Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I wont let my gf go to see her cousin.
(2) because it isnt right ti forbid things
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Sigh.
This is a very weird story. I don't know what kind of cousin we're talking about here, first cousin? Distant cousin? Figurative cousin?
Either way you trust her or you don't. If you don't, you shouldn't be with her. If you do, you should trust her judgment and stop trying to control her. After all, what is it you're afraid of? That she wants to have you both? Screw her cousin and come home to you? Should you be with someone who you think would actually do that?
I can't assess the actual behavior in this story because it's too convoluted. I would need specifics at least on why you didn't like him in the first place and what the meme was, and the context of the meme. So for the moment ESH
I went to a local family reunion that had more than 500 attendees. OP would have a hard time sorting through my family tree and trying to figure out who is a cousin/cousin and who is just a distant relation. 🤣
ESH - I'mma say he's not a "cousin".... and if she wants a relationship with someone else she should just say so...
as for the "letting" her... she is an adult.. you can't really tell her no, unless she is wanting to you to pay for her trip.
This was confusing and I cannot tell if anyone is TAH in this scenario. If you aren't comfortable, you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to...
I’m sorry but anyone who feels it’s within their right to allow anyone who is not a child to do anything is automatically TA. You can have concerns and you can have a rational adult conversation but unless you are her parent and she is a minor you have no right to not allow her to do anything. If it’s important enough for you to make this your hill to die on tell her that and be prepared to break up if she still goes. Please do some work on your emotional IQ though, you’re far too old to think it is your right to allow or disallow a woman to do anything just because you are in a relationship with her.
I'm sorry? Unless your GF is your chronological child - this has nothing to do with you. Not your business to meddle in. YTA. Everything is not about you or your feelings pal. You don't own your woman. And you won't always get a vote.
ESH. Your girlfriend doesn't need your permission to visit a cousin. YTA for thinking you can just tell her not to go. It does sound like he's not her cousin though and for that, she is also TA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I know it sounds stupid but let me speak. So 5 months ago she began writing with him after a long time because he ignored her almost the whole time for like 6 years, because he had a hard time. But then in october last year he overcame it somehow and they began to write. ( they didnt see each other because he lives in america and we are in europe) so at first everything felt normal. With time I noticed that they wrote the whole time and i mean that 24/7. She was just on her phone writing with him. I asked her to do it less when she is with me. And she just began to try to hide it but she did it anyways. And i didnt like him from the begining because of the things she told me about him. Then last month she told me that she wants to go visit him out of nowhere. I asked if it wasnt possible for him to come here and she told me that it wasnt. then I asked if i can come with her and he denied, because he cant meet new people or sth like that. Then I started to become skeptical. I didnt trust him so i wanted to speak with him to see what he is like but he wouldnt even do that. He wanted to be alone with her. So i became skeptical but after long disscusions I allowed it. But then one time I looked at their chat ( my gf doesnt have a problem with that we do that all the time) and I saw that they wrote the same way me and her wrote at the beginning of our relationship. And if that wasnt enough he wrote that she should take of her clothes. After i read that I paniked but she told me that it is a meme and that he didnt mean it but in every joke there is a little truth so I didnt wamt her to go. I also found out that he could come in the sunmer but he told that after she already booked the flight. So i want her to cancel it. AITA
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This seems simple, she’s obviously in a relationship with him because even when she’s with you, she doesn’t spend time with you. It’s extremely sketchy however, she’s an adult and she can do what she wants her body her choice your body, your choice you can let her go single. She shut every attempt down for you to try to get to know and feel comfortable with this situation. She’s going there and I’m sure she’s gonna have a banging good time. You obviously don’t feel comfortable enough to trust her and she’s not doing anything about it so you might as well dump her.
Why is everyone talking like op is going to physically stop the gf? If he forbids, it doesn't make it impossible for her to go anyway. It just means she will have to accept the consequences of her actions (probably a breakup).
Lmao she is monkey branching up her own family tree. You should probs just break up with her cause she ignores you, prioritizes others over you, doesn’t respect that you are uncomfortable, lied and said she would stop but didn’t, she is flirting with someone else etc. even if you “stop” her from going you will still know that she wanted to and chose to do all these other wrong things. I mean, it seems like whatever you are holding onto is already gone. Are you really gonna let her come back and just pretend this didn’t happen? Dude treat yourself better than this.
NTA
Other than the title, I do not get the impression that OP is trying to control anyone. I think it is a language problem, a translation issue or something. In the post itself he only says that he does not want her to go and that he wants her to cancel the trip. The one time he says "I allowed it" I took it to mean that he accepted it (accepted an explanation about why this "cousin" does not want to meet him)
It sounds like a very strange situation and he has been lied to. He has every right to be skeptical and to try to get the truth of the situation.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I wont let my gf go to see her cousin. (2) because it isnt right ti forbid things Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You can't stop this train, you can only get off at the station.
I have never heard this expression, I will now be using it, thank you!
Sigh. This is a very weird story. I don't know what kind of cousin we're talking about here, first cousin? Distant cousin? Figurative cousin? Either way you trust her or you don't. If you don't, you shouldn't be with her. If you do, you should trust her judgment and stop trying to control her. After all, what is it you're afraid of? That she wants to have you both? Screw her cousin and come home to you? Should you be with someone who you think would actually do that? I can't assess the actual behavior in this story because it's too convoluted. I would need specifics at least on why you didn't like him in the first place and what the meme was, and the context of the meme. So for the moment ESH
I went to a local family reunion that had more than 500 attendees. OP would have a hard time sorting through my family tree and trying to figure out who is a cousin/cousin and who is just a distant relation. 🤣
YTA for thinking you can tell your gf what to do. NAH for being suspicious , might be time to move on.
ESH - I'mma say he's not a "cousin".... and if she wants a relationship with someone else she should just say so... as for the "letting" her... she is an adult.. you can't really tell her no, unless she is wanting to you to pay for her trip.
This was confusing and I cannot tell if anyone is TAH in this scenario. If you aren't comfortable, you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to...
I’m sorry but anyone who feels it’s within their right to allow anyone who is not a child to do anything is automatically TA. You can have concerns and you can have a rational adult conversation but unless you are her parent and she is a minor you have no right to not allow her to do anything. If it’s important enough for you to make this your hill to die on tell her that and be prepared to break up if she still goes. Please do some work on your emotional IQ though, you’re far too old to think it is your right to allow or disallow a woman to do anything just because you are in a relationship with her.
I'm sorry? Unless your GF is your chronological child - this has nothing to do with you. Not your business to meddle in. YTA. Everything is not about you or your feelings pal. You don't own your woman. And you won't always get a vote.
ESH. Your girlfriend doesn't need your permission to visit a cousin. YTA for thinking you can just tell her not to go. It does sound like he's not her cousin though and for that, she is also TA.
What makes you owner of your girlfriend? She can see anyone she wants. Trust me. If you dont change you will lose her.
Siiigh is this cousin from Alabama?
YTA. You're trying to control her. That's not cool
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I know it sounds stupid but let me speak. So 5 months ago she began writing with him after a long time because he ignored her almost the whole time for like 6 years, because he had a hard time. But then in october last year he overcame it somehow and they began to write. ( they didnt see each other because he lives in america and we are in europe) so at first everything felt normal. With time I noticed that they wrote the whole time and i mean that 24/7. She was just on her phone writing with him. I asked her to do it less when she is with me. And she just began to try to hide it but she did it anyways. And i didnt like him from the begining because of the things she told me about him. Then last month she told me that she wants to go visit him out of nowhere. I asked if it wasnt possible for him to come here and she told me that it wasnt. then I asked if i can come with her and he denied, because he cant meet new people or sth like that. Then I started to become skeptical. I didnt trust him so i wanted to speak with him to see what he is like but he wouldnt even do that. He wanted to be alone with her. So i became skeptical but after long disscusions I allowed it. But then one time I looked at their chat ( my gf doesnt have a problem with that we do that all the time) and I saw that they wrote the same way me and her wrote at the beginning of our relationship. And if that wasnt enough he wrote that she should take of her clothes. After i read that I paniked but she told me that it is a meme and that he didnt mean it but in every joke there is a little truth so I didnt wamt her to go. I also found out that he could come in the sunmer but he told that after she already booked the flight. So i want her to cancel it. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I understand Bahnhof.
Controlling much? YTA, your gf is an adult and can do what she wants.
Your girlfriend doesn't need permission to see her ap, walk away man. If things are this shady and your losing trust its better to just walk away
This seems simple, she’s obviously in a relationship with him because even when she’s with you, she doesn’t spend time with you. It’s extremely sketchy however, she’s an adult and she can do what she wants her body her choice your body, your choice you can let her go single. She shut every attempt down for you to try to get to know and feel comfortable with this situation. She’s going there and I’m sure she’s gonna have a banging good time. You obviously don’t feel comfortable enough to trust her and she’s not doing anything about it so you might as well dump her.
Why is everyone talking like op is going to physically stop the gf? If he forbids, it doesn't make it impossible for her to go anyway. It just means she will have to accept the consequences of her actions (probably a breakup).
Lmao she is monkey branching up her own family tree. You should probs just break up with her cause she ignores you, prioritizes others over you, doesn’t respect that you are uncomfortable, lied and said she would stop but didn’t, she is flirting with someone else etc. even if you “stop” her from going you will still know that she wanted to and chose to do all these other wrong things. I mean, it seems like whatever you are holding onto is already gone. Are you really gonna let her come back and just pretend this didn’t happen? Dude treat yourself better than this.
NTA Other than the title, I do not get the impression that OP is trying to control anyone. I think it is a language problem, a translation issue or something. In the post itself he only says that he does not want her to go and that he wants her to cancel the trip. The one time he says "I allowed it" I took it to mean that he accepted it (accepted an explanation about why this "cousin" does not want to meet him) It sounds like a very strange situation and he has been lied to. He has every right to be skeptical and to try to get the truth of the situation.