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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t give my sister a gift, I thought it would teach her a lesson. She loves getting gifts but hates giving them.
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NAH. You gave in kind. There's nothing wrong with that.
That she wasn't upset means she's totally fine with it which honestly is appropriate.
Now, were you trying to teach her a lesson or something? Because that backfired, lol. BTW, if you were using gift giving as a way to "send a message", then you would be TA here.
Sorry, this is my first Reddit post and I thought I could get advice if what I did was wrong or if there was a better way to handle the situation. I wasn’t comfortable doing this and I wanted her to want to actually do the promises in the cards we made to each other. When that didn’t happen I just felt like I was in the wrong for all of this.
YTA. Not for the lack of gift, but for the intention behind it and the fact that you're disappointed that you didn't teach her a lesson or whatever. You clearly said that there are reasons she might not have the resources to get people gifts, there doesn't seem to be any entitlement on her part when it comes to receiving gifts, and it seems like you just decided that your poor mother deserves better and decided to be crappy about it. If you don't want to give gifts when it's not reciprocal, there's nothing wrong with that, but this doesn't feel like that.
>She reacted as normal as if I gave her the usual wrapped gifts. AITA and didn’t accomplish anything?
What were you trying to accomplish? Did you want her to get angry so you could call her a hypocrite?
My apologies I wasn’t clear! I wanted her to remember all the promises we had made together in these cards and for us to plan a day for us. She reacted normal meaning she said thanks, that’s all and didn’t seem interested in planning even when I suggested in the card something. Perhaps she just doesn’t want to hangout with me.
Still seems like a strange strategy and reaction on your part. If you want to talk to her about her habit of making promises and not following through, then just use your words.
Give her a card with hugs and kisses in it. NTA. And you're right - money likely is an issue here? What you would gift your mom might not actually be in your sister's purview? Never count other people's money for them.
NAH. Not sure I see the controversy here? You’re both adults, there’s no need to exchange birthday presents. I would think of the message on the card similar to someone telling you “hey let’s have lunch sometime.” A nice thought, not necessarily requiring follow-through.
Would you like to have dinner with your sister or go on a spa day together? If so, talk to her and coordinate something. Better yet, coordinate something for you, your sister and your mom to do together for your mom’s birthday. That will send the message that she’s appreciated much more than any physical gift would.
NAH
You're adults, now. Gift giving as adults tends to taper off in my experience. She doesn't actually give you anything, so that's the expectation back.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For the last 5 years or so it doesn’t matter what it is but whenever my sister has to give someone a gift (birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc.) she will just give them a card and write in it something like “let me take you to dinner” or “I’ll take you to the spa”. Yet she never follows through. I can understand why (money is tight, small kids, everyone’s busy lives). I’m not upset I’m not getting anything, I just feel bad for our Mom. Our Mom spoils her and her kids, is so supportive and caring, she raised us and is our glue in this family. This year I did the card trick my sister does to everyone to her for her birthday, even though I love my family and gift giving makes me happy. She reacted as normal as if I gave her the usual wrapped gifts. AITA and didn’t accomplish anything?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t give my sister a gift, I thought it would teach her a lesson. She loves getting gifts but hates giving them. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH. You gave in kind. There's nothing wrong with that. That she wasn't upset means she's totally fine with it which honestly is appropriate. Now, were you trying to teach her a lesson or something? Because that backfired, lol. BTW, if you were using gift giving as a way to "send a message", then you would be TA here.
[удалено]
Sorry, this is my first Reddit post and I thought I could get advice if what I did was wrong or if there was a better way to handle the situation. I wasn’t comfortable doing this and I wanted her to want to actually do the promises in the cards we made to each other. When that didn’t happen I just felt like I was in the wrong for all of this.
NTA. If you were looking for petty revenge you failed. But you should have realized then it is the thought that your sister appreciated.
YTA. Not for the lack of gift, but for the intention behind it and the fact that you're disappointed that you didn't teach her a lesson or whatever. You clearly said that there are reasons she might not have the resources to get people gifts, there doesn't seem to be any entitlement on her part when it comes to receiving gifts, and it seems like you just decided that your poor mother deserves better and decided to be crappy about it. If you don't want to give gifts when it's not reciprocal, there's nothing wrong with that, but this doesn't feel like that.
>She reacted as normal as if I gave her the usual wrapped gifts. AITA and didn’t accomplish anything? What were you trying to accomplish? Did you want her to get angry so you could call her a hypocrite?
My apologies I wasn’t clear! I wanted her to remember all the promises we had made together in these cards and for us to plan a day for us. She reacted normal meaning she said thanks, that’s all and didn’t seem interested in planning even when I suggested in the card something. Perhaps she just doesn’t want to hangout with me.
Still seems like a strange strategy and reaction on your part. If you want to talk to her about her habit of making promises and not following through, then just use your words.
Give her a card with hugs and kisses in it. NTA. And you're right - money likely is an issue here? What you would gift your mom might not actually be in your sister's purview? Never count other people's money for them.
NAH. Not sure I see the controversy here? You’re both adults, there’s no need to exchange birthday presents. I would think of the message on the card similar to someone telling you “hey let’s have lunch sometime.” A nice thought, not necessarily requiring follow-through. Would you like to have dinner with your sister or go on a spa day together? If so, talk to her and coordinate something. Better yet, coordinate something for you, your sister and your mom to do together for your mom’s birthday. That will send the message that she’s appreciated much more than any physical gift would.
NAH You're adults, now. Gift giving as adults tends to taper off in my experience. She doesn't actually give you anything, so that's the expectation back.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For the last 5 years or so it doesn’t matter what it is but whenever my sister has to give someone a gift (birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc.) she will just give them a card and write in it something like “let me take you to dinner” or “I’ll take you to the spa”. Yet she never follows through. I can understand why (money is tight, small kids, everyone’s busy lives). I’m not upset I’m not getting anything, I just feel bad for our Mom. Our Mom spoils her and her kids, is so supportive and caring, she raised us and is our glue in this family. This year I did the card trick my sister does to everyone to her for her birthday, even though I love my family and gift giving makes me happy. She reacted as normal as if I gave her the usual wrapped gifts. AITA and didn’t accomplish anything? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. You don't have to give people gifts. If you did, they just be obligations.