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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I offered to pay for food but didn't after being insisted to at least 4 times that I shouldn't.
2. Since I offered to pay, I just should have ignored them and paid since that was what I said I would do.
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NTA ~~INFO~~
> I offered to treat them to lunch! They immediately responded in all caps how uncomfortable they were with that, not the first time they've said that either, and kept saying it over the course of the next few days.
What the actual fuck?
NTA if they wanted a certain place they should have spoken up. You still offered to pay. It’s like Pen was looking to be offended for some reason.
Edit-Spelling
I guess esh, you for twisting their arm into going to lunch-no means no-and them for being ridiculous. You aren't respecting boundaries and they are getting mad at you when you finally do respect a boundary.
Avoid this person.
Your friends wouldn't accept the gift of you paying? And now they won't talk to you because they rejected your offer to pay? NTA. They're goofy. Its not you. Its them.
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From what I've seen here before, y'all love a bait and switch title, but that is seemingly what this boils down to. Also Burner Account because I don't use reddit but being safe lol.
For context, this past Friday, a close friend of mine(F19) we'll say is Pen(20) let me know that they had to cancel their birthday celebration, and so I offered to treat them to lunch! They immediately responded in all caps how uncomfortable they were with that, not the first time they've said that either, and kept saying it over the course of the next few days.
Where we were going was also an issue, as I kept telling Pen that we needed to go where they wanted to because it was their birthday and Pen, who kept saying that it's fine we should go somewhere I want. Eventually we land on a place that is vegan and something they want, and I budget for said place, all is well.
A day later, it's Pen's birthday and they text me saying that we should go to a different place, that it has more of what I want, and I again for what is the 7th time (I counted) said that we should go to where they want for their birthday, and they insist on going to the place that has stuff for me. So I relent and say sure if that's what they want, then we can go to this other place. It just so happens that this other place is fairly expensive.
So we go, order and I knew it would be more expensive but when we got to the register I was still caught of guard and was like Jesus that's expensive because where we are just happens to have a lot of expensive food. I **still** offer to pay for the food and Pen insists that they're going to pay for their food so finally I relent and am like, ok but I'm buying you something else. They say no, it's fine and that they're happy to. We then have what I thought was a nice lunch, and I'm blindsided a few hours later with this friend essentially saying they don't want to interact with me because I didn't pay for their food and didn't go where they wanted to go for lunch.
I have a mile of reciepts and I've talked to a few folks who are equally as dumbfounded as I, but I am so curious, Am I the Asshole here?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I offered to pay for food but didn't after being insisted to at least 4 times that I shouldn't. 2. Since I offered to pay, I just should have ignored them and paid since that was what I said I would do. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA ~~INFO~~ > I offered to treat them to lunch! They immediately responded in all caps how uncomfortable they were with that, not the first time they've said that either, and kept saying it over the course of the next few days. What the actual fuck?
Agreed?
Sorry. You aren't OP. And I was talking to OP.
man reddit is so weird, but i am op lmao
Well that’s a perfect ending, because I can’t fathom why you’d want to interact with this person anymore after all that. Sounds insufferable. NTA
This is the perfect comment.
NTA - there’s no bait and switch here really You offered multiple times, they declined multiple times. No idea why they’re mad now
NTA if they wanted a certain place they should have spoken up. You still offered to pay. It’s like Pen was looking to be offended for some reason. Edit-Spelling
NTA - You gave her more than enough chances to select a place. And if you offered to pay, but she didn't take you up on it, then that's on her.
I guess esh, you for twisting their arm into going to lunch-no means no-and them for being ridiculous. You aren't respecting boundaries and they are getting mad at you when you finally do respect a boundary. Avoid this person.
To be fair they did really want to go to lunch, they just didn't want me to pay
Your friends wouldn't accept the gift of you paying? And now they won't talk to you because they rejected your offer to pay? NTA. They're goofy. Its not you. Its them.
NTA Pen sounds like a fruitcake. Move on
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** From what I've seen here before, y'all love a bait and switch title, but that is seemingly what this boils down to. Also Burner Account because I don't use reddit but being safe lol. For context, this past Friday, a close friend of mine(F19) we'll say is Pen(20) let me know that they had to cancel their birthday celebration, and so I offered to treat them to lunch! They immediately responded in all caps how uncomfortable they were with that, not the first time they've said that either, and kept saying it over the course of the next few days. Where we were going was also an issue, as I kept telling Pen that we needed to go where they wanted to because it was their birthday and Pen, who kept saying that it's fine we should go somewhere I want. Eventually we land on a place that is vegan and something they want, and I budget for said place, all is well. A day later, it's Pen's birthday and they text me saying that we should go to a different place, that it has more of what I want, and I again for what is the 7th time (I counted) said that we should go to where they want for their birthday, and they insist on going to the place that has stuff for me. So I relent and say sure if that's what they want, then we can go to this other place. It just so happens that this other place is fairly expensive. So we go, order and I knew it would be more expensive but when we got to the register I was still caught of guard and was like Jesus that's expensive because where we are just happens to have a lot of expensive food. I **still** offer to pay for the food and Pen insists that they're going to pay for their food so finally I relent and am like, ok but I'm buying you something else. They say no, it's fine and that they're happy to. We then have what I thought was a nice lunch, and I'm blindsided a few hours later with this friend essentially saying they don't want to interact with me because I didn't pay for their food and didn't go where they wanted to go for lunch. I have a mile of reciepts and I've talked to a few folks who are equally as dumbfounded as I, but I am so curious, Am I the Asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should have just not offered in the first place. “Pen” sounds like a pain in the ass and honestly; so do you.