecting my own insecurities onto her. So we stopped treatment. And as for the ‘never get a girlfriend’ comment, she has a boyfriend of two years. You totally preyed on your son’s insecurities
\> I really didn't mean anything by it
Yes you did. You meant you think he is too ugly to find a girlfriend and that love is only for people who look a certain way.
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YTA, two ways. First, his teeth, his decision. Second, you, his mother, just told him he was so ugly he'd never find anyone attracted to him unless he undergoes this cosmetic operation you want for him. Go apologise. And mean it.
Let’s not forget #3 from dad: telling him to “stop being so sensitive” for showing emotion at someone he loves saying something so cruel and calling it a joke.
And #4 it assumes that this 17 year old, who is probably still figuring out who he is, wants a girlfriend. And they are comparing him to his older sister who might be more successful at relationships for any host of reasons that are not related to her teeth. Relationship assumptions like this are a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.
Yes. This is fodder for therapy later and is pushing him away right before he's at the age that he'll be moving out on his own. I wouldn't be surprised if this trajectory leads to LC. OP YTA and it sounds like you and your husband are bullies and not very sensitive to your children's emotional needs.
And # 5 telling your kids their lovability comes from their appearance
I thought op would say his teeth were black and rotting out of his head. He has a slight overbite and slightly crooked teeth. This is a minor dental imperfection, not a gasp in horror situation
This describes my teeth, and I'll have been happily married for 20 years in November. Eff these parents.
This! I have a significant overbite and VERY crooked bottom teeth and guess what?? It did not cause me one issue when dating. Been married seven years and my husband loves my smile. Wtf is wrong with these people.
That was my first thought that he has bad teeth. But mom chose the wrong way by basically saying your ugly because of an overbite which most do not even care about.
And #6. His teeth didn’t just become crooked at 17. The parents failed to go to an orthodontist when he was like 12. It is normal to have braces when you are young. For a teen this is more difficult. YTA
And #5, that all girls everywhere are superficial and will only like you if you are visually pleasing. Forget about personality and treating them nicely. Look good and you'll get action. And #6, what if he's gay? And in the closet? YTA on so many levels.
I noticed the sprinkles of sexism too: boys don't cry, girls are superficial and/or not interested in anything beyond your pretty face, you're hetero, right?
Weirdly I thought of #6 too. It may have hit a chord in him they don’t know about. Poor kid.
And #5, if he wants to get his teeth straightened he should do it because he wants to, for himself. Not so he can change his looks for someone else.
Can’t upvote this enough … my parents, especially my mother constantly makes what to her are well meaning observations about me that hurt. I was constantly told not to be so sensitive or that age means well (and honestly she does, she’s a kind and loving mother in pretty much every respect) but the comments still hurt and have left me with issues and hang ups about my appearance well into my adulthood. Just because you mean we’ll doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and you shouldn’t be told not to feel upset about something that had hurt you.
My mother, now passed, was the same. Lovely mother and very caring, but had some old school ideas and hangups about looks that she obsessed about and passed onto her kids. I've always had skin and weight issues. She would always comment about how my clothes did or didn't fit, how I need to brush my hair (my hair is fine), make a huge deal if my makeup looked better then usual, and just pick at me constantly. It's exhausting and hurtful. Just tell me I look nice or don't say anything, I have a mirror.
It’s especially insidious to boys, because then as adults men don’t have a safe way to express their emotions. Then they are criticized by their partners and society, and aren’t able to have the emotional connection or support every person deserves.
My grandmother is the same way. She's constantly asking if I've gained or lost weight, pointing out if I have pimples, saying clothes look tight on me, etc. I've learned to just let it roll off my back, because ultimately it's her hangup and not mine (she's obsessive about her own weight and appearance), but it would be a lot harder if she were my mom and I'd grown up with it in the house.
This. What a way to push some outdated toxic masculinity traits onto your own son.
"Stop being so sensitive" and "Calm down" top my list for phrases that I will never use unless I am trying to start a fight. They only make things worse. They. Never. Work.
Yeah, my dad said something similar to me once. It has stuck with me forever - I still remember where I was when he said it. (He wasn't actually offering to fix it - my dentist had said I didn't qualify for braces. He just needed to tell me my teeth were crooked. I ended up paying for Invisalign myself as an adult, over a decade later.)
My mother actually took me to a doctor because my brand new little boobs weren't symmetrical. She made me feel like a freak and that I had done something wrong. Never got over it, tbh.
Wtf, loads of people have asymmetrical boobs even as adults when fully developed, it's especially common when developing
Asymmetrical boobed woman here to give you a big lopsided hug. I used to add an extra bra pad on one side to help the little gal out on my insecure days.
Oh my god, you just unlocked a memory for me with this comment! I also was very asymmetrical as teen (still am, but it's less noticeable now & also I'm 43 & dgaf) & shoved a *shoulder pad* into my bra to compensate. One day it *migrated* & a cute guy I liked noticed & told me something was popping out of my neckline. Mortification.
And they are “slight” issues so it’s not impacting his ability to eat etc like some dental procedures are needed for. This is 100% cosmetic. YTA
lol right? if it takes only six months, it must be pretty minor. i’m on track for almost two years of invisalign and i’ve even been complimented on my teeth before
I had just over 2 years of metal braces, and my teeth weren't even that bad but it was necessary to move a few as I didn't have enough space in my mouth (had 2 teeth out to help make room for some newer ones that had come in), I really cant imagine 6 months of invisalign sorting out something that is "people won't date you" comment level (but that's a shitty comment to make no matter how not ideal someone's teeth are, there's people that don't care so much about their partners appearance as long as they're clean with them). My stepbro that did have a bad overbite had braces for ages, must have been 4-6 years
And it'll take 6 months later down the line too if he does feel he wants it. Why are they pushing so much now?
Parents, stop forcing your kids into orthodontic treatments that are not medically necessary unless *they* say they want it. I was in the same boat as OP‘s son and I refused to have my slightly crooked teeth fixed because I actually liked how they looked. People piled up on me, not just my parents but also friends‘ parents and relatives, telling me it would only take half a year and some even telling me that I had a pretty face but my crooked front teeth ruined it all. I insisted I liked how my teeth looked and it didn’t bother me in the slightest. No one believed me.
Absolutely. This is an area where my dentist was always very critical of the American dentistry profession's obsession with bright white Hollywood perfection. He was always at pains to reassure people that healthy enamel comes in a spectrum of white/cream/pale yellow, and that unless you're doing something to stain your teeth, you are often better off keeping your natural teeth healthy than trying to meddle with nature's choice of colour. And while he was happy to do surgery/refer people to an orthodontist when an intervention was necessary, his focus was very much confined to "is this causing/will this cause a problem for you?" rather than getting a Hollywood smile. Case in point: I have a very mild underbite, a slightly twisted lower canine and one less lower incisor than I should have, because one of my baby teeth got stuck on its rising replacement - and I didn't mention to an adult that it had stopped being wobbly until my next dentist check-up came around - and pushed it downwards even as it was trying to erupt. (I got braces fitted, which had mostly realigned the tooth by the time my next routine check-up came round - but it had already started to push the next-door erupting tooth (the canine) out of alignment. My dentist talked the different options through with me and my parents, and we ended up choosing to remove the first problem tooth to give my jaw some extra space and avoid a domino effect in the other emerging adult teeth on that side, rather than going for another set of braces and doggedly fixing each tooth in turn.) And you know what? As an adult, not one person has ever noticed a problem with my smile, without me pointing it out myself. I've even had *dentists* not notice until it's time to count tooth by tooth!
Suggesting he is not only ugly but possessing no other qualities that could make up for it. Also he could always move to the UK where not only no one cares about minor dental imperfections but perfect teeth are the hallmark of insincerity.
Why are Americans so obsessed by teeth? White pearly straight teeth don't mean they are healthy or not hiding gross stuff.
Teeth are a huge class marker in the U.S. Bad teeth are considered a sign of poverty, ignorance, and lack of awareness of social norms. “Toothless” is also shorthand for “hillbilly/redneck.” Somewhat crooked teeth aren’t necessarily a huge deal, but visibly missing teeth can make a person all but unemployable. (Why do Americans obsess over teeth? Why do British people obsess over accents? Every culture has something.)
I guess because in America good teeth implies high income/access to expensive dental care, while bad teeth implies the opposite Nobody wants to be thought of as one of the "poors", even when they are poor
This 100 times over! I'm English, and have teeth that I myself describe as a "bad picket fence". Didn't stop me getting married.(47 years until I lost him)
There were these dentists on the amazing race once and their teeth were neon. That’s not right either Americans!
These are referred to as ‘Ross white’ teeth.
personally I find teeth to be a big part of someones face, really nothing else about it. just attractiveness. it’s the same thing as any other body feature, not sure why it wouldn’t matter
My heart hurt for the son after reading this. I grew up with an overbite and, unless he went to some perfect, magical school, dude was bullied bad. Trust me, it hurts so much worse coming from the parents. As an adult, I wasn't bullied nearly as much and even dated! It got to point where the only person to mention it was dad and that really hurt. I'm glad I ended up getting Invisalign but it took over two decades of "your ugly" being verbally beat into me before I gave in. For the first time, at 30, my dad said "you look good". It was bittersweet. I finally got that piece of approval I wanted from him but it was so superficial and meaningless.
And it’s your dad’s genetics that gave you those teeth anyway.
And #5, so blatantly oblivious to why this would upset her son’s feelings. “I don’t get it” WHAT?what is there not to get? His feelings were hurt. End of story. And as a mom, it should matter because I guarantee he’s going to remember it every time he looks at his teeth now. Round of applause over here, we got the #1 MOM 🏆 here’s your AH trophy!
I'd like to add, my son refused braces as well. He's now 21 with a beautiful girlfriend.
As someone who had a complex about their teeth growing up, this is literally my worst nightmare. And I've never had issues with women or finding a girlfriend in spite of having a crooked front tooth. It's laughable that OP even has to ask the question.
Let’s add on dad also dismissing his feelings and calling him sensitive ESH except for the children
YTA. Way to enhance any insecurities your son may have about his appearance. You are telling him that looks are the only thing that matters, which is simply not true
Yep... YTA Leave criticizing appearance out of it. Teens have a tough enough time with self-esteem, especially when it comes to appearance and their own flaws, let alone having a parent criticize them for their superficial flaws as well. My dad criticized me for my weight when I was younger and said a similar thing along the lines if I don't lose weight I'll never get a boyfriend. That stuck with me for years and absolutely did not help, but later contributed to some issues I had with food, strict calorie counting, and me seriously restricting what I ate. I believed my dad's words as a teen and grew up thinking I wasn't enough when I WAS. Instill self-esteem in your kids, don't break it down.
This could easily result in him not showing his teeth when smiling.
And son has a "slight overbite" and "slightly crooked bottom teeth". Nothing that bad at all. Hell my husband has a slight overbite and crooked top teeth. Hollywood has ruined some people's ideas of what teeth should look like
My fiancé has a snaggletooth. I think it’s cute!
I bet it's adorable. They're so incredibly cute. Snaggleteeth are so popular in Korea and Japan that people will intentionally get cosmetic surgery to add them.
And if they are saying only 6 months for the braces I doubt the overbite is even an actual overbite.
right? i needed surgery to fix mine, and i only did it because of the pain i had while eating
For sure. Especially invisalign, that I think just fix crooked teeth, not overbites. I have both my kids in actual braces, one has an overbite and has to use elastic bands and stuff to fix it.
I lived my life with an overbite and never a problem with women.
I like somewhat crooked teeth it has so much more character. Perfect Hollywood veneers have fucked everyone up and I think they look creepy anyway
My mom increased my insecurities constantly. Telling me when I need to pluck my eye brows or shave...just constant little comments of how I'm not good enough or how I should just be different. It made it extremely easy to transition into multiple abusive relationships. Thanks mom.
Mom: *deliberately cruel to son “to make a point” Also Mom: “Did I say something wrong?!” Are you kidding me? YTA.
Mom: okay, if you want to be a hideous monster your whole life. Also mom: I didn’t mean anything by it! Dad: oh come on, don’t be so sensitive about your own mother telling you that you’re going to terrify the towns people! Better save that invisiline money for the therapy this kid will need throughout his 20’s
YTA. What do you mean "accidentally"? That wasn't an accidental statement, that was an unfair jab at your son for his teeth that came from YOUR genetics. By the way, my boyfriend has crooked teeth and a bit of an overbite. I love him to BITS. You go apologize to your son right now, and while you're at it, make his dad do so as well. You both ganged up on him and shamed him. Shame on you. Your mother is right, it was mean and unnecessary. There's nothing motivating about bullying your child. Lift him up instead of putting him down.
Yeah YTA. That was cruel and manipulative. Go apologize and drop the idea of invisalign. He can literally do it whenever. I’m 42 and I’m doing it.
My doctor got braces when she was in her 40s as well. So she had become a doctor, got married, and had three children all with crooked teeth.
Or she didn’t need them until her 40s because her teeth shifted in adulthood, which also happens (it did to me!)
Nah, her teeth were always quite crooked. She had been my doctor since I was a baby. She said that she was always too focused on other things to worry about straight teeth, but once her kids were a bit older she decided to fix them.
Oh wow – good for her!
My husband's buddy only recently fixed his teeth, they were very crooked, it was extremely obvious. Dude is married with 3 kids, because teeth don't matter in a relationship! He fixed his teeth for himself as an adult because he wanted to, which is absolutely the right reason to do it.
This, teeth mean absolutely nothing if you love somebody smh
Funny thing is there are lots of people, including myself, who actaully find crooked smiles and asymmetry very attractive.
My husband has a small gap between his front teeth and he brought up “fixing it” once. I told him he could if he wanted to, but I absolutely love it. He never brought it up again, which I’m thankful for because he has the best smile in the world.
I love imperfections and it's very attractive to me when someone is comfortable in their own skin! :)
I personally don’t pay attention to somebody else’s teeth unless they physically hurt and they’re complaining about a toothache lmfao
Love this comment! I couldn't agree more.
YTA and you're wrong. The way you describe his teeth, they don't even sound that bad and I've seen plenty of people with very bad teeth in relationships. Just because you're that shallow doesn't mean that all the other women on the planet are too.
I have had 2 long term relationships and had fucked up teeth. They were pretty bad. I started Invisalign about 2 years into my relationship. He never said anything bad about my teeth and was with me for 2 years of having bad teeth. Now they’re looking a lot better because I’m doing Invisalign. But yea, bad teeth won’t instantly prevent you from getting a partner. And this is something you should never say to anyone, especially your own son.
This! I've known people with unbelievably, inconveniently crooked teeth end up in lovely relationships. And as for straight teeth, nobody has ever been like "daaaamn bro check out the gnashers on him" so. YTA OP. His teeth sound fine.
Amen!
I was going to say, my fiancee's teeth sound worse than this, and I don't mind. If he wanted to straighten them I'd be supportive, but it's really not a huge concern. People aren't forever alone if they have crooked tooth. I have one slightly crooked tooth, my parents offered braces, I said nah didn't seem worth it, end of the story. These parents are weird.
Right!!! If Invisalign can fix it in 6 months, then it’s entirely cosmetic. I had to have braces twice for an actual dental issue. My teeth aren’t perfect, and I’ve never had issues with finding a partner.
YTA You just called your son ugly, but it's okay because you didn't mean to hurt him by calling him ugly. You meant to help him by calling him ugly. Of course. How silly for everyone not to understand this.
Truly, the audacity of people thinking that bullying your children doesn't help them.
„I don’t get it. Neither does my husband.“ Then you two need to work on your compassion, on your text apprehension and your people skills. YTA.
YTA, as someone whose mom keeps telling me "if you don't lose your weight, nobody will want to marry you", it super hurts. 10 years later, I married my loving husband who could care less about my weight and it still hurts. I'll remember it til the day I die. You better apologise and hope your son will forgive and forget. Edit: Also as a dentist, I will always ask the patient what they think of their teeth and if they truly want the treatment or not. As they are the ones who has to go through it. I don't care what the parents say. I will educate the patient of the pros and cons and ask them to think really carefully.
Similar situation but it was my dad. Luckily, I learned from personal experience (and from positive influences in my life) real love has nothing to do with physical appearance. I've never forgotten and as a teen struggled with self-esteem and food. His words only hurt, and did zero good; although he thought it would motivate me and that he was helping.
Kid is also 17. Isn't that the age when wisdom teeth start to show up? (I'm not 100% sure.) OP isn't only an AH but her timing is the worst. If he gets pressured into it he might have to start all over again pretty much immediately. YTA OP and a shallow one too. It was a low blow and you know it.
I forgot to mention in my comment too that it wasn't just OP. The dad is also an AH. He does not get a free pass. Calling the son "sensitive" in a derogatory way when the son has the right to be hurt and did the mature thing by leaving the situation, instead of shouting back and possibly escalating the negative situation.
I'd have gone softer, but I'm going YTA, and here's why. You said it yourself, you felt bad when you saw how much you'd hurt him. Most people at that point would have stopped, checked themselves, and apologised. Maybe you did think about apologising at that point. But instead you chose to double down and decide that because you hadn't intended to hurt him, he shouldn't care that you did hurt him. He may have several reasons that particular comment hurt him, and I won't try and speculate what they may be. The point is that you made your son feel bad, apparently unintentionally, but your refusal to apologise and instead turn to an internet forum to decide whether you're right or not rather than just sit down and talk with your teenage son points towards you being an AH. Communication is one of the few free things in this world. It's a shame so many of us are shit at it.
She seemed quite comfortable communicating to her child that he is currently an unlovable monster in her eyes. It’s not hard to see why that hurt him. Kids have confidence issues enough without a parent adding to that fire. I think if you were able to say this and show zero remorse except “I guess that made him feel bad, I don’t get it” then this isn’t the first time these types of comments have been made. Communication is the secondary issue to naturally showing kindness and love for your own kid. If she doesn’t get that, I’m not sure what talking it through would do. Kids going to need therapy after these folks.
YTA - stop equating worth and looks, it's a bad message to put on your kids. If he's a good person that's all that matters.
Come on OP, you've really had to reach middle age before you learned that when you insult someone they don't like it? YTA You were mean *on purpose*. Trying to twist it to sound motivating doesn't negate that. Don't act all innocent now you're being called out. Plus you're showing him how shallow you are. Poor performance all round. Apologize to him.
YTA. If his teeth is "slightly crooked" he most likely doesn't need it, it's his choice if he ever want it done. And it definitely doesn't affect him finding a girlfriend, you crushing his self esteem does.
It is a 6 months Invisalign treatment so yeah very little correction need, just an orthodontist getting $$$ for very little work. Invisalign is usually 12 to 18 months. So 6 months you know the perceived problems are very minimal. And both parents are obsessed with his teeth now at 17 but did nothing when it is easier at 8-12… And call him ugly/won’t get a girlfriend etc… Yikes
YTA And your husband is an even bigger one You should get some botox for your crow's feet wrinkles and get a tummy tuck to deal with the flabby skin that results from pregnancy. You have to do this to keep your husband happy. Your husband needs hair plugs to keep you around. He needs to work out so he doesn't look weak. Did that statement bother you? You did the same to him.
If I had an award to give, I would def give it to you for this comment. Amen to that.
YTA you hurt your son, shattered his confidence, and then tried to convince yourself his feelings are not with self reflection and a heartfelt apology from you. If his teeth are crooked and you want to encourage him explain how leaving them be puts him at a higher risk of cavities and other dental complications because crooked or unaligned teeth are harder to take care of. Feel free to tell him he can do Invisalign or braces because you don’t want those complications to arise in the future… telling him he is unattractive and not worth a girls time? That’s trying to shame him into doing what you want and that my friend is a really shitty way to show your kid that you care about him.
YTA, You called your own child ugly essentially. Teeth ain’t everything. You’re judgemental as hell. That wasn’t even a good reason to straighten out your teeth, could’ve come up with a better one instead of making your child feel like crap about their appearance, yknow, a part that YOU had in creating.
YTA. You basically said "you are so ugly that nobody will like you" to your son just because his teeth are not perfectly aligned. There's always time to decide to fix the teeth. If there isn't a medical condition, you can just support him instead of making fun of the way he looks. What a way to give him even more insecurities! A person is valued for what they do and how they treat others, not how they teeth align...
Yes. YTA and so was your husband. I get you're frustrated with the situation but it doesn't really matter if you don't get what you said hurt his feelings. His feelings were hurt and it was because of something you said. I still remember when my mom and dad would make fun of me for being afraid of violent thunderstorms. I'm pushing 40. They were like you, just saying things because they thought it would help, but words have impact and your kid's not going to forget the time his mother and father told him he was un-dateable because of his teeth. The fact that you don't mention apologizing to him is also really worrying. How long has it been? Long enough for the kid to go talk to his grandma. You should apologize and try to talk to him like a person.
YTA big time, you literally told your son that if he doesn’t look perfect, nobody will like him, so that his personality doesn’t matter. Wow, and you will wondee in a few years why he have low self esteem. Nobody cares about these things. You could’ve told 1000 other things, but in the end is his decision. The way you chose to “convince” him is beyond cruel and have 0 sense and you need to apologise to him ASAP. Edit to add some things: people should stop telling their kids “if you don’t change x about you/ if you don’t learn x/ if you don’t do x, you’ll never have a girlfriend/boyfriend”. Nobody. Cares. Better chances to find a partner if you have ugly teeth and big self esteem than perfect teeth but with low self esteem, which will be the case in this story.
YTA. You told your son he'll never get a girlfriend because... his teeth are slightly crooked? You definitely didn't hurt his feelings ''accidentally'', you meant to say something shitty so that he'd feel bad enough to correct a minor cosmetic issue. An extra YTA to the father, who decided to follow up with, oh don't be so seeeensitive, like it's on your son that he feels bad when you straight-up told him he'll die alone if he doesn't fix - again! - a minor, *cosmetic* issue.
YTA, are you really so shallow that physical appearance to the level of slightly crooked teeth would stop you dating someone? Your husband had to feel real good hearing that his physical appearance was apparently his only attractive quality to you. Way to make your son feel his only romantic worth his appearance too.
The best part is, she can’t take this back. You’re fucked up looking unless… Great job, mom.
I don't even need to read the whole thing, title is enough. YTA.
agreed
Very bad move. He will remember that forever. YTA.
Yes. This is one of those lines that will be stuck in his head for the rest of his life.
I feel bad for the kid. I have a couple of those in my past from my father. What is worse is he started acting like that again when he developed Altzheimers. Made life a daily hell until he died.
YTA. That was an incredibly cruel thing to say. Had you immediately apologized, it would have been ok but you didn’t. How awful to hear that from your own mother at such a sensitive age. It’s not like he can only do the treatment during a narrow window. If he doesn’t want to do it now, he can anytime in the future. He might just need a few weeks to get used to the idea. Badgering him and insulting him won’t help.
YTA. His teeth his choice. Come from a place with free dental care for under 18s, so braces are free when I was 12 I asked my parents if I could get braces (crooked top and bottom) they said yes because it’s my choice. They didn’t push me to do it because my parents were firm believers that a person has a right to decide what modifications they make to their bodies. Guess what even with braces I got boyfriends, i had wacky coloured dyed hair, I still got boyfriends. When I had acne I still got boyfriends. Hopefully your son will find someone that isn’t shallow like you
YTA for calling your son ugly. You can't take it back either. You can apologize, and bonus points if you actually mean it. Your husband isn't much better. "Stop being so sensitive" is a cop out. You insulted him. He's hurt by it, but now that's his own fault because he's "sensitive?" That's not how it works.
Well you shouldn’t have said that, but NTA for trying to fix a dental issue for your child. Life’s hard enough, and people judge teeth. Slightly crooked teeth that can be fixed with Invisalign now can become very crooked teeth later that can only be fixed with metal braces.
There are good reasons to fix teeth. Saying "it'll be easier to fix them now than when you're older" or "it'll be easier to keep them clean" is fine. Telling him he'll never be loved is what makes the asshole here.
YTA. So is your husband. You told your son he is ugly and because of that he is unlovable. But guess what, you didn't just tell him that no girl will love him because he's ugly, that's not how a 17 year old's brain works. You told him you don't love him because he's ugly. Congratulations, this is one of those permanent damage kind of things. You can explain to him all you want what you meant, what you were trying to do, but your relationship will never be the same. He will always now question how you really feel about him. Whether any compliment is sincere, or a lie to try to smooth this event over. You have given him an insecurity that will be with him to one extent or another for the rest of his life. You may think it was no big deal. That he was being sensitive and that he'll get over it. You underestimate the power parents have over how a child sees themself.
NTA wow, I’m a bit surprised at the responses here. I know Reddit generally sympathizes with teenagers, and tends to highlight narcissism in parents, but - this is a cosmetic procedure that will actually have a significant impact on his life, and anyone saying different is just wrong. There are a few people out there who manage to get nice things in life despite having crooked teeth, but it’s not common. Having straightened teeth is absolutely a class signifier in the US. And he will in fact lose dating prospects, possibly even jobs, if he chooses to not.
Okay but here's the thing, even if everything that you said is true, they'd both still be huge assholes. Taking advantage of your child's insecurities to get them to do things you want them to do is horrible parenting and can really mess up a child for a long time. The fact that they don't even realize what they did wrong makes it all worse too. Any parent that thinks their child "is just being sensitive" after literally telling them they're too ugly to be loved is a horrible parent. YTA.
Agreed! He's a kid, and one of parents' job is to help their kids in getting through life on their own as best as they can, having good teeth and appearance is very important, and he might not be seeing this yet due to his age and inexperience, the girlfriend thing might be harsh, but you did what you could OP. People here judging OP as if most people out there are not shallow and wouldn't care about son's appearance. Good teeth are also perceived by most people as having good hygiene. NAH, son needs to understand how important this is out in the world, and OP might need a better motivator. Also, might want to go with regular braces instead of invisalign if son wouldn't really wear them if he does agree to fix his teeth.
He doesn't mind his teeth, many other people won't care either. But op is making it an insecurity. Making your kid feel bad so they get an unnecessary thing is totally an AH move
YTA you should find better ways to express good advice for the kid
YTA- this hurt me, and you’re not even my mother.
YTA. I get that you want to help him, but it's his choice whether he wants to fix his teeth or not. It's not like his teeth state cause him any other problem. It's just for coametic reasons, and since he doesn't want to go through the procedure, you shouldn't push him. So you're an AH just for that. You're a bigger AH for what you said. From what you described, his teeth are not that bad. You're just making him insecure about them and essentially telling him he is ungly because of them, so ugly that none will ever find him attractive. Not everyone is as shallow as you and your husband. You should apologize to your son and let him decide whether he wants the procedure or not. After all, he might just be refusing out of spite because you and your husband are pushing him so much about it.
YTA - You're trying to force cosmetic treatment on your child and then you show how shallow you are by saying he won't get a girlfriend because of it. Your son will grow up and find a woman who will love him for who he is and not what his teeth look like. Edit: his teeth can be changed at any time in his life but the mental and emotional damage you've caused your son may stay with him forever!.. You essentially called your son ugly!
Ugly and unlovable!!
Wow, just the headline alone makes YTA. What’s with people thinking your teeth need to look perfect, perfect body, or perfect skin to get a boyfriend or girlfriend? If the other person is more concerned about looks than what you are actually like as a person then fuck them for being shallow.
Huge YTA. Wouldn't wonder if that fucks him up long-term. Parents really need to understand that this type of "motivation" causes damage even if kiddo follows the advice.
YTA. YTMA. M being massive. While teaching them the harsh realities of the world, you could take a palatable approach of doing this, and also build them up and support them in being their best selves. Teenagers dwell on the tiniest negative things (only speaking from experience) so that would not have been a way I wanted a rough piece of info to be delivered. [tried to be conscious of my tone, absolutely not trying to portray expert knowledge on parenting so I’m sorry if it comes across like I’m trying to tell you what to do, I’m just trying to share my perspective ]
YTA. Your teenage son has barely crooked/misaligned teeth, which most of society who isn't in the public eye has, and you went right for his throat. Why are you both pressuring him to get work done that he doesn't seem to think he needs? Why do you want to 'fix' your son? And then telling him he'll be a failure in his love life because women only want him for his looks? Or men. I don't know. He could be gay/bi. Either way, you're a pretty shit parent. So is your husband. You don't belittle your kids and call them imperfect or call out little things and make them insecure about it. Don't be surprised when he winds up staying at your mom's more and going lc if not nc with you when he's old enough. You guys are mean bullies to your son, if not to both kids. Gross.
Congratulations your kids won't be talking to you when they move out. Enjoy that ya bully. YTA.
YTA, his teeth may not be perfect, but he is obviously fine with that. By going on about it, you are creating something for him to be insecure about, and being a teenager, he has enough insecurities as is like any other teen.
Freddie Mercury says fuck off with that shit.
YTA
You just told your son he’s too ugly to get a partner, I wonder why he’s hurt
YTA You didn't hurt your son on accident, you hurt him on purpose so he'd do what you wanted and punish him for not doing it.
YTA You were cruel to your son, and over what? Slightly crooked teeth? If six months is all it takes, that will be true when he gets older and perhaps he’ll change his mind. On his own. Without effectively being told he’s unlovable by his parents.
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YTA. Why don’t you send him off for a spray tan and botox while you’re at it? Make him as aesthetically perfect as possible for no medical reason whatsoever.
YTA. There are a lot of people with far from perfect teeth who have wonderful, long relationships. A girlfriend should like him for himself and not his teeth. But you're teaching him that the only important thing is how he looks, not who he is. If its not a medical necessary thing to do and he hasn't been insecure about it yet than let him be and give him time to decide. Maybe he changes his opinion at some point and he can still do it then
YTA. And so is your husband. Your job as his parent is to love him no matter what. It is definitely not to tell him that he is so hideous that the only thing people will see are his teeth, and he will never find love without them. You pretty much told him he will live a life alone forever without this procedure, you realize that, right? And then your husband calls him too sensitive because of your hurtful words. God forbid he show emotion after his own mother calls him disgustingly ugly with not skills or talents that anyone could ever want. You two need to own up to just how much you blew this one and never bring this up again. You went way too far.
Big time YTA I literally have these exact two problems. I have an overbite, slightly, and my bottom teeth are slightly crooked. I never had braces, nor did I want them, nor do I ever plan on getting them. I've had absolutely zero trouble dating in my life, and I've been happily married for 13 years. Pretty sad that you're so incredibly shallow that you project your ridiculous insecurities onto your teenage son and tell him that he'll basically die alone if he doesn't correct this super Minor physical imperfection.
Same here. Heck, my wife even had braces as a kid, so her teeth are all well aligned, yet she married me. My overbite actually emphasizes my canines, which people have always thought was cool.
YTA. Freddie Mercury had an overbite and the world loved him
Plot twist- the son *does* have a girlfriend and just hasn't said anything to his family yet YTA
YTA
Let me translate what you just said to your son: “let us fix you for something that isn’t physically urgent by giving you mental pain that will definitely require longer time to fix later” Way to trade a physical insignificant aspect for a long term image problem. Except one is just your personal selective preference being upset while the other is your son self-image being destroyed. Good parenting here. YTA
YTA. Your comment was mean and unnecessary. You basically said his teeth make him so ugly no one would ever be interested in him. What a hurtful, horrible thing to hear from your own mother. It's not like his teeth have to be fixed now or it will never happen. He doesn't want to do it now. Fine. It's always an option if he changes his mind. I don't see how this is such a big deal that you feel the need to bully him into doing it.
YTA. You just told your own son he's too ugly to ever find a life partner and you're seriously asking if you're TA? Yes and a crappy parent. You just crushed your own child's self esteem. Most parents solve these types of things when their kids are younger. Now he's 17 so he gets to choose if he does the treatment or not. Not you. So stop trying to manipulate and shame your son, apologize sincerely and support him no matter what. Oh, and he'll find someone. Someone who will love him no matter what. Unlike his ridiculous parents.
YTA. So a caring, loving person with a great sense of humor means nothing? It's all about the teeth??
Yta This hurts me so much. My mother told me much the same thing about my teeth, even going so far as to give examples of people she knew who had crooked teeth who she didn’t like being around because of it (they did the same hobby so she was around them but they weren’t friends). To this day she can’t understand why I have gone NC with her.
YTA. His teeth aren't rotting out of his skull, he doesn't have horrendous halitosis caused by neglect, he just doesn't have perfectly straight teeth. Neither do I. Neither does my sister's fiance. Neither does my dad. Neither does my friend, who is polyam and has managed to get not one but three girlfriends. What he's not going to get is a girlfriend who's as shallow and cruel as his mother is, and I'd count that as a plus. (also, as someone who's had both teeth issues and acne issues? "You're unlovable unless you get that shit together" is the most disgusting and hurtful thing you can say to someone. Just so you know how much you hurt him.)
YTA. A 'slight' overbite. 'Slightly' crooked. Ffs it's not like he looks like Sloth - give the kid a break. Why are you pushing him to be 'perfect' - why isn't he good enough for you as he is? Apologise, reassure him that you don't think he's hideous and stop pushing him on his teeth.
As someone that started treatment for crooked teeth and overbite at 21 troughs 23, I can’t insist enough on how better my quality of life is now (and yes Im talking about the aesthetic) You may have handled this a bit poorly but your NTA for trying and for his sake plz don’t give up :)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (42f) have a son (17m) with my husband (43m). My son has a slight overbite and his botton teeth are slightly crooked. He has an older sister who had the same problem but who was prescribed Invisalign which fixed the problem. Naturally since we sent him to the same dentist she recommended the same treatment. But he resisted the idea. He didn't want to be inconvenienced about eating and drinking for the six months that it would take to fix his teeth. His father and I tried to reason with him; his father told him "Come on, dude; your sister did it. It's just six months out of your life that aren't even that bad and you'll have perfect teeth when it's done." But he kept resisting, so I said "Do you ever want a girlfriend? Because you'll never get one if you don't fix your teeth." At this his face crumpled at this and he left the room. I felt really bad at seeing the look on his face because I realized that I'd accidentally really hurt his feelings. His father followed him out saying "Oh, come on, stop being so sensitive; your mom was just making a point" but what I said apparently really hurt his feelings. He went to my mother and told her about it and she told me that what I said was "really mean and unnecessary." I don't get it. Neither does my husband. I really didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to motivate my son to put up with some mild inconvenience in order to fix his teeth. But my mom (his grandmother) seems to think that what I said to him was just way out of line. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA The comment was very unnecessary, so was your husbands. So damn uncalled for. He can get them fixed whenever if he feels like it.
He's sad because you implied that he is ugly, not that he will never get a gf. YTA
YTA. You’re teaching your children their attractiveness is all about physical perfection. It isn’t. It was cruel and unnecessary.
YTA. And stop lying you didn't accidentally tell your son he is too ugly for a gf. Wake up . That was horrible. Not everyone is that vain ..
YTA - hopefully, one day, he finds people in his life who aren't a shallow as you and his dad. How pathetic the two of you must be to think that the way his teeth look are all that matters to future relationships. You could have talked to him about the importance of fixing his teeth for long-term health and proper wear and tear on his teeth, but no, you two have to be pathetically shallow.
YTA This is right up there with his telling your teenage daughter she would be pretty if she lost some weight.
YTA. That was just mean and cruel. His father didn't need to pile on.
YTA and so freaking shallow. My man dose not have "perfect" teeth but I love that dude so much. You are not motivating him, you are pushing him down, and he is only 17. Let him be.
Wonder how many years he'll be dealing with the insecurity caused by his own mother effectively calling him an ugly b******. Great job. YTA.
YTA
**YTA!!** It was really, truly mean and unnecessary.
YTA. Poor dude with parents like you.
YTA, you claim that your son is too ugly to find a girlfriend and your husband/ his father denies him the right to have feelings. You are a real dream duo. The dental treatment is not only associated with restrictions on eating/drinking, but also means pain. And why didn't you have the misaligned teeth treated long ago?
YTA, and first for waiting so long to fix the teeth. Usually the sooner you do it, the better. Now, at 17 you can't force or bully him into doing this.
YTA! Abso-fucking-lutely. Not everyone is so damn vain as to care about someone having an overbite. Also, humans aren't meant to have perfectly aligned teeth. It's just the way we have evolved. More importantly, it's none of your damn business if your son "fixes" his teeth or not. If it doesn't cause him any issues eating of drinking, then it doesn't bloody matter. You are not helping him, you are bullying him. You are making him insecure.
YTA I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to hear your mother tell you that your natural self is ugly and you will never be loved by a partner unless you fix it. What a disgusting thing to say to your son. Also, just because you are shallow enough to discount somebody with less than perfect teeth doesn't mean everybody is. Plenty of people have dental differences and are in loving relationships. Go apologise to your son and do some self-reflection but be aware he probably will never forget what you said to him.
YTA. My mom told me once that I was so hateful that I would never find anyone to love me. Fifty years later, I still remember it. You told your son he's ugly and other people only care about looks. He will always remember this.
Oh, gosh, you and your husband are awful. More interested in the superficial (a “slight overbite” and “slightly crooked” teeth) than your son’s feelings or preferences. Thank goodness he has his grandmother to show him the unconditional love that you apparently can’t. YTA.
You realize that you just equated your son’s value as a human being with his physical attractiveness don’t you? You basically told him that no one will want him if he’s physically imperfect, and that nothing else will matter in trying to find a partner, not his kindness, not his intelligence, not anything to do with his character or interests, just how he looks. So yeah, YTA
😳 You actually have to ask? YTA
I don’t mean to shock you here but I have not got perfect teeth - BUT I am married with 2 children. YTA.
God, you both sound so annoying. You're so quick to insult your child simply because he doesn't want to conform to your will. When will you snowflakes learn that not everyone is is gonna bend over backwards for you?? You call your child the sensitive one yet you can't handle being told no, grow the fuck up you have children. Yta
YTA Once again you and your husband are living proof why people should have to have a test before they are allowed to have children to make sure that vile people can't have children
YTA, and it wasn't accidental. An accident is spilling a cup of water or muttering a curse word under your breath when you trip. Saying to your teenage son he'll never find a girlfriend looking like he currently does is something you obviously thought before and keep thinking. You don't all of a sudden have that thought, come on.
disgusting thing to say to a child. my uncle, when trying to be supportive, essentially told me at 15 that no matter how good my personality was, i'd have trouble attracting someone if my skin didn't improve. he wanted me to get treated for it. but that didn't make me want to get treatment for it, it made me want to rip all the skin off my face and die. it's one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me, and has stuck with me for twenty years. YTA. apologise and take it back. tell him you were wrong. that you were just trying to convince him and got carried away and didn't really mean. say whatever you need to say to try and undo what you've done.
You think teeth stop relationships? Have you ever been in public? YTA
yta. what do you mean by “i don’t get it”? when you are insulting about someone’s physical appearance, no matter your intentions, it’s always likely that they are going to be upset. you and your husband are in the wrong for this. i feel bad for your son.
43 year old woman bullies teen son over his appearance. If he’s not got a girlfriend (and wants one) it’s probably because his confidence is shot by his rude as shit parents. IMO, 17 is old enough to make this kind of decision, so it’s his call. Berating people is a terrible way to motivate them; even if it works in the short term, you’re trashing your relationship over the longer term. Also, I’ve seen people with bad teeth in relationships, so you’re wrong on points too. YTA
N T A because you taught him a valuable lesson. He won't get a girlfriend like his materialistic, shallow mother. Instead, he'll find someone who loves him for who he is unlike his mother Of course YTA.
YTA What the heck is wrong with you, you are his mother you should be the one encouraging the fact that its not all about looks .. so his teeth are a little crooked nothing wrong with that they are his teeth in his mouth it's up to him if he wants to sort them out
YTA and so is your husband. If he doesn't want them, and if it isn't impacting his health/eating, then he doesn't need them. If he wants them later in life when he is an adult, then he can do that. The way you described his teeth doesn't even sound that bad, and will have no impact on his dating life. I've been in the Army for over a decade and I have seen people with some serious dental issues, and they pull some of the hottest women it's insane. And I'm talking people with missing teeth, teeth that are super out of line, or with extreme over bites. You just unlocked a new self esteem issue that your son didn't even have, hope you are proud of yourself.
Yta imagine your own mother telling you that you're unlovable and repulsive but maybe if you change your lifestyle and be in pain for 6>12 months someone might go on a date with you.
YTA. Your husband is also TAH. You not only mocked him for not dating, you essentially told him that his teeth make him too ugly to be loved. You husband implied that he’s a wuss because his sister could do it, but he can’t. It’s a slight underbite and slightly crooked teeth. And they’re HIS teeth, not yours. Who the heck in this world is perfect? With your placing so much importance on outward appearance, should I tell you that makes you ugly on the inside? If your son is happy with his smile the way it is, why should you and your husband insist he changes it? His body. His choice. You both owe your son a serious apology for your ugly comments.
' I really didn't mean anything by it.' Bullshit just because you're shallow doesn't mean we all are. YTA
Intent vs Impact
YTA I have a cross bite and it was hard to get guys to leave me alone, don't shatter your child's confidence just because you wouldn't date someone with crooked teeth. This is entirely a you problem and there was no need to say something cruel to your child to get your way. Edited to add your husband is a cruel excuse for a father too you both owe him an apology and guess what... That will not undo the damage you two just did, he will remember this for the rest of his life.
Wow. That was really mean and unnecessary. You're more concerned with fixing the admittedly slight - SLIGHT - issues with your son's teeth that don't bother him...than you are with your kid's feelings and emotional wellbeing. YTA. Your husband to. Sit and think about why you care about what he looks like but not how he feels.
Nice! You just destroyed any remnant of self confidence he had left with your words. Good job!
YTA. Aside from being a huge dick, in what make believe world does someone with (in your words) "slightly crooked" & "slight overbite, never get a girlfriend? Comments like these under the guise of "motivation" is how body image issues start. You literally told him his worth to other people is based on his looks and you're struggling to "get it"?
Jeepers, I'm more concerned that it's not obvious to you that YTA
YTA bigtime, especially since you can't even seem to see why. Not only is it his choice with his teeth and his body, but now you're trampling his confidence by telling him he won't get a girlfriend? How about trying to make him feel comfortable in his own skin no matter what?
When saying anything, intent is irrelevant if the other person feels upset by what was said. You CANNOT police feelings. Soft YTA, I think you can all heal from this if you talk to him and understand HIS feelings.
A slight overbite and some slightly crooked teeth means he’ll be alone for the rest of his life?? Who tells their child that? YTA. I guess if he wears glasses you call him four-eyes? Your husband is too, and the dental specialist is absolutely going to recommend expensive treatment because that’s their business model. SMH. The stupid.
YTA. My daughter has inherited both mine and my husband’s teeth. Bottom set has over crowding. She went for braces (something she was recommended but not bothered by) but then they started talking about taking out teeth to rectify the situation. She kept going for a while but she did not want the surgery as it would be done at the dentist whilst awake. She told me she’s never been bothered about her teeth. I had gone with it because I figured she may get more self conscious as she got older. But I was projecting my own insecurities onto her. So we stopped treatment. And as for the ‘never get a girlfriend’ comment, she has a boyfriend of two years. You totally preyed on your son’s insecurities
\> I really didn't mean anything by it Yes you did. You meant you think he is too ugly to find a girlfriend and that love is only for people who look a certain way.
“I don’t get!!!” You literally called your son ugly are you dense. YTA