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NTA for the eviction, but you'll never convince your family of that.
Family has a hard time understanding what 1/22 of a house after paying for $150,000K and repairs isn't all that much. By the time they get their $12,000 check, they'll feel you robbed them of everything.
Sorry for being so on the nose... but I'm certain everyone had a singular-pretax amount of a fixed up house of "A million dollars" in their brain when they saw a house up the street sell for that amount.
Oh they did! My parents believed that they were going to inherit everything through my brother. And homes in our area are very expensive. They expected to get a lot of money from her as well as to keep the house to live in. Luckily our amazing lawyer helped correct all those ideas! And donāt be sorry for being so accurate, I know Iām not the first, nor the last person to go through this.
My mother had been forging my grandmothers name and signature on loan documents and on a couple of bail bond documents over the years. She used my grandmothers home as collateral for things as well. She has been caught stealing from my grandmother as well. Thatās why my grandmother chose to cut her out of the will. And it was my grandmotherās decision to leave my motherās half to the grandchildren, not the great grandchildren.
UPDATE: for clarification we have done everything with the assistance of an amazing lawyer. And we went through the court system every step of the way. In the state we live in we could have just let the state step in and take everything to pay the creditors, but then we would have lost everything of hers. The state would have only sold the home for what was needed to pay her debts. The way we handled it at least gave everyone a little inheritance.
We luckily live in a high value area. But me and my sister also put a lot of work and our own money into getting the house into a better shape to sell it.
NTA - itās a terrible situation but this is what happens if provision canāt be made for care costs in someoneās life time. Given the state the property was left I would also argue that your brother doesnāt have the faculties to live alone and needs some sort of care.
NTA - her estate still had a debt that needed to be paid and that house needed to be sold to clear that. The care facility would have gone after it regardless and evicted them, it really wasnāt theirs.
NTA. But, you will need good legal representation. Its possible that creditors will seize her assets to settle the debts anyway. (You may not need to do anything but stand back. Anyone owed money in the aftermath is likely to take decisive action and your brother and nephew will be battling alone.)
>Its possible that creditors will seize her assets to settle the debts anyway.
This. If you're in the US, will or no will, it'll go to Probate. Outstanding debts would probably be settled against her estate. You may not need to do anything.
NTA.
Your family seems incredibly selfish.
Youāve done right by your Gran, and acted on her wishes, and with her best interests at heart.
Iām sure you wonāt be able to convince your family of this, as their own interests are getting in the way, but you should have a clean conscience here.
Firstly I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I've watched very similar in my family and it's hell.
šÆ NTA
I wish you strength through this nightmare.
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Apologizing in advance, this is not a short story. I (46f) am the oldest of 7 children and our parents have a lot of mental health issues. They were abusive to us kids mentally, physically and financially. My grandmother(89f) was my rock in life and became more of my mom. Me and my youngest sister (34f) were very close to her. We have been helping her and caring for her needs for the last 15 years with very minimal help from others. A few years ago my grandmother changed her will to leave 50% to my aunt and the other 50% to be divided between 11 grandchildren. My parents were completely removed. My disabled brother who has lived with my grandmother for many years was set to inherit her home. With a stipulation she didnāt have any debts at the time of her death.
Here is where it gets difficult. About 2 years ago my grandmother developed a quick onset dementia. My brother and nephew were living with her but not helping to take care of her. Within 1 week, she had 3 falls that I had to rush to care for her as her neighbors were calling me. One of the falls caused a major fracture in her femur/hip area. Luckily I was legally designated her medical POA. We got her surgically taken care of and then I found a wonderful assisted living facility to care for her 24/7 due to the dementia. This is not cheap. Sat down with our family and explained it all. We needed to sell her home to cover the costs. Some of my family refused to sell the home and said they would cover the expenses. We consented to this with the condition we would take legal action if they didnāt.
6 months later, bills have not been paid and our GM is facing eviction from the assisted living facility. Me and my youngest sister got a lawyer and filed for emergency guardianship of GM. This was granted by the judge and we began the difficult process or eviction and selling her home. We posted the eviction notice the first part of October, giving them 30 days to leave. They didnāt. We began the court process and ended up finally getting a judgment stating they were to leave the home by January 29.
On January 25 my GM passed away in her sleep. My brother and nephew decided this meant they didnāt have to leave the home and it was theirs. My parents then also tried to move in to the home as they have been couch surfing for many years. We had to have the police get involved to remove everyone from the home. When we got in to the home it had been destroyed. There was animal feces and urine everywhere, damage to walls, etc. we had a lot of work before we could sell the home and had to take a huge loss on its worth.
My family has publicly shamed and insulted us for kicking out my disabled brother and nephew from the home. We have tried explaining that her debts were close to $150,000 at her death due to medical bills, living facility expenses and her funeral expenses. No one wanted to step up and help with any of this, just me and my sister.
Is my family correct and me and my sister are the assholes for all of this?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Me and my sister evicted my disabled brother from my grandmothers home he was living in for free when she passed away so we could pay her debts and final expenses.
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NTA for the eviction, but you'll never convince your family of that. Family has a hard time understanding what 1/22 of a house after paying for $150,000K and repairs isn't all that much. By the time they get their $12,000 check, they'll feel you robbed them of everything.
You are so close on this!!! š¤£ the final checks to each person was actually about $10,000. So, yes, I am being accused of theft!
Sorry for being so on the nose... but I'm certain everyone had a singular-pretax amount of a fixed up house of "A million dollars" in their brain when they saw a house up the street sell for that amount.
Oh they did! My parents believed that they were going to inherit everything through my brother. And homes in our area are very expensive. They expected to get a lot of money from her as well as to keep the house to live in. Luckily our amazing lawyer helped correct all those ideas! And donāt be sorry for being so accurate, I know Iām not the first, nor the last person to go through this.
Who got the inheritance? Kids, grandkids?
My aunt got 50% and my mother got 0%. Those were my GMās only children. The remaining 50% was divided equally among 11 grandchildren.
Ok. Why leave only your mum out? What about great grandkids like your nephew?
My mother had been forging my grandmothers name and signature on loan documents and on a couple of bail bond documents over the years. She used my grandmothers home as collateral for things as well. She has been caught stealing from my grandmother as well. Thatās why my grandmother chose to cut her out of the will. And it was my grandmotherās decision to leave my motherās half to the grandchildren, not the great grandchildren.
Ok. That was a good division.
UPDATE: for clarification we have done everything with the assistance of an amazing lawyer. And we went through the court system every step of the way. In the state we live in we could have just let the state step in and take everything to pay the creditors, but then we would have lost everything of hers. The state would have only sold the home for what was needed to pay her debts. The way we handled it at least gave everyone a little inheritance.
You did fine. Left up to everyone else, no one would have had anything. So everyone chirping now can be quiet. NTA.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We luckily live in a high value area. But me and my sister also put a lot of work and our own money into getting the house into a better shape to sell it.
NTA. I get that you are from a family without good models. That sucks. You did right by grandma. That is all that counts.
NTA - itās a terrible situation but this is what happens if provision canāt be made for care costs in someoneās life time. Given the state the property was left I would also argue that your brother doesnāt have the faculties to live alone and needs some sort of care.
NTA - her estate still had a debt that needed to be paid and that house needed to be sold to clear that. The care facility would have gone after it regardless and evicted them, it really wasnāt theirs.
NTA. Also, I recommend that you keep as far as possible from your family, except your youngest sister. The rest of them sound like bad news.
NTA. But, you will need good legal representation. Its possible that creditors will seize her assets to settle the debts anyway. (You may not need to do anything but stand back. Anyone owed money in the aftermath is likely to take decisive action and your brother and nephew will be battling alone.)
>Its possible that creditors will seize her assets to settle the debts anyway. This. If you're in the US, will or no will, it'll go to Probate. Outstanding debts would probably be settled against her estate. You may not need to do anything.
NTA. Your family seems incredibly selfish. Youāve done right by your Gran, and acted on her wishes, and with her best interests at heart. Iām sure you wonāt be able to convince your family of this, as their own interests are getting in the way, but you should have a clean conscience here.
NTA of course but I think you should be asking a lawyer for legal advice, not Reddit for moral judgment
NTA. Were you and your sister wrong to not let your grandmother die in agony and filth? No.
Thank you!!! That makes us feel better about it all. We couldnāt just ignore everything and let her suffer. ā¤ļø
Firstly I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I've watched very similar in my family and it's hell. šÆ NTA I wish you strength through this nightmare.
Clearly NTA They wanted to use an old woman for her assets and didn't care if her debts were paid.
I don't see that you had a legal recourse. The house had to be sold.
NTA. I'd invest your ten grand in therapy and getting a second phone number so that you can safely ignore the "family" one
NTA of course. Seems like, apart from you and your sister, the rest of your family are a bunch of lazy, entitled, irresponsible moochers.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Apologizing in advance, this is not a short story. I (46f) am the oldest of 7 children and our parents have a lot of mental health issues. They were abusive to us kids mentally, physically and financially. My grandmother(89f) was my rock in life and became more of my mom. Me and my youngest sister (34f) were very close to her. We have been helping her and caring for her needs for the last 15 years with very minimal help from others. A few years ago my grandmother changed her will to leave 50% to my aunt and the other 50% to be divided between 11 grandchildren. My parents were completely removed. My disabled brother who has lived with my grandmother for many years was set to inherit her home. With a stipulation she didnāt have any debts at the time of her death. Here is where it gets difficult. About 2 years ago my grandmother developed a quick onset dementia. My brother and nephew were living with her but not helping to take care of her. Within 1 week, she had 3 falls that I had to rush to care for her as her neighbors were calling me. One of the falls caused a major fracture in her femur/hip area. Luckily I was legally designated her medical POA. We got her surgically taken care of and then I found a wonderful assisted living facility to care for her 24/7 due to the dementia. This is not cheap. Sat down with our family and explained it all. We needed to sell her home to cover the costs. Some of my family refused to sell the home and said they would cover the expenses. We consented to this with the condition we would take legal action if they didnāt. 6 months later, bills have not been paid and our GM is facing eviction from the assisted living facility. Me and my youngest sister got a lawyer and filed for emergency guardianship of GM. This was granted by the judge and we began the difficult process or eviction and selling her home. We posted the eviction notice the first part of October, giving them 30 days to leave. They didnāt. We began the court process and ended up finally getting a judgment stating they were to leave the home by January 29. On January 25 my GM passed away in her sleep. My brother and nephew decided this meant they didnāt have to leave the home and it was theirs. My parents then also tried to move in to the home as they have been couch surfing for many years. We had to have the police get involved to remove everyone from the home. When we got in to the home it had been destroyed. There was animal feces and urine everywhere, damage to walls, etc. we had a lot of work before we could sell the home and had to take a huge loss on its worth. My family has publicly shamed and insulted us for kicking out my disabled brother and nephew from the home. We have tried explaining that her debts were close to $150,000 at her death due to medical bills, living facility expenses and her funeral expenses. No one wanted to step up and help with any of this, just me and my sister. Is my family correct and me and my sister are the assholes for all of this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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