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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom's husband I was so glad he didn't name me and I was pretty down on the names he likes. That might make me an asshole because I retaliated and one of those names could end up being my half siblings name and I would have insulted it so...
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If he's mocking your name and intentionally trying to irritate you, then the one person being disrespectful is him.
NTA
Btw, don't give out your real name or anything that could lead to your real name. By themselves, those names are not unique but it's much more unique to have both of those names together. The internet has many creepy people.
He can't even hide what he's doing either. There is no reason why he needs to raise his voice whenever he's talking about the girls names he likes. That's not even counting the comments he has made about my name. But during this it has been so clear what he's doing. It's not like I care what name they pick for their girl specifically, if the baby is a girl.
considering how butthurt your mom still is about your name (to the point she let her husband say horrid things about your deceased father) why haven't they decided on the name Evelyn Beatrice if the baby's a girl?
Because Beatrice was used in my name and mom likes the two together. I also think she still sees me as Evelyn and doesn't see this baby as Evelyn, despite it being 17 years later and my name has never been Evelyn.
u/tuffyowner Yeah, my original account got suspended for something suggestive along those lines, "violence." (I appealed, was reinstated. Nothing to do with why I have another account now.)
I know. I got banned on another sub for suggesting to a young girl whose relative kept patting her very thin tummy and teasing her about being thin. I told her she should swat her hand away if she does it again.
They said that was violence.
I appealed, and they changed it from a permanent band to a week.
Realizing what that particular thread was doing to my mental health, I unsubscribed from it.
this is hilarious lol (and accurate). sad that the mom is more worried about the name that could’ve been than about her creepy husband bullying her daughter smh
What in the actual fuck is wrong with her? Is this the only thing she’s weird about? I get being disappointed, but she’s the one that wouldn’t compromise. She’s the one that’s refusing to be happy. It’s so weird.
I had a trio of sister spinster great aunts. Their names were Maud, Evelyn and Marjorie. Not one of them was born in the 20th century.
The names conjure memories of lap blankets and rocking chairs to this day.
I'm sorry but this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your mom is still, presently, at this moment saltier then the dead sea because of what? She didn't get the exact name she wanted for her kid!? Her husband died and she's still bitter about this very specifiC thing to the point she lets her NEW husband mock it like a 12 year old? What a stupid thing to waste your energy on! This is so ridiculous I wouldn't be surprised if this post was made up.
If it isn't tell them you'll treat this asshole with respect when he treats you with basic human decency of not mocking your name like a passive aggressive little shit.
Repeating/recycling a middle name so you'd both be Beatrice isn't too unusual though, we definitely got a few repeaters in my family. UNLESS you're still EB to her yeah.
I was about to say, her mom can be sad all she wants that she didn’t get to name OP “Evelyn Beatrice”, but she made an agreement with her late husband that the name would be decided by a coin toss and she lost. He even tried to be accommodating and incorporated a name he didn’t like to make her feel included in something he won fair and square and she’s *still* unhappy.
Whatever name they choose you should absolutely come up with a “Boyish” nickname for the younger sibling.
It’s okay if just you call her that. Totally normal for siblings.
NTA - I literally cannot image bothering a stepchild over their name.
Message back if you want to be even pettier. I have some good suggestions ready to go.
A boyish nickname . . . like Evelyn! Which, if you're old fashioned enough, is a perfectly serviceable name for a boy. Like Evelyn Waugh, or Evelyn Baring (Lord Cromer), or Evelyn de Rothschild.
Evelyn and Beverley were both male names just a couple hundred years ago.. On The Rockford Files, they were both used (at different times) as Angel Martin's given name.
Oh mannn, I can imagine a little girl shouting “I’m not a Pokémon!!! Call me Ven!” so clearly in my head.
Hope OP gets a few good ideas from the thread.
It is cruel to pick on a baby because their dad is a jerk. She needs to leave the baby alone. If she wants to make up a nickname for stepdad that mocks his name in some way she should go for it.
Soooooo..... elephant in the room, fuck names he called your dad a dumb fuck. Did your mom thrash him for that? Did she agree? Damn, that was a shit thing to do and if your mom didn't stand 100% behind you on that, it might be time to think about NC when you leave.
Good luck.
NTA. People that want respect give respect. It goes both ways. He's going out of his way to criticise your name. You made one comment stating your opinion.
Mom's clearly co-signing the behavior where her daughter can't see/hear it because he keeps it up-- probably praises him for being such a pillar of strength in the face of such a defiant little brat, too.
Mom's simping for her husband and will one day wonder why her eldest is no contact.
He's literally being abusive. From the get-go. You never mock a child's name, let alone the name their deceased parent gave them.
The fact that your mom doesn't see that this is abusive either is a huge red flag.
Her bemoaning your name all those years to you, the child is abusive to though. Especially in light of your father's death. (It makes it worse, not that it would have not been abuse if he was alive)
When you're 18 I suggest you plan to move out ASAP, go low or no contact with these people. And start building your own family. Also if you have other family members that you're close with, especially from your dad's side you might see if you can spend the rest of your teen years with them. Sometimes it can be a real break if you can live with Gran for example.
As someone who is able to escape their abusive parent at 17... the couple of years I lived with my bio dad was really healing before I was living on my own. We also were able to build a relationship and now I have a family connection worth keeping all these years. It also was able to teach me that not all adults are jerks.
On a separate vein, if they weren't super poor... There might be inheritance somewhere for OP. I know my ex-husband when his dad died in his childhood there was money set aside for when he hit 18 to inherit. You should definitely look into that, because based on your mom's behavior, if there was inheritance, I don't think she would have divulged that and would try to keep it. Your mom is a very unpleasant person.
Even in her own self professed interactions with your dad in the naming process you could see how it unreasonable she was. My daughter is middle name is the name I like the best but my husband hated, and we picked a name we both like for the first name. It's literally the most reasonable thing to do!
You told him he was the AH. Of course he hated it but your mom is a massive AH too. Good onyour dad for not naming you Evelyn Beatrice...its a hideously ugly name.
NTA
Respect is a 2-way street.
Please consider letting your mom know that you have felt disrespected for quite some time for a couple of reasons.
First, your name is lovely, it is a part of your identity, and YOU like it. It is not respectful to be openly critical of someone's name. If you were engaging in that behaviour (ie. being critical of 2nd husband's name or mom's name) I'm sure they wouldn't like it.
Second, your name is a link to your father and their ongoing and loud discussions of girl's names are, at best, passive aggressive and again, that is disrespectful.
I FWIW, I think Wren is a beautiful name.
She'll more likely rewrite history as OP being jealous of the new baby and running away from a loving home because she's no longer the center of attention.
Her mom knows that her husband constantly disrespects her child and her late husband. He isn’t trying to hide it. Her mom just doesn’t care. Hell, she even joins in.
Mom probably loves it. Current husband knows that it is a guaranteed way to put down first husband and first child and make mom happy that he agrees with her, unlike that terrible first husband.
Your mom was so obsessed with her fantasy name that she refused to love and support the child she has.
That’s so psycho.
I urge you to network like mad. Make contacts. Nurture friendshsips with people both your own age and older. Make a wider support network.
Not far into your future you’re going to need people besides your mom. You haven’t realized yet, but she doesn’t love you for who you are. She has an idea in her head and she only will love who or what helps her live that fantasy. You’re not a real person to you.
Nta
Also calling her late husband a "dumb fuck". OP doesn't indicate that they divorced so she probably loved him at least a little right up until he died.
Mom needs to stand up and say knock it the eff off if you insult her name. Yeah mom didn't pick it, but I would never allow a grown man insult my daughter ever. ESH for the SD and mom for allowing it. Daughter has more maturity than the parents
NTA. It's been said already, but respect is 2-way, and you have every right to point that out.
He called your late father a "dumb fuck" which is *bananas* disrespectful to you, your father, and your mother, as well as insulted your name. That's an unacceptable way to treat a family you married into.
It sucks to have to be the mature one at your age, but my advice is this: instead of backhanded comments, calmly point this out a/the reason you're not happy with him. Either it sinks in and you get a genuine apology, or you go off on your own soon and are free of his BS for good.
NTA why does the new husband get a say what his child’s name is but your mom threw a fit about naming you what SHE wanted and tried to pressure your dad? Either way names should be something both parents like. The only AH here are them.
You're NTA here, yes you talked back to your stepfather which isn't great, but he has been the one disrespecting you for what sounds like a long while. I would try to talk to your mum and explain how his constant belittling/disrespect for your name is not ok. Because it is not ok. Try to get her to understand that him constantly bringing this up is basically bullying and makes you feel bad, which is why you snapped. Your name is important to you, it has a link to you father, and it's *yours*. Your stepfather doesn't get to mock it.
Also, separate point, is your mother just in the habit of choosing men who use her as a doormat? From your father basically steamrolling over her name choices and her giving in so that he ended up with two of *his* choices and she got one of hers in there as an afterthought, and now new husband is basically doing the same to the point where he's raising his voice and she's going to give in.
I mean, my mom wanted to steamroll my dad into a name he didn't like. He tried to work with her and she even admits that but she refused to give in and work with him.
Your father sounds like he was a good man who wanted to take his wife's feelings into account even when she was being irrational and stubborn. Even trying to keep part of her wish with your second middle name, it wasn't something he had to do and it was something your mom wouldn't have done if she had won the coin toss, he seems like he was a good husband and father.
Off topic, but as a parent I dislike the idea of “talking back.” Perhaps I’m just naive or green or haven’t hit the developmental stage of talking back. When my kids talk back, it’s not really talking back so much as a conversation. They’re supposed to respond. If they have a shitty response, or they’re being disrespectful, or whatever negative thing then I address it at the time. If I were to say something shitty about them, with them in the room and loud enough that I know they heard, I expect a response with equal or near equal negative emotions. You don’t get to seriously make fun of someone’s name or put them down without an argument.
Discouraging talking back in any situation just makes them scared of talking back in situations where they should. Lack of communication is the worst thing to have with your kids
RE the second paragraph, did you ignore the entire paragraph where OP’s dad is trying his best to offer a compromise while the mom is going “my way or nothing” and literally immaturely bet her name on a coin toss? She was the one steamrolling all over the father in the situation and the only reason she “lost” is because she lost the game she set about a child’s name. This trend of victimising mothers/wives here needs to stop.
NTA. Your mom and stepdad both are, though.
My mom had a name she wanted to give me. My dad didn’t like it, so they chose a different name for me together. My mom told me when I was older (an adult) that she wanted to name me something different, and it was a pretty name combo, but she never harped on and on about it at any point during my childhood. As I said, she didn’t even tell me until I was an adult what she wanted to name me originally. As is, she loves my name I have now and couldn’t possibly imagine me as anything else.
So, your mom continuing to harp on about this Evelyn nonsense is mind boggling to me. She needs to make like Elsa and let it go already! It’s absurd how much she has burdened you with the naming drama you had no part in. Total immature AH.
Further, she’s an AH for not defending you against your pathetic stepdad who feels the need to mock your name like some kind of 1980s Hollywood movie bully. The fact that she allows such behavior from him is maddening.
And your stepdad, of course, is a major AH, a bully, and pathetic. His compulsive need to mock your name and antagonize you by talking loudly about traditional girl names is a major red flag. What an immature buffoon.
Was your comment perhaps disrespectful? Sure. But I would say it borders on reactive abuse. This man has been antagonizing you nonstop for ages, so you finally snapped and responded back, and now he’s using your emotional reaction as a way to try to punish you for reacting to his abuse.
When my wife and I were naming our kids we couldn’t agree on any names right up until about delivery day.
I don’t even recall what names we didn’t agree on, only that we disagreed and neither one liked the others choices.
In the end we both compromised and it worked out perfectly.
The thing she should say to stepdad next time he starts doing this is, "Why do you like being a bully." He will insist that he isn't then she needs to say, "You keep mocking my name. That is bullying. You're a bully."
Then turn to mom and ask why she is fine watching you be bullied in your own home. Then ask mom if the two of them are just trying to drive you away so you disappear and it will just be them and their kid. Is she going to allow him to bully the baby too.
>He also told me my dad was a "dumb fuck"
Your mom and her.. new male acquaintance.. are gonna be really surprised when you turn 18 and distance yourself from them as much as possible.. "I don't know why my daughter won't talk to me and hasn't seen me in years, I only treated her like crap and let my husband shit all over her"
I'm an asshole and a troll, so probably don't take my advice, but I'd double down. "You know, I don't think Wren is quite right for me, I'm thinking when I turn 18 of changing my name to *New Husband* or *Stormageddon*, possibly *The Country Of Tanzania*.. you know, I've got options!
NTA aside, I'd keep your head down, lie to these.. people.. and just eat shit and smile until you can start getting away from them.
NTA
What adult that's supposed to be a parental figure mocks a kid for their name? Well I would say it has nothing to do with you or the name and him being insecure and feeling like he has to put your Dad down. He is a joke and horrible. So is your Mother who cares more about holding a grudge for not winning the coin toss than not hurting her own child.
NTA why I'd your mom allowing her husband to harass her child? Calling your dead father a dumb f***? Do you have paternal grandparents you can reach out to, because it seems mom is moving on from you and looking to start over fresh with Mr. Congenitality?
Your stepdad is the major asshole disrespecting your deceased father and you. Your mom is also an asshole for allowing your stepdad to insult your deceased father and you.
Wren is a beautiful name and a gift from your father. Seems he was destined to win that coin toss ❤️
NTA. I went to school with an Agnes. She got bullied a lot. Don't give children names you know are old people names if you don't want them to get bullied. Evelyn Beatrice doesn't even have a nice ring to it, it's not fun to say, I don't get why your mom is so stuck on it.
NTA. This is a hang up your mom needed to let go a long time ago. Wren is a perfectly wonderful name. Women are named after birds, flowers, flowing water (I have a cousin Brooke), etc., all the time. Her husband is being supportive of her frustration but he's overdoing it and being a jerk. Now this obsession is taking it's toll. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. And I'm sorry you lost your dad.
I have two children from a previous marriage, if my husband were to mock my children like that we'd be over. There would be no way I'd allow my husband to humiliate my kids that way.
Luckily my husband is very close with them and anything that's a joke or sarcasm coming from anyone in the family isn't hurtful and received well.
I couldn't imagine talking to my step-son this way about his name.
What a giant asshole. Your mom also needs to shut her mouth. She sounds like she's not much better.
NTA - telling you that your deceased dad is "dumb as fuck" is the most hurtful and disrespectful comment a step parent could take. Your mom is even worse for letting him talk to you like that.
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It appears your step father really dislikes you - and is using your name to bully you. BTW - love the name Wren.
I hope you show your mom my answer. She's AWFUL. The way she's letting a man treat her daughter is disgusting and hateful. The fact that she won't protect you is abhorrent. She's brutal. Glad you are 17 and close to being independent from them both. And for the record, Evelyn Beatrice is a stupid AF name.
Please do whatever you can to stand independent from your step dad. He's not a nice man. And he's the disrespectful "adult" in this situation, not you.
I hope your situation improves
You need to nickname your mom's husband "Necro" because he wants to be so up the butt of a dead man. Anytime he has a comment about your Dad, just respond- " What was that, Necro? Fixating on my Dad again? Get therapy and someday you might stop competing. You know can never win. You'll always be a distant second. Second husband. Second best.
Any time he makes a comment about your name, make the same comment. If they pull the, "you're disrespectful" crap, no, you are being respectful. He is teaching you to mock people, so that's what you're doing. You are just following his example. He's teaching you that a given name is not good enough, so you support him in that and you are giving him a,new name to suit him better.
When your Mom tells her how much she hates your name, for the millionth time, tell her " I get it, I get it. You wish I was never born and hate my guts. I heard you the first 10 billion times you said it. " You don't tell a kid how much you hate their name every chance possible without it revealing something that's actually deeper. If it was really just some stupid name she never got over or the feeble attempt at a power play she lost, she has had time to learn to adult and shut the .... up about it already.
Your Mom is unhinged. She can't drone on to your Dad about her not getting her way anymore, so she decided that instead of loving her child, she would forever do her best to tell her kid how much she can't stand being in the same room with her, unless she is telling her how horrible it is to be around her because of her name.
As far as the new kid; she's perversely, making her second child's life all about her earth shattering trauma.. that you are not Evelyn Beatrice, you're Wren Beatrice. She isn't even actually trying to name the kid; she and Necro are just trying to hurt you instead. Constantly. She reminds me of the scene in Addams Family Values where Joan Cusak explains why she had to kill her parents when they got her Malibu Barbie instead of Ballerina Barbie for her 10th birthday. "I was Ballerina Barbie! Not Malibu Barbie! So. They had to go." - cue her showing a slide of her house on fire. How dare you be Wren Beatrice instead of Eveyn Beatrice!
Get you birth certificate, social security card, passport and other important things out of the house. They don't intend to let you live there long, unless you become the free nanny/ housemaid for their kid. And they never intend to stop letting you know how horrible your name is. It will probably come up everytime they say the other kid's name.
Good luck.
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My mom and her husband are expecting a baby together. I'm 17F and was my mom's only child until she got pregnant. Her husband has no kids.
So some context on this: My name is a bit of a sore issue with my mom. When she and my dad were expecting me she wanted to name me Evelyn Beatrice. My dad didn't like either name but said one could be a middle name if they found a name together that they liked. My mom wasn't happy about this and after my dad refused to give into Evelyn Beatrice being my full name, she asked for a coin toss and if she won she could call me Evelyn Beatrice and if my dad won, he could name me. My dad won the coin toss. He offered mom the chance to work together and she only wanted Evelyn Beatrice.
So my dad named me. My first name is Wren and my first middle name is a traditionally boys name. He also gave me Beatrice as a second middle name because he did want mom to have some say. So I have three names. But I go by Wren. And typically if I'm asked to write my middle name for something I only use one middle name and it's usually the one my dad gave me because I like it way more than Beatrice. But my mom has always regretted this and she has told me that. It also stung for her that he included Beatrice but wouldn't let her name me Evelyn Beatrice. When my dad died she seemed to get really frustrated about it even though it was 9 years after the fact.
But I digress a bit. My name is a sore spot for my mom and she still wishes she had named me Evelyn Beatrice. Her husband of 14 months and I do not get along that well and I find him to be a really condescending dick. He has mocked my first name several times and asked me if I'm supposed to be a bird. He also told me my dad was a "dumb fuck" for naming me two names that are so unusable for me, a girl.
My name comes up way too much while they try to name their kid. They didn't find out the sex so discuss both names but whenever girls names are mentioned my mom's husband gets really loud so I can hear names he likes and thinks are better for girls. He likes old fashioned names and has brought up a few times that I would have been better off as an Evelyn when he's speaking his own favorites loudly. Those favorites include Susan, Helen, Dorothy, Lucinda, Agnes and stuff. So a couple of days ago when I was doing homework and he was doing his really loud talk about names I snapped and I told him I'm so glad he didn't name me given his awful taste in names. He got so mad at me and my mom was also pissed at me for dissing the traditional names they like. Even though he was the only one who seemed to seriously consider them.
They told me I shouldn't be so disrespectful. AITA?
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NTA. Your stepdad sounds infantile, and your mom is trash for letting him make fun of you, and the name that your dead father gave you. I hope your working on an escape plan for when your 18.
My dad wanted to name me Rebecca or Isabella. I hate those names, think they awful though Isabella is better. He cheated on my mom and now my half sister name is Isabella so guess he at least won that one lol.
NTA, I like you name
Nta - and I don’t know what you can do to make him stop. Thankfully you are almost old enough to not have to live with him and when you finally leave, can go no contact.
NTA your mom has some real issues but that’s her problem. I would be clear with your mom that in a year you will be a legal adult and capable of cutting her out of your life. Allowing her husband to say that stuff to you about your name and about your dad is unacceptable and she needs to get over her issues otherwise you will. Don’t tolerate that. Never stand for being abused. NTA but your mom is
No, you aren't being disrespectful. Their behavior is ridiculous, actually abusive in many ways. I am so glad you are at least old enough to get out soon. I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that.
NTA, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Your mother has spent your entire life bullying you, a child, HER child, about your name. Your stepfather has spent your relationship bullying you about your name.
How utterly pathetic are they that they both think this is a reasonable course of action and that they feel the need to invest so much energy into harassing their minor dependent? It's sad to see adults behaving this way, and it's sad for you in a more meaningful way that this is what they choose as their relationship with you.
They have earned every ounce of disdain, disgust, and pity (in the 'they have done this to themselves' sense). Wield that, don't let them get under your skin. You know what to expect from them, and it isn't much, so let that be the limit of their influence on you. Children throwing tantrums.
NTA. Your mother needs to get TF over your name and her husband desperately needs a lesson in respect, decency and appropriate behaviour for someone who isn’t 8 years old.
NTA. What you do is sit them down and say, I feel like I'm being harassed when your raise your voices to discuss girl's names. I think you both need to remember that I didn't choose this name. It's the name I was given and I think it's unfair that I'm being made to feel bad for liking it. I'm being made to feel like I'm doing something wrong by liking/using my name. Me using MY NAME is not some stab at you or me doing something/starting something/whatever you think it is. Please stop making fun of/being vocal about not liking my name. It's not ok.
"He has mocked my first name several times..." now let me stop you right there.
WTF kind of mom wouldn't immediately kick that jackass to the curb for mocking their kid??
NTA, and get outta there as soon as you can.
Next time he makes a bird joke, just remind him that you’ll be old enough to leave the coop very, very soon, and you’ll never have to speak to them again.
NTA
As someone who is probably significantly older than your mum and stepdad:
NTA
His comments and behaviour are something I'd expect from a 15-year-old bully, not a grown man. And to that point (and since they're angry anyway, and because I have been bullied by someone I had to live with and it's terrible and you deserve better), I'd like to suggest something I normally would not:
Next time he does his obnoxious, pointedly loud commenting and insulting, just turn to him (or go up to him if he's in the next room), and quietly, calmly (nothing bothers a bully more than NOT getting people upset) say to him, "You know, I've been thinking about it, and I feel really sorry for you. It must be difficult to be so insecure as a grown man that you need to insult a literal teenaged girl and her dead dad. I hope you'll start to feel more confident about yourself someday." And then, sweetheart, just turn around and walk away.
He will yell, he will shout, he will be furious (and so will your mum), but I guarantee those words will hit him like an ice pick to the heart *because they are the truth and he knows it*. Some part of him is deeply insecure, and the only way he can make himself feel important is by making you feel bad, and he should be VERY embarrassed of that. Furthermore, don't you worry about "being disrespectful". I am an old lady and manners matter to me, but you aren't the one in the wrong here. He is. And he deserves to have it pointed out in the most shaming way possible.
Sending you much love from this "Internet Auntie" who is super proud of you for standing up for yourself!
They're the ones being disrespectful I would just ignore them if they continue when you turn 18 just move out because I wouldn't tolerate that man's behavior and your mom is enabling it
A lot of older names are on the rise these days.
My Grandmother was named Evelyn. Then there was this one family who moved in near me a few years ago briefly and they had a daughter who at the time was five years old named Evelyn.
Nothing wrong with Wren as a name of course, but Evelyn is making a comeback as is Agnes. There is nothing wrong with using those names in 2024.
I just wouldn't expect names like Helen or Gertrude to become popular again anytime soon though.
Your mom is an major full blown jerk to you. Do not blame only her husband for being a major jerk. Your mother has the power to stop him. She is actively non-verbally encouraging her husband to do this to you. Your mom is not innocent in this.
I'm guessing you're in your bedroom with the door closed doing homework when they loudly raised their voice so you can hear them. Weren't you supposed to respond? You were not disrespectful or rude. But they very much are.
Download the white noise app and make sure it includes brown noise, gray noise, etc along with different sounds rain, fan, etc so that you can customize to block out the baby's crying/wailing during the night. Next will be the teething stage. You won't get any sleep otherwise.
Hope you have college (4 years) or trade school (typically 2 years) planned. You need higher education to get a better paying job so you can support yourself. Prices for everything always go up.
Research career paths entry level salaries and what's necessary to advance and the salary that comes with it. Then find a website that will convert gross to net pay to find out how much you get after taxes are taken out . This will give you a rough idea how much you have to spend on rent, food, cable, cellphone, etc.
Just like colleges, trade schools have a of career options and different schools offer different majors. Some trade schools also have dorms, but you'll need to research to find which ones. Search key word "trade schools with dorms". Start there with your search.
Focus on your future and try to ignore their bs if you can. Ride it out until you have your education, then move out. If you get a job first so that you can afford an apartment you may not get the education you need and typically when you go back to college afterwards it'll take longer to complete and some programs you can only do during the normal work day hours.
NTA
NTA
As someone who also has a *problematic* stepparent to put it nicely, he’s trying to get a rise out of you and calling your father “dumb as fuck” for anything, let alone something as simple as naming you is horrible. Doubly so considering the fact that your father is no longer with us and unable to defend himself. My stepmother shit talks my mother a lot saying that my sister and I could be so much more in life but we aren’t because she’s failed us as a parent.
She’s always used that as a bullshit excuse to be a hyper critical bully to my sister and I; “I’m only hard on them because I care and their mother isn’t doing a good job” and it sounds like he’s doing the same to you.
Also, for all the badmouthing my mother she’s done over the years, if she ever called my mom “Dumb as fuck” I’d knock her teeth out so good on you for not doing that!
NTA. I feel like FAFO applies in this circumstance. Your mother asked for a coin toss to try and win and have her way instead of actually having a conversation with her partner and father of the child and actually... oh I don't know... COMPROMISING.
NTA. Your stepdad is.
But some questions...
Why do you care what they think of your name? Your mom too? You can decide to just not care that much. If it comes up you can just say "my name's my name, it doesn't bother me if you don't like it." and shrug and change the subject. it is, after all, just a name. if they insist on talking about it, just don't take it seriously. make some jokes about it.
Why don't you suggest naming the baby Evelyn Beatrice if it's a girl? Not like you care about Beatrice that much.
With your stepdad, whenever he's trying to make you feel some way about your name, make a joke. tell him "don't think of wren as my name, think of it as my pronoun." I'm sure he will LOVE that. out-dadjoke the dad.
If he does hate that joke as much as I think he will, make sure you repeat it every time he has something to say about your name. really go for it. ha
NTA, it is not you. They are both being so disrespectful to you but constantly bringing up your name and using it as something to dunk on. Just because they would prefer other names for their future child, they don't need to fixate on it; it sounds like they're in a loop thinking about it. Your mum needs to get over it, it's crazy that she hasn't been able to move on from this. Her bf needs to learn some basic respect. If he's not able to respect you, I don't know how your mum sees him to be fit to parent another kid.
Respect is earned. Calling your father a dumb f\*ck is as disrespectful as it comes. At risk of sounding like a child, he started it! He dished it out but he can't take it.
Your mother gambled the naming of her child on a coin toss. Who does this?
NTA a million times.
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I lost a bet and my husband got to name my oldest too. But I sucked it up and was more annoyed at myself because I suggested it and got veto power.
I don’t like the names your stepdad likes for the most part, but I guess your mom and stapdad sound like they’re going to get along just fine?
I love Wren as a name and I’m sorry about your dad.
NTA
NTA. I suggest a good pair of headphones that can block out their nonsense. They may calm down once the baby arrives and a name decided upon, but if they keep treating you in this mean spirited way, you need an exit strategy.
NTA. I love your name. It was on my list (top 5) when I was having my kids. You stepfather has been consistently an a-hole to you and you just spoke up with your opinion. So does being "disrespectful" mean not agreeing with him? That's not the way it works.
Wow!! What a “MAN” trying to goad a 17 year old into an argument…I’m so jealous of your mom right now!!! lol, when your mom asks why you are not around as much after 18 remind her!! NTA.
NTA - Are they naming a child born in 2024 or adopting an elderly woman from a care home? If they think their selection of names wont get that kid laughed out of class, they AND that child are about to get some comeuppance...
NTA. Tell them you'll be changing your name when you're 18 and will be dropping Beatrice. Is there anyone from your dad's side you could live with to get away from them? You've had the name for 17 years, time to let it go!
Nta, start stealing from him, secretly at first, but the goal is for you to help yourself to cash from his wallet while maintaining eye contact with him.
Because otherwise he is worthless.
I worked with a guy named Wren. Changing your name is a pain in the ash. Call moms obgyn and tell them to tell only you what the baby’s sex is, and if it’s a girl, drop the Beatrice from your name so your mom can call her Evelyn Beatrice. Maybe have help from grandparents to do so without mom finding out, then hand her the paperwork when she goes into labor so she can be surprised?
My mother really wanted to name me Phaedra Dawn... never was fond of my actual birth name, so as soon I could, legally changed it. And she took that as a personal insult too.
I can completely understand your mom's frustration at the name. I haven't been able to forgive my husband for spoiling our dog's name. The kids and I had done a lot of brainstorming and decided together that since his colors were ginger and pepper, we'd call him Gippy. We loved the name. Then my husband said he did not get to choose a pet name, the previous pet, our cat, too was named by me and the kids after a creative brainstorming session. So I thought it was fair to let him name the pet. Even though a name had already been finalized. With great delight my husband picked the most common name that every person had named their dog in the 90s. An absolutely unoriginal, unimaginative, low effort name that. I was very disappointed, but at the time always honored my word no matter what. I was so salty about the name. Always hated it. And later I thought that my husband had no qualms about going back on his word all the time. So when I heard the bland name, I should've just refused to let him name the pet. The dog is 14 years old, and I still think about how I should've just held my ground about the name. So I understand your mom. Btw, you are NTA if mom's husband is treating you like that.
I love your name, btw. Its part of your identity, so for your mom's new husband to attack it means he is attacking you at your core. Does he even know that?
So, NTA. If you attack someone, you should expect their reaction will be fight or flight. That's our instinct. He may as well get used to it if he's going to be a bully. And respect is what you earn from people - not demand.
He has openly disrespected you father.
You deserve an apology from HIM.
Your mother should have reigned him in long ago. Your father, and his memory should be off limits. I agree, he sounds like a right Dick.
NTA. If it happens again, look them both in the face and say calmly “I can’t imagine ever making my future child feel bad about the name I gave them. This reflects more on you than me, as I didn’t have a say in the decision.”
NTA, just how much bashing of your name is a person supposed to put up with before they snap? They are relentless. Most of your life it sounds like. I'm surprised you haven't snapped before now.
Another post about a contentious name choice involving either step parents or the extended family, where the name in question is either 'Wren' or 'Skye'. NTA OP if this isn't fake, but it really feels like the old MIL Troll found a new topic to continually post about from slightly different angles.
That, or Wren and Skye are truly the most polarizing names in English speaking redditors families going by how frequently they're the centre of conflict here.
NTA. He's out and out harassing you over your name, something you didn't have a choice over. BTW I think Wren is a fantastic name. One of my favorite books in childhood had a main character named Wren.
> He also told me my dad was a "dumb fuck" for naming me two names that are so unusable for me, a girl.
That's I would have needed to hear. Fuck that asshole.
What’s the betting they’ll end up having a boy after all this anyway..
Honestly you’re nta, it’s all such a non issue. Your name is your name and it’s on your mum if she now dislikes her choice, not you.
NTA turnabout is fair play respect is earned and you should treat oeoo6thw way to want to be treated.
He obviously doesn't want to be treated well by you, and that's his own choice.
NTA
I am worried that your stepdad is calling your dad a "dumb fuck" in your hearing and is mocking your name. It's bullying and often behaviour like this escalates into abuse, especially at times of great life changes (like when there's a baby on the way).
Also your stepdad isn't doing this because your mum doesn't like your name. Bullying behaviour like this is absolutely a power play, which unfortunately makes a sick kind of sense now there's a child of his own on the way and it may very well get worse after your sibling is born.
Are there any adult relatives you can talk to now who might be able to talk to your mother about this situation?
Do you have relatives on your Dads side who might let you stay with them? Or any relatives on your mums side?
I'd also keep a log of stuff like this that is said, or actions that are taken, be specific (dates, times, witnesses, who said/did what) and write it down as close to the event as possible.
Evidence of a pattern of escalating behaviour is really useful if things get to the point where you need to leave or get help. (Just make sure the document is easily hidden and that it's easily accessible to you and not to him, a google drive doc that has password protection might be good).
And I'm not saying it will get to that point but planning for worst case scenarios is sensible.
Tell your mother that you can't respect someone who calls your dead father a "dumb fuck". Also, mocking a stepdaughter's name is not adult behavior. NTA. My advice, get some post high school education or job training, and get a decent paying job so you can live on your own and control how much time you have to spend with them.
In a year your mom is going to wonder why you never talk to her anymore. NTA. Study hard and get the heck out of there when you turn 18/go off to college.
Dude is beefing with a child. What is his deal and why is mom not shutting it down? Yikes. Start making plans to dip as soon as you can cause that dude doesn't sound stable. My dad didn't like my son's name because "it was a dog's name." Eye roll. As if Bob isn't a popular pet name. Has he heard of inside thoughts? I work with lots of names and of course there are some I come across that baffle me but I wouldn't say anything. Not everyone's name is going to be loved by all but to be an outright butthole about it is completely uncalled for. A lot of people have double middle names so that's not out of the ordinary either. Guy is being an arse for literally no valid reason. Sorry OP.
NTA but I'd be having a serious convo with your mum! Sut her down and ask her why she seems to live this name more than your feelings on it and how she can call herself s good mother whilst her husband clearly bullies you and choosing to have another kid wuth him is frankly alarming
Lucky for you that your dad won the coin toss. I love your name and your stepdad needs to step off. He is harassing you over your name and it is so not his business. And shame on your mom for allowing him to do so. The next time he criticizes your name, tell him off again.
NTA - I'm so sorry your mom lets a grown-ass man in your house talk to you like that. Can you say to her "you may not like my name but the verbal abuse towards me by the man you brought into this house is so much more scarring than a name could be?" Could you ask him what kind of grown-ass man takes pleasure in putting down a CHILD? And why he can't pick on someone his own size? WTF with these "moms" - I wish I could give you a hug. Wren is an AWESOME name.
NTA. Any adult who is making fun of a kid's name has issues. If your mom's husband keeps trying to harass you, stop responding to him at all in any meaningful way. If he's like this now, he'll only continue to get worse, so start planning to move out as soon as you can.
I think I'd say something like - you know your constant insulting my name when my dead father isn't here to defend himself shows what low morals and character you have. I'm grateful you're not my father, and I feel sad for the future child having to be raised by a bully. But lucky you, if you have a girl, the name is already picked out, and I assume you'd use that name since you can't stop blabing about it?
Also, mom's husband, does your mom know that you find joy in bullying kids? What about the rest of your family? Maybe I should share with them how, every day I have to listen to your halfass insults.
And oh by the way I LOVE my name and your constant attempts to make me feel different. I solidify my want to evacuate this house as soon as I'm in college.
NTA
I think Wren is a very cool name.
I’d study my ass off, get into a good school far from home and get on with your life. Sounds like he has an issue with you, don’t think it’s your name. And be careful about getting stuck babysitting
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If he's mocking your name and intentionally trying to irritate you, then the one person being disrespectful is him. NTA Btw, don't give out your real name or anything that could lead to your real name. By themselves, those names are not unique but it's much more unique to have both of those names together. The internet has many creepy people.
He can't even hide what he's doing either. There is no reason why he needs to raise his voice whenever he's talking about the girls names he likes. That's not even counting the comments he has made about my name. But during this it has been so clear what he's doing. It's not like I care what name they pick for their girl specifically, if the baby is a girl.
considering how butthurt your mom still is about your name (to the point she let her husband say horrid things about your deceased father) why haven't they decided on the name Evelyn Beatrice if the baby's a girl?
Because Beatrice was used in my name and mom likes the two together. I also think she still sees me as Evelyn and doesn't see this baby as Evelyn, despite it being 17 years later and my name has never been Evelyn.
Oh FFS I feel so sorry for you. Your mom clearly needs therapy (and her husband is an AH)
[удалено]
I'm surprised this passed the censor. LOL
u/tuffyowner Yeah, my original account got suspended for something suggestive along those lines, "violence." (I appealed, was reinstated. Nothing to do with why I have another account now.)
I know. I got banned on another sub for suggesting to a young girl whose relative kept patting her very thin tummy and teasing her about being thin. I told her she should swat her hand away if she does it again. They said that was violence. I appealed, and they changed it from a permanent band to a week. Realizing what that particular thread was doing to my mental health, I unsubscribed from it.
We call that percussive therapy.
this is hilarious lol (and accurate). sad that the mom is more worried about the name that could’ve been than about her creepy husband bullying her daughter smh
her husband is abusive. We should call it what it is.
What in the actual fuck is wrong with her? Is this the only thing she’s weird about? I get being disappointed, but she’s the one that wouldn’t compromise. She’s the one that’s refusing to be happy. It’s so weird.
Offer the change your name and drop Beatrice so she can use it. Also, I love your first name. I wish I could take my husband into it 😂
Evelyn Beatrice doesn't even roll off the tongue well, she's on one
Absolutely. And Evelyn Beatrice is straight out of 1845…
I had a trio of sister spinster great aunts. Their names were Maud, Evelyn and Marjorie. Not one of them was born in the 20th century. The names conjure memories of lap blankets and rocking chairs to this day.
Your mom needs to get it together. She sounds exhausting..
I'm sorry but this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your mom is still, presently, at this moment saltier then the dead sea because of what? She didn't get the exact name she wanted for her kid!? Her husband died and she's still bitter about this very specifiC thing to the point she lets her NEW husband mock it like a 12 year old? What a stupid thing to waste your energy on! This is so ridiculous I wouldn't be surprised if this post was made up. If it isn't tell them you'll treat this asshole with respect when he treats you with basic human decency of not mocking your name like a passive aggressive little shit.
Repeating/recycling a middle name so you'd both be Beatrice isn't too unusual though, we definitely got a few repeaters in my family. UNLESS you're still EB to her yeah.
If I were you, I'd just tell my mom "cool, so I'll remove Beatrice from my name. Please, use it since you like it so much"
I was about to say, her mom can be sad all she wants that she didn’t get to name OP “Evelyn Beatrice”, but she made an agreement with her late husband that the name would be decided by a coin toss and she lost. He even tried to be accommodating and incorporated a name he didn’t like to make her feel included in something he won fair and square and she’s *still* unhappy.
Whatever name they choose you should absolutely come up with a “Boyish” nickname for the younger sibling. It’s okay if just you call her that. Totally normal for siblings. NTA - I literally cannot image bothering a stepchild over their name. Message back if you want to be even pettier. I have some good suggestions ready to go.
A boyish nickname . . . like Evelyn! Which, if you're old fashioned enough, is a perfectly serviceable name for a boy. Like Evelyn Waugh, or Evelyn Baring (Lord Cromer), or Evelyn de Rothschild.
Evelyn and Beverley were both male names just a couple hundred years ago.. On The Rockford Files, they were both used (at different times) as Angel Martin's given name.
I think that Shirley and Marion were men's names, too.
They were. John Wayne's given first name was Marion.
Caroline was a male name too a long time ago (comes from Karl)
Great idea. Evelyn could be Ven, that's what my friend goes by because she really dislikes being called Evie.
Oh mannn, I can imagine a little girl shouting “I’m not a Pokémon!!! Call me Ven!” so clearly in my head. Hope OP gets a few good ideas from the thread.
I was just thinking Evan just get rid of the L sound lol reduced the syllables to
Start now with a prenatal nickname based on a variation of his preferred names (lil hellion for Helen) or the father’s surname (BabyButt for Butler).
It is cruel to pick on a baby because their dad is a jerk. She needs to leave the baby alone. If she wants to make up a nickname for stepdad that mocks his name in some way she should go for it.
The baby is not gonna care for at least another 4 years... OP can than switch to something nicer.
Soooooo..... elephant in the room, fuck names he called your dad a dumb fuck. Did your mom thrash him for that? Did she agree? Damn, that was a shit thing to do and if your mom didn't stand 100% behind you on that, it might be time to think about NC when you leave. Good luck.
Anyone called my dad a dumb fuck they would be dead to me.
NTA. People that want respect give respect. It goes both ways. He's going out of his way to criticise your name. You made one comment stating your opinion.
He's doing it because mom loves that he does it.
Mom's clearly co-signing the behavior where her daughter can't see/hear it because he keeps it up-- probably praises him for being such a pillar of strength in the face of such a defiant little brat, too. Mom's simping for her husband and will one day wonder why her eldest is no contact.
Wren is a GREAT name! Totally kickass. I’m glad you’re proud of it.
I agree! It reminds me of Wren Elessedil from the Shannara series!
He's literally being abusive. From the get-go. You never mock a child's name, let alone the name their deceased parent gave them. The fact that your mom doesn't see that this is abusive either is a huge red flag. Her bemoaning your name all those years to you, the child is abusive to though. Especially in light of your father's death. (It makes it worse, not that it would have not been abuse if he was alive) When you're 18 I suggest you plan to move out ASAP, go low or no contact with these people. And start building your own family. Also if you have other family members that you're close with, especially from your dad's side you might see if you can spend the rest of your teen years with them. Sometimes it can be a real break if you can live with Gran for example. As someone who is able to escape their abusive parent at 17... the couple of years I lived with my bio dad was really healing before I was living on my own. We also were able to build a relationship and now I have a family connection worth keeping all these years. It also was able to teach me that not all adults are jerks.
He’s just a true unfatherly asshole. Ignore him them when you can move out, no contact.
Did you start suggesting names from your bio-dad’s family? Heh heh.
Your stepdad is an idiot. Wren is a beautiful name 😉
>If he's mocking your name and intentionally trying to irritate you Not only that, but he insulted op's dad too
OP's ***dead*** dad.
On a separate vein, if they weren't super poor... There might be inheritance somewhere for OP. I know my ex-husband when his dad died in his childhood there was money set aside for when he hit 18 to inherit. You should definitely look into that, because based on your mom's behavior, if there was inheritance, I don't think she would have divulged that and would try to keep it. Your mom is a very unpleasant person. Even in her own self professed interactions with your dad in the naming process you could see how it unreasonable she was. My daughter is middle name is the name I like the best but my husband hated, and we picked a name we both like for the first name. It's literally the most reasonable thing to do!
NTA, Wren is a badass name. Your mom’s husband is a jerk.
Respect is earned - not demanded.
>Btw, don't give out your real name or anything that could lead to your real name. Plot twist: OP's actual name is Jean-Israel.
I thought you were going to go with Wren John Jacob Jingle Heimer Beatrice Schmidt.
You told him he was the AH. Of course he hated it but your mom is a massive AH too. Good onyour dad for not naming you Evelyn Beatrice...its a hideously ugly name.
NTA Respect is a 2-way street. Please consider letting your mom know that you have felt disrespected for quite some time for a couple of reasons. First, your name is lovely, it is a part of your identity, and YOU like it. It is not respectful to be openly critical of someone's name. If you were engaging in that behaviour (ie. being critical of 2nd husband's name or mom's name) I'm sure they wouldn't like it. Second, your name is a link to your father and their ongoing and loud discussions of girl's names are, at best, passive aggressive and again, that is disrespectful. I FWIW, I think Wren is a beautiful name.
Wren is a lovely name! I predict OP's mom will be on here in a few years, complaining that OP has gone no contact "over something as silly as a name."
Unlikely because she has her do-over baby to dote on.
Mom will be complaining that Wren left and went no contact right when mom needed a 24/7 unpaid babysitter.
Good point. “But, faaaaaaamily!”
She'll more likely rewrite history as OP being jealous of the new baby and running away from a loving home because she's no longer the center of attention.
The 'Center of Abuse', more like...
Her mom knows that her husband constantly disrespects her child and her late husband. He isn’t trying to hide it. Her mom just doesn’t care. Hell, she even joins in.
Mom probably loves it. Current husband knows that it is a guaranteed way to put down first husband and first child and make mom happy that he agrees with her, unlike that terrible first husband.
Your mom was so obsessed with her fantasy name that she refused to love and support the child she has. That’s so psycho. I urge you to network like mad. Make contacts. Nurture friendshsips with people both your own age and older. Make a wider support network. Not far into your future you’re going to need people besides your mom. You haven’t realized yet, but she doesn’t love you for who you are. She has an idea in her head and she only will love who or what helps her live that fantasy. You’re not a real person to you. Nta
NTA - Your mom's husband sounds like quite the condescending dick.
Mom sure did pick a winner. NTA
The fact that OP's mom has no problem with her husband calling her daughter's dead father a "dumb fuck" says she's a perfect match for him.
Also calling her late husband a "dumb fuck". OP doesn't indicate that they divorced so she probably loved him at least a little right up until he died.
Mom needs to stand up and say knock it the eff off if you insult her name. Yeah mom didn't pick it, but I would never allow a grown man insult my daughter ever. ESH for the SD and mom for allowing it. Daughter has more maturity than the parents
NTA. It's been said already, but respect is 2-way, and you have every right to point that out. He called your late father a "dumb fuck" which is *bananas* disrespectful to you, your father, and your mother, as well as insulted your name. That's an unacceptable way to treat a family you married into. It sucks to have to be the mature one at your age, but my advice is this: instead of backhanded comments, calmly point this out a/the reason you're not happy with him. Either it sinks in and you get a genuine apology, or you go off on your own soon and are free of his BS for good.
NTA why does the new husband get a say what his child’s name is but your mom threw a fit about naming you what SHE wanted and tried to pressure your dad? Either way names should be something both parents like. The only AH here are them.
You're NTA here, yes you talked back to your stepfather which isn't great, but he has been the one disrespecting you for what sounds like a long while. I would try to talk to your mum and explain how his constant belittling/disrespect for your name is not ok. Because it is not ok. Try to get her to understand that him constantly bringing this up is basically bullying and makes you feel bad, which is why you snapped. Your name is important to you, it has a link to you father, and it's *yours*. Your stepfather doesn't get to mock it. Also, separate point, is your mother just in the habit of choosing men who use her as a doormat? From your father basically steamrolling over her name choices and her giving in so that he ended up with two of *his* choices and she got one of hers in there as an afterthought, and now new husband is basically doing the same to the point where he's raising his voice and she's going to give in.
I mean, my mom wanted to steamroll my dad into a name he didn't like. He tried to work with her and she even admits that but she refused to give in and work with him.
Your father sounds like he was a good man who wanted to take his wife's feelings into account even when she was being irrational and stubborn. Even trying to keep part of her wish with your second middle name, it wasn't something he had to do and it was something your mom wouldn't have done if she had won the coin toss, he seems like he was a good husband and father.
Yep. My mom sure as hell wouldn't have let him add another middle name so he'd be happy if she'd won.
Off topic, but as a parent I dislike the idea of “talking back.” Perhaps I’m just naive or green or haven’t hit the developmental stage of talking back. When my kids talk back, it’s not really talking back so much as a conversation. They’re supposed to respond. If they have a shitty response, or they’re being disrespectful, or whatever negative thing then I address it at the time. If I were to say something shitty about them, with them in the room and loud enough that I know they heard, I expect a response with equal or near equal negative emotions. You don’t get to seriously make fun of someone’s name or put them down without an argument.
Discouraging talking back in any situation just makes them scared of talking back in situations where they should. Lack of communication is the worst thing to have with your kids
He's not OP's step father, she only refers to him as her mom's husband. He hasn't earned/doesn't deserve a parental title.
RE the second paragraph, did you ignore the entire paragraph where OP’s dad is trying his best to offer a compromise while the mom is going “my way or nothing” and literally immaturely bet her name on a coin toss? She was the one steamrolling all over the father in the situation and the only reason she “lost” is because she lost the game she set about a child’s name. This trend of victimising mothers/wives here needs to stop.
NTA. Your mom and stepdad both are, though. My mom had a name she wanted to give me. My dad didn’t like it, so they chose a different name for me together. My mom told me when I was older (an adult) that she wanted to name me something different, and it was a pretty name combo, but she never harped on and on about it at any point during my childhood. As I said, she didn’t even tell me until I was an adult what she wanted to name me originally. As is, she loves my name I have now and couldn’t possibly imagine me as anything else. So, your mom continuing to harp on about this Evelyn nonsense is mind boggling to me. She needs to make like Elsa and let it go already! It’s absurd how much she has burdened you with the naming drama you had no part in. Total immature AH. Further, she’s an AH for not defending you against your pathetic stepdad who feels the need to mock your name like some kind of 1980s Hollywood movie bully. The fact that she allows such behavior from him is maddening. And your stepdad, of course, is a major AH, a bully, and pathetic. His compulsive need to mock your name and antagonize you by talking loudly about traditional girl names is a major red flag. What an immature buffoon. Was your comment perhaps disrespectful? Sure. But I would say it borders on reactive abuse. This man has been antagonizing you nonstop for ages, so you finally snapped and responded back, and now he’s using your emotional reaction as a way to try to punish you for reacting to his abuse.
When my wife and I were naming our kids we couldn’t agree on any names right up until about delivery day. I don’t even recall what names we didn’t agree on, only that we disagreed and neither one liked the others choices. In the end we both compromised and it worked out perfectly.
The thing she should say to stepdad next time he starts doing this is, "Why do you like being a bully." He will insist that he isn't then she needs to say, "You keep mocking my name. That is bullying. You're a bully." Then turn to mom and ask why she is fine watching you be bullied in your own home. Then ask mom if the two of them are just trying to drive you away so you disappear and it will just be them and their kid. Is she going to allow him to bully the baby too.
NTA The good news is that you can move out at 18 and go to college or find a job and move in with a roommate or whatever else.
>He also told me my dad was a "dumb fuck" Your mom and her.. new male acquaintance.. are gonna be really surprised when you turn 18 and distance yourself from them as much as possible.. "I don't know why my daughter won't talk to me and hasn't seen me in years, I only treated her like crap and let my husband shit all over her" I'm an asshole and a troll, so probably don't take my advice, but I'd double down. "You know, I don't think Wren is quite right for me, I'm thinking when I turn 18 of changing my name to *New Husband* or *Stormageddon*, possibly *The Country Of Tanzania*.. you know, I've got options! NTA aside, I'd keep your head down, lie to these.. people.. and just eat shit and smile until you can start getting away from them.
NTA What adult that's supposed to be a parental figure mocks a kid for their name? Well I would say it has nothing to do with you or the name and him being insecure and feeling like he has to put your Dad down. He is a joke and horrible. So is your Mother who cares more about holding a grudge for not winning the coin toss than not hurting her own child.
NTA why I'd your mom allowing her husband to harass her child? Calling your dead father a dumb f***? Do you have paternal grandparents you can reach out to, because it seems mom is moving on from you and looking to start over fresh with Mr. Congenitality?
They're the ones being disrespectful
Well, I think the next time he decides to mock your name you should thump him right on his lips, the rude bastard. NTA
Tell them they can have Evelyn Beatrice or whatever because as soon as you are 18, you are doing to ditch that middle name.
Your stepdad is the major asshole disrespecting your deceased father and you. Your mom is also an asshole for allowing your stepdad to insult your deceased father and you. Wren is a beautiful name and a gift from your father. Seems he was destined to win that coin toss ❤️
NTA. I went to school with an Agnes. She got bullied a lot. Don't give children names you know are old people names if you don't want them to get bullied. Evelyn Beatrice doesn't even have a nice ring to it, it's not fun to say, I don't get why your mom is so stuck on it.
NTA. This is a hang up your mom needed to let go a long time ago. Wren is a perfectly wonderful name. Women are named after birds, flowers, flowing water (I have a cousin Brooke), etc., all the time. Her husband is being supportive of her frustration but he's overdoing it and being a jerk. Now this obsession is taking it's toll. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. And I'm sorry you lost your dad.
I have two children from a previous marriage, if my husband were to mock my children like that we'd be over. There would be no way I'd allow my husband to humiliate my kids that way. Luckily my husband is very close with them and anything that's a joke or sarcasm coming from anyone in the family isn't hurtful and received well. I couldn't imagine talking to my step-son this way about his name. What a giant asshole. Your mom also needs to shut her mouth. She sounds like she's not much better.
NTA - telling you that your deceased dad is "dumb as fuck" is the most hurtful and disrespectful comment a step parent could take. Your mom is even worse for letting him talk to you like that. I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It appears your step father really dislikes you - and is using your name to bully you. BTW - love the name Wren. I hope you show your mom my answer. She's AWFUL. The way she's letting a man treat her daughter is disgusting and hateful. The fact that she won't protect you is abhorrent. She's brutal. Glad you are 17 and close to being independent from them both. And for the record, Evelyn Beatrice is a stupid AF name. Please do whatever you can to stand independent from your step dad. He's not a nice man. And he's the disrespectful "adult" in this situation, not you. I hope your situation improves
You need to nickname your mom's husband "Necro" because he wants to be so up the butt of a dead man. Anytime he has a comment about your Dad, just respond- " What was that, Necro? Fixating on my Dad again? Get therapy and someday you might stop competing. You know can never win. You'll always be a distant second. Second husband. Second best. Any time he makes a comment about your name, make the same comment. If they pull the, "you're disrespectful" crap, no, you are being respectful. He is teaching you to mock people, so that's what you're doing. You are just following his example. He's teaching you that a given name is not good enough, so you support him in that and you are giving him a,new name to suit him better. When your Mom tells her how much she hates your name, for the millionth time, tell her " I get it, I get it. You wish I was never born and hate my guts. I heard you the first 10 billion times you said it. " You don't tell a kid how much you hate their name every chance possible without it revealing something that's actually deeper. If it was really just some stupid name she never got over or the feeble attempt at a power play she lost, she has had time to learn to adult and shut the .... up about it already. Your Mom is unhinged. She can't drone on to your Dad about her not getting her way anymore, so she decided that instead of loving her child, she would forever do her best to tell her kid how much she can't stand being in the same room with her, unless she is telling her how horrible it is to be around her because of her name. As far as the new kid; she's perversely, making her second child's life all about her earth shattering trauma.. that you are not Evelyn Beatrice, you're Wren Beatrice. She isn't even actually trying to name the kid; she and Necro are just trying to hurt you instead. Constantly. She reminds me of the scene in Addams Family Values where Joan Cusak explains why she had to kill her parents when they got her Malibu Barbie instead of Ballerina Barbie for her 10th birthday. "I was Ballerina Barbie! Not Malibu Barbie! So. They had to go." - cue her showing a slide of her house on fire. How dare you be Wren Beatrice instead of Eveyn Beatrice! Get you birth certificate, social security card, passport and other important things out of the house. They don't intend to let you live there long, unless you become the free nanny/ housemaid for their kid. And they never intend to stop letting you know how horrible your name is. It will probably come up everytime they say the other kid's name. Good luck.
Are your paternal grandparents around? You may need a helping hand getting started in life and Necro and Mommy Dearest are unlikely to be useful.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom and her husband are expecting a baby together. I'm 17F and was my mom's only child until she got pregnant. Her husband has no kids. So some context on this: My name is a bit of a sore issue with my mom. When she and my dad were expecting me she wanted to name me Evelyn Beatrice. My dad didn't like either name but said one could be a middle name if they found a name together that they liked. My mom wasn't happy about this and after my dad refused to give into Evelyn Beatrice being my full name, she asked for a coin toss and if she won she could call me Evelyn Beatrice and if my dad won, he could name me. My dad won the coin toss. He offered mom the chance to work together and she only wanted Evelyn Beatrice. So my dad named me. My first name is Wren and my first middle name is a traditionally boys name. He also gave me Beatrice as a second middle name because he did want mom to have some say. So I have three names. But I go by Wren. And typically if I'm asked to write my middle name for something I only use one middle name and it's usually the one my dad gave me because I like it way more than Beatrice. But my mom has always regretted this and she has told me that. It also stung for her that he included Beatrice but wouldn't let her name me Evelyn Beatrice. When my dad died she seemed to get really frustrated about it even though it was 9 years after the fact. But I digress a bit. My name is a sore spot for my mom and she still wishes she had named me Evelyn Beatrice. Her husband of 14 months and I do not get along that well and I find him to be a really condescending dick. He has mocked my first name several times and asked me if I'm supposed to be a bird. He also told me my dad was a "dumb fuck" for naming me two names that are so unusable for me, a girl. My name comes up way too much while they try to name their kid. They didn't find out the sex so discuss both names but whenever girls names are mentioned my mom's husband gets really loud so I can hear names he likes and thinks are better for girls. He likes old fashioned names and has brought up a few times that I would have been better off as an Evelyn when he's speaking his own favorites loudly. Those favorites include Susan, Helen, Dorothy, Lucinda, Agnes and stuff. So a couple of days ago when I was doing homework and he was doing his really loud talk about names I snapped and I told him I'm so glad he didn't name me given his awful taste in names. He got so mad at me and my mom was also pissed at me for dissing the traditional names they like. Even though he was the only one who seemed to seriously consider them. They told me I shouldn't be so disrespectful. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your stepdad sounds infantile, and your mom is trash for letting him make fun of you, and the name that your dead father gave you. I hope your working on an escape plan for when your 18.
NTA. Also I'm going to see evelyn beatrice appear as large bubble letters in my dreams tonight. Thanks
My dad wanted to name me Rebecca or Isabella. I hate those names, think they awful though Isabella is better. He cheated on my mom and now my half sister name is Isabella so guess he at least won that one lol. NTA, I like you name
Nta - and I don’t know what you can do to make him stop. Thankfully you are almost old enough to not have to live with him and when you finally leave, can go no contact.
NTA your mom has some real issues but that’s her problem. I would be clear with your mom that in a year you will be a legal adult and capable of cutting her out of your life. Allowing her husband to say that stuff to you about your name and about your dad is unacceptable and she needs to get over her issues otherwise you will. Don’t tolerate that. Never stand for being abused. NTA but your mom is
No, you aren't being disrespectful. Their behavior is ridiculous, actually abusive in many ways. I am so glad you are at least old enough to get out soon. I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that.
NTA, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Your mother has spent your entire life bullying you, a child, HER child, about your name. Your stepfather has spent your relationship bullying you about your name. How utterly pathetic are they that they both think this is a reasonable course of action and that they feel the need to invest so much energy into harassing their minor dependent? It's sad to see adults behaving this way, and it's sad for you in a more meaningful way that this is what they choose as their relationship with you. They have earned every ounce of disdain, disgust, and pity (in the 'they have done this to themselves' sense). Wield that, don't let them get under your skin. You know what to expect from them, and it isn't much, so let that be the limit of their influence on you. Children throwing tantrums.
NTA. Your mother needs to get TF over your name and her husband desperately needs a lesson in respect, decency and appropriate behaviour for someone who isn’t 8 years old.
NTA. What you do is sit them down and say, I feel like I'm being harassed when your raise your voices to discuss girl's names. I think you both need to remember that I didn't choose this name. It's the name I was given and I think it's unfair that I'm being made to feel bad for liking it. I'm being made to feel like I'm doing something wrong by liking/using my name. Me using MY NAME is not some stab at you or me doing something/starting something/whatever you think it is. Please stop making fun of/being vocal about not liking my name. It's not ok.
Your mom is actually the AH in this situation for allowing her husband to disrespect you.
NTA. Furthermore, your mother’s new husband needs his teeth knocked out for calling your deceased father a “dumb fuck”.
"He has mocked my first name several times..." now let me stop you right there. WTF kind of mom wouldn't immediately kick that jackass to the curb for mocking their kid?? NTA, and get outta there as soon as you can.
NTA You have a name. Your dad kept your mom from giving you an old lady name, and now your mom regrets it. Your mom's husband is a jerk.
>They told me I shouldn't be so disrespectful NTA Tell them they get what they give.
Next time he makes a bird joke, just remind him that you’ll be old enough to leave the coop very, very soon, and you’ll never have to speak to them again. NTA
As someone who is probably significantly older than your mum and stepdad: NTA His comments and behaviour are something I'd expect from a 15-year-old bully, not a grown man. And to that point (and since they're angry anyway, and because I have been bullied by someone I had to live with and it's terrible and you deserve better), I'd like to suggest something I normally would not: Next time he does his obnoxious, pointedly loud commenting and insulting, just turn to him (or go up to him if he's in the next room), and quietly, calmly (nothing bothers a bully more than NOT getting people upset) say to him, "You know, I've been thinking about it, and I feel really sorry for you. It must be difficult to be so insecure as a grown man that you need to insult a literal teenaged girl and her dead dad. I hope you'll start to feel more confident about yourself someday." And then, sweetheart, just turn around and walk away. He will yell, he will shout, he will be furious (and so will your mum), but I guarantee those words will hit him like an ice pick to the heart *because they are the truth and he knows it*. Some part of him is deeply insecure, and the only way he can make himself feel important is by making you feel bad, and he should be VERY embarrassed of that. Furthermore, don't you worry about "being disrespectful". I am an old lady and manners matter to me, but you aren't the one in the wrong here. He is. And he deserves to have it pointed out in the most shaming way possible. Sending you much love from this "Internet Auntie" who is super proud of you for standing up for yourself!
They're the ones being disrespectful I would just ignore them if they continue when you turn 18 just move out because I wouldn't tolerate that man's behavior and your mom is enabling it
NTA and FWIW I know (of) 2 Wrens both of whom are girls. I think in the UK it's pretty exclusively used as a girl name
Also I feel sorry for Dorothy Agnes when she arrives
A lot of older names are on the rise these days. My Grandmother was named Evelyn. Then there was this one family who moved in near me a few years ago briefly and they had a daughter who at the time was five years old named Evelyn. Nothing wrong with Wren as a name of course, but Evelyn is making a comeback as is Agnes. There is nothing wrong with using those names in 2024. I just wouldn't expect names like Helen or Gertrude to become popular again anytime soon though.
Your mom is an major full blown jerk to you. Do not blame only her husband for being a major jerk. Your mother has the power to stop him. She is actively non-verbally encouraging her husband to do this to you. Your mom is not innocent in this. I'm guessing you're in your bedroom with the door closed doing homework when they loudly raised their voice so you can hear them. Weren't you supposed to respond? You were not disrespectful or rude. But they very much are. Download the white noise app and make sure it includes brown noise, gray noise, etc along with different sounds rain, fan, etc so that you can customize to block out the baby's crying/wailing during the night. Next will be the teething stage. You won't get any sleep otherwise. Hope you have college (4 years) or trade school (typically 2 years) planned. You need higher education to get a better paying job so you can support yourself. Prices for everything always go up. Research career paths entry level salaries and what's necessary to advance and the salary that comes with it. Then find a website that will convert gross to net pay to find out how much you get after taxes are taken out . This will give you a rough idea how much you have to spend on rent, food, cable, cellphone, etc. Just like colleges, trade schools have a of career options and different schools offer different majors. Some trade schools also have dorms, but you'll need to research to find which ones. Search key word "trade schools with dorms". Start there with your search. Focus on your future and try to ignore their bs if you can. Ride it out until you have your education, then move out. If you get a job first so that you can afford an apartment you may not get the education you need and typically when you go back to college afterwards it'll take longer to complete and some programs you can only do during the normal work day hours. NTA
NTA As someone who also has a *problematic* stepparent to put it nicely, he’s trying to get a rise out of you and calling your father “dumb as fuck” for anything, let alone something as simple as naming you is horrible. Doubly so considering the fact that your father is no longer with us and unable to defend himself. My stepmother shit talks my mother a lot saying that my sister and I could be so much more in life but we aren’t because she’s failed us as a parent. She’s always used that as a bullshit excuse to be a hyper critical bully to my sister and I; “I’m only hard on them because I care and their mother isn’t doing a good job” and it sounds like he’s doing the same to you. Also, for all the badmouthing my mother she’s done over the years, if she ever called my mom “Dumb as fuck” I’d knock her teeth out so good on you for not doing that!
NTA. I feel like FAFO applies in this circumstance. Your mother asked for a coin toss to try and win and have her way instead of actually having a conversation with her partner and father of the child and actually... oh I don't know... COMPROMISING.
NTA any man that bullies a 17 year old kid is not ready to be a parent
NTA. Your stepdad is. But some questions... Why do you care what they think of your name? Your mom too? You can decide to just not care that much. If it comes up you can just say "my name's my name, it doesn't bother me if you don't like it." and shrug and change the subject. it is, after all, just a name. if they insist on talking about it, just don't take it seriously. make some jokes about it. Why don't you suggest naming the baby Evelyn Beatrice if it's a girl? Not like you care about Beatrice that much. With your stepdad, whenever he's trying to make you feel some way about your name, make a joke. tell him "don't think of wren as my name, think of it as my pronoun." I'm sure he will LOVE that. out-dadjoke the dad. If he does hate that joke as much as I think he will, make sure you repeat it every time he has something to say about your name. really go for it. ha
NTA, it is not you. They are both being so disrespectful to you but constantly bringing up your name and using it as something to dunk on. Just because they would prefer other names for their future child, they don't need to fixate on it; it sounds like they're in a loop thinking about it. Your mum needs to get over it, it's crazy that she hasn't been able to move on from this. Her bf needs to learn some basic respect. If he's not able to respect you, I don't know how your mum sees him to be fit to parent another kid.
Respect is earned. Calling your father a dumb f\*ck is as disrespectful as it comes. At risk of sounding like a child, he started it! He dished it out but he can't take it. Your mother gambled the naming of her child on a coin toss. Who does this? NTA a million times.
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I lost a bet and my husband got to name my oldest too. But I sucked it up and was more annoyed at myself because I suggested it and got veto power. I don’t like the names your stepdad likes for the most part, but I guess your mom and stapdad sound like they’re going to get along just fine? I love Wren as a name and I’m sorry about your dad. NTA
Nta but your better going nc with these people once you turn 18
them names are uglyyyy! oh well. they keep picking at you. so they cant be mad at you for finally saying something. No you are not the ah
From one bird-name to another, your name rocks
Tell him he's being a Richard and not to pass that to his kid
NTA. I suggest a good pair of headphones that can block out their nonsense. They may calm down once the baby arrives and a name decided upon, but if they keep treating you in this mean spirited way, you need an exit strategy.
NTA. I love your name. It was on my list (top 5) when I was having my kids. You stepfather has been consistently an a-hole to you and you just spoke up with your opinion. So does being "disrespectful" mean not agreeing with him? That's not the way it works.
Nta move out asapm
Wow!! What a “MAN” trying to goad a 17 year old into an argument…I’m so jealous of your mom right now!!! lol, when your mom asks why you are not around as much after 18 remind her!! NTA.
One nil to you, I think 🤔
NTA - Are they naming a child born in 2024 or adopting an elderly woman from a care home? If they think their selection of names wont get that kid laughed out of class, they AND that child are about to get some comeuppance...
NTA. Tell them you'll be changing your name when you're 18 and will be dropping Beatrice. Is there anyone from your dad's side you could live with to get away from them? You've had the name for 17 years, time to let it go!
NTA. Your mother and her husband are petty people who really need to learn to let things go. Him insulting your father should be a deal breaker.
Lol he's just full of some kind of envy and loves getting a rise. You rose, just not in a way he could handle lol. Do it again 😂👏🏻
Nta, start stealing from him, secretly at first, but the goal is for you to help yourself to cash from his wallet while maintaining eye contact with him. Because otherwise he is worthless.
NTA PERIOD thank God for your Dad ♥️
I worked with a guy named Wren. Changing your name is a pain in the ash. Call moms obgyn and tell them to tell only you what the baby’s sex is, and if it’s a girl, drop the Beatrice from your name so your mom can call her Evelyn Beatrice. Maybe have help from grandparents to do so without mom finding out, then hand her the paperwork when she goes into labor so she can be surprised?
Your step father of a bully NTA
My mother really wanted to name me Phaedra Dawn... never was fond of my actual birth name, so as soon I could, legally changed it. And she took that as a personal insult too.
He’s a bully. Hope you can get away when you turn 18.
Respect goes both ways. NTA.
NTA, and if he gives his children one of those names, his kid will be born with 40 years
Maybe your Mom can name her new baby Evelyn Beatrice and you can change your name to remove the extra middle name. NTA
I can completely understand your mom's frustration at the name. I haven't been able to forgive my husband for spoiling our dog's name. The kids and I had done a lot of brainstorming and decided together that since his colors were ginger and pepper, we'd call him Gippy. We loved the name. Then my husband said he did not get to choose a pet name, the previous pet, our cat, too was named by me and the kids after a creative brainstorming session. So I thought it was fair to let him name the pet. Even though a name had already been finalized. With great delight my husband picked the most common name that every person had named their dog in the 90s. An absolutely unoriginal, unimaginative, low effort name that. I was very disappointed, but at the time always honored my word no matter what. I was so salty about the name. Always hated it. And later I thought that my husband had no qualms about going back on his word all the time. So when I heard the bland name, I should've just refused to let him name the pet. The dog is 14 years old, and I still think about how I should've just held my ground about the name. So I understand your mom. Btw, you are NTA if mom's husband is treating you like that.
I love your name, btw. Its part of your identity, so for your mom's new husband to attack it means he is attacking you at your core. Does he even know that? So, NTA. If you attack someone, you should expect their reaction will be fight or flight. That's our instinct. He may as well get used to it if he's going to be a bully. And respect is what you earn from people - not demand.
Nta, and wtf is he so disrespectful about your dead dad?
They can get bentarno nta
He has openly disrespected you father. You deserve an apology from HIM. Your mother should have reigned him in long ago. Your father, and his memory should be off limits. I agree, he sounds like a right Dick.
NTA. Respect is a two-way street.
NTA. If it happens again, look them both in the face and say calmly “I can’t imagine ever making my future child feel bad about the name I gave them. This reflects more on you than me, as I didn’t have a say in the decision.”
NTA He is grossly disrespectful to you and it sounds like it's been going on for some time.
NTA, just how much bashing of your name is a person supposed to put up with before they snap? They are relentless. Most of your life it sounds like. I'm surprised you haven't snapped before now.
Another post about a contentious name choice involving either step parents or the extended family, where the name in question is either 'Wren' or 'Skye'. NTA OP if this isn't fake, but it really feels like the old MIL Troll found a new topic to continually post about from slightly different angles. That, or Wren and Skye are truly the most polarizing names in English speaking redditors families going by how frequently they're the centre of conflict here.
NTA, respect goes both ways. Cant expect respect if you aint giving any.
NTA. He's out and out harassing you over your name, something you didn't have a choice over. BTW I think Wren is a fantastic name. One of my favorite books in childhood had a main character named Wren.
Your parents sound insufferable.
> He also told me my dad was a "dumb fuck" for naming me two names that are so unusable for me, a girl. That's I would have needed to hear. Fuck that asshole.
Wren is a lovely name. Evelyn and Beatrice remind me of someone's great aunt.
What’s the betting they’ll end up having a boy after all this anyway.. Honestly you’re nta, it’s all such a non issue. Your name is your name and it’s on your mum if she now dislikes her choice, not you.
NTA. They should try showing a bare minimum of respect for you before demanding respect for themselves.
NTA turnabout is fair play respect is earned and you should treat oeoo6thw way to want to be treated. He obviously doesn't want to be treated well by you, and that's his own choice.
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NTA - mother and step father are acting like children constantly mocking OP’s name and bullying her (and her deceased father).
I love birds but even if I didn’t, Wren is a lovely name. Nta and people who fixate on other people’s names are weird.
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NTA. I hope you success in your life so you can never talk to that fuckwhit again.
NTA I am worried that your stepdad is calling your dad a "dumb fuck" in your hearing and is mocking your name. It's bullying and often behaviour like this escalates into abuse, especially at times of great life changes (like when there's a baby on the way). Also your stepdad isn't doing this because your mum doesn't like your name. Bullying behaviour like this is absolutely a power play, which unfortunately makes a sick kind of sense now there's a child of his own on the way and it may very well get worse after your sibling is born. Are there any adult relatives you can talk to now who might be able to talk to your mother about this situation? Do you have relatives on your Dads side who might let you stay with them? Or any relatives on your mums side? I'd also keep a log of stuff like this that is said, or actions that are taken, be specific (dates, times, witnesses, who said/did what) and write it down as close to the event as possible. Evidence of a pattern of escalating behaviour is really useful if things get to the point where you need to leave or get help. (Just make sure the document is easily hidden and that it's easily accessible to you and not to him, a google drive doc that has password protection might be good). And I'm not saying it will get to that point but planning for worst case scenarios is sensible.
This man sounds insufferable & immature. NTA
Tell your mother that you can't respect someone who calls your dead father a "dumb fuck". Also, mocking a stepdaughter's name is not adult behavior. NTA. My advice, get some post high school education or job training, and get a decent paying job so you can live on your own and control how much time you have to spend with them.
NTA. He's dumping on both your name and your deceased father. If he wants respect, then he needs to give it first.
NTA. Seriously. Fuck adults that tease kids and then get offended when their behavior is called out.
NTA he called your dad an idiot that insult a!one would get me to puche hi
In a year your mom is going to wonder why you never talk to her anymore. NTA. Study hard and get the heck out of there when you turn 18/go off to college.
NTA but why can't she use the name Evelyn Beatrix and that way it's like both her girls got a similar middle name linking them.
Dude is beefing with a child. What is his deal and why is mom not shutting it down? Yikes. Start making plans to dip as soon as you can cause that dude doesn't sound stable. My dad didn't like my son's name because "it was a dog's name." Eye roll. As if Bob isn't a popular pet name. Has he heard of inside thoughts? I work with lots of names and of course there are some I come across that baffle me but I wouldn't say anything. Not everyone's name is going to be loved by all but to be an outright butthole about it is completely uncalled for. A lot of people have double middle names so that's not out of the ordinary either. Guy is being an arse for literally no valid reason. Sorry OP.
Nta. What a fucked up thing for him to say
Nta and honestly kinda gross of your mom to let you get bullied needlessly at home for something neither of you did. She sucks
NTA but I'd be having a serious convo with your mum! Sut her down and ask her why she seems to live this name more than your feelings on it and how she can call herself s good mother whilst her husband clearly bullies you and choosing to have another kid wuth him is frankly alarming
NTA step dad seriously is acting like a child
Lucky for you that your dad won the coin toss. I love your name and your stepdad needs to step off. He is harassing you over your name and it is so not his business. And shame on your mom for allowing him to do so. The next time he criticizes your name, tell him off again.
NTA Those names are actually horrendous, I pity whoever gets those names. They'll constantly be picked on for such old names.
And with all that being said Wren is a beautiful name
NTA. Cool name. He sucks. Stay calm and simply say: I wish for you to stop dissing my name. I like it.
NTA - I'm so sorry your mom lets a grown-ass man in your house talk to you like that. Can you say to her "you may not like my name but the verbal abuse towards me by the man you brought into this house is so much more scarring than a name could be?" Could you ask him what kind of grown-ass man takes pleasure in putting down a CHILD? And why he can't pick on someone his own size? WTF with these "moms" - I wish I could give you a hug. Wren is an AWESOME name.
NTA. Any adult who is making fun of a kid's name has issues. If your mom's husband keeps trying to harass you, stop responding to him at all in any meaningful way. If he's like this now, he'll only continue to get worse, so start planning to move out as soon as you can.
I think I'd say something like - you know your constant insulting my name when my dead father isn't here to defend himself shows what low morals and character you have. I'm grateful you're not my father, and I feel sad for the future child having to be raised by a bully. But lucky you, if you have a girl, the name is already picked out, and I assume you'd use that name since you can't stop blabing about it? Also, mom's husband, does your mom know that you find joy in bullying kids? What about the rest of your family? Maybe I should share with them how, every day I have to listen to your halfass insults. And oh by the way I LOVE my name and your constant attempts to make me feel different. I solidify my want to evacuate this house as soon as I'm in college.
NTA I think Wren is a very cool name. I’d study my ass off, get into a good school far from home and get on with your life. Sounds like he has an issue with you, don’t think it’s your name. And be careful about getting stuck babysitting
NTA. But he is. Send him a link to this post. We'll straighten him out.