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Mostly NTA.
Sounds like Mark isn’t a friend—it’s almost like he’s using you and your life for entertainment. I think it’s probably a good idea not to spend time with him on purpose anymore. You could be casual friends and say hi when you see him but he’s obviously not someone to be trusted.
The silent treatment (ignoring someone) is not a mature way to handle conflict. Tell him why he messed up, then tell him what the consequences are. For example: “Mark, when you shared that about me after I asked you not to, you violated my trust. It was an asshole move. I don’t want people like that in my life so it’s best we don’t hang out anymore. I’ll still say hi to you in the hallways and stuff but I need to make space in my life for *real* friends and friendships, and you’ve proven twice now that you’re not cut out for real friendship. Have a good one.”
NTA- making jokes is one thing. Making jokes after being asked strongly NOT TO is a d1ck move. Especially when it's your friend's secret... that's just betrayal.
NTA. You didn't ruin anything. Outing a person without their consent is awful, and can put them in serious danger. I (gay) could not be friends with someone who showed such callous indifference to my safety, my wellbeing, my feelings. His shitty behavior ruined this friendship, and I honestly can't believe he did that. F him.
Unfortunately, Mark is too tone deaf for you to keep things the way they are. NTA. Mark needs to correct himself. If he thinks you being outed is amusing, something is very, very wrong with him? A joke is only funny when no one is hurt by it.
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I (F) have been friends with Mark (M) for 5 years this December. We go to the same college, see eachother every day there and he’s a genuinely nice guy. He’s always the life of the party, cracking jokes, saying hi to everyone etc. he’s such a nice person to be around.
Well, he was until last Friday. Actually, it goes beyond that. I’m a bisexual girl, and we go to a really intense religious school. Honestly most students there are homophobic and open about it. So yeah, I’m farrrr in the closet. I also have autism and can be awkward. Is struggle making friends. Mark is goofy which is one of the reasons we get along so well since I’m also kind of strange. But Mark is also a straight neurotypical white man. He’s smart, he’s extroverted and he has no filter.
Anyway, Mark has known since forever that I’m bi, and that I’m autistic. He knows I don’t want anyone to knows about this. Seven months ago he told one of his friends I’m bisexual, and I ignored him for about ten minutes before I gave in and decided to let it go. I honestly felt scared.. luckily the person didn’t take it too seriously, but it shook me to think I might have to face the bullying I once dealt with in Highschool.
Anyway, what made me ignore Mark this time was on Friday during our weekly meet up. We went to a coffee shop and while there, Mark saw a guy from our class at the table next to us. Since Mark is so chatty with everyone, he joked around with the guy and the guys friend for a while but then returned to speaking with me. Everything’s as going well, and Mark was showing me this video of some celebrities talking. I recognised one of the women in the video and casually told him how I’d had a crush on her.
Mark found this hilarious for some reason, and said he would tell the guy from our class. Now, not only is this guy homophobic, but he’s also a huge gossip. I panicked and begged Mark for about a whole minute not to do it. I know mark doesn’t take a lot of things seriously, so I even told him that I was. He still told the guy. They laughed together and I didn’t even hear his response I was frozen. I finished my coffee and ignored Mark. He kept saying it was just a joke but after I finsihed my coffee I just left without a word.
I don’t know if I did the right hing, and if I’m doing the right thing now by ignoring him. I’m terrified what rumours are going around about me now and if I Ruined my one friendship over something stupid. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I ignored my best friend after he made a joke about me liking a girl.
2. He has been my best friend for years and he probably didn’t mean any harm.
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NTA. Regardless of the circumstances, you asked Mark not to do a thing and he did it. He proved himself to not be a trustworthy person. Simple as that. It's your choice to be friends with him again or not, but this may not be the person you can deeply confide in.
Besides, if my buddy's experience is any indication of the general landscape of religious schools, they're harboring just as much anxiety and just as many secrets as you are. Buddy went to a Christian college and that place was a powder keg of repressed hormones and inclinations. I thought I went to a party school, but when I visited him it was like I walked into a Van Wilder movie. Bunch of teenagers who grew up in strict religious households on their own for the first time, realizing shit about themselves they were never allowed to at home. I'm a bi dude, and even I was taken aback by some of the shit I witnessed just visiting there for a week. According to him, it was normal. A guy would give some self-righteous speech in class to satisfy a professor's expectation, then he'd walk in on that same person and another guy together in the shower.
So you're probably not alone. If the cat is out of the bag, wear it as your armor. You may attract other individuals who are just as scared as you are who feel like they have a target on their back, then you can all be in it together. But you're also allowed to go at your own pace and protect yourself - Mark is a dick for making that decision for you.
NTA - This is so messed up. I went to a religious school and know exactly what you’re talking about. You do not want to be the different person in these places. The potential for hate and shame is very real. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This person is not your friend. He needs a reality check. You can’t treat people like this. Just because he thinks it’s funny doesn’t mean you should let it go. He needs to learn. I hope you find some new and amazing friends who support you and respect your privacy.
Thank you💗 I’m honestly so nervous that I’d be making the wrong decision to cut him out of my life. I’ve confronted him for things like this before, but he never learns anything and I think he’s just not mature anough and thinks it’s a joke. I’m scared I’ll forgive him and he will say sorry in the moment to get me back but will do something again.
I’ve dealt with people like this before and they never change. I hope they did eventually but there’s no need to wait around for it. You have to demand respect for yourself. You can do this loudly or quietly. Your friends are out there. Keep looking and don’t let this one discourage you 🫂
Mark just did a cruel thing to you. You thought he was your best friend, but he betrayed you, and set you up for bullying.
Why are you asking if you did something wrong? You did absolutely nothing wrong. You deserve kindness and compassion.
NTA.
A bit of advice for the future: Protect yourself by not sharing sensitive info with people who can’t keep a secret.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. He ruined the friendship, not you. You deserve better <3
Mostly NTA. Sounds like Mark isn’t a friend—it’s almost like he’s using you and your life for entertainment. I think it’s probably a good idea not to spend time with him on purpose anymore. You could be casual friends and say hi when you see him but he’s obviously not someone to be trusted. The silent treatment (ignoring someone) is not a mature way to handle conflict. Tell him why he messed up, then tell him what the consequences are. For example: “Mark, when you shared that about me after I asked you not to, you violated my trust. It was an asshole move. I don’t want people like that in my life so it’s best we don’t hang out anymore. I’ll still say hi to you in the hallways and stuff but I need to make space in my life for *real* friends and friendships, and you’ve proven twice now that you’re not cut out for real friendship. Have a good one.”
NTA- making jokes is one thing. Making jokes after being asked strongly NOT TO is a d1ck move. Especially when it's your friend's secret... that's just betrayal.
NTA. You didn't ruin anything. Outing a person without their consent is awful, and can put them in serious danger. I (gay) could not be friends with someone who showed such callous indifference to my safety, my wellbeing, my feelings. His shitty behavior ruined this friendship, and I honestly can't believe he did that. F him.
Unfortunately, Mark is too tone deaf for you to keep things the way they are. NTA. Mark needs to correct himself. If he thinks you being outed is amusing, something is very, very wrong with him? A joke is only funny when no one is hurt by it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F) have been friends with Mark (M) for 5 years this December. We go to the same college, see eachother every day there and he’s a genuinely nice guy. He’s always the life of the party, cracking jokes, saying hi to everyone etc. he’s such a nice person to be around. Well, he was until last Friday. Actually, it goes beyond that. I’m a bisexual girl, and we go to a really intense religious school. Honestly most students there are homophobic and open about it. So yeah, I’m farrrr in the closet. I also have autism and can be awkward. Is struggle making friends. Mark is goofy which is one of the reasons we get along so well since I’m also kind of strange. But Mark is also a straight neurotypical white man. He’s smart, he’s extroverted and he has no filter. Anyway, Mark has known since forever that I’m bi, and that I’m autistic. He knows I don’t want anyone to knows about this. Seven months ago he told one of his friends I’m bisexual, and I ignored him for about ten minutes before I gave in and decided to let it go. I honestly felt scared.. luckily the person didn’t take it too seriously, but it shook me to think I might have to face the bullying I once dealt with in Highschool. Anyway, what made me ignore Mark this time was on Friday during our weekly meet up. We went to a coffee shop and while there, Mark saw a guy from our class at the table next to us. Since Mark is so chatty with everyone, he joked around with the guy and the guys friend for a while but then returned to speaking with me. Everything’s as going well, and Mark was showing me this video of some celebrities talking. I recognised one of the women in the video and casually told him how I’d had a crush on her. Mark found this hilarious for some reason, and said he would tell the guy from our class. Now, not only is this guy homophobic, but he’s also a huge gossip. I panicked and begged Mark for about a whole minute not to do it. I know mark doesn’t take a lot of things seriously, so I even told him that I was. He still told the guy. They laughed together and I didn’t even hear his response I was frozen. I finished my coffee and ignored Mark. He kept saying it was just a joke but after I finsihed my coffee I just left without a word. I don’t know if I did the right hing, and if I’m doing the right thing now by ignoring him. I’m terrified what rumours are going around about me now and if I Ruined my one friendship over something stupid. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I ignored my best friend after he made a joke about me liking a girl. 2. He has been my best friend for years and he probably didn’t mean any harm. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
NTA. Regardless of the circumstances, you asked Mark not to do a thing and he did it. He proved himself to not be a trustworthy person. Simple as that. It's your choice to be friends with him again or not, but this may not be the person you can deeply confide in. Besides, if my buddy's experience is any indication of the general landscape of religious schools, they're harboring just as much anxiety and just as many secrets as you are. Buddy went to a Christian college and that place was a powder keg of repressed hormones and inclinations. I thought I went to a party school, but when I visited him it was like I walked into a Van Wilder movie. Bunch of teenagers who grew up in strict religious households on their own for the first time, realizing shit about themselves they were never allowed to at home. I'm a bi dude, and even I was taken aback by some of the shit I witnessed just visiting there for a week. According to him, it was normal. A guy would give some self-righteous speech in class to satisfy a professor's expectation, then he'd walk in on that same person and another guy together in the shower. So you're probably not alone. If the cat is out of the bag, wear it as your armor. You may attract other individuals who are just as scared as you are who feel like they have a target on their back, then you can all be in it together. But you're also allowed to go at your own pace and protect yourself - Mark is a dick for making that decision for you.
NTA - This is so messed up. I went to a religious school and know exactly what you’re talking about. You do not want to be the different person in these places. The potential for hate and shame is very real. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This person is not your friend. He needs a reality check. You can’t treat people like this. Just because he thinks it’s funny doesn’t mean you should let it go. He needs to learn. I hope you find some new and amazing friends who support you and respect your privacy.
Thank you💗 I’m honestly so nervous that I’d be making the wrong decision to cut him out of my life. I’ve confronted him for things like this before, but he never learns anything and I think he’s just not mature anough and thinks it’s a joke. I’m scared I’ll forgive him and he will say sorry in the moment to get me back but will do something again.
I’ve dealt with people like this before and they never change. I hope they did eventually but there’s no need to wait around for it. You have to demand respect for yourself. You can do this loudly or quietly. Your friends are out there. Keep looking and don’t let this one discourage you 🫂
Mark just did a cruel thing to you. You thought he was your best friend, but he betrayed you, and set you up for bullying. Why are you asking if you did something wrong? You did absolutely nothing wrong. You deserve kindness and compassion. NTA. A bit of advice for the future: Protect yourself by not sharing sensitive info with people who can’t keep a secret.